Husband Is Afraid to Spend

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jill on Money with Jill Schlesinger
Episode: Husband Is Afraid to Spend
Release Date: August 6, 2025

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Introduction

In the August 6, 2025 episode of "Jill on Money with Jill Schlesinger," host Jill Schlesinger, CFP®, delves into the often sensitive topic of financial anxiety within marriages, particularly focusing on spouses who are hesitant to spend despite a stable financial standing. The episode features listener questions, expert advice, and engaging discussions aimed at empowering couples to make informed financial decisions together.

Listener Questions and Discussions

1. Balancing Retirement Savings and Spending Anxiety

Listener: Jane
Timestamp: [04:20]

Jane writes about her husband, who has been retired for five years with a million dollars in retirement savings. Despite her continued employment and a significant age difference between them, her husband remains fearful of spending money, even though their financial situation appears secure. Jane seeks advice on how to reassure him and encourage more confident financial decisions, such as family trips or home upgrades.

Jill's Advice: Jill suggests conducting a thorough review of their current spending and demonstrating that their income can comfortably cover their expenses. She emphasizes the importance of showing Jane's husband the numbers to alleviate his fears. Additionally, Jill recommends setting up a system where a portion of his retirement funds is withdrawn periodically, allowing them to enjoy the money without compromising their financial security.

Notable Quote:

“If you can completely cover it with your salary and you are planning to work for another 12 years, then I think you can show him mathematically that he can spend some of his money.” – Jill Schlesinger [05:10]

2. Understanding Cash Balance Plans vs. Regular Pension Plans

Listener: Grace
Timestamp: [07:00]

Grace inquires about the differences between cash balance plans and traditional pension plans. She seeks clarity on whether a cash balance plan can be considered her pension and the implications of choosing between a lump sum and monthly benefits.

Jill's Explanation: Jill breaks down the mechanics of cash balance plans, highlighting that they accumulate a balance over time, which can be taken as a lump sum or converted into an annuity for monthly payments. She contrasts this with traditional pension plans, which are defined benefit plans where the employer guarantees a specific payout. Jill underscores the importance of evaluating personal financial situations before deciding between lump sums and annuities.

Notable Quote:

“Your understanding is correct. But there's a big downside because if you choose life-only annuity, if you drop dead the next day after you choose that, no one gets the money.” – Jill Schlesinger [07:50]

3. Managing Finances After Widowhood

Listener: Karen
Timestamp: [08:30]

Karen, a 72-year-old widowed woman, shares her concerns about managing her finances independently after her husband's passing. She mentions an encounter with a fee-only advisor who pushed her to hand over her investments and seeks guidance on handling required minimum distributions (RMDs) and the potential sale of her rental property amidst tax concerns.

Jill's Recommendations: Jill advises Karen to seek out fee-only financial planners who focus on creating comprehensive financial plans without managing her investments directly. She points Karen towards the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (NAPFA) as a resource for finding suitable advisors. Additionally, Jill emphasizes the importance of strategic planning when dealing with RMDs and the sale of taxable assets like rental properties.

Notable Quote:

“There are a lot of places that do this now and so I would look at the Napa website. I think that would be the best thing for you.” – Jill Schlesinger [09:00]

4. The Value of Financial Planning vs. Asset Management

Listener Comment: Paul
Timestamp: [10:30]

Paul commends Jill for her advice to a previous listener and suggests a deeper exploration of the differences between wealth management and comprehensive financial planning. He shares his positive experience with hiring a CFP for a flat fee to perform a Monte Carlo simulation, which helped him assess his retirement sustainability without incurring high asset management fees.

Jill's Response: Jill agrees with Paul's perspective, acknowledging the increasing value of financial planning over traditional asset management. She highlights the benefits of paying for specific financial planning services, such as Monte Carlo simulations, which provide tailored insights without the ongoing costs associated with asset management.

Notable Quote:

“It's a lot more valuable to do the planning than anything else in the relationship.” – Jill Schlesinger [11:15]

Insights and Conclusions

Throughout the episode, Jill Schlesinger emphasizes the importance of transparent communication and mathematical evidence in addressing financial fears within relationships. She advocates for personalized financial planning tailored to individual circumstances and highlights the evolving landscape of financial advising, where strategic planning can offer significant value without the high costs of traditional asset management.

Key takeaways include:

• Quantitative Approach: Utilize budgeting and financial modeling to demonstrate spending capabilities, thereby alleviating fears.
• Informed Decision-Making: Understand the nuances between different retirement plans to make choices that best fit personal financial goals.
• Selecting the Right Advisor: Seek out fee-only advisors who provide comprehensive financial planning without a vested interest in managing assets.
• Value of Planning: Prioritize financial planning services that offer strategic insights and simulations over costly asset management.

Notable Quotes

• Jill Schlesinger: “If you can completely cover it with your salary and you are planning to work for another 12 years, then I think you can show him mathematically that he can spend some of his money.” [05:10]

• Jill Schlesinger: “Your understanding is correct. But there's a big downside because if you choose life-only annuity, if you drop dead the next day after you choose that, no one gets the money.” [07:50]

• Jill Schlesinger: “There are a lot of places that do this now and so I would look at the Napa website. I think that would be the best thing for you.” [09:00]

• Jill Schlesinger: “It's a lot more valuable to do the planning than anything else in the relationship.” [11:15]

Final Thoughts

"Husband Is Afraid to Spend" addresses critical aspects of financial management within marriages, offering practical solutions to common financial anxieties. Jill Schlesinger's compassionate and analytical approach provides listeners with actionable strategies to foster financial harmony and security in their personal lives.

For more insightful discussions and personalized financial advice, listeners are encouraged to visit jillonmoney.com and engage with future episodes of "Jill on Money."

Transcript

[Jill Schlesinger]

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[Mark]

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[Jill Schlesinger]

It's Wednesday, August 6th and we are here trying to help you make better financial decisions. Maybe just help take the burden off of you. Whatever you're going through, just give us a Holler. Go to jillonmoney.com, click the contact Us button, write us a note. And if you'd like to join us on the air live, check the box. That's all you need to do. And then producer Mark who is the best executive producer in the world and he'll take over from there. We'll get in touch with you if you would like a little bit more Jill. Sign up for the free weekly newsletter comes out every Friday and when you do that it's basically a substack subscription. You'll also get my blog. I usually write once a week so check that out as well. You get two for one and it's both free. So it's really two for zero right now. Let's do some emails. It is time to get some email inbox reduction started. Here we go. Let's start with Jane. I love this subject. Husband doesn't want to spend. Afraid to spend. My husband has been retired for five years. He has a million dollars in retirement. I Will still be working for another 12 years. There's a nine year age difference between the two of us. We have a 15 year old son in high school and we have college funds for him already. For college. Oh, that's good. I have $700,000 in retirement. I continue to save my. We've got our emergency fund. Six to 12 months, no debt. Everything is paid off. House, car, pay off our credit card bills each month. My husband still worries. He's afraid to spend money. What can I tell him? To relax and make him feel like things are fine and we can afford to spend money. Things like a family trip and upgrade to the house. Am I missing something? Am I being naive? He makes me feel foolish to say we are fine. Well, I don't like that he makes you feel foolish. Foolish. Jane, what I would think about is to do this, I would look at your current spending, okay? And if you can completely cover it with your salary and you are planning to work for another 12 years, then I think you can show him mathematically that he can spend some of his money. And so I don't know how old everybody is but my feeling is that this is a very common refrain that we hear from people who have been working their whole lives and saving. It is hard to figure out how to spend. So one of the little workarounds that I think is interesting is to look at that retirement account. And because we know he's going to have to take a required minimum distribution, maybe we just have encouraged him to take some money out every quarter so that you have that money coming in and that you should spend that money and enjoy it. But without knowing how much your expenses are and it doesn't sound like they're very high, it doesn't sound like there's a problem. What it probably sounds more like is that he just needs to be shown mathematically how it could work. And then we need to come up with a system that will allow it to work for you guys. So I hope that helps. Do get back in touch with us. You're not foolish. This is again very common. Grace writes. How do cash balance plans differ from regular pension plans? Hi Jill. Happily. I just recently learned that my firm offers a cash balance plan and I'm eligible. I'd like your guidance on a few topics. Can you explain in a simple non jargon way how the cash balance plan differs from a regular pension plan? Okay, it is what it sounds like. There's a bunch of money that builds up in cash and then when you retire you get this money and it's usually comes in the form of a lump sum that you could roll over. So think of it as an extra chunk of money. Now, Mark, I think in most cash balance plans there is a way that you can annuitize that they're often, often what happens with cash balance plans is they'll say, do you want a lump sum? Or we can buy an annuity to have you churn out some cash from that every month. But the difference with a regular pension plan is the money is coming into a plan and it is a defined benefit that the company is on the hook for automatically. And they have to be able to push out that pension amount every single month based on the way that you choose to receive it. And the question about can you view the cash balance plan as my pension? You can view it as another retirement asset. Now the here's. Oh, she just wrote. See, I didn't read far enough down on the email. Based on the firm calculator, I'm expected to receive $3,000 a month at the age of 65 or a lump sum. Would you recommend taking a monthly benefit or a lump sum? What's the better deal? Totally depends on what's going on for you. Okay, so I need to know more information. All of these decisions about whether to receive a lump sum or a monthly payment have a lot to do with what else you have saved and what else is going on in your financial life. She said that my cash balance plan is defined as an account balance. If I elect life only annuity, I can expect $3,000 to pay out for life until my death. This sounds amazing and I want to confirm my understanding is correct. Your understanding is correct. But there's a big downside because if you choose life only annuity, if you drop dead the next day after you choose that, no one gets the money. So there should be other options for that cash balance which you may want to explore. I don't know what else is going on. Did I miss anything here, Mark? On the cash balance versus regular pension?

[Producer Mark]

No, I think that's it. I mean, just kind of think of it. It's going to look similar to a 401k plan. There's going to be a balance there that you can go in and look at, going to see contributions and you'll see it growing and growing and growing. But eventually, you know, that'll be turned into a monthly, a monthly payment if.

[Jill Schlesinger]

You want, if you want. Or you can roll it over directly into an IRA rollover at retirement, but get back in touch with US Grace. I'd love to have you come on and we find out what else is going on. By the way she writes, thank you so much for your guidance. I'm a super fan and tune in regularly. Wait a minute. If you're a super fan, it has to be that you tune in every single day because otherwise you're not a super fan. Right, Mark?

[Producer Mark]

And you got to come on.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Got to come on for sure. Okay. Karen writes, I'm 72 years old, widowed. My husband passed away in 2021. I've always handled the finances and investments, but I feel like I might need some advice. A supposed fee only advisor tried to have me turn over the management of my investments to his company to manage. I want to continue handling my own money. I will be required to start required minimum distributions next year in addition to receiving those of my husband's accounts. And I'm considering selling a rental house I own but concerned about tax consequences, would appreciate any advice. Okay, so a fee only advisor is one thing, but what you should be seeking is a fee only advisor who will create a plan for you. And you say up front, I will not be turning over my investment management to you. And if you make that clear, there are going to be some companies who do it. I think that a lot of people have been asking me about this because I think more and more people are just really a lot better at managing their own money and they realize that it's not that hard and the planning part is the valuable part. I would go to the national association of Personal Financial Advisors. I would really be interested in talking to an organization that says we will charge you by the hour or for this project and we are not money managers or we are not interested in managing your money. There are a lot of places that do this now and so I would look at the Napa website. I think that would be the best thing for you. Here's a follow up to someone we had on the air. Jenny wanted to know about a deferred compensation account and she said, I have learned that this is beneficial if you have income over $300,000 and you can defer some of your income and also get company contributions. I have deferred about $12,500 and it will be distributed in 27. I plan to cancel this pre tax plan unless my base income changes. Would you agree? Mark? Do you remember how much money she made?

[Producer Mark]

She's over to 300,000 threshold. So given that, and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon because she's on the young side. I don't see why this makes sense if it's just be going to to be paid out in two years.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Yeah, it does. I mean, and, and also especially for considering that, you know, your tax bracket's not going to change too much.

[Producer Mark]

So I would take the money and invest it on my own.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Exactly. Okay, here is a comment from Paul and he said. Hi Jill, I'm a recent listener to your podcast. I love it. I just want to take the time to tell you that your advice to Rebecca was spot on. I think you could do a piece on the difference between wealth management and full financial planning. I'm 64 and have always managed my own mostly index funds and refuse to pay someone 1% to manage a 6040 portfolio. I could buy a new car every year for the cost of an asset under management manager. I recently hired a CFP for a flat fee. See, here we go. To run a Monte Carlo simulation. This is a simulation that tries to come up with different ways to understand whether or not your money's going to last. Okay, so back to Paul. He paid this flat fee to run a Monte Carlo simulation. Legacy planning meaning leaving money around for the next gen or two charities. Roth conversion strategy, Social Security optimization, and more. She confirmed that my asset allocation and diversification were reasonable and she also confirmed how much I can safely spend in retirement. All well worth the flat fee with no asset under management fee requirement. I think you could do a full podcast on the difference between the wealth management and all the other pieces of financial planning. My brother, who's 63, has a registered investment advisor at 1% AUM and hasn't assessed any of the other parts of planning which are equally important. By the way. I've never sent such a message after listening to a podcast. I want to share that I was literally smiling listening to you give Rebecca perfect advice. I love your work here and on cbs, Paul. Well, Paul, Mark, maybe we should have someone from Napfa to come on the air. What do you think? Yeah. Didn't we used to know someone from Gary Schatzki?

[Producer Mark]

Oh yeah, Schatzki.

[Jill Schlesinger]

I don't know if he's still around. I'm going to get somebody, Paul. You know what? I'm going to get somebody who is a fee only planner. One of those amazing women that I met in California at that dimensional conference. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to send a note out and we're going to do this. Paul, great idea. All right. Are you thinking about a financial advisor. Are you thinking about hiring somebody? Are you worried about managing your own money? Maybe not. Maybe you're like Paul and all you need is someone to run a model for you where you can nip and tuck as you see fit. And then you manage the money. I love that idea. I think it's great. It's a hard way to make a living. I was an AUM manager 100 years ago because it was too hard. You couldn't charge enough for financial plans to get paid how much time it took. But now I think you really can. I think people are onto this, that it's a lot more valuable to do the planning than anything else in the relationship. So give us a holler if you've got a question about that how to hire someone, what you should ask go to jillonmoney.com click the contact us button. Write us a note. Let us know if you want to come on the air by checking the box. Mark will do everything else. Don't forget to sign up for the free weekly newsletter comes out every Friday. It's fabulous. Subscribe to us on the Odyssey app or wherever you find your favorite podcasts. And of course, put your hands, metaphorically, on someone's back. Change your work, Change your wealth, change your life. Thanks for listening. We'll talk to you tomorrow. You say you'll never join the Navy, that you'd never track storms brewing in the Atlantic, and skydiving could never be part of your commute. You'd never climb Mount Fuji on a port visit, or fly so fast you break the sound barrier. Joining the Navy sounds crazy. Saying never actually is. Start your [e-mail], america's Navy forged by the Sea hello, it's Lena Dunham. I host a podcast called the C Word with my dearest friend and historian of bad behavior, Alyssa Bennett. What is up? It's a chat show about women whose society is called Crazy.

[Producer Mark]

We're going to be rediscovering discovering the.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Stories of women's society dismissed by calling them mad, sad, or just plain bad. Listen to and follow the C Word with Lena Dunham and Alyssa Bennett. Available now. Wherever you get your podcasts.