Juicebox Podcast: Type 1 Diabetes

Episode #1439 – Slap Bang
Host: Scott Benner
Guest: Marnie (age 29, diagnosed T1D at 17)
Date: February 20, 2025

EPISODE OVERVIEW

This episode of the Juicebox Podcast dives deep into the mental, emotional, and practical sides of living with Type 1 diabetes. Marnie, diagnosed at 17 and the daughter of a fellow T1D, discusses her journey from shame and denial to community, improved management, and peace of mind. Through stories of struggle, humor, and personal growth—including raw insight into anxiety, panic attacks, and the turning points that changed her relationship with diabetes—Marnie provides a candid look at what it means to move from survival to thriving with T1D.

KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

Marnie’s Diagnosis and Early Experiences

• Diagnosis Story
  • Diagnosed at 17, after a serious illness and classic T1D symptoms over Christmas (05:05-08:25).
  • Her mother, also T1D, recognized the signs quickly due to nighttime bathroom visits:
    • "She just remembers me getting up in the night, go to the toilet... She thought of...let's do a blood meter test on you." (06:20)
  • High initial BGs (28 mmol/L, then 32 mmol/L / 504 & 570 mg/dL) confirmed diagnosis.
• Initial Management
  • Discharged without intensive hospital intervention, relying on her mom’s experience.
  • Marnie didn't fully understand the seriousness until seeing her mother's emotional reaction:
    • "I remember hearing her just sobbing downstairs and I think in that moment I was like, oh my God...this is going to change my life." (12:04)
  • Her mother experienced guilt and surprise, not realizing T1D could be genetic.
• Family and Genetics
  • Marnie’s mother is also T1D since age 10 (in the 1970s); a sister has hypothyroidism.
  • Family played the "test mum's blood sugar" game, which Marnie always avoided (07:35).

Emotional Impact and Growth

Hiding, Denial, and Shame

• Denial and Pretending
  • Marnie fulfilled the minimum requirements, hiding poor BG management from others by manipulating meter logs and lying about numbers at clinic visits:
    • "I would purposefully test when I knew my blood sugar was good so you'd see a good number... It almost gave me that good feeling..." (24:02)
  • Alcohol, partying, "other things one might do at a party"—she admits risky behaviors and self-deception.
• Shame and Judgment
  • As a teen, she tried to hide her diabetes management:
    • "I'd take myself off to the toilet, I'll do insulin on the toilet, away from everyone...I just got into this sort of mentality of, I'll take myself off to the toilet..." (66:44)
    • Felt certain everyone was staring or judging, though now recognizes this was self-imposed.
• Change Over Time
  • Now openly manages diabetes—"I will make eye contact with someone on the bus and inject them dead in the eye." (67:32)
  • Finds joy and connection in being open, especially when meeting others with diabetes.

Mental Health: Anxiety and Panic Attacks

• First Panic Attacks
  • 2023 became her "year of the panic attack" after two severe stomach bugs caused intractable lows and helplessness (40:27–45:33).
  • The anxiety of being unable to control her BG during vomiting and feeling alone led to panic episodes at work and home.
• Intrusive Thoughts
  • Developed compulsive checking habits and trouble trusting in good management, fearing any low would spiral into another crisis.
    • "I'd have really nice graphs and I just couldn't rationalize in my head that I'd put in the work to have the nice graphs because this anxiety was just clouding everything." (47:38)
• Cognitive Breakthrough
  • After considering therapy, a conversation with her mom reframed her thinking:
    • "She just looked at me and she was like, 'No, because we're both here. And why would you let that stop you living your life?'" (52:25)
  • Realized she can't let fear dominate her life and now feels more at peace.

The Turning Point—CGM and the Power of Knowledge

• Continuous Glucose Monitoring (CGM)
  • Getting a Libre in 2021 was revolutionary; could no longer ignore patterns between fingerpricks (26:51–28:55).
    • "It was just the ability to not be able to ignore things like I was doing before...I can do so much better." (27:04)
• Juicebox Podcast Community
  • Found the podcast after seeing it recommended on Instagram; started at episode 1 for a chronological journey (“I refuse to do it out of order.” 28:55).
  • Gained life-changing practical knowledge—how fat, protein, exercise, and timing all affect BG—and saw improvement:
    • "Just as I listened more and more, it was things like, you know, like, consider fat and protein and exercise and just everything you speak on, really..." (32:51)
  • The community—both the podcast and the private Facebook group—became a reliable source of support and diabetes-specific solidarity.
• Sharing with Family
  • Now discusses management and strategies with her mother, who also learned and benefited from Marnie’s new knowledge (38:13).

Coping, Acceptance, and Maturity

Emotional Shift and Maturity

• From Invincibility to Responsibility
  • As a teen, felt “untouchable”—“Like, bad things happen to older people...I just didn’t care.” (62:30)
  • Now recognizes the need to actively protect her health for longevity.
• Fun with Success
  • Fine-tuning management became rewarding:
    • "It was almost like winning a game, almost...look at this amazing score I’ve got today." (34:36)
• Personal Insight
  • Learned that self-compassion, knowledge, and support make the condition manageable—and life more joyful.

NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

"If I didn't test when I was high or low, it didn't count. And that was sort of my mentality with it."
— Marnie (23:53)

"I will make eye contact with someone on the bus and inject them dead in the eye."
— Marnie (67:32)

"It was almost like winning a game, almost...look at this amazing score I’ve got today."
— Marnie (34:36)

"She just looked at me and she was like, 'No, because we're both here. And why would you let that stop you living your life?'"
— Marnie, quoting her mom at her anxiety turning point (52:25)

"You just feel so untouchable when you’re young...then as you get a bit older, you realize that’s not true...You need to really look after yourself."
— Marnie (62:30)

"Worry is a Waste of Imagination."
— Scott Benner (58:08; referencing episode 156)

TIMESTAMPS FOR IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

• 02:18 — Marnie’s diagnosis and initial symptoms
• 06:20 — Mother recognizes symptoms
• 12:04 — Realization of the emotional impact on her mother
• 21:48 — Pretending to accept diabetes, risky behavior, hiding true management
• 26:51 — Discovery of CGM as a real turning point
• 32:51 — The influence of the Juicebox Podcast and online community
• 40:27 — Stomach bug, crisis, and anxiety after difficult lows
• 47:38 — Anxiety manifesting in compulsive checking and intrusive thoughts
• 52:25 — The turnaround: a simple but powerful conversation with mom
• 62:30 — Maturation and embracing responsibility

HUMOR & RELATABLE MOMENTS

• Reenacting lying to the doctor by making up blood sugar logs with color-coded pens (25:27).
• British/American banter over accents, measurements, and the phrase "slap bang" (31:30, 47:01).
• Winnie the Pooh–style jam-rubbing during a hypo (“I don't think I had any pants on as well when all this is happening. So it was very Winnie the Pooh.” 45:41).
• Joking about self-injection visibility: “inject them dead in the eye.” (67:32)
• Playful exchanges about aging and the pains of “sleep injuries” (63:19).

COMMUNITY & SUPPORT

• Marnie found connection both online and in-person, appreciating encounters with other T1Ds (“spotting diabetics in the wild”) and support in the Juicebox Facebook group when preparing for trips.
• Both host and guest reflect on how compassion and empathy grow through direct experience—not just with diabetes but with life in general.

TAKEAWAYS FOR THOSE LIVING WITH T1D (OR CARING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS)

• The transition from denial to thriving often requires self-acceptance, curiosity, and access to real, lived experience—whether through CGM, community, or educational resources.
• Even the most organized or “by-the-book” patient can struggle with shame, anxiety, or denial, especially in the face of public scrutiny or rare, helpless events like illness.
• Community—be it family, online groups, or podcasts—can be a lifeline in moments of fear or self-doubt.
• Humor and openness not only relieve personal pressure but help to build positive, understanding relationships with the condition, people, and the world at large.

End of summary.