Keep it Positive, Sweetie – “A Series of Yes with Brenda Palmer”

Date: July 30, 2024
Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Brenda Palmer

Episode Overview

This inspiring episode features Crystal Renee Hayslett in conversation with Brenda Palmer—a preacher, podcast host, and leader of the Come Alive movement. Recorded live at the LA-based Black-owned beauty store “13 Loon,” the conversation delves deeply into Brenda’s journey of faith, purpose, and healing, spotlighting her story of radical obedience, the costs and rewards of public ministry, and learning to say “yes” to God through life’s challenges. They unpack topics like public scrutiny, spiritual integrity, honesty, healing after betrayal, the weight of influence, and spiritual convictions—serving up realness with laughter and grace.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Brenda’s Story: From “Series of Yeses” to Book Deal

• How it started: Brenda shares how her path to writing “A Journey of Yes” began with a follower’s question during her Instagram Live. Initially uninterested, she later realized it was a nudge from God, which led to astonishing favor and connections in publishing—all from her faithfulness to say “yes” in small moments.
  • “It’s not the big yes…it’s fruit of decisions over time that says, ‘Okay God, I’m gonna do this, and I’m gonna do this,’ that lead to that moment.” — Brenda (06:10)
• The power of little yeses: Brenda emphasizes obedience to small promptings, which compound over time to open impossibly large doors.

Navigating Public Ministry & Authenticity

• On newfound visibility: Brenda speaks candidly about her discomfort with sudden fame and the importance of staying grounded in service. She rejects the idea of being a ‘celebrity pastor,’ focusing instead on the real impact she has by leading people closer to Jesus.

  • “I don’t consider myself important enough for people to be like, ‘Hey, Brenda!’ I’m socially awkward in that moment. But it’s cool because someone explained: you’ve impacted their life and brought them closer to Jesus—that’s something to honor.” — Brenda (08:14)

• Living faith publicly while imperfect: The vulnerability of faith is explored—how public figures deal with scrutiny, the struggle with perfectionism, and the freedom in embracing imperfection.

  • “If I was perfect, there’s no way people would recognize their need for Jesus…when we try to live and portray perfect lives, we’re doing a disservice to people recognizing they need God.” — Brenda (10:08)

• Crystal’s voice resonates: “It’s hard, like—I feel like I can’t make any mistake, because you’re under the microscope. What would you say to people like me who are on that journey, not perfect, but love Jesus and are vocal about it?” (09:19)

• Response to expectations: Brenda reframes the misconception that believers must be flawless, pointing out progress is the goal—not perfection.

  • “At some point, you have to start making decisions that no longer feed your desires, but feed His desire for you.” — Brenda (12:16)

On Convictions & Controversies (Yoga, Greek Life, & Social Influence)

The Yoga Debate

• Brenda recounts her personal conviction to stop practicing yoga after researching its roots and experiencing physical symptoms. She and Crystal engage in a nuanced, humorous back-and-forth about spiritual practices and personal discernment, underscoring the importance of seeking truth individually.
  • “The actual word yoga means ‘to yoke,’ and they’ll tell you, ‘empty yourself in the process’—well, what are you emptying yourself for?” — Brenda (15:14)
  • Crystal: “For me, I’m thanking God for the movements…I’m not subscribing to this, I wasn’t even thinking about what I could possibly be taking in…” (17:24)

Renouncing Her Sorority

• The viral moment: Brenda’s renunciation of Delta Sigma Theta, discussed first in a sermon and later on social media, sparks church-wide and media debate. She recounts her in-depth research into the spiritual implications of Greek organizations and her decision, which was met with significant pushback—especially from the church.
  • “When you show up to an altar without a sacrifice, you’re the sacrifice. I said, ‘Actually, I will not be.’” — Brenda (47:15)
  • “I feel like God’s given me a grace to communicate hard truths…you’ll at least go check it for yourself.” (46:58)
• Brenda is clear: she’s not pushing an agenda, just sharing her journey and encouraging others to do their own research and seek God.

Healing From Church Hurt & Betrayal

• Brenda shares the deeply personal story of discovering that her romantic partner was involved with her spiritual leader and “spiritual father”, and the devastating fallout—losing community, experiencing isolation, and battling mental health struggles.

  • “The worst thing that could have ever happened to me happened…My entire life revolved around that system. My community, my friends…I had to start over.” (30:40)

• Moving toward forgiveness: She describes the process of choosing compassion, not retaliation, and how honoring others—despite their failings—became foundational in her spiritual journey and set the stage for her current blessings.

  • “As much as I wanted to be angry, I had compassion. That’s where I developed a pastor’s heart—because we are trash, and God doesn’t change on us.” (27:08)

• A word on ‘church hurt’: Brenda clarifies that disappointment with people in the church does not equate to the character of God Himself.

Friendship, Influence & Protecting Your Heart

• As her influence grows, Brenda talks about needing to be wise and discerning about friendships and emotional boundaries.
  • “I always say I live life with a universal side-eye. But, you know, protection is really a prison…Because I’m not allowing people to see or experience the fullness of who I am.” — Brenda (30:12)
• The weight of friendship: Citing Acts 9, Brenda ties the quality of her inner circle to her spiritual well-being, advocating for friends who can lead you to Jesus when you can't see your way yourself.
  • “Would you trust them to lead you to Jesus when you couldn’t see Him yourself?” — Brenda (40:39)

Mental Health, Realness, and God’s Pursuit

• Brenda boldly shares her struggle with depression, anxiety, and even passive suicidal ideation after her traumatic church experience, crediting a persistent friend (Nick) for checking on her daily and embodying God’s relentless love.

  • “Sometimes I live in a cubbyhole, because when I’m going through depression…those are the moments where I feel God the closest.” — Brenda (54:31)
  • “She (Nick) would knock on my door every day…if she didn’t knock on that door, it would have been a wrap.” (58:42–60:23)

• The importance of being honest with God and others about your struggles is a theme throughout.

Listener Letter: Modesty, Social Media, and Faith (Asia Kirkland, 65:28)

• A young woman asks if there can be a balance between being “sexy” and modest as she enters a new phase of faith, and how to handle her influence regarding abstinence.

• Brenda’s advice:

  • Relationship with Jesus is progression, not perfection.
  • “Convictions come according to your calling. Some stuff you can do, I can’t do because of what I’m called to do.”
  • Use a simple rubric: “Is this leading people towards Jesus or away from Him?” (68:01)
  • You are responsible for where you lead people.

‘What I’m Growing Through’ (69:48)

• Crystal shares about learning to balance rest and work, mindful that even God-given assignments shouldn’t exhaust you.
• Brenda discusses “what it means to be set apart” and how God sometimes restricts her from otherwise good opportunities in order to maintain her distinct purpose and anointing.
  • “…You could do it…it’s gonna be great. But your success won’t allow you to recognize when I’m not there.” — Brenda, quoting God’s guidance on not launching a Patreon (72:12)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Obedience:
  • “I can trace every open door back to a yes.” — Brenda (06:08)
• On Leadership and Imperfection:
  • “If I was perfect, there’s no way people would recognize their need for Jesus.” — Brenda (10:08)
• On Walking Away from a Sorority:
  • “The oath says: ‘You’re taking this before the eternal spirit of truth…cannot leave until judgment.’ Who is that? Because Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life…so someone else claiming His name, that’s another god.” — Brenda (46:59)
• On Healing:
  • “I learned how to love people the way God does…as much as I wanted to be angry, I had compassion.” — Brenda (27:08)
• On Friendship:
  • “Are the people around you people you’d trust to lead you to Jesus when you can’t find Him for yourself?” — Brenda (40:39)
• God’s Assurance:
  • “The attacks are not toward Brenda. The attacks are on what Brenda carries. If I take Brenda out, what she’s supposed to carry never makes it.” — Brenda (62:54)
• On Being Set Apart:
  • “I can’t do what everyone else can do…He said, ‘Your success won’t let you recognize when I’m not there.’” — Brenda (72:20)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Brenda’s background & journey to her book – 01:19–06:08
• Public faith & perfectionism – 09:00–13:13
• The yoga conversation – 13:19–19:07
• Calling, church hurt and betrayal story – 20:28–34:17
• Friendship, boundaries, and influence – 34:49–42:03
• Renouncing her sorority & spiritual implications – 42:07–52:09
• Mental health and God’s pursuit – 54:53–62:12
• Listener Letter (Balancing modesty/sexy, social influence) – 65:28–69:48
• What I’m Growing Through (Crystal & Brenda) – 69:48–73:32
• Episode close: “Keep it ____ sweetie” – 73:41–74:27

Closing Words: “Keep It Honest, Sweetie. Keep It Spirit-Led, Sweetie.”

Crystal and Brenda close with encouragement to “keep it honest, sweetie” and “keep it spirit-led, sweetie”—summarizing an episode full of raw self-reflection, faith, and real talk about the joys and costs of saying yes to God.

Where to find Brenda Palmer:

• IG/TikTok/YouTube: @ambrendapalmer
• Podcast: Life in Perspective
• Events: comealivecollective.com

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett (@lovechrystalrenae)