Transcript

Podcast Advertiser (0:00)

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Bailey (0:28)

My name is Mackenzie and I started a GoFundMe for the adoptive mother of a nonverbal autistic child. The mother had lost her job because she wasn't able to find adequate care for this autistic child. So she really needed some help with living expenses, paying some back bills. So I launched a GoFundMe to help support them during this crisis. And we raised about $10,000 within just a couple of months. I think that the surprising thing was by telling a clear story and just like really being very clear about what we needed, we had some really generous donations from people who were really moved by the situation that this family was struggling with. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising

Kat (1:17)

platform, trusted by over 200 million people.

Bailey (1:20)

Start. Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this podcast is supported by GoFundMe.

Kat (1:28)

Hi, guys. Before I introduce my guest, I want to say that this is a really special episode. It's a very emotional conversation. It's very hard for both of us. But I am so grateful that you're here, Bailey. Hi, Bailey. Because I know how tough it is to talk about what we are going to talk about. But before we even start, before I even introduce you, I want to mention that for those of you guys that don't know Cat on the loose, this, this is a 100% not scripted show. I have zero script. I don't even have notes for Bailey. It's not edited. It's a very intimate, real conversation. And I have no idea how much or, you know, we're going to share, but I think collectively we are hoping that we can help women out there going through the same thing as we went through 100%. So. Hi, Bailey. It's such an honor having you here.

Bailey (2:16)

I am very excited to be here

Kat (2:17)

on a Saturday, no less. You're a good trooper and you show up looking like a million bucks. Oh, thank you. Like the very successful attorney will be hopefully someday. Right? And I show up in my dog mom clothes and with my baby. Right. We're multitasking today. You have. Yes. You guys might see. You guys might see Phoenix on the video episode because he's so sick, and I felt so guilty leaving him at home, and I did not want to cancel this episode because it's so important. So let's rock and roll and do the best we can.

Summary

Podcast Summary: Kat on the Loose – “LOVING AND LOSING AN ALCOHOLIC”

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Bailey
Date: March 11, 2026

Episode Overview

This emotional, unfiltered episode of “Kat on the Loose” dives deep into the realities of loving someone with alcoholism and the aftermath of losing them. Host Kat Zammuto and guest Bailey open up about their personal stories: both lost partners—Kat her husband, Bailey her fiancé—to complications from alcoholism. Their raw, unscripted conversation aims to break the stigma, empower others, and provide practical takeaways for listeners navigating similar relationships or recovering from loss.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting and Falling in Love with an Alcoholic

Kat and Bailey discover shared experiences: both fell in love in their 20s, both men hid or minimized their drinking at first.
Both discuss how normalized drinking is in society, making early warning signs easy to miss.
Quote:
- “I thought actually drinking was a normal hobby.” – Kat [05:14]
- “That’s part of the problem with society nowadays is how normalized drinking is.” – Bailey [05:57]

2. Deception, Denial, and Enabling

Bailey recalls discovering her fiancé’s secret drinking:
- Found missing vodka, confronted him, realized the deception went deeper.
- She discusses the balance between anger over betrayal and empathy for his struggle.
Kat and Bailey both acknowledge enabling destructive behavior due to love, delusion, or guilt.
Quote:
- “You enable it…they are what they are. Right?” – Kat [27:38]
- “You learn how to lie to yourself to make it okay to stay.” – Bailey [27:56]
- “Part of me was delusional…trying to save him.” – Bailey [16:43]

3. Progression and Severity of Alcoholism

Both women detail how alcoholism is a progressive, often hidden disease.
Late-stage alcoholism can require hospitalization; withdrawal can be fatal.
Bodily damage extends far beyond the liver—affecting the stomach, brain, and more.
Quote:
- “I never realized how severe the effects of alcoholism are.” – Bailey [14:32]
- “If you stop drinking, all of a sudden you can have a heart attack and die.” – Kat [15:14]

4. Stigma, Self-Blame, and Grief

Both grappled with guilt, thinking their love might “save” their partners.
Bailey describes never even considering leaving, while Kat experienced emotional blackmail and stayed for years out of guilt and love.
The pain of loss is immense and life-altering; both women felt part of themselves died too.
Quote:
- “I felt powerless...like I was a failure.” – Kat [30:04]
- “Part of yourself dies too…that was just very super loving.” – Bailey [30:04]

5. Lessons Learned & Setting Boundaries

Both emphasize the importance of non-negotiables in future relationships (e.g., not dating heavy drinkers).
Recovery requires recognizing you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves.
Support groups (AA, Al-Anon) are recommended for anyone in a similar situation.
Quote:
- “I will never try to save someone from it again either.” – Bailey [47:08]
- “If you are dating the stage…the heavy drinker…this is your red flag.” – Kat [14:58]
- “Nobody’s going to stop drinking because they love you. They’re only going to stop drinking if they love themselves.” – Kat [49:25]

6. Moving On: Self-Love and Future Relationships

Both reflect on how enduring this trauma made them stronger, more self-aware women.
Kat encourages Bailey (and listeners) not to close their hearts to future love but to love “smarter.”
The discussion shifts to gender roles and standards in modern dating, with advice on self-worth and not settling.
Quote:
- “Once you go through that, you almost become invincible.” – Bailey [29:32]
- “Self love is self preservation.” – Kat [20:07]

Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

Love at First Sight:
- “The first time I ever saw him…I could tell you exactly which tile I was standing on on the floor.” – Bailey [07:21]
The Reality of Late-Stage Alcoholism:
- “The doctor told us…no shampoo with alcohol in it, no body wash with alcohol in it…his body was that desperate.” – Bailey [14:32]
The Futility of Trying to ‘Save’:
- “I always thought I could save him. I always thought, ‘he loves me, he’s gonna stop.’” – Kat [17:42]
Advice for Listeners:
- “Put on your non-negotiable list and don’t get tangled up with a heavy drinker from the get-go.” – Kat [46:08]
- “Go to an AA meeting…even if you’re not a drinker, you’ll hear people that just want to do better.” – Bailey [48:25]
On Grief:
- “It’s a journey. Just allow yourself to heal and put yourself slowly but surely out there because I know love is gonna find you again.” – Kat [50:07]

Timestamps for Key Segments

Introduction, setup for raw conversation – [02:50]
Bailey’s story: Falling in love and the beginning – [03:12]
Realization and confrontation about secret drinking – [08:48]
The medical reality and stages of alcoholism – [13:54]
The emotional trap—delusion, blame, and not leaving – [16:43]
Self-blame, loss, and guilt – [18:40], [30:04]
Physical decline, caretaking, and end of life – [31:58], [32:26]
Being called out as an ‘enabler’ and learning self-value – [27:38]
Setting future relationship standards and boundaries – [29:31], [45:00]
Moving forward—dating, non-negotiables, and advice for others – [46:08]
Final reflections and hope for healing – [49:25]

Takeaways and Advice

Acknowledge Red Flags Early: Heavy drinking in the first weeks is a major warning.
It’s Not Selfish to Leave: Prioritizing your own wellbeing is necessary, not selfish.
You Can’t Save Anyone Who Doesn’t Want to Be Saved: No amount of love can cure addiction.
Seek Support: Al-Anon and AA can provide education, empathy, and empowerment.
Establish Non-Negotiables: Write down clear boundaries for what you will and won’t accept in relationships.
Keep Your Heart Open (Cautiously): Moving forward is possible, but only with lessons learned and a commitment to self-love.

Final Words

This episode is a moving, honest look at the devastation of alcoholism on relationships—but also a guide to surviving it, learning from it, and ultimately healing. Both Kat and Bailey model vulnerability and strength, closing with hope for themselves and listeners: love—and loving wisely—remains possible.

For peer support regarding alcoholism: consider Al-Anon (for loved ones) or AA (for those struggling themselves). If you or someone you know needs help, reach out.