California Dreamin (On A Winter's Day)

Summary

Joy, a Podcast with Craig Ferguson

Episode Title: California Dreamin (On A Winter's Day)
Release Date: December 9, 2025
Host: Craig Ferguson

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Overview

In this solo episode, Craig Ferguson comes to listeners from a hotel room in Los Angeles, sharing candid musings and comedic reflections on the elusive nature of joy amid modern chaos. Without a guest, Craig answers listener tweets and emails, touching on topics like nostalgia, personal mementos, advice during tough times, childhood memories, and a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. The overarching theme: where we find joy, and whether we even know how to recognize it anymore.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Hotel Room in Los Angeles

• Craig humorously describes recording from a hotel room in LA, noting palm trees and the intrusive sound of pool machinery.
  • "Either in California or in a garden center somewhere, but which is. Is Los Angeles a garden center? In a way, it's the garden of dreams." [01:42]

2. On the Road, Filming, and Missing Home

• Shares he's been filming across the country (project unnamed), currently enduring jet lag due to recent travel from Florida to LA.
• Recommends visiting Everglades National Park for its surprising beauty.
  • "I thought it was like a, A swamp. It's not a swamp...Go somewhere very, very beautiful. Go to the Everglades." [03:02]

3. Tweets and Emails: Reader Q&A

• Format: Craig answers listener questions, often with tangential musings and comedic riffs.
• Creates an impromptu jingle:
  • “Tweets and emails, tweets and emails. Tweets and emails. We're gonna answer the tweets and emails. Answer them, Greg. I will. Thank you, Jeff.” [04:27]

a. Housing in LA for the World Cup

• Listener James Arthur from Scotland asks if Craig has a house in LA for Scottish World Cup visitors.
  • Craig jokes about having "two second names" (Craig Ferguson), describes his hats, and clarifies he doesn't own LA property.
  • “If I did have a house in la. I would welcome all Scottish fans... to come and stay with me ... and enjoy the restrained drinking.” [07:24]

b. Tattoos

• Julie A. Ferraro, world traveler: Asks how many tattoos Craig has and his favorite.
  • He’s unsure of the count as they’ve blended over the years, contemplates filling a new gap (with an eel or “a map of treasure”), and jokes about the perils of people chasing his "treasure map arm."
  • "I don't know how many I have because they all kind of bleed into one another..." [07:56]

c. Nostalgia and Sentimentality

• Jared Huff: Wonders if nostalgia is healthy.
  • Ferguson references James Joyce: “‘Sentimentality was unearned emotion.’” [13:34]
  • Admits to enjoying nostalgia in moderation but cautions: “It’s a little bit misleading sometimes.” [14:19]
  • Emphasizes missing his kids as young children and concludes, “I think it’s okay to be nostalgic. So there.” [15:12]

d. Advice for Recovery/Bed Rest

• James R. from Nashville, after foot surgery: Asks for advice on passing time.
  • Ferguson recommends audiobooks, specifically David Mitchell’s Unruly (about British monarchs), lauds Mitchell’s humor, and suggests watching "Ludwig," a British crime show starring Mitchell.
  • “Audiobooks is how I go. And I read. I listened to a very funny one yesterday on the plane... David Mitchell is a natural. He’s very, very good.” [16:11–18:46]

e. Returning to Scotland—Rituals

• Simon Deacon: Asks Craig’s first action upon going back to Scotland.
  • “Tea. Probably I don’t drink tea anywhere else, but I drink tea in Scotland.” [20:14]

f. Show Mementos and Props

• Michael McFadden: Inquires about keepsakes from Craig’s projects.
  • Mentions having two Jeff Petersen skeletons, Secretariat horse costumes, and the famous snake cup from his late-night show, but keeps nothing sacred or on display.
    • “I don’t keep them sacred, funnily enough. I don’t have a little shrine to myself.” [21:12]

g. Pop Culture Generational Gap

• Tina White: Asks Craig what he knows about Doja Cat.
  • He admits next to nothing, saying, “You may have got the wrong number,” but infers Doja Cat’s success from broad cultural osmosis.
  • “I know I’ve heard of Doja Cat, which means that Doja Cat is successful because I’m clearly not in the market.” [23:35]

h. Early Relationship Advice

• Jacob: Wonders whether hard relationship questions should be asked early.
  • Craig suggests taking it easy, jokes about "hard" questions being math or trivia, and recommends not overwhelming a new partner.
  • “If you’re in the early stages of dating someone, my advice would be to take it easy.” [24:38]

i. Overcoming Nerves and a Stutter

• Simon from Germany: Seeks advice about stuttering when nervous around women.
  • “I’d probably come clean about your stutter. That’s what I would say. I’d say, ‘Look, I’m a bit nervous talking to you, so I might stutter.’” [26:59]
  • Recommends authenticity: “Just be who you are. And then that’s probably the healthiest way to be...” [27:18]

j. A Not-So-Funny School Story

• Ahmed Al Taheeb: Requests a story about Mrs. Dunbar, Craig’s primary school teacher.
  • Instead, Craig recalls her sternness and corporal punishment endured as a child; later declines to confront her in her old age, reflecting on the long-term impact.
  • “She was the infant mistress…they had corporal punishment...really whacked you with [a thick leather belt]…It was terrifying and very painful.” [28:34]
  • Ruminates on the outlawing of such practices, their negative effect, and the complexities of forgiveness and nostalgia.

4. Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On nostalgia and age:
  • "If you ever get as old as me... It's really weird, isn't it? Like what happened? But there you are." [10:02]
• On looking at the past:
  • “One of the things that I like to do… or maybe it’s a pathology, maybe it’s not a good idea, but I like to kind of keep moving forward.” [22:50]
• On being honest with personal challenges:
  • “Just be who you are. Be respectful, but be who you are. You’ll be all right. Probably.” [27:18]
• Reflecting on school punishment:
  • “I hated school and I hated it because…they’d have these belts. They’d hit us with them and it was really sore and I didn’t like it...I think it did a number on me, to be honest.” [30:00]

5. Reflections on Kindness & Perceptions

• Ends with a story about Jerry Springer, expressing surprise at how kind and intelligent Springer was, subverting public expectations.
  • "He was so nice and clearly a very bright man, very intelligent man and such a pleasant, friendly dude. I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting that." [32:35]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Hotel Room in LA, Setting the Scene: [00:32–02:36]
• Everglades and Miami Experiences: [03:02–04:09]
• Tweets & Emails Theme Song: [04:27]
• Talking Nostalgia & Sentimentality: [13:15–15:12]
• Audiobook and Entertainment Recommendations: [16:11–19:47]
• Keeping Mementos and Personal Reflection on Props: [21:12–23:23]
• Relating to Younger Generations & Doja Cat Segment: [23:35–24:25]
• Advice on Authenticity/Overcoming Social Nerves: [26:59–27:32]
• Dark Reflection on School and Mrs. Dunbar: [28:34–31:23]
• On Jerry Springer & Kindness: [32:20–32:54]

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Summary & Takeaways

Craig Ferguson’s inimitable style shines: equal parts self-deprecating, philosophical, and compassionate. Through listener questions, he weaves a tapestry of memory—funny, dark, and poignant—anchoring the pursuit of joy in authenticity, small rituals (like tea), and gratitude for experience, even when the past stings. The episode is both a comfort and a gentle challenge to find joy in the real, not the illusory—whether in a cup of tea, a favorite audiobook, or the serendipity of being honest about your own imperfections.

Final Thought:
As always, Ferguson signs off with warmth, inviting more tweets and emails: "Be who you are. You'll be all right. Probably." [27:32]

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Note: Segments not directly relevant to content (ads, intros/outros) have been omitted.

Transcript

[A]

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, it's actually, it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now, and we'll be adding more as the Tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond. For a full list of dates, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com See you on the road, my dears.

[B]

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson and I am your host for today's Joy Podcast, which is the Joy Podcast hosted by me, Craig Ferguson. And I've said enough of that. They tell you at the start when you're, when you're a podcasting. I'm not a podcaster. I'm just a guy who's talking to you on a podcast, which I feel is like, you know, it's like when I used to do a late night show. And I would say it's a late night show, but it's not really a late night show. And I feel like they feel like I'm in the same situation with the podcast. It's a podcast, but it's just. Is it really. I mean, it's. It's us talking. And today I'm coming to you from. I don't know if you can hear this. I think this, the sound is probably a little odd today because I'm in a hotel room in California, and the way you can tell is the sort of colors. And if I opened this window, you could probably see the palm tree. Let me see if I can actually open it and see a palm tree. Let's say, for a simple tree or the Oakland. Are there palm trees there? Yeah, look, there's palm trees. But I'll close it because it gets very bright.

The palm tree outlined. That's proof. I mean, either in California or in a garden center somewhere, but which is. Is Los Angeles a garden center? In a way, it's the garden of dreams.

So I'm in Los Angeles, and outside here in the hotel, I think the swimming pool machine is making a bit of a noise. So there may be a bit of background noise. And so my apologies for that. And if you want to just skip to next week's podcast, then wait a week, do that. But I, I do want to just say that I'm on the Road. Right now I'm filming. I'm not allowed to tell you what I'm doing, but I've been all over the country for months now and I'm coming to get the last 10 days of filming. I'm here in Los Angeles and I.

I'm filming here and it's not a superhero movie, but I. Or is it? No, it's not. But I'm in here in Los Angeles and so I don't have a guest today because I'm in my hotel room, but I've got a bit of jet lag because I was in Florida. If I go to like. Yeah, I think I've got a little bit of jet lag. I was in Florida last week and.

I went to the Everglades, which was amazing. If you ever get a chance to go to the Everglades in Florida. I thought it was like a, A swamp. It's not a swamp. I mean the swampy kind of things there. But it's so beautiful. The Everglades National Park. If you've never been there, this might. That's my holiday tip for any Americans wanting to stay at home this year. But at the same time, go to somewhere very, very beautiful. I'm just going to pour myself a click of water. Go somewhere very, very beautiful. Go to the Everglades. I also was in Miami, poured myself some water. If you're only listening, I'm not in the bathroom, you know, because that noise could sound similar.

There you are.

I, I was also in Miami and I went to Art Basel.

Which is not Art Basel. Sounds like, oh, something happened with the sound there. Oh, no, I think it was all right. Art Basel is.

A big art festival in Miami. It was lovely. It's all modern art and it's very impressive. And I went to the Wynwood area of Miami, which is the street art. That's amazing, Just amazing. Anyway, this is a tweets and emails episode of the podcast, if you're familiar with it.

What it is is you send me in. It's like the old late night show. Let me do a jingle for you, by the way. I'll do that. Tweets and emails, tweets and emails. Tweets and emails. We're gonna answer the tweets and emails. Answer them, Greg. I will. Thank you, Jeff. You send me in a tweet or an email.

Ask the question or maybe make a comment and I will ask. Answer your question or maybe react to your comment. You can send them in the Craig FergusonShow.com I think that's it. Or just leave a comment on the YouTube or the thing where you're listening and somebody will look at the. And then send it to me in an email, which I get. I get a list of all the emails and here you are. So this is the first one. This is from James Arthur in Scotland. It was interesting to me because I lived in Scotland. I don't know if you know this, but me, I am from Scotland originally and I have lived there off and on many times in my life. I don't live there at the moment and.

I don't know James Arthur, which is weird because I thought I knew everybody in Scotland, but apparently I don't. James Arthur. James has got one of those names.

He has two first names, James Arthur. I am on the other side of that coin. I have two second names, Craig Ferguson, both last names, I feel. But James is in the other direction. He's got James Arthur, both first names. Or maybe his name is James Arthur from Scotland and he lives somewhere else. I don't know. James has said, I'm just wondering if you still have a house in la as I'll need somewhere to sleep when we come over from Scotland to the World cup next summer. Oh, yes, Scotland qualified for the World cup.

Of soccer, as it's called. And you better get used to saying that because it's going to be here, the World Cups in LA next year. It's in America, which will be interesting. David Beckham's team in Miami did very well.

As I recall last week. Anyway, I don't know too much about soccer, but I know that Scotland is qualified and they'll be coming here. So I suppose I'll. I'll keep an eye on that. I do not have a house in L. A, James. I'm staying in a hotel. This is not my house. This is a hotel I'm staying in. I don't know if I mentioned outside they're doing some stuff to the pool or the pool machine is on. And by the way, these are my hats. If you're watching this, if you're. If you're just listening to this, then you won't be able to see, but these are my hats that I wear when I'm going to do my business. This is my. I've got an American flag hat with some fish on it, and then I got a nice hardware hat and both mesh backs, both traditional hats. So I have some hats in la, but I don't have any.

Property for you to stay, which is the same because, of course, if I did have a house in la. I would welcome all Scottish fans to come and stay with me in my house and sing the songs and enjoy the.

Was restrained drinking. You did it whilst watching the football.

But sadly, I don't have a house here, so you'll have to make your own arrangements. This is from Julie A. Ferraro. She's a world traveler currently in Ireland.

Right, Julie, I'm wondering how many tattoos you have and which is your favorite. She says that she has 11. I don't know how many I have because they all kind of bleed into one another. Although it's funny you should ask, because I was just thinking today I was on FaceTime with my wife, who's not here right now this morning, and I just. As I happened to talk, I noticed there was a bit of a gap here that I thought, you know, I could because here I think it's filled in quite nicely. You know, I don't think I need to do it nearby, but there's a gap across here. And I'm thinking, what should I have? And I thought, well, something that goes around that line there. If you're not. If you're just listening to this. It's on my forearm, that's lying on my forearm. I have a gap there and it's kind of long. And I thought maybe a snake, but I've already got a snake. So maybe an eel or.

Maybe a map of treasure so that people can when I peg it and cut my arm off and follow them up to the treasure. But I don't have any treasure. So I don't want you coming, chase me around, recognizing me by one of my hats, cut my arm off, and then follow them up to treasure. So there's problems with that. One, I don't have treasure map in my arm. And two, the.

There is no treasure. So may as well know that. That's the thing to remember about la, actually. If you ever come here, there is no church. It's all smoke and mirrors. It's pretend tradition. All right, this is what emails have I got here? There's no actually people here. That's just. I'm looking at my computer. If you're just listening to this, I'm peering off screen, look at a computer because I don't have my reading glasses.

Yeah, I don't remember reading glasses. I do have reading glasses, but I don't have them with me. So I have to peer. You reach a certain age. I once talked to an eye doctor, said when you get to about 43, everybody needs reading Glasses, but I didn't read them until I was about.

60. You know how old I am? It's crazy. If you ever get as old as me, perhaps some of you are even older. It's really weird, isn't it? Like what happened? But there you are. It's one of those things. This is from Dan T. From Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I like Milwaukee. They've got two things in Milwaukee I like. One, they have a statue of the fauns in Milwaukee because A and the Fonz. If you don't know if you're maybe under the age of 70. The Fonz was a character on TV played by Henry Winkler in Happy Days. Harry Winkler, for the young folks will know him as the drama teacher from Barry. But television, I call it Perry. The nicest man in show business, they say. And I had no reason to dispute that. Every time I. Henry is always lovely to me, anyway.

He's a lovely man, as far as I know.

Anyway, Henry played a character called the Fonz. The show was set in Milwaukee, and they have a bronze statue of the Fonz in Milwaukee. They also have a theater in Milwaukee, and I always play it. I think I'm probably playing it next year. I'm doing a bunch of dates next year.

In the Midwest, and I'll be doing the Pabst Theater in Milwaukee, which is a great theater, and it's always a good night. I really. If you're in Milwaukee or in the area, have a look on the old website and see what I'm playing. The Pabst come along. Because I do particularly enjoy playing the two Midwest theaters. Three Midwest theaters that I really like, actually. The Pabst in Milwaukee and the Pantages in Minneapolis. I showed my last special there, and.

There'S another one. I can't remember the name of that, but.

It'S good. You have to send in your email to let me know.

This is from Jared Huff.

I don't know if Jared's Anakin.

You know, back in the day, people got their names. Like, if your name was Goldsmith, you were probably a goldsmith. Do you know what I mean? If your name was Ferguson, you were the son of Fergus. That's how people names developed.

So Jared Huff, probably Jared's not a Huff, but somebody back, maybe one of his ancestors was in a huff. And they go, oh, here he comes, old Huff. And that's how his name would probably. I don't know if that's true, but it's possible. Jared Huff says, how do you feel about indulging nostalgia? Do you think it's healthy to reminisce? Often? Lately I've been rewatching episodes of the Late Late Show. Seeing it reminds me of that endless possibilities feeling we had in our 20s. I don't want to burst your bubble jar, but I wasn't in my twenties when I was doing the Late Late Show. I was in my 40s and 50s when I was doing a Lele show.

So.

Did I indulge in nostalgia? Geez, I don't know. There was something James Joyce, the great Irish writer, said about sentimentality. He said that sentimentality was unearned emotion, which I think.

It'S a little tough. But he was very clever, so very clever. People sometimes see. Thanks. And that's very clever.

But, you know, sentimentality, nostalgia.

I enjoy it a little bit. Like, you know, there used to be shows. Do you remember these shows that used to be shows about that? Like, people would say, I love the 80s, and that show was on in the 90s. Do you know what I mean? Or I remember these. I love shows. There'd be little clips of people talking and then they show you toys and stuff that came out. I don't mind nostalgia. It's kind of fun to remember, you know, back in the day. But I also think that it's a little bit.

It's a little bit misleading sometimes. I don't know. It's very hard to avoid nostalgia as you get older. I noticed that.

I. You know what I miss about being there is my kids are young. I miss my kids being young because they would do what I say.

You know, within. To a certain degree. And now I feel like maybe not so much, but that's probably right. I miss having little kids, you know, I miss, you know, taking them places and stuff. Yeah, I get, I get nostalgic, I suppose. I do get nostalgic. Yeah, I think. Well, that's okay. Good memories, I suppose. It's not sentimental, it's. It's memory. Yeah. All right. I think it's okay to be nostalgic.

So there. You have my permission to be nostalgic. Not that you needed it, but there you are. This is from James R. In Nashville, Tennessee, doing during Nashville, Tennessee. I'm actually playing there next year as well.

I don't know where.

James says, craig, do you have any advice for someone who's stuck in bed for a while after surgery? Oh, I'm sorry, pal.

I've had foot surgery recently and I'm bored out of my mind. Well, that sounds like it's a rough road to Suppose if you've had foot surgery. But I would say this. When I'm stuck, like on an airplane or when I'm stuck in an environment, I can't move around a little bit. Audiobooks. Audiobooks is how I go.

And I read. I listened to a very funny one yesterday on the plane. Very funny and very entertaining. Very entertaining and funny and.

Informative. Actually, it's by an English comedian. Very, very clever English comedian and actor. He's not just a comedian, he's an actor and a writer and he.

I can't remember the name of the book, but David Mitchell is his name and it's a book about the. The kings and queens of England.

From the. From really. From the beginning, I guess, from the time the Romans left, which is about 400. And I know what it sounds like. Well, that sounds like a history book, Craig, and it is a little bit of a history book. I think it's called.

Scandal or something like that. I don't think it's called Scandal, but it's something like that and I could look it up, but it's on my phone and I'm talking to you on my phone right now. So if I do that, it'll just be a mess, you know, I could probably Google it. Hold on, let me Google it on the computer because I also have a computer. Let's see.

All right, David Mitchell and David Mitchell book.

David Mitchell is very. Do you guys ever see a British show called the Peep Show? David Mitchell is a natural. He's very, very good. David Mitchell, novelist and screenwriter. Different. David Mitchell. No, David Mitchell.

Actor and books. There you go.

Yes, this is it. Unruly, it's called. And he was part of a trio called duo called Mitchell and Webb. They were the two guys that did.

The Peep show, which is really a fabulous and groundbreaking TV show that they made in Britain. So that might be something to watch as well. If you're in bed, GMS are your foot surgery. Watch David Mitchell's work. Because I'm a big fan of David Mitchell and I was unaware of his work until fairly recently. And the reason I came across him was a TV show that I cannot recommend highly enough. It's on the Brit Box, which is. This probably doesn't surprise you, but I. Sorry, somebody just texted me. But I like the British TV shows. I like watching them and it's a kind of murder thing that's called Ludwig.

And David Mitchell stars as a. Well, I'm not going to do any spoilers for you, but it's a Kind of murder mystery thing, but they call it Cozy crime, but it's not really cozy. I mean, there's murders in it and stuff, but it's very, very good. And he plays the character Ludwig. It's just fabulous. And so that would be my advice to you, James, if you're interested in me. That book, Unruly, about.

The line of succession of British kings. I know it sounds like I'm not in any way interested in that. You don't need to be interested in it. He's just a very, very funny, talented, clever writer. And he gets angry when he's. When he's doing the audiobook, which I very much appreciate.

So anyway, I'm a fan of that guy. Never met him. I don't know him, so I can't say if he's like Henry Winkler, but he's very, very talented and funny.

This is from Simon Deacon. It's a good name, isn't it? Sounding a bit like a detective.

Simon Deacon. What is the one genuine thing you first do when you go back to Scotland?

Well.

I don't know. I don't have any kind of ceremony or anything like that. I suppose the first thing I do when I go back to Scotland is.

Tea. Probably I don't drink tea anywhere else, but I drink tea in Scotland. I have a cup of tea.

So, like, it's just a habit, you know. You want a cup of tea? Yeah, I do, but nobody else asked me if I want a cup of tea. Sometimes. Occasionally, I suppose my wife will say, do you want a cup of tea? I'm like, no, we live in America. But I do drink tea when I'm over there anyway. Do you? This is from Michael McFadden.

Do you have any mementos or props from your other projects? If so, do you keep them sacred? Mementos are pros. Well, I have Jeff Pearson, the Skeleton in my garage, and I have the other Jeff Pearson, the Skeleton in my garage because there was two of them from the old late night show. I also have the Secretariat horse costumes. There were two of them, too. Traveling costume and regular one.

I got a bunch of, you know, awards and stuff. I don't keep them sacred, funnily enough. I don't have a little shrine to myself. I. I keep thinking about it. I remember once.

And. And I had. I actually lived in Scotland, that they were up somewhere, but when we moved back, they're in boxes and I've never brought them out. And I don't. I don't know. I don't really. I mean, I.

So do I keep them secret? No, I'm grateful to have them. And the props and stuff or little things. Oh, I have the snake cup. I found that last week. That's the thing. I was doing this podcast and I found one of the snake cups from the late night show. And if you never saw that show, I used to drink out of a cup that was made out of a coiled snake that Mary McCormack, the actress, got for me when she was at the Albuquerque Rattlesnake Museum. It's a long story. If you've never been to the Albuquerque Rattlesnake Museum, though, go. You don't have to be into rattlesnakes. You'll come out with a new idea about rattlesnakes. They're in there. The really interesting thing is they're alive. It's not a museum in the conventional sense. The snakes, they're alive. Rattlesnakes. And you get to see them. Now, I'll be honest with you about snakes. They don't jump around that much. They move. And when they move is exciting, but you may have to wait a bit.

The idea of keeping it. So I had the snake cup, but I don't really.

Do that. I don't know. I'm always kind of. I think one of the things that I like to do is. Or maybe it's a pathology, maybe it's not a good idea, but I like to kind of keep moving forward. Is that. So I look at things like the idea of nostalgia and stuff from the old days, and there's a lot of that actually today in today's tweets and emails about the old days. And I like them and I'm happy about them. And I tend not to look back too much.

Is that unhealthy? Let's discuss. Let me know in your tweets and emails. This is from Tina White. So what do you know about Doja Cat?

Nothing about Doja Cat. I feel like you may have got the wrong number. Like, if you're looking for information about Doja Cat, I don't think I can be of any help to you. I'm not. I'm not an expert in that area. But I'm sure that Doja Cat is very talented. Certainly Doja Cat. I've heard her Doja Cat and. And Doa Cat is. Is. I know I've heard of Doa Cat, which means that Doa Cat is successful because I'm clearly not in the market, you know, I'm not the. The targeted demographic for Doa Cat and Yet still, I've heard of DOA cat. So that means DOA cat is very good at what DOA cat does. That's all I can tell you about DO Cat.

This is from Jacob. Jacob doesn't say where he's from. He doesn't have to. It's not necessary. You don't have to tell me where you're from. Jacob says, I'm a young adult and I'm in the early stages of dating a girl.

Should I ask the hard questions early or should I ease into them? Take a. I gotta be honest with you. I feel you might be the same doja cat situations. I'm not an expert on any of this. If you're in the early stages of dating someone, my advice would be to take it easy. Don't ask. I mean, what are hard questions anyway? Like, you know.

How tall is.

George Clooney? That's a pretty hard question. I mean, you could find out by Googling it. Anything you could. Anything you could find out by Googling it.

And if it's ask personal questions.

Hold your fire, maybe answer a few questions, that might be the way to go. But I would go asking any hard questions, it would put me off. Certainly if I was asked a lot of hard questions, like, what's 365 divided by 28.4? I'd be like, it's too hard.

So.

You know, and if you think, well, I'm seeing this person and they're really nice, but every time I go out and they ask me really hard questions, and it makes me feel stupid because I can't answer them. So maybe hold off for a while.

All right, one more. I'll do one more and then I gotta go because I'm actually working. This isn't really working. This is just us talking. But I am actually working. My hats are there. You know, I'm in a hotel room. You can probably hear the pool machine going outside. So I gotta go and go to work, but I will. Oh, by my apologies, by the way. I think this is probably going up late because I was meant to do it yesterday, but that's work. All right, this is Simon from German. Simon is from Germany. Sometimes I used to talk like this on the late night show. And we would mock the Germans, but gently, in a polite way.

This is always okay, as long as your walking is respectful. Walking, it's fine. Simon from Jerry says I have a slight stutter and I get nervous when I talk to women. Okay, do you have any advice on how to relax when talking to them?

Well, I'd probably come clean about your stutter. That's what I would say. I'd say, look, I'm a bit nervous talking to you, so. So I might stutter and then, you know, then you get out of the open. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I think probably trying to keep your cards to your chest or trying to be someone you're not.

Just be who you are. And then that's probably the most. I think that's probably the healthiest way to be, isn't it? It's just like, you know, be who you are. Be who you are. Be, you know, respectful, but be who you are. You'll be all right.

Probably. That's terrible. If. I'm sorry, I better do one more. This is from Ahmed Al Taheeb from Ireland. Okay. Can you tell me a funny story about Mrs. Dunbar, your primary school teacher? No, I can't, Ahmed. And I'll tell you for why Mrs. Dunbar, who was my primary school teacher, was not funny. It wasn't a very funny. When I first went to school When I was five years old, Mrs. Dunbar was the infant mistress. And when I went to school When I was five years old in Scotland, I was born in 1962, so 1967, I went to elementary school, we called it primary school in Scotland. And they had corporal punishment. They used to hit the children across the hands with a thick leather belt they really whacked you with. It was terrifying and very painful. And that happened to me from Mrs. Dunbar when I was five years old. It wasn't funny at all. I didn't care for Mrs. Dumbar, never did. And she was.

Do you know what's interesting? I do, actually. Do you know, it's not funny, but it's kind of dark. When my mother. Before my mother died, she was in a care facility for the last couple of months. She was very ill and I went in to visit her one day and she said, oh, do you know that Mrs. Dunbar is actually in here? I was like, oh, Nelly. And she went, yeah. Said, do you want to go and talk to her? I was like, no, no, I don't want to go and talk to her. And I said, she's not very well. Like this. Or. It was kind of interesting because it had a kind of revenge quality about it. I was like, no, I don't need to have revenge on Mrs. Dunbar. I was a little boy and I didn't care for her, but I don't feel like going out and witnessing her not being well is. Anyway, Is that funny? Or. It's. It's dark and it's probably. I don't know what it is. Anyway, it is. It is what it is. But I didn't, you know, the idea. And I look back on that. It's funny because this has sort of been an episode about nostalgia, I suppose, isn't it? And I. When I look at the very early. My very early childhood, I. School, home was fine, it was all right, it was what it was. But school, I hated school. I hated school and I hated it because. And they don't have this. And it's been outlawed for many years now. It's been illegal for many years. But they used to hit us. Used to hit us in the school. They'd have these belts. They'd hit us with them and it was really sore and I didn't like it. And, you know, I used to. I remember, you know, people saying I would talk to guys in bars when I was drinking and stuff, and they would say, I got high in school and it never did me any harm. And I would think, you're standing here in a bar talking to me at 4 o' clock in the morning. So neither one of us is doing that great. I'm not saying that that caused it, but I did not care for that. And I'm glad they stopped it. It was outlawed And I think 1979, I think something like that. 79, 1980, they finally made it illegal. But I left. I dropped out of high school in 1978. So all the way through getting hit with a belt across the hands and I didn't care for it. And really, I think it did a number on me, to be honest. I think if I. Who's to say? You never know. Maybe I'd be worse if they hadn't done it. Maybe I'd be better. Maybe I'd be the Prime Minister of Britain.

I don't know if that would be better. I wouldn't want to be the Prime Minister of Britain. Maybe I'd have been an astronaut. I think it's too late now to be an astronaut, though.

I don't know that William Shatner went to space, but he's not really an astronaut, but he played one and then he went to space and that thing. And then Katy Perry went to space. Katy Perry's an astronaut.

Anyway.

That'S about it for the day. I have to go to work now, so I will see you guys for a proper podcast. This is a. I mean, look, it is what it is. This is what we do. This is a tweets and at the moment it's hotel podcasting. So probably from here next week. I'm here for 10 days, so it's probably from here next week. Send me your tweets and emails. I'll answer them as honestly and as concisely as I can. And I look forward to your.

Tweets and emails. Take care of my friends. Be nice to. Isn't it Jerry Springer used to say, take care of each other. Be nice to each other. I don't know.

Here's an interesting thing very quickly about Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer, he did this TV show. Of course it's very famous and people were very angry about it at the time and.

But he was a very.

He came on the late night show and I was shocked. He was one of those guys that when I met him I was like, you are not what I expected. He was so nice and clearly a very bright man, very intelligent man and such a pleasant, friendly dude.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting that. And I told him that and he laughed and I laughed. That was it. And then I threw a. Cheer up. No, I didn't throw a cheetah.

But people used to do. That's why I said if you. You could probably Google. Anyway, I gotta go and I will see you guys next time. Sorry about the technical issues today. The sound of the swimming pool let aside, but I may go swimming it later if I get a chance. It sounds like they're eating it, so why not? All right, take care my friends. Bye, Sam.