← Keep it Positive, Sweetie
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- [00:00]
Ms. Lawrence
Foreign.
- [00:09]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. I am Krista Renee Hayslett, and today we have with us none other than Ms. Lawrence. I'm so happy you're here.
- [00:21]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you for having me.
- [00:22]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah. No, seriously, it's been a long time.
- [00:25]
Ms. Lawrence
Because we've been saying we go figure out something, whether it be lunch, whether it be a dinner or something, if you have an event or if I'm having one. But our schedules could never align. So, you know, everything works in divine order and time, and I think this is perfect.
- [00:38]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Thank you so much. I'm so happy you're here. We like to start the show with the song or a quote. And when I think of you, I think of authenticity. You are just so authentically you, and I love that. And this quote says, true belonging doesn't require you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are. And I feel like that is exactly what you embody. Like, you are just who you are. What you see is what you get, and people love you for that.
- [01:03]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you.
- [01:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yes, they do. The first time I really, like, learned about you was I'm not really a reality TV show person, but I saw you on the show Star.
- [01:14]
Ms. Lawrence
Yes.
- [01:14]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I absolutely loved you on Star.
- [01:16]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you.
- [01:17]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And then I don't know if you remember this, but my friend Siobhan, who was.
- [01:20]
Ms. Lawrence
Oh, my God, the cosmic. Yes, that's my baby. And her daughter. Yes, yes.
- [01:25]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
So I came on set to see her walking with Queen Latifah, and we stopped and spoke for a second. This before we actually met at Kim Blackwell's event last year. The Galentine's event. But that was before we had met, actually talked. Okay. So we, like, spoke shortly, and I was like, oh, my God, I love his energy. And then we met again. At Kim Blackwell's event.
- [01:45]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah, at the Galentine's event. And, you know, I do remember that, but I more so remember us talking a little more in depth at the. At the sisters event that BET did.
- [01:58]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yes, I remember that.
- [02:00]
Carl
Yeah.
- [02:00]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That was really, really.
- [02:01]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [02:01]
Carl
Chat.
- [02:02]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah, it was good.
- [02:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love that. So I always like to tell people how we met, but I remember that. And ever since then, we've chatted on Instagram and I keep up with you on the. On Instagram what you have going on.
- [02:13]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you.
- [02:13]
Carl
Yes.
- [02:14]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
But we're so happy to have you here, and everyone knows you from television and social media, but we want to take it back.
- [02:21]
Ms. Lawrence
Okay.
- [02:21]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Saying, who was Ms. Lawrence growing up? Where are you from? We want to know all the Things.
- [02:25]
Ms. Lawrence
I am a real, real Georg.
- [02:28]
Carl
Hey.
- [02:29]
Ms. Lawrence
I have labeled myself as the Atlanta mother. I'm born and raised right here in Atlanta on the south side of Atlanta, or I'm from the south side of Atlanta. Growing up, I was not Ms. Lawrence. I was just Lawrence. You know, I'm a junior. People always gag. Really, I'm a junior. Honey, look, I just told somebody last night I was somewhere. They said, you're a junior? I said, yes, honey. Turns out I was a junior missus.
- [02:59]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love it.
- [03:00]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah, you know, life was. It was good. It was interesting, but it was good. I think the best part about me growing up in Atlanta is that I did not have one of those families that ostracized me for embracing the misses in me. And I was able to just. To just be myself. But a lot of that came from my mother, I would have to. I would have to say, because my mother, her biggest teachings and I think most, you know, households, especially in black culture, don't lie, don't tell. No lie. Whether it's, did you. Did you get them chips out the cabinet? Or did you pick this up that you don't tell. No, don't you lie. But I applied that principle in everything.
- [03:43]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's amazing.
- [03:44]
Ms. Lawrence
In everything. So I never knew how to be. How to hide. I never knew how to be something other than what I felt on the inside because I was taught not to lie. Now, I don't think my parents knew that that principle would apply in that way. I don't think they knew that when I went outside, even with them, whether we were going to Piccadilly or going to Red Lobster for a birthday, I don't think they knew that when they said, don't lie, oh, I'm putting this Vaseline on. It's going to serve as my lip gloss. I don't think they knew that. But again, I was taught not to lie. And I literally, you know, my journey as an adolescent, as a teenager has been just that. I walked to the beat of my own drum and I walked and delivered what I felt in the moment, in the era.
- [04:37]
Carl
Yeah.
- [04:38]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's amazing. So what was it like when you realized there's something different about me? I'm not like the other boys that I see on the playground. When did, you know, like, child, you.
- [04:50]
Ms. Lawrence
Know, I had cousins in them that would remind me of that.
- [04:52]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Really? Well, it does start there, you're right.
- [04:55]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah. You know, I had, you know, some of my, you know, boy cousins, you know, but jokingly, it was all love, you know. You know, of course you would. You know, I got teased, you know, in school. I was never bullied, though. I have to say. I was never bullied.
- [05:10]
Carl
That's good.
- [05:12]
Ms. Lawrence
But I, you know, we get teased and, you know, stuff like that. So I knew. I knew then that, you know, I was not something that society was used to or that society necessarily wanted to see. But again, I didn't know any other way to be.
- [05:26]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And what age was this when you, like, start. When your cousin started to, like, early, honey.
- [05:31]
Ms. Lawrence
Because I was always the dancer. I would always dance, and I always do the latest dances, the. The Cabbage patch, the. All those. So I will always be the one. Like, ooh, come, come dance. And they would just fall out. Cause it was always so gay, you know, it was always so, you know, and, yeah, so I was young. I was young. I don't. Not even a teenager yet.
- [05:54]
Carl
Wow.
- [05:55]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah. Yeah, not even a teenager yet. And my parents, Lord, they tried their best. They had me play football. They had put me in a Boy Scouts. All of it worked. All of it. They tried. They tried everything. But see, when I start. When I played football, I became really good at it because. And me and my friend, we just talked about this yesterday. I'm gonna be good at whatever it is that I do, because it's no other way. If I end up committing to something, I'm gonna give it my all. And whether I like it or not. I didn't wanna play football, but I became good at it. So much so that the coach reached out to my father. The following season was like, we want to have him back as quarterback. I was like, oh, no, I'm not doing it again. I'm not doing it again. Y' all tried it one time. I'm still a sissy. It didn't work right.
- [06:46]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
So what did you enjoy as a kid?
- [06:49]
Ms. Lawrence
I'd always loved the arts. I loved singing. I love playing dress up. Yeah. Yeah. Stuff like that.
- [06:58]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Okay, so when you said, I don't want to do this anymore, what did your dad say?
- [07:03]
Ms. Lawrence
Oh, I mean, I. You know, I think he was like, okay, this ain't. You know, this ain't working. But again, there was no. There was no harshness.
- [07:12]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's amazing.
- [07:13]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah, that was no harsh. I mean, don't get me wrong, we had moments that did not feel good, you know, but the older I got, the more I looked into why we are the way we are as black people, as black families and our discontents. I understood their position and the lack of knowledge around acceptance. And that helped me to Heal any wounds from that period of my life. Yeah.
- [07:46]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Could you tell? Because I do want to expand on that, because I know there are some younger men right now going through that same thing and trying to navigate that with their parents. Would you share, like, some of those tough moments and, like, how you actually navigated through that and healed through that?
- [08:01]
Ms. Lawrence
You know what I'm gonna tell you? I kind of delve into my purpose. Right? So going back, I said, I always love the arts. I love singing. I love, you know, the performing art, dancing, all that kind of stuff. So going into my mid to late teens, I became a hairstylist early at, like, age 15 years old, because I was really good with my hands, and I always loved beauty, and in particular, I love black women and beauty. Right. All things beauty. And I became really, really, really good at it. And in my late teens, early 20s, I started making some really good money. And because I felt like, in my mind, I had to show my parents that the idea that they had or the ideals that have been put out there about black queer people or about black gay men or flamboyantly black gay men, that we won't be successful or that we won't have a fair shot at life was not true. And so I became really, really successful at an early age. And I think that's when a lot of the, you know, the barriers broke as it relates to my relationship with my family now. A lot of damage had already been done. Kind of a lot of unspoken stuff. There was always an elephant in the room. There was always a lack of communication, not knowing how to have that real conversation about the birds and the bees, because it's like, how do I have that conversation with my gay child when I know nothing about gay sex or anything like, about that? But I later learned that it's not. We put. We make it hard. If it's a conversation about sex, it's a conversation about sex. Whether it's gay or not, Whether a person is same gender, loving or not, the conversation is about sex. But to their defense, they didn't know that. Yeah, they didn't know that. So a lot of hard conversations that a person would typically have with their parents, I didn't necessarily get that because they didn't know how. They didn't know how, and that's okay. And that is when I leaned to my friends in the streets, my sisters and my brothers that are also a part of the LGBTQ community that I now call my chosen family. That's where chosen family comes from. When you don't get. Get all of the, you know, I guess the emotional support that you might need at home or the emotional intelligence that you need from your family. You venture out and you find like minded people, people that can tell you, no, you are spot on with who you are. And it's those people that added a lot of growth factors to me. Now a lot of my foundation again, my relationship with God, my commitment to working and providing for myself and having stability and structure. I did get that from my parents.
- [11:10]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Gotcha.
- [11:10]
Carl
Okay.
- [11:11]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love that we talk about your relationship with God. I know a lot of times there is a lot of stipulations when it comes to church and the homosexual community. I had went to a church before, it was here in Atlanta, and the pastor, like, spoke out against homosexuality and how he did not agree with it. And then the moment that I ended up leaving the church was when. Because it made me a little uncomfortable because I feel like we're supposed to love everyone, no matter their choices, because God told us to lead with love. We talked about that last night. Leading with love. Like, you do what you want to do. I'm not here to judge you. Only God can do.
- [11:45]
Ms. Lawrence
God is love.
- [11:46]
Carl
Yes.
- [11:47]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And lead with that. And this homosexual, I mean, he was clearly a homosexual. Man had come into the church, he was sitting on the front row, like, where like the deacons and the, you know, the mothers of the church would sit.
- [12:01]
Ms. Lawrence
And I was like, now he did that on purpose, but go ahead.
- [12:03]
Carl
Yeah.
- [12:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
So. Right. No, what had happened was we end up finding out because the pastor had to, like, get up in front of the church and like, admit what had happened. This man had, like, said he was going to give the church all this money and that. Completely determined. I said, so you'll accept him for who he is because he's going to give the church all this money. And that was my ex. I was like, it's time for me to leave. Because you, not a couple months ago, you were preaching against it, but because.
- [12:25]
Ms. Lawrence
You weren't using the girls some months ago. But now the girls came with some coins. And now, oh, you sit right here next to Mother Midi. Literally a Mother Hattie.
- [12:33]
Carl
Yeah.
- [12:34]
Ms. Lawrence
A Mother Beverly.
- [12:35]
Carl
Yep.
- [12:35]
Ms. Lawrence
Yes. But a few months ago, you, you. You did that.
- [12:41]
Carl
Yeah.
- [12:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And I was like, wow.
- [12:42]
Ms. Lawrence
I went to a church here. I used. I grew up in church, I sang in choirs, all that. And when I started going to one church that I was not active in, I just went. I just went to the church and I was going faithfully. And it was a mega Church. And I remember the pastor giving, like, this whole sermon against or condemning homosexuality, and I was like, what? So I got up and left in the middle of service. I got up, and I was done, too. I had to. I was fendy head to toe. I was beat. But anyway, I. I grew up like that. I watched my grandmother go to church, and she was always done.
- [13:18]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, my goodness.
- [13:19]
Ms. Lawrence
So you put the clothes. You put your clothes on and go to church anyway?
- [13:21]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Absolutely.
- [13:22]
Ms. Lawrence
So I got up and left, and I didn't go to church for years. And I mean, for years after, because, honestly, I didn't feel like I had to. Right. Because I knew God for myself, and I knew God was in me, and I always did his work. I always walked in his will. And another principle is that you are judged on how you serve. Did you give your brother or your sister or the mothers and fathers food when they were hungry, clothes when they were naked, or water when they was thirsty? I can check all those boxes.
- [13:57]
Carl
Yes.
- [13:58]
Ms. Lawrence
I didn't have to go to church. I felt like I'm. Like, I don't need. I don't.
- [14:01]
Carl
Mm.
- [14:02]
Ms. Lawrence
Because I'm not gonna sit there and allow that to fester up inside of me when I know him for myself. So I don't need to hear man's perception of what God is and how. What God thinks about me, because I already know for myself. So I left church, and I left for a very long time. And a few of my friends, two of them in particular, started. They joined this one church, and they said, you should really come. I was like, girl, I'm not going. No. I had given up singing in the choir and all of that, because by this time, I was full. I was in full bloom, honey. I had done gave up the suits and stuff, child. I was in full bloom. Blouses and things. I said, well, I ain't singing in no choir no more, clearly, because, you know, so I had let that. I had let all that go. So I was like, there's no need for me to go church. I go to church. I know the word. I know God. I do what God asks. You know, I honor my mother, my father. Da, da, da, da, da. And they said, no, but you should really. You should just come. So I went to a church here in Atlanta, the Vision Church, and I fell completely in love. My bishop is from the LGBTQ community. We have a first gentleman. And it literally opened up a whole new portal of teachings that I would not have gotten had I not gone back to church. You know, new principles that I now apply to this day, you know, along my walk and my journey. So, you know, I tell people that have experienced church hurt, especially within my community. The black LGBTQ space is, you know, let's not lean to the church or lean to man. Let's lean more on our relationship with God, and let's ask God for discernment to lead you to the proper teacher.
- [15:57]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Come on, now.
- [15:58]
Ms. Lawrence
To the proper teacher.
- [15:59]
Carl
Yes.
- [16:00]
Ms. Lawrence
And that's what happened for me.
- [16:02]
Carl
Wow.
- [16:02]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [16:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Lawrence. I love that because I feel like anyone in the faith can really, like, agree with and identify with what you're saying, because I've had church hurt. I've had. And I've been guilty of, like, putting faith in the person and really connecting with the person that's delivering the word and forgetting this is a human being.
- [16:20]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [16:21]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
You know, and a lot of people get church hurt from just like, well, he shouldn't be in the pulpit because he's doing this and this and this. And it was Tyler that actually had to check me. He was like, crystal, you're not there for the man. You're there for God.
- [16:32]
Ms. Lawrence
Because that man, like you said, that man is human as well. That man could be in spiritual warfare. That man could be battling stuff himself.
- [16:41]
Carl
Yes.
- [16:42]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
He's not exempt.
- [16:43]
Ms. Lawrence
He's not exempt. He could be preaching, but preaching to himself in that moment. You know what I'm saying? And so when I got up and left out the church, I wasn't judging him. I just knew that he wasn't the teacher for me.
- [16:56]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Right.
- [16:57]
Ms. Lawrence
I knew that he needed a teacher.
- [16:59]
Carl
Yes.
- [17:01]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, my goodness.
- [17:02]
Carl
That is so good.
- [17:05]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love that. And I love that you have found a home. I did not know that church existed.
- [17:09]
Ms. Lawrence
Oh, it's everything.
- [17:11]
Carl
Yeah.
- [17:12]
Ms. Lawrence
It's progressive Pentecostal. So they jump pews and flip and run around. Girl, they ayota bo shinty Girl, they. They can say. They can say. It's a. Oh, it's a beautiful song. Ayato bullshit. Now, girl, you ain't felt no spirit just cause he said. But I love it. I love. I love the antics. I love all of it.
- [17:37]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That is amazing. I really want the Christian community for sure to just lead with love, you know, I think that is so important.
- [17:46]
Ms. Lawrence
That's what they supposed to do. But you know what a lot of them have not done is studied the book for themselves. They've not studied where the book came from. The different versions of the book came from. One of my friend's mother always says, study and show thyself. Approved. Well, that's written, but she always reiterates it. Study and show thyself. Approved. See, the problem is so many people have been listening to man, meaning our bishops and our pastor, and they are chosen. Yes, they are chosen. I'm not going to say that they're not. They are chosen, you know, but you still have to study and show thyself. Or you go study for yourself.
- [18:28]
Carl
Yes, because you'll get.
- [18:30]
Ms. Lawrence
Because they might. What they're studying and what they get from it is what the Holy Spirit gave them. But all of our connections. All of our connections are personal.
- [18:41]
Carl
Yeah.
- [18:42]
Ms. Lawrence
I might get something from reading one scripture that you might not get. You might get something totally separate. That's how the Holy Spirit talks to us.
- [18:48]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
It is.
- [18:49]
Ms. Lawrence
You know, and so for that reason, I can now sit in the church and I can say, I didn't get that from you.
- [18:55]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Right, exactly.
- [18:56]
Ms. Lawrence
And that's okay. But a lot of. A lot of our Christian community, they've not done that. They've leaned solely on what they have heard and what they've been taught. Opposed to listening to the teachings and then going back and studying yourself. It's no different than what you do in school. It's no different than what you do when you study for your doctorate or your master's or your bachelor's. I have neither one of those, by the way. But I know the process.
- [19:20]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah, right. Exactly. That is so good. Pastor Darius Daniels. I go to change church.
- [19:26]
Ms. Lawrence
Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that church. I went there. I went there with Carlton, my friend Carlton.
- [19:32]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I mean, your other friend. Y' all went all together. Oh, Carlton. Y' all went together.
- [19:37]
Ms. Lawrence
Carlton. Yeah. Well, he took. He took me there.
- [19:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah, but I'm in quiet.
- [19:44]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [19:44]
Pastor Darius Daniels
No, I don't want to change. I came and visited Terrence Crowley.
- [19:48]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yes. Okay. Amazing. Yeah. I love my church, but we did a whole series on God. Did not say that. And we literally went through scripture and broke it down. And like, even, like, how we pray and the things that we've been taught all of our lives, we're like, wait a minute. That's not what God intended. And then we're going through the scripture like, wait a minute, God. He did not say that.
- [20:07]
Ms. Lawrence
And you like this. What? They were wrong. Yes, but imagine. Now, listen, that's one congregation. Imagine the thousands of black churches. And we wonder why we still, to this day, can't get on one accord as brothers and sisters. It's a lot of unlearning and unpacking and rebuilding and bridge building that we have to do. And so when you. When you discover these things or when you've been given discernment and you know it is now our responsibility. It is now our responsibility even when it's uncomfortable, Even when I have to try my best to foster a relationship with a black straight man who has been extremely antithetical to a black gay person. I have to look beyond that and be willing to teach.
- [21:02]
Carl
Yes. Wow.
- [21:04]
Ms. Lawrence
Because that is what. Also serving.
- [21:07]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Come on.
- [21:07]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Listen.
- [21:13]
Ms. Lawrence
What is it?
- [21:17]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
He's like my Cash app. Right.
- [21:18]
Ms. Lawrence
My Cash app is lady law.
- [21:25]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
I have to say, I'm bugged out right now. As you've kept speaking, thinking about, like, how so many churches will kick LGBTQ people out. But I'm so happy that there's a home for them.
- [21:42]
Carl
Yes.
- [21:43]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
At vision and at churches like that. Because, again, the command is to love. Why would you think that God doesn't want to have, like, the. The up. The righteous Christian thinks that you don't deserve a home. You don't deserve a church home, so we're going to kick you out.
- [21:59]
Ms. Lawrence
That in itself is a complete contrast to what God is like.
- [22:05]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Why would you think that God does not want relationship with you? You know what I'm saying?
- [22:12]
Ms. Lawrence
It's so crazy to me.
- [22:13]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Because we need that pastor on here because we Learned.
- [22:16]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah. Bishop O.C. allen. I'll connect y'.
- [22:18]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
All.
- [22:19]
Ms. Lawrence
Because the reality is God uses.
- [22:27]
Carl
Yes.
- [22:27]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
And people would want to condemn the pastor for starting a church. That's. That's gay welcoming. Instead of focusing on the fact that. That the same community that you guys feel are. Is so wrong is still finding God, which is still the. The biggest goal.
- [22:43]
Ms. Lawrence
Yes.
- [22:45]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Yes, please.
- [22:46]
Pastor Darius Daniels
I would just say when you talk about set and show thyself approved.
- [22:50]
Ms. Lawrence
Yes.
- [22:51]
Pastor Darius Daniels
Once again is we fall in love with the traditions of men. So when you talk about if you're not approved for something, that means you're in a not right now situation. You're in a decline situation. Because you haven't shown up for who you are.
- [23:04]
Carl
Yes.
- [23:04]
Ms. Lawrence
And whose you are. Come on.
- [23:06]
Pastor Darius Daniels
Once you terminate, you'll know who. I can touch on that. That's what you mean by study and show thyself a group getting to know God for yourself. So when you think about the interpretation that you falling in love with God for who he is, what he's done.
- [23:22]
Ms. Lawrence
In your life, that's it. Then you'll speak differently. You'll walk. See? See what I'm saying? But, you know, it's like Jesus went out and sat amongst the people.
- [23:38]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
The people not amongst the righteous.
- [23:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
No.
- [23:41]
Ms. Lawrence
He went and sat amongst the people because it was the people. People that was going to go out and do the work for him.
- [23:47]
Carl
Yes, yes.
- [23:48]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
But think about his chosen people.
- [23:50]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, my gosh.
- [23:51]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [23:51]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Almost a murderer.
- [23:53]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah, A murderer. Kill people. Like, and we over here judging somebody for loving somebody.
- [23:59]
Ms. Lawrence
You can go down the list.
- [24:00]
Carl
Yeah.
- [24:00]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
And they were all sinners.
- [24:03]
Carl
Yes.
- [24:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Every last one of them.
- [24:05]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Every last one of them.
- [24:06]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
So who are we to judge?
- [24:08]
Ms. Lawrence
Who are we to judge?
- [24:09]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Who are we to judge when God chose, like he said. I want y'.
- [24:13]
Ms. Lawrence
All.
- [24:14]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, this is so good. Something else I wanna talk about now that we're on, like, the judgment. And there's so much discrimination, like, on social media and people trying to expose people. And Adam, I was having this conversation with my brother Marquis. We're like, it's nobody's business. Like, why are you so worried about what somebody else is doing?
- [24:31]
Ms. Lawrence
It's so sad. And I just. I'm like, why are we going backwards, man? Why are we going backwards? There's so much work that has to be done with us in our culture, in our community. First of all, let us pay attention to that thing.
- [24:57]
Carl
Yeah.
- [24:58]
Ms. Lawrence
That phone.
- [24:59]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, my goodness.
- [25:01]
Ms. Lawrence
That tool. Social media.
- [25:04]
Carl
Yeah.
- [25:05]
Ms. Lawrence
And how, if we have allowed it to be the thing to weaponize us in our relationship with each other.
- [25:12]
Carl
Yeah.
- [25:13]
Ms. Lawrence
And I have my theory that that is exactly what it was intended for. Because we've all heard that. That saying that, you know, history repeats. Everything that goes around, comes around. It's just. It just looks different now.
- [25:29]
Carl
Yeah.
- [25:30]
Ms. Lawrence
If you go back to, you know, when they tried to cause division amongst us with classism.
- [25:41]
Carl
Yes.
- [25:42]
Ms. Lawrence
In black families, you know, you had the upwardly mobile Negroes and then you had the Negroes in the hood.
- [25:48]
Carl
Yeah.
- [25:49]
Ms. Lawrence
You know, you can't sit with us. You can't. Social media has become that exact same thing. And we are disproportionately as black people affected by it. And it is so easy to use homophobia as one of the greatest tools to conquer and divide us. While we are on the precipice of another presidential election, while we are still fighting for women's rights, while we are still fighting to make sure that our black brothers and our black fathers and our black sons have the protection and the support that they need from social injustices, police injustices, you name it. All of these things that we should be standing as a united front for, we can't do it because we are so distracted by this little thing in our hand and somebody's weird, negative, ill informed opinion about someone's sexuality and who they choose to love or lay down with, you know, And I don't know, I don't know how to get. I don't know when we will all get on one accord. In trying to fix that for myself during the pandemic, I started having these dinners called played it purpose, Ms. Lawrence presents plated Purpose. And it was created to bridge the gap between the black straight community and the black LGBTQ community. And it started for several reasons. One, when I was a hairstylist, before I retired, one of my long term clients told me that one of her sons was gay. I had never heard about him, but I knew some of her other kids, but I never knew about that one. And I said, oh, I never met him. She said, yeah, well he done talk to us. And I'm saying, oh, okay. And I said, well. She said, I don't know, he just, he won't talk to us. And I said, well, did you all ever make him feel a certain type of way? You know? And she said, no, you know, it wasn't our intention. When he was younger, we. She said we would try and buy him little trucks and shit, but, you know, and she said, we didn't know what to do with him.
- [28:17]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
We didn't know.
- [28:17]
Carl
Wow.
- [28:19]
Ms. Lawrence
And I. And she was broken. Here's someone in their late 60s going into their 70s, and she's broken because she does not have wholeness in her family because of a construct that shouldn't be there. And I, and I told her, I said, well, what happens is when you all lack the emotional intelligence to support your child because they are gay or gay presenting or trans presenting or whatever, anything that doesn't align with what you think values are, what you think, how they are supposed to go. And you don't know how to show up for them emotionally and support them mentally. I said, when they become of age and they go outside, they go find it somewhere else.
- [29:12]
Carl
They do.
- [29:13]
Ms. Lawrence
And that is where chosen families come from. And so they go find the support that they need. God gives them what they need. Maybe you couldn't give it. Maybe God couldn't use you because you wouldn't allow him to use you to show up for that baby the way that you should have. But God placed it on somebody else and he got it. So there is now no need for you all. So that is where the absence come from. And when I saw the hurt in her eyes, I could feel her pain. And I said, it's so unfair because it's not your fault and it's not his fault. And we just gotta communicate that. Yeah, we gotta. We have to both understand on both sides. Have to understand where we. Where we have our faults in it. And the part that we played in it. That was one thing. Another thing was the. The whole thing about when the. The baby. The rapper da baby.
- [30:16]
Carl
Oh, yeah.
- [30:17]
Ms. Lawrence
When he had his whole debacle about the. What they called a homophobic slur. A homophobic comment or whatever that was made.
- [30:26]
Carl
Yeah.
- [30:27]
Ms. Lawrence
And in my opinion, when I went and listened to it carefully.
- [30:32]
Carl
Mm.
- [30:33]
Ms. Lawrence
And I did not hear him use. I did not hear him use the F word. I didn't hear him call anybody a sissy. I didn't hear. I didn't hear any of that. I did hear exactly what he said. He said, put your phones or light your phones or whatever if you ain't out here giving nobody aids, if you ain't got aids. Da, da da, da. Which is very wrong to say because that is something that affects all of us. Not gay, not straight, but everybody. But everybody. Now, his DJ said some homophobic stuff, but he himself did not. However, when it came out, DaBaby getting canceled for homophobics. And I said, no, no, no. Who's putting that out there? Because that's not what I heard. Now, what he said was really wrong.
- [31:24]
Carl
Yeah.
- [31:25]
Ms. Lawrence
It was terrible.
- [31:26]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Poor judgment and worse. He definitely shouldn't have said it.
- [31:29]
Ms. Lawrence
And if you look closely, if somebody. If he was getting canceled for homophobic remarks or slurs, wouldn't every rapper from back in the day be canceled?
- [31:43]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Every one of them.
- [31:46]
Ms. Lawrence
So how was he? What was. No, what it was was that you said something about HIV and aids, and. And that not only affects the black people, it affect the white people too.
- [31:57]
Carl
Come on, now. Yeah.
- [32:00]
Ms. Lawrence
And so when you looked at the people that spoke out about it.
- [32:04]
Carl
Yes.
- [32:06]
Ms. Lawrence
When you saw Elton John, when you saw Madonna.
- [32:10]
Carl
Yeah.
- [32:10]
Ms. Lawrence
When you saw them speak out. Now he's canceled.
- [32:14]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Now he's canceled. I just got chills.
- [32:16]
Ms. Lawrence
But our black brothers and sisters, they perceived it as, oh, the gay community canceling our straight brother. Because he said, that's not what happened, but that's how it was put out there, which caused further division. And so that was another thing. And I got on the phone with my dear friend April Ryan, and I said, we gotta figure something out. We gotta have a family meeting, because what's happening is happening on purpose. And somebody gotta educate and matriculate us on each other on what's going on.
- [32:58]
Carl
Yes.
- [32:59]
Ms. Lawrence
And so it had just been sitting on me and sitting on me like, what? You know, what can I do? And I'm only one person, but somebody got to start somewhere.
- [33:06]
Carl
Yeah.
- [33:06]
Ms. Lawrence
And I'm not saying that I'm the first to start it. I don't know. I knew I had to do what I felt on my spirit, and. And I was like, what can I do? I gotta figure out something. And I have a very close friend, Ashana Ayers. And I was talking to her. She's like, well, do something about it. What are you gonna do? Do something about it. Cause I'd be in arguments with her. Some of my other straight friends, they're like, well, no. Well, no, because the gay community. Y' all already got that. I was like, no, don't do the y' all thing. Yeah, don't do the y' all thing. We don't. Everybody don't fit under that rainbow umbrella.
- [33:40]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's right.
- [33:40]
Ms. Lawrence
Know who that umbrella was designed for. And you will discover. You will discover a lot of bifurcation there. You will discover a lot of separatism there. You will discover that a lot of your black gay brothers and sisters is left on the outside of the umbrella. So we don't have full, full protection like people think we do.
- [34:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Right.
- [34:04]
Ms. Lawrence
Again, we are not a monolithic group. And she said, okay, what are you gonna do? Figure out something. I said, I want to maybe. Maybe I need to have maybe let figure out something, because I have been put in a position where I know the language of both sides. I was a hairstylist for 20 years every. And I was able to live a very good life for myself because of black women. That allowed me to be in service to them at an early age when society told me I would not have a lovely home to live in or I would not be able to do this or do that. Yeah, God said, yes, you will. And I'm going to use these sisters to make sure it happens. And in return, you're going to edify them, you're going to affirm them. And so that is what our relationship has always been. Like myself with black women. And for every black woman that sat in my chair, that was a whole family that I got to touch, including their husbands, including their children. So I understand the language of both sides. And then when I go over on this side to my community, my people, my oysters, my village, my black LGBTQ brothers and sisters, and I understand their frustrations where they might not have been, you know, as fortunate to have the type of relationships that I've had with heterosexual people or straight people. I know their Language too, because it is also my language. And I said, well, I'm in a position where I could bring it together and let's try to fix this. And so my friend Ashanna said, well, do something. So fast forward, I said, I'm gonna do a dinner. I'm gonna do a dinner and I'm invite maybe 10 people from the black LGBTQ community, 10 from the black straight community. I reached out to Ingrid Best. You know Ingrid, right? I love Ingrid. I have to shout out, I love Ingrid. At that time, she was head of marketing for Ciroc. And I asked her, I said, I sent her a text and I said, we are approaching Black Pride Month in Atlanta. I said, during Pride Month, during Pride Month in June, we're approaching Black Pride weekend in Atlanta. However, in June, it's Pride Month and you have a. There's an outpouring of brands that support Pride Month, but if you go and take inventory of who benefits. At that time, we were very far and few between when I mean black LGBTQ people. And I said, I would love for a black founded liquor brand to support Black Pride in Atlanta. I want to host an event. I want to put together an event to bridge the gap between the black straight and the black LGBTQ community. Could you support me? And she said, whatever you need. Yes. Literally funded my whole dinner. And it was the most beautiful thing. Everybody came that I invited. I had Bevy Smith who came and did a unity toast. Our brother Kenny Burns. Andra Day came and she had just won her Golden Globe and she hopped on a plane and came to the dinner. Our dear sister Divine Joy came. Patrick N. Polk, I mean, you name it. Kim Page from bet. I mean, everybody, it was a lot of support, a lot of support from my brothers and sisters on both sides. And I knew that I was onto something because, you know, some of the people came up afterwards and said, I'm charged and what can we do? Yes, because the goal is, and the call to action is to go out and share the information not about the event, but share the information about the disconnect and why the disconnect has happened.
- [37:57]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Right.
- [37:58]
Ms. Lawrence
And why it's been done on purpose. And so I started plated purpose for that reason. And so far, so good. We just need more of those now. Now, here's the. Here's the ugly side to it, right? When you out doing good, it gets no attention.
- [38:16]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
What is that about?
- [38:17]
Ms. Lawrence
When you're trying to make a difference, when you're trying to make. It gets no attention. But I do have my first dinner. I do have to thank Bossip and Baller Alert because they did. They covered it and they mentioned it. But when you're shedding light on what our issues are and a possible solution to fix garners no attention. That's the part that we, the powers that be. The people that have influence. The people that know. The people that know. The people that run the people that run the. That run the board and click the buttons.
- [38:52]
Carl
Yeah.
- [38:52]
Ms. Lawrence
Spread the information about how we're wrong.
- [38:56]
Carl
Yeah.
- [38:57]
Ms. Lawrence
The stuff they out here doing with Meek Mill and who else they clowning Shannon Sharpe. They clowning on Shannon Sharpe right now. Why? But then at the next breath. Oh, we gotta protect our black brothers.
- [39:13]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yep. But you're not protecting them. You're creating lies and just. It's crazy.
- [39:19]
Ms. Lawrence
You're forcing them to go into a hiding space.
- [39:23]
Carl
Yeah.
- [39:24]
Ms. Lawrence
Not that they have anything to hide from. But you are now playing or trying to push them into this. This space of insecurity.
- [39:32]
Carl
Yeah.
- [39:34]
Ms. Lawrence
That they can't welcome them whole selves. Their whole selves into society without somebody judging them.
- [39:41]
Carl
Yeah.
- [39:42]
Ms. Lawrence
Because they may gesture a way that some people might think is inappropriate or isn't of the norm.
- [39:49]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Right.
- [39:51]
Ms. Lawrence
It is baffling.
- [39:52]
Carl
It is.
- [39:53]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And I. Yeah, I. I did see those. Both of those. And I'm actually really good friends with Meek. I don't know, Shannon. But that like, I'm just like, why? Why do people do that? And then your heart goes up because people don't understand. I was also talking to Marquis about this too. How in Deval. How our life, when we're in the light, it becomes other people's entertainment. And they literally do not have any concept of how that can have an impact on us when they're constantly judging or making accusations or just making a comment and having an opinion about every part of our lives.
- [40:26]
Ms. Lawrence
It's crazy because not to make this about Meek Mill, but he has had one of the most. I don't even know. Glorified turn up songs lit whatever they, you know, dreams and nightmares.
- [40:41]
Carl
Yes.
- [40:42]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Classic.
- [40:43]
Ms. Lawrence
I don't care where you go. In this world.
- [40:46]
Carl
Yeah.
- [40:46]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
In this world.
- [40:47]
Ms. Lawrence
In this world.
- [40:48]
Carl
Yeah.
- [40:49]
Ms. Lawrence
When you hear that, you feel a sense of power.
- [40:53]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
You do. It's crazy.
- [40:55]
Ms. Lawrence
You feel a sense of power. It inspires you in some way in that moment. It could be as small as inspiring you to want to buy a bottle. It can inspire you to go work harder so you can get your dream car, your dream house.
- [41:11]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's what it does for me.
- [41:13]
Ms. Lawrence
Whatever.
- [41:13]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
It really does inspire me to go.
- [41:14]
Ms. Lawrence
Harder but isn't that the work that we're supposed to be doing? And he's done it.
- [41:21]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Come on.
- [41:23]
Ms. Lawrence
That one song has done it for so many people. Not making this about that song. I'm just using that.
- [41:28]
Carl
Yeah.
- [41:28]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
It's amazing.
- [41:31]
Ms. Lawrence
But look how quick people can forget.
- [41:34]
Carl
Mm.
- [41:35]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I don't see anything.
- [41:36]
Ms. Lawrence
But look how quick people forget.
- [41:38]
Carl
Mm.
- [41:39]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
It's sad.
- [41:40]
Ms. Lawrence
It's crazy.
- [41:41]
Carl
Mm.
- [41:42]
Ms. Lawrence
It's crazy.
- [41:43]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
People have real life stuff going on that you have no idea about, and then you just wanna tear somebody down. It's.
- [41:50]
Ms. Lawrence
You wanna tear somebody down. Now, don't get me wrong. There are some people that have done wrong, that have done some really ugly things. And yes, it is our kind of innate reaction to blast them and clown them. But in all things, I think everybody deserves grace.
- [42:14]
Carl
They do.
- [42:15]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, that's good, Ms. Lawrence.
- [42:17]
Ms. Lawrence
I think in everything, everybody deserves grace. And until you can get to that point to extend grace.
- [42:24]
Carl
Yeah.
- [42:24]
Ms. Lawrence
Keep your mouth shut.
- [42:25]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Come on, now.
- [42:26]
Ms. Lawrence
So that you don't create stripes of your own.
- [42:28]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That part. Because if the same people who are doing that, that will not give other people grace, they forget the grace. They keep living. And, like, what if the stuff that you've done was exposed? You know what I'm saying?
- [42:39]
Ms. Lawrence
Keep living.
- [42:40]
Carl
Yeah.
- [42:41]
Ms. Lawrence
Keep living. Because you will do something. Whether people see it or not, you will do something that is going to set your spirit so uneasy.
- [42:49]
Carl
Yes.
- [42:50]
Ms. Lawrence
You know? Yeah.
- [42:52]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Grace. I love that. That is so good. All right, so I want to switch gears a little bit. You went from hairstylist being a stylist for 20 years to becoming a hairstylist on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Then you ended up being a star on Lee Daniels Star. You played. Oh, I forgot this. You were so good in this movie, United States versus Billie Holiday. So good.
- [43:15]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you.
- [43:16]
Carl
Yes.
- [43:17]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And then the movie Bros. What really made you want to tap into the acting part?
- [43:22]
Ms. Lawrence
It all came to me. It fell in my lap. I swear to you, I didn't go after any of it. I did not. Yes, I was a hairstylist for quite some time. And because I was good at it. One of the best. And I don't. And I try to stay as mod as possible, but I was one of the best.
- [43:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Did you do hair shows?
- [43:43]
Ms. Lawrence
I used to do the hair shows. I used to do the hair shows. All of it. And I garnered a very. An extensive clientele. And one of my clients early on was Charade Whitfield from Real Housewives of Atlanta. She was a very close friend of mine, or is a very close Friend of mine, and when they were starting Housewives, she asked me to come on the show with her. I didn't think much about it. I'm like, okay, come on there and do your hair. Okay, cool. Whatever. I do that anyway.
- [44:15]
Carl
Right?
- [44:16]
Ms. Lawrence
And I did it, and I became a fan favorite. So much so that eventually Andy Cohen asked me would I be interested in doing another show. And that show was called Fashion Queens that I did with Bevy Smith and Derek J. That was very successful.
- [44:36]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, my God.
- [44:37]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah. And it was very successful. We ran for three seasons. And during that time, Lee Daniels was a fan of Fashion Queens. He and his partner would watch Fashion Queens. And I met him one day in Los Angeles, and he came and introduced himself to me. And he just said that he was a fan and he loved the show. And for me to tell Bevy Smith, he said hello, because he and Bevy are friends. Fast forward to one day, he reaches out to Bevy, and he's like, someone told me that Ms. Lawrence can sing. And she's like, oh, my God, like a bird.
- [45:12]
Carl
Yeah.
- [45:13]
Ms. Lawrence
And he said, have him record something and send it to me. And I did. I recorded because he was. He was entertaining, doing a movie on Sylvester, who was an iconic disco artist, legend, icon. And so I went to my hotel room that night and I sang one of Sylvester's Almighty Real. And I sent it to baby. And she sent it to him. By that Monday, when I got back home from New York, he called me and he was like, oh, my God, I didn't know you. He said, I'm gonna do something with you. And I was like, okay, great. You know, I didn't think much about it. Let me tell you really quick. Cause I know we're. But it's always been kind of hard for me to get really excited off the bat when it comes to stuff like that, because there's that imposter syndrome. There's those small voices in my head, you know, I guess you would call it trauma or whatever that says, oh, you know, you ain't gonna get but so far. Now calm down. You ain't gonna get but so far. So it would be hard for me to get excited, you know, But I listen. I'm like, okay, great. You know, I can't wait. Fast forward. He reached out. He says, I'm gonna put you on Empire. I'm gonna put you on the first episode, second season. Season of Empire. And I went. I did it. He had me singing Mighty Real on laying on a piano in one of the scenes. I got Invited to the premiere at Carnegie Hall. And when my scene came up, the room went crazy. And because of the response as he was creating the show Star, he created the role for me, Ms. Bruce.
- [46:51]
Carl
Yes.
- [46:52]
Ms. Lawrence
And from that.
- [46:55]
Carl
He.
- [46:56]
Ms. Lawrence
When he was developing a writing The United States vs. Billie Holiday, he said, there is a person that was very close to Billy named Miss Freddie. He said, I think you would be great for that role. He said, but you're gonna have to audition for this one.
- [47:13]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And I said, okay, I got you.
- [47:14]
Ms. Lawrence
No problem. And I studied and I studied and I studied, and I got the job.
- [47:20]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
You did so good.
- [47:21]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you. I got the job. And, you know, that led into the creators of Bros, Billy Eichner and Judd Apatow, all of them, they noticed me. And when they were creating the movie Bros, they reached out to my team and had me to audition for that. And so I got that job. And so it all just kind of fell in my lap. So I didn't have. I never had that period of silence. Yeah, I've always worked. From the time I was my first job, I was 14 years old. I lied on my application and everything to get it done. There's one time you lied that one time. Now that one time I did lie. Cause I wanted that job. I wanted that job at the gumbo shop at the airport because I wanted to buy my own blouses and lip gloss because my mom and them would not buy it. So I had to get me a job so I could buy the stuff that I wanted.
- [48:17]
Carl
Right.
- [48:17]
Ms. Lawrence
And so I did a lot of that time. And so I never had a break. And I love working.
- [48:25]
Carl
Yeah.
- [48:26]
Ms. Lawrence
Same fast forward. So that's how it all fell in my lap. That's how my career just kind of fell in my lap. But it was all about divine order. Right? Because remember, my original passion was the art. I love singing, dancing, da da da da. But I abandoned it because listening to the naysayers, the world was not going to accept me for that. And probably back then, no, but, you know, look where we are.
- [48:54]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Hello.
- [48:55]
Ms. Lawrence
And so I gave the beauty industry 110% of myself. I nurtured that gift. I gave it away. I taught it to seven phenomenal hairstylists that are all very successful right now. And because I did my work and I did my job there, that is the thing that created space and the gift that made room for me to come back to my original passion. Because had it not been for me being good, had it not been for me being unselfish, I don't think I would have made it to a housewives, that led to a fashion queens, that led to Empire, that led to star, that led to United States vs. Billie Holiday, that led to bros, that led to the deliverance. It wouldn't have been any of that. So I, my, my biggest note to people is nurture the gifts that God gave you. Don't be selfish with it. Pour into other people. Because the more you pour, the more you can be filled up. And that is the thing that's going to make room for you. That's going to make room for your gifts, for you to grow in places that you didn't think you were going to be able to go. Because I had no idea. I had no idea. Now the challenging part came when we go into a pandemic.
- [50:16]
Carl
Come on now.
- [50:18]
Ms. Lawrence
And ain't no work.
- [50:19]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Ain't no work.
- [50:20]
Ms. Lawrence
Now I'm sitting at home now. I've always had a very healthy appetite for nice things.
- [50:26]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Me too.
- [50:27]
Ms. Lawrence
Clothes, handbags, jewelry, you know, da, da, da. And I said, okay, ain't no work.
- [50:36]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
How I'm supposed to get my things?
- [50:37]
Ms. Lawrence
How am I get my things? Yeah, I wasn't thinking about bills. Those were still big. Those was, you know, everything was set up on automatic. I'm like, okay, cool. But how am I getting my other stuff? Well, fast forward. It's another year into the pandemic. Still ain't no work. So now I'm concerned about bills.
- [50:55]
Carl
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [50:57]
Ms. Lawrence
Now I'm seeing them little numbers trickle down that I at one point had stacked up so high. Oh ayea, bochete. So high. And I said, okay. So then I got into, you know, I had speaking engagements here and there. Kept the lights on. Great. Come out of the pandemic. Strike. We going to a strike. What you talking about? Strike? Right, strike. What is the work? What are my things? Where is my Alexander McQueen? Where is my Chanel? Where's my Vuitton? Where are all of my silly material things?
- [51:38]
Carl
I need it.
- [51:38]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah.
- [51:39]
Ms. Lawrence
Where is it then? Then Mother's Day of 2023, I woke up to a phone call that my father was not well. Actually, I didn't know it was my father at the time. My sister called and she's really upset. She's like, you got to get here.
- [52:02]
Carl
Yeah.
- [52:03]
Ms. Lawrence
And I get to the house, to my parents house and my father is on the stretcher and they're working on him. And my father, to my knowledge, had always been very healthy. Not one thing wrong with him. He would have been 80 this year. No, he would have been 80. He would be 81 this year.
- [52:20]
Carl
Wow.
- [52:21]
Ms. Lawrence
My daddy was still mowing lawns. He was a workaholic. That's where I know a lot of my work ethics came from. Remember? Going back to my foundation.
- [52:29]
Carl
Yes.
- [52:32]
Ms. Lawrence
Lo and behold, my father passes away abruptly on Mother's Day. God. What part of the plan is this?
- [52:43]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Right.
- [52:44]
Ms. Lawrence
What is going on?
- [52:45]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
What is going on?
- [52:47]
Ms. Lawrence
I now have my mother that I have to take care of her household. I have to help out with, you know, my niece.
- [52:55]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's a lot.
- [52:56]
Ms. Lawrence
Ain't no work. So now I'm not concerned about my things anymore.
- [53:01]
Carl
Yeah.
- [53:02]
Ms. Lawrence
I'm now concerned about making sure my mom and them is okay.
- [53:07]
Carl
Yeah.
- [53:08]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That.
- [53:09]
Ms. Lawrence
You know, that's a different type of pressure. Damn me. I'm gonna be. I'm. Figure it out.
- [53:13]
Carl
Yeah.
- [53:13]
Ms. Lawrence
But now how am I about to do this? You know? And I have always been, since a teenager, late teens, since I've been working, I have always been a lender. God has always blessed me to be a lender.
- [53:33]
Carl
Mm.
- [53:33]
Ms. Lawrence
Not one time had I ever been put in a borrower receipt.
- [53:38]
Carl
Wow.
- [53:39]
Ms. Lawrence
But I have to say that 2023 showed me what it was like to tap into your village, meaning your friends, your chosen family.
- [53:50]
Carl
Yeah.
- [53:51]
Ms. Lawrence
To allow them, as your ointment, to rub on you and heal you, to help protect you. I had to be put in a borrower seat so that I can. So that I have a new awareness about what it means to lend on a whole nother level once I'm placed back into a lending seat.
- [54:18]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
My goodness.
- [54:20]
Ms. Lawrence
And it took a while to get that. And it was. Someone told me that the reason you're still above water and you haven't sinked and you won't is because you spent your entire teenage life into your adult life pouring, depositing into others. At some point, you have to be able to make withdrawals.
- [54:48]
Carl
Yes.
- [54:49]
Ms. Lawrence
And so I have been in a season of withdrawing, Pulling out of my spiritual savings account.
- [54:56]
Carl
Yes. Wow.
- [54:58]
Ms. Lawrence
And so the revelation that the Holy Spirit gave me was, it's not even about money. It's not about the material things. It is about the relationships and the connections and utilizing the vessels that I have placed in your life. That's what it is. And I'm so thankful that I had the. That the experience in 2023, as painful as it was, I'm thankful because my outlook and my optimism on 2024 is unmatched. And I've never been here mentally.
- [55:41]
Carl
Wow.
- [55:42]
Ms. Lawrence
I've never been here and been so more assure of what's Coming. You know, I feel like a whole different type of adult.
- [55:53]
Carl
Yeah.
- [55:54]
Ms. Lawrence
I ain't concerned about that foolishness. I don't keep your bags.
- [55:58]
Carl
Yeah.
- [55:58]
Ms. Lawrence
Keep all of that stuff, honey, because it's not important. God, baby, God showed me that's not important.
- [56:05]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
The same thing happened to me last year during the strike, I think, too. Like, when we. When we start making a lot of money, the things that we've always wanted, it's like, oh, now I can get it. So now we're like, give me that.
- [56:16]
Carl
Give me that, give me that, give.
- [56:17]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Me that, give me that. And then once you buy it, it's like, okay, what else do I want? And then you go get the cars you want, and you're like, what else, honey?
- [56:25]
Ms. Lawrence
Cause let me tell you something. When life happens like it did for me, like it did for us, like it did for a lot of people.
- [56:32]
Carl
Yeah.
- [56:33]
Ms. Lawrence
You sitting at home with all that stuff in your closet, and you can go out and you can fake like everything is peaches and cream, but you so crazy feeling on the inside. And that stuff don't make you feel good.
- [56:48]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
It does not.
- [56:49]
Ms. Lawrence
It does not make you feel good. You might look good. Yeah, you might. I don't look like what I've been through.
- [56:56]
Carl
Right.
- [56:57]
Ms. Lawrence
But that's a gift and a curse, because the more you go out and you don't look like what you going through, and you don't know how to open your mouth until tell people about what you're going through. How you go get help.
- [57:08]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Come on, now.
- [57:10]
Ms. Lawrence
How you go get help.
- [57:11]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's real.
- [57:12]
Ms. Lawrence
I had to unlock another level of vulnerability.
- [57:15]
Carl
Yeah.
- [57:16]
Ms. Lawrence
And transparency with my friends.
- [57:19]
Carl
Yeah.
- [57:20]
Ms. Lawrence
With my closest friends, you know, and now even with strangers, I open my mouth now.
- [57:26]
Carl
Yeah.
- [57:26]
Ms. Lawrence
When I need help.
- [57:27]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yes, you have to.
- [57:28]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [57:29]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love that. And I'm glad you're on the other side of that as well.
- [57:32]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah. God is good.
- [57:33]
Carl
He is so good. He is.
- [57:35]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That strike and that time, it set me down for a minute, and then it made me realize, coming out of it, things I thought were so important and just, like, wanting to look a certain way and, oh, I can get this. And this is what I really want, because I'm into fashion and bags and all the things. And then once I came out of it, I was telling one of my castmates, I was like, you know, I'm not going to wear my money as much. I want to put it in other places. You know, it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I'm like, I'm spending, like, one Year, I literally spent, like, a hundred thousand dollars just in Neiman's alone, baby. And listen, my rep was so happy.
- [58:08]
Ms. Lawrence
He was like, oh, girl, I'm still that Neiman. My Neiman Marcus charge, because I'm still paying that down. I'm like, lord have mercy.
- [58:14]
Carl
Wow.
- [58:15]
Ms. Lawrence
Still paying that down. You know, but, you know, I learned that it's not. It's not what's on you, it's what's in you.
- [58:22]
Carl
Yeah.
- [58:23]
Ms. Lawrence
And if what's in you is. Is right and in alignment with your purpose, the purpose that God gave you, that's gonna always shine brighter than any Rolex, than any label, than anything.
- [58:39]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yep, that's the word. We're gonna leave it on. That one. I love that. So good. No, thank you. So we're gonna do what we call positive outcomes, where the listeners write into us and we give them advice.
- [58:53]
Ms. Lawrence
Okay.
- [58:54]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
All right. So this one says, hey, Crystal, I grew up in the church, and I want to start off by saying, I love God with everything in me. I've always known that I was attracted to women. I'm literally happier than I've ever been with my fiance, who's a woman. Why is it so hard for people to see that you can love God and be gay? It's literally the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. The judgment by the church. I've lost Christian friends just by coming out. I literally fasted and prayed that God would take it away if it wasn't right. I've struggled with my sexuality my whole life. Last year, I came to a crossroads. Whether I should take my own life or live in my truth. While I'm choosing to live in my truth, it's still so hard. Do you have any advice for me on how to navigate my truth and make people accept me for who I am? First of all, thank you so much for writing in. We talked about this. We talked about the judgment of the church and Christians and how they choose certain things that they want to be very harsh on. When it comes to being judgmental and being against. I would say to you, one, do not go into life wanting to make people accept you. You know, you have to know this is who you are. You've prayed and fasted over this. If this is what you feel is for you, then you have to go with that. But you are never going to find happiness seeking acceptance from other people. It doesn't matter what it is.
- [60:18]
Ms. Lawrence
You accept yourself first.
- [60:19]
Carl
Yeah.
- [60:20]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
You have to.
- [60:20]
Ms. Lawrence
You accept yourself first. Know God for yourself, not for. Don't. Don't. Understand God based on what somebody else told you, who God is. Understand them and learn them for yourself.
- [60:32]
Carl
Yeah.
- [60:32]
Ms. Lawrence
And allow him to show up in you, you know, for yourself.
- [60:36]
Carl
Yeah.
- [60:36]
Ms. Lawrence
And then you ask God to place the people in your life that get it. Yeah, that get it. And then you go back when you're strong enough, and then you go back and you teach those. That was ignorant. You know, you go back and teach because that's, that's. That's our job.
- [60:53]
Carl
Yeah, that's good.
- [60:55]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love that. All right, so next thing we're going to do is what I'm going through and what I'm growing through.
- [61:03]
Ms. Lawrence
Okay.
- [61:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
And for me, on this day I woke up, I. I've been very open about this. I'm working on my potty mouth. You know, I have a cussing spirit. And sometimes what I'm working on and the things that I want to, you know, I don't want to talk like that, but sometimes you get around people you're comfortable with. And our video had come out, and I was like, dinora, I was like, is this bad? You know? And she's like, no, it was funny. When you watch the whole video, it is actually funny what I'm saying. But I was like, dang, I want people judging. I started getting the comments like, well, I've never heard her say that word, and I hate that word. And I don't know if I really like her and all these things. I was like, oh, gosh. I was like, did I make a mistake? So for me, it's working on my language and how I talk and express myself, but also not worrying about what everybody else has to say 100%.
- [61:56]
Carl
Yeah.
- [61:56]
Ms. Lawrence
Let me ask you a question. You don't want to curse anymore? Why?
- [62:02]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
One. Because, I mean, I feel like the spiritual journey I'm on right now, I want to feel like I'm completely walking in that, you know, and those are some things I just need to kind of let go of.
- [62:13]
Ms. Lawrence
So let me ask you this, because this is how me and my friend's mom, okay. She. Is it because you. Have you understood the Bible to see say cursing was not right? Because if so, where it in the.
- [62:33]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Bible, the nor is there anywhere in the world where I can't curse, because I know, you know, the Bible only.
- [62:39]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Speaks of cursing as it relates to a curse on someone. It doesn't speak on cussing.
- [62:44]
Ms. Lawrence
There's no such thing.
- [62:46]
Carl
Wow.
- [62:46]
Ms. Lawrence
It's another false teaching.
- [62:48]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
God did not say that.
- [62:50]
Ms. Lawrence
I ain't saying it nowhere.
- [62:52]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, I going to be cussing at people.
- [62:54]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
By the way, there's a difference between cursing and cussing. We say cursing when we're talking about words is cussing.
- [63:01]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Cussing.
- [63:02]
Ms. Lawrence
That's it.
- [63:03]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Cuz. Cursing. Oh, yeah. The cursing is a curse.
- [63:06]
Ms. Lawrence
That's it.
- [63:07]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Cursing.
- [63:08]
Ms. Lawrence
Placing negative pejoratives on people.
- [63:12]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Think you just freed me from what the.
- [63:15]
Ms. Lawrence
You know, speak. Speaking. Speaking on people in a negative way.
- [63:22]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
No, I don't think that that's cursing.
- [63:24]
Carl
Yeah.
- [63:25]
Ms. Lawrence
Cussing somebody may just make them worse. Who said that was bad? Like, you get that from. Why the. You get that from now? Out of respect to my elders.
- [63:38]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah, we not gonna do.
- [63:39]
Ms. Lawrence
Because they're not there. I don't.
- [63:42]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Yeah.
- [63:42]
Ms. Lawrence
My own cuss in front of my mama. You know, I don't. I won't do that.
- [63:45]
Carl
Yeah.
- [63:47]
Ms. Lawrence
But I'm gonna cuss, and I'm gonna cuss you out sometimes. I'm not gonna curse you.
- [63:53]
Carl
Yes.
- [63:54]
Ms. Lawrence
I'm not gonna wish anything bad or ill on you, but I might call you some cuss words. I'm gonna do that. If you cut me off at a light or you do something stupid, you finna be every mfer. You name it, you gonna be all.
- [64:21]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
But I think.
- [64:21]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
I think that, that.
- [64:22]
Carl
That.
- [64:23]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
That, though, is. I love that you asked her that question, because I think that it's a thing of, like, is it because you believe that because of the walk that you're on, there's an expectation of perfection, or is it because you have the conviction?
- [64:40]
Ms. Lawrence
What is perfection?
- [64:41]
Carl
Yeah.
- [64:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
A cancer. That's my therapist. She said because I used to be like, I'm just perfection. Because the Bible says strive for perfection. But she was like, when you're literally trying to be perfect, she was like, it's a cancer.
- [64:51]
Ms. Lawrence
Go drive yourself crazy.
- [64:52]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Crazy.
- [64:53]
Ms. Lawrence
Go drive yourself crazy. Just be honest. Yeah, just be honest. That's it.
- [64:59]
Carl
Yeah.
- [65:00]
Ms. Lawrence
You are a beautiful woman. You speak well. You're smart, you're talented. That's it.
- [65:07]
Carl
Yeah.
- [65:09]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
People closer to God.
- [65:09]
Ms. Lawrence
That's it.
- [65:10]
Carl
Yeah.
- [65:10]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
But I cuss.
- [65:12]
Ms. Lawrence
And you just so happen to cuss.
- [65:14]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
From time to time. What do you say?
- [65:18]
Pastor Darius Daniels
Profanity. And that's a blasphemous language.
- [65:22]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Come on.
- [65:23]
Pastor Darius Daniels
PK Pretty much giving emphasis on something in which you're deterred by.
- [65:28]
Ms. Lawrence
So if you saying.
- [65:30]
Pastor Darius Daniels
Whatever you're saying, it's like, I'm giving emphasis on it, but it's still dictionary. It's a vocabulary word that I can use to show you how strong I am.
- [65:39]
Ms. Lawrence
Thank you. That's what I really need it for.
- [65:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That's all it really came from, like, I'm passionate about this, and I really want you to know what I'm trying to get across.
- [65:46]
Ms. Lawrence
So. Yeah.
- [65:47]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
What about you, Ms. Lawrence? What are you going through and what are you growing through?
- [65:53]
Ms. Lawrence
I am going through a growth spurt right now, and it's not. It's uncomfortable, but in a good way.
- [66:07]
Carl
Wow.
- [66:08]
Ms. Lawrence
Because I have opened up new areas that I've never tapped into in my, you know, in my life that I'm excited about. So I'm growing to, you know, venture into new business arenas, into real estate, into, you know, a deeper level or bigger level of entrepreneurship, all of that. And. And Growing pains comes with that. And the growing pain part is, you know, having to really exercise your faith, which is believing and seeing the things that are not there yet.
- [66:49]
Carl
Yes.
- [66:50]
Ms. Lawrence
You know, but, you know, it's happening.
- [66:53]
Carl
Yeah.
- [66:53]
Ms. Lawrence
And so you just keep walking towards it because you see it. Yeah, you see it. But, you know, in your mind, you don't have. We think the enemy will make us think that we don't have the necessary tools to get there, but it's there. That's the growing pain part.
- [67:11]
Carl
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [67:13]
Ms. Lawrence
But I am. I am growing into a new level of abundance that I am so excited about.
- [67:21]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
We love that word.
- [67:22]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah. You know, because I am now a more aware and responsible individual. I'm. I will now be more responsible with my gifts and my fruit.
- [67:35]
Carl
Yeah.
- [67:36]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Come on, now.
- [67:37]
Carl
Yeah, that's good. I love that.
- [67:39]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Oh, my gosh. I'm taking all that.
- [67:41]
Ms. Lawrence
That's. That's good.
- [67:41]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I needed that. And thank you for helping with that whole cussing. That was good.
- [67:45]
Ms. Lawrence
Now, I'm not telling you to go on Instagram, like, yeah, yeah.
- [67:49]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
As soon as we get out there.
- [67:52]
Ms. Lawrence
But I don't want you, you know, beating yourself up because you might be online and you might say a cuss word here or there. What?
- [67:58]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
We human, right? Yeah, you're right.
- [68:01]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah.
- [68:05]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
So to close it out, we say we fill in the blank of keep it blank, sweetie. And this week, and based on what we've been talking about, I'm going to say, keep it graceful, sweetie. Have grace with yourself and grace with others.
- [68:23]
Ms. Lawrence
Yeah, I'm just. I'm gonna have to say keep it honest.
- [68:28]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
I love that, sweetie.
- [68:29]
Carl
Yeah.
- [68:30]
Ms. Lawrence
Keep it honest.
- [68:31]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
That is it. Oh, my goodness. Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Lawrence. You've been amazing.
- [68:35]
Ms. Lawrence
This was amazing. Thank you. So good.
- [68:37]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Your energy was just phenomenal. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
- [68:41]
Ms. Lawrence
I love this. Yes.
- [68:43]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
All right, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. If you want to write into our open listener letter, please write it to keepitpositivesweetie gmail.com, that is sweetie with an ie. You can follow me on all platforms at lovechrystal. Renee, that's L U V. Crystal. Renee. Ms. Lawrence, tell the people where they can find you.
- [68:59]
Ms. Lawrence
You can find me on all social media platforms at Ms. Lawrence. And that's M I S S. Lawrence.
- [69:05]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Love it.
- [69:06]
Ms. Lawrence
L A W R E N C E. Oh, yeah.
- [69:08]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Let them know. There we go. All right, we'll have that on the bottom too. Make sure you guys tap in with him. Thank you so much, guys. Seriously. In the meantime, in between time, you guys know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie.
- [69:26]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
Heavenly Father, we thank you so much for this moment. Father God, we thank you for bringing us together today. We thank you for bringing Ms. Lawrence and Carl here safely.
- [69:32]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
Lord.
- [69:33]
Heavenly Father (Prayer Speaker)
We just ask, Father God, that you bless this time together, lord. Open up Ms. Orton. Crystal's heart, Father God. So that they can speak openly to the people. Vulnerably to the people, Father God. So that they may receive what you want them to hear, Lord. And we just ask you to guide their tongue, their speech, their hearts, Father God. As they share openly and vulnerably. We thank you for this time together. May it glorify you.
- [69:52]
Crystal Renee Hayslett
In your name we pray. Amen.
- [69:53]
Ms. Lawrence
Amen.