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Podcast Host
Amazon presents Laura vs Fruit Flies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say yo, Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes and fly traps. Hey fruit flies. Your baby boom ends here. Save the everyday with Amazon.
Daniel Cormier
This is Daniel Cormier from the Daniel Cormier Show. This podcast is sponsored by Total Wireless, the official wireless partner of ufc. Power doesn't wait in the octagon or outside of it. You either make the move or you miss the moment. That's why you need a network that's just as powerful as you are. With Total Wireless, you get unlimited 5G data keeping you in the action from the walkouts to the knockouts. Now that's a total power move. Make your total power move today. Visit totalwireless.com or stop by your neighborhood Total Wireless Store. Additional terms apply. See totalwireless.com for details.
Paramount Series Announcer
Streaming May 22nd on Paramount, the acclaimed series from executive producer Lena Waithe reaches its final chapter. The Shy. For seven seasons, these stories, these streets, this community have stayed with us. Now it all leads to this. As friendships are tested, families evolve and secrets refuse to stay buried. One thing is certain. The Shy is more than just a series. It's a legacy. Don't miss the final season May 22 on the Paramount Premium Plan.
Podcast Host
Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC SEC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available@public.com disclosures well, you know,
Jada
it's similar to the paint stripes under your eyes.
Joe
Yo, they need to do a tickle me Jada. If the was getting tickled, it'd be like. And then.
Rapper/Artist
And then these.
Joe
I told you, these guys. It's always guys. Five guys. 15 with glizzies.
Jada
15 guys.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, yeah.
Joe
What up? Yo, it's your boy Joe. Crack the dawn.
Jada
You know who it is. Your boy Jada. It's the Joe and Jada show. Every show legendary, every show iconic.
Joe
And we just can't stop Obliviate, you know, Disintegrate, y', all, man. Matter of fact, matter of fact, we giving you podcasts. The dummy bomb, like, you like to sit up. It don't go off, so think about a little bit more.
Jay Pharrell
Then we throw a grenade.
Jada
Other side.
Joe
Okay. Super stress mode. This, that dad introduced, you know me, you ain't hear that one?
Jada
The dummy bomb.
Joe
I heard a dummy bomb so that they think they blowing themselves up. And then that give you a couple more seconds to think about, then we blow you up.
Jada
When you think of today's guests, the shit we doing up here is like no other.
Kiss
That's a whole nother show.
Joe
Nah, that's this show, too.
Jada
You know what I mean? No, no, that's a whole nother episode, not a whole nother show because we doing of it. And I have a different meaning of doing.
Kiss
That's fine.
Joe
Yeah. Just don't just sit.
Jada
When you think of today's guest, you think of funny as hell.
Kiss
That's a fact.
Jada
With capital iced out. F class diamonds. Hell, that's what kind of funny. Now. That's what. That's what kind of iced out funny as hell with the meanest diamonds, you know what I'm saying? Sharp as a razor, dangerous with a voice, you know, I mean, somebody walked in a Saturday Night Live and made the whole country stop what they were doing. And that's facts. You think over 200 impressions and every single one of them is accurate. You think of the guy who stood up at the biggest comedy institution in America and said, nah, we need more black women in the building. You know what I mean? Knowing full well it could have cost them everything. You think fearless. You think principle. You think the type of dude who gets guns drawn on him during the jog, gets a knee in his neck, it still comes back and makes the world laugh about it because that's the only way he knows how to fight. You think the actor, rapper, game show host, stand up legend, you think the type of artist that don't fit in any box because every time somebody built one, he burnt it down. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Jay Pharrell to the Joe and J.
Joe
Tapman. Tapman got decadent
Jay Pharrell
after that. The show over. We done that. Can't.
Joe
Yo, I'm not even gonna lie to you. I think you need to, like, stop. Save that for wherever your documentary is.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, that intro, that's with his.
Joe
That shit was legendary.
Jay Pharrell
Jada, the new Morgan Freeman.
Joe
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jada
I like to be that with a little bit more skin cream.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, yeah.
Jada
I take that career with just a
Jay Pharrell
little bit of more.
Jada
A little more faceless.
Joe
What's your greatest impersonation? Your greatest impersonation?
Jay Pharrell
My greatest impersonation, Man, I don't know, man. Like, you know, people always ask. It just depends. It's contingent on where I'm at. You know what I mean? Like, most people ask, they say Eddie Murphy, some people say Denzel, some people say Jay Z. I don't know. I mean.
Jay Z Impressionist
I mean. Yeah, you tell me, you know, I mean, you know, because, you know, basically, I like what y' all did to the place, you know, It's a lot of colors, a lot. A lot of vodka in here. Yeah, yeah, you know. Oh, sorry. Tequila.
Jada
Yeah.
Jay Z Impressionist
Pardon me. I'm still. Still a little tipsy and woozy from the Metcatler, you know? Yeah, I was getting a little drunk. Drunk off the. The stuff.
Joe
The 1800.
Jay Z Impressionist
The 1800. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is.
Jada
The closest we ever gonna get the whole.
Joe
I got.
Jay Pharrell
He called me fake Jay Z when he sees me and he laughs.
Joe
Oh, he says that?
Jay Pharrell
Yeah.
Jay Z Impressionist
Yeah. What up? Fake Jay Z. Yeah, you the fake one. You never get Beyonce, nigga. You know? Yeah, never.
Joe
Yeah. AI.
Jay Z Impressionist
Yeah, he's the original AI. It's in his bloodstream, you know.
Jada
Yeah, cool.
Jay Z Impressionist
You know, we was rocking back in the day and stuff like that. I remember, you know. You know, back in, you know, Monsty projects, you know, we was. We was running things, you know, he was. You was beating up guys, you know, as usual, you know, sneaker hits people, you know, so. And.
Joe
Last night at the game. That's weird. Like, he sounds just like some of
Jada
that kind of shit.
Kiss
I ain't say none of that.
Joe
You know, Jay ain't go to a Knick game in about 10 years or something. Cause, you know, he. He had piece of the nets, so he ain't going, like 10 years. So, like, it was a big deal that he showed up.
Jada
They thought they saw fucking.
Joe
Yeah, we thought he wasn't coming up he lit them up so they was. It was a little turbulence. Not turbulence. Like, a lot of groupyism going on around the Jets. I had to hit him. Y' all keep it moving and get the Glizzies. No, like,
Jada
so soon.
Joe
Yo, this like one of the movies. Like, Tadaga.
Jay Pharrell
What was?
Joe
The Tidal Nights. Yo, I got a whole fan club by the glizzy stand. They all sitting there like, yo, Joe, you coming for the Glizzies? You coming for the. And I go get my glizzies.
Jay Pharrell
You did the. It's the fact that you did this while you was doing it. That's.
Joe
Yo. Oh, no, stop.
Jada
Glizzy fan clubs, for real?
Joe
No, no. Every game I have a glizzy fan club. They know I'm going to the. They tell me security is like, you're going for the Glizzies, right? I said, yeah, I'm going to the Glizzies. So, okay, I go over there. Yo, I need four glizzies. Give me the real. Give me the real mustard. This and this and that.
Jay Pharrell
Hey, y'.
Kiss
All.
Joe
And they filming me and all that.
Jada
Hold on, let me hit.
Joe
Yo, did. Did he come in here?
Jay Pharrell
Because it sound kind of. Kind of, kind of? Take that, take that. Little.
Kiss
Little.
Jay Pharrell
Little pause, you know, a little. Little playboy, you know, he's really passionate about. About glizzies. Yeah. Yes, I could see that. Yeah.
Jada
Otherwise, we don't have a pack of breads or Nathan.
Joe
No, no. But I'm telling you a true story when I get to the cassette. Cause they. Look, there's a fancy place where you go, have you been to the Nick game halftime, where they serve you steaks and lobsters and all that.
Jay Pharrell
You're talking about in the suite, right?
Joe
Yes.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, absolutely.
Joe
So I gotta go. So if you order a glizzy from there, they come with whack glizzies.
Kiss
I don't know why.
Joe
So I gotta go to where the real people go to the. Where they have to purchase the glizzy. That's where you get the real shit. I go there, and there's a bunch of people waiting for me with the camera.
Kiss
I don't know why that shit ain't viral.
Joe
Somewhere like, hey, Joe, the glizzies.
Jada
How many?
Jay Pharrell
Four.
Joe
Two for me, two for Rich. Flay to God. Don't act like he ain't eating the glizzies, too.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, that's wild right there.
Joe
I don't know. Saturday Night Live. How do you get this job? And
Jada
Chesapeake Va. Oh, man, what was it like Growing up in va. And
Joe
I don't think I know you got
Jada
some of your internal funniness from. Because it's just.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, man.
Joe
Where's Chesapeake located at? Near. What other big city?
Jay Pharrell
Virginia Beach. Seven, five, six.
Joe
All right, all right.
Jay Pharrell
You know, I'm. I'm from the same place. Pharrell, Timberland, Missy Clips, Teddy Riley, moved down, all that, you know.
Joe
Oh, so that's a Matt Mike Vick. That's a magical place.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, there's something in the water.
Jada
You let him tell us about it.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, I mean. I mean, you know, there's something in the water besides opioids. There's something in the water, you know what I'm saying? It's just we got a lot of athletes and just sick. Just sick talent. I was kind of a sheltered kid, you feel me? So I was a church boy growing up, you know, apostolic upbringing, whatever. So I was always messing with people in the church. I didn't think that it was. I was just. I thought that I was just being funny. I didn't know that people really had crippling drug addictions. I ain't know that. You feel me? Like, there was this one sister in the church, and she passed away now, Sister Wilma. But she used to do this thing in church and her head go back like this. So I'd be looking at her and I just go like this. And she'd be like, you better. Better watch it. And I didn't know that, you know, she was on drugs, but I was just doing an impersonation. I got older. I said, God dang. That's what that was. I said, shoot. And I always used to impersonate everybod, you know what I'm saying? And I used to perform for my cousins, for people, for church members and stuff. I was just a little. I was a butthole, man. You know what I'm saying? No, Glizzy. I was a butthole. You know what I'm saying?
Joe
No, Glizzy. God damn. You better say that for the people in the back. You was a butthole. No, Glizzy. Let me tell you something, though. Oh, they'll never forget that.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, absolutely.
Joe
You already know when it's a real moment, you need a real bottle. That's why we rock with 1800 tequila. These people been making tequil dealer for 11 generations. That's a legacy. That's the OG status. They were the first to introduce Anejo. Set the standard before most of these brands even existed.
Jada
And you could taste the difference for real. The 1800, Cristilino and resposado is what we've been on lately. Smooth, clean, elevated, no rough edges. Just a premium pour. That shoe speaks for itself. You know, when something is just built, right? That's what this is.
Joe
Real talk. That's just what it is. It's always around for the best nights, the wins, the celebrations. Then remember that night stories.
Jada
Whether you're keeping it low key with the crew or you pull up to something big. 1800 fits every segment. It ain't trying too hard. It's just as dat. 1800 tequila. Real legacy, Real smooth. That's the move.
Joe
You know, they'll never forget that because it's like. You know when I tell stories about me getting bullied and all that. You got bullied? Every big time. Really?
Kiss
Yeah.
Joe
I used to get beat up every day by 20 guys.
Jay Pharrell
But the point is, there's always guys. That's so crazy.
Joe
What do you think? I got beat up by a girl before. I'm not. Was like, I wouldn't hit back like
Jay Pharrell
a young ma or like a.
Joe
No, not a young ma. Just a big chick from my projects that she told everybody. Probably to this day, she alive.
Kiss
She beat up Fat Joe, but I'm
Joe
not gonna hit a girl back. And she was just hooking on me, Joe. She. She told everybody she fat, y'.
Cal Penn
All.
Joe
I you up again, just like, yeah, all right,
Jay Pharrell
Joe, I'm gonna let you know something.
Kiss
That.
Jay Pharrell
That wasn't a woman. She had a glizzy. That wasn't a woman. But also, too. I grew up in the attitude era of wwe when the Rock was like. It was electric. So I used to do everything like the Rock. And he would talk smack, you know what I mean? My mother's from Brooklyn, too. Besta. She's from Best Eye, if y'. All. Y' all didn't know. So. And I've been coming up here, man, since I was 5. 5 years old, and staying in the summers and everything. But back to what I was talking about. I used to. I used to impersonate the Rock so much that I did it in church. And it was this deacon, his name was Brother Randolph. Shout out to Brother Randol, you know what I mean? Had a Jerry curl cockeye, you know, twinkle eye. Yo, his eye was. He'd be swimming all over the place, right?
Joe
And one day I told him, he got that peripheral.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, he could see you. He had the panoramic view.
Joe
He could see everything. Got that.
Jay Pharrell
Like, I'm watching.
Joe
He do the Bill Cosby coming out of court. Without doing it, that I like coming out of court.
Jay Pharrell
He told me one day, I'm watching you. I said, I know you watching, watching everybody.
Joe
No, no, we understood.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, full security. God, dick. But I told him, I said one day, I walked up to him, like the Rock. I said, here's what the Rock's gonna do. Jabroni, the Rock is gonna take your
Joe
Bible, he's gonna dust it off, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy yams.
Jada
He said, what did you say?
Jay Pharrell
I said, candy yams. He told my mother, I said, ass. And then I couldn't watch wrestling for six months. Yeah, dog, that's what happened. Yeah. And I didn't do it, you know. Cause I wasn't gonna take the Bible and flip it and turn it up, put it up as behind. But at the same time, you know,
Joe
I was the Rock. My nigga, he was hype. He was hype.
Jay Pharrell
But, you know, I was that kid that was always causing mishaps. But it was just energy. I just like to like to be liked. That's what it was.
Joe
So, you know, it seems like for us, Saturday nights, yeah, Live, we already shaking our ass in the clubs, right? But for white people, it feels like they're home watching Saturday Night Live. Like, that's club live for them every Saturday.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah.
Joe
Even Trump would come out and be like, hey, guy talked about me today. Like it's a big fucking deal.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, right?
Joe
What was that like, knowing the whole entire country is watching you?
Jay Pharrell
I mean, Yo, I'm a 22 year. I'm a 22 year old. the time, I just got the job and the pressure was on. But I had done theater, you know, I was used to the stage. I had been on the road with Charlie Murphy for three years. So, you know, shout out to him, you know, rest in peace. That was my uncle, you know what I mean? And it was a lot of pressure, but I was just having fun. And when I would kill people like you killed, I'd be like, yeah, and that's what you're supposed to do. So it was like I was already conditioned for that. But when they knocked my confidence down a little bit and they started pulling my sketches, it kind of messed with
Kiss
me a little bit.
Jay Pharrell
And, you know, I got in a little, got into my head a bit, like, maybe I'm not good enough, whatever. And I think I had to rise above that. And I did in the next couple of years and kind of started dominating. They gave me Obama. When I started doing that, it was kind of that Was a lot of pressure, but I got through it. And I think it was a classic. It was a classic part of the
Kiss
show, you know what I mean?
Joe
So, you know, that's what it's all about, you know?
Jay Pharrell
That's crazy.
Kiss
I did a. I don't know if I'm supposed to talk like this, but I did a deposition in the lawsuit the other day, and the man started breaking down when, yo, you had a
Joe
hit this year, but you ain't have a hit for five years at this time, and then you had a D. And I'm like, yo, my man.
Kiss
Like, what the fuck?
Joe
Did you ever make a hit in your life? Yeah, like, do you know artists go through different shapes sometimes. I remember my favorite rapper in the world, LL Cool J. I was always the fan. So even if LL made some shit that was like, something like a phenomenon and that nobody else fucked with, I fucked with it and understood it. But, you know, he has albums where he was the hottest guy in the universe that he puts out an album with. All right? Then he comes back with that. I think that's the journey of everybody, Every artist. And, you know, some people just think you just wake up and make a hit, or you wake up and you're the funniest guy in the world. I just think we gotta go through different changes of learning ourselves and staying committed. Yeah, to the craft. Cause sometimes you gotta. You gotta work through that shit.
Jay Pharrell
Like, that's not like, yo, Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan got cut at first, and he became the greatest. You know what I'm saying?
Kiss
So I never heard that story.
Joe
High school. Yeah, he got cut. He got cut.
Kiss
What?
Jay Pharrell
He got cut from the high school team.
Kiss
He didn't make it.
Joe
Biggest loser in the world. He's in Chattanooga somewhere. Where's the guy who cut him in the high school team?
Kiss
He.
Jada
Look how much it was on Mike's mind. He shot at him in a Hall of Fame speech. I coached that cut me still.
Joe
Let me tell you something.
Kiss
My brother, Rich, player, he coached 24 kids that went to the. That's in the NFL. No bullshit. He even coached Malachi, who's number one on Miami. Let me tell you something. There's this one kid, right? And he told me this story. He was like, yo, the guy was soft. He wasn't going nowhere. This, this, that.
Joe
His parents used to argue with me
Kiss
like, yo, coach, put him in the game. This. So Rich thought he was whack.
Joe
That draft night came. That boy got drafted eight, 10 years later.
Kiss
He called Rich number coach Rich. Yo, what's up? It's such and such.
Joe
Yo, man, you said, I'll never get to the NFL.
Kiss
Thank you, man, for making me tough, man. I'm in the NFL, man.
Joe
Thank you. Coach Rich hung up the phone. I said, you mother. You tell me that story about that kid all the time. He made it to the fucking NFL. I mean, you know, what's for you is for you.
Kiss
You know what I'm saying?
Jay Pharrell
And look, there have been. When I was in school, there was many times I was. I started in high school doing comedy. Many people like, how you. How you gonna be a comedian? You do voices, but you ain't making me laugh. I said, okay, nigga, watch. I just said, watch. And I kept going. And now they follow me on Facebook. Now they.
Kiss
My friends and stuff. They was cool with me.
Jay Pharrell
She wasn't with me shooting in the gym.
Kiss
You wasn't with me shooting in the gym.
Jay Pharrell
You know what I'm saying? But you need that. When you can change people's perception like that, that's when it really counts, and it means more to you. And then when you get the accolades and then the world gives you the acknowledgement, it's just that much sweeter, man. You know, I didn't. I wasn't the best impressionist at first. I mean, I sat in my car, I would listen to tapes back and forth. I would listen to Jay Z until I sonically got that. Sonically, you couldn't. You couldn't tell the difference. I would listen to. I would be in the car listening to Cassidy and all this. I would listen to this stuff, man. So I worked and I kept going and I said, I gotta make it out of Virginia, because a lot of people get stuck there. It's a military town. You can get a family quick, and then you can get knocked off your path, you know? So I didn't get knocked off my path.
Joe
Salute.
Jay Pharrell
757, baby.
Kiss
Cause we did it.
Joe
Bad news, va. Bad news. Yo. The mustache. You from Virginia.
Jada
I'm from Bad News, Virginia.
Joe
The.
Jada
I went to Mike Picks High School.
Joe
Allen Iverson would have shaved that mustache. You know, we got beat up and bad. You know, your man AI never admits to that. We got beat up in Bad News.
Jay Pharrell
He was up here. He sold.
Joe
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jay Pharrell
Got beat up.
Joe
Yeah. AI's birthday party. We went down there for his birthday party.
Kiss
Wound up fighting the whole fucking club.
Joe
The whole club. Everybody who cheered us when we came in, when we pull up in them in the Rolls Royce, they were like, Ali.
Jay Pharrell
Boom.
Joe
By Yay.
Jada
Boy.
Joe
Running behind. The next thing I know, they throwing bottles at us on the way out. Get the out of here. Nah, that's. That's. That's a tough town.
Kiss
Bad news, brother.
Jay Pharrell
It's called bad news for a reason, yo.
Joe
It's bad news. Va. That's a tough town.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah. Mustache knows. I guess I ain't never seen nobody.
Joe
You know you got caught in your mustache and all that, right? Like when you eat. You bet. When you got a comb for your.
Jay Pharrell
I do.
Joe
You know it. Come over and let me see your mustache. Come here. Cut. This guy.
Jada
My friend Pierre.
Joe
My friend. Yo, look at the mustache.
Jay Pharrell
He put that curl in his mustache. That's crazy. He look like every villain ever.
Joe
That nigga go get his shit permed.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah,
Rapper/Artist
yeah.
Kiss
You.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah. You look like Charlie Chaplin.
Joe
You look like a throwback. Raleigh Fingers, the white and black tv.
Jada
That's a pool right there.
Joe
Raleigh Fingers was the.
Jay Pharrell
He laughed. He laughed with subtitles. That was so funny.
Joe
You want to know what's crazy is
Kiss
I used to watch these crimes.
Joe
I think.
Kiss
What was the series? It was the first 48 or something.
Joe
But every time they showed, like, New Orleans or the south, they were talking English and they was throwing, like, subtitles on their. You know what I mean? New Holland, that one. And they throwing the fucking shit on the subtitles. Like, the English. Like, if it was another language. I'm like, what the they got the subtitles on this for?
Jay Pharrell
Yeah. Cause you can't understand what they be saying.
Kiss
War.
Jay Pharrell
They were on quarter water. Like water and all that. Baby. It's up, baby. You be like, what did you say, baby? I said, what up, baby? I spent. I was down there shooting a movie before COVID movie called All My Life. I did, and it was this. It was this little Louisiana dude. He was like.
Joe
We had to call the waters out there for about 5 cents and everything.
Jay Pharrell
I said, I don't know what is going on. That's the south, though, man.
Joe
They don't say point. Serious food. How they say.
Jay Pharrell
They say Prince Perch. They say Prince.
Joe
You know what?
Jay Pharrell
For points.
Joe
For points.
Jay Pharrell
Just like Memphis.
Joe
That's why.
Jay Pharrell
What's that? What's the dude that went viral? What's his name? Was it finesse? Two times.
Jada
Yeah.
Joe
I ate noodles with no packing
Hard Rock Bet Announcer
cereal.
Joe
With the canned mer. The powder.
Jada
Merc.
Joe
No merc. Waffle? No syrup.
Kiss
Jelly.
Jay Pharrell
No.
Jada
Jelly.
Joe
No bread.
Jada
No jelly.
Joe
Jelly, no bread.
Jay Pharrell
That's.
Kiss
I'm like, what.
Jay Pharrell
That's just. That's jam.
Joe
Jelly. No bread. Jelly, no bread.
Kiss
Right?
Joe
If you go. If you Go cereal, no milk. He said he had waffles, no syrup.
Jada
When it was no syrup, he had jelly on the waffle.
Kiss
Oh, that's what he's saying.
Joe
Yeah, that's no jelly on the waffles. Still sound good.
Jay Pharrell
I mean, not new invention. That sound like you damn bad.
Joe
Jelly on the waffle might be. All right, that's. Nah, I'm gonna keep it a buck with you. Like, for a fat guy, this might have been a good experiment. I ain't try that one. That's. The jelly on the waffle is popping.
Kiss
What the fuck you talking about?
Jay Pharrell
I'm a reformed fat kid, so. I feel you, bro.
Kiss
I feel. Yeah, you used to be fat.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, I was a fat kid. Yeah, I was. I was bullied, too. You know what I'm saying? Like you. They used to play with my breasts.
Joe
He.
Jay Pharrell
You know, they do like that.
Joe
They ain't never do that to me.
Jay Pharrell
They never.
Joe
Oh, man. Oh, no. They do that to me.
Jay Pharrell
Hey, Joe, that's.
Joe
Oh, no. They beat me up.
Jada
They ain't do.
Joe
They ain't grab my. Get the fuck out. Are you nuts?
Kiss
Joe, that.
Jay Pharrell
That's fat. Assault, Joe. That's assault right there.
Joe
No, I'm telling you right now. They play with your titties, man. That's some. I.
Jada
That's worth shooting somebody.
Joe
That would have been the first shooting massacre ever. I came back the next day with looking like Jeffrey Dahmer in this or something. Like, you crazy.
Kiss
Yeah.
Joe
They ain't violating me like that.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, it's messed up. That was my father, but that's besides the point, you know what I'm saying? No, he did it too. Everybody did it. It was a thing you never seen somebody do and then poke your stomach. Call you Pillsbury Woohoo and all that.
Joe
That's cool. I'm not. I'm tell. Killing everybody. They play with me like that. I'm killing everything. I'm not. I'm not playing. If they touch your nipples, let me tell you. Yo, listen, you want the. You want the most pause ever. Listen. I always say to myself, I've been through depression.
Kiss
I've been through the roughest times of my life. I never once felt like killing myself,
Joe
getting locked up on it. Never once said, I do not believe
Kiss
I'm capable of suicide. If some.
Joe
If I went to jail, some. Some guys raped me.
Kiss
Don't worry about it. Don't worry.
Joe
I'm killing myself.
Jay Pharrell
Oh, yeah.
Kiss
Absolutely.
Jay Pharrell
Absolutely.
Joe
No, no, no, no. I'm not even getting revenge. I'm killing myself. Yeah. I can't do it.
Kiss
Nah.
Joe
Imagine playing with your titties.
Kiss
Come on. Nah, you nothing.
Joe
Yo, that shit crazy. Six seven on this shit. Six seven N doing the six, seven.
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Joe
I can't live. That should be like the movie out paid in full. Anybody ever talk to me first? Anybody ever said anything, they gotta go like, yo, dead beat.
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Cal Penn
hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
Ray Porter
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.
Kiss
I was like, no.
Ray Porter
At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.
Cal Penn
Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Joe
but, you know, I'm a reformed fat guy, too. You know, I'm not so. Fat Joe. Yeah.
Jay Pharrell
You saying, yeah, you. Hey, that at one point when I was watching you with Pun, man, y' all niggas was. Y' all was half off. That was crazy, yo.
Joe
What?
Kiss
Half off?
Jay Pharrell
I said, wow, these n. He ain't even Fat Joe no more. This nigga. This nigga is Husky Joe.
Joe
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Jay Pharrell
Remember the Husky section?
Joe
Remember that in Montgomery Ward? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jay Pharrell
They call it.
Joe
I used to go, a friend of mine was another fat guy, my man Chef Mark. And Chef Mark would come with me
Kiss
to Manhattan, and we just. People watch. Yeah. And he'd be like, yo, Joe, you notice ain't no old fat people.
Joe
We fat. Like, we. We the real Fat Joe. The real Chef Mark.
Kiss
We like, yo, it ain't no old fat people.
Joe
He said, and we only 20 years. He's like, you know, you die young fat. And I'm like, what do you mean? He said, it ain't no old fat people. We looking at thousands of people. It's Manhattan Sixth Avenue.
Kiss
And I was just like, yo, at Some point we gotta reverse this shit. We gotta turn it around.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, man. Cause you know, nigga, I had stretch marks on my eyeballs. It was crazy back in the day. It was wild, man. It's a fat kid, man. And look, man, it's hard, but, you know, it's hard fitting in the school when you shape like your sister, you know what I'm saying? It's real hard. You know what I'm saying?
Joe
Let me tell you something, man. Fat Joey. You know, I was Fat Joey since I was born. Nah, that's Fat Joey.
Kiss
Since I'm two years, the first thing
Joe
I ever heard somebody calling me was, hey, Fat Joey. And since I was a fucking baby.
Jay Pharrell
Were you a big baby, like, you just.
Joe
Yeah, I was the big. I was like one of the wrestlers
Kiss
you used to impersonate.
Joe
I live in the hood and I had blonde hair and green eyes and my whole hood is black. And I remember I used to go to bodega and the man be like, what the is this kid doing in this neighborhood? And they would always. Fat Joey, Fat Joey.
Jay Pharrell
You was the first gentrified of your neighborhood.
Joe
No, not gentrified. I'm from the neighborhood, motherfucker. I'm saying, like, I know these streets know me.
Jay Pharrell
You love me.
Joe
These streets know me a hundred years. That shit crazy, man. But yeah, yeah, that shit crazy, Fat Joey.
Kiss
Since I was born.
Joe
So I guess I never felt like there was no way to offend me with Fat Joes, ever.
Kiss
Cause I was Fat Joey since I was born.
Joe
So I never. You couldn't come here and be like, you know, in our building, we got a thousand families. We got 145 families. Everybody got 10 kids.
Kiss
They in front of the building at 6 in the morning. Talk about your mother. Your dick that everybody got with this is just straight.
Joe
Your mother got no teeth. Your mother's jabber, Joe. Oh, your sister's a whore like this every day to six in the morning in front of the projects. This is like, this is where we grew up at. So you even get a sense of humor or your ass is out.
Jay Pharrell
Nah, that wasn't me. I was. Nah, nigga, I was sensitive. I ain't care. I was a sensitive little nigga. You would say stuff about me. I'd be like, man, leave me alone. You know what I mean? N was trying to fit in. So I was a sensitive. I was sensitive N. I grew out of it. You know what I'm saying? You know? But I was sensitive a little N. You know what I'm saying?
Joe
You Know this comedy thing, right? People don't realize how big comedy is.
Kiss
So I follow like Russell Peters and I watch him doing stadiums. We did Family Feud, Celebrity Family Feud. And we went up against Fuzzy, the fat Mexican guy.
Joe
He sold out Dodges Stadium. These comedians, you talking about doing shit, they doing shit. And everybody needs a laugh, no matter what it is, what the temperature is out there. I noticed that Comedians, you guys, once you get it going, I know it's a lot of struggle. Comedians, there's a lot of comedians out there right now hungry as fuck. But if you make it, the success is.
Jay Pharrell
Well, listen, man, it was written in the books. And let me go back to being sensitive. Let me go back to being sensitive as a fat kid for one second, you know what I mean? N told me that I was so fat I sweat chicken grease. I said, nigga, what? You ever had somebody say something to you? It was brilliant and it hurt you, but it was brilliant. So you had to be like, yeah, my. That was a good one, you know? Yeah, I had to tell the. It was a good one, you know what I'm saying?
Joe
Same thing.
Jay Pharrell
I got on Gilly the Kids. I got on Gilly the Kids.
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Live.
Jay Pharrell
Shout out to Gil.
Kiss
That's my dude. Whatever.
Jay Pharrell
I got on this live and my head was falling out at the time. Crazy, you know, I got money, you know, I'm good, you know, But I got up there and the top, the top was coming out and I won't wear my helmet. That's what happened, you know, I had the helmet and get the electricity to your head, you know, you wake up your follicle. And I wasn't using it. And somebody said, take your hat off. And I did. And the little nigga kids are assholes. Little nigga said, pull up to the scene with my ceiling missing. I said, I ain't never doing this shit ever again. He said, let me go ahead and put this joint back on. So, you know, I've learned how to have. I learned how as older to have tougher skin. And you have to as a comedian, you know what I'm saying? Because then you can get to the level where you are at the stadiums. Like Kevin Hart, Fluffy with Joe Coy.
Joe
Dang, he got a following.
Jay Pharrell
Russell Peters. Absolutely, man. And I've watched these guys build it from the ground. Matt Rife, same thing, same thing over the pandemic. He just kept going and then it just worked out for him. But you have to be consistent. You can't just be. You can't be lazy in the game or you just gonna stay in the same place.
Kiss
But you can't be lazy in no game.
Jay Pharrell
Nah.
Kiss
So at the end of the day, it doesn't allow you to be lazy.
Joe
And you know, shout out to Khaled. DJ Khaled.
Kiss
But I remember even after Khaled blew up, he started on the radio then. Motherfucker could have had Covid pneumonia.
Joe
He would go and I'd be like, yo, Khaled, you sick? Stay home.
Kiss
He'd be like, fuck that. Somebody ready to take my slot.
Joe
He like, yo, the minute I don't come in, somebody coming right in, and they gonna do a better job than me and take my slot. And so you almost even once you get to a level, you gotta protect that slot.
Jay Pharrell
Absolutely, yes.
Joe
It's like you gotta protect that slot.
Kiss
That shit.
Joe
That shit ain't got.
Kiss
Yo, T. Mark. What's up, 11.
Jada
You ain't get them sneakers yet.
Joe
That's your guy. Why you looking at me? You look at. Yo, I got some New Balances to puma. You out there. Special package break dancing joints right there.
Jay Pharrell
I'm looking, I'm.
Joe
Come on, everybody. What you do? The ga. That's to put your foot up. They gave us some. They gave us some New Balance. Them shits is the Grease Lightnings. Them shits got fire on that you list, son. What are those FP Jor that look like coach Brown sticks, yo.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, these are. Yeah, these are the oceans. Yeah, these are Swiss drawing.
Joe
Oh, Those are special O.C. joints.
Kiss
Yeah.
Joe
My wife told me she wouldn't talk to me again if I wore them shits because that officially you.
Kiss
You give into. I'm old.
Jay Pharrell
Oh, really?
Joe
Because those are the most comfortable sneakers in the world.
Jay Pharrell
That's what it is.
Joe
Technically, they're the most comfortable, but I'm gonna take it down now.
Jay Pharrell
Now you talking. Yeah.
Joe
Cause you're looking like a nurse. You're looking like a nurse. Yeah, I thought I'm looking like a podiatrist. He pulled out the nursing. Gotta stop with the nursing.
Jada
I said, all right.
Joe
Man, you lucky he ain't got his loafers on right now. He done battled them.
Jay Pharrell
Hey, we doing.
Joe
If you had your loafers too top. We doing battle them.
Jay Pharrell
We doing bad in VA right now. We ain't good.
Joe
Ladies, how y' all let your man come out with the nursing shoes? The bowling shoes right there.
Jay Pharrell
Hey, listen, it's your boy flat footed.
Joe
I was gonna do it. Tell you something. I was gonna do it one day, because I know for a fact those are the Most comfortable sneakers out.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah.
Kiss
And my wife said, I ain't with you. You wear them shits like. That's like moving to the middle of nowhere.
Joe
Hey, giving up. You ever seen them towns, beautiful towns, when you pass by, you drive by
Kiss
and you say, yo, this is amazing. But you say, people just come here to die. Like.
Joe
Like. Like West Palm Tennis 10 or something. What the they doing there? Like, you haven't drove past them towns where you be like, what are these people? Like, where. There's not even a bar around here.
Jay Pharrell
I think it's a state.
Joe
They just state they want to die.
Jay Pharrell
No, there's a state called North Dakota. Yeah, like that. Yeah. Everybody just ready to just. It's old.
Joe
They just go to die. Like it's going to die.
Jay Pharrell
You're not going.
Joe
They've been reading pamphlets all their life. North Dakota. And then they retire and they'd be like, all right, we going to North Dakota. I was surprised we went to Alaska, not Alaska. We had a show.
Kiss
Was it Alaska?
Joe
Some shit.
Kiss
But the people were very nice. What was that?
Joe
Alaska?
Jada
How should I know? I was there.
Kiss
Me, Bow Wow, Rick Ross and your man, man.
Joe
One of my dream guests. Somebody tell Kelly is Soulja Boy.
Jay Pharrell
That's a wild. That's a wild tripling right there. What you. Bow wow and Rick Ross, that's y' all were doing the show.
Joe
And Soulja Boy and Soulja Boy.
Kiss
How about.
Joe
I went to the steakhouse and they treated us. They were good, beautiful people is what I'm trying to tell you. The nicest people in the world. Like the tap.
Kiss
Somebody treated us.
Jay Pharrell
Anchorage, was it Anchorage? Anchorage.
Joe
Anchorage, yeah. Yeah, Anchorage.
Jay Pharrell
Never been there. Studied about it. Never been there.
Joe
No. Nice, deep, eerie. And the sun stay out all the time.
Jada
He knew where it was at.
Joe
He never been there.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, never been there. I hear about things.
Jada
I never been there either.
Jay Pharrell
You know, when you got nurse shoes on, they tell you stuff, man.
Kiss
You know what I'm saying?
Joe
They trust you.
Jay Pharrell
They trust you with their secrets. You know what I'm saying?
Joe
That's like a born again killer. You and you got them serial killer shoes on.
Jay Pharrell
Hey, bruh, you know I'm a silent killer, baby.
Joe
You know he got the born again killer.
Kiss
Shit.
Jada
That's an ill lineup, huh?
Jay Pharrell
That's an ill lineup, brother. Ill lineup. DJ with freaking Rick Ross.
Joe
Rick Ross, Bow Wow And Ricky Rose. Ricky Rose, me Fat Joe. Chilling, having steak. Chilling in Anchorage with white Alaskan women. But he can't touch. He can't touch. Cause his wife would kill him. So I'll have all the coochie. Bose.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, nigga,
Joe
Bose, nigga, Bose, Bose.
Jay Pharrell
I did an impression of him. He hit me up.
Joe
He said, yeah, I might think about it.
Jay Pharrell
It was about Rick Ross's furniture store. I did a skit, it's just a joint for my Instagram.
Joe
I have all the furniture here, but you can't afford it. It's just for you to see because none of you niggas are in the tax bracket that I live. You was with the white boys, nigga,
Jay Pharrell
you know what I'm saying? So anyway, nigga, hit me up. He might do it. Rick Ross's furniture store.
Joe
He said, that's a good idea, nigga. I might have to do that, huh?
Jay Pharrell
I said, yeah, nigga, you know, just gimme a little bit percentage, you know, come in and do it, you know, fun stuff.
Kiss
I personally, I personally have never seen a hosta like Rick Ross. Oh my gosh. Personally, this
Joe
a show in Africa, a show in Dubai where I know the numbers.
Kiss
He's getting big numbers, hundreds of thousands. And the next day he's had a.
Joe
A barn in Memphis, Tennessee, hosting that I never seen.
Kiss
He won't turn a dollar down. I've never seen it. Like somebody.
Joe
And I be. And I work hard and I be
Kiss
looking at him, I'll be like, damn, bro.
Joe
Like, I just ain't. I ain't. I didn't need to be 10 years
Kiss
younger to compete with Rick Ross.
Joe
And then he throws a. You know, he buys the house from Evander Holyfield, which is foreclosure, something. And you like, damn, you sure you want to get in that Ross? And he turns it into. He throws an event there every year that pays for the. He already paid the house off with an event, a car show did like, I never seen my. Like, I don't want people in my house. Yeah, I don't. No, really. I love everybody. God bless everybody.
Kiss
I don't.
Joe
You know, I see my neighbors unpleasant.
Kiss
I don't talk more than one minute,
Joe
like it's a good couple. Across the street, two Indian people. He looked like he wear them.
Kiss
Them shoes too.
Joe
He looked like. I don't. He looked like a doctor. But they walk through and I'm nice to them. They older than us.
Kiss
I'm, yo, what's up?
Joe
But other than that, I'm so sure everywhere I go. But I'm anti social in my house.
Kiss
But Rick ross, to take 10,000 and put them in his house. Strangers.
Joe
Yeah, you know, he had ship like two years ago and found people there Three, four days later, on the other side of the. His house is that big, bro.
Jay Pharrell
That's crazy. That's crazy.
Joe
But he found a way, you know.
Kiss
He's a big hustler, man. Salute Ross.
Jay Pharrell
And I'm telling you, got a whole. He got cattle. This nigga got. This nigga got oxen. My oxen, nigga.
Kiss
What you have oxen? He got.
Jay Pharrell
He got a whole bunch of animals, man. Him and Cat Williams, they got a whole bunch of animals. You know what I'm saying?
Joe
Cat bought a bunch of land, too.
Jay Pharrell
Cat got a whole farm, bro.
Kiss
It's like a whole.
Jay Pharrell
You just got land.
Jada
What you need to do, Boo Boo, you need to learn how to take care of chickens, take care of cows,
Joe
take care of livestock, because the world is about to end, Boo Boo.
Jay Pharrell
That's what's gonna happen. Real stuff, you know?
Joe
Yeah, nigga.
Jay Pharrell
Well, I'm sorry, nigga. You know, it's me, you know, do the voice. The Cat Williams. We did a movie together. You see it?
Joe
I'm not sure if I saw it.
Kiss
What's the name of the movie?
Jay Pharrell
It's called Two Minutes of Fame.
Kiss
You see that shit went.
Joe
Flew right by me, man. Them two minutes, I said, they really get to see them shits like that. But, yo, Cat Williams, he's hilarious, too. You ever went through. I think right now, I just thought of that Outkast line where he said,
Kiss
my favorite rappers wasn't bringing it.
Joe
This, this, that. You ever went through a time where some comedian you really love just like,
Kiss
it wasn't that hot no more for.
Joe
And you was like, damn.
Jay Pharrell
I can't say not hot, but just not working as much as they were. And I think this is a ubiquitous feeling, like everybody wants Eddie Murphy to return to Stand Up. Everybody, because he's just that good, you know?
Joe
Well, you think he'll be good now?
Kiss
2020?
Jay Pharrell
Absolutely.
Joe
Yeah. You think so?
Jay Pharrell
And yo, 2015, he got the Mark Twain. He got the Mark Twain Award. And he got up there, he did a bit, and he killed. Eddie is connected. Eddie is watching everything. And I would hope one day that he would come back, because, you know, he's only put out two specials, and he is arguably the biggest comedian ever.
Joe
That's the problem. The problem is when you put out two Illmatics, you don't want to come back all these years later and stink up the place. So I'm sure he's very conscious of, like, if I come back that, like, you know what Eddie Murphy's Raw was? I went. I always tell A story on the show. I went to the fucking ship with a hundred guys to my projects. Out of all a hundred guys, I'm the motherfucker got thrown out the movie theater.
Jay Pharrell
Cause you were laughing so hard.
Joe
So hard. Do you know how hilarious that they threw me out. I was the asshole in the movie theater. But.
Jay Pharrell
But let me ask you a question, though. You think that. You think Raw is better than Delirious? Cause Delirious had everything in it.
Joe
No, no, they all. They. What's the one with the red leathers too?
Jay Pharrell
That's Delirious.
Kiss
Oh, yeah. Delirious was just out of control.
Joe
Yeah, the one where he was talking about Rocky, the white boy at the. Nah, that was.
Jay Pharrell
That was. That was Raw when he did that.
Joe
Yeah, some. Yo, that shit. Sound pause. Anyway, Raw and all this shit we talking right now.
Kiss
Get the fuck out of here. Rolling.
Joe
You so delirious. You roaring like you talked about Glizzies for seven minutes. We never said that Glizzy got stuck in his mustache. We didn't say that. Eddie Murphy.
Jay Pharrell
And because. And because he couldn't continue just because he passed away. Robin Harris. Robin Harris.
Jada
I missed one, Mike.
Jay Pharrell
Oh, my gosh, man. That one. Oh, look at my. Look at my. Look at my. Look at. Officers of the goddamn law. Ain't this a.
Jada
Look at it.
Kiss
Look at over here.
Jay Pharrell
He said, I got a job.
Joe
Looking for one.
Jay Pharrell
I've been.
Joe
I've been on the plural so long,
Jay Pharrell
forgot what type of work I was looking for. He said, ah. He said the baby. He said shit of Pampers and walking at the same time. Yo, Robin Harris, Bernie Mac, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle. They're my top five.
Kiss
Chris.
Jay Pharrell
Honest to God. And you can't even say Prior because Prior inspired everybody. Prior is up here. But those five guys sound like Fat Joe Down.
Joe
Those five guys.
Jay Pharrell
Those five guys.
Joe
Legendary.
Jay Pharrell
Legendary.
Joe
We was in Harlem. There was a polar bear strapped with the. With the Arnold Schwarzenegger chop. I'm talking about the big jaw.
Jay Pharrell
And then it snowed like, nigga, no, it didn't happen.
Joe
Did I not tell you that? Tupac Shakur. I watched Tupac. I watched Tupac fight an African with a sword. When they would. They used to sell the Brulee tapes. Yeah, I watched tupac walk on 125th and was snatching all his tapes off his.
Kiss
And the African pulled out the sword.
Joe
You for real?
Kiss
I swear to God.
Joe
And Tupac beat the. At him and took the sword off of him in the middle of 120. No, he ain't chopped his neck off. I ain't say that. That's you guys trying to take it to some other. I seen him fight a. The. Pull out a sword.
Jay Pharrell
Did you?
Joe
Tupac was on his pan in the mouth.
Jay Pharrell
Now, now. All right.
Joe
Okay, pause.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, yeah, pause. Did you. Did you see Tupac fight Michael Jackson? Did you ever see that? Because they say that happen. I don't know. I don't know if it. I don't know if it was real.
Jada
I got a scrap with mj.
Joe
You scrap with him.
Kiss
You heard that too? That's bullshit.
Joe
I know my man Junior rest in peace. Anyway. I can't say one of my guys, he's just a nice guy. He had Junior Reidinger. He passed away, but he got. That man said one day Mark Anthony was arguing with JLO in his house. He got scrapping with Marquette. That was his. Yo, yo. That JR had a scrap. Breakfast. Yeah, Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Thanksgiving, Halloween. He would always come fucking Morgan. He tried to talk to me like. I'm like, yo, my man, you gotta sit down. Junior. Yeah, he had one of them stories that. That's pretty. In Puerto Rican community. That's crazy.
Jay Pharrell
But you somebody you talk about Junior writer from Dipset.
Joe
No.
Jay Pharrell
Okay, cool. I thought you said riding billionaire.
Joe
He passed away, man. He's my mentor, man.
Kiss
You know what I'm saying?
Jada
Jr. R. Ryder would have had a
Kiss
fight with Mark Anthony. Would have called.
Joe
Would have called it.
Jay Pharrell
Would have called the dips up. Juels would have been in the building. Freaking Cam would have been there. Everybody would have been there. I thought you said JR Idol. You said Jay.
Kiss
Right?
Jay Pharrell
The billionaire.
Kiss
Okay, cool.
Jay Pharrell
I'm a. I'm a fail.
Jada
Joe and jada, show.com. we got new merch fresh off the presses. Go get it. B. Jo and Jaden. Show.com. you can get these little cold for a T shirt with a hoodie.
Joe
It's my favorite right there. I need an extra large show@jadishow.com. go there. Get it.
Podcast Host
Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an un uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available@public.com Disclosures
Cal Penn
hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and I Hope Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's Audiobook project, Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
Ray Porter
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.
Kiss
I was like, no.
Ray Porter
At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.
Cal Penn
Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Joe
You think they would have did better if at the Versus Kiss if they would have put the playlist a little bit better. Cause Dipset got some shit man. Like like you think they would have they would have did better if they would have put the list if they would have took it more professional, they
Kiss
could have put some of the they
Jay Pharrell
left out a lot of shit that I was expecting. I think they could have you was
Joe
expecting they was gonna bring.
Jada
It was when we did the rehearsal it was they didn't play a lot
Kiss
of the songs that we thought they was gonna play. Hey man, you.
Jay Pharrell
You destroyed. You killed my you causing a distraction. You told him you causing the distraction. Yo, he started rapping.
Kiss
Oh man.
Jay Pharrell
Yalls freestyles. Both of y'. All. Specifically. I've been listening to y' all high school 05 mixtapes and I think it was all on a mixtape. I heard y'. All. It was like it was a mixtape going against I think 50 or something. It was like a 50 mixtape and it was a 50 diss and oh no. Okay. Niggas getting okay tension. I see knees shaking. Maybe I stopped talking about it.
Joe
Nah, I'M Go ahead. Cause I'm trying to get in the TV show, man.
Jay Pharrell
But y'.
Joe
All. 50. I want to be in a TV show.
Jay Pharrell
But y'. All. Y' all cool.
Joe
And y'.
Kiss
All.
Joe
We all cool.
Jay Pharrell
And let me ask you a question, though. Wasn't all of that just propped up for numbers?
Joe
No, no, no. It was real with me.
Kiss
With me, that was. It's just a physical like this.
Joe
Somebody might have died beyond that shit.
Jay Pharrell
Oh, man.
Kiss
Real talk, okay.
Joe
That's why I thank God.
Kiss
Everybody squashed and everybody walked away.
Joe
Good.
Kiss
It was just.
Joe
No way, you know, he's too much of a tough guy. We from the same town. I think I'm tough.
Kiss
It was.
Joe
That shit was sparks flying wherever we would have seen each other. It would have been like, do you smell what the Rock is cooking? Like, that shit had to go down or you couldn't have. You know, you wouldn't be able to have a reputation if you saw 50 Cent anywhere in New York City. And at the time of that Beef and Terror Squad and 50 in them, it didn't go down. Like, it almost went down at the MTV Awards. It had to go down. If it didn't go down, he would walk away like he's all mouth in Fat Joe. It was terrible.
Kiss
It was a terrible situation.
Joe
Thank God it's peaceful.
Kiss
Hope everybody gets along. Shout out to Tony Yayo and Uncle. They got that real report. You know what I mean? Y' all kiss is crazy, people.
Joe
I. I didn't.
Jay Pharrell
I'm sorry, bro.
Joe
I didn't.
Jay Pharrell
I.
Joe
No, no, it's all good. We family. Everybody's love. But that was a serious situation, you know, Natural.
Jay Pharrell
A kid from the Birds.
Kiss
It was. It was.
Jay Pharrell
It was very entertaining.
Joe
But, oh, no, it was.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, y' all was going at each other. That was dope.
Kiss
You know what I mean?
Jay Pharrell
And that's the fight.
Kiss
Until 50 Cent, I had never witnessed disrespect. Like, I had never felt nobody in
Joe
front of me, behind me.
Kiss
Pause, pause, pause.
Joe
I never witnessed disrespect.
Kiss
So to me, it was, like, shocking, you know? It was like, yo, shocking. Yo. Shout out to AD in the building.
Joe
I was Chris Lighty, you know, he discovered me at 50.
Kiss
And when he passed away, we seen each other at the funeral, and that broke the ice. And he always wanted us to squash the beef. And then that's why we, you know, squash the beef.
Jay Pharrell
That's beautiful, though, man.
Kiss
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jay Pharrell
You know, the fact that you can. The fact that you can get past your differences, no matter how Controversial things are. You can get back to the art.
Kiss
That's what it's about nowadays.
Joe
If you don't get past it, the
Kiss
feds will show you how to stay present in that. Huh? That'll put you Rico in one second. Huh? Huh?
Jay Pharrell
Check on Diddy. Is that a curse word here? I can't say that.
Joe
I'm just. I'm trying.
Jay Pharrell
Look, Kiss, you got the same look.
Joe
I seen some shit. Yo, Kiss. I seen some shit. They said Diddy's planning this coming home party.
Jay Pharrell
Shit.
Joe
Is AI present.
Jada
That shit is fake.
Joe
That was AI?
Kiss
Yeah.
Joe
You think it's fake that Diddy won't throw a party?
Jada
Diddy wanna have a sandwich and hug his kids and sit his ass down
Kiss
when they let him out.
Jada
He's gonna have a party. Not soon as he get out, he's gonna take a bath in the fried chicken or something. You gotta sit down with it.
Joe
You know, he had that soul food Sundays house to eat. All that soul food.
Jay Pharrell
But my question is, is he gonna have a party or is he gonna.
Joe
You got a rap album?
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Dropping, man. Actually, it's dropping on May.
Kiss
Not May, June.
Jay Pharrell
The. When is Iceman come out? It's June 15th. June 15th is dropping June 15th. My next single, The Man, May 15th.
Joe
I thought it was May 15th. The Iceman, Ice 12th.
Jay Pharrell
June 12th. My fault, June 12th. And my next single dropping May 15th. That's what it.
Joe
What's the name of your album?
Jay Pharrell
It's called the Odyssey. Yeah, man.
Kiss
Why the Odyssey?
Jay Pharrell
Because the character that I am playing. Cause it's a whole. It's a whole backstory for this character. So he was given power to, like, find another planet. And then this planet's like a diamond planet. So he's gotta bring the economy back and he gets all this notoriety. He's got all this power, man.
Joe
You gotta sell acid with this album. You saying we, the normal person, gotta understand that the Odyssey guys coming from another planet, from this and this, they don't even use drugs to listen to that shit.
Jay Pharrell
Well, no, no, they don't even got to do that because. Because the music and the character is synonymous to who I am. Because it's like me in another dimension almost, because I was young, got a lot of money, figured it out, had a lot of access. But I realized that, you know, that wasn't the most important thing. Because when you get those things, man, it's not going to fulfill. The most important thing is having love in your life and having God in your life. That's what it is. And that's what he discovers. So that's what the album is about. And that's the journey of it, you know?
Joe
You know, this journey of life, man,
Kiss
is so crazy, right? Because when you come from nothing, you want it.
Joe
And now when you get to my
Kiss
age and you look back and you just be like, yo, man, I was just way too young for them to give me all this. That money.
Joe
I swear to God, at the time, I felt like King Kong. Like, yo, we got it. But it just. Thank God I never used drugs or abused alcohol or something.
Kiss
Cause I'd have been underneath some shit right now.
Joe
Like, it was like this shit. You know, you get all that money if you. If you getting high too. Yeah, like, that must be out of control. So with me, that's. I think that's the only thing that saved my life.
Kiss
Life to this day, that I wasn't on drugs.
Joe
Because I, you know, I'm a very addictive personality. So if I was to gamble, I don't gamble. If I was to gamble, I'd be dead broke.
Jay Pharrell
If.
Joe
If I was to be getting high, I'd be. Forget it.
Kiss
I would have probably smoked the big.
Joe
I would went to fucking Antarctica and got the biggest rocket crack you ever seen in your life. I would have been breaking records, would have been like, yo, Fat Joe got the Iceman's coach, he's smoking. What is it like, game show hosting?
Jay Pharrell
What is it like?
Kiss
How you like that? What's going. Tell us.
Jay Pharrell
No, no, no. Game show hosting is cool because you actually. Well, you have to think off your dome, of course, and you get a chance to connect with people. And you can't fake that on television. You can see connections. Like, when people are nervous, it is your job as the host, calm them down, make them comfortable. Because, you know, you could be down on my show. You can have three family members that. That you just lost to the balls. Push. They got knocked in the water. And then you could be on edge.
Joe
Like, I don't know if I could throw some fucking flags at this guy off the dome. Three in the water, like, yo, what's up? You not on your flag shit today? Listen, my shit ran out. This motherfucker threw like seven flags right now. You usually the king of flags off the dome. Like, dicks in the water.
Jay Pharrell
This, like, hey, wait, wait, pause, pause.
Joe
Hey, hey, ain't nobody do that.
Jay Pharrell
Ain't nobody do that.
Joe
You could lose three family members your butthole and be like, what the fuck?
Jay Pharrell
Oh, man, I better pull out a flag.
Jada
When did you say it.
Joe
I don't recall. It's a Paul's Machine.
Jay Pharrell
I don't recall saying any of that.
Joe
If I catch him. If I catch him, he's a pause like this guy. Wait till you watch this episode back on. You're gonna be like, damn, I missed. Yeah, we was right.
Jay Pharrell
We gonna see it. You. Yeah. You did a lot of butt talking.
Joe
I always
Kiss
talk.
Joe
But let me tell you something. I always say. I went, oh, so let me. Let me. We did Celebrity Family Feud.
Kiss
Yeah.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah.
Joe
The part where you turned around and be like, name how many people in the thing. There was a thousand people there.
Jay Pharrell
Yeah.
Joe
And you got to think of the A. That is nervous Nelson. Like, you. You. Yo, it's really a audience of 500. A thousand people. You got to come up with. With, oh, what do you like in the bathroom? What do you did? That is hard, bro. I was up in there, like, Sunday checking like, that is hard, bro. That now. Now I know what the people. People at home don't realize with them people that. That kind of stress that they going through, like, coming up with that, you know, survey says that. Not the one with you with your family and all, like, who gives a. But when you go out there on that Dolo mission. Yeah, that shit crazy.
Jay Pharrell
You know what you would actually like. You would like my show because it's like Family Feud. Cross a Wipeout if you ever get a chance. We're in our third season now, man. We're doing. We're doing very well. I appreciate everybody for checking it out. You know what I mean?
Joe
Y' all do Celebrity. How can I get on?
Jay Pharrell
We now. We've expanded it. You can be up there. As a matter of fact. As a matter of fact, fact, all D, Like D Block could come on the show, bro.
Joe
The whole D Block Terror Squad come up. I always said that I want to
Kiss
be like Steve Harvey. I tell him in this.
Jay Pharrell
I told him, are you halfway there?
Joe
You got to. No, no, no, no. I'm up. I'm more than halfway there.
Jay Pharrell
Talked about my shoes. I had to say something.
Kiss
Tell you something.
Joe
No, no.
Jay Pharrell
Go, go, go, go.
Joe
I done my rounds, like, shopping the show.
Kiss
How about this, kids? I done my rounds in la, shopping the show one time. And so we go to all of them. Like, one is Paramount, one's the other. You know how you gotta. You need permission to get in.
Jay Pharrell
Absolutely.
Kiss
How about every single one I went to, they had a space there that said Steve Harvey right in the front. In every studio,
Joe
one had a Rolls Royce.
Kiss
You go to the other one, Rolls Royce. This motherfucker getting so this 15 years ago. You know how much money Steve Harvey getting?
Joe
So imagine you go to Def Jam this one, that one, that one. Everywhere you go, the got the front office.
Jada
There you go.
Joe
It's a smart car getting that bread, man.
Jay Pharrell
He's got like 15. He's got like 15 shows. They all syndicated. That's what you want to do. The goal is to get to 100 episodes so it can.
Kiss
Hello,
Jay Pharrell
Get to 100 episodes. And then you just. You good, bro. You know what I mean? And it's all about that syndication. Get the syndication money. He talked. That's my unc right there. Like, Steve Harvey is my uncle. I can call him up, talk to him.
Joe
Hey, boy, this what you need to do, boy.
Jay Pharrell
This what you need to do, boy. You gotta get your business line up. And you make sure you bury your money, boy.
Joe
Don't let these white people take your money now.
Jay Pharrell
Real talk, real talk. But he's so successful because he knows how to move, maneuver, and he knows once you do one show, like, you're saying people with sick work ethic. Like you were talking about DJ Khaled. Like you were talking about Rick Ross. You have that type of mindset. You can do 15 shows, you will keep going. Your whole family will be able to eat for the rest. Forever, forever generation.
Joe
You know what's crazy is I met
Kiss
Steve Harvey for the first time in Abu Dhabi preseason. And I told him. I said so.
Joe
He was like, yo, I love your podcast.
Kiss
He said, you and kiss the gentleman. I said, yo, I want to be like you. I seen his eyes. His eyes opened up like he couldn't believe. Like maybe another man was telling him some shit like that. I said, yo, man, I want to be like you, man. Like, like you successful, man. You the guy that I want to be like.
Joe
And I seen him, he was taking like, oh, shit.
Kiss
Like, yeah, you know, I guess everybody, you know, people hold shit in. I'll tell them the truth. Like, fuck it, man. You are the prototype. I don't give a fuck.
Joe
Yo, listen, I heard we had music. Got some Odyssey off the Odyssey project.
Jada
You got some?
Kiss
Absolutely.
Jay Pharrell
I've been rapping longer than I've been doing comedy. So it just happened to comedy was just the thing that popped first. I used to battle. I did all of that stuff, man.
Kiss
So I'm telling you, shout out to my brother Sha. Cause remind me of me and Sha when he was in junior high.
Joe
He liked Dana Dane.
Kiss
I like Slick Rick. Always argue every day Going on the bus to school like, yo, Slick Rick is better than Dana Dane. He be like, yo, Dana Dane's, that's
Joe
them fun hip hop top shits.
Kiss
You know what I'm saying?
Joe
Yo, which one we playing? James?
Jay Pharrell
Turn it up, man.
Rapper/Artist
I'm a pretty handsome money B teller world is my worship baby call it Rockefeller. You can own that you get own that, you can own that I could put you on that, got the smoothest s smelling the pillow talking gentlemen a pretty really ain't nobody better but you own that, you can own that I could put you on that, you can own that. Can I be your man? I want some babies in your oven, baby. Beverage plans, how about it? Cater to the best time. I'm a cooking man and let me put this big old nine up in your diaphragm. You got them lying if you thinking
Joe
that he better than me.
Rapper/Artist
I'm old school, baby like your grandma's book of recipes I got that 42 was pouring in his Julio tequila friends up in Mikasa, that's me, amigo. That body shake, I get the taste she cropped the holy ghost, she take the offer then I'm poking like Pinocchio. Massages come as mandatory, I just let you flow.
Jay Pharrell
Creative like a thank you, brother.
Joe
Drink this 1800 to the album Modesty. Oh yeah, yeah, you got me. Oh yeah, yeah, you got me, baby bop. Yo, Jim, Let me tell you something, boy. That's your mom. Survive starting to understand Survive. That's a vibe. I get in the car and I'm driving super understand that that's a vibe.
Jay Pharrell
And look, you didn't have to. You ain't have to be high to understand it. You know what I'm saying?
Kiss
I don't get high, so I.
Joe
You know that's a lie. How people, people say they got to get high to make music they gotta
Kiss
hear, that's a lie. I've been sober my whole life and put shit out the park. You know what I'm saying?
Jay Pharrell
Yeah.
Joe
Let's go, Jay. What's this one called? Speak for yourself. I know you need that Maserati, Jack,
Kiss
but get the man system going. Yeah.
Jay Pharrell
Oh, this one, this one right here.
Joe
Yay.
Jay Pharrell
I say what I hate to say.
Jada
Hey, we ain't even need your participation.
Jay Pharrell
Lobster with the tail, Imma need a steak.
Joe
Swear I can get a full jumping out of weight.
Jay Pharrell
Swear something I'm losing is my body weight.
Joe
Lot of dollars in my pocket, that's a different way.
Jay Pharrell
Hey, you made your bed, you can go and lay.
Joe
Yeah, I Keep up in the wound, you ain't never seen this before I got women that smoke willing pictures me like it's folk I keep spilling the Alphabet but I be on a rope I'm busting mocking all these chickers I
Jada
can get to the goat your girl
Joe
the fish of me I do it well I know that she flow I just have my pick of the litter ain't mean anymore oh, you tripping again,
Jay Pharrell
baby Ain't no sweat on my brows
Joe
get to switch you out now a back on the brow God dang, I'm the man hey.
Rapper/Artist
Got a life chicken I can boss
Jada
God damn,
Joe
I'm the man in this you can't stand with a try to
Jada
make a friend with this
Joe
I'm the business ass count us up as witness I've been watching all these wash some wash my dishes I ain't Never lacking vision 2015 no prescription then my D is in addiction like a puppy daddy did I'mma beat it I'mma beat it till the ass gotta delete it hey, hey, one question. Who the leader? Ice cold, you ride with that Got
Rapper/Artist
a lot of chicken.
Joe
James. Yo, my G. Listen, you are talented, bro.
Jada
Get that Odyssey album, man.
Joe
You are talented, bro.
Jay Pharrell
Look, and I. And I'm telling y', all, man, when I say I listen, I. I listen to lyrics. I'm a. I like you two and lyricist, man. And I appreciate that.
Joe
That crazy, man. Great project. I'm downloading that Odyssey me personally. And I need that in the system. Not going long drives and shit.
Kiss
You know what I'm saying?
Jay Pharrell
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Joe
That hard right there, bro. I'm not even gonna lie to you.
Jada
Knocking.
Jay Pharrell
Listen, man.
Joe
Very talented. This ain't that.
Jada
That ain't this cracking kiss. Make some noise for Jay Pharoh y,
Jay Pharrell
my guy.
Jada
Apprec. My brother.
Joe
Thank you getting that album, bro. You very talented, brother.
Jay Pharrell
Thank you very.
Joe
You got to give us your best kiss and your best Joe Imper impression.
Kiss
Okay?
Joe
Well, you know, it's similar to the
Jada
paint stripes under your eyes.
Joe
Yo, they need to do a tickle me Jada. If the was getting tickled, it be like. And then.
Rapper/Artist
And then these.
Joe
I told you, these guys. It's always guys. Five guys. 15 with glizzies.
Jada
No, 15 guys with
Joe
five figures. Joe and Jada show. Let's get to it, baby.
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Daniel Cormier
Daniel Cormier from the Daniel Cormier Show. This podcast is sponsored by Total Watch Wireless, the official wireless partner of ufc. Power doesn't wait in the octagon or outside of it. You either make the move or you miss the moment. That's why you need a network that's just as powerful as you are. With Total Wireless, you get unlimited 5G data keeping you in the action from the walkouts to the knockouts. Now that's a total power move. Make your total power move today. Visit totalwireless.com or stop by your neighborhood Total Wireless Store. Additional terms apply. See totalwireless.com for details at CVS it
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Cal Penn
Hey everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd it out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
On this vibrant, laugh-filled episode of "Joe and Jada," hip-hop icons Fat Joe and Jadakiss are joined by comedian, impressionist, and multifaceted entertainer Jay Pharaoh. Together, they deliver a dynamic mix of hilarious impressions (including spot-on impersonations of the hosts themselves), real talk about hip-hop and comedy, behind-the-scenes tales from SNL, run-ins with legends like Eddie Murphy, Jay-Z, and Rick Ross, and reflections on resilience, bullying, and the grind required to succeed.
Notable Quote:
“Somebody walked in a Saturday Night Live and made the whole country stop what they were doing...stood up at the biggest comedy institution in America and said, nah, we need more black women in the building...You think fearless.” – Jada, (04:44)
Notable Quote:
“What up? Fake Jay-Z. Yeah, you the fake one. You never get Beyoncé, nigga. You know? Yeah, never.” – Jay Pharaoh as Jay-Z, (07:51)
Notable Moment:
“I was a church boy growing up...I always used to impersonate everybody, you know...I was just a little...I was a butthole, man. No, Glizzy.” – Jay Pharaoh, (11:57 – 12:57)
Quote:
“When they knocked my confidence down...and they started pulling my sketches, it kind of messed with me a little bit...but I got through it.” – Jay Pharaoh, (17:57)
Memorable Quote:
“Rick Ross...He won’t turn a dollar down. I’ve never seen it.” – Kiss, (46:46)
Notable Quote:
“The music and the character is synonymous to who I am. Because it’s like me in another dimension almost...the most important thing is having love in your life and having God in your life.” – Jay Pharaoh, (65:32–66:04)
Quote:
“If you don’t get past it, the feds will show you how to stay present in that. Huh? That’ll put you Rico in one second. Huh? Huh?” – Kiss, (63:25)
Joe’s take:
“Listen, you are talented, bro...Great project. I’m downloading that Odyssey me personally.” (79:14–79:32)
Jay’s core message:
“I’ve been rapping longer than I’ve been doing comedy…comedy just popped first. But the most important thing is having love in your life and having God in your life. That’s what it is.” (73:14–66:04)
In sum:
This episode offers a masterclass in storytelling, impression comedy, and career resilience – punctuated by the unmistakable wit and warmth of Joe, Jada, and their legendary guest. Whether you’re a hip-hop head, a comedy fan, or just love good conversation, this one’s a must-hear.