Loading summary
Transcript2 lines
- [00:00]
A
This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, it's actually, it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while anyway. Come and see me live on the Pants on Fire tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the Tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond. For a full list of dates, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com See you on the road, my dears.
- [00:32]
B
Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson. I am the host of the Joy podcast today. This is episode 122, the lucky 122nd episode, where we will be enjoying life at home here in the United States of America. That's where I am right now. And it's not necessarily your home, but I imagine for most of you it is. Now, let me just begin by saying this to you. There was a very controversial episode last week for two reasons. One, I said that I was unsure of the connection between bagpipe music and rock and roll. That I felt like it was not necessarily a good match, although I was in favor of bagpipes and I am in favor of bagpipes. But I felt like, you know, people were kind of. There was an outpouring of rage is what I'm going to say. People were aghast at my illiteracy when it came to AC DCs, along with the top, which of course, I'd forgotten about when I was talking about you, which of course is great. It's a perfect blend. And then everyone's recommending Ali the Piper, who does. If you haven't seen Ali the Piper, that's also a great source of rock and bagpipes. That's on the Internet. Google aliethepiper.com or something. So look, sorry about that, everybody. I seem to have touched a nerve. There's a lot of bagpipe love out there and I kind of. I'm okay with that. I'm here for it. I kind of enjoy also the controversy of last week, by the way. Let me just interrupt my controversial leanings to say this. If you hear some noise in the background today, and it's entirely possible what you'll hear is in another room nearby, my lady wife is watching a show called Emily in Paris. Now, I've never seen a single frame, which is an old way of saying, I've Never seen anything of Emily in Paris. Frame is the way they used to make films and stuff. I don't imagine they do that in Emily in Paris. Anyway, I've never seen Emily in Paris, but I instinctively know. Now this is. This is something I try not to do because it can be classed as contempt prior to investigation, but I instinctively know I will hate that show and so I am not going to watch it. Now, let me just say this. It's not to say that it's a bad show, although I suspect that it is. However, I've never seen it. I'm not qualified to. Not qualified to make a judgment on it. However, I will say this. This is the Internet. So being qualified to make a judgment doesn't fucking matter, does it? Anyway, look, here's the thing. I. I haven't seen the show. I don't want to see the show. I don't think my wife particularly likes it, but she wants to see it. I think she's invested in some way, actually. The truth is she's on a treadmill. And I think that it. It engages her enough to keep her mind off what she's doing, but not so much that she forgets and falls apart on the train. I don't know, whatever way she's doing it. Anyway, it's part of her. It's part of what she's doing right now. So if you hear Emily in Paris, don't think to yourself, craig, are you missing the episode of Emily in Paris, the one that we all enjoy? I suspect that I won't enjoy it and I've talked to. There was another. There's a friend of mine, a gentleman. Well, someone I'm friendly with. We don't hang out or anything, but we've done a couple of things together and I'm a great admirer of his work. His name is Robert Smigel and he's the genius behind many, many things. But you probably know him from Triumph, the insult comedy dog. He does that. He did a lot of the animations on Saturday Night Live back in the day and he directs movies and writes them and all that stuff. He's a super clever guy. Anyway, I happened to be on the subway with Robert about, I don't know, six months ago. We were messing about with some thing that may or may not happen and we were on the subway in New York City and the subject of Emily in Paris came up. Now listen, I don't want to start a wave of derision against Robert, but he was not full on in favor of Emily in Paris. I felt like he didn't think it was good. Now, maybe I misread the situation and you'll have to take it up as Robert if, if you want to know his exact opinion. But I got the impression he wasn't a fan. And given the fact that Robert's not a fan and given the way that this show has been advertised on the Netflix is, I feel like it's not for me. Is it a bad show? I don't know. I'm not qualified to say. But I will say this. I don't think it's made for me. There's a lot of things that are not made for me. Not made for me. And I think that's good. I mean, no, you're. I remember once I got into trouble because I, I said I wasn't a huge fan of the rock band Journey. I'm sure I'm going to get in trouble again for saying exactly that. I, I, I'm not a huge fan of the rock band Journey, and a lot of people love the rock band Journey. Now let me just qualify that by saying it doesn't mean to say that I think the rock band Journey are bad or don't have a place in the world or, or shouldn't do what they're doing or try to bring them down or anyway hate on them. It's just not for me. And I feel like sometimes we get a little bit tribal. We get a little tribal with all that stuff. Well, you've got to like this to be in my group of people, or you got to like that. And I don't know if I necessarily hold with all of that, but then again, I've had, I'm going to be honest with you, I've had trouble fitting in my entire life. I really do. And I'll tell you why. I don't like. Groucho Marx famously said I would never want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member. Or he famously said something like that. I paraphrased, I would never join a club that would have me as a member or something like that. Look, I butchered it. But what I'm saying is the impulse of that I totally get. I however, Grouger Martz was part of a troupe. He was part of a gang, the Marx Brothers. Well, they were brothers, to be fair. So I suppose that's a family and I am part of a family. But we're not a performing family. Well, a couple of us are, anyway. Look, what I'm saying is the controversial I try to go back to what I was talking about, which was. It was a controversial episode last week because I had expressed some doubt about the idea of bagpipes and rock music meshing together well. And I completely retract that doubt. I have been proved wrong. The wave of derision from the Internet in this case, warranted. I feel like I spoke lazily and out of. Out of not preparing. Luckily, though, today I very much prepared everything I'm going to say, so that'll be fine. No, I. I didn't think about it properly. Of course, bagpipes work well. As long as the musicians are smart enough to make it work. Any. Anything can work. Look, the French horn has a place in rock and roll if it is used judiciously. I will give you an example. In the classic Tears for Fears track, Sowing the Seeds of Love, there's a French horn. I will be honest with you. I don't expect a French horn to work in rock and roll, but there are certain songs, and I think Sowing the Seeds of Love is one of them. Where the French horn is in it actually has become something of an example for me when I'm describing. When you throw everything at something else again, you can put in a French horn. Tell you what I mean. I wrote. In 2006, I wrote a novel called between the Bridge and the river, which is a. Is a. Is a fictional work, but it has, you know, autobiographical things in it. And that was. That was a kind of Sowing the Seeds of Love type novel. I put everything. Because it's the first book I wrote, I put everything into that novel. And I thought, well, I'll never write another Sowing the Seeds of Love. Once you write the first book, then that's that book written, and then you can relax and tell some stories after that. But that's not how it went for me. The reason why I've got into this is I'm about 140, 150 pages into writing the sequel to that book that I wrote 20, 20 years ago, because it's 2006 now, and I hope you're enjoying it. 2006. And I think it'll take me about another year, in all honesty, to finish the sequel to that book. And I thought, I'll never. But the French horn is back is what I'm saying. It's another French horn type book. It's another French horn novel. So that's something to look out for if you liked that book or if you even have heard of that book. And you would be Interested to know what. It's not really a sequel. What it is is I took the world or some of the characters, or the French horn bit. I don't know, I took the vibe. It's got a similar vibe in some of the same characters. Is it the same? Is it a sequel? No, I don't think it is. So don't worry. If you haven't read the first one, you can read the second one. Well, you can't read it now because it's not finished. I'd like to read it. I'd like to. Peter Cook used to say. Peter Cook was a great British comedian who was very nice to me when I was coming up. And whenever anyone said to Peter, I'm writing a book, if they would say I'm writing a book, Peter would always say, neither am I. Which is very true. If you know anything about writing books. I'm reading a book right now. I'll get onto the second reason why last week was controversial. I'm reading a book right now, which I'm rather enjoying for a perverse reason, and I'll tell you why. Because the book I'm reading is called. I can't even remember what it's called. It's Ken Follett, who wrote Pillars of the Earth. And it's a book about the people that built Stonehenge. Stonehenge. It's about the, you know, the circle, the famous circle of Stone Temple, Stonehenge, Neolithic, Pantalithic, high dramatic Greased Lightning Monument in Wiltshire in England. The prehistoric. Prehistoric is such a stupid phrase, isn't it? I mean, that's ridiculous. Like, oh, that's prehistoric. And then history begins at what point? It doesn't make any sense. History goes from the beginning or whatever you think that is, and then before that it's prehistory. Doesn't make any sense. Anyway. If you know when it was built, then it can't be prehistory. That's what I'm saying. Anyway, I'm reading a Ken Follett book about Stonehenge. I think it's called Circle of Stones or in the Time of the Stones or Circle, something like that. It's in the other room where, where Emily in Paris is playing. So I'm not going in there and I'm about 150 pages into that. But as a reader as opposed to a writer, and I have to say it's kind of dull and I'm enjoying it. I think that's an interesting situation to be with a book. And by the way, a Book's like a long and a papery. Well, it used to be tweet, I suppose we now say a long papery substack or something. Anyway, The book itself I find quite dull. I find the characters quite dull, I find the time quite dull. But I think it probably was quite dull around those times. If all you've got to do is manage to stay alive. And then, you know how long it took to build Stonehenge? Probably 1500 years. I'm like, man, you know, and I'm worrying about 20 years to write a follow up book. That's nothing. Although I don't think this next book will be as good as Stonehenge. Nah, it won't be Stonehenge, of course, made famous in the Spinal Tap movie Stonehenge song. Stonehenge, where they played Stonehenge and it was a tiny little Stonehenge engine. Hilarity ensued. And then in the follow up, Elton John, in the follow up, the sequel Spinal Tap 2, the Elton John sang Stonehenge. So maybe I'll get him to sing the sequel to my book. I think he's probably busy. And also I don't think he sings books. Anyway, I'm reading this Ken Follett book. It's kind of dull and yet I'm enjoying it. What is that? Is that good writing? Maybe it's good writing. I don't know what it is, but I'm kind of like, I'll go back there. I feel like it's like hanging around in a, in a coffee shop or something. I don't, I can't quite explain it. Is it good writing or is it just. I'm. Oh, I don't understand it. Because sometimes when you read a, read a book like Moby Dick or something, you're like, oh my God, this is genius. Or Dracula. If you ever read Dracula. My Lord, what a scary, wonderful, amazing book that is. Or Salman Rushdie's most recent book. Or any of his books. Actually. I love his writing. So anyway, the upshot is. I don't know what the upshot is. I was reading this book and then I'm going to tell you why. Well, it's a bit all over the place today. I think I better calm down and have a drink of water. I think it's because it's episode 122 and I'm clearly excited. Anyway, the, the other reason that last week was a controversialist was because I said it was the taint of the year. It was between Christmas and New Year when I recorded that podcast. And. And of course, that time has passed now and we're now in the new year and things are going great. The. But I said that the taint of the year, I didn't really like it and it made me feel uncomfortable and some people felt that I was wrong. People disagreed with me, which you're allowed to do, by the way. What I like about people that disagree with me on whatever we've got going for ourselves here is we seem to be able to disagree without slagging each other off, which I'm very impressed by. It gives me a bit of hope, actually. I mean, you get the occasional. I look at the comments sometimes and look at the tweets and stuff. You get the occasional asshole. But there's assholes everywhere. You can't blame the Internet for having assholes on it. There's assholes in Paris. I'm not saying Emily is one of them, but there are assholes everywhere. There's quite a lot of assholes in Paris, actually. But that's a story for a different time now. People have said to me, they've said, craig, why do you always avoid current affairs right now, politics and all that kind of stuff? I'll tell you why I do. Because I need a break. Because I find myself talking about them all the time. A few years ago, I decided not to do any politics in the standup show. When I was doing stand up, I wouldn't do any politics because I. I find myself getting exasperated talking about things either to people I agree with or to people I don't agree with. Even the people I agree with are so angry and strident about what they are saying. Just like the actual energy of it. I'm like, oh my God. So although I think. I don't deny it's important to discuss things and say talk about things and all that. I felt like it would be nice to create an environment either in stand up or on this podcast where you could take a break. So, for example, today there will be no discussion of what's going on in the news, because there's plenty of that if you want it. It's not like it's a look, just in sheer business terms, if that was a thing that I cared about, it's a crowded marketplace. Why on earth would I go crawling into it and yell at my thing? So everything. I felt like if I did a stand up show that had no politics in it, then I could go on stage for an hour and a half, everyone could come and you could relax and all of the things that you felt indignant or angry about would still be there when you left. But we could all take a break for a minute. And it felt like there might be some form of. Some form of salve in that for everybody. So I continued that into this podcast, which is kind of evolving and morphing into something else. I've found that those of you who watch the podcast a lot or listen to the podcast a lot will know that it used to be every week I would have a guest, and there's some very fascinating and interesting people. But as time went on, I. I found it was difficult to schedule that. So sometimes I would do it on Zoom, and I don't like doing Zoom podcasts and stuff. Hang on. It's very sunny in here. I just have to move myself a little bit. Let me just do that. I wonder if I do this, would that work? All right, There you go. So I don't like doing that. I find that a lot of my life, I'm sure a lot of you. I find myself on Zooms a lot. I own video conferences and Zooms. And I don't think it's great, to be honest. I mean, it's good in the sense that you don't have to travel across the country to have a meeting every time. I used to have to do that a lot, which is. I'm sure it's very bad for the environment, apart from anything else. But the Certainly bad for my environment. I hate traveling that much. I'm traveling a lot again next year anyway. Well, this year, I should say, because it is this year. I mean, I would hold up a newspaper to show the exact date, but that's a newspaper anyway. So I don't like doing current affairs. And this podcast has become this rather weird space for me where I've given myself a challenge. First of all, it was just like, I wouldn't do. I'll still have guests if there's somebody around. I mean, if there was someone here that wanted to do the podcast, none of my family wanted to do it, then I'd have him on as a guest. They'd be sitting right next to me. But if I can't have a guest in person, then I'm not going to do it. And then I thought, well, that's always easy to schedule a guest in person. And so I thought I would do the tweets and emails thing. And I've been doing that. I've been doing tweets and emails where you guys send me in tweets and emails, and I look at them And I would answer them on the show. And then a couple of times now I've done a show and I suspect this is going to be one of them where I'm not going to get around to answering anyone. I'm just going to talk for a bit. And I have found, as this podcast is evolving for me, this may not be for you, but for me, it's kind of a way to just kind of check in whether that's of any value to anyone. I hope it has some connection to you. It seems to be useful for people who think along the same lines as me, which is. I don't think is a huge group of people, but it's one of the things I used to say in late night. I'm not for everybody, but for the people I am for. I'm really for them. It's kind of like when I was doing late night. Even I remember people say, well, you're part of a fraternity. I never felt like I was part of a fraternity. I'm not entirely sure I know what that feels like. I was in a band a couple of times, I suppose that was. But the people I hang out with tend to be from a wide range of professions and. And lifestyles, I suppose mostly in the arts, if I'm honest. But that's where you. Where I. That's where I hang out. What I'm interested in. That's what I like. Anyway. I stay away from discussing current events. Just shows, you know, and again, if you want that, it's not like, oh, where can I find my information on current events? You'll be okay. I don't think you need me for that. I don't think you need me at all. But what you'll get here is the ramblings of me, whether or not that's of any interest to you. Well, that's your choice. But I kind of enjoy it. I'm kind of into it a little bit now. I'm kind of finding myself. It's almost like I get to talk out loud into the ether, which, for this example, you, my friends, are the ether. But talk into the ether about anything that's on my mind. And I think that that is actually, excuse me, very useful for me in a kind of mental health thing. So to that end, by the way, I have also been attacking, not attacking. I have also been vigilant about this new mental health thing that I'm on right now, which is I'm really into it. And here it is. It's very controversial. I walk all the time I really get into walking. The fabulous upshot is that I feel like I'm in better shape than I've been in for a long time. But also I just listen to ambient music or Brian Eno type music and these little headphones. And I walk in nice countryside or in the beach or in the city, anywhere I am. I walk and walk and walk and walk. And after a few miles and it's picking up now, I find it's very helpful, very helpful to walk. Because I suppose humans are designed to walk, aren't they? And I am human, as far as I can tell. So that's what I've been doing. So if you're thinking, Craig, why aren't you involved in the crazy world of politics and what's going on in the Zeitgeist? It's because I don't want to be. I feel like I'm drawn into it enough. It's, you know, I see it. I see the world. I absorb, I assume much of the same media as many of you absorb. I see things. I see stories which are both distressing and upsetting or very occasionally uplifting. So you have a lot of those. And I feel like whilst that is there and it is a thing, there's also a moment. I think it's worth taking a moment to take a breath, if you can. If your circumstances allow, which mine do. I'm grateful for that. I have a type of life where if you have young kids or you're very busy, or you're dealing with hardship, or you're dealing with health problems, it's not that easy to do that. But knock on wood, I'm not dealing with that today. I shouldn't knock on the wood because my wife may think I want to come in and watch Emily in Paris with her, which I most certainly do not. Again, I'm not qualified to be in any way judgmental about Emily in Paris. I just don't think I'd like it. There are shows that I haven't seen that I just don't think I'd like that other people love. And then there are shows that. I mean, do you forget that thing? I'm sure this is. Well, a lot of people have this. When you find a show, you're like, oh, thank God I found a show. And I've got two on the go right now, which I'm very pleased about. One is called Landman, which I'm sure you're all very familiar with, with the Billy Bob Thornton and the Taylor Williamson thing and the Landman and You know, John Hammond and stuff. Fabulous, fabulous. I'm really enjoying it. And the other one is a show from Britain called the Cleaner with a British and very, very talented British comedian called Greg Davis, who. I feel like, had I been in Britain, had I stayed in Britain when I was a younger man, I might have been friendly with him. He's a bit younger than me. He's about six years younger than me. But I really like him and I really like what he does. He does a show called Taskmaster as well, which is really good. But I'm a big fan. I like being a fan of people, I feel like, especially people who are close enough to you that you could. You could consider yourself competitive with. But maybe. But maybe, you know, certainly when you were young, when I felt very competitive when I was young, and I don't feel that way now. And I like that because it feels like when you lose that competitiveness and it might, creatively, it might be very bad for me. You guys will decide when you read this book. I've been writing or not writing for the last 20 years, which will be done in the next year or so. I've also been very busy doing other things. It's not like I've just been sitting around avoiding doing this book. I've been avoiding doing this book by doing a lot of other things, which, of course, I meant to tell you. This Scrabble, which I'm the host of now, it starts on January 22, it starts being broadcast and I was there when it was recorded. I hadn't seen it yet, but I was there when it was made. So I know what happens. I know who wins and stuff. So I'm not allowed to tell you, but I loved doing that show. Now, this doesn't always happen. Sometimes you love doing a show and it doesn't turn out that great, but I have a feeling this one will be really good. I feel like we really worked hard to get it so that people that were into Scrabble could, you know, you could watch it on tv. We didn't feel like you were losing the game just because of a Scrabble. I think we were. You know, the Scrabble people were very involved and we gave it some thought and a lot of thought, and I think it. I think it works. And I love doing game shows. And I will tell you for why, because they are. They do. What I'm doing, what I'm talking to you about earlier, what I was talking to you about earlier is that you don't have to deal with all the, whatever the hell is going on in the world, you know, for a minute, you can take a break. And I think that's the theme, if that's the theme of today's podcast, it's this, is that no matter what's going on, if you can go for a walk or listen to bagpipes or somehow avoid the onslaught of the media, it's just for a minute. Which of course is a silly thing to say because I'm talking to you on media right now, but. But you know what I mean, News media and hyperbolic, super dramatic moment by moment, real life. Which is of course important, I guess, but. Well, it is important. Of course it is important. But at the same time, I think to be able to take a breather and go, all right, well, let's talk about something else for a minute. That I feel that's also healthy. And that's, that's behind my doing this podcast. It's behind how I do standup shows now, which is very different. And it's how I. It's why I go for these long walks, which I've suddenly got into for some reason. I think it's about taking a minute. So that's the story from, from me today. The story is at the start of the year, which we are in. It is the full disclosure. I think today is the third. It is. By the time you see this, it will be the sixth. So I would say to you that's going to be. That's what I'm going to try. If there's any New Year's resolution this year. I'm not really big on that kind of thing. I think it's a way to set yourself up for feeling bad when you fuck it up or when I fuck up. But if I have anything this year, try and maintain some kind of mental health equilibrium. There's a lot which is difficult when it seems like. Everything seems like it's very dramatic. But. And it is. And it is. But even when stuff is very dramatic, you got to take a break. That's why they have, you know, you got to take a minute. You can't, can't live in hyperbole all the time. So that's my advice to you, my friends, where I was going with this. But it is this. It's a new year. And the headlines of this Happy New Year. Bagpipes are perfectly acceptable and sometimes very good in rock music, as are French horns. Sometimes books take a long time to write. Sometimes they take a long time to read. Sometimes they're a bit boring. And then they're good anyway. I don't even get that. It still baffles me. And finally, I think we all know this. It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. See you guys next week, Sam.