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- [00:00]
A
Here we are back together again, friends, for another episode of the Juice Box Podcast.
- [00:15]
B
Hi, my name is Olivia. I am 29 years old. I've lived with type 1 diabetes since the age of 16 months and I'm here to talk about T1D and my life and very excited to be on the show today.
- [00:30]
A
This is part two of a two part episode. Go look at the title. If you don't recognize it, you haven't heard part one yet. It's probably the episode right before this in your podcast player. If you've ever heard a diabetes term and thought, okay, but what does that actually mean? You need the Defining Diabetes series from the Juice Box Podcast. Defining Diabetes takes all of those phrases and terms that you don't understand and makes them clear quick and easy episodes. Find out what bolus means, basal insulin sensitivity, and all of the rest. There has to be over 60 episodes of defining Diabetes. Check it out now in your audio player or go to juiceboxpodcast.com and go up into the menu. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. The episode you're about to listen to is sponsored by TandemMobi, the impressively small insulin pump. Tandem Mobi features Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ technology. It's designed for greater discretion, more freedom, and improved time and range. Learn more and get started today@tandomdiabetes.com Juice Box. Today's episode is also sponsored by the Eversense 365. You can experience the Eversense 365 CGM system for as low as $199 for a full year. Visit Eversensecgm.com Juicebox for more details and eligibility. The podcast is also sponsored today by usmed usmed.com juicebox or call 888-721-1-5148. You can get your diabetes testing supplies the same way we do from US Med. Yeah, you've overcome a lot. Like, I would like if you were on my team at work, I would think like, hey, let's get Olivia involved in this. Like, she doesn't give up. You know, like, she gets stuff done. She follows through. She doesn't, you know, she doesn't just put up her hands and go, no. You know, well, my dad stuck me in the, in the love prison and my mom's screaming. I mean, like, this is my next question. It's like, how do you choose her? Like, that's like that's that's all. I mean, that's really, like. That's like a reverse Sophie's Choice, isn't it?
- [02:52]
B
Yeah. So I think ultimately, what led to me choosing her instead of my dad was, again, like, this starvation of love that I was experiencing at my dad's house. I felt like they didn't really care that I was there or not. I remember, like, later in my adolescence that they would put me to work. They lived in a very large house, and they would put me to work, like, dusting all of their stairway grips, like, these wooden stairway grips, and all of these cabinets. They would have me dust, and there were times that they would look at it after hours of work and say, you got to do it again. And there would be hardly any dust on these. So, yeah, ultimately, I chose my mom because I felt like I was receiving the. The love and affection that I was desperately craving.
- [03:49]
A
Well, wait, wait. You were. You were in a Cinderella situation.
- [03:53]
B
Yeah, it felt like that. And I mean. Yeah.
- [03:57]
A
Oh, my God. Olivia.
- [03:59]
B
Yeah.
- [04:00]
A
Honey, I'm so sorry. I'd give you a hug if I could. Right now. You. Wait. Listen, I don't want to jump forward, but you found somebody, right? Like, you're married.
- [04:08]
B
Yes, I am.
- [04:08]
A
Okay. He doesn't yell at you or hit you or anything like that? You're happy. Okay. All right. Okay, good.
- [04:13]
B
Very, very, very happy in my marriage.
- [04:15]
A
Okay. Okay. Good. Good. I just want everybody to know that before, like, you know, because I. You know, people could be like, oh, God, Scott sees the notes. This poor girl's like, something bad is going to happen. Like. But, my God. They had you cleaning the house?
- [04:28]
B
Yep, they had me cleaning the house. You know, I get it. When you're. When you're a teenager, it's. It's a good thing to give your teenager responsibilities around the house. So they know how to do certain things. But I think the chores that they were giving both my brother and me at the time were just. It was too much. It was too much for. I hear what you're saying, teenager.
- [04:48]
A
So you'd, like, clean up, and then they'd, like, knock a soda over and go, you missed a spot. Something like that.
- [04:54]
B
Yeah. Well, fortunately, they never. They never did anything like that. But, like, they would just look at it and say, like, nope, it's not clean enough. You got to do it all over again. And I would be like, are you kidding me?
- [05:05]
A
Oh, my gosh. Does the. Does the stepmom have, like, obsessive qualities or.
- [05:12]
B
Yeah, so she. She's an interesting Case she. I would say it's weird because I was thinking about this recently. I think my stepmother and my mom are fairly similar, except my mom is more outspoken and expressive and my stepmother is quiet. But they're both kind of anal about certain things, I would say. My stepmom is definitely more like picky and anal about how things look.
- [05:44]
A
Is your dad Catholic?
- [05:46]
B
No. No.
- [05:47]
A
No. Okay. It's a lot of kids, and I. And the cleaning thing makes me think Catholic, by the way. I don't know why that is exactly, but, I mean, what a shitty thing to say to somebody. Like, make sure you get the dust in that. This little spot that nobody sees but me. And then to come back and say, you didn't do it. Right. Do it again.
- [06:06]
B
Yeah. And. And, like, when I was dusting these cabinets, like, sometimes it would take me, like, four hours to do.
- [06:13]
A
Yeah.
- [06:14]
B
On a. You know, just a random Saturday, you know, when I would rather be outside hanging out with my friends or something.
- [06:21]
A
I'm gonna say this because I. I want to stick up for my wife. I want somebody to know. I want this to be on the record somewhere. My wife's mom made her wipe the walls off, like, pretty consistently. Like, every weekend. They'd have to wipe the house down.
- [06:35]
B
Oh, my goodness.
- [06:36]
A
Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, just remember that when you're in a buck dusting the cabinets later. Yeah.
- [06:42]
B
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry that she had to go through that, too.
- [06:45]
A
Exactly. The crazy. The crazy could have come differently, by the way. Like, it's. Yeah. Wipe the hot water. Wipe the walls, floor to ceiling.
- [06:53]
B
Wow. Oh, and it just gets me wondering, like, what is going through these parrots heads to make their kids do these insane chores?
- [07:03]
A
I don't know, Olivia, you're from a different generation. You're nicer. I can tell while you're talking to you. But I will just tell you, as a person who has a couple of decades more on the planet than you, they are what they call a cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Okay? They're.
- [07:16]
B
Yeah.
- [07:17]
A
Yeah. Say we don't talk like this anymore, but your mom's nuts, okay? And it's unchecked, right? Because you're. You know, your dad's not gonna. Like, there gets to be a moment where he's like, what am I gonna do? Like, this is the. This is the lady. I married her. These are the. You know, there's a kid's mother. What? You know, and then it gets. So then she says, like, you know, golf. Get out of here. And he's like, no and then. But yes, and then obviously whatever, you know, led him to be comfortable with that the first time led him right back to somebody else again. Yeah, but you. In a four way, where this is coming at you from two. Two women, you know, who are domineering you, and then a guy who's not sticking up for you.
- [07:58]
B
Yeah, yeah, that. I think that describes the overall dynamic really, really well. Actually.
- [08:02]
A
I'm right. Like, and it's unfair, and it's not right. And, you know, you're already nervous because this lady's yelling all the time when you're younger. I mean, really, like, retreating to another part of the house. Like, my parents have yelled at each other. My wife and I have argued. I've never seen people run away while it was happening. Like, that's another level. You know what I mean? Like, people argue. It doesn't usually send people to a, you know, a safe place. Like, that's. Sounds to me like there's some crazy going on.
- [08:31]
B
Yeah. It's interesting hearing you even say that too, because, like, I grew up with it, and I, like, even now I'm sitting there thinking, like, was what I grew up with normal? Like, you know, is it normal to have your mom, you know, flying off the wall?
- [08:45]
A
It's not. It's not normal to wipe the walls. It's not normal to scream at a child till it vomits and to the point where she, as a. A. I mean, you're. You sound like a very bright person. Like, we haven't even gotten to, like, you have a PhD in pharmacology.
- [08:58]
B
I do. Yeah.
- [08:59]
A
You're a bright. You're a bright lady. And, like, so my point is, is that, like, even though you're that smart and thoughtful and I'm hearing you talk, you're measured. You grew up in a war zone, and it feels normal to you.
- [09:11]
B
Yeah. And. And that's the crazy thing about it, too. And, you know, just over. Over the past several months or even several years, I've been picking things apart from my. Like, from my childhood and even my early adulthood and saying, like, wow, like, what I went through really isn't normal. It's messed up.
- [09:31]
A
Yeah. I mean, no kidding. And you can't see it because you're indoctrinated into it.
- [09:37]
B
Exactly.
- [09:39]
A
So let me ask you. Did you have trouble being happy when you got married?
- [09:44]
B
That's a good question. And I know I've been saying that a lot. You. You're asking tons of good questions.
- [09:48]
A
Tell you why I say this. And I don't think my wife would mind me saying this is that when we were first together, my wife was only comfortable when things were upset. Like, when things get settled in their calm, she gets nervous.
- [10:02]
B
Oh, wow.
- [10:03]
A
Yeah. My wife's not good with good. Like, she's better at it now. Like, we've been. We're old now. Like. But, I mean, back in the day, like, if happy wasn't a good place for her because she was, like, it didn't feel comfortable to her at all.
- [10:14]
B
I don't think that makes sense. Yeah. Like, if she kind of grew up in a war zone of her own.
- [10:20]
A
Yeah, that's what you're waiting for, then.
- [10:21]
B
That's exactly.
- [10:24]
A
Your nervous system's tuned to it. Like, you're. You're. You're in fight or flight, like you belong there. So when things calm down and you're still, like, looking over your shoulder like you're about to get shot at, it's hard to chill the out and it.
- [10:37]
B
Oh, absolutely.
- [10:38]
A
Time.
- [10:38]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, going back to your question, though, about my marriage, my relationship with my husband has been, honestly, one of the brightest points of my life. He and I met about four years ago. It was September of 2021. We met at a church that we were going to. And I remember when he and I first met. So I was still going through my PhD studies at the time. And there was one evening where he just casually walks over to me and introduces himself, and we strike up a pretty standard conversation, like, what's your name? What do you do for work? But as the weeks went on, I was getting the sense that, okay, this guy likes me, but I'm studying my PhD, I have no time to date anyone. So I was trying to play it cool. And he and I developed a friendship over time. And so I remember leading up to New Year's of 2021, 2022, he asked me, like, hey, would you be interested in grabbing coffee sometime? And I kind of knew. Like, yeah. He's asking me casually on a date, and I remember sending him a message back saying, like, oh, you know, things are really Busy with my PhD right now. I'm really sorry about this. Maybe we can do a rain check on it. And we did. And the coffee date later on was really, really fun. But. Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent.
- [12:10]
A
No, no, no, I. I like the. You're so sweet. I don't know how you ended up sweet is what I'm talking. I like listening to you talk about. He asked me, and I'm imagining you, like, what, like 25, 24, 25 years old at that.
- [12:24]
B
25 at the time, at that point.
- [12:25]
A
Right. You. And I'm guessing you didn't date a ton in college.
- [12:30]
B
No, I. My husband's actually the first man I truly dated because I'm so happy you waited.
- [12:36]
A
I, I seriously, let me. I'm being serious. If you would have started dating, like, seriously and married somebody in that 18, 19, 20, you would be married to either your dad or your mom.
- [12:47]
B
Yes. That's actually why I waited so long.
- [12:50]
A
Oh, I imagine it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I figured you were like, I'm going to end up in this same goddamn relationship again if I do this right.
- [12:59]
B
Y. I, I remember thinking to myself, I don't want to end up with a guy who's like my dad, who's emotionally distant, but I also don't want to end up with a guy who's clingy like my mom. And that's a whole nother issue to talk about, too.
- [13:14]
A
Yeah, no, let's talk about it. I don't actually, by the way, I want to. This might be a good time for me to tell people. I know the podcast says juice box podcast, type 1 diabetes. And sometimes you probably pop on and think, like, I didn't really talk about her diabetes very much. But the way I see it is understanding this is a is There are plenty of episodes where you can find out how to pre bolus. Right. But there are a lot of you walking around who grew up like Olivia or have problems like hers, and they are impacting your life and thusly, your diabetes and your health in ways you don't know. And if you don't hear people talking about this, it's never going to come up, because you can hear Olivia having moments while she's talking, like, oh, that does make sense. I guess that was happening. It's happening for you, too, if you're listening. And. And for the rest of you, it's just interesting. So I, I mean, I'll ask her about her diabetes at the end. I'm. It sounds like she's doing great. Why are you so smart? First of all, like, how did you know that was what was going to happen? Because that is what was going to happen. I have always disliked ordering diabetes supplies. I'm guessing you have as well. It hasn't been a problem for us for the last few years, though, because we began using US medicine. You can too. Usmed.com juicebox or call 888-721-1514. To get your free benefits, check. US Med has served over 1 million people living with diabetes since 1996. They carry everything you need, from CGMs to insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies and more. I'm talking about all the good ones. All your favorites, Libre 3, Dexcom, G7, and pumps like Omnipod 5, Omnipod Dash, Tandem N, and most recently the Islet Pump from Beta Bionics. The stuff you're looking for, they have it at usmed888-721-1514 or go to usmed.com juicebox to get started now. Use my link to support the podcast that's usmed.com juicebox or call 888-721514. Jump why would you settle for changing your CGM every few weeks when you can have 365 days of reliable glucose data? Today's episode is sponsored by the Eversense365. It is the only CGM with a tiny sensor that lasts a full year. Sitting comfortably under your skin with no more frequent sensor changes and essentially no compression lows for one year, you'll get your CGM data in real time on your phone, smartwatch, Android or iOS, even an Apple watch. Predictive high and low alerts let you know where your glucose is headed before it gets there. So there's no surprises, just confidence. And you can instantly share that data with your healthcare provider or your family. You're going to get one year of reliable data without all those sensor changes. That's the Eversense 365. Gentle on your skin, strong for your life. One sensor a year. That gives you one less thing to worry about. Head now to eversensecgm.com juicebox to get started.
- [16:27]
B
Yeah, I, I honestly can't fully explain it. I think. I think probably from a fairly young age, like you know, preteen or teenage years, I. I've always been really introspective about situations and thinking like, okay, like due to my situation growing up and also the way that my mom and my dad are, chances are I probably have some issues to work through.
- [16:54]
A
Chances are Olivia good.
- [16:56]
B
Yeah, I haven't mentioned yet. So when I moved in with my mom, there was some communication between my dad and I for a few months.
- [17:07]
A
But yeah, then when the cabinets started getting dusty, he got mad at you and stopped talking to you.
- [17:13]
B
Yeah. Well, so I moved in with my mom after my sophomore year of high school. So this would have been In June of 2012, my dad in December, like four days before Christmas Said like, hey, I want to invite you over to clear the air between us. And it wasn't just merely clearing the air. It was what I would call an emotional flogging. So I walked into their house, and I see my dad and my stepmom sitting on a sofa. And my grandparents are there also. So I feel like I've walked into a trap. And the whole time they're, you know, they're talking to me about how worried they are about paying extra child support to my mom if they, you know, go through the courts and make full custody, you know, official. And I'm just sitting there bawling my eyes out.
- [18:02]
A
Are you 16?
- [18:05]
B
I. Yeah, like, 16. Almost 17 at the time.
- [18:08]
A
I feel bad, Olivia, because you say you go to church. But anyway, here's my honest truth. What the is wrong with everybody? Why don't they see you as a thing to protect and take care of? Like, why did they.
- [18:19]
B
Like, I don't know.
- [18:23]
A
Okay, all right. It's not that hard. Listen, let me lay it out for everybody. You're young, you got horny, you found somebody, you made a baby. Now you're in charge of it. Not just in charge of it. You're responsible for it. It's supposed to be healthy and happy. Those are really your only goals. Feed it decent food, take care of it, keep it warm, and treat it like you care about it. It's not that difficult, everybody. Like, it just really isn't that difficult. Like, just have other people's best interest at heart and put yourself second. You know, I'm not a religious person, but doesn't it sound like I am when I'm talking all the time, Olivia? Am I right about that part?
- [19:00]
B
Yeah. Yeah, you really are.
- [19:02]
A
I'm just saying, like, this is common sense. Like, the tenets of good religion, the tenants of being a good person, they're all the same. Like, just don't call your 16 year old in the house and tell them what they're doing wrong. It's your marriage, your disaster, your mess. And then she's sitting there crying, and you continue on, and the grandparents are there. Everyone's an asshole. I don't. I don't just mean in your story. I mean, all of you. This is a disaster. All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're in the middle of your. No, no, I'm. Now I'm mad because I'm. I grew up with a divorce. People and morons not understanding what they were supposed to be doing and messing it up. And you think I'm happy all the time. I'm not okay.
- [19:43]
B
And that's okay, too. It's okay to not be happy all the time.
- [19:46]
A
Yeah. You just do the things you're supposed to do still. You don't get to just push a reset button and throw everyone away because you picked a crazy lady. That's on you. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm very upset. A lot of that probably didn't make sense. Go ahead, Olivia. Your family's yelling at you. What was happening? This episode is sponsored by Tandem Diabetes Care. And today I'm going to tell you about Tandem's newest pump and algorithm. The Tandem Mobi system with Control IQ technology features Autobolus, which can cover missed meal boluses and help prevent hyperglycemia. It has a dedicated sleep activity setting and is controlled from your personal iPhone. Tandem will help you to check your benefits today through my link tandomdiabetes.com juicebox this is going to help you to get started with Tandem's smallest pump yet that's powered by its best algorithm ever. Control IQ technology helps to keep blood sugars in range by predicting glucose levels 30 minutes ahead and it adjusts insulin accordingly. You can wear the tandemoby in a number of ways. Wear it on body with a patch like adhesive sleeve that is sold separately. Clip it discreetly to your clothing or slip it into your pocket. Head now to my link tandem diabetes.com juicebox to check out your benefits and get started today.
- [21:09]
B
Yeah, so by the end of this, like, interrogation meeting, I don't even know what to call it. I remember walking out, I feel very defeated. And at that point I'm like, okay. I don't, you know, I don't really even know what to do in this situation with my relationship with my dad. And so I think like a month later, like the divorce or not the divorce, the custody proceedings go through the courts and my mom officially has full custody of me. And then my dad stopped communicating with me.
- [21:44]
A
What a dick. I mean, Jesus. What? So he wasn't worried about you? He was worried about the extra nut he'd have to put out when your mom had full custody. And on top of that, he probably had to pay somebody to clean the cabinets, so there's an extra charge there. I think you should all appreciate that I was able to wind some comedy into that. Oh, my God. He just stopped talking to you, so then you're.
- [22:05]
B
He stopped talking to me, so then.
- [22:07]
A
Now, you know, he's only talking to you to begin With. Because he had to. And it was saving him money. That's how it feels. Yeah. Yeah.
- [22:15]
B
I think the end game for him was the money, which is messed up because. So back then, he was working in an incredibly lucrative job, probably making half a million dollars a year.
- [22:27]
A
20 years.
- [22:27]
B
A little extra for 20 years ago.
- [22:29]
A
He'S making a half a milli.
- [22:32]
B
Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's ridiculous. And. And so, you know, I'm sitting there thinking, like, okay, like, here, you know, you're not talking to me because you're losing a few hundred dollars extra. Basically, pocket change that you're paying my mom.
- [22:47]
A
Olivia, a year now is an insane amount of money. Twenty years ago, it was unfathomable.
- [22:55]
B
Yeah.
- [22:56]
A
You all had a VCR before other people. Like, you were fancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that's where the two houses were. Oh, my God. Isn't that something? Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, no, no, Olivia, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Like, all he had to do was say I love you and take care of you, and you would have been okay.
- [23:16]
B
Yeah. Yeah. That's all it would have taken. Just, you know, like, a few more hugs here and there and just interest in who I was and what was. What I was going through. But, yeah, I haven't. Haven't heard from my dad ever since then.
- [23:32]
A
Are you ser. Are you serious?
- [23:35]
B
I'm serious. It's been almost 13 years since I've spoken to my dad.
- [23:39]
A
Oh, my God. And now you're not talking to your mom?
- [23:42]
B
Yep. So it's been a few months due to a whole other slew of issues. It's been a few months since I've spoken to my mom.
- [23:50]
A
Oh, and that's something she started. Not you or.
- [23:55]
B
I think so. And I'm. I'm still. I'm still actively working through all of this, and I've been wrestling with a lot of guilt, thinking, like, oh, you know, I feel like I'm the bad person here because I'm not talking to my mom. But then I. So that's the emotional side of me. But then the logical side of me says, like, no. Like, it's because of her behaviors toward me that that's why I'm putting up a boundary. So to provide context on all of this. Going back to what I said before with my mom possibly being borderline. When you grow up with a parent like that, it molds a child in a. In different ways. It made me into a people pleaser, but on top of that, I Think especially after my parents got divorced, my mom shaped me and molded me into being like her own emotional mother or emotional spouse, if that makes sense.
- [24:50]
A
Yeah, you're her stuffed animal now.
- [24:52]
B
Yes. Or like therapy dog, to put it another way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was also a lot of enmeshment between my mom and I that I'm working actively to untangle. And the more and more that I'm peeling back layers of the onion and just, you know, really digging in deep as to, you know, how much this hurts. It's like, yeah, this is messed up. Like, I, you know, if I become a mother someday, I don't want to repeat these same patterns with my own children. I want them to grow up feeling loved and also feeling like they can be independent from me and be free from me, and I want them to grow up in a stable environment. So those have been a lot of the motivations for me.
- [25:36]
A
I feel like you would do that. Boundaries. I feel. I feel like you would do that. Are you thinking. No, no, no. I mean, listen, I have absolutely no training, and that's been pointed out in a couple of reviews of the podcast. And I don't really know what I'm talking about, but, I mean, I do know people pretty well, and it feels to me like you got your lessons, you took. You took the right things from them, and now you're just up to the, you know, the part where you're going to need to make the baby and, and get moving. Like, is that a thing you're talking. Talking about doing?
- [26:06]
B
Yeah, it's actually been something that my husband and I have been out pretty recently. Well, actually, really over the past year or so.
- [26:13]
A
You know, talking is not the way it's going to happen though, right?
- [26:16]
B
No, no, it involves a little bit more than that.
- [26:20]
A
Yeah. Yeah. There's all other stuff you got to do.
- [26:22]
B
But yeah, a lot of this past year has been, and I guess, like, tying diabetes back into this. A lot of this past year has been me, I guess, getting my ducks in a row and really, really, like, tightening down my blood sugar control in order to make.
- [26:40]
A
Oh, okay.
- [26:41]
B
Having a pregnancy possible. And actually this afternoon I have a. A video chat scheduled with a possible mfm. So this is something that my husband and I are thinking about actually trying to put into action maybe in November or December, which I'm pretty excited about.
- [26:59]
A
Fm.
- [27:00]
B
Yep. Maternal fetal medicine. Doctor.
- [27:02]
A
Oh, I thought. I'm not even going to say what popped into my head. Like, I just, like, it's fine. I don't I feel like it's not a thing you would know about, and I think it shines a poor light on me. Paternal fetal medicine, Doctor. Exactly what I was thinking. Okay. So now I'm wondering if, you know, we'll talk about it after we stop recording.
- [27:22]
B
Oh, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
- [27:25]
A
So you are like, okay, I'm going to. I'm reasonably confident that I'm not as screwed up as my parents. I want to have kids. I'd like to provide a nice life for a child. The one I didn't get for sure.
- [27:36]
B
Yeah.
- [27:36]
A
Did your husband get a good upbringing?
- [27:39]
B
He had a much more stable upbringing than me. It still had.
- [27:42]
A
That's not saying much, Olivia.
- [27:45]
B
Yes, yes, objectively speaking, he did have a much more stable upbringing than me. There were some issues with. With his dad growing up, like, some anger issues, but everything has been resolved.
- [27:59]
A
If your husband grew up in a crack house, he'd have a more stable upbringing than you. So.
- [28:03]
B
Yeah. For real.
- [28:05]
A
No kidding. Oh. So, okay, so you guys are going to make a baby. This is awesome. And you. You knew I got a. Like. So you didn't feel like your. Your A1C's blood sugar stability was where it needed to be for baby making. So what did you do?
- [28:19]
B
This kind of started back in. I'll back up to about a year ago. I was seeing an endocrinologist for a few years, and my A1Cs all throughout last year were fairly, like, not super high, but not quite where I wanted them to be. Like, high sixes, low sevens. And as time went on working with this endocrinologist, like, she. Like, whenever I would try to tweak my pump settings on my own, she would say, like, oh, you shouldn't do that. And I would be sitting there thinking, like, well, I'm the one living with the disease 24, 7. I only see you, like, four times a year. The tweaks that she would make during my appointments also didn't really make much sense. So for Context, I use Medtronic 780G with smart guard. As I was working with this old endocrinologist, I got the sense that she didn't really fully understand how my algorithm worked. I would be sitting there. And so back in January of this year, I had an A1C of 6.6. Okay. You know, we're below 7.
- [29:25]
A
Not bad.
- [29:26]
B
But that came with a lot of lows. Surprisingly, no. So that came with restricting carbs because I was struggling with postprandial spikes a lot. So I was restricting Carbs. And I hated it because I enjoy eating carby foods. And so I thought, okay, like, this has to change. And so I had an appointment with her in February, which was actually my last appointment with her. She looks at my settings and she's like, okay, you know, you got an A1C of 6.6. We're going to increase. No, increase, not decrease your insulin to carb ratios. So I was getting even less mealtime insulin. If we increase the insulin carb ratios, we can trick the pump into making more basal insulin. She was really fixated on this idea that I had to be receiving 50% basil, 50% bolus. Even though, like, on average, is she older, I would say she's probably, like, in her upper 40s or lower 50s.
- [30:26]
A
Yeah. Okay. All right. So you had a six. Six on an automated system, and her idea was to give the system less autonomy and force it. And I'm assuming your A1C went up after she did that, or did you just change it back when you got in the parking lot?
- [30:42]
B
So during that time, I changed it back immediately, but there was an almost equivalent time a year prior, so early 2024, where this happened. My A1C that year also started as a 6.6. She increased my insulin to carb ratios with the same kind of mindset. And my next A1C was 7.3. So it jumped almost by a full percentage point. And so at the start of this year, I was looking at it thinking, like, oh, no, I'm not going to let that happen again, especially because I want to have a baby sometime this year or be pregnant at least. So I changed my settings back to what they were and immediately started this search for a new endocrinologist.
- [31:25]
A
Yeah. Geez. Well, you found somebody, I hope.
- [31:28]
B
Yep, I found somebody. I had my first appointment with them about a month ago. I feel like I can really trust them for the six months in between appointments, though. Like the February appointment with the old endo and the August appointment with the new endo for six months. I was kind of just trying to figure things out on my own, which is where listening to the podcast really, really helped me out. Just implementing the tips in the Diabetes Pro tip series. And I saw my A1C drop from 6.7 back in January February down to 5.8 as of August.
- [32:06]
A
Awesome.
- [32:06]
B
Just from listening to the podcast. And so I'm feeling physically better overall, and I'm feeling a lot more confident in my ability to possibly, like, have a healthy pregnancy, too.
- [32:18]
A
Good for you. That's awesome. How do you feel about the name Scott or Scottina?
- [32:25]
B
I like the name Scott Scottina. It would be pretty unique. It has a unique ring to.
- [32:30]
A
It certainly does. Well, I'm so happy for you that you feel like this is possible now. That's really great.
- [32:38]
B
Yeah. Yeah, I. I feel really empowered.
- [32:42]
A
Oh, I'm. I'm so. I'm so pleased you found the podcast and then went right to the Pro Tip series.
- [32:48]
B
I did. Yeah. So I found the podcast. I went right to the Pro Tips, because I. I was just sitting there thinking, like, I need help. And I was. You know, I was also looking at different support groups on Facebook, and I ended up joining the Juicebox podcast support group on Facebook.
- [33:06]
A
Awesome.
- [33:07]
B
Also just, you know, trying to devour every single article that I could about, like, okay, you know, how do protein and fat impact blood sugar over time? Just things of that nature.
- [33:20]
A
Awesome.
- [33:21]
B
But the Pro Tip series has really helped me.
- [33:23]
A
Oh, I'm so happy. I really am thrilled for you. I mean, after learning your story, it's so much more meaningful to hear that you got to feel empowered and feel like you can, you know, go out and try to make that baby that you're trying to make. And. And for all those reasons, like, it's not as. You know, I mean, like, hearing your story before that makes the rest of it just richer, because otherwise you come on and you go like, oh, you know, my A1C was a little high. My doctor wasn't great, and I had to try to help. And, you know, we're trying to have a kid, like, and at all seems kind of clinical, but, like, to really know the backstory, it makes it so much more meaningful to hear from you.
- [33:58]
B
Absolutely. Like, at times, I imagine that I'm like a phoenix rising out of the ashes. Like, rising out of, like, you know, just like, this big pile of ashes that is my childhood and early adulthood, and. And a lot of it is in part because of my husband. Just what an incredible support he's been. He's my best friend, and I'm sure a lot of, you know, married couples say that about one another, like, he or she is my best friend. But it's true. He's been just such an incredible emotional support. As I've been processing stuff related to my mom recently when it came to switching endocrinologists, at first, I was a little bit hesitant to make that switch because I was like, well, I've been with, you know, this old endocrinologist for so many years, but I also feel like I need to, you know, do this for my health.
- [34:47]
A
Yeah.
- [34:48]
B
And my husband says to me, like, you know, I'm going to support you no matter what you decide. And then he also says, nobody's coming to save the princess. And that has stuck with me just in terms of dealing with a lot of challenges that I've had to overcome. And what he meant by that is like. Like, you know, other people can come alongside me and provide support, but when it comes to actually taking the action steps to change things, only I can do that. And it's been so empowering to me.
- [35:19]
A
Yeah. Well, listen, I already know that I'm going to call your episode Phoenix Rising, and I love that. Yeah. And I'm going to. And I know some of you give me. I'm sorry that I use AI to make my artwork. I would love to hire an artist. Please send over a million dollars so I can pay them. But I see your phoenix not rising from ashes, but rising from a pile of dust out of a cabinet. And that's going to be the. That's going to be the image for it. It's either that or coming out of a bedroom that's like a dungeon. What if I told AI make an image of a phoenix emerging from a bedroom. The bedroom is dark and dungeon, like, devoid of love, and instead of ashes around it, it's dust. That's going to be my. My AI prompt, and we'll see what we get.
- [36:06]
B
I'll be very curious to see what you end up with.
- [36:08]
A
Me, too. Me, too. Actually, I. I'm sorry. I want to say that, like, while you're doing all this right now and you're thinking about having this baby and everything, and. And you're. You're in the middle of a thing with your mom. And I would tell you there. I know there's two minds around this. Right? Like, there's. I've heard people say that, you know, Americans are a little too quick to cut themselves away from their families, but I don't think that that's this. Like, I think that, you know, joking earlier and everything. But, like, you know, your mom sounds like she has a mental health issue, and, you know, you can't spend your whole life in flux waiting for that to change when it's very likely not going to change at all. No.
- [36:49]
B
And, you know, I hope at some point that, you know, she and I can reconcile. I don't want to cut ties with her forever. There was an instance three months ago where it just suddenly came to me like, okay, I can't expect My mom to be the type of woman that I want her to be. I need to accept that this is the way that she is.
- [37:12]
A
Yeah. I think that's important.
- [37:14]
B
It's a tough pill to swallow, to say the least. Of course.
- [37:17]
A
Yeah. No, of course it is. But I think it's important because otherwise you'll spend your whole life trying to change something that can't be changed.
- [37:24]
B
That's right.
- [37:25]
A
You can be supportive of her without the expectation that she's going to turn into the person that you need or want or that she probably should be.
- [37:34]
B
Right.
- [37:35]
A
Yeah. Yeah. And. And you can't. And time is ticking. You don't have forever. How old are you again?
- [37:41]
B
I'm 29. I'll be 30 in January, so almost 30.
- [37:45]
A
Baby making time.
- [37:47]
B
Yep. Baby making time.
- [37:49]
A
And I. I love that you waited to get into a serious relationship. I seriously. I know I said it once, but I. I genuinely believe you probably saved yourself from, you know, being in the same situation that your parents were in at some point if you would have jumped in a little too soon. Yeah. And even that takes a lot of. It takes a lot of maturity to do right. And, you know. You know what I mean? Like, it's not easy to. To decline your happiness or put things aside or wait because, you know, there's a bigger reason to do it. A lot of people would just, you know, march forward and be like, no, I'm just gonna date and use my bad. My bad judgment to pick somebody.
- [38:25]
B
Yeah. Like, that is, like, the maturity. Like, that is one blessing that I see in the midst of the scrambled mess of chaos that my childhood was. I was forced to grow up pretty quickly, and I was pretty mature for my age growing up. So that is something that I'm grateful for. Do I wish that it, you know, if I could go back and change it, do I wish that it would have happened that way? Absolutely not. But it's a silver lining in a stormy sky.
- [38:58]
A
Yeah. You have to look for it sometimes. Right? Like. Yeah. I mean, if we're gonna sit down, magic wand, and make up a life for you, this is the one we're making up. But if this is how it goes, at least you come out of it with, you know, some tools and ideas and perspective. You have a ton of perspective, you know, and to bring it back around to the beginning where you said, you know, the diabetes thing, you know, has got you ready for other hard things, do you think that's the case? Do you think that growing up with diabetes made you ready for this? Stuff? Or do you think that maybe this stuff. I don't know how I mean this exactly. Like, maybe this stuff is. I don't know, I. Sometimes I think of it as perspective. I'm sorry for, like, fumbling around this, but, like.
- [39:41]
B
No, no, you're good.
- [39:42]
A
Sometimes I think of it as perspective. Like the diabetes gives you some perspective, right? Like, it could be worse. I could be dead. I could, like, you know, sometimes people take that from it. Right? And then the other, other stuff in life just seems more manageable because there's an actual thing trying to kill you, you know, Other people.
- [40:02]
B
Yeah.
- [40:02]
A
You know what I'm saying? Like, maybe the diabetes is a perspective leveler. And then it happens again and again and again. It makes you more available to bigger picture thinking when stuff happens.
- [40:15]
B
Yeah, I definitely think that's true. And, like, as you were talking, I was thinking about the fact that I was diagnosed so young that I don't remember life without T1D. I think, I think just growing up with this thing and kind of accepting it as normal, you know, when the bad days would come, it's like, okay, you know, my blood sugar's, you know, doing a roller coaster type of thing, and that's always miserable when it happens. But it's like, okay, you know, I gotta slow down and I just gotta say, like, this isn't going to last forever. I'm gonna, you know, get out of this moment and then just say, okay. What do I need to do in order to try to bring this roller coaster back to a source of stability?
- [40:59]
A
I have to say, remarkably normal for what happened to you.
- [41:03]
B
I appreciate you saying that. Seriously, I do.
- [41:06]
A
No, I mean, almost shockingly so. Because if you were a little wacky, I'd be like, yeah, right on. She deserves it. You know, like, like, I, I get that. You just seem awfully normal for what happened to you. I, I, I mean, good for you. Congrat. I don't know what you did, or if it's decisions along the way or if you got lucky, but good for you or congratulations. Whatever fits.
- [41:28]
B
Thank you. Yeah, I, so I honestly can't really, I don't think I can point at any specific decisions that I've made. I know I mentioned that my husband and I met at church, and I think it's my, my faith in God has helped you. That has really just kept me afloat all of these years. Just knowing that, okay, like, even though my, both my mom and my dad are messed up, I can look at God as, like, the perfect father and say, like, okay, you know, he's truly on my side and he's truly got my back.
- [42:03]
A
Yeah. I mean, you need something, right? Like, absolutely, yeah. You didn't go to therapy, right?
- [42:09]
B
Well, I did go to therapy off and on, like, ever since 2012, when my. My abandonment by my dad started.
- [42:18]
A
Yeah.
- [42:19]
B
I'm actually currently in therapy dealing with the issues related to my mom. But it's kind of been on and off as I've needed it over time, and it's something I'm definitely not ashamed of. I know that there could be a lot of stigma related to, you know, me seeking out a therapist. Yeah, no, that's a good thing.
- [42:36]
A
Yeah, no, not for me. Is it a therapist that you found through church, or did you find it through the healthcare system?
- [42:44]
B
So right now, I'm actually in the. In the midst of transitioning to a new therapist. But the person I was seeing was actually a friend of my husband's who I was seeing for a time. But then I. I thought, okay, you know, I feel like I need more extensive help that I'm getting, so I'm gonna look at the medical system and see who I can find there.
- [43:07]
A
Good for you. That's awesome. Like, you, you're very, very proactive with your. With your life.
- [43:14]
B
Thanks. I. I try to be.
- [43:15]
A
Yeah. No, you. You clearly are. I mean, let's take a half a second. This is obviously. This is pretty long. It'll end up being two parts probably. Just let me ask you here, like, you got your PhD in pharmacology. What do you do for a living?
- [43:27]
B
I currently work in a research lab at nearby university. I'm doing immunology research specifically focused on lupus. So although it's not T1D, it's autoimmune disease, and I love it. I'm the person who is either wearing the white lab coat and sitting at the lab bench doing all kinds of nerdy science stuff, or I'm being a nerd sitting at my computer doing computational analysis. And I love my job because every day I feel like I'm learning something new. I think I would be bored working at a job where you're doing the same exact thing over and over again. Yeah, funny story about that. Ever since I was a teenager, I knew I wanted to go into scientific research for a living. And I remember sitting there one day, I was eating cereal for breakfast, and I don't remember what type of cereal it was, but I was looking at the ingredients list on the cereal box, and I was looking at it, and I Had a thought in my head, I wonder, what ingredients go into insulin? And so that sparked the interest in wanting to go into scientific research, and here I am now.
- [44:34]
A
Wow. Just because you wondered what was in insulin.
- [44:37]
B
Yep.
- [44:37]
A
Did you ever find out? Did you ever look into it or just, like, went on your way?
- [44:41]
B
I. I did look into it, and granted, it was a. A little while back, but I remember sitting down and looking up articles about, okay, what's the chemical structure of insulin? Lispro versus. Versus insulin, Aspart and fiasp. You know, I was comparing all of these and also learning about, like, the different types of solutions that the actual insulin protein molecules are stored in. And. Yeah, just super interesting stuff.
- [45:12]
A
Now, listen, I want to say to everybody, see all the things you can think about if you're not running around crazy, having sex all the time. See, Olivia wasn't chasing boys. She was figuring things out, getting her life straight. Right. Seriously, am I not wrong about this? I'm right, right? Yeah. Put some focus on yourself. Don't be embarrassed. Olivia, it's okay. I like that you focused on yourself first. In other endeavors, I see people running around all over crazy, constantly dating this one and that one and doing this and that. Like, I'm not saying don't go out and do a thing, but, like, you know, big picture. I. Absolutely, yeah, I would have adopted you. I. You should have. You should have reached out when that guy screwed you over. I mean, I don't have his money, so, I mean, maybe you would have. Maybe you would have been like, no, thank you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna stick with the guy over here.
- [46:00]
B
But, yeah, I mean, if. If, like, I. Let me think back, then. Well, I guess it depends on, you know, if we're talking about, like, way, you know, like, almost 30 years ago, like, I would be sitting there thinking, like, well, you know, the Internet really isn't. Really isn't, like, a big thing, so how would I reach this guy?
- [46:18]
A
I would have been 24, so I don't think I would have been. I don't think I would have been much help to you at all. I would have been like, listen, your story is insane, but I cannot help you. Please get away from me.
- [46:27]
B
So, yeah, and like, the me now would say, like, you know what? That is totally fine. Like, you. You got to take care of yourself.
- [46:34]
A
You got, like, a nice. I don't know, you got a good vibe about you. Good for you. That's awesome.
- [46:39]
B
Thank you so much.
- [46:40]
A
Yeah, no, I'm. I. I'd clap for You. If I thought it was appropriate, because you. You really did come through a fire. No kidding. Well, let me end with this. Unless you have something. Do you have anything else you want to say before I. I wrap up?
- [46:52]
B
I. I think we've covered a lot. Oh, we did covered everything. Yeah. Yeah, I think we've covered everything that I've wanted to talk about. So. Yeah, hit me with your question.
- [47:01]
A
Okay. Everything goes well, a couple of years from now, little babies running around, things are going great, the baby grows up, you one day have a feeling like, oh, no, I'm having a response like my parents would. What do you think you do to get ahead of it? Do you have that? Yeah. It's got to be a worry, right? Because I have those worries. Like, you know, like, what if I do things my parents did? Like. But I never. You just seem so much more well thought out. Like, I just tried to roll with it and figure out the thing to do. I feel like you're going to have a plan.
- [47:35]
B
That is the thought that's run through my head quite a lot. It's. It's been a thought that's popped into my head even with my marriage, with my husband and I. There's been times even in my marriage where I've caught myself falling into some of the same tendencies that I would show with my mom or dad, primarily, like, the people pleasing type of thing and not really, like, being assertive, I guess.
- [47:59]
A
Yeah.
- [48:00]
B
In saying, like, you know. Yeah. Like, you know, I don't really feel like doing this particular thing tonight. That's also been kind of a worry when thinking about having young ones, too. And I think if I felt some of those tendencies rising up, I would have to. I would have to have really good mindfulness and stop and take a pause and say, like, okay, you know, I might be feeling frustrated or I might be feeling angry right now, but, you know, everything is gonna be okay. Just, you know, take a few deep breaths in and out. And then rather than, you know, screaming my head off at my poor child, you know, just go do what I need to do and say like, hey, you know, like, I, you know, if they're throwing a tantrum, like, hey, you know, I know that you're upset, but, you know, this is the rule. Something like that.
- [48:49]
A
You might make a good therapist one day, by the way.
- [48:52]
B
Well, thank you.
- [48:53]
A
Yeah, I mean, I think sometimes it takes people who have been through things to really understand. And then, you know, the rest of it is. The implementation of it is. Is the hard part, like knowing the right thing to do, like, knowing, like, I don't want to be yelling at people or even the thing you were talking about with your husband is super simple, is super interesting, because it's not just, like. It's not just the. The issue of, like, I don't want to just. People, please. Like, if he says, hey, let's go here for dinner, I don't just say yes because, you know, because he said so. I. I have an opinion. But you also don't want to shout him down. Like, it's. Yeah. You're. You're. You're fighting against not wanting to be your dad, not wanting to be, like, pushed around, and also not wanting to be your mom, not wanting to be so exertive that it looks crazy. And. Yeah. So you're. You're. You're fighting a war on two fronts. Really?
- [49:40]
B
Yeah. If. If anything, my. So my mom and dad have taught me good things that have stuck with me to this day, but they've also taught me a lot of what not to do in a marriage relationship, what not to do when you're parenting. And so I sit there and think, like, okay, you know, I know that it's wrong to scream at your kids when you're angry at them. I know that it's wrong to, you know, be listening to your child's emotions and then say, like, you have no reason to feel that way. That's something that my dad told me before. So, like, I know, you know, that all of these things are inherently wrong, so I'm. I'm not going to do them.
- [50:20]
A
Jeez. Yeah. I listen to one of the first things my wife taught me. She was like, I feel the way I feel. And I was like, okay. You know, I was young, and I grew up poorly. And, you know, like, sometimes people said things, you're like, oh, you don't have to feel that way. And she's like, well, I do. And I'm like, oh, okay. You know, just some. Sometimes somebody's got to say the obvious stuff to you when you didn't grow up being, you know, with that obvious stuff being modeled in front of you, so.
- [50:42]
B
Absolutely.
- [50:42]
A
Listen, you. You should win an award. I don't know what the award is called. If I had it, I would send you a ribbon, because I think you. I think you deserve it, and I really appreciate that. Oh, I appreciate you coming on and talking about. This is not an easy thing to talk about. Am I right?
- [50:56]
B
No, it's not. I think it gets easier just as time passes. And, like, one Reason why I wanted to come on the show and talk about all of this is because I know that there are people who are dealing with similar circumstances, and it can be really lonely feeling like you're the only one dealing with these types of things. But I wanted to come on and talk about them so that those listening don't feel quite so alone in their own journeys.
- [51:23]
A
Yeah.
- [51:24]
B
And so I hope that I can provide a little beacon of light to those who are listening.
- [51:29]
A
You brought a beacon to me, so I assume it's going to come for everybody else, too. I really enjoyed this. Thank you very, very much.
- [51:35]
B
I had a great time, too, Scott, and thank you so much for having me on the show.
- [51:38]
A
I appreciate it. And let people know you're very stuffy and you fought through it valiantly. We appreciate that. And I think it really added to your, like, Michigan accent. I think it was kind of neat.
- [51:51]
B
You can tell that I have a Michigan accent.
- [51:53]
A
Yeah, you can't.
- [51:55]
B
I mean, my voice just sounds like my voice. And I. I mean, I guess at times I might say something one way and think like, okay, yeah, that sounds like a Detroit accent. But I've never really thought, like, yeah, I have a Michigan accent.
- [52:10]
A
Well, also, you know, you know, you said your parents flew back to Michigan. Also you said that you use a Medtronic pump. That's a very upper Midwest thing. Medtronic, super. Seriously, Medronic's huge. Like, Minnesota, Wisconsin, like, right up in there, I think probably because the company's up there and.
- [52:28]
B
Yeah, that makes sense.
- [52:29]
A
You do have a little bit. But it's neat because, like, I imagine that if. If you jump back on a week from now and we spoke, I would think, oh, was somebody pinching her nose while we were talking last time? But you sound completely. No one else will know. If I hadn't brought it up. Nobody would know.
- [52:44]
B
That's true.
- [52:45]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's awesome. You were really, really terrific. Would you hold on a second for me? This episode of the Juice Box podcast was sponsored by usmed usmed.com juicebox or call 888-872-11514. Get started today with us med links in the show. Notes links@juicebox podcast.com head now to tandom diabetes.com juicebox and check out today's sponsor, Tandem Diabetes Care. I think you're going to find exactly what you're looking for at that link, including a way to sign up and get started with the Tandem MOBI system. The podcast episode that you just enjoyed was sponsored by Eversense CGM. They make the Eversense 365. That thing lasts a whole year. One insertion every year. Come on. You probably feel like I'm messing with you, but I'm not. Eversensecgm.com Juicebox. Hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end. I really appreciate your loyalty and listenership. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of the Juice Box Podcast. If you're looking for community around type 1 diabetes, check out the Juice Box Podcast Private Facebook Group juice box podcast type 1 diabetes but everybody is welcome. Type 1 type 2 gestational loved ones it doesn't matter to me. If you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort or community, check out Juice Box podcast type 1 diabetes on Facebook. Hey, I'm dropping in to tell you about a small change being made to the Juice Cruise 2026 schedule. This adjustment was made by Celebrity Cruise Lines, not by me. Anyway, we're still going out on the Celebrity beyond cruise ship, which is awesome. Check out the walkthrough video@juicebox podcast.com JuiceCruise the ship is awesome. Still a seven night cruise. It still leaves out of Miami on June 21st. Actually, most of this is the same. We leave Miami June 21, head to CocoCay in the Bahamas, but then we're going to San Juan, Puerto rico instead of St. Thomas after that. Bastiri. I think I'm saying that wrong. St. Kitts and Nevis. This place is gorgeous. Google it. I mean, you're probably gonna have to go to my link to get the correct spelling because my pronunciation is so bad. But once you get the St. Kitts and you google it, you're gonna look and see a photo that says to you, oh, I want to go there. Come meet other people living with type 1 diabetes, from caregivers to children to adults. Last year we had a hundred people on our cruise and it was fabulous. You can see pictures again at my link juiceboxpodcast.com juicecruise you can see those pictures from last year there. The link also gives you an opportunity to register for the cruise or to contact Suzanne from Cruise Planners. She takes care of all the logistics. I'm just excited that I might see you there. It's a beautiful event for families, for singles. A wonderful opportunity to meet people, swap stories, make friendships and learn. Have a podcast. Want it to sound fantastic? Wrongwayrecording. Com.