Podcast Summary: Jill on Money with Jill Schlesinger
Episode: The Stages of Job Loss
Date: November 27, 2025
Host: Jill Schlesinger
Guest: Dr. Sharon Melnick, PhD, Business Psychologist & Executive Coach
Overview
In this Thanksgiving episode, Jill Schlesinger sits down with Dr. Sharon Melnick, an executive coach and business psychologist, to unpack the emotional and psychological journey of job loss. Inspired by recent widespread layoffs at CBS and a desire to offer supportive advice to both those let go and “survivors” who remain, Jill and Sharon explore why losing a job cuts so deeply, how to process the complex feelings that follow, and practical, science-backed strategies for regaining a sense of control—without skipping the hard emotional work. The conversation blends rigorous psychological insights with actionable tips, aiming to help listeners navigate job loss with more self-compassion and power.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Why Job Loss Hurts So Much
- Identity & Structure Loss:
- Jobs are more than paychecks—they structure daily life, provide a sense of purpose, belonging, and control.
- “It's not just financial, it's emotional. There is a structure and there is a routine for your day… It's a place for you to have social connections and feel a sense of belonging…” — Sharon (05:50)
- Predictability and Safety:
- Job loss can shake foundational feelings of safety. Even expected layoffs are deeply unsettling.
The Story We Tell Ourselves
- Meaning-Making Is Human:
- Even professionals with strong performance records may internalize layoffs as personal failure.
- Controlling the Narrative:
- It's crucial to intentionally craft a story that empowers, not diminishes, self-worth.
- Example: Jill recounts a CEO who internalized his firing as “It means I'm a failure.” (11:59)
- Quote:
- “What endures from that over the long term is really the story that you tell about it. Like what you make it mean about you.” — Sharon (07:49)
Emotional vs. Professional Coping (13:19)
- Do Emotional Processing First:
- Before rushing to financial logistics, take time to process the emotional hit for better clarity.
- Settling the Estate Analogy:
- “It's almost like a death, right? … I got to settle the estate, and I do have to mourn this person. But right now there's some work to do.” — Jill (12:20)
The Five Stages of Grief Applied to Job Loss (14:13–17:55)
- Stage 1: Shock/Denial:
- Numbness, disbelief. Allow your body to pause; don't rush out of this phase.
- Stage 2: Anger:
- Directed at company, system, or bad luck.
- Stage 3: Bargaining:
- “If only I…” or replaying scenarios for a different outcome—an attempt to regain control.
- Stage 4: Depression:
- Grief, sadness, potential withdrawal.
- Stage 5: Acceptance:
- Reality is recognized; energy is redirected to a new future.
Practical Tips for Each Stage
-
Shock:
-
Grounding Exercise: Left nostril breathing (see below) calms down the nervous system (15:55–18:16).
“Put your finger on your right nostril… breathe in for a count of five and out for five… You do that for one or two or three minutes… your system is going to start to calm down.”
— Sharon (18:16)
-
-
Anger:
- Match intensity—if you’re furious, a gentle walk won’t cut it. Try vigorous physical movement: "hit a punching bag, smack some golf balls, or let it rip in your car." (20:20)
-
Bargaining:
- Acknowledge it's the mind’s way to search for control. Shift focus to what is genuinely within your control.
- “What's within my control? There's where your power is…” — Sharon (27:11)
-
Depression:
- Allow sadness, but with boundaries (e.g., set aside an hour to write/feel, then shift activities).
- Express through writing, or music (“rage dance breaks” or grief playlists), but avoid isolation. (28:46–30:28)
- “Studies show writing about your experiences several times… actually really helps people move through it.” — Sharon (29:13)
-
Acceptance:
- Reframe the narrative: Instead of “I got fired,” say, “There was a restructuring and I was affected,” or “This gives me a chance to consider new directions I’ve contemplated.” (31:50–32:15)
Younger Workers & 'First Failure' (32:15–37:30)
- First Layoff as a Formative Moment:
- It's common for young workers to internalize a layoff as personal failure.
- Reframe career as a “portfolio,” not a linear climb. Cultivate skills, side hustles, certifications—own your value and adaptability.
- “I think this is my first failure is not a constructive story…The value that I bring is within me…” — Sharon (33:26–34:51)
- Shift Mindset:
- The workplace “social contract” has changed. Skills and self-management are keys to empowerment.
The Survivors: Navigating Layoff Anxiety (37:30–40:22)
- Survivor Guilt:
- Acknowledge guilt and fear; turn it into motivation to honor those let go by bringing your best to the role.
- Setting Boundaries:
- Don't take on the work of multiple former colleagues without speaking up. Champion transparent communication and fair workloads.
- Quote:
- “Be impeccable for your 50%—take 100% responsibility for everything that you bring to your part of the equation.” — Sharon (39:11)
Concluding Advice: Creating Your Future Amid Uncertainty (40:22–43:00)
- Manage the “Mental Movie”:
- Be aware of catastrophic thinking patterns. Visualize a positive, actionable future.
- Agency Remains:
- “You always have more power than you think in any situation…be the thermostat. You set the tone. You create the weather inside of you.” — Sharon (42:00)
- Final Motivational Message:
- Show up as the person you want to be and help raise others around you by modeling calm and possibility.
Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)
-
On the Loss Itself:
“A job isn't just a paycheck… It's an outlet for your talents, a sense of impact, social connection, safety, predictability and control... the loss can feel like all these things have been pulled out from under you.”
— Sharon (05:36) -
On Meaning-Making:
“What endures from that over the long term is really the story that you tell about it. Like what you make it mean about you.”
— Sharon (07:49) -
On Internalizing Failure:
“It means I'm a failure.”
— Anonymous CEO Case Study (11:59) -
On Practical Coping:
“If you breathe in for the count of five and if you breathe out for the count of five...the moment you start breathing six times a minute, you're going to start to press that off button.”
— Sharon (18:16) -
On Being Present With Emotions:
“Emotions...are like a tunnel. And you want to have them go through the tunnel and come out the other side.”
— Sharon (23:45) -
For Young Workers:
“The value that I bring is within me…I'm developing my own brand, my own set of skills that I can bring…”
— Sharon (34:51) -
On Survivor Guilt & Setting the Tone:
“Be impeccable for your 50%—take 100% responsibility for everything that you bring to your part of the equation.”
— Sharon (39:11)“Stop being the thermometer…instead be the thermostat. You set the tone. You create the weather inside of you.”
— Sharon (42:36)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Main Discussion Begins – Why Job Loss Hurts: 05:36
- Controlling the Narrative of Your Story: 07:49
- CEO Case Study – Internalizing Failure: 09:11–11:59
- Emotional vs. Problem Coping: 13:19
- The Five Stages of Grief Applied to Job Loss: 14:13–17:55
- Science-Backed Calming Techniques: 18:16–19:23
- Moving Through Anger – Matching Intensity: 20:20–22:04
- Being With vs. Having the Feeling: 23:45–26:01
- Depression, Vulnerability & Expressing Sadness: 27:34–30:28
- Reframing Your Personal Narrative: 31:38–32:15
- Younger Workers & Mindset Shift: 32:15–37:30
- Advice for Survivors & Setting Boundaries: 37:30–40:22
- Final Motivational Message for Listeners: 40:22–43:00
Summary in the Spirit of the Episode
Jill and Dr. Sharon underscore that job loss is a profound disruption touching not just wallets, but hearts and identities. The science and practice of processing such a loss require deliberate emotional work—allowing grief, anger, and even depression to move through, while ultimately reclaiming your sense of power by choosing how to narrate your experience. Whether you're new to your career, late-stage, or a “survivor” of workplace cuts, the episode champions practical steps (from breathing and self-care to boundary-setting and career reframing) and the ongoing, resilient choice to set your own emotional weather—no matter the climate outside.