Keep It Positive, Sweetie

Episode: Growth Grief and The Courage to Heal w/ King Jay Barnett Part 2
Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Dr. King J. Barnett
Date: December 7, 2025

Overview

This powerful episode features a heartfelt conversation between Crystal Renee Hayslett and Dr. King J. Barnett on themes of growth, grief, healing, self-sacrifice, faith, and mental health—especially in the Black community and among men. The pair discuss letting go of relationships that can’t come with you as you level up, the courage needed for inner transformation, balancing ambition with self-preservation, and how spiritual grounding shapes their careers and purpose. They also share honest stories about personal struggles, the importance of surrounding oneself with the right support, and the spiritual weight of their callings.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Growth, Grief & Letting Go

• "Everybody can't go."
  • As you elevate, not everyone from your past can journey with you. Dr. Barnett reflects on how purpose sometimes creates distance from old friends and the grief that can come with that change.
  • Quote:

    “The purpose creates the distance because they can’t keep up.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (03:43)

• Spiritual Covering & Discernment
  • Both Dr. Barnett and Crystal share experiences of their mothers receiving spiritual warnings about people in their lives.
    • Crystal: “My mom had a dream that a friend of mine was living with me and poisoning my food... she’s poison to your life... it’s real.” (06:07)
  • The importance of intercessory prayer and spiritual protection when stepping into vulnerable, public work.
• Team & Trust
  • Barnett emphasizes the sacrifice and time required to build a trustworthy team that can handle the weight and delicacy of his purpose and calling.

2. The Weight of Purpose & Spiritual Vulnerability

• On Emotional Exhaustion:
  • Dr. Barnett shares about the spiritual depletion that can come after pouring into others, especially after therapeutic or prophetic events.
    • “When I get off stage, all the virtue is gone.” (07:17)
  • The need to be spiritually covered post-events, as these are moments of great vulnerability and spiritual attack.
• Father Wounds & Seeking Support
  • Dr. Barnett opens up about the lingering pain of not being fathered and how this surfaces even in moments of achievement.
    • “I’ve watched men break down and cry… then the enemy will say, ‘But your dad ain’t call you.’” (10:13)
  • He finds covering and mentorship in spiritual leaders like Bishop T.D. Jakes, who remind him he’s not alone on his journey.
    • “You’re healing ancient wounds in men… You don’t have to walk this out by yourself. I’m here.” (12:00)

3. On Sacrifice, Boundaries, & Saying No

• Setting Boundaries:
  • The discipline of saying “no” creates the power of a meaningful “yes.”
    • “What I say no to gives power to what I say yes to.” – Dr. King J. Barnett (15:00)
  • The hosts discuss the daily, continual surrender to purpose and the need to deny oneself in order to serve a higher calling.
• Sacrifices Required for Purpose:
  • “Dying to myself, every day. Daily. Surrendering.” (15:32)
  • The emotional burden of always being available for others’ healing, while sometimes needing support or a simple hug himself.

4. Faith Journeys: Obedience & Divine Provision

• God-Driven Opportunities
  • Dr. Barnett recounts acquiring A4 Location Health Group—a process driven by faith and spiritual affirmation. Despite many higher offers, the seller chose him because of his heart and integrity.
    • “She said, ‘I had 15 offers, but it was you guys the entire time.’” (35:23)
  • Divine connections and resources began to appear unexpectedly as Barnett continued to walk in faith.
  • The story of moving to Texas as a child is used to illustrate how faith and expectancy shaped his life even in youth.

5. Finding Pace & Preserving Wellbeing

• Barnett’s Upcoming Book: Pursuing Pace
  • Lessons from burnout—touring, overgiving, and physical collapse led to re-evaluating life’s pace.
  • PACE stands for “pathways to alleviating cognitive exhaustion.” Emphasis on finding personal rhythm and not comparing yourself to others.
    • “Most of us are exhausted cognitively, and we cannot make health decisions because we’re so tired.” (53:31)
• Physical & Mental Health for Black Men
  • Candid discussion about men’s health, hormonal changes, and the connection between mental and physical health.
    • “The average life expectancy of a Black man is 61.5 today… Mental health is physical health.” (59:40)
  • Dr. Barnett shares his own health struggles from overwork and how he had to radically change his lifestyle, highlighting the necessity for Black men to prioritize medical care and emotional release.

6. Spiritual Warfare & Discernment

• Carrying Others’ Pain & Protecting Self
  • The dangers of carrying spiritual attachments from others after events and the real experience of wrestling with oppressive spirits.
    • “People don’t realize these spirits… mental health is so much spiritual.” (64:57)
• The Power of Discernment
  • “I can be around somebody right now, and I can quickly discern their spirit ain’t right. I ain’t gonna say nothing… I’m just gonna move around.” (66:03)
  • The importance for healers and faith leaders to cultivate spiritual discernment and guard their environments.

7. Creativity, Faith, and Career Boundaries

• Balancing Faith with Creative Work
  • Crystal shares about turning down roles that don’t align with her faith and ensuring her work leaves people changed or uplifted.
    • “Nothing is worth sacrificing or sabotaging my relationship with Christ over a role.” (71:38)
  • Both discuss the spiritual risks and aftereffects of taking on dark or demonic roles as actors.
• On the Creative Journey
  • Dr. Barnett shares how certain acting experiences required intense spiritual preparation and decompression, reflecting on cautionary industry tales.

8. Listener Questions & Advice

• On Bringing Faith to Work
  • Crystal affirms she’s never denied her faith in her career, even if it meant passing on opportunities. She brings redemptive faith elements into her roles for greater impact. (70:14)
• On Therapy Choices
  • Dr. Barnett advises a listener on considering whether a male therapist might meet his current needs, noting how different therapist identities can fill emotional gaps or trigger old wounds. (81:47)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The purpose creates the distance because they can’t keep up.”
  — Dr. King J. Barnett (03:43)

• “What I say no to gives power to what I say yes to.”
  — Dr. King J. Barnett (15:00)

• “It’s your surrender that is provoking God to expand your territory.”
  — Intercessor speaking to Dr. King J. Barnett (15:53)

• “I just needed the physical embrace of—nothing sexual—but just the connection of, like, man, let me hold you in a second.”
  — Dr. King J. Barnett on men’s need for healthy touch (17:41)

• “Mental health is physical health. Pursuing Pace came from that, because Bishop said, ‘If you don’t pace yourself, you’re not going to make it.’”
  — Dr. King J. Barnett (60:12)

• “People don’t realize these spirits… mental health is so much spiritual.”
  — Dr. King J. Barnett (64:57)

• “Art is imitation…so I want to be really careful. I don’t do, like, horror stuff…I want everything I do to have some type of redemptive story.”
  — Crystal Renee Hayslett on aligning faith and creative choices (71:38)

Important Timestamps

• Letting Go to Go Higher: 03:15 – 05:50
• Spiritual Covering & Being Vulnerable in Ministry: 05:50 – 08:15
• Emotional Costs of Pouring Into Others & Father Wounds: 09:02 – 11:29
• On Mentorship and Building the Right Team: 12:11 – 13:30
• Power of Saying No & Sacrifice for Purpose: 14:47 – 15:32
• Burnout and Physical Health Journey: 52:56 – 59:56
• Listener Q&A—Faith and Career Choices: 70:14 – 81:05

Final Reflections

Both Crystal and Dr. Barnett echo mutual gratitude for the healing and encouragement found in authentic, spiritually-rooted conversation. They emphasize the importance of walking by faith, being intentional about environments and relationships, honoring self-care, and allowing oneself to be poured into as much as one pours out.

“Healing doesn’t mean perfection. It means being honest enough to start.” – Crystal Renee Hayslett (End)

Connect & Learn More

• Follow Dr. King J. Barnett: KingJBarnett (Instagram, X, Facebook, Threads)
• Listen: Just Heal with Dr. J (Black Effect)
• Crystal Renee Hayslett: Host, Keep It Positive Sweetie
• Upcoming: “Pursuing Pace” (Book)—drops 2027 (Penguin Random House)

The conversation stands as a testament to the strength found in vulnerability, faith, wise boundaries, and community. Whatever your stage of healing—remember to keep it honest, keep it healing, and always… Keep It Positive, Sweetie.