Angie Martinez IRL - Porsha Williams Says Embracing Reinvention After Motherhood Saved Her Life

Summary

Joe & Jada Podcast: Angie Martinez IRL – Porsha Williams on Reinvention, Authenticity, and Surviving the Tornado of Life

Date: January 15, 2026
Guests: Porsha Williams
Host: Angie Martinez
Podcast: Joe & Jada (iHeartPodcasts and The Volume)

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and deeply personal episode, Angie Martinez welcomes cultural force and Real Housewives of Atlanta star Porsha Williams for an in-depth conversation about her ongoing personal evolution. Porsha opens up about reinventing herself after motherhood, battling depression, setting boundaries, and embracing her authentic identity—even when it goes against convention. They discuss growth after divorce, navigating love in the public eye, working through trauma, mental health, and the power of living unapologetically.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Embracing the Tornado: Reinvention After Motherhood

• Reinvention as Survival (00:00-00:45, 35:00-36:00):
  • Porsha likens her journey to "standing in the middle of a tornado and I'm smiling. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, y’all go crazy, but I feel amazing."
  • Her ability to stay centered amid chaos is described as inspiring, and she states, "I have disrupted things... Time will calm down, and then people will look back and say, wow, that's actually pretty inspiring that she just went for it like that."

Current Season of Life

• Authenticity & Boundaries (01:52-04:45):
  • Porsha shares that she’s in "the truest season" of her life, having fought to appreciate both her struggles and successes.
  • “I have boundaries and loving boundaries... I trust myself a lot more now. In your 40s, I really know what I want and don't want.”
  • She discusses learning to say no, developing discernment, and not people-pleasing.
  • Angie affirms, "I think people pleasing sometimes puts our boundaries at risk."

Savoring Good Moments

• Mental Snapshots (04:34-05:46):
  • Porsha underlines the importance of being present with her daughter and family, “I pause and take it in... I take real life snapshots of things that happen to me.”
  • She now intentionally revisits happy memories to regulate her nervous system, especially after trauma or bad days.

Life in the Spotlight: Performing vs. Being

• Reality TV Mirrors & Self-Worth (06:01-09:53):
  • Porsha reflects on how reality TV blurred her sense of self; at first, she projected what she wanted people to see, but soon faced harsh judgment for her real moments.
  • “It took a moment for me not to read the comments… Over the years, I realized the only way I could do it is to really be just me.”
  • She accepts that only showing a “snapshot” never tells the whole truth and now commits to authenticity on and off camera.

Friendship, Loyalty, and Directness

• Intentional Connections (10:15-11:39):
  • Trust comes slowly for Porsha. True friends, she believes, support each other through busy lives without making friendship a “chore.”
  • “Those are the … [true friends] because life is life and for a lot of people, it is. You never know what people are dealing with.”

Building Multiple Brands & Projects

• Entrepreneurial Spirit (11:56-14:15):
  • Porsha aims to be more than a reality star—she’s built businesses like Pampered by Porsha sheets (inspired by her mom), Go Naked Hair (to regain confidence), and is launching a podcast with her sister.
  • She schedules downtime deliberately: “Even though it seems like I'm always busy, I do still have a lot of downtime. … And I'm priority.”

Breaking Out of “Reality TV Boxes”

• Rising Above Stereotypes (15:09-17:01):
  • On being boxed in: “But at the same time, everybody, if they had the opportunity to be on reality TV... would want to do it. … But it's kind of fun to poke fun at the people who are doing it.”
  • Owning her story, she uses her platform for relatability and inspiration: “I respect that I am sharing my life and that a lot of women … can relate to me.”

Dating in the Public Eye & Labels

• Challenges in Love (17:12-23:31):
  • Porsha recounts how her fame limits dating opportunities and invites opportunists.
  • Expressing love authentically is more important to her than keeping relationships hidden: “When I'm happy, I want to express that I'm happy. … But that doesn't mean you should be dragging someone else into all your crazy world.”
• Exploring Sexuality Without Labels (21:02-24:37):
  • Porsha discusses her first relationship with a woman, emphasizing, “It really wasn’t about gender. … I’m just Portia sexual.”
  • The aftermath brought public scrutiny, but her family’s support made it easier: “For me, the support and just the love of knowing that if I'm happy, they're happy.”

Surviving Loss, Divorce, and Depression

• Picking Up the Pieces (26:40-29:38):
  • On divorce: “You lose the future that you were working on. … I truly identify as a wife when I am married. … When those things break, suddenly, … it was devastating.”
  • Porsha talks candidly about needing to slow down, pray, process grief, and take accountability for her part in past patterns.
• Self-Worth and Abuse (39:06-42:33):
  • Porsha details how past abuse informed her people-pleasing and lack of self-worth.
  • “I always talk about having self worth, because when you don't have that, then that's when you fall prey to people who want to take advantage of you for sure.”

Motherhood as Salvation

• PJ as Lifesaver (43:04-52:15):
  • Porsha reveals past suicide attempts and says motherhood saved her: “That’s why I really wanted and needed Pilar. … because I knew if I had her, she would be what I would live for, my actual lifesaver.”
• Managing Depression & Mental Health (44:22-47:50):
  • Porsha discusses ongoing management—catching symptoms early, staying active, getting therapy, and addressing possible hormonal causes (like perimenopause and ADHD).
  • A favorite technique: “When negative thoughts come, I look in that mirror and I say, 'you can shut the fuck up.' For real.” (49:56)

Joy, Fulfillment, and Protecting Your Peace

• Intentional Joy (52:34-54:19):
  • “You have to do things that are fulfilling to your spirit, … be around people who calm your nervous system. … I like to protect my peace. Okay?”
• Hobbies, Grounding, and Tree-Hugging (60:12-63:53):
  • Both host and guest share their love for golf, and Porsha shares her “secret” of tree-hugging for grounding and peace: “I go outside often barefoot, and I'll just ground. … and I hugged him. And I just felt … this peace, like this oneness with the earth.”

Legacy & What Porsha Wants Her Daughter to See

• Fighting for Joy (64:19-67:51):
  • When asked what she wants her daughter to remember, Porsha answers: “I would hope that she saw a woman who was in pursuit of her best self and a woman who was living life on her own terms and who loved herself, forgave herself, and most of all, found joy or fought for joy.”

Faith, Gratitude, and Living Her Truest Self

• Relationship with God (72:29-73:24):
  • “Thank you for fighting for our relationship,” Porsha imagines God would text her, reflecting on the centrality of faith in her journey.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Reinvention:
  “I have disrupted things, but it's like me standing in the middle of a tornado and I'm smiling." – Porsha Williams (00:00 & 35:00)

• On Boundaries and Self-Trust:
  “I have boundaries and loving boundaries... I trust myself a lot more now. In your 40s, I really know what I want and don't want.” – Porsha Williams (03:08)

• On Mental Health:
  “I have, you know, tried to commit suicide like, twice. But I want to say that's why I really wanted a child. That's why I really wanted and needed Pilar. … she would be what I would live for, my actual lifesaver.” – Porsha Williams (43:04)

• On Labels and Identity:
  “I made a joke and I'm like, I'm just Portia sexual. … it really wasn’t so much about gender. … It is absolutely a freedom, especially when you have your family support.” – Porsha Williams (23:31)

• On Overcoming Depression:
  “When negative thoughts come, I look in that mirror and I say, ‘You can shut the fuck up.’ For real.” – Porsha Williams (49:56)

• On Parenting Example:
  “I would hope that she saw a woman who was in pursuit of her best self… who loved herself, forgave herself, and most of all, found joy or fought for joy.” – Porsha Williams (64:41)

• On Protecting Peace:
  “I like to protect my peace. … I work hard for that bit of peace.” – Porsha Williams (54:15)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00-00:45; 35:00-36:00: The “standing in the tornado, smiling” metaphor for reinvention and owning disruption.
• 03:08: On boundaries and self-trust.
• 11:56-14:15: Porsha’s business empire and scheduling downtime.
• 21:02-24:37: Conversations around labels, sexuality, and “Portia sexual.”
• 26:40-29:38: Divorce, heartbreak, and self-accountability.
• 43:04-52:15: Depression, motherhood, and Pilar as a lifesaver.
• 49:56: Self-talk and combating negative inner voices.
• 64:41: The message Porsha wants for her daughter.
• 72:29: “If God were to text you today...”

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Thematic Takeaways

• Authenticity above all: Porsha’s ongoing theme is about living truthfully, even if it means disrupting the norm.
• Mental health matters: Open discussion of depression, therapy, and personal techniques for coping empower listeners to prioritize their wellbeing.
• Motherhood & legacy: Motherhood not only saved Porsha but also guides how she wants to be remembered.
• Breaking boxes: Whether it’s reality TV stereotypes or labels about identity and relationships, Porsha consistently pushes back with confidence.
• The courage to be joyful: Joy and peace are active pursuits requiring boundaries, self-love, and intentionality.

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This episode is a candid, often humorous, but achingly honest journey into the heart and mind of Porsha Williams—grounded in the tornado, choosing self-love, and fighting for joy, both for herself and her daughter.

Transcript

[Portia Williams]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human. So, yeah, I have disrupted things, but it's like me standing in the middle of a tornado and I'm smiling. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, y' all go crazy, but I feel amazing. You know what I'm saying? I feel good, and I think that's.

[Podcast Host]

The best, beautiful way to say that.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like, there's a tornado. Y' all can have a tornado.

[Portia Williams]

All y' all want. Swirl on.

[Podcast Host]

Like, I'm just smiling inside the tornado.

[Portia Williams]

And guess what? Time will calm down, and then people will look back and say, wow, that's actually pretty inspiring that she just went for it like that. Thanks for watching, guys.

[Podcast Host]

Today's episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile. Today's guest is a cultural force who turned reality TV into a launchpad for reinvention. She's an entrepreneur and activist, media personality. She builds brands. I could already tell she is a girl's girl. I'm gonna tell you the story about that. After she built brands like Pampered by Portia. She's in the upcoming season of Real Housewives of Atlanta and Traders, A mother of boss. Please welcome Portia Williams to the show today.

[Portia Williams]

Oh.

[Podcast Host]

Live audience.

[Portia Williams]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

You know what I'm saying?

[Portia Williams]

Be quiet. I love it.

[Podcast Host]

It do be quiet, though. It does get quiet. But for the initial welcome, we want you to feel the energy of the love you do.

[Portia Williams]

I'm so glad to be here.

[Podcast Host]

I'm happy to have you, baby.

[Portia Williams]

How are you? I'm doing good.

[Podcast Host]

I could already tell you're a girl's girl, because I was like, oh, my God. I like these earrings so much. You took the thing off to get me the name and then was like, I'm gonna get you a pair.

[Portia Williams]

That's right. I do not get Keith.

[Podcast Host]

That is girls. Girls activity.

[Portia Williams]

I'm like that. I like. Cause if I ask you, I want you to tell me, and I would have sent you the link and everything. Actually, I'll take it, though, still. I'll take.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, do that, Actually do that. How are you, baby?

[Portia Williams]

And what's happened?

[Podcast Host]

What's season of your life? Not your. Not. Not the reality show. What season of your life are you in right now?

[Portia Williams]

What season of my life am I in? I would say the truest season. The truest. I. I fought to get to where I am, and I really can appreciate what I've been through. I can appreciate where I'm standing right now and who I am and how I am handling and living my life. How I'm I'm really, truly living and loving life right now.

[Podcast Host]

What is the difference, though? Like, in the everydayness of it? What is the difference?

[Portia Williams]

The difference in the everydayness is I have boundaries and loving boundaries. You know, I'm not, like, walking around like some mean, you know, person every day. But healthy boundaries are good to set, you know, not just in business, just in everyday life with friendships, with relationships. Did you not have the support? I didn't always practice that. No, I really didn't. I would do whatever to keep the peace or compromise myself in a lot of different situations, but I found a healthy balance. You know what I mean? I feel like when you first start to practice having boundaries and protecting yourself, you do a little too much. Then you end up sitting there by yourself because it's like you don't push everybody. You know what I'm saying?

[Podcast Host]

You isolate.

[Portia Williams]

You don't isolate a little bit too much. Now, I have isolated, but I have learned to. To discern the right people to let back around me the right situations, the right opportunities. And, I don't know, I trust myself a lot more now. Like, you know, in your 40s, I really know what I want and don't want. And I'm quick to say yes to what I do want and quick to say no, which is not something I always used to do.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I think it takes women some time. I think a couple things. I think people pleasing sometimes puts our boundaries at risk. And then also, like, not even knowing ourselves or not trusting ourselves.

[Portia Williams]

Right. Not trusting yourself, not trusting ourselves. And also in the past, seeing yourself through other people's eyes, trusting other people's opinion for your life or for. Or them telling you who you are better than yourself. And I feel like every mistake has just been a learning opportunity. Like, I live by no mistakes, lessons learned, you know what I mean? For me. And so at this point, you forgive yourself. You celebrate yourself. You. And I take moments. I take real life snapshots of things that happen to me. If I'm around my mother and we're having a good day and we're talking about something, and I'm just like. I pause and I take it in, because as a single mom who works all the time and, you know, trying to build an empire and do all these multifaceted different things, life will just pass you by. You miss it and you don't appreciate the small things.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

So there's times when I'm just sitting there with my daughter and watching tv and I just give her an extra snuggle and I take a snapshot, and I keep that for myself. And I'm so glad that I learned to slow down when I needed to.

[Podcast Host]

Snapshots are good.

[Portia Williams]

Snapshots are real good.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Because you have them forever, and then you have them in the bad moments. When you're down and you need them, then they're there.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. And you can go back to those moments. I feel like in my life, when I've had trauma, I can go back to those moments like that. But when there's been good things that happen, I don't. Because I don't savor those moments. I just say, oh, I did good. Or this is a good moment. And I just keep on going, trying to get the next good moment or the next thing that I have to do. You rush long past things that you should celebrate and things that really feel good to you, whereas now I savor them. So when I do have, like, a tough day, I'm like, oh, I know what I need. I need PJ to come in here and let's just cook together. I need us to just cuddle together. I need to call my mom. I need to call my friend. I need to go have a drink. So when you have higher in your mind, the positive and the things that calm your nervous system, as opposed to always going back and relying to trauma to help you push through, then it's better for me.

[Podcast Host]

So much better.

[Portia Williams]

So much better.

[Podcast Host]

What is like, I was thinking about your life and looking at the resume and stuff. Like, what is how many years? 12, 13 years in reality? Yeah, it's over a decade.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, It's. Yeah, it's probably 11. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How does that shape your view of yourself, your view of the world? Because at first you're performing, right. So you probably don't even get it. But then it starts. It's like a mirror back to you.

[Portia Williams]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

And then what people think of you is another mirror back to you.

[Portia Williams]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

And then I could imagine that that almost informs. If you're not strong and you're not mindful, it could inform how you see yourself.

[Portia Williams]

True. Right. For me, it was. I really had to figure it out because I was people pleaser, gets used too much. But I was the type of person where with men and different situations as I was grow every other things are more important than what I was doing in my life, you know, hence my first marriage. You know, I owned businesses. I was very successful. I owned property. But when I got married, it was like, oh, no, let me go do this. Let me go be a wife. And let everything that I had worked for go. So my self worth was really somewhere else other than with me. And I did see myself through other people's eyes. Mostly, you know, men or a job or whoever would like me at the time. And so in reality tv, I was so naive and just thinking, oh, I'm just gonna get on tv and I wanna show my beautiful life and, you know, my perfect marriage and my things. Yeah. And, you know, in your real life, who walks up to you and says they don't like you? Who walks up to you and judges you? No one. So it really was a shock. Like, oh, my God, like, someone is really taken to heart that I said something silly like they're really judging me off of that or whatever. And it took a moment for me not to read the comments and just kind of frame myself as this character that everybody was making me into because reality TV is gonna sensationalize the part that's entertaining for me. I'm super goofy. I'm like, down home country. I say funny things even on purpose to make people laugh. But on tv, it just made me into, like a particular box. And so over the years, I realized that the only way. This is where I am now doing the show. Now that I'm back, the only way that I can do it is to really be just me. I have to stand on everything. Nobody can give me a storyline, nobody tell me what to say. Nobody can do any of that. It literally has to be how I feel. And the cameras are just watching me live my life.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And with being in that way, I don't care what anybody has to say. I don't care really what. No, I. Comments and things like that, they don't bother me at all. Because a lot of times you're only seeing, again, back to a snapshot. You're seeing a piece of my life or you're seeing the beginning of a story. And you have to let things play out. And so I am now a very confident person because at the end of the day, I know everything's gonna work out for my good. I know I move with love. I'm not trying to hurt anybody. Will I still make mistakes? Hell, yeah. Like, of course I'll still make mistakes. But it's nothing that I'm trying to hurt anybody. It's nothing that I can't take accountability for. And so when you live that kind of life, at this point, I wanna say this season, for me, it was one of the best.

[Podcast Host]

It was. It was.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. It really was.

[Podcast Host]

You're more Free, Right. Or.

[Portia Williams]

Yes. And I'm very. I'. Yeah. I've become a very upfront person and. Because that's what I want back. I think when you.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, my God. It's so much easier.

[Portia Williams]

It's so much easier. But when you have people who've been in your life who you felt were not direct with you, lied to you, were not loyal to you, et cetera. Me, I want people to reciprocate it. So if I want you to reciprocate it, I gotta give it to you if I'm gonna expect you to always be honest with me and tell me if I've bothered you, if I've done something, if we have issue or whatever. And then I need to do the same with you. So it's uncomfortable with the new relationships that I have with friends and things, but it's a truer relationship. Like, you already know. This is how I am in a relationship. This is how I friend. And, you know, you either like it or you don't, but at least you.

[Podcast Host]

Can make a choice based on something real.

[Portia Williams]

You can make a choice based on something real. Exactly. And really, I used to not want to be around people who are like I am now because, you know, you kind of like people. Back in the day, I used to like people just get, go along, get along, have a good time. But no, you have to have tougher conversations to really, like, build a good foundation with people. So I'm very. I'm very intentional now.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. What makes a good friend?

[Portia Williams]

Well, I can just speak from where I am. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm not that trusting. And I've been through some traumatic things in friendships, things that I've caused, things that people have done to me. So for me, it's just a person who understands how I am and I understand how they are. If you're not the type of person who needs to see me every week or talk every day on the phone, then that's cool. But when I see you, I love you. I miss you. It's like, we never skip time. Those type of people who allow other friends to live life, but you're still there for them when they need them. That's a real friend. That's the type of. That's really the only kind of friend that I can have because I'm busy living life. I'm busy trying to survive out here.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. It shouldn't be like another responsibility.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like another job. Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Those people who you call and it's like, oh, I haven't heard from you. Or I was trying to call you. Or I was. Hey, what's up? How you been? Like, you good? Like, you know what I'm saying? Do you need anything? What you working on? Like that? Those are the. Because life is life and for a lot of people, it is. You never know what people are dealing with. I mean, I dress up and put on makeup and a wig every day, and every day is not glamorous for me, every day is not the best day. So when you meet someone, you really want to check on them, where they are. Right. Then don't go badger them because you haven't talked to them.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it's a waste of time.

[Portia Williams]

That's a waste of time. You done wasted 10 minutes of the phone call and now I actually wouldn't get off.

[Podcast Host]

Now I gotta go.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, now I gotta go.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, now you be alone, pj.

[Portia Williams]

You know, like. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You're so funny. You're so funny. So what about in this. So there's a new season. Yes, and new. And the Trader Show. So you have how many jobs? How many jobs do you have? You have the prod.

[Portia Williams]

Projects. Yes, I have the products.

[Podcast Host]

Projects. The products.

[Portia Williams]

Projects. Products. That's true. Actually, you got a new boo. You got it. Okay, listen, you got to have your hand and everything. You know, for me being. I didn't just want to be known as a reality star. I did want to be the top of my reality TV world. But outside of that, I want to build my own brand. So I've always been a businesswoman. So I had to be able to monetize all of this fame and people paying me attention and wanting to purchase something from me. So I started Pamper by Porsche sheets. And I started from my mom. She actually hooked me up with the vendor and I started. Because the line of sheets. Sheets feel just like the sheets she had on her bed. And I used to love being on my mommy's bed. So they really. When people say I love the sheets are so soft, I'm like, I know, I know. That's a part of home for me. And then I started go naked hair after my first divorce because I just had lost my self confidence totally. And I used hair to express myself to like, fake it till you make it, if you will. You know what I'm saying? Like, if I needed to handle business, I'm putting on a bob. If I need curly hair, I want to feel fun and free. I put on my curly wig. So to me, we women, we express ourselves through Hair. And so that's how Go Naked started. And then, you know, Housewives, of course, and then Traitors was really fun. That's a super huge show that I didn't really know what to expect when I got there. But a lot of people, when you watch the show, you get immersed into it, like, the mystery of it all. But it's very intense in actually doing the show. I bet. Yeah, it's very intense because you're in situations to where you're having to prove yourself and convince people that you think should automatically believe you. Yeah, it's like, what? You know, I didn't say that or do that or this, so. Yeah. So Traders was fun. Yeah, Traders was fun. And then I'm also doing a podcast with my sister and. Yes, yes, yes. So that's. We'll be starting that in the new year.

[Podcast Host]

Nice.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, yeah, the plate is full. Yeah. And then two other shows that are coming up. But, yeah, I try to stay busy. But to be honest with you, as busy as I am, I decided before I retired from Housewives, before, took a. Took a hiatus, that I was gonna have blocks of time in there for my family. So even though it seems like I'm always busy, I do still have a lot of downtime.

[Podcast Host]

You schedule it out.

[Portia Williams]

I schedule it out. It's priority.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, that's good. And I'm Priority. Yeah. We forget that. We don't.

[Podcast Host]

We forget that I do it, too. And then I wait till I'm all the way beat down. So I'm like, I need a break.

[Portia Williams]

I need a break. Yeah, you. You know, we have managers. We have people who handle things for us, but you have to have your best interest and handle.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And you have to say, you know what? Okay, I've been going, going, going for two weeks straight. No, no, no. I need this whole weekend, or I need this whole half a week. And I'll let you know when I'm ready to work again. You got to do that.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I was seeing something about some of the stereotypes of reality, and then also, like, how different reality personalities are treated versus how others are treated. You've been able to kind of, like, push past that maybe just because of your business and your personality. Why do you think that is? What do you attribute that to you being of, like, push past where some people get stuck?

[Portia Williams]

Well, reality TV is 100% entertainment. 100%. There are feel good moments. There's things that you can relate to. That's why we all watch it.

[Podcast Host]

Right? Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

But at the end of the Day people like to put it in its own box and the people who are on it. Yeah. But at the same time, everybody, if they had the opportunity to be on reality TV show, they would want to be on it. They would want to do exactly what we're doing. But it's kind of fun to poke fun at the people who are doing it.

[Podcast Host]

It's like an easy target.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. I'm sharing my life and I'm making mistakes and I'm going through different things and it's easier to point and judge it. But if we put a camera on you and what you're doing in your life, how would that feel? So for me, I don't really think too heavy on what VOX reality TV puts me in because I'm Portia and I do many, many different things. I've hosted TV shows before. I've done a lot of different things. So I feel like when you are talented and you can kind of branch out, then it helps you come out of that box. Like you can have fans and supporters in different places.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And most of all, own what you do. You know, I think a lot of times people judge reality stars like they're just silly or whatever, which sometimes. Yes, we are. Okay. I could be the funniest and silliest one. Yeah. But I respect what it is. I respect that I am sharing my life and that a lot of women that I meet can relate to me. They talk to me about different things that I've been through and they match it and how I've helped them by telling my story.

[Podcast Host]

Story.

[Portia Williams]

Or showing something that normally somebody wouldn't want to talk about. That's embarrassing. So I lean into it. You know, even if I am dating someone, you know, you have to come into it with confidence because people will make you feel like, oh, you're doing that show. No, I. I do this show. Yes. I'm a reality star and this is what we do. And this is how I use my platform. And these are the things that have. I've benefited from it. So, yeah, I just lean. Have you ever been in a situation.

[Podcast Host]

With somebody didn't want to be part of that world, but wanted to be part of your world privately? Yeah, 100.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, 100%.

[Podcast Host]

Like even in dating, I would imagine. Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. I was single for a long time after my first divorce and I went to go see a dating. You did a matchmaker. And a lot of the matches, once they realized that I was on a reality show, they didn't want to match.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. And it wasn't even them filming.

[Podcast Host]

Did you feel away about it?

[Portia Williams]

I felt like even though you would think that my pool of dating is huge, it's really not. I mean, once you take out the cheaters and, you know, the people who just are horrible in relationships and the people who don't want to be a part of reality, who have issues and trauma, it's a very, very, very small dating pool. And then also you have to think about if someone is dating you and you're in the public eye at all, you know, are they an opportunist? You know, is something that they want from you? Do they want to. It can be really tough to try to decide how you're gonna maneuver that for real.

[Podcast Host]

You ever notice how everything keeps going up? I mean, rent is going up, streaming services are going up. Even like your favorite burrito place all of a sudden wants to charge you for salsa. You go to the supermarket, they want to charge you extra for the bag.

[Portia Williams]

It's kind of crazy out here.

[Podcast Host]

The good thing is with Boost Mobile, you and your phone bill do not have to play that game. You don't have to play the will this go up soon?

[Portia Williams]

Game.

[Podcast Host]

Why? Because Boost Mobile has an unlimited talk text and at a price that will never go up. In fact, it's the same price you'll pay for life. So switch now to unlimited wireless at a price that will never go up. Only at boost mobile, after 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Mobile unlimited plan. And so how have you done it? How have you managed it? What were the tricks that you had to learn?

[Portia Williams]

I think that I'm still learning for sure. And I really try to make sure that someone has their own, like, you know what I mean? I don't think that I can really speak on that because I thought I had it figured out with my last situation, but I didn't. I thought that fame and social media would be the last thing that someone will be a part of who I chose. And it was absolutely the number one thing that they wanted. No. So you know your ex husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and so once I realized that, I was like, well, hell, you know, okay. I guess you just don't know. You just never know.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

So for me, I just go off of what I feel, you know, and I try to, even though I do. And as much as I say I'm going to keep my relationship, my relationship private. Yeah, right. It's hard to do for me, number one, just as who I am when I am, and when I'm happy, I want to express that I'm happy. Like I'm just. I show it.

[Podcast Host]

You're. So you're open book most of the time.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. You know, and so I want to express it. And then, of course, not only do I want to express it, there's a mic in my face asking me about it. So, you know, it's like, okay.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, so you're trying to keep. You're trying it out, though. You're trying to keep.

[Portia Williams]

We are trying to.

[Podcast Host]

Your new situation.

[Portia Williams]

I'm learning that.

[Podcast Host]

As private as possible.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, I get that. Well, yes, I mean, you know, I have some old habits, which is I love out loud, you know, and I am living in my truth and I'm open with where I am in my life, you know, but that doesn't mean you should be dragging someone else into. Into all your crazy world, you know, So I.

[Podcast Host]

Especially when it's still temporary, kind of new and you're still trying to figure it out.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, exactly.

[Podcast Host]

But you do make headlines when you were married to two men and then you date a woman that's gonna automatically.

[Portia Williams]

That's gonna automatically. Automatically.

[Podcast Host]

People got questions, Portia.

[Portia Williams]

They do.

[Podcast Host]

They do.

[Portia Williams]

And I not lying when I say I really thought it was the worst kept secret, but I think seeing me.

[Podcast Host]

You say you thought it was the worst kept secret?

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, I mean, because over the years I have definitely started about dating. You know, not dating women, but, you know, being with women before. Yeah, but dating is different. Dating. I've never.

[Podcast Host]

Have you never dated women?

[Portia Williams]

No, I've never.

[Podcast Host]

So before it was like experimental or.

[Portia Williams]

Just flooring or explore.

[Podcast Host]

Explorer. Exploring. Exploring.

[Portia Williams]

Exploration. Exploration. Yeah. I'm just exploring all parts of who I am. And I, you know, I know people are like, oh, you know, she shouldn't. Why? This is my life. And you know, people ask me questions and I am not going to feel ashamed of how I feel or this point in my life. It doesn't mean that anything in my past wasn't real. It just means this is also another part of who I am. It's so funny. People in my comments are like, she's lived nine lives. And it's so funny because my family, we've said that. I have. And I don't think that there's an issue with you reinventing yourself. I don't think there's an issue with you exploring a different side of who you are. I think in my world, I have been beat down enough for who I am to the point where I don't care what anybody has to say. And so I'm just not gonna hide anything. You know, I am gonna try to be private moving forward about the relationship. Yeah. Details and things like that. But I'm more interested. I thought it was liberating for me.

[Podcast Host]

To live more so than the details of this relationship or any relationship. But I. I think it's. I don't know, I think it's. It's like kind of inspiring that you don't have fear. Like you said you've never dated a woman before. The fact that you're freely open to that and then open to letting people see that you're doing that is interesting.

[Portia Williams]

It wasn't as easy after the. The aftermath wasn't as easy.

[Podcast Host]

What do you mean?

[Portia Williams]

The aftermath was. Wasn't as easy? So people's opinions, me being a spontaneous person and, you know, really into someone and wanting to share it and. Yes, this is brand new. Portia is dating a woman. Yes, that is something that shocked everyone. And as I was doing, it felt natural to me. It felt like a natural transition. It's my real life. It's how I feel, and I'm really into this person. However, I then just had to kind of really think about what was actually happening. I had to take a step back and say, wow, like, you know, I introduced my family and. And then it's people with the labels and it's like, oh, she's coming out and she's this and this label and that. And I'm like, well.

[Podcast Host]

Or they love a label.

[Portia Williams]

I'm just me. I am just showing and operating in another side of me. So it. I don't really have that need to want to label anything at all. I just, I made a joke and I'm like, I'm just Portia sexual. I am just. I'm just Portia sexual. I am comfortable and, you know, free. It really wasn't so much about gender. It is absolutely a freedom, especially when you have your family support. For sure. I think if my family were side eyeing me and different things like that, it would have felt been more of a coming out, a hard luck coming out story of some other. Some other people have experienced. But for me, the support and just the love of knowing that if I'm happy, they're happy. And I think that's how this transition has happened. It hasn't felt like some huge change going on.

[Podcast Host]

It's natural to you.

[Portia Williams]

It's very natural. And to me, I'm more so attracted to the person. It really wasn't about her being a woman, although she is an absolutely gorgeous, beautiful woman. It really wasn't you trying not to.

[Podcast Host]

Talk about her, but you can't even help it.

[Portia Williams]

Look at you.

[Podcast Host]

Look at you.

[Portia Williams]

Look at you.

[Podcast Host]

I'm trying not to act, but you.

[Portia Williams]

Know what I mean? But you can't even help it. I know, I know, I know. And this is how I am. I'm a lover girl. I am such a lover girl. And I was alone for a while. You know what I mean? I mean, I know that people are like, oh, this is what you filed, and this is this. But, you know, you feel alone way before you actually file and you leave, and then you go through this long, hard, lonely, stressful divorce and then all of that. And honestly, I was so numb for so long that I just didn't know if I was gonna be able to feel like this the same way I didn't know if I was gonna be able to make it back to Portia. And that's why I celebrate myself right now. And I really don't have a mind or space to think about anybody else's opinion or anything because I fought hard to be here, like, ending this year. People talk to me, and I'm like, I'm just glad to be in my right mind. Like, people don't know how much you deal with in life and divorce and. Yeah, they have no idea. And me, in this industry, I always have to pretty it up, right? Who wants to be on somebody's Instagram and they looking like, woe is me at every moment? So it's my job to put on a wig and lashes and do my job and look good, but it's also my job to take care of Portia, and thank God that I am where I am. So just as thankful as I am to be back and feel like I can really have a good gut laugh again. Good for you. Really hug my daughter and feel her energy again. Really appreciate family again. It's the same way I'm happy that I actually have butterflies again. And I can feel, you know what I'm saying, excited about someone again. That those two things is something that I really do cherish right now, for sure.

[Podcast Host]

That's beautiful.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

There's so many women that.

[Portia Williams]

Well, men, too.

[Podcast Host]

People go through divorce, and it hits hard for.

[Portia Williams]

For people. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

What. What. What was the. And you. You have to, like you said, put your glasses on and your wig on.

[Portia Williams]

But what.

[Podcast Host]

What was that moment like? And then how do you pick your. What does the dark moment feel like? And I don't know for you, what was that experience?

[Portia Williams]

You know, I want to say is, you know, I don't want to talk much about him because it just brings up so much. But I can speak about my experience and what I felt like I lost. You lose the future that you were working on. You lose, like, your biggest job on earth, your biggest blessing, the biggest thing that you're hoping for, to happen for a long period of time, you lose that. And when that happens, it rocks your world. I mean, I. I truly identify as a wife when I am married, I really do, and I'm locked in, and I want to give my all. I mean, I'm a cancer. I'm such a nurturer. Like, I want to take care of everyone, and I especially want to take care of my family. And I want it to. I don't want to be successful at that. And also, I'm very intentional. So each day I want to make you happy, and I hope that you want to make me happy. And when those things break, suddenly, the way I had to end it, it was devastating. But then I also had to pick the pieces up and I had to go to work. You know, you got to keep going. You got to keep going and going and going. And I reached a point to where I realized, like, if I just keep going, you may end up still successful, you may end up still finishing out everything that you're trying to do, but you're going to be empty, and you could possibly be bitter. And so I took time and I said, you know what? I'm gonna start doing things for me. And I cut my days in half. And if I needed to stay in the bed all day and cry, if I need to stay in the bed all day and watch TV or doom scroll or whatever, rotten bed, whatever it was, I would take those times and do it. If I had content I needed to do, I would load up two days and just, you know, two or three days and just kill it, kill it, kill it. And then make sure I had Saturday, Sunday to do. Absolutely nothing to look like crap, you know what I'm saying? So I really had to figure out what I could do to put me first. And most of it was me praying and having to go into myself. I had to take accountability for my part, choices that I made ways, things that had. Things that had shaped who I was in my past to make me choose that situation, make me ignore certain things. And when you take accountability from the very beginning, and say, oh, this was a pattern and you thought you could cover it up with overdoing this or overdoing that or overcompensating here and there. When you forgive yourself along the way and you really soul search and decide, okay, I see where that could have gone wrong. Maybe I could have. Maybe it's not so much as the other person just you speaking up for yourself more. Hey, I don't think you've really looked at me in my eyes in a while. Hey, I don't know if I don't feel our connection. Just some of the things that you could do along the way. Ask for what you need instead of trying to just. Just please. And even though that doesn't sound like such a horrible thing in the end it can be.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Because you just end up a shadow. You just end up.

[Podcast Host]

Well, you said that, you said you always. You want to serve you. You're like you, you put so much into. You want to be a great wife.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Not you want somebody to be a great partner for you.

[Portia Williams]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

Which is right. A different right.

[Portia Williams]

As long as it looked like a good partner for me, I was okay with it.

[Podcast Host]

Because then you get to be you. You can be the good wife without receiving.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. A good partner in the long run. You're not going to receive it in the long run. Yeah, you're not. You're not. You're going to have to pick someone who at the root and the base of who you are, they can appreciate that person without all. Without me coming in, doing everything. I think men and some people, they do love bomb. But I didn't realize I do it too. Like I'll come in and I want to be your everything. Like, I mean, no, seriously, like, I.

[Podcast Host]

Mean you cater to you girl.

[Portia Williams]

Yes, yes. But I also make sure it's reciprocated now. You know, make sure I'm feeling it back because I'll forget and next thing I know I've over loved and I'm not receiving it back the way I needed to be received.

[Podcast Host]

And then what happens? You get resentful or you get angry or you get, well, sad. Lonely. Like what?

[Portia Williams]

I get sad and lonely and I feel empty. And when you wake up and you have everything and you still feel empty, something isn't right. Life is too short. And I really truly think about life as being this one experience that God has given us. I don't know what's going to happen when I leave this earth. But I do know right now I am blessed and I can be fulfilled I have a beautiful daughter, beautiful mother, family, sister, everything. And I have one way to deal with it, one way to handle my life. Am I going to think about it and just think about what someone else wants and live a negative life, glass half empty? Or am I gonna look at it and say, what can I do to own my world? What can I do? And if I do what I wanna do, will it shake something up? Yeah. But whatever shakes off, I didn't need it. I didn't need it. It's okay. You know what I mean? I didn't know what was gonna happen with me coming out, you know, I didn't know if people were gonna accept it. I have definitely received a lot of negative.

[Podcast Host]

Some negative, yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, for sure. I definitely have. But that's okay. It's not the first.

[Podcast Host]

Do you put that in quotes? But that's a real thing. I was thinking. Cause we interviewed Janell on the podcast one time and she was talking about the responsibility. It's all of a sudden, it's like if. If you date a woman or however you identify, all of a sudden there's the. You have to represent all of the community.

[Portia Williams]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

There's like a. I don't know, something about the label that can be overwhelming for people. Any. Any label, I'm sure.

[Portia Williams]

Even when I was vegan, I mean, I was like, well, goodness, you're the diet. It's not. I'm not living the vegan lifestyle. Right.

[Podcast Host]

You're not the vegan ambassador of the world.

[Portia Williams]

But, you know, this is the position I'm in. This is the platform I've been. Platform I've been given and people do take it seriously.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

So I would like my way to look how it is. And no, you may not be able to necessarily label it. And that's okay. That's okay, everybody. But you can do the same thing. You don't have to label it yourself either. We're all just the human race. We're trying to figure it out.

[Podcast Host]

Do you not label yourself or do.

[Portia Williams]

You label yourself in which way?

[Podcast Host]

Just in terms of like sexuality or.

[Portia Williams]

Oh, no, I've never thought about it. It's not something that I necessarily thought about.

[Podcast Host]

You haven't thought about it at all?

[Portia Williams]

I love who I love. You know what I mean? And it wasn't something to think about because dating a woman is new to me, so it wasn't something I even had to deal with. No way.

[Podcast Host]

But it's even like if you date race, like if you date. If you date black men, your whole Life. And then all of a sudden, at 40 years old, you're like, I'm gonna try dating this white guy. You gotta think about it. Like, there is thoughts that, like, this is gonna be different. I think Christmas dinner might feel different.

[Portia Williams]

You think more, right? You think more about the details. But I was trying to not overthink it because I felt like if I were to overthink it, then I wouldn't go for it. I wouldn't allow myself to get to know something different, you know?

[Podcast Host]

So you're open.

[Portia Williams]

You're just open. Yeah. And so I just decided to be open. I mean, I'm sitting in the passenger seat of the car, like, oh, my God. You know, like, you're so funny. I'm dating her. I'm dating her, and I look at her, I'm like, wow. You know, like, you're so beautiful. You know, it's just. It's. I don't know.

[Podcast Host]

That is so cute. It is.

[Portia Williams]

It is. And also, there's a part of looking at someone who you match with or hoping I match with for a long time, but I'm matching with now. When you see yourself in them, see, that is calming. Like, it's. She is a part of me. It's not like I'm dating someone who is foreign to me. I mean, I have our characteristics and things are very similar. Yeah. So, you know, it's the same thing with men. You know, I like a man who's, like, calm and very nurturing and very sweet. Because I can be calm, nurturing and sweet. I'm not gonna pick, like, an asshole. And so, like, you know, when it comes to. Sometimes people, they'll turn into it. Oh, baby, they'll turn into it. But I don't know. I just. I. We were very, very similar. Yeah, we're very, very similar. And I see that.

[Podcast Host]

You seem so happy.

[Portia Williams]

I am.

[Podcast Host]

You seem happy. That's great.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. Because guess what? You know, people live their life and they're really afraid to be who they are. They really are. I mean, think about it. Nobody. If my page was just calm, like the way it was before all of this, people rather stay right there where it's comfortable. And you end up living a comfortable life. But is it your truest self? Is it where you really should be? Where you really gonna thrive? Maybe not. So, yeah, I have disrupted things, but it's like me standing in the middle of a tornado and I'm smiling. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, y' all go crazy. But I feel amazing. You Know what I'm saying? I feel good. And I think that's the best, beautiful.

[Podcast Host]

Way to say that.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

We. Like, there's a tornado. Y' all could have a tornado.

[Portia Williams]

All y' all want swirl on like. But I'm.

[Podcast Host]

I'm just smiling inside the tornado.

[Portia Williams]

And guess what? Time will calm down, and then people will look back and say, wow, that's actually pretty inspiring that she just went for it like that. You know what I mean?

[Podcast Host]

I was going to say that that's inspiring to somebody who has to do something that might be against the grain in any way to what their community or whatever is and what it's like, what do you. Like you said there's one life, right? What are you gonna do?

[Portia Williams]

Right?

[Podcast Host]

You're gonna waste your time making everybody feel comfortable and warm and fuzzy? Yeah, yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And. And I. And again, I don't want to sit here like, I am the.

[Podcast Host]

The all knowing. The all knowing.

[Portia Williams]

I mean, I am. It's still brand new to me. I'm still figuring everything out.

[Podcast Host]

But you are in your. But you are in your truth.

[Portia Williams]

I am. I am. And I think that's the best way to be. I just can't say enough. And people ask me a million questions about it. Well, what about this? And how's that part? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, here's the thing. When you're dating, let's say a man, you don't know if it's gonna last. You don't know what's gonna happen in that relationship. Why do I have to have all the answers right now?

[Podcast Host]

Right now?

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. She's enjoying. Like, it's just people are nosy and curious dating.

[Podcast Host]

Nosy and curious?

[Portia Williams]

Yes. They're like, how? What's happening? I'm like, relax, go.

[Podcast Host]

It's on the Internet.

[Portia Williams]

Okay, let go. Pick it up, honey. I'm not the first. It's okay.

[Podcast Host]

You are so funny. You are so funny. Today's show is brought to you by our new presenting sponsor, Hard Rock Bets. Okay, so winter's here. It's cold outside, and if you want to get in on the action and you don't want to have to leave your house to get on the casino floor, you can do it, of course, right from the app. And Hard Rock Bets.

[Portia Williams]

Got you.

[Podcast Host]

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[Portia Williams]

Yeah. And an engagement.

[Podcast Host]

And an engagement. And I'm sure other things probably things that people, people. That's one thing people probably think.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. They don't have to think too much. I wrote a book.

[Podcast Host]

I know. You can go read the book.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. The Pursuit of Portia. And I really wish I could re release that book because it really. I really said a lot of things in a book I had never even said before. You know just me speaking about in my 20s through abuse from men and you know when you go through things like that, you kind of push it down and I think that was a part of me when I first got married. Object. Just throwing that person away and putting my self worth only in my ex husband because it was like oh, I've been through all this and yeah, I accomplished all this and yes, I'm where I am. But you know what? It don't mean anything. What do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? How do you want me to live my life? For you. And where did I come from?

[Podcast Host]

Where did you learn that?

[Portia Williams]

Learn what?

[Podcast Host]

Just to be that way. Like what. Why did you think you had to?

[Portia Williams]

Well, when I was. When I was much younger, I was.

[Podcast Host]

Was.

[Portia Williams]

I'm still an introvert, but I was very much an introvert when I was a child to the point to where I would just come home and be in my room every single day. And I would have my own show set up. I had like a whole table set up. I would gather things from around the house and have basically Portia's World, which is like a qvc. And so I would entertain myself every afternoon by myself.

[Podcast Host]

None of this surprises me, I'm telling you.

[Portia Williams]

And like I actually do it for a living now, which is crazy. But yeah, I have. But basically I was just very alone and isolated as a child. And then I also always dealt with depression throughout the years, and I don't think I truly understood that it was depression until I got much older. And so when I would feel vulnerable and have no self worth and really when my depression showed up, I had zero hope. I would actually feel like the world is ending. And then you have someone who's looking at you and tell you you're beautiful or you're this or you're that, then you are like putty in their life hands.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And so I think that was the beginning of. People say people pleasing, but it was just like man pleasing at the time. And I would just do what I.

[Podcast Host]

You find your worth in your male relationship.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, yeah. And then the abuse would happen and then that takes so much from you when you.

[Podcast Host]

Because they prey on that type of personality, by the way.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Most of the time those are narcissists. Yeah, yeah. And you know, you find yourself in those relationships. And when I was younger, the bad part about it is when I would be abused by someone, I stayed. And I never really understood like how. Like I think when I. Cause when my 30s, it stopped after my wedding, my first marriage, I never got sexually abused again. In my 30s, 40s, nothing. I haven't been abused again. But it happened all through my 20s. And like, why would I stay?

[Podcast Host]

Like, what, why do you think?

[Portia Williams]

What was missing in me to stay? And I don't know, I think it was just me wanting to be whatever that person wanted and I just didn't have self worth. So through the years, I have to take the time to look at what I've done and celebrate myself and put that on the side of my self worth. I am worthy. I'M worthy of someone to love me. I'm worthy of someone to respect me. I'm worthy of someone not to speak down on me or take from me in different situations. I. I'm worthy enough for you not to do that all on my own. It's nothing that you need to give me or show me I'm worthy of that on my own. So I always talk about having self worth, because when you don't have that, then that's when you fall prey to people who want to take advantage of you for sure.

[Podcast Host]

That's when they swoop in.

[Portia Williams]

They swoop in.

[Podcast Host]

And it's usually when you're young and you haven't developed that kind of.

[Portia Williams]

Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And people, they can sense it. You know what I'm saying? They can sense it.

[Podcast Host]

It's so true. Did you get any. Did you, like, when you were going through the depression, what was triggering the depression? Was it the abuse?

[Portia Williams]

So I think you're depression. I went through depression. My. Really, my whole life. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You're so. And really, you're so, like.

[Portia Williams]

I know.

[Podcast Host]

You're so. Just a bundle of joy and smiles and it's just.

[Portia Williams]

Those are some of the main ones. Yeah. I would have to say, really, my whole life, I really had these bouts with depression. I have, you know, tried to commit suicide like, twice. But I want to say that's why I really wanted a child. That's why I really wanted and needed Pilar. And that's why I call her my lifesaver. Because I knew if I had her, she would be what I would live for, my actual lifesaver. And she was. I have definitely dealt with depression after her, but I really pay attention to the triggers, and I really. When I can feel it coming on, I start to get. I start to move. What do I need to do? What is. What is it?

[Podcast Host]

You don't just let it happen.

[Portia Williams]

No, no, no, no. Because when I lean into it, it's over with. Once I start closing the blinds, turn the phone off, TV's off, it's over with. The devil. Your mind is speaking to you. And you will forget that you have a whole life that's abundant. You truly will. It doesn't matter that my mother and I are super close. It doesn't matter that my daughter, my. My sister is there for me. It does not matter how many friends would like to lift me up. It doesn't matter at that moment, your world is in that room, in that silent room, that silent, dark room. That's it.

[Podcast Host]

Dark.

[Portia Williams]

So for Me, when I feel it coming on, which, like I said, it happens still, sometimes I get up. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, let me go to the gym or something. Let me, like, at least walk around the house. Let me get in the car. Like, people see me in Atlanta, I'm, like, sitting at a restaurant by myself, eating. Just move around, do something.

[Podcast Host]

You cut it off at the path, almost.

[Portia Williams]

I try to cut it off at the path, yeah. I really do.

[Podcast Host]

And have you done, like, have you gotten help?

[Portia Williams]

You know, here's the thing. I. I did go to someone probably about. It was probably about maybe six months ago.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, recently?

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, six or seven months ago. And now. Now I have to say that I don't think it was just. Just regular depression. I think it was hormonal.

[Podcast Host]

That's what I was wondering.

[Portia Williams]

Pre menopausal. Because it was hitting me like a brick. Like, I literally sat in her office. I said, my quality of life is not where it needs to be right now. And so she talked to me and she said, you're, like, on a. You're, like, at a seven, so. Meaning, like, if you didn't have the surroundings that you have, you could probably be, like, a killer. You could be like, you're on the same line as that. You're in danger mentally. And I left there and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I knew. Yeah, Like I knew it. You know how I felt inside? You feel, like, empty, just lethargic. I could not move. You know, I'm just eating everything. And I was like, damn, are you serious? You mean this has come back and gotten on my back to where I could, you know, harm myself or something? And I just remember thinking, I'm not going to let that happen. And I never went back to that particular doctor. And I just rebuked it. In the name of Jesus, I just rebuked it. Rebuked it. Rebuke it. I said, I rebuke it. This is this. I'm not going back there.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Portia Williams]

I'm not going back there. I've done the work. I've done the work, and I know that I can pull myself out of this. And I went to another doctor and we talked about, you know, my age and different things, factoring things around it, things that I might have been deficient in. And. And she didn't diagnose me as being premenopausal, but she did say, you need more vitamins. You know, you need some nad. You need some testosterone. You know, it was a lot of different Things health wise that I hadn't even thought about. Because when you go to your primary doctor, they're just doing the random.

[Podcast Host]

They're really not educated as they should be. In perimenopause or menopause.

[Portia Williams]

They're not. Overall, I didn't actually feel depressed. I just knew I couldn't move. And when I worked, I was only working and thinking about my bed. How can I get back to my bed? Like, literally, I swear to God, everything I did was to get right back home in my bed and shut that door. And I remember telling my telling Dennis, my child's father, I remember crying to him in the car one day and I said, I don't know what's going on. I said, but when I hug Pilar, I can't feel it. And. And I was like, oh, no. I was like, oh, no, I can't feel. I can't let that happen. Because I always talk about my life experience, but what's most important to me is Pilar's life experience. And as close as I am with my mother, and as much as I need her, I never want to not be here for her. So even though I don't know if I could put myself first for me, I can put myself first for her and I can fight for me for her so that I can be here for her. And so after I admitted that to him, because you do have to end up saying it out loud.

[Podcast Host]

You do sometimes. That's the hardest part.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. It was hard to confide in him.

[Podcast Host]

It's hard for you to say it right now.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, it is. And him being my co parent, I knew I needed to tell him because we are her. Her keepers. And so I admitted it to him and I finally admitted it to my mom, which was also hard because my family's a very strong family. Mostly in black families, we don't admit things like this. We don't talk about it too much. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

When you're down. When you're down.

[Portia Williams]

When you're down. You know, it may be I was down last month, you know, but I'm back up. But like, for me to, like, admit it in, in real time, it was. It was tough. And like I said, it just didn't look like it. You could look anywhere in my life and you would not see that I was sad or depressed or anything, but it was there and they found it. And so like I said, I just went into heavy, heavy prayer, prayer. And I just really crawled and fought my way out of it. And I never, like I said, Never got on the medication or anything like that. And I do feel much, much better. I definitely. I do. I have a new therapist now. And I tell her the truth, you know, because I was like, all right. These therapists, once I tell. I'm like. I told my sister, I said, every time I tell a therapist the truth, they tell me I'm depressed. So I'm like, I ain't gonna be telling them everything that defeats the purpose. Gotta, you know, try to put me in the ward. But no. So this particular therapist, I. I told her the truth, and I've been talking to her and. And I'm. She's like, you're good. I love the way you're handling things. We have rearranged and compartmentalized my life in the way that I can handle everything. I can see what I need to do. I have my big, big box for Porsche. And it's filled. It's filled with everything that I need. And again, that's why people then as. Oh, she's. She's standing her. No, me standing in my truth is really me just really standing in my light, whatever that is. I deal with me positively. I do not talk bad on me at all. I mean, I actually said to someone the other day, when those thoughts in my mind come and I'm just thinking so negative, you know, I look in that mirror and I say, you can shut the fuck up. For real.

[Podcast Host]

I'm gonna try that shit.

[Portia Williams]

Oh, you instantly.

[Podcast Host]

I'm try that shit. I need that shit right now. You can shut the fuck up because.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, shut the fuck up. Because a part of you will be like, oh, you're an imposter. You're not really impressed.

[Podcast Host]

I never told myself to shut the fuck up.

[Portia Williams]

Tell yourself. And you're not really. You're telling that inner voice, of course, that hates you. There's one that hates you. And there's of course, God in you who loves you. And that's the one you should be really leaning into. But you gotta tell that bitch to shut the fuck up because. Why are you saying this to me? I just woke up. I'll get your ass back into bed, lazy ass. I just woke up. How am I lazy? You can shut the up. Like, for real. And I swear to you, I don't know what the magic is, but it works. It does. It works.

[Podcast Host]

I'm gonna start that. That's gonna be in my new. In my 2026.

[Portia Williams]

Okay. Pack. It's easy.

[Podcast Host]

My little bag. I'm gonna put that in the 2026 bag. You could shut the fuck up right.

[Portia Williams]

Now and look dead in that mirror. Okay.

[Podcast Host]

You bitch. You hear me?

[Portia Williams]

No. Yes. And flip your hair and go on about your damn day. Cuz we have things to handle. We are here for a reason. We have a life to live. We have people to, you know, pour into. And you know, if, if you're walking around and you letting that voice just tear you down, tear you down, tear you down, you're not going to really live.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Go ahead, mama.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And wow. How much you, your daughter is your savior. Because it was at that low moment. That's the one that took you down. Even telling me this whole story today, that's the moment that is like the hardest for you to even.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

To even see. Visit.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. I can't think about, you know, I don't know, and I don't want to sound crazy, but when you have dealt with depression over your life, the thought of death is not that scary. It's just not, you know, I don't think about it like other people think about it. Maybe I'm a little morbid.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. I, I, I have thought about it so much in my past. When I was in my 20s and going through that, all those things I went through that I don't think about it the way other people do.

[Podcast Host]

It's like, okay.

[Portia Williams]

Really? Yeah. If this experience ends, okay. But my daughter, I will, I want to be here for her. I want to make sure that she has a loving mother and a protector and that I'm here to witness her life and be there for her anytime she needs me. So being a mother has absolutely saved my life for sure.

[Podcast Host]

Wow. That's funny, because when we first launched this podcast, the first season was called We're All Going to Die. And everybody thought it was so dark and whatever, but it really wasn't. Because to me, a long time ago, I had, when we launched it, I had a bad car accident and I had this realization like I could have been. That could have been it.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And so. Okay, so now I'm still here.

[Portia Williams]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

What if I only have a year? Or whatever. It is like you don't know. But when you think about life and you remind yourself that we are, this is. Time is limited for everybody. But when you remind yourself that it forces you to make better decisions.

[Portia Williams]

It does.

[Podcast Host]

It forces you to not waste your time doing shit you don't really want to do or having conversations you don't really give a shit about having.

[Portia Williams]

And it didn't matter what it's connected to. So, like, a lot of people's driving force is money, you know, But I learned a long time ago, if you're doing something that is fulfilling to your spirit, then the money's gonna come. Okay. And maybe it didn't come in this one, in this particular job or opportunity. Right. Who knows? If I don't make a lot of money in my pocket podcast, I love to do it. It feels good to me to sit and talk to my sister and enjoy and share our life stories and funny things and antidotes. But over here, this job pays me money. So you still have to fill your life with things that are fulfilling to you. You cannot just work yourself to the bum for money. Working a 9 to 5 or. Or whether you're on TV like me and you're taking all these. It's all relative at the end of the day. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to do things that are for fulfilling to you. You have to be around people who calm your nervous system. I don't care who you are. I don't care what the job is. If this interview was uncomfortable, I. I love you and respect you. I would have to say, respectfully, I'm gonna have to go. Because when my nervous system is not settled, something is not right. And I don't have to live like that. You can, you can decide to make that choice. If I'm in a relationship with someone, I let them. If. If I'm not, if I don't feel calm with you, you, then that means we're not vibrating on the same space.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Portia Williams]

You know, our energies don't match. Yeah. And so I really. I put that anywhere. I am it. It doesn't matter in any situation.

[Podcast Host]

That's so good.

[Portia Williams]

I like to protect my peace. Okay.

[Podcast Host]

As you should.

[Portia Williams]

I've got to protect my peace. I work hard for that bit of peace. And yes, I had that bit of peace, you know, when I was in a relationship. And that didn't last, but I learned, learned. And I felt what that felt like. And I'll never let it go again.

[Podcast Host]

And then. So how have the past. Your life in the past six months, it's drastically shifted from where you were six months ago?

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like how. That's pretty fast. No. You don't have any remnants of it. Are you still kind of on the. Do you still have feelings or concerns about any type of depression or those type of states coming back or. Well, you know, we just deal with a day and time.

[Portia Williams]

Well, first of all, you have to try to identify what may be happening. That's different for you. And as a woman, I can't just say, oh, I'm just a person who deals with depression. No. I'm also a woman who's 44 years old. Could it be perimenopause over my life? When you look at certain things, could I be adhd? What other things can I find out about me in order? Just think about it. If it was someone else and they had an issue like me, I'm a problem solver. If you came to me and you had an issue you wanted to solve or you wanted advice, I'm gonna ask you a million questions to get down to it. When we have something, just depression. No, it could be a chemical imbalance.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

It could be a number of things.

[Podcast Host]

And, you know, so you're checking all the boxes.

[Portia Williams]

I've gotten a couple diagnoses that have helped me be able to look at different triggers in my life, different things that I've done, different things I may need to change, maybe need more order in my life. I may need to clean my damn house up a little bit more. I may need to be more organized with my daughter so that I'm not rushing her. And we're both stressed in the mornings. There's just a lot of little things. Once you find out how you operate and how you can make those small tweaks that can make your life better and like, de stress, you know, for me, with adhd, it just really. It just really showed me, like, okay, this is how I think.

[Podcast Host]

Did you get diagnosed with adhd, too? Yes.

[Portia Williams]

And so it's a matter of, okay, this is. Is how I think. There's nothing wrong with how I think, but this is how I think. This how I operate.

[Podcast Host]

ADHD probably makes for a great reality star.

[Portia Williams]

Well, here I am.

[Podcast Host]

It's probably.

[Portia Williams]

I am. I'm always like, oh, what made me like a star? Here we go.

[Podcast Host]

Because you have to be on. You have to have energy, like, you have to be exciting to watch.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. Unpredictable.

[Podcast Host]

Unpredictable. I'm sure that has contributed to the success of your reality there.

[Portia Williams]

Yes. Spontaneous.

[Podcast Host]

So it's a gift that occurs, probably.

[Portia Williams]

It is, it is. But I. And I look at it now as a gift, you know, And I've found I'm not medicated. What I take is L. Theanine, which is really good. So anybody out there, I hope I can spread that message that L. Theanine is amazing. Those voices that I told you we have to tell to be quiet. Elthanine just tells them to calm it down. It calms it for me, it says.

[Podcast Host]

Shut the up in the mirror.

[Portia Williams]

It goes in the system and tell everything to shut the fuck up. And, and it's amazing. And so it's, it's a way that like, if I feel high stress or whatever, it just kind of calms down, at least quiets me from overthinking, et cetera. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So amazing.

[Portia Williams]

And I'm learning more and more about it, you know, you start to go into research, you find out.

[Podcast Host]

I love this journey for you.

[Portia Williams]

I do too.

[Podcast Host]

I love this whole journey. I love where you are, you know, it's great. I think, yes, I will. I'm not going to ask you a bunch of personal questions, but I do, I really value, I think it's. Thank you for sharing what you did share today because I really think there is something to that, like not letting outside noise, outside opinions, whatever, just kind of interfere with you finding or exploring. Who knows if this is your answer or not, but at least you're not afraid to see, to try to do what feels right right now.

[Portia Williams]

And everybody's trying to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, everybody's trying to figure it out. It's just a news cycle. It'll just be trending for like a week, it's okay. Or a week or two, that's fine. I can put the phone down. You know what I mean? Like, I think, you know some points as, you know, public figures, we forget. You can put the phone down. Yeah, you can delete that app for a while. Wild. It's okay.

[Podcast Host]

And they'll still say it and it's not going to affect you if you don't see it.

[Portia Williams]

Never freaking. No, it's not until I go to dinner with something, they're like, oh, did you see this? I'm like, ah, you need to show that to me. Like, I'm good. Let's just drink and enjoy. Yeah, yeah, you can put the phone down. Do not wake up in the morning and that's the first thing that you looking at. You know what I mean? Or the last thing that you see before you go to bed. Take a moment and just, just live.

[Podcast Host]

Where, by the way, not just for public figures, for in general, take a moment because. Because if it's not a story about you, if you're not a public figure, it is, it is fed to you that is meant to either stress you out, compare you to somebody else, compare your life to somebody else's life. Like there's just so much negative putting.

[Portia Williams]

You in the position to judge other people and that's what social media does, it gives everybody a voice and the ability to judge and then find a community of people who are also judging. So now it's a good time.

[Podcast Host]

But.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, that is crazy. But at the end of the day, when you put your phone down, what you doing in your life? Yeah. What you got going on? Boo. You know what? What did you just do that. If we knew about it, we would also judge. And then they feel empty after they are no longer in that community that's in the cell phone on social media. So live outside of all of that for sure. Like, start to do some things. I know. See, in my community sometimes, you know, we don't, you know, get outside and do the crazy things like, you know, we're not out here riding horses and playing outside and doing things. Get outside, like, do things that you wouldn't normally do. Go ride some dirt bikes.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Go fishing, like.

[Podcast Host]

You know what I mean? Like, I'm golfing now.

[Portia Williams]

You're golfing. It's the greatest thing.

[Podcast Host]

It's the greatest thing ever.

[Portia Williams]

Your body's gonna get real good. I mean, you already look amazing.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, you're very sweet.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, you look damn good.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you. No, but it's my thing. It's that you outside, you're in the grass. Find your thing. What is your thing?

[Portia Williams]

So my thing was golf as well. I didn't know that. My thing was golf as well. Portia.

[Podcast Host]

How did I not know that?

[Portia Williams]

Because I didn't post about it. It was my thing. Thing. It was my thing, so I kept it for me.

[Podcast Host]

Do you golf by yourself?

[Portia Williams]

I used to, but I haven't in a while. You do?

[Podcast Host]

I golf by myself sometimes.

[Portia Williams]

But when you go, they don't try to partner you up Sometimes.

[Podcast Host]

Sometimes. But I was in a club and I could. I would book like, weird hours and then I would go. Like when people even. It's like later in the day, I might not do a full 18, but I'll. I get some in by myself. But I like also golfing with other people.

[Portia Williams]

That's good.

[Podcast Host]

I got for strangers.

[Portia Williams]

You can golf. Golfing strangers is the best.

[Podcast Host]

Great, because you don't have to talk about.

[Portia Williams]

You don't.

[Podcast Host]

We just want to know what club club did you use for that and how far did it go? And you know all that and you.

[Portia Williams]

Get on through and you can drink and enjoy your.

[Podcast Host]

Portia, we're gonna be go friends.

[Portia Williams]

Can we really do that? I would so do it when I tell you I love it. I got my own clubs and everything, so Do I? Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Wait a minute. Where's my. Look at what I have on my chain.

[Portia Williams]

Oh, you in it. Wait, wait, No.

[Podcast Host]

I just won this. I won the ladies long drive competition at the CC Samantha thing.

[Portia Williams]

It's a little golf club. Oh, my God.

[Podcast Host]

I won this.

[Portia Williams]

Congratulations.

[Podcast Host]

I don't hit that far, but there wasn't that many ladies, so I won.

[Portia Williams]

So I won.

[Podcast Host]

It's still in there because I had it on earlier. So I had tucked it inside and.

[Portia Williams]

No, you need to keep that. You need to find your hobby. Come on. Like, we gotta get off when I'm.

[Podcast Host]

And when I go, I don't put the phone on. There's no phone.

[Portia Williams]

There's no phone throwing off your frequency for sure. It really is. I mean, I didn't. I'm not perfect. Yes. I'm on my phone. I have to post. I do. So am I. Yeah, okay. We do all that, but think about your frequency at the end of the day, you don't want that throwing it off. I have another secret to admit today. Okay. Treehouse hugger.

[Podcast Host]

What do you mean?

[Portia Williams]

I go outside on hug trees.

[Podcast Host]

No, you don't.

[Portia Williams]

I do. I do. I go outside often barefoot, and I'll just ground. And I have this big tree that. I've been eyeing them for a while. You know, you hear about the tree huggers and, like, you know, the synergy.

[Podcast Host]

I didn't know this was a real thing.

[Portia Williams]

It's a real thing. And I was like, I'm gonna walk up to him and just see if I can hug them. And I went and I hugged him. And I just felt. You automatically feel like. Like this peace, like this oneness with the earth.

[Podcast Host]

Stop it.

[Portia Williams]

I'm not. I'm not kidding you. How often do you do. I'm gonna say this, but you're also gonna go hug a tree.

[Podcast Host]

How often do you do this?

[Portia Williams]

Well, it's cold now.

[Podcast Host]

Okay.

[Portia Williams]

So I haven't visited him in a while.

[Podcast Host]

Okay. You have a particular tree?

[Portia Williams]

Oh, yeah. It's a. He's right in the middle of the putt. Putt in my backyard.

[Podcast Host]

Got it.

[Portia Williams]

But I have a putt in your backyard. We're gonna be friends.

[Podcast Host]

I want to come to your house and hug the tree.

[Portia Williams]

Next interview is at my house.

[Podcast Host]

Okay, fine.

[Portia Williams]

It's at my house.

[Podcast Host]

Fine. I'm there.

[Portia Williams]

And I. We recently went to Scotland on Housewives. And in the castle we were staying at, there was this big beauty. I cheated on my tree. Okay. Because there was this big, beautiful tree in the back, and you could See? Did they film this all out? Yeah, they did.

[Podcast Host]

You did talk about the.

[Portia Williams]

No, they filmed me hugging the tree.

[Podcast Host]

Of course they did.

[Portia Williams]

And so there were these. They had this big, beautiful roots coming out. And I was like, the girls, you know, they didn't understand what was. I said, y', all, I'll be back. Right, right back. And I went and I hugged this tree for, like, five minutes straight. And it was just. I don't know. It just calms me. I'm sure there's a scientific or spiritual. So you just one day.

[Podcast Host]

Did somebody tell you to do this?

[Portia Williams]

Or you just one day seeing it online? You know how it is on social media. You start tapping into, and then all.

[Podcast Host]

Of a sudden, it's all on your.

[Portia Williams]

Vibration and your life and how, you know, water is living and things like that and frequency and those. That will. One of the things that I had learned about, and I was like, I'm gonna try it. And it actually worked.

[Podcast Host]

You were into it?

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, I'm into it.

[Podcast Host]

I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna try it on the golf course.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah, try it on the golf course. Pick your right tree.

[Podcast Host]

Okay.

[Portia Williams]

And. And do it. And try to, like, let your skin touch it if you can. Now, me, I don't like bugs. I don't like none of that, but.

[Podcast Host]

I don't like bugs either.

[Portia Williams]

I don't either, but I was like, I need this goodness.

[Podcast Host]

I'm gonna try it. It's gonna be weird, but do it.

[Portia Williams]

Do the thing. Do the thing, do the thing. All the.

[Podcast Host]

I'm gonna tell her to shut the fuck up.

[Portia Williams]

Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

And I'm gonna hug the tree.

[Portia Williams]

Exactly. You didn't know you was gonna get that out this interview.

[Podcast Host]

I got so much from you today. I'm so into it, so thank you for that. Of course.

[Portia Williams]

All right, we have a couple of.

[Podcast Host]

Things before we let you go. I have a bowl in real life. Bowl with a couple in real life questions. Can somebody pass me the bowl? We doing the bowl first or the voice note? Do we have a voice note?

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, we have a voice note for you. This is our Boost Mobile voice note section, where somebody. I haven't even heard this, so I don't know if it's a fan, a friend, but somebody who. A message or a question for you.

[Portia Williams]

Okay. Hey, Portia, when your daughter looks back at you and your journey one day, like, what do you hope she understands about the woman you were becoming?

[Podcast Host]

She might hear that. She might see that. That moment that we just talked about.

[Portia Williams]

She might. And I'm pretty sure she will with social media. When my daughter looks back on my life, which is well documented, a lot of it, I would hope that she saw a woman who was in pursuit of her best self and a woman who was living life on her own terms and who loved herself, forgave herself, and most of all, found joy or fought for joy. Because as a mom, the only thing I want from my child. I know people put a lot of expectations when they get kids. I just want her to be happy, whatever that is. You know, even though I'm working and, you know, I'm building, the money that I have for her is for her to be able to do what she wants to do. I don't have any particular life set out for her, and I wish everybody lived like that. My mom actually was like that with me, even though I work with her. But I would just want her to see me fighting for my life and living my real life how I wanted to live it. And that's all I want for her. And mommy will be happy.

[Podcast Host]

That is a wonderful example to set for your daughter. We said something. We always worry about being strong, being this, being that. It's like, just let me show you how. Watch me chase this happiness. Because happiness is important.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah. And she.

[Podcast Host]

Peace is important.

[Portia Williams]

All of it. But she needs to see and know from me that it's something you're gonna have to be intentional about. Be intentional about about what your life looks like, who is in your life, what you do in your life. If she can live that way and not just go along the way with what somebody else wants or what life is pushing her to. No, no, no. Always have your goal set for yourself and make sure that you are at the head of it, no matter what. Even if you have a child, even if she's married or whatever, make sure that you are putting you first regardless. And that's not so good.

[Podcast Host]

And the parent and your mom is your first example. I just had to remember of. We have Adrian, you know, Adrienne Houghton Bylon from the Real.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

She was on with her HUS recently. And, you know, she had a. Relationships before that didn't go well and she left an engagement and everything because she watched her mother chase her happiness. She's like, her mother got a divorce from her first husband. She's like, something about watching my mother chase her happiness made me realize, want to have that too. And. And kids do that. Your mother is your first example of like.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How it's supposed to be done.

[Portia Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

And that life is a steady flow.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

You know, you are not your circumstance. I'm sure you may go through hard things in your life, but you are not your circumstance. You are beyond that. You're just going through that. And so as long as she remains fluid and I remain fluid and can see a way out and keep moving with my energy and my love and my life, then she'll be fine. Things are going to happen. She's got to know that, yes, life is hard, and she's going to watch Mom's life and be like, yeah, mom went through some things. Mom was okay. Yeah, mom had some growth moments in there, but she's going to see that and be like, yeah, it's the real world.

[Podcast Host]

That's amazing that she could watch your life.

[Portia Williams]

I know, right?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

But, you know, it's real. It's real. And, you know, a lot of people don't have the opportunity. I was really close to my mom, so I watched my mom fight to be the number one childcare center owner and entrepreneur and single mom and take care of us and the whole, whole family. And so that's where I get my work ethic from. You know what I'm saying? And that's. And there were also some things that she feels like she might have missed enjoying.

[Podcast Host]

Well, it's also her generation where they were trying to fight for equal rights and fair pay, and they wanted to be bosses, too, and they wanted to prove it. So they had. That was their play. And then the next generation is like, wait a minute. I want to be happy, too.

[Portia Williams]

Right?

[Podcast Host]

Like, yeah, we want to be hustlers, but we also bosses, but kind of also really want to prioritize joy and.

[Portia Williams]

Being happy, and that's the ultimate way of having it all. You know, a lot of people say. I hear me say I want to have it all. No, I really mean it. I really mean it. But I know now it starts with me. I have to feel complete in who I am. Then everything else is added.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

Like, literally everything else is added.

[Podcast Host]

So good.

[Portia Williams]

Hey, guys.

[Podcast Host]

Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, myself, what if I could go after what I actually want, and I could really make a difference? Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills, and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been Waiting for the right moment. This is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take the that first step. Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. All right, before you go, hit our IRL Bowl.

[Portia Williams]

Boo. Oh, my.

[Podcast Host]

Our IRL bowl is sponsored by Walden University.

[Portia Williams]

Okay, thank you. To our friends at Walden.

[Podcast Host]

This is real life.

[Portia Williams]

Questions? Yes, Walden? What is the best and the worst decision you ever made? Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. There's a many.

[Podcast Host]

Not a many.

[Portia Williams]

It doesn't have to be the best.

[Podcast Host]

What's the first one that comes? Bad decision, good decision.

[Portia Williams]

Okay. The best decision, I would say, is, well, of course, getting with my ex and having Pilar. I'll say that's the best. Yeah. Because I. I really didn't know that relationship was new. And, you know, we had a. So I would have to say that's the best decision I ever made and worst decision I ever made. Oh, Lord, child, pick one. Okay. Because that could have just been one question that didn't have to be fully loaded like that. Okay. Worst decision ever made was probably compromising myself, like, in a lot of different situations.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Portia Williams]

I don't. Don't. You don't need to do that. You don't. I don't feel like you need to compromise yourself, because you know why? Because at the end of the day, your destiny is already set. The gift that you have is going to take you right where you need to be. So as long as your gift and you're fully aligned and you're living in divine alignment, you don't need to compromise yourself. You need to be you in your fullest self. And then what's meant for you will be for you. So if there's any situation that you want. Come on, Portia. Hey. Hallelujah. Really, if there's a situation, you got to compromise yourself. Don't do it.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, you're actually going against yourself. You're like. You're like. Yeah, it's. It's not good. Okay. You know, I like this question for you. It's very simple. When we started our podcast.

[Portia Williams]

Taking it back up.

[Podcast Host]

No, this is good. I know. I kept saying goodbye. This is how we usually used to start. This was our starter question. I have a starter question and an end question. This is the starter question.

[Portia Williams]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

How happy are you for on a scale of 1 to 10 today?

[Portia Williams]

Oh, energy check today. Yeah, I am at a 10. Yay. Yeah, I'm at a 10. I had a really rough day yesterday, and I like the way I handled it. I like the way I handled it, I felt. I felt triggered yesterday and I felt like I was going down a loop and I stopped myself and I started going solution based and I handled it. And so I'm proud of it. Like, every time I have a win like that, even though it feels like a. A loss, every time I have a win, I feel good. So today I am happy. 10. I'm a 10.

[Podcast Host]

That's amazing.

[Portia Williams]

10.

[Podcast Host]

And my other favorite bowl in the question, which we end with a lot is. And we'll end it today with that is if. If God were to text you today, what would it say?

[Portia Williams]

Oh, my God. If God text me today, what would it say? Thank you for fighting for our relationship. Yeah. There's been a lot of different times in life where I have felt led away from God or I have felt like I wasn't as close or I did not pay attention. But I walk around my house all day speaking to God. I mean, and I teach my daughter to pray. And so I would have to say that we have a close relationship. And I think that's what he would appreciate is me constantly him being in my mind and me thinking of him, him first.

[Podcast Host]

And working on that relationship.

[Portia Williams]

And working. You have to work on that relationship because the world is trying to pull you away. Your flesh is trying to pull you away. So you have to consciously be thankful and grateful. Even in the midst of what you have going on, even all that that we talked about today, I have to constantly say, but God, that was beautiful. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you for today.

[Portia Williams]

Thank you.

[Podcast Host]

That's Portia in real life.

[Portia Williams]

Everybody, this is Portia Williams in real life. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching.

[Podcast Host]

Make sure you subscribe, like, comment and check out all of the other episodes we have on Andrew Martinez, IRL podcast.

[Portia Williams]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.