Parents Supporting Adult Children

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jill on Money with Jill Schlesinger

Episode Title: Parents Supporting Adult Children
Date: July 24, 2026
Host: Jill Schlesinger, CFP®
Guests/Contributors: Kelly O'Grady, Adriana Diaz, Mark Telercio

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the increasingly prevalent trend of parents financially supporting their adult children. Against a backdrop of rising inflation, high housing costs, and significant student loan burdens, Jill and her guests discuss how families are coping with these realities, balancing support and independence, and handling the emotional and practical complexities that arise from family financial interdependence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Scope of Parental Support Today

Timestamps: 03:01–04:10

• Statistics:
  • 42% of U.S. adults rely on parents for financial support (Northwestern Mutual survey).
  • 83% of parents help with groceries and food.
  • 63% assist with rent or mortgage payments.
  • 54% help with health care costs (AARP/Merrill Lynch/other surveys).
• Expenditure:
  • Average annual parental spend supporting adult children: ~$7,000.
• Trend:
  • The amount parents spend is rising, particularly due to inflation.

"It's not a huge number, but it's not an insignificant number either."
— Jill Schlesinger, (04:07)

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2. Balancing Help vs. Enabling

Timestamps: 04:10–05:45

• Setting Boundaries:
  • Importance of ground rules for adult children living at home (e.g., time limits, expectations for job search, contributing to household, or helping other relatives).
  • Regular revisiting of agreements—keep flexible but clear terms.
• Advice for Parents:
  • Supporting without enabling means encouraging independence and good financial habits.
  • Conversations about job hunting or participation in family responsibilities are key.

"You want to say to yourself, 'I want to be there, but I also want to make sure I'm fostering good financial habits.'"
— Jill Schlesinger, (04:21)

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3. Handling Large Financial Gifts (e.g., Down Payments)

Timestamps: 05:45–07:02

• Big-Ticket Assistance:
  • When parents help with major sums like a house down payment, written agreements are essential—especially when multiple siblings are involved.
  • Openness about financial gifts prevents future resentment.
  • Clarity on how such support fits into estate planning is crucial.

"If you're going to give a kid $50,000 for a down payment and don't tell the other, that is so bad. So...have a written agreement."
— Jill Schlesinger, (06:31)

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4. The Emotional Impact on Parents and Children

Timestamps: 07:02–08:39

• Financial Strain:
  • 42% of parents feel helping adult children strains their own finances.
• Emotional Considerations:
  • 35% experience emotional stress, feeling like they're "less than" as parents or worry about their child's self-sufficiency.
  • Receiving money from parents can entangle emotional expectations and boundaries.
• Key Recommendation:
  • Parents should prioritize their own retirement and financial security before assisting adult children.

"We want you to settle your own retirement before you help your kids out."
— Jill Schlesinger, (07:56)

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5. Retirement Comes First

Timestamps: 08:39–09:31

• Financial Prioritization:
  • Always safeguard your retirement assets before helping children.
• Potential Consequence:
  • Children may end up responsible for their parents if parents compromise their own financial future.

"It's your retirement first and foremost. And if you're fortunate enough...you can still afford comfortably to help out your kids...then go for it."
— Mark Telercio, (09:19)

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6. Equality vs. Equity Among Siblings

Timestamps: 09:31–11:50

• Dilemma:
  • Should parents provide equal help to all children, or tailor assistance based on need and life choices, such as career paths?
• Estate Planning:
  • Unequal support now can be "evened out" later through inheritance planning.
• Transparency and Documentation:
  • Be open with all children about decisions; put support agreements in writing.

"Put it in writing, please put it in writing and make the adjustment...just be careful about the way that you manage this and there's no reason to hide it."
— Jill Schlesinger, (11:50)

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7. Navigating Family Conversations

Timestamps: 11:50–13:07

• Open Communication:
  • Regular, honest talks about money are critical—especially for families with adult children struggling or asking for help.
• Resources:
  • Jill invites listeners (parents and adult children alike) to reach out through her website for advice on navigating these sensitive financial situations.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Parental Emotions:

  "I hear from parents who say, I feel like I haven't done a good job if my kids are not launched. And that is kind of debilitating."
  — Jill Schlesinger, (09:48)

• On Setting Expectations:

  "Your mom would never...but maybe your mom would say, 'Let's do this for six months, we'll revisit it.'"
  — Adriana Diaz, (04:51)

• On Taking Money from Parents:

  "When you take money, are you inviting your parents to basically come in and then judge the way you spend your money? Perhaps."
  — Jill Schlesinger, (07:17)

• On Sibling Equity:

  "Do they have to be treated equally, or is it equitably?"
  — Adriana Diaz, (10:49)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Parental Support Data: 03:01–04:10
• Balancing Help vs. Enabling: 04:10–05:45
• Large Sums and Written Agreements: 05:45–07:02
• Emotional/Financial Impact: 07:02–08:39
• Retirement Comes First: 08:39–09:31
• Equity Among Siblings: 09:31–11:50
• How to Talk About Money: 11:50–13:07

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Summary

This episode provides practical, jargon-free advice for families struggling with the complex issue of supporting adult children. The panel emphasizes the importance of boundaries, open communication, and putting agreements in writing. Above all, parents should not compromise their own financial futures for the sake of their children. Equitable—not always equal—support, clarity, and long-term thinking are the keys to keeping everyone on solid financial and emotional footing.

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For personalized questions or family financial advice, Jill encourages listeners to submit questions via jillonmoney.com.

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Transcript

[Jill Schlesinger]

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[Kelly O'Grady]

With inflation on the rise, record housing costs and crushing student loans, more young adults are struggling to make ends meet. So according to a survey From Northwestern Mutual, 42% of U.S. adults still rely on their parents for financial support. CBS News business analyst Jill Schlesinger is here to help families navigate those choices. She's here on a Saturday with us.

[Adriana Diaz]

We're very lucky, very happy.

[Kelly O'Grady]

Okay, so let's kind of, let's level set. What are some of the things that parents are helping their children with right now?

[Adriana Diaz]

So when we looked at the survey results, it's the things you might imagine like groceries and food, about 83% are helping with that. And then we go down to mortgage, rent, and that's 63%. And then you go to like health care, health insurance, another 54%. So it's kind of a variety of things. AARP did a survey recently, and they came up with this big number kind of trying to figure out how much are people actually spending. And they said on average it's $7,000 that parents are putting out, Ann. So it doesn't stop after a while to their young adult children. So it's not a huge number, but it's not an insignificant number either.

[Kelly O'Grady]

And it's going up, right?

[Adriana Diaz]

It's going up because of inflation, of course.

[Kelly O'Grady]

Right. Okay. So how should parents balance helping their kids but not enabling their kids?

[Adriana Diaz]

I think that when we look at these situations, you want to say to yourself, like, I know, I want to be there, but I also want to make sure that I'm fostering good financial habits. And so I think that we could try to create some ground rules sometimes. So, for example, let's say your kids just graduated. It's a tough job market for recent college grads, kids coming home to live with you. Many people in this situation, maybe you have a conversation about how long you think that could go on. In some families, they'll say, we wish

[Kelly O'Grady]

you no, I can't. My mom would never.

[Adriana Diaz]

I know, but we're going to help her. So maybe your mom would say, you know what, let's do this for six months, we'll revisit it. Or maybe they'll say some families, they actually charge rent, or they say we want you to chip into for utilities. We want you to do certain chores in one family. I know that this was really fascinating. They said, hey, you know what? You're not working right now. Your grandmother needs some help doing some things in their house. So I think that there are ways to kind of carve out a game plan again. It doesn't have to be living in, like, cement with a game plan. It could be. Let's revisit this in a few weeks, in a few months. By the way, if they're living home and they're having a hard time finding a job, I do think it's okay to say, hey, you know what? You're not looking for a job. This is not going on forever. So unless you find a job soon, we're going to do different. We're going to make different decisions, and that's really the key here.

[Kelly O'Grady]

Yeah, Though I think those conversations are really hard because I think I don't have kids yet, but I feel like I would just be like, I want to help you. But what about situations? I mean, we've seen a lot of. Of folks where parents are paying for down payments on a home. Those are. That's not your groceries. That's a really big financial investment.

[Adriana Diaz]

Okay. So it's a large piece of your financial picture. Right. And you say, okay, well, I really do want to help my kid, maybe with a down payment. Now, down payments can be 50,000, 80,000. I think these are places where you need a written agreement. We were talking about this before we went on the air, and that is that it feels weird sometimes, but especially if you have more than one kid, it's very important to put something down on paper. And here's what we're doing. It's good to disclose it if there are other siblings. Like, what if you were my two children? I should be so lucky. And I said, okay, I'm gonna on the side. I'm gonna give Adriana 50 grand for her down payment. But I don't tell you, then you find out later. That is so bad. So what we would do is we'd say, okay, let's have a written agreement. Here's what's gonna happen. I tell you, Kelly, you're my child. And what I'm gonna do is when everything's settled up, maybe with estate documents, if I don't give you the money now, you'll get it later when I pass away. But again, written agreement's really important.

[Kelly O'Grady]

And what should adult children who borrow large sums from their parents consider in terms of the long term impact?

[Adriana Diaz]

Well, I think I heard from some podcast listeners who said, please warn anyone that when you take money from your parents, there are two issues. Number one is you really need to interrogate with your parents. Can they afford it? Because there are cases where kids get the money and they find out later, like, oh, my God, I now have to help my parents through retirement. So you need to have these conversations that are two ways, like, can you really afford it? And also, when you take money, are you inviting your parents to basically come in and then judge the way you spend your money? Perhaps. And so you must understand that there is an emotional aspect to this. You know, in one survey, they found out that parents who are giving the money, they feel financial strain from making this. 42% say it actually puts a strain on my own finances. That's not great. Okay, again, we want you to settle your own retirement before you help your kids out. 35% said that there was an emotional aspect to this, that they felt less than as parents for doing this. They felt less as parents themselves. Yeah. And they felt that they were doing their kids a disservice and that they worried that the kids were not gonna be able to take care of themselves. So what are we trying to do here? I've been doing financial literacy and conversations for, you know, many decades. That's how old I am. And I think that if we have these conversations, these intergenerational conversations, what we're really trying to make sure is that everybody is on firm footing, that everyone can get on their way and that you feel comfortable in these conversations. So have them early and make sure nobody is at risk here.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Okay. So, Mark, one of the things that I think is important about the idea of helping your kids out financially is that you absolutely must be able to determine whether or not this is going to change your own retirement landscape. We talk to a lot of people whose kids are kind of forced to step in because the parents have not done a great job of saving for retirement. So what is it that those people need to be thinking about first? Is it retirement first? Always. Is that always the way it goes

[Mark Telercio]

versus helping the kids?

[Jill Schlesinger]

Yeah.

[Mark Telercio]

Yes, 100%. It's your retirement first and foremost. And if you're fortunate enough and you have the means that you can still afford comfortably to help out your kids. And I'm saying help them out, not enable, because there's a difference. Yeah, then go for it.

[Jill Schlesinger]

You know, I think what's fascinating is that we were talking about. In the segment, we were talking about A couple of different surveys. One was from AARP and one was from Northwestern Mutual, but there was something in that Northwestern Mutual, or maybe it was a Merrill lynch report that kind of stuck in my mind, which is that not only do the parents say that their fee, they feel financial stress by helping their kids, but they have an emotional reaction to it. And I tried to kind of put that out there while I was talking, that I hear from parents who say, I feel like I haven't done a good job if my kids are not launch. And that is kind of debilitating. So I think it's one thing if you have gobs of money, that's wonderful and you can do it, but you still may have that emotional part of it, which is, well, why can't they do it now? I guess the other piece is, what if your kids are just choosing a field that doesn't pay that much? In other words, Mark, if you have a child who says, you know, I'm going to be, I don't know, an investment banker, or I'm going to be working as a consultant, I'm going to make a ton of money, then that's one thing. But what if the sibling is like, oh, I'm going to be a schoolteacher?

[Adriana Diaz]

Do they have to be treated equally

[Jill Schlesinger]

or is it equitably? Meaning maybe your teacher kid has made that choice and you say, okay, well, that kid might need some help buying a home, but my investment banker kid doesn't need help buying a home. So do I have to make it equal? Man, Mark, we hear from people all the time who just can't bear the idea of having, like, one kid gets one amount, one kid gets another. How can I help them get off the hook on that?

[Mark Telercio]

Yeah, I mean, you don't have to, but like you said, it's almost unheard of. Like, parents always want to do it equally for whatever reason. And, you know, some people might need the help more now. Right. Versus the other child who, like you just described, is doing great and doesn't need the help now. But, you know, there are ways to settle that. We've talked about this before. That's where estate planning comes into the process. You can make everything, even Steven on the back end. It doesn't have to happen right. Right now, present day. But yeah, usually parents, they. They want to treat all the kids the same.

[Jill Schlesinger]

I mean, and I would just say that it is incredibly important that if you are going to make, and I mentioned this in the segment, that if you're going to make a big investment in your kids, say home down payment. Or maybe one kid is going to graduate school and you're like, I want to make sure that I give this kid enough money to help him or her out during graduate school, but you have another kid who's not going to graduate school. Put it in writing, please put it in writing and make the adjustment and say, you know, I I'll make the adjustment later. Or if you want to, you can maybe make a gift and you can maybe do things a little differently. But just be careful about the way that you manage this and there's no reason to hide it. Everything can be out in the open and you don't really owe anybody an explanation. You don't have to do one thing or another and just give yourselves a little bit of a breather as you think about this. So if you are having a hard time managing your adult child who needs help, then get in touch with us. And if you are the adult child and you're worried about taking help from your parent, get in touch with us. Everybody can get in touch with us. Go to jillonmoney.com, click the contact us button, write us a note, and if

[Adriana Diaz]

you'd like to join us on the

[Jill Schlesinger]

program, check the appropriate box. Don't forget, while you're on the website,

[Adriana Diaz]

you've got to subscribe, follow and promote

[Jill Schlesinger]

our sister broadcast Money Moves. You can get it on the Odyssey app or wherever you find your favorite podcast. You can watch us on YouTube. It's all right there. It's Friday, so let's do some thank yous. Our music is composed by Joel Goodman.

[Adriana Diaz]

Mark Telercio is our executive producer and king of all things web and we're

[Jill Schlesinger]

distributed by the lovely folks at Odyssey. Try to do something nice for someone else today. Change your work, change your wealth, change your life.

[Adriana Diaz]

Thanks for listening.

[Jill Schlesinger]

We'll talk to you on Monday. When others hear Noise, tieroprice interprets market signals to find investment opportunities. That's the power of active ETFs from T. Rowe Price. Their portfolio managers approach data from multiple perspectives, analyzing trends and conducting deep research to give you their curiosity backed active management expertise. Learn more about their active [e-mail] Explore ETFS Exchange Traded Funds. ETFs are bought and sold at market prices, not navigate. Investors generally incur the cost of the spread between the prices at which shares are bought and sold. Buying and selling shares may result in brokerage commissions which will reduce returns. T. Rowe Price Investment Services, Inc. Hey there, it's Jill Schlesinger I'm launching a new show. It's called Money Moves. And your money is going to move. We're going to help you make better financial decisions.

[Adriana Diaz]

We're going to call out the B.S.

[Jill Schlesinger]

you're finding all over social media. We're going to give you actionable guidance to make your financial life clearer, less stressful.

[Adriana Diaz]

We're going to answer your financial questions

[Jill Schlesinger]

and take the mystery out of your financial life. Follow and listen to Money Moves with Jill Schlesinger wherever you get your podcasts.