← Joy with Craig Ferguson
Joy with Craig Ferguson
California Coffee Time
00:35:03
Since we last checked in Craig has traveled to the West Coast for some tour dates. As it appears to become a tradition, he sat down to answer some fan questions. From saying the wrong thing, passive aggressive A.I., white whales, or classic cars,...
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This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, it's actually, it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the Tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond. For a full list of dates, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com See you on the road, my dears. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson and you are my guest today of the Joy Podcast. As you can probably tell from my surroundings, if you're watching this, of course, if you're listening to it, let me paint a word picture for you. I am sitting in a room which has an American flag, stars and stripes pillow on the tasteful beige couch. I also have behind me a picture of the rock band the Doors, and on the ceiling behind me, sort of mock candelabra, a mock chandelier. A chandelier, I guess, with mock candles or mandals, as they are known as of this very moment in time. With all of that information, you've probably guessed by now. And of course, this, this thing here, and I'm about to show you. There's a small rockery, a small ersatz rockery, garden, a little, little garden with some succulents, but pretend succulents. I'm in the great city of Los Angeles, California. I'm in California. I have been here for. Since Wednesday of last week, so almost a week I have been here and I've been all over the state. I've been to San Francisco, I've been to Monterey, I've been to San Diego, or San Diego as sometimes it's called, but I like to call it San Diego. And because of my hectic schedule and my kind of advancing years, I think I have. I can't find my earbuds. So I'm using plug in earpod things to do the. To do the thing today, the podcast today, and my plug in EarPods, which, if you can see them, you know they're here. And if you can't see them, let me assure you they are. I kind of like them. I've noticed there's a big upswing in people using them as well, and I think it's because the little AirPods I don't know about you Guys, I keep losing them anyway, and they're expensive, they're not cheap. So let me settle down into the podcast today and tell you what's going on. So I've got a glass of water. Excuse me a second. I just. That glass of water. And now let me take you through the podcast as it will be today. Now, because of my schedule in the past few weeks, I have been unable to find myself a guest that I can put in at the same time as I can make it be there. And I don't like doing the Zoom guests anymore. I feel like too much of life is Zoom calls. So occasionally I will do a Zoom call guest, but I don't really like doing that. And also, you still have to set it up and my schedule is all over the place. I've been everywhere, man. So today, the guest on the podcast again is you. Welcome to our chats. Our chats today are over a glass of water because it's California and water is very good for you. Also, I had a bit too much coffee today already, so I feel a little. Excuse me, feel a little too much. So tweets and emails from you, the listener. I've been actually hearing from a lot of people. It's like people really like these single podcast things. And I get it. It's a sense of intimacy about it, which I kind of enjoy. So let's dig in. This is from Jess B. In Celebration, Florida. That's interesting. Celebration, Florida, I believe, is the town that's actually on the Disney. Disney World. It's part of Disney World or something. Or maybe it's. I think it's that. I think Celebration is part of Disney World and if you live there, you have to wear a Mickey Mouse costume or something. I don't know what exactly is. I look forward to your illuminating letters explaining to me things that I should know. And what I really like is the way that when most people talk on the Internet, they are reasonable and in no way use insults or nasty language to get their point across. Or even better, I've noticed this. Sometimes people are a bit patronizing. Have you noticed that? Oh, haven't you? Well, anyway, this is. This is from Jess B. Now, B, I guess, is her second initial. It's probably not her name. Jess B. Unless he's named after a B, which she might be. Ahaha. The Ferguson family crest. The Ferguson family to which I belong. Her crest. The reason I'm pointing my arm is because I have it tattooed up there. Her crest, excuse me, is a bee atop a thistle. They say A bee atop it's a bee flying above a little thistle, trying to get the honey out of the thistle. And the motto of the family, the Ferguson family, is Dulcius ex asperus, which is Latin for sweeter after difficulty. Dulcius ex asperus. Dulce la dolce vita. The sweet life sweet. Dolce ex after. Like your ex wife or your ex husband. You're after. You're after all that, or, you know, maybe not after it again. And then asperus difficulty as aspirus, which makes sense. Anyway, sweeter after difficulty is what it means. And that's a Ferguson, my family motto. And it's a bee on top of a thistle. I don't know why I got onto that, but this is from Jess B. And that's why I got onto Celebration Florida, who said. Has there ever been a time when you have put your. Hang on, I'm just moving it on the computer. Has there ever been a time when you have put your foot in your mouth so exquisitely that it caused spectacular embarrassment or consequences? Well, I think we all know there's been plenty of those times. I've kind of made my career out of putting my foot in my mouth so exquisitely that it caused spectacular embarrassment or consequences. I think the difference is now or what. I like to hope that when I put my foot in my mouth it is with some delicacy. I like to like to be careful, I guess. I try not to put my foot in my mouth. Of course, everybody's done it nowadays. You, you have to be very careful, of course, because everyone, all of society, we've all signed up for this. We are all stool pigeons, every single one of us. We've got our little phones at the ready. And then the minute you see someone behaving slightly off center, someone either gets angry or upset or annoyed or shits their pants, all of these things. Well, maybe not shits their pants, actually, because sometimes you don't know that's happening until after it's happened. And there's no, there's not necessarily a visual right away. So maybe not shits their pants, but maybe removes their pants in some kind of hijinks. Then there's always at least half a dozen people there to record it and get it onto the Internet right away so us, the great mass of us, can judge people. And so you have to be careful about that. I thought that the other day I was walking through the airport and there was a lady walking towards me and I was walking towards her and apparently she wanted me to get out of the way. I wasn't paying attention. And then I nearly bumped into her, but I didn't bump into her, and I moved out of the way. And then as she was walking away from me, she shouted asshole. Which, you know, may be true, but I wish I'd recorded her and I'd put it on the Internet and I'd have said angry Karen calls me an asshole. But then again, you know, there's lots of times in my life when she'd have been right and I am an asshole. And maybe I was an asshole because I wasn't paying attention. I should have been. And it's an airport, it's busy, and I should have been looking where I was going. So maybe the asshole comment was kind of deserved. Anyway, what I'm glad I didn't do is I didn't film that woman and then put her on the Internet and say angry Karen calls me asshole in the airport. Although I will say this, I thought about it. I thought about it for a minute because my. My inclination is not always charitable. Isn't that awful thing to say about yourself? But it's the truth. Here's the thing that I will say that I am willing to be the villain of the story in my life. And I think if I'm going to be preachy for a second, I think we should all try and be that a little more. Say, who was the asshole here? Was it me? Very possibly. And what is it they say for every finger it points out, there's three point back at you? Or four, I don't know. Or none if you're a pirate. For every hook that points out, there's only one hook pointing back. And that hook is you, my friend. That hook is you. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about today. I've got a lot of jet lag and I've been moving around a lot. So have I caused put my foot in my mouth? Yes, I have, many times. This is from Neil Power in Ottawa, Canada. Well, first of all, let me just congratulate Neil on having an awesome name. Neil Power. That's a great name. I wish. I wonder what the Power family crest is. It's probably not a bee and a flower. It's probably like a. Like a bazooka and a pair of tits or something, you know, Power. Anyway, Neil Power from Ottawa, Canada. I can't believe it said tits. Neil Power in Ottawa, Canada says on the heels of talking about jet lag, he says, have you noticed anything else that affects you more as you've gotten older. Well, yeah, everything affects you more as you get older. Hunger affects you more. I think hunger makes me grumpier. I never used to get hangry in the way that I get. Now I get quite. Maybe that's what was happening when I was walking through the airport and that woman called me an asshole. But everything affects you, I think, more as you get older. Walking around affects you more. It's more difficult. By the way, let me tell you this. I was in the airport there, the San Francisco airport. I was in. I was in a lot of airports, but this particular airport, I was in San Francisco Airport, and I was in the Delta Lounge. Was it the Delta Lounge? No, it was the United Lounge. Because Tomas, who I travel with, he has a car to get into the lounge. I don't normally go into the lounges, to be honest. Sometimes I go into the lounge and I'm like, oh, free coffee and bagels. But the airports, I've noticed airports now are slightly better outside the lounges. The lounges are just. It's that marketing thing. But like, oh, it's exclusive. It's kind of not really. Anybody that travels a lot can go in, which is not exclusive. And then. Or if you pay for an upgrade, I guess. I suppose that's exclusive. But the airports, I think are better now, most of the time. LaGuardia, JFK, LAX, San Francisco. This is my airport review podcast, apparently, because, you know, you talk about what was recent in your life. What's recent in my life is airports and airplanes. So I was in the United Lounge at San Francisco Airport, and there was, you know, a little. Usually someone has to bus the tables. You know, they take away the cups of coffee or the glasses or. You know what busing is, right? Bussing tables. But they had a robot. They had a robot bussing the tables. I was like, oh, look at this. And. And then I realized it doesn't really bust the table. So it comes over to the table and, you know, like a. Like a Roomba. It just moves over your table and then it passive aggressively stands there until you put your empty plates and cups on it. So you actually have to do it. But the robot comes to you and then it hits you with passive aggression. And so this is what I'm concerned about, is not AI becoming, you know, smarter than us and taking over the planet. I'm worried about AI becoming passive aggressive, which clearly it is. And we don't. We don't need AI for passive aggression. We have Scottish mothers for passive aggression. Or at least at least I did. And there are other people that do passive aggression. I think we all know that. Actually, Canadians are pretty good at it, in my experience. I look forward to your passive aggressive letters and emails and tweets and comments. But anyway, I was looking at this robot going around. I was like, oh, my God. And in San Francisco, because I was in San Francisco, I'm now in Los Angeles. As you can tell from the beige couch in San Francisco, every billboard you see, and I'm talking every billboard that you see in San Francisco is for AI. You know, it's kind of vague. It's like this for your AI or use this for your AI or AI is coming or. In the AI era. That was a phrase that I think I'll be hearing more of. In the AI Era, you need. And then it was like the name of some product that you rub on your phone or something like that. And I thought, you know, this AI thing, I mean, I know it's terrible and dangerous and it's going to take over the world and everything, but also it's got a slight whiff of what the fuck about it. I mean, I know that. Do you remember when Google made those glasses and everybody was going to wear those. It was Apple or some Silicon Valley thing where they made those glasses and everyone was going to wear these glasses and instead of having a phone and it didn't really happen. And when AI, When I go on the AI thing on my phone, like if you Google something and the AI report comes up, it's like, it's like it's shit at Googling. Like I. I can Google better than the AI. And they keep saying, oh, the AI is going to learn and maybe it will, and then it'll be better at Googling than me. And big fucking deal. So. But also in San Francisco and now in Los Angeles, they have Waymo taxi cabs. And if you haven't seen the Waymo taxi cabs, that is. That's a different game. That's very impressive. That's the driverless cabs that you order, like an Uber and it turns up, but there's no driver. The driver is a ghost. It's an AI driver. And they just drive around and you see these cars driving around and it's built on top of a Jaguar. It's not like a shitty car, it's like a Jaguar F pace or something, but it's built on top of it. Or an I Pace, I guess it's probably electric and it's a driverless car and I'm Kind of into it, I think. I bet these robots are better drivers than people. Certainly the robot that was driving itself around the United Lounge in San Francisco Airport, that was a pretty good driver. It could handle the whole thing. And then I thought, well, you know, but if robots are driving the cars, then who's going to. You know, who's going. If there's a robot taxi driver, where am I going to get my racist opinions from? Where am I going to hear things that taxi drivers normally tell me? And then I think, well, wait, no, this is good, because the AI Robot in San Francisco Airport learned how to be passive aggressive. So I think probably the Waymo taxi cabs will learn how to be assholes and cut people off, and there'll be a little robot hand that comes up and gives you the finger and stuff like that. I think it'll all work out. I think we'll. Well, it'll learn. That's what they always say about the AI. Oh, it'll learn and it will. All right, Freddie B. I wonder if Freddie B. Is in any way related to Jess B. In Celebration, Florida. Part of the great bee family, I suppose, or the hive. Freddie B. Says, who's your white whale guest and why? I suppose that's a reference to Moby Dick, isn't it? The white whale where you, you know, the guest that you really want and you just can't get. I don't have that. I don't have that. I don't. After all this time, and it has been a long time, I don't think of myself as someone who interviews people. I don't have that. It's not really how I think of it. And, you know, maybe it's wrong, but I don't really. I talk to people if they're. If I encounter them or if they want to be on the podcast or if I want to talk to them, I'll say that. But I don't think, oh, I really want to. Really want to sit down with, you know, I don't know, insert white whale guests there. I wouldn't mind talking to a white whale. An actual whale, I mean, but it would be kind of boring for a podcast, I think, just going, ooh, have you heard those whale noises? They're amazing. I heard recordings of whale noises. And then when I was doing Shark Week for the Discovery Channel, I was diving. We were out diving, and we were in the. In the Bahamas, and I heard whales underwater, like, in the wild, talking to each other. It is the most amazing thing. They're like. And I Look, I can't be certain. I think one of those whales called me an asshole. And I wished I'd had my phone because I would have got my phone and recorded it and then put it on the Internet saying, asshole whale. Karen calls me an asshole. And then I would have shamed that whale and it would have been cancelled by the good people of the Internet. Actually, I have to say, most people are good on the Internet. There's this myth that everybody's an asshole on the Internet. They're kind of not. Most people are actually really nice, I find. I find that in life as well. Actually. Most people are great. But you do get assholes, no doubt about it. And the interesting thing is we all seem to take turns. Sometimes I'm the asshole and then sometimes other people are the asshole. And I suspect that's the same with most assholes that you encounter in life. For example, learn to drive, you asshole, or get out of the way, you asshole. Or who's that asshole over there wearing shorts on a plane, moisturizing his legs. See previous podcast for reference. I think what happens is you take turns of being an asshole. You're not an asshole all the time. You're just an asshole sometimes it's situation dependent for most people. I mean, look, there's exceptions, I think, you know, for example, Hitler pretty much an asshole all the time. Not pretty much. Definitely an asshole all the time. But you know what I'm saying? There's, you know, most of us in those micro, you know, these little moments of life. Sometimes I behave well and sometimes I could do better. And I'm willing to admit that about myself. And I look forward to you backing me up in my low opinion of myself. Now, that was passive aggressive. How was that, huh? That was like when I said, I look forward to you saying mean things about me. Yeah, that's very good. Well done, Craig. Still got it, buddy. This is from Patrick Myers. Doesn't say where he's from. Perhaps he's a rambling man. He goes from town to town. Occasionally he'll drop into an Internet cafe. If it's. If it's the 90s, he'll drop into an Internet cafe and fire off an email to some guy does a podcast. Anyway, Patrick says, hey, I love it when Craig sits down with Shirley Manson. Yeah, so do I. Shirley Manson's my friend. I love Shirley Manson. And I'm surprised Shirley hasn't been on the podcast yet. Now look, she was one of the first guests on this podcast. She was on the. Shirley was on this podcast. Nearly. I don't know how long I've been doing this. Too fucking long, apparently. But. But Shirley was on the podcast within the first couple of weeks. So what you might be saying is maybe it's time for Shirley to come back on the podcast. And I'd be into that too. And I happen to know that Shirley lives in Los Angeles. Wait a minute, is that her? Oh, no. I thought she had just come into the room. Cause sometimes that happens in Los Angeles. But I love Shirley Manson. She's great. And I will have her back back on the podcast. No, I'm surprised she hasn't been on yet. You know what? That's another thing that happens. I'm sorry to point at you, but I decided that's what I'm doing today. If you're just listening to this and not watching it, I wasn't pointing. Anyway. Yeah, I love. What was I talking about? I love Shirley. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that thing about she hasn't been on the podcast yet. Now she has been on the podcast and I've noticed this is a thing that happens when you do social media. If you. If I went on social media or Instagram or Twixie or Bingo or Zippity Doo Dah or whatever the, you know, you have to go on next, Facebook, Marketplace or whatever the. And I say, oh, I had a great time last night in Atlanta. Let's just say Atlanta. I had a great time. Thanks for everyone to come to the show in Atlanta. I. I will guarantee you in the comments underneath that someone will say, when are you next coming to Atlanta? Why don't you come to Atlanta? Hey, Craig, when's the last time you played Georgia? That kind of thing. It's almost like as gifted as we are and as privileged as we are to live in an age where communication is lightning speed, perhaps it's too fast for a lot of us, or perhaps many of us, me included, are not paying attention. Is that possible in this day and age to be not paying attention properly? I don't know. Anyway, I think my entire reply to Patrick Myers email there was passive aggressive. So clearly I'm being passive aggressive right now. I'm being a bit of an asshole, to be honest. Sorry about that, everybody. I'll try and kind of clear that up. This is from J. Morgan Harter in Memphis, Tennessee. J. Morgan Harter, that sounds good. That sounds like a rich guy name, but from the 1920s. Why? It's J. Morgan Harder and he made his money in ladies shoes. J. Morgan Harter says, in what ways do you Believe you evolved the most? Well, that's an interesting question because I've tried to become less passive aggressive even in this podcast, and I'm backsliding. I think, to be honest, evolved as a person. I think I've evolved as a person in the sense that I try not to. I really, I dread saying this because I feel like it's tempting fate, but I don't get as angry as I used to get. I feel like I don't anyway, I used to get, you know, I'd get very grumpy in traffic or very grumpy at this or that. I yell at the TV and I don't feel that as much anymore. Now the truth of the matter is if you don't watch TV and you take a way more everywhere, you're not going to get angry if that's the kind of thing that annoys you. I try. So what I try and do is I try and separate myself from things that irritate me. And that's up to and including people, you know what? So if I find people irritating, I tend to try and avoid them. Now, sometimes that's not possible. Sometimes they're your family or sometimes the person that's irritating you. Is you. Is you. Is you. Well, that was a reach around there. But yeah, I, I try and remove myself from stuff that I find vexing or situations which I kind of know are going to make me irritated. So if I've evolved in any way, it's like this. I think, I think I'm a little better at setting boundaries for myself and saying politely and with respect to people. No, I'd rather not do that. Rather than going ahead and doing a thing like, I don't know, going to a party or getting married rather than, you know, going ahead and doing it. Just not doing it. That was a joke, by the way. It's like that was a passive aggressive joke. But if you have to explain it, it's not a joke, Craig. I know, but I think most people would know it was a joke. But just in case. Oh, God, here we go. Welcome back from the edit, everybody. It's what I used to say when we edited these things and now you know what was in them? Me talking shit. Nothing more exciting than that, which is what I do. But this is from Kosh. N. That's kind of a cool name. And I suspect the N is an initial or it could be a full name. N. I think it's a nice one. Kosh. Anyway, Kosh is an interesting name. I don't know where that's from. But I think of a Kosh as being something, you know, it's a thing you hit somebody with you Kosh someday. That's probably a 1920s word as well. Kosh N says Craig. What car do you drive? Also, what is the sportiest car you've ever driven and owned? Well, the car that I drive right now is actually a truck. I drive a Dodge Ram 1500 5.7 litre Hemi Bighorn because I'm a gosh darned American. Also. I really like that truck and the kind of life I have at the moment. That truck is very useful. And let me just say this. One of the reasons I'm traveling around so much right now is because I'm making a thing. And that thing will be on your TV screens next year. And I'll tell you more about it when I'm allowed to. But right now I'm making a thing and I'm moving around the country, the United States a lot, making this thing. And in this thing is my truck. I'm using my truck in this thing, which I'm very pleased about. And it is a Dodge Ram 1500 5.7 litre Hemi Bighorn 2022. It has 50,000 miles on it and I've had it since it was new. And I love that truck. And I'm actually toying with the idea because I'm going to Texas next week. I'm toying with the idea of getting a pair of horns for the front of it. Now, I understand that some of you may mock me for this, but first of all, these horns are not, you know, it's not like they've been. They were grown organically, these horns. They're vegetarian horns. There's a special type of vegetarian horn. And I, I was thinking of getting them and I was thinking, is that kind of grow seven horns on your truck and then is it. Or is it awesome? I think it might be awesome. I thought a pair of cow horns on the front of my truck and then I think, well, I don't even like eating meat, but I will eat it sometimes, I gotta be honest. I will eat meat sometimes. And I. And I do wear a leather jacket from time to time. So I think horns in your truck kind of falls into the leather jacket territory, doesn't it? I mean, it's like. It's like a leather jacket for your truck. I wonder if I could get a leather jacket for my truck. Anyway, that's what I drive. The sportiest car I've ever driven or owned. I Haven't ever owned a sporty car, not really. I have a motorcycle. I have an Indian Scout which was made in the year 2001. It's an Indian Centennial Scout, it's called, it's. It's a motorcycle which is. Got an S and S engine in it like the ones in the Harley Softail. It's about, is 1500cc motorcycle if you're interested. And I have that. I don't ride it that much because getting on a bit and I've had a motorcycle accident before and I have to tell you is no fun. But every now and again the day is so nice and the, and you know, and the SAP's on the rise and I think I gotta ride my motorcycle. So I take it off its little trickle charger and I take it out and I roar that fucker down the street and it's awesome. But not too often, not these days. But the sportiest car I've ever owned. I haven't owned it yet, but I'm gonna buy it because there's a car for sale and I'm not gonna tell you where it's for sale because, because it's for sale right now and I, and I want to buy it. It's a 1968 Pontiac GTO, is I'm gonna buy that car. And the reason I'm gonna buy it is because I've always wanted one. And you know, as time goes on you think, you know, maybe, maybe I should get that GTO now because it's going to look weird if I have to drive it up to my old folks home. Not that that. I mean maybe you can drive a GTO to an old folks home and in fact maybe that's what you. I mean, because I, I associate a Pontiac GTO with youth and vitality. But of course it's a, that's a 50 year old car. I mean 60 year old car almost. So that's probably not what people associate with a youthful car. I know that my youngest son Liam, he likes cars that I think are, you know, he likes Japanese domestic market cars from the 1980s. I'm like, that's specific. But he loves them. That he loves the, these modified ones and stuff and, and these 1980s BMWs and all those kind of things. I don't know much about them. Look, I'm not much of a car guy. I'm kind of like one of those guys that says I don't know about art, but I know what I like. And that's kind of me with cars. I don't know tons about cars. I can't tell you. Gasket heads and air suspension and all that shit. But I know a nice vehicle when I sit in it and when I drive it, and that's kind of. I feel like that's all I'm expected to do with a car and of course, pay for it. And people say to me, well, what about an electric car? And I'm like, well, what about it? That's kind of like a robot, isn't it? In the. In the lounge of the United Airlines lounge in San Francisco airport. I know they're very fast and I know they're very efficient. I dispute their green credentials. I understand they don't have carbon emissions, personally, but it takes a bit of carbon to make an electric car. But nobody wants to hear that and so I probably should cut that out. Or maybe I'll just say it, you know, and maybe everyone can get mad at me and maybe that'll be all right. Maybe we'll be okay. Maybe we'll all move on and get mad at something else in a minute. Or maybe nobody will get mad at me. Maybe I'll just say, yeah, whatever, whatever, Grandpa. With your 1968 Pontiac GTO and your Dodge Ram 1500 and your old motorcycle. But you know what? There are things that make me happy. And you ask J. Morgan Harter. So there's some personal information for me this fine day in Los Angeles, California. I wish you well. I hope I find my earbuds. I don't know where they are. So. So I hope this, this show has worked out for you. Next week, my friends, it'll probably just be me and you again. But I'll be in the great state of Texas, so maybe I can show you my cow horns. Maybe we'll just do what we're doing right now. Alright, take care. Speak to you soon. Bye bye. Sa.