John Lovitz (3:29)

Kind of. Well, well, I know Parody's mother. Restaurants have kind of. You know, this is what I think really is I got the COVID vaccine and I got covet. Anyway, and. And so my memory, it locked out a lot of crap from my memory. And I. And I don't know if it's the vaccine or Covid, but I've asked a lot of people this and they say yes. I say, do you find you're, like, searching for a word? You're thinking of a word or a name, and also it's right there and it just goes away and happens a lot? They said yes, and I said, and did this ever happen before the vaccine or Covid? And you know what they said? No.

Craig Ferguson (4:12)

Then. Then that's clearly scientific proof. I would say this, though. I have no. I've had the COVID vaccine a couple of times and I've had Covid a couple of times. And I feel like my memory is kind of the same, but I might have forgotten how it used to be. I don't know.

John Lovitz (4:30)

Well, then it means I've just gotten older and I'm getting. Because I go. It's either that or I'm getting senile. I forgot about this. I remembered it yesterday. But today, well, it's all right.

Craig Ferguson (4:42)

I feel like as I get older and I forget things, I mean, look, if. If it's going to be. And I've thought about this in my life, if I get very old and things start to fall apart, do I. Is it the plumbing or the upstairs? And I think I'd probably prefer upstairs, because if upstairs, if you go, like, forget things and everything, then you just forget them, but. And that's somebody else's problem. But if you. If your plumbing goes, that's kind of your problem. Know what I mean? Maybe both will go. I don't know.

John Lovitz (5:17)

If your plumbing goes, it's my problem.

Craig Ferguson (5:20)

No, well, not necessarily yours. It depends if you're in the room with me.

John Lovitz (5:25)

But aren't you from Scotland originally?

Craig Ferguson (5:28)

I am, yes. Aren't you from California, though?

John Lovitz (5:31)

Yeah, but I live In California. Why don't you live in Scotland anymore? What do you have against.

Craig Ferguson (5:35)

Well, you know, that's a very good question. I feel like I lived in Scotland enough, and. And now I live elsewhere also. My wife's family's from here in New England, so I. I have to be near them, apparently.

John Lovitz (5:50)

I know this is your show, but I have a question. We're turning it into mine.

Craig Ferguson (5:54)

Okay.

John Lovitz (5:55)

Sean Connery was Scottish, correct?

Craig Ferguson (5:58)

Correct.

John Lovitz (5:59)

So why aren't you James Bond?

Craig Ferguson (6:02)

All right. That's the question I've been asking myself for years.

John Lovitz (6:06)

Good. James Potter. You'd be great. And you'd be a funny, clever James Bond.

Craig Ferguson (6:11)

I totally agree. I feel like we should call someone. Do you know who is in charge of it?

John Lovitz (6:17)

Well, Amazon.

Craig Ferguson (6:19)

Right. Well, I'll call that man that runs it. I've got an Amazon account. Maybe I could ask the question on the Amazon account.

John Lovitz (6:27)

I would think so. I don't know what. And I have another question for you.

Craig Ferguson (6:31)

Okay.

John Lovitz (6:32)

Why did you stop doing your talk show?

Craig Ferguson (6:36)

Well, that's.

John Lovitz (6:38)

You're. You were genuinely one of the funniest talk show hosts. So I was like, why?

Craig Ferguson (6:44)

Well, I would say the same with you about Saturday Night Live. Do you know what I mean? It's like, you know, when you do a show for a long time, like, for me, you were maybe the funniest guy who was ever on Saturday Night Live. That's. That's a high bar.

John Lovitz (6:58)

Well, that's insane.

Craig Ferguson (6:59)

But I. I think that. Why did you stop?

John Lovitz (7:04)

Oh, I guess we're back to it's your show now. Well, because.

Craig Ferguson (7:08)

Yeah, because.

John Lovitz (7:12)

I was supposed to do a movie of my liar character, and it fell apart. So five years later, I got a chance to do another great part and my contract is up, so I would have had to miss two shows. They said they couldn't work around my schedule. So Lawrence said, you can't miss shows. You can go back and forth. And I said, well, I'm. I'm happy to do that, but they're saying no. And so I was mad, so I quit. But in retrospect, because I said, I'll sign up for five more years. I go, just let me miss the first two. And he goes, no. In retrospect, I should have said to the movie. I go, I'm not leaving, so if you want me, you have to work around the show. I go, you can't ask me to leave as, you know. Serious.

Craig Ferguson (7:51)

Yeah. What was.

John Lovitz (7:52)

What was. Like, here's a second opportunity to do this. And the first movie, I was supposed to do with Lauren. And it got all messed up. So I was like, come on, like, give me, you know, a chance. But also in retrospect, they go. It says that they're hiring you because you're on the show. That's right. You're getting all these offers that. I was stupid.

Craig Ferguson (8:14)

Well, you were very young. I mean, you were really young.

John Lovitz (8:17)

Well, I was 33, you know.

Craig Ferguson (8:19)

Were you really?

John Lovitz (8:22)

No.

Craig Ferguson (8:22)

You've got to be. You're 80.

John Lovitz (8:27)

No. Hundred and oats. Eighty.

Craig Ferguson (8:33)

No. You do moisturize because clearly you. And I suppose because you're a Californian as well, you wear sunscreen and that will help you imagine.

John Lovitz (8:43)

I play tennis. No, I'm 67 now. Yes, you do look very good on it.

Craig Ferguson (8:49)

Do you have a very strict health regimen? Are you a vegan?

John Lovitz (8:54)

Yeah, this is all broccoli.

Craig Ferguson (9:01)

Do you still love your stand up club?

John Lovitz (9:04)

No, that, that. No, I don't have that anymore. But I still do stand up all over. I'm going to a. I'm doing. Starting to do. I do clubs and, you know, in America and theater and casinos. It's not like I left America for Scotland.

Craig Ferguson (9:24)

Neither did I. I left Scotland for America. I did the opposite of what you were saying. And let me say this, I will say this, though. And I feel like. And I did want a chance to say this to you when I saw you in Hilarities in Cleveland, a night that was so important to you that you can't even remember it. But when I saw you that night, I have to say that it was perhaps one of the funniest performances I remember weeping with laughter. One of the funniest performances I've.

John Lovitz (9:54)

Yeah, you did a song about coming from you. Thank you.

Craig Ferguson (9:59)

Oh, it was hilarious. And I went with a bunch of guys I was working with. We all went and we all. We were up in the balcony of this club and we were all hanging onto each other. It was hilarious. You did a song about my late friend Bob Saget of a. Bob. Bob Saget is gay. That song, which. It was a very. I can't even really remember the song. I just remember being very, very funny and talking to Bob about it and he was quite grumpy about it. Were you friends with Bob?

John Lovitz (10:27)

Yeah. What? He was grumpy about it. He knew about it. Yeah. We were very good friends for years. Yeah. God bless him. It's horrible that he passed away and.

Craig Ferguson (10:36)

Oh, terrible. Yeah, right.

John Lovitz (10:38)

I would do songs about my manager, just make up stupid songs about him just to bug him and then and then I started doing standup. So I started doing the songs about my manager, Mark Irvitz. And then I go, well, now I realized no one knows who Mark is. So I saw Bob, who by then I'd known, you know, 20 years. I said, bob, yeah. Can I make him. Can I use your name instead of his? He goes, yeah, go ahead. So he, he gave me permission. He thought it was funny. Once somebody was at the Laugh Factory doing. He came on stage behind me.

Craig Ferguson (11:10)

Oh, that's great.

John Lovitz (11:12)

But see, he was grumpy because he would try to make up songs about him. And I go, they're not funny. Well, why are your songs about me funny and mine aren't? I go, because you're not funny. They weren't funny. I go, because, Bob, my whole thing is, is that I'm trying to kill rumors about you with these songs. And then clearly the. My songs are the source of the rumors.

Craig Ferguson (11:38)

So it's a reverse reach around. It's called. That's, that's. I believe that's what it's called in comedic terms.

John Lovitz (11:48)

Not getting into your private life, but.

Craig Ferguson (11:51)

Yeah, well, perhaps I should get into your private life. What is, what is your private life? I should maybe Barbara Walters you a bit. How are things with you after your.

John Lovitz (12:03)

I'm on TikTok. But we're doing your show.

Craig Ferguson (12:06)

But I'm just not wearing a Nowhere in a dress.

John Lovitz (12:10)

No, but you're so funny. I don't know what. I guess you got tired of doing the show. But it's like the top shows now. You're so political. I'm like, what happened to the comedy? What happened?

Craig Ferguson (12:22)

It's like, I know. I think what happened is that everyone songs.

John Lovitz (12:27)

I said, I go, yeah. I go, they're comedians. Why do you care?

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John Lovitz (15:19)

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Craig Ferguson (15:32)

Okay, one judgment anyway.

John Lovitz (15:35)

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Of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available Taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com hello, this is Craig.

Craig Ferguson (15:49)

Ferguson and I want to let you know I have a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm so happy and I would be so happy if you checked it out. To watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel at the Craig Ferguson show and it's just right there. Just click it and play it and it's free. I can't. Look, I'm not going to come around your house and show you how to do it. If you can't do it, then you can have it. But if you can figure it out, it's yours. Have you ever gotten in any trouble for anything you've said?

John Lovitz (16:23)

Yeah.

Craig Ferguson (16:24)

Oh, really? What happened?

John Lovitz (16:27)

Well, I was at my comedy club and I was complaining about when President Obama, who I voted for, right, Was saying the, quote, the people in the upper 1% were pain, weren't paying their fair share of taxes, which wasn't true at all. And I was, I mean, maybe there was a few people, but they, I go, they'd be in jail, their tax sheets, you know, and so it, and he kept saying it over and over and over, but it wasn't true. It's like you paying over half of your income. And I would go to people, I go, let me ask you a question. Do you think it's fair if like say you earn two for every $2 you earn, you have to give a dollar back in taxes and they'll go, no, that's not fair. They go, I don't care how much you make if you're broke. I go, right, Well, I go, well, it's more than that.

Craig Ferguson (17:17)

So who did you get in trouble with? Did Obama call you? Was he angry at you?

John Lovitz (17:21)

No, I don't think so. Because I've actually met him twice. He's very nice man. But what I said was, I go, it's. And I'm a Democrat. I voted for him. What a. But then I went on to say, I go, you know, I go, it's America. And they say, do whatever you want, go for it. I go, so then you go for it, you make it. And then everyone's like, fuck you. Which is true. You succeed and everyone gets pissed. I go, I go. And the best example of somebody who had nothing and went all the way, I go, is the president himself, which was Obama. I go, he's amazing. The guy had no money and no father. He's half black and half white angle, which is a burden in this country. Don't kid yourself. And then he went all, he went to Harvard, he became president of the United States. And now he's like, fuck me.

Craig Ferguson (18:11)

Yeah.

John Lovitz (18:12)

He was saying about people that were successful, which he was a part of. He goes, you know, if you have a business, you know, you didn't build that business. The government. What about the roads and, and, and, and the cars that get you there? You know, the roads. And I go, the roads that our taxes pay for. And three, three days later, he made a video saying, you built that. I apologize. You know, he made a video, but it left out the part that I, I was clearly making a joke when I said, a. And then when I said Ray said, he's amazing, you know, they left that out. So all the headlines were, I called him a name, you know, did it affect your life?

Craig Ferguson (18:48)

Did you lose work and stuff?

John Lovitz (18:50)

What he's achieved in his life, which he, it is. Yeah, but they left that part out. See what I mean?

Craig Ferguson (18:57)

Did you get into trouble? Did you lose a job or anything like that? Did anyone get mad at you?

John Lovitz (19:02)

Well, it was all over the press. Yeah, I, I don't think I lost any work. Yeah, that's the whole thing.

Craig Ferguson (19:11)

Well, people don't do that. People don't even read the whole thing.

John Lovitz (19:13)

That it was a joke. I clearly. Oh, yeah, I had to go, I went on, I had to go on the news to defend myself. I ended up going on Bill O'Reilly. He tried to, like, he was, I'll just ask you a few questions and this. And then he tried to, like, going, yeah, but you said this. And you're, you know, he tried to, what's the word?

Craig Ferguson (19:32)

Corner you.

John Lovitz (19:34)

No, like, set me up. What's the word?

Craig Ferguson (19:37)

Set you up?

John Lovitz (19:38)

Not black.

Craig Ferguson (19:39)

I don't know. It's.

John Lovitz (19:40)

That's the COVID I can't remember the word. He tried to set me up. All right.

Craig Ferguson (19:45)

Yeah, well, I think journalists do that.

John Lovitz (19:48)

And then I, but he's not that smart. And I, I'm smarter than him. I was clear as a bell. You don't have to be that smart to be smarter than him. But he was trying to, you know, set me up. And then he had. Dennis Miller was on the show at the time. I'm friends with Dennis in trying to get Dennis to slam me. Dennis goes, I'm not doing it. The guy's my friend. Yeah, but he said this. He goes, bill, I'm not slamming him. The guy's my friend for, you know, 30 years. And then I ended up going, fox News On Sean, with Sean Hannity. And he goes, well, he goes, I know you said this, but clearly you were joking and you were trying to make the point that people are paying their fair share. I go, exactly. I go, thank you for being, like, the only person to get it. I go, clearly I was mad, but making a joke, you know, But I said the guy, and he is amazing what he achieved. And is anybody that. Because anybody that runs for president of the United States and gets elected, it's pretty, it's a giant accomplishment. Whether you like them or not. It's, it's. I agree.

Craig Ferguson (20:47)

You gotta have a tough skin to do that. I don't. Would you ever be drawn to politics? Is that ever something that you would like? Because you're quite political. You care about things. Why, why wouldn't you get drawn.

John Lovitz (20:57)

I care about him like anybody else cares about him. But no, I, I, I wouldn't be good at it. People go, what are you doing? I go, I go, because I'm, I, what do I, I'm an actor. I'm not, I'm not qualified. And secondly, I'm great at making the speeches, right, and convincing people. But I go, because it's acting. It's what I do for a living. So my speeches would be way better than any politicians because they're, they're not good at it, you know, because they're not actors. They don't know how to deliver a speech.

Craig Ferguson (21:30)

And, well, that wouldn't. Reagan was a doctor.

John Lovitz (21:34)

He's like, in a certain cadence in this. And if they were doing that, like, say, on stage in a play, you'd go, like, what are you doing? You sound quilted and phony. And, you know, I go, but that, but that doesn't mean anything. I go, that's acting. You know, I'm not qualified. There are people go, do. Who should you vote for? I go, whoever you believe in. I would never tell anybody to vote for because I go, one, I'm not qualified. And also, I do believe just because I'm known does therefore mean I'm qualified to tell you who to vote for. It's ridiculous. And secondly, what if I did tell you who to vote for and it was, it turned out it was the, the wrong guy and it was bad.

Craig Ferguson (22:14)

So you did you never endorse anyone for candices then? You never do that?

John Lovitz (22:20)

No, it's ridiculous.

Craig Ferguson (22:23)

I mean, you, you look offended. When I even asked you, you were like, no, like, no, Craig, I would never do that, you fucking idiot. No. And I, I just.

John Lovitz (22:34)

There you go. No, because of course it's idiotic. It's like if he said, do you have advice about acting and comedy? This I go, sure, because I'm qualified. It's all I've been doing and thinking about since I'm five. I've done everything in acting you can possibly do and done it quite well.

Craig Ferguson (22:56)

You ever done porn?

John Lovitz (22:57)

Yes. No. But. But this is the thing about it. It was. I did it for, like, three years, but I only did the insert shots, and I did it for, like, three years, but I wanted to be an actor, you know? And I go, right. I get my face on camera. No one knows it's me. This is a waste of. Of time.

Craig Ferguson (23:17)

A waste of time. Let me ask you this. Is there any chance of doing a reboot of the Critic?

John Lovitz (23:24)

Well, I've been trying to get that going for years, and we're still kidding, but I can't do it. And I don't know. We're trying, but I don't know.

Craig Ferguson (23:35)

But finally, it's funny because for me, the Critic, I love that show.

John Lovitz (23:39)

He wants. He goes, no, no, no. But for some reason think he's changed his mind. And so we want to do it, but. But will it happen? I don't know, because there's all these things, and there's rights, and there's things like who owns it? It's Sony, and. And then there's, like, their animation isn't part of the Writers Guild, which is. I'm in the Guild. And Al, who created it, and Mike Reese created. They're in the Guild. So it's like, can you do it? And, you know, you can't be in a union. You're working on union. It's a whole thing.

Craig Ferguson (24:16)

My God. I feel like you should be able to figure that out.

John Lovitz (24:20)

The way you're looking at me, it's very. Well.

Craig Ferguson (24:26)

I'm looking at you in a friendly. I'm not being come hither with you. I'm just. Yeah, well, I'm sad about it because I loved. I thought the criticism was the. Was the. The. The forerunner to BoJack Horseman. I thought it was. It was like it led to other great, you know, kind of. Yes, yes. John Lovett's in the front row.

John Lovitz (24:51)

BoJack Force. I don't know what that is.

Craig Ferguson (24:54)

Oh, you don't? BoJack Horseman was a great.

John Lovitz (24:56)

I'm not embarrassed. I mean, you don't know something. I don't know what that is.

Craig Ferguson (24:59)

No, no. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm going to tell you what?

John Lovitz (25:02)

Oh, no, I'm just saying I'm not embarrassed about saying, I don't know, so something.

Craig Ferguson (25:06)

Oh, right. Well, you shouldn't be. There's no reason for you to be embarrassed. Yeah, I would be more embarrassed about your three years working in porn than.

John Lovitz (25:16)

Although, you know, maybe I'm be. First of all, you would never know it's me. No one knows it. Me.

Craig Ferguson (25:23)

That's true.

John Lovitz (25:24)

Yes, it was a lot of money. Yes, it was. You know, every week, three, you know, three different women. It sounds like a fantasy come true. No one will know it's you. It's just the insert shot. Right. And then you're making a lot of money and. But then they go, if you say to, well, deny it.

Craig Ferguson (25:45)

Ah, right. Why. Why. Can I ask? Why that? Deny it. But surely that would be great publicity for them. If it's, you know, Jordan Lovett's business on screen. People would pay to see that.

John Lovitz (26:00)

See? So it didn't. It wasn't.

Craig Ferguson (26:02)

Oh, I see.

John Lovitz (26:04)

Wouldn't meant anything.

Craig Ferguson (26:07)

Well, maybe you could go back and see if you could reboot.

John Lovitz (26:10)

That looks like. With your hand. It looks like you're.

Craig Ferguson (26:13)

I'm gesturing.

John Lovitz (26:14)

Well, this is what it looks like.

Craig Ferguson (26:17)

No, no. Well, that. That's not what I'm doing at all. For heaven's sake. I'm gesturing. I'm. I'm holding my glass. You're very. You're very. You're quite sexy today. You're saying quite sexy things. What's going on there, man?

John Lovitz (26:29)

You feeling a little.

Craig Ferguson (26:31)

You feel a little frustrated? What's going on? Things are a little sexy with you.

John Lovitz (26:35)

And I didn't do your talk show more because I just remember when I did it and. And I was like, oh, this guy, he gets my humor and he's just giving it right back. Yeah, this is so much fun. Why didn't you ever have me back?

Craig Ferguson (26:50)

You know, I have no idea, to be honest. I thought you were on it tons of times.

John Lovitz (26:54)

What?

Craig Ferguson (26:54)

You were only on once.

John Lovitz (26:58)

And I liked it. I was pleasantly surprised.

Craig Ferguson (27:00)

That seems crazy to me.

John Lovitz (27:01)

But, you know, there's really funny. And he was. You were really making me laugh. I go, we didn't know he was this funny and witty when I'd watched.

Craig Ferguson (27:09)

You know, it's so. It's weird to me, John, because I've met. I've run in a couple of people since doing the show who've said to me, why was I never on the show? And I'm like, oh, you weren't. Because I forget. Me Honestly, I forget. Like, in the 10 years that I did the show, I once watched a documentary about Leonard Nimoy, the original Mr. Spock. And at Nimoy. Oh, Nimoy, Nimoy. I don't know. In New England we say Nimoy.

John Lovitz (27:37)

What?

Craig Ferguson (27:38)

But Leonard's Nimoy. And I said to my wife after the documentary, what a lovely man. I should have had him on late night when he was alive. And we looked up, he. He was on twice. Don't remember.

John Lovitz (27:53)

And you had Covid and the vaccine.

Craig Ferguson (27:55)

I had Covid twice. Did you get very sick when you had Covid?

John Lovitz (27:59)

You had Spock. Leonard, new on your. Who is arguably, not arguably, is one of the biggest pop culture phenomenons characters. One of the most. Name a bigger character on television than Spock.

Craig Ferguson (28:19)

I don't think I could. I don't think I could equal.

John Lovitz (28:22)

But bigger. No. No one.

Craig Ferguson (28:25)

No spot. Jay Sherman, the.

John Lovitz (28:31)

The daddy wrote a book. I am not Spock. Did you know that?

Craig Ferguson (28:36)

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

John Lovitz (28:37)

Then a few years later, he wrote another book, goes, okay, I am Spock. I am. Right. I'm Spock. Yeah, I met him once, very nice, and auditioned for some movie, you know, and yeah, he was really nice, but I just couldn't stop laughing because everything he said, I'm just going. But he. It's Spock. It just. You couldn't get it out. I couldn't get out of my head that, no, he's not Spock. He's an actor. He's a person. He's not an alien. He's human. And I just remember talking, looking at his ears, you know, queen. They're not pointing. I just didn't put it out of my head. He's like, you know, and he's laughing and I'm like, Spock's laughing and cracking jokes.

Craig Ferguson (29:27)

Yeah, it's. It's. It's weird because that's not. But he's not Spock. Didn't you read the book? Didn't you read the book? He said that he was not Spock.

John Lovitz (29:36)

You sure looked like him.

Craig Ferguson (29:42)

Have you written a book yet? You sprayed a book.

John Lovitz (29:45)

I wrote a book. I'm not Frank Burton.

Craig Ferguson (29:49)

Oh, I read it. That's right. I forgot. I forgot I read it. But I had Covid and I forgot that I read your book. I read it today.

John Lovitz (29:59)

I don't know. I have funny stories about people, people writing about a book. I never talk about my personal life because. You know why, Craig? Because there's other people involved.

Craig Ferguson (30:09)

Exactly.

John Lovitz (30:10)

That are private. So then you have to talk about them. Right. But you got.

Craig Ferguson (30:16)

It's hard to not talk about your.

John Lovitz (30:17)

Personal lifestyle doing it. But. But I guess I kind of get it. But you could do whatever you want.

Craig Ferguson (30:25)

So can you.

John Lovitz (30:26)

Must have been fun.

Craig Ferguson (30:27)

You can do whatever you want.

John Lovitz (30:28)

No, I'm sitting on your talk show. Do you ever think about going back? You should go back into a talk show and just make it comedy, and everybody would. You'd be the number one rated because it's just comedy.

Craig Ferguson (30:40)

Yeah, I. I don't. I don't know, John. I think I'd have to have you on it a lot.

John Lovitz (30:46)

All right.

Craig Ferguson (30:47)

I don't know. I. I feel like doing a show every day is not. It's not my cup of tea anymore. Are you familiar with that expression, you know, cup of tea? It's not my cup of tea anymore.

John Lovitz (30:57)

Yes.

Craig Ferguson (30:59)

I don't want to work every day like that.

John Lovitz (31:02)

No. What? Like, sometimes I go, you could do it once a week. And you go, I am. I'm doing this.

Craig Ferguson (31:08)

Yeah, well, I'm doing this once a week. And the good thing about this one is I only. I don't have to talk to anyone I don't want to talk to. It's not like, say, well, they've got a big movie coming out, so you have to talk to them. I'm like, I want.

John Lovitz (31:19)

They talk to me.

Craig Ferguson (31:21)

Yeah, of course I want to talk to you. That's why I'm talking to you.

John Lovitz (31:23)

What do you want to talk about?

Craig Ferguson (31:26)

I'd like to talk about your book. The book detailing your anecdotes. I want to hear stories about my stepmother is an alien, which is one of my favorite movies.

John Lovitz (31:39)

Okay.

Craig Ferguson (31:41)

I love that movie.

John Lovitz (31:42)

I'm reading the script. This is when I was getting a lot of offers and I was. Penny Marshall befriended me. My first show on snl. And then. And then after she put me in her movies and she goes, where are you living in LA this summer? I don't know. She says, well, you can stay at my house. She had a big, beautiful house. Yeah, it's a mansion, you know. So I stayed there. Joe Pesci was staying in the room next to me. So Joel and I lived there for. And anyways, the summer I'm there, so I get off with this movie, my stepmother's Nelly. So I'm reading it, I'm thinking, I'm in Penny's kitchen, which is one end of the house, and I'm reading the script, thinking, do I want to do this? You know? So I'm reading it, and then my character, you know, and Dan Aykroyd, I play his brother. Dan's the best. But I go, well, I like Dan. And so. And then Kim Basinger's gonna be in it. And then it says, page 36, my character kisses Kim Basinger goes, he kisses her. He really kisses her. That's what the script says. And I start screaming, do I want to do it? Do I want to do it? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. And Penny runs in. What's wrong? I go, I'm reading the script. Do I want to do it? I get to get kiss Kim Basinger. Do I want to do it? So I kiss. Yes. I go, I don't need to read the rest of the script. I'll do it, right? And I read it, but I. I just go. I'm in. So now we're doing the movie, and she is so beautiful and sexy, it's insane. I remember one time I'm in the makeup trailer and. And she was leaving, right? And I go, hey, Kim. And she. And. And she turned around, right? And I'm just like. I just. I didn't have anything to say. I just wanted to look at her again because, I mean, she. It was. She didn't look real. She was so beautiful and sexy. She's one of those women, like, they're just looking at you, and they go, oh, my God, they're trying to seduce me. No, she's not. She's just looking, but just. She's so sexy and so beautiful, and her skin's like, perfect. And she turns around, and I could see the sun in back of her coming through the door of the makeup trailer, right? So it looks like. And she's this gold blonde hair, and it's like a halo around her, and it was like, ah, like angels singing. And I go, she goes, yeah. And I look at. And she's looking. I go, I go, oh, no. I say, have a good day. Have a good day today. Okay? And I'm just like, so this is all I'm thinking about for the movie. One week, two. Now we're six weeks into the movie. And I look, they, you know, you're in the makeup chair, and they give you these, like, you know, not like a. Like this. This. Like this.

Craig Ferguson (34:38)

Yeah. Besides, like, your.

John Lovitz (34:40)

Your lines for the day, this big, as big as an envelope with all your lines. So I'm looking at it, I'm reading it, and I go, oh, I think this is the. Today's the day. The scene where I Kiss her. Oh, right. I go to Richard Benjamin and I said, is this. Is this the scene right where I kiss her? And he goes, yes. He goes, yes. I go, now, I've never kissed a woman in a movie, right? So I'm like, well, what do I do? He goes, just kiss her. Oh, okay. This is all I've been thinking about since I said yes. This is all I've been thinking about. So I walk up to Kim, I go, hey, Kim, you know, today's our big scene. And she goes, what? And I go, it. Nothing, forget it. Nothing, right? I realized she hasn't thought about it for like a second. Nothing. It's all about. It's the whole reason I did the move.

Craig Ferguson (35:41)

But the thing is, I love that movie.

John Lovitz (35:44)

I'm not going, hey, you want to do a movie, you get to kiss Kim Basinger. I was like, yeah, you want to know what it pays? No, I'll pay you. What, are you kidding?

Craig Ferguson (35:52)

Right? So.

John Lovitz (35:54)

So anyway, so the scene is we're doing it, and. And she's an alien. And. And. And she marries Dan, I'm the brother in law. And I go walk up, I go, well, maybe the first to kiss the bride. She goes, okay. And she's kissing me, and she sees her dog floating up in the air because she's got this purse with this alien in it, this eye, and it's making it. Her, our Dan's dog, a beagle, float up in the air, like. So she's like, you know, kissing me on the side. So they go, okay, do it again. Do it again. So now it's the third take. So I go, you know, And I'm like, has. I go, I'm gonna really kiss her, right? And I had to stand in a hole, so I give her a good kiss, right? And I swooned.

Craig Ferguson (36:37)

You swooned?

John Lovitz (36:38)

It swooned. Which means. I mean, all the blood went to my head. And I went, and I will spell over. And then. So we finished the scene. So then she. We're at this house and she's. Now she goes. And all. And she was okay to me, but after that kid, she was super nice. She goes, john, come on in the house. These are the people that live here. And I go, oh, nice to meet you. Right? She was super nice after that. And then, anyway, she was always very nice, but she was even nicer. But then I saw. I saw her like a couple years ago and I told her that whole story I just told you. And she's like, no memory.

Craig Ferguson (37:16)

No memory of it at All. It's like when I had dinner with.

John Lovitz (37:18)

You and I said to her, kim, after, you know, that summer, they had this club. Helene is in la, and I saw you at this club. You have to understand, she was not just pretty, she was one of the most beautiful women in the world. Like, probably the sexiest woman in the world, right? And she's super nice, but she was just like, well, obviously drop dead gorgeous. So. So I go, hey, you want to dance? And she goes, yeah. And then she was with this make a guy that did her hair, and she was dancing with him. And then I didn't get to. Right? Then I'm looking around, I go, she left. I'm like, now it's about 2 in the morning, and I see her again. She was there. I granted, I go, hey, remember our dance? You promised. She goes, oh, yeah. Okay. So it's like a. It's about 80 degrees out, a warm summer night, and Frank Sinatra's song, the Summer Wind, right, is playing. And I'm dancing with Kim Basinger to the summer Wind. And I'm holding her, you know, and not like, separate, but like this. And. And she's laughing, and I'm just like, one of the greatest moments of my life, right? It's just like, magical in, like, 30 years. Hey, remember that night? It's one of the best nights of my life.

Craig Ferguson (38:32)

She's like, I remember. No, that's how I felt when I told you that I had dinner with you in Cleveland, which is one of the greatest nights of my life. And you. You don't remember it, and you made a joke about it. You said it was Covid, but I think you just. You just really didn't remember, even without Covid.

John Lovitz (38:50)

Well, I remember the club in Hilary. I kind of remember now that you're mentioning Animal, but you have to understand. What was that 20 years ago? No.

Craig Ferguson (38:58)

Yeah, yeah.

John Lovitz (38:59)

It's like 20 years ago, 10 years ago. I have a feeling, Craig, no offense, but I have a feeling that as time goes on your. Your brain, it's like, say this is 20 years ago, right? And now here's 20 years later. So this chunk, it kind of start fading away because you're putting more and more in your brain and you just don't remember everything.

Craig Ferguson (39:24)

Well, I haven't noticed that. I have noticed. I remember stuff that's back further, but the stuff like, you know, five years ago, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. But 25 years ago, two days ago.

John Lovitz (39:36)

What'D you have for lunch?

Craig Ferguson (39:40)

I had salmon, probably, I think.

John Lovitz (39:45)

Yeah. But you know, three days ago, I have no idea. Right.

Craig Ferguson (39:51)

Do you know.

John Lovitz (39:52)

I do know what you had for lunch three days ago. Yes.

Craig Ferguson (39:55)

Well, now that's weird because it did taste a bit funny. So how were you involved?

John Lovitz (40:01)

You were in town and I was working this hot dog stand and you're gonna get a thing. And I go, oh, you look like John Lovitz. I'm like, oh, yeah, I get that a lot. And I didn't because it's embarrassing.

Craig Ferguson (40:13)

Do you get recognized a lot in la? Like, you must all the time, right?

John Lovitz (40:18)

Oh, yes.

Craig Ferguson (40:19)

Yeah. Do you like it?

John Lovitz (40:21)

I don't mind. I, I don't like when people are drunk.

Craig Ferguson (40:25)

Yeah. That's who recognizes me.

John Lovitz (40:28)

Well, because you're always in the pip is your Scottish. From England.

Craig Ferguson (40:32)

Yeah, I, I guess I don't, I don't go in the pub that much anymore. I used to live in pubs.

John Lovitz (40:40)

I look, they're not. If they're not drunk and I'm like. Because you. They're nice and they're complimenting you and. Yeah, and I just think, be grateful. Like, what are the. What, what other job is there where there's hardly any job? People go, hey, I love your. What you do. I love your work. Great job.

Craig Ferguson (40:56)

Yeah, that's true.

John Lovitz (40:58)

You don't get that.

Craig Ferguson (40:59)

So it's incredible.

John Lovitz (41:01)

Lucky. Very lucky. Fortunate, you know, grateful.

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Nicole Kidman (42:41)

For another dose of mystery, mind games and psychological intrigue? The Hulu original series 9 Perfect Strangers, starring Nicole Kidman is back for an all new season. This season, a new group of visitors with mysterious connections to each other journey to an exotic healing retreat set high in the Swiss Alps. In this opulent winter wonderland, the group is subjected to a unique vision of therapy that takes them to the very edge of sanity. As they peel back the layers in a series of shocking twists and character revelations, the retreat's leader reveals her own complex motives. As the strangers unravel before our eyes, everything is revealed in a visually stunning and intoxicating finale that will leave you breathless. Starring Nicole Kidman and with an all star cast including Christine Baranski, Murray Bartlett, Henry Golding, Murphy, Mark Strong and King Princess. Nine Perfect Strangers Is yous Next must watch Drama the season premiere of Nine Perfect Strangers premieres May 21st. Streaming on Hulu.

Craig Ferguson (43:44)

We're leaving today and entering a world of Cinderella, Castle sightseeing, Tron light cycling jungle cruise, punning pirate, swashbuckling Everest, climbing Dapper Danny.

John Lovitz (43:58)

Ding ding.

Craig Ferguson (43:59)

Soaring, soaring. Fireworks show of I'm not crying. You're crying. World of favorites for whatever you love, Infinite worlds await at the most magical place on earth. Walt Disney World Resort. Do you still get as much out of it as you did? Cuz you love acting, you're really good at it and you clearly, you clearly love it. Do you still get as much joy out of it as you always did?

John Lovitz (44:27)

I do. But I was for a while. My manager goes, oh, you, you know, the parts are bad. You got to get back in. So I was doing a lot of movies that I didn't, I wasn't enthusiastic about. And I finally said, you know what? I, I can't do it. I can't do those anymore. I go, why? I go because I'm just filling my resume with crap and I don't enjoy it. And, and acting, he doesn't understand because he said, well, it's just a business. And I go, I know, but it's, I have to be enthusiastic. I, I just, it just means too much to me. And I go I have to be enthusiastic about the part. I can't just. I can't do it otherwise. I can do it, but I'm like, I'll end up walk. And I never walk through a part. It's just too hard. It's just because I don't care. But you have to care because, you know the hangu. And you can't walk through the park. And I just said, I. I can't do this anymore. So. So I'm not doing it. So that. So that. But recently I did. So I do still like it because now I'm just. If I really like the part and I like the movie, I'll go, I'll do it. So. And that's also. Standup is great because I love doing it, but you can still make a good living. So you don't have to do the movies that are crap and you don't care about.

Craig Ferguson (45:42)

Yeah.

John Lovitz (45:42)

So I did a movie recently, last year called. It was really fun. It was called the Toast. It hasn't come out yet, but it's about a. I play the father of a bride and my daughter's getting. It's the day of her wedding at the venue, so it's everything leading up, getting ready for the ceremony and then everything after. It's a comedy and it's a big disaster and I'm part of the disaster. I play father who's fallen, who's in AA and drug addict and I fall off the wagon. So the. And I don't drink or do drugs, but the whole movie I'm drunk and heise a chitin. And then I get up and have to make a toast at her wedding and I'm completely blitzed out of my mind. And the guy wrote a great part and it was really fun to do and very moving. Craig. Oh.

Craig Ferguson (46:35)

Oh, really in. Oh, I love that. When is it coming up?

John Lovitz (46:41)

Crying.

Craig Ferguson (46:42)

You were crying?

John Lovitz (46:44)

I was crying. The people watching it were crying.

Craig Ferguson (46:47)

Oh, wow. I feel like crying now.

John Lovitz (46:49)

The extras gave me applause.

Craig Ferguson (46:52)

Oh, nice. That's when you know it's good.

John Lovitz (46:54)

Director goes, john, people watching the scene on the monitor, you. They were crying.

Craig Ferguson (46:59)

Oh, wow.

John Lovitz (47:00)

No, they were crying because I was so. Were bad.

Craig Ferguson (47:04)

They were crying because you. It was so much of an honor for them to be in there on the day that that piece of work was recorded and put on. That's why they were.

John Lovitz (47:14)

But they were so moved emotionally. And then the.

Craig Ferguson (47:21)

Yes, no, no.

John Lovitz (47:23)

I can't stay serious for more than a second. And then the guy in the scene played a priest and I'M just telling you what he said, Craig. I didn't say it. I'm bragging. But he's. I didn't. He goes, I haven't seen. You can take it both way. I've only seen that level of acting once. It was so great. I go, really? Yes. I go, well, who was the actor? And he said, al Pacino. No. Yes.

Craig Ferguson (48:08)

Wow. Did he do that long of a.

John Lovitz (48:10)

Pause before I should I that up? Because I should. And he said, ow.

Craig Ferguson (48:23)

I think both ways are good.

John Lovitz (48:25)

Are you serious? He goes, yes. I played a judge and I was a lawyer and I watched him for two weeks. And I go, thank you. Now, Craig.

Craig Ferguson (48:41)

Yes, John?

John Lovitz (48:42)

I am not comparing myself in any way to Apache.

Craig Ferguson (48:47)

I. I really think you did.

John Lovitz (48:50)

Nolly. The guy did.

Craig Ferguson (48:52)

No, the guy did. Yeah.

John Lovitz (48:53)

I mean, I'm not on that level. He's one of the greatest actors ever. But he's good.

Craig Ferguson (49:00)

You're good.

John Lovitz (49:01)

You know, is a big fan of mine.

Craig Ferguson (49:06)

I think Al Pacino would.

John Lovitz (49:09)

But he's. No, he's. He's, you know, one of the greatest actors ever.

Craig Ferguson (49:13)

Yeah, but he's not that funny.

John Lovitz (49:15)

Anywhere near his level as an actor. I would never say that. But the other guy said it.

Craig Ferguson (49:24)

The other guy said it and he knew what he was talking about because he played a judge. And who do you get to play a judge?

John Lovitz (49:31)

Well, do you think he's right? I. My answer to you is no, but he said it. It's very nice compliment.

Craig Ferguson (49:39)

Yeah. Somehow smoking the imaginary cigarette. Why is he the invisible cigarette? What's that about?

John Lovitz (49:47)

They're bad for you, Craig. But it's emphasis. The point of it, Craig, is that it was a giant compliment that I just now accidentally let slip out.

Craig Ferguson (50:01)

I can't believe. I hope you don't mind if we leave it in the podcast. We're going to leave it in even. Although it was totally an accident that it slipped out because you were so relaxed.

John Lovitz (50:12)

Yeah. I really didn't mean to mention it.

Craig Ferguson (50:15)

That's okay. Now, this guy who played the j.

John Lovitz (50:20)

So of course, movies, you go, well, when is it come? I go, is anyone gonna see it?

Craig Ferguson (50:26)

So it was a thing, isn't it?

John Lovitz (50:27)

You never know, but you get to do it. So I learned that you go, you got to enjoy, like a lot of times what? You know, you don't move and you go like, oh, if I do this, it'll get me this. I'll get me this. And I go, I can't. I just enjoy this. Like, I'm doing them this now. Can I enjoy this movie now. Like, I'm doing it.

Craig Ferguson (50:45)

Yeah, that's a challenge as well, because.

John Lovitz (50:48)

It'S kind of how you get in the habit of thinking that way because, you know, everyone does. Because it's just, you know, it's not like a steady job. You go, what's the next thing? But stand up is very steady. It's a. It's. It's like, I feel like I beat the system.

Craig Ferguson (51:03)

I love Stand up because it gives you a autonomy. You can be your own man, you can be your own person. You don't have to follow any other rules. They book you, you turn up, you do the show, you leave, and that's it.

John Lovitz (51:16)

Yeah. And you can do it. You inferring that I'm a man and you can do whatever you want?

Craig Ferguson (51:26)

It's just an expression. I didn't mean to load it with any gender specifics. And I feel like it was like the performance that I saw, you gave in Hilarities, the one you've forgotten about, which was, hands down, one of the funniest performances I've seen. And I don't think you were. One of the things that really made me laugh about it was. I don't think you were aware of how great you were being doing the standup. It seemed like it was so easy. And then now I realize the only other time I've seen comedy that good was Al Pacino.

John Lovitz (52:12)

I thought you were. The only time I've seen comedy that good was.

Craig Ferguson (52:18)

Me.

John Lovitz (52:21)

That's what I should have said, me. But I've never seen me age.

Craig Ferguson (52:28)

Do you like watching yourself? Do you like looking back and stuff? Do you like watching your performances and stuff?

John Lovitz (52:34)

Because I see this jiggling john. I know then you. I mean, I do and I don't, but it's. It's. No, I don't know. I'm just, like, going, oh, I look so fat. Oh, my voice. It's weird because what you think you're doing, and then when you watch yourself, you go. You go, oh, that's not what it felt like when I was doing it. And then also, it. It's very strange because a lot of the stuff I do, it makes me laugh because I didn't. I. I go. I didn't know I was doing that.

Craig Ferguson (53:08)

Right.

John Lovitz (53:09)

It's not happening.

Craig Ferguson (53:10)

Stand up.

John Lovitz (53:11)

Even movies, you watch this because when you're doing a scene in a movie. Have you ever done a movie?

Craig Ferguson (53:17)

A movie after one or two yet?

John Lovitz (53:19)

Well, if you know as acting, you. You can't. It's hard to do because you. You can't watch yourself, have an eye on yourself and do the scene. You've got to just forget you and. And focus on the other person and just get, like, almost lost in it and just go with it, you know, when it works its best and they go, that was great. You go, what? And if you're not watching yourself, you go, what did I do? And then you watch it. It's very strange. And you go, I don't even remember doing that. It's like just now I went like this. I don't know. And then I watch and I go, when did I do this? And, like, my hand like that. You have no memory of it. It's very strange. But it could because it means you're focused on the scene. You can't watch yourself, so you're doing stuff that you didn't even know you were doing.

Craig Ferguson (54:08)

Yeah. And.

John Lovitz (54:11)

But I mean, what I do love is I love making people laugh. And I love. I know I'm trying to be funny and I'm like, you know, I'm like, oh, I didn't know. Of course I'm trying to be funny and I'm trying to make them laugh. So it's very satisfying when they laugh.

Craig Ferguson (54:23)

Yes.

John Lovitz (54:24)

But you know what? I don't like in stand up, when I'm talking about something and I do it and it builds belts and then they clap. Oh, yeah. I'm like, no, no, I don't like that because I'm not trying to make some, like, state political statement. I'm trying to make them laugh.

Craig Ferguson (54:40)

I know. I. I kind of feel the same way. I know what you mean.

John Lovitz (54:43)

You don't want to move into that. Like, you know, I'm on a soapbox and everything.

Craig Ferguson (54:47)

Yeah. Agreement comedy. Yeah, I'm not into agreement comedy very much.

John Lovitz (54:51)

No. And then the other thing I realized was that I think you've. Maybe you've. Maybe you'll find this true. I don't know if you will because you're Scottish.

Craig Ferguson (55:01)

Well, it's true.

John Lovitz (55:02)

Maybe as a human being, when you. You're making a point about something and you go, oh, I'm really getting through to these people, and I'm making them see the light and I'll make them change their mind. And then you realize, no, you're not making them change because as soon as they leave, they completely forget. And you have no effect on that. You think it's important what you're saying and you're changing the world. And then you go, no. And then you realize every Comic probably thinks that. And. And you go, no, you're just kidding yourself. It's not. They just want to laugh.

Craig Ferguson (55:38)

I think that's true. I think most of the people that come to see stand up, they just want a good time. They just want to laugh, and that's all. And I'm fine with that. That's a good deal.

John Lovitz (55:48)

Yeah. And then if you are making a point, they're laughing because they already agree with you. So you're not. You're not changing anybody's mind. Yeah, it's true.

Craig Ferguson (55:55)

Yeah.

John Lovitz (55:56)

I think I did it. You think, oh, I'm really changing their mind. And then, you know, oh, I'm enlightening people. No. No, you're not. No, you're not crazy.

Craig Ferguson (56:06)

Hey, we're out of time, John. We're out of time. You have to go. You have to. You have to go to another room because you're in your own house, so you actually don't have to go.

John Lovitz (56:19)

We're out of time. Yeah, you have to take a shit.

Craig Ferguson (56:24)

I have to take a shit.

John Lovitz (56:26)

Yeah. We're at a time where you have to pee. We're at a time. We're hungry.

Craig Ferguson (56:32)

No, number twos. It's. Number two. It's. I have to poop all the time. I didn't. I see a TikTok of you that.

John Lovitz (56:39)

Went crazy, and I'll. Wait.

Craig Ferguson (56:41)

No, no, no, wait. No, it's too late. I've done it now. But didn't I see a TikTok for you when you were talking about pooping? I feel like it's so that it went crazy viral. Something about you talking about shitting yourself. Is that right?

John Lovitz (56:57)

Very proud of that.

Craig Ferguson (57:00)

It was.

John Lovitz (57:02)

No, I know exactly what it was. It was. I was at. I was playing tennis. I played tennis and my teachers. And I was just goofing off going, you know, and just saying the silly thing. And he goes. He goes, you should record that. So I did. And one of the lines. One of the lines was, I came in my head at the. At the moment. So then I. I stopped and I started. It was on five seconds and I started laughing. I go. And I was just starting to post stuff on Instagram. I go, maybe you should post it. I go. I go, I can't post this. This is a. In my career. Ah, fuck it. So I posted it. It's 2.1 million views. It's ridiculous. It's the most ridiculous. I go. Now, I was talking with my tennis teacher about aging, and I realized with aging comes confidence. For example, an hour ago I shit my pants and I've yet to wipe because I'm confident it will eventually dry out. And cake off, cake off. It just pops my and then.

Craig Ferguson (58:18)

That'S what it was. That's the one. All right. You're not going to beat that. Get out of here. It's lovely to talk to you again, John.

John Lovitz (58:24)

Mike, great seeing you again. Thank you.

Craig Ferguson (58:27)

It's great to see you too, John. One of the funniest men in the world. Nearly as funny as Al Pacino.

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John Lovitz (60:09)

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John Lovitz (61:17)

You'Re listening to an iHeart podcast.