Matteo Lane & Sarah Colonna: Real Dolls & Chatty Drivers - Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Transcript

Sarah Colonna (0:00)

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Jeff Lewis (0:30)

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Sarah Colonna (1:00)

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

Jeff Lewis (1:04)

They said that I am by far the most difficult talent that they're working with. You know, we could say we don't judge. I judge and I was judging.

Matteo Lane (1:11)

Money doesn't make you an asshole.

Jeff Lewis (1:12)

But if you're an asshole and with

Matteo Lane (1:13)

a ton of money, you're gonna be a bigger asshole.

Jeff Lewis (1:15)

Why are you looking at me?

Matteo Lane (1:16)

No, I didn't. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to look in that direction.

Sarah Colonna (1:19)

Jeff Lewis has issues.

Jeff Lewis (1:21)

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has issues. In today's episode, Matteo Lane and Sarah Colonna join the show. We talk about real dolls, cat Instagram accounts and music profiling. Morning.

Sarah Colonna (1:33)

Good morning.

Jeff Lewis (1:34)

So I feel like I've heard your name for the last couple of years. I was wondering when you were gonna make the rounds here. It's very nice to meet you.

Summary

Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: Matteo Lane & Sarah Colonna: Real Dolls & Chatty Drivers

Date: March 11, 2026
Guests: Matteo Lane, Sarah Colonna
Host: Jeff Lewis

Episode Overview

In this lively, unfiltered episode, Jeff Lewis sits down with comedians Matteo Lane and Sarah Colonna. The trio dives deep into topics ranging from the grind and camaraderie in the stand-up comedy world to bizarre internet phenomena like the “real dolls” Instagram account. They also swap stories about social quirks—like flying etiquette, Uber rides, and the hidden lives of people on social media. The tone is playful, irreverent, and candid, with plenty of comic banter and personal disclosures.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Comedy Community: Support vs. Competition

Mutual Support in Comedy:
- Matteo and Sarah reflect on generational changes, noting that today’s comedy scene, especially post-social-media, is more supportive and collaborative.
  - Matteo: “I actually think since the rise of social media … comics are super supportive of each other. Like, come on my podcast, come on this or open for me or let’s do shows together.” (02:32)
  - Sarah: “I think it changed with that because people have more access to get themselves out there now …” (03:19)
Camaraderie & Success:
- Jeff observes that the most competitive, unsupportive comics tend not to thrive.
  - “The people who are really competitive and unsupportive are stuck. … We’ve got a pretty good group of comedians here that support each other.” (04:12)

Matteo Lane’s Origin Story and Stand-Up Process

Matteo’s Background:
- Chicago-area origins, art school, speaks several languages (Italian and English fluently, good French/Spanish) (06:49–08:14)
- Started as a storyboard artist before stand-up took over full-time.
Making the Leap:
- Grinded for years before gaining traction by self-releasing specials online when traditional media passed.
  - “Once in 2021, I started putting my stuff up online. ... It was literally like overnight. I went from not selling a single ticket to theaters.” (10:27)
  - Sarah: “When people go, ‘Oh, my God, you just blew up out of nowhere.’ You’re like, I was doing this for years. Yeah, it’s crazy.” (10:54)
Writing Process—The Realities:
- Matteo details the painstaking work behind building an hour of comedy—grouping premises, recording every set, tagging jokes with fellow comics, whittling it down chunk by chunk.
  - “Once you finish an hour, you go to the Comedy Cellar … I go through all my premises and I write them all. … Then do about 22 shows a week. … You record everything … you make edits that way. … Other comics watching you will be like, this would be funny. Add this here.” (11:59–13:35)
  - Jeff: “Never has it been explained in detail like that.” (13:46)

Real Dolls Instagram Account: Internet Absurdity and Social Commentary

The Dolls Aren't Real:
- Jeff introduces a viral, unsettling Instagram account where a woman acts out domestic life with lifelike baby dolls—feeding, clothing, and caring for them as though they’re real.
  - “It is the most insane thing you’ve ever seen. ... She has the voices, she has children's rooms, she has the clothes.” (15:22)
  - “She needs to be on a psychiatric hold. A 5150.” (18:54)
- The group grapples with whether it’s performance art, trauma, or mental illness—and laments the waste involved.
  - Matteo: “We have to bring shame back.” (17:53)
  - Jeff: “What is concerning to me ... is the fact that she’s living this life as if she has this family of four children.” (21:06)
Followers & Husband “Enabler”:
- The woman has 93,000 followers on Instagram, more on TikTok and YouTube—which shocks the group.
  - “She’s doing all this for 93,000 people?” (19:14)
  - “Her husband actually ordered his own doll ... they did a whole little episode on him doing an unboxing of it. They’re both crazy.” (38:30)

Cat Instagram Accounts: Where’s the Line?

Sarah’s Cat Account Confession:
- Sarah admits she runs “Felice Na’Vi Paws”—an Instagram for her cats.
  - Sarah: “I got a lot less followers than that lady.” (22:29)
  - Jeff: “I think it’s a really bad move having an Instagram for your cats. … You’re gonna lose all credibility.” (23:09)
  - Matteo: “You need to make a cat account. But they’re fake cats. … Cats aren’t real.” (23:21)

Air Travel Quirks: Seat Choices, Shade Debates, and Drinks

Seat Strategy:
- Sarah always picks 1B to get her drink first but describes swapping seats for a couple—then regretting it when drinks were served first up front (24:54–25:44).
- Jeff and Matteo debate the merits/disadvantages of sitting up front vs. further back for bag access, meals, and comfort.
Shade Wars:
- Matteo’s pet peeve: when everyone wants the window shade down for sleep, except one oblivious passenger.
  - Matteo: “At 6am, well, everyone is trying to sleep … you’ve ruined for everyone.” (26:13)
- Jeff’s logic: prefers shade up during takeoff/landing to “see which side the fire’s on” if there’s an emergency.
  - “If we crash, I want to see which side the fire’s on. … I need to be able to see.” (27:06–28:48)

Social Etiquette: Ubers, Disneyland, and Hotel Horror Stories

Chatty LA Uber Drivers:
- Everyone agrees New York Uber rides are silent, while LA drivers overshare or start pitching scripts.
  - Matteo: “I can’t handle LA Ubers. … In New York … we do not speak to each other.” (44:29)
Disney Gays & Art Influences:
- Matteo resists the “Disney Gay” label, appreciating Disney artists but never having been to Disneyland/World.
  - Jeff: “I thought you were gonna be the very first successful Disney gay that I’ve met.” (40:05)
The Panty-Keurig Tale:
- Group disgust at viral story of a woman washing underwear in a hotel Keurig machine.
  - “She should be banned. Travel banned. … I can’t even. How do you—there’s a sink!” (41:45–42:24)

Personal Anecdotes: Love Lives, Mishaps, & Tagging Jokes

Sarah’s Dating “Curse”:
- Sarah dated three men who passed away. She recalls running into an ex (the “lone survivor”) who crashed her show to tell her how miserable he is—while she relives the “who farted?” T-shirt incident.
  - “Three died. … One that went over by a bulldozer.” (34:15)
  - “He showed up … in a T-shirt that said ‘Who farted?’” (36:10)
Hair Transplants & Plastic Surgery:
- Matteo candidly shares about having three hair transplant surgeries and discusses the stigma (37:28–38:17).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Money doesn’t make you an asshole.”
— Matteo Lane (01:11)
“I love how [Fortune Feimster] chooses a gay, … keeps that gay for a couple years, and then launches you, and just goes on to the next.”
— Unidentified Female Guest (02:04)
“She needs to be on a psychiatric hold. A 5150.”
— Jeff Lewis, on the “Dolls Aren’t Real” woman (18:54)
“We need to bring shame back.”
— Matteo Lane, on the doll Instagram “performance” (17:53)
“If we crash, I want to see which side the fire’s on.”
— Jeff Lewis, on window shade preferences (27:06)
“You’re more concerned about getting your drink first than crashing.”
— Matteo Lane, to Sarah about her seat habits (28:01)
“We thought, this is a good occasion to wear it. I’ve been waiting.”
— Sarah Colonna, about the “Who farted?” T-shirt date (36:14)
“As a comic, you feel like you have to earn your applause, you know? So then for a birthday, I’m like, I was born. Who cares?”
— Matteo Lane (08:02)
“I just wanted more hair. They all work.”
— Matteo Lane, on multiple hair transplant surgeries (37:48)

Timestamps for Important Segments

The Comedy World—Generations and Mutual Support: 02:22–04:35
Matteo’s Comedy Journey/Process: 06:49–14:21
The Dolls Aren’t Real Instagram Account Discussion: 15:06–22:03
Sarah’s Cat Instagram Confession: 22:14–23:32
Airplane Seating & Shade Arguments: 23:45–28:56
Chatty LA Uber Drivers vs. NY Quiet Rides: 44:21–45:36
The Panties-in-the-Keurig Story: 41:30–42:42
Sarah’s Dating Curse: 34:04–35:32
Disney Gays & Artist Influences: 39:29–41:19

Live Dates & Promotions

Matteo Lane's Catch Up Tour: Tampa, Huntington NY, Portland ME, Boston, Chicago, West Palm Beach, Europe (April/May).
- Info/tickets: mateolanecomedy.com
Sarah Colonna: Boston (Mar 6–7), Appleton WI (Mar 26–28), Arlington VA (Apr 10–11).
- Info/tickets: sarahcolonna.com
- Cat IG: @felice.navipaws

Summary

If you love candid conversations, comic shop talk, and biting social commentary, this episode is a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike. From the mechanics of stand-up to the bizarre reaches of the internet, flight etiquette, and the etiquette of talking (or not) in cars, Jeff, Matteo, and Sarah keep the laughs and the realness coming at a lightning pace.