Keep It Positive, Sweetie — Family Over Everything with Devale Ellis

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Devale Ellis
Date: April 9, 2024
Podcast by The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode centers on the power of family, faith, and perseverance. Crystal Renee Hayslett welcomes her close friend and co-star, Devale Ellis, for an unfiltered conversation about his journey from Brooklyn to the NFL, his transition into acting, and the deeply personal trials that shaped his character. Together, they discuss the power of manifestation, importance of vulnerability—especially for Black men—the complexities of faith, fatherhood, and what it truly means to provide for and protect family.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brooklyn Roots and Manifesting Success

• Always Repping Brooklyn:
  • Devale’s identity is deeply tied to his Brooklyn upbringing. He brings that pride everywhere he goes, even joking about repping Brooklyn at Atlanta Hawks games ([01:09]).
• Manifestation and the Power of Words:
  • Early in their “Sistas” careers, both Crystal and Devale dreamed of a spin-off for their characters. Their prediction came true with “Zatima.”
    • “It shows you the power of the tongue... We literally said this. And like, two years later, or even less than that... Tyler walked in and said, I like this. And we looked at each other like, it’s about to happen.” — Crystal ([05:48–06:10])

2. Early Life, Family, and Nontraditional Dreams

• Family as Foundation:
  • Devale’s parents sent him and his siblings out of Brooklyn each summer to their grandparents’ home in Tennessee to keep them out of trouble ([07:32–08:18]).
• Artistic Aspirations Hidden by Sports:
  • Though always drawn to creative arts, societal pressures in the 90s steered Devale into athletics.
    • “Everybody who goes into the creative arts who’s a male is looked at as soft, weak, gay... I’m gonna just play sports. I’m gonna just ignore that part of my life and play sports.” — Devale ([08:56])

3. Football Journey: Hustle, Heartbreak, and Pivot Points

• Unexpected Route to the NFL:
  • Entered Hofstra as a walk-on and planned to use football as a means to fund his true passion for the arts.
    • “My goal… was only to make enough money so that I didn’t have to be a starving artist.” — Devale ([09:57])
• NFL Challenges:
  • Faced brutal competition, injuries, and was ultimately cut, leading to financial loss during the recession.
    • “I was mad at God... I followed everything you told me to do… and it all was taken from me.” — Devale ([14:29])
• Vulnerability and Mental Health:
  • Devale candidly discusses the emotional toll of failure and how it challenged his sense of manhood.
    • “I don’t like to say I have suicidal thoughts… but it was times I was just like, man, why I even living no more?” — Devale ([15:34–16:56])

4. Faith, Family Support, and Resilience

• Role of Faith and Family:
  • Calls from his Aunt Debbie and the example of his hardworking father inspired Devale to persevere.
    • “You just remember how you was raised.” — Aunt Debbie (quoted by Devale, [18:23])
• Creating New Paths:
  • Devale took responsibility for his life, determined to keep providing for his wife and create new opportunities.
    • “I just put my head down and just create. And that’s all I did was create opportunities for myself and for my wife.” — Devale ([19:20])

5. Navigating Faith and Spirituality

• Church Upbringing and Critical Inquiry:
  • Grew up steeped in the church, but his inquisitive nature and experiences with judgment drove him to seek a broader spiritual perspective.
    • “For me to tell the Jews or the Buddhists or the Catholics that you’re wrong, my God is the right one, to me just seems wrong.” — Devale ([29:14])
• Emphasis on Nonjudgmental Love:
  • Both Crystal and Devale share nuanced takes on faith, rejecting dogma in favor of love and understanding.
    • “The main thing is to treat others as you would treat yourself.” — Crystal ([31:42])

6. Parenting, Breaking Cycles, and Black Masculinity

• Intentional Fatherhood:
  • Devale is outspoken about raising four Black sons to be emotionally healthy, self-actualized, and unashamed of their full identities.
    • “Every day when I see my sons. Come here. Did I tell you I love you today? Did you tell me you love me today? Give Daddy a kiss. I kiss my sons, I hold my sons, I hug my sons.” — Devale ([44:57])
• Rejecting Oppressive Norms:
  • Rejects the pressure of humility and respectability politics imposed on Black men, teaching his sons to be proud and authentic.
    • “We walk in every environment in our truest, blackest selves... I’m speaking my piece. If you don’t like it, I’ll go where I am accepted and it’s celebrated, not just tolerated.” — Devale ([47:00])

7. Marriage, Partnership, and Redefining Success

• Marriage Through Hard Times:
  • Reflects on his wife Kadeen’s unwavering support during low points, transforming his ideas about masculinity and partnership.
    • “The moment that I wasn’t able to do all the things that I thought made me a man and to still have a woman be there in her feminine energy and not... belittle me... showed me what true partnership was.” — Devale ([47:44])
• What Men Really Provide:
  • Provides wisdom for other men struggling with self-worth tied to finances.
    • “You are not defined by your wallet... but you are defined by the type of peace you can provide for your family.” — Devale ([50:07])

8. Mental Health, Pain, and Growth

• Painkiller Dependency:
  • Devale shares his history of pain pill use during his football career, how it masked deeper unhappiness, and his journey to overcoming it.
    • “The numbing agent for me wasn’t my pain, it was numbing the fact that I was stressed out and I wasn’t happy playing in the NFL.” — Devale ([39:42])
• Healing Through Support:
  • A pivotal intervention from his college coach helped him take responsibility and reclaim his life.
    • “You have a responsibility to that woman to be better, and you have a responsibility to yourself to be better for yourself. So get up.” — Coach Jamie Elizondo (as recalled by Devale, [42:38])

9. Looking Ahead: Purposeful, Family-Oriented Legacy

• Vision for the Future:
  • Devale aspires to balance an expansive acting career with being actively present for his children and wife.
    • “I want to be... not only one of the biggest actors of all time. I want to be one of the greatest fathers... I want to be that husband that my wife can say, he held us down.” — Devale ([52:54])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Manifesting Zatima:
  Crystal: "It shows you the power of the tongue." ([05:48])
  Devale: “We manifested it. We worked for it. Yeah, we did it.” ([07:01])
• On Resilience:
  Devale: “God always had me. I may not have always had what I wanted when I wanted it, but I’ve always had what I needed.” ([22:03])
• On Black Fatherhood:
  Devale: “Every day when I see my sons... Did I tell you I love you today?... I kiss my sons, I hold my sons, I hug my sons.” ([44:57])
• On Judgement in Church:
  Devale: “Everywhere I go, why get judged? ... All of y’ all have some judgmental way of telling other people that they don’t belong. I’m not subscribing to that.” ([33:28])
• On True Partnership:
  Devale: "That made me, like, so dedicated to my marriage... what true partnership was." ([47:44])
• On Redefining Manhood:
  Devale: “You are not defined by your wallet... but by the type of peace you can provide for your family.” ([50:07])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Brooklyn stories and Zatima origins — [00:40–06:27]
• Devale’s upbringing and first artistic instincts — [07:10–09:26]
• Football journey, NFL dreams, and major setbacks — [09:34–14:17]
• Losing everything, faith, and making a new way — [14:17–20:55]
• Mental health, Black masculinity, and pressure — [20:59–24:31]
• Strikes, resilience, and faith stories — [24:31–26:30]
• Exploring faith, judgment, and spirituality — [26:31–34:00]
• Raising sons, challenging stereotypes — [34:00–47:20]
• Marriage trials and partnership lessons — [47:22–51:51]
• Addiction, healing, and intervention — [38:01–43:44]
• Looking ahead: legacy, family, and career goals — [51:53–53:15]
• Crystal's own aspirations and love — [53:16–56:07]

Overall Tone and Takeaways

• The episode is deeply vulnerable, candid, and motivational. Devale’s honesty about his struggles with loss, depression, and painkiller addiction offers rare insight into the mental health realities facing Black men and athletes.
• The dialogue is marked by genuine affection and mutual respect, with Crystal’s warmth guiding the conversation into honest, sometimes tearful territory.
• Spirituality and faith, reframed away from dogma toward love and openness, permeate the conversation.
• Central themes include resilience, the importance of community and chosen family, breaking cycles for the next generation, and redefining what it means to be a “provider.”

Final Thoughts

The episode delivers on its promise of raw, uplifting conversation, offering lessons not just in overcoming hardship but in living and loving intentionally—always keeping it positive, sweetie.