Angie Martinez IRL - Emma Grede: Know Your Worth - In Business and in Love

Summary

Podcast Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Joe and Jada (feat. Angie Martinez IRL) Episode: Emma Grede: Know Your Worth - In Business and in Love Date: April 23, 2026
Host: Angie Martinez
Guest: Emma Grede (Entrepreneur; CEO and co-founder of Good American, founding partner of SKIMS)

Main Theme:
This episode features an insightful and transparent conversation between Angie Martinez and British entrepreneur Emma Grede. Drawing from Emma’s new book “Start With Yourself,” they discuss the intersection of business acumen, self-worth, money, relationships, and personal growth—especially for women navigating careers, motherhood, and leadership.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reality vs. Perception of Success

• Emma’s Public Profile vs. Daily Life

  • Though her public presence has grown, Emma’s daily life (“still a series of problems every single day”) and work routine have not fundamentally changed, revealing the gap between external perceptions and inner reality.
  • [04:08] Emma: “People see one version of you and the reality of your life is so different... My life hasn’t changed at all, really.”

• Impact of Fame

  • Emma explains that most recognition she receives is from women expressing gratitude and solidarity, rather than traditional celebrity attention.
  • [05:44] Emma: “All I get is amazing women... women will stop me on the street... slide me little notes in restaurants... She just wanted me to know.”

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2. Women, Exhaustion, and Self-Care

• Describing the Exhaustion of Modern Women

  • [07:13] Angie: “Women are exhausted because it’s career, it’s emotional health, it’s family, it’s mother parenting, it’s love.”
  • Emma designed her book as a practical tool, not “something to just read”—a guide to actionable change.

• Prioritizing Yourself

  • Emma stresses the importance of women placing themselves at the top of their priority list, especially as mothers and caregivers.
  • [16:40] Emma: “Last on your list. And I actually want to make sure that we are right at the top of our list of priorities.”

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3. Talking About and Advocating for Money

• Cultural Attitudes & Systemic Barriers

  • Both discuss how societal norms have discouraged women from prioritizing and discussing money.
  • [08:26] Emma: “We don’t talk about money, as to why it eludes us, why does it miss us?... No one’s coming to find you. No one’s coming to give you money or power.”

• Action Plan for Women

  • Emma urges women to educate themselves about finances, demand what they’re worth, and connect power with money.
  • [09:22] Emma: “Put money right in the center of our plans. We need to say, I am worth this. This is what I should be being paid. And we need to educate ourselves.”

• Negotiation & Self-Advocacy

  • Emma demonstrates how to advocate for a raise or recognition and emphasizes the value of clear, factual discussions.
  • [41:18] Emma (role-playing): “The conversation isn’t just happening in your head... You need to go to the people that can actually help change and in a nuanced way, express exactly what you need and what your expectations are. You might get it.”

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4. Creativity, Money, and Integrity

• Balancing Creativity and Business
  • Emma rejects the notion that creative or meaningful work and financial success are mutually exclusive.
  • [12:37] Emma: “You can do deeply meaningful, impactful work, creative work, and be paid for it. [...] There is never a time when it makes sense to give something away for free without a plan.”

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5. Mapping Life by Decade: Lessons & Planning

• Adopting a Long-View Mindset
  • Inspired by Jill Scott’s “work in your 20s, smart in your 30s, how you want in 40s, when you want in 50s, if you want in 60s” philosophy.
  • [14:21] Emma: “We really overestimate what you can do in a year and underestimate what you can do in 10... Have a vision for your life. Not a vision board. And it’s not manifestation. Ambition needs to find you working.”

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6. Partnerships and Choosing the Right Support

• The Importance of an Equitable Partner
  • Emma credits her husband’s support and advocates for choosing partners (in business and love) who match your ambition and values.
  • [21:11] Emma: “Who you choose to spend your life with... is probably the most important business decision you’ll ever make, because they're either gonna add to you or they're gonna really take away.”

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7. Self-Work: Anger, Forgiveness, and Boundaries

• Anger Management & Forgiveness

  • Emma openly discusses seeking anger management, clarifying that it was a proactive, personal decision—not the result of a crisis.
  • [25:33] Emma: “I knew that [anger] wasn’t matching up to the life that I wanted... would not work in a workplace.”
  • On forgiveness, Emma admits she struggles, preferring to set boundaries or “move people to an outer orbit” rather than forcibly forgive.
  • [31:05] Emma: “There’s an inner circle. There’s an expectation, and I’m not gonna lower my values.”

• Meditation & Mental Well-being

  • Emma endorses transcendental meditation as a transformative tool for maintaining energy and clarity in a high-responsibility life.
  • [32:46] Emma: “It literally... takes the temperature down. There’s only two things that do this for me... It will change your game. It will change the way you move.”

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8. Unlearning Limitation; Embracing Self-Belief

• Dyslexia and Writing a Book

  • Emma describes the challenge and accomplishment of writing her book as a highly dyslexic person—emphasizing the importance of unlearning self-imposed limits.
  • [35:36] Emma: “I thought a book would be impossible for me... But once I had it together, there was this sense of achievement.”

• Addressing Scarcity Mindset

  • Responding to a listener’s question about receiving credit for ideas at work, Emma outlines the importance of realistic expectations, accountability, and knowing when to take your talents elsewhere.
  • [38:36] Emma: “If you’re in a place where you’re being paid to do a job, you have to do that job... But sometimes we have to know that there’s nuance in the situation.”

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9. Women, Value, and Cultural Bias

• Systemic Gender Bias
  • Emma and Angie reflect on how women unconsciously undervalue themselves and how cultural biases persist even in 2026.
  • [49:13] Emma: “It’s not even you. It’s the culture. Women are undervalued... With AI... John gets paid more than Sally.”

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10. Personal Questions / In Real Life Segment

• No Longer Apologizing For:

  • [50:19] Emma: “The type of parent I am. Facts.”
  • She encourages honesty and self-permission for working moms—and refuses to apologize for her choices.

• Spiritual Life

  • Emma identifies as spiritual, not religious. Finds “God bless” to be the most uplifting blessing.
  • [51:15] Emma: “Blessed and highly favored. It’s a beautiful thing.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Money doesn’t solve all your problems, but it solves all your money problems.” – Emma Grede, [08:34]

• “You can do deeply meaningful, impactful work, creative work, and be paid for it.” – Emma Grede, [12:37]

• “I was not going to sacrifice the things that I wanted.” – Emma on partnership, [21:11]

• “When I say start with yourself, I really mean to go back inside yourself... What is it that actually makes me undervalue myself?” – Emma Grede, [46:54]

• “You can have it all, but not all at the same time.” – Quoting Oprah, [20:30]

• “God blesses you, like for real. Like, you’ve got the real anointed.” – Emma Grede, [51:17]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Public Perception vs Reality: [04:08] – [05:44]
• Women's Exhaustion & Self-Care: [07:13] – [16:16]
• Money, Women, and Power: [08:26] – [10:35]
• Creativity + Money Integrity: [12:15] – [13:54]
• Planning by Decades: [13:54] – [16:16]
• Choosing the Right Partner: [20:10] – [24:30]
• Anger, Forgiveness, and Meditation: [25:01] – [34:45]
• Scarcity Mindset & Self-Advocacy: [38:35] – [49:15]
• In Real Life Segment: [50:19] – [52:09]

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Conclusion

Emma Grede’s conversation is packed with practical, hard-won wisdom about business, love, and self-worth—delivered with signature British honesty, humor, and directness. The main takeaways center on knowing, negotiating, and advocating for your value; caring for your mental wellness; breaking free from limiting narratives; and unapologetically putting yourself first, especially as a woman navigating high-stakes spaces. The episode is deeply motivating for anyone—especially women—seeking to build a life “by design, not by default.”

Transcript

[Angie Martinez]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Escucha central. Las reinas de quince en la hap de Iheartradio. Apple Podcasts od ondecea que escuches tus podcasts.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Hey, everyone, it's Rider Strong and Will Friedle from Pod Meets World. And now the Pod Meets Twirled podcast. We're two men who were completely clueless to reality TV and we're gearing up for the season finale of Survivor. I know we annoyed a lot of our listeners by our severe lack of Survivor knowledge. That is the point of the show.

[Emma Grede]

I'm just gonna remind you I. Aha.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Again, we are experts. Listen to Pod mes Twirl on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Angie Martinez]

Therapy is fantastic, but once again, it does not have a monopoly on healing. That's why I create the resources and

[Emma Grede]

that's why I create the community because

[Angie Martinez]

I really just want you to have

[Emma Grede]

more access on the podcast. Cultivating her space. Dr. Dom and Terry Lomax create a space where black women can show up fully and be heard.

[Angie Martinez]

And it's tough because we're suppressing our emotions and so many of us are

[Emma Grede]

like high achieving individuals. Listen to Cultivating her space on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Dr. Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist and host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans. A show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change.

[Angie Martinez]

We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertain that none of us likes. You can have opinions, you can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program.

[Emma Grede]

Listen to A Slight Change of plans on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Angie Martinez]

I love that you identified your own anger issues and then went and then got help for your anger issues. Nobody, like, nothing terrible happened. Nobody had to intervene.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah. Because I knew that that wasn't matching up to the life that I wanted. I wouldn't be able to my little angry crazy girl self and do the things that I wanted to do. And that was so clear to me. I was like, this is not going to roll. It's not going to work in a workplace.

[Angie Martinez]

Hey, guys. This episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile. When you look at the word boss, I mean, her face should just appear. As a young kid in London, she was born an Entrepreneur. She built billion dollar brands like Good American and skims, all while being a wife and a mother of four. She's a trailblazer in business, breaking bar. Her debut book, Start with Yourself, is out now, and it got gems in it. Emma Green is our guest today on irl, Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, Emma. You are out here working.

[Emma Grede]

I am out in these streets.

[Angie Martinez]

I don't know if it's. My algorithms gives me you. My algorithm serves me.

[Emma Grede]

I'm angling my way to you, Angie. I'm getting closer.

[Angie Martinez]

No, no, but you are working. We met recently for the first time. Not that recently. Year ago. Was it a year ago at the skims store launch here in New York.

[Emma Grede]

Store launch.

[Angie Martinez]

We had a.

[Emma Grede]

You were busy, though. You were, you know, around with your friends, and I was like, angie, it's nice to meet you.

[Angie Martinez]

You were. No, you were already like, no. They came up to me and they were like, emma Greed would like to meet you. I was like, I would love to meet her. And then you.

[Emma Grede]

I always. I have no shame. Anyone I want to meet, I'm like, I want to meet her. Can you introduce me? Do you know her? I think it was Teyana Taylor or somewhere. I was just literally like, I want to meet Angie. Oh, that's so sweet.

[Angie Martinez]

It was. It was. It was love. But, yes, we didn't have a time to connect. But I think even from that moment, even to now, from last year to now, has your life changed tremendously or is this just from the outside that it seems like it's changed tremendously?

[Emma Grede]

That is a great question. You know, my life hasn't changed at all, really. But it's so funny because I don't know that my life feels like it's changed for a really long time. You know, there's such an interesting, like, perception that's out there. And honestly, it's one of the reasons that I wrote this book, because I honestly feel like people see one version of you and the reality of your life is so different. So I was like, let me write a book that tells the truth about actually my life and what it is.

[Angie Martinez]

It's not just the book, though. It's the podcast. It's your public presence is way more significant than it was a year ago, for real.

[Emma Grede]

But my work life hasn't changed. My life life hasn't changed. And that's what I mean. I think the perception does a funny thing. You know what it's like if you have a bit of a following and people see you on social media, they Conflate the two things. They imagine that you ran into your office, took a picture at your desk, and went about your day. It's like, no, I am working. Like, I'm actually working. I go in, I work a role. I have a job. And so it's interesting that people have become much more interested in me, but the reality of my life is it hasn't changed very much at all.

[Angie Martinez]

But your profile.

[Emma Grede]

The profile has shifted, and that I'm very aware of. It's purposeful. I think I'm trying to do it in a way where I can equate what I've got now with some impact, because I really know that there's so much that I can do, and I'm very, very focused.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, sometimes fame, because it's not fame you're really after, but it's fame comes with the profile that you now have. And I just wonder if it's. I don't know, done anything to you, surprised you in any way, challenging to manage.

[Emma Grede]

You know, for me, it's so interesting because all I get is amazing women. You know, I'm not, like, famous famous, so no one's, like, checking for what I'm wearing. I live like a normal. A normal life. What I get is women will stop me on the street. They will slide me little notes in restaurants. I got this beautiful note from this lady the other day, and I. I could have cried. I was interviewing someone at the time, so I couldn't read it. I put it in my bag. I got home, and I was like, you know, she was like. She said, you know, she was like, emma, you have to understand how much you mean to women like me, how much you mean to women who come from a place where they might not have had the right start, but they are wor. And they're trying. And it was so heartfelt. And she was so. First of all, she didn't even put her name or contact detail on there. She just wanted me to know. And so I get a lot of that. And that, of course, I never used to get, you know, but at the end of the day, it's like my life is still the same. My life is a series of problems every single day. You know, no one calls me to say, everything's going right. You know, we're selling out. They only call me with problems. And so it hasn't changed all that much.

[Angie Martinez]

You have to know that this book is set up for humongous success. I mean, do you see that already? Is that.

[Emma Grede]

I hope so, yes. I mean, so Far. Listen, I'm a day in, so I don't want to come at this with too much.

[Angie Martinez]

You have poured it so much in here that I really want to use this as, like, I don't know, just the frame of our conversation today.

[Emma Grede]

Thank you.

[Angie Martinez]

And then somewhere in the beginning, you mentioned women being exhausted.

[Emma Grede]

Exhausted, right, exhausted.

[Angie Martinez]

Somewhere in the beginning of it, you said that. And I thought, yes, women are exhausted because it's career, it's emotional health, it's family, it's mother parenting, it's love.

[Emma Grede]

All of it's relentless. It's relentless. We're getting so much thrown at us all the time that I thought, I'm gonna write a book that people use, not that they read because we've got enough to do. And so it was really important to me that people would read this and then they would get something and they could put it into action in their lives.

[Angie Martinez]

I love how honest you are in the book about some of the, you know, anger and forgiveness and your way of navigating some real life things. So we'll go through that. But in the scheme of business and money, I've heard you many times talk

[Emma Grede]

about my favorite subject.

[Angie Martinez]

Is it really?

[Emma Grede]

Yeah, it is money. Yeah. I want it to be every woman's favorite subject. That's the aim I'm working on that.

[Angie Martinez]

This is a big mistake I've made in my life. Right. It's like I feel like a yes is because I came from a family and a. And a. And a mentality of, you know, money isn't everything. Money can't. Shouldn't control you. Money is the root of all evil.

[Emma Grede]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Angie Martinez]

You know, all they care about is money. You know, like, really. And it's not that I don't enjoy money.

[Emma Grede]

Some of that is true. Money doesn't solve all your problems, but it solves all your money problems. And I feel like we have to advocate for it for ourselves because no one's coming to find you. No one's coming to give you money or power or any of that. And I do feel like, as women, we have to take a level of responsibility for the fact that we don't talk about money, as to why it eludes us, why does it miss us? Why are men paid so much more than women? Why is that the case, that it's so much easier for men to raise money than it is for women? And we all know that there are systemic barriers. There are systems that keep us small, but at the end of the day, we also have a part to play in all of that. And I want us to recognize that and recognize that we can change our behavior and get more of it.

[Angie Martinez]

What are we doing wrong? What is the number one thing we do wrong?

[Emma Grede]

We are not talking about it now. We're just not talking about how does that look?

[Angie Martinez]

What does that look like?

[Emma Grede]

I tell you what it looks like. First of all, it's like education. I think about myself as always in learning mode. Every day I'm learning something and I learned about money because much like you, I didn't come from a place where a we had any money. So there wasn't that much to talk about. It was always that, what don't we have? Where are we going to spend what we don't have? How are we keeping the lights on that? That's what I learned. But when I got into the professional environment, it was always like, you don't share with your colleagues what you earn. You don't talk money. That's crass. And actually what I think that we need to do is put money right in the center of our plans. We need to say, I am worth this. This is what I should be being paid. And we need to educate ourselves. So you need to understand your mortgage, you need to understand your investment planning, you need to understand what's in your future. And if you don't know, you got to get to know. You've got to make it your business. Because money and power, they're linked, right? Inextricably linked. And we're in a place and time in the world right now where we actually need more women in positions of power. But again, it's not going happen without us. It's not going to happen passively. It's our responsibility to say, you know what, I need more of this. And I'm going to advocate for myself and I'm going to educate myself and I'm going to learn as much as I possibly can. And that's what I do all the time. I ask questions.

[Angie Martinez]

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[Emma Grede]

Hello, I'm a creative businesswoman.

[Angie Martinez]

You are a creative businesswoman for sure. No. And so I think sometimes where creative is concerned, like, what comes first? The creative or the opportunity to make money? You know, I don't know. I just. I just wonder how you navigate that. Or all money ain't. Or all money ain't. Good money. Is all money good money? I mean, I don't know. What do you mean?

[Emma Grede]

I think most money's good money. I don't know about you.

[Angie Martinez]

Here's the thing.

[Emma Grede]

I mean, I think most money's good money. Here's the thing. I think that it's really important that you're not sacrificing yourself for money. Right. Like, I still think, at the end of the day, I'm still Emma from East London. I'm exactly the same person that I was when I was 12 years old.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. There's no integrity like bending or.

[Emma Grede]

No. Because I don't think. Think that you have to. I actually think that you can care about money and care about a lot of other things, too. You can do deeply meaningful, impactful work, creative work, and be paid for it. And what we've done is we've said, like, I'm a creative. I'm a nonprofit. I do something so worthy, therefore. And I'm like, absolutely not. The two things can exist at the same time. And too often, we're giving away our gifts for free before we've even valued ourselves, before we've even valued the service. I'm like, there is never a time when. When it makes sense to give something away for free without a plan. I worked for, like, a full year for free, like, doing work placements back in the day when you could do that. But it was always with a plan and a goal for what I wanted on the other side. It was always with an aim that I'm going to get a job at one of these places that's going to be my entry point into fashion. So you have to have a plan. If you're giving away your services for free, and you have to have a plan as to how you're going to get to the money. That's important. That's important stuff.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, I think there's also, you know, if you're a business person, there's great stuff in here, but also just life. There's just great life lessons in here. Like, you talk about planning your life in your 20s, in your 30s, and in your 40s, you had to plan, like, what is my 40s gonna be?

[Emma Grede]

Absolutely.

[Angie Martinez]

I love this. Cause we just had Jill Scott on the other recently. Do you not love Jill?

[Emma Grede]

I die.

[Angie Martinez]

So Jill was on. We had a great episode with Jill, and she has a theory about 20s, 30s, 40s. It was. Jill said, when you're in your 20s, you work hard.

[Emma Grede]

Facts.

[Angie Martinez]

In your 30s, you work smart. In your 40s, you work how you want. In your 50s, you work when you want. And in your 60s, you work if you want love.

[Emma Grede]

Jill's got it down, right? Like, she has got it so down.

[Angie Martinez]

It's so good.

[Emma Grede]

Literally, like, that is so good. Because that thing about, like, how you work in your 20s, right. It's like there's a time and a place. And I think what people don't really understand is that life is so long. Like, even the idea that she's taking us from 20s to 70s, right?

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Yeah.

[Emma Grede]

It's like there's 50 years in between that. But we really sort of overestimate what you can do in a year and underestimate what you can do in 10. So I like to make these plans for myself because it helps kind of ground me in my decision making. I know what to say no to, because I know if it's not taking me closer to one of my goals, I don't need to do it. But I like to. And I set the book up in the beginning. I say, have a vision for your life. That's not a vision board and it's not manifestation. Okay, so explain, though, that clearly ambition needs to find you working. You cannot think your way or consume your way. I love a podcast. I have a podcast. But it's like, you can't listen to podcasts and think that that's going to get you closer to where you want to go, you got to do the work, right? It's like we have to.

[Angie Martinez]

And even read the best 75 self help books.

[Emma Grede]

Doesn't matter. That's not going to help you. You have to help yourself. And so I think when you have a vision for like what type of person do I want to be, what type of woman do I want to be, what type of parent, what are my values, what are my principles? And then you work out what, what you want your life to be like based on that. You say like, these are the things that are important to me. My family is really important to me. So I'm going to make sure that I've ring fence these moments in the year to do these things because I want those memories. I'm going to prioritize X, Y and Z in my work life because it's important that I make this money and that won't happen unless I get to there. So I think the plan is really about mapping things out and then having a path and where you're going to work towards it. You ain't gonna vision board it.

[Angie Martinez]

It's also helpful too so that you don't waste your time doing things that don't serve you right. Like that's part of that.

[Emma Grede]

We've all had years like that. We've all had years where we get lost and we get taken on someone else's agenda. And that's what. I don't want to hear this.

[Angie Martinez]

You said you were talking in here about how women especially we care so much about other people's things. Like is somebody underpaid? Is somebody working too hard? Is somebody like you with your kids, what's happening? You worry about everyone else, but you're

[Emma Grede]

last on your list. And I actually want to make sure that we are like right at the top of our list of priorities. And as a mother of four, I think people get very put off by that idea of me saying, you know, I put myself first, I start with myself. But when I'm good, everyone, they can't

[Angie Martinez]

wait to call you, like, and Doug,

[Emma Grede]

there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[Emma Grede]

Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Emma Grede]

Liberty.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Liberty. My mother in law spent years sabotaging our relationship until Karma made her pay for it.

[Angie Martinez]

Wait a minute, Dakota.

[Emma Grede]

How bad did it get?

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Well, it got bad enough that her son in law had to eventually arrest her himself. She moved in for two weeks, lasted for five. She left nail clippings in the bathtub, candy stuck to the furniture, and then she pressed her ear against the bedroom door and burst in screaming.

[Emma Grede]

She did not burst in while they were she did.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

They kicked her out and paid for her hotel and they thought it's finally over. Days later she called her son in law at work claiming that his partner had been in some kind of freak accident and had been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. He called every hospital in the city and his partner was making coffee the entire time.

[Angie Martinez]

She faked a medical emergency just to

[Emma Grede]

test whether or not he loved her son.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Yeah, and she sat in the hospital parking lot waiting for him to see if he would show up. When that didn't work, she walked into the son in law's police station and filed a kidnapping report against him.

[Angie Martinez]

She filed a kidnapping report against him in his own police station.

[Rider Strong or Will Friedle]

Spoilers. Karma's gonna show up in the best way possible. So if you want to hear how the this story ends, search OK Storytime on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening to Podcasts.

[Angie Martinez]

Tequila Escucha Central, Las Reinas de Quince Como Parte de Micultura Podcast Network Elaab de iheartradio Apple Podcasts O Dondec es Cuchestos Podcasts Save on Family Essentials at Safeway and Albertsons this week at Safeway and Albertsons Fresh cut cantaloupe, watermelon, pineapple or melon medley bowls 24 ounces are $5 each and wild caught of lots lobster tails are $4.99 each. Limit eight member price plus selected sizes and varieties of Doritos, Lays, Cheetos, sun chips and kettle cook chips are 199 each. Limit for member price. Hurry in. These deals won't last. Visit safewayoralbertsons.com for more deals and ways to save your Anna went all the things like Miranda.

[Emma Grede]

Miranda, take care. I'm not Miranda.

[Angie Martinez]

I'm just saying they can't wait to do that to successful women every time.

[Emma Grede]

We're held to very different standards than successful men. We have to be, you know, nurturing and empathetic and a baller and look good and an incredible wife and it's like, that's impossible. That's why I wrote this book.

[Angie Martinez]

That's why women are exhausted.

[Emma Grede]

That's why we're exhausted. But I want to say, like, there's a trade off. There is a way to do this. You know, I feel like Oprah said it best. She said you can have it all, but not all at the same time, which is really true. But I want women to choose. I don't want us to be kind of taken on a journey. And I think that this book is going to teach people how you get the choice.

[Angie Martinez]

But also, you've chosen well in a partner.

[Emma Grede]

Oh, God damn. Yes.

[Angie Martinez]

Who's helped you. You talk about, like, the importance of you don't want a business partner that you don't share responsibilities with equally, and you don't want a marriage also where your partner is not sharing.

[Emma Grede]

I think who you choose to spend your life with, your private life is probably the most important business decision you'll ever make, because they're either gonna add to you or they're gonna really take away. And if you don't have someone who's in support of the greater vision of you and yourself, like, you are in trouble. Like, you are in so much trouble.

[Angie Martinez]

Did you know that going into marriage.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah, you know what? I knew that. I mean, my husband's Swedish, right? Like, Swedish society is very interesting. It's very matriarchal society. So there's this kind of balance from the get go. But I also never assumed that I would be the lead parent and have to teach him stu. You know, it's like, I'm gonna teach him how to change a diaper, make a sandwich. Like, no. Like, he's gonna figure that stuff out. But I'm also. I'm not gonna micromanage my husband. I don't think that's my job. And, you know, I. I really believe that I have a life and he has a life, and we have this incredible life together. But I wasn't gonna sacrifice the things that I wanted. And I was lucky that I had a husband who was. Who is unbelievably supportive.

[Angie Martinez]

I just think for women who are looking for that partner, if you have to be conscious of that as you're looking for the partner, like, did you stumble into that and then maybe attract that? Oh, you attracted that?

[Emma Grede]

I think that I attract that because that's the only type of partner I've ever had. Like, I don't. I think that, you know, in that, in that early process, like, you know, people show you, they tell you who they are, they tell you how they're gonna be. You see how they move.

[Angie Martinez]

You never went through like a young. There was never a young, like a young.

[Emma Grede]

Bad decisions in men or a nightma maybe, but no longer. No longer. I made stupid decisions like in a moment and I realized in the morning that that was not for me. I was like, oh, you know, I. Yeah, like you were never like into

[Angie Martinez]

bad boys or any of that.

[Emma Grede]

Not a chance. You know, I don't have the disposition for it. You let me down. I am out, I'm gone. I just. Do you know what I mean? I have such a. And it isn't even about like high self worth. It's just like low tolerance. Like I have zero tolerance for someone who's gonna mess me around. Like Ms. A Ph. I'm like, Bye. Like, no. Do you know what I mean? Because I never believed that like, oh, they'll get better. Like things are gonna change. I'm like, they don't. It won't. Move on. And also there were like so many boys when I was little, you know. Oh, you were out here, you know, I was like, come on, fashionable. Just move on and try something else.

[Angie Martinez]

You never went through let me fix somebody or any of that type of thing. No, really good.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah. But that's not to say I didn't have like some not so great boyfriends that were like, you know, messing around and doing whatever that they were doing. But not with me knowing and not with me tolerating anything. Do you know what I mean? It's like, that's just not.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. So it wasn't so much that you were looking for this type of partner, it's that your behavior warranted and you found somebody because you were moving around that way.

[Emma Grede]

And I think I have really high standards. Not just like with everyone around me.

[Angie Martinez]

Right.

[Emma Grede]

It's like my entire team. I have high standards, but also I give a lot. And I think when you're a person who gives a lot and has high expectations, like that comes back to you. And so as soon as I get a six signal, it's like anything, right? If I get a signal that something's off that I'm not getting equal back, it's like, I'm gone. Goodbye, I'm gone.

[Angie Martinez]

It's.

[Emma Grede]

That's the East London in me though, you know, that's like where I come from, you don't suffer fools. Like you are expected to tell the truth, to do what you say you're gonna do, to be true to your word and Suffer the consequences if you don't. So it's like, I don't have time for foolishness.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. Plus, you are a woman on a mission.

[Emma Grede]

I'm on a mission. I've got time. Like, literally. But you know, like, literally, like, I don't have the energy. Like, I would lose my. I would lose it.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, lose. There's a. There's a. I don't even need my cards because it goes naturally. What were you just talking about?

[Emma Grede]

About being angry. I know where you were going.

[Angie Martinez]

No, no, it wasn't. Oh, about the anger. Anger issues. But after you talked about that. I love that you identified your own anger issues and then went. And then got help for your anger issues. Nobody, like, nothing terrible happened. Nobody had to intervene. When I first heard that you had. You went to anger therapy.

[Emma Grede]

Anger management.

[Angie Martinez]

Anger management. I was like, oh, God, something must have happened. She must have been arrested or something. No, she had an incident on the train, and she was like, oh, God, I'm so angry. And then went and fixed it. Yourself. Myself, like, you identified the problem within yourself and went and worked on it.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah, because I knew that that wasn't matching up to the life that I wanted. I wouldn't be able to take me my little angry, crazy girl self and do the things that I wanted to do. And that was so clear to me. I was like, this is not gonna roll. This is not gonna work in a workplace.

[Angie Martinez]

So you. You worked on that. You got ahold of that, managed that.

[Emma Grede]

And I still work on that every day.

[Angie Martinez]

Really?

[Emma Grede]

Yes. And I still sometimes lose it. Cause I can. And they're just like, you know, I. It's something that you have to work on every single day. Like. Like in the same way that I work on being really sad sometimes.

[Angie Martinez]

Well, what is the ang. What is that? Where does that come. What does that.

[Emma Grede]

I think that is, like, I'm hardwired like that. I am not. You know, I think it's so much a factor of my upbringing. You know, I wasn't taught to be thoughtful. We certainly weren't. I wasn't ever taught that you can. Could, like, take a. A breath and move past something. I was always taught that if something happened to you because someone was disrespecting you, someone was like, you were going to look after yourself and you were going to lash out. And that just becomes like a pattern, like a loop in your system, and it wires and wires and it gets more and more attuned unless you deal with it. And so I think that that is very Much who I am. And I have to work all the time and make sure that I keep. Keep myself like my head above water, Keep practicing, keep training.

[Angie Martinez]

I wondered if it was part or if sometimes it can be triggered by. Because I know a lot of amazing, super high functioning women, right. And there is an impatience. Like the women that I know that I like, run big companies and stuff, they're all kind of impatient.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah, I'm definitely impatient.

[Angie Martinez]

Like, and so I can see that. That triggering anger. Yeah. And, you know, almost anger.

[Emma Grede]

Here's my thing. I've worked every single one of the jobs, right. So it's like I have an understanding for what it takes to pack the boxes, to do the assistant job, to work your way up the ranks to be a, like, you know, mid level executive. I did all the things. And so you're like, you know, was.

[Angie Martinez]

Can you.

[Emma Grede]

Do you swear on this show?

[Angie Martinez]

Yes, please, for the love of God. You know, we started our day today with our TikTok.

[Emma Grede]

But it's like, you know, in England they say you can't fuck a fucking sucker. Like, I am a person, understand? So if you come to me with an excuse, if you come to me telling me it's going to take three hours and I can do it in 45 minutes, I'm like, I have been there. I did that thing.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Emma Grede]

So then I have an impatience. But I'm not going to get angry about that. I feel like the things that I get angry about are when I feel like people don't care because I care the most. I care about everything. I care about the glass, the tablecloth, the thing that, like I'm, you know, it's like that's how I come into what I do. And so if you show a lack of care, anger, I'm gonna take a deep breath, but you won't work with me for very long.

[Angie Martinez]

I understand too deeply what you're saying, Emma. I have actually worked on that. Right, Britt? I'm better now. I used to be very. It's also, you expect people. Beyonce talked about this once. I think it was in her special. Like she would do the rehearsals and she wouldn't eat, she wouldn't sleep, she wouldn't drink. And then she realized, oh, other people need to sleep and eat. And you expect people to operate how you operate and if you let it frustrate you, because they don't. How can you really be a good leader? Because you can't. You can't, right?

[Emma Grede]

You can't. Also, they don't have the same Thing to gain as you. Like, you've got to get real, like I'm out here doing what I do. Everybody around me has not got the same circumstance and they don't have the same upside. So also I'm realistic. You know, if I'm paying you 200, I expect 200 grand of you, not a million dollars. Like what are you talking about? So you realize you don't have the same to gain as I do.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. Oh, so with the anger thing, it wasn't so much about the anger management. It was. You said that you were still working on forgiveness.

[Emma Grede]

Oh, yes. I'm not a good forgiver. Yeah, I'm not. Because I, you know, it's so funny. I did the Hoffman process. You know what that is?

[Angie Martinez]

No, tell me.

[Emma Grede]

Oh, it's like such an LA thing. But it is, it's an incredible process. Like a, you know, nine day int therapy process where you learn all your patterns and you undo your childhood trauma and all the things.

[Angie Martinez]

This sounds very expensive.

[Emma Grede]

It's expensive. And it's expensive on your, like it's emotionally hard. Like it's like, it's such, it's such a, like a deep, deep dig. And I just, you know, it was one of those things where you kind of expected to come out forgiving everything that's kind of happened to you. And I got to the nine days and everybody's like, yeah. And I was like, nope. Still no. Still no. But that's like, you know, again about I'm boundaried. Right. It's like I can understand, you know, if somebody slights me, it's not actually always about me. And I think as far as it comes to like childhood trauma, it's like I can understand it. It doesn't always mean that you need to forgive.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. You know, but the way you talk about that in here is you're more likely to instead of forgive somebody. Oh my God. Do you know Jill Scott? Because I feel like there's so many similar things. You should know her.

[Emma Grede]

You should introduce me.

[Angie Martinez]

I would die because, and I'm thinking of our interview with her because even in that, even how you explained, we have a clip of her going, saying I'm much like more likely to forget you than forgive you. And you talk about that here. You say, you know, it's not worth your time. It's like. Or you're patient so you rather just, I'm not going to forgive you. You just cut you out of the fabric of my life.

[Emma Grede]

You know, I always think about this idea of like who, like, you operate on, like, these orbits. And I have people that are in my inner orbit, and I have people that are outer and more out. And it's like, you don't have to, like, you know, be out of my life, but you just might not be one of my, like, inner circle people. Right. So I'm operating on a system that says, like, you just might have to, like, be a couple out, a couple of steps removed. I don't need to cut people, although I have done that in the past. But to me, it's like, there's just, like. There's an inner circle. There's an expectation, and I'm not gonna lower my values.

[Angie Martinez]

When do you. When do you care enough to work on, like, that. Forgiveness or.

[Emma Grede]

With my husband. Yeah, you know, that's. That's for. Yeah, that's it.

[Angie Martinez]

He's the only one

[Emma Grede]

trying to figure out.

[Angie Martinez]

Everybody else, you know. Nah. God bless.

[Emma Grede]

God bless.

[Angie Martinez]

That's really funny.

[Emma Grede]

Sorry.

[Angie Martinez]

Hey, listen. Oh, so you do transcendental meditation, too?

[Emma Grede]

It's my. That's one of the biggest tools that I have.

[Angie Martinez]

How long have you been doing this?

[Emma Grede]

So I think I did a course. That's a great question. I want to say, like, maybe three years.

[Angie Martinez]

Okay.

[Emma Grede]

And it's one regularly religiously. So I don't. So I don't do. You're supposed to do 20 minutes a day, twice a day. That never, ever happens. But I do do it. I would say I do 20 minutes a day in the morning, three or four times a week. And it is a game changer. Cause I always thought of meditation as something that turns the noise down.

[Angie Martinez]

Really?

[Emma Grede]

I actually think it gives you energy. It gives you space and clarity. And so for me, it was one of those things that I was like, wow, this is. This is an insane tool that I never envisaged I would ever use. But it really, really works as something to create some opportunity to slow things down and call the play. Like, that's what I like to do.

[Angie Martinez]

I tried this.

[Emma Grede]

How did you find it?

[Angie Martinez]

Specific meditation, too, where you have to say the word.

[Emma Grede]

You have a mantra.

[Angie Martinez]

I was doing it for a little while, like a couple of months, and I did notice a difference. And I just fell off the regimen of the. I need to it. And I only got to 10 minutes.

[Emma Grede]

Okay. But that's good. I could never get past 10 when we've got like.

[Angie Martinez]

But they say 20 minutes is when you feel the real effects.

[Emma Grede]

Game changer.

[Angie Martinez]

It is.

[Emma Grede]

The 20 is a game changer. You just got to find Your perfect time. And also, I think this, again, it's like, yeah, it would be great if you had, like, 40 minutes every day to do it. I think you just find that 20.

[Angie Martinez]

And for someone who might be interested.

[Emma Grede]

For someone who might be interested, you

[Angie Martinez]

get a word of mine.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah. Yep. You say the word over and over again. And you meditate.

[Angie Martinez]

20 minutes on the word, and you meditate on the word. And what does it do for you? How does it. What. What. What does it do?

[Emma Grede]

It literally, like, imagine it takes, like, the temperature down. There's only two things that do this for me. Like, when you. You're. You know. Because I'm in a constant conversation with myself. Like, I'm thinking about what is happening over there, what's happening next, what we've got tomorrow, what the kids need, what my husband just spoke to me about, what I'm doing in one company. It's like. Like my. This all the time. It literally is like. It's almost like everything just comes down to this, like, very quiet place, and you end up having space. And in the space comes something, like, literally, like. It's almost like a little gift. Like, something will come in, and you're like, oh, I did not see that. And it becomes clearer. You figure out what you need to do. I come out with so much energy. Energy, like, so much clarity. It's crazy. It's so. It really is to me. Like, you know, when people say it's a game changer, it's like, no, it will change your game. It will change the way that you move.

[Angie Martinez]

I'm motivated, Emma.

[Emma Grede]

I'm gonna go back.

[Angie Martinez]

You'll go back?

[Emma Grede]

I'm going back in.

[Angie Martinez]

Brittany got to five minutes, right? You got to five. I tried to get her, and I was like, if it's really. I'm feeling a difference. I just didn't get. I didn't get to. I didn't go there again.

[Emma Grede]

And it's hard. It's hard to learn new things. Like, so much of what I talk about this in this book is, like, it's really difficult to untrain your ways, especially when you get to a certain age. It's hard to stop telling yourself the stories. But you have to make sure that what's happening in your own head is not, like, bad for you. Right. That your biggest enemy isn't living in your own mind. And so I really try to make the things that I do, like, I have a big positive impact on me, and that transcendental is one of those things.

[Angie Martinez]

What is the. What is Something that you've had to unlearn recently about yourself, yourself.

[Emma Grede]

I think, honestly, that I wasn't going to be capable of writing. You know, I'm dyslexic. Highly, highly dyslexic. And so I fixed my work and my life around almost never writing anything down, you know, like, never. I speak every email in. On my phone. I speak every text in. I never, you know, when. When in your adult life do you write, like, in that type of way? And so I thought a book would be impossible for me. The other thing is, like, I wrote the book totally back to front. I started with all the things that were easy to me. Building a business, making the career of your dreams, leadership, money. Like, boom, boom. Wrote it, like, chow, chow, chow. Spoke it all into the phone. And then I was like, well, why can I do that stuff? And then I got to the managing emotions. Then I got to the vision part. But it was very, very hard for me to organize my thoughts. And once I had it together, there was this sense of achievement. Like, I was like, wow. But that took a lot of doing because I was constantly telling, telling myself, telling my agent, telling everyone around me. I was like, I'll never do a book. I'll never do that. I can't. I literally can't do that. That's not for me.

[Angie Martinez]

I'm so surprised that you would say those kind of things to yourself.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah. Because, you know, when you're a person

[Angie Martinez]

of certainty, you know better, Emma, you

[Emma Grede]

know, I should know better. But when you're a person of certainty, like, you're certain about a lot of things. You're certain about what you can do. You're also certain about what you can't do. And I'm like, that's not for me. Like, you know, I can look at an outfit and be like, that's not for me. My body doesn't work that way. I can't wear that. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of cute.

[Angie Martinez]

I wore that. I wore that shit. We have a Voice Note. Should we go to Voice Note now? Hey, guys, you ever sign up for a phone plan thinking, wow, what a great price. And then a few months later, it's like, surprise, your bill is higher. We hate that. With Boost mobile, you pay $25 a month. Forever. That's unlimited talk, text and data starting at just $25 a month. There's no price hikes. There's no contract, and this is forever. Plus, Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network. They invested billions building 5G towers across the country. So what you need to do is visit boostmobile.com or head to your local Boost store today and get unlimited talk, text and data for $25 a month. Forever 5G speeds not available in all areas. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. All right, we have a segment. It is called. It's a voice note segment. So this is a fan or a listener of the pod knows you're going to be here, has a question or a comment, we're going to play that. Hi, my name is Tanisha. I'm 30 and I've been having a hard time getting credit for the ideas that I actually present. How do I get compensated for something like that? Because I obviously, I have left the organization. I didn't get any competition or credit for that idea. But it is an idea that has sustained that program moving forward. So how do you navigate situations like that to avoid being put in that position? Huh? I used to suffer from this. I would hold everything in because I'd be afraid somebody was gonna rob me.

[Emma Grede]

Wow. See?

[Angie Martinez]

Terrible.

[Emma Grede]

I don't know about that kind of. I mean, to me that signals scarcity mindset. But if we talk about, like, what Tanisha is actually saying, she's obviously in an environment where her ideas can be taken because she is being patient, paid to give ideas, to do whatever job she's doing. And then she's in an environment where those ideas can be taken and used. But it's not. She's not working for herself. She's working for an employer. That means she is being paid and compensated for her ideas. You don't get to get the full value. And I do honestly think that sometimes employees can overestimate their contribution. If you're in a place where you're being paid to do a job, you have to do that job. That job might be. Be giving some of your ideas. Now, if you are doing something that is beyond the expectation of your remit and you're going above and beyond, you need to go and have a conversation about your additional contribution. But I think that it's kind of naive to think that, you know, you're going to be contribute, you're going to be compensated beyond what you're being paid when you're just giving your idea, like, do you know what I mean? It's like there's. There's so much more to business. It's like there's so much More that goes into things. And I think sometimes we can have a little bit of an naivety about our contribution. Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

Also because can't like a hundred people have the same idea and not everybody can get it across the finish line? So an idea is really just an idea.

[Emma Grede]

Well, it's just an idea because it takes a lot of people to execute it, a lot of people to create the things. But it. But again, if this is somebody that feels chronically undervalued, and I've been in that same situation. I've been in a place where I thought I was delivering value, and I talk about it in the book to a company. They were making a lot of money. And I didn't feel like I was making enough. But the company were like, emma, we pay you for this job. You are paid and we make a lot of money out of it. I was like, okay, I'll take my services elsewhere. And that was the beginning of my first business. But they weren't wrong. I wasn't wrong either. But sometimes we have to know that there's nuance in the situation. You just might have to take your gifts and your services elsewhere to realize the full potential of what you're doing.

[Angie Martinez]

But you probably gotta be realistic with yourself. Is that like one, one kind of fluke idea or kind of limp, you know what I mean? Or do you have many ideas that can expand business?

[Emma Grede]

Do you, do you have so many ideas that you could pay yourself what you're being paid currently? And if you don't, like again, it's never that black and white. In the, in the book, I talk so much about negotiation, right? Negotiation isn't one side winning or losing. You gotta find something mutually advantageous to go and have a conversation, talk about and understand. But, but go with specificity. You know, this would be the conversation to me. I'd be like, yeah, let's give it, let's give it.

[Angie Martinez]

Let's role play.

[Emma Grede]

So you guys are paying me $65,000 and I came up with X idea that netted the business X. You're going to know those X's. You're going to have those numbers. Don't come in willing to be sad. Don't be angry. Don't be silly. It's like, come in factually, right? I'm paid this. I delivered this. The contribution was this. Once you've got that, you say, you know what? I would really imagine that my contribution in this company is, is worth 85,000. Oh, we're not ready to pay you that. Da, da, da. Okay, what do I need to do to get from here to here? You show me how can you value me and my ideas? Because if you're unable to do that, then I would need to move on, because I can't see how I would be contributing above this. But it's a conversation. You don't need to be stupid about it.

[Angie Martinez]

You can just advocate for yourself.

[Emma Grede]

Because let me tell you, half the time, the people that are in charge don't fully understand your contribution. They may not know where the idea comes from. They also might be coming from a place that they see it differently and that. That feedback is important for you to have. It's important for you to understand. Well, actually, you think we made X, but the costs associated with this. There were five other departments involved. Then you can be like, oh, I got it. Okay, so actually, this is what it was, and this is what I need to do in the future. But still, how do I get to this? And so I think that you can have a really nuanced negotiation. You've got to teach yourself to have those conversations. It also teaches resilience, because when and if you get a knock but back, that's not walking out with nothing. That's information. That is like you. What you need to come back and do things in a different way. So I just think, like, the. When you're. When you have ambition, when you want more, which is exactly what she's saying, is that I want more. I want more credit, I want more money. I want to be recognized. It's like, go and ask for it. You can write into Angie, that's cool, but, like, make sure you've had a conversation with your boss, and the conversation isn't just happening in your head. You're not just talking to your co workers that they can't do. You need to go to the people that can actually help change and in a nuanced way, express exactly what you need and what your expectations are. You might get it.

[Angie Martinez]

Are you ever. You said in here that if. If. If you never hear the word no, you're not pushing enough. Right?

[Emma Grede]

Absolutely. It's true.

[Angie Martinez]

Are you ever, like. Because sometimes I'll be in. I'm always like. I. I'm like, too fair. So I'll be like, okay, they want me to do that for them. I'll do it for this much. Like, this is me talking to you, Emma.

[Emma Grede]

This, I would say, less than you're worth. Less than you think you're worth.

[Angie Martinez]

Probably. Sometimes.

[Emma Grede]

Yes.

[Angie Martinez]

Yes.

[Emma Grede]

Oof.

[Angie Martinez]

Yes. Okay. What is that? That's Terrible. I'm getting better at it, right? I'm getting better at it.

[Emma Grede]

What's the reason, though? Why are you doing that? Like, doing a favor. Are you scared or what is it?

[Angie Martinez]

I'm, like, chronically obsessed with being fair. Like, what?

[Emma Grede]

Fair to who?

[Angie Martinez]

Yes, right. Fair to everybody else. What I think the value might be to them, or kind of taking all of their things into consideration instead of putting my thing at the center of the. Start with yourself. Starting with myself.

[Emma Grede]

Read the book, Angie. I did read the book. It's so good.

[Angie Martinez]

It's so good. No, but I say to you, have you never. Do you never have. Do. Do you ever say, okay, our business is valued at 100 million, but I'm gonna go ask for 150 million? Whatever the thing is. Whatever the. No, I just making a number up of something. Do you ever feel like, oh, that was big. I went big. Oh, and feel, like, almost crazy about

[Emma Grede]

it all the time. But that is something that comes, like, again, with experience and a willingness to walk away from the thing. Because when we make deals, right, when we decide, like, I'm going to give it over here again, it's kind of a signal that we don't think there's something better on the other side or that, like, what, you're willing to undervalue yourself. Myself, like, for what reason? I always imagine that if somebody is offering me something, the chances are someone else will offer the same thing. So it's not that I don't ever do that. It's just that experiences taught me to know better. Like, if somebody is willing to give you something, someone else will give it to you in that same way. When I was, like, so young that my boss wouldn't take me from what I was on, £25,000, I think I asked for 30,000. I was like, someone else will pay me 25. Are we better be over there? Because I can manage the trajectory. So I think that, again, these things are chronic because this is just an old thought that lives in your head. You are undervaluing your services. You come from a place because you're sitting here maybe with a scarcity mindset that says, you know, if I get X, somebody else gets less. It's like, why? It's not. It's not a zero sum game, right? That's not how guys would. Everything doesn't mean because, like, you know, know, someone gets something over here that somebody else suffers. And I don't think to the contrary, I don't think it's about overvaluing yourself. I don't think that you should be like, it's a million dollars. You have to educate yourself. You have to know the space. You have to find a place that actually makes sense. But the idea of, like, undervaluing my services, you want.

[Angie Martinez]

Do you want to throw up right now?

[Emma Grede]

You want to get. I want to dive. I want to get angry. Angry.

[Angie Martinez]

We're working on your anger, Emma. You've come so far.

[Emma Grede]

I took a deep breath when you said it. I was like, I know, Angie, I

[Angie Martinez]

have gotten way better. But I did. Was me young. I felt. You know, I started doing radio. I was 18, 19. I was grateful to be there. I was at this, you know, and so I just was happy to have the opportunity.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah. But like, you, I wasn't.

[Angie Martinez]

You know, I didn't. It took me a long time.

[Emma Grede]

Now you're Angie. Right. And we all have that journey, and if you stay with the stories like this, like, that stuff will just keep you small. Like, I think that you have to, like, again, it's like replacing the thought. It's like you've got all of this stuff that you've been doing for so long. You have this body of work. You have these ways that you behave, the ways that you do business. But it will. Nothing changes unless it changes. But you have to do that. Like, when I say start with yourself, I really mean to go back inside yourself and go, what is it that actually makes me undervalue myself? What is it that makes me do that smaller number than I know I'm worth? Kindness. That. You don't want to be seen as a bitch. You don't want to be seen as someone who's taken advantage. You don't.

[Angie Martinez]

Are you asking me the question?

[Emma Grede]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, probably me wanting to. Yeah. Like I said, be fair, not take advantage of people. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe wanting to be.

[Emma Grede]

And it's so interesting because in you being fair and not wanting to take advantage, you're allowing somebody else to be unfair and take advantage.

[Angie Martinez]

I know.

[Emma Grede]

So what makes them better than you?

[Angie Martinez]

No, it's.

[Emma Grede]

No, no, no.

[Angie Martinez]

We have. We're on. We're on the other side of this. Okay.

[Emma Grede]

We're.

[Angie Martinez]

We're already, like, on the other side. I know. So interesting, right, that it's this big age that it would take me to.

[Emma Grede]

But I talk through it because I think for anybody listening meaning to this, it's. It's. It's chronic, it's patterned, it's ingrained. It's not stuff that you do knowingly and flippantly Because I reckon anyone who listens to this podcast is that I don't undervalue myself. I know what I'm worth. I make my money. It's like, ah, but do you. Like, do you every time? Because sometimes we do things unconsciously. And that's why I wrote this book in the way that I did. Because when you understand what you're doing, when you understand what's running through your thoughts and the reasons and the ways you make decisions, decisions, then you can push against it. But it's not until it's raised to your attention that you understand some of this stuff, because some of it is, like, it's not even you. It's the culture. Women are undervalued. Yeah, right? Somebody else with the same resume and the same, you know, set of circumstances, we put them side by side and we see this with AI, right? You upload the two same resumes, and John gets paid more than Sally. Like, what the. Like, what is happening?

[Angie Martinez]

I can't believe in 2026, that's.

[Emma Grede]

But it's true. And so I think that there's plenty of things in society that are already entrenched that already make us, like, small and not progress. You can't be one of those things for yourself.

[Angie Martinez]

Start with yourself. It's so good, Emma. It's. It's so good. Hey, guys. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference? Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills, and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu. Edu and take that first step. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. Okay, in real life, let's do some in real life questions. In real life, what is one thing you are no longer apologizing for?

[Emma Grede]

The type of parent I am. Facts.

[Angie Martinez]

Did they get you a little bit, though? Did they start making you feel.

[Emma Grede]

No, No. I expected it. I anticipated it. I'm very used to the differences in the way moms are treated versus dads, the way women are treated. Treated versus men. Yeah, I did it purposefully because I want to give permission. Permission for other women to just be honest and true. For I'm like, fuck them.

[Angie Martinez]

Okay, Emma, if God were to text you right now, what would it say?

[Emma Grede]

Are you a religious person?

[Angie Martinez]

Are you a spiritual?

[Emma Grede]

I'm a very spiritual person. Not particularly religious. If God was to text me, you know, my favorite thing to be told ever is when people say to you, God bless. Every taxi driver in the whole of England says that to you all the time. But when someone says it to me, I actually feel, like, blessed. Like, I'm blessed for the day. Just that simple. God bless.

[Angie Martinez]

So God would say to you.

[Emma Grede]

God would say to me, God bless. Like, God blesses you, like, for real. Like, you've got the real anointed. Like, it's coming from him in real life. It's like. Because I imagine that every day, like, I feel it's the best thing to be told. Like, you know, it's like, you are blessed. You are, you know, what do you say? Like, in America, they say you're blessed and highly favored. Always loved it when I heard that, because I thought I never heard that before in my life in England, but I feel like that so much. You're blessed and highly favored. It's like a beautiful thing.

[Angie Martinez]

It is pretty great.

[Emma Grede]

It's amazing. Women my life, like, and again, I'd never, ever heard that. That was like, black women would say that to me, like, and I just thought it was incredible.

[Angie Martinez]

Blessed and highly favored.

[Emma Grede]

Yeah, I love that. Is it beautiful when you, like, think. When you break down the words. Now we say it so, like, flippantly, but it's like, blessed and highly favored. That's insane.

[Angie Martinez]

Well, thank you for today. Thank you. And thank you for this beautiful book. And God bless. I'm gonna go and spend more time with this book because clearly I need to start with myself.

[Emma Grede]

You're doing all right, babes.

[Angie Martinez]

Everyone start with yourself. Emma Green.

[Emma Grede]

And roll out. Thank you so, so, so much. Hey, guys.

[Angie Martinez]

Thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angel Martinez IRL podcast. This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.