Podcast Summary: Just A Moment – “You’ve Got To Feel It to Heal It” with Dr. Dorie Gatter
Host: Brant Menswar | Guest: Dr. Dorie Gatter | Date: October 20, 2025

Episode Overview

This powerful episode uncovers the pivotal and life-altering moments that shaped Dr. Dorie Gatter—a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and entrepreneur—into who she is today. Through an emotional, open conversation with host Brant Menswar, Dr. Gatter reflects on her tumultuous upbringing, her rock-bottom moment, and how vulnerability and connection became the foundation for her healing and future success. The discussion explores generational differences in resilience, the purpose and process of therapy, and trauma’s imprint on the body—culminating in actionable wisdom for anyone seeking to break cycles of pain or help others do the same.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Struggles and Early Defining Moment

• Dr. Gatter describes growing up in poverty and dysfunction in West Hartford, CT, feeling “different” due to her family circumstances ([01:07]).
• She shares feeling isolated from her peers, shopping only at consignment stores, and developing a unique identity out of necessity—ironically being voted “most sophisticated” ([01:07–02:12]).
• The emotional neglect and lack of support in her household, compounded by her parents’ depression and divorce, led to academic and emotional struggles ([02:23]).
• A critical event: choosing to quit high school after her guidance counselor gave her an ultimatum, feeling unsupported and called “a loser” by her father ([02:23–04:54]).

“My dad…said, ‘You’re just going to end up working at McDonald’s the rest of your life. You’re a loser.’ I could feel the part of me that believed it, and I could feel another part of my spirit that didn’t.”
— Dr. Dorie Gatter [04:08]

2. Rock Bottom and the Transforming Power of Connection

• Dr. Gatter is kicked out of her mother’s house during parental divorce chaos, landing unexpectedly with her aunt (a therapist) and her aunt’s boyfriend ([05:07]).
• This became a turning point: experiencing “unconditional love with boundaries” and receiving mentorship from her aunt and uncle, who included her in their therapy institute ([05:07–07:45]).
• They encouraged her to take small steps to rebuild her confidence, including applying to college—supporting her through panic attacks and the entire process ([07:45]).

“Not realizing at the time that getting kicked out of the house was the greatest thing that could happen to me. That was a gift.”
— Dr. Dorie Gatter [08:53]

3. Healing, Resilience, and Generational Differences

• Dr. Gatter addresses her ongoing battle with self-worth and the internal motivation that pushed her forward, despite feeling she never fit in ([08:09]).
• She and Brant discuss contrasts between Gen X, who “pulled themselves up by their bootstraps,” and younger generations who may lack these opportunities due to more protective parenting ([11:44–15:26]).
• They both reflect on formative tough-love childhood experiences: Brant’s sports anecdotes underline how previous generations normalized hardship and failure ([14:05–17:11]).

“Kids today don’t have that same kind of motivation…Part of it is because they never have had to pull themselves up by their bootstraps…What gave me motivation is because I knew if I didn’t do it, nobody else would.”
— Dr. Dorie Gatter [08:43]

4. The Purpose and True Nature of Therapy

• Dr. Gatter asserts that real healing requires support (“Get a really good therapist. You can’t do it by yourself.”) ([18:03]).
• She educates Brant (and listeners) about how trauma and pain reside at the cellular level, and that talking about these experiences initially makes you feel worse because it brings pain to the surface—but that’s necessary for healing ([18:48–20:00]).
• Brant has a breakthrough as Dr. Gatter explains that “you have to feel it to heal it”—reframing how he views therapy, especially as someone who lost his child ([18:33–20:22]).

“All of the pain…that we’ve gone through live inside of our body on a cellular level…when you start to talk about it, you are releasing the particles of those wounds and that pain from the cells in your body…You have to feel it to heal it.”
— Dr. Dorie Gatter [18:48–19:25]

“You just made more sense in one sentence than I’ve ever had talking to anybody about therapy.”
— Brant Menswar [19:25]

5. Stigma and Acceptance of Therapy

• Dr. Gatter shares being sent to her “crazy Aunt Naomi” (a therapist) and how the stigma attached to emotional discussion shifted once she experienced genuine connection and acceptance ([21:14–22:09]).
• She underscores the importance of continuous self-work, stating, “If you’re a good therapist, you go to therapy, you gotta stay ahead of your clients” ([22:28–22:53]).

6. Missed Moments and Growth Through Pain

• Reflecting on her “missed moment,” Dr. Gatter discusses a destructive relationship she wishes she had left earlier, but recognizes she needed that experience for her growth ([23:24–24:13]).
• She emphasizes the necessity of moving from a victim mindset to seeking the message and growth opportunity in each experience ([24:15]).

“We can spend time…on the victim side of it…[but] at a certain point that no longer serves you. Then you need to ask, what is the message and the growth opportunity here for me that I need to get out of this experience?”
— Dr. Dorie Gatter [24:15–25:02]

7. The Non-Linear Nature of Healing

• Healing, Dr. Gatter insists, is not linear; one must “hold both at the same time”—feelings of hurt and the search for meaning ([25:49–26:24]).
• She outlines that progress requires emotional safety, support, and connection, both internal and external ([26:23–27:15]).

8. Why Do People Stay in Harmful Environments? (Bonding through Suffering)

• They examine why people remain in abusive relationships: familiarity from childhood, comfort in known patterns, and bonding through suffering ([27:15–29:23]).
• Brant shares research showing that “connection” is the top shared human value, with suffering as a powerful (though unhealthy) form of connection in organizations and relationships ([28:00–29:23]).

“Suffering is such a powerful form of connection that even though we suffer, there is some weird comfort in the suffering, right?”
— Brant Menswar [29:15]

9. Life in Crisis Becomes the Norm

• Brant reflects on the years spent parenting a gravely ill child, and how living in constant crisis becomes a default state—one people may inadvertently seek out once the crisis has passed ([29:56–31:27]).
• Dr. Gatter explains how the body becomes addicted to crisis as a source of energy; healing involves adjusting one’s internal chemistry ([30:21–30:42]).

10. Impact and Next Steps

• Brant expresses deep gratitude to Dr. Gatter for facilitating a profound personal breakthrough, citing this as the first time he’s opened up on his trauma ([31:36–32:34]).
• For listeners seeking connection or support, Dr. Gatter can be contacted at DrDorieGatter.com ([33:00]).

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I always felt like I was different. Sometimes I thought different was not a good thing. But I had something — this internal motivation that has supported me. And I honestly don't know where it comes from other than it's my own spirit.”
  — Dr. Dorie Gatter [08:09]

• “You have to feel it to heal it.”
  — Dr. Dorie Gatter [19:20]

• “You just made more sense in one sentence than I've ever had talking to anybody about therapy.”
  — Brant Menswar [19:25]

• “If you’re a good therapist, you go to therapy, you gotta stay ahead of your clients.”
  — Dr. Dorie Gatter [22:47]

• “We never 100% heal from everything. We’re always working on deeper layers. I still go to therapy; it’s part of keeping my emotional health.”
  — Dr. Dorie Gatter [22:28]

• “We can spend time on the victim side… and that’s important to do… At a certain point, that no longer serves you. Then you need to ask, what is the message and the growth opportunity here?”
  — Dr. Dorie Gatter [24:15–25:02]

• “Healing isn’t linear...can I keep holding both until the weights shift and one is stronger than the other?”
  — Dr. Dorie Gatter [25:49–26:24]

Important Timestamps

• Dr. Gatter’s upbringing & poverty: [01:07–02:23]
• High school crisis & leaving home: [02:23–05:07]
• Mentorship and acceptance with aunt: [05:07–07:45]
• Breakthrough: Getting kicked out as a “gift”: [08:09]
• Generational differences in resilience: [11:44–15:26]
• Explanation of therapy and “feel it to heal it”: [18:33–20:00]
• Changing perceptions of therapy: [21:14–22:47]
• Reflections on missed moments: [23:24–24:13]
• Non-linear healing: [25:49–26:24]
• Bonding through suffering: [28:00–29:23]
• Addiction to crisis: [29:56–30:42]
• Brant’s personal breakthrough and gratitude: [31:36–32:34]
• Contact info: [33:00]

Final Thoughts

This episode delivers a gripping, deeply empathetic exploration of how the worst moments in life can become unexpected catalysts for growth and healing. Dr. Gatter and Brant Menswar together break down the stigma of therapy, highlight the importance of supportive connections, and give clear, compassionate guidance for anyone navigating pain, crisis, or a yearning for wholeness. The message resounds: “You have to feel it to heal it.”

For more inspiration, connection, and resources, visit Dr. Dorie Gatter at DrDorieGatter.com or check out future episodes of “Just A Moment.”