Angie Martinez IRL - Tashera Simmons on DMX: How Strong Women Lose Themselves In Love

Summary

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Joe and Jada: Angie Martinez IRL – Tashera Simmons on DMX: How Strong Women Lose Themselves In Love

Episode Date: March 19, 2026
Host: Angie Martinez ("Angie Bravo")
Guest: Tashera Simmons

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Episode Overview

This deeply personal episode features Tashera Simmons, ex-wife of hip-hop icon DMX (Earl Simmons), in an insightful, vulnerable conversation with Angie Martinez. Tashera shares her journey from her childhood through her decades-long relationship and eventual marriage to DMX, grappling with trauma, addiction, faith, and self-discovery. The episode centers on how strong women can lose themselves in love, the realities of trauma bonding, and Tashera’s process of healing, forgiveness, and reclaiming her identity. The discussion is prompted by her new documentary, "X vs. Earl: The Simmons Family Speaks," giving listeners an intimate look at both her and DMX’s true selves behind the fame.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ride or Die: Deconstructing a Generational Myth

• The "Ride or Die" Mentality
  • Both Angie and Tashera reflect on how their generation was sold the “ride or die” ideal, especially in hip-hop culture.
  • Tashera admits the appeal:

    “Guess what? I used to always be that ride or die chick. But I'll tell you, that's over. Like, I'm done. I'm done being a ride or die.” (03:48)

  • Later reiterates:

    “Ride or die is overrated... for us grown women out here and you young girls that's... trying to be a ride or die is overrated. It's whack. It's not even a way to go anymore. You ride or die for yourself.” (79:44)

2. The Start of DMX and Tashera: Love, Trauma, and Survival

• Meeting and Early Struggles

  • Met at age 11, dating at 17 (1988), married in 1998.
  • Both came from backgrounds of abandonment and trauma—Tashera as the eldest of seven, DMX placed in a group home at seven.
  • Discuss bonding over mutual pain:

    “I think it was a trauma bond... I was abandoned as a kid. He was abandoned, in a sense, you know, put in a group home at seven. So when we first met, he thought I was from the other side... But... it was a trauma bond.” (13:26)

• Survival and Hustle

  • Early days in the Yonkers projects; Tashera worked multiple jobs, DMX sold mixtapes and did construction.
  • DMX’s illegal activities (“robbing people”) recounted openly, with Tashera highlighting her own naivety and the normalization of survival tactics (18:46).

3. Trauma Bonding: Recognition, Consequences, and Recovery

• Defining Trauma Bonds

  • Both hosts and guest agree it's common and often goes unrecognized:

    “This is classic trauma bonding.” (19:47 – Angie)

• Consequences

  • Tashera candidly relates dangerous behaviors, codependence, and cycles of hurt:

    “Once I had Xavier [their son], I experienced a love that I'd never felt before... and those are the conversations me and him used to have.” (21:42)

4. Coping with DMX's Addiction and Transformation

• Addiction as the "Second Wife"

  • Tashera reveals DMX’s struggles with crack cocaine:

    “We started calling him crack. It was crack. Yup. And I used to call him his second wife because I felt like the love there... one thing I learned throughout our relationship... I fell in love with Earl. I met Earl. Not many people know who Earl is. They think they do.” (29:58)

• DMX’s Split Persona (Earl vs. X)

  • The rise to fame amplified his inner conflict:

    “He literally lived in them. What it did to me—well, I gotta thank him... he introduced me to Christ. He brought me to Christ... I admired how he manifested his life, how everything that he had faith in literally took root.” (33:25)

5. Faith, Identity, and the Path to Healing

• Faith as Lifeline

  • Tashera credits God as the only reason she survived the relationship and found her true self.

    “I served you [God] honestly, loyally... and look what happened. Like, he. The drugs took over. Like, how can you let a powerful man like him be taken down? ...God came. He came.” (35:26)

• Loss of Self & Reclaiming Identity

  • She reveals she rooted her entire value in being a wife and in DMX’s happiness:

    “My worth was in my marriage. My worth was in Earl and his happiness and what he wanted for me. Everything was about him. Not because I was obsessed... Now, the me now knows, it wasn't because I was weak. It was just because I went through trauma.” (36:04)

  • The aftermath: severe depression, eventual therapy, and the struggle to set boundaries.

6. Hard-won Wisdom: Advice and Self-Forgiveness

• Advice to Young Women

  • “You cannot fix nobody... There is nothing that you can do for someone who has been broken, who's bitter, who doesn't have the right perspective for their self. There's no saving. There's no saving them.” (46:04)
  • Emphasizes boundaries, therapy, and putting God and self-healing first.

• Learning to Say No and Setting Boundaries

  • Only now, in her 50s, has Tashera learned to say no, linking her previous inability to her longing to please, avoid abandonment, and overcompensate for her own childhood lack (54:10).

• Healing Her Children

  • Tashera devoted herself to breaking cycles of abandonment for her kids, speaking openly about trauma, addiction, and God:

    “I lost myself, but I found myself at the same time in my children. I had to shut off the world, lock in, don’t go out dating, and really take the time for each individual to find out, who are you? Why are you hurting?... I don’t want you to repeat this generational curse.” (69:42)

• Forgiveness—For Herself

  • The first moments of therapy brought overwhelming emotion and realization:

    “The first time I knew I had to forgive myself was the first day I sat on the couch of my therapist. And my first two sessions were just crying because I had realized that I had went too far. I realized that I didn't know what made me happy...” (87:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “Ride or Die” Love:

  “That's over. Like, I'm done. I'm done being a ride or die.” (03:48 – Tashera) “Ride or die is overrated... You ride or die for yourself.” (79:44 – Tashera)

• On Trauma Bonds:

  “I think it was a trauma bond... I was abandoned as a kid. He was abandoned, in a sense... So when we first met... it was a trauma bond.” (13:26 – Tashera)

• On Addiction:

  “We started calling him crack. It was crack. Yup. And I used to call him his second wife because I felt like the love there... one thing I learned throughout our relationship... I fell in love with Earl. I met Earl. Not many people know who Earl is.” (29:58 – Tashera)

• On Identity and Recovery:

  “For a very long time, my identity was in Earl. And now what I really love about myself is that I'm happy to be Tashira.” (91:56 – Tashera)

• On Forgiveness and Healing:

  “To love on myself, I go away by myself... But really loving on yourself, to be honest with you, is getting a therapist, because they tear you to pieces and they build you back up together. It's not about Earl. It's not about the kids. It's about the girl sitting in that chair that wants help. And that's the biggest love.” (87:51 – Tashera)

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Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |----------------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:43–04:44 | Deconstructing “Ride or Die”: Tashera’s Shift | | 05:14–13:26 | Meeting DMX, Early Love & Pure Connection | | 13:26–19:51 | Trauma Bonding and Acknowledging Toxic Patterns | | 20:13–22:30 | Having Children: Shifting Priorities and Identity | | 26:23–29:58 | Realizing the Relationship Wasn't Healthy, Encounter with Addiction | | 29:58–33:25 | DMX’s Split Personas, Rise to Fame, Coping Mechanisms | | 33:25–36:04 | Faith, Identity, and God as Lifeline | | 41:21–42:44 | Breakdown, Depression, and Journey to Healing | | 45:05–47:44 | Advice for Young Women & Importance of Therapy | | 54:10–56:00 | Learning About Boundaries and Self-Worth | | 69:42–71:59 | “Breaking Generational Curses” and Healing Children | | 79:18–79:44 | “Ride or Die” Readdressed, Overrated Nature | | 80:03–82:17 | Unconditional Love – Is It Healthy? | | 87:25–89:26 | Forgiving Herself, Self-Love via Therapy | | 91:25–92:13 | What She’s Proud of & Comfort in Her Own Identity | | 94:56–95:13 | “If God Texted...” – Focus on Yourself |

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Flow and Tone

The episode is raw, supportive, and unfiltered. Tashera speaks with a mix of pain, hard-won wisdom, humor, and gratitude for survival. Angie plays both confidante and mirror, affirming Tashera’s experience while pressing for clarity and advice for listeners who may be walking similar paths. The vibe is supportive, honest, and often emotional, but never self-pitying.

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Final Reflections

Tashera’s journey is a testament to survival, faith, and the struggle to reclaim one’s sense of self after decades of trauma, sacrifice, and self-abandonment. Her candidness unveils the complexity behind love, especially with a public figure battling demons, and offers actionable wisdom for listeners—about boundaries, forgiveness, and the necessity of healing oneself before trying to save another.

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Transcript

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[Tashira Simmons]

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[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

you think about the term ride or die?

[Tashira Simmons]

Because we were fed that.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Our generation was fed that.

[Tashira Simmons]

So hard. Like Ride or Die doesn't Ex have Ride or Die? And guess what? I love to be that Ride or Die chick. But I'll tell you that's that's, that's, that's over. Like I'm done. I'm done being a Ride or die. I'm done.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Is ride or Die like is that overrated?

[Tashira Simmons]

That's the word I was looking for. Die to die is overrated.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

Thanks for watching guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

My girl was in the room for it. All the number one albums, the sold out tours, the lows that the public never saw. She is the ex wife of hip hop icon dmx and for the first time she's telling me the full story. Hers, her children's. And she's telling the story in her new documentary, X vs. Earl. The Simmons family speaks.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

Please welcome Tashira Simmons to irs.

[Tashira Simmons]

Hi baby.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

When do you do you remember what we like? I try to remember, like meeting you for the first time. And I don't remember the exact first time, but I just remember. I remember the early days of Ex gushing about you on the radio. He was very much my wife, my wife, my wife, my wife. Your love was so, I don't know, just a Big part of his life.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, it was. It was pure, I feel, and unique, especially coming into an industry like this.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Well, there's so many questions I have for you, but like, so when I. When I was like, yo, I really want to talk to her more. But we were at recently at Irv's funeral and you got up to speak and I had never seen you speak publicly. Like I've seen you on the reality shows and things like that. But in that moment, I just had such a sense of your faith. You talked about being young with X and the two of you meeting Irv for the first time and him doing everything he said he was gonna do by X or Earl, as you say.

[Tashira Simmons]

I know, I'm sorry. I can't even help it.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You never call him X.

[Tashira Simmons]

Never called him X, yo.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah. And you really have. Your faith was just woven into everything that you spoke about. You really. It was really a beautiful moment.

[Tashira Simmons]

Wow.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah. And your words, I think the whole room, it meant a lot to the whole room.

[Tashira Simmons]

And that was a very challenging time for me because I don't even want to get emotional. But Irv was the beginning of a life changing moment in me and Earl's life. And after dealing with so much fake X being signed with Columbia, you know, finally we was excited about his one single and being dropped and Irv coming, I felt, to the rescue. Me and X was in the hood. I'm gonna call him X. Yeah, we were in the hood and Irv came and he already had met, you know, ex before that and they were already just doing some things. But I was always very skeptical about everybody because I was the one paying a lot of the bills, you know, X was bringing, you know, he had his side job and selling his mixtapes and doing constructions just because I was like, I need help. We have a son.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So he already had a son and he wasn't. He wasn't ex yet.

[Tashira Simmons]

No, he was developing before we had our son. Went out to a few battles. One was with Jay Z and another one was 50. Yeah. And a couple others that kind of was out there. He told me it was about when we first met. He was telling me about Red man and I was. They were in jail together and shared a cell and just about that whole situation. But. So he'd been trying to do this for a while.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Tashira Simmons]

When I first met him, I'm like, it's not paying the bills. Like those tapes that you selling is not, you know, covering everything. And he said, nah, I met somebody that believes in me. He's already up at a label and he's coming through and he gonna, you know. Well, he said he coming through. I think I talked about this at the funeral where he came through with Ja and Mike Geronimo to the house they came to. I pulled up at a house.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Where are you living at the time?

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, we was living in Moford Gardens in Yonkers. It's the projects. And Irv pulled up in the MPV and John Mike Geronimo jumped out. They were really young looking then. Irv was big bellied, always kind of real stocky then. And I was like. And it kind of looked to beat up the van. So I was like. I was like, oh, man, ain't I got him? Like, you know, this is, this, these, these. These dudes ain't real. Like, they're not going to take us nowhere. And it's like, you know, never judge a book by its cover.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So Ja Rule wasn't Ja Rule.

[Tashira Simmons]

Ja Rule wasn't Ja Rule.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

He was Jeffrey.

[Tashira Simmons]

He was Jeffrey Atkins. And they was excited to meet another emcee from Yonkers. They heard of that. I'm almost sure they heard about the name because X was everywhere, battling different boroughs. I mean, he put that work where he was.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

You guys are how old?

[Tashira Simmons]

First of all, I just had Xavier, so I had been about 22 or 21. And me and Irv was like the same age, I think. Age. I mean, he might have been one year older than.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You had other kids already, right?

[Tashira Simmons]

No, we just had Xavier at the time. It was our first child. We had just got that apartment, but it was in a basement apartment. So Irv was. I mean, the funniest. He came in and it was. It was real. Like, you had to. It was a basement apartment that we literally had to walk through. The like, look like a grimy steps. And he was in slipping. Actually, Earl, like, we did that, that video in that apartment.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Oh, the slipping video.

[Tashira Simmons]

And it was shut down. We had about bought a house already. They shut the apartment down, but they opened it back up because X is X then. So they were like, oh, no problem. But when we. When he walked through, like, to open our door was like a little jug. So, like, Irv would tell this story all the time. He was like, yo, like, when X blew up, he was like, from the dirty, grimy basement to the what, the bends to this. Like, like he would. But it was. But it was real, though, because he saw it. He saw it. But when you walked in our apartment, X was an artist, so he Painted the apartment so nice, like with stripes. Like a black and gray stripes. And there was a fan that was hanging off the pipes. That was our air conditioning. It was crazy. But we were happy. It was dope. And we didn't, we didn't know what to expect. Like when Irv was saying, yo, like I'm telling you, there's no talent like you from the streets. That's what we need. Like he would be telling us. And he'll just be sitting in an apartment, like, just listening, you know what I'm saying? And Irv was so hopeful and excited. Like he, like he knew what was about to happen before we did. And he was like, yo, this is all temporary, dog. This is all temporary. And I was like, you know, just sitting there like, yeah, I've heard this before and we've already been let down before, so. And then, mind you, he pulling up in an mpv, I'm like, the people that's gonna make it happen is the people with the big cars. And you know what I'm saying? Because you weren't impressed. Yeah, I wasn't impressed. And Earl believed Irv, but he was like, you could show me better than you could tell me. And he's like, I am.

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[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Who were you and Ex at the time? Like, so you guys had been together at that point for.

[Tashira Simmons]

We met it well. Okay. So we met when we were 11 years old. We got together when we were 17, which was 1988, and then we got married 10 years later in 1998.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Wow.

[Tashira Simmons]

So the first 10 years was a struggle, but we was happy. We were connected. We understood each other.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What was the love? What was the connection? Like, what. Now that you're older and you know about more things and you can kind of analyze that, what do you. What do you think that that connection was?

[Tashira Simmons]

I wanted to be honest with you. I think it was a trauma bond because I was abandoned as a kid. He was abandoned, in a sense, you know, put in a group home at seven. So when we first met, he thought I was from the other side because I, you know, I always worked and, you know, dressed nice. So I was totally out of, like, what the type of women he. Well, little girl, young girls that he would mess with. So he couldn't believe that I like him. But when we started to talk more and tell our story, which was. Happened like the first night, to be honest with you. But it was a trauma bond.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Trauma bond. So he had been abandoned, you had been abandoned.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yep. Trying to figure it out.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

And then what does that look like for somebody who doesn't even know what trauma bond is? Because I think people still are experiencing that. What is that, you know now Better. I know you've done a lot of

[Tashira Simmons]

work on yourself, and, yeah, somebody that has been through intense hurt and pain as a child, that is very different from what everybody else is dealing with. Everyone around us had mothers and fathers, or maybe a single, but at least they had a parent. No money. No money, no parents, no parents. Scraps. Scraps. Looking for scraps for food to eat. Working Burger King because we're young, and I was working at shoprite and Burger King at the time. Earl was Robin. That was his thing with his dog. But. And I was told to stay away from him, from the neighbor, you know, people in the neighborhood. Like, you know, he's no good. He's going to take, you know, he's dangerous. But when I met him, I didn't See that I saw someone who was like me and we understood each other. And then on top of that, he believed in God. And I was a Muslim at the time, and I wasn't really seen because of the religion. Women are always, you know, separated from the men. And Earl saw me from the first day he saw me. He saw me before I saw myself.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Saw you how?

[Tashira Simmons]

He saw my heart was pure. He saw that even though I've been through the same trauma that he had been through, I still had love. And he didn't have that. He used to tell me my heart can get real ugly because I used to say, you're so good. Like, why. Like, why people say what they say about you. You're so nice to me. And I would see the switch then, like. But this heart can get ugly, though. But I was so, like, I don't. I don't know what I think. God. Not think. I know now that there's a gift that God has given me to always see the good in people, no matter how that might. Yeah. How dark they are. And that's to a fault, to be honest with you. I've kind of hit by bumped, you know, got hurt a lot from that. But I don't want to allow people's actions to change who I am. But, yeah, he's the first person who saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. And he was able to identify that because it was something that he didn't have at the time. He was bitter. He was very bitter.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You probably gave him hope because if he sees somebody who's been through what he's been through, and you're so bright and you're working two jobs and your spirit is like you said. He probably looked at you, like, good. Like, I don't know. You probably just gave him hope.

[Tashira Simmons]

No, you're right. And he said that, but I still didn't get it then. Like, he was just like, you're. You're something good in my life. I mean, no exaggeration. Like. Cause he lived with his manager at the time in New Rochelle. I went and stayed with him. And it was like, no sexual. Like back then, such a different time. Like, sex was not. Like, I feel like girls just from out here for my sons, they give it up fast. Like, back then it was like, I'm a virgin and I'm trying to keep myself. Yeah, I come over and stay the night. We could have fun. Like, it was so 80s. Like, yes.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

He was innocent.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah. And he wasn't even trying either. He Just was like, I'll make you some French toast in the morning. I make real good French toast. And yo, seriously. And we, like, talked all night. And I like, like, he. I know I fell in love with him that night, but I was afraid to even step in that space. But he said to me that night, and he talked about this. I don't know if you could find footage, because he said in some of his interviews, but he said, you know, you're gonna be my wife. And I said, listen, like, you're really trying hard right now to get this pussy, and I'm not giving up.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So funny.

[Tashira Simmons]

Cause I was like, there's no way that he's gonna tell me I'm be his wife. And I only knew you for a week. But isn't it that saying about, like, a man knows what he wants when he first. When he first meets the woman that he wants to marry.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

When did you start seeing. When did you first start seeing signs that there was darkness there? Did it take a while or.

[Tashira Simmons]

Nah, it didn't take long. But for some reason, that was why good girls like bad guys. I looked at it when I first saw it, was he, you know, he hurt people to get money, you know, like. And when I say hurt people, I kill them. But he was robbing people. You know, he's robbing people. Yeah, exactly. Things that he talked about, he put him to sleep. I mean, he used to show me how he used to do it. I was so excited because back then, I think we had like four or five channels or just starting to get cable vision. So it was like. And I didn't have it. So hearing his stories was, like, exciting. Like, him and his friend used to set, like. Like set people up. Like they'll have friends that were girls and bring guys from. That was the thing back then. Like, if you're not from our hood or even our borough, like, bring them in so we could rob him. Like, you know what I'm saying? So he would come back and be telling me the stories, and I'd be so excited and like, wow, you really did that. You're so cool. Like, you're strong.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

This is classic trauma bonding. Classic trouble.

[Tashira Simmons]

Exactly. Like, and I look back now, but that's what slipping was inspired by. Because we broke up for a year. Because once I had Xavier, because, mind you, this is all. This was happening way before Xavier. And then when I had Xavier, I was like, wait, something turned on. The light turned on in me. But it didn't too much for him.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What was the light the child. What happened to you? Like, what changed about you?

[Tashira Simmons]

Well, first of all, to be totally honest, when I talk about this in my book is that I didn't want any kids because I was abandoned as a kid. I'm the oldest of the seven and I basically took care of them. So I told them I don't want any kids. So when I got pregnant, I tried to get rid of. I tried everything. I went on roller coasters, hot baths, whatever. They said that you could do miscarry. And it didn't work. And then when I finally had to tell Earl. Cause I was getting too big. Like, not too big, but I was like starting the show, I told him and he was so excited, like, jumping for joy. And I was like, what are we gonna do with a kid? You rob people. Like, you don't even have a legit job. I was like, yeah, I have a job, but it's like, we can't afford a kid. And he was like, no, I'm gonna make it happen. I'm telling you. And it kind. Actually, it did change him. I saw him wanting to be more responsible, but it was just. He said, it's just so easy though, to take. It's so easy. These suck ass niggas. Like, he was just really like that kind. And I was like, okay. But once I had Xavier, I experienced a love that I've never felt before. As far as, like, having to live for someone else. Like, before, it was just all about me and Earl, really. And I'm like, he grown? Like, you know, I thought he was grown. Like, I was only 20 something years old, but I felt very old.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

But you had lived a life, right?

[Tashira Simmons]

I had lived a long, hard life. And then this baby came and I was just like, wow. Like, he's so helpless. And then it kind of took me back to my childhood where I was abandoned and my parents didn't really, you know, they did them. I had to fend for myself and my siblings. And I was like, I don't want this baby to have to go through that. I want to love and make a change with this baby. And those are the conversations me and him used to have. And he was like, we're gonna do that. And I was like, you gotta stop. Like, you gotta stop because I don't want somebody to try to do that to you or to me now, because I'm. Now we're getting up in age. Not really. I'm like, we're only like 22.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You like, we're getting old.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, we're getting old. I'll be looking back now. I feel like I've lived three lifetimes, to be totally honest with you. I know you can relate.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I totally can.

[Wu Tang Clan Promoter]

But Wu Tang Clan the Final Chamber comes back home. An encore Killer bees swarming all on new locations with special guests. Bone Thugs and Harmony get tickets this Friday at the wu tangclan.com this is

[Daniel Cormier]

Daniel Cormier from the Daniel Cormier Show. This podcast is sponsored by Total Wireless, the official wireless partner of ufc. All UFC fighters know power doesn't wait in the octagon or outside of it. You either make the move or you miss the moment. That's why you need a network that's as powerful as you are. With Total Wireless, you get unlimited 5G data keeping you in on all the action from the walkouts to the knockouts. You'll never miss a moment. That's coverage that you can count on for every single round. So when the moment happens, you're not catching up. You're already there. Now that that's a total power move. In the ufc, power isn't given, it's taken. So make your total power move today. Visit totalwireless.com or stop by your neighborhood Total Wallet Store 5G access requires a 5G capable device in a 5G service area. Monthly rates on the Total Base 5G Unlimited plans for new subscribers applies only to the monthly rate for your plan plan. Additional terms apply. See website for details.

[Public Investing Advertiser]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S P500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures when

[Orderly Meds Advertiser (Alternate)]

people turn to telehealth for weight loss, they're looking for real support. That's why more people are choosing orderlymeds.com orderly meds connects you with real doctors and access to proven GLP1 medications like semaglutide and Tirzeptatide. No guesses, just a more supportive experience. And all shipped directly to your door in discreet packaging. Do your research, ask questions, then visit orderlymeds.com podcast for an exclusive offer. That's orderlymeds.com podcast. Individual results may vary. Not medical advice. Eligibility required. See site for details.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script. With listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it, that's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise. And Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win. Not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com wow.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, so that was.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

It was a big change. So. But when did you see. I don't know. When did you start thinking this, this might not be healthy. This relationship might not be healthy. Like, when did you start to understand that?

[Tashira Simmons]

I started to understand that a year in with Xavier. So that was 1993. Like, again, I just wasn't that girl anymore. Because there was one time before I had Xavier where this guy was trying to talk to me. I used to work at a bank and he always flashed his money to try to get me to date him. I told Earl and we set him up. Totally honest with you. Don't judge me, guys. I was only 20. I was only 20.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

She was finding her way.

[Tashira Simmons]

She was finding my way. I was. But, you know, I feel like, you know, I'm sure a lot of people out there could relate to this. So that's why I'M just being so brutally honest about that. And, you know, like I said, they put him to sleep, they took his money. He woke up in a cab with no money, the dude. And he went home and he said, you know, he didn't know what happened. And he worked with me. So when he got back the next day, he said, what happened? I said, I don't know. I jumped out the cab like some guys or whatever, like, you know, and we laughed about it. Me X and his best friend. And these are the things that I was totally, you know, broken coming from, you know, feeling like no one loves me. Surviving, surviving, surviving. I mean, surviving. And once I had my son, I was just like, we gotta start growing up now. This is not cool. So in 93, 94, I can't remember what year, because there was it. He slowed it down, he slowed it down. But then we broke up because he started, like, messing around with drugs, which I had no idea about. I was very clueless about what drug users look like or their actions. And he told me because he was disappearing for like two and three nights and I thought he was cheating on me. And he said, I have to talk to you one night. Never forget, he had a hood on. He said, meet me. He was called my phone, it's on cell phones. He called my house phone. He said, can you meet me on Ludlow, which is the street in Yonkers? He was sitting on a seat, took a cab, a chair, I mean, a stoop. And he's have to tell you something. I said, I already know you're cheating. Like, you know, you finally found somebody else. And he was like, I wish. No, no, he didn't say I wish, but he was just like, no, it's not really like that. He's like, you know, I've been using drugs. I was given drugs when I was a little kid. I'm a woolie. An older man did this, you know, put it in my weed. I didn't know about it, had no idea. And I've been craving for it. And every time I get a little cash or I feel a little down because I'm not getting ahead where I want to be. I just use and I go on a binge. And I had this whole notebook on, like, this is how we're going to beat this drug. And I told him, what's one of your downfalls? You know, how can I help? And, you know, I actually feel good about this, saying this now because I gave my all, every step of every piece of that relationship to try to help when it came to that drug, we started calling him crack.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

It was crack.

[Tashira Simmons]

It was crack. Yup. And I used to call him his second wife because I felt like the love like there. Well, one thing I learned throughout our relationship, and that's why sometimes I don't really call him X because I fell in love with Earl. I met Earl. Not many people know who Earl is. They think they do, but they have no idea. The more he started to grow, he's turned into dmx. Because that was the artist in him. That was the man who wanted to be heard. He knew that God gifted him with a talent. He came up with his rhymes. And I mean like bars. I've seen him go in with the greats and go in and go out. Was late, wrote his joint, left. It was a gift and he needed to be seen. And DMX came alive when Irv came in his life, when his career took off. But then X came. X was dark. X was always dormant. Access, he had access, he had money. Then the women. Remember when I first met him, you know, I'm sure. I mean, he was he. Nobody wanted him. Just be totally honest with you. Not the way he was wanted when he became famous and had money. And I'm just saying that because it's the honest to God truth. And X was ugly. X didn't like me. X protected.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

He didn't like you.

[Tashira Simmons]

He did not like me because X wanted everything. And I was, in a way, I can see when X came in to protect Earl because Earl was the soft hearted boy that was left in the group home that just wanted to be loved. That Teshira met you probably reminded him of Earl. Yep. And he was like, you make him weak. And I know that now. Back then it was crushing. But I would see him come into these different personalities. Like, I would literally see it like after a show, after a prayer. After he prayed, after a show, he would say, clear the room only for me and Teixeira. And he would cry like never before. And then he would go, all right, let everybody in. It was a little, literally a transformation. And to be honest with you, I'm telling you this now, but back then I used to be like, he's so extra. He's so extra. Because I didn't understand about multiple personalities, about trauma and how you. If you don't deal with it, if you don't heal from it, you just create somebody else. You know what I'm saying to. I'm looking for the word. I can't word. I'm finding It. But, like, to survive. To suppress. That's what I say. To suppress. Because I would get Earl when he came home. It was. It was. It was. You know, sometimes, what does that do to you?

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I can't.

[Tashira Simmons]

Like, that's why I was getting ready to go. I was like. I look back now, and I'm like, how was I able to keep my mind. How did. How did I not create different personalities to deal with the different ones that he created? And he literally lived in them. Like, live. He literally lived in them. And what it did to me. Well, first of all, I gotta thank him. And he knew this before he passed away, is that he introduced me to Christ. He brought me to Christ. I admired how he manifested his life, how everything that he had faith in literally took. Took. Took a per. Like, it took root. Like, it came to pass. And I was like, I want to do this. Oh. That's why I was going before about being Muslim. He told me that if you believe in Jesus Christ and God, that you can be like. You. Like, you can speak. You don't have to, like, hide. Like, you can be powerful, too. Like, you can be like, we're equal. Like, with God, there's no. I'm powerful. More powerful than you. So because of what I've been through, I was like, wow, I want to know who I want to serve that God. And it was. It was God. Because had he not introduced me to God, it was God who came in my life. It was God. I know this now. It was the Holy Spirit that me and Earl prayed together every day. Every morning. Not. No, he prayed every morning. I was always afraid I'll be like, you do it better. So he let Jehovah just pray. And then he's like, you gotta have to pray sometime, Teshira. And it was not until our relationship blew up is where I was like, if you're really real, I need you to show yourself, because I served you. I'm talking to God now. I've served you honestly, loyally, very loyal to you. And look what happened. Like, look, like, he. The drugs took over. Like, how can you let a powerful man like him be taken down? Like this guy? And I just didn't understand. I was crying. I was upset, like, because I was just like, I want to fight for this marriage, but I don't even. I mean, X has totally taken over. I don't even know if Earl's even in there anymore. Like, it was, like, the most scariest, darkest thing I've ever experienced before in my life. But God Came. He came.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

How did he come?

[Tashira Simmons]

I think now it was all part of the plan, to be totally honest with you, because I feel like God stripped Earl out of my life because Earl was like, my God. My world revolved around him. To be totally honest, Earl was always quoting Scriptures and reading the Bible. And I was sitting there like. And once God got him, removed him out my life, that's when God came in. And I remember Scripture saying that we serve a jealous God, and God obviously have a plan for my life. And I feel. And I always say this. Well, people used to say that before, but now I know behind every great man is a powerful woman as well. And I was powerful in my own right, but I never wanted to be up in the front. I always wanted to be behind. But I wanted to be behind because I didn't know my worth. My worth was in my marriage. My worth was in Earl and his happiness and what he wanted for me. Everything was about him. Everything was about him. Not because I was obsessed or I was now. Now this me, the me now knows. It wasn't because I was weak. It was just because I went through trauma. I was abandoned as a kid. My mom left me when I was 14. My dad verbally abused me. I was 14 years old. Earl almost played every role that you can imagine, from husband, boyfriend, best friend. God. I mean, just protector. He was a very big protector of financial. He was never cheap. You know, even when he was robbing, he always brought something home. So when he became.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Do you know how many women's stories like your story is? It's definitely unique, and it's your own. Right, But. And also, it's because you're connected to this big figure, and so we got to know you through that. But, like, the quiet women who found somebody. That trauma, like, trauma bond is.

[Tashira Simmons]

It's so.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

It's out here.

[Tashira Simmons]

It's out here heavy. Grown woman. Grown men, like.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yes. So what. What did you learn about that? Like, what could you tell me about that? Like, the difference between what a trauma bond is and what. What healthy love is. You probably had both. I mean, I know you loved him.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah. And, you know. Okay, so. So I'm just. You know, the reason why. I'm talking about a lot of the. I shouldn't say negative. It's just part of the story. You know what I'm saying? And unfortunately not.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Unfortunately, I don't find what you're telling me negative. I actually think the story you're telling is a beautiful one.

[Tashira Simmons]

Oh, good. Okay. I don't Think.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I mean, I don't know how everybody else feels like that, but I just see two kids who were left for dead, kind of like to fend for themselves and you found each other. And, yes, he fell victim to.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

To.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

To. To vices and to addiction and. But I don't. I don't know. I don't. I. I see. I see the love there. I mean, I see it's unhealthy because you come from two unhealthy experiences. How could you possibly survive that together? How could you create. How could two unhealthy situations create healthy love with no guidance, no therapy, no help? Like, give yourself a break? You know what I'm saying? I don't think what you're saying is negative. I think it's honest. And. And there's so much beauty in that.

[Tashira Simmons]

You know what, Angie? Thank you for that, because, I mean, I was trying to hold back my tears. But that's part of why I'm doing this documentary, I'm talking series, because

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I

[Tashira Simmons]

feel like it's a lot untold. I feel like Earl died unhappy, unhappy, very unhappy, with a broken heart, misunderstood. And I was so broken from a lot of things that happened with us in the marriage. I stayed as long as I did because I knew him, and when I say him, I knew Earl. I wanted to save Earl. I saw the road that Earl was going down. It got very unhealthy for me in this aspect of, you know, then, you know, just starting to step out of our marriage and creating a bunch of different families that I know. That is the first. One of the first things he told me when I met him at 17 was, I come from a home with three different fathers. When I get married, I want to have only one home, because I know what that felt like. It's chaos, and I want to be there. Like, I want to make sure that I create a solid foundation. So to see that not only he was ruining himself, but now he's creating other families that's unstable and going through trauma, because as we both know as women, you know, it's hard to have, you know, two kids, you know, everybody. You have to put work. You have to be intentional, and it's possible, obviously, and you have to heal, and you have to heal. And he's never healed through all of this. I used to constantly tell him. I used to. I lost myself in it. I mean, I almost physically, mentally, spiritually died because of. I wanted so much for him. I felt like he deserved to be really happy and healed.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What about you? What did you deserve?

[Tashira Simmons]

Well, that's why when I go back to it was nothing but God. Because had God not stripped him, me from that relationship, that marriage, I probably would have looney tune home. Because I have a very powerful calling on my life. I know that now. My voice and my courage. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to tell people what I've been through, how I felt, how ugly it was. Because I'm going to help someone to be. To keep everything all bottled up and try to wear a mask like everything is good is not the move. And God has given me this courage that I had from day one with Earl. It's what he saw in me that I didn't see in myself. And I wasn't able to blossom and bloom until God stripped me from that marriage. And I've been going on this 10 year healing journey of dying to everything that I thought the enemy told me I was, which was worthless, only good as a wife. A loser, basically. Unaccomplished, unsuccessful because I couldn't. It's just so crazy because at the end of the day you put your

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

value in being a wife that could save her husband. Is that what I'm hearing you say Gam?

[Tashira Simmons]

Very much so, yeah. Which is like when I look back now.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So you couldn't save him.

[Tashira Simmons]

I had to really focus on myself. And it's something that I had not known how to do because remember I had. When I got. When my mom left, I put all my attention. I turned into a mom overnight at 14. So it was all I've ever known to do. So Earl was another project for me, but I didn't realize that. But a project to get away from Teshira and not until that marriage went left is when I had to really look at myself in the mirror and say, you are more. I will never forget it when we really finally I realized we were really broken up. I had a calendar of just his schedule and my two kids. No, no, four kids. Because I had four kids at the time. Four, but one, three and a half. Cause I just had my daughter. But we like literally the two year because the two of them were home. So I had a schedule of two kids on the calendar. After everything left, I was just like, what do I do? I went into a five year depression. I didn't even know. I literally was a zombie. I went to sleep, slept all day. The kids got off the bus, cooked, went back. It was a cycle that I needed to break, but it took a while. And that's why I'm like. When I look at other people who have been through trauma and they say they're good after a year. Yeah, that's possible, I guess. But when you deal with real crushing trauma, now, mind you, I had to get over. I still didn't get over the healing of my mom leaving. Then I jump into a relationship, another trauma bond, another two broken people coming together. Then we get rich. Now we don't need. Now that we're not wanting for anything. So how. Oh, oh, not. Let's forget about the yes men. No one's telling him no. No one is telling me no. They're actually starting to feed him the drugs to start to find out later on in life, in the relationship, where I had to say something to him about it. Now I'm just, mind your business. And I was like, who are you?

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Wow.

[Tashira Simmons]

So it's.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

But.

[Tashira Simmons]

But again, here I am. Angie Bravo. Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What do you say to a young girl? I mean, you even have daughters. Like, what do you say to somebody who's in the. The beginning stage of that now? Who's entering, who's in a relationship? And now, you know, this generation has more verbiage. There's more information.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Because you're explaining this story, people have to understand that you probably didn't even know the term trauma bond back then. It wasn't even a term, a familiar term. People weren't doing therapy. There was no understanding about any of that.

[Tashira Simmons]

No.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So you're in it. You don't even know what you're in, and you're in it now. At least there's some verbiage that helps people understand. But what do you say to a young woman in that space right now who's in a trauma bond relationship? Like, what have you learned? What would you do different? What should they know?

[Tashira Simmons]

What I would tell. That question is always hard for me because my whole life molded me to where I am today. But like you said, the information wasn't there. Like, right now, I've been in therapy for eight years. So that has literally changed my life. So with a young girl now. Yo. When you see the red flags, when you. First of all, you cannot fix nobody. I will tell any. There is nothing that you can do for someone who has been broken, who's bitter, who doesn't have the right perspective for their self. There's no saving. There's no saving them. They can save theirselves, but you have to walk away. You. I mean, you could create boundaries. That's something I was just learning two years ago. About boundaries. How could I? Is that crazy? I'm 54 years old. Boundaries had none. You have to. I mean, I don't want to. I don't want to sound harsh, but what I know that what I know that I know now. What I know that I know now. You got to walk away. Unfortunately, you can, you know, you can try to give them the best advice. I would say point them to a therapist. This is what I tell everybody when I speak to people. When I go out and speak, they ask me, how did I do it? I say, God first. That's still not good enough for them. I say, because God is the one that's gonna guide us and lead us to where we need to be. So that's why I say God first.

[Wu Tang Clan Promoter]

The Final Chamber comes back home an encore Killer bees swarming on new locations with special guests Bone Thugs and Harmony get tickets this Friday at the Wu

[Daniel Cormier]

Tang Clan.com this is Daniel Cormier from the Daniel Cormier Show. This podcast is sponsored by Total Wireless, the official wireless partner of ufc. All UFC fighters know power doesn't wait in the octagon or outside of it. You either make the move or you miss the moment. That's why you need a network that's as powerful as you are. We told the Wireless you get unlimited 5G data keeping you in on all the action, from the walkouts to the knockouts. You'll never miss a moment. That's coverage that you can count on for every single round. So when the moment happens, you're not catching up. You're already there. Now that that's a total power move. In the ufc, power isn't given, it's taken. So make your total power move today. Visit totalwireless.com or stop by your neighborhood Total Wireless Store 5G access requires a 5G capable device in a 5G service area. Monthly rates on the Total Base 5G Unlimited plan for new subscribers applies only to the monthly rate for your plan. Additional terms apply. See website for details.

[Public Investing Advertiser]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc, SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comDisclosures Are you

[Orderly Meds Advertiser]

trying to get weight loss support through telehealth? But it feels overwhelming and rushed? Check out orderlymeds.com now. Orderlymeds.com was built to be different. Here you connect with real doctors who take the time to understand your goals, review your eligibility, and guide you through a plan that's right for you. Orderly Meds provides access to proven GLP1 medications like semaglutide and Tirzepatide, including both name brand options and personalized compound versions when appropriate. So you have choices backed by clinical oversight, not guesswork. It's a simpler, more supportive telehealth experience designed around people who want want clarity, care and confidence in their weight loss journey. And your medication is delivered directly to your home in discreet packaging so your experience stays private from start to finish. Do your research, ask the right questions, then visit orderlymeds.com podcast for an exclusive offer. Again, that's orderlymeds.com podcast. Individual results may vary. Not medical advice. Eligibility required. See cite for details.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script with listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it? That's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise, and Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win, not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to wait. This could actually be home. So become the Newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com if you're trying to help

[Tashira Simmons]

someone else, direct them to therapy, you can't be. You're not. You're not built and equipped. And I don't mean that in an offensive way, but this is a mental and emotional and spiritual battle that you cannot handle. And I know that now. I could say that now because I realized that I was in spiritual warfare. There was so much darkness over X that I did not have a clue. I just thought that it was because of what he'd been through. I made every excuse in the book. And at the end of the day, we only have one life. And God has given us all, equipped us for a plan and a purpose for our life. It's uniquely made, and I know that now. So you can't try to bamboozle yours because I'm trying to find a word. You can't bamboozle yours for somebody else. It's just. I mean, I would even say that for a relative, a sibling, I mean, I'm sorry, a relative, a child. Like, I'm learning now that mental illness is real. And I didn't understand. I didn't know that even existed. No one talked about it. My generation, my dad's generation. I used to try to have conversations with him about my ex husband, and he would always give me very toxic answers. He thought I was speaking too much. Stop telling people about what's happening. This is the kind of the generation advice I was getting. And what it made me do is, you know, keep dealing. Keep dealing. So I mean, I would just say not, you know, try to save yourself before you try to save somebody else. To a younger girl, please try to save yourself first. If you even feel some kind of connection where you want to help somebody that's been through so much trauma, then you need to kind of look at yourself to be honest with you. You got something, some. Something's going on down inside you that you even feel connected to, want to help that person.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah.

[Tashira Simmons]

You know what I mean? It's like, I get that.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What about you said you learned, you're learning about boundaries in the past couple years. What does that look like? What have you learned? How are you implementing them?

[Tashira Simmons]

So people don't like boundaries? I'm learning. I'm learning that I'm learning. I've never said no, never. I thought that was the most worst thing to do. I don't know why that, like, I don't know why I put Myself through that. Because no is so good. It feels so good to say no. Because if you don't want to do something, then no. Like, why is that so hard?

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Why was that so hard for me?

[Tashira Simmons]

Why was that so hard for me?

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Why was it so hard?

[Tashira Simmons]

Because worth. It's my worth. And you know what I feel like because of I let my mom and not my dad. No was no. When I say no, like, you're on your own. Go survive. We can't help you. We got our own stuff that's going on. So for some reason, I put that together with. If someone asks me for something. Money, help. Just. Just out there. Like, just stuff that people ask you. Can I come stay with you? Can I come live with you? I don't have money. Can you pay for my trip? Like, just anything. I would feel like I'm letting them down if I said no because of. I don't. That's why.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I get it.

[Tashira Simmons]

Right?

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah, I get that.

[Tashira Simmons]

Weird.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah. Like, you're, like, overcompensating for. I don't know how you were disappointed. You didn't want to disappoint. You don't want to disappoint anybody else. Yeah, I get that.

[Tashira Simmons]

And that's why self healing is so important. Like, you cannot. Because I literally let everything flow over into places that shouldn't have even been. Yeah, like, why? Like, no, I don't. Like, why am I a bad person? Because I said no. And people play on that.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

No for sure.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yo. I'm like, I'm just two years old now and I'm at peace now.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You would be surprised how many women struggle with this all. It's not uncommon.

[Tashira Simmons]

Wow.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Saying no and having boundaries. No, it's not uncommon at all.

[Tashira Simmons]

Not uncommon. I feel like I've lost a few people.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Well, that's okay.

[Tashira Simmons]

And they weren't meant to be there. You start to really see who people are when you set your boundaries.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You have an interesting friendship with Debbie.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yes, Debbie.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So Debbie was Irv's wife. You were ex's wife. I would imagine she had her own little trauma bond going on over there. I don't want to tell her story. She could tell her own story, but, I mean, we saw some of their story because they had that reality show at one point. But how much has French that friendship kind of helped you find your way? I mean, I don't know how close you are. I always got a sense that you were really close.

[Tashira Simmons]

No, no, no. Yeah. She's like, one of my best friends. What I love about her is because we literally mirrored the same story. We walked through our trauma from our marriage together, literally. When X and Jah fell out, things got. Well, X and Irv never fell out. They always stayed close. But it made it weird, you know, Like. And X was like, I get it. Like, you know what I'm saying? But Debbie was like, we call each other up. Literally, like, we not letting this affect our. Like, what the guys are doing is so dumb. Like, we're not gonna do this to our relationship. Like, literally, that's the conversation we had. And from then on, we were just so close. We were still married, happily married at the time. And when things started to go left, it went left with her first with Irv. So she would start hanging with me and X all the time, where Irv would get mad at X and be like, yo, like, what? What's going on? Like, why. Like, why is Deb with y'? All? Like, you know what I'm saying? Earl was like, cause I love Deb. Like, I ain't got nothing to do with what's going on with you and Deb. And it was so funny. But. And then me and X fell out. Which Debbie? Debbie. And she'll probably tell you if you ever get a chance to speak to her, but she was devastated that me and X fell out because she said she's never seen, like, someone love someone so much. And, you know, I used to roll with X all the time. It wasn't like. Her biggest thing was with Irv was like, you don't take me nowhere. Me and X, I would go everywhere with him. So she was like, there's no way he was cheating. There's no way he was doing this. There's no way he's doing that. I was like, no. Yeah, he did.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

There's a way. He found a way.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah. Yeah, he found a way. And it's real juicy, too. Let me tell you how he was doing it. But, yeah, she is one of my best friends. We definitely went through a lot of trauma together. And the fact that when Irv passed, you know, her and the kids asked me to speak, I was scared, to be honest with you.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Really? You were beautiful.

[Tashira Simmons]

Thank you. Well, just because I was just, like. I was scared because I'm like, what? First I spoke at Earl's, now I'm speaking at Herbs. This is real creepy. Like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, what am I gonna say to two great lives? And that meant a lot to me, too. Like, you know, I was just like, But I nailed it, so thank you, Angie.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

No, it was. You were amazing.

[Tashira Simmons]

Thank you. What about.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You know, there's, like, a fine line, I think, that women, especially when they're. So when their marriage means, like how you say you. You found your worth kind of as a wife. Right. I mean, where's the line between, like, giving grace? You gave X so much grace, Earl. So much grace. Where is the line between grace and then also self care? Because I also like to. I don't know. I. I think I give people a lot of grace. Sometimes people say too much.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm that person. Trust me. No, I see that.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I see that you are. But what have you learned about that? Because you are, you know, you believe in God. You are a godly woman. That does usually mean you give people grace. You try to see them through how God would see them. Right. But also, then you have to see yourself the way God sees you also, too. So how do you kind of separate that? Like, when grace, like giving. Giving him grace probably kept you in that relationship for way longer than you needed to be.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, right. Yeah, it did. That's that. Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So I'm just saying, how do you navigate that? How do you think? Does that make sense, the question I'm asking?

[Tashira Simmons]

No, it does. And you know what? I feel like it was life. It was. It was a life or death situation. Like a spiritual life or death situation. I start. And when I say that is because when you give the grace to a fault where you start to realize that your heart doesn't feel right. Like my heart and my spirit started to feel like. I want to say. I want to give a better word than off. You know what I'm going to tell you? It's a word that I've been working on. It's called debriding. Debriding. So it's a real medical thing that they do with people with diabetes. And it's a metaphor that I learned with my therapist where. Oh, I'm gonna make sure that I say it right. So the. What they do is when people have diabetes, every time they go back, like when they have a sore, every time they go back to the doctor, they have to cut and it bleeds every time. And this is a mentor of mine who suffered from this. They said that they asked why, when I thought that it's starting to get better and heal, you cut it again. And he said, because I'm constantly cutting and letting it bleed. And I know it hurts, but when we get to the Core, you will be healed. And I use that metaphor for myself on what you just now said about the grace. Because even though I'm giving grace, I'm bleeding, the person's cutting me, but I'm finding something positive to keep on going. And then. But. But. But as I kept cutting, getting cut, and keep getting hurt during the process, it came to a point where I said, no, no more. There's a soft hurting spot here that I have to pay attention to, and I can't allow them to hurt me anymore. They don't deserve my grace anymore. And it's not until I got to that hurting. I mean, I bled out every time I gave Earl grace, or anybody who hurt me for that matter. It wasn't only once. Every time I did it, I was hurting. I went home, I beat myself up, or whenever. If I'm driving home, like, the last week before I saw him, he was. His heart was always with me. And I could really say that was mine with him. No. Because I knew I was finally at the place where I was just like, you're toxic. You have not changed one bit. And you continue to try to hurt me. But this way, it was a different kind of hurt. You know, he was mad that the kind of outfit that I had on, like, I was still his wife. And it hurt me because I'm just, like. I could see that you still love me, but you've hurt me so bad. How can you not comprehend that? And I went home, and I cried the whole way home. And I said to God, I said, God, why do this? Why can I. Why. Why do I still allow this man to make me feel this way? And I give him grace. I should have cussed him out, but I didn't. I just said, yo, worry about whoever you with right now and how they dress. Why you worrying about what I got on right now? And he was so angry that he left the party. It was. We were celebrating our goddaughter. He left because I don't know what kind of reaction he was. Wanted to get from me, but it was a little embarrassing. You know, everybody's paying attention to us because they know that we're not together, but we're at this bar and he. We're. We're kicking it. We're talking. And, you know, it was also the same time when he told me, my. My. My vessel is tired, but my name's gonna live on. And it was a week later that it happened. So literally. So it was like, a lot happened in that moment.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

So you're Dealing with this all the way up until. For his whole life.

[Tashira Simmons]

His whole life. Even when we're broken up.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Wow. So the divorce didn't free you from this trauma?

[Tashira Simmons]

Bond did not.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah.

[Tashira Simmons]

As much as I tried to run away, it still.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

How long were you divorced before he.

[Tashira Simmons]

We divorced? 2016. So 17, 18, 19. 2016. He died five years after our divorce, and it was a struggle. Like, I mean, we didn't see each other all the time, but he came every Thanksgiving. Never missed a Thanksgiving. Did that annoy me? Absolutely. Every time. But we have kids, and it was hard for me to date and move on. I mean, and every time, he. Every two days before Thanksgiving. So who's gonna be at your house at Thanksgiving? The last year, the last Thanksgiving that he spent, I said, earl, I'm not dating anybody, and no one's gonna be at the house. Oh. Oh, okay.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Okay.

[Tashira Simmons]

I'm just saying, you know, I don't have to hurt nobody. I'm like, why would you want to hurt somebody that I'm dating? And you done moved on a thousand times. Like, what the. Like, and it's. It's like, you know, it's like.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

But what about you? Have you been able to move on?

[Tashira Simmons]

So I have. I've tried to date. So this is. Okay, so it's because this story. I feel like we have to do a part two, Right. Because it's like. Because it's so much. But I did, like, I tried to move on. Like, in the six years after our divorce, I dated a couple of guys, tried to make sure it was outside of the industry. One was a therapist, a psychiatrist, and

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

a. I like this for you.

[Tashira Simmons]

Right after everything. Exactly. And it was really nice, but he had a drinking problem. Oh, come on. Exactly. So when you say. Would you say another girl? The good thing is, see, I had maybe had a trauma bond with Earl, but when I saw that drinking habit, I ran. I was like, you're not gonna. Oh, no, we ain't about to do this. Exactly. And he's a really nice guy, but. But wasn't for me. Then I dated another guy. He was a construction worker, and he was the most kindest man I've met in my dating, because there was a few guys that maybe just talked on the phone, but he was so kind. And I started to see how wounded I was in that he aggravated my soul because he was kind to me. Like, I literally turned into Earl. I feel like, why are you so happy today? Meanwhile, that's how I used to be. Like, Earl used to say, that to me, why are you so happy today? And I used to be like, because I woke up today and I started to be like that with that guy. And he said to me, he said, I noticed that you're, like, starting to be very mean to me. And it's always when I'm trying to be kind. Are you okay? And I really hurt my. Me. It really hurt me. And I said, you know what? I think it's sometimes it's time for me to start taking time for myself. I don't think this dating thing is the move for me. I am broken. I'm a broken woman. And I tried to act like I was just healed. I'm happy. I moved on. And no, I was really broken. And that was 10 years ago.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Wow.

[Tashira Simmons]

That was 10 years ago.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You got to give yourself a break, though, because you don't unravel all of that life quickly. It took you all those years to build that life.

[Tashira Simmons]

It took me 10 years to get to where I'm at now.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Where do you feel like you are now?

[Tashira Simmons]

I think I'm in the best place I've ever been. The ex versus Earl is. I didn't want to talk about Earl. I tried everything to not go the route that I am now when it comes to being public, but I'm noticing that it is my story. So even though I talk about it like it's kind of present, it really isn't. Like, now I'm in a place where, first of all, I had to raise four broken kids. They were very broken because Earl was very present in their lives, and then he wasn't. I had to try to help them and help myself at the same time. So here we go again. From Earl to now. My children. But it was so much more rewarding because I knew that it was important for me to put out some human beings in this world that were not broken, like myself and their dad.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

How do you do that? How do you help children who are broken?

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah. When I tell you it was the best loss myself, I lost myself, but I found myself at the same time in my children. And how I did that was I had to shut off the world, in a sense, lock in, don't go out dating dead, and really take the time for each individual to find out, who are you? Why are you hurting? This is what happened with mommy and daddy. This is what happens if you are not whole and heal. And I don't want you to be like this. I don't want you to repeat this generational curse that me and your dad did, because I was abandoned. My mom was abandoned. My father was abandoned. Wow. I found that out as I did my research and healing. Earl was abandoned by his mother and his father, in a sense, his father definitely abandoned him. His mother, because, you know, put him in a group home. Then his mother was abandoned. I don't know about his dad, but these are generational curses. And I was like, it's time to stop now. So I would talk to them. One, my daughter was. One of my sons was 4. Another one was 7, and then there was a 14 year old. And I literally talked to them, like, me and you were talking. I just. There's no right. There's no guide for being a parent. So I was just like, you know what? I'm gonna go for it. Because when I was Left alone at 14, it was.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Nobody told me nothing.

[Tashira Simmons]

Nobody told me nothing. So I'm gonna take the risk. And they. It worked. They. I mean, it's the best. They are the. The best. They are the. The reflection of what I've been through, what I overcame. That God is really real. That's another thing I instilled. God, I said, I know it looks crazy right now, and I don't know if you got a chance to look into the last episode, because just so you know, these are, like, very short clips because there's so much more to come, but I do feel like. Like I'm gone. I'm done. I. I am not that woman that I used to be.

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[Tashira Simmons]

whatever that happened before, whatever Earl did before, I was over it before he passed.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Right.

[Tashira Simmons]

But when he passed opened up a whole nother wound that I didn't even know was there.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah, I'm sure you worry about, too, because he is your children's father and you do still, like, have love like I do. So it's like a fine line between protecting him and honoring him and what he could have been, and talking about him honestly and his struggles, but then also giving yourself the freedom to tell your full, truthful story. It's like, I'm sure that's complicated.

[Tashira Simmons]

Well, the good thing is I was honest from the beginning. They've watched me really struggle and survive. I mean, it was really bad. We basically were, like, homeless in a home that me and Earl bought with love, but couldn't afford to pay a lot of the bills. And it was just by the grace of God. I mean, because, you know, Earl was totally taken over by the dark side, the person. I don't care what anyone says. I know that the man that I fell in love with, the man that I met, the young boy that I met when we were 17 years old, but never abandoned his family. And I say that to say, because the devil's real. And I hate to be sounding all like, woo, but it's the truth. I always say the greatest trick that he ever did was make people believe he didn't. And why I say that is because Earl taught me who Damon was. And I was like, he called him Damon, but I was just like, he doesn't exist. He's not real. And then I seen him get taken over by him. So my children know that. I told them that you have to be very careful. The spirits that you surround yourself with, Women, men, I'm very big on, I talk very freely about sex. I feel like soul ties come through sex if you're not aligned with the right partner. I just was Honest with them.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What is that? What are your beliefs about that? That, yo, you think sex could actually.

[Tashira Simmons]

It's. It's definitely soul ties. I don't know if you ever experienced it before, but I've talked to so many women now, and they say that sometimes they have sex with somebody that they didn't know they were with a bunch of other different women, and they. They're taking on these energies that they don't realize. But I think it's an empath. I'm an empath, which I've had to learn through to therapy, but that was. But they would feel funny after having sex. Then they wouldn't even want to be with the person anymore. But for some reason, they still craving and yearning for them. And I said, yeah, because you have a soul tie, like when you have, when you have intercourse, you're sharing spirits at the same time. And this is why marriage. And I know everybody ain't doing it, so I'm not, Please, I'm not trying to judge anyone. Everybody got to get to that space. But when you, you know, God created marriage for a reason because it's supposed to be intimate with your partner. You know what I'm saying? But I know this is a. We're living in an era that. That sounds crazy right now, but that's what you believe. But you believe in. I do believe in that. And, you know, I believe that walking in the light is always better than walking in the dark, for sure.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What do you think about the term ride or die?

[Tashira Simmons]

Because we were fed that.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Our generation was fed that so hard.

[Tashira Simmons]

Like, ride or die doesn't ex have ride or die. And guess what? I'm the right. I used to always be love. I love to be that ride or die chick. But I'll tell you, that's. That's, that's. That's over. Like, I'm done. I'm done being a ride or die

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

is ride or dynast. Like, is that overrated?

[Tashira Simmons]

That's the word I was looking for. Ride or die is overrated.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah.

[Tashira Simmons]

For us grown women out here and you young girls, that's. Trying to be a ride or die is overrated. It's whack. It's not. It's not even a way to go anymore. You ride or die for yourself.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What do you think about the term unconditional love?

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Do you think. Do you think that's a good thing? Or do you think that there should be some conditions to love, even marriage, even the way, you know, the marriage is for better or for worse. And then we're fed this term. I love you unconditionally. I just wonder for you, from having such a tumultuous kind of experience, to

[Tashira Simmons]

love someone unconditionally is. I feel it's dangerous to even try to do that. Like, I feel like love has, like, obviously love supposed to be easy. And when it doesn't feel easy. And you know how I know that? Because my children doesn't. Loving your. Your. You have a son, right? Yeah. Doesn't loving your son come easy? I mean, obviously nothing so easy, but it's so easy. And I. I learned that through my children, that this is love. It comes easy. We communicate. Sometimes you may get on my nerve, but I love you unconditionally. Know, but when it comes to relationships. So I guess it depends on who you're saying it to. Like, I love him unconditionally. Obviously, it's too early for me to say, but in my next relationship, I feel like I have to kind of fall back on that unconditional and create some conditions there because.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Some boundaries.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I gotta put boundaries there. And so, no, I think that that's kind of something. As we were growing up, we weren't properly taught what, how to love. I didn't, you know, they didn't think about conditions. They just left. They walked out. Figure it out on your own. And then I met this young boy and I was like, I love him unconditional because that's how he loves me. But I don't know if that was really right. Like, if I put some conditions up, maybe things would have went a little better. Maybe if I stood up more for myself. And, you know, obviously I want to be hard on myself, but sometimes you got to treat people like how to love you. I don't think I did that. You know, and that's in his defense. He's going now, but you gotta put some rules. You gotta set some boundaries.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You didn't hold him accountable.

[Tashira Simmons]

I didn't hold him accountable for nothing. I was just like, I made an excuse for everything. And you know what? I think he had some boundaries. You know, I think he had not in love, but he was always very honest about how he felt. And Mines was just like, whatever makes you happy makes me happy. And that's very, very. Because if you don't, people will suck you up. And, you know, so unconditional. You gotta come with some conditions. Happiness. And that was my way of saying, I love you unconditional. And no now and where I am today, it has to be some conditions. And guess what? You know what? Probably with our children, too, because sometimes children could do things that may be hurtful, and we gotta call them on it because we're like, listen, I love you, but that didn't make me feel good, you know? And thank God I haven't had those.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Really? Yeah. But you're putting your. You're being honest and holding your kids accountable.

[Tashira Simmons]

Accountable. Exactly.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Different.

[Tashira Simmons]

Exactly. And I didn't do that. I didn't do that in my marriage. Well, I. I tried to when it was him out of control and how he treated other people or how he treated himself, but not how he treated me. That's weird now. Okay, we just dropped it just now because I really said that's weird. That's weird. Like, when I look back now, I'm just so grateful to be where I am now like that. You know, I know people. I've met grown women who are still in this place. And that's no judgment. It's just that we gotta do better for ourselves.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What about love? I don't know. Would you marry again?

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You would?

[Tashira Simmons]

I would. I would. You know what? Because now that I know what I know, I have friends who have came out of similar situations. Twenty years later, meeting someone who is just like. They're like, we're doing life together now. And I'm like, wow. I didn't think about that until recently, though, because now that my kids are getting older and they. They're good now, now my oldest son tells me all the time, he's like, ma, I want to see you happy. I said, I am happy. He said, but you know what I mean, Ma, you know, like, you know, with someone, you know, having a good life, too, like, you know, with someone. And I'm like. At first I got offended, like. But I like being by myself. Like, I love being single. I was with your father for. Since I was 18 years old, like. But now I'm like, like, you know what? It won't be too bad. That doesn't sound too bad. But obviously God got to be the one to do it. I'm gonna know. Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

It could be so interesting to see you navigate those waters with this new understanding of yourself and.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yes.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Just new love for yourself.

[Tashira Simmons]

And, yeah, I think it's gonna be a lot better. And that's why it makes me happy thinking about, you know, if I was able to do life with someone else. I think, well, they have to be the right person, obviously. They got to be. Have done the work if they haven't you know, if they have any issues. But I think. I think marriage is beautiful. I never really talked about a lot of this before because I do believe, believe it or not, the good outweighed the bad in me and Earl's relationship.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

You still do.

[Tashira Simmons]

I do, man. I just learned so much from that. It was the best times of my life. I mean, we had so much fun. Like I said, like so many other marriages, like, they didn't let their wives be around or they didn't know how much money was in a bank account. Like, Earl always made me feel like he was just like, she runs everything. And he always put me on a pedestal. And I never knew that he was doing the things that he was doing until he started getting really sloppy in the end. And a lot of drugs was being used so he couldn't keep it together like he used to. But I'm telling you, it's a crazy love story. But I like it. I take it it's your life life. It's my life.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

It's your real life.

[Tashira Simmons]

It's my real life, and I'm still here to talk about it. Thank God.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Thank God. God bless me.

[Tashira Simmons]

Seriously.

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[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

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[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

No, we're going to do our voice note first. This is a voice note. This is usually a listener answer. I mean, a question or comment. So, okay, let's get to our voice note.

[Tashira Simmons]

Hi, Teixeira. My name's Lauren. So my question was on forgiveness, and not for dmx, but. But for yourself. So a lot of times we blame ourselves for staying in relationships longer than we know to stay in them. And of course, it's always difficult. And have you forgiven yourself for staying longer? Oh, good.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Question.

[Tashira Simmons]

That's an amazing question. The first time I knew I had to forgive myself was the first day I sat on the couch of my therapist. And my first two sessions were just crying because I had realized that I had went too far. I realized that I didn't know what made me happy. And I knew that I was going to start. I had to be on that journey to love on myself. So to love on myself, I go away by myself. I went to Hawaii by myself. I went to some spiritual retreats. But really loving on yourself, to be honest with you, is getting a therapist, because they tear you to pieces and they build you back up together. It's not about Earl. It's not about the kids. It's about the girl sitting in that chair that wants help. And that's the biggest love.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Have you forgiven yourself for some of the things that you've done to yourself?

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, I have. I just started, though I would say again, a lot of stuff took. Took place two years ago. I've just started to forgive myself. I didn't even know that I needed to forgive myself. And I have these moments where I just start crying or I start laughing, and I'm like, girl, you did some dumb stuff like, why did you do that to yourself? And I think the laughing is good because I don't feel that hurt anymore. I don't feel that hole anymore. I feel like I finally feel whole. I finally see Teixeira the way Teixeira's supposed to see Teshira.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Now. Who is she, man?

[Tashira Simmons]

Teshira is courageous. She's smart, she's loving, she's kind. I'm outgoing. I love to travel. I'm sporadic. I'm last minute. That's sporadic. I love God. Oh, my God. Teshira loves God. I don't know where I would be without him. He's my best friend. Yeah, seriously, that's pretty good.

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[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

All right, now we have a bowl. Let's put you in the bowl. We got a IRL bowl. Pick a question.

[Tashira Simmons]

I'm sorry. I love my kids, too, but. Sorry, guys.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

The kids are.

[Tashira Simmons]

You said you're crying, right? I was like, my kids. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, guys. Y' all already know.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

This is our IRL bowl, presented by Walden University.

[Tashira Simmons]

If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be? Master living in the moment. That's a skill that takes serious intention. Just enjoy every day and live in the moment. And that's a skill that I'm working on in my healing.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

I love that. All right, in real life, what are you most proud of about yourself in real life?

[Tashira Simmons]

The mother. I've. I've. I've. I was afraid in the beginning of not being a good mom because of what I've been through and how my mom abandoned me. But that is one of the most things I'm proud of because I have won. I've succeeded to raise healthy four children, to be someone's amazing husband or wife.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Well done, Mama.

[Tashira Simmons]

Thank you.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

What do you like most about yourself?

[Tashira Simmons]

What I like about myself is that I'm comfortable in my own skin, that I know who I am now, and I have my own identity. For a very long time, my identity was in Earl. And now what I really love about myself is that I'm happy to be Teshira.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Good for you, boo. I am no longer available for.

[Tashira Simmons]

I am no longer available for negativity, for bullshit, for people speaking on my life that they have no idea about. I am no longer available for that. If it ain't positive, I got no energy for it, period. And I'm not afraid to say no.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Do you still feel the need? We're gonna wrap up right now, but do you still feel the need? Well, I guess you must, because you're. That's your son's father. But do you still feel the need to represent for X, for Earl to be a representation for him since he's no longer here?

[Tashira Simmons]

I do. I do feel the need to. And that's the point of the name of the docu series, X versus Earl, because I feel like he hasn't had the proper representation of who Earl is, because X is who most people really knew. And dmx. So I do still feel the need because I know who he really was. And two, because it's only right. That's my children's father, not to mention my first love, my childhood sweetheart. And it makes me sad that he went at 50. But Earl was tired, and he told me that, and that's why I had peace in it. Not happy about it, but I had peace with it because he told me he was tired. And I could see it in his eyes and his voice. And I got scared. And I didn't think it was gonna happen, but it did a week later. Wow. Yeah.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

That must have been a tough time for you.

[Tashira Simmons]

I didn't think it would be just because I knew that Earl was tired, but I felt a part of me died, definitely because he knew me longer than I was alive. We were together and were friends for over 40 years and a pardon. And a big part of me was ripped. I mean, I really. When. Before he passed away, I thought I found myself. And then when he passed away, I had to die to myself to find myself again. And that was not an easy journey. It's taken me another three, four years to get to where I am now.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Wow.

[Tashira Simmons]

My God. When is it over? God. Well, I think we finally hear Angie,

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

and I think you are well on your way. Way to wherever you're supposed to be doing.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah, I feel that now.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah. Good for you.

[Tashira Simmons]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Yeah, for sure. Congrats on the doc, too.

[Tashira Simmons]

I love that. Thank you.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

Our final question. You didn't get in the bowl, but I'm going to ask you, if God were to text you right now, what would it say?

[Tashira Simmons]

If God was to text me, if

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

you got a text from God right now, what would it say?

[Tashira Simmons]

I want you to start focusing more on yourself.

[Interviewer Angie Bravo]

There it is. Real life.

[Tashira Simmons]

I have my leg all the way over here because that was so good. Angie, I just want to tell you real quick, though, you made it. Your energy and your spirit, it felt safe. This is Tashira Simmons in real life.

[Podcast Sponsor Announcer]

Hey, guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment and check out all of the other episodes we have on Andrew Martinez IRL podcast.

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[Tashira Simmons]

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[Tashira Simmons]

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[Tashira Simmons]

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[Tashira Simmons]

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[Tashira Simmons]

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