#1638 Heavy - Part 1

Summary

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Juicebox Podcast: Type 1 Diabetes

Episode #1638 – "Heavy - Part 1"

Date: September 26, 2025
Host: Scott Benner
Guests: Jenny Smith & Bea ("Dee")

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Overview

In this candid and emotionally raw episode, Scott Benner welcomes Bea, a mother whose son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (T1D) at 18 months old and is now two years old. The discussion—with valuable input from diabetes educator Jenny Smith—dives into the heaviness of parenting through an early diagnosis, initial medical hurdles, long-term fears, and the relentless mental and emotional toll of managing T1D in a toddler. The conversation flows with empathy and honesty, surfacing universal challenges and trading strategies for survival, self-care, and finding balance between vigilance and family harmony. This episode is a compelling listen for parents, caregivers, and anyone navigating the emotional landscape of childhood diabetes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Diagnosis Journey: "Mom Instinct," Google, and Medical Chaos

• Early Signs & Instincts (03:15–04:17):

  • Bea describes noticing classic diabetes symptoms in her toddler (excessive thirst, frequent wet diapers, increased appetite).
  • “I just kind of mom instinct, too. Noticed that he was drinking a lot... I was noticing, hey, I've been going back to newborn days, changing diapers all the time. …Of course, I didn't immediately correlate it to that. So like everyone else, I go to Dr. Google… and then it's like, oh, it might be type 1 diabetes. And I'm like, oh, no.” — Bea (03:22)

• Immediate Reaction and ER Experience (04:29–08:26):

  • Bea's medical background as a pharmacist made her take the suspicion seriously, though her husband was more skeptical.
  • The ER confirmed T1D with a blood glucose of 600.
  • The trauma of repeated IV insertions for her toddler is vividly recalled, including a mix-up where the endocrinologist’s office turned them away, requiring a return to the ER for more IV attempts.
  • “Putting in the IV was one of the most traumatizing things… You're having to hold him down while he's staring at you in your eyes and is like, mom, why are these people doing these things to me?... Still. Still have some.” — Bea (07:43)

2. Hospital Stay: Hurricane, Frustration, and System Problems

• Hurricane Delays and Dietary Struggles (09:01–10:53):
  • Bea and son were kept in the hospital for six days due to a hurricane and uncertainty about home management for a newly diagnosed child.
  • Hospital staff's struggle with “sliding scale” insulin and inappropriate food choices (mashed potatoes, mac and cheese) led to stretched out, frustrating days.
  • “They started him on a deciding scale and they just really couldn't figure it out and they're trying to give him mashed potatoes. I'm like, this is not... so, you know, he's 300 in there…” — Bea (09:01)

3. Early Adaptation: Learning, Research, and Pre-bolusing

• Information-Seeking Beyond Standard Advice (11:11–14:24):

  • Bea talks about her drive to deeply understand diabetes management, not just rely on hospital education or “the Pink Panther book.”
  • She found Juicebox Podcast and other resources almost immediately to supplement her knowledge and confidence.
  • “If there's something that I want to learn about or need to learn about, I'm not going to just take the Pink Panther book that they give you and have that be the only thing… Let me find out something else.” — Bea (12:49)

• Approaches to Dosing & Technology (11:18–12:37):

  • Rapid adoption of strategies like pre-bolusing, even before her healthcare team suggested it.
  • Transition from multiple daily injections (MDI) to Omnipod and eventually Tandem Mobi for better management.

4. Practical and Emotional Toll—Parent Perspective

• Physical and Mental Wear (19:26–21:22):

  • Sleep deprivation continues—first from infant care, now from diabetes management.
  • Bea is open about her need for therapy and recommends it to other parents.
  • “I haven't slept a full night since… he was born. You know, I thought I was gonna… grow out of that at some point, but then he caught the diabetes and… I guess I won't, you know, sleep.” — Bea (19:39)
  • “I do about 99.8% of all of the diabetes things. So it is very much a, a huge toll and mental burden for myself.” — Bea (20:08)

• Struggles With Outsider Perceptions (21:26–23:32):

  • People often assume Bea’s pharmacy background makes managing her son’s diabetes easy, which she finds frustrating and invalidating.
  • “Anytime I tell anybody that my son has type 1 diabetes, their first thing out of their mouth is, oh my goodness. It's so great that like you're his mom. Because for some reason, because I'm a pharmacist, I just clearly know how to treat a kid with type 1 diabetes. …It is not, it's not the same.” — Bea (21:26)

5. Parent-Child Dynamic and Lifelong Worry

• Finding Harmony vs. Health (27:04–33:59):

  • Scott and Bea discuss the struggle to balance health vigilance with preserving a loving, harmonious family relationship.
  • “I think it's two decisions. You have two options, right? And neither of them are good. Am I going to ignore health right now… Or am I going to put more of the value on harmony and be harmonious but unhealthy?” — Scott (29:18)
  • The worry that focusing too much on diabetes will harm the parent-child bond as the child grows.

• The Constant Burden (35:59–36:30):

  • Scott shares the universal parental sentiment: wishing he could take the burden of diabetes on himself.
  • “I don't want to be talking about this. I don't want this. I don't want her to have diabetes. …I wish none of this happened, you know? This isn't something I want to talk about.” — Scott (35:59)

6. Individuality, Growth, and Uncertainty

• Unpredictability of Family Impact (32:31–33:59):

  • Acknowledgement that every child and family will process and adapt differently—no guaranteed outcomes with any approach.
  • “Maybe it's going to work great between you and your son, and somebody else listening right now is going to do the same exact thing, and it's not going to go as well. And who knows?...” — Scott (32:59)

• Parenting as a Moving Target (40:05–42:40):

  • Scott compares the emotional experience of diabetes parenting long-term to “having an addicted child”—no real power, high stakes, and relentless worry, yet without control.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Diagnosis:
  "Dr. Google… said it might be type 1 diabetes. And I'm like, oh, no." — Bea (03:22)

• On Trauma:
  "Putting in the IV was one of the most traumatizing things… you’re holding him down while he's staring at you…" — Bea (07:43)

• Hospital Frustration:
  “They started him on a deciding scale… then you're also trying to give him macaroni and cheese, like, come on, guys.” — Bea (09:01)

• Sleep & Mental Health:
  "I haven't slept a full night since... he was born... we need those [therapists]... 99.8% of all of the diabetes things... huge mental burden..." — Bea (19:39/20:08)

• Perceptions of a Medical Parent:
  “Anytime I tell anybody that my son has type 1 diabetes, their first thing out of their mouth is, oh my goodness, it’s so great that you're his mom... as if I should just know how to do all this.” — Bea (21:26)

• On Balance and Fear:
  “No matter what I do, I’m going to be wrong. Because if I choose harmony, when her health fails, she’s going to wonder why I didn’t help her. And if I choose health… we don’t have the same relationship.” — Scott (30:26)

• Parental Want:
  “If only I could have just... let me have the diabetes and let my kid just run off and play...” — Bea (35:59)

• Constant Vigilance:
  “The part that doesn’t go away is the part that doesn’t go away.” — Scott (40:05)

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Important Timestamps

• Diagnosis Story: (03:15–08:26)
• Hospital Stay & Hurricane: (09:01–10:53)
• Pharmacist Paradox: (21:26–23:32)
• Balancing Health and Harmony: (27:04–33:59)
• Sleep and Emotional Toll: (19:39–21:22)
• Scott’s Birthday Analogy: (36:40–39:30)
• Therapy As Lifeline: (19:39/21:22/30:20/39:30)

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Takeaways & Tone

• Candid, empathetic, practical: The episode is a heartfelt exploration of the unseen weight carried by parents and caregivers of young children with T1D.
• Community and validation: Both guests and hosts validate each other’s challenges, recognizing that medical experience doesn’t spare anyone from the grind or grief of the disease.
• No easy answers: The podcast underlines that strategies and feelings are highly individual and ever-evolving; there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
• Advocacy for self-care: Therapy is emphasized as critical self-care for caregivers.
• Resourcefulness: The value of seeking community and evolving beyond traditional education—like podcasts and peer stories—is called out as a survival strategy.

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For further discussion and Bea and Scott’s ongoing reflections on T1D family life, listen to Part 2.

Transcript

[Scott]

Welcome back friends to another episode of the Juice Box Podcast.

[Bea]

Hi, my name is Dee. I am a mom to a T1D son who was diagnosed at 18 months. He is currently two and we're about nine months into this diabetes game.

[Scott]

If this is your first time listening to the Juice Box Podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple Podcasts or Spotify, really any audio app at all, look for the Juice Box Podcast.

[Jenny]

And follow or subscribe.

[Scott]

We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy.

[Jenny]

Want to learn more about your diabetes management?

[Scott]

Go to juiceboxpodcast.com up in the menu and look for Bold Beginnings, the Diabetes.

[Jenny]

Pro Tip series and much more.

[Scott]

This podcast is full of collections and.

[Jenny]

Series of information that will help you to live better with Insulin.

[Scott]

Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juice Box Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming Bold with Insulin. The episode you're about to listen to was sponsored by touched by type 1. Go check them out right now on Facebook, Instagram and of course uuchedbytype1.org check out that programs tab when you get to the website to see all the great things that they're doing for people.

[Jenny]

Living with type 1 diabetes.

[Scott]

Touched by type1.org this episode is sponsored by the Tandem MOBI system, which is powered by Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ plus Technology. Tandem MOBI has a predictive algorithm that helps prevent highs and lows and is now available for ages 2 and up. Learn more and get started today at tandomdiabetes.com Juicebox I'm having an on body Vibe alert. This episode of the Juice Box Podcast is sponsored by Eversense365. The only one year wear CGM. That's one insertion and one CGM a year. One CGM one year, not every 10 or 14 days. Eversensecgm.com Juicebox hi, my name is Bea.

[Bea]

I am a mom to a T1D son who was diagnosed at 18 months. He is currently two and we're about nine months into this diabetes game.

[Jenny]

Wow. Currently two nine months in.

[Scott]

Do you have other children?

[Bea]

Nope, this is the only one. I say that diabetes is my second kid. We actually were gonna. We were thinking about having another but he got the diabetes and I was like, oh, okay, you wanted to be an only child. Understood.

[Jenny]

Maybe we'll do this instead for a while. Yeah. Hold on a second. Arden is asking me why the dog is all wet. Uh oh, we Were outside in the grass. I think he's up in her room, and I think she wants to make.

[Bea]

Sure that, like, I love how you, like, always just leave those little. Those little parts in the. In the podcast. It's like, it makes it just like a real thing.

[Jenny]

Oh, I'm glad. B. So, okay, let's talk about. How did you figure out. I'm sorry, your son or your daughter?

[Bea]

Son.

[Jenny]

Son. How did you find out. Figure out your son was. What was I gonna say? How did you figure out he had type one?

[Bea]

Yeah. So I have a. You know, was in my former life prior to becoming a mom, was a pharmacist. So I just kind of mom instinct, too. Noticed that he was drinking a lot. The standard. Peeing all through the diapers, wetting the diapers every night. And, you know, when you have a kid, they get older and older, you start using less diapers. But I was noticing, hey, I've been going back to newborn days, changing diapers all the time. What is going on? Always wanting to eat, constantly asking for my food, my husband, my mom's food, all the time. Always wanting something to drink. And I'm like, what is wrong with this kid? Of course, I didn't immediately correlate it to that. So like everyone else, I go to Dr. Google, hey, why is my kid pink? And then it's like, oh, it might be type 1 diabetes. And I'm like, oh, no.

[Scott]

Did you take Dr. Google seriously when it.

[Jenny]

When it said that?

[Bea]

I did, yeah. Because, I mean, it made sense. Like I said, I have some previous medical background. So once it reminded me of that, I was like, oh, no, that is what it is.

[Jenny]

What'd you do? First you go to your. Was your husband? Did you go to him or what'd you do?

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah. So I went to my husband, told him, hey, I'm going to take the kid to somewhere up to. We have like, a little emergency. A children's emergency department just down the street, probably like five minutes away. So I'm like, I'm gonna take him here, But I'm pretty sure this is what it is. He's like, well, no, maybe it's a uti. You know, the same thing that all parents like. Like, no, no, no, it's probably just a UTI or something like that, but sure, take him. I'm like, it's diabetes, husband. Like, that is what it is. And he's like, no, just take him. He goes off to work and just let me know. My. My mom and I go to the emergency of course, you know, his glucose is like 600, and they're like, oh, my gosh. You know, like, I think it's, you know, it's this type 1 diabetes. I'm like, oh, you know, of course I already knew that's what it was. But then when you get there and they tell you that's what it is, you're just like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, what am I gonna.

[Jenny]

Really hits you? And how. How old is he again?

[Bea]

So he's 2 now, but he was 18 months at that time.

[Jenny]

And that's even a little. I mean, not the more or less heartbreaking. But he's so small. Right. And sitting there in front of you.

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jenny]

You beat us by, like, seven months. Arden was, like, about a month past her second birthday. Congratulations.

[Bea]

Thanks.

[Jenny]

Are you in the ER at that point?

[Bea]

Yeah, so we're in the er. They're, you know. Okay, well, let's do all of the blood gases and things and see if he's in decay. You know, he didn't look like he was because he was fine. So we didn't, you know, we didn't get to the decay part, but, like, let's just see if he has the ketones and all that. He did. So they were like, okay, let's put in an IV so that we can try to flush these things out. Of course, putting in the IV was one of the most traumatizing things that a parent can witness. You're having to hold him down while he's staring at you in your eyes and is like, mom, why are these people doing these things to me? He's crying. So traumatizing. So they give the fluids, try to flush them out, and. And then the ER doc comes back, tells us what is going on, says, hey, I called this Endo. That's like a little bit down the road. We're actually going to send you over there because she said if you can get there by noon, she'll be able to see you today, get you all set up, get you some prescriptions for insulin and all that. I'm like, okay, bet. Great. Wonderful. We don't have to go get admitted. Great. So they pull this IV that took 30 minutes for them to put in, pull it out. We run over to this Endo's office, and then the lady's like, wait, why. Why are you here? I'm like, but no, no, no. They called and then they told you that we were coming? Well, yeah, but I thought that you guys had been admitted on the floor for a couple of Days. And then you were coming after a hospital stay like, you just came from the er. Yes. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You got to go back to the emergency. Like, I can't see you. I don't have enough time to do the education right now. I thought you already had seen the dietitian, seen the diabetes educator and all that. And I'm like, wait, what?

[Jenny]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Did you have to go back and they had to put the IV back in?

[Bea]

Yes.

[Jenny]

Oh, geez. Really?

[Bea]

And it was even worse the second time.

[Jenny]

Yeah, I would imagine so.

[Bea]

And I think four people had to try to put it in. And the last time I was like, if you guys cannot figure this out, this. I'm not letting you do it. You are not putting this in my kid. Because, again, I'm out there trying to put him in a. You know, the little burrito thing. I'm like, he doesn't care about that. He's trying to break free. He's never liked to be swaddled as a kid or anything. So, yeah, they're putting it in. Eventually, they got somebody that knew what they were doing, used a little ultrasound machine and was able to find a vein. But I can still see, you know, how he was staring at me and screaming, and I'm trying to hold him down and talk to him and say, like, it's okay. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Still. Still have some.

[Scott]

You're upset by it now?

[Jenny]

Thinking about it. Yeah.

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jenny]

And you're never gonna. I mean, I hate to say this, but the truth is the truth, right? Like, you're never gonna know how it impacted him. Like, you. You might find out years from now, but in the moment, it's gonna seem like it's okay, but who knows if he'll have an aversion to that or if he'll just go by and not be a big deal for him. You have to wait, and then you have to worry about that. Like, you have to wait and worry about whether that's gonna be an issue, too. You know what I mean?

[Bea]

Yeah. You don't have enough other things.

[Jenny]

Busy enough be right.

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jenny]

So how long do you end up.

[Scott]

Staying in the hospital?

[Bea]

Okay, so here's another funny thing that's not funny. And we ended up staying six days in the hospital because it happened right when there was a hurricane coming through. We live in Florida, Central Florida, and there was a hurricane Milton. If anybody from central Florida remembers that, that that's what came through. And so they didn't Want to send us home because, oh, you're newly diagnosed, you know, you could lose power, all that kind of stuff. And then also the offices, the indoors were closed and we didn't have anybody that we could have called if, you know, he had a low or, you know, brand new diagnosis, they just didn't feel comfortable. And then also because it was hurricane short, the staffing was very short. So, you know, they started him on a deciding scale and they just really couldn't figure it out and they're trying to give him mashed potatoes. I'm like, this is not, you know, so, you know, he's 300 in there and well, we don't feel comfortable sending you home because his numbers aren't. Well, of course not. You're sliding, scaling him and then you're also trying to give him macaroni and cheese, like, come on, guys.

[Jenny]

But so instead they thought, well, you'll be safer in the hospital.

[Bea]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

So you're there for much longer than you would have needed to be otherwise.

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah. It was a Monday morning and that we got. I initially took him in, came back, you know, that afternoon after the whole endo ordeal and then stayed until Saturday afternoon. I was like, come on, people. Like, please send me, please send me home. I'm tired of this. And I'm trying to tell them, like, hey, I, I understand something, you know, I, I get, of course, I have never like poked my kid and you know, done. I've done glucose, checked the blood sugar before, plenty of people, but not my kid. But I, I can do it. Like, please, like, I'm okay, like, send me home.

[Jenny]

But we'd be better off with the hurricane than you guys giving him mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and telling me you can't figure out his blood sugar.

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jenny]

What?

[Scott]

Did they ever get it straight in the hospital or did you just kind.

[Jenny]

Of wait out your time and then.

[Bea]

Go home Straight where it was like two something, so. Sure.

[Jenny]

Not really, but yeah, okay, whatever. Yeah, better than where it started.

[Scott]

How would you describe where you are now?

[Jenny]

Like, I mean, it hasn't been that long. Right. So what's the experience been like so far? How far have you gotten in all this?

[Bea]

I think we're pretty good in. I mean, of course there's always still something else to learn. And I Wish My kid, 2 year old child didn't want to eat every 5 minutes because like, I'm like, I would, I would love to have like A, you know, 6A 1C but the way this Kid just eats things every second and. Yeah, but anyways, listening to the podcast, doing lots of reading. I, you know, I'm a researcher and I love reading all of those types of things, so just learning everything I can to be able to dose him appropriately and make different changes to his insulin dosing. Like, I was pre bolus in within, like the first week, even though the endo was like, no, no, even the hospital. Oh, yeah, just. Just give it to him after he started eating. No, we're not doing that. Yeah, like, my kid loves to eat, so I trust that if he doesn't eat this, he'll eat this other thing that I know is an equivalent amount of carbs. So I think we're in a good enough place. We're currently on Omnipod now, but I transitioned him over to the Moby just for a little bit tighter control and less work from me, because I do.

[Jenny]

I feel like that might help you there. Yeah, I want to go back to. You said you. Like, I was pre bolting right away. You were finding out, you know, you said you like to do research and stuff. Like, so what gave you the indication that you needed to go look for more information?

[Bea]

Well, just my own curiosity. Yeah, that's just me as a person. If there's something that I want to learn about or need to learn about, I'm not going to just take the Pink Panther book that they give you and have that be the only thing that Gotcha. I learned from or whatever the endo says, which is the two words that they. They tell you. No, I. Let me find out something else. I even actually remember sitting. I think it was the same either first or second night in the hospital. I'm like, there has to be a podcast or something that talks about type 1 diabetes that I can learn something to help me with this because I need some help. I need some additional education because I just don't feel comfortable here.

[Jenny]

You started thinking about that stuff right away. Like, there's got to be other. There's content out there, something I can figure out. So how old are you?

[Bea]

How old am I? I'm 37.

[Jenny]

Okay, so you're younger. Okay, so podcasts are a thing you think of when you.

[Bea]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I listen to podcasts every single day about various different Topics. Podcast and YouTube. That's high. That's how I learn.

[Jenny]

Yeah, it's where you get people's stories, right. And you figure out what's. And then you. What do you filter through it and decide what makes sense to you?

[Bea]

Yeah. I went on YouTube first just because, you know, sometimes visually you can work a little bit, but I just couldn't. I didn't find it there. And then I was, okay, well, let's just go to podcast because we can listen there and still learn it. And found you and a couple others and they, you know, definitely helped and what was being said, it made sense. Let's try it out.

[Jenny]

Yeah. And you got it working. That's awesome. So now you're just nine months into this. So. Yes. Where is his A1C sitting at the moment?

[Scott]

Why would you settle for changing your CGM every few weeks when you can have 365 days of reliable glucose data? Today's episode is sponsored by the Eversense365. It is the only CGM with a tiny sensor that lasts a full year. Sitting comfortably under your skin with no more frequent sensor changes and essentially no compression lows for one year, you'll get your CGM data in real time on.

[Jenny]

Your phone, smartwatch, Android or iOS, even an Apple watch.

[Scott]

Predictive high and low alerts let you know where your glucose is headed before it gets there. So there's no surprises, just confidence. And you can instantly share that data with your healthcare provider or your family. You're going to get one year of reliable data without all those sensor changes. That's the Eversense 365. Gentle on your skin, strong for your life. One sensor a year that gives you one less thing to worry about. Head now to eversensecgm.com juicebox to get started, let's talk about the Tandem Moby insulin pump from today's sponsor, Tandem Diabetes Care. Their newest algorithm, Control IQ Technology, and the new Tandem Moby pump offer you unique opportunities to have better control. It's the only system with Autobolus that helps with missed meals and preventing hyperglycemia, the only system with a dedicated sleep setting, and the only system with off or on body wear options. TandemMobi gives you more discretion, freedom and options for how to manage your diabetes. This is their best algorithm ever and they'd like you to check it [e-mail] juicebox when you get to my link, you're going to see integrations with Dexcom sensors and a ton of other information that's going to help you learn about Tandem's tiny pump that's big on control. Tandemdiabetes.com juicebox the Tandem Moby system is available for people ages 2 and up who want an automated delivery system to help them Sleep better, wake up in range and address high blood sugars with auto bolus.

[Bea]

Last time we checked, it was, I think, a six, eight.

[Jenny]

Oh, that's awesome. Good for you. That's really great. And he's, what, a little over two now? Two and a half.

[Bea]

Yeah. He turned two in March, so. And it's, what, currently July. Just for context for anybody listening, three months in the future.

[Jenny]

Yeah, that's. Well, that's.

[Scott]

So how do you think he's.

[Jenny]

So you're doing okay. How's he doing?

[Bea]

Oh, he's doing great.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Bea]

So. Oh, yeah. So we started before we got the pump. I think about a month for us to get the pump. But before we did that, we were, of course, mdi. And again, more trauma. Thinking about. It took two of us to have to give him the shots. You'd have to hold him down and hold his leg and make sure he doesn't kick to try to shoot it. And then sometimes he'd move, and then you weren't sure how much insulin you actually gave him. And. Yeah. So getting the pump.

[Jenny]

This sounds familiar, by the way. I have those memories.

[Bea]

Yeah. Because I think I remember Arden was four years mdi, right.

[Jenny]

Yeah. She. Well, she was diagnosed when she was 2, and we had a omnipod on her before she went to kindergarten. So I don't exactly know how old she was then, but going into kindergarten, she was wearing a pump.

[Bea]

So a couple. A couple years.

[Jenny]

At least three, I think.

[Bea]

Oh, gosh. Yeah. I can't even imagine. Like, it was a couple weeks, and I'm like, I. I'm not gonna be able to do this. He did fine with the finger pokes. He. You know, he'd be like, oh, you want to poke my finger? You know, thought it was cute. But the pokes for the food, he was not having it.

[Jenny]

Yeah. I spoke to somebody recently who said that they started off by saying that their kids, A1C, was better on MDI. And then the more I spoke to them about it, the more it became kind of obvious that the kid wasn't always eating when they were hungry because they were trying to avoid the shots. So it wasn't so much that, but it was interesting as we conversated, because the mother thought. I mean, the way she presented it to me was that pumping's not as good as MDI because she has her A1C's going up. But what's the truth is, is that the kid. The child's actually eating now, like, when they mean to. And before they were skipping Meals and skipping certain things to avoid getting an injection. And she didn't realize that it was, it was happening.

[Bea]

Food wasn't punishment, basically. It's like, oh, I have to, you know, be injured first before I can eat. So I'm like, I'm going to make sure I'm really, really hungry before I endure this.

[Jenny]

Exactly what was happening. And the mom didn't know it until we, I think we spoke, talk through it. So, I mean, yeah, for the people who it's hard for, it's really genuinely hard for them, you know?

[Bea]

Yeah, yeah. So it's rough.

[Jenny]

It is really rough. So you're pretty new at this, but what's the toll bit on you? Like, what's the emotional side of tracking carbs and chasing highs and guarding against lows and overnights? How is it treating you?

[Bea]

Oh, so like, I haven't slept a full night since, you know, he was born. You know, I thought I was gonna, you know, grow out of that at some point, but then he caught the diabetes and I'm like, oh, okay, well, I guess I won't, you know, sleep. It's. I have a therapist because, you know, we need those. But I definitely do about 99.8% of all of the diabetes things. So it is very much a, a huge toll and mental burden for myself. I'm getting glucose alerts now and I'm like, ah, he needs insulin and I need to go send him some, but I'm in here, so I can't. So it's, it's, it's a lot and it's very, very mentally taxing. And I wish it was a way to be able to explain to others how much of a huge mental burden and physical burden actually that it takes on the parent. And then you're also thinking about like the long term complications and issues that like, if I'm not over here micromanaging, this is my kid gonna not have his toes when he's 20, you know, so it's a lot. But I have a therapist and I really recommend that for everybody if you can, because you, you know, you need it. You need that unbiased person to talk to you and just be like, let you express yourself in whatever way, if it's frustration or happiness or whatever, and not how, you know, your mom or your husband might be like, oh, you're doing great. Like, this is. Well, sure, but I, like want to shoot myself. So, you know, when people tell you.

[Jenny]

You'Re doing great, that's not comforting.

[Bea]

No, no. See here was another thing That I actually wanted to talk about is like I mentioned before, previous life was a pharmacist. And one thing that anytime I tell anybody that my son has type 1 diabetes, their first thing out of their mouth is, oh my goodness. It's so great that like you're his mom. Because for some reason, because I'm a pharmacist, I just clearly know how to treat a kid with type 1 diabetes. Like of course I know the different drugs, I learned all of those things. I know how to take a blood sugar and all of that. But the day to day management, especially in a super young toddler that's running around flipping over here, they're eating every half a second. It is not, it's not the same. And they don't, they don't understand it. And it really bothers me when people say that like, oh, just because I have this medical background that I'm just automatically supposed to know what to with my kid.

[Jenny]

Yeah, it sucks because you kind of understand where they're coming from. They're trying to be like upbeat and they're like oh, at least you know about it and that kind of thing. And you're like, that doesn't help at all. But thank you. Some of the people that I've seen struggle the most have medical backgrounds. I've seen doctors, researchers, nurses, lots of different people with medical backgrounds who are completely flummoxed by diabetes just like everybody else, you know?

[Bea]

Yeah, it all just puts us in the same little basket. Doesn't matter if you have.

[Jenny]

Yeah, good point. We all, we all go back to start when this happens, whether you're a type 1 or a parent of somebody, like it resets you. It doesn't, it almost doesn't matter what you know sometimes.

[Bea]

Like sure, I've heard of Lantus before in Humalog, of course. And I know what they do and how they work. But how do they work in my little 18 month old? Yeah, I don't know.

[Jenny]

Or how am I supposed to think about it at 4 o' clock in the morning when I haven't slept all night for five, six, seven days in a row? Yeah. What do you do with that when they tell you, do you take it to your therapist later or do you speak to them about it in the moment when they tell you like, oh, at least you're a pharmacist.

[Bea]

Take it to my therapist. I actually have one person that I mentioned it to. He was actually a classmate, a pharmacist classmate. And I actually asked him, I'm like, What made you ask me that? Or not necessarily ask me that, but what made you say that to me? Because I felt comfortable enough with him to ask that, and he just was just like, you know, I don't even remember what his explanation was. It kind of made sense at the time, but maybe it didn't because I don't remember what it was. But most of the time, I just take it to my therapist and let her tell me it's fine.

[Jenny]

Do you think that's them being insulting, but not direct, not on purpose? Or do you think it's you being, like, I don't know, touchy about it? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, because I. I'm trying to figure it out too, when it happens to me. Like, is this. Is this me overreacting or is it them, you know, actually being coarse? Because I. I don't think it's them. And I also wouldn't consider myself overreacting. Like, if you told me to sit down right now and really, like, unburdened my soul about what it's like, even to this day with a 21 year old who has diabetes, like, I'm gonna sound like I'm complaining pretty quickly, you know what I mean? Like, you're gonna be like, oh, boohoo, Scott, is it that bad? But, like, you know, in certain moments, for certain things, it's terrible. Like, it really is. And it doesn't. Like, it doesn't magically get better because they get older or because they know how to bolus for themselves or something.

[Bea]

Like that information, Scott, thank you.

[Jenny]

Sure. But you live your whole life knowing this is never gonna get any different. The honesty of it doesn. Like, you get better at maybe living through it or, you know, like, having it not impact you so visibly knowing.

[Bea]

The 17,000 things that you have to pack with you just to go up to the, you know, the library. Yeah, yeah.

[Jenny]

Or realizing that, I don't know, you've seen a thousand movies in the last 20 years, and every time you leave for the movie theater, somebody makes sure that there's insulin and a pump because you don't want to be in the movie if the pump errors or something happens and you have to go home and miss the movie.

[Bea]

And.

[Jenny]

But the truth is that that's only happened twice the entire time, but you still make sure every time. And the person you're saying it to is like, why do you say this all the time? Like, why do you keep bringing this up? This never happens. But she doesn't remember the one time it did happen, and how upset she was that we had to leave and how bad I felt because we had to leave and how terrible it was to drag my son out of there. But she just thinks I'm paying too much attention to it. You know what I mean?

[Bea]

I'm sure they remember, you know, whatever movie that was, we didn't actually get to watch it because of my diabetes or Arden's, you know. Diabetes. Yeah.

[Jenny]

Yeah. And it just. And it's sad, and it's upsetting, and it's not. And if she was 50 and I was 75 and we were going to a movie, I think I'd probably think, oh, do we have, like, some backup supplies with us just in case, you know? And she's gonna look at me and go, like, I have five kids of my own here, and, like, I don't need your help. But it doesn't stop you from, like.

[Scott]

I don't know how to stop thinking about.

[Bea]

I think she'd be grateful if you actually had it. And it did happen. And you just know, here you go. I got it.

[Jenny]

We can just finally happen. Yeah, but, like, you know, in the meantime, like, no one's grateful that somebody's worrying about them. They just don't want people worrying about them. And you understand that. But they also don't know what it's like to be the parent and feel, like, that pressure, if that makes sense or not. But.

[Bea]

Oh, trust me, it does. I try to tell my husband all the time about just all the many things that I'm having to think about and remember and juggle just to manage his, you know, his diabetes, only for, you know, them to just give him something random. And I'm like, why is he 300? What happened? Oh, I just gave him some of my, you know, frosted flake milk. What?

[Jenny]

You just gave him milk with sugar melted in it? It's awesome. You don't want to mention that. Bolus for it.

[Bea]

Anything. Oh, my gosh. You didn't know how much this, like, how much I do. And then you can ruin it with just, like, one little thing. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jenny]

It all starts over again, and. Yeah, well, I mean.

[Bea]

Sorry, you had asked me that one question about whether or not I thought it was them or me. I will say sometimes I could maybe be a little bit sensitive in terms of, you know, I enjoyed being a pharmacist, but I actually chose to stop being a pharmacist prior to even having my son, but in anticipation of having him, so it could just be my Own projections of people thinking like, oh, why are you not doing that anymore? Or something, you know, oh, you're choosing to stay home instead of doing this career that, you know, you went a thousand years to school for. So it could very much be my own. My own projection.

[Jenny]

I take your point. I really do. I don't know. It's just hard. It doesn't. I think it's different, but I don't think it's any less difficult than it was when she was 2. Like, there's just different problems today. And now she's older and I. I see her side of it. Like, I don't want. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I, you know, if. If it's about. Like, you're always talking about this, and I'm like, well, you need to do the thing. You know what I mean? Like, and so I don't want to talk about this. Yes, you do. You love talking about. I'm like, I hate talking about this. I was like, this is the worst part of my day right now. Like, I don't want this at all. And if she was just 20, 21 years old, and the stuff was like, you know, stuff that every kid goes through that they come out the other side of, normally I just say, okay, it's part of the journey. But, like, when the journey is about health and you're worried that it could hurt right now, hurt later, create a habit that you know will hurt somebody 20 years from now, Whatever it is you're thinking about, I think it's two decisions. You have two options, right? And neither of them are good. Am I going to ignore health right now and maybe all the things that I just said could come with it in the future? Or am I going to put more of the value on harmony and be harmonious but unhealthy? Or would I rather be healthy but less harmonious? Like, there's no good decision in there. And I do really think that at certain points in people's lives, those are the only two decisions. Like, which one are we throwing away here? I don't know how to make the decision. I'm still not good at it.

[Bea]

Okay, so note to talk to my therapist on Thursday about this because. Yeah. Oh, my goodness.

[Jenny]

Yeah. Because I wish someone would have come and found me when Arden was 2 and told me that this is, you know, as she gets older, it's going to be the biggest piece of the whole thing, and that no matter what I do, I'm going to be wrong. Because if I choose harmony, when her health Fails, she's going to wonder why I didn't help her. And if I choose health, then when she's, you know, having a very real and human, you know, I don't know, disengagement as, you know, how you disengage from your parents as you get older. Right. You know, and like, they want to disengage, but they're going to not know everything to do, so they're going to ignore stuff for a while. And so I let that happen and then, you know, then we don't have the same relationship. I just, honestly, I don't know the answer. I really don't.

[Bea]

Yeah, you saying that actually reminds me of. I'm not 100% sure this is a true story, but I'm just going to say it anyway, that, you know, Mr. Rogers, you know, how like everybody, like all the kids, we all watched it when we were little.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Bea]

And loved him. But then I hear that he didn't actually have a really great relationship with his own children, which is unfortunate. And just the story that you were saying about, you know, you being this, you know, diabetes influencer guy and, you know, know that whatever, you know, based off of raising Arden, that it could be a similar thing, just, you know, you trying to find this balance between the health and the harmony. But wanting to choose health more often can make your relationship with your daughter just not be as close and as strong as you would want it to be, because it's always about diabetes and not just about like her.

[Jenny]

I also think that I don't know that our relationship is less strong, but I think that in the background, it's always just alive in the background, like she thinks I'm too worried about her health. And I think she's not worried quite enough about it.

[Bea]

Not worried about enough.

[Jenny]

And then somebody's gonna say, well, it's her decision. And that's all well and good, but, you know, you're Gonna put a 12 year old, a 15 year old, a 20 year old in charge of that. Like, they, you know, that normally doesn't go so well. And I would, in any, almost any other walk of parenting, I would err on the side of, like, just let them go make their own mistakes. They'll be okay. Like, this one thing is like, you.

[Bea]

Know, it could be life or death here. Yeah.

[Jenny]

This one thing feels really different also. Like, your kid could be like, you know, they have their own personality too, obviously. So you could do one thing with one that works great and, you know, go to somebody else that doesn't work at all. Like, maybe it's going to work great between you and your son, and somebody else listening right now is going to do the same exact thing, and it's not going to go as well. And who knows? Like, I mean, people are still people. They're the variable in the. In the whole thing. Like, I don't think I'm doing anything wildly wrong, like, you know what I mean? Like, I mean, of course, yeah, you're a kid. You know, you people have children, know, like, nothing you do ever works out exactly right. But, you know, nothing objectionable, but you don't know how it's being received on the other side. And even if you think it's going well, sometimes it's not and you don't realize it. Or sometimes it's going great and you don't realize that either. It's just really difficult to raise children. And then you add this all to it, and it adds about six other levels that are difficult on top of it.

[Bea]

Yeah, the diabetes definitely wasn't part of the plan in my parenting journey, for sure. But, yeah, what you were saying about. I just really. That's another kind of fear that I have about my relationship with my son as he gets older. I really want to remain close with him and, you know, and us, and be able to come and tell me things and. Or at least tell his father if it's, you know, something that, you know, they need to speak about, but just bring things to us. But I also still want to make sure that he's in good health and he has all of his limbs and he can see and it's just how. I mean, is there any way to balance. That sounds like what you were saying, that there really isn't a such thing as balance in this regard.

[Jenny]

I don't know how to make the decision between, like, how do you ignore something? And I do it sometimes, by the way. Right. Like, sometimes there's a blood sugar that really needs attention and she's not giving it attention, and I don't say anything about it. And, you know, and sometimes, you know, you speak up and you get met with, I don't need your help. Or, you know, something like that. And, you know, you look and say, well, I mean, your blood sugar's been elevated for five hours now. Like, I appreciate that you don't. I appreciate you don't need that. You know what to do, but you're not doing it.

[Bea]

Can you do it, please? Then I'll happily shut up.

[Jenny]

Exactly. Yeah. To the point. Like, if Ardyn hears this in the future one day. This is the last thing I want to be talking about with you. And I know that when she hears that, at this moment in her life, she doesn't believe me, but I promise. Future me and future Arden. I don't want to be talking about this. I don't want this. I don't want her to have diabetes. I don't want her to have a thyroid issue. I don't want to be worried about this. I don't want to. I don't want her to worry about it. I wish none of this happened, you know? This isn't something I want to talk about.

[Bea]

Yeah. I mean, if only I could have just. Okay, well, give it to me. I'll be fine. Just let me. Let me have the diabetes and let my kid just run off and play and not worried about something stuck to them 24 7. I'll be the. The robot person.

[Jenny]

But I would do it just to get rid of the. The psychosocial part of it. Like, I would. I'd be happy to. Like, whatever. Like, you know, I know it's not how it works, but I take your point, and I'm right there with you. But I don't even know if that would sound insulting if she heard it, like, you know what I mean?

[Scott]

Like, I could take.

[Jenny]

I'd take this if I could. Maybe they're like, well, I.

[Scott]

You can't.

[Jenny]

So it's pretty empty. You know what I mean? Like, there's. And by the way, who knows?

[Scott]

Like.

[Jenny]

Like I said, there's going to be plenty of people who make that decision, and their kids are going to just be like, all right, awesome, thanks. And some people rub up against stuff, and some people don't, and I don't know why. You know, I mean, if you really listen to me on the podcast, I'm just trying to figure out how all of you think so that I can hopefully have some answers when I've got a. Talk to my own kid, you know, because I don't know. Like, I don't know why. I mean, think back on your own life, right? Using a great example. I was 20 years old. I was at work one day. Some guy I worked with, some kid I worked with came up to me, and he was like, yo, I'm going to be at your birthday party. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. So he's like, no, yeah, yeah. And he showed me the invitation, the whole thing, and I was like, oh, my mom was throwing me A surprise birthday party for my 21st birthday. And it made me really uncomfortable. And to this day, I don't know why. And something about it really made me upset. And I asked my mom. I actually told my mom, like, you have to cancel this party. I am 54 on Saturday just passed. So that is 31. 41, 51. It is 33 years later. I still feel terrible about it. Like, I don't know why I did.

[Bea]

That, you know, oh, telling your mom to cancel it.

[Jenny]

It'll make me cry if I talk about it with you. Like, I don't know why I did that. And I wish I could have taken it. I've wished I could take it back for years. And, and that's not. There's no diabetes mixed in that, you know, it's just like, it's just a thing between me and my mom. And if you're out there telling your kid, like, hey, I need you to pre bolus, and they have a disjointed reaction like I had about that birthday, like, what do you do next? You know what I mean? Like, the birthday came and went. My mom was disappointed and she was sad and eventually she probably got over it. I never got over it. It's been one of the bigger lessons of my adult life. Like, just. I don't know. I don't know why I did it, but I would never do it again. But at least it was a thing we could get past. It didn't come up again three hours later when I was hungry, and then three hours after that and then the next day and then at 2 o' clock in the morning, you know what I'm saying? Because when it's a diabetes thing once.

[Bea]

A year with a birthday, but diabetes is.

[Jenny]

And I'm a boy, I probably forgot about it two years later, she was probably still upset about it, like. And I don't know, I apologize to her as adults. And the truth is, I don't think she really remembered it the same way I did, you know? But my point is, is that when it's diabetes, you don't get, like, you don't get a year off in between talking about it or get to forget about it or something like that. It's going to come up again the next time the thing beeps, you know, So I don't know. Yeah, I don't want to bum you out. Am I bumming you out?

[Bea]

You know, thank goodness we have therapy on Thursday because. Oh, gosh. Yeah. So apparently it just doesn't. Like, it gets better. Somebody asked Me that the other day he's like, oh, does it get better when he gets older? And I'm like, yes and no. From my understanding, yes. You know, he can. I can explain to him what it is that I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and he'll understand. But also, you know, other things happen. Other, you know, there's hormone attitudes and him, you know, wanting to do his own thing and so. Yes and no.

[Jenny]

Yeah, it'll change.

[Bea]

Sigh.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Scott]

Did you say sigh?

[Bea]

I did.

[Jenny]

That was awesome. I was like, oh, she's adding emojis to our conversation. This is awesome. Yeah. I mean, it changes. It continues to change. I think I'm more talking about the parenting part of it, like, the closest. And I'm happy not to have any experience with this. I should probably knock on something, right? But I imagine this sort of, like, if your children have, like, a serious drug issue, right? Or there. Or there's a real significant mental illness, something that at the end, if not managed correctly, is going to end in a terrible way, but that you really don't have any actual power over. I think that's the hardest thing about the diabetes, once your kids get older, is the truth is, is you don't have any actual power over it. You can say something and hope that they listen. You can hope that you're right and hope they listen, but you don't. It's not. Like, when they're seven and you can just go, like, here, you know, take this. And they go, okay. And then they do it. Like, that's the part that's like, I've already given away the idea that I have power over it. I know I don't. I know that she's an autonomous person. Like, she's not going to do anything she doesn't want to do. But, like, the part that doesn't go away is the part that doesn't go away. And for diabetes, it is, like, all the possible health outcomes and. And for me, too, just that it impacts how she feels and thinks every day if it's not managed in a certain way. And other stuff, too, like thyroid and stuff like that as well. Stuff that, you know, degrades if you're not managing it, but you don't see it coming. At least with diabetes, you'll end up in DK in a month or a week or whatever. Right? Like, but, like, you stop taking your, I don't know, your thyroid medication. Like, first two months, you'll probably be okay. And then, like, if things are going to drift on you and drift on you and you're not even going to feel it happening when it happens and then you're going to be burdened with all the problems that come with it and you know, et cetera and so on. So anyway, like, I don't know if this is going to ring hollow for some people, but like, this feels like. This to me feels like having like an addicted child because you don't have any real power over it. People do what they want to do and if it doesn't go well, the, the outcomes are dire. Like that to me feels like diabetes parenting. This episode was too good to cut any out of, but too long to make just one episode.

[Scott]

So this is part one. Make sure you go find part two right now. It's going to be the next episode in your feed head. Now to tandom diabetes.com juicebox and check out today's sponsor, Tandem Diabetes Care. I think you're going to find exactly what you're looking for at that link, including a way to sign up and get started with the Tandem MOBI system. I'd like to thank the Eversense 365 for sponsoring this episode of the Juice Box Podcast and remind you that if you want the only sensor that gets inserted once a year and not every.

[Jenny]

14 days, you want the Eversense CGM.

[Scott]

Eversensecgm.com Juicebox 1 Year 1 CGM Touched by Type 1 Sponsored this episode of the Juice Box podcast. Check them [e-mail] on Instagram and Facebook. Give them a follow. Go check out what they're doing.

[Jenny]

They are helping people with type 1.

[Scott]

Diabetes in ways you just can't imagine. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of the Juice Box Podcast. If you're not already subscribed or following the podcast in your favorite audio app like Spotify or Apple Podcasts, please do that now. Seriously, just to hit, follow or subscribe.

[Jenny]

Will really help the show. If you go a little further in.

[Scott]

Apple Podcasts and set it up so.

[Jenny]

That it downloads all new episodes, I'll be your best friend.

[Scott]

And if you leave a five star review, ooh, I'll probably send you a Christmas card.

[Jenny]

Would you like a Christmas card?

[Scott]

When I created the Defining Diabetes series, I pictured a dictionary in my mind to help you understand key terms that shape type 1 diabetes management. Along with Jenny Smith, who of course is an experienced diabetes educator, we break down concepts like basal time and range, insulin on board, and much more. Series must have 70 short episodes in it. We have to take the jargon out of the jargon so that you can focus on what really matters, living confidently and staying healthy. You can't do these things if you.

[Jenny]

Don'T know what they mean.

[Scott]

Go get your diabetes defined juiceboxpodcast.com go up in the menu and click on Series. If you're looking for community around type 1 diabetes, check out the Juice Box Podcast. Private Facebook group juice box podcast type 1 diabetes but everybody is welcome. Type 1, type 2 gestational loved ones. It doesn't matter to me. If you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort or community, check out Juice Box podcast type 1 diabetes on Facebook.

[Jenny]

Hey, what's up everybody?

[Scott]

If you've noticed that the podcast sounds.

[Jenny]

Better and you're thinking like, how does that happen?

[Scott]

What you're hearing is Rob at Wrong Way Recording doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrongway recording.com you got a podcast, you want somebody to edit it. You want Rob.