Growth, Grief and the Courage to Heal w/ Dr King Jay Barnett

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Growth, Grief and the Courage to Heal w/ Dr. King Jay Barnett

Podcast: Keep it Positive, Sweetie
Host: Crystal Renee Hazlett
Guest: Dr. King J. Barnett
Date: November 30, 2025

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Overview

This episode of "Keep it Positive, Sweetie" welcomes Dr. King Jay Barnett, a licensed therapist and public mental health advocate who transitioned from professional athlete to nationally recognized speaker and healer. Host Crystal Renee Hazlett and Dr. Barnett explore profound topics of personal growth, grief, and healing, especially within the Black community, unpacking the courage it takes to confront trauma, seek help, and walk in purpose. They discuss stigmas around therapy, faith’s role in healing, vulnerability in relationships, and the unique burdens of leadership and calling. The conversation is raw, deeply personal, faith-rooted, and uplifting.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Journey to Healing (03:53 – 12:38)

• Dr. Barnett’s Breaking Point: He shares the turning point after his second suicide attempt and being found by his godmother, which pushed him into therapy.
  • “I was living with my godmother at the time…my second suicide attempt is what really sort of, kind of, you know, pushed me to go in therapy.” (05:38)
• Role of Football as an Escape: Dr. Barnett reveals how football served as an emotional mask and outlet for unprocessed childhood pain.
  • “The thing about football, man, you can put that helmet on and it's a mask...Football was my outlet.” (08:27)
• Trigger Moments & Family Dynamics: He recounts a pivotal phone call with his parents where a dismissive comment from his father during his depression triggered his suicide attempt.
• Impact of Parental Divorce & Unprocessed Trauma: Years of pain from his parents’ divorce and family pressure compounded into adult mental health struggles.

2. Breaking Stigma & Accepting Therapy (12:38 – 15:58)

• Stigma in the Black Community: Dr. Barnett discusses the strong stigmatization of therapy among Black families, contrasting the support from his white godmother with his mother’s skepticism.
  • “You going there telling that white man all our business.” – Dr. Barnett relays his mother’s reaction to therapy (13:09)
• First Sessions & Realizations: He describes feeling unseen, as no one had ever asked him how he felt—not just how he was doing.
  • “I'm 31 years old, and nobody had never...asked me how I'm feeling.” (12:12)
• Initial Resistance, Slow Opening: He likens his hesitance to Antoine Fisher’s therapy journey, and notes the importance of having the patience to open up.

3. The Honest Work of Therapy & Growth (15:58 – 24:17)

• Honesty as the Catalyst: Both guests recognize that true healing in therapy begins when you allow honesty and vulnerability.
  • “My parents’ divorce really hurt me.” – Dr. Barnett on a foundational truth he shared in therapy (16:44)
• Roles Forced Upon Kids: Dr. Barnett reflects on the "parentification" after divorce: becoming a surrogate husband to his mother and a father figure to his siblings because of spiritual gifts recognized young (first sermon at 9, preacher by 11).

4. Relationship Dynamics & Being “Equally Yoked” (20:15 – 24:17 and 27:44 – 36:28)

• Depth, Insight, and Challenge of Partnership: Dr. Barnett and Crystal explore the difficulty of forming intimate relationships as spiritually and emotionally attuned people.
  • “I can’t yoke up with just anybody...it requires so much.” (21:36)
• Miscarriage, Male Grief, and Silence: Barnett shares the pain and silence around miscarriage from a man’s perspective and how it drove him back into therapy.
  • “As a man...I felt like this was my time... but we don’t talk about miscarriage when it comes to men.” (23:10)
• Vulnerability and Spiritual Compatibility: Both share stories of needing a partner who can match them spiritually, emotionally, and in leadership; not wanting to carry the whole load alone.
  • “I’m tired of leading men...I want someone I can trust to lead the household and...who can lead me to God.” – Crystal (27:44)
• The Man’s Role in Spiritual Leadership: Dr. Barnett emphasizes the importance of men being able to “get a prayer through,” be protectors, providers (beyond financially), and spiritual promotors.
  • “If you can’t get to God, if you can’t get a prayer through, if you can’t be vulnerable enough to break that stratosphere spiritually, you’re doing your wife...a disservice.” (31:20)

5. The Burden & Joy of Calling (36:28 – 41:32)

• Loneliness vs. Aloneness: Dr. Barnett explains professional loneliness despite public impact and the need for new therapists as seasons change.
  • “I’m lonely. I know I’m not alone, but I’m lonely.” (37:14)
• Letting Go & Obedience to Intuition: Crystal describes learning to listen to God’s intuition and not overextend relationships or ignore gut signals.
  • “God said...how many times have you prayed, God give me a sign, and you ignored it?” (37:43)
• Public Platforms & Auditing Lives: They discuss the scrutiny that comes with public ministry, echoing Bishop T.D. Jakes’ warning about “the bigger the audience, the bigger the audit.”
  • “The window of error...everybody got all these opinions...opinions cannibalize the truth.” – Dr. Barnett (40:09)

6. Faith, Spiritual Gifts, and the Prophetic Journey (44:26 – 49:50)

• Trusting Spiritual Gifts: They openly discuss their prophetic and spiritual gifts and the challenge of trusting what they “see” in the spirit for themselves.
  • “We can see for everybody but ourselves.” (45:41)
• Obedience and Waiting: The guests talk about seeking God’s direction before making any moves, both in relationships and business.

7. Vulnerability in Prayer & Surrender (53:27 – 59:19)

• Honest Conversations with God: Dr. Barnett describes praying with anger and surrender, and shares his transformative experience of feeling God’s palpable presence post-attempt.
  • “I was honest with God because I really wanted to die...And I was upset at him because I was not dead.” (53:27)
• Surrender is Daily: He stresses surrender isn’t a one-time act but a daily process, especially with trauma.
  • “Because giving it to him is a daily walk. I have to release it daily.” (55:54)
• The Power of Stillness: Importance of stillness, silence, and solitude for hearing from God.
  • “God is a friend to silence, stillness and solitude.” – Quoting Mother Teresa (59:50)

8. The Unfolding Assignment & Impact (61:14 – 69:20)

• Surprised by Destiny: Both guests marvel at being led into greater impact than they ever envisioned or asked for.
  • “You couldn’t have never told me that I would be a therapist...would be this voice, be a reflection of healing in real time.” – Dr. Barnett (61:46)
• Ministry Beyond the Pulpit: Dr. Barnett and Crystal believe their platforms—podcasts, acting, curating spaces—are forms of real ministry, helping change how people think (repentance as “metanoia”).
• Stewarding the Call: They honestly share the responsibility—and occasional burden—of public impact, vigilance against mishandling people, and the humility of knowing “we didn’t ask for this.”
  • “I don’t want to mishandle the gift. I don’t want to mishandle the call. And I don’t want to mishandle people.” (67:37)

9. Sustaining Joy, Energy, and Boundaries (69:20 – end)

• The Need for Solitude: Both discuss their introversion, the demands of people “pulling on them,” and home as a sanctuary.
  • “Home is like my recharging station, like for real.” – Crystal (69:42)
• Stewarding the “Anointing”: The reality of spiritual attraction (people drawn to their light/anointing) and the necessity of boundaries—“the anointing draws everyone, right, wrong, red, blue.” (71:50)
• Family Support & Legacy: Dr. Barnett thanks his mother for daily, early-morning intercession, and recognizes the changes in his social circles as his calling grew.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hitting Rock Bottom:
  “My second suicide attempt is what really pushed me to go in therapy.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (05:38)

• On the Mask of Athletics:
  “The thing about football, man, you can put that helmet on and it's a mask...Football was my outlet.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (08:27)

• On Stigma in Black Families:
  “You going there telling that white man all our business.” – Dr. Barnett’s mother (13:09)

• On the Power of Vulnerability in Therapy:
  “Nobody had ever asked me how I’m feeling.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (12:12)

• On Men & Pain:
  “If pain becomes a driver in your life, you're going to become one of two things. Homicidal or suicidal.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (15:35)

• On Spiritual Compatibility:
  “If you can’t get to God, if you can’t get a prayer through, you’re doing your wife...a disservice.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (31:20)

• On Therapy Matching Seasons:
  “You shouldn’t always have the same therapist because your season would change.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (36:47)

• On Intuition & Divine Checks:
  “How many times have you prayed, God, give me a sign, and you ignored it?” – God to Crystal (37:43)

• On Surrender:
  “Because giving it to him is a daily walk. I have to release it daily.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (55:54)

• On Faith and Not Asking for the Platform:
  “Folks be mad at what we have been given. We didn’t ask for this.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (68:53)

• On Ministry Beyond Four Walls:
  “Ministry is meeting people where they are. This is ministry.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (65:27)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:53 | Dr. Barnett’s introduction and journey to therapy
• 05:38 | Describing his lowest moment and beginning the healing process
• 12:12 | The power of being asked, ‘How are you feeling?’
• 13:09 | The African-American family’s view of therapy
• 16:44 | Admitting pain from parental divorce in therapy
• 20:15 | The challenge of relationships for deep, spiritually gifted people
• 23:09 | Grieving miscarriage as a man
• 27:44 | Crystal on spiritual compatibility and refusing to always lead
• 31:20 | Barnett on the man’s role as leader: prophet, priest, protector, provider, promoter
• 36:28 | Needing new therapists for new seasons; professional loneliness
• 37:43 | Crystal on listening to God’s intuition/gut before it’s too late
• 40:09 | Public platforms, scrutiny, and “the bigger the audience, the bigger the audit”
• 45:41 | Prophetic gifts; asking God to “send someone to see for you”
• 53:27 | Honest, sometimes angry prayer; Encountering God post-suicide attempt
• 55:54 | Surrender as a daily process
• 59:50 | The value of stillness (Mother Teresa)
• 65:27 | Redefining ministry as meeting people where they are
• 67:37 | The responsibility of not mishandling people or gifts
• 69:42 | Home as a sanctuary and discussion of boundaries

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Tone and Language

The tone is honest, deeply spiritual, occasionally confrontational but always loving, with rootedness in Christian faith and African-American experience. Both Crystal and Dr. Barnett use humor, real talk, and gentle challenge, creating an uplifting and vulnerable space.

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Conclusion

This episode is a genuine, deeply moving conversation about the real paths to healing, the courage to be vulnerable, and the slow, sometimes lonely road to growth especially for those called to lead and carry others. It’s a must-listen for anyone navigating trauma, faith, purpose, or the nuanced journey of emotional and spiritual self-work.

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Transcript

[Announcer]

What a matchup we got, y'.

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All.

[Announcer]

This is that classic HBCU vibe. Non stop action. The band is rocking and the crowd lit. Chance echo drum beat everybody showing that school pride. Game like this. Yeah, it calls for an ice cold Coca Cola. Ah, crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there.

[King J. Barnett]

Mmm.

[Announcer]

Yeah, that taste always hits the right note. Just like the band at halftime. And just like that, we're back at it. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere and an ice cold Coca Cola. That's a winning combo no matter the sport, no matter the yard. Everybody knows fan work is thirsty work. So grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going.

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[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Calling all my sweeties to the forefront. I'm your host, Chris Renee Hazlett, and this is the Keep It Positive Sweetie Show. Licensed therapist and just heal Host Dr. J. Barnett has built a national platform around healing and accountability. His story, From Athlete to Advocate, shows that faith and emotional intelligence can thrive together. Today he joins us to talk about growth, grief and the courage to heal kids, family. Please give a very warm welcome to King J. Barnett. Finally.

[King J. Barnett]

Yes.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Finally. We got you here.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen, we've been talking about this for about what, a year?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

A year now?

[King J. Barnett]

Yeah, yeah. So I know you was filming and both of our lives are busy, but I feel like it's purposeful busy.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It is.

[King J. Barnett]

That's what I have to tell people. Like, you got so much going on, but it's all purposeful, baby.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It is purpose, man.

[King J. Barnett]

You've been.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

I looked at your stories this week alone. I'm like, is he gonna make it to Atlanta?

[King J. Barnett]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was coming, Crystal. I was coming. I was coming. I was coming. So, yeah, I started out, I hadn't been home in like three weeks.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

So I was in Detroit for. No, I was in New York because it started. I did the Breakfast Club for World Mental Health Day and brought Joel with me. And then Taraji had her mental health weekend, so I keynoted for her. And then after that it was in Detroit, then Canada, seven days, and then Costa Rica and now here. And then I'm in Toronto. So after this.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Good Lord.

[King J. Barnett]

But I'm gonna take a break after this, though, because I gotta get this book done and I gotta settle down, so.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Okay. Awesome. Awesome. I love that. Well, Jay, you took the world by storm on the Internet and I first saw you on Social media, really giving men a safe space to even have a voice, to be vulnerable and to start healing. And I feel like for black men, therapy has been so stigmatized, and you've taken that stigma off and allowed black men to just be themselves and speak their truth and really, like, head face on with their trauma. But that did not come without healing of your own.

[King J. Barnett]

Yes.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

So I want to talk about that. Been very open about when football was over. You hit rock bottom. But how did you know it was time to start healing? And, like, what. What moment happened? Were you like, wait a minute, this is a problem. I need to.

[King J. Barnett]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, really, I didn't know it was time. Crystal. My second suicide attempt is what really sort of, kind of, you know, pushed me to go in therapy. So I was living with my godmother at the time, and I was living with her because I was training pro athletes, very successful business, and I had a house. And she was like, you need to get out of that house and come stay with me and cut down your overhead. So my godmother, man, she's big in finances. So I was just like, man, I can't do this, man. I'm like 31 years old. I'm like, I can't take away from what I was building at the time. So I said, let me pray about it, because my godmother was never able to have kids. So she, you know, took me under her wings. And she says, jay, I really think you should focus on the speaking thing, what you're doing with the teens and the youth. And I'm like, man, so I make the move, and I get there. By this time, I'm about a. A year into living with her, and I have a mental breakdown just because I felt like a failure, number one. Because I'm like, man, I'm trying to figure out life, and I'm staying with my godmother, and she has a nice sized house. So it wasn't like I was in her space where she was in my space. And it was good because it allowed me to really look at life differently. And so one night I was on a call with my parents and just kind of sharing how I was still battling this depression thing. Yeah. So. And when I share this, because I. It can. It could take a spin, because at that time, I don't think my father really understood the significant and the severity of what I was going through. So he makes a statement on the phone. Here we go again.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Oh, wow.

[King J. Barnett]

And that was a trigger. And after he said that, I told my Mom, I said, you know what, man? I'm tired of this, man. Like, you know, because I was really trying to find a way to talk about what I was going through mentally, but nobody was listening. So I told her. I said, well, this is probably the last time that y' all going to talk to me.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

And she says to me, jay, please don't do nothing, son. Please. And I said, mama, I'm tired.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And I had been carrying this pain from their divorce, from the rejection. My mother had remarried. Her husband. The guy that she remarried, was physically abusive. I lived with a white family for the last two years of my high school year. Man. I had just gone through a lot from the time that my parents divorced up until 30, because I had never processed anything. Because the thing about football, man, you can put that helmet on and it's a mask.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah, it sure is.

[King J. Barnett]

You can hide anything. And I think after years of anesthetizing and all of that stuff just festering, I didn't have a. I didn't have a, you know, an outlet anymore. Football was my outlet. I wasn't playing because I wanted to make money. I was playing because I needed a place to process his pain. And being able to run over guys and hit allowed me to get that aggression out. And so my mother says to me, jay, if you take your life, do you know that you possibly go to hell? And I. Crystal, I remember this so vividly. Me and her talked about this the other day, and I said to her, I don't give a damn. I don't care, as long as I can get rid of this pain. So I had a back injury that I had been battling, and I had a bunch of pills from that, and I just went in the bathroom and took everything. Like, everything. And God knew, because had I been by myself, I would have shot myself. The only reason that I didn't attempt with the gun, because I was living with my godmother, and I did not want her to have that visual and to have that scene. So even then, I'm still considerate. Yeah. You know what I mean? Even while I'm in pain. So I overdose, and my godmother found me under the bed. And I don't. Till this day, I don't know how. And I know it's God, because I can remember standing in a dark place when I was out or whatever, you know, was going on, and I just heard the voice of God just saying, you have got to give this to me.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

Like, literally. And so after that, my godmother you know, we let a day go by. We don't talk about what had happened. And finally she said, can we talk?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And she said, why would you do this in my home? And I just sat there and she says, jay, if you want to stay here, you got to get some help.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yep.

[King J. Barnett]

Here's the part that people have not heard. My godmother's white.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Really?

[King J. Barnett]

Wow. And she sat there and she said, you gotta get some help. And that pushed me to go to therapy because. And it wasn't that I wasn't, like, I was making money, and I was. I was. You know, it wasn't like I couldn't work or anything like that, but mentally, I wasn't in the best place. And I said to her, I. I just don't want to be here.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And a friend of mine sent me a therapist, which was a Christian. Christian guy. And I went to him for a while. I didn't really connect with him because my dad is a pastor. So I say, bro, I don't really need no scriptures, man. I got to figure out a way how to release this. And most people don't know this, that when you think about depression, it's really a lack of expression. That's what depression is.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And so no one had really checked on me when my parents divorced. My parents were pastors, and when they divorced me, being the oldest, all the pressure was on me because everybody said, hey, you gotta look out for your mom. You gotta look out for your sisters.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

So I'm in therapy, my first session, and that man asked me, how do you feel? Do you know, I'm 31 years old, and nobody had never. I cannot remember. People had asked me how I'm doing.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

But no one had never asked me how I'm feeling.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

How you feeling? Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And that's what led me into therapy and started that journey. And it's been. That was. I was 31. That was 31. I'm 43 today. So it's been a journey of healing. It's been. It's been a beautiful journey. You know, at times, it's still, you know, some moments, but I wouldn't take it back for anything.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. Two things. A few things that stood out when you were speaking was one, I was successful. Everything was great, but I was depressed. A lot of. There's a misconception that when you're successful, depression can't creep in, you know, and then the fact that your godmother was white, because a lot of times in African American homes, therapy is not an option, you know, so to even. I wonder if you would've even got to that point without having a white godmother to say, hey, you need to go to therapy. Because you wouldn't have gotten that from your mother. Therapy?

[King J. Barnett]

No, because I remember when I said to my mom that I was going to therapy. Mama Mary, as y' all know her mama, I love you, but mama said to me, you going there telling that white man all our business.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's it.

[King J. Barnett]

That's it.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

I said, I don't give a damn what color he is. I'm trying to get some help. Do you hear me?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

And, Crystal, can I tell you, it was. Have you seen Antoine Fisher?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes. Oh, yeah. That was.

[King J. Barnett]

So I wrote my capstone. I did my capstone on Anton Fisher and the sexual abuse that he, you know, endured. It was just like that. When he was working with Denzel. Remember? It was like, three sessions before he opened up.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

It was about three sessions before I opened up, because one, I'm like, dang, I don't want to open up to this white man. But that man said to me one day, he said, tell me about your dad. And then he asked me about football. I'm talking about. You'd have thought a tsunami hit and it broke something. And for the two sessions that I didn't talk, he would literally say, it's okay. Will you come back next week? I was like, yeah, I'll come back, bro.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

I was so reluctant.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

But when that man asked me, and he said. I said, bro, I don't want to talk about it, he said, would you write it down? And I wrote it down. And I never forget this. He said three words that describe what you feel it. Now. I said loss. I said inadequate. And I said, like, a failure. I'll never forget those three words.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

Never get the. Never forget. Lost, inadequate, and a failure. And, man, something just started to break. And he would always say, are you gonna come back next week?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

I'd be like, yeah, man, I'll come back. And I just kept going back, and I. You know, and it was crazy because nobody in my family and nobody around me. I remember, like, my homeboy's like, you doing therapy? Are you crazy, bro?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right?

[King J. Barnett]

And. And I remember one of my homeboys literally just kind of like. Like, you know, poking like, you really think that therapy is working? And I'm like, I don't know.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

But I was curious because I really wanted to let go of the pain, because for so long, the pain had been a driver in my life and men don't realize is that if pain becomes a driver in your life, you're going to become one of two things. Homicidal or suicidal.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow, that is powerful. I Remember guess around 2020, during COVID was the first time we all had to sit down with ourselves. So for me, that was when I was like, okay, I need to talk to someone. Yeah. So I got a therapist. And I was like, this is not working. This is not working. But I was like, your mama, I'm not going to tell you all my business. So I wasn't being honest with the lady and that's why it wasn't working. Right. So I ended up getting another therapist. And finally I was like, okay, if I want this to work, I gotta just tell her everything. So I started opening up and I was like, wait, this is like unlocking a lot of things that I didn't even remember, you know? What was the first honest thing that you said in a therapy session that really unlocked something?

[King J. Barnett]

Oh, man. My parents divorce really hurt me. I walked in a room in my mom's. In my parents bedroom. I will never forget this. I was 10 years old and my mom was sitting on the bed crying. And I said to my mom, I knew what was going on. I was a very precocious kid. I knew. And I said, why won't you leave? 10 years old? And my mom looks at me and says, God hasn't released me to leave. And I couldn't understand that. And I think when I got to therapy to know how her and my dad was divorcing, because for me, we would go to church on Sunday as a family and Monday through Saturday, complete chaos.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

So none of that made sense to me. And I think when I really sat down and what really broke in me to really get me to start opening up, how much that impacted me as a son. Not only to watch what happened with just my father and my mother, but also as a son who had to fill in this gap because I became this standing husband from my mother and then this surrogate father to my sisters, which is also where I learned how to intercede. Because my mom had me praying for her.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

Because she was like. She was like, can you. I remember nice. Her crying and said, can you pray for me? So I had all of these burdens on me, you know, at such a young age because I was so spiritually gifted, you know, early on. And my parents realized that I had this prophetic gift. And, you know, I was already ministering. I gave my first sermon at the age of nine.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

What?

[King J. Barnett]

In front of 200 people.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

So from nine to 11, most people don't know this. Nine to 11, I preach all over Mississippi as a young phenom preacher kid.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

And it was how we ate, because I was getting paid.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Jesus.

[King J. Barnett]

And I. When my parents divorced, I said I would never preach another sermon. Of course.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Look at you now.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen, Crystal, I'm in Canada. I'm in Canada, right. Giving this keynote on the empowering and restoring families of the Nova Scotian community in Canada in Halifax. Powerful keynote. This is how you know you can't run.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Come on, now, talk about it.

[King J. Barnett]

This lady walked up to me after the keynote. Beautiful lady with some beautiful white hair, man, black woman. And she said, baby, they heard a doctor. I heard a pastor. Come on, now, listen, listen. I look at that lady. I said, ma', am, could you please. I don't want to hear no more prophetic word. I don't hear nothing. Please don't tell me nothing about no pastor, no church.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Right.

[King J. Barnett]

But. And I know, Lord, you know I love you. And I know you probably calling me to that when I'm 50, but not in this season. But that thing broke something, because I couldn't understand at that time, why would God break up my family? Because I love seeing my parents together. There was nothing more that I love about having a family. And even to this day, it bothers me that I don't have a family.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. Wow. Why do you feel like you don't. You feel like it's God's timing? Or do you feel like that's just maybe you haven't focused on that? What do you feel that is?

[King J. Barnett]

So I'm gonna bring you into this, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because. Because people will look at us, right? They would look at us as if we've arrived. They will look at us as if we've achieved. But the more that you expand, because I believe this for you as much with you have is as much depth that you have.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

As. As much reach as you have. That's also a level of depth that you have. So dating and trying to build something with the depth that we have is challenging.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because you also have the insight. Hindsight and foresight.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Come on, now. Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Hindsight. I know what I've gone through, and I've learned from it. The insight is that I have this revelation not only of myself, but also what God has given me. And the foresight is that I also see where he's taking me. So I can't. Yoke, up with anybody. Come on.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Come on. Yoke up with just anybody. You can't.

[King J. Barnett]

You.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You.

[King J. Barnett]

I can't. And I know you like me. I know you like the idea of me. I know you like. You know what I'm saying? How I smell, how I look. You know what I'm saying? You know, you come across, you know, the stream with this beauty. You know what I'm saying? The teeth popping, the lips are popping, and you got the makeup and the brows, and I got this beautiful dark skin. And you listen at the way that I articulate and the way that I can conceptualize something. Yeah, but if you have not done work. Come on now, on the level. And not just to stand next to us, but to walk with us. It requires so much.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

So as much as I have to mourn not having a family, I also understand that because if it ain't equal, I can't yoke up with it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right? Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

So to answer your question, so. So it gives me peace, you know, And. And I. And I've shared this, and I actually talked about this on the Dinner Kings briefly, you know, about five years ago, my. My girlfriend at the time and I had a miscarriage, and that thing broke the both of us, and. And it was something I didn't talk about, and it was so crazy because our parents are pastors. And I called her mom and said, can I take you to dinner? Like, I want to talk to you about something. And, you know, I don't know why I thought I could hide it from my mom, because her mom is like a seer. Her mom said, jay, I knew it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

I knew.

[King J. Barnett]

I knew. And I just started to break down because I heard it for her. And then as a man, you know, that I felt like this was my time to. You know what I'm saying? Because, you know, we don't talk about miscarriage.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

We don't.

[King J. Barnett]

When it comes to men.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right. And how it affects you all. Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because I feel like this. I feel like it. It. I think it does a number on the woman, on the woman physically, what her body goes through and emotionally. And then I think. But it messes with the man mentally, because I remember the scene of walking in the bathroom, and I can't. It's hard even to. Today I can step right into that moment in the picture, and. And it's just like, I can see her face. I can see her. Her complexion. You know, her whole accounting is changing.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

And just like.

[King J. Barnett]

Jay, what just happened? And so I've had to really. I've gone back to therapy for that and to really grieve that. I was in therapy all last year grieving that and I'm at a good place.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's good.

[King J. Barnett]

But you know, it's not easy to be who we are and to feel like, dang, ain't nobody on my level.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right? Yeah.

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[King J. Barnett]

Woohoo.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Jay, I need to get my business. Okay, listen, it's crazy. Like you, no, you are on my street right now because it's, it's hard. It's really hard. And I don't want to be like on my level. You know what I'm saying? But it's like not just financially, like spiritually. How you talking about? I can't be yoked up with just anybody that is real. And I was. We had a episode with me, Ashana and Wes and I was saying I'm tired of leading men. Like I'm tired of leading financially. I'm tired of leading spiritually. I'm tired of leading the household. Like I want someone that I can trust to lead in the household and always who can lead me to God. I'm not the one begging you to come to church on Sundays or begging you to. I'm the only one up reading the Bible and in the word. Like I need. I need to look over or not over because I don't even. You ain't sleeping in the house no more. But I need to know that you at your house waking up reading your Word the same way I am. Like, all right, we in this thing together so that we're both pulling from the same source, not you pulling off of my resources to the source. You know what I'm saying?

[King J. Barnett]

Listen, let me get one of them cards. Listen, we do something on the Jess Hill podcast where I have to tear the card up when there's a moment. You are Crystal, My God Today. So I'm glad I'm here because I could be transparent. I was dating this girl years ago, and to your point, I like, if I'm dating you and I have to feel like I have to hold back who I am spiritually, I know it's not gonna work.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

So I go to, like, when I go in my bedroom, it don't take me no time to fall asleep because there's such a peace in my house that you'll walk in there and you just fall.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's how my house is. I'm like. It feels like pure Zen in here. I'm like, that's how my place is.

[King J. Barnett]

Pure zen. My producer, C.J. was at my house a couple weeks ago. He called me. He was like, dang, nigga, I can't stay awake. I said, that's exactly what I want. It curates peace. So I'm dating this girl, and she stays over. She can't sleep.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

What's wrestling in your spirit, honey?

[King J. Barnett]

So I'm like. I wake up. I said, again, I'm being transparent, open. Because we had been dating for a while, and so she was staying over, and she used to always talk about how she had the hard time sleeping. And I was just like, listen, man, I woke up. I said, yo, man, you have got. Cause she was turning, tossing, turning all night long. And I was just like, this don't. So I get up, and I'm used to waking up, seeing my mother walk the floor and pray. So I get up and open my door, and I go open my patio door. I started walking through the house, praying, and she was just like. She wasn't in shock, but she was just like, I never seen a man pray. I said, I don't know what you wrestling with. And I didn't feel like it was a bad spirit on her.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Something.

[King J. Barnett]

I felt like her anxiety.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

She was like. She's just like. She. Like, she owned her own business. And so she was just going. Mind.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Just going, that's a real thing.

[King J. Barnett]

And. And I just started praying, and I said, hey, listen. And. And I told her. I said, listen, I'm. I'm. I have to do this. And I said, if you don't mind, if you could just, you know, walk with me or. So she sat on the couch. I'm going through the house. I done went up in the spirit. I said, I have to do this because I got to rest because I got a long day tomorrow, and I want you to rest.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And that showed me something, because as a man, and I Want the brothers to hear this. Brother, if you can't get to God, if you can't get a prayer through, if you can't be vulnerable enough to break that stratosphere, that hemisphere spiritually, you're doing your wife, girl, woman who, a disservice, especially if you're walking with a woman who's really called to purpose, like what you're called to, or a woman who's called to the purpose of business, healing, finance, or whatever it is. Like, I really want to see men get to a place where we start to carry off.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Yeah. Me and my mother talk about this, and I told her, I said, mama, you know, watching you, you've carried every marriage.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Mm. You think that. Not to interrupt you, but do you feel like because black men have seen their moms do it, they just feel like this is what you're supposed to do as a woman.

[King J. Barnett]

I think brothers don't even know what it's like to carry a woman because they've never seen a man really stand in the position as a leader. I feel like men should be a prophet. You should be able to speak over your spouse, your woman. And this is why I'm waiting on God, because I don't spoke over too many folks that.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Listen.

[King J. Barnett]

I done prophesied on business. I done spoke life. I'd have got you in the gym. You done went. Got the business long. I ain't doing that no more.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Listen, you looking like I didn't. Look at all this. Look at the fruits. The fruits of my prayers, man.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen. I'd have prophesied. I'm a priest. I feel like you have to be a promoter. You got to be the push.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And you got to be a provider and a protector. I'm gonna say that again, brothers, and then for the ladies, because I know y'. All. Y'. All. Y' all love my. My. My friend. He has to be a prophet. He should be able to speak into your life. He has to be a priest. He should be able to cover.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

He has to be a protector. He should be able to provide a sense of security for you.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

He has to be a provider. And I'm not just talking about financially.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right.

[King J. Barnett]

Do you provide insight and then a promoter. Can you push me? Can you encourage me? The amount of. I have a lot of female friends that are so amazing. The amount of. The amount of them that are in relationship with men, that are jealous of them and envious.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

The church is saying amen. The congregation is running. They're running laps around the building. That's real.

[King J. Barnett]

I don't get it, Crystal. I don't get it. And it breaks my heart because I'm like. Cause I've gone through that, you know? But I don't get it. Because of the way I poured into my sisters and the way I poured to my entire team is black women.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

From my publicist to my admin. And they'll. I speak life into them. You know what I mean? And I said, listen, whoever you date, he don't have to be me. But I hope he embodied what you guys have seen through me.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

You know what I mean? To speak life into you. They called me my admin, Christy. She called me all day. She got a speaking gig for, like, 10K. She's like, Bro, you ain't gonna believe this. And I said, what did I tell you? You just had to believe that you were her.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

You had to believe her. Yes. Oof.

[King J. Barnett]

I said. You had. I knew you were her. And just to see her and the rest of my people that believe in me and to be reinforced, because I can't stand to see this attack on black women that are really doing something.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And you guys get made to feel. Because my sisters, my. I push the hell out of them. They get tired, and they married.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Oh, wow.

[King J. Barnett]

With men. Great men. And they. They husband. Embrace it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

Like, hey, they'll call me. Hey, bro, law. She's slacking. You know what I'm saying? So I don't get that. So I really wanted to give that to the sisters. Like, do not give your pearls to Swan. And to the brothers.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Come on. Yes. It goes on.

[King J. Barnett]

And to the brothers, because there's some brothers that are doing things, and sometimes. Cause I. Again, I can be honest. I've laid in the lap of a Delilah who took who I was, took what I shared, and exploited it. You know what I'm saying? So I'm talking to me as well. I know I'm a good thing or a good brother. So. Yeah, man, we have too much. We have too much of greatness in us, man, to just. And I told God the other day.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

What'd you tell him, Jay?

[King J. Barnett]

I said, lord, I've been on the road for three weeks. And I said. I called my therapist. Thank God for Dr. Towne.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Do you still have the same therapist?

[King J. Barnett]

No, I have a different therapist now. Different therapist because I feel like there's. As seasons change.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's good. Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

You shouldn't. You know, you shouldn't always have the same therapist because your season would change. And I feel like certain people are called to walk with you in different seasons. Dr. Townes is like a 60 something year old black woman. I go to see her in San Diego, I get by the water. She's a psychologist and she's spirit led, intelligent and all the things. And I called and I said, doc, I'm lonely. I know I'm not alone, but I'm lonely.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

There's a difference. Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

And she said, what about it? I said, doc, I'm on this road, man, pouring and pouring, and it's like, yeah, I can call people, but the challenge with us, and I don't know, you may like, you'll be talking to somebody, they good people, but ain't nothing there, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Oh my God. Story of my life.

[King J. Barnett]

How do you, I gotta ask you, how do you, how do you process that when it's time to kind of let it go?

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Listen, I'm really good at seeing, as I've gotten older, I'm really good at seeing it before it gets too far. And honestly, I just had a situation and I was on a trip, I was on the water in Italy and God literally said to me, I was, I was wrestling with it, like, am I supposed to end this because it's not there, the alignment isn't there? And God said, how many times have you prayed, God, give me a sign. And you felt the feelings that you're feeling now and you ignored it. And he was like. Or you ignored it and you went on. And then something happened. I showed you what I was trying to tell you from the beginning and you're like, I knew, I felt that in my gut. He said, I need you to listen to it now. Don't make the same mistake of not hearing my voice and going through it all over again and getting hurt. And then looking back like, lord, you told me that September 14, 2025, and I didn't listen.

[King J. Barnett]

Wow.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

So I had to like really just start being obedient to that intuition that he gave me to say, all right. And I just was honest. I'm brutally honest at this age.

[King J. Barnett]

I'm like, man, me too.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It's just not there, man.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen, listen, listen. I gotta make a couple of phone call.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Listen.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

But being honest, it actually frees you.

[King J. Barnett]

And them because it's like, they're not bad people, but it's just like, Like I had to be honest. And Bishop Jakes shout out, bishop, Bishop. I was sitting with him and Bishop called me out and Bishop said, you have got to stop acting like you are regular blood. He said, that's your biggest challenge, Jay. And he said, you have. Cuz, like, when I tell you what. What God is doing in my life, I didn't. I didn't want it. I didn't ask for it. I. I heard God tell me after the pandemic. He told me, men, I'm calling you to men. Then he said, I'm getting ready to exp. Expose you to the world. I'm getting ready to reveal you. Reveal you to the world.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And long after that, not long after that, Taraji people called me, and I went on a breakfast club with her virtually. And then, I mean, it just took off.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

So I wasn't asking for it. I was wanting to stay hidden. Because part of me remaining hidden was also. I felt like I was secure there, safety there.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because when God gives you a platform, I heard my brother. I'm gonna give him credit because I heard it from him. Stevie Braggs, Stevie Baggs said, the bigger the audience, the bigger the audit. So as you are seen more, you got more eyes on you. The window of error. And then everybody got all these. These opinions. And I feel like we live in a world where opinions cannibalize the truth. So you got all of this stress and pressure because you and I, we just can't go on a date.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

No, Right. Even, like, it could be something as simple as, like, I was just filming a movie in Houston, and I was like, I want to. My cast, me. I was like, let's go, grab. And it's like, you can't. Because then the eyes, like, oh, they go together. And it's like, exactly.

[King J. Barnett]

Because you got.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It's like, you can't. Like, literally, I have to think about every single move.

[King J. Barnett]

You are so blessing me right now. Because I talked to CJ about this. I'm like, when people like, hey, Jay, can you. I said, I can't. Because if I talk to somebody, if it goes past couple of weeks, it's like, oh, we locked in.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

We go together real bad.

[King J. Barnett]

And me, I'm talking because I'm feeling. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, it ain't no physical stuff. It's like I'm feeling and I'm sensing, right. Because I'm not a person who. I don't use my doctorate. I don't use my therapy. I don't come in there trying to clinicalize or therapize anybody.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Because I would think you'd be like, that. He'd probably be therapies of his girl.

[King J. Barnett]

Oh, no, never Never. My. My. Thank my. Thank God. My ex. We had such a great friendship, and she always remind me. She says, jay and I. And I love her, man. She. She's such a good, great friend of mine, and she says, jay, what I love about you is you never brought work in our relationship. Never. I never use a clinical term. Like. Like, if we had a conflict. I never said, you gaslighting. Like, all these people use all these terms. Like, we don't. A real clinician. Like, we. We don't. Like. I mean, I'm not trying to diagnose nobody or analyze nobody. Matter of fact, negro, I'm not even thinking about you right now. Right. And I appreciate her sharing that, because I'm Jade.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

I'm not Dr. J.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right. Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

You know what I'm saying? You're not. You know, what's the carrier?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Fatima. Fatima. Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

You're not. Like, I'm a real person. And so if something hurt me or there was something that was said, I was like, yo, you know, that wasn't cool. I didn't say. I feel like, you know, you're. And it's a Messing with my mental health. I never, like. I, Like. I can't. I don't even listen. I. Listen. Chris was pulling it out of me today. I'll just be honest. I don't. There's a lot of people that. Therapists and clinical clinicians that have, you know, I don't know, you call it shooting your shot or. They said they available. I'm not even interested in dating somebody working the field because most people aren't. Yeah, a lot of people are weird.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

No, people be weird, Jay. People. A lot of people. Not even just therapists people.

[King J. Barnett]

That's weird, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And so when they, like, doc, you so closed off. Because y' all are weird. Yeah. And then if you hear me say, nigga, you just like, like. Or you hear me say something that's not, you know, associated with my internal degrees or with this idea, this image, like, dude, I'm a real person. I'm not always talking about mental health.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right, Right. There's more to you. You're not a monolith.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

So I'm like, man, you know, so when you talk about that truth thing, man, I'm like, man, I just told God. I said, man, bro, listen, I'm 43, man. I'm like, man, can you please, like. Sure to be y', all.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Jay, literally, you hit me on my. Actually, it was the day you hit me, right before my birthday. I was landing in Miami. And you said in an incredibly beautiful prayer via dm. And that morning I had wrote in my journal, it was the day before my birthday. And I said, God, I was like, I'm ready if you think I'm ready. Because the times I thought I was ready, I wasn't ready. Because like, I'm the type of person where I'll be ready and I'll be open and then they just get on my nerves. I'm like, oh, my gosh. It's like, I want somebody that I can share space with and be like, this is really my homie.

[King J. Barnett]

I'm gonna tell you this. And I'm just getting this download. You'll see her. And even now I'm hearing trust what you see. Yes, on everything.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

On everything. Everything.

[King J. Barnett]

Everything, bro. Because you be having the answers before there is a question.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Jay, I've had dreams. I just had a friend come to me and he said, I had told him one night I woke up and I said, I had a dream that you were in this girl's room. This was probably three years ago. He said, I knew then I couldn't play with you. And I said, what are you talking about? He said, I was in her room that night. You had that dream. I said, you are lying to me. Then my assistant. Sorry to call you out, Herman. Herman was like, he said, you did the same thing to me the other day. I said, yeah. I was like, I just had this feeling, like randomly that you were gonna get offered another job. He said, crystal, he's like, I got offered a job that day that you said that. He said, it scared me. And I was like, God, so I'm.

[King J. Barnett]

Glad you're doing this. Cuz I'm going to let the spirit shift this, the challenge, because I have a prophetic gift and you a seer. I'mma say this. I'm going to pray that God send somebody to see for you. Because the challenge with us is we can see for everybody but ourselves.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Like, I'm like, I mean, yeah. And sometimes I'm like, but God, I can't see for me. You know what I'm saying?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

But I also feel that in this season that God has you in. He's also giving you the confidence to not second guess what you see and feel.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

He really is. He really. He is.

[King J. Barnett]

And to stand on business. Like, I'm sorry, but when. Because, man, Crystal, if I would have. That was my biggest challenge because my parents knew that I was prophetic. And they had me with people who could really shape my Gift because I hated it because I always was right or the spirit was right. And so I didn't pick my gift back up until I was like 35. I met a, a prophet here in Atlanta that took me under his wings. And man, I gave that man hell. Cuz he kept telling me, he was like, he's like, yeah, you going to school to be a therapist. But this man said, you're a therapist in the disguise of a prophet.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

You know, he said you're a prophet in the disguise of a therapist. And so it, I second guessed so much. And then when I would be right, I was in a. I was, it was already too late. Like, man, I dated a girl and I'm not gonna get in this because I don't even wanna get her this type of energy. But it cost me two years of agony and pain. But God told me so I wouldn't break up with her. I'm sitting at her house, sitting on the living room floor and God said, I'm getting ready to shift this, this is like right before Christmas the girl takes sick. I basically was caring for her for like several weeks and don't know, don't, couldn't figure it out. And I mean. And I never forget when she got better. She says, I think I'm falling out of love with you. And I was like, wait a minute.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

I've been taking care of you, I've.

[King J. Barnett]

Been bathing you and da da, da, da. But God was ripping that thing apart because my manager, Crystal had told me, she said 12. She called me 12. She said 12. I don't think you should date that girl. I don't have a good feeling. And my manager at the time is a seer as well. When all this stuff happened and this girl, I mean, went on just a tyrant, my manager called me, she stopped managing me. She said, I can't manage you anymore because I'm afraid of what's going to happen with this. And exactly what she told me. And I was so disobedient. So. But then God was telling me, but I felt, because this is, this is the other thing too. I would say this to people, stop saying yes to people. And we haven't ran about God. What I've had to learn is go before God first with everything. With everything, Everything. Even in my business, God. Like this retreat that I did, I said, God, how do you feel? And I felt the okay in it, in my spirit, you know what I mean? Because normally what we do as humans, we make our decision, then we take it to God. He's the last resort. And then when the itch fall apart.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

You'D be like, oh, man, that's so real, Jade. Because even with this live show that we're doing in dc, we were thinking of guests and they were like, did you call someone? So. Because we'll go, we'll throw out names. And I'm like, oh, I know them. Did you call them? And I was like, no, I didn't call them. And I told Ashana one day, I was like, God hasn't, like, it's not. Hadn't settled on my heart that this is the person. And I was like, so I can't. I can't say that I can't call him. He would not let me call certain people, man.

[King J. Barnett]

That's how I be choosing my guests. I've had people that will say, hey, Dr. J here, such and such. And they was like, what is your protocol? I said, it's a God thing. Yeah, because I need people to experience healing for real and not just because you want to get on here and tell your story.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Exactly. That is.

[King J. Barnett]

Freya, you all right with me, baby. You all right with me?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Listen.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Wow, this is crazy. So much synergy.

[King J. Barnett]

Whoa.

[Announcer]

What a vibe we've got, y'.

[Ryan Seacrest]

All.

[Announcer]

As always, it's classic HBCU energy. Nonstop action. The band is rocking and the crowd lit. Chants echoing, drums beating, everybody showing that school pride. Moments like this. Yeah, they call for an ice cold Coca Cola. Crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there.

[King J. Barnett]

Mmm.

[Announcer]

Yeah, that taste always hit the right note. Just like the band at halftime. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere. And an ice cold Coca Cola. That's a winning combo. No matter the place, no matter the moment. Everybody knows fan work is thirsty work. So grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Mission.org clearly is a huge part of who you are and your healing. One thing I do want to know, especially for men and women listening who may be going through something, what were your prayers like during that low time? Were they anger? Were you pleading? Or was it soft, quiet prayers like how did you talk to God during those times? Because some people feel like there's only one way to talk to Him.

[King J. Barnett]

No, I was very honest with God and this is and I'm going to be as real as I can be. I was honest because I really Wanted to die. Jesus. And I was upset at him because I was not dead. And the following morning, I'm sitting in my room and I'm crying because I did not expect to wake up.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

You're like, why am I still here?

[King J. Barnett]

Why am I still here? And this encounter really transformed my life. I never forget it sitting on the floor. And the presence of God walks in my room. It's so strong, Crystal, that I can't look up. And I'm just crying. I can't stop crying.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And I feel the presence so, so, so powerful. And I'm saying to God, I was like, man, why am I still here? I'm like, I'm just. And I'm like, man, I, I, I, I. I got to figure out if I'm here, what am I going to do with this pain? And all I kept hearing him say is, give it to me. Yeah, give it to me. I literally sit on the bed because I can't. I don't know what to do. I'm crying, I'm falling to my knees, and I'm just talking to God. And I said, I'm tired of hurting. Just like that. I said, I'm tired of hurting, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And I'm just sitting there crying. I said, I'm just tired. I'm tired. And I'm just hearing him saying, give it to me. Give it to me. And he says, I promise you I'm going to use it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Gosh.

[King J. Barnett]

And I'm sitting there, and I said, for what? Use it for what? I don't know what you're going. And that is the most difficult thing. I don't care where you are in your relationship with God, is to trust him when he says to give you something. Because I don't know what you're gonna do with it, God. And I know that you say that you love me, and I know that the plans that you have for me are to prosper me and all these different things. I know that you call me blessed. I'm the seed of Abraham, but I don't know what you're gonna do with this pain. I don't know what you're gonna do with this marriage. I don't know what you're gonna do with this career. I don't know what you're gonna do with this. This idea.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And so it's hard. And so I wish church people would stop acting like it's so easy to give something to him.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It's not. Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because. Because giving it to him is a daily. Is a Daily walk. I have to release it daily.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

I have been releasing my pain daily because of the memories. Because trauma, it doesn't just impact the body. It doesn't just impact the way you think you're impacted by it. Because of the tapes?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

Like a videotape. Like a tape that's constantly being played. And this is why I believe in advanced modalities, that therapy may not be the way. Maybe it's a form of somatic healing. Maybe it's tms, Transcranial Magnetic stimulation, where you got to set the device on your head and you got to allow them to stimulate your brain because of the impact of the trauma. And I had so much pain and my trauma, I was just like, God. I don't.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And I remember being on my knees and I remember doing this. Surrendering, just surrendering, surrendering. And I'm crying, surrendering. So after this happened, I get on the phone with my mom and I call her. And I said. And I'm crying still. I said, mama. I said, he came. And she said, what? I said, he came. She said, what are you talking about? I said, mama, Jesus came and visited me today. She just started crying. Oh. Oh, my God. She said, I was in prayer this morning. And I said, God, go see about my son, my Lord.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

And he did the prayers of a mother.

[King J. Barnett]

She said, God, go see about my boy. And I said, mama, I'm going to try to hold on because he told me to give this to him. And that was that moment for me that. It wasn't a prayer, that was planned. It wasn't some words. I didn't have to pontificate. You know what I'm saying? I didn't have to be so magniloquent and speak so eloquent. God just needed out my raw feelings. God doesn't need us to be so polished. He needs us to be naked.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

He need us to be vulnerable. I think we, you know, we try to. Oh, God. I just need you to know God needs you to sometimes. Hey.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. Where are you?

[King J. Barnett]

Where are you, man? You told me you was going to help me. Where's the help? Yeah, he don't need these cute prayers. Sometimes it's just Jesus.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's it. That's it.

[King J. Barnett]

Because, Crystal, that's all I had. I didn't pray for a couple of years. I didn't have any words. And I remember sitting still one morning. God said, I hear you without you even praying.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because sometimes the human mind is so weighted down from the pain, from the burden, from the Atrocities of just life that you don't even have anything to say.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

And all you can do is just sit there. And I had to learn that sometimes he just want us to sit there.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's it. That's it. Sit there. It's so funny you say that. I do live with. On my Patreon with my sweeties. And one girl said, what do I do? Like, when I can't hear God's voice and I'm trying all these different things and nothing's working. And I was like, sometimes you're not hearing because you're going, going, going. You need to sit down so you can hear him sit down. I was like, God's trying to stop you from making these mistakes and from doing these things, but you won't sit down long enough to sit with him. Listen. There's power in the stillness.

[King J. Barnett]

You know, Mother Teresa says something that God is a friend to silence, stillness and solitude. Like, we gotta get still.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Get silent and be in that solitude. Be in that state where you can just rest. We have such a busy lifestyle.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

We do.

[King J. Barnett]

I tell people, I. I mean, people that are. They're not doing nothing. Busy because they busy doing nothing.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's good.

[King J. Barnett]

You know what I'm saying? So even with. With myself, it's learning to just sit with him and not say nothing.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And just to rest in his present and to rest even in what I don't understand. Because God really just looking for obedience.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's it.

[King J. Barnett]

And I've had to learn that obedience is best displayed when you don't understand what he's doing.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And Crystal, I've learned to trust him, to trust his methods when I don't understand his acts. You know what I mean? Because he's a God of order. He's a God of strategy.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

You know what I'm saying? He's a great architect. And so he's moving stuff that we don't even know.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right.

[King J. Barnett]

My mom said, baby, God protects fools and babies. So there's times where he's working and we don't know he's working. And I've had to learn to say, you know what? I don't know what you doing, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah, but do your thing. Because he always gonna do his big one. He's always gonna do his biggest one where you be like, wait, this is. I wouldn't even thought of this. He's like, I know because I'm God and you're not.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen when people say, man, did you ever. Now, my grandma used to call me Dr. J, your girl.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Oh, so that's before you became a Dr. J.

[King J. Barnett]

She used to call me Dr. J. Wow. Rest her soul. She used to call me Dr. J. And you couldn't have told me because I know the game of football. I loved it. But, man, you couldn't have never told me that I would be a therapist, would be in this position to be this voice, to be, you know, a reflection of what healing looks like in real time. To be this black man who has been in the White House, who has been all over the country speaking, had a tour, books, man. You told me that, man, 10 years ago. I've been like, man, I've been like, negro, please, please. Like, what therapist? Like, mental health?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah, man, that's crazy.

[King J. Barnett]

And I remember this. This prophet telling me, he said, God is going to use you. And I'm like, all right, whatever, man. Like, literally, Crystal, he was like, God is going to use you to transform the world.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

He like.

[King J. Barnett]

And I remember laughing at this man like Sarah did at the angel when.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

They told us, you gonna have a baby. Yeah, okay.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen. That man called me 10 years later.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

And said, what'd I tell you?

[King J. Barnett]

I was sitting on the couch. This is when Taraji had her show, Peace of Mind.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

He prophesied. He said, I see you sitting on the couch with the celebrity, and you're talking about healing and da, da, da what? He called me 10 years later when the episode aired.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Hey, man of God, man of God.

[King J. Barnett]

And he said, I told you what I saw, that God was gonna use it a mighty way. I just broke down. So when you say he gonna do his big one. And here's the other part, I gotta say this. People like us, we didn't even see this for ourselves.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

No, not to this magnitude. I didn't even wanna do a podcast.

[King J. Barnett]

Let's forget the podcast.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

But even I wanted to be an actor. Like, that was a childhood dream. I wanted to be a singer. But the impact that we had to this magnitude. Never thought it. Like, I just wanted to, like, be an artist and then keep all this. My personal stuff to myself. Like, I wasn't trying to share my whole life with the world, but here we are, you know, do you ever.

[King J. Barnett]

Wake up any mornings and just be like, wow, like, every day.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Every morning I wake up every day I pull into my garage. Every day. Even just like, I was talking to God the other day, I was like. Because just seeing cars. Oh, those cars that drive themselves pulled out in front of me way more. I was like, what is happening right now? And Then I just thought I was like, God, thank you for the wrecks that I can't see. You know, it's like moments where I'm always like, wow, this is crazy. Just even my life. Like, I was on live last night and. Or even last week we were. This week we were filming, and two people came up to me, asked me to pray for them. I'm like, my friend Brenda Palmer, she's. You know Brenda, she's always like. She calls me pastor, and then my other friends call me first lady. I'm like, like, you like, oh, don't tell them.

[King J. Barnett]

Don't, don't, don't. Y' all put that on my friend, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

She gonna say, all right, PC I'm like, stop it, Brenda, man, Listen, cuz, she hates when people call her Pastor Brenda. I'm like, but you're a pastor.

[King J. Barnett]

Like some people. That's what they call to do.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

See, God has blessed us because we're not tied to the four walls.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

No, we are.

[King J. Barnett]

We minister through entertainment, through acting, through podcast, through speaking, and through curating. Curating spaces. Like, I told God, I'll do whatever you want to do, but do not put me in no church.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

And honestly, I feel like God is doing a restructuring of the church anyway, because that's not. We are the church. That's not what he meant for it to be.

[King J. Barnett]

But, Crystal, this is ministry.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It is.

[King J. Barnett]

What you're doing is ministry. Ministry is meeting people where they are. This is ministry. You're meeting people. Because if you tell me to keep it positive, that means I have to think positive.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes, yes. You got to change your mindset.

[King J. Barnett]

I have to change. But. But when you think about the word repentance, even in the Greek metanoa.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Come on now.

[King J. Barnett]

The word. So stop. But let me. Yeah, so when you. When you think about repentance, in the Greek metanoa, it is a change to change the way you think.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

That's what it means. So it's not, you know, and even when you think about sin, like, because even we. I mean, it's just like, you know, I just love. God has given me such as Beautiful Mind, you know what I mean? To deconstruct people's mind. Because even when we look at sin, it means to miss the mark.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yep.

[King J. Barnett]

That's what it means.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

We miss it.

[King J. Barnett]

And if you can change the way you think, you minimize missing the mark. So if we're going to get people to turn away from sin and to get them to quote, unquote, repentance, we have to help people change the way they think. It starts in these spaces. It starts because this is mental health.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Nope.

[King J. Barnett]

Really what you're doing is mental health. When you get on them lives, that's mental health.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes. No, literally, people leave change. Like we've seen the testimonies of people, like just from coming into this community, the lives we've saved. Me opening up also about suicide and opening up about relationships with my family and helping mothers and daughters heal their relationships. It's been so many positive outcomes that have come from just speaking our truth.

[King J. Barnett]

And that's why God keep blessing you.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. Wow.

[King J. Barnett]

That's why God keep giving you more. Because he can trust you with it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. That's my prayer too.

[King J. Barnett]

He can trust you with it. And you don't have to keep praying. He can trust you with it. Because he didn't. Because as I'm speaking to you, I'm speaking to me because it be scared because I'm like you giving me a lot. God to whom much is given. Yes. It's the required part.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

A big requirement.

[King J. Barnett]

And the requirement is really the responsibility.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes. Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because I don't want to mishandle the gift. I don't want to mishandle the call.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And I don't want to mishandle people.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

That's. That's my burden. It's like, God, listen, like, even with my prophetic gift, like if I'm in spacing that people pull on it and, and, and, and people will ask like you. Because you can always. Because it takes a prophet to identify another prophet. Like, truly. Because it's the difference to walk in the. To have a prophetic gift, but also to walk in the office of that. But there's spaces that I'm in that. That pulls on it. And I give the word and I leave.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

Because I never, like, I'm not, you know, I'm just a man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And my focus daily is how can I be a better instrument to fit into God's hand.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

So he can use me. That's it. Yeah.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's so true.

[King J. Barnett]

You know, and that's what we're doing. And that's why God keeps expanding us. Because we have a heart for his people.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And Bishop said to me, he said, here's what people don't realize. You didn't ask for that.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah. And that's why he gave it to you.

[King J. Barnett]

Folks be mad at what we have been given. We didn't ask for this. You just wanted to be an artist.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah, I just wanted to be A football player.

[King J. Barnett]

Yeah. And, like, my dream was play ball, you know, make a little money to buy a house, have a family. Like, I never wanted to be all over the country. I like being at home.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right. I was like, I have other plans for you. That is so true.

[King J. Barnett]

Listen, every time I gotta leave my house, I just be like, lord, only for you, man. Only for you, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Cause I love home. I feel like, ugh. I can just stay there, man.

[King J. Barnett]

I'm such a homebody, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes, man.

[King J. Barnett]

I can get on that couch and turn that TV on.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It's a wrap.

[King J. Barnett]

After I do my workout and my meal prep. Oh, yeah, it's cooked. I'm not coming out this house.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Right.

[King J. Barnett]

That.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

You're like me. I had to recharge. Like, home is like my recharging station. Like, for real. Like, that's right.

[King J. Barnett]

How big is your social battery?

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Oh, very. It's very small, very limited. Yeah, yeah. Like, my team knows. I'll give them that look and, like, Big west would be. I can just look at him and he'd be like, all right, come on. Like, Because I. It's a lot. It's a lot.

[King J. Barnett]

They pull. They pull because you got that oil on you. You got that glow. And everybody wants the Bruce Leroy.

[Announcer]

Not the Bruce Leroy, who's the master, sure enough.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That is so true.

[King J. Barnett]

We telling our age right now. Hey, for real.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

25. Remember? 25.

[Ryan Seacrest]

25.

[Commercial Voice]

25.

[King J. Barnett]

Chris is 20. Listen, Chris is 25. I'm 32.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Right.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Forever.

[King J. Barnett]

You got that glow on you, man. And they want it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

It is. It's joy, though.

[King J. Barnett]

Yeah.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Honestly, it's like. It's not given by the world. I can definitely say that.

[King J. Barnett]

And listen, here's the other part, man. They'd be attracted to you. They only know why.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

They don't know why. People say that all the time. They say, I see you on tv. It's like. It's just something about her. And I always say, it's the Lord. I ain't got nothing to do with it.

[King J. Barnett]

I remember my mentor telling me. He said, I'm gonna tell you something, man. He gonna know I'm telling you this. He said, listen, what you got on you is, you gotta steward it. Well. He said, you got this football Bill Chocolate, you speak well. He said, everything gonna be attracted to you. And he looked at me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Everything.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Cat Williams. Everything, everything, everything, everything.

[King J. Barnett]

That's true, man.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Cause some of the stuff I be looking at, I'd be like.

[King J. Barnett]

I said, you shouldn't look at me. And when he said that, man, I be dag on you be like, man. And I'm. Because the anointing draws. Yeah, it's a drawer and it draws everyone, right? Wrong. Red, blue.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

He's like, I don't know what it is, but I want it. And as we gotta rebuke it in the name of Jesus, because no, but that is so true. And a lot of times we don't even be knowing like what all comes with. I'm sure you didn't know everything that came with this life and living it. And like you talked about when, when you take these platforms, it's not just you anymore. It's so you open up for the audit, as Stevie Bag said. And that is so true. We open ourselves up to a light and we don't realize how much comes along with this, man.

[King J. Barnett]

My mother, Mama, I want you to know publicly, baby, how much I appreciate you. My mother wakes up every morning at 3:30 and intercedes for me. That means so much to me, Crystal. Every morning she wakes up at 3:30 and intercedes. And that some morning I call at 5:00', clock, she'd be like, boy, you know I'm just coming out the room for you. You traveling this country healing these men. You got a mighty. You got a mighty mandated mission on you, boy. Or you got a big assignment, but you gonna complete it.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yes.

[King J. Barnett]

And she told me recently, she said, king, I pray for you often because she said, you have such a good heart. And when you have a good heart, and I'm sure you know this is that you want to see everybody get there.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Yeah.

[King J. Barnett]

And I think the toughest thing for me was that the circles would change because everybody can't go.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Please come back next week as we continue this incredibly insightful conversation with Dr. King J. Barnett.

[Announcer]

Whoa, what a vibe we've got, y'.

[Ryan Seacrest]

All.

[Announcer]

As always, it's classic HBCU energy. Nonstop action. The band is rocking and the crowd lit. Chants echoing, drums beating, everybody showing that school pride. Moments like this, yeah, they call for an ice cold Coca Cola. Crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there. Mmm, yeah, that taste always hit the right note. Just like the band at halftime. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere and an ice cold Coca Cola. That's a winning combo. No matter the place, no matter the moment, everybody knows fan work is thirsty work. So grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. As winter approaches, make sure you set aside some time for self care. Now through December Second, get great savings on personal care essentials when you shop in store or online. Buy two participating self care items and save $3. Shop for items like TRESemme Shampoo, Dove Shampoo, Dove Men's Care Body Wash, Dove Body Wash and Axe Shower gel, and save $3 when you buy two or more items. Offer ends December 2nd. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. Ah, greetings from my bath festive friends. The holidays are overwhelming, but I'm tackling this season with PayPal and making the most of my money, getting 5% cash back when I pay in four.

[King J. Barnett]

No fees, no interest.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I used it to get this portable spa with jets. Now the bubbles can cling to my.

[King J. Barnett]

Sculpted but pruny body.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Make the most of your money this holiday with PayPal. Save the offer in the app ends1231 see paypal.com promoter points can be redeemed for cash and more. Paying for subject to terms and approval. PayPal Inc. And MLS 910457Amazon Five Star.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

Theater presents real customer reviews performed by Eva Longoria. Tonight's review sports briefs. Oh boy, where do I even start with these performance mesh boxer briefs? These boxer briefs are like a magician's trick. You know the one where you go, where did that rabbit come from? So if you're looking for underwear that not only performs well, but also gives your package the attention it deserves, then look no further. 5 stars Nickalicious shop the Perfect Gift this holiday season on Amazon.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We host the podcast Mind the Small Business Success Stories, produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit QuickBooks.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

We're back for season four to talk.

[Commercial Voice]

To some incredible small business owners.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing.

[King J. Barnett]

Everyone's a rookie.

[Crystal Renee Hazlett]

That's how fast the industry is changing. So what I'm really excited about is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

To be part of that change. So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.