Podcast Summary: Keep It Positive, Sweetie

Episode: “Marinating Over Activating” with Sarah Jakes Roberts

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Sarah Jakes Roberts
Release Date: May 19, 2024

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode explores the concept of marinating versus activating in life—how to discern the right timing for growth, movement, and stepping into purpose. Host Crystal Renee Hayslett joins powerhouse author, pastor, and speaker Sarah Jakes Roberts for an open and vulnerable conversation about self-worth, healing from shame, the importance of family, navigating public influence, seeking balance, and the courage to be authentic. The episode also digs into Sarah’s newest book, Power Moves, and its central message: power is not about what you have, but about who you’re willing to become.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Power: Who You Become, Not What You Have

• Crystal opens with a quote from Sarah’s new book:

  “The only thing worse than being powerless is falling for the illusion that power can be amassed by what you have instead of who you are willing to become.” (01:00)

• Both discuss the temptation to chase status, success, or possessions, and the deeper fulfillment found in authentic inner growth.
• Sarah shares that even people who have "a lot" can feel empty—true satisfaction comes from embodying purpose, not accumulating things. (01:35)

2. Perfectionism, Grace, & Self-Worth

• Crystal admits to struggling with perfectionism rooted in childhood, aiming for flawlessness to avoid trouble or criticism. (03:09)
• Sarah reflects on moving past the pressure to be perfect after becoming a teen mom, developing her own sense of value outside other’s opinions.

  “Coming to a space where I find worth and value in myself has allowed me to work on my own set of ethics…not based on someone else’s perspective of who I was.” (04:08)

3. Parenthood, Church, and Shame

• Sarah recounts her experience as a pastor’s daughter, becoming pregnant at 13, confronting intense public judgment, and the onset of shame. (05:25 – 08:01)

  “That was the beginning of shame. The beginning of embarrassment…happened before I was even showing.” (07:44)

• The church’s tendency toward separation over conversation is examined—Sarah advocates open dialogue with children about taboo topics instead of avoidance. (08:57 – 10:56)

4. Parenting in a Modern World

• Crystal voices her anxiety about raising children in today's culture of overwhelming influences; Sarah reflects on her own upbringing amid 90s R&B and hip-hop, emphasizing that kids always absorb messages from their surroundings. (11:30 – 13:29)

  “I am literally being raised by the culture. I’m being raised by hip hop…by music.” (12:46)

5. Work, Family, Balance & Boundaries

• Sarah reveals her strategy for balancing a demanding schedule and her children’s needs:

  “My whole world fits around their school schedule. After 2:30, I can’t take any meetings…so that when I need to take time to do what I love, they are more willing because I put in a lot of time at home.” (16:03)

• The importance of saying "no" and intentionally creating margin for family and rest is a running theme. (53:25)

6. Navigating Influence, Vulnerability & Safety

• Both acknowledge the paradox of public influence; while reaching many, it can feel unsafe due to fears of making mistakes or disappointing followers. (26:59 – 29:39)

  “It’s hard to feel safe in influence…The influence part, I just try to honor and protect. But my family, that’s where I feel God’s love.” – SJR (27:50)

7. Therapy & Faith

• Sarah describes integrating therapy and faith as transformative:

  “My relationship with God has become much deeper as a result of therapy…My prayer life became so much better.” (30:43)

• Therapy helped her gain emotional language, celebrate achievements, and heal from shame and regret. (31:06 – 32:09)

8. Mother-Daughter Healing & Accountability

• The conversation delves into generational healing—Sarah recounts how her mother’s acknowledgment of past absence brought unexpected healing.

  “Mommy sees me…as long as you’re still here, you have an opportunity to speak into that wound.” (33:39 – 34:05)

9. Asking for Help & Sabbath Rest

• Both admit to struggling with asking for help, feeling compelled by productivity and “strong friend syndrome.”

  “Instead of being the person who allows people to believe I have limitless capacity…I had to be willing to say, I actually do need to skip a beat because I can’t dance this fast.” (39:49)

10. “Toxic” Self-Sufficiency & Control

• Sarah and Crystal humorously admit their “toxic trait” is believing they can do anything, from carpentry to flying a plane—motivated by the need for control due to so much being out of their control in life. (42:41 – 46:44)

11. Marriage, Partnership, and Powerhouses

• Sarah explains her marriage with Pastor Toure Roberts works due to mutual respect and lack of competition, supporting each other’s uniqueness.

  “All I can do is respect it and love it and be grateful I’m on your squad…What means the most to us are those moments where we’re like clowning on each other. He’s my friend.” (47:09 – 51:47)

12. Book Tour, Reflection & Power Moves

• Sarah talks about the end of her seven-city book tour, her desire to nurture joy, and reflect on how God's power has shown up—even when she doubted herself. (53:42 – 57:13)
• She shares a moving moment from Houston:

  “Somebody in Houston told me…I decided to live…Something happened in that room where I know God’s got something for me, that there’s more power than this depression.” (55:44 – 56:16)

Listener Letter: Advice for Feeling Stuck (58:00–63:15)

• Q: How do you listen to the voice of God when other voices are louder? How do you get over fear and feeling it's too late to start?
• Crystal’s advice:
  • Find quiet, still moments to meditate and pray—this is when God’s voice is most discernable.
  • Remember it’s never too late; success requires patience and faith.
  • Marinate on your dreams before activating, as Sarah teaches:

    “Marinating before you activate; because honey, I done activated some things I should have let marinate for a while.” (59:52)

• Sarah’s advice:
  • Ask yourself: What exactly is keeping me stuck? What do I believe will happen if I act?
  • Often we’re believing things that aren’t even true—reflect and challenge those beliefs.

  • “I am stuck because I am afraid that blank is going to happen…I am stuck because I believe that I do not have blank…A lot of times it’s not even true.” (60:20 – 61:33)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Influence and Safety:

  “It’s hard to feel safe in influence…But my family, that’s where I feel God’s love.” – Sarah (27:50)

• On Family Support:

  “He knows how much it costs me to be me.” – Sarah, speaking about her husband (16:55)

• On Healing Generational Wounds:

  “It doesn’t matter how difficult your relationship with your child has been…As long as you’re still here, you have an opportunity to speak into that wound.” – Sarah (34:05)

• On Self-Sufficiency:

  “If you put my back against the wall right now…if the plane is going down, I can fly it…in the name of Jesus.” – Sarah (44:12 – 44:26)

• Crystal on Growth:

  “Every good door is not a God door.” (62:49)

• Sarah on Being Lovable:

  “I am growing through…embracing the reality that I am lovable.” (63:15)

Important Timestamps

• 01:00 – Opening quote from Power Moves; intro to main theme
• 05:25 – Sarah’s story of teen pregnancy and shame
• 10:10 – Discussing open conversations with children about mature topics
• 16:03 – Sarah’s approach to balancing work and family
• 22:03 – Sarah on inheriting the legacy of Woman Thou Art Loosed
• 30:43 – The intersection of faith and therapy in Sarah’s journey
• 33:39 – Healing mother-daughter relationships through accountability
• 41:09 – On the humility and struggle of asking for help
• 47:09 – Respect and non-competition in Sarah’s marriage
• 55:44 – Listener story from Houston book tour stop
• 59:52 – Marinating before activation—a lesson on patience and timing
• 63:15 – Both hosts share what they’re currently growing and going through

Tone & Language

• Warm, candid, faith-filled, and deeply personal.
• Both Crystal and Sarah blend humor, honesty, and encouragement—addressing hard truths while keeping the conversation healing and hopeful.

Final Key Takeaways

• Power isn’t in possessions or titles but in who you choose to become.
• Grace—for yourself and others—is essential for healing and growth.
• True influence requires authenticity and the willingness to be vulnerable, even when it's scary.
• Reflection, therapy, and supportive relationships are vital tools for wholeness.
• Don’t rush every opportunity—sometimes you must let your purpose “marinate” before stepping out to activate it.
• It's never too late to start, to heal, or to grow—God’s timing is always right.

Closing Words:

“Keep marinating until it’s time to activate, sweetie.” – Crystal (65:13)
“Keep it authentic, sweetie.” – Sarah (65:21)