Julian Dorey Podcast – Episode #371

“DESTROYED ME!” - Psychonaut on his Abuse, Epstein & Ayahuasca | Kendis Gibson
Release Date: January 8, 2026
Host: Julian Dorey
Guest: Kendis Gibson

Episode Overview

In this raw, candid episode, journalist Kendis Gibson joins Julian Dorey to open up about his long journey through trauma, depression, and ultimately, healing—primarily through psychedelic therapy. The conversation travels from harrowing personal experiences to national scandals and mind-expanding shamanic rituals. Along the way, the pair discuss conspiracy theories around 9/11 and Epstein, the nature of media coverups, and the potential of psychedelic medicine. The episode is both a deep personal testimonial and a no-holds-barred cultural critique—engaging, darkly funny, and ultimately life-affirming.

Detailed Breakdown of Key Discussion Points

1. Early Life & Childhood Trauma

[00:18], [56:54]

Kendis shares he was born in Belize, one of six brothers in cramped poverty.
At age six, after his first birthday party, he was sexually abused by his 13-year-old brother.
Kendis: “That night was the first night that my older brother… abused me. And it would continue for, I’d say, eight to nine more months.” [00:47]
The abuse ended when his brother got a girlfriend; young Kendis was left feeling confused and, painfully, jealous—a response he later recognizes as normal, given the trauma and age.

Notable Moment

Kendis also relates a formative experience at age 9: his first “romantic” feelings for a neighbor named Manny, who disappeared after a blackout. Kendis later discovered Manny’s drowned body in the river.
Kendis: “I see like this porcelain white arm that looks like a doll… But it still didn’t compute what my brain was realizing… They found his body. They think he drowned somehow.” [61:45]
These early traumas deeply shaped his ability to form later relationships, dating, and self-identity.

2. Climbing out of Poverty & Media Career

[01:41], [03:26]

Kendis discusses his determination to escape his upbringing: cold-calling local newscasters, skipping two grades, and scoring major internships (The Today Show with Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel).
Early 20s: working in New York reporting national stories.
9/11 Experience: Kendis was among the first reporters at Ground Zero, living in the thick of tragedy with vivid sensory memories (“We were smelling the dead bodies. You couldn’t get away from the stress...”) [08:08]

Notable Exchange

The discussion touches on Building 7’s mysterious collapse, with both questioning the “official” story and its subsequent suppression.
Julian: “It fell in perfect unison, right? …Don’t ask any questions about that.” [09:27]
Kendis: “Nobody thought that it was just this magical implosion by osmosis or something.” [10:04]
Leads into broader media manipulation/censorship themes.

3. Conspiracy, Media, and Epstein

[14:20], [24:44]

Kendis and Julian compare notes on government secrecy around 9/11, specifically Saudi involvement and redacted documents.
Both express confusion and outrage about the Epstein files being suppressed:
Kendis: “I don’t know why there’s such a fight to keep the Epstein files hidden. It doesn’t make any sense to me. No. Even if the president’s implicated, it doesn’t matter.” [15:43]
The media “perfectly” times coverage (and narrative burial) of major scandals (Epstein, Jean Luc Brunel, McAfee) during low news cycles, a sign of coordinated institutional protection.

Notable Story

Kendis accesses a network of insiders—including Epstein’s chefs (in Miami), who believe Epstein is actually alive and paid off. They describe ironclad NDAs, implied threats, and having observed “very young” girls on the island.
Kendis: “They didn’t want to get into the details about who they saw on the island... But what they learned after the fact was probably all going on behind the scenes.” [28:14]
Discussion turns to the psychology of bystanders and why people in systems—be it Epstein’s staff or the media—“bury” what they know.

4. Psychedelics, Therapy, & The Journey to Healing

[41:41] – End

Book “Five Trips”: Kendis details his path through five psychedelic experiences (psilocybin, MDMA, ayahuasca, LSD) as an alternative to traditional therapy.
Initial exposure to psilocybin (magic mushrooms) in Belize during a visit to Mayan ruins—a transformative, if accidental, “mega-dose” which, in hindsight, lifted his years-long depression.
- Kendis: “When I got back, I looked at my job as an opportunity. I looked at Covid as a wonderful way for us to connect with our friends and to slow down. I wasn’t as depressed... My brain had completely been rewired by that one experience.” [52:00]

MDMA Session—Breakthrough Experience

First time truly processing and forgiving his brother’s abuse, following a therapist-guided MDMA session.
Kendis: “I had this immense force of forgiveness where...I needed to forgive myself for feeling the way... and I needed to forgive my brother because I’d been living with that trauma...It was just like one of those, aha moments.” [72:46]
The “observer regret” is revisited—he learns later that his brother went on to abuse others in the family.

Suicidality & Mental Health Struggles

Recurring suicidal ideation peaks in 2018 after years on the overnight newsroom grind.
- Nearly takes his own life, ultimately passing out dangerously on a balcony ledge.
- Psychedelics became a “reset” after SSRIs (antidepressants) failed to bring self-love or healing.

5. Ayahuasca in the Amazon – Ego Death and Self-Love

[104:05] – [140:11]

Connecting with Julian over an identical venue/shaman (Paul Rosolie, “Mario”) in Peru, they trade stories about the ritual (and pitfalls, literal and existential).
- Kendis: “It’s the only thing that I’ve experienced that tasted the same going down as it does coming back up. I’ve never tasted taint before until that.” [115:10]
First ceremony: Disappointing. Second: profound out-of-body “soul conversation,” in which the voice (his soul) forces him to affirm self-love:
Kendis: “It’s like, I could be in any other body, but I choose to be here with you. And yet you don’t love me.” [135:23]
The experience ends with weeping, catharsis; he finally learns: “self-love has to be something that comes from within.” [138:31]

Integration: Lasting Impact

Both Julian and Kendis agree: the key to psychedelics is not tripping, but integrating the lessons—letting go of invented anxieties, focusing on core issues, and building gratitude in the “after death” (post-ego death) phase.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Forgiveness:
“Forgiving means not to hold on. You just have to let it go because it only hurts you. And not forgiving, you suffer because you think about it over and over and over again.” (Kendis, quoting Tina Turner) [83:00]
On Psychedelics vs. Traditional Pharmaceuticals:
“When you take a dose of plant medicine...what you get out of it is exactly what is unique to you, is what your mind and body feels that you need out of it.” [93:02]
On Media and Conspiracy:
“You realize that there was so much dirt that was happening all in front of our eyes...people do a lot to bury stories and bury things.” [25:14]
On Self-Love:
“I never knew the importance of self-love. I never knew how important it is to just feel secure in who you are and to go about the day and just appreciate everything that you have...Therapy didn’t help me with that.” [138:02]
On Surviving Suicidal Depression:
“I would cry myself to sleep at 6 o’clock in the morning and started thinking about suicide at that point...I made sure the apartment was clean. And I went to the ledge of our 12th story apartment...and I fell back, passed out from the Ambien and the alcohol.” [91:51]
On Ayahuasca Ceremony:
“My soul and it’s like, I’m a beautiful, beautiful soul...and yet you don’t love me.” [135:23]

Timestamps for Important Segments

[00:18]—Kendis details his childhood abuse
[08:08]—Reporting at Ground Zero during 9/11
[14:20]—Why the Epstein files remain suppressed
[28:14]—Chefs who cooked for Epstein: “they think he’s alive”
[41:41]—Introduction to psychedelic therapy and “Five Trips”
[52:00]—Psychedelic experience lifts depression
[72:46]—MDMA session and first forgiveness of his brother
[91:51]—2018 suicide attempt, rescued by friends
[104:05]—Preparation for ayahuasca in the Amazon
[115:10]—The taste (and effects) of ayahuasca
[135:23]—Soul dialogue: the affirmation of self-love
[148:59]—Importance of integrating psychedelic lessons
[151:05]—Kendis receives texts from readers: “your book saved my life”

Tone & Vibe

Humor in the darkness: candid, irreverent back-and-forth, even when the subject matter is harrowing.
Deeply honest and vulnerable, at times raw and visceral, but always threaded with dark wit and hope.
The sincerity of Kendis’ reflections juxtaposed with Julian’s playful, sometimes incredulous takes creates a compelling, infectious energy.

Final Thoughts

This episode stands out as a remarkable fusion of personal testimony, frank mental health advocacy, and broader social commentary. Kendis’s willingness to share his journey—with all its pain, regret, psychedelic insight, and joy—is moving and instructive for anyone grappling with old wounds or seeking meaning. The “Five Trips” are part cautionary tale, part beacon of hope, and Julian’s deft, inquisitive approach ensures the episode is both accessible and profound.

Check out Kendis Gibson’s book “Five Trips” for more.

Julian Dorey Podcast – Episode #371

“DESTROYED ME!” - Psychonaut on his Abuse, Epstein & Ayahuasca | Kendis Gibson
Release Date: January 8, 2026
Host: Julian Dorey
Guest: Kendis Gibson

Episode Overview

Detailed Breakdown of Key Discussion Points

1. Early Life & Childhood Trauma

[00:18], [56:54]

Kendis shares he was born in Belize, one of six brothers in cramped poverty.
At age six, after his first birthday party, he was sexually abused by his 13-year-old brother.
Kendis: “That night was the first night that my older brother… abused me. And it would continue for, I’d say, eight to nine more months.” [00:47]
The abuse ended when his brother got a girlfriend; young Kendis was left feeling confused and, painfully, jealous—a response he later recognizes as normal, given the trauma and age.

Notable Moment

Kendis also relates a formative experience at age 9: his first “romantic” feelings for a neighbor named Manny, who disappeared after a blackout. Kendis later discovered Manny’s drowned body in the river.
Kendis: “I see like this porcelain white arm that looks like a doll… But it still didn’t compute what my brain was realizing… They found his body. They think he drowned somehow.” [61:45]
These early traumas deeply shaped his ability to form later relationships, dating, and self-identity.

2. Climbing out of Poverty & Media Career

[01:41], [03:26]

Kendis discusses his determination to escape his upbringing: cold-calling local newscasters, skipping two grades, and scoring major internships (The Today Show with Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel).
Early 20s: working in New York reporting national stories.
9/11 Experience: Kendis was among the first reporters at Ground Zero, living in the thick of tragedy with vivid sensory memories (“We were smelling the dead bodies. You couldn’t get away from the stress...”) [08:08]

Notable Exchange

The discussion touches on Building 7’s mysterious collapse, with both questioning the “official” story and its subsequent suppression.
Julian: “It fell in perfect unison, right? …Don’t ask any questions about that.” [09:27]
Kendis: “Nobody thought that it was just this magical implosion by osmosis or something.” [10:04]
Leads into broader media manipulation/censorship themes.

3. Conspiracy, Media, and Epstein

[14:20], [24:44]

Kendis and Julian compare notes on government secrecy around 9/11, specifically Saudi involvement and redacted documents.
Both express confusion and outrage about the Epstein files being suppressed:
Kendis: “I don’t know why there’s such a fight to keep the Epstein files hidden. It doesn’t make any sense to me. No. Even if the president’s implicated, it doesn’t matter.” [15:43]
The media “perfectly” times coverage (and narrative burial) of major scandals (Epstein, Jean Luc Brunel, McAfee) during low news cycles, a sign of coordinated institutional protection.

Notable Story

Kendis accesses a network of insiders—including Epstein’s chefs (in Miami), who believe Epstein is actually alive and paid off. They describe ironclad NDAs, implied threats, and having observed “very young” girls on the island.
Kendis: “They didn’t want to get into the details about who they saw on the island... But what they learned after the fact was probably all going on behind the scenes.” [28:14]
Discussion turns to the psychology of bystanders and why people in systems—be it Epstein’s staff or the media—“bury” what they know.

4. Psychedelics, Therapy, & The Journey to Healing

[41:41] – End

Book “Five Trips”: Kendis details his path through five psychedelic experiences (psilocybin, MDMA, ayahuasca, LSD) as an alternative to traditional therapy.
Initial exposure to psilocybin (magic mushrooms) in Belize during a visit to Mayan ruins—a transformative, if accidental, “mega-dose” which, in hindsight, lifted his years-long depression.
- Kendis: “When I got back, I looked at my job as an opportunity. I looked at Covid as a wonderful way for us to connect with our friends and to slow down. I wasn’t as depressed... My brain had completely been rewired by that one experience.” [52:00]

MDMA Session—Breakthrough Experience

First time truly processing and forgiving his brother’s abuse, following a therapist-guided MDMA session.
Kendis: “I had this immense force of forgiveness where...I needed to forgive myself for feeling the way... and I needed to forgive my brother because I’d been living with that trauma...It was just like one of those, aha moments.” [72:46]
The “observer regret” is revisited—he learns later that his brother went on to abuse others in the family.

Suicidality & Mental Health Struggles

Recurring suicidal ideation peaks in 2018 after years on the overnight newsroom grind.
- Nearly takes his own life, ultimately passing out dangerously on a balcony ledge.
- Psychedelics became a “reset” after SSRIs (antidepressants) failed to bring self-love or healing.

5. Ayahuasca in the Amazon – Ego Death and Self-Love

[104:05] – [140:11]

Connecting with Julian over an identical venue/shaman (Paul Rosolie, “Mario”) in Peru, they trade stories about the ritual (and pitfalls, literal and existential).
- Kendis: “It’s the only thing that I’ve experienced that tasted the same going down as it does coming back up. I’ve never tasted taint before until that.” [115:10]
First ceremony: Disappointing. Second: profound out-of-body “soul conversation,” in which the voice (his soul) forces him to affirm self-love:
Kendis: “It’s like, I could be in any other body, but I choose to be here with you. And yet you don’t love me.” [135:23]
The experience ends with weeping, catharsis; he finally learns: “self-love has to be something that comes from within.” [138:31]

Integration: Lasting Impact

Both Julian and Kendis agree: the key to psychedelics is not tripping, but integrating the lessons—letting go of invented anxieties, focusing on core issues, and building gratitude in the “after death” (post-ego death) phase.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Forgiveness:
“Forgiving means not to hold on. You just have to let it go because it only hurts you. And not forgiving, you suffer because you think about it over and over and over again.” (Kendis, quoting Tina Turner) [83:00]
On Psychedelics vs. Traditional Pharmaceuticals:
“When you take a dose of plant medicine...what you get out of it is exactly what is unique to you, is what your mind and body feels that you need out of it.” [93:02]
On Media and Conspiracy:
“You realize that there was so much dirt that was happening all in front of our eyes...people do a lot to bury stories and bury things.” [25:14]
On Self-Love:
“I never knew the importance of self-love. I never knew how important it is to just feel secure in who you are and to go about the day and just appreciate everything that you have...Therapy didn’t help me with that.” [138:02]
On Surviving Suicidal Depression:
“I would cry myself to sleep at 6 o’clock in the morning and started thinking about suicide at that point...I made sure the apartment was clean. And I went to the ledge of our 12th story apartment...and I fell back, passed out from the Ambien and the alcohol.” [91:51]
On Ayahuasca Ceremony:
“My soul and it’s like, I’m a beautiful, beautiful soul...and yet you don’t love me.” [135:23]

Timestamps for Important Segments

[00:18]—Kendis details his childhood abuse
[08:08]—Reporting at Ground Zero during 9/11
[14:20]—Why the Epstein files remain suppressed
[28:14]—Chefs who cooked for Epstein: “they think he’s alive”
[41:41]—Introduction to psychedelic therapy and “Five Trips”
[52:00]—Psychedelic experience lifts depression
[72:46]—MDMA session and first forgiveness of his brother
[91:51]—2018 suicide attempt, rescued by friends
[104:05]—Preparation for ayahuasca in the Amazon
[115:10]—The taste (and effects) of ayahuasca
[135:23]—Soul dialogue: the affirmation of self-love
[148:59]—Importance of integrating psychedelic lessons
[151:05]—Kendis receives texts from readers: “your book saved my life”

Tone & Vibe

Humor in the darkness: candid, irreverent back-and-forth, even when the subject matter is harrowing.
Deeply honest and vulnerable, at times raw and visceral, but always threaded with dark wit and hope.
The sincerity of Kendis’ reflections juxtaposed with Julian’s playful, sometimes incredulous takes creates a compelling, infectious energy.

Final Thoughts

Check out Kendis Gibson’s book “Five Trips” for more.

#371 - “DESTROYED ME!” - Psychonaut on his Abuse, Epstein & Ayahuasca | Kendis Gibson • 371

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Summary

Julian Dorey Podcast – Episode #371

Episode Overview

Detailed Breakdown of Key Discussion Points

1. Early Life & Childhood Trauma

Notable Moment

2. Climbing out of Poverty & Media Career

Notable Exchange

3. Conspiracy, Media, and Epstein

Notable Story

4. Psychedelics, Therapy, & The Journey to Healing

MDMA Session—Breakthrough Experience

Suicidality & Mental Health Struggles

5. Ayahuasca in the Amazon – Ego Death and Self-Love

Integration: Lasting Impact

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Important Segments

Tone & Vibe

Final Thoughts

Summary

Julian Dorey Podcast – Episode #371

Episode Overview

Detailed Breakdown of Key Discussion Points

1. Early Life & Childhood Trauma

Notable Moment

2. Climbing out of Poverty & Media Career

Notable Exchange

3. Conspiracy, Media, and Epstein

Notable Story

4. Psychedelics, Therapy, & The Journey to Healing

MDMA Session—Breakthrough Experience

Suicidality & Mental Health Struggles

5. Ayahuasca in the Amazon – Ego Death and Self-Love

Integration: Lasting Impact

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Important Segments

Tone & Vibe

Final Thoughts