Restarting After a Divorce

Summary

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Jill on Money with Jill Schlesinger

Episode: Restarting After a Divorce

Date: December 12, 2025

Host: Jill Schlesinger | Guest: Marla (Listener, Florida)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jill Schlesinger and producer Mark take a listener call from Marla in Florida, who is navigating the financial and emotional challenges of a drawn-out divorce. The discussion centers on rebuilding finances post-divorce and offers concrete strategies for moving forward, reestablishing independence, and setting boundaries with adult children. The advice is direct, practical, and supportive, aiming to give Marla—and listeners in similar situations—hope and a plan for financial recovery.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality of Financial Struggle After Divorce

• Marla’s Situation:
  • Marla is currently going through a lengthy divorce, dealing with being cut off financially by her spouse, and is using funds from the recent house sale to cover living expenses.
  • She expresses concerns about running down her nest egg and her future financial security.
• Mark’s Support:
  • “Well, there’s always hope. Come on, we're going to get hope.” (05:55)
  • Jill and Mark acknowledge the emotional toll and validate Marla’s worries.

2. Credit Card Debt and Liability

• Credit Card Issue:
  • Marla opened credit cards for her husband that are technically in her name, resulting in $27,000 of debt primarily accumulated by her spouse.
  • The legal nuances of whose responsibility the debt is gets discussed.
  • Jill and Mark urge vigilance: “Never have joint credit cards. Only have a credit card that’s in your own name and never have somebody else’s name on your account—because it’s not necessary.” – Jill (13:37)

3. Asset and Income Evaluation

• Current Assets:
  • House sale yielded a lump sum, now down to about $68,000 due to living expenses.
  • A $13,000 Fidelity brokerage account, not a retirement account.
  • Possible value in personal jewelry and spouse’s gun collection.
• Income Situation:
  • Marla currently earns $40,000 annually, seeking to increase this to between $70,000–$120,000.
  • She has spent 20 years out of the workforce raising a family.

4. Child and Family Considerations

• Adult Children:
  • Sons are 21 and 22, both in college.
  • Marla is clear that the “Bank of Mom” is closed and if any child returns home, they must pay rent and contribute.
  • Jill’s advice: “You cannot float anything. There’s no like, ‘Oh, honey, let me help you.’ No, we’re in this together.”—Jill (12:39)

5. Rebuilding Game Plan: Triage Mode

• Immediate Priorities Outlined:
  • Move everything in mutual funds to cash for flexibility (“blow out of the Fidelity fund right now... all into your bank account”—Mark, 11:57)
  • Maintain an emergency reserve.
  • Pay down any remaining credit card debt, sharing liability where possible.
  • Hold off on new investments until stable.
  • When income increases, start a Roth IRA and redirect savings towards retirement.
• Key Point: It’s about dealing with immediate survival, then focusing on long-term rebuilding.

6. Insurance and Estate Planning

• Insurance:
  • Marla owns a $250,000 term policy on herself and is owner/beneficiary of a $1 million policy on her ex-husband, for which she pays premiums.
  • Mark: “If he’s in terrible health...keep paying it” (15:12)
• Estate Documents:
  • Ensure all assets are passed directly to children; ex-spouse should have no claim.
  • Practical steps: Update beneficiaries, consider transfer-on-death for accounts, draft a simple will, and set up a healthcare proxy.
  • “You should get a healthcare proxy. Name them [the kids].”—Mark (16:26)

7. Mental Health and Future Outlook

• Jill’s Encouragement:
  • Acknowledges it will be hard work, but emphasizes Marla’s positives: willingness to work, independence, and time to rebuild.
  • “You are in serious rebuilding mode.” (11:36)
  • “You’re going to hold your head up high and...be in control. That’s what I am hopeful for you.” – Mark (17:59)
• Marla’s Response:
  • Expresses gratitude and increased confidence after the call.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Jill Schlesinger:

  • “It’s better to have the conversation than to ignore it.” (03:42)
  • “You are in serious rebuilding mode. All right?” (11:36)
  • “Never have joint credit cards. Only have a credit card that’s in your own name...” (13:37)

• Mark:

  • “Well, there's always hope. Come on, we're going to get hope.” (05:55)
  • “Just get out of everything [in the Fidelity account] and put it all into your bank account…” (11:57)
  • “You can probably do this online, but I just want to make sure that’s in place. Okay?” (17:03)

• Marla:

  • “Right now I just want to make sure that there’s some hope for my financial future.” (05:54)
  • “So what I just need to hear, if you don't mind, is to know that as I go ahead and move forward...that...I have enough time.” (17:09)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | Summary | |--------------------------------------|----------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Introduction of Marla’s Situation | 03:39–05:55 | Marla shares her divorce, financial cutoff, and use of house sale funds. | | Credit Card Debt Discussion | 06:01–07:31 | Liability details and state-by-state divorce credit treatment. | | Asset and Income Breakdown | 08:49–10:23 | Mark and Jill walk through Marla’s assets and job prospects. | | Children and Boundaries | 10:42–12:39 | Children’s roles, family dynamics, and new boundaries on support. | | Triage Game Plan | 11:36–13:37 | Step-by-step on cash flow, debt, and planning for retirement. | | Insurance & Estate Planning | 14:35–17:03 | Life insurance, simple will, and account beneficiary updates. | | Emotional Support and Optimism | 17:09–18:13 | Mark and Jill offer hope and a clear-eyed, stepwise path forward. |

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Episode Takeaways

• Honest Conversations Matter: It's better to face uncomfortable financial realities head-on rather than avoid them.
• Rebuilding Post-Divorce: The process is challenging and often begins with stopping financial leaks, being realistic about assets, and focusing on work/income.
• Set Boundaries: Essential for both protecting your own finances and modeling independence for adult children.
• Practical Estate and Insurance Moves: Even simple steps can safeguard your children’s future and avoid entanglements with a former spouse.
• Hope and Agency: With determination, even a late financial restart is possible—rebuilding mode is tough, but not impossible.

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The tone throughout is empathetic, supportive, and practical, with the hosts emphasizing action over hand-wringing, and reminding Marla—and listeners—that recovery is possible, step by step.

Transcript

[Jill Schlesinger]

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[Mark]

To the Jill on Money Show.

[Jill Schlesinger]

It's Friday, December 12th and we are here fielding those questions that you may.

[Mark]

Have about your financial life.

[Jill Schlesinger]

But of course, as you know, if you've listened to this program for the last umpteen days, months, years, you know, it's really about you and your lives and how you can better deploy the money you have saved or what you hope to save to achieve what you want to achieve. And so if you need some guidance in doing that, just go to our.

[Mark]

Website, jillonmoney.com, click the contact us button.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Write us a note, and if you want to come on the air live.

[Mark]

Just check the box.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Mark will do everything else because he is the best.

[Mark]

Hey, while you're on the website, check out our subscription service.

[Jill Schlesinger]

It's called Jill on Money Live.

[Mark]

That is where you have access to quarterly live webinars, the back catalog of.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Those webinars, bonus audio and video content. It's all for 45 bucks for the next 12 months.

[Mark]

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[Jill Schlesinger]

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[Mark]

Really execute some of the ideas we discussed in that webinar. And you'll be able to watch it.

[Jill Schlesinger]

If you join Jill on Money Live right now.

[Mark]

Okay, back to you.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Let's talk to Marla, who joins us from Florida.

[Marla]

So, as I had previously shared, I've been a listener for a long time, and you had made a comment to another listener at one point in time who had said they were in such financial strife and they felt silly reaching out to you. And your response to them was, it's better to have the conversation than to ignore it. So I'm in that position now. So I thought, what better time than to reach out to you and talk about my issue?

[Mark]

Yeah, exactly. It's, it's, it's not really that hard to say to somebody like, you've got $5 million. You're fine. Marla, do you have $5 million? Cause I can tell you right now you're fine if you do.

[Marla]

No.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Jill Schlesinger]

All right, well, let's see if you're fine.

[Mark]

Anyway, what's going on? What's like, there's obviously an issue, so let's kind of tackle it head on.

[Marla]

I am currently going through a divorce. That's taking way too much time. It's, it should be simple. Assets, liabilities, alimony. Unfortunately, in the past six months, my spouse has cut me off completely, and now we have the attorneys involved. Yeah, it's a, it's, it's just a waste of time, honestly. So I'm doing fine. I have a full time job, but I don't earn a living wage. I am looking for greater income, greater benefits. However, in the interim, we had sold our house and I had walked away with over $100,000, which I earmarked for, you know, retirement and or investment purposes. Unfortunately, since my soon to be ex cut me off, I have been digging into some of that money. That is cause for concern. Hopefully, as the divorce resolves, I'll get some of that money back. But in the interim, I'm trying to be really careful with using the small income that I do have to live off of. However, the shared liability, such as two credit cards need to be paid, so I'm doing that. That's coming from that $100,000. So each month I'm digging into that for health insurance, for the credit cards, for my rent. I rent a condo. Right now I just want to make sure that there's some hope for my financial future.

[Mark]

Well, there's always hope. Come on, we're going to get hope.

[Jill Schlesinger]

First of all, are those credit cards in your name or his name, or.

[Mark]

Is it a joint?

[Marla]

So what I had discovered, I had opened those credit cards for him, however, recently discovered that they are in my name. But here in the state of Florida, he had been using them. So the debt that's on them, I would say anything that I've incurred since the date of separation, I would be responsible for. But the total right now of those cards is about $27,000.

[Mark]

Because it's in your name, there's a question of whether you're going to be on the hook for all of that, half of that, or whatever is accumulated since the separation.

[Marla]

Correct.

[Mark]

Okay, I got it. So you sold the house, which is like a miracle that you were able to do that. What other assets are out there that you think you'll be able to split? Like, what do you think? You know, when all said and done, most of this stuff is nonsense, because you're right. Usually it's like, okay, we're splitting the assets. So what assets are out there that you would be able to split?

[Marla]

So there really. There really is not a lot. I do have some jewelry I'm hoping to keep so I can sell it. He has a gun collection. Perhaps there's some value in that. But other than that, the only thing I have is a Fidelity account, and that's only about $13,000. He, too, has a Fidelity account, and I don't know what other assets, because he's essentially, for lack of a better word, hiding now.

[Mark]

Oh, I see. And does he Have a retirement account? Did he? I mean, is he. He had worked and does he have a retirement account? And wouldn't you be entitled to half of that account?

[Marla]

Right. So what he had done in the last few months is he quit his job. So, yes, there were benefits. So, for example, even in addition to that, I had a Select Cobra, which I'm also paying for about $600 every month. But other than those assets now, we had made a division of that sale of the house. And at the time, it was fair and agreed upon.

[Mark]

So the only thing that we know at this point is that he may or may not have some retirement account that he's squirreled away someplace. Right? Correct. Although, I mean, it's easy to figure that out. I mean, that is like a huge no, no in divorce to start trying to hide your assets. I guess if, you know, he sounds like. By the way, it sounds like you're well rid of him, you know, Let me just say that sounds like a real charmer, this one. I hate when people are financially punitive. It's like, okay, dude, come on. Just. Let's not go through this. But let's just say worst case scenario right now. I wanted to look at the worst case scenario would be, you have the $100,000. Is there still 100 grand in there or less than that?

[Marla]

No, there's less. I'm at about just shy of 70,000. No, no, no, no. I wrote down 68,000.

[Mark]

Okay, 68,000. Correct. Okay. So it is possible that somehow this. In this negotiation that you're going to be able to prove that some of this credit card stuff that he ran up. Right?

[Marla]

Correct.

[Mark]

Okay, let's say half of it is yours. Let's say that you. Like, that's going to be like. It's going to be so annoying to you. But you know what? Divorce is annoying, and it's financially horrible. So let's just pretend at the end of the day, you're going to be like, ugh, I'm stuck with 13 grand of debt. He gets 13 grand of debt. We each keep our Fidelity accounts and we're done. Like, we're just done. Right. And in which case you'll sell whatever's in your Fidelity account, you pay off the credit card bill. Unless that's not a retirement account. Is it that Fidelity account?

[Marla]

No.

[Mark]

Okay. It's okay. Don't worry. It's gonna be. It's just like, we're gonna get rid of it. Cause I don't want you to have that debt floating around. Okay, so Then you got this 70 grand that's left. So then my question to you is, you have a job right now. How much is that? What is that annual pay that you're earning?

[Marla]

$40,000.

[Mark]

So what do you hope that you can get to, like, when you're going to get another job and you're going to be like, you know what? I don't think it'll be 40. What do you think it could be?

[Marla]

I think, well, what I'm hoping for is 120 a year. But what I will survive on with, you know, a good, good income, a good livelihood can be around 70,000.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Oh, I wrote down 80.

[Mark]

See, that's what I wrote down on my page. Do you have some sort of training or degree that would allow you to get such a job, or is this just like, how come we don't have the 80 now?

[Marla]

Because I spent 20 years raising a family.

[Mark]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's that. So are there kids floating around?

[Marla]

Not underage.

[Mark]

Okay. How old are they?

[Marla]

21 and 22.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Wow. They're young.

[Mark]

Are they living with you?

[Marla]

No, they're in college.

[Jill Schlesinger]

That's good.

[Mark]

And do you expect that they'll be. Do we think they're coming back around? What do you think?

[Marla]

I think one will and one will not. But it depends on their, you know, postgraduate work.

[Mark]

Okay, but that's on them. They know that you're. That you're not. The bank of mom has closed, right?

[Marla]

Correct.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Marla]

Yes.

[Mark]

And they okay with this? I feel bad for everybody. This is a terrible situation.

[Marla]

Well, you know, I try to be rational about it. And they're big boys, so I can have a conversation with them.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Marla]

And you know, the only one that's hurt, really, is my soon to be ex. And hurt people. Hurt people. So that's unfortunate.

[Mark]

Yeah, it sure is. Okay, so here's your game plan. First of all, take a deep breath.

[Jill Schlesinger]

You are in serious rebuilding mode. All right?

[Mark]

And you're going to be okay because you're willing to work. How is this Fidelity account invested right now?

[Marla]

I believe it was so long ago, and I believe it was poor advising. And it's all in mutual funds.

[Mark]

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking.

[Marla]

And a small amount of cash. I'm sorry to interrupt.

[Mark]

Oh, that's okay. I'm thinking just blow out of the Fidelity fund right now. Just get out of everything and put it all into your bank account and make sure that bank account that is just in your name. You need cash and I want you to have. So just replenish that and whatever comes in in terms of the settlement of this divorce, whether it's debt relief or alimony or extra money icing on the cake. I am not counting on anything else, okay? I'm really not. So that means that as soon as you get a job, you've got the same old priority that any that I would give your sons, which is there are three major issues to deal with. An emergency reserve fund, which you will have because you have that. The pay down of credit card debt. And we're going to get you there. And then you'll slowly start to put money into a retirement account whenever you get that bigger paying job. For now, we're doing triage, right. Oh, and by the way, if one of your kids wants to move back, that kid's got to pay rent, got to chip in. You can't float anything. There's no like, oh, honey, let me help you. No, we're in this together. We're all like you. If the three of you want to live together, that would be fantastic. And everyone's chipping in, great. But you cannot float any money. Right now. We are again rebuilding mode and you're going to. You haven't worked for 25 years, and that is, you haven't worked out of the house for 25 years. And now you got like, you've got your future ahead of you and you're in your late 50s and you're going to hopefully work for 15 years and have a great time and you're going to be independent, you're going to be self sufficient and you are going to hopefully, like, I'm hopeful that some of this stuff looks better six months from now, but if it doesn't, you'll be able to take care of yourself. And that's it. That's really all that has to happen right now. I mean, what's also fascinating to me is, you know, each state does have a different rule around debt and credit and divorce. So if everyone else is listening, the lesson of Marla is never have joint credit cards. Only have a credit card that's in your own name and never have somebody else's name on your account because it's not necessary. Keep your credit card separate. The only reason we have joint liabilities is like, when we need somebody to help us buy a home, for example. So then we have a yes, we're both on a mortgage. There's never any reason for you to have a joint credit card. And like, that's actually a nice division right there, which is like, you take Care of yours, I'll take care of mine. Thank you. You know, frankly, it would have been great if it was all in his name, but you probably wouldn't have stuck him with it if you were responsible because that sounds like the kind of person you are now.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Any life insurance policies floating around?

[Marla]

So, yeah, so I have a $250,000 term policy that is 20 years. So by 2039 that will mature. And also I am owner and beneficiary of his life insurance policy.

[Mark]

What's the face value of that?

[Marla]

Oh, it's a 20 year term and it's a $1 million policy.

[Mark]

You are the owner, you're the beneficiary. Are you paying the premiums?

[Marla]

You bet. And yeah.

[Mark]

Is he in terrible health?

[Marla]

Allegedly.

[Mark]

Okay, well, then keep paying it. And then as soon as your policy, your 250 is up, do not renew it. You're not going to do anything with that? What about estate documents? I mean, you really need to make sure this is tightened up right now.

[Marla]

Also meaning.

[Mark]

Well, I mean, if you were to die today, would all of your assets pass to your boys or to your. To your soon to be ex boys? Okay, as long as that's done, I don't want him anywhere near any, any name on your document. Again, you have to actually say it.

[Jill Schlesinger]

There's some rules in certain states.

[Mark]

I don't know if Florida is one of them, where if you're not going to leave your money to your spouse, there has to be like an actual saying like, I'm not leaving money to my spouse again. This is before you get divorced, right? So just double check that that's all good and taken care of right now.

[Marla]

So perhaps draft. Draft. A simple will.

[Mark]

Yeah, exactly. You can go to. I mean, you probably. I mean, look, what are the accounts that you have? You all you want to make sure is that if you were to to die now, that the money in that cash account is a transfer on death account that goes to your two kids, okay. And that the Fidelity account will move into that account.

[Jill Schlesinger]

If anything else, like, I don't want.

[Mark]

Your ex husband to like rifle through your apartment and take your artwork or do whatever, you know what I mean? Like, no, I don't want that at all. So you can do a simple will and just make sure that the cash account is something called a transfer on death and that the two kids are named as the beneficiaries, okay? And that will actually allow you not to do a full will if you don't want to pay for it. You should Get a healthcare proxy. Name them. The ones who can take care of business.

[Marla]

Well, yeah, because he'd be the one pulling the plug right now.

[Mark]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Jill Schlesinger]

So I just want to make sure.

[Mark]

So, you know, again, you can probably do this online, but I just want to make sure that's in place. Okay.

[Marla]

So what I just need to hear, if you don't mind.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Marla]

Is to know that as I go ahead and move forward and move on to a better paying job, that as I can build that retirement fund and I can have it to live and retire comfortably on. I have enough time.

[Mark]

Well, you're not gonna stop working for a while. Okay. So I'm not gonna, like, I'm not gonna, you know, blow smoke.

[Jill Schlesinger]

It's gonna be hard for a while.

[Mark]

But you're gonna get through this. And what you're gonna do is you're gonna get back on your feet, you're gonna work really hard and you're gonna put money away and you're gonna try to put money away when you have a retirement account that's available to you and, and we're paying off that credit card debt. Hopefully there's not a lot there, but you're going to help pay that off and you're going to put money away into a Roth IRA probably. And that'll be like your beginning point. And you're going to build everything up and you're going to hold your head up high and then you're going to be 70 years old. You're going to be like, holy smokes, I'm collecting Social Security, I'm still working, life is good and I am in control. That's what I am hopeful for you.

[Marla]

Thank you so much for that. That's what I needed to hear. I'm feeling confident, but I knew you'd point me in the right direct and I'm grateful for that. So thank you.

[Mark]

Oh, listen, I'm sorry that you had to go through all this. It just stinks. But I think that your willingness to, like, put yourself out there, work hard, that's what's going to get you out of this. And as I said, just one more reminder because you are a parent and I know I have to say this to parents over and over again, you cannot afford to float anything for these kids. They know that now. You just have to believe that. And you're not a bad mother, you're not a bad parent. That is just financial reality.

[Jill Schlesinger]

If you would like to come on the air with us, all you need.

[Mark]

To do is go to jillonmoney.com click the contact us button, write us a note, check that box and Mark will.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Arrange to bring you on. You can subscribe to us on the.

[Mark]

Odyssey app or wherever you find your favorite podcasts. It's Friday.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Let's do some thanks. Our music is composed by Joel Goodman. Mark Telercio is our executive producer and king of all things Things Web. We are distributed by Odyssey.

[Mark]

We ask that you try to lift someone up.

[Jill Schlesinger]

Change your work, change your wealth, change your life.

[Mark]

Thanks for listening and we'll talk to you on Monday.

[Jill Schlesinger]

This message is from Jill on Money sponsor Charles Schwab. It's important to have a healthy relationship with money. One that serves both your short and long term personal goals. But it's equally important to have a healthy relationship with your financial advisor. And that's where an independent ria, a registered investment advisor, can be a game changer. They have a fiduciary duty to put your interest first. Always. Translation they're invested in you. With an ria, you get accountability, transparency, integrity. Their relationship with you isn't transactional, it's personal. They take the time to understand your life goals, not just your money goals. Everyone has a big picture. Their job is to help you invest in yours. Financial advice, like a good suit, is best when tailored just to you. And that's what an independent RIA does.

[Mark]

Period.

[Jill Schlesinger]

End of story. Make sure the person sitting across the table from you knows you. That's the sign of a healthy relationship. Learn more at findyourindependentadvisor.com what's up world.

[Von Miller]

Is Vaughn Miller, Super Bowl MVP, chicken farmer, and now host of Free Range. This is a show where I go off the field and off the script. We're talking what's hot in music, film, trending news and everything blowing up your feed. If you love football ball, you'll feel at home. But if you're here for the vibes, the Internet deep dives the conversation. This is your podcast. Join me every Wednesday. Follow and listen to Free Range with me, Von Miller. Everywhere you get your podcast.