Matteo Lane & Sarah Colonna: Real Dolls & Chatty Drivers

Summary

Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: Matteo Lane & Sarah Colonna: Real Dolls & Chatty Drivers

Date: March 11, 2026
Guests: Matteo Lane, Sarah Colonna
Host: Jeff Lewis

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Episode Overview

In this lively, unfiltered episode, Jeff Lewis sits down with comedians Matteo Lane and Sarah Colonna. The trio dives deep into topics ranging from the grind and camaraderie in the stand-up comedy world to bizarre internet phenomena like the “real dolls” Instagram account. They also swap stories about social quirks—like flying etiquette, Uber rides, and the hidden lives of people on social media. The tone is playful, irreverent, and candid, with plenty of comic banter and personal disclosures.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Comedy Community: Support vs. Competition

• Mutual Support in Comedy:
  • Matteo and Sarah reflect on generational changes, noting that today’s comedy scene, especially post-social-media, is more supportive and collaborative.
    • Matteo: “I actually think since the rise of social media … comics are super supportive of each other. Like, come on my podcast, come on this or open for me or let’s do shows together.” (02:32)
    • Sarah: “I think it changed with that because people have more access to get themselves out there now …” (03:19)
• Camaraderie & Success:
  • Jeff observes that the most competitive, unsupportive comics tend not to thrive.
    • “The people who are really competitive and unsupportive are stuck. … We’ve got a pretty good group of comedians here that support each other.” (04:12)

Matteo Lane’s Origin Story and Stand-Up Process

• Matteo’s Background:
  • Chicago-area origins, art school, speaks several languages (Italian and English fluently, good French/Spanish) (06:49–08:14)
  • Started as a storyboard artist before stand-up took over full-time.
• Making the Leap:
  • Grinded for years before gaining traction by self-releasing specials online when traditional media passed.
    • “Once in 2021, I started putting my stuff up online. ... It was literally like overnight. I went from not selling a single ticket to theaters.” (10:27)
    • Sarah: “When people go, ‘Oh, my God, you just blew up out of nowhere.’ You’re like, I was doing this for years. Yeah, it’s crazy.” (10:54)
• Writing Process—The Realities:
  • Matteo details the painstaking work behind building an hour of comedy—grouping premises, recording every set, tagging jokes with fellow comics, whittling it down chunk by chunk.
    • “Once you finish an hour, you go to the Comedy Cellar … I go through all my premises and I write them all. … Then do about 22 shows a week. … You record everything … you make edits that way. … Other comics watching you will be like, this would be funny. Add this here.” (11:59–13:35)
    • Jeff: “Never has it been explained in detail like that.” (13:46)

Real Dolls Instagram Account: Internet Absurdity and Social Commentary

• The Dolls Aren't Real:
  • Jeff introduces a viral, unsettling Instagram account where a woman acts out domestic life with lifelike baby dolls—feeding, clothing, and caring for them as though they’re real.
    • “It is the most insane thing you’ve ever seen. ... She has the voices, she has children's rooms, she has the clothes.” (15:22)
    • “She needs to be on a psychiatric hold. A 5150.” (18:54)
  • The group grapples with whether it’s performance art, trauma, or mental illness—and laments the waste involved.
    • Matteo: “We have to bring shame back.” (17:53)
    • Jeff: “What is concerning to me ... is the fact that she’s living this life as if she has this family of four children.” (21:06)
• Followers & Husband “Enabler”:
  • The woman has 93,000 followers on Instagram, more on TikTok and YouTube—which shocks the group.
    • “She’s doing all this for 93,000 people?” (19:14)
    • “Her husband actually ordered his own doll ... they did a whole little episode on him doing an unboxing of it. They’re both crazy.” (38:30)

Cat Instagram Accounts: Where’s the Line?

• Sarah’s Cat Account Confession:
  • Sarah admits she runs “Felice Na’Vi Paws”—an Instagram for her cats.
    • Sarah: “I got a lot less followers than that lady.” (22:29)
    • Jeff: “I think it’s a really bad move having an Instagram for your cats. … You’re gonna lose all credibility.” (23:09)
    • Matteo: “You need to make a cat account. But they’re fake cats. … Cats aren’t real.” (23:21)

Air Travel Quirks: Seat Choices, Shade Debates, and Drinks

• Seat Strategy:
  • Sarah always picks 1B to get her drink first but describes swapping seats for a couple—then regretting it when drinks were served first up front (24:54–25:44).
  • Jeff and Matteo debate the merits/disadvantages of sitting up front vs. further back for bag access, meals, and comfort.
• Shade Wars:
  • Matteo’s pet peeve: when everyone wants the window shade down for sleep, except one oblivious passenger.
    • Matteo: “At 6am, well, everyone is trying to sleep … you’ve ruined for everyone.” (26:13)
  • Jeff’s logic: prefers shade up during takeoff/landing to “see which side the fire’s on” if there’s an emergency.
    • “If we crash, I want to see which side the fire’s on. … I need to be able to see.” (27:06–28:48)

Social Etiquette: Ubers, Disneyland, and Hotel Horror Stories

• Chatty LA Uber Drivers:
  • Everyone agrees New York Uber rides are silent, while LA drivers overshare or start pitching scripts.
    • Matteo: “I can’t handle LA Ubers. … In New York … we do not speak to each other.” (44:29)
• Disney Gays & Art Influences:
  • Matteo resists the “Disney Gay” label, appreciating Disney artists but never having been to Disneyland/World.
    • Jeff: “I thought you were gonna be the very first successful Disney gay that I’ve met.” (40:05)
• The Panty-Keurig Tale:
  • Group disgust at viral story of a woman washing underwear in a hotel Keurig machine.
    • “She should be banned. Travel banned. … I can’t even. How do you—there’s a sink!” (41:45–42:24)

Personal Anecdotes: Love Lives, Mishaps, & Tagging Jokes

• Sarah’s Dating “Curse”:
  • Sarah dated three men who passed away. She recalls running into an ex (the “lone survivor”) who crashed her show to tell her how miserable he is—while she relives the “who farted?” T-shirt incident.
    • “Three died. … One that went over by a bulldozer.” (34:15)
    • “He showed up … in a T-shirt that said ‘Who farted?’” (36:10)
• Hair Transplants & Plastic Surgery:
  • Matteo candidly shares about having three hair transplant surgeries and discusses the stigma (37:28–38:17).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Money doesn’t make you an asshole.”
  — Matteo Lane (01:11)
• “I love how [Fortune Feimster] chooses a gay, … keeps that gay for a couple years, and then launches you, and just goes on to the next.”
  — Unidentified Female Guest (02:04)
• “She needs to be on a psychiatric hold. A 5150.”
  — Jeff Lewis, on the “Dolls Aren’t Real” woman (18:54)
• “We need to bring shame back.”
  — Matteo Lane, on the doll Instagram “performance” (17:53)
• “If we crash, I want to see which side the fire’s on.”
  — Jeff Lewis, on window shade preferences (27:06)
• “You’re more concerned about getting your drink first than crashing.”
  — Matteo Lane, to Sarah about her seat habits (28:01)
• “We thought, this is a good occasion to wear it. I’ve been waiting.”
  — Sarah Colonna, about the “Who farted?” T-shirt date (36:14)
• “As a comic, you feel like you have to earn your applause, you know? So then for a birthday, I’m like, I was born. Who cares?”
  — Matteo Lane (08:02)
• “I just wanted more hair. They all work.”
  — Matteo Lane, on multiple hair transplant surgeries (37:48)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• The Comedy World—Generations and Mutual Support: 02:22–04:35
• Matteo’s Comedy Journey/Process: 06:49–14:21
• The Dolls Aren’t Real Instagram Account Discussion: 15:06–22:03
• Sarah’s Cat Instagram Confession: 22:14–23:32
• Airplane Seating & Shade Arguments: 23:45–28:56
• Chatty LA Uber Drivers vs. NY Quiet Rides: 44:21–45:36
• The Panties-in-the-Keurig Story: 41:30–42:42
• Sarah’s Dating Curse: 34:04–35:32
• Disney Gays & Artist Influences: 39:29–41:19

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Live Dates & Promotions

• Matteo Lane's Catch Up Tour: Tampa, Huntington NY, Portland ME, Boston, Chicago, West Palm Beach, Europe (April/May).
  • Info/tickets: mateolanecomedy.com
• Sarah Colonna: Boston (Mar 6–7), Appleton WI (Mar 26–28), Arlington VA (Apr 10–11).
  • Info/tickets: sarahcolonna.com
  • Cat IG: @felice.navipaws

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Summary

If you love candid conversations, comic shop talk, and biting social commentary, this episode is a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike. From the mechanics of stand-up to the bizarre reaches of the internet, flight etiquette, and the etiquette of talking (or not) in cars, Jeff, Matteo, and Sarah keep the laughs and the realness coming at a lightning pace.

Transcript

[Sarah Colonna]

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[Jeff Lewis]

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[Sarah Colonna]

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

They said that I am by far the most difficult talent that they're working with. You know, we could say we don't judge. I judge and I was judging.

[Matteo Lane]

Money doesn't make you an asshole.

[Jeff Lewis]

But if you're an asshole and with

[Matteo Lane]

a ton of money, you're gonna be a bigger asshole.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why are you looking at me?

[Matteo Lane]

No, I didn't. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to look in that direction.

[Sarah Colonna]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has issues. In today's episode, Matteo Lane and Sarah Colonna join the show. We talk about real dolls, cat Instagram accounts and music profiling. Morning.

[Sarah Colonna]

Good morning.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I feel like I've heard your name for the last couple of years. I was wondering when you were gonna make the rounds here. It's very nice to meet you.

[Matteo Lane]

Nice to meet you too.

[Jeff Lewis]

Sarah Colonna. Do you know Matteo Lane or did you just meet him today?

[Sarah Colonna]

We've only met in person today.

[Matteo Lane]

Isn't it crazy?

[Sarah Colonna]

I know, it is strange. Like obviously we know of each other and have been friends with other mutual friends. Fortune, all the people.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, there's kind of like a one degree of separation. So Fortune feimsters are regular on the show and used to open for her.

[Matteo Lane]

I did. I used to open for Fortune for a long time.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

I love how she chooses a gay and then keeps that gay for a couple years and then launches you and then just goes on to the Next.

[Matteo Lane]

She's very gracious. I love Fortune. She's super supportive. Like, you know, comics can be assholes. Yeah. And she's not. She's the opposite. Like she's exactly what she portrays herself to be, which is a nice person.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

What percentage of comics, and you can answer this question too, Sarah, what percentage of comics are supportive of each other in your opinion?

[Matteo Lane]

I would say, I would say it changes per generation. So like I would say, I would say where I came up in comedy in Chicago, New York, they were super supportive because we would put on shows for each other and it was kind of moving away from the club scene and the alt scene was kind of rising. So. And this is before for social media, back in my day. I mean this is 2010. So we were just putting on our own shows and bar shows and you do support each other. And I actually think since the rise of social media and kind of getting rid of the gatekeepers and you can just, you know, do podcasts and put your stuff up. Like, comics are super supportive of each other. Like, come on my podcast, come on this or open for me or let's do shows together. Like, I find it to be more, I don't know, communal.

[Sarah Colonna]

I think it changed with that because people have more access to get themselves out there now so they don't feel

[Matteo Lane]

so like it's my.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah, you have to fight for this.

[Jeff Lewis]

It seems very competitive. And you know, we've seen people in here that have been supportive, we've seen people that have, that have not been supportive and almost jealous of other comedians. I would think even in just like my business or I've noticed in life, if you, if you really are looking at things from a self interested perspective, right. Then you would want your friends and fellow comments comics to succeed because then look what happens. All of a sudd. Hey, Sarah, will you open for me? Or Mateo, will you open for me? And I think that when you really just kind of focus on you and you have that kind of resentful, jealous mentality, I think it just stops you in your tracks. I don't think you go anywhere.

[Sarah Colonna]

It does.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, that's what I've noticed. I think the people that have, you know, we've been doing this for eight years. Matteo. We've seen a lot of comedians. I find that the people that really are truly very competitive and unsupportive are stuck. We don't see those people thrive and succeed. And we've got a pretty good group of comedians here that support each other. Zach Neilly, Towers. Do you know him?

[Matteo Lane]

A very good friend of mine. I love Zach.

[Jeff Lewis]

I also. It's again, when we talk about first degree of separation. Evan.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, what's up, man?

[Jeff Lewis]

Evan, what's up? Yeah, he's been on this show.

[Matteo Lane]

I know, man. Everyone thinks I'm gay, but I'm not. I'm straight, man. I'm straight. I'm straight, man. I am.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

That's crazy.

[Jeff Lewis]

I like him. He's a good guy. You have quite a history with him, right?

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Weren't you guys roommates?

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah. Evan's one of my best friends. This tattoo is for Evan Skeletor, and he has a tattoo for me. Yeah, we started. We met each other in 2012 when I moved to New York and just did all of our open mics together and lived with each other. We've been through pretty much everything with each other, and I love Evan very, very much.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is he still dating the stuntwoman?

[Matteo Lane]

No, man. I think. I don't know. I think it might be over. That's okay, though. You know, it's all right. Everything's good. And look at me. I'm doing great, man. We so excited. You know what? I'm not drinking anymore, man.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, he was dating. I think the last time he was here, he was dating the stunt woman.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Well. Because they were on and off, and then they were broken up when we. So we met him when he was staying on Zach's couch, and we went over to hang out, and we're like, who's this random hot straight guy on your couch? And then. Cause they were on a break and now they're back together, and then maybe they're probably broken up.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, we met her.

[Jeff Lewis]

Didn't we meet her?

[Unidentified Female Guest]

I don't think I met her.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. Oh. It was at movie night at Zach's, and I feel like we did Keyan, right?

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah, the stunt woman.

[Jeff Lewis]

We met the stuntwoman. And more feminine. More feminine than I thought. Do you know what I'm saying? Because when you think of Stuntwoman, I guess I just had this expectation in my head. I was actually a very feminine woman. I don't. Am I the only one that would think a stunt woman is masculine?

[Sarah Colonna]

I went to college with a girl that turned out to be a stuntwoman, and she was really tall, thin, blonde, like, lesbian.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, that's what I would think. Yes, that's what I would think. But not at all.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't think I've ever thought of what a stuntwoman. I don't know why you don't have

[Jeff Lewis]

any preconceived notions of a stuntwoman?

[Matteo Lane]

Not necessarily.

[Sarah Colonna]

No.

[Matteo Lane]

I guess I'm. For me, a stuntwoman, it's always like, a bad wig. You know what I mean? Like, they're trying to replicate. Actually, I'm thinking of Mariah Carey's Heartbreaker video when she was fighting Bianca. That's my idea of a stuntwoman who was just Mariah in a shit wig.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now we should probably start from the beginning. So you were born and raised in Chicago?

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, Arlington Heights, which is right outside. It's a suburb. And then I moved to Chicago at 18.

[Jeff Lewis]

You are around 39? 40.

[Matteo Lane]

39.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. When's your birthday?

[Matteo Lane]

June 28th.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. You'll be 40 this year.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Sarah Colonna]

What are we doing?

[Matteo Lane]

I don't know. I don't celebrate my birthday. Really?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't either.

[Sarah Colonna]

If you have to.

[Matteo Lane]

That's what everyone says. I know. I feel embarrassed. You don't feel embarrassed? Like a comic? Like, it's like, we already get enough attention. Like, I didn't earn anything.

[Sarah Colonna]

I'm the same way. I hate celebrating my birthday, but for, like, my 40th and, you know, I just went to Cabo with a bunch of girlfriends and got a big villa, did something like that.

[Matteo Lane]

That's literally what Rosebud Baker said I should do. So the exact words of what she said I should do, I was like, but then I got to organize a trip. Like, can we just do dinner?

[Sarah Colonna]

No. Just make everybody, you know, tell them where they're gonna be. Exactly. That's what I did.

[Jeff Lewis]

You said something like, you know, being a public person, it's. It's less important for me to. To, I think, celebrate my birthday. Like, I mean, it's about us the rest of the year.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

That is why.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Right.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I don't need any more celebration.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

You invite friends for trips all the time.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

Like, as a comic, you feel like you have to earn your applause, you know? So then for a birthday, I'm like, oh, I was born. Who cares?

[Jeff Lewis]

So now you attended the School of Art Institute of Chicago?

[Matteo Lane]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

You speak six languages?

[Matteo Lane]

No, I speak, like, 4ish. Italian, English fluently. Spanish, four more than we speak. And my German's very rusty, but French and Spanish are pretty proficient. But my Italian and English are fluent.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you study in Europe?

[Matteo Lane]

I studied. I didn't really study any languages, no. But I learned Italian because we have family in Sicily. And so I would stay with family or family friends every summer when I was younger. So you just kind of pick it up. So it was kind Of a cheat code.

[Jeff Lewis]

You moved to New York from Chicago when. How old were you?

[Matteo Lane]

I was 25.

[Jeff Lewis]

And what was your career aspirations at that point?

[Matteo Lane]

Well, I was storyboarding television commercials and fashion ads for work. So I was doing. I was drawing for, like, Lexus and 7up and like, basically anyone who could draw, like, humans believably and very quickly, you could work for. And I draw a lot of women and draw fashion. So I was doing a lot of fashion stuff, like hair shampoo, blah, blah, blah. And so that got me to New York, and I got a job through my friend Aaron, who was looking for an artist. So I was just drawing all day long, 9 to 5, and then I would just do open mics from 5 till like, 2am with Evan.

[Jeff Lewis]

When did you pivot to comedy full time? How old were you?

[Matteo Lane]

I was 27, I think. Cause I got on an MTV show called Girl Code and Guy Code, and that was when I was like, oh, maybe I could just do this. But I mean, I was also, like, living in an attic above Sasheer Zamada. Then I was living with Evan. Then I was living, you know, I was just poor for a long time. But once I did that, then you could start working the road. And I was doing, like, the worst. I was like, at a Funny Bone in Dayton, Ohio, on a Thursday night.

[Sarah Colonna]

Remember that place?

[Matteo Lane]

Just nightmare, you know, Just bombing and bombing about. You didn't have an audience. So, yeah, just doing that for a really long time until, like, 2021. Then it. Then it all changed.

[Jeff Lewis]

In 2021, it changed. So that's not that long ago.

[Matteo Lane]

No, no.

[Jeff Lewis]

So it was. It sounds like it was a good eight years of the grind.

[Matteo Lane]

It was like 18. I started in 2009, 2008, something like that. I was 21 or 22 when I started to stand up.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then Matteo, what really changed things? Did you get noticed by bigger comedians, like a Fortune Feimster that said, come open for me?

[Matteo Lane]

Well, the comics always supported me, so I opened for Aziz for a long time. I opened for Fortune for a long time. I was doing my. Like, Evan and I would do shows together. But then once in 2021, I started putting my stuff up online. Cause no one wanted my special. They were all like, no. So I just put my stand up online, and it was literally like overnight. I was like, oh. I went from not selling a single ticket to theaters, but also, like, having

[Sarah Colonna]

done it for 18 years prior. When people go, oh, my God, you just blew up out of nowhere. You're like, I was Doing this for years. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you initially started your. You put your specials on YouTube?

[Matteo Lane]

My first special was on YouTube, which I wanted to call Netflix. Said no, but my manager thought that was not a good idea. I still think it's funny, right? Isn't that funny?

[Jeff Lewis]

It is funny.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah. But that was very fun. And then at the time, like, when you're writing new material, because I don't do crowd work, but it was very fashionable. Remember crowd work a couple years ago? It was huge. So I just did a couple crowd work specials to hold me over for content online while I develop new material. Cause it takes a long time to write material and work it out, blah, blah, blah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, at this stage of the game, do you have writers that help you or is it just all you? All me, really?

[Matteo Lane]

Yep.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do some of the bigger comedians, do they have people like assistants that help them?

[Sarah Colonna]

I mean, I know a couple comedians that have some writers, but most of us write our own. But there's a couple I know that have writers.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

Shows.

[Matteo Lane]

What I do is if I have. Once you finish an hour, you go to the Comedy Cellar. And I have like, let's say four or five months without touring. And I ask Esti, I'm like, hey, I'm back. Give me every single spot. I go through all my premises. My phone is just full of joke premises. I go through all my premises and I write them all. And then I match where I think that they kind of blend or, like, can transition or sort of group them together where they fit. And then do about 22 shows a week. So there are 15 minute spots at the Cellar, and you can do like four or five shows a night. And you just start. And so you get on stage, you tell the audience, I'm doing all new stuff. You record everything on your phone. So I have everything recorded on my phone. And I go through, let's say five. Let's say my chunk is 15 minutes. I work that 15 minutes out till I feel the beats. Okay, I know where this is going or that's going. Then you listen back and you make edits that way. Okay, this didn't work. Take that part out, add this stuff here. Then other comics watching you will be like, this would be funny. Add this here, add this. Like, we always tag each other when you're watching each other. Keep going, keep going. Then once that 15 minutes feels complete, move it aside, move up the next 15 minutes. Then you do that. And so finally you kind of have like 5 chunks of 15 minutes that work. Then you go to comedy clubs. So I'll do, like a helium. I'll do Zany's. I'll do. And I'll like. This past summer, I had three weeks. I was at Zany's for, like, six nights. So you get up, and I have all my jokes, and now I'm trying to make the hour. So I have my sheet of paper on stage. I'm like, I'm working out my hour, so I have all this recorded. So the first night's like an hour and 20 minutes. Way too long, like, rambling, not sure where to start. By that fifth show, I have my opening, I have my closing. We're at 55 minutes. So you do that for, like a month.

[Jeff Lewis]

This is a club.

[Matteo Lane]

A lot of work.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

You have to work it out. Work it out. And then I debut that hour in Australia for 4,000 people. So it's like, you want to feel absolutely positive, Ready to go.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Cause I remember, but nothing has been explained in detail like that. Like, of all the comedians that have been here, no one has really explained how much work it is. Like, fortune will say, oh, I write material, and then I go. And I go, and I. But never has it. I mean, been explained like that.

[Sarah Colonna]

You have to get. You have to get a vibe for it, and you have to work stuff in. If you're doing a show and you don't and you want. You wouldn't want to get tired of it yourself, too. You want to perfect it, but you also want to work things in as you're going. Just real quick, though, since you said that comics tag each other.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

I just don't want anyone listening to think that that gives you permission to give us tags.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, yes, please.

[Sarah Colonna]

Because that fucking happened to me this weekend.

[Matteo Lane]

And what did they say?

[Sarah Colonna]

Well, the best part was I don't. It's a joke. My mom worked in a funeral home for a long time, so I said that it was a very competitive business. And then I said it was a stiff competition. And I didn't, like, I didn't even think about it, really. It came out, and I was like, oh, that's a good, you know, tag for this. And this lady afterwards was like, my husband has a tag for you. And I was like, I don't want to hear it. And she goes, when you talk about the funeral home, you need to say stiff competition, because he said it. And I go, no, I. Fuck. I said that. And he goes, I was repeating what she said. She goes, no, you said it first. I go, you think I heard him

[Jeff Lewis]

in the 500 people room. You think?

[Sarah Colonna]

I heard him in the back and then I said it, and I got really irritated. Shout out, chumps.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I do want to. I'm probably going to do you a big favor today, okay? I think. Unless you don't know about this person. But, Jameson, are you the one that alerted me to this woman? That the dolls. Is it. The dolls aren't real. Have you heard of this woman?

[Sarah Colonna]

What?

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

It is the most insane thing you've ever seen.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Well, Mariah Smith had posted about it, and I had kept seeing it in my algorithm. And so then I thought, this woman's crazy enough that I think Jeff would be really interested. She has these dolls. They're like, made to look like newborn dolls. They're very like, look like they're alive. And then she puts them in little scenarios, but then she's playing it for us.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's the creepiest thing you've ever seen, Mateo.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Like, she has the voices, she has

[Jeff Lewis]

children's rooms, she has the clothes.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

So she's making. So the doll's eating here.

[Sarah Colonna]

Am I a centipede?

[Unidentified Female Guest]

She's acting like the doll is sick, so she's giving him Pedialyte. She's taking this.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, it's a basketball. Is this rage?

[Sarah Colonna]

Baby, I can make some soup. Hey.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Deeply upsetting.

[Sarah Colonna]

Come on. That's not safe. You're too close to the edge. What is. Is she. Is she crazy?

[Jeff Lewis]

I think.

[Sarah Colonna]

Well, yeah. I mean, I'm in there. Yes.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

In her defense, the.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Oh, my God, she has some walking.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Blowing the nose.

[Jeff Lewis]

So

[Unidentified Male Guest]

in her defense, don't defend her.

[Jeff Lewis]

Don't defend her yet.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Okay, she's.

[Jeff Lewis]

Let's just explain because most people are at work right now. You have to go to Instagram and just type in, the dolls aren't real. There's no contraction between the N and the T. So the dolls aren't real. And you've got to see this woman because she's.

[Sarah Colonna]

She's making them soup.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

She's wasting a espresso on them.

[Sarah Colonna]

What's happening?

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, it's.

[Matteo Lane]

Let's start with she's wasting a house.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Right?

[Sarah Colonna]

That's also that.

[Jeff Lewis]

So the kids have their own bedrooms, she's got closets full of kid clothes, and she's living her life as if she has these three or four kids.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

She's wasting the soup.

[Sarah Colonna]

Is there a point to it?

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, obviously think there's some incredible trauma.

[Matteo Lane]

First of all, my mother never walked up the stairs saying, I've got the soup.

[Sarah Colonna]

No, it's like, does she think it's funny? Do you know what I mean to do? Isn't it?

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I was gonna say, in her defense, the account is called the Dolls Aren't Real, so obviously she's somewhat in on it. Yes, but you look at the profile.

[Sarah Colonna]

That doesn't make sense. Dolls already aren't gonna write the dolls aren't real.

[Matteo Lane]

There's so many clothes.

[Sarah Colonna]

It should be the kids aren't real.

[Jeff Lewis]

What came first, though? The dolls or the Instagram? It was probably the dolls, right?

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

How long has she been doing this?

[Jeff Lewis]

I've seen this on Tao. All the clothes, all the baby clothes.

[Matteo Lane]

I just. Look, we've just. We're. If I order takeout and I don't eat, like, the English muffin on the side, I'm like, well, that was a waste of food. This bitch has a house.

[Jeff Lewis]

A house with rooms with the dolls

[Matteo Lane]

and clothes like, this could go to so many people. I mean, we need to. We have to bring shame back.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yes, but let's launch it today.

[Jeff Lewis]

Diagnosed trauma.

[Matteo Lane]

But do you know what this was in New York? Do you know what this is in New York? You'll see, like, a woman in her early hundreds walking with a baby stroller with the dog inside of it. Yes, but that's what we left it at. Now we've gone to a full house.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, that's what I was wondering. When I. When I watched this, I thought, why does it just get a dog or get some pets? Yeah, like, you've got three cats.

[Sarah Colonna]

Three cats. There's no shame.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

She has a Honda minivan.

[Jeff Lewis]

From a distance, she has a Honda minivan, and she puts the dolls in the car seat. I'm telling you.

[Sarah Colonna]

Why have you brought me here? I mean, did you need some more shoes?

[Jeff Lewis]

It's the most insane thing.

[Sarah Colonna]

I mean, she should be in the store.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

She's in the.

[Sarah Colonna]

If I was in Target and I saw this bitch, I would run the other way.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

I mean, do you tell her your baby's not real?

[Matteo Lane]

Hi.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah. The dolls aren't real.

[Jeff Lewis]

She needs to be on a psychiatric hold. A 5150.

[Sarah Colonna]

How many followers does she have? That's a good question.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, wait. Let's make guesses first. Let's make guesses first.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Okay. 280,000.

[Matteo Lane]

Okay.

[Sarah Colonna]

I'm hoping it's not 500,000, but I'm afraid it is.

[Matteo Lane]

I was gonna say 500,000.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, it's 93,200.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

She's doing all this for 93,000 people?

[Jeff Lewis]

She's not doing it for Instagram. This was all there before Instagram.

[Matteo Lane]

Where does she get her money? This is what I want to know. Where do these people get their money from?

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, could you imagine if she's married and the husband's been putting up that show?

[Matteo Lane]

Who's filming it?

[Jeff Lewis]

See, I mean, look, it's filming.

[Sarah Colonna]

It's clearly a tripod. Oh, is it?

[Jeff Lewis]

Look.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Hi, everyone. Background here.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think it's really dark.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

She had. She's had these dolls for five years. She had a children's apparel line in 2024. She does it for content and offering empathy to those.

[Jeff Lewis]

She can't have children. Maybe, God forbid, she lost a baby. I know, but she needs help.

[Sarah Colonna]

All this stuff can go to children. All this stuff can go to children.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Kindness is free.

[Matteo Lane]

But I write them out of the voice while offering empathy to those who collect personal for reasons I don't know. You know what this reminds me of a little bit? And this might be a dark take. Like this kind of stuff. I went to art school and I remember this one girl, she was like, our final project, whatever. So she had these like giant paintings on the wall, and they're huge and they're like sort of like erotic, you know, naked women touching themselves. And she had this big, long speech about it, right? And this is about this and about that, blah, blah, blah. So we're all watching. And my teacher, Dan Gustin, who was very much. He believed that painting was more psychological, waits for her to finish the speech and then just to test her, he go, yeah, I just think you like painting hot women. And then she explodes.

[Sarah Colonna]

That's not true.

[Matteo Lane]

And this and that, but. And then they're going back and forth and arguing. And I think his point was like, you know, these kind of huge, long speeches can sometimes be like a cover up or a mask. Just do something you like to do and you kind of lay other things on it. It's like, okay, fine, fine. That's the life you want to live. Go ahead. But also, like, all those clothes could go to, like, kids who need it. I don't know. Just. Just say you like doing this, but

[Jeff Lewis]

I think we're missing the point. Right? You're. What you're looking at is right, there's a ton of waste and that's triggering you. But the fact that she's living this life as if she has this family of four children is what is concerning to me. And this is someone that will eventually snap and hopefully.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, yeah, eventually, right?

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, once she's on her way

[Sarah Colonna]

she saw the snap. Yeah, I think this is. It's being documented every day.

[Matteo Lane]

Thanos Blush. I mean, this is.

[Sarah Colonna]

I think we have to investigate every single follower. I think we should go through every follower and investigate this.

[Jeff Lewis]

This is a Netflix documentary where later the neighbors are like, yeah, you know, the minivan and the four dolls. And then she'd walk around. It's going to be a docu.

[Sarah Colonna]

She's going to have to.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I think Netflix is going to want that.

[Sarah Colonna]

Sorry, Mateo, she has more than Netflix.

[Matteo Lane]

I guess, actually, I stand for that.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

That is my question. Like, after the cameras are off, does she put the dolls to bed? Like, when all the cameras are off,

[Jeff Lewis]

Like, I don't think it's acting.

[Sarah Colonna]

She has 400,000 followers on TikTok.

[Matteo Lane]

Damn.

[Sarah Colonna]

And 200,000 on YouTube.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes, but we're watching for the wrong reasons. It's a train wreck.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, I also heard recently, and look, I've known Sarah for a while now. I think she's pretty cool.

[Sarah Colonna]

We're besties.

[Jeff Lewis]

I thought. I thought she was really cool until I realized. When did you start an Instagram for your cats?

[Sarah Colonna]

A little while ago. I got a lot less followers than that lady.

[Jeff Lewis]

How has that been hidden from me?

[Sarah Colonna]

Felice na' Vi Paws, if anyone wants to follow. Cause they're all named after Christmas. They're Christmas kitties.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's so weird.

[Sarah Colonna]

I know. I know why I thought. I was like.

[Matteo Lane]

Because I thought, at least they're alive.

[Sarah Colonna]

Look how cute they are. Because I thought, well, if I post them on my Instagram, then people are just gonna, you know, get sick of cats, so I'll make one for them. And then sometimes I forget about it, but look how cute they are.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love cats.

[Sarah Colonna]

And then I thought maybe I could get, like, I don't know, a free litter robot or something out of it, but so far I haven't.

[Jeff Lewis]

I honestly think it's a bad move.

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, look, he high fives my K.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think it's a really bad move having an Instagram for your cats.

[Sarah Colonna]

I know. No, I know.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're gonna lose all credibility. You are one thing I already have

[Sarah Colonna]

when I got on this show.

[Matteo Lane]

Do you know what you need? You need to make a cat account. But they're fake cats. And you treat them like

[Unidentified Female Guest]

cats aren't real.

[Sarah Colonna]

Cats aren't real.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you're a year away from a doll.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah, well, I know. I know. When I did it, I said to John, did I just start an Instagram for the cat? And he said, I think you did. And I got a lot to do. I don't know why I did it. Thank you, Shane. We'll follow you back.

[Jeff Lewis]

I do have a question. When you fly, you always make sure you're in the same seat. 1B. Is that correct?

[Sarah Colonna]

I love to be in 1B.

[Jeff Lewis]

And why is that?

[Sarah Colonna]

First to get a drink.

[Jeff Lewis]

Seriously?

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

But one, you have to put your bags.

[Sarah Colonna]

I don't mind.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. I hate one.

[Matteo Lane]

Thank you.

[Sarah Colonna]

So does John. He doesn't like it. And so sometimes he has to be in. To be behind me. I wave at him.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

You'll put him in 2B so that you can be first to get a drink?

[Sarah Colonna]

No, if he wants to. Because he doesn't like. Because he wants to put his thing under his bed?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. So do I. Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

I don't. It doesn't bother me. I get my. My Kindle out. I get it. And then. And I put it in the seat. I put the overhead.

[Matteo Lane]

I get anxious because I have to put, you know, I have my bag and my suitcase, and I put the suitcase up, and then you have to put the bag up. And then other people are like, well, what's this? We have to move this. I'm like, I. But I don't have a choice. I'm at one.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then you need something, and you're sitting there and waiting for us to level off and turn off the. It's like, I forgot to take that

[Matteo Lane]

out of my bag.

[Sarah Colonna]

I get my AirPods. I get my Kindle. I get my iPad out. I put them in the seat. I put the thing up. It's just. I feel less claustrophobic. I don't like when the seat comes back.

[Jeff Lewis]

You do have more room up there.

[Sarah Colonna]

You have more room. Nobody can lean back on you.

[Jeff Lewis]

But why did you switch? I heard you switched on a flight. Did somebody ask you to switch?

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, someone asked me to switch. Yeah. And I did it.

[Matteo Lane]

Why?

[Sarah Colonna]

I'm so proud of myself.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why?

[Sarah Colonna]

Well, it was these two girls traveling together, and she said, I was sitting in my 1B, and she's like. Like, I have a question. And she was real shy about it. She said, would you switch to 3B with. Because my friend's in 3B. I go, oh, aisle for aisle. She said, yeah. I go, no problem.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, okay.

[Sarah Colonna]

I have no problem with that.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't have aisle on my mouth.

[Sarah Colonna]

She was like. And I think because I said it so easily, she was shocked. And she goes, if you don't want to do it, I won't, like, put you on Tik tok or anything. And I go, and I go, you're

[Unidentified Female Guest]

like, please, Sarah Colona.

[Sarah Colonna]

And I said, no, I'm fine.

[Matteo Lane]

No, f. Elise, not

[Unidentified Female Guest]

you.

[Sarah Colonna]

Keep up. But you know, you know what did happen a little bit that got me a little bit upset is that they were doing the pre departure drink and I saw her up there enjoying her vodka ginger ale and they hadn't got to aisle three yet. Yeah, yeah, I texted John, I said I might have made a mistake, but then she made it to me.

[Jeff Lewis]

Also, if you go back too far, which, you know, if you're like 7 or 8, you're at risk of not having a meal available.

[Matteo Lane]

Right.

[Jeff Lewis]

Sorry, we're out of the chicken.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah, well, I had pre ordered, luckily, so I knew I was gonna get it no matter what.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Wait, you pre ordered and then switched seats? That screws up the whole.

[Sarah Colonna]

I told her, I told the lady, I said, I switched for these two. I'm an American her. And I already ordered my, my dinner.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, Mateo, you do not like when everyone has their shades down and then there's one person that leaves it up.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah. And this is something, I mean, it's common, I feel. I've heard a lot of other people talk about this, but it is true. It's like six o' clock in the morning. I've been on five planes that week. You just want to. That's the only sleep I'm going to get that day, you know? And so you're trying to relax and then there's that one person at 6am well, everyone is trying to sleep. Just. I want to see what the world looks like. I'm like, oh my God, you've ruined for everyone

[Sarah Colonna]

when they're next to you. Do you do I get. I get really passive aggressive. I just like turn my back. I say it. Or I like put myself or you'll say something.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, I say something. I just go, I'm sorry. I'm like, do you mind if we close the shade at least halfway? And normally they're like, oh, yeah. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. You know? Yeah, I just ask.

[Jeff Lewis]

But if they're staring at me, my daughter does want to lift that up during the flight and we do halfway, but halfway's fair.

[Matteo Lane]

That's fine.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. Okay, good. You're okay with that.

[Sarah Colonna]

And she wants to see like she's

[Matteo Lane]

a kid, so it's not a 57 year old businessman who's seen the fucking clouds before.

[Jeff Lewis]

However, let me ask you this, Mateo and Sarah, I do not like the shades down during takeoff and landing, I want them up. I want to see what's going on. If we crash, I want to see which side the fire's on. I don't. I don't like them down.

[Sarah Colonna]

There's only one exit door. Yeah, but what if the fire's on? You have to get out the one way.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, what if on the left, there was a fire and I had to go out a window? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't. I want to know what's going on.

[Matteo Lane]

I think coming down, I want the windows up just so I can see how close we are to the ground, so I can turn my phone back on. But going up, I usually. That's my favorite part. I don't care if it's up. I just want to sleep like that. Pressure makes you fall asleep so easily.

[Jeff Lewis]

I need it up until we can take off. And then once we take off, I'm happy to put it down.

[Sarah Colonna]

I don't want to see. I don't care if we're going to crash, I'm going to. What am I going to do? Stop it?

[Jeff Lewis]

There is a chance that you could survive if you're a comedian, if you're prepared.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, that's concerned about.

[Sarah Colonna]

I'm right out the door.

[Matteo Lane]

You're more concerned about getting your drink first than crashing. You're like, I need that one bee. Yeah, we crash, we die.

[Sarah Colonna]

At least have a nice buzz when we do.

[Matteo Lane]

That'd be great.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Doesn't it feel extra claustrophobic to have all the shades down? I used to be a window, so I was in control of that. And I have to switch to an aisle person.

[Matteo Lane]

I see all the bathrooms multiple times.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I like being able to get up when I want to go to bathroom, but I gave up the power of the shade, and I just have to deal with it.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Gave up the power of the shade?

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yeah, but sometimes it just feels like.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, usually I'm traveling with, like, four people, so I'll be like, shane, open your shade. Or Annie, open your shade. Just so we take off. Yeah, I just. I do get worried about takeoff and

[Sarah Colonna]

landing, but what's gonna happen? What are you gonna do? How are you gonna control takeoff with the shade open? What are you gonna do?

[Jeff Lewis]

You're not listening to me.

[Sarah Colonna]

I don't.

[Jeff Lewis]

If we crash, I need to know what's happening in my surroundings is am I gonna exit to the left or am I gonna exit to the right? I need to be able to see.

[Matteo Lane]

There's only one passengers I just want to thank the person in 2B who lifted the shade.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, I'm gonna know where to exit.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Sarah Colonna]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Sarah Colonna]

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[Jeff Lewis]

Also want to promote Mateo's Stand up live shows? Do you want to go ahead and just announce it? We got to catch up.

[Matteo Lane]

Sure. Yeah. The Catch up tour. So you go to mateoancomedy.com I'm going to be in basically Tampa, Florida. Huntington, New York. Portland, Maine, Boston, Massachusetts. The Chicago Theater, West Palm Beach, Florida. And I'm going all over Europe in April and May, so.

[Jeff Lewis]

MatteoAncomby.com Matteo LaneComedy.com for dates, for venues, for tickets, for times. It is all there. Okay, so you also had a cookbook last year, and it was very well received. I saw you everywhere. You were on Laview. You're on Kelly Clarkson. You must have a really good publicist.

[Matteo Lane]

I do, yes.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

MJ from Persian Style is actually his publicist.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. We're laughing because I did get a text from Mercedes that she discovered Mateo. I'm just gonna read it. Exactly what she said. I discovered Mateo Lane and personally booked him on today's show. Oh, is that true?

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Absolutely not. But I love that that's her truth and that she's standing in that. I love that.

[Sarah Colonna]

So you didn't book them?

[Unidentified Female Guest]

No, I talked to the publicist.

[Jeff Lewis]

But, you know, now, is it true that every night, every Monday night is Mexican night, and you and your husband go to a local Mexican restaurant, El Mariachi in the neighborhood?

[Sarah Colonna]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, you thought because you've been such a loyal customer, that they have been giving you a discount every time you're there?

[Sarah Colonna]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

What did you recently discover?

[Sarah Colonna]

Well, we go there on Mondays. Cause I'm out of town a lot on the weekends. And we like to have our Monday together. We go and we go. You say evening. It's more like noon. Then we go. And then we were like, oh, my God, this bartender always gives us half off. Like, that's so nice of him. So he says 50% off. And then we were walking out one day and we saw a sign that said half off Monday.

[Jeff Lewis]

So all this time you thought you were special.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah. And we have to keep. And so we still have to keep over tipping because we, you know, we set that precedent, too. So that's.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, that's. I. Oh, yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

Cause we were like, God, he gave us half off. You know, we're just giving him a huge tip.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Meanwhile, they think you're so cheap. They're like, we Only see them on Monday.

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, shit. You're right.

[Jeff Lewis]

No. We have discussed in at length Sarah's history before she met the NFL football player. She dated a string of men and some of them died. Is that correct?

[Sarah Colonna]

Three.

[Jeff Lewis]

Three died.

[Sarah Colonna]

One that went over by a bulldozer.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't hate to be laughing. I'm so sorry.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

No, it's fine.

[Sarah Colonna]

They're dead.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Whatever.

[Sarah Colonna]

They can't hear it.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's the Sarah Colonna curse.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now there is one lone survivor.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yep.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you dated him about 12 years ago. And you recently.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

You ran into him?

[Sarah Colonna]

He ran into me at your show. Yeah. On purpose. He came to my show. I haven't seen him in 14 years. He came to my show at a casino. I was doing a casino show. So you're stuck. You're in the casino. The show's there, the hotel's there, everything's there. And he just showed up and he was walking around with his like 13 year old daughter. Oh, he made a joke that she's not mine.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Good one.

[Sarah Colonna]

But a tag. Yeah. And then he sat and then he just was like. Afterwards he goes, oh, let's hang out. And I was like, I don't wanna hang out with you. But I didn't have. So we sat at the casino bar. Luckily, my opener was my podcast partner, so she was with me and so she could run interference. And he just sat there and told me how miserable his life is for two hours.

[Jeff Lewis]

How long did you date?

[Sarah Colonna]

We just like probably six months.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was the sex good?

[Sarah Colonna]

Not really. He's an alcoholic. Was he doing this in his daughter? No, I'm a fob.

[Matteo Lane]

Just on Mondays.

[Sarah Colonna]

Just on Mondays.

[Matteo Lane]

That false.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, is it true that on one of your dates he wore a T shirt that offended you?

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, my God. So not even just to date? Okay, so this is back. This is when my first book came out and I sold it as a television show to Happy Madison, Adam Sandler's production company. So I'm like, I book his car service. I make a like Mastro's reservation. I'm like, we're going out and celebrating this. My best friend, her boyfriend, him, he shows up at my house in a T shirt that said who farted? And not even like a jacket over it or anything. Wore a T shirt that said who farted?

[Matteo Lane]

What makes me more upset is that he purchased it, that he had the

[Sarah Colonna]

T shirt in the first place. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So we thought, this is a good occasion to wear it. I've been waiting.

[Sarah Colonna]

I made Him. I was like, yeah, luckily I had a sweater or something. I was like, you have to put this sweater on. You can't. I can't fucking do this. I can't. And then I think we broke up shortly after that.

[Matteo Lane]

I was going to say now, when

[Jeff Lewis]

you had your holiday party and your good friend brought his boyfriend to the party and he had his nose all bandaged up.

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think he just got a nose job or something. And then he went to a holiday party a week later, the day after. They're not still dating, right?

[Sarah Colonna]

They are still dating. I just saw her.

[Jeff Lewis]

Have you seen the nose?

[Sarah Colonna]

I haven't. No, I don't. I just saw her and I have. Yeah, he showed. He literally had like, I guess a deviated septum surgery or nose job. Yeah, right. He had never met anyone.

[Matteo Lane]

I had a deviated balding surgery.

[Sarah Colonna]

So he had never met anyone before and showed up at our holiday party with the cast on his face.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't know that I had hair transplants and I feel like I would not. I waited like the 10, 12 days to be at home and like, just be ugly at home.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

Just don't go.

[Matteo Lane]

You don't need to go to a party.

[Sarah Colonna]

Your hair looks great, though.

[Jeff Lewis]

It actually really does.

[Sarah Colonna]

Thanks, everybody.

[Jeff Lewis]

It looks so natural.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Thanks.

[Matteo Lane]

I KNEW New York Dr. Wesley Carlos in the Upper east side.

[Jeff Lewis]

He did a great job.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, they're really, really good.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, I read that you had a couple different surgeries.

[Matteo Lane]

I had three.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was it all different doctors?

[Matteo Lane]

No, same guy. I just had so, like little hair. And basically the last one I was like, just give me like the 18 year old Dominican. Let's just get it done so I don't have to think about this again. So. Cause someone. I was streaming the other week and someone's like, oh, you had three surgeries? Like, it didn't. And I was like, no, I just wanted more hair. They all work.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you. It was conservative the first two times and then the third time you're like, let's just do this and be done.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, let's like bring it in here. Bring it here. They gave me like a beard.

[Jeff Lewis]

They gave you a beard?

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

I never had a beard before.

[Sarah Colonna]

Wait, they do that? I didn't even know that they slayed.

[Matteo Lane]

I know.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's good.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, he's really good.

[Jeff Lewis]

I never, ever, ever would guess. Sometimes you can see when you know. I mean, you can tell when people had transplants.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Unnatural.

[Matteo Lane]

Not the one.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was it expensive?

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

There's a lot, you know. That's working worth it.

[Sarah Colonna]

You got to spend the money for it.

[Matteo Lane]

That's why I'm always. I'm like Cher. I'm always on tour

[Jeff Lewis]

with the doll lady. Has her husband in the videos. Burgundy in Chicago. Tell us about the doll lady.

[Sarah Colonna]

So the doll lady, I happen to come across her on my daughter's YouTube page. Her husband actually ordered his own doll, got a little boy, and they're hundreds and hundreds of dollars, and they did a whole little episode on him doing an unboxing of it.

[Jeff Lewis]

They're both crazy.

[Sarah Colonna]

Then there's a lid for every pot.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

I love that they found each other.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah. Can you imagine right now if you're listening and you're single and you're like, that lady has a husband or that guy has a wife.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, that's when you watch, like, my 600 pound life, and they've got a husband and kids. My nonna's favorite show is the Thousand Pound Sisters. I love that.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Tammy and Amy.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

And I said, nana, if I was a kid and you told me that I could eat whatever I wanted and have a husband and on tv, I would have a whole different life.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's actually when I watch that show, I don't eat for like 24 hours after it. It's really, really great for app. It's a great appetite suppressant.

[Sarah Colonna]

I think I should start watching it on Sundays, save myself some Mexican calories.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, is it true that you're a Disney gay?

[Matteo Lane]

No, but I like Mark Davis, who's the artist who did a bunch of designs for Disney. But I'm not like a Disney. I've never been to Disney World or anything.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm so glad to hear that because in the notes, somebody wrote that you're a Disney gay.

[Sarah Colonna]

I saw that he sang I will go the Distance from Hercules at 6. Oh, yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

I did sing that the other week. But, I mean, I sang the song because it's a good song, but I've never been to Disney World or Disneyland.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm happy to hear that.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

You're just an art gig.

[Matteo Lane]

Mark Davis, my favorite artist, and Ivan Earle, who is the art director for Sleeping Beauty. Like, these were, like, my influences when I was drawing, but so is Jim Lee from X Men. Like, you know, huge influence.

[Sarah Colonna]

You ate the song up. It was good.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Honestly, I thought you were gonna be the very first successful Disney gay that I. I've met.

[Matteo Lane]

Really? No, I've never been.

[Sarah Colonna]

These two are Disney's over there staring at me.

[Matteo Lane]

Disney gay. Oh, both of them oh, not Kean.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's like, no.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't know. I'm real straight Oscar. But what does a Disney game mean? Like you. You're always at Disney World.

[Jeff Lewis]

Please don't ask.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I don't know.

[Sarah Colonna]

Why were you so offended all the time?

[Matteo Lane]

We're like twice a month, maybe twice a month. That seems like a lot.

[Jeff Lewis]

We also.

[Matteo Lane]

I'm going Friday.

[Sarah Colonna]

How often do you go? Jameson?

[Jeff Lewis]

He also goes to Universal Studios.

[Matteo Lane]

I've never been there either. It's a great place. Yeah, we didn't have.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I only go a few times a year.

[Matteo Lane]

Okay, okay.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

But I'd go more if I could.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you really used to go a lot more.

[Sarah Colonna]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then you met Franck, and thank God. Cause he's kind of.

[Matteo Lane]

Frank from.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

No, no, no. It's my boyfriend. That's his fake name. His real name is Brandon.

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, okay.

[Matteo Lane]

I was like Martin Short.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

No. Yes and no.

[Jeff Lewis]

Who I love. You've gone to Disneyland less since you've met Frank.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

That's just kind of how it's unrelated.

[Matteo Lane]

Should I go to Disney World? I've never been like, is it not.

[Jeff Lewis]

You should go down.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't think I would. I. As a comedian, I think I would have a hard time with it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, actually, it might be good content for you, right? It might be good content to go to Disneyland or Disney world as a 40 year old.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Sarah Colonna]

You think that takes her dolls to Disneyland and goes a day at Disneyland?

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Oh, I want to see that vlog.

[Sarah Colonna]

Oh, my God. And she probably pays for the tickets and probably pays for the VIP access.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's nuts now. Speaking of nuts. And I don't know, you're gonna have to tell me where to find this woman. But I read about the woman who washes her panties in the hotel. In the hotel Keurig machine.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yes. And she's trying to backtrack now because everyone's giving her so much.

[Jeff Lewis]

She should be banned.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Travel ban.

[Sarah Colonna]

Travel banned. She put them. She showed it on a video and she said it was a tip from a flight attendant. I said, no, it's not. Not. Don't.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

No one's ever done this before.

[Sarah Colonna]

No one's ever done this. She put them in there. And she goes, in case you just don't know, there's so many indicators. She's like, in case you ever run out of underwear, here's a way to wash them. And then you put it in there.

[Jeff Lewis]

Disgusting. In the hotel. See, I never use those.

[Sarah Colonna]

No, I never do.

[Jeff Lewis]

I have curing anything.

[Matteo Lane]

Espresso. The Nespresso ones, you're safe.

[Sarah Colonna]

No, she'll put her underwear right in there. What?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't even use those. I order fresh coffee.

[Sarah Colonna]

You can afford a nice coffee. Don't do it. I can't. I can't even. How do you. There's a sink, there's a shower. You could just pack more underwear that like Marshall's.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Go to Marshall's.

[Sarah Colonna]

Get a three pack coffee.

[Matteo Lane]

You can go to Underwear cvs. CVS has underwear. Who gives a shit? As long as you have underwear.

[Sarah Colonna]

Underwear, not CVS underwear.

[Jeff Lewis]

She says she saves space. She saves space in her luggage. How big are your panties?

[Unidentified Female Guest]

I want to know.

[Matteo Lane]

I want to know what she's. I want to know what else is in her luggage, what else are you

[Unidentified Female Guest]

saving, and what else is in the garage.

[Sarah Colonna]

That's the thing that is not taking up room. Is your underwear. I mean, look at her.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yours do.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah, that's true. I got my big dumpers. Gross.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, those are big panties.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like you have a separate carry on for them.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah. Why do you think we had to get that big closet in my house? Yeah. Gotta put my underwear in there.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then. Sarah, if you could please promote your live events coming up.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yes. This weekend in Boston, March 6th and 7th, the 26th through the 28th, in Appleton, Wisconsin. April 10th and 11th, Arlington, Virginia. Go to sarahcolona.com, there's more dates on there, too. And follow Felice Navi Paz.

[Jeff Lewis]

How long have you had that Instagram?

[Sarah Colonna]

I don't know. I'm sure it says on there, focus on the lady.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, there is a discussion here that we have had numerous times, and I think it's funny that I heard that you have discussed it where we think that certain Disney characters are gay.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, yeah.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

And we've discussed it many times now. He thinks now. Lion King, for example.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah. I had a joke where I said I think Skarsgate. Cause he was like, be prepared. Which is a joke about a song about douching. Yeah, they're all gay. Most of them are, I think, for the most part, yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, so you think Scar is gay?

[Matteo Lane]

It's a picnic basket. Yeah, he's very gay.

[Jeff Lewis]

I agree. I absolutely agree.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

I can see that.

[Matteo Lane]

I mean, even though he's like, oh, an elephant graveyard, like, okay. His friends are hyenas. Like, the whole thing is queer baited.

[Sarah Colonna]

That's so funny.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

The other thing, too is you discuss uber culture, which we do as well. And it seems like New Yorkers do not talk to uber culture.

[Matteo Lane]

La. I can't handle LA Ubers. I can't handle it. I get in and suddenly this guy is telling about his script. And in New York, you say, we don't.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

It's.

[Matteo Lane]

By the way, it is a mutual not wanting to speak to one another. We do not speak to each other. And I used to have a joke where I was like, I had a. Because this is true. I got into a car accident on 36th street and 7th Avenue and I looked a guy and I made eye contact and I just left the car. I was like, I'm going to go take the train. You just don't talk to each other. And it's so rare if someone wants to talk to you in New York. And it's not like a rude thing, it's a New York thing. I don't know.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. Now, do you also. So do you take a lot of Ubers and la?

[Matteo Lane]

I have to, because I don't have a license anymore. New York, I take the train. Or if I have to. If, like, in a rush ride, I will take an Uber, but.

[Jeff Lewis]

So your license is expired.

[Matteo Lane]

Expired, yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Got it.

[Matteo Lane]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you know how to drive.

[Sarah Colonna]

You can do the quiet ride. You can ask for a quiet ride. They don't usually.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know how to do that.

[Sarah Colonna]

I'll just. In your app, I feel like they'll

[Jeff Lewis]

talk if you want to talk or. I do talk sometimes.

[Matteo Lane]

I'll always chat. I'm never rude. I'm not like, how dare you speak to me? But I'm always like, I really wanted to listen to Mariah.

[Sarah Colonna]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you don't. You don't say the things to them that you said to me earlier in the.

[Matteo Lane]

Sometimes I will be confrontational. I have to stop it.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think what happened is that I think that people think that this is Gotcha Radio and that I'm looking for shit to like, but I just was trying to figure out which I should have been more transparent about. Like, what are the boundaries here? What are the goalposts? What am I supposed to talk about? What can I not talk about? So I don't think you're used to that and we were joking that you kind of snapped at me a little bit. And that's why we're saying that about the Uber drive. But you and I are good now.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Have you taken it away?

[Matteo Lane]

I don't like it. I had to take it for, like, some promo and it really felt dangerous. Like, I really didn't like it.

[Sarah Colonna]

I like it.

[Jeff Lewis]

There's no waymos what about do you get music? Cause we get musically profiled here in Los Angeles in our Ubers.

[Unidentified Female Guest]

Oh, watch when you call your Uber right now. You'll get in. He will switch it from Hot Chili Peppers to for you. Harley Rae Jepsen,

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Live every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app. Bob Evans Creamy Mac and cheese and buttery mashed potatoes are made for those Easter moments you just can't plan for. Like realizing that Easter egg hunting really builds up an appetite. Or that time when the neighbors burnt their entire holiday meal and you invited them over. So this Easter, when there is no plan, say hello to Plan B O B from Bob Evans. Because when you bring out the Bob, you'll always have something delicious on the table, no matter what the Easter Bunny brings. When you need quick and easy comfort, bring out the Bob. Available now in your refrigerated section.

[Sarah Colonna]

If you've never tried mochi ice cream, it's time to tempt your taste buds with Mymochi. My mochi ice cream is rich premium ice cream wrapped in sweet, soft dough with delicious flavors like strawberry and mango. It's creamy on the inside and chewy

[Matteo Lane]

on the outside, like an ice cream dumpling.

[Sarah Colonna]

Don't miss out on the joyfully chill sensation of my mochi ice cream. Grab a purple box of my mochi today and taste the amazing flavor yourself.