Lynne Koplitz

Summary

Joy: Exploring the Essence of Happiness with Lynn Koplitz

Episode Title: Lynn Koplitz
Host: Craig Ferguson
Release Date: July 29, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Joy, hosted by the storied late-night talk host Craig Ferguson, the conversation delves deep into the realm of comedy, personal growth, and the pursuit of happiness. Craig sits down with the talented comedian Lynn Koplitz, whose raw and truthful comedic style offers listeners a candid exploration of what brings joy in a seemingly chaotic world.

Background of Lynn Koplitz

Craig Ferguson opens the discussion by expressing his admiration for Lynn's recent performance at the Village Underground in New York, highlighting her authenticity on stage.

Craig Ferguson [06:25]: "When I was listening to your act and watching your act on Saturday, I was like, this is not an act though. This is like, it is an act. Cause it's stage work and you're doing it, but you're not pretending."

Lynn shares her roots, revealing her early life in Long Island, New York, and her move to Sarasota at the age of ten. Her longstanding association with the Comedy Cellar, a renowned comedy venue, underscores her deep connection to the New York comedy scene.

Lynn Koplitz [04:06]: "I was born in New York in Long Island. And we left when I was like 7 or 8. And I always came back. My dad was, my birth dad, lived here."

The Comedy Cellar Experience

A significant portion of their conversation revolves around the Comedy Cellar, a prestigious venue known for hosting some of the best comedians in the world. Lynn discusses the intimate and intense atmosphere of performing in smaller rooms within the Cellar complex.

Lynn Koplitz [05:27]: "I always say, it's like, am I performing in the bedroom, the living room or the garage or, you know, like..."

Craig contrasts this with his initial experience at the larger Village Underground, appreciating the diverse spaces within the complex.

Craig Ferguson [05:42]: "The room I was in felt like it was a reasonable sized room. It was like, it's huge. Yeah, it's a pretty big room. But the Cellar itself is smaller, much smaller."

Mentorship under Joan Rivers

Lynn brings a heartfelt appreciation for her mentor, the legendary comedian Joan Rivers, sharing personal anecdotes that highlight Joan's influence on her comedic style and personal resilience.

Lynn Koplitz [20:21]: "You know, Joan Rivers was like my mentor. She was like, I was gonna ask..."

Lynn recounts her first interaction with Joan Rivers on the set of Z Rock, where Joan's candid remarks about her appearance led to a warm and empowering moment.

Lynn Koplitz [20:46]: "...she said, 'come here, you thick-skinned comic.' And she gave me a hug."

Craig echoes his own admiration for Joan, recalling one of her memorable jokes with appreciation.

Craig Ferguson [21:46]: "There’s a couple. But when she was talking, when she was on Fashion Police, and remember Ryan Lochte, the swimmer? ... 'Ryan Lochte is like my vagina. When it's dry, the magic is gone.'"

Lynn adds another favorite Joan joke, emphasizing Joan's brilliance despite their minimalist delivery.

Lynn Koplitz [22:56]: "She goes, 'I'm so old. When I was a child, the Dead Sea was sick.'"

The Art of Raw and Truthful Comedy

The dialogue shifts to the nuances of comedic style, with both Craig and Lynn advocating for honesty and rawness in their acts. They discuss the balance between being funny and being true to oneself, emphasizing that making fellow comedians laugh is a significant achievement.

Lynn Koplitz [23:20]: "I was much more like, I want everyone to like me now."

Craig Ferguson [23:24]: "I think if you're making the comics laugh, you're kind of doing something right."

Lynn shares her philosophy of turning personal adversity into humor, often portraying herself as the victor over various hardships.

Craig Ferguson [10:04]: "So you give yourself adversity and then triumph over it. So it's a feel-good type thing."

Navigating Modern Comedy Challenges

The conversation delves into the challenges contemporary comedians face, such as navigating sensitive topics and the fine line between offensive and offensive-savvy humor. They discuss how societal shifts demand a more mindful approach to comedy without compromising on the truthfulness that defines their acts.

Lynn Koplitz [24:03]: "Joan had a rule, and I think about it all the time. She said, talk about whatever you want. Just make sure it's funny."

They exchange anecdotes about handling hecklers and the importance of maintaining composure and authenticity on stage.

Lynn Koplitz [42:20]: "I have to always say to myself, don't get mad at hecklers. You're talking to them."

Personal Anecdotes and Interactions

Throughout the episode, Lynn and Craig share personal stories that illustrate their experiences with fame, interactions with celebrities, and the universal challenges of maintaining kindness and authenticity in public life. Lynn's heartfelt story about calming a frustrated mother in an airport, for instance, underscores the impact of simple acts of kindness.

Lynn Koplitz [39:36]: "...I played with the kid and I sat on the floor and the mom said, 'don't you have one?' I go, 'No, I have an hour.'"

Craig recounts his own mishaps, such as mistakenly hugging an actor from Game of Thrones, adding humor and humility to the conversation.

Craig Ferguson [43:16]: "And he was very, very stupid."

The Evolution of Comedy and Personal Growth

Lynn discusses her journey in comedy, evolving from a stage performer to an artist who refuses to compromise her integrity for commercial success. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity and the courage to address personal insecurities through humor.

Lynn Koplitz [51:41]: "I don't even care. I'm here to get fired. I'm just trying to get this stuff out."

Craig and Lynn reflect on the delicate balance between entertaining an audience and staying true to one's own comedic voice, acknowledging that not everyone will resonate with their style.

Craig Ferguson [50:00]: "You're the victim who becomes the victor. Victim, who becomes the victim."

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Lynn expressing her gratitude for the supportive comedy community and sharing final thoughts on the importance of staying genuine amidst the pressures of fame and public perception. Craig reinforces the joy and fulfillment that comes from connecting with an audience through honest and impactful humor.

Lynn Koplitz [52:16]: "But I'm not you. You're famous."

Craig Ferguson [52:27]: "Try to be nice. I will keep in touch with you."

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Key Takeaways

• Authenticity in Comedy: Lynn Koplitz exemplifies the value of being genuine and truthful on stage, transforming personal challenges into relatable humor.

• Mentorship and Influence: The mentorship under Joan Rivers significantly shaped Lynn's comedic style, emphasizing the importance of resilience and wit.

• Navigating Modern Sensitivities: Both Craig and Lynn discuss the necessity of balancing humor with societal expectations, ensuring their acts remain both funny and respectful.

• Personal Growth: The conversation highlights the evolution of a comedian’s journey, advocating for continuous personal development and adaptation without losing one’s core identity.

Notable Quotes

• Craig Ferguson [06:25]: "When I was listening to your act and watching your act on Saturday, I was like, this is not an act though. This is like, it is an act."

• Lynn Koplitz [20:21]: "Joan Rivers was like my mentor."

• Lynn Koplitz [24:03]: "Talk about whatever you want. Just make sure it's funny."

• Craig Ferguson [50:00]: "You're the victim who becomes the victor. Victim, who becomes the victim."

---

This episode of Joy offers a profound look into the life of a comedian who finds happiness and purpose through honesty and resilience. Lynn Koplitz’s stories and insights provide listeners with both laughter and valuable life lessons on navigating the complexities of modern life with joy and authenticity.

Transcript

[Lynn Koplitz]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Jacob Goldstein]

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[Craig Ferguson]

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, it's actually, it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But, but what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while anyway. Come and see me live on the Pants on Fire tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the Tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond. For a full list of dates, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com See you on the road, my dears. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people what brings them happiness. Welcome to the Kids Trooper Studios here in Brooklyn, New York. My name is Craig Ferguson and I am your host today on the Joy Podcast. My guest today is. She's got some great stories about her mentor, Joan Rivers. I saw her on Saturday night at the Village Underground in New York, and she is as raw and as fantastic a comedian as she ever was. Please welcome Lynn Koplitz and Joe. So when did you come to New York then? Because I always thought you were in New York until Saturday night when I saw you Saturday night and you were saying, I have to go see my mom in Florida. Like, I thought you lived in New York.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I was born in New York in Long island. And we left when I was like 7 or 8. And I always came back. My dad was, my birth dad, lived here.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But. But yeah, I grew up in Sarah's. We moved to Sarasota when I was about 10.

[Craig Ferguson]

See, now I have to know about. Cause you're the type of stand up. And I saw you do stand up on Saturday night, right? And I'm like, Jesus.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And I saw you and you were brilliant.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, you were brilliant. And here's the thing as well, though, I was at. We were at the Village Underground, which I'd never been to before.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Do you love it?

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, my God, that place is great.

[Lynn Koplitz]

It's great.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's unbelievable. And people have been telling me, go to the Comedy Cell or go to the Comedy Cell or go to the Village Underground, which is kind of like, it's the same complex, right?

[Lynn Koplitz]

It's the same family, right?

[Craig Ferguson]

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I've heard about it. This is amazing. It's an amazing place. How long have you been doing it?

[Lynn Koplitz]

I mean, as long as it's been.

[Craig Ferguson]

Up, it's been there. I mean, I've been hearing about it since I feel like the 90s or something.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, I've been there. I've been at the cellar probably about 25 years. So when they really started making it, I wanna say it was about 30 years ago when they started really, where they were having big aud. And then it just grew. So you're part of the Comedy Cellar and then there's like four rooms, five rooms.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

So it's all. I always say, it's like, am I performing in the bedroom, the living room or the garage or, you know, like.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, the room I was in felt like it was a reasonable sized room. It was like, it's huge. Yeah, it's a pretty big room. But the Cellar itself is smaller, Much smaller. All right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But it's like the more prestigious.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, those bastards. They told me the Village Underground was.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Prestigious, but it's very intimate, you know, like I always say, the comedy at the Cellar are your die hard. They're the same people. Estee makes fun of me, but I'm like, they're the same people who go on safaris. Like they want to be this close to wild animals.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Because, you know, comics were a certainly lot were not always the nicest. And people think, oh, I want to be right up front. And I always say, you really don't. Not with all of us. Like, these are the best comics in the world and they're, they're surly. I mean, they could just look at you and think you look mad or something and then they're like, attack you.

[Craig Ferguson]

But I think that's when I was looking at your. When I was listening to your act and watching your act on Saturday and I was like, this is not an act though. This is like, it is an act. Cause it's stage work and you're doing it, but you're not pretending. Do you know what I mean? It's not, you know, at least I didn't feel like it. Like when you were talking about, you know, your boyfriend and, and sex and stuff, I was like, oh my God.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And he does have Bell's palsy.

[Craig Ferguson]

He really does have Bell's palsy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Uh huh. It's almost better.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah. Well, I like that you dismiss it because he's not here to. But did you think he had a stroke? Because that Bell's palsy is a thing.

[Lynn Koplitz]

It looks like a stroke, but we knew right away it was Bell's palsy.

[Craig Ferguson]

How do you know right away?

[Lynn Koplitz]

He went to the doctor.

[Craig Ferguson]

All right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

He didn't like to the emergency room.

[Craig Ferguson]

Do you smell Toast and taste pennies and stuff. If you get Bell's palsy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I always say that when I. When I always say that, I. Sometimes I just. Like, if the lights blink, I always say I smell toast. Is my grandma coming? Am I having a stroke? I see grandma. But no, he didn't. The reason I'm mean about it is because he said I gave it to him, and then all his friends thought I gave him Bell's palsy by stressing him out.

[Craig Ferguson]

Really? I don't feel like that's how it works, does it?

[Lynn Koplitz]

It doesn't. You absolutely can't do it.

[Craig Ferguson]

How do you get Bell's palsy, then?

[Lynn Koplitz]

It's like a viral thing.

[Craig Ferguson]

All right. Oh, maybe you had it in your breath. Did you have it in your breath?

[Lynn Koplitz]

You're such an idiot.

[Craig Ferguson]

I don't know. Is it like, Covid or something? Can you. Which may or may not.

[Lynn Koplitz]

No, I looked it up. You cannot give it to anyone with words or breath or anything.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right. Okay. How do you. It's a viral thing that you get from what, like, toilet seat or something.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And things like that. Shingles.

[Craig Ferguson]

I've had shingles. Have you had shingles?

[Lynn Koplitz]

No.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's the worst.

[Lynn Koplitz]

They're the worst.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's like. It feels like shingles. It sounds like it should be nice, doesn't it?

[Lynn Koplitz]

Like on a roof.

[Craig Ferguson]

Shingles. You got shingles. It's delightful.

[Lynn Koplitz]

It sounds like you're right. It's like tingles.

[Craig Ferguson]

Tingles. But it's not tingles. It's shingles.

[Lynn Koplitz]

It's hideous.

[Craig Ferguson]

I think hairpiece has got the same problem. Hairpiece and it's a similar thing.

[Lynn Koplitz]

All kind of go in the same categories.

[Craig Ferguson]

But hairpiece sounds like it would be nice. Like a hairpiece.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Like a hairpiece?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, like a hairpiece. Did your boyfriend have a hairpiece?

[Lynn Koplitz]

No.

[Craig Ferguson]

Okay.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But he got this. So, anyway, what'd you ask me is my act?

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, I felt like. I felt like when I was watching you, that it was all real life. It was very raw. I mean, obviously it was you, too, right? Yeah, no, I do, but that's the kind of stuff I respond to.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Me, too.

[Craig Ferguson]

I like. I do comedy in the way that I think it's gonna make me laugh, like. Or the style that would make me laugh, which is raw and truthful, you know? But sometimes I watch. I mean, I was watching. I was like, oh, my God. I don't know if I could. I don't know if I could go that far. Like, when you were talking about.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And you want to know there's other things I want to talk about that I haven't approached yet. So it always tickles me when someone are like, boy, you really go on the edge. I'm like, oh no, I have other things I want to talk about that I haven't touched yet. And I'm just waiting to get ready for them. And, you know, what were you gonna say? I'm sorry, you said.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, no, no, I was just saying it's interesting because, you know, you were talking about the telling men to kill themselves. Well, there was that. Yeah, I did notice. I was like, I don't know how. I mean, you know, in context it's fine, you know, and it's one of the great things. It's one of the things I admire about Anthony Jeselnik as well. He says things like, this is a terrible thing to say, but because he does it so skillfully and you do the same stuff, you do it so skillfully that it's not a terrible. You change it in some way.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I'm in the center of it, right. So I tend to talk about things that make me a victim and then I'm the victor, right.

[Craig Ferguson]

So you give yourself adversity and then triumph over it. So it's a feel good type thing.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah, like it's. So this middle aged man dates me, right? And I tell him, listen, if we're gonna be intimate. What I didn't. What I say on stage sometimes, like when I do an hour is that I was celibate up until I had been celibate for four years. We started dating. I wanted to start over. Yeah, me and God. And I was like, I'm gonna start fresh. And so after four years, how long.

[Craig Ferguson]

Till you become a virgin again? It's like 18 months.

[Lynn Koplitz]

That's right. And no, I mean, I even went on a few dates and I was very clear like, I'm not gonna. I'm sorry. I used to be a bit of a whore dog, but not now. I just.

[Craig Ferguson]

That must be very nice to hear when you're on a date with somebody. I used to be a whore, but no for me.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And it's over now.

[Craig Ferguson]

I was really promiscuous and thank the end, but not for him.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I would have done anything. I would have done anything. Now, no missionary, but I had been real clear with him. So to me, what that joke is about, it's about a middle aged woman kind of getting duped. Like all of a sudden this middle aged guy who's been saying, yeah, I want us to be together, we Live together a little bit. Is now saying, you know what? I changed my mind.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, he doesn't want to do that anymore. But no, in real life, I mean, you guys are still.

[Lynn Koplitz]

No, no, we're not. We're not in real life. We're really not together anymore.

[Craig Ferguson]

Thanks, man.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But we aren't. But we are. Like, I'm tethered to him, so, like, I'm going there.

[Craig Ferguson]

Thanks.

[Lynn Koplitz]

We have stuff together. We bought house and stuff together. We didn't buy a house together, but we had rented a place. And all my stuff is in the house and his stuff is. It's all mingled. And so I'm staying there this summer.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

He's not gonna be there. He'll be in New Hampshire most of the time. He's picking me up at the airport tomorrow. Like, we're still in each other's lives.

[Craig Ferguson]

What does he do? What's his bike like?

[Lynn Koplitz]

He's retired from Verizon.

[Craig Ferguson]

Verizon.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But yet he weren't like, cable guy. He was like a cable guy. He ran it. I love that.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, I love the idea that you're a built like Jack Verizon or whoever it is. Is that who it is?

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

I don't know.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Which is also why when we get in big fights, I'm like, go back to your small potato life, loser. But he's mean, too. So we're.

[Craig Ferguson]

Has he ever dated a comedian before?

[Lynn Koplitz]

No, he hasn't dated someone that lives in a city other than Boston. And Boston's a real city. But I'm talking about.

[Craig Ferguson]

You said Boston like it's not a city.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I'm like, no, it is, but I'm talking not a city woman.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right. Because the women of Boston are. What?

[Lynn Koplitz]

No, he's not dated women from Boston.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

He's dated women who lived in South Boston. Craig. I'm trying not to say it. Southie assholes.

[Craig Ferguson]

I'm trying not to say it.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I'm like, I don't wanna be mean about him.

[Craig Ferguson]

Look, I'm sorry for pressing you about. What I mean is, this is like, I am fascinated by comedians that seem to work out their own personal issues on stage. Because that is how I do it. But what I've noticed is. Cause when I was doing it, I used to do that late night, too. I was just like, whatever was fun.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I loved watching your monologues and stuff. Cause you just talked about it.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right? But the problem with that is that people know it. You forget. And then people come over and they'll say things like, I said, Something on Late Night years ago, and they'll. I don't remember remember saying it.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Like, I. Oh, no, I have that, too.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

People will tell me tags that aren't. Like, I don't ever remember saying them.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, like they say a punchline to a joke that you've never told that I never told, you don't remember telling.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Or they just add something to it that is not like they changed it.

[Craig Ferguson]

But I think people hear what they want to hear. Like, they change it in their mind. Like, I. I do this, too. Like when. You know, when Leonard Nimoy died, I was like. I was talking to my wife.

[Lynn Koplitz]

What?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, we died. And I was like, oh, man. The original Mr. Spock. He was so awesome. I wish I'd had him on Late Night. And we looked up and he'd been on twice. I have no. No recollection.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, when I saw you the other night, I'm like, oh. So one of the people who work at the. The seller goes, fred Ferguson's name, Fred Ferguson. And I go, okay, good for him. And she goes, no, isn't he your friend? And I go, fred Ferguson?

[Craig Ferguson]

Fred Ferguson.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I don't even know who the hell that is. She goes, you don't know Fred Ferguson? I thought he was your friend. And I go, no, if I knew. If this person was my friend, he's.

[Craig Ferguson]

Then making a connection.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, you opened for him. I go, oh, Fred Ferguson's a comic? And she goes, yeah. And now I go, what do you mean I opened for him? She goes, you opened for him? I thought you guys. I worked at Comics when he was there, and it looked like you guys really liked each other. I go, I don't know who this is.

[Craig Ferguson]

Fred Ferguson.

[Lynn Koplitz]

So she goes, turn around. He's right here. I turn around, I go, it's Craig Ferguson. And she goes, oh, what's the difference? And I go, a whole person?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, that is. That is. To me, there's a difference. I feel like Fred Craig. You know, I once went to a birthday party. It was a surprise birthday party. Somebody threw. It was actually. Carrie Fisher threw me a birthday party in Los Angeles. And it was all, like, celebrities were there and all that. And they got a cake, and the cake turned up and it said, happy birthday, Crane Kilbourne. Crane Kilbourne. Didn't even get one of my names right. And it was the guy who I took over from. Happy birthday, Crane Kilbourne. I'm like, for fuck's sake, Carrie. She went, well, I didn't look at the cake. I just ordered the cake. I just didn't get Craig a cake.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I was gonna. I thought if she, you know, she was funny.

[Craig Ferguson]

Carrie was the good.

[Lynn Koplitz]

You ever Carrie? No. But she missed the joke. She should have said, calm down, Crane.

[Craig Ferguson]

Calm down, Crane. She called me Crane for a long time after that. You guys would have loved each other.

[Lynn Koplitz]

We would have loved each other.

[Craig Ferguson]

You would have loved each other. She was.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Very many people told me and I think people told her because I had so many people tell me. I can't believe you haven't met Carrie Fisher.

[Craig Ferguson]

I can't believe myself. I mean, it seems odd to me because you would have been either you would have been great friends or deadliest enemies.

[Lynn Koplitz]

No, we would have loved each other.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I think you would have. Hello, this is Craig Ferguson and I want to let you know I have a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm so Happy and I would be so happy if you checked it out. To watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel, Hecraig Ferguson show and it says right there, just click it and play it and it's free. I can't. Look, I'm not going to come around your house and show you how to do it. If you can't do it, then you can't have it. But if you can figure it out, it's yours.

[Cindy Crawford]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like, I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age? Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Meaningful Beauty.

[Jacob Goldstein]

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[Lynn Koplitz]

You know, Joan Rivers was like my mentor. She was like, I was gonna ask.

[Craig Ferguson]

You about that because Joan, there's a whole thing with Joan. I never met Joan Rivers and she's like my favorite comedian. I honestly think maybe my favorite stand up comedian of anyone I've ever seen. For me she's up there with Richard Pryor and you know, I mean she's just insane. How did you guys meet up?

[Lynn Koplitz]

She's a groundbreaker. I was doing a TV show called Z Rock about a band and they wanted it was on the IFC channel and they wanted Joan on it and I had done the pilot. And she watched the pilot and said, I'll do it if I can. I gotta work with that woman. So they said, okay. And they made her my aunt, which turned out to be a nightmare for them. Cause she was playing my aunt, but she was playing Joan Rivers, who just happened to be my aunt. And it was a loosely scripted show, so we improv'd a lot. And when I met her, I walked in, I was very thin then, and I walked in and she said, oh, I've never seen the camera take weight off of somebody. And the whole room went quiet. And I looked at her and I went and started laughing. And she goes, come here, you thick skinned comic. And she gave me a hug.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's great.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And she said, I always do that to see who I'm dealing with.

[Craig Ferguson]

She was. She told the greatest joke I've ever heard.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Which one?

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, one of the greatest jokes I've ever heard. There's a couple. But when she was talking, when she was on Fashion Police, and remember Ryan Lochte, the swimmer? And he got into terrible trouble. He was going into terrible trouble all over the place. And she said, ryan Lockley is like my vagina. When it's dry, the magic is gone. And I went, oh, my God.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, you know, at her funeral, Howard Stern told her, I think one of her best vagina jokes ever.

[Craig Ferguson]

What's that?

[Lynn Koplitz]

He said, joan Rivers had a very dry vagina. And this was the first words out of his mouth at her funeral. Had a very dry vagina. He goes, I know this. Cause she told me all the time. And he said, and she told me once, howard, my vagina is so dry that if Whitney Houston had it, she'd be alive today. Jesus. But my favorite old joke.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's a terrible thing to say, but.

[Lynn Koplitz]

My favorite old joke of hers, it was corny. It's corny. People always look at me like I'm corny, but I just love the joke. She goes, I'm so old. When I was a child, the dead sea was sick.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's a great joke. It's a great joke.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And she wrote it. And it's a brilliant, brilliant joke.

[Craig Ferguson]

But she was what's interesting to me. And this is the thing I picked up on when I was. Cause I see, I remember your act being. The material wasn't the same, but your style was similar 20 years ago. I mean, you were still raw, you were still working like that. And when I was watching a lot of the other comics, I was much more TV friendly.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I was much more like, I want Everyone to like me now.

[Craig Ferguson]

Like, I think that's. When you're young, you kind of laugh now.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I'd rather the comics laugh.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, I think if you're making the comics laugh, you're kind of doing something right. I mean, you're hitting a definite demographic, and it's probably a very dark one, because I think comedians.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Don't you think you hit a point? Like, excuse me for interrupting. As an artist, I'm definitely the artist now. I've evolved where I'm. That art. Like, when you knew me, I was the artist that was still willing to paint murals in people's houses. And now I'm like, what? They want me to paint the couch green so it matches their couch in the picture. Tell them to go, fuck all that. I'm never doing that. So now that's. If someone goes, can you not do that joke? I'm like, no, I can just leave.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I have to do the joke. I don't know. I mean, I feel like it gets to a point where you. You just kind of like, I can't fucking make everyone happy. I can't. You know, I mean, my job is to make people laugh, but not necessarily make them happy, you know?

[Lynn Koplitz]

And that's a good point.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I don't, like. I don't find this joke offensive. Well, okay, that's good. Or I do find this joke offensive. Well, that's good. But there's a. There's a lot of talk recently about you can't say this and you can't say that or you get into trouble. And I was like, it's always been like that.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But my point is, is Joan had a rule, and I think about it all the time. She said, talk about whatever you want. Just make sure it's funny.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I think that that's the thing.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Is undeniably funny.

[Craig Ferguson]

Undeniably funny is right. Because there is that, but there's now the situation. Well, I don't know if it. There was a little moment there where certain things you weren't allowed to. Even I felt like you weren't even meant to talk about.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, you were talking about throwing your kid in the pool.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And I was screaming, laughing. It's so funny. And it's how when we were kids, that's how you learned to swim.

[Craig Ferguson]

How you learn to swim.

[Lynn Koplitz]

You're lucky if you got thrown in. Usually you just got kissed, someone drinking a beer and shoved you with their foot.

[Craig Ferguson]

A lot of kids didn't make it, but, you know, we got A floater. Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But, you know, even when you said it the other night, I could see people going, oh, why don't you? But they're just sensitive now.

[Craig Ferguson]

I think so, but I think they go.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And you made it funny immediately.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right. And I think the thing is, as well, is that I think people go, particularly places like the Cellar Village, Underground, all that stuff. I think people go there with the expectation that I am going to be tested by, you know, I am going to hear stuff that I don't want to hear. And that's part of the fun. I think it's been folded into it that now you like you. I think that's okay. I think to feel that sense of danger, like you mentioned a telling. Attell's always been one of my favorite comics.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Mine, too.

[Craig Ferguson]

Because I watch Dave Attell sometimes, and I think, I don't know Dave. I can't go, God damn it. He made me laugh again. I mean, he's.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And Dave Attell, you know, it's funny because I'm not usually a fan of comics that I don't know something about at the end of their act. I can appreciate that. Jerry Seinfeld is a master at what he does at observational comedy. He's one of the very best. But I don't enjoy watching him, his comedy, his TV shows, the stuff I love. He's a great writer, but it's just not my cup of tea. Ellen is the same way. Ellen DeGeneres, but that Boston style of comedy where they're like, and then I killed the guy. I never find that funny. You didn't do it.

[Craig Ferguson]

You didn't kill the guy. You know, that's the difference between Boston and New York comedy. Then in New York, you have to actually have killed the guy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

If you say, I kill the guy, you really think Glenn might have killed that guy? There's some opinion. You know, you think when you're watching me, she might have actually told this guy to kill himself?

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, yeah, I thought you might have. Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

No, I would be very sad if he killed himself.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, of course you would.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But that's where I push it. You know, it's. You know how it is. You do it, too. It's where fantasy, right?

[Craig Ferguson]

You mess around with it. You mess around with the reality of it. That's all right. I mean, it's called poetic license, I suppose, for anyone.

[Lynn Koplitz]

For me, it's always believable, my situation. Like, I have a joke where I'm talking about young feminists, and I wanted to see. I did it because they traditionally have been annoying me a lot. So I thought, I wonder if I can talk about them and still win them. Because young women love me, right? And I think it's cause I tell the truth.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, I saw you. You were doing crowd work with a couple of girls in the front row. The young women in the front row.

[Lynn Koplitz]

No matter what I say, Craig, they never hate me.

[Craig Ferguson]

They were great. They loved you.

[Lynn Koplitz]

We love you. We love you. And I'm like, shut up. I don't want your love. We love you so much. They're like little puppies. But I think it's because there's an auntie quality to me, like she's telling us the truth.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

She's on our side. She's gonna protect us. And so my whole joke is about. Do you want me to tell you? Yeah, sure. It's just about the feminism thing. Where I go, there is a young. If you haven't met young New York feminists yet, they're very. They're not like the old school feminists. They're very, like, right in your face and growly. And I said, so one jumps in front of me with a clipboard recently, and she's like, what have you done for women today? And I go, well, I'm not going to punch you in the throat. So that's one thing. And then I do this whole thing about getting behind this young girl. Because I know my days of free drinks and having doors held open are very long gone. But I'm like, this young, fertile girl is going in the banquet. The doors are heavy, my arms are not what they were. And I'm like, I'm going to get behind her like a little car getting behind a big semi in a storm. She's. This bitch is going to save my life. So I get behind her and she stops. This is true story. This is based on a true story. She stops cold and she says to the guy holding the door, I can get my own door, thank you very much. And I'd never seen it. Have you seen it in real life?

[Craig Ferguson]

It's happened to me.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Real.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's happened to me. I'll tell you about it in a minute.

[Lynn Koplitz]

So I go, well, I can't. Excuse me. Pardon me. I kind of walk past. So then I go, I'm telling this joke true story again at the Cellar, at the little room. And a girl in the front row goes, yes. And I go, you know what? What are you yesing? And she goes, she told him. She told him, we can get our own doors. And we can buy our own food, and we don't need men trying to take our power. And I turned to her, and now I say, the audience, let me tell you something. No one can take your fucking power. You gotta give it to them. And Nat usually gets an applause break. And I go, you girls are not looking at this the right way. The way I see it is they owe me that. They owe me holding the door, buying me dinner. I go, you know why? Because we've been blowing these guys for centuries. I am kneeling on the shoulders of my ancestors, and I go, somewhere in my line, someone in my family probably suck the dick of some guy coming back from World War I.

[Craig Ferguson]

Exactly.

[Lynn Koplitz]

With ticker tape on it. I go, then I'm sure I have some pilgrim ancestor. That was like, when I'm done churning this butter and Ezekiel gets home, I gotta breathe out of my nose for four minutes. And I'm like, I'm sure I've got some cave woman relative that was just. And he pokes her on the shoulder, and she's like, oh, so you owe me reparations. And I talk about my boyfriend and all that, but it kills with the girls, and it starts me not being nice to them. But like you said, then I empower them.

[Cindy Crawford]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but, like, I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age? Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Meaningful Beauty.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Beautiful skin at every age. Learn [e-mail].

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[Craig Ferguson]

Oh.

[Unknown Speaker]

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[Jacob Goldstein]

This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? Business software is expensive. And when you buy software from lots of different companies, it's not only expensive, it gets confusing. Slow to use, hard to integrate. Odoo solves that because all Odoo software is connected on a single affordable platform. Save money without missing out on the features you need. Odoo has no hidden costs and no limit on features or data. Odoo has over 60 apps available for any needs your business might have, all at no additional charge. Everything from websites to sales to inventory to accounting. All linked and talking to each other. Check out Odoo at o d o o.com that's o d o o.com Life's messy.

[Cindy Crawford]

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[Craig Ferguson]

It's very interesting to watch your work because it is. I mean, it's funny that you mentioned Joan, because I got that kind of like style vibe from you as well. Like the idea was like, I will go at people, you know, I will make fun of somebody, I will have a go at someone. But it's always really me who I'm going at, which is very smart and how it works. I think as far as the holding the door open thing that happened to me in la, it was a gate at the school when one of my kids was young and I held the gate open for one of the moms in the school and she was pretty angry. Maybe she was having a tough day. I mean, everybody's tired, they have little kids. But she Walked by me, and she went, I don't need you to hold the door open for me. And kind of like. I was like, I didn't hold it open for you. I held it open for my mom. You were just there.

[Lynn Koplitz]

You should have just said, that's how you get hit.

[Craig Ferguson]

Just so you know, I probably. Hey, lady.

[Lynn Koplitz]

That's how you get five across the face.

[Craig Ferguson]

But here's the thing. It's funny, though, because the idea. And you've touched on this, and I'm interested in this. And you mentioned Ellen as well. Cause Ellen got into a lot of trouble. Cause it turns out she's not as nice in real life as she is on tv. I don't know her, but I've met her a couple times. She seemed very nice to me. I don't know. I mean, I was meeting her on a TV studio. I've got certainly no Ellen stories. But what I was kind of fascinated by is that people. And people will say this about anyone. Like, if you meet anyone famous, anyone at all, they say, were they nice? I don't need. I don't need. Like, I don't know. I don't need Jimmy Page to be nice. I don't need. I don't even. He plays the guitar. Let him play the guitar. If he's not nice, I don't fucking care.

[Lynn Koplitz]

You have to be super talented to not be nice.

[Craig Ferguson]

To not be nice. I suppose you do, actually. Because I think that. That seems to be the thing that most people want. Is for you to be nice. And the truth is, I'm nice sometimes. A lot of the time, I think I'm nice. And sometimes I'm probably a dick. I know I am.

[Lynn Koplitz]

So for me, one story about a celebrity does not make them who they are.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Like, if someone tells me.

[Craig Ferguson]

But I think for a lot of people, it does, though.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah, but it shouldn't. Because everybody's a person.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

So, yes, you're allowed to even react to her and say, oh, well, next time I definitely won't. Or, you know, whatever. Because maybe you're having a bad day and you tried to be nice and she was a jerk about it. I'm not saying you should be like that, but I'm saying that. But that doesn't define who you are. So I was just about to say to you about Ellen. I've heard that she can be prickly, but I don't know her, so I reserve that. Like, I don't. You know, I've said to people, I'm not gonna judge this Person. Cause I don't know him. Now, there are other celebrities where I'm like, oh, yeah, he's an asshole.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But I know him.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, you know, they're an asshole.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And I will tell him to his face, he's an asshole.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I think that that's. It's a weird thing. I remember I was once changing planes at Denver. You know how Denver, like, you do road work. You know how bad Denver Airport is?

[Lynn Koplitz]

Denver, I got stuck. The only one I ever got stuck at.

[Craig Ferguson]

I hate Denver Airport so much. Do you know, if you see it from the sky, it kind of looks like a swastika as well. Do you know?

[Lynn Koplitz]

I'm not surprised. I hate it. And the people at Denver Airport, have you ever noticed this? They're so crazy. Like, there's no, like, sides of the street walking. Everyone looks frazzled, like they're racing to a sail.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yep. It's weird. It's like Black Friday every day. And.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, not Black Friday. It is a swastika.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, yeah, it's like black uniform rating. But they. I was getting off. I was changing planes or something at Denver Airport, and I bumped to this guy from Africa. It was my fault. And this African guy bumped me. He was wearing the full, like, all the African gear and stuff. And I bumped into him. I was kind of embarrassed, and I stumbled a little bit, and he went to help me. He was a younger guy, and he went to help me with my case because I was kind of falling over a little bit. And I was like, ah. And I pulled that away. I was tired. I was a jerk. And he said. He went, I'm helping you with your case. What a jerk. And I was like, oh, no. And I started walking away and I thought, God, I am a jerk. And I was looking around.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Did you go find him?

[Craig Ferguson]

I was trying to find him to apologize for being a jerk. And I couldn't find him. So I think probably he watches this podcast and now he'll know that. No, he won't, because he'll think I'm a jerk. He's like, I'm not watching that jerk.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I was gonna say, he'll know you're doing it. He's not gonna wanna listen.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, he'll hate me. But the truth is, he didn't know where I was. He just thought I was a jerk in Denver Airport. And you know what? For that moment in time, I fucking was a jerk in Denver Airport.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But he might have known. That's the weird part about TV and stuff, because I was nice to a Lady in the airport one time, she had a kid who was screaming. And you know, some mothers have that. They get that look like, this is the day I'm leaving. The kid in the airport. And I saw the look and she was frazzled and she had like an infant and a little three year old that was going ape shit crazy.

[Craig Ferguson]

I've been there.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And I had dog toys in my purse for my dog. So I was going home and I just went, eh, eh, and squeezed the ball. And the little three year old turned and came walking over and I threw the ball and the kid came back and I just played with the kid with this dog ball.

[Craig Ferguson]

You're an angel from heaven.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And the mother said, it was terrible.

[Craig Ferguson]

Being in the airport with a kid.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Who are, how are you doing this? Not who are you? But how are you doing this? And I said, look, I'm not a mom. She goes, you must be a mom. And I said, no, I own a dog. But, you know, how old's your kid? She was almost three. And I said, yeah, aren't they kind of the same?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, like a three year old and a dog.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah. And anyway, I played with the kid and I sat on the floor and the mom said, don't you have one? I go, no, I have an hour. And I was just nice to this little kid and I said, do you want to go somewhere? Do you want me to watch them and do you have to pee or anything? She's seriously like, the look on her face, Craig was like, no. Well, next thing I know, I get a call from my manager like a week later. And I gave the little screaming one the dog toy. And it really was a dog toy. That's what's so embarrassing. But my manager said, lynn, we have Google alerts on you. I want you to read something. And the woman knew who I was. She recognized me from TV with John and said, this woman was one of the nicest women. And when he. I was so flustered, but it was really sweet, but it made me go, oh, shit. And then when I was on tv, I had other ones that were like, I saw Lynne Coplice today fighting with her boyfriend. And now most of them are like, I think I saw you crying in the park. That's what people used.

[Craig Ferguson]

But it's funny though, because I think now everybody. It used to be like, if you were kind of, if you were famous, you were, you were in that, that kind of position. But no, that was very passive aggressive. I was passive aggressive, you know, it was like, yeah, right. All right. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I still think it was passive aggressive, but it used to be just, like, famous people would get that, like, you walk around and, like, you do something dumb and get shamed. But now I think anyone. Because everyone has a camera and everyone has, you know, Instagram and all that kind of stuff, that anyone who does something dumb has the opportunity to go viral and be shamed.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah. Which is why I like to say to people, film it.

[Craig Ferguson]

Film it.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I said, go ahead. I don't care. But I'm not you. You're famous.

[Craig Ferguson]

You're famous.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Now I have to always say to myself, don't get mad at hecklers. You're talking to them.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And they feel comfortable with you, and they feel like you want them to be part of this. So once in a while, I'll say, okay, you and I are done. Now I'm gonna go back to my own show.

[Craig Ferguson]

I mean, look, you've run into it as well. It's like when you see people that have expectations of how you know that it's gonna go and it's not going that way. I've done it. Look, I've done it myself. Did you watch Game of Thrones?

[Lynn Koplitz]

I love you. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Are you kidding, right? So Game of Thrones, I got a call from.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Did they shoot in Scotland?

[Craig Ferguson]

Ireland.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Ireland.

[Craig Ferguson]

But I was in California, and I get this call, or they asked me to host the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con in San Diego. I was like, sure, I love Game of Thrones. I'd never seen it, but then I watched all of it before I did it. It was all DVDs and stuff like that. So I watched it all, and I get to the backstage at Comic Con.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Then you were psyched once you watched it.

[Craig Ferguson]

All right. It was great. I love that show. And I'm backstage at Comic Con, and all the Game of Thrones people is there, and the actor who played Jaime Lannister, you know, the super handsome guy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

[Craig Ferguson]

He walked in and I went, oh, hey. And I hugged him.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I have so many of those. It's so embarrassing.

[Craig Ferguson]

And I thought. I thought I knew him because I'd just been watching them on tv. And I went over and I hugged him, and then I hugged him, and I felt him kind of, like, tensed, and I was like, oh, shit. I've never met this guy in my life. And I said, I'm sorry. I've never met you in my life, have I? And he went, no, but he was very.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But did he know who you were? Of Course, maybe.

[Craig Ferguson]

I don't know. But he. Yeah, he did, but he was like, of course. I said, I'm so sorry, and he said, it happens more often than you would think. It's all right. And he was very, very stupid.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Oh, good. So he was nice.

[Craig Ferguson]

He was nice. And that's the thing I have to tell you about the actor whose name I will insert later on. You know that guy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

He.

[Craig Ferguson]

What's his name? Can you. He played Jamie. He's a fabulous actor. Just his name escapes me for the moment. Yeah, that. Nikola.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Nicola.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah, he. He was lovely. He was just lovely.

[Lynn Koplitz]

But there was another one that wasn't.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, they were all pretty nice, actually.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Oh, were they?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

They all seemed nice.

[Craig Ferguson]

But I was the stalker is what I'm saying. I was the. Do you ever. I mean, do you ever go up to famous people, you think you know, and start talking to them? But you realize when I first moved.

[Lynn Koplitz]

To New York and I wasn't even. Yeah. I wasn't on TV or a comic or anything. I was an aspiring young actress. I used to get on. I'd get on the subway, and I would talk to soap stars all the time, thinking I knew them, and I'd be like, oh, hi. How you doing? And they would usually say, oh, hi.

[Craig Ferguson]

And maybe they go to the work.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And they would think, maybe I know her, you know, and then I'd go, so, Dixie, you know, it's good to see you. And she'd go, that's the character. And then I'd go with Dixie. Oh, my God. You know, And I would usually be. Really? At one time, when I was young, people would sometimes say I looked a little bit like Cindy Crawford. Anyone watching this now? I do not look anything like her now.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, I feel like you did. And you do.

[Lynn Koplitz]

When I was younger, I might have a little tiny bit. And one day, I saw Steven Spielberg on the street, and he was wearing an Amblin hat and carrying an ET.

[Craig Ferguson]

So people would recognize him.

[Lynn Koplitz]

He saw me and he went, hey. And I was Right by Ford Modeling Agents. He had every right in the world to think it was me. I mean, it was her. And he went, hey. And I go, hi. And we're crossing the street, and I thought, I wonder how long it's gonna take for him to realize he doesn't know me. Yeah, well, right as we got close, he went, like. The look in his face, Craig, Like, I can't even. Whatever. I just. I just called it on.

[Craig Ferguson]

Like, whatever happens now, it's my fault.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I started this. And I went, it's okay. And he goes, thank you. And he just walked away. And I actually thought that was kind of sweet of him. Cause he just.

[Craig Ferguson]

He is nice. I know Steven Spielberg, and I have to report. He is nice.

[Lynn Koplitz]

He was very sweet, but he was very sweet to me. Like, thank you so much. Like, he realized, like, she's nice. You know, it was cute, but it was really funny because he started it. Like, can you imagine?

[Craig Ferguson]

I know, but I mean, look, I've done it. And sometimes people say, hey, how you doing? And you don't want to be rude, but they don't know you. So you're like, hey. Oh, that's why in LA now everybody says nice to see you, instead of nice to meet you. Or you never say nice to meet you to someone. You always say, nice to see you. Because nice to see you can be nice to meet you or it can be nice to.

[Lynn Koplitz]

That's why in the south, everyone says, hey. They just go, hey.

[Craig Ferguson]

Hey.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Because hey just means like, I might know you.

[Craig Ferguson]

I might know you. I might not know you.

[Lynn Koplitz]

They call. All the guys are always called guy.

[Craig Ferguson]

Hey, guy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Hey, guy.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, I've been called that. I realize now that guy usually means.

[Lynn Koplitz]

They don't know your name. Yeah, but women. I always call a guy handsome if I don't remember his name.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, hey, handsome.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Hey, good looking.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, you can't do that if you're a guy because it'll be creepy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

You just sit to call the woman skinny. Hey, skinny. Hey, Skinny. Hey, pretty. We don't hear anything else.

[Craig Ferguson]

All right? Hey, Skinny.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Unless it's the woman you hold the door for. And then she's like, I can be fat if I want to be.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, well, see, I didn't make any comment to this woman at all when I held the gate for her. I just didn't mean anything by it. I wasn't trying to oppress her. I just kind of didn't think about it.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Yeah, you weren't thinking. I'm going to take her power. They have a new joke about walking down the street and a guy goes, smile. I bet you'd be a lot prettier. And I go, now, I don't know about you girls, but I love a command from a strange man and, I don't know, an emotional command. I always find that really nice.

[Craig Ferguson]

Does that really still happen? I mean, all the time.

[Lynn Koplitz]

It just happened to me recently.

[Craig Ferguson]

No smile.

[Lynn Koplitz]

You'd be a lot prettier if you did.

[Craig Ferguson]

No one ever says that.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And I went like that.

[Craig Ferguson]

I think I'm just pretty. Maybe I'm.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I did that.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's kind of nice.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Were you right?

[Craig Ferguson]

I can't believe that still happens. Geez.

[Lynn Koplitz]

It does. And it's hilarious to me. It's a good way to get yourself. I've even said on stage, I'm like, please put an end to this misery of a career. Go ahead, cancel me, then. I'm done. Because you can't get fired from stand up.

[Craig Ferguson]

You can't do. You know, I noticed actually that some people that got canceled actually started doing stand up.

[Lynn Koplitz]

They started doing better. Now it is the craziest.

[Craig Ferguson]

I know. It's like if you get cancelled from being an actor or something, well, I'll go and do stand up. You go, oh, so it's all right to be a standup?

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, like. Or they'll do this with me. Like, they'll go, oh, boo. And I go, listen, no. You really want to not see me do this anymore? Just don't make a noise. Just. Let's all sit and stare at each other. And then I can just be done. Like, please, please. I never should have gotten as far as I've gotten. It's been a long, long. I remember one time we were in the little room and I was telling jokes and there was silence from the men. Like I was saying something, and all the men looked pissed. They were all kind of sitting. It was before I was as nuanced a comic as I am now. The women liked me. They were laughing, but the men were very. And I came off stage and I said to Jim Norton, goes, great set. And I go, oh, God, no. The men hate me. And he goes, they're not asleep. And I said, what? And he goes, if they hate you, it's just as good as loving you. They're awake and they're listening. They can't get mad at you if they're not listening to you.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's kind of smart.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And I said, there's nothing wrong about that. Oh, you're right.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And when we were talking about the truth, and I know you have to go, but one time I was doing stand up maybe 15, no, 20 years ago, and everything was changing. I was getting older and my jokes weren't working for me because I was getting older. It wasn't. I looked like Cindy Crawford, blah, blah, blah, blah. None of it was working. And I put on weight again. I always go up and down and I had these horrible leggings on with a big shirt. I was in Kansas and I thought I Said a little prayer and I said, God, I don't know what to do. Like, I just feel like a fraud. And Lynne Koplos doesn't do well when she feels like a fraud. And I said, okay. And I heard. It was the first time I heard God say, tell the truth. So I walked out on stage and I said, this is what you look like when you start giving up. I'm not even doing comedy anymore. This is more of an unraveling. And then I started and Jim Norton saw me again and he goes, real smart, what you did. And I said, what do you mean? And he goes, you don't even have to do standup. If they don't laugh at you, who cares? You told them up front, you're not doing that. You're not here for that. And then eventually I changed it to people asking me if I'm from Michigan. I'm like, no, this is what you look like when you give up. Right? It's the same look.

[Craig Ferguson]

Which is a well crafted joke.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Well, I turned them into jokes, but.

[Craig Ferguson]

But it's always, you're the victim. You're the victim who becomes the victor. Victim, who becomes the victim.

[Lynn Koplitz]

That's right. Right. This is what you look like when you start giving up. But you know what? I don't even care. I'm here to get fired. I'm just trying to get this stuff out. Take what you like, leave what you don't. And, you know, it's wild. But at this point in my life, I'm pretty blessed to be able to still be. I mean, I'm not famous, but I'm a bit of a journeyman. I'm still doing it, I think.

[Craig Ferguson]

You know, the people that know about comedy and love comedy know exactly who you are and are always happy to see you on stage. And I'm definitely one of them. It's a joy to see you. Thanks for coming.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I got nervous to say hi to you the other night because I was like, what if he doesn't remember me?

[Craig Ferguson]

That sound crazy. That's so crazy.

[Lynn Koplitz]

I know, but that's who we all are. We're neurotic weirdos.

[Craig Ferguson]

Mm, that's true.

[Lynn Koplitz]

And then you're. You're beautiful. You've effusive, lovely self. So keep in touch with.

[Craig Ferguson]

Try to be nice. I will keep in touch with you. Get out of here.

[Lynn Koplitz]

Okay.

[Unknown Speaker]

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[Lynn Koplitz]

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[Craig Ferguson]

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[Cindy Crawford]

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[Lynn Koplitz]

At dinner, you're the chef.

[Cindy Crawford]

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[Lynn Koplitz]

Learn [e-mail] this is an I Heart podcast.