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It's proven that people do business with other people that they know like and trust. And today I want to talk about that middle word there. I want to talk about, like, I want to talk about growing your likability. I really do believe that as we grow in this, it's going to change everything about your leadership. A big shout out, by the way, to an author named Tim Sanders, who wrote a book called the Likability Factor. This was a game changer book for me, man. I don't know, 15 years ago, maybe more. It really was something that shifted my perspective and shifted how I saw leadership. I came from more of a focus of just kind of like all spiritual, all spiritual, all spiritual. But I realized that really in church, we're in the people business. We're serving people. We have to grow our relationships. We have to grow our trust. We have to grow people's ability to see us and receive from us. And that book really was an impactful book for me. And so I'm not really going to teach from it, but I did want you to just check that out if you're looking for a new book. It'd be a game changer. And I was thinking about the fact that as leaders in our organization, especially in churches, we should be the most loved group of people in the church. I find a lot of times that people will attend a church and they either don't know the staff, they don't know the leaders, or even worse, a lot of times they don't like them. And so it's like the staff and the leadership teams are like a necessary evil for the church. We like the church. We like our relationships. We like the word, we like whatever it might be, the worship. But man, the staff doesn't know what they're doing, or we don't really like them, or they're not friendly, or they're always so busy. And so we have to grow in our likability. People should be drawn to us and not repelled by us. Think about the Lord Jesus. Luke, chapter 2, verse 52. I just love how it starts. And Jesus increased. Jesus increased. Let me say it like this. Jesus grew. You just need to embrace this. If Jesus could grow, and if Jesus could increase, you have to grow and you have to increase. If you're not growing, you're dying. If you're not increasing, you're dying. There is no neutral, there is no park. There is no stagnation in leadership. You're either going forward or backwards, period. And Jesus grew. Jesus increased. This means that if I Can increase. And I can. And I must. I can also decrease and I must refuse. Decrease at all costs. Now, let me settle this for you real quick. You're either increasing or decreasing. Right now. You're either growing or shrinking. Right now. Organization's getting better or worse. Right now. You're either investing in the organization and it's getting better, or you're ignoring it and it's getting worse. But Jesus increased. We can increase. And what did he increase in? Favor. And Jesus grew. Jesus increased with favor with God and man, which means that our ministries are twofold. See, a lot of times a minister will fall, they'll fall morally, they'll make some kind of big mistake, and they'll be frustrated with the church because, well, God forgave me. Well, yeah. Just because God forgave you doesn't mean people are going to. And just because God loves you and forgave you does not mean people will ever trust you again. And just because God loves you does not mean he likes your behavior. And just because people love you does not mean they like your behavior. And so we have to grow in these areas. We have to grow in trust. We have to grow in favor with God and with man. We have to grow in our ability to. To build trust and connect with people. We have to. Well, I'm just going to pray and preach. You can. But I'll tell you what. There are a lot of amazing preachers with very small ministries. There are a lot of very sincere business owners that will never succeed. Why? Because the sincerity might be there, but there's no likability. There's no growth. There's no. And because there's no likability, there's no trust. So let me show you a few ways that you can grow your likability. Here's the first one. Listen, listen, listen. Let's just go real old school, real quick. You got two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen. You cannot talk and learn at the same time. You got to listen. If I'm going to be a learner and have to be a listener now, not listening to respond. Listening to learn. Not listening to respond. Most people listen to a person talk, and the entire time that person is talking, all you're doing is trying to create a response. Either to look educated or to look like you're in the know or to look like or to create an argument. What if you just listen to learn. Okay, my wife's talking right now. I'm gonna learn something. I'm not. I'm not trying to respond I'm trying to argue. I'm gonna learn, okay, this, this guy who's further ahead in life is talking. I'm going to learn right now. I'm not going to let him talk. And oh yeah, you know what I think? No, no, no, I'm going to learn. I got to spend a day back at the end of 2023, I got to spend a day with John Maxwell and I would just ask him questions and he would answer and I might ask a follow up question. And then sometimes it was just like, wow, thank you. You know that there was actually a temptation in me because of insecurity to go, oh yeah, yeah, I like that you said that. You know what I was thinking about was it's like, who cares what I was thinking about? I was not there to talk. I was there to learn. And if I was there to learn, then that means I was there to listen. And if you're there to learn and you're there to listen, there could actually be some awkward quiet moments because you're digesting and you're listening and you're. And then they're not speaking and then you're not speaking. And that's okay. If you will listen more, you will become more likable. I'm just telling you, the more you talk, the more opportunities you are creating to get in trouble. Just, I'm just telling you, I, on, on this Sunday that just passed, I was preaching and these two young ladies came up to me after church to confront me about something. And I just let them talk. And with every word they said, they just dug another shovel full of dirt. They just, they just kept going deeper. And my quietness, I just, I literally sat there. I had my, I had my big cup. Cheers. And I just sat there and stared at him in the eye. It was just sucking down my drink. And they were, they got so uncomfortable. I mean, you could see their mouth got dry and they just, you know, I mean what, you know, what we, what we meant was I didn't have to say anything. You just listen, just get quiet. The proverb writer says, even a fool looks wise when they don't talk. So I just stayed really quiet. And then I let him go for five, six minutes felt like an eternity. And then in 30 seconds, I kind of just ended the conversation and moved on. You just learn to be quiet. Not everything has to be an argument, not everything has to be a response. Not everything has to be telling you listen. And especially if you get around people who are further ahead than you, they know what they think they know what they believe and they know that they carry something valuable. And if you will listen, you will learn. Here's another way to increase your likability is you have to be authentic. You have to be authentic. Be you. Everyone else is taken. You were born an original. Don't die a copy. Be you. Just be you. You know, I could think about really great in my field, in the ministry field. I could name you the top five guys that every pastor is looking to and listening to and learning from. And I can tell you every one of them is their own authentic self. Some are really heavy leadership, some are really heavy artistic, some are real heavy prayer, some are real heavy planning. They, they all like very much carry their own unique DNA and identity leadership style. And they could all have churches of, you know, 30,000, 40,000, 50, 60,000. And yet they've, they've all discovered who they are. And what makes them great is that they're who they are. And some of them, I think are even more self aware of that than others. But usually when you get around those guys that, that really, really high level guy, it's less about like, hey, do what we're doing. There could be some of that because there could be some proven principles, but there's a lot of like, well, what's in your heart and what are you good at and what do you want to do and what are you thinking? What do you value? It's, it's amazing when you, when you talk to them, they, they just, they think different about their life and, and then they don't, they, they won't put that on you. So it's, it's never like, like with our church. I could talk to a guy that's maybe a couple of thousand people bigger than me and he could try to give me the recipe on how to, okay, here's how to go to, here's how to grow another thousand people. Here's how to, here's how to do this. You need to do this. You need, and that's how they talk. Then you talk to a guy that's got 50,000 and numbers never even come up. He starts talking about like, well, what's in your heart, what's your vision and what are you passionate about? It's, it's, it's a totally different way. They're so authentically them and they know that and they want you to know who you are. So to be authentic is to be truly you. To be the, the holy, healthy, sanctified spirit filled version of you. Our greatest Strength is our authenticity. I'm just telling you there's something about it. You know, when Jesus called Peter, Peter was a fisherman. And Jesus said, come, follow me. I'll teach you how to be a fisher of men. He did not say, come follow me. I'm going to teach you how to be a carpenter. Jesus did not change who Peter was in the sense of how he saw life and how he approached life and what his gifts, talents and abilities were. Jesus took what Peter knew and connected it to kingdom purpose. He didn't change Peter's strengths. He connected his strengths to kingdom. See, this is, this is the power of being authentic. Peter never stopped being a fisherman. He never stopped me. He was the first soul winner in the Book of Acts. It was Peter who lifted his voice with the others and preached the Gospel. Peter never lost that because Jesus never took that. And so many times we are giving up our identity. See, like, I think it's very easy to think about, like, okay, you gotta give Jesus your sin. You gotta give him your weakness. You gotta give him your generational curses. You gotta give him your mess. You gotta give him your secrets. You gotta give him your trauma. You gotta give him your trauma. You gotta give him all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do give it. Give him all that he wants, all of it. But you also have to give him your genius and your gifts and your talents and your abilities and the thing that makes you brilliant. Give that to him and watch what he'll do with it. And never be ashamed of it. And never, never try to fit in when you can stand out. You got to be authentic. Here's another way that you grow in your likability is you tell the truth. Tell the truth. Be honest. Don't be a liar. Just, just be honest. Just be an honest person. I'm not talking about kind of this new age of I got to keep it real and I got. I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about, you know, when I say tell the truth, I'm not talking about being opinionated. I'm just saying, though, be a truth teller. Be honest. You know, think about the difference. Jesus is the truth. Satan is the father of lies. Who do you want to be? Which one are you going to be? Tell the truth. Just be an honest person. Don't lie, don't fabricate, don't over exaggerate. You'll just, you'll sleep a lot better at night. People will respect you if you tell the truth. Just, just be an honest person. Tell. Hey, I can't make it to that thing. I'm so sorry. You know, don't. Don't commit and then back out. Don't. Ah, yeah, yeah, I got. Man, I got this going on. No, no, just. Hey, I can't. I can't go. Hey. I don't do that anymore. I can't anymore. I got too much on my plate right now. Just be honest. Ephesians 4. 25 says, lay aside falsehood. Speak the truth. Think about that. Lay aside falsehood. Speak truth to each other. Each one of you with his neighbor. We are. We are members of one another, man. I love that. So I just. I want to be a truth teller again. Trust is built in years. Trust is broken in seconds. Trust is built in years. Trust is broken in seconds. Growing in your likability means that you are a truthful person. That people look at you and they go, man, I can trust. Here's another one. I talked about this a little bit in a past podcast. Let me just bring it up one more time. It's body language. Body language. Lean in. Smile, eye contact. Just lean into people. Break the ice. Say hello. Respond. Respond to text messages. Respond to, like, just show with your body language that you're open, right? And I've talked about this before, but, like, we. You could be in a crowded room and you could. You could project. I do not want to talk. Do not bother me. I am not interested. Or you could project. I'm interested. I'm. I want to talk. I'm. I'm here to chat. I'm here to connect. I'm here to. It's up to you. It's up to you. Body language is massive. People will create assumptions about you. Is that fair? I don't know if it's fair, but it's true. So you've got to communicate. I'm open. People like that, and people don't like it the other way. Here's another way that we can grow in our likability is be calm. Have a calm presence. Let me just talk to preachers really quick. You can't shout the entire sermon. You can't. You can't just get up there and just scream. There's. There has to be levels to your communication. This is so true of anything. If. If you're just one thing all the time, people can get used to that frequency and shut you down. So if you're just always a 4, or if you're just always an 8, if you're always a 1, you're always a 10. It doesn't matter what it is people will begin to tune you out. So there has to be levels to this. But you can't just always be intense. You can't just. You've got to have a calm presence where you. You come across approachable, where there's a kindness, where there's a softness, where there's a Think about Jesus. He had. I. I don't know what that presence was. He had a presence where children are running up to him, parents are running up to him with their kids going, please bless my child. There was a calmness. And then you think about juxtapose that with. With his disciples. Get away from us. Leave the teacher alone. Right? There's this. You've got. You could just imagine, right? Just these disciples just being all. Just wired and loud and just bad negative energy. And then you have Jesus going, let me see, Let me see these kids. Let me speak a blessing over. There's just a calmness, calm. You can correct and be calm. You can be frustrated, but still be calm. You have to communicate from a calm place. Never match another person's energy. Never, never relax. Just relax. Another way to grow in your likability is to greet by name as much as you can. And I'm terrible at it, but as much as you can, learn names, speak names, say people's names. And again, as your organization gets bigger, staff gets bigger, church gets bigger, I get that it's harder to do. But anytime you can speak the name of a person, what is a person's favorite name? Their name. And so say their name. And then lastly, to grow in your likability, ask questions. Ask questions. Just like I said, a person's favorite name is their name. The most interesting person in the world to that person is themselves. So ask questions. What do you do? How are you? How's your wife? Tell me about your kids. What's going on there? Ask questions. Be inquisitive. Learn. Learn something. What would you do about this? How'd you do this? What would you do there? Ask questions. Have you ever. Have you ever been there? Have you ever done this? Where's your favorite place to go? Ask. Where do you like to eat? What's your favorite food? Ask questions. Be interested. And we're not. Again, let me just again, clarify the spirit of this. The spirit of this is not, you know, to learn the power of persuasion. It's to be a good leader. It's for people to like you and trust you and know you. It's important. Again, I talked about this before, but we're spirit, soul and body. There, there's. We're spirit, soul and body. Our organization has to be spirit, soul and body. It can't just be spiritual, can't just be prayer. It can't just be, we're outraged about whatever's happening in the world. There's also soul. And we have to mature past this. Especially for you senior pastors. You can't just be the man of God. Can't just be the man of God. You got it. You got to have some hobbies. You got to be normal. You got to know how to hold a conversation. And the conversation can't be all about you got to ask questions. You got to learn. You got to dig. You've got to. Interesting people are interested people. And if people don't find you interesting, it's. It's because you're not interested. You've got to learn. You've got to learn the power of asking questions. Who do you say that I am? You gotta ask questions. You gotta, you gotta learn the power of conversation. You know God is a question asker, right? Yeah. Get in the Bible. Adam, where are you? Jacob, what's your name? Disciples? Who do you say that I am? All these, all these questions. He's always asking questions. There's something powerful about asking questions. Something about, there's something powerful about not just going into a conversation, going, well, if they're, you know, they'll start asking me. No, no, no. Break the ice with questions. It's very important. Tell me your story. Just tell me your story. Tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you get here? How did you find our church? How long have you been coming to the church? Just ask questions. It will grow your likability. I'm telling you, don't make everything about yourself. Don't assume you're the most interesting person in the room. Don't assume everyone can learn from you, but you can't learn from them. Assume the opposite. Come in as a student, come in as a listener. Come in asking questions and you will become the smartest person in the room. Not because of what you do already know, but because of what you don't yet know. And you'll grow in it and people will be drawn to it. That's how you grow your likability Man. I hope today was a blessing. I want to encourage you. Maybe show this to your teams, show this to your staff. If it was good for you, if it helped you, maybe throw it in your Instagram story or share it on your X account or on your Threads account. Let people know about this podcast. Make sure to like this video. Make sure to subscribe so you're always just knowing what's going on. We post every Wednesday, every Wednesday of every week, and I'm hoping this is helpful to you. And then make sure to check out our sponsor, launchsunday.com launchsunday.com they sponsor this podcast and they are an incredible printing and signage company that can help you with whatever you do. If you need to put something on something, launch Sunday can do it for you. They're going to give you the absolute best product and best price. We'll see you next week.