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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie. I'm Krystal Renee Hayslett, and today I'm having girl talk with my girl slash sister slash manager, Dinora, AKA first of all, thank you so much.
- [00:29]
B
Thank you.
- [00:30]
A
What a lot of people don't know is that this would not have happened without you. Well, us without. But it was your. Like, you really pushed it, though. You was like, you need to do this. You know, it was a thought when we first met and started working together, and I was like, oh. Cause I felt like podcasts were kind of oversaturated. Didn't know if my voice would be heard, if it even mattered. And at the top of this year, you're like, no, you need to do this, and you have a lot to talk about. And I was like, okay. And we're filming season two now. It's been an amazing.
- [01:00]
B
How do you. And how do you feel?
- [01:02]
A
I feel good.
- [01:03]
B
As someone who thought, like, I don't have a voice, my voice doesn't matter. And you get flooded with messages and DMs and emails about how impactful this podcast has been.
- [01:14]
A
It feels amazing. And then it's also a testament that we made the right choice to go forward with this, because I was nervous. I remember the first episode I did.
- [01:23]
B
Oh, my God. Yes.
- [01:23]
A
It was with Dr. Darius and Pastor Shamika. And I was so nervous, y'.
- [01:28]
B
All.
- [01:28]
A
Oh, my gosh.
- [01:29]
B
So nervous.
- [01:30]
A
So nervous. And I found my footing and got more comfortable with it, and because of you guys, it's just grown, and the support has been amazing. My team, you, Chanel, Kyle, it's just been incredible, and I'm super excited to have you on the couch. This is. This is important because we have. We. We have some really good detox, y'. All. We do. And I want people to see another side of you.
- [01:55]
B
Yes. So nervous, y'.
- [01:58]
A
All. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous.
- [02:00]
B
I'm nervous because I don't, you know, I'm used to, as, you know, being behind the scenes.
- [02:06]
A
Yeah.
- [02:07]
B
And, I mean, you met me back when I was like, even when you're doing social media, I don't want to be in it.
- [02:11]
A
Yes. Like, you. I don't, like, not want to be on camera, y'. All. She's like, no, stop. Get the camera out of my face.
- [02:17]
B
And, you know, it's really interesting because you spoke a word over me on my birthday that I've seen sort of manifests. Manifest itself throughout the year. So for my birthday, you called me, and it Was crazy because it. Like. Do you remember when I was like, chris, what was that?
- [02:41]
A
Yeah.
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B
And you were like, I don't know what that was.
- [02:43]
A
It was not me.
- [02:44]
B
That came out of nowhere.
- [02:46]
A
Yeah.
- [02:47]
B
But in wishing me a happy birthday and all these things, she's like, you know, Don, I just. I just see you on stages and on platforms, like, speaking to people, and. And you. You were just going and going, and I'm, like, listening. And then you finish, and I go, crystal, what was that? And you're like, I don't know what that was. And I was like, God.
- [03:06]
A
Nothing but God, Holy Spirit, telling you.
- [03:09]
B
To tell me what I needed to hear. And. And I've seen that manifests itself this year. As far as you know, I said yes to another podcast that I also was super nervous about, and I did that podcast interview, which came out recently, and. And then I've just been finding more and more courage to share what God imparts on me on social media.
- [03:36]
A
Yeah.
- [03:37]
B
And. Yeah. So we're literally having this conversation in the midst of a very uncomfortable season for me. Very, very, very uncomfortable season. Like, I'm still actually shaking right now and don't even know which camera I'm.
- [03:54]
A
Supposed to be looking at. The Ravenswell face.
- [03:58]
B
Truly, truly. Like, I just. I am shaking right now.
- [04:04]
A
Listen, I feel like in what we've learned in our walk, in our faith walk, it's in moments like that where you have to have the faith to just go for it, you know? And I do. I see. I don't know what it. Like, I watch you on your social media. I see how you run all of our lives because you have so many clients, and you literally. I'm like, dinora, you could do this for yourself, too, you know? And I always. I said in that conversation to make space for yourself. You know what I'm saying? Find time for Dinorah because you sow and so. And so and water everybody else's garden that you had to make time to water your own. But I think it's in seasons where you're scared to take that next step or you're shaking on the couch that God is really saying, just trust me. Yes, I had that thing, too. Like, if I have to speak in public, I literally, like, I get so nervous. I'm like, lord, just give me the word. Speak through me. Because I don't know what to say. Like, just speak through me. Speak through me, God. And literally, as soon as I hit the stage and we start talking, it's like, I think it's gone. But like literally before I'm like, oh God, what if I start stuttering? What if I don't find the words? Because sometimes I'm looking for the word and I know the word. I'm like, what's the word? I'm like, please don't let me get up here and not be able to speak, you know, and like just speak clearly and articulate myself. And it gets very nerve wracking. So a lot of people think like, because I do this all the time, that I don't have those nerves. I'm saying that to say that this is normal, what you're feeling is normal. And it's always when God puts you in a little uncomfortable season that you're about to propel.
- [05:29]
B
Yes.
- [05:29]
A
You know, and buckle up.
- [05:31]
B
Listen, I've seen that, I've seen that my entire life. Like my entire life is a display of what happens when you allow yourself to sit in the discomfort you think about. When I quit my job, I had a six figure salary, I had a good position at that time. I had a dream and a vision of becoming a CMO for a beauty brand. And, and you know, I have always been very ambitious, incredibly driven and I was just on that path and on that track. And God is like, you remember when you were younger and you always knew that you were going to be a businesswoman entrepreneur. I'm going to need you to lean in on that. And then little by little starts revealing exactly what he wants me to do and how he wants me to do it. And then I start obeying, but I start obeying in what feels safe for me, which is, okay, I'll do this on the side while I still keep my safety, which is my full time job with my salary and my benefits and, and my bi weekly check.
- [06:31]
A
Yes.
- [06:32]
B
And he like fast forward to like me doing it safe. And then he continues to tug at my heart like, I need to do this, I need to do this, I need to do this. But I'm uncomfortable and I'm feeling like, what do you mean? How do I just quit? I've worked my way up to get to this moment and what I recognized started happening in my life was that God was literally warning me like, if you do not do this, I'm going to cause havoc in your life and you're not going to like it because now, now you're making me force you to obey.
- [07:06]
A
And he will shake things up.
- [07:08]
B
Listen, let me tell you, there was nothing. There were two experiences that I had. The first one being I'll never Forget. I was negotiating a deal for two of my other clients, and the deal came through from an agency that we had at Shea Moisture. So I was head of Influencer marketing brand partnerships at Shea Moisture, our agency that we had hired as a social media agency. Reached out to me separately as these folks. Manager.
- [07:36]
A
Yeah.
- [07:37]
B
About this deal. And I'm, like, nervous as I'm negotiating this, because I'm like, don't sign as Dinor. This is when, like, I would only sign as D. Don't sign as Dinora. Don't this delete your number. And that panic. And I was like, okay, God, I hear you. And then the second time was I was negotiating another deal, and that person, at that time, Shea, had already been acquired by Unilever. And so that deal was being came in from someone that was at P and G. So it was direct competitors, and I don't know what research that person did. And in an email goes, oh, so did you leave Shea Moisture? And I was like, what? And I was like, okay, God, I hear you. I hear you. Because my biggest thing was that I didn't want Rich Lou, who was the founder of Shea Moisture and who recruited me, created this opportunity for me, believed in me. I don't want him to find out. I wanted to honor him and what he saw in me. And I didn't want him to find out, like, because somebody exposed me, right? And I was like, God, you know, I hear that you're clearly calling me to do this, but I'm scared. So I'm going to commit to a fast. And at whatever point during that fast, you give me peace about this decision, I promise that I will obey. And my fast was I got off social, and I was only drinking water until like 6 or 7pm to have dinner.
- [09:04]
A
Wow.
- [09:05]
B
Day three, I woke up and I thought about. Because up until that moment, every time that I would think about quitting, I had a knot in my stomach and I was scared. Day three, I woke up, and the idea of going, of quitting did not terrify me anymore. And I said, I heard you got it. And I called Rich Little right away. And Rich Little's exact words were, dinora, you're gonna fucking crush it. Yes. He was like, I hired you and recruited you and poached you because you are entrepreneurial, because you work so hard, because you're a jack of many trades, because of all of this. I knew you would eventually leave me. I just didn't want it to be so soon. But I knew you would eventually leave me.
- [09:43]
A
Yeah. And that's what happens.
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B
And that's exactly what happened.
- [09:46]
A
Wow. I love that. I love that. I, too, had to take a leap of faith when I worked on Capitol Hill. Similar story where I just realized that I was not living my dream. I feel like I had something about when God. When you know that God has something else for you, he starts tugging at your heart and you're restless. It's like, why can't I shake this thing? And it's like you know deep down in your heart that you have something more to offer the world in a bigger capacity. And sometimes in those moments, it's taking that leap of faith. Being scared, jumping blindly, not knowing if you're gonna land on your feet or in your face. Listen, you have no idea. Where do you think that stems from? Just the doubt or the. Because I know Rich. He saw something in you. Did you ever see that in yourself? Or were you always kinda like, what is he seeing? Why me?
- [10:35]
B
So I've always recognized, Dinora, you are insanely ambitious and you are very driven. I've always recognized that about myself. Like, I earned most likely to succeed in high school. Like in high school, same thing. Yeah. I've always been very ambitious. And so that I recognized. The irony is that growing up, I never thought of myself as a person with any skills or any talent, because we have a different idea of what skills and talent looks like.
- [11:07]
A
Everyone does. Yeah.
- [11:08]
B
Can you sing? Can you dance? Do you play an instrument? Are you. You know, my brother was like all American in every single sport he ever played. And that was not my story. And so I didn't necessarily. I always recognized the ambition and the drive in me, but never the talent and the gift. And so it was in high school, actually, my English teacher shout out to Ms. McAvoy, who. I wonder where she is in the world. But my English teacher, I became the head of the prom committee.
- [11:35]
A
Okay. And.
- [11:36]
B
And she was like, at that time, I wanted to do journalism. And she was like, dunno, what did you say you wanted to do? I was like, journalism. She was like, I feel like you should look into a career in PR or marketing. Like, you just have. There's just something that you have. I had never even heard of the word marketing, so I had no idea what it was. And so she had connected me to one of her college friends that worked at Mac. And she told me a little bit about what she did. And then I became intrigued with that and I was like, okay, yeah, I want to do that. And then that was my initial major. And then they Told me I had to take statistics. And I was like, well, the way my math is, so what's the alternative, right? And so then. And I was like, oh, you know what? I'll do PR and journalism. And so that was what all of my career was. You know, I had a stint in music. I managed. Y' all remember Leah Sunshine? I don't know how old y' all are, but Leo Sunshine from that little flip record so 50, signed her to G Unit.
- [12:35]
A
Wow.
- [12:36]
B
And one of the A and Rs from Junit, who I knew because I had a brief stint in music, I worked at bmi, he was like, dinora, I feel like you'd be a really great manager. So he was the one that planted the manager seed. First ever.
- [12:49]
A
Wow. Okay.
- [12:50]
B
He's like, I feel like you'd be a really great manager. And we just signed Leah Sunshine and she needs a manager. Like, you guys should meet. And we met and I did that for a while and then I went, you know, back into pr. That's a long winded way for me to answer your question, though.
- [13:04]
A
Did I? We want the Daydale listen. It's. No, this is.
- [13:08]
B
She's a long winded mommy. But I. No, I recognize my own ambition and my own drive, but I never recognized my own. My own actual talent and skill. And I think that that also has a lot to do. I think your environment is. Has a lot to do with determining whether you recognize that. You know, I didn't necessarily grow up in an environment where, you know, I had parents that affirmed me in that way and to no fault of theirs, rather than them just, you know, out of sheer ignorance of not understanding that that's something that you should do for a child, that you should tell your children, you're so smart, you're so talented, you're so this, you're so that.
- [13:47]
A
So, yeah, that's real.
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B
Yeah.
- [13:50]
A
Wow. So when you took that leap of faith. I love telling people, I love people to understand that things don't happen overnight. What was your first gig as far as, like, when you realized, okay, this is like, I'm doing what I want to do.
- [14:05]
B
I would say the first gig was. Ooh, that's a really good question, because I would say I had several. Like, I did always love everything that I did.
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A
Okay.
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B
Out of college, I worked at BMI and I was there for a couple months. And then one of the guy that was a president at a PR agency that I interned for then ended up hiring me. Like, he called me to recruit me. I stay Getting recruited.
- [14:33]
A
But that speaks to your work ethic and your character, because if they didn't see something in you, they wouldn't call you back.
- [14:39]
B
That's very true. What work ethic? You said yesterday that I have.
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A
You have to have work ethic like Beyonce. You do. Let the record show you remind me so much. If you watch Beyonce documentaries, you see that she is relentless with her work, and so are you.
- [14:57]
B
I just didn't want you to forget.
- [14:58]
A
That you said that. Yes. Okay.
- [15:05]
B
But I have. I've always done work that I loved. I have been very fortunate with that. I, again, right out of college, I was in the music business. Did that for a while. Was recruited by this guy who was the president of an agency that I interned for. He launched his own agency. He recruited me. I worked there. And then actually, at that point, then I was there for a couple months, and then I had my first stint at trying to be an entrepreneur.
- [15:33]
A
Okay.
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B
And I was only 22, and it was like, going back, I'm like, what were you thinking? But again, it was an experience that, like, really helped me even understand what it takes to be an entrepreneur. And so I did that for maybe a year and a half and two years or two years. And I was like, okay, you're broke. You're still living in your mama's basement. And for the first time ever, my mom actually had to start helping. I have paid my own cell phone bill since I was 14, the first time ever my mom had to start helping me with my bills because, you know, I was out there, like, grinding, and it was hard, and. And I ended up going back, and I went back to an agency, and actually, that was a job that I didn't really like much because I was doing, like, medical pr, and I was like, this is so boring. But I was desperate, and I needed a job.
- [16:20]
A
Hello.
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B
But then I ended up at the agency where Shea Moisture became my client, and that absolutely changed my life.
- [16:27]
A
That's amazing.
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B
And definitely my time at Shea Moisture was my most, like, my best memories, my favorite time, The. The. The season of my life that I was stretched the most. You know, having access and being in the proximity of someone, like, original Dennis is incredible. I mean, he owns ESSENCE now, and he's an investor. Slutty vegan. And in Honeypot and in all these other companies.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And just being in proximity to that and being someone that. That to this day, like, he calls for, you know, projects or whatever that is, that was life changing. And I would say that was definitely my. My favorite Experience I love as an employee.
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A
I love that.
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B
Yeah.
- [17:12]
A
So let's get into something that you've had a big impact on my life. And I'll go back to how we originally met. We originally met through Deval and Kadeen Ellis, and you managed them as well. And I was just getting started trying to find some. Just trying to find my footing in this industry. And at the time when I contacted you, you didn't have the bandwidth to really help me. And then you called me, he's like, hey, I've built my team. We can take you on if you're still interested. And I was like, yes. So when you sign on to a management team, I'm thinking like, okay, this is a person that helps me get deals. She manages my career, my contracts, all those things. Not knowing that you would be someone who also came into my life to help me, to even bond over God, you know, we bond through God, through our faith, through healing. And you knew I was going through some things because as we talk now, it's not just like a business. It's like we're actually friends and family. And you were like, crystal, you need to go to therapy. And I was like, I do, and it's my thing. I had been going, I had tried somebody, but I wasn't being honest with the person, so it wasn't working for me. Me. And I had to be real with myself. You're not telling this person everything, so they can really help you. So you, like, I got somebody. Yeah. And you introduced me to Dr. Delana Zimmerman. And when I say completely changed my.
- [18:33]
B
Life, shout out to Delena, that is a. That is a disciple of God.
- [18:38]
A
She is. She is. What was it that made you realize, Dinora, you need counseling? And, like, what helped you get to those steps? Because a lot of times I know even our viewers, they're saying just from watching it, they're going through a healing process. Now we've opened them up to the idea of therapy, even though I feel like we're now in a space, culturally, where mental health awareness is so big, people are actually taking it more serious than they did in the past. But just even this podcast alone is inspiring women and men alike to go get help. What was it that made Dinora feel like, okay, this. I need to go talk to somebody else. I can't do this on my own? The.
- [19:24]
B
I was aware for a while that I needed therapy, because I. I had to. I had already recognized that I had daddy issues, which I had addressed in 20. In 2018, God spoke a word over my life that changed my life. And the first thing that God called me to do was heal a relationship with my father. And so I think I want to touch on that real quick because it's related, but not related to your question, but I want to touch on that because many from our community experience, I hate the word daddy issues, but for lack of a better term, daddy issues. And my father, though, I, you know, he's present, he's, you know, still lives at home with my mom and all of that stuff. My father was and still is to this day an emotionally absent father and also was not a physically present father because he was gambling till 2, 3, 4 o' clock in the morning when he should have been at home with his kids. And so I, I had reached an age maybe around like 15, where that really, I think in me and my own development as a, as a young adult and all of that, where I recognized his absence and it started to hurt me. And so I became very judgmental over my father. I started like rejecting him. I didn't necessarily care to have a relationship with him and. But there's always consequences of things like that. Like you pick the wrong men because you end up wanting to find or you end up turning the men that you dated to your father or wanting them to fill the role of your father. And that's not what they're there for.
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A
That's not their job. Yeah.
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B
But you don't recognize that because you don't have the self awareness to even know that.
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A
And.
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B
After, after, in 2018, when God called me to heal my relationship with my father, he literally said to me, I need you. Oh Lord, we're not going to cry. He said, I need you to see your father through my eyes. That is still my child.
- [21:37]
A
Wow.
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B
That was the word that the Lord gave me. Took us long enough.
- [21:46]
A
It did.
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B
I got my canvas, I got my canvas napkin though.
- [21:51]
A
Wow.
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B
But that was, that was the word that God gave me that set me free and allowed me to create space for the relationship to heal. Because I think that what's very easy for us to do as Christians that are in our word and that do go to church and that do read the devotionals and that can recite scripture, is that we become self righteous and we think, oh, well, we know God, so, oh, he's going to have his day with God. So are you.
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A
Hello.
- [22:26]
B
So are you.
- [22:27]
A
What she said, that's it right there.
- [22:29]
B
And so when God said that to me, when God basically said, y' all are the same before my Eyes. So I'm gonna need you to see him through my eyes.
- [22:38]
A
Yes.
- [22:39]
B
Set me free. And so that, that in 2018, that sort of be. That that was the beginning of my healing journey. What led me to say, baby, you need therapy though, like, and, and therapy is a gift from God because a lot of people think you just pray about it and read scripture. No, therapy is a gift from God.
- [22:58]
A
Yes.
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B
And it's meant to be a resource to help you. It's not meant to be the source, but it's meant to be a resource. It's not meant to be a source. It is a resource.
- [23:06]
A
A resource.
- [23:07]
B
And so the thing that led me to finally say I need to go to therapy was that I was in a relationship. Non relationship.
- [23:19]
A
We know what we know.
- [23:20]
B
I was in a situationship with someone. I was in a situationship with someone. And, and it's funny because I had said to him one day, I was like, you remind me so much of my dad. And he was offended by that because he's like, he knows my, he knew my story with my dad and he has two children and he's very present in their lives and all of that. But I couldn't, I. I didn't understand why. And it was because he is also or was because he has the right to have changed. He was so emotionally unavailable as well. And I was like, that is why he reminds me so much of my father, because he's emotional. I found myself doing what I did with my father as a child. Look, I'm a good child. I get good grades. I come, I'm home on time when I have curfew. Love me, choose me over your friends in the streets. I found myself.
- [24:11]
A
That's what everyone wants.
- [24:12]
B
Listen. Doing the same thing with him, wanting to be chosen by him.
- [24:18]
A
Wow.
- [24:19]
B
And it. And it never happened. And I used to take that as a reflection of me and who I was as a woman. Not understanding that that had nothing to do with me.
- [24:30]
A
Nothing to do with you, nothing.
- [24:32]
B
I now know that. But then I didn't. And so that was. It was when I recognized I had gotten out of the situationship. And I said, dinora, you need therapy because your picker is. Is still all the way off because you continue to pick the wrong men.
- [24:50]
A
I did that too. I went through a phase of that child just picking the wrong. And not just. It's a never ending cycle.
- [24:55]
B
Yeah.
- [24:56]
A
Wonder why I'm ending with the same results. I'm like, you got to stop going for these type of men. It's a Thing.
- [25:03]
B
It's a, it's a trauma attraction.
- [25:04]
A
It is.
- [25:05]
B
It's a trauma trauma bond. It's trauma, it's trauma bonding. And you don't even recognize that that's what it is until you're on the other side of that.
- [25:14]
A
Yeah.
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B
You know, and the funny thing is that. Cuz I always talk about the one man that I've, that I've ever been in love with in my life. Cuz I've only been in loved ones. And the funny thing is that that man was actually the complete opposite of my father. Right. He was present, he was emotionally available. In fact he was who you know would say no dinner, it's not okay for you to shut down. So we're just going to both sit here until we talk about it.
- [25:40]
A
Oh, I like that.
- [25:41]
B
You know, like he, like he was that. But I was so immature and did not have the awareness to even recognize what I had in front of me. And so, and regardless, he wasn't meant to be with me. He's married with three children now. Like he's with who he was supposed to be. Yeah, he's with who he was supposed to supposed to be. Clearly. He actually left me for her.
- [26:06]
A
Where he at? We need his address. We're going to pull up on you, you know. Wow, that's crazy. His loss.
- [26:14]
B
Anyway, listen. No, no, no, no, no. But listen, it's so funny because all jokes aside, he made, he made the right decision.
- [26:21]
A
Okay?
- [26:22]
B
No, no, no, no, no. He made, he's with who he was supposed to be with. We had to be in each other's lives cuz he needed to experience me to be able to recognize her. And I needed to experience that to grow.
- [26:36]
A
Yes. Oh, that's good.
- [26:37]
B
You know what I'm saying?
- [26:38]
A
It all working for your good.
- [26:40]
B
It all worked for a good. You know what I'm saying?
- [26:42]
A
Like it.
- [26:43]
B
So, so he's with who he was supposed to be with. You know, I don't, I don't look at that experience and hate him. In fact I, I, I have when I've seen because you know, us girls, we do the check ins randomly, you know. And, and when I, and when I've done my check ins I actually smile looking at his family photos. Yeah. And I'm like he's who he was supposed to be.
- [27:03]
A
That's beautiful. Maturity, healing, we love it.
- [27:08]
B
She like no, but it's true. He's who he was supposed to be with.
- [27:13]
A
I love that. So through that let's talk about dating. Okay. Because you and I are both driven, powerful women. We've talked about dating women, women of our caliber, the type of man we attract, the type of men, men that we need in our lives and that we want. How have you been able to balance your career? Cuz it's you.
- [27:33]
B
I haven't.
- [27:35]
A
That's real. That's. That's real.
- [27:39]
B
I'll cut your question short.
- [27:40]
A
I have not.
- [27:41]
B
I haven't.
- [27:43]
A
Okay. Is that something that you are ready for, that you're open to?
- [27:46]
B
Oh my God, yes. Yes. I am desiring and ready to share my life with someone and to start a family. I have. Especially now that I. I'm born and raised in New York. BX end up. And I now live in California. And I've been in California for three years and I've had to navigate life on my own as a woman that has been family oriented her entire life. Who the idea of a weekend is we go to my mom's house and we have parties and all 23 of my cousins are there with my 45 aunts and uncles. Right. And so that's the life that I grew up in. To then make such a drastic change to California where I had, you know, people that I know and a community of friends, but not family.
- [28:33]
A
Yeah.
- [28:34]
B
You know, and. And now I'm like, I want my own family. And I've done the work, you know, again, my healing journey started in 2000, 2018, and I've been in therapy for the past three plus years. So I've done the work and I want it. But dating is hard. And dating as a ambitious, successful woman is even harder. It is, you know, because I think that unfortunately a lot of men, I think, have rested in. Well, I provide. And so I bring money and I bring stability and I bring this and I bring that. But how do you show up for a woman that already provides that for herself? It requires for you to step into parts of yourself.
- [29:21]
A
Yes.
- [29:22]
B
That you perhaps have not exercised before or that you had no awareness of. Like, wait, she can take care of her own bill. She. So what she needs for me to do is provide her an emotionally safe space.
- [29:34]
A
Yeah. Yes. And they're not used to that.
- [29:36]
B
And they're not used to that.
- [29:37]
A
They're literally used to buying love and just paying. Okay, you're taking care of girl.
- [29:41]
B
Exactly.
- [29:41]
A
I'm gonna go get this next deal done.
- [29:43]
B
Exactly.
- [29:44]
A
They're so used to that. And some women are okay with that.
- [29:46]
B
Yes.
- [29:47]
A
You know, but there are women like you and I who need more than that.
- [29:50]
B
We need more than that. I don't need you. I don't. Listen, we all want an 8, 9, 10, whatever figure. This and a man that looks like this and that has this. We all want that. But what I need more than I can get those things for myself. I can do that thing for myself. What I, what I need to be able to do is I need to be able to rest somewhere. I need. I need someone that's going to be able to create an environment for me to flourish. I need somewhere that. Where I can be just soft and where I can exercise all of my femininity with.
- [30:26]
A
Yes.
- [30:28]
B
As a businesswoman, I am in my masculine 247 because I'm often the only woman in the room. I'm often the only person of color in the room. Right. And so I. You. You kind of walk into. And step into environments where you're kind of like automatically like on the defense almost.
- [30:46]
A
Absolutely.
- [30:47]
B
Right. I need to just walk in and be able to rest and to be able to chill and you know something that I recent a revelation that I recently had is that I really want to be with someone who can create a safe space for my inner child. I didn't even know that until recently. Wow, that's good because it's so funny because I told you this yesterday, but Catrisse, who's, you know, you know, she's my client, but she's also one of my very close friends. I'm like, very close with all of my clients children and her son Ashton, he calls me Titi Demora. It's the cutest thing ever. And he's. And we're on the phone one day and he's like, tita Demora, who's your favorite character? A Smurf character. And Catris being funny, she's like, actually, she didn't watch the Smurfs growing up. She watched Judge Judy. And so it was hilarious. But it was also true. I've been working since I was 13 years old. I did it. I didn't have a high school experience of cutting school to go to hooky parties or, or going to games. I wasn't on a sports team. I wasn't like, I've been working since I was 13. All I know and all I recognize is work. And it was the same thing for me in college. I was in school full time. I was interning full time. At a point I pledged, we won't even talk about that. And then I was also working full time. I was a retail manager for bb.
- [32:14]
A
Oh, wow. I used to love bb. Oh, my God, BB And Arden B.
- [32:17]
B
Remember when we used to pull up in the club with that ma', am.
- [32:20]
A
Every Friday, I would go, give me a new little dress, a little BB dress and some. What was the shoe store, Aldo? No, the other one where you can get, like, buy one. Get one half off.
- [32:30]
B
Steve Madden.
- [32:31]
A
No, it was another one. Bakers. Oh, my God. Bakers. Bakers used to have some cute.
- [32:38]
B
You used to find cute shoes at Baker's.
- [32:41]
A
Them heels girl. Yes. I was an Al girl, but I liked Al, too. But I love me some bb I love Steve Madden, too. Yes, Steve Madden was the one.
- [32:49]
B
Maybe those strappies are still legit. But. But yeah. I mean, my entire life has been work. And so. And so I. I recently recognized, like. And I've had friends, like, you know, Deval, for instance, has told me a thousand times over the years, like, general, you're too rigid. You're too rigid. You're too rigid, you're too rigid. Right. And so. And so I want to be with someone who can create a safe space for me to experience some of that. That stuff that I didn't experience as.
- [33:21]
A
A child, you know? Absolutely. Do you find it hard have, like, transitioning from work and having to be that masculine person and the boss that you are and take no shit from anybody to, like, if you are dating someone, then becoming soft, is it like a light switch or are you able to.
- [33:37]
B
I'm easily able to transition.
- [33:39]
A
Oh, good. Some people I know that they can't, like, really turn it off.
- [33:42]
B
No, I. I am easily able to transition. I think one thing that, if you were to ask the men that I've dated, what's one thing that you loved about the Nora? I feel like every single one of them would say, the way that she took care of me. I'm very, very, very nurturing. And so I love to serve and to take care of people where that has been an issue in previous relationships. And I'm just gonna be real. I was the realest man in the house.
- [34:09]
A
So.
- [34:13]
B
Like, my thing is, like, if you gonna be a man, be a man. My guy.
- [34:21]
A
Please. I like, Beyonce said. She said, I'm the only lady, yet I'm still the realest in the room.
- [34:31]
B
Truly.
- [34:32]
A
That is crazy.
- [34:35]
B
I was the realest. Like, my brother makes joke. My brother made a joke before. He was like. He was like, there's three men here. My. And my sister's the realest one, like, period.
- [34:47]
A
Sir, step up.
- [34:49]
B
I'm gonna need you to be a man. And one thing. Oh, I feel my triggers Going off. Don't. Ooh.
- [34:58]
A
Oh, I'm triggered. Need a stress ball, Kyle.
- [35:03]
B
I'm triggered.
- [35:04]
A
Smile at her, Kyle.
- [35:05]
B
Why'd we go here? Smile at me, Kyle. Smile at me, Kyle. Issa Rae, you can get it. Listen, I. Listen, please do not let me. Please do not be the man. Talking about I'm the man and batting your chest and wanting to split bills with a woman.
- [35:24]
A
Okay? And to that. This is. That's all, folks.
- [35:36]
B
Like, I was once upon a time, I dated a man who was like, chest out, prideful. Like, yeah. You know, I'm this and I work here, and I got this title, and I this and I that, and I'm like, but we splitting bills. And I still gotta remind you to Venmo me my. Your half. Like, what are we talking about?
- [35:59]
A
Oh, no.
- [36:00]
B
And so it would irk me.
- [36:02]
A
Yeah, you triggered me.
- [36:04]
B
It would irk me when we would be sitting, like, I would hang out with him and his boys, and he's, like, talking all that man shit, knowing.
- [36:11]
A
He ain't doing shit.
- [36:12]
B
And I'm like, but you still ain't send me your half of the rent. And we just had a fight over who's gonna get this Uber. So what are we talking about?
- [36:25]
A
Oh, my goodness. Why do they do that?
- [36:28]
B
What are we talking about?
- [36:30]
A
I can't stand that either.
- [36:31]
B
You know what I'm saying? And so. And so that's where my masculine has been an issue in relationships, where I'm just like, bruh, if you gonna be a man, I'm gonna need you to be a man, though.
- [36:45]
A
Yeah. Wow.
- [36:46]
B
You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm, like, down to simple things, but. But, like, that might mean. And I will admit, I'm the woman that subscribes to gender roles, so this may or may not relate to some of you, but, like, why am I taking out the trash?
- [37:02]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [37:03]
B
And so if you create. If you are creating an environment where my masculine has to be present, then don't be mad at me when I have to be the man in the house.
- [37:12]
A
Hello. That's real. That's real. That's real. I think as a single woman, or I'm not single anymore, but, like, in that phase. Y' all heard that? But it was.
- [37:25]
B
She said, baby, there's a distinction. I can't relate.
- [37:29]
A
No. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm still, like, you know what I'm saying? We're not married, so, like, I still have to do a lot of things. I still have to take the trash out when he's not here. But it's like, when I didn't have anybody, it's like, dang, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do everything. Like, I do want my man. Like, don't, babe. I'll take care of that. You know, there's not. Like you said, we don't subscribe to gender roles, but there's just some things that a woman shouldn't have to do, you know? And I grew up in a household where my father built every home that we lived in, so I'm a handy woman. Like, I have a toolbox. I know how to put some stuff together. Like, I can assemble anything, but I don't want to have to do that all the time, you know? Like, have to get. Get a ladder and change the lights and take the trash out, fix the garbage disposal. Every day it's something else, and it's.
- [38:17]
B
And it all falls on you.
- [38:18]
A
Everything.
- [38:19]
B
I just had that experience because I recently moved.
- [38:22]
A
And. And.
- [38:24]
B
And when I'm. When I'm going, I'm like, I don't want to do this by myself. It's the unpacking. It's the unpacking. It's the. I have to put everything up. It's. I have to make decisions. I. I was like, I do not want to do this by myself. It's a lot, you know, And. And let. And let the record show that I'm. I'm not doing it. I'm doing it by myself, by choice. From the standpoint of if I was desperate to be in a situation, I would be in a situation easily could be in a situation, you know what I'm saying? But I'm not desperate because what I want is the right thing.
- [38:59]
A
Not a thing that's a good place.
- [39:01]
B
To be in, you know? And so I am willing to wait for him.
- [39:06]
A
Yes.
- [39:07]
B
Versus finding fake substitutes of who he is. I'm not. I'm not willing. So. So again, if I. If I wanted. If I just wanted to have someone around, I could.
- [39:21]
A
I went through a phase like that.
- [39:22]
B
Of just choosing whoever.
- [39:24]
A
Yes. It was great, man. Like, on paper, everything was, like, perfect. Rich, fine portfolio. Just really smart. Vegan. Like, just. Just worked out, like, not vegan. Everything girl, Just everything. But he had a little situation, and I was in a space in my life where I was like, okay, that's fine. Like, whatever. Honestly, probably thinking now to think about it, I was thinking, he'll end up leaving her, like, once he. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
- [39:53]
B
Once he gets to know me, I.
- [39:54]
A
Realized he was not leaving this girl. I was like, okay, what is really going on? You know? And I found myself in a space where I just got comfortable, you know, because I was the type of person and still I love my space, you know? And I have to have someone that can respect that. And even if you're right here and I'm here, I still feel like I have my space and we can still be in the same household and not. And I not feel claustrophobic or like, oh, my gosh, I just need a minute, you know? So with him, it was a great balance, right? It was a good balance where it's like, okay, he lived on the south side, you know, far away. And I could see him when I wanted to see him. And when I didn't want to see him, I didn't have to see him. So I was like, this is actually kind of cool for where I was my life at that moment. And I remember the last day I went to his house. It's something about when God. When I'm driving, God always, like, to come and sit on that passenger side, and I'm like, what you want, right? What you gotta tell me? Right? And it was literally like, you know, you ain't going back after this. And I said, wow, okay. And it was literally the whole time I was there, I was just like. It was like a light.
- [40:59]
B
It almost like it left your body.
- [41:00]
A
It literally left my body. I was like, I'm good.
- [41:03]
B
I love those experiences. Like that.
- [41:05]
A
Yes. Oh, my God.
- [41:06]
B
I love when that happens. The crazy thing is that it always happens after us being so disobedient, because I know God was telling you, this ain't it. This ain't it. This ain't it. This ain't it. This ain't it.
- [41:20]
A
Crystal.
- [41:20]
B
Crystal. It ain't it. It ain't it. But you weren't listening.
- [41:23]
A
No. And I was in that for, like, two years. And then, like, we stopped talking for a while. And then Covid happened. When they say idle mind, it's the devil's playground.
- [41:33]
B
Look at that blessing. And that was my relationship with. Oh. Oh, boy. I like to buy his chest, because.
- [41:39]
A
That'S when he came back. Covid. Covid came back. Oh.
- [41:42]
B
Oh, he came back. Covid. Oh, I thought you were saying that, like, Covid helped it finish.
- [41:46]
A
No, I had finished it the year before. And then we had, like, maybe seven or eight months apart, and Covid happened. Covid happened. And just sitting in the house and you know how people Start going through their phone. What you doing? Just checking. Just checking in.
- [42:02]
B
Just checking in.
- [42:04]
A
It's the. Just checking in, turning in.
- [42:08]
B
So how'd you get out?
- [42:09]
A
I got out the last time. It was just like, God was like, this ain't it for you. I have better for you. And I need you to listen to me because you're settling right now. Because everything is just easy and.
- [42:20]
B
Well, in my experience, what I recognized was that I was settling because what I had was a self worth issue. And that then that's also been something that I've had to battle with my entire life. Again, up until. Up until 2018, when God really started propelling all of my healing forward, I had issues of self worth where I would also find myself dating men that are like, what are you doing? Like, why are you here? Why are you tolerating this treatment? Why are you tolerating this behavior? But when you don't see yourself good enough to get what you almost dream of for you, it's like, but you're not good enough to get that, like. And so you end up settling.
- [43:17]
A
Yep.
- [43:19]
B
And so at least for me, in my experience, I walked out of that last relationship that I had recognizing like, yo, dinner, you have a self worth issue.
- [43:27]
A
Wow. I think. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Because who, like, I felt like that too sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.
- [43:33]
B
Like that, that's what, that's what it comes down to. And that's what leads us to. To making the wrong choices and being in situations that we shouldn't be in.
- [43:42]
A
Right. So, yeah, that's real. Wow, that's good. So we talked about our dating, we talked about our walk, we talked about.
- [43:51]
B
Our therapy, our non existing dating. At least for me it was bad for you. She's taken. She said, I can't.
- [43:55]
A
Really, I can't. Sorry. Yeah. You know, but it's. I mean, even dating, it's still, you know, ups and downs, getting to know someone. I was just telling the other day, like, we got to make this work because I don't want to get to know nobody else.
- [44:11]
B
Listen.
- [44:12]
A
It's like too much.
- [44:13]
B
Listen.
- [44:14]
A
Letting someone else in. Yeah. So what's your. What do you like to eat? What's your favorite color?
- [44:20]
B
It's exhausting.
- [44:21]
A
It's so exhausting. It's exciting in the beginning when you really like the person, but thinking about doing that all over again with somebody else is like, I'm at the age where I don't want to keep doing.
- [44:29]
B
Yeah. And then the worst part is, see, I would care less about going through it Again, if it wasn't that in between period of like when you were with somebody until like, so when am I gonna be with somebody again? That season.
- [44:48]
A
Ooh, that's hard. That's a hard season.
- [44:49]
B
That's a hard season.
- [44:51]
A
Let's talk about that.
- [44:52]
B
That season is hard. I have been single. The last relationship that I had was five years ago. 2018 was when I was set free by the Lord.
- [45:04]
A
Yes, Lord.
- [45:07]
B
And then since then, I dated one guy on and off for like a year and some change. Very on and off. Like very. We were probably off longer than we were on.
- [45:19]
A
Yes.
- [45:21]
B
And then I dated one other person for two and a half months.
- [45:23]
A
Okay.
- [45:25]
B
In five years.
- [45:26]
A
In five years. Yeah.
- [45:27]
B
So I like, I have been in a five year waiting season.
- [45:31]
A
I'm like, lord, where is he at? I was like that too, from after 2017. And a part of that, my job just did not give me the time or the space. And I said, I probably. I feel like sometimes with careers, we sacrifice a lot as women. Oh, yeah. Men, I feel like they can kind of. It works in their favor when it. When they're career driven men. But for women, when we're career driven and successful, it's hard for us to find that balance. Especially if you're like. Like we're. I was in a service based industry where I'm styling and I'm literally at this person's beck and call 24 7. They can wake up like, hey, we're going here tomorrow. I've got to be ready, you know, and it's like, I can't roll. And like, hey, babe. So, yeah, I know we had a weekend planned, but I gotta go. And those things would happen. And I was like. And he was, at the time, he was like, super supportive, the guy I was dating. But I realized, like after that I was like, I don't. It just didn't feel fair, you know? So I went through years where I just didn't. I would meet people and it just was like, you can't really go anywhere because I don't know what's gonna happen. I may have. Oh, yeah. I'm off for a while. Then tomorrow the whole thing changes. And it's like, I thought we had time.
- [46:40]
B
Do you look at those years with regret from the standpoint that you're like, damn, I should have chosen myself and my love life.
- [46:52]
A
But I struggle with it. Yes. Even. Even with kids like that. The latter part of your 30s, you know, I spent the last five, six years literally, like committing myself to another person's life, you know? And the only thing that I regret, that's the only thing where I have. I struggle, like, dang, I probably could have been married, or I may have missed out on something. But then I also go back to whatever's for you. Won't miss you. And everything that I've gained, the knowledge, the life that I've earned and everything that I've learned in these moments, the places I've seen, they make up for all that. And I know if God has it in the cars for me to have children or to get married, it's gonna happen, and it'll be more amazing than what I thought it would have been. Those past few years of what I thought maybe I was missing, you know? But I do. I've thought about, like, dang, like, I really sacrificed a lot, you know? And sometimes I even think about there was a time where I was like, well, maybe. And I would joke, like, I'm just gonna be Oprah, find me a Steadman, and never get married and just focus on my career and just have somebody that's supportive. And then I also was like, well, maybe that's not in the cards for me either. I got okay with being alone and being like, maybe this is just my life. Maybe that's the sacrifice of having it all. Because they always say that you can't have it all, you know? So I'm like, what is that? Maybe I'm sacrificing love to.
- [48:24]
B
Yeah.
- [48:24]
A
Live the life I want to live.
- [48:25]
B
I mean, moment of truth. Like, I. I struggle with that a lot.
- [48:29]
A
Wow.
- [48:30]
B
And it scares me. I'm scared in advance of experiencing that, because even most recently, I. I hadn't been on a vacation in four years.
- [48:42]
A
Yes.
- [48:43]
B
The last time that I took a vacation was July 2019.
- [48:47]
A
Wow.
- [48:47]
B
And, okay, yeah, the pandemic happened in 2020, so let's erase that. But then I had all of 2021 and all of 2022 to go, and I did it, and I literally just took a vacation for the first time. And I hadn't taken a vacation because I kept being like, I can't be away from my desk. I can't be away from my desk. I can't be away from my desk.
- [49:05]
A
Well.
- [49:05]
B
Oh, well, I can't take a vacation because I got to go to Atlanta to be with this client, or I got to go to LA to be with this client, or I got to go to New York to be with this client. Like, it was always the work and whatever was happening in my client's Life.
- [49:16]
A
Yep, exactly.
- [49:18]
B
It was always that.
- [49:20]
A
And you would happily do it. It's not like, yeah, oh, no, I've never.
- [49:24]
B
But then it's also very hard. And this is the first time that I'm saying this out loud, but, like, it's also very hard to be the person that consciously makes that decision, but then seeing everybody else live their life. And that's because I didn't stop you from being on me choosing to sacrifice my vacation because you didn't ask me, hey, Dinora, don't go on vacation because I want you on your desk. That's a decision that I made. You understand what I'm saying? But then it. But, but then when I. When I have employees that have no issue requesting their paid time off or, or seeing. Or seeing my clients living their best lives, I'm like, dinora, that's a part.
- [50:01]
A
Of that phone call when I was like, take time for yourself. Yeah, that's a part of it. Because I know you gotta recharge. You're doing too much for everybody.
- [50:07]
B
For everybody. And I don't do. And still that's something that, like my Delaina, our therapist, is trying to, you know, get me through.
- [50:18]
A
Yeah. The fact that, like, because you do so much for everyone else. What do you do to take care of Dinora? Do you have. Do you do like, spa days, exercise? Like, what is it that you find time, that this is Dinora's time?
- [50:31]
B
Yeah. So I love to work out and I do that. I do that usually at night. I do go to. There's this spot in West Hollywood called Paws where I can go and get like float therapy and sauna and cold plunges and all that. So I like to do that.
- [50:54]
A
What is your mind reset? Because you have a million things going on. When do you take time to be like, phone on, do not disturb. Like, I need this time.
- [51:04]
B
I don't.
- [51:05]
A
Are you serious?
- [51:06]
B
The one thing that I do have boundaries around is that I. My phone goes on. Both of my phones go on do what I disturb at 9pm okay, good. But I'm still on my phone. Like, I'm still like checking emails, sending emails. Like, I'm still active. You know, I've been better about general desist needle response. Response now or can you respond to it in the morning?
- [51:31]
A
Yes.
- [51:31]
B
And so I've. That I've gotten better at. Like, if I can respond to that tomorrow, then there's no reason for me to, like, do it now. But that is something that I'm still working on. On, like figuring out, like, Dinora, you need to. You need to see your identity outside of work. You know, you need to see yourself.
- [51:52]
A
That's good.
- [51:53]
B
Outside of this. You do, right? So I've taken like an interest in wanting to learn tennis, so I'm hoping to like, start tennis lessons.
- [52:03]
A
You're going to love it.
- [52:04]
B
So that I'd like to do. But yeah, I mean, that, that, that's still. That's still a space where I need to. I need to. To create more space for myself. What I will tell you though, is I really like myself. That's good because everybody talks about, oh, self love. Self love is important. But I like myself. Like, I had this moment. Today's month on. No, so Saturday where I, you know, again, so I recently moved in. So I'm still doing things right. Like, I still have to pick up this and take this down and return the WI fi from the old house. Like, I'm still doing all of this and. And I'm like doing all of this running all these errands and I'm like, in the car literally laughing with myself. I'm turning on music, I'm acting out the music. Like, and I. And I had this moment. I was like, I really enjoy my own company. Like, I really enjoy myself. Yeah, same, you know, and I'm doing all those things and, and I'm getting back at home and. And I had to work for. For actually like an hour, so finishing up, like, all the support for this, for the taping for this. And then I went back to run my errands. I did my pedicure. Like, I did all my things. And I'm like, wow, it's so important. And I almost got on. On the ground to talk about this, but it's so important to just like yourself to enjoy your own company. It is to know yourself enough to like, even know, like, what, what music I'm craving or is or. Or should I actually sit in silence today and not listen to anything. Like, I. That I love that I have through my healing, got into a place where I like myself.
- [53:54]
A
Yeah, I love it. I like you too. Thank you A lot.
- [53:57]
B
I like you.
- [53:58]
A
And then when you hear, like, you know, sometimes you have guests and they'll be like, oh, it's like, I'm. They gonna leave. I. I can share my space with you. You're a guest.
- [54:07]
B
That's because we're both very similar. We're like, I'm gonna go to my space and isolate and you gonna go to yours. Like, very similar.
- [54:15]
A
We are. I love that I Love it. I love it. So in closing, I'm gonna challenge you to make time for yourself.
- [54:23]
B
Yes.
- [54:23]
A
I'm gonna do check ins like, hey, Dinora, what have you done for yourself lately? And I want you to prioritize that because you prioritize everyone else in your life. And I know that's a part of the gig, that's your job. But you can't pour for an empty cup. And I really want you to find time to really take care of yourself because you can get burned out really fast in this industry. You're growing, it's not slowing down anytime soon. And also make space for yourself so that you can have room to create your own. Okay. Cause I need you to platform to be ready to step out. Okay.
- [55:00]
B
Yes.
- [55:01]
A
Because that's a part of it. That's that alone time to really curate what it is that you want to do and find that time. Because if you're constantly like, gotta make sure Chris. Right. Gotta make sure dad Kennedy. Right. Gotta make sure Kendall's right. Gotta make sure Latrice is right. All your. And everybody else, it's like, when does like, okay, I need to see. Make sure the door is right. Yeah. You know, so I want to challenge you to do that. Thank you. You're welcome. I love you.
- [55:22]
B
I receive that. I love you. I love you.
- [55:24]
A
Thank you so much for coming. Of course. Is there anything else you want to touch on? Good. She's also a producer, so it's like, she's like, okay, let's also touch on. So thank you. Seriously, that was good. Yes. A lot of nuggets on this one. All right, Dinora, so now it is time. Time for my favorite part of the show, which is positive outcomes. And we have a letter from a young lady named Meg. It says, good evening, Crystal. My name is Meg. Sending love all the way from Kenya, baby. Kenya.
- [56:00]
B
Kenya.
- [56:01]
A
Africa. Kenya.
- [56:02]
B
Stand up, Africa, stand up.
- [56:03]
A
Listen.
- [56:04]
B
Come on, Motherland.
- [56:05]
A
Big love. We going to listen. We got to figure out how we going to get to y'. All. Because the insights are insightful. You guys are up in there everywhere. We love it. She says, I honestly love you and I'm your number one fan. I struggle with self confidence and with this. I kind of feel like I'm giving too much because of my insecurities. For instance, if a guy shows me a little bit of attention, I tend to give in much because of all I want is validation and to know that I am loved. I'm so insecure that when I sleep over at a man's house, I wake up before him to apply my makeup and feel fear of him seeing my face naked. Wow. It's really stressing me out. I pray that one day that I can look in the mirror and be grateful for what I see. How do you handle your fears? And how can I begin to heal my insecurities? Wow. First, Meg, thank you so much for writing in. This is a big one. Because I know as women, when we're not feeling our best selves, we do seek validation from men and even our friends. We seek validation everywhere we can get it. So just know that this is not an isolated incident. A lot of women deal with this. I've dealt with this as well. But you have to understand that you are worth more, that you don't need the validation of anyone. And it starts with yourself. So I would definitely start off by saying, just do some self work, self inventory, reflection on the things that you love about yourself. Say, okay, I love this, I love that, and start pointing out things. And even I have insecurities, and I've learned to. And I would also look to my man to be like, baby, it's fine. You look great for me. Like, okay, it's okay. You know, because you want to make sure you look good for your person or just even society. It can be a lot of stress from everything that you're seeing on social media that looks so perfect, where you feel like you're not perfect. But I would say, scratch all that and really just start talking to yourself, saying, I love this about me. Like, I hate my feet. I just told the Nora today, I hate my feet. She goes, I didn't know that about you. I was like, yeah, I hate them. But I walk around barefoot. You know, I'm not afraid to show my feet anymore. Usually I would have on socks because I have bunions. So that's my insecurity. I hate my feet. But I'm learning to just love everything about me and be like, you know what? It's not bad. I've seen worse. Okay. You know, And I would just tell myself, I love this about me. Whatever those things are, even your face. I will say I was in a situation, the situation I was telling you about where the guy, I needed to get out of it. The one thing he didn't like was a lot of makeup. So I was. I love makeup. I still do love makeup. But he allowed me to see myself. Everything I was trying to hide, that was the. One of the good things that came out of the relationship. So I would say, take it all off. And look at yourself and learn to love what you see. Because I too was like that. I felt like I needed the makeup to feel pretty. And now I'm to a space where I can wipe it all off and go out the house and not feel like I have to be made up. And I feel beautiful just like that. So I want you to take the time to really tell yourself and really pour into your own cup, you know, not look at it from a man or from your friends or mom and dad. Start sewing into yourself and you'll see a difference for sure. Good.
- [59:17]
B
That's so good.
- [59:18]
A
Thank you. What do you got?
- [59:19]
B
What do you think I would add to that? That confidence is a revelation. And the, the transition for me and I'm, and I've, I, I've shared this on my social. Before I, that I used to suffer from severe insecurity. Like I would, I used to literally look at myself in the mirror and not be in any way attracted to myself or like I couldn't. And again, I would look at myself and couldn't find anything beautiful. And then also thought that I didn't to the point that we were talking about earlier. I didn't have any skills or any talent or anything that made me stand out. But confidence is a revelation. What I mean by that is that it, at least for me, my journey was that I had to start with one thing. And so that was actually an exercise that I learned, which is just take it on a, post it and write it down. And so I wrote the first thing, I'll never forget, I wrote the first thing that came to mind, which is I love my integrity. And I put that on a mirror. And then it took me a while, it took me weeks to find something else. But then when I found one thing, I found the other. And then when I found the other, I found another. And little by little then I started becoming a confident woman. And so that's what I would say, at least from a practical standpoint of something that you can do is start with that. And it is okay if the post, it only has one thing. Put that thing on the mirror and allow God and be intentional about praying for God to reveal yourself to you so that you can see you through God's lens. Right.
- [60:57]
A
That's good.
- [60:57]
B
And as each, as you get each revelation, write it, put it on the mirror. Write it, put it on the mirror because you'll see it and read it to yourself. And then at some point, you know, you believe it because you started to see it.
- [61:10]
A
Yes.
- [61:11]
B
And so that, for me at least, was the exercise that aided in my transition of going from an insecure woman to a very confident one.
- [61:18]
A
I love that. Yeah, I love that. That's good. All right, so we're going to do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. Oh, Lord.
- [61:30]
B
You know what I'm going through. Going through, too, because we were all crying about it yesterday.
- [61:35]
A
You want to go first?
- [61:36]
B
No, you go first. Okay.
- [61:39]
A
So right now, I am going through a phase of. I don't want to say reinventing, but tapping into new passions, going into a place of the unknown. We're on strike right now, and it's a scary place to be in, you know? So I think this is quite like Covid and quarantine. It put me in a place where it's like, okay, what can I do to come out better in this situation when this is all over? And I think just figuring those things out and keeping my faith strong and not getting anxious because I caught myself the other day, I was like, oh, gosh, I'm getting a little anxious here. Get a little anxiety attack coming on. And I was like, crystal, I have everything I need. I lack nothing. What Dinora always tells us. And when I said that, I said that a few times, I was like, you're good. It's fine. Everything has worked out. It's always gonna work out. And so I'm going through that and growing through just being. Just being still, you know, and learning that, like, things are gonna have to do to work, but also sit and just allow God to speak and have that clarity.
- [62:54]
B
Yeah.
- [62:55]
A
So that's where I am right now.
- [62:56]
B
I am both going through and growing through a season where God is calling me into bigger and higher and greater and navigating both. What does that look like? Because I truly don't know. Like, the actual. Like, this is what it looks like, and this is what I need you to do.
- [63:24]
A
And.
- [63:28]
B
Both seeing, like, understanding what that is and then the fear of how big it is. The one thing that I do have clarity on is that it does have to do with ministry. I'm very, very, very clear on that. I have felt God's tug on my heart to no longer sort of gatekeep my experience with him and how he reveals himself to me and what he shares with me, which I've always done because I've been uncomfortable being in front of a camera or posting myself on social media. Like, if you followed me before 2023, I wouldn't even do stories showing my face. You Know what I'm saying? Like, and so, and so, just understanding, like, I'm clear that it's ministry. I don't know what that ministry looks like. And I'm still battling the why? Why does anybody care what you have to say?
- [64:34]
A
They do.
- [64:35]
B
Why? Why? Who? Who. Who do you think you are? I'm still battling that in all of.
- [64:43]
A
It, all of this.
- [64:44]
B
In the uncovering of, like, well, well, what's the what. What does it actually look like? Because I refuse to believe that God wants me, like, taping myself on Social. I'm like, bro, you know, I don't like this. So I refuse to believe that that's what it is.
- [64:56]
A
That's what you want from me. Yeah.
- [64:58]
B
I just know that it's in ministry. I don't know what it looks like.
- [65:01]
A
Wow.
- [65:02]
B
And so that is both what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And God has sent people to affirm that that's what it is and that God is calling me outside of my box. Shout out to Pastor Stephanie Ike, who gave me a word that to this day, I played it for Crystal yesterday and I, like, bawled and I got this word, what, a month ago, and I'm still bawling over it. I still listen to it every single day. So I am going through and growing through that season of trying to just navigate the waters that he's calling me on.
- [65:40]
A
Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's good. I like that. So we do the keep it blank, sweetie. For this episode. I'm going to say, keep it faithful, sweetie, because I'm in a very faith driven season of my life where it's a little. Is being tested. So I would say, keep it faithful, sweetie.
- [66:02]
B
I'm going to say keep it obedient, sweetie. You know, I. I will say that my life over the past five years is a testimony to the result of being obedient. That's not to say that I'm perfect, because I'm not. And that's also not to say that I have not been disobedient, because I have.
- [66:28]
A
But.
- [66:28]
B
But in the things that I have been obedient in, I have seen God's grace and mercy and favor all over it.
- [66:39]
A
Wow.
- [66:39]
B
And so I will say, keep it obedient, sweetie.
- [66:42]
A
I love it. I love it.
- [66:44]
B
Yeah.
- [66:44]
A
Dinora Crystalina. Oh, my gosh. This is amazing.
- [66:50]
B
I no longer have, like. Like I was shaking for, like the first 15 minutes.
- [66:55]
A
Listen. They'll never know.
- [66:58]
B
They'll never know.
- [66:58]
A
You are amazing.
- [66:59]
B
Thank you for having me thank you for sharing your platform. And I also want to say it's been beautiful to watch your evolution. I'mma start crying.
- [67:12]
A
Don't you do it.
- [67:14]
B
I met Crystal as a very, very, very guarded woman.
- [67:22]
A
Oh, God. Yeah. Very guarded.
- [67:26]
B
Very guarded.
- [67:28]
A
Yeah.
- [67:29]
B
And watching you fully step into the.
- [67:33]
A
Fullness of who you are. Do you know I did not hear me crying this early in the morning?
- [67:41]
B
I know it took me forever to y'.
- [67:43]
A
All.
- [67:43]
B
I don't know how to do my makeup and did a detail look good.
- [67:48]
A
But, oh, my gosh.
- [67:49]
B
Watching you step into the fullness of who you are as a woman and seeing the actual transition of you being a woman who was so close off. I remember. I remember I. I would even say, like, damn, you know, like. Like almost struggling in our relationship because I felt like, damn, I'm so close to everybody else, but I feel like I can't break through Crystal. Like, I can't break through Crystal. And. And again, so guarded. If my business. If I did ran my business differently, that wouldn't matter. But I don't run this business the way that Hollywood runs.
- [68:33]
A
No, you do not.
- [68:34]
B
I don't manage the way that people manage.
- [68:37]
A
That's what I love about you.
- [68:38]
B
And so. And so for me, having a degree of closeness with you and intimacy with you and everybody else is very important to me. And I remember just feeling like, damn, I can't break through. I can't break through. And there was something about this year. I don't know what encounter you had. I mean, we've talked, but there was a switch.
- [69:02]
A
It was.
- [69:03]
B
Yeah, there was a switch for you that it was literally almost as if you woke up and you decided, I no longer want to live like this. And. And I'll never forget, when we recorded season one, you made a comment, you said, it just feels so good to feel like myself.
- [69:25]
A
Yes. Yes. Because I was. Oh, my gosh. It's so hard to, like, when you're in the light all the time, you want to have something for yourself, you know? And it was hard trying to figure out, okay, what can I let people in on? And so they can feel a part of this life with me in this journey, and then what can I keep to myself? You know? And I was unpressured that, okay, Fatima is for the world, Crystals for me and, like, my close people, you know? And I did not know how to, like, be, like, no, you can be yourself. People allow people to fall in love with Crystal. Yeah. And even Deval had told me one day, he said, when I look at your social media. I don't know who you are. Yeah. And I was like, well, you know who I am, right? Why does it matter if you don't know me? Like, he's like, it does matter. He was like, people need to have to have some type of relation. You'd be like, I can relate to this girl. What. What is it? And I think through me, I'm very guarded with people, you know, especially, like, how we are now. Like, it takes me a minute to, like, really in it. And I think, too, I didn't know, like, okay, this just business.
- [70:29]
B
Yeah.
- [70:29]
A
Like, does she just have a relationship with her other clients because they've been together, or can we have that too? You know? And as we spent more time together, I was like, I really. I feel safe with you, you know, and that's another like, having knowing that you can trust someone, that you can talk to them about things other than business. Like, I talked to you about everything. Yeah.
- [70:48]
B
Yeah, we do.
- [70:49]
A
Yeah. So it was one of those things where I just. I definitely. I feel so much free. Freer than I did before because I can be myself, and people don't judge me for it.
- [71:00]
B
Yes. You know, and who cares if they do? And who cares if they do? So I just wanted to leave you with that. I hadn't said that to you intentionally because I wanted to share that with you here. I wanted to just honor you in that journey because that's not an easy journey.
- [71:17]
A
It is not. It is. But.
- [71:19]
B
But experiencing all of you has just inspired, like, it personally inspires me.
- [71:29]
A
Wow.
- [71:29]
B
On so many levels. Even as the. In the season that I'm currently going through, where, if you remember, you said to me, like, I didn't even know that I had a voice. Yes. I am navigating my. You know what I'm saying?
- [71:41]
A
Yes.
- [71:42]
B
So, wow. Thank you.
- [71:43]
A
Absolutely. No, thank you. We did it for each other. Oh, my God. I love you too. This is good. This is good. Thank you guys so much. I hope you were blessed by this episode. We touched on so many different topics. We sure did. We did. And we have a lot in common. Yes. I listen to your story. I'm like, dang. I'm very similar. Yes. Yes. That's probably why we connected, too. But thank you guys so much for tuning in. If you guys want to be a part of our positive outcome comes listener letter, please write into keepit positive, sweetie. Gmail.com. i'm looking at this. I'm not even looking at this.
- [72:16]
B
You look at.
- [72:16]
A
Oh, you look at the monitor. I don't know what? Yeah. I don't know why I'm looking there instead of here.
- [72:20]
B
Maybe because she fine and she saw that. She was like, fine. Let me look at myself. It's father said, let me talk to.
- [72:28]
A
Me about me, about me, about me.
- [72:34]
B
I see some point. Cow face, cow stays over it.
- [72:37]
A
I know. Donor. Thank you so much. I appreciate. No, you good?
- [72:42]
B
No, I have my cat. I have my cat.
- [72:43]
A
Yeah. My cat. Thank you. This is amazing. I appreciate you for coming on. This is amazing. I was blessed by this. And we have so much in common.
- [72:52]
B
Yes.
- [72:53]
A
That I. I'm like, wow. We have a lot of similarities and parallels when it comes to trajectories. Yes, absolutely. So thank you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Keep it Positive, Sweetie. Remember, if you want to be featured on our positive outcome listener letter, write into keepitpositivesweetiemail.com and that's Sweetie with an.
- [73:12]
B
I E, not a white baby.
- [73:14]
A
That's right, because we need to, not because why?
- [73:16]
B
Because it's not Tweety Bird.
- [73:18]
A
You don't tweetie birds. I E. I E. Make sure you follow Kips on all platforms, and then you can also follow me on all platforms at lovechristorenee. And that's L U V. Dinora, Tell them where the people can find you.
- [73:34]
B
I am Dinora. I a M D I N O R a h. Because you are Dinora. I am Dinora.
- [73:41]
A
She is. All right, guys, that's all for today. We love you guys, and we will see you soon.
- [73:46]
B
Bye.
- [73:46]
A
You know what to do in the meantime, Keep it positive, sweetie. Sa.