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- [00:10]
A
Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. This edition is Positiva Tea, where you ask the questions and I provide the answer. And a little tea. So let's get into it, shall we? So our first question is, how do you feel knowing that people travel and come to church hoping that they will meet you and that some people have even followed you after church? I'mma say this, I do not feel like church is the place for anybody to be coming to see anybody except for God. That's the only person you need to be coming to see when you come to the church house. And I feel like, in a way, it's playing with God. Like, I don't play. That's my sacred time with him, you know? And people don't understand. Like, when people do stuff like that, especially to people in my sense situation, it can make people not want to come to church. I know a lot of celebrities that don't come because of those very reasons. They don't feel safe. And I did hear about that. I heard that somebody followed me after church, and it was very disturbing. And I don't want anybody. I want people to come because they see a light on me and they want to be fed where I'm being fed. Eva Marcel and I had an episode together, and she'd asked me, I want to come to church with you. And I was like, absolutely, but what made you ask me to come to church? And she was like, you just got a light on you, and I wanted to be fed where you were being fed. That's what I want. Like, I don't want to hide where I'm going to church, because I want to bring as many people as I can to God, but I don't want people coming just so they can meet me. And that is such a vulnerable space. When I'm in church, I'm at one with God. I'm trying to draw closer to him. And I've had people come up to me, asking me questions, wanting to take pictures, telling me how much the podcast means to them. And sometimes you don't know what a person is going through spiritually. And even when I'm leaving church, sometimes hours after church, I'm still encountering God, and sometimes that's an interruption of that moment. And I. And I say this because I appreciate every single one of you that watch me, that support me, that watch this podcast, that watch anything that I do when I say with my whole heart, I love you guys so much. And I know that none of this would be possible without Your love and support, and I don't take that for granted. But at the same time, I don't take my walk with God lightly. And when I'm in that vulnerable space and submitting myself to him and trying to really hear his word and what he's saying to me from whatever Pastor Darius Daniels is preaching, I'm literally like right there with God. And I've been in tears. You witnessed this. Literally in tears, like having a whole moment. It's like church is just. It was amazing. Every Sunday is amazing. But this day I was having an encounter with God and a girl came up to Jenora and was like, what? She said like, is that crystal or can I. No, tell her.
- [03:42]
B
She just went up to you. Like we turned around, cuz I was covering.
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A
You were covered Me praying over you? Yes.
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B
And like we finished, like, and mind you, we were there for like 30 minutes.
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A
Yes. And.
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B
And you are like, we're about to go to our seat.
- [03:54]
A
Yes.
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B
And like she just stops you and it's like, oh my God, can I get a hug?
- [03:58]
A
And I was like, yeah, it was like a hey girl. And I'm like, yeah, you see, I'm like, it's read the room. Like it's some moments where I just don't feel like people read the room. And I just want to say, like, when it comes to church, I do not play about that. I don't play about my relationship, I don't play about my, my where I'm trying to get with God. And I'm really on this journey, y', all, where I am fragile, I'm vulnerable, God is breaking down walls in me. And when that is happening, I just feel like there's a boundary that needs to be kept. You know what I'm saying? And it's scary, you know, like now I had to literally like think, okay, should I. Do I need to leave church early? Do I need to drive a different car? Now I'm like thinking of like security things when I just want to go to church, you know what I'm saying? Like thinking about, okay, if I go to brunch, I want. It's a, There's a black owned brunch spot that's like right down the street that I love to go to and I like to support people, you know. But now I had to think, okay, if I post where I am, then they're going to start coming here, you know? You know, and it's just crazy. So that even goes back to somebody asking you, asking me, is it different when I Go out in public. Now, when they said that people were coming to church just to see me and hoping to. That they would sit out in the parking lot, and if I posted that I was in church, then they would come in hoping to get a picture with me. Don't do that. Don't. And even like asking people to take pictures in church, I just don't feel like that's the place for that.
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B
It's just not the place. I think that, like, people, there's. It's like this, to your point. Like, we love and appreciate.
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A
Yes.
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B
You love and appreciate you. Right. And that you mean so much. And that to your point, the platform, this. What this podcast means.
- [05:57]
A
Yes.
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B
So there has to be sort of like a respect for what church is in general.
- [06:04]
A
Yes.
- [06:05]
B
Like, this is a place where the weak come to get strong. This is a place where you go to be replenished. And you said it so beautifully when you said you are interrupting.
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A
Yes.
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B
A moment where God could, like, could.
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A
You imagine Crystal being in the midst.
- [06:24]
B
Of receiving revelation and. And being poured into. And getting a word from God and getting the. The spiritual hump that she needed from her father? And you'll come up and you're like, can I get a picture?
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A
It's crazy.
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B
Like, you just have to. I think that there's a part of you in your faith that you have to allow to believe that God will create an opportunity, an appropriate opportunity for you guys to meet.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Like, trust me, we're going to do a live show soon.
- [06:51]
A
We are in the works.
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B
And meet and greets will absolutely happen. That is the appropriate.
- [06:58]
A
Yes. And even if you see me out, like, I love it and y', all, I'm the type of person. This is how I know it's. I just don't play about God. You can see me anywhere else. You can tell me, oh, my God, my mama loves you. I'm like, call her. I'm that type of person. I'm like, call her. And then your mama answer the phone. I got no makeup on. I get my wig on. Like, I've literally had people call their mom. I do it all the time. Time. Because they're such a fan of, like, my mom just loves you. Or can I get a picture? I don't anywhere else. I'm going to give it to you because I appreciate you guys so much. Just have respect for the house of the Lord, because in that space, it is not about Crystal. It is about God. And I don't. I don't want it to even be about Me don't like if you come, it's because you want to. I want to see where she's getting fed. I actually love the way Pastor Darius Daniels preaches to me. I love how I feel when I walk into change church. I. That's what I want you to come for. Not in hopes to see or meet me. And I hope this is received in the right way. Because if you see me anywhere else, by all means, please come up. But when I'm at church, just respect that. That is a moment where I am really actively pursuing God. You know what I'm saying? Like, getting up and driving to church is me saying, God, I'm going to get up. I can easily watch it from home and not have to worry about none of that.
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B
Yes.
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A
But it's not the same.
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B
It's not the same.
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A
Forsaken the assembly. I got to get into the house.
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B
It's not the same. And I think. I think that there's something to be.
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A
Said about.
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B
When you admire and respect someone. I think part of that admiration is respect, disrespect of their boundaries. And so you're not saying don't ever come up to me. You're just saying, please respect my time at church.
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A
Yeah.
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B
That's not the place.
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A
Yeah, right.
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B
And to your point earlier, if that's what you're coming for, you have to check your intentions. Like, you have to check if you're coming into the house of the Lord that.
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A
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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B
If you are coming to the house of the world because you want Chris to meet Crystal, you have made Crystal your idol.
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A
Mm. Don't do that, child.
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B
And what does that. What does God say about that?
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A
Mm. Mm. Have no other idols before me. Do not do that. I'm a jealous guy. He don't play about that. Yeah, and I ain't. I' ma look, you dick. Which one's closer? This one. Do not idolize me. Mm, mm. You can look up to me, you can be inspired by me, but do not idolize me. I'm telling you right now, don't do that. Cause I'm human. I might let you down, but he won't. And I'm gonna say that. Do not do that. Mm. Mm.
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B
Conclusion. Respect my space.
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A
Respect my space. You know what I'm saying? Cause I went to fire night and I'm up there with everybody. I didn't know who I was next. So I'm high fiving people looking me in the eye. Talk to your neighbor like, I'm gonna do that. You know what I'm saying I'm not. Where I'm like, I'm not gonna touch. Don't touch. I'm not that girl. Like, I'm gonna engage with people, but it's the right space and the right time.
- [10:09]
B
That's also the humanity that we love about you. Right. That, like, this is your moment where you're not Crystal from I got two of my own shows. Right. You're not Crystal who has a significant platform with kids. You're not Crystal who you see on your favorite television shows doing an interview.
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A
I'm Crystal guy's baby Crystal. God's child in that room. Yeah.
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B
The same way that you have come to be fed.
- [10:39]
A
I just want to be fed. That's it.
- [10:43]
B
People talk about, like, oh, celebrities, they act so stuck up. They don't do this. They don't. I'm showing up.
- [10:49]
A
Yeah.
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B
As me.
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A
Literally as me. Yeah.
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B
Wanting to walk out. Brandy.
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A
Yes. Dying daily trying to get ready for the next week. Like, come on now. That was good. Because you're making Crystal your idol. Yes. That's scary.
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B
That is scary. That's scary. That's scary.
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A
My goodness.
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B
Could you imagine you wake up with the intention of going to the house of God to meet someone on television?
- [11:22]
A
Yeah. No, that's crazy.
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B
The house of God.
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A
Because if you, like, I wouldn't even.
- [11:34]
B
Be mad at you if you were like, yo, I saw Crystal posted that she was at whatever restaurant.
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A
So, yeah, who cares? She likes to wait. I'll go help him. Maybe I'll never run into it. That's different.
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B
But the house of God.
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A
And then follow me from the house of God to lunch. That is Raven Simone.
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B
That's scary.
- [11:56]
A
Yeah. So I'm grateful for my church buddies, Marquise and Rayonda Keith. Keith's high on me and just make sure I feel safe. They saw me running out of church one Sunday and they were like, girl, you jetted out of here. And I was like, because it's uncomfortable. It's really uncomfortable. Like, I wanted to stay in this space and knowing, like, somebody is running up from the back to try to get to me. It's scary. Yeah. I know. You do not. But I really be thinking that, like.
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B
I'm 6 foot 5 and 900 pounds.
- [12:34]
A
But inside you are. Yeah. So you might be able to do some damage. Like a 6, 5 period. The real new York. Oh, my gosh. Okay, let's get to the next question. I'll be 28 on 12 1. Dating has been terrible. I'm at a point where I want to Give up. Need advice, child? You're 28. Listen, I think I was 26 when I thought it was all over and I had given up on love. But you have so much more living to do. So don't get caught up on the dating world. It's hard, and the older you get, it's going to get even harder. So I would say focus on yourself right now. Love is going to come. The right guy is going to come. I think the more that you put attention on finding the right guy and being in a relationship, the harder it's going to be to find it. So just focus on the things that you love, your passions and things that make you happy, and the right man will come along. Okay, when Crystal isn't feeling her best, what is your go to gospel song? Huge fan right now. My favorite gospel song is Corinne Hawthorne's look at God. I literally play this song at least once a day. My brother and I did a car chronicles on this song because I just love it so much. It reminds me of God's faithfulness. It reminds me that he has never left me alone. And every time I turn around, as the song says, there's more blessings and look at God. So that would definitely be my favorite song right now. What did you study in college? I studied mass communications with an emphasis in public relations and a minor in sociology. How do you feel about dating someone younger than you and he's already mature? Child, I must say, for the past five years, I've dated younger than me. I don't know. It's just something about a mature, younger guy keeps me youthful. So I definitely. I'm not against it, but what I have found is that eventually their age catches up to you. So you'll start to realize they may be mature in certain areas, but they're not mature in all areas. Is there anything you would tell your younger self to be more patient with? Good question. I think I would tell my younger self, don't rush trying to get where you feel like you want to go. Enjoy the moment, be present. I think I missed out on so many moments because I was in such a rush to get to my dreams or to get married or find the right guy. I had all these different ideas of where I wanted to be that I wasn't being present. So that's one thing I would definitely tell my younger self. And to be patient with yourself. How does your days out differ now that more people recognize who you are? Oh, my goodness, y'. All. So it took me a minute to realize that I was Famous and that people recognized me. My manager, Dinora, I'll tell her, hey, I'm about to run into the store real quick. She's like, you're not going in there by yourselves. I'm like, why not? Like, nobody's gonna bother me. And then we get in the store and it's like people are like, peeking behind shelves, like, can we get a picture with you? So it definitely is awkward at times because I forget. I think I'm just crystal, you know, I've lived my whole life moving the way I move and to have to start making adjustments is definitely different. What is your favorite color in food? My favorite color is black. Y' all make so much fun of me because I wear black all the time. I love the color black because it goes with everything. And my favorite food would have to be Italian food. I love Italian food. I'm not a big leftovers person, but I will eat Italian food. Leftovers. It's always good the second day. How many tattoos do you have? So I have this angel tattoo right here. It is actually a cover up. It was my first tattoo. I had gotten my mother's name, Helen, in my handwriting tattooed on my wrist, and I jumped because it hurt so bad. This is a very tender area to get a tattoo, so I end up getting it covered up with angel wings and a halo. I lost my mother at the age of two, so this is something that I look at daily and remember her. So that's one. I have music notes behind my ear. I have love on my middle finger. This was initially inspired by Rihanna when she had the love tattoo. And it means peace and love, or F, love, just depending on the day. Just being honest. Then I have carpe diem in Arabic on my side. I have tattoos. I think like six or seven tattoos in total. Let's see. Do you want children? If so, have you considered freezing your eggs? So I have a friend that, like, literally hits me every birthday and reminds me that I'm getting old and that I need to freeze my eggs. I'm like, girl, if you don't leave me alone, I'll do it when I feel like doing it. I used to put so much pressure on myself about having children because I felt like I was getting older. Society, like, literally pushes it down your throat that you're getting older and the older you get, you're not going to be able to have children. So for a long time, I did put a lot of pressure on myself. I have not gotten my eggs frozen yet. It is something I think about But I also want to keep hope that if it's in the car, Smee God will let it happen naturally. So at this point in my life, I'm not focused on it. It's not something I'm like, oh, I want to have kids. And that I'm in a hurry to do, but the thought has crossed my mind to freeze my eggs. How do did you deal with body dysmorphia? I'm struggling to love and accept myself. For me, this is good. I struggle with it. It was mainly because of this phone, really. It was mainly because of this phone that I had body dysmorphia, because I was getting on Instagram every day, seeing all these girls with a perfect body that wasn't real. But you couldn't tell me that. I didn't know at that point. I didn't know that there was apps that you could, like, contour your body and make you look perfect until you start seeing people in real life and be like, oh, you don't look anything like you do in your pictures. And then that's when I realized this wasn't a real thing. And a lot of times body dysmorphia comes from comparison. Or for me, at least, that's what it was. I was comparing myself to other women for what I thought men wanted and looking at myself thinking, well, I don't look like these girls. And you start to feel bad about yourself. What I would do is look at yourself every morning and say that I am beautiful the way I am and I love myself the way God made me. Now, there are things that you could do, you know, to look better by working out or eating a healthier diet. You know, there's things that you could do to make your body look the best that it can look, but never feel like your body isn't good enough the way God created. Because everybody, if everybody looked the same, then it'd be a very boring world. So you're perfect the way you are. How do you chase dreams if you have very, very low self esteem, what steps or advice would you give? This is a really good question. Honestly, you can't. I feel like until you have the confidence to know that you can do what you set your mind to, you won't be able to set out and do it. So you have to work on yourself first. Do the self work and then figure out what it is that you want to work towards. And once you build that confidence up to know that, hey, this is what I want to do and I can do it, you're going to be fine. Is it normal to feel nervous about starting therapy? I'm on an emotional roller coaster, ma'. Am. Yes. I'm telling you right now. I started therapy last year, and it didn't work out for me. I was like, this isn't for me. One, because I was scared to open up. I wasn't being honest with the therapist because I really didn't feel that trust with her. It wasn't until this year that I found someone that I could completely let my guard down with and just be honest with. And that's when I started to get help. So I would say the first thing you need to do is find somebody that you trust, talk to you, try. I mean, you can date therapists, not date them, but, like, you can literally, like, see, okay, who fits me? Like, who do I connect the most with? Find that person and then stick with that person. Because if you don't have that connection with them, you're never going to grow the way you need to, at least to the maximum potential that you have to grow. I want to know what helps you with your walk with God and reading the Bible. Honestly, the thing that helps me with my walk with God is knowing and experiencing the mercy of God and his grace. I have done things that I've been ashamed of, things that I've been guilty of, and carry that guilt and shame. And to see how God continues to show his love just draws me closer to him. And as far as reading the Bible, I had talked about this on my. One of my stories that Country Wayne, when I did an episode with him, he had talked about how he had read the Bible seven times, and he was on his eighth trip through the Bible. And I was like, oh, my goodness, I haven't made it through one time. So I was going through a really dark season. And I think sometimes in those seasons is when God really tugs at you. And I had just had this conversation, and I was like, you know what? I want to read the Bible. I don't want to just talk to God. I don't want to just walk with him. I really want to know and live his word. So that's what inspired me. And the thing that keeps me going is his grace and mercy. Hey, my libra sis, tell me what you use on your skin. It's always glowing. Well, thank you, Ms. Robinson. Well, I use Kiehl's facial wash. I use this serum by Lancome at nighttime. In the daytime, I'm telling you, I'm gonna post about it because it literally has changed my skin. It is so good. It has hyaluronic acid in it. Game changer. I use Tatcha's rice polish, which is a really light exfoliant that I love to use, which helps give you the glow that you want. And I use Sunday Riley CEO glow, so those would be like my top things. And moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. I use Kiehl's ultra facial moisturizer. I just want to check in on you. How have you been coping recently? I love you. Oh, you know what? Only a few people ask me how I am doing and I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Mercy Lee. You know, I'm doing good. I'm doing good and I am taking things one day at a time. Letting God take the lead, just following him and letting him order my steps. Learning to let go of being in control of everything. I'm in a season where I'm not in control. So I have no, no choice but to let God take the lead in this season. So that's how I'm doing. I'm doing good though. Thank you for asking. How do you deal with negative vibes from close friends? We don't do bad vibes over here. That's. It's a non negotiable. But no, I, I don't deal with it. For me, if I'm feeling some negativity coming on, I do like to ask people, hey, what's going on? I'm. I'm sensing this. How are you feeling? Because I'm big on energy, so I can I clock it immediately when something's not right with people that I especially I care about. So if you're my friend, I'm already gonna be in tune with you and how you normally are. So I'm gonna ask you first. But if it's something that continues to happen and you can't shake it, then I may start to put some distance between us until you can figure that out on your own. Because life is too short, you know, and everybody's going through something. But your mindset and maintaining a positive attitude is what's gonna help push you through. So yeah, no bad vibes over here. Hi, Chris. I'm moving for the first time by myself out of state. What advice would you give me? This is good because I did this. When I graduated college, I left Martin, Tennessee. I went to Washington D.C. which is a huge move night and day from where I'm from. Like, literally, we speak and we wave at people when we pass them in the car. Like we can literally be driving down the road and you wave at people, we walk past them, you speak, you get to D.C. and I'm like, you would have thought I had horns growing out of my head because I spoke to somebody. So it was a big adjustment. So what I would say is when you move, learn to learn your environment, you know, that's the first thing I would say. Keep your head on a swivel. I'm not sure where you're moving from and where you're moving to, but know your surroundings, find a good community, find a good church home. And I would say to make sure that wherever you go that you have a good foundation and stay in touch with your family. For me, it was always going back home and keeping my roots intact and making sure that I didn't forget where I came from. So that would be the advice that I would give you, and best of luck. How do you balance pouring into people without draining your cup dry? Oh, child, this is good. You know what? I honestly feel like there was a point in my life where I felt like my cup was being dried because I was looking for reciprocation from the people that I was pouring into. But once I realized that it's not always about who you're pouring into, you're going to. It's going to come back. It always comes back. When you put out good and do good for others, it's going to come back. But sometimes you can think your cup is running dry and you're running low because of the people that you're pouring into. You're not seeing that giving back to you. So I'm not sure if that's your situation, But I would say that continue to give out of the goodness of your heart. If you do feel like people are taking advantage of you, then you have to be cognizant of that. But I would continue to give and know that it's always going to come back to you and your cup will always be full and it'll always flow over. Do you have a favorite book of the Bible? If so, which one is it and why exactly that book? I was just telling Denorah this. I love the Book of James. It gives so many life lessons, especially when you're going through trials and tribulations. It's such a good book to go to. I went to this church. I was going to Passion City. I was going to Passion City at the time, and Pastor Louie Giglio had us do a whole study. The whole church had to literally study the Book of James. And we Broke it down and it was such a life changing month for us. But I would have to say the book of James. Let's see. Why is your faith walk with Christ so important to you? Especially with many not willing to acknowledge God publicly? Great question, Crystal Tesh. Good question. You know what? For me, like you said, people are not willing to acknowledge him publicly. For me, especially in my industry, a lot of people don't acknowledge him, you know, behind closed doors. They have faith and they have a religion and they believe in whatever they believe in, but they don't talk about it publicly. For me, God has been too good for me not to talk about it. You know, like I just, I'm telling you like where I come from and just to look around and see everything that God is doing in my life and the people that I'm close to in their lives, who am I not to give him the praise? Who am I not to talk about him? This is like the best thing that's ever happened to me. When you're in a relationship and you meet somebody, what's the first thing you're going to do? You're going to be telling everybody, right? Exactly. You meet this fine man, like you want to tell everybody. You can see the people you only know. Girl, I met this guy and I really think he the one. Why wouldn't I do that at the guy who's been the most consistent person in my life? So that's why I think it's important. I don't know why people shy away from it, but I definitely am not the one to do that. I'm gonna let you know. Book recommendations. One of my favorite books is the Alchemist. I'd be remiss if I didn't say Activate your Greatness by my friend Alex Toussaint. What's another book? I love Will by Will Smith. That was a great book. I love reading books that tell stories about people who I admire just to learn what they went through to get to where they are today. The Four Agreements was a good book. And Five Love languages. That was a good one because especially when your relationships are trying to find love, it's important to know how to love your partner. And sometimes that doesn't look like the type of love that you want. So that was a really good book as well. How do you find the time for yourself when everybody is always needing you for something? Good question. You know what? I think it's important to carve out time for yourself because you can get burnout really quick if all you're Doing is making sure everybody else is good. You have to make sure you're good as well. For me, I go to the gym, I work out. That's my time. I put my headphones on, I listen to my music, and I don't even want to be interrupted. Like, it really bothers me when people come up to me in the gym and you see I got my headphones on. But you want to have a conversation like, this is my time. It's a part of my therapy as well. Outside of my actually therapy sessions with my therapist. I love hot yoga. That's another way for me to disconnect because you can't have phones in there. And for that hour, I know that I can just focus on crystal and my well being. In the morning, I take time, I pray, I read my Bible, I meditate, I journal. These are all things that I can. That you as well can do to make time for yourself.
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B
So.
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A
So you can't pour from an empty cup. So you gotta definitely pour into yourself one day. Can we get an album for you guys? Everybody keeps asking me this. I love music. I love to sing. I'm singing all day. Like anybody who's around me, I'm gonna be singing. But when I moved to Atlanta, I was pursuing music. And I feel like I'm finally living out my true passion in acting. And I love music. I would love to do musicals, I would love to do Broadway, maybe one day. But I don't want to like actually do an album. I thought about it even in the strike. I was like, maybe I should put out a little EP or something. And I was like, I don't know. You know, I've had people call me and ask me, let's do some work. But it has to really be the right moment. It has to be with people that I'm inspired by. Has to be good energy. So I'm not gonna say never, but it would have to be on my terms and it would definitely be like an independent route. I would wanna have full control of it and have fun with it. Cause sometimes when you get under these big labels, you lose the creativity and then it's not fun anymore. So I'll never say never. But not today. We'll see. If you could redo any moment of your healing journey, what would it be? Mm, that's a good question. I guess it would be when I first started therapy if I could redo that part and maybe not redo it because now I'm with the right therapist, but I would have been more honest Because I was not honest with her. Like there was so many things that I was not willing to share because I just didn't feel comfortable sharing it. But I do feel like if I had to change anything, I would have tried to be more honest in that moment to possibly get further in my healing process. What's your go to strategy for fighting self doubt? It's been a major block in my productivity. You know what, I did a movie where I played the first lady and I sang I can't talk about it, but you know what I'm talking about. And there was so many amazing singers in this film and I was recording with the CEO of the Recording Academy, Grammy winning producers. And I don't feel like I'm the best singer in the room. You know, I know I can sing, but like you put me up against some other people and I'm like, I can't do what they can do. And I remember walking into the studio really kind of doubting myself and just like, lord, just let me hit the notes, let me sound good, let me impress them. I hope they like me, I hope I do a good job. I hope I don't get cut. And ended up being one of the producers and the actual producers of the movie. It ended up being one of their favorite songs of the soundtrack. And I remember that moment. I really, I knew I could sing and I, I walked in and did the job. And it had been so long since I had been in the studio. So I had all these feelings of self doubt going through my head. But once I got in there and they were like excited, I was like, okay, Crystal, you got this. Stop thinking that. Don't compare yourself to anybody. And that's what I was doing. I was literally comparing myself to all these amazing singers that were also in the film. And that was stealing the joy in that moment. So I had to put that out. And it was such an amazing experience after I let go of that self doubt. When dating, how do you know when his concerns about me are valid or when he is insecure? That's good. Honestly, I feel like insecurities show up in how they present it to you. You know, you can kind of tell like the way a man, if he continues to bring up something, whether it's really about how it made him feel or if it's something that he's really not comfortable or insecure about with his own situation. I have had situations where I've dated a guy and my success may have been an insecurity where it wasn't in the beginning, but eventually it ended up being one. But then you have situations where your guy expresses and communicates to you in a healthy way and says, hey, babe, this is bothering me, or, hey, babe, you think we could do this a little different? That's not an insecurity. That's him letting you know, hey, this bothers me. Because we all have those situations where something bothers us and we want to express it to our significant other. But I feel like it's a way to tell your partner what's bothering you. But you can tell between when it's like a valid point or it's coming up because it's an insecurity. At least for me, I can. You said that you're on a healing journey. What was the painful yet beautiful thing that you had to do? Oh, that's a good question. Hey, Jade. I just realized. Who wrote this. Hi, Jade. On this journey, I feel like being honest with myself, being transparent about my past with my therapist has been the hardest yet most beautiful thing. Because when you start unpacking what you've been through, a lot of times as a child, you don't even realize the detriment and how, like, bad some of these things were that you went through until someone starts to explain it to you. So I feel like that's the hardest part, but the most beautiful part is realizing that you are healing past it and that you're able to forgive those people, you know, without holding on to some of those memories. That was a really good question, Jade. I lost a parent when I was six months. It affects me. Did your mom passing affect you? It did. I was 2 years old when my mom passed, and I. At that age, you don't really remember. Just like you. You were six months. You don't remember the moment. You just hear the memories of what people have told you. But as you grow up, there is something about having your biological mother or father in your life. And you start to wonder, I wonder what this would be like if they were here. I wonder what she would be like. I wonder what my life would be like. I wonder what our relationship would be like. You grow up with so many questions that you'll never have the answer to because you never get to experience them. And for me, I definitely deal with that. It's crazy because people are like, well, you were young. You don't remember that. Like, if I could, I could understand. If you were older and lost your mom, then that's different. But it's not, you know, it's not any different to Lose your mother or father at a younger age or an older age, it's still a loss, you know? And sometimes I feel like at least you got to experience your mother or father for the kids who actually got to experience them for the time that they were here, versus never getting to experience them. So I'm praying for you, because I know that is difficult. And some days you're good, and then other days you start to have questions. When feeling down, what are some things you do to help yourself get out of that space? I have a good friend, Nina, Nina Simone Wright. She is a hoot, y'. All. Like, I could call this girl anytime, any day, and she's gonna make me laugh. So anytime I'm feeling down, that's one thing that I can do. I also like to go sit at the bar at one of my favorite restaurants. I ain't gonna let y' all know. Cause y' all be trying to pop up where I be. Let me sip some tea. You know, I like to go eat by myself sometimes. Drink my favorite little lemon drop martini. Drink my little lemon drop martini and enjoy me a nice steak. And, you know, just sit with my other single friends at the bar. That's something I like to do. And I call my nephew. I have a. He's about to be two years old, I call him. And that little boy, he doesn't pay me any attention when I FaceTime him. He's running around trying to show off. Look if I can shoot the ball. But talking to him, I pretty much talk to him every day. And he lifts my spirits so much. Shout out, Hendrix. How do you patiently wait for the mate God designed for you? That's good. What's your name? Shay. Shay, That's a really good question. I had said this before you. Sometimes we get so caught up in God. When are you going to bring my man? Like, I'm so tired of doing this by myself. I want to be with somebody. I want a companion. I'm not supposed to be in this alone. And I finally reached a point in my life where I'm okay with whatever God has for me. I am. I genuinely am. And I've learned to be okay with being by myself. But if God does bring someone I know, with everything that I've had to go through, Lord, please let them be designed for me. Because as long as I've had to wait, I need you to bring them ready. Okay? That is what I am praying for in this day. And, Shay, I hope that happens for you, too. But I would say just stay Patient and know that if it's in the car shoe, it's gonna happen. But I'm telling you, the longer you just focus on that, it's only gonna drive you crazy. I know it did for me because I would be in here sad, like, for real sad, thinking, God, where is my man? So just don't fixate on that right now. Just enjoy your life. You are a beautiful girl or woman. And God's going to bring somebody just for you. I know he will. On a first date, do you drive your own car or do you let him pick you up? Honestly, it depends on who it is. I know on one first date that I had, he was an out of town guy. So I had my driver get him and then he got me because I knew we were going to go out to eat. And I don't do drinking and driving. I do not. I don't promote that at all. So I always like to make sure I have safety first. But most of the time, I would say meet them there in my own car. Because if it's a bad day, girl, you want to leave. So, yeah, I would say drive your own car. And then you just don't want anybody knowing where you live either. So drive your own car, meet him there, see how it goes. And then eventually, if you feel safe enough, then you can have him come pick you up like an honorable man should. But yeah, meet him there, girl. Cause if it's bad, you want to be able to dip. How do you navigate your anxiety through this strike? That's a good question. I've had my moments. And I've shared it with Jenora, my manager. She'll call me like, ooh, girl, I almost slipped today. Like, I had my moments of like, oh, God, when is this going to be over? You know? And every time I have a moment of doubt, God provides or he sends a sign that, hey, I got you. What are you worried about? And one thing that Delaina. Delaina Denor Delaina, my therapist told me, is that you have everything you need and you lack nothing. And when I took on that mantra and then just to know that as I'm studying the word of God, that everything God promised to me, no matter what, he's going to keep his promise. So why am I worried? So I started to actually practice the scriptures that I'm studying every day. And that has helped me through my anxiety. I'm happy to say that I have not had any anxiety attacks since I started therapy. I expressed to you guys my first one and I haven't had another one since then, so I'm grateful for that, but thank you for asking that. What advice do you have for someone who self sabotages? Listen, I feel like self sabotaging comes from a feeling of unworthiness. And when you don't feel like you deserve something, you'll mess it up yourself, you know, and we've got to get out of that mindset. We have to know that we are worthy, that we deserve whatever it is that we're going for. Sometimes we miss out on a really good thing, whether it's relationships with good friends, whether it's relationships with significant others that you're maybe dating, or opportunities, you kind of sabotage yourself out of it because you don't feel like you're good enough. If we get outside of that, you'll realize that you'll probably stop self sabotaging yourself. What's been your favorite episode to record? Ooh, I got so many. It would have to be the Country Wayne episode. That was a good episode. Wayne is very insightful, he's funny, and I think we all saw a side of Wayne that we had never seen before. At least you guys commented that you had. So I would definitely say that's my favorite one so far. A very. Make sure you go back and watch it if you haven't. I watch all of them. They're all great. What has changed about you since you've gotten closer to God? That's a great question. I think the biggest thing that has changed about me is, honestly, a lot of things have changed. The type of music I listen to, I'm really conscious of what I allow into my body. We don't even realize that the things that we see, the things that we hear, how much they influence us in our decisions. And sometimes we don't even know that it's influencing us so much. So I would say that it's also allowed me to be more. Allowed me to give more grace to people, you know? And my friend Nina, who I just talked about earlier, she said to me, she's like, girl, you. You so patient with people. And I think I have gained an ability to see people for where they are. And sometimes you can tell, like, you're not a bad person, you're just in a bad space right now, or I actually know where you are because I've been there. And that allows me to give people grace, to find their own way. So I think that's the one thing that's happened to me since I've grown closer to God. Let's see how do you forgive people when you haven't received an apology? Well, I'm going to take a sip on that because my pastor just preached on this and he said, go in and forgive them. You know why? Because sometimes you're not going to get that apology and that's okay. And a lot of times forgiveness is not about the other person. It's about your own self healing. And when he said that, I said, ah, yes, baby. I said, that's it. It's about your own self healing. And when you can get over whatever the person did without receiving an apology. Because some people are just not going to own up to what they've done. And that is okay. Let them do. But don't allow that to ruin your heart for other people. Don't allow that to even harden your heart towards them. You know what? Pray for them. Wish them well. Forgive. You don't have to forget because you're not going to forget. You're never going to forget what someone did to you. But you can always forgive them for your own heart. And that's what I would say. Because a lot of times we don't know we're doing ourselves more damage than they are. Cause they not thinking about you, they hurt off hurting the next person that they not going to apologize to. So I would say make sure you just forgive so that you can move on with a pure heart. Y' all funny. Y' all so nosy. But I did tell y' all to ask me anything. So this one says, who am I dating at the present moment? I am single. And what I want to say is that we film these episodes 40 minutes. I don't know what I'm gonna be doing by the time you watch this. I might be in a relationship, you know what I'm saying? We don't know. So, like, people like, well, she was single, now she not. Now she in a relationship. It's kind of confusing, y'. All. But don't worry about it. It ain't your business. It ain't your business. But yeah, just know that I'm happy, you know, And I love that y' all care so much about who I'm in a relationship with. And it's not something that I will ever hide. But it also isn't something that I may overly share, you know, because I share so much of my life with you guys. There's some things that I do want to keep to myself until the time is right and I'm really big on. Until you're my husband, I'm not going to share that platform with just anybody. So when y' all see me walk down that aisle, then y' all will know, okay? But in the meantime, in between time, it ain't none of your business. All right? All right. Cause they do be like. Cause I'll say this. And then, like, I may, like, be in a relationship. And they're like, wait, what you just said, baby, it's called production time. Production time. Yes. Get it together. Thank you guys so much for tuning into this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie. I really enjoyed this one. I hope you guys did, too. This is actually Dinora's idea to have you guys ask questions and me answer them. And y', all. Some of them questions y' all was asking. Mm. Y' all funny, boy. Y' all real funny. I ain't gonna tell y' all everything, but we went through them, and there were some really, really good questions. So I'm happy we got to do this, and I think I want to do this again. So if you guys want to write into our positive outcomes listener letter, you can Write in to keepitpositivesweetiemail.com and that's Sweetie with an IE. You can follow Kips on all platforms at keepitpositivesweetie, and you can follow me on all platforms at luvkristalrenae. And I love it when Dinora pops in. If you want to follow her, follow her on all platforms at Iamdenora. I'm telling you guys her stories are amazing. They always hit home. Make sure you check her out. In the meantime, in between time, you guys know what to do. Keep it positive. Sweet tea. And I'm going to keep drinking my positive tea in my Dior in my Dior tea set. Get into it. Do you respond to me?
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Truly respectfully, reach out to me.
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My email is crystalevodega7.com but not for real. Surprise me because, yeah, I'll take it if you adore me. Dior me. Come on, Dior. Come on now, Sam.