#1744 Life Coach: Getting Older

Summary

Juicebox Podcast: Type 1 Diabetes

Episode #1744 – Life Coach: Getting Older

Host: Scott Benner
Guest: Kerry
Date: January 22, 2026

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Overview: Navigating the ‘Empty Nest’ Phase with Diabetes

In this episode, Scott Benner welcomes back Kerry, a longtime listener and previous guest, to dive deep into the personal challenges and transitions that come with getting older—particularly after children leave home for college. While diabetes is a through-line (both Scott and Kerry are living with or closely affected by Type 1), the conversation is a candid and often humorous exploration of identity, purpose, and rediscovering life as middle-aged parents—the “life after kids at home” period.

The episode is not medical advice, but an honest conversation about the emotional and psychological sides of life, parenting, and chronic illness.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Stage – “Empty Nest” and Life Transitions

• Kerry’s only child has just left for college, prompting reflection on next steps in life for her and her husband (“What do I do with myself now?” — 05:12).
• Both Scott and Kerry admit to feeling a little lost or bored; routines have upended, and there’s a “new normal” to define.

2. Kerry’s Background and Family Dynamics

• Diagnosed with Type 1 at age 6; now 44.
• Married to her late brother’s best friend; their relationship started as supportive and evolved into romance in her late teens (08:13).
• The early loss of her brother deeply shaped Kerry and her relationship with her husband and parents (14:01).
• Kerry talks about being “the sick one” as a child and the complex family dynamics of grief (14:05).

3. Parenting a Young Athlete—The Soccer Journey

• Kerry’s son was dedicated to soccer, with her husband as coach, but ultimately stopped playing after hard experiences with nepotistic coaches (“...they just kind of quit speaking to him when he was 16 and 17.” — 25:32).
• The emotional fallout of this, not just for her son but for the entire family, is discussed candidly—including the sense of injustice and struggle with “not being able to fix it.”

Notable Quote:

“It broke him in every way possible. I just... Yeah, I don't know how that will go.” – Kerry (35:02)

4. Identity Crisis and Letting Go

• Both parents reflect on the peculiar agony of building children up only to have them leave (“What a weird job, that you spend your entire life trying to get a person ready to leave you and it's the only thing you don't want to happen.” — 55:55).
• Scott shares emotional stories of his own children leaving home, the tears that flowed, and the long drive home (53:59; 54:03).

Memorable Exchange:

Scott: “I drove three hours and water just ran out of my eyes the whole time. But I never, like, cried. I just was, like, clenched down… my shirt was soaked.” (54:03)
Kerry: “Your body took over. Yeah.” (54:15)

5. Meaning, Fulfillment, and Growing Older

• Both speakers express uncertainty about what “happiness” and “fulfillment” in midlife really look like.
• The conversation meanders through simple pleasures (replacing a plant pot, planning a weekend away) and big existential questions (“I'm going to die one day. It's all going to be over. None of it's going to matter. So what the hell, why not do something great or have a fun time…?” — 93:00).
• Honest confrontation with the reality of aging: “It really does shine a light on the fact that you're in the last third of your life.” — 56:25

6. Finding New Joys and Habits

• Humorous musings on what’s permitted now (“Is it okay to eat once a day at 3pm?”) and how to fill empty time (“We're at that point now... There's nothing to do.” — 52:10).
• Both agree that small steps—like planning short trips, reprioritizing self-care, or scheduling lunches with grown kids—are a healthy way forward.
• They touch on the guilt of brain chemistry in parenting, with Scott explaining adolescent brain development and why young adults listen to peers more than parents (64:06).

Standout Quote:

“Maybe it's time to celebrate all the work you put in, celebrate what he's turned into and try to enjoy the time that you're spending now, waiting to see what's going to happen next.” – Scott (70:27)

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Notable Quotes and Moments with Timestamps

• On Coaches & Youth Sports:
  “From your perspective, what did they do wrong? ...the nepotism was a huge problem. You shouldn't coach your own child that long...” — Kerry (26:19)
• On Letting Go:
  “You spend your entire life trying to get a person ready to leave you and it's the only thing you don't want to happen.” — Scott (55:55)
• On Grief after Kids Leave:
  “It's such a cliche, but it's 100% true. Like, your job is to get them ready, but you don't do that for yourself, you know?...It's a great problem to have, but it doesn't make it less sad.” — Kerry (54:50)
• On Midlife Malaise:
  “If you want to eat dinner at 3 o'clock, then eat dinner at 3 o'clock. Who cares, right?” — Scott (57:06)
• On Seeking Advice:
  Scott relays an Uber driver’s direct (and comical) commentary on marriage and the necessity of “getting away from your wife sometimes”—a moment both share with laughter and cultural reflection (81:33–83:10).
• On Parenting Catch-22:
  “Everything about parenting is a catch 22... Gives with one hand, takes with the other one every time.” — Kerry (87:14)
• On Living Boldly:
  “Carpe diem... I think that's what you should be doing. It sounds like you raised a nice kid. You're supporting him... There's no reason that in the time in the middle, you can't be doing something for yourself for sure.” — Scott (93:16)

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Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:10 | Empty nest and new “old people” habits | | 14:01 | Family grief and aftermath of sibling loss | | 25:32 | Youth sports, nepotism, and breaking a child’s spirit | | 35:02 | Emotional weight of sports loss/parenting highs and lows | | 46:53 | The emotional impact of dropping a child at college | | 52:06 | Boredom, new routines, and midlife resets | | 56:25 | Confronting mortality & aging | | 64:06 | Why older kids listen to peers, not parents | | 70:27 | Celebration of parenting’s efforts, letting go | | 83:10 | Uber driver: marital wisdom, life after kids | | 93:00 | Finding meaning after the active parenting is over |

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Tone and Feel

The conversation balances emotional vulnerability with plenty of joking and self-deprecation. Scott uses humor to expose the ups and downs of parenting, partnering, and living with diabetes. Kerry is candid and open about sadness, guilt, pride, and the slow process of self-reinvention.

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Takeaways and Strategies

• It’s Normal to Grieve After Kids Leave:
  Heartache is expected, even when it’s a “good” problem.

• Celebrate the Work Done:
  Allow yourself moments of pride and rest; not every moment needs to be “productive.”

• Find Small Joys:
  Whether it’s eating dinner early, planning a weekend away, or decorating for Christmas in November, embrace simple pleasures that boost mood.

• It’s Okay to Seek New Purpose:
  Try short-term projects, trips, or new hobbies; even brainstorming goals is a healthy start.

• Lean Into Change—Boldly:
  “Carpe diem”—the only certainty is time will pass, so pursue what happiness you can, when you can.

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In Summary

This episode gives listeners a heartfelt, often hilarious look at the shock of the “empty nest,” the slow journey of letting go, and why it’s okay (even necessary) to rechart your emotional maps as you get older—with or without diabetes. Scott and Kerry’s candor provides comfort, camaraderie, and practical optimism for anyone navigating the same path.

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End of episode summary.

Transcript

[A]

Friends, we're all back together for the next episode of the Juice Box Podcast. Welcome. I've got a returning guest for you today. This is Kerry. She came on once to talk about diabetes today. She's here for life coaching. And as you know, I have plenty of thoughts. I'm going to share them with Kerry and we're going to see what we can figure out on today's Juice Box Podcast. Nothing you hear on the Juice Box Podcast Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan. If you're new to type 1 diabetes, begin with the Bold Beginnings series from the podcast. Don't take my word for it. Listen to what reviewers have said. Bold Beginnings is the best first step. I learned more in those episodes than anywhere else. This is when everything finally clicked. People say it takes the stress out of the early days and replaces it with clarity. They tell me this should come with the diagnosis packet that I got at the hospital. And after they listen, they recommend it to everyone who's struggling. It's straightforward, practical and easy to listen to. Bold Beginnings gives you the basics in a way that actually makes sense. And guys, don't forget to check out juiceboxpodcast.com juicecruise to come with me in June. The Celebrity Beyond Cruise Ship. You're going to love it. It is fantastic. We've got a really great group of type ones coming. You could add yourself to that right now. Have a great vacation, meet some cool people. Get away. Today's episode of the Juice Box Podcast is sponsored by the Eversense365, the one year wear CGM. That's one insertion a year. That's it. And here's a little bonus for you. How about there's no limit on how many friends and family you can share your data with with the Ever since now app. No Limits Ever Since. Today's episode is also sponsored by usmed usmed.com juicebox you can get your diabetes supplies from the same place that we do. And I'm talking about Dexcom Libre, Omnipod, Tandem and so much more. Usmed.com juicebox or call 888-721-1514. Today's episode is sponsored by the Tandem MOBI system with Control IQ technology. If you are looking for the only system with auto bolus, multiple wear options and full control from your personal iPhone, you're looking for Tandem's newest pump and algorithm. Use my link to support the podcast. Tandomdiabetes.com juicebox check it out. All right, everybody, I'm here with Kari, but she says that she and I recorded in the past and it never came out. So let me get my glasses on.

[B]

It's possible that I missed it. That's who I am as a human.

[A]

Being, but, well, that will hurt my feelings less than if we somehow have dropped the ball. So I'm gonna go to my editors backup and I am going to search by name and scroll to K. Yeah, it's called Surviving on Spite. And it was. Hold on a second, everybody. This is my brain working in real time without editing. You're like, oh, he's pretty dumb. This is taking forever. I just have to go into a bunch of different systems, that's all. Well, Kerry, I'll be goddamn. Yeah, hold on a second now. Wait a minute.

[B]

So my brain then, of course, went. Well, either I missed it, which is who I am.

[A]

No, I have it. I have it. Excuse me. March 27, 2025 Episode 1475 okay, surviving on Spike Curry, 43, has lived with type 1 diabetes since childhood and opens up about her how her brother's early death shaped her life.

[B]

Okay, yeah, so I did.

[A]

Someone owes me an apology. I'll take it right now.

[B]

I'm very sorry.

[A]

Now, you don't sound sorry. All right? But today I'm super excited. Forget everyone. Go listen up. I guess if you like Kerry today, then you go listen to that.

[B]

Well, and to be fair, maybe this will help my need to apologize to you. You said six months, and that would have been like four, so I was probably looking in, like, may.

[A]

Listen, subscribe and follow listen every day. You won't have these problems. Well, have you considered quitting your job, leaving your marriage, or doing other things that would give you more time to support me and my podcasting?

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Please. Do you have kids?

[B]

Yes. He just went to college, so.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Now I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself.

[A]

Yeah. All right, well, listen, I. I love this because your little thing here, your business thing. What is it? Your clicky that you made, it just says, I think. How did you put it? I loved how you put this because I looked this morning. I think I was down for your life coaching. I am in. Let's go.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

All right. What's wrong? What do you need? Ask Scott. I'll say, I'll tell you my big thoughts.

[B]

I don't know. Maybe I'm just down for chatting.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But maybe part of the, you know, you have kids that are in college. What do I do now with Myself.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And my husband and I look at each other like, okay, so can we go to bed at 6pm how old?

[A]

Wait, wait, are you 43 still?

[B]

I'm 44 now, and he just turned 50. But is it okay to eat once.

[A]

A day at 3pm Oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, yeah. I got a lot of thoughts on this stuff. Okay, good, good, good. You're in the right place. Okay, let's get a tiny bit of background, first of all, so people understand what's amiss here. How many kids you got in total?

[B]

Just one.

[A]

The one kid. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you've been married before or.

[B]

No, no. One husband, 20 years.

[A]

One husband, one kid, 20 years. Kids off at college. Now, is the kid going to college close to the house?

[B]

He is. Which is what people are like. Well, at least he's close. Sure. But he doesn't permanently live under our house anymore, ever. This is the start of the. He doesn't live with us anymore.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So he's like 30 minutes away, but I literally am sending him texts, like, once a week, like proof of life. So happy that he's adapting well. But I'm like, we still exist. Are you alive?

[A]

Do you know if he's adapting well or if he's just unconscious maybe?

[B]

No, he's. He's doing great.

[A]

Is he a good kid? Is he one of those kids who you're like, that kid's going to get a degree, make some money, and then I can get old. Maybe if something happens, I can borrow a couple bucks from him? Or. Is he.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, he's. He's a great kid. He was solely focused on soccer for most of his life and then decided kind of last minute that he was done and he wasn't gonna play in college anymore. And so we're all kind of readjusting and figuring out what that looks like for him. But he's. Yeah, he's doing great.

[A]

Oh, you got that whole thing going, too. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, all right, let's start at the beginning. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but also, just remember, if you're listening to this and you're like, this is supposed to be about diabetes. Carrie has diabetes, so it's fine.

[B]

I am diabetic.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's all good. How old were you when you're diagnosed?

[B]

I was six.

[A]

Six. And now you just said you're 44. Happy birthday.

[B]

I'm 44.

[A]

Okay. How old were you when you met that man who you let be your husband?

[B]

Okay, so we talked about it in the first time we recorded that I missed. My husband was best friends with my brother who passed away.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I met him, I don't know, probably when I was 12 or 13.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He was friends with my older brother.

[A]

So if you're 12 or 13, he's more 19 at that point.

[B]

Seventeen, probably. The first time I met him were five and a half years apart.

[A]

And just for people's edification, he wasn't hitting on you. Then this happened?

[B]

God, no.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Okay. At what age did you start thinking, like, oh, like, did you go after him or did he come after you?

[B]

Well, so my brother passed away when I. Right before I turned 15. And so, of course, he was a support system for me there and kind of stepped into, like, protective, you know, nothing romantic or anything like that. But my brother had died, and he was his best friend. So that, you know, protective, not brother, because that's weird now that he's my husband, but that kind of relationship. And then I suppose when I was close to 19 is when he made a move. Yeah.

[A]

Or you did.

[B]

I think he did. I think he had called me or text me or something and. Yeah.

[A]

Do you recall being like, oh, my God, why is this happening? Or were you like, right on.

[B]

Oh, no, I had a crush on him forever.

[A]

Okay, when you're talking about this, in hindsight, I mean, because this is, you know, decades ago, right. Do you think, like, oh, my God, it sounds creepier than it was?

[B]

Well, I. I hear myself, like, trying to make excuses for it, to make sure that everybody realizes it wasn't creepy. But at the time, of course, it didn't feel like that, you know, I mean, I didn't look at it that way.

[A]

So he texts or reaches out or whatever happens, you start dating. Next thing you know, bang. We're, like, doing stuff together, and all of a sudden, we're around each other all the time. Then how long until somebody says we should get married?

[B]

Well, we were together for a year, and then we broke up because.

[A]

What do you do wrong? Tell us all.

[B]

Nothing. I was too young, you know, I mean, we broke up before I was 21. You know, I mean, I was basically a kid and needed to do some growing up, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there wasn't anything big that happened. You know, it was just kind of.

[A]

We did the thing. And you had an age gap, too, which probably when you're 19, 20 years old, probably. Like, he probably felt like an old man to you at points. Right.

[B]

Or he probably felt like he was dating A child, which is fair, you know? I mean, I wasn't technically a child, but.

[A]

No. Yeah. You're watching stuff on tv and he's like, what are we doing? Like, that kind of thing, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm in college and he's at work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm calling, you know.

[A]

You know, and. And you'd been together for how long before you broke up?

[B]

About a year.

[A]

So the banging wasn't as much fun anymore.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah. I got you. I know. I've been alive a while. Okay, so. All right, so that happens. How long are you broken up for?

[B]

Probably about a year.

[A]

Okay. What precipitates the back togetherness?

[B]

I don't know. I remember I was, I think, maybe like a birthday or something, and think that he reached out and then we kind of just picked up where we left off, I guess.

[A]

And you're 21 by that time?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you feel good about that? You were like. You knew he missed this. Like, did you have any of that feeling?

[B]

No, that's not really my. That's not really who I am. I guess I just was excited, you know? I mean, I felt like. I kind of felt like I knew that he was my person, and I overthink everything. And I think when we first had gotten together, it was devastating. It was like, you know, when we broke up, it was devastating because I really believed that we were together in some part because of. That's what came out of my brother's death, you know?

[A]

Oh, you felt like. You felt like some of the meaning of your brother's life was lost when you broke up?

[B]

A little bit. Like, I felt we were supposed to be together and that was. You know, we had that in common. And he would have been happy about it. Which, of course, how would I know that? He probably wouldn't have at the time, but, yeah, it felt like this huge universal. Like something horrible had just happened.

[A]

Oh, okay. But it was your doing. Is that right or.

[B]

No, the breakup, I think it was just kind of. I don't remember that. I think it just kind of, like, ended.

[A]

Okay. All right. I like how you're like. You're so nice and measured and everything. I'm over here acting like you're doing the chopping gesture on your groin. You're like, they all miss it. They all miss it.

[B]

You're just like, he knew how good he had it.

[A]

I knew he'd be back, and you're just like, oh, it was nice we got back together. I don't remember how it happened.

[B]

No. Yep. I don't. I really don't. Again, I'm just an overthinker, but I'm also too, like, philosophical about things, so. Yeah.

[A]

Did you date in the gap of time you were broken up?

[B]

Oh, sure. I dated one of his best friends, as you do, you know.

[A]

Listen, did you not have a car? What was going on exactly?

[B]

No, I 100 had a car. Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know. If you just walked outside and you're like, well, these are the four blocks where I have to pick a boy from.

[B]

Here we go. I guess this one. No. And to be fair, we're still friends with him and they're some of our best friends. They're all just a good group of people who are funny and, you know, so. Yeah, so.

[A]

So his friend was also older than you?

[B]

Yeah. I think the closest in age of people that I ever dated was like a year or two older than me. I always dated older people.

[A]

Older people. Do you have any idea why?

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I had an older brother, so I was around his friends always that were older, and I was always, you know, always had crushes on them, so.

[A]

You ever ask a therapist, there might be, like, a documented reason why this happens that you're just not aware of.

[B]

I'm too mature, so I have to date older. Is that where you're going?

[A]

No, no, no, no. I meant, like, maybe because of your brother's passing, you were looking for, like, sure. Something.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, he was my favorite person in the entire world, so people that were friends with him were his vibe similar and. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

How did your parents deal with your brother's loss?

[B]

Not well, as is obviously understandable. And we talked about this the first time. I was the sick one, so basically, at least I understood in my mind that I was going to be the one that died first. So none of that ever even crossed my mind. Of course, you know, you don't think of those things when you're that young. But they did not handle it well, as I imagine none of us would.

[A]

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[B]

It exacerbated, you know, problems that they had with drinking, and I just felt like I couldn't talk about him.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, so it was. I vividly remember the first time I accidentally said his name in front of them after he had passed, and I literally gasped because I felt so bad about it. Yeah, they did not handle that well.

[A]

All right, well, Carrie, now that you've bummed us all out and we now have your.

[B]

Gotta go. Have a good day.

[A]

We have your backstory all together. We're gonna jump forward right now. So you guys are married. Everything happens. You say, you know what? Why don't we make one of these babies? Did you do that on purpose? By mistake?

[B]

Yes. And I don't know if I talked about this first time. I am just an innately stubborn person and do not like to be told what I can and cannot do or achieve or try or whatever. I had always wanted kids, but also I was told at like, eight or nine that I couldn't have them because of my diabetes. So we wanted to try and didn't really think about the repercussions of how serious it was. And so I got pregnant very easily, and we did not have maternity insurance, and my son was in the nicu, and I was high risk and in the hospital for a very long time. And now whenever we drive by there, we joke that that's our wing of the hospital because we pay for so much.

[A]

How long did you have to pay on that to get it paid off?

[B]

This is the other hilarious thing. Our son was about 7 when we finally were like, he's ours. Like, we did it because that was how long it took us to pay it off.

[A]

Like buying a car.

[B]

It was like we had a second home that.

[A]

Do you ever consider defaulting on it?

[B]

No.

[A]

No, you just paid it. How much did you pay every month?

[B]

It was another mortgage, which, you know, here it was less than $1,000, I guess, but.

[A]

But around a thousand dollars a month. You paid off to the hospital for seven years.

[B]

For seven years, yeah.

[A]

My goodness. Okay, so then this kid, this kitty, obviously you're going to take care of him because you cost $74,000 somewhere. Somewhere by my math, is a little janky there.

[B]

No, no, no, no. It was well over a quarter of a million dollars.

[A]

Oh, no kidding. Wait, wait.

[B]

That's what our bill was. Which, of course, we talked down to a different amount, but that was. That was how much we owed.

[A]

I love it. I love it when they send you a bill and it's like, it's 250 grand. You're like, I'll give you a thousand dollars a month for seven years.

[B]

Here's 500.

[A]

Yeah. And they're like, fine, we'll take that.

[B]

And the funny thing Was we didn't get any bills for a very long time. So we ignorantly thought maybe we slipped through their crack.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

You know, because we knew at this point that, of course we didn't have maternity insurance and this was going to cost a lot, but we never saw anything for eight months. And then it all started to come.

[A]

In, and they were like, hey, we found you. Here's your bill. So he plays soccer. Because we're getting to the part where we're going to start talking about you guys right now. Right. So he plays soccer his whole life or when did he start playing?

[B]

He started playing when he was 4. Husband coached him, and then he started playing club when he was 9.

[A]

Maybe he played in high school for.

[B]

The team he did until his senior year. He was kind of just broken spiritually, and his confidence was broken, and all these things just happened, and he couldn't.

[A]

Do it anymore because of. Was he not playing as much as he thought he should or was just.

[B]

Yeah. His experience with one of his coaches was brutal and heartbreaking, and he was talking to colleges about playing, and people wanted him, and he just couldn't get over the fact that he felt like he wasn't good enough because of one person. So.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, don't tell me the college he's at now. Okay. I don't want anybody to know where he is, but, like, give me some ideas of, like, the level of college that he was talking to about playing soccer. Like, was it, like, a local D3? Was it community college? Was it a D1?

[B]

He didn't want to play at a big, you know, D1, which he wouldn't have played, you know, probably D3.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I tell you a fun story?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was in a grocery store one day. I hope she doesn't hear this, but, I mean, she probably won't. And one of the kids. That's cold. Played with, like, most of his life as a young person, bumped into me, you know, a couple years into college and said, how's Cole? And I was like, good. And she's like, is he playing baseball? I said, he plays at school. And she's like, okay, great. And I said, how about your son? And she said, well, no, he doesn't. He doesn't play in college. He decided he didn't want to play D1 baseball.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And. And I went, okay. And then I tell you, when I walked away, what I thought was he decided, I think.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I saw him play, I think, baseball. Decided he wasn't playing D1 baseball, but whatever, like. And I don't care, by the way. I seriously, I don't care.

[B]

What was interesting, the way that we verbalize those things.

[A]

Yeah. Like, she didn't want to say, listen, he tried and nobody cared.

[B]

No. Yeah. No. My son would not have played D1. And that's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that doesn't have to be the goal. So. Yeah.

[A]

The margins are so small at that point.

[B]

Right.

[A]

My son didn't play D1 baseball, but he had, he had plenty of people following him around. One day, one guy was like, I just wish he was a little taller.

[B]

Right. There's one little thing that he can't change.

[A]

We love everything about him. We just wish he was a little taller. And I was like, what now? Actually, the one person told us, like, we're going to make you an offer, but don't take it.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I was like, what? He goes, my coach, talking about the head coach of the team is a big school. It would have been great. He said, my. My coaches, I think back on it now and I wonder if Cole shouldn't have just done it. But he's not going to let you play. Right. And every game he's going to bring you in in the seventh inning and put you in as a defensive replacement, and you are going to beat your ass for four years catching baseballs for him. He maybe is. Maybe give you five at bats.

[B]

Yeah. You're. You're going to sacrifice your body and all these things and.

[A]

Yeah. And. And Cole goes, why? And he goes, he doesn't put guys your height out there. My son's six feet tall.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, you're too short for him. He won't use you. Right. And I was like, okay, is this what we're fighting through? Like, but, but my point is, is that your son was playing soccer. It was a lot of your life, I imagine, right? Like you and your husband sitting on a piece of aluminum, watching him run around. Or some folding ass chair. You got a dick. Sporting goods on sale. And it broke a thousand times. Yeah, I know what you're doing. And like. Right?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You're out there talking to people. Some you like, some you're like, I would not talk to Kathy if we weren't here. I don't like her at all. Like, you're having that whole life, right? And it's a lot of.

[B]

And wouldn't change it for the world, you know? And we have some great relationships because of it. And it was great for him for the majority of his life, you know, until it wasn't. Until it was it.

[A]

I wanted to. I want you to talk about that for a second. Like, I don't need his, like, details. But, like, what happened? He just. Somebody just told him one day, yo, you're not playing anymore. You suck. And that's it. This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by ever since 365. And just as the name says, it lasts for a full year. Imagine for a second a CGM with just one sensor placement and one warm up period every year. Imagine a sensor that has exceptional accuracy over that year and is actually the most accurate CGM in the low range that you can get. What if I told you that this sensor had no risk of falling off or being knocked off? That may seem too good to be true, but I'm not even done telling you about it yet. The Eversense 365 has essentially no compression lows. It features incredibly gentle adhesive for its transmitter. You can take the transmitter off when you don't want to wear your CGM and put it right back on without having to waste the sensor or go through another warmup period. The App works with iOS and Android, even Apple Watch. You can manage your diabetes instead of your CGM with the Eversense 365. Learn more and get started today at eversensecgm.com JuiceBox One year, one CGM. How'd it go?

[B]

There were a lot of issues within the team, not the boys, and there was a lot of nepotism and it was verbalized by everyone on the team and people started getting punished because of it. And our son played the same position and they kind of just quit speaking to him. His coaches, who he, you know, poured his life into for years and respected because he was supposed to, and they were his coaches and they just kind of quit speaking to him when he was 16 and 17 years old.

[A]

From your perspective, what did they do wrong? And if I asked you to speak for them, what would they say he did?

[B]

Well, so the nepotism was a huge problem. You shouldn't coach your own child for that long and you shouldn't coach the same group of boys for that long.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And there was just, I guess I, you know, this is still kind of fresh and I'm trying not to be disrespectful, but I can understand having a kid, like pour that much of themselves into you and what you are supposed to be, you know, growing for them and what you care about and then to quit speaking to them. And it just chipping away at their confidence and their self worth, and it just destroyed them, you know, I mean, it was like the most heartbreaking thing to watch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they would say they didn't do anything, you know, that he just wasn't skilled enough or he didn't. You know, I don't. I don't know what they would say.

[A]

From their two perspectives. Right. Like, I put myself in their shoes through watching other people who've done this. I. Listen, my son played for a guy once. I think he would have preferred losing with his son on the field than winning with somebody else's kid on the field.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's he. And. And I'm hearing too, people have an expectation. The team is so important, it's so good. And if you're not good enough, you're holding my kid back. So, like, taking that coach in your mind right now. Is kid's son off playing D1 soccer somewhere?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

No. Okay. So then he's got this unrealistic expectation of what they're actually doing. Instead of, like, supporting these kids, letting them have a good time playing high school soccer together.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They think they're getting ready to send them off to some greatness that never comes.

[B]

One time, they were at a showcase out of state, and the boys were having fun, which was happening less and less to see from the sidelines that they were having fun. They were having fun, and they were playing this team that was a level higher than them. And they lost by one goal. Again, showcase, doesn't really matter. Lost by one goal for some just silly thing that happened, you know? And so the boys, instead of beating themselves up about it, were kind of just chatting and laughing a little bit. And one of the coaches told them that they hadn't earned the right to speak.

[A]

Oh, soccer.

[B]

Right. And so I'm like, okay. So the boys. And one of them verbalize it to, you know, the parents was like, so we're not supposed to have fun? And they're 16, 15 and 16 at this point. Like, that's what they learned in that situation. I was like, yeah, I see where you would think that. Yeah.

[A]

Right. Well, listen, we had an experience last Christmas that was interesting. So we went out to cut down a Christmas tree. There's a place near here that grows Christmas trees. You go buy one, you lay on the ground like an idiot with a bow. Saw you chop it down. You wonder why you just paid extra money to do more work and you're sticky and, yeah, I. I mean, it's one of those things that as you're doing it, you're like, this is stupid, but okay, yeah, we're all together for like this. I hadn't been all together to do it in years. Right. Because Cole was off at college at points. Arden was off at college. But the four of us are going to go to this farm and do this thing. We're having a really nice time. We're walking up and, you know, walking through the farm and. And no kidding. Coming right at us is Cole's high school baseball coach and his wife and his kids. This man was horrible to Cole.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, I'll give you two stories that I think are one more interesting than next. There was a game one time no one was hitting. Gets into about the fourth or fifth inning, Cole doubles guys. Coach in third base gives Cole the sign, get over here. Like, steal third. Right. So Cole jumps off, he's getting ready, doesn't like the way it looks, lets the pitch happen, goes back on second, resets, steals third on the next pitch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As he's sliding into third and he's safe. This guy is screaming at him at the top of his lungs, I told you to steal on the last pitch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Cole's like, I couldn't. Like, I just couldn't. Right. And so now Cole has like a. I don't know, he's a thoughtful kid. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's a real weird mix between a math mind and a jock. It's a strange. Like, you don't.

[B]

That is my child as well.

[A]

Yeah. And so he's like, look, he's like, I would have got caught if I jumped the first time. And he's trying to explain it. The guy guy is screaming at him. Cole scores the only run of the game. He's the only double of the game. He's the only stolen base of the game. He's the only run of the game. And he does not play the next day for not listening.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And then at practice, the guy starts telling him that his swing sucks and he's no good. And by the way, he's leading the team in hits. He's the center fielder. The starting center fielder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's the only odds on kid on the team that looks like he has a half a shot at playing in college.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, you know, time passes. Cole lives with it, you know, tries to struggle through it, etc. All the same stuff. Be everything you can, you know, think to do or not do. Or whatever. You're trying so hard, you know? And then these, like, little stories, they go on and on and on. They keep happening and they keep happening. And you realize, like, the guy's just decided that Cole's the whipping boy. It's going to be him. You know what I mean? And one day they're at a game, and you can remember, too, this is high school baseball. So it happens in colder months, right? And we're in the northeast, and we're at a game one day, and Cole's out in center. He's doing his thing, and he's sick, like, getting a fever. Like, it's coming on him fast. Threw up in center field at one point, still does all the stuff he's supposed to do. Gets his hit, steals run, blah, blah, blah. Catches the ball, throws the ball, does all the things he's supposed to do. He's a good part of the game. They win. And Cole goes up to him and says, coach, hey, I'm really sick. I threw up in the sixth inning. Like, my dad's here. I'm going to skip the bus and just go home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, he looks at me, goes, absolutely. Take care of him. Blah, blah, blah. Like, he says, everything you're supposed to say to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the next day, if you don't want to be with the team, Cole, you just let us know. And this keeps happening. And then one day, Cole's very empathetic. He's like. He comes home and he says, dad, listen, I can take it. But there are kids on this team that are just playing for fun, right? They're not very good. And he's yelling at them. He's like. He expects things of them they can't do, and he's horrible to them. And so one day, he went up to the guy and he was like, yo, man, cut these kids a break. You know, he's like, pointing around the field very quietly, not calling the kids out, going, like, you want him to do this? He can't. You want him to do that? He can't. Look at him. He can't do it. He's like, he's doing his best. He tries to stick up for the kids. It gets worse and worse. One day, a game ends. I watched it happen. We were at an away game at a high school baseball game. The game ended up. I watched Cole walk across the field over to the coach. Before he could walk off, he said something to him. The guy exploded in his face. I was like, whoa, what's go. I went to the Fence. I'm like, what is happening? He's screaming at Cole. I said, cole, walk away. Walk away. Cole walks away. I said, get your stuff. Guy comes over to the fence, starts screaming at me. Then he screams at my wife. He tells it. Tells us what a terrible kid we have. And he's so blah. He's so disrespectful. And he's like, all this stuff, blah, blah, blah. And it turned out, you know what Cole did right then and there? The game ended, and he walked over to the guy and he said, hey, I just wanted you to know I'm quitting the team. I'm never going to play baseball for you again. And he's like. He's like, I'm just. I can't watch you do this to these kids anymore. And he just left.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And in the middle of that protest, sticking up for all those kids, cutting himself short, making it so that he could not finish his junior year of baseball in high school or play his senior year, and he had a real chance to play in college, and he still did this for himself. And you'd say, oh, it sounds like he quit. He didn't trust me. This kid was making a protest. You know what all the boys on that team did? Do you think they got behind him and stuck up for him?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

No, they shunned him. One of them tried to steal his girlfriend. They all treated him like shit for the next year and a half. Anyway, we're off getting the Christmas tree, and here comes that guy and his kids and his wife, and we're 100ft from each other, and we're 80ft and 50, and when nobody's turning and we're walking right at each other. And then, you know what I realized as we walked by? He didn't remember Cole at all.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He walked right past all of us. He was not pretending not to see us. He didn't know us.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And I was like, there's a guy who had such power over our lives for so long. Right. He ruined my son's experience. He ruined a lot of other kids experiences.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And five years removed from it, he didn't even know that we are.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I was like, that's fascinating.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

There's something to be learned from him walking past us and not knowing who we are.

[B]

It's sad on his part, you know? I mean, I. I literally will. I don't want to say fantasize, but, like, I think about if and when I run into him, his former coach, how that's gonna Go. Because it truly. It destroyed our kid. You know? I mean, it broke him in every way possible. I just. Yeah, I. I don't know how that will go.

[A]

Your son's not gonna have the experience he thinks he's gonna have. So I'll. I'll say this. If he misses soccer enough, he could play club soccer at college and have a good time. Okay. And maybe he's gonna learn. He doesn't miss it that much. And like, you said something earlier. You said something about, like, I don't know, like, you know, you wouldn't change. You said, I wouldn't change anything about this. But let me tell you something. I don't know that your son wouldn't. Because I talked to my son sometimes, and I don't know if he'd change it. He might, because all that stuff you talked about, the nepotism and the, you know, people making bizarre decisions for reasons that are, you know, how about, like, once you get to college, that doesn't go away?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

How about some family writes a check to replace all the gym equipment inside of the workout room, and then all of a sudden, their kid with a weird limp and, like, 2ft tall is playing in your kid's position?

[B]

Well, and it's kind of like, I understand what we think that his end goal was for his own child, of course, but I'm just like. But at what point does your kid get to decide or earn this for himself or actually be doing something that he wants to do? Because when our son came to us and was broken and was like, I can't do this anymore, we could have said, well, that's too bad. You have to. But my God, what. You know, what kind of parents would we have been?

[A]

What I'm telling you is, is that it's not going to be as big of an impact as you think moving forward. It's just that you spent so much time, years, effort, like, expectation, that right now it feels like somebody stole something from you. But I'm telling you that four years from now, when he graduates, he's not going to remember this. No, it really is interesting that. I mean, you have one kid, so this is your first and only time going through it. You're worried that this is some big deal. It's not.

[B]

Well, it was, of course.

[A]

Like, what is now?

[B]

Well, and it's not really even now for him. Like, he's kind of gone through it and is okay with it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

When it happened, of course he was devastated and was like, this is my identity.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I said, no, that was something that you did and that you loved and that you, you know, sacrificed a lot for. But that's not your identity. It was something that you did. But he's kind of. I'm the one that can't, because. And this is who I am as a person. Like, the injustice of it is something that I just. I'm having a real hard time swallowing, okay? Because I just want people to be better and to especially, of course, it's my child. So, like, how dare you? But, like, truly, this was a group of young boys that you are supposed to be making into, you know, better people and foster their love of something and to just destroy it was just like, you know, I just. It's my issue.

[A]

Yeah. Well, listen, there's the way it is and the way you want it to be. Well, of course, that goes for everything. Right. And. Well, listen, first of all, you never coached the team. I always say this. You don't know what you would have done. Right. Like, if I put you in that position and you got all full of power and you thought you could have propelled your kid to a thing that he really wanted, you might have stepped on another kid on the way, too. I don't. We don't have the opportunity to know that.

[B]

To be fair, my husband coached. He also played club baseball.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And my husband coached him and him and his other coach, I always use them as an example because they both had sons on the team and it didn't matter if they weren't doing what they were supposed to or if they weren't listening, didn't bring this in. Whatever they had, the consequences that everyone else had, their integrity was that their children didn't get special treatment because they were their children.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Right? So that's my standard of like, okay, this is how this should be. This feels good. Things are right in this world with this. Because you can't do that. That's not fair. And I hate the fair word. But, like, so that was always my. What I was holding other people up to because I was like, no, you can do that. You can be a parent who coaches and not give your child special treatment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's how they learn to navigate as people in the world.

[A]

Have you heard me say recently on the podcast that Arden told me she thinks she has less self confidence because of playing sports more.

[B]

Oh, no. Really?

[A]

Because of people always telling you to do better.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

And I've asked my son, like, you know, I've said things in the past. I'm like, well, at least you got this out of. He goes. And he'll always tell me, he goes. I don't know if it was worth it or not.

[B]

Yeah, we haven't had that conversation yet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I don't think we're ready for that conversation. But he's in college. He's playing all of the other intramural sports, and he's doing, you know, he's, quote, living his best boy life is what he says. He works out and he goes to class and he does all these things. But, yeah, that was tough.

[A]

So then how do you guys handle that? Because I know it was very difficult for us to watch Colby treated poorly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In high school baseball. In regular, like travel, he was usually treated pretty well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was really. It was interesting, actually, to see that off on. I call it club and soccer, but when you play on a travel baseball team and every kid on that team has an expectation of playing in college.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're trying really hard at it. I have to tell you. Like, Cole played on a team where I think, my God, I would tell you that three out of every five kids on that team went and played in college. Like, a lot of them played college baseball. Right. And he was thought of very well on that team. Right. And then to see him come back to high school and realize you're just not part of whatever this is like the click, the club. You don't end up realizing till later that there's a group of parents that have sway over how the coach coaches the team in high school. Like, there's a lot of stuff going on that you're not aware. I wasn't aware of. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right.

[A]

As a freshman, before the guy started treating him poorly. As a freshman in high school, Cole was the only freshman to make the varsity team in baseball.

[B]

Right? Yep.

[A]

There was a letter writing campaign that put on by two of the parents to protest cold making the team.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

You know, one of them was the one I ran into in the grocery store all those years later.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She sat and wrote, like, heartfelt letters about how Cole wasn't a good baseball player and her son was.

[B]

Yeah, I just. Again, be better.

[A]

Yeah, I know, right?

[B]

We've never played those politics. That's what we call it around here for everything in club, high school, whatever. In the town that we lived in forever, we don't play those politics. It's icky. It makes me feel literally, like, itchy. I can't understand putting another kid down to try to Propel your kid who maybe, you know, just.

[A]

People get into that. It's a famine mentality. They get into that mentality. Like, there's not enough for everybody. I got to get mine. That's how it ends up feeling. And I'm. I'm here to tell you, and I've said it a number of times, this podcast, the truth is, most of your kids suck. And it doesn't matter. Like, just let. Just let them have fun.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well.

[B]

And my husband always was like, do you know the percentage of kids that go on? He knows it exactly, of course, because.

[A]

He'S just like, it's so small.

[B]

It's so small. And this team that my son played for for years, all of them were going to go on and play in college. And quite frankly, most of them could have. You know, they were great. They were unbelievable group of boys that were so skilled and played so well together that most of them could have. And most of them aren't.

[A]

You also lose perspective when they're your kids. Like, you need another person from the outside that you trust to look and really assess things, because it's hard to assess certain kids.

[B]

And most of them just decided they don't want to anymore. Like, they all kind of got beat down. And there are some that play, you know, in college right now, but most of them have. All of the sun decided that they don't want to.

[A]

Yeah. It's not that much fun, by the way, to play in college. There's a lot to it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Hey, listen, let me. Let me tell you a great. I said on here before, if you heard it again. I'm sorry. The year that Cole began to play Little League T ball. Right. Four million American boys started playing T ball that year, like, in that class across the entire country. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

18 years later, of those 4 million boys that started to play T ball, 9,000 of them went often played college baseball.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's across four levels. JUCO.

[B]

Right.

[A]

D1, D2, D3. Right.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

There are currently 30 major league baseball teams. They have about 40 men on a roster. Like, I think in total, between minor leagues and major leagues, there's maybe less than 5,000 professional baseball players.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay. So you're not going to play at college. 4 million down to 9,000. That's the statistical improbability. We say all the time around here. We still talk about, like, even when we're watching baseball on television sometimes, and somebody said, oh, those are the best baseball players in the world. My wife stopped and said, those are the Best baseball players in the world left that didn't get hurt or burned out.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

They are probably not the best baseball players in the world. Right. There's plenty of guys whose elbows exploded that are way better than these guys. These are just the guys that are.

[B]

That are left.

[A]

They're just making it. Yeah, it's like last guy at the bar thing, like. Yes. I guess it's what is. Was left, you know. Are they bad players? They're not. They're, you know, they're incredibly good, but statistically you're not doing that. And then when you're in a statistical improbability and you're willing to on another kid for it, like the chances, probability, that's just insane.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Nevertheless, your kid, this all happened. This is good background. And now he's off to college. Is he a freshman?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How long. How long has he been away at college?

[B]

Mid August.

[A]

Okay. Three months.

[B]

Three months? Yeah.

[A]

All right, then he's sleeping there, right?

[B]

100%.

[A]

Okay. What. What was the feeling like? Like driving home.

[B]

Well, I am a very emotional person. I cry at everything. Good, bad. I cry. When he was playing baseball when he was little, if some other kid on his team was at the ball, I would cry like that.

[A]

Happy for him.

[B]

Yeah. So happy. Yeah. So my goal was to. And to be fair, we also talked about this last time, like, both of my parents pass away less than two years ago within three months of each other. Like, life has been happening. And so I was very concerned that I was not going to be able to handle that day. And so my. My goal was to make it like, to the car after we had everything in his room situated and whatever, and I did that. And of course the night, like, sobbed the whole way home, which again, only took, you know, 30 minutes, but. And then I was numb for a while. And then I sob for a very long time. Just thought that he was in the basement, you know, like at night time we'd go to bed and I think, oh, cruise downstairs, you know?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that finally quit happening. It's just every night I would tell, I would yell downstairs, I love you. And so I kept trying to do things like that. I'm like, oh, no, he's not here. I'm better. I actually think I handled it very well from what I had played it up in my brain of how it was gonna go. I joked for years that, like, I would need to be sedated for a while and I didn't need that. So good job me. But yeah, I don't know. We just kind of. Now we have our new routine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if I'm out anywhere doing anything, if he texts me randomly, I'm like, oh my God. And I couldn't be more excited. And I quit paying attention to literally everyone else. I'm like, I'm sorry, my son is texting me, he's in college. And they're like, oh, we get it.

[A]

Is just your husband having a similar experience or. No.

[B]

Well, sure. But he is, you know, a man who doesn't emote anywhere near the same way I do. But he has his moments and I can see them and I recognize them because we've been together for so long. But when our son comes back to the house and I will ask him something, he'll like roll his eyes at me and you know, just typical. Life as normal. But he's not here all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're not, you know, in the car for eight hours at a time going to soccer and all these things. So it's just a big shift, a new normal that we're trying to. Yeah. We shouldn't go to bed at 6pm and we should not eat at 3pm.

[A]

Well, I don't think I want you going to bed at 6pm but you can eat when you want to. Why not?

[B]

Well, but it's like the, getting the, the early verges count because you go eat dinner at 4:30.

[A]

Are you bored?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm sorry, do you have a job? Do you work?

[B]

Yes, I work from home. We own a business and.

[A]

But it's a full time effort.

[B]

Yeah. So that hasn't changed. But it's very flexible for me and I, it doesn't take up much of my day. Every day.

[A]

We were quiet yesterday. Like everybody was gone. It's just Kelly and I last evening and I was like, I'm gonna run out. I like some stuff I want to do and I mean, I guess I could explain to you I wanted to go get like a little thing to replace something for one of my chameleons. Sorry. But I was like, let me run out and do that. But before that she looked up at me and she goes, you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm fine. Why? She goes, you're something wrong. Like you're super quiet. And I was like, yeah, I'm just bored.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And she's, she's like, like she's still working.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's work I could do, but I was like, I'm done. Like for. I. I think I've Done as much as I can do today. And I'm actually, we're in the middle right now of this is beginning of Diabetes Awareness Month. I don't talk about this much, but I think that Diabetes Awareness month is the worst month to put stuff out about diabetes. Because all it is, it's like, it's a bunch of companies who are just, I don't know, it just feels like a bunch of smiling, you know, marketing people who are like, you know, do you live with type 1 diabetes? Did you know that? 18%, 19 things that are 43, like, I'm just like, oh my God, there's so much of it. It just seems like overkill. It's always like banal crap that nobody cares about that's not gonna reach anybody. Like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, we're not educating the way that it needs to be.

[A]

And you're making a post. It's the epitome of preaching to the choir. And you piss the choir off because you're posting about it every day and.

[B]

It'S just right, well, and then it's the eye roll and this is annoying. And oh my God, it's November, right?

[A]

Exactly. You're making Diabetes Awareness Month the least amount I think about diabetes. Oh, there' like some lovely but misguided 40 year old lady working at some company trying to mimic a TikTok dance to like bring awareness. And I'm like, oh God, like everybody just stop. It seems to me to be the biggest waste of effort that I've ever seen in my life. And then for the rest of the year, they don't do anything. I'm like, why don't you spread this out a little bit? And so anyway, I stepped back from it a little bit. Like where everybody else is running forward. I'm like, no thanks, I'll wait. You know, plus yeah, I mean, in the last week I've put out more stuff that spreads diabetes awareness than most people do in a year. So I got my thing covered. So anyway, I'm like, so it's like 6 o' clock and it's dark now because the damn clock.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yes, it's six o'. Clock. It's pitch black outside. My son's off playing basketball. He got done working like an hour ago and left and played basketball. Bunch of guys. Arden's at class and my wife's working still, because my wife will, if you're wondering, like my wife will die in a chair in front of a computer, like, for sure, like, she's just way too type A. And. And neurotic and everything. Not to do that. I've tried, guys, listen. I tried. It's who she is. Leave her alone. So she's working.

[B]

We have to.

[A]

Yeah. She looks up at me. She's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, I'm bored. And she's like, what's wrong? And I was like, I don't know. Just. I don't have enough to do, and I want to do something, but I.

[B]

Don'T want to do these specific things that need to be done.

[A]

I don't know. I don't even mind doing that stuff. I just, like, we've got our life as set. It works.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so you're down to, like, little things, like, oh, we should really replace that stand that the plants on because it's broken. Like, all right. And then somebody does that. Or, like, it's just. We're at that point now.

[B]

No, truly, that's who we are now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The things that we inventize, like, perfect example, is like, oh, you know, I need to replace that little plant in the corner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't need to.

[A]

Like, there's nothing to do.

[B]

Announce that or make a day of it, but that's what's going to happen.

[A]

If you're struggling or. I know this might sound irritating, but, like, my business runs well. My wife's business runs well. Like, we're good at our jobs. Like, you know, like, our kids are in college or out of college. Like, the house is what it is. Like, there's nothing to do. There's no kid to take to soccer. There's no thing to get involved in.

[B]

There's.

[A]

You're not involved in any struggles. It's not like, even the thing with the coach and the thing. At least it was something to think about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like. Like, so I hear you. So the first part is horrifying. Like, leaving your kid at college. I. Listen, I don't know how honest I've ever. Or how many opportunities I've had to talk about this on here, but we dropped Cole off at college. I know exactly what you're saying. Like, just get to the car. Like, you just want to get to the car. You don't want to, like, cry in front of them too much or anything. You see, it's okay if they're upset or whatnot. We got in the car. As we're getting in the car, he and his new roommate, freshman, they're walking through the quad, like, going to get food together, and Then see us at the car. So they come over to say goodbye one more time. So you're still holding yourself together, like, okay, goodbye. I'll see you. Like, he walks away. And I, like, barely could get in the car before I fell apart. Like, really? And my wife's over there doing her, like, Irish Catholic thing. Like, you know what I mean? And she's like, it's fine. And I'm like, yeah, I don't look fine and doesn't feel fine. And I cried for a second. Arden tells the story better than anybody because at some point, it's a three hour ride home. Arden's in the backseat. An hour into it, she goes, I still live with you. And we didn't. And we didn't respond to her at all.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. This isn't about you right now. We're devastated.

[A]

I drove three hours and water just ran out of my eyes the whole time. But I never, like, cried. I just was, like, clenched down and. And it just. My shirt was soaked. Like, I'm not even kidding.

[B]

Your body took over. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. And it just ran out of my eyes. Ran out of my eyes. And meanwhile, like, I'm like, he's right here. I have a car. Like, I mean, I could.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Kelly goes. She starts talking to me, and I put my hand up and I was like, I can't talk. Like, if I start.

[B]

We can't do this right now.

[A]

Talk about this. I'm gonna. I'm gonna fall apart. I'm trying to drive, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Couldn't look at her the next day. Like, I looked at Kelly and I'd get upset and it was crazy. Like, we got home. I don't know what even what to tell you. I stood in his bedroom by myself for a while. Just stood there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was ridiculous.

[B]

Yep. I talked to some friends about it, and I was like, you know, and it's so. It's such a cliche, but it's 100% true. Like, your job is to get them ready, but you don't do that for yourself, you know? And I truly just felt devastated. And I was trying to, like, talk to him about it after the fact without making him feel bad, you know? And I kept saying, no, this is good. This is all stuff that we want to happen. But at the same time, like, I'm devastated. You are literally my heart, and I want you to do all this, and you're supposed to experience all these things, but I'm also supposed to be devastated and surprised. I am. It's just a different kind of sadness. And it is grief that nobody really talks a lot about there. Everybody jokes, you know, like, hugs, hang in there, blah, blah. And of course, it's a great problem to have because there are people that have, of course, lost children and can't have all of these things. It's a great problem to have, but it doesn't make it less sad.

[A]

Yeah. What a weird job that you spend your entire life trying to get a person ready to leave you and it's the only thing you don't want to happen.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right. Like, yeah, you're working towards making the one thing you don't want to happen happen.

[B]

That's the goal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, crazy. And he's just like, I'm 25 minutes away. And I'm like, I know, I know.

[A]

Well, that's not the end of it either. It's also an indication that the more active part of your life is done with. It really does shine a light on the fact that you're in the last third of your life.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is not a thing you think about until you realize, if I wanted to have another baby again right now, I couldn't.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, I'm 54.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think I could birth it. Like, even if Kelly's womb wasn't barren now because she's old and like, like, and stuff. Like, like, even if we could make a baby right now, I don't know that I could live long enough to get it to college.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm not sure of that, you know, like, so that you're like, okay, well, this is it. And the thing I described you earlier is real. Like, either I'm got my life set and it's working like clockwork, or I have a harder job and I'm just out there, like, slinging whatever I'm doing every day, beating my ass to death to get to the end of it. Like right now you're just doing it to pay a bill for somebody.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or leave them a couple of dollars if you can, or stay alive or whatever you're trying to do. It's very, very, very upsetting. So. So I say to you, I think you should do whatever makes sense to you. If you want to eat dinner at 3 o', clock, then eat dinner at 3 o'. Clock. Who cares, right? You know what I mean? If you.

[B]

And the time change really just sucks. I mean, I know it's an hour, but like you were saying earlier, truly, literally last night we're like, it was 6:30 and I was like, it has to be 10:30.

[A]

Like, it is the worst feeling. I take other people's opinions by the. Like, I know that there are, like, some people, like, well, you can get up earlier and it's light out and I'm. I'm glad for you. But for those of us that want to sleep till 7:30 or 8:00', clock, it's now dark at 5 and it sucks.

[B]

Right. Well, you know, I mean, my health is always, of course, in the background. There's always something going on with that. And so I'm finally, after both my parents passed, I'm like, you know, I am going to do the things that I want to do. I don't care what people think about that. If this brings me joy, I'm going to do it. Like, I. So we're good about that. But I. Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

It's hard to know what to do.

[B]

I mean, there's only so much, like, TV you can consume and only so many books that hold my interest for enough, you know, time. And you can't see your friends all the time. Everybody's busy, you know. I mean. Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

No, I know I've shared before that one of the saddest things that there's ever happened is that we, you know, try to sit down with a person to help us plan, you know, the rest of our life out as much as we could. And he said, like, you know, what do you want to do?

[B]

Do you mean, like, will stuff?

[A]

Yeah, like, it was like retirement. He was like, you know, what do you see yourself doing?

[B]

Because we literally just did that yesterday.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, I don't know. And he goes, what are you enjoying? I'm like, I don't know. I was like, what do you mean, what do I enjoy?

[B]

Know what they like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I was like, you know, I enjoy getting up in the morning and making as much money as I can and putting it in a pile so that everybody can spend it on the stuff they need to spend it on so that we're like, can stay inside and be warm.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I've been doing that since I was like, 20.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And honestly, I've been doing that longer. I started raising my brothers when I was 13. I was like, all I'm good at is taking care of people. The guy said to me, he's like, well, how do you fill in your time? Like, I have a podcast. I try to help people with that. And he goes, what about for you? And I'm Like, I don't know, man. Like, what, you want me to pivot?

[B]

But isn't that for you a little bit? I mean, I know what I. Oh.

[A]

It'S for me a lot. Listen.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Carrie might be more for me than it is for you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Whatever. Take advantage of it. You know what I mean? But, yeah, I need to be helping people. That's all I've been doing my whole life. My dad leaves when I'm 13. I'm helping my brothers and my mom. You know, I still. I was on the phone last night with one of my brothers, helping him about a thing for his daughter. You know, like, helping my kids. It's the worst part about the diabetes. Separation between Arden and I is. Is that, like, she's getting it right. And I'm like, oh, she didn't even need me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like. And I'm. I'm happy about that, but at the same time, like, there's another thing I don't do.

[B]

Well, she doesn't need you as much in that way.

[A]

Well, listen, there's still stuff, by the way, she's dropping the ball on some things, as I would imagine. She was going to 21.

[B]

She will forever. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just saying.

[A]

No, please. But I said to her last night, I was like, hey, you're going to take me to breakfast Saturday morning? And she goes, why? And I was like, you're gonna take me to breakfast on Saturday morning? And she goes, yeah. Oh, you're gonna tell me stuff I'm not doing? And I was like, we're gonna go.

[B]

Over a few things.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, we're gonna go sit and talk somewhere where you have to be mature because we're in public and we're gonna go over some stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, even that, like, I've been thinking about that for two weeks.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I think that there's so many ways to start that conversation. Wrong.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right. And only one chance to start it correctly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I've been going over and over again, like, how to start talking about it, by the way. I want to. This is about, like, hey, don't ride us like, a pump site to, like, the very end. Or, you know, please, if, you know, your site gets bad and your blood sugar starts going up and you change your pump, like, take two more seconds and see how much insulin you really should be using. Don't just go with what the pump says. Like, stuff like this. Like, little stuff. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And anyway. And so I think I've come down to is, like, I think we're at the part now where I'm gonna. I'm gonna sit down with her, and I'm gonna say, arden, you and I have been put in an incredibly unfair position. Like, we really just have. You and I are intrinsically locked together through your health. And no one wants that. Like, I don't want that. You don't want that. This is not what either of us would have chosen if we were given the opportunity. Like, why are you so close with your dad? It wouldn't be like, oh, I. It's because the beta cells in my pancreas just don't work right. Like, you know, like, so. But here we are, and I think that's where we're going to start, you know, and we have to. We're doing a good job of separating, but there's times when you're overestimating your abilities, and there are times when you're underestimating mine. There are times when I am still too enthusiastic in places where you don't need me to be, and I can see how that's got to be difficult. We have to stop right now. We got to pause right now and talk about all this stuff before it ends up going unspoken and ruins our relationship and resented. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what we're doing on Saturday.

[B]

Though, to be fair, I think that that's true, like, of everything. My child is not type one, but there are times when I find myself going, honey, I swear to God, I'm not trying to nag you. I swear. I'm just trying to help xyz. And he's like, I know, and, like, I know that you know that. And I. You'll understand it, of course, the number of times I've said, you'll understand when you're older or if you have kids or blah, blah, blah. I'm really not trying to nag you, but I can see where this is going, and I'm just trying to help you a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, no, good luck. Like, he's either gonna take it the right way and. Or he'll rub up against it, and it'll become problematic for him.

[B]

Or. What has happened several times very recently is someone else will say the exact same thing to him, and he'll. Then he would.

[A]

Yeah, but that's okay. Apparently. You know what? That.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

I think that's chemical, actually. Actually. Oh, I'm so happy you brought this up, because I heard someone say this last night. I might be a dork and just not realize it, because I am actually Happy you brought that up.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

I was listening to an interview last night with this guy I think is really smart about like parenting, and he said, hey, everyone, this is Scott. I'm jumping in for a second kind of strategically because I figured this is pretty far into a conversation that doesn't have a lot to do with diabetes. So you must be a fan if you're listening. I started a private group for you guys a year ago and I'm trying to decide right now if I'm going to keep it going because it's pretty expensive for me to run. It's a private circle group for people with type 1 diabetes. There's a link in the show notes, and if after this episode comes up, I see people jump up, then I'll hang in for a little longer. But if not, I'm gonna have to start considering shutting it down. I don't want to do that. So jump in if you're interested in community. During adolescence, the brain goes through a massive reorganization. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for judgment, impulse control and long term planning, is still developing, while the Olympic system, which is emotion and reward center, especially the amygdala and nucleus accumbens, is highly active. This means emotional and social information gets amplified while reasoning and regulation lag behind. Dopamine, oxytocin shift social priorities. Dopamine reward sensitivity peaks in adolescents. Teens brains start to release more dopamine in response to peer approval rather than parental approval. This makes exploring, rebelling and bonding with friends feel especially rewarding. Yeah, oxytocin, the bonding hormone, doesn't disappear, but it starts reinforcing peer bonds more than parent child bonds. In younger children, oxytocin releases its strongest with caregivers and teens. It begins shifting towards same age social groups. These changes help push the young person towards independence, but also makes them more likely to feel that parents don't get it or are untrustworthy, emotionally speaking. Cortisol and threat perception. During adolescence, stress reactivity, which is a cortisol response, is heightened. This means that even mild criticism or parental control can feel more intense or threatening. So when parents set limits or question choices, the teens. Amygdala. Amygdala, sorry. Can interpret it as an attack rather than guidance. So there you go, like a criticism. And this is not a dysfunction, it's an evolutionary adaptation.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So I've experienced it several times lately. Yeah, well, okay. I mean, I've been saying that for years, but if so and so said it and you're hearing it, then good question. Mark?

[A]

Well, yeah, I mean, as long as they're getting it from somewhere.

[B]

Somewhere.

[A]

But then you don't know where the somewhere is and you don't know the context that they're getting it and it gets scary for you. Right? So, I mean, listen, there's an argument to be made that maybe at a certain age you should just be off on your own and whatever's going to happen to you is going to happen to you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, I'll tell you what I fall into is that in the end, like, I'm gonna keep a good relationship with my kids as long as I can.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

But there is also a moment where you come to the realization through your own experiences. Like, my father's birthday passed the other day, but my dad's been dead a long time. But my dad was born on November 1st. Okay. Which is uniquely funny because it was All Saints Day, but he cheated on my mom for 20 years. So it sticks in your head that your dad's birthday is on All Saints Day, even though not really much of a saint. Right. And every year it rolls around and on November 1st, I think it's my dad's birthday today. And this year I didn't think it.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And it was like the 5th of November, and I said to my wife, I said, hey, your dad's birthday's tomorrow. And she goes, I know your dad's was just the other day. And I said, oh, actually, I didn't remember for the first time.

[B]

Did you feel guilty?

[A]

No, but it made me realize that somebody's going to forget me one day.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I didn't feel guilty. And that's even worse, by the way.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Well, it is. Because then I think somebody's not gonna just not forget me, but I'm gonna feel like I've mean so little to them in distance of time that they're just like, oh, my dad's birthday was yesterday. I forgot.

[B]

Oh, well, yeah. But I imagine that your relationship with your father was complicated.

[A]

It was.

[B]

And very different than the one that you have with your children.

[A]

Oh, I agree. And I also think. I also think that if he could magically pop back for five minutes, he'd be happy that I wasn't devastated on his birthday.

[B]

Right. So you're not feeling guilty, I think is actually kind of a good thing for you, for sure. And how you process that.

[A]

A bad thing for me, when I'm thinking about what the day when my kids are like, oh, remember that guy that used to be here?

[B]

What Was his name guy who was. You know, our dad kept bringing shit.

[A]

Up about me bolusing. And the other one said this. I don't remember really. I mean, I don't want to.

[B]

Those two things are not.

[A]

I don't want a statue of me somewhere, right?

[B]

But, like, just shut it. Shed ones here.

[A]

I would like to think that this was valuable, but this is where you get deep curry, right? Like, it is valuable. Like, everything you're doing and worried about, it's incredibly valuable. But it's valuable right now as part of a building process. But the pieces you build with are not. Obviously, three days from now, 10 days from now, five years from now when you're living.

[B]

Well, it's. It's not like. It's not dissimilar to if you believe in karma and then having to wait for that to catch up to certain people. But it's. It's like me saying to my child, when you're older, you'll understand. Or as you. You know, if you have children, you'll know what I mean, and you'll think of this and be like, oh, okay.

[A]

They won't, though, because, like, I know my house is built on a. On a.

[B]

Give me that, though.

[A]

No, this is the problem is what we're talking about. My house is built on a concrete foundation. I know that because I watch them pour it, right? And there's cinder blocks that make the entire basement, but I don't see them anymore. But they're holding up the whole house, right? I'm going to be the concrete floor of my children's life one day. Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. I want to be the siding. I want them to walk up every day and be like, there's dad. They're not. And I can think about it that way. And so if that's the case and this little kid had the gall to grow up and leave you and go to college, you. You should take what's left here. And it. Maybe it should be a bit of a party. Like, maybe this is time to celebrate all the work you put in and sit back a little bit and see, like, let's see where this all leads to. Not that you're done and he doesn't need your help anymore because obviously that's not the case. But, like, maybe it's time to, like, celebrate the effort you put in, celebrate what he's turned into and try to enjoy the time that you're spending now waiting to see what's going to happen next because he's either going to just turn into a person who's just like effortlessly cruising through life, or maybe he's not. He's going to need you again right this time. Your time right here. So what are you guys going to do? You're supposed to have an epiphany. Carrie. Where was your epiphany?

[B]

What's like a solid answer, right.

[A]

Then what one thing do you think you could add to your day that would be valuable and interesting for you? Let's think of it together. I'm going to think about it for me. You can think about it for you. What could you add to your life or give more attention to that would make you happy and would make your days feel a little more fulfilled? What do you think you would enjoy?

[B]

This just feels like such a bummer. I can't think of anything. Not like, not a realistic, actual put into action every day.

[A]

How about a short term project that you'd love to see get done? I would like to get my office out of this room.

[B]

Well, there you go.

[A]

Right. I would like to move it somewhere else. And I have an idea of what I would like to do in that somewhere else. And so the problem there becomes time and that I'm older too, like, because I have to clean out an area to put stuff there. And like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Actually just looking at the lifting and the carrying that would go on, I'm like, oh, gosh, like, I might have to hire somebody or get my kids friends to come or something like that. Like, it's not as easy as when I was younger. I just grabbed the damn thing, strap it to myself and walk downstairs with it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So there's that. I would like that. I would like to clear out a small place in my basement and turn it into a studio to make the podcast.

[B]

Then there you go.

[A]

And free this up. That's a good short term goal. As for my happiness, like, what to do, I'm with you. I don't know what that means.

[B]

Well, I mean, it's so simple to say things like, because they're true, but they're just like, abstract. I'd like to travel more.

[A]

Yeah. You know, when, to where? Who's paying for that?

[B]

Right, right. How are we going to do that?

[A]

But traveling I find to be such a letdown.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because wherever I go, I'm like, yeah, okay, well, this is this then. Okay. Like, it's neat while you're doing it, but like, you don't leave and go, oh, my God, my life is so much better because I saw the thing.

[B]

Oh, I do.

[A]

Do you? Okay, there you go.

[B]

Traveling. I feel very enriched after traveling. I usually then, of course have overdone it and need like two weeks to recover.

[A]

But where would you like to travel to?

[B]

Literally everywhere. I mean, truly. But then of course I'm like, I don't want to fly for 14 hours.

[A]

Because I lost weight. My butt hurts now.

[B]

Oh, that.

[A]

That's a thing that happens to me. I sit on a plane, my. I'm like, oh, my God, I shouldn't have lost weight.

[B]

I have forever been an uncomfy person.

[A]

What about a weekend trip? Like, what could you drive to Friday after today's Thursday? What could you and what's his name throw into the car tomorrow? Drive within a three hour radius of your house, spend the Friday night and Saturday night, relax a little bit, see something new, be home early Sunday afternoon. Is there something like that near you that you would enjoy? Go rent a cabin somewhere or something like that?

[B]

Yeah, but then I feel guilty about we have dogs. And I still am at the phase where, like, if our son stops at home and I'm not here, then I'm devastated that I missed him, or he needs to do laundry, so I should be here so I can say hi and pretty much ignore me, but I can at least be in his presence.

[A]

This is some sad you've just brought up, Kari.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You're like a sad girl at a diner hoping some boy looks at her for a half a second.

[B]

When you're a boy, mom, it is literally like being ghosted by someone that you, like, have a crush on that it's your child.

[A]

This is a very accurate description.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I had a friend, his son play baseball with Cole on that travel team, and he had older kids and the kids were getting ready to go to college. And he goes, pal, this is how he talked. He's like, pal, wait, do you see what happens to your wife? She's going to lose her goddamn mind. And I was like, wait. He goes, my wife, she lost her goddamn mind when my older one left. I don't even talk to her anymore. I don't even know. Like, he's just like. He doesn't. I don't know how to, like, commiserate with her.

[B]

Right. Had.

[A]

Yeah. Because she's like, what if we went and saw him for lunch? And she. He's like, she's six hours from here. You want to drive there and have lunch with him? Like, sure. And she's like, yeah. He's like, well, I'm working, you know, And. And he's like, she's so sad that he's gone and she's so worried about him. And I talked to him. The kid's having a great time.

[B]

Yes. And to be fair, I don't walk around like, sad. I'm handling it much better than I thought I would. But there are those times where I'm like, well, he might come home Sunday, so if I'm not there, then I'll feel devastated.

[A]

What do you know from dating? Like, right, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. What if he came home this weekend? I don't know where you are. Like, what part of the country are you in?

[B]

The Midwest.

[A]

The Midwest, okay. Is there literally somewhere you could go to just pack up a bag, take a couple items?

[B]

Oh, sure, yeah.

[A]

So say you do that, right? And you and your husband, you have a nice little time. You go out, maybe take a laptop with you, like cozy together. Watch a movie or something. Like, you know, sit by a fire, something like that. Maybe even by mistake, you'll remember you like it. Him. Who knows what could happen, right? Or bring a bottle of wine, whatever you're gonna do. And then the kid comes by to do the laundry. And he comes in, the house is quiet.

[B]

That makes me so sad.

[A]

No, he. Then the next time he might talk to you when he comes back, like every girl I dated, this is what they did. You don't want to do that.

[B]

The thought of that makes me so sad.

[A]

Oh, it was because then the next weekend you'd be there and he'd be like, hey, Mom. And he'd give you a hug. Yeah, you could have sex, wine, a movie and a hug from your son on an eight day period if he just went away this weekend.

[B]

I just ignored him.

[A]

Yes, well, that's how you make boys.

[B]

Like you more, right?

[A]

Am I wrong about that? Is that wrong, by the way? I mean, that's what's done to me.

[B]

I don't know. I never could pull that off.

[A]

You didn't. You couldn't do that one. No, I still have you chopping at your hips. That's not you. Yeah, well, I mean, what about the rest of it? What if you said to him, hey, dad and I are going away for the weekend, but on Sunday on our way back, we're coming past school, we'd love to stop and have lunch with you? Yeah, why don't you do that? That's affordable, right? It wouldn't cost you a bunch of money. You could do it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, I heard you earlier. Say, I have my own business. There's not a lot for me to do it in. Fers, you're making a couple of bucks. I hear what you're saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a good plan, by the way.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Would your husband be up for it?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, we can't do it this weekend, literally. But yeah.

[A]

How about next weekend? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. It didn't have to be today, but what about next weekend? Your husband would be up for it?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

All right. Could you not entice him, like, you know what I mean, with a Right.

[B]

Yeah, he's a great guy. So.

[A]

Yeah, he's a great guy.

[B]

We really need.

[A]

Right. Yeah. Let's go away for a weekend and like do a thing and we'll stop on the way back. We'll take the kid to lunch. It'll be nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I. I think you're gonna do that now. I need to do it.

[B]

You should do it.

[A]

Yeah, I could. There's like little places around here I could take. What's her name to.

[B]

She bring her computer?

[A]

She wouldn't. She's interesting.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

My wife is locked in and then when she unlocked, it's over. Yeah. She don't think twice.

[B]

That's a great balance.

[A]

She thinks about it, she just doesn't get involved in it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In fairness, I'm not over exaggerating. My wife was on a call at 6am this morning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At 11 I watched her get up, pour a glass of water, go to the bathroom, come back, sit back down, get on another call.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I texted her and I was like, hey, what's going on? She goes, I just got off a five hour call. I have a two hour call and then I'm going to get to work.

[B]

Oh, that's not work.

[A]

No, no, that's. That's the preamble to the work. Then she'll work tonight till probably 11 o' clock and then she'll go to bed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So she does that a lot.

[B]

She needs a weekend away too.

[A]

I'm taking her somewhere.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

Well, I'm not paying for it, so. I mean, I'm paying a little for it. The Celebrity Cruise Line invited me to come out and go on a cruise.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So that I could take some video and have an experience on the ship that the Juice cruise is going out on in June so that I could share everybody on the podcast. So I'm getting kind of like a. It's not really free. I got to pay the taxes, and I got to fly myself. Like, I'm getting a cheaper.

[B]

Even if it was free, it doesn't matter. You're making the time.

[A]

Thank you. Kelly and I are going on a cruise, like, the week before Christmas.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

Yes. So that'll be good. But trust me, I can't bring it up to her right now, because if I bring it up to her, she'll.

[B]

Freak out because it's too soon or.

[A]

Too far because she'll think of all the things that we haven't done yet and that she. She really shouldn't be taking a week off, even though she told me for a year she has to take time off.

[B]

Yeah. It's looming.

[A]

Yeah, right? To quote my friend Pal, she lost her goddamn mind. He also is the guy who, in my mind, originated the term, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Oh, that would start with pal, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. And he always, to me, felt like he was a mobster. But I loved him. He was lovely.

[B]

Well, he sounds like it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. He's awesome, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'll take her somewhere. I met an Uber driver the other day in Cleveland, Ohio, who told me that I need to go to southern Italy. Take your wife to southern Italy, he told me.

[B]

Okay, so I'm very not geographically sound.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Throw some places out that are in southern Italy.

[A]

I think he was talking about the water. So I get in the car. They had me to speaking thing. And by the way, I appreciate you having me out, if you guys are listening. But I was, like, spoke until 5. My flight left at 6:55.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

There were people, like, in line to chat with me when I was done, while the person who invited me, like, had my phone in my hand ordering me an Uber. She's like, you got to go. And I'm like, okay, so wait, so southern Italy, what beach? I think it's the Mediterranean, right? Is it the. What do they call it there? Ton of stunning beaches, turquoise water, dramatic cliffs. The Mediterranean feel. All right, let me first tell you what he said, because this is a great place to put this. I get in the car, and he's. He wants to chat, and I'm like, all right, what am I gonna do? You know what I mean? Like, so it's fine. He's an immigrant from the Middle east, but he's lived here his whole life. Went to Texas originally to work in the oil business. I think he was, like, a petrol engineer. One day, a friend of his is like, you should move to Cleveland. It's a good place to live. And he's like, so I did, and now I live here. And I'm like, no kidding? And I was like, you married? And he goes, yeah, now I'm interviewing him. I should have him for a quarter.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I said, you married? I am married. I said, you got kids? Yeah. Yeah. How old are they? They're younger than I expected. He looked a little older, but his kids were younger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Have kids later in life. Yeah, we had a life. You know, we're trying to, like, make some money, and he's got 912 year olds. I said, what are you out here doing? You retired? I am retired. I was like, you're doing this for extra money? And he goes, no. And I went, okay, why are you doing it? And you know what he said?

[B]

Get out of the house.

[A]

I got to get away from my wife.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is your wife a problem? And he goes, no, no, no, no. It's just I can't be around her too much or things won't work out well.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then he was being very direct. Like, I think a little bit of his background allowed him to be more direct about this, if that makes sense. And he's like, she and I can't spend too much time together. And I was like, what about the kids? He goes, she'll take care of them. And I was like, this is crazy. So interesting to have a different background, right? He goes, oh, the kids are great. And then he says nice stuff about the kids and everything. And then he said, what are you doing here? And I said, oh, I came to give a couple of talks. And he goes, about what? And I said, you know, I said, I make a diabetes podcast. And I was here today to share some stories of people who have been on the podcast with people who need to better understand their customers. We got a lot of people in a big business, they don't have diabetes. It would be nice if they knew some other people's stories, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I shared a few stories with people today and tried to explain to them why I wanted them to understand diabetes better and how I thought it would help them do their jobs. And he goes, that's lovely, because you're a big shot. And I went, no, no, I'm definitely not. And he says, because I thought, was he vacationing in Cleveland? And I was like, yeah, no, no, just that's what I was doing here. I said, but back to you and your wife. I was like, what happens if you're around each other a lot? And he goes, I Don't know. She loses her mind and yells at me. And I was like, okay. And I said, my wife loses her mind and yells at me sometimes, too. And he goes, of course she does. And I was like, oh, my God, this is great. It's like having a conversation in 1950 with Archie Bunker.

[B]

That's what Lens do.

[A]

He goes, you know how they are. And I'm like, okay. And I just think she needs to get away a little bit, too. He goes, how long you been married? And I said, next year. This is so funny how he pivoted. I said, next summer, I'll be married 30 years. And then he turns into a softie. Oh, you got to do something nice for 30.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I said, yeah, I know. I said, my wife doesn't like jewelry, though. And no, no, no. He goes, no, no, no. You have to take her to Italy. I was like, I have to take her to Italy. Go southern Italy. You got to take her to southern Italy. It's beautiful there. The food is great. It's cheap. She'll love the beaches, and she can go shopping and get that all out of her system without breaking the bank. And I was like. He went right back to it again.

[B]

Gotta do something nice.

[A]

Yeah, Curry. He went from like, she'll take care of those kids to, oh, my God, 30 years. Well, that means you have to do something. And he was so sincere. And then in the middle of being sincere about me taking my wife to the south of Italy, because this would be a great thing, then she can.

[B]

Shop, because that's what they do then.

[A]

You know, because how she'll be with your money, and at least there, it won't cost you too much. I was like, this guy's awesome. Anyway, there you go.

[B]

You have a plan.

[A]

I don't have a plan. I got a. I got a.

[B]

Well, you have a possible location.

[A]

What I got is a Libyan Uber driver who's telling me how I should handle my 30th wedding anniversary is what I. Actually, he was awesome, by the way. If you're listening, dude, you've. What a great ride, man. That was fantastic. But then, you know, by the way, I wanted to say, because I was tipping with the company's money, I gave him 20. I thought that was great.

[B]

Nice. As you should.

[A]

They were paying, so I probably would have done it, too, because of the. Listen, taking aside the fact that he did not have any modern ideas about how to talk about things. Right, right. And it wasn't. He clearly grew up in another country. Like, there was A lot of, like, stuff about him that was a little different, but, man, he wasn't mean about his wife. He loved her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He wasn't talking meanly about her. He didn't have a bad thought about her at all. He's like, I've been married a long time, and I know this is true, and I've been married a lot. And I said to him, I said, what would she say about you? And he went on for 10 minutes like he wasn't, like, you know, unrealistic. It was a very interesting conversation. Well.

[B]

And he. He knew that she would take care of the kids and. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, I mean, for sure. He's like, she'll do a good job. She'll take care of them. They don't need me. I'm their dad. I'm just for this, this, and this. Like, he had, like, thoughts about everything, that it wasn't sad.

[B]

Well, I feel a little sad about that.

[A]

Yeah, he was. He seemed happy. So I bet you he'd go away for the weekend. Drop of a hat.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

You know, when I was growing up, my friend would spend a week at my house, like, once a year because his parents just went on vacation without their kids.

[B]

Yeah. You know, my parents did that often. And the thought of doing that is going to surprise you. It makes me sad.

[A]

It makes me sad, too. I've never done it. I don't think I've ever been on a vacation without my children.

[B]

Yeah, no. We went on a trip this summer and we made it a graduation, My husband and I's 20th anniversary and 50th birthday combo trip. And I can't imagine to not take him with us.

[A]

Yeah, no, I know. My son's starting to plan some travel by himself. I think it's making Kelly happy and sad at the same time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's going out to see a friend and go skiing out west and. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Kelly's like, oh, I'm so glad he's going out there and doing that. That's nice thing for him to do, blah, blah. And then at the same time, you can kind of see her, like, but he's going to leave and do the thing. And I'm like, yeah, interesting.

[B]

Our son went on a road trip to see one of his, well, his very best friend, but he lives, like, almost eight hours away now. He'd never driven that far by himself before. And the amount of anxiety I had was just astronomical. But at the same time, it's like, so proud of you. You did it. You Only got pulled over once.

[A]

And yeah, everything about parenting is a catch 22. I know everything about parenting. Gives with one hand, takes with the other one every time.

[B]

And the funny thing about it is he drove there, got pulled over on his way back. We are all lead footed drivers.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he gets pulled over. He was in my husband's vehicle. He tells us he just got a warning. He basically told us he was going eight over. And I was like, okay. Then later when my husband is not there, he says, or no, I saw the warning. He was going 14 over or 16 over. And he's like, why didn't. I figured you'd get mad. I was like, buddy, this is shocking to me that you got a warning.

[A]

Good job not getting a ticket.

[B]

That's all I have to say about that. Like, kudos, because if you would have gotten a ticket for that, you won. Have to pay for it and your insurance would really suck.

[A]

I almost lost my license when I was like 21.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was on a motorcycle on a stretch of road that leads into the city, but outside of the city gets very open and just like highway ish. It somehow goes from like 65 down to 35 pretty quickly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it does that before you get into the population center. Like. Like they're obviously trying to slow you down before you get into a more populated area. I'm on my motorcycle like six in the morning. I've told this story before, racing to try to get ozzy tickets at tower records. Because it's Saturday morning, the tickets go on sale at 8. I had to be at work at 6. I snuck out of work to go get the tickets. And I was trying to go get the tickets and get back without getting caught by my job. And so I am. And I have no excuse for this, but when I got pulled over, the cop was screaming at me before the car door even opened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like I stopped because I thought he was just gonna be thrilled that I pulled over.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like, I actually was like, I'm not gonna get a ticket. He's gonna be like, I can't believe you stopped for me.

[B]

He's gonna be so proud of me. Yeah.

[A]

I was on a GSXR750. I was probably going like 110 miles an hour. Like I was flying. Right. And he's screaming like, I forget exactly the number. But like, you're going 90 miles an hour over the speed limit. He's like screaming at me and I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna lose my license. But I got out of that ticket, by the way, but nice. A lot of talking, and it got me out of that ticket.

[B]

Was he an Aussie fan? Is that what happened?

[A]

No, no, I. He wrote me the ticket.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I went to court. I was found guilty immediately. And then I appealed it, and I got out of it on the appeal.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So congratulations.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

The first time, the judge. It was a woman I remember, and she's like, you're being charged with driving, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, 35.

[B]

And I was like, well, like, that's reckless endangerment. I mean.

[A]

I mean, honestly, if you could understand where I was, you'd know that I was basically on a Runway with nothing around me that suddenly goes down to 35. And I just. I didn't back down fast enough. Also, it wouldn't have mattered. I was going so fast.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This is not the point. The point is that she says, you know, do you have anything to say in your defense? And I said, your honor. And she goes, guilty. Even let me talk.

[B]

You were just supposed to shake your head.

[A]

No, I got your honor out of my mouth. And she just went, boom. She slammed that goblin on. She went, guilty. The next guy asked me how I pleaded, and I said, I'd like to plead guilty with an explanation.

[B]

Oh, is that an option?

[A]

It wasn't. And he goes, what's your explanation? I said, I'm an idiot, and I'm the only licensed driver in my house. I'm poor. This was a huge mistake. If I lose my license, my whole family doesn't have a license. I won't be able to afford to buy car insurance again for 10 years.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah. And so I went through all that work, and he's let me off.

[B]

Yeah, that's like Bridesmaids. Have you seen bridesmaids?

[A]

I remember when they all poop in the street. Was there more of it than that?

[B]

Well, on the airplane, she said something like, help me, I'm poor.

[A]

Well, it's what I was saying. I was like, listen, I'm dumb and poor. I actually told him. I was like, I'm dumb and I'm poor, and this is going to ruin my life and peoples who are counting on me.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah, I. I said. I made a sincere mistake. I said, man, I ain't riding a motorcycle for the fun of it. It's all I can afford. Yeah, like, you know, like, I had a motorcycle because the payment was $100 a month for the motorcycle and insurance because you're gonna die if you have an accident.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like $200 a year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was the only thing I could afford to do. I basically was like, dude, I don't want to ride a motorcycle.

[B]

Like, this isn't my choice. This isn't my first. Yeah.

[A]

I'm too broke to have a roof on my car. What do you think of that? Anyway? What have we learned here, Carrie? What have you taken away from this? What would you tell people?

[B]

Your kids going to college is devastating. And that's okay. It is also okay to eat whenever you want to eat and go to bed whenever you want to go to bed.

[A]

Are you really limited by feeling like there's things you want to do that you shouldn't be doing?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

No, but I think other people are. I wasn't until very recently. Yes. I limited myself quite a bit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I think a lot of that was guilt from. Of my health. I felt guilty about that my entire life.

[A]

Really. Yeah.

[B]

Which, you know, is of course not how things should be. And rationally I know that, but so, no, I don't. I'm very good at doing what I think now at this point in my life. Enriches me, makes me happy. I find joy in whatever. Like, I have my Christmas decorations up already because it brings me joy. Perfect. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Do what makes you happy. I'm going to tell you something I think some people find sad. I find this to be not just relieving, but somehow. I don't know. I'm encouraged by this idea. I'm going to die one day. It's all going to be over. None of it's going to matter. So what the hell, why not do something great or have a fun time or. I think knowing that takes the pressure off of it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, like this is. It's a finite situation. And I'm not out there hurting anybody. And I'm not out there, like, doing anything destructive. You know, I haven't driven 135 and a 35 in a very long time.

[B]

You learned your lesson.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, carpe diem. Like there's. Yes, go for it.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

Like, I think that's what you should be doing. It sounds like you raised a nice kid. You're supporting him. You're very attached to him still in a way that I'm sure makes him feel loved if he just walks past you. And there's no reason that in the time in the middle, you can't be doing something for yourself for sure. That's all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And every once in a while. Let that boy be involved. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah. That's it. We did it.

[B]

Yeah. We did it.

[A]

This is it. Curry, thank you very much for doing this with me.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I look forward to you never hearing this and not knowing it came out.

[B]

Right. Not knowing that it came out and.

[A]

Then blaming me and being mad at me.

[B]

No, it was all me. Like, that must have really sucked. He just didn't put it out.

[A]

Did you not send me a note or ask or anything?

[B]

No. You're busy.

[A]

I am busy. But you just assumed that it sucked and that's why it didn't come out.

[B]

Or that it was the audio or something. I assumed there was a logical explanation that was either my fault or just the universe.

[A]

Wow. Nope. You just missed it.

[B]

I just missed it.

[A]

Surviving on spite, it's called.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

All right. Thank you very much. Hold on one second for me. ForeignSense 365. You can experience the Eversense 365 CGM system for as low as $199 for a full year. Visit eversensecgm.com juicebox for more details and eligibility. Today's episode of the Juice Box Podcast was sponsored by the new tandem move mobi system and control IQ plus technology. Learn more and get started today at tandomdiabetes.com juicebox check it out. The conversation you just enjoyed was brought to you by usmed usmed.com juicebox or call 888-721-1514. Get started today and get your supplies from U.S. med. If this is your first time listening to the Juice Box Podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple Podcasts or Spotify, really any audio app at all. Look for the Juice Box Podcast and follow or subscribe. We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. Want to learn more about your diabetes management? Go to juiceboxpodcast.com up in the menu and look for Bold Beginnings, the Diabetes Pro Tip Series and much more. This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin. I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed or following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of the Juice Box Podcast.