Angie Martinez IRL - Mary J. Blige On How To Transform Your Life Through Positive Self-Talk

Summary

Podcast Summary: Joe and Jada – Angie Martinez IRL: Mary J. Blige On How To Transform Your Life Through Positive Self-Talk

Date: January 22, 2026
Host: Angie Martinez
Guest: Mary J. Blige
Duration: ~55 min

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Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode features the iconic Mary J. Blige in a candid, vulnerable conversation with her close friend Angie Martinez. Together, they explore the depths of self-love, the lifelong journey of healing, the importance of positive self-talk, navigating pain, friendship, and Mary’s evolution as an artist and woman. Peppered with laughter, realness, and even a few tears, this episode is a masterclass in personal growth and spiritual resilience.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Positive Self-Talk & Transformation

• Mary’s Mantra: The central theme revolves around how positive self-talk can transform your reality. Mary credits her practice of greeting herself every morning with affirmations (“Good morning, gorgeous”) as a catalyst for profound change.
  • “What you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself and what you say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say or believe about you.” (Mary J. Blige, 00:02)
• TD Jakes Influence: Mary describes a pivotal TD Jakes sermon that shifted her mindset, teaching her that her own words shape her life experience.
  • “Whatever you speak to yourself is what you’re going to have.” (Mary J. Blige, 02:04, 22:23)

2. Self-Love as a Daily Practice

• Journey from Survival to Joy: Mary reflects on her earlier years spent in “survival mode,” and how her self-love practice moved from a way to cope with pain to a source of genuine joy and peace.
  • “I’m happy with me. I’m happy inside…when my birthday hit…it settled in: oh, you’re really doing this self-love thing.” (Mary J. Blige, 02:35)
• Affirmation Rituals: Both Angie and Mary discuss the importance of consistency—even if it feels unnatural at first.
  • “Even if you don’t believe it yet, just speak it.” (Mary J. Blige, 22:23)

3. Shedding Old Selves & Embracing Growth

• Letting Go of Old Mary: Before the New Year, Mary wrote a letter to her “old self,” expressing love but setting firm boundaries against carrying old insecurities into the future.
  • “I love you, but you are not a luxury here anymore. You cannot be here anymore.” (Mary J. Blige, 18:28)
• The Sharp Sword of Self-Awareness: Mary likens growth to wielding a sword—cutting away habits and beliefs that no longer serve you.
  • “Self-awareness is the sharpest sword in the land. I wish that for everybody.” (Angie Martinez, 20:12)

4. Standing in Your Gift & Creative Integrity

• Studio Anecdote: Mary shares a story from the studio, describing how she intuitively stands up for her artistic vision, refusing to let others “trick” her out of her truth.
  • “I know what I know, and I know what I don’t know…Back then I was fighting for my identity and for my gift. I’m not going to let you take my gift away.” (Mary J. Blige, 13:07)
• Protecting Her Vision: With time, she’s learned to remain calm and firm rather than combative, maintaining boundaries around her craft.

5. Real Friendships & Support Systems

• Longevity & Respect: The episode is colored by genuine appreciation for long-standing friendships. Respecting boundaries, non-judgment, and support are cited as critical for sustaining relationships.
  • “Knowing your friend and understanding her boundaries, that’s how you keep friends for years.” (Mary J. Blige, 33:07)
  • “The non-judgment is what keeps friendships.” (Mary J. Blige, 33:07)

6. Empathy and Boundaries

• Empaths Need Limits Too: Both women reflect on being empaths and the importance of boundaries. Angie warns that without boundaries, the world can “suck the life out of you.”
  • “You cannot be an empath and not have boundaries…the world will devour you.” (Angie Martinez, 39:02)

7. Defining and Manifesting Love

• Evolution of Love’s Meaning: Mary contrasts her youthful idea of love as infatuation with her current view of love as consistent, respectful action.
  • “Love is a verb...you have to continue to do it.” (Mary J. Blige, 46:31)
• Manifesting Through Speech: She unapologetically affirms her dreams aloud—"I’m a billionaire. I’m healthy, I’m loved.”

8. Vulnerability and Spiritual Resilience

• Crying Happy Tears: Mary tears up imagining a message from God—pride in her growth and resilience.
  • “I see you doing the work. I saw who you was…I see you wanting to be better and not bitter.” (Mary J. Blige, 47:43)
• Faith in Tough Times: She attributes her perseverance and ultimate success to God “carrying” her, especially during dark moments of her life and career.
  • “It had to be God carrying me to my purpose…Footsteps in the sand.” (Mary J. Blige, 50:55)

9. New Ventures and Legacy

• Las Vegas Residency: Mary shares her excitement about her upcoming residency, promising intimate and energetic shows infused with the signature “Mary vibe”—boots, bops, and all.
  • “It’s gonna be intimate and it’s gonna be big…Die-hard Mary J. Blige fans.” (Mary J. Blige, 07:46-08:32)
• Production Projects: Her production company is collaborating with Lifetime for movies inspired by her song titles, extending her creative legacy.
  • “All the movies are like the names of my songs…‘Real Love,’ ‘Strength of a Woman,’ ‘Family Affair,’ and now ‘Be Happy.’” (Mary J. Blige, 43:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 00:02 | "Guaranteed human. What you think about yourself…is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say or believe about you." | Mary J. Blige | | 02:35 | “Yeah, I’m happy with me. I’m happy inside…there’s a joy inside.” | Mary J. Blige | | 06:16 | “You’re not doing it because you’re in trauma. You’re just doing it…to maintain that look that you have that you love…that inside, when you light up.” | Mary J. Blige & Angie Martinez | | 13:07 | “I know what I know…Back then I was fighting for my identity and for my gift.” | Mary J. Blige | | 18:28 | “Listen, old Mary, I don’t want no parts of you…You cannot be here anymore.” | Mary J. Blige | | 20:12 | “Self-awareness is the sharpest sword in the land. I wish that for everybody.” | Angie Martinez | | 46:31 | “Love is a verb. You have to continue to do it…That’s yourself included.” | Mary J. Blige | | 47:40 | “He (God) would say, 'I see you doing the work…I see you wanting to be better and not bitter.'” | Mary J. Blige |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:02: Mary’s opening statement on the power of self-talk
• 02:35: Mary discusses the internal shift from survival to joy and self-love
• 06:02: Angie and Mary reflect on the self-love journey and its rituals
• 13:07: Mary details fighting for her artistry and gift in the music industry
• 18:28: Mary on writing a letter to her “old self” to release insecurities
• 20:12: The concept of self-awareness and growth as a “sword”
• 33:07: The keys to maintaining real, long-standing friendships
• 39:02: On being an empath and the necessity of boundaries
• 43:49: Mary’s new Lifetime movie projects and creative expansion
• 46:31: Mary’s evolved understanding of love as action and effort
• 47:40: Mary’s emotional response to what God would say to her today
• 50:55: Discussing perseverance, faith, and the “footsteps in the sand” motif

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Episode Tone

Warm, vulnerable, honest, empowering, and humorous—rooted in genuine friendship and deep mutual respect.

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Conclusion

This conversation is more than a celebrity interview; it’s a guide to real healing, self-affirmation, and spiritual tenacity. From stories of struggle and affirmation rituals to the celebration of personal and creative victories, Mary J. Blige inspires listeners to own their worth, speak life into themselves, and keep evolving. The candid, sisterly banter with Angie Martinez is equally comforting and motivating, leaving listeners with a sense of hope—and plenty of practical wisdom.

Transcript

[Angie Martinez]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Mary J. Blige]

Guaranteed human. What you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself and what you say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say or believe about you. So imagine you come, oh, I'm. I ain't this, I ain't that. I'm ugly. You are causing all of the insecurities. You are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful. And whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what? Good morning, beautiful. Good morning, gorgeous. I love you, I need you. God loves you. I don't give what the hell what everybody else has to say. What do you think? And it started to grow and it started to manifest.

[Podcast Announcer]

Thanks for watching, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile.

[Mary J. Blige]

Hi, sis.

[Angie Martinez]

What up?

[Mary J. Blige]

Okay.

[Podcast Announcer]

Today's guest is a once in a generation talent and powerhouse. She's a singer, songwriter, actress, producer, entrepreneur, cementing her legacy with 15 groundbreaking studio albums. She has earned nine Grammy Awards, a Primetime Emmy Award, six BET Awards, 12 NAACP Awards, headline Madison Square Garden, received.

[Angie Martinez]

A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

[Podcast Announcer]

Nominated for best supporting Actress for her.

[Angie Martinez]

Incredible job that she did in Mudbound both at the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes, she continues to just cement this legacy even further.

[Podcast Announcer]

She's hitting Las Vegas.

[Angie Martinez]

Vegas for her residency that she just announced. She is a s. She is a friend. She is my girl. She is Mary J. Blige today. Mary.

[Mary J. Blige]

Angie, I'm here.

[Podcast Announcer]

You did all them things as you was reading.

[Angie Martinez]

I still didn't really.

[Mary J. Blige]

It didn't.

[Angie Martinez]

It still. I did that.

[Podcast Announcer]

Damn.

[Angie Martinez]

Honestly, there's probably. There's probably mad shit not on the card that you did.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's a beautiful thing, Ange. You've been on the journey with me.

[Angie Martinez]

I know.

[Mary J. Blige]

I love seeing what the journey was.

[Angie Martinez]

That is the piece. The valleys that makes. That's why it makes me so happy you walked into here today. Your skin looks good, the hair looks good.

[Podcast Announcer]

Like, you just look happy and free.

[Angie Martinez]

And I saw you on something. You're doing a press run. So I saw a clip of you on something earlier and I was like, she's happy. Like, I could feel it through the TV that you are really happy.

[Mary J. Blige]

And you know I am.

[Angie Martinez]

I know you are because you know me. You're so happy. It makes me so happy.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, I'm happy with me. I'm happy inside, you know, there's a joy inside that's like. You know, when my birthday hit, it came like two Days before my birthday. Not that I wasn't happy before, but two days before my birthday, it comes. Something settled in. Like the, oh, you really doing this self love thing. You doing it. You really doing it. And I was like, you motherfucker. Right? I'm doing it.

[Angie Martinez]

It's good, it's good.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's good. And it feels good. It feels like a weightlifter when you don't have to, like, worry so much, you know, but you're self aware and you're self checking and that's. That's a gift.

[Angie Martinez]

I posted a picture of us for your birthday. And we look like we're 12 years old.

[Mary J. Blige]

And. Oh, my.

[Angie Martinez]

You hate this picture because you hate this hat, right? Oh, man. Oh, we was 12 years old, but look at our baby faces.

[Podcast Announcer]

Like, what?

[Angie Martinez]

Like, Ash, I know we're children, but look, look, look.

[Mary J. Blige]

What? We have drinks.

[Angie Martinez]

We have a drink. Yeah, we still.

[Mary J. Blige]

We keep a drink.

[Angie Martinez]

We keep a drink. We enjoy a cocktail.

[Mary J. Blige]

I was mad a little.

[Angie Martinez]

We were. And I think we were in Mumba. Is that Mumba?

[Mary J. Blige]

Yes, that's.

[Angie Martinez]

That might have been Mumba. But we're in the club, wherever we're old, we are in that picture. And like, no clue what the next 20. It has to be 30 years ago, right? Like, or close to it.

[Mary J. Blige]

Maybe more than that. Yeah. Because Mumbai was like. Is that place even open still? No.

[Angie Martinez]

God, that's been closed for decades. When you look at that girl, like. Or both of us, I just. I got so much joy seeing that and then seeing you so happy because there's been so much in your life that you've gone through. And I'm sure there's things that we don't even know. Even your friends. That just makes me very happy for you, baby.

[Mary J. Blige]

Thank you, sis. I mean, you know, the stuff that you guys don't know about is the stuff that I had to weather, you know, like, really, really weather. But the stuff I come to y' all with is the stuff y' all help me with. Y' all help me, you know, y' all still helping. We still helping each other.

[Angie Martinez]

You know, we still helping each other.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's still not easy, but it's better than what it was before for sure, you know, because we know what we're doing. We know what we allow.

[Podcast Announcer]

I love that you're back on the pod, too.

[Angie Martinez]

We.

[Podcast Announcer]

When was the. Mary did the.

[Angie Martinez]

You were like one of our first guests when we first launched the pod.

[Mary J. Blige]

We've come up.

[Podcast Announcer]

We've come a long way.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Like three Years in now.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Right. Right in the middle of COVID It was it after Covid. It was in Jersey at that restaurant.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. We were just starting. Somebody let. Let us use their restaurant because we didn't have a studio or location yet. And I just feel like things are so much different even from. Even from then where we are in our lives.

[Podcast Announcer]

I was like, where. Where were we in our lives at that time? You were like, you.

[Angie Martinez]

Why you say that? Because that's what was at. No, you were. You.

[Mary J. Blige]

I was in survival mode. I was coming out.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

Of all the stuff I was still unraveling, I feel like, you know what I'm saying?

[Angie Martinez]

Claiming it before you were on your way to it. But you were. And you were claiming it.

[Podcast Announcer]

You were like, I found it.

[Angie Martinez]

I found self love.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yes.

[Angie Martinez]

But I feel like you were still in the process of.

[Mary J. Blige]

Sinking into it. What do you call it? Settling into it. Yes. And it just settled like. It just settled like two days before my birthday, it settled like. Oh, yes. Yeah. Damn.

[Angie Martinez]

You know what I mean?

[Mary J. Blige]

We. We in the. In this self love thing. But then it was like still manifesting it.

[Angie Martinez]

You went into your good morning gorgeous era. That was the beginning of the good morning and gorgeous era.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yes.

[Angie Martinez]

And now you like did that. Now you're like a pro at that.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. And you have to do it every day. You know, you still have to do it, but it's not like as stressful as it was. It's just something you know that you have to do.

[Angie Martinez]

Right. You're not doing it because you're in trauma. You're just doing it because I enjoy to maintain.

[Mary J. Blige]

To. To maintain that look that you have that you love. Whatever that look it is that I'm loving. I gotta. I'm not talking about hair and makeup. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about that look that inside.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

When you light up.

[Angie Martinez]

What season are we in right now?

[Mary J. Blige]

I don't know. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Like liberation. That's where we are. Oh, we are liberated.

[Podcast Announcer]

Talk about it.

[Mary J. Blige]

That's where we are.

[Angie Martinez]

It is the year of the horse, they say. Do you know that?

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. And horses don't look back when they're running. They're not like this. They like this. And that's, you know, whatever it is that was. That was holding. Holding me back. I don't have any space in my new house for bullshit. And bullshit is just the way that I thought of myself as inferior. Like people are even saying, why she let me treat her like this? Because she's treating her like this. You see what I'm saying? So I'm not doing that anymore. I like the way I treat myself, I like the way I feel, and I like the way I'm being treated.

[Angie Martinez]

I feel like this is a perfect time in your life to do this residency. Because when I think about Vegas shows.

[Podcast Announcer]

They'Re like big and grand and like bright lights.

[Angie Martinez]

I mean, how does. How is a Mary Vegas show gonna feel?

[Mary J. Blige]

It's gonna be intimate and it's gonna be big. It's gonna be big and bright. But it's 5,000 seats. That's not Arena. Arena's like 20,000 people. Half of the people you don't even know, half of them haters.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, right.

[Mary J. Blige]

About 5,000 of them are people that really love you and respect you. The rest of them are like, oh, this bitch is. She's dope. I didn't know that. You know, they're figuring out who you are. So this is going to be.

[Angie Martinez]

The funny thing is I can imagine you being on stage actually having those conversations in your head. The don't even know me right there.

[Podcast Announcer]

I could know. I know you to know.

[Angie Martinez]

To know that you do that.

[Mary J. Blige]

They be right in the front like this. I was like, what the did you.

[Angie Martinez]

Buy a ticket for?

[Mary J. Blige]

Like, I just lost it. What are you here for anyway?

[Angie Martinez]

So Vegas won't be like that, cuz you'll have 5,000 of your closest fans.

[Mary J. Blige]

Die hard Mary J. Blige fans. And it's going to be lights and bright and fun, but it's going to be intimate, like how Radio city used to be when I used to perform there.

[Angie Martinez]

That's fire.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

Did you see. Have you seen any of the ones do you go to? Have you been to Vegas residencies? Have you seen other people?

[Mary J. Blige]

I saw Ushers. It was dope.

[Angie Martinez]

Usher's was super dope. Definitely one of my favorites.

[Mary J. Blige]

It was dope. He just.

[Angie Martinez]

Because he catered to his.

[Mary J. Blige]

His life story. Yeah, he had the strippers there, you know. You know, because Atlanta.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

He got skates.

[Angie Martinez]

He did it.

[Mary J. Blige]

Well, it was dope.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, it was really dope.

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Angie Martinez]

But are you also thinking about the.

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Angie Martinez]

Are we going to have social? I feel like when Usher did it, it was like every week we were seeing a social clip of. I feel like we should do that for yours too.

[Mary J. Blige]

Okay.

[Angie Martinez]

We want to see, like, I don't know, we have to make. I mean, you're not gonna feed dudes cherries, but I'm saying that was the thing.

[Mary J. Blige]

The Mary J. Blige show is gonna be about. What do people love from me? You know what I mean?

[Angie Martinez]

All right, let's think about this. What do people love? For me?

[Mary J. Blige]

They love the Mary Bop.

[Angie Martinez]

Yes, the Mary Bop. So we gonna bop the fuck out. Do something with that.

[Mary J. Blige]

We're gonna make people famous with the Mary Pop.

[Angie Martinez]

They gonna be.

[Mary J. Blige]

Who wants to do that? It's going to be crazy. It's going to be like that. So what else?

[Angie Martinez]

People. I love that.

[Mary J. Blige]

People want to sing the songs.

[Angie Martinez]

People want to wear a boot and.

[Mary J. Blige]

Come with your thigh highs.

[Angie Martinez]

Yes.

[Mary J. Blige]

Come with your thigh highs. Come with your blonde wigs or bobs.

[Angie Martinez]

Or whatever it is.

[Mary J. Blige]

Come with some good shades. Hoops. Hoops.

[Angie Martinez]

Good ones.

[Mary J. Blige]

Great.

[Angie Martinez]

This is a. This is going to be a vibe. All right, Las Vegas, we are coming.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, that's. That's.

[Angie Martinez]

Have you seen this clip? There's a clip. I don't know. On your birthday. I was scrolling and I saw a clip of. It's you in the studio with the old crew. They were doing a mix and you weren't feeling the way the mix was going. And you were like, yo, stop playing with me.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's some trickery going on in here. And I don't. I don't like listening to what I'm saying. When I sat down here, I know what I'm hearing and I'm not trying to. That's what I was trying to tell you, to listen. Any kind of trouble because I'm a grown up. I'm not a child.

[Podcast Announcer]

But something was so dope about it because it.

[Angie Martinez]

And I know you.

[Podcast Announcer]

We all know you like how, how.

[Angie Martinez]

You talk about second guessing yourself. But there was something in that moment where you could see that how much you believed in your gift and how, how much you know your gift and can nobody in this room tell you about your gift?

[Podcast Announcer]

You were like, no, I hear it. I know what it's supposed to feel like.

[Angie Martinez]

I don't Know, it was just a. A dope moment of you kind of like standing in your gift.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

And not letting people fuck around with it.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. I get, like, that when people are trying to mess with it like that. Cause so that's when I start going a little crazy, you know?

[Angie Martinez]

You really weren't crazy, but you know what I mean?

[Mary J. Blige]

Like, when I say crazy, that's when I start, you know, like, getting a little sharp because you're trying to mess with my head. And I know exactly what I'm talking about. Like, I'm not gonna go against my intuition. I'm not gonna go. My ears are insane. I should have been a producer, because I can hear very well. I can hear what mixes are great. I can hear things that people can't. I can hear things that people can't hear.

[Angie Martinez]

But it was the description. You were like, there's something that happens to me when I hear the rough version. There's something that the music does to me that you said something like, eat grits to. Or something like. That's that shit that you eat grits to.

[Mary J. Blige]

Right.

[Angie Martinez]

And you said.

[Podcast Announcer]

And I feel it, and I know.

[Angie Martinez]

The difference, and my fans know the difference. I don't know. It's just such a dope moment of you really defining, like, what makes you special and you not letting people fuck with that.

[Mary J. Blige]

I thought was.

[Angie Martinez]

Was really dope to see.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

Because it is a gift, right?

[Mary J. Blige]

It is. It is. And, you know, everybody has their gift, but that's mine. It's like, I know what my fans want to hear.

[Angie Martinez]

What is the what? If you had to describe the Mary J. Blige gift, how would you describe it?

[Mary J. Blige]

It's just, I know what I know, and I know what I don't know. I know what I know. I know when this thing starts going off, there's something going on. There's either something good or something bad going on, you know? And when people are trying to trick me and this goes off, then I'm gonna start, and you trying to tell me something different, then I'm gonna just start. I have to learn to pull back the. I don't want to call it crazy, but, you know, when I get upset, when people are trying to take that. Take advantage of me, I learned how to pull that back, calm it down. Yeah. And just know what I know and not get excited. But back then, I was fighting for my identity and for my gift. I was fighting for my gift. I'm not going to let you take my gift away. I'm not going to Let you be like, you crazy. I'm not going to let people do that to me. Do you understand?

[Podcast Announcer]

I do.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

You crazy. You don't know what you're talking about. I know exactly what I'm talking about. You just trying to get what you want. You understand? So I was really fighting for it then. Now I'll just be like, I know what I want and that's it. And I'm gonna get what I want.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

And that's it, you know? You're gonna do what I said with my business? With my business, with people's lives. I don't try to push anybody to do whatever.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

But with my business, I'm gonna get what I want.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

You know, and that was my business. I was trying to put out an album, you know, I was going through this thing where everybody was like, oh, Mary's washed up. She's this, she's that. So I wanted my album to be great. And I said, this is the one. This is what my fans want. My fans want this color. My fans want this feeling. That's what we want to give them. So that's what I was fighting for. What I know feels good to myself and my fans.

[Angie Martinez]

It's interesting that you say now, like, when we're grownups, it's like when you have the confidence to know.

[Podcast Announcer]

I feel like when we act out, it's because people push us so much and you're like, nah, I'm not crazy. I know what I. But now when you know, when you're.

[Angie Martinez]

So settled into you, you could just be like, I said no. Out of here. Out of here. That's. That's really the difference, though. Exactly. Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

Nah, you gonna do this period. Period. Not. It's okay.

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Angie Martinez]

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[Podcast Announcer]

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[Mary J. Blige]

Got you.

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Angie Martinez]

This is probably. We were talking about swords. The season of swords Jill Scott was on is on this last episode of irl. She said her sword is sharp. It's kind of like what you were talking about. Like things that don't work for you anymore. Things that no longer make you happy no longer serve you. What's that sword like of yours?

[Mary J. Blige]

The exact same thing. But it's mostly things that I need to get rid of within me. So before the new year came in, it was. I just felt like I was shedding a lot of residue that, that. That insecurities had caused, you know, just shit.

[Angie Martinez]

Just.

[Mary J. Blige]

Just getting rid of the rest of the. You ain't this. You ain't that. In my own head.

[Angie Martinez]

Who is this person? It's you.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's Mary. So I had to. I'm shedding old Mary. I wrote this letter to myself. I was like I don't. I was like, listen, old Mary, I don't want no parts of you. I don't have any space for you anymore. You're negative. You're. You're. You're. You're negative. You're insecure. I don't want any more. Any parts of you. I love you, but you are not a luxury here anymore. You cannot be here anymore. So that's me still shedding the resume.

[Angie Martinez]

Is that your actual letter?

[Mary J. Blige]

Like, it's in my phone.

[Angie Martinez]

And you put dear old Mary.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yes. I was like, I love you, but I can't have you here for this next level. I have to move. And you're holding me because you're afraid that someone might hurt you, that someone might take something. Yeah. People took from you, but they will no longer take from me. So you out of here. I'm leaving you. I have to keep shedding you, you know, so that's what. That's where my sword is at. Like, not, you know, looking at other people and be like, well, okay, that's what. Who you are. But it's not about who you are. It's about who I am and what I gotta do for myself. So I'll just shed in. Just. Just shed in things that. That hold me back, that's inside of me. And that caused me to think of myself as inferior. And I'm not inferior. I'm loved, I'm blessed, I'm highly favored. I'm humble. I keep humility because I don't want to think of myself more highly as I ought, because then I'll start treating people bad and looking down on them. That's self awareness. That's a sharp sword. Oh, my God.

[Angie Martinez]

Self awareness is the sharpest sword in the land. I wish that for everybody. Self awareness.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

How can you fix what you don't know is broken?

[Mary J. Blige]

Exactly.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

How can you fix what you refuse to acknowledge?

[Angie Martinez]

Word.

[Mary J. Blige]

And that's the long, hard look that we take. And it hurts. It hurts when we're there, but it hurts worse if we stay there. It hurts worse when you stack, when you stay stagnant, when we start moving. Little by little, that skin starts coming off that old skin. And you still have residue, like right now, but it's not as painful now because you know that that's not a luxury. That's not a luxury anymore. That old snakeskin or whatever. It's not. You understand what I'm saying?

[Angie Martinez]

I do.

[Podcast Announcer]

It's not.

[Angie Martinez]

Some people get comfortable in the snakeskin.

[Podcast Announcer]

Some people use it as a. Like, oh, I'm just that way because of this. Or, or they use their past traumas.

[Angie Martinez]

As like an excuse to behave a certain way or an excuse to live their life a certain way because what they come from. Right. And so it's easier for some people to not be self aware because they just want to sit in the that they always been doing. You know what I mean?

[Podcast Announcer]

It's, it actually is harder to be.

[Angie Martinez]

A better version of yourself because it requires work. The fact that you're still writing yourself letters, the fact that for however long this is, this journey, this has been, has been going on for you and you've been evolving. The fact that you're still waking up in the morning and saying, I'm highly favored, I'm blessed, dear old Mary, like you are still working on yourself to this day, it's like a testament. It's harder to do that than it is to just be comfortable in some old shit. You don't think so?

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, it's hard. But think about when you was in the old shit. Wasn't it always something gnawing at you, like something is wrong? But I can't do anything about it right now because I don't know what to do. This is what studying and self help books and good friends to tell you the truth is about. They help you unravel. But when you don't know what to do, you don't know what to do. And, but once you get the information now you're accountable for it. So people get the information and they stay stuck. I got the information, I was like, soon as I got the information I started to unravel. What was your number one information that TD Jake sermon?

[Angie Martinez]

What was it?

[Mary J. Blige]

He said what you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself. What you say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say or believe about you. So imagine you come, oh, I'm, I ain't this, I ain't that, I'm ugly. You are causing all of the insecurities, you are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful and whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what? Good morning gorgeous. Good morning beautiful. And I didn't even believe it yet, but I just started speaking it. Ang. Good morning beautiful. Good morning gorgeous. I love you, I need you, God loves you. I don't give what the hell what everybody else has to say. What do you think? And it started to grow and it started to manifest. You understand?

[Angie Martinez]

I do.

[Mary J. Blige]

You Know me.

[Angie Martinez]

I know.

[Mary J. Blige]

And, you know, if I was still. You know what I'm saying, I'd be not. You know what I mean?

[Angie Martinez]

You'd be trying. You would still be trying.

[Mary J. Blige]

I just didn't want to be stuck in that. I don't. I don't like to feel insecure. It's not a cool thing. It makes you look ugly. It makes you act whack and makes you treat other people terribly. So I have to keep working on that. You know, I like what you said.

[Angie Martinez]

Too, about the things you tell yourself. Good morning, gorgeous. Even as you were saying that how you favored. I don't know. Lately, I've been realizing I've been saying this a lot. You probably heard me say this, Brit.

[Podcast Announcer]

And I didn't even realize I was.

[Angie Martinez]

Doing it, but I'd say something and I'd be like, God loves me.

[Podcast Announcer]

Or, God loves me so much.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

That could even make me like, oof.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yes, he does. He does love you. And I think that we do ourselves a disservice. We do him a disservice. We spit in his face when we be like, I'm ugly. How dare we? Right?

[Podcast Announcer]

But I think it's whatever the things that. I use that as an example because.

[Angie Martinez]

It really does feed how you behave. Right?

[Podcast Announcer]

Like, even the other day, I was like, there was something going on. I don't remember what it was that.

[Angie Martinez]

Day where I was like, I don't know. In a low. I was like, this is not a good day. And then something small happened, and I was like, God loves me so much.

[Mary J. Blige]

Wow.

[Podcast Announcer]

Just for the one little thing, I'm like, oh, he loves me so much.

[Angie Martinez]

And it takes the energy away from whatever the negative thing was happening before.

[Podcast Announcer]

And so I'm just using that as an example of, like, one way that what. What you tell yourself really shifts the program, right?

[Mary J. Blige]

I know.

[Podcast Announcer]

We hear it. It almost sounds cliche how you talk to yourself because you hear that all the time. But really, what are the words that you say out loud that you really talk to yourself?

[Angie Martinez]

It really is a big thing. I think people need to be reminded of that sometimes.

[Mary J. Blige]

100%. Let me. Let. This is how another way I look at it, Angie, if God created us, right? Which he did, and they said he spoke everything into existence. Let there be light, let there be water, let there be land. He spoke the universe into existence. And if he's our father, like, you have your mother's eyes, your mother's ears, your mother's, whatever, why don't we have our Father's power. He gave us the authority to speak. The power. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. That's all in the word. Think about this. Everything negative that I said about myself, I was living in it. So we. Come on. That's. That's wisdom, and that's what we shed now. I'm beautiful, I'm healthy, I'm wealthy, I'm a billionaire. I'm a trillionaire.

[Angie Martinez]

You know, whatever Mary been saying she a billionaire for years. It's going to catch up. It's going to catch up.

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm billionaire, I'm loved, I'm this, I'm that. Everything positive.

[Podcast Announcer]

I'm on the right path.

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm on the right path.

[Angie Martinez]

God loves me. He got me. I'm on my way. That's what I've been lately giving myself.

[Mary J. Blige]

God loves me, that type of thing. Yes.

[Angie Martinez]

You know, it's so funny. I just watched Teyana Taylor win the Golden Globes. Yes.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yes. Congrats to her. She deserves that.

[Angie Martinez]

So she was here. She came to the pod at an earlier time when she had just done 1001. It was her first film.

[Podcast Announcer]

But she, you know, she been through a lot.

[Angie Martinez]

She was heartbroken by the industry. So many times she was like, I'm gonna retire from music.

[Podcast Announcer]

I guess I'm gonna try this acting thing.

[Angie Martinez]

I'm gonna really lean into this.

[Mary J. Blige]

And, yes, I could just tell she.

[Podcast Announcer]

Had been knocked down so many times. She'd been at it since she's 15.

[Angie Martinez]

So to watch her on that stage.

[Mary J. Blige]

I know crying like the, like. Like the ugly cry, like, it's just.

[Angie Martinez]

It really is just like a God's timing for everybody.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's just when it's your time, when it's your time, it's your time.

[Angie Martinez]

When.

[Mary J. Blige]

When it's your time, it's your time and can nobody stop it? Can nobody get in the way and can nobody take it away?

[Angie Martinez]

What is gonna be the next. I don't know. What do you have for yourself? What is the thing that you're chasing now? When you think about, like, I'm just.

[Mary J. Blige]

Chasing peace, like peace of mind.

[Angie Martinez]

You just want.

[Mary J. Blige]

Chasing this residency, getting it right, getting it up, you know, and popping. Definitely gonna do some more acting. I would love to. I would love to win an Oscar one day.

[Angie Martinez]

Put it in the universe.

[Mary J. Blige]

I did already. I put it in the universe, you know? You know, just for playing, you know, somebody iconic. You know what I mean?

[Angie Martinez]

You already know when you're.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, I kind of do.

[Angie Martinez]

All right, well, let people guess but we gonna win an Oscar. What else we gonna manifest? Tony, Tony, you want all the things you wanna be. An ego.

[Mary J. Blige]

I wanna be an ego. But if I don't get the Tony, I'm fine, you know?

[Angie Martinez]

Do you really care about awards? That surprises me.

[Mary J. Blige]

I don't. But I always wanted to, you know, for. For the acting. You know something. I wanted to see what I can. If I can. I got the nomination.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's a big deal, you know, and that's great. But I would love to win an Oscar. I would love to. Oh, I got an Oscar, you know, and if I don't get it, it's fine. But it's something that, you know, why not?

[Angie Martinez]

It's something to chase. Yeah, it's a fun goal to chase.

[Mary J. Blige]

There you go.

[Angie Martinez]

But it doesn't make it. It doesn't make you an unhappy person. It's not a chase.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's not like, oh, God, I gotta have an Oscar. I don't really care about it like that. But if I, you know, when I got nominated for the Oscars, I was like, oh, my God, I got nominated for Oscar. I said, what if I win it? Then I got started to get scared. What if I win it? So. But if I win it? I don't do. If I don't, then. But I would love it, though. You see what I'm.

[Angie Martinez]

Yes, I would love it.

[Mary J. Blige]

Something to chase.

[Angie Martinez]

I love that you're still chasing things at this point in your career. We read your introduction. You've done so, like, literally, you could do nothing else, and you have done enough. But the fact that you still have that fire. You know what I would like you to address because this pisses me off when I see the memes, because, you know, you be on stage doing your little. And they act like you don't want to be there.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

They say Mary is unbothered. Married. Mary doesn't want to be here. Let me see those memes and what you talking about?

[Mary J. Blige]

The ones they're talking about When I be.

[Angie Martinez]

When you be like.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, so let me just. Let me just say this. Mary looked tired. She was. I was.

[Angie Martinez]

Please curse.

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm a curse.

[Angie Martinez]

Really hard. You don't need to curse. Really hard.

[Mary J. Blige]

I was fucking exhausted because I was on the 30th show of 40 shows.

[Angie Martinez]

So you actually were tired.

[Mary J. Blige]

I was. We was in Chicago or something like that. I was exhausted. I was kind of over everything and you were over.

[Podcast Announcer]

So they was right.

[Mary J. Blige]

No, I was. I was just tired.

[Angie Martinez]

Okay.

[Mary J. Blige]

I was tired and I was just Just kind of, you know, it was the 30th show.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

So, I mean, I've been working hard all my life, and sometimes you get tired. So for people to be like, oh, she looked tired. Yeah, I was fucking tired. I was.

[Angie Martinez]

Fuck you.

[Podcast Announcer]

I was tired today. I'm not.

[Mary J. Blige]

But they always want to be like, oh, this person look like they tired. Yo, these women out here in this business are working really, really hard. You know, Beyonce has a hundred shows, so, yeah, she going to be fucking tired on her 50th show. She going to her neck. Whatever she be doing, she gonna. It's gonna look like she. She need to stop doing it. Cause she's done it for 50 shows, so everybody shut up with that shit. Yes. Sometimes we get tired, but when we rest, we on.

[Angie Martinez]

That's so funny. I didn't think that was gonna be your reaction. I thought you were gonna be like, nah, that was just my swag that day.

[Mary J. Blige]

Nah, I was tired. I was tired.

[Angie Martinez]

And you know.

[Podcast Announcer]

You know, let me tell you how.

[Mary J. Blige]

I tried to do it. I was like. I was exhausted. I was like, well, maybe, you know, it's gonna look, like different.

[Angie Martinez]

But it looked like into my mind. It didn't. It didn't feel like.

[Mary J. Blige]

It looked like. It looked.

[Angie Martinez]

And I seen it back.

[Mary J. Blige]

I was like, oh, man. Oh, I guess that's how it really was.

[Podcast Announcer]

You know?

[Angie Martinez]

That's really funny. I didn't expect you to answer that. That way we do. We all get tired and we work hard.

[Podcast Announcer]

Shit.

[Angie Martinez]

I thought you were gonna be like, nah, I'm never tired.

[Mary J. Blige]

Nah, I was tired.

[Angie Martinez]

They caught you. Y' all got me exhausted.

[Mary J. Blige]

I probably was drinking the night before. You know how you try to do that? Like, let me try to get some drinks in.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

And then you have, like a. Probably a light hangover or something.

[Angie Martinez]

No, but you know what? You're really good at that.

[Podcast Announcer]

We'll be out, and you'd be like.

[Angie Martinez]

I'm calling dinner early tonight. Or, I'm not drinking. Or you'll even say, last time I was at Lorena's house, you almost didn't even come over. You were like, nah, I gotta get up. Gotta get up tomorrow. I'm not coming over.

[Mary J. Blige]

Right.

[Angie Martinez]

Cause you're serious about your. You're shit.

[Mary J. Blige]

I am, but I. When you're on the road, sometimes you just got. You just need something other than sitting in the bus, sitting in the room. I can't go nowhere. I can't go where everybody else goes. It's a fucking nightmare. So when I Get ready, like give me some wine and then I have to, you know, pay for it. You know where I pay for it at?

[Angie Martinez]

You know, maybe I had, I don't.

[Mary J. Blige]

Know, but I was just beat.

[Angie Martinez]

But you got a lot of energy. You take your fucking work seriously. And you, you back outside, you about to do a long ass run in Vegas.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

How do you prep for that?

[Mary J. Blige]

Are you like just rest? I'm about to go a little dry, you know, an alcohol for a little bit.

[Angie Martinez]

Are you going to do that?

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm a try.

[Angie Martinez]

Are you doing dry? You're not doing dry January? No.

[Mary J. Blige]

Maybe I'm about to be drinking in January, but maybe dry, maybe dry February. Maybe like all the way up to March or something like that.

[Podcast Announcer]

You know what I would like to.

[Angie Martinez]

Talk about too is that I noticed that whenever our birthdays are around, we always post it. People always like to see friendship, real friendship, because I think everybody wants if you have real friends, you know what it is so you appreciate it. So when you see other people, you're like, yes, I know a real friendship. Or sometimes people are disappointed by friendships and then they see real friendships and I think that inspires them. What do you think is the key to that?

[Mary J. Blige]

What, to real friendships?

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

Respect, respecting. Like I'm gonna use you, for instance, Angie, if we didn't know you love us, we wouldn't think you loved us. Because you. Cause when you go zero dog 30, you be like, yo, where the fuck is she at? Did you hear Lori? Like, yo, sis, I ain't hear from her either. Like, all right, well, you know, you know Angie, we know Angie, that's love and respect for your friend. Knowing your friend and understanding her boundaries, that's how you keep friends for years, you know what I'm saying? We've been friends for years, but every time you go missing, I'm like, angie hates me. Well, she just being Angie, we love you. So that's keep friendships and not non judgment and not always trying to tell a person what they need to do. You know, sometimes you gotta show your friend you love them and you trust their awareness and you know, you trust that they're smart not to. And if they choose not to be smart, you got to be there for that too. So no judgment. And then when it's sometimes, you know, need to slide something in that they really need to hear, you know, then you slide and then you slide it in. But the non judgment is what keeps friendships.

[Angie Martinez]

I think that's a real thing too.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

Because sometimes any relationships, even like man, woman, relationships, or even friendships. Sometimes entitlement starts to kick in.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Or like, this is what you need to be doing.

[Angie Martinez]

Or I got.

[Podcast Announcer]

I don't know. They're just like, a ego, and entitlements can sometimes slip into friendships.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

And I think that that's part of it. Right.

[Angie Martinez]

You want to tell your friend what that you think they should be doing because you know better when you, like, you don't. Nobody knows better what the other person has to do in their life, because.

[Podcast Announcer]

You don't even know what mistakes they.

[Angie Martinez]

Need to make to be the version of themselves that they about to be. So sometimes you get in the way of people's growths when you try to, like, over.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Protect. Like, I don't harass. I don't harass any of y' all because I trust that you guys know who you are, and I love y', all, and I. And I know me. I don't want y' all over harassing me.

[Angie Martinez]

You don't like that shit?

[Mary J. Blige]

No, I don't. If I want to do something stupid, I'm gonna do something stupid. If I want to do something smart, I'm gonna do something smart. But if you do have something for me, I'm gonna be able to receive it, you know? And there's an invisible line. Like, I'm not like, oh, that's just Angie. I'm always like, yo, that's my fucking friend. Like, I'm never too used to you. I'm never too used to Lauren. I'm never too used to Nikki. I'm never too used to anybody close to me. Like, everybody and anybody that I'm around, I respect the invisible line. Meaning, like, I always honor you. Not. Oh, you've been around me for so many years. It's just you. No, the fact that you've been around me, it makes me really honor you. Like, I don't want to cross this invisible line and lose you, because that's your line. You see what I'm saying?

[Angie Martinez]

Well, we ain't going nowhere. You know that.

[Mary J. Blige]

I know, but you. I don't want to do that.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

I don't want to ever disrespect you or disrespect anybody I truly love by making them think I'm so full. Oh, that's just. I can be. That's just. No, don't. If you got. If you're going to treat me like that, don't be my friend. Don't even try. Oh, that's just her. Stop trying to size me up. And figure out when you're gonna get used to me enough to try to diss me or say some smart shit to me. That's not friendship. But we don't do that. We stay. We stay fresh and we stay fresh and new in our friendship. So I should be popping all the time. You got those shoes, sis? You know that's Lorena with the shoes.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, yeah. She gonna tell you when to get some shoes. Yeah, but there's. There's. There's. I recommend to women or to. Is to really, like, take those relationships seriously.

[Podcast Announcer]

Because I think in the up and.

[Angie Martinez]

Downs of all our lives, that's what you come back to, right? Are those friendships?

[Mary J. Blige]

It's like, yes.

[Angie Martinez]

Even if. It's just even like you said, you let somebody go do whatever. Crazy ass, whatever. Oh, she wants some crazy right now and be right here when she.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, we gonna be waiting right here, right here.

[Angie Martinez]

But through the ups and downs of the life, it really is the friendships that ground you and pick you up when you down.

[Mary J. Blige]

And, yeah, we get strength from each other.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, for sure. I love you for that. I love you so much.

[Mary J. Blige]

I love you too, Ange.

[Angie Martinez]

For life. Yeah, for life. But also one of the things about you that people might not know, and as your friend, I know this, you have really a gift of almost like a sixth sense empath.

[Podcast Announcer]

Is that empathy or is that some type of gift?

[Angie Martinez]

Gift, because.

[Podcast Announcer]

Because I'll call you on a Tuesday and be like, yeah, I'm having a great day today.

[Angie Martinez]

Yesterday, though, was terrible.

[Podcast Announcer]

You'd be like, I knew it was terrible yesterday.

[Angie Martinez]

I felt you yesterday. Like, you have a sense. It's almost like a sixth sense. Or I'm probably. You probably have this with Latanya, too. I'd imagine with your sister, where if something's wrong with her, you can kind of feel it.

[Mary J. Blige]

Anybody I'm close to, I have it. With. Anybody that's been around me for a certain amount of time, I have it with. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it is. I think I just love people and care about them so deeply, the ones that I do, that I can just pick it up, you know, I can pick up when the energy's off, you know, you could come and then I could just pick it up, period. You know, I don't know what that is, but people call it a sixth sense. People call it discernment. People call it being an empath. Whichever one it is.

[Angie Martinez]

You got those.

[Mary J. Blige]

I got something.

[Angie Martinez]

It's interesting because being an Empath comes up a lot, too. And I think that's an interesting thing to talk about, because I am an empath also.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, yeah, you got it, too. Yeah, I do.

[Podcast Announcer]

And sometimes. And I.

[Angie Martinez]

And I cherish it.

[Podcast Announcer]

I think it's a gift. I'm grateful for it.

[Angie Martinez]

But also, I've learned you cannot be an empath and not have boundaries.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

Because what happens is the world will suck you up. Like, if you don't have boundaries. And in. In friendships and relationships and.

[Podcast Announcer]

Or even what you put your energy.

[Angie Martinez]

Into, the world will literally suck the life out of you.

[Mary J. Blige]

Devour you.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Hey, guys.

[Podcast Announcer]

Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference? Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the w with the knowledge, the skills, and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu. Edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. All right, we have some IRLs. This is our IRL bowl with Mary J. Blige.

[Mary J. Blige]

Let me see.

[Podcast Announcer]

In real life, brought to you by.

[Mary J. Blige]

Walden University, what is something you used to be embarrassed about that you now own?

[Angie Martinez]

All right. She said all right.

[Mary J. Blige]

I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I blink and stutter when I'm trying to comprehend something. I blink when I'm trying to comprehend, and I stutter when my brain is too far ahead. But I'm not embarrassed anymore. It is.

[Angie Martinez]

It is.

[Mary J. Blige]

It is what it is. I'm cool with it. I own it.

[Angie Martinez]

I love that. I never knew that.

[Mary J. Blige]

Well, yeah, I used to be embarrassed, like, especially in an interview, and I'd be like, you know, stuttering the clips.

[Angie Martinez]

When you see a clip or something.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, I stutter and then I blink like crazy when I'm trying to comprehend something.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, it's like a nervous energy, right?

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, I've seen. I even seen it in my acting sometimes. I was like, oh, why am I blanking?

[Angie Martinez]

And you think that's what. What do you think that is? Nervousness or insecurity or. What do you think that is?

[Mary J. Blige]

I think it's a little of everything. Nervousness, insecurity, and just at the same time, trying to understand, trying to comprehend what's going on. You're insecure about what it is that you have to do and just nervous. It's everything all at once.

[Angie Martinez]

That really is a byproduct of you doing the work. Like, love yourself. Like, even that. That you used to be insecure. Right?

[Mary J. Blige]

Now you're like, yeah, it's just gonna happen when it happens. And that's. That's called. As you said. You just said that. Loving and embracing all of me. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. It's me. But the ones that I have to get rid of is the one I was telling you about. Like, she's just. She's dark and crazy and offensive, and it's like, no, she's out of here. She's out of here. Like, we gonna keep working on this one.

[Angie Martinez]

This one's doing great.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Thanks, Angie.

[Angie Martinez]

She's doing so great.

[Mary J. Blige]

Thank you.

[Podcast Announcer]

Another segment we have is our voice memos. So this is usually like, a fan or a listener or somebody from the POD that is.

[Angie Martinez]

Is this a fan question?

[Podcast Announcer]

Is it a question or a comment?

[Angie Martinez]

All right.

[Podcast Announcer]

It's called a voice note.

[Angie Martinez]

It's Mary J. Blige.

[Mary J. Blige]

Comment question.

[Podcast Announcer]

This. This person's name is Mick.

[Angie Martinez]

Hi, Meg.

[Mary J. Blige]

Hi, Meg.

[Megan (Fan)]

Hi, Mary. My name's Megan. Big fan. So my question is, as much as we see you dance up there with your boots on, do you think you'll ever have your own boot line one day? And I'm also, I guess you could say younger fan, but thank you for being the soundtrack to my mom's Saturday and Sundays cleaning or doing chores around the house. Made my entire childhood growing up. So thank you for those wonderful memories.

[Mary J. Blige]

Thank you, Meg. Thank you, Mom.

[Angie Martinez]

Everybody asks about boots, though.

[Mary J. Blige]

Well, I did a boot line. Well, you did a collab quickly with Giuseppe.

[Angie Martinez]

I mean, you went.

[Podcast Announcer]

You went high.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. And people went low, and a lot of. They sold out on the first night. Yeah, they sold out. And then after that, people was like, shit, this is too expensive. So, yeah, I'm definitely gonna do an affordable one at some point for the fans, for people.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, you've done so many things. Earrings and sunglasses and tours and shows. And we got a movie now, too, right?

[Mary J. Blige]

Lifetime movie. Yeah. So I have a deal with Lifetime.

[Angie Martinez]

What is your role in that? Like, you're executive producer or.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, well, I have a production company that teamed up with Lifetime to do these movies, so. And all the movies. Movies are like the names of my songs, so. The first one we did was Real Love. The second one was Strength of a Woman. Third one was Family Affair, and now here comes Be Happy. Yeah. So that's what. That's what's coming now. Be Happy is coming. And it stars Mekhi Pfeiffer.

[Angie Martinez]

It's a good cast, too.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Russell Hornsby.

[Angie Martinez]

Yep. Tisha.

[Mary J. Blige]

Tisha Campbell. Yep. So, yes, and the movies are pretty wholesome and relatable. Real Lover, probably just. It's a cute love story about, you know, people, kids going to college and falling in love, this couple. And then Strength of a Woman is. It's like a continuation movie. And you know Da Vinci and Adrianna from bmf.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah, they.

[Mary J. Blige]

They're the actors that play in those first three. And it goes. A continuation. And this one is. Has Be Happy, Tisha, Russell and Makai.

[Angie Martinez]

Cute.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

And it's a love. Kind of a light love story, right?

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

What is. That's one of our real life. In real. In real life. Like, where are you at with love? Like, how do you define it? Do you think about it differently than a young Mary did?

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, definitely. Definitely than young Mary.

[Angie Martinez]

Like, what did you used to think love was? What do you think it is now?

[Mary J. Blige]

Well, love. I used to think love was a consistent feeling, and it's constant effort. Now it's effort. And you have to really honor and love and respect the person who was consistent. Because, you know, when you've been with someone for years and they still honor and love you and respect you and have fun with you, that's. That's a. That's a blessing. And that's a beautiful thing to have someone love you, because that is effort, you know, the act of love. Yes, exactly. The act of love. And that's. That's. That's how I see it. Even for myself. It's all work, you know, it's an. It's effort because every day I don't feel like saying, good morning, gorgeous, but I say it because I love myself. So that's where I'm at with love. It's.

[Angie Martinez]

It's an action.

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm grateful for the effort. The action. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's interesting. Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

So we were young. It was almost as like a. It's like a fantasy word. What? Love.

[Mary J. Blige]

It was a feeling and infatuation. But when the feeling and infatuation is gone, you left with the person you either love or hate. You know, it's not about sex all the time. It's not about. But it's about friendship, you know, touching a person when, you know, you just sitting watching a movie or, you know, Just little things. It's about being appreciative for the little things. And love is a verb. It's a verb. You gotta. You have to continue to do it, but you're only gonna continue to do it if you love the person, and that's yourself included. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in common sense. Love, common sense. This don't. This makes sense, right?

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's like, either you do or you don't.

[Angie Martinez]

All right, IRL questions. I always like this. One of my favorite IRL questions. If God were to text you right now, Mary Jane Blige, what would it say today?

[Mary J. Blige]

Today, he would say, I'm proud of you. Oh, I'm about to start crying.

[Angie Martinez]

No, I'm not.

[Mary J. Blige]

He would say, I see you doing the work. I see you trying. I see. I saw who you was. I seen what you've been through. You had every right to be offended. You had every right to be on guard and everything that you was. But I see you doing the work. I see you wanting to be better and not bitter. That's what he would say to me. And now you got me getting ready to start crying.

[Angie Martinez]

I'm sorry. I was so beautiful looking ready to cry.

[Mary J. Blige]

This is my stuff.

[Angie Martinez]

I was trying not to be the one.

[Mary J. Blige]

Oh, God.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. But those are, like tears of joy, man. Yeah, those are not sad tears. Those are happy tears.

[Mary J. Blige]

These are definitely happy tears.

[Angie Martinez]

Don't you love? Don't you love? Happy tears are the best tears ever.

[Mary J. Blige]

Only you can do this, Tamita.

[Angie Martinez]

No, it's a good thing, really, because you've talked it and you've manifested it, but you're, like, really here. You're really here now. It's amazing to see it, and I think people see it.

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm sorry.

[Angie Martinez]

Why are you sorry?

[Mary J. Blige]

I'm just. I'm really happy that you see it because you see me at my worst. And nobody talk like me, and you talk. You seen me come through so much, and the fact that you. Because you're like. You were hard when it was like, all right, nigga. But now you're like, I'm proud of you, and thank you for being hard on me in the areas where I needed to be. You helped me grow. Now I'm sorry.

[Angie Martinez]

Thank you. I love you, sweetie. Thank you so much. Friendship is two ways, guys. Let that be a lesson, because everything we do on this podcast, I made.

[Podcast Announcer]

This podcast so that the real life.

[Angie Martinez]

Experiences that we have.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

As we talk about them and we share them, hopefully land for people in their. In their real lives. And so, if nothing else from today's conversation, the importance of friendship, the importance of. Of, like, being honest with yourself, being the best version of yourself, loving on yourself. So you could even have good friends or a good relationship or show up in your job or show up for press the way you've been showing up for press. No, really, I put the TV on you. Your hair's.

[Podcast Announcer]

You just seem free and happy. Like, that doesn't just happen. That doesn't just happen.

[Angie Martinez]

It doesn't. It takes all that work.

[Mary J. Blige]

You gotta fight for it, though. You have to fight for your own peace. Everybody's not going to be what you want them to be. So you can't let that shake your world. You got to stay in your world, stay in your joy. Like, you can't help the people that are going through their own stuff. That's not your stuff. This is your stuff.

[Angie Martinez]

The one thing I would like to get to that we didn't get to before was, like, when we. I was looking at that. Go back to that photo that we started with. When you look at that time and think about all the things you've kind of survived and witnessed and gone through and experienced, what do you think you're. What do you think is the thing that just kept you going, that didn't break you, that got you here?

[Mary J. Blige]

I mean, I'm gonna just say it had to be God carrying me to my purpose, you know, because it was. A lot of times I felt like I didn't wanna live no more. But obviously God had another plan. And on the other side of that plan was two Oscar nominations. Like, soon as I got the divorce, soon as I got out of that, two Oscar nominations, was on the end of that, an Emmy with Dr. Dre at the Super bowl and a hit TV show, you know, Ghosts. I ain't see any of that coming. But I made it out and I. You know, I had to be. You ever seen that? It's a picture. It's called Footsteps. You ever seen it? And it has the footsteps in the sand. And I guess it's supposed to be Jesus's footsteps carrying you. So I guess that's what was carrying me, was Jesus.

[Angie Martinez]

Because.

[Mary J. Blige]

I don't know how else I would have gotten here.

[Angie Martinez]

Are we just gonna have one big old celebration about that in Vegas? Is this gonna be like one old. Big old celebration of life and victory? And is it like a victory lap tour? I feel like it is.

[Mary J. Blige]

It's a. It's a life story. You know, it'll start with childhood. You Know, because all this stuff starts when you. When you're a baby. Shit starts right away. Like the book, the shit, the bullshit starts right away. People trying to hurt you, people trying to hurt your family. But as a little kid, people, you know, was always trying to hurt me. And my. Always trying to hurt me was trying to hurt my mom, always trying to hurt my sister. Because we were. My mom was single parent, mother living in the projects. And it was just us too. Us. Us three little women living in hell. So it had to be God, because we've been fighting for our lives, you know, forever. Yeah. And then it got worse when I got in the music business.

[Angie Martinez]

Well, because you stepped into the world of the demons.

[Mary J. Blige]

You seen that video on Deep Inside. You ever seen the video? There's this part in the video Deep Inside where I said, don't judge me or think I'm bitter for the evil gods. Allow me to see. And I co directed this video. And in the video, I don't know if you ever seen the Devil's Advocate. Remember when they was taking off their shirts and he was all monsters underneath, showing, like the demon eyes and the teeth in the video. I did the video like that. As I'm walking on the red carpet and people are asking me questions, you know, like the press and I made them look like monsters and demons.

[Angie Martinez]

That's right.

[Mary J. Blige]

And I had a. Yeah, my feet. I'm gonna just go. I had a dream one day, like, it was before I got in the music business and I was going to this event and when I got there, everybody turned into like. But it was a big, big, big event. And when I got there, everybody turned around and they was like. Like monsters and demons and shit. I said, oh, so this is. I guess this is what the music industry is gonna be. And that's exactly what it's been.

[Angie Martinez]

Has it been fully lit?

[Mary J. Blige]

That's the majority of it. But as far as, like, people that are close and that are friends, you know. Yeah, but the majority of it, people, you don't know who they are, you know, you can't tell. Their other faces are monster faces, you know, I don't know what y' all gonna do with all of this. I don't wanna sound nuts, but it's true, you know, that's what I face and that's what I came out of.

[Angie Martinez]

And made it to the other side.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, I don't see too many demons and shit now because maybe that's not what this.

[Angie Martinez]

Maybe that's what that light is about.

[Mary J. Blige]

Yeah, they. Yeah. They. They not coming around. They're not going to come around because the light is too bright.

[Angie Martinez]

That's a bar. Keep your light. Keep your light bright, guys.

[Mary J. Blige]

Keep it. Yeah.

[Angie Martinez]

That's God, right?

[Mary J. Blige]

Amen.

[Angie Martinez]

Yeah. I love you, sis. I love you too, sis. Thank you, sister. Mary J. Blige in real life.

[Mary J. Blige]

Woo. This is Mary J. Blige in real life.

[Podcast Announcer]

Hey, guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment and check out all of the other episodes we have on Andrew Martinez IRL podcast.

[Angie Martinez]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Mary J. Blige]

Guaranteed Human.