More Than A Woman with Khadeen Ellis

Summary

Podcast Summary: Keep It Positive, Sweetie

Episode: "More Than A Woman with Khadeen Ellis"

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Khadeen Ellis
Date: March 19, 2024

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Episode Overview

This deeply personal episode centers on authenticity, personal growth, the challenges and beauty of motherhood and marriage, and the power of faith and purpose. Host Crystal Renee Hayslett invites her close friend, actress, author and podcast host Khadeen Ellis, to discuss her journey as more than just a wife and mother, delving into issues of self-worth, healing after pregnancy loss, and reclaiming individual dreams. The conversation is a safe, honest space with laughter and tears, and provides powerful encouragement on keeping things deliberate, authentic, and positive.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrating Khadeen’s Accomplishments & Identity

• [02:33] Crystal introduces Khadeen’s extensive achievements: actress, podcast co-host (Deadass), NYT bestselling author, and mother of four boys.
• [03:12] Khadeen reflects on often forgetting how much she’s accomplished. “It’s so easy to get lost in the shuffle of like, I’m not doing enough...so every time I hear like, Webby award winning podcast or...bestseller, it’s just like, huge. Is it really me?” – Khadeen [03:12]
• Both express the continual drive to do more and aim higher.

2. Friendship, Professionalism, and Navigating Public Perception

• [04:01–06:11] The pair recount their first meeting via FaceTime when Crystal was introduced as Khadeen’s husband’s love interest on TV, addressing industry professionalism and public assumptions about rivalry among women.
• [05:00] “Girl, you better kiss that man and cash that damn check, ok? Cause we got four whole boys...and we need this money.” – Khadeen [05:00]
• [06:04] They discuss separating their real selves from their characters, and audience difficulty doing the same. Both agree on the importance of boundaries and mutual respect.

3. Family Background, Immigrant Upbringing, and Pressure as the Eldest

• [07:18–11:48] Khadeen recounts her role as the eldest child and first grandchild in a Jamaican immigrant family, feeling a deep, self-imposed responsibility to make her parents proud given their sacrifices.
• “Failure was not an option for me. Disappointing my family was not an option.” – Khadeen [09:30]

4. Motherhood: Leading, Empathy & Resilience

• [10:46–16:10] On parenting her own eldest, Jackson, she sees echoes of her own upbringing and the unique pressures and empathy firstborn children experience.
• [13:29]-[14:22] Khadeen gets emotional recalling a difficult time when Jackson’s income from a commercial helped their family during hardship:
  “He has no idea how much he saved us…at times when our marriage was struggling…it was just the three of us and that’s all we had." – Khadeen [14:07]
• The segment explores the balance between encouraging independence and fostering unity among siblings.

5. Finding Her Calling Beyond Marriage and Motherhood

• [16:28–24:35] Khadeen describes having always wanted to be a mom and wife, but also feeling drawn to being on stage, performing, and communications—despite family pressure toward medical careers.
• [20:05] “My mother…really just tapped into all those extracurriculars and made sure that I was well rounded.” – Khadeen
• She emphasizes the importance of not being limited by other people’s expectations.

6. Advice to Her Younger Self: Ignore the Noise

• [23:25–26:22] “Forget and do not worry about what other people think of you and what you’re doing. That was so stifling for me.” – Khadeen [23:25]
• She wishes she’d taken more chances and stresses that other people’s opinions shouldn’t dictate your choices.
• [25:13] “As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you’re not disrespecting anyone, do whatever it is that makes you happy.” – Khadeen

7. On Long-Term Love and Missed Experiences

• [26:33–30:48] Khadeen discusses being with her husband since their teens and how there were fleeting curiosities about “dating around,” but she doesn’t feel she missed out.
• She does wish she’d had her own apartment/lived alone for a time, but values the ever-evolving nature of her relationship:
  “I feel like I’m constantly dating a different version of the same person. And it just keeps getting better.” – Khadeen [30:05]

8. Vulnerability and Loss—Miscarriage and Social Media’s Impact

• [31:31–49:29] The most raw part of the episode, Khadeen recounts her fourth pregnancy, her hope for a daughter, and suffering a miscarriage, possibly exacerbated by the emotional toll of negative social media backlash:
  • [36:48–43:13] She shares the pain and isolation of miscarrying at home while caring for her kids and how she had to “clean everything up” and keep going for them.
  • [48:01] “Sharing allows people to understand that they’re not alone…how lonely I felt over the years dealing with things that I thought was only me...”
• [49:29–51:56] Discusses protecting her mental health and boundaries online:
  “Social media is not a real place, y’all. It’s not. People have lives and have worlds outside of this.” – Khadeen [50:07]

9. Re-centering and Self-Care

• [53:08–56:03] On balancing everything:
  • Traveling, alone time, meditation, building her relationship with God, and connecting with the right people in her orbit all fuel her.
  • [54:58] “Alone time is also very important. Meditating…I’m working on my relationship with God…just bringing me a lot of peace.” – Khadeen

10. Embracing Turning 40

• [56:09–59:05] Both Crystal and Khadeen discuss initial discomfort with turning 40, before reframing it as a blessing and a time of increased confidence and clarity.
  • [58:16] “I am that much more focused. I’m that much more deliberate with my interactions. I’m that much more intentional about where I’m investing my time and my energy. There’s an unapologetic way that comes with 40.” – Khadeen

11. Personal Growth, Dreams, and Future Goals

• [61:18–64:28] Khadeen feels she is entering a season to pursue her own dreams:
  • She wants to return to camera work, acting, hosting, and potentially creating her own product line.
  • “Saying you lost yourself is looking at it from a negative standpoint...with each child, there was a rebirth of Kadeen.” – Khadeen [62:24]
  • She reframes motherhood as a process of evolving and empowerment.

12. Faith and Purpose

• [64:25–66:19] Khadeen expresses gratitude for having an impact on her community and followers:
  • “You can’t tell me we’re not out here doing God's work. Because it doesn’t look the same for everybody.”
• Both agree on the importance of being ready for the opportunities God provides.

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Listener Letters & Advice

1. [71:41–75:39] Emotional Abuse & Seeking Freedom

A listener, 33, married 12 years with five young kids, seeks courage to escape an emotionally abusive, controlling marriage.

• Khadeen and Crystal both encourage seeking support, building a village, and leaning on people who will speak positivity and self-worth.
  • “Everything is seasonal. I don’t think this is going to be the rest of her life.” – Khadeen
  • Emphasizes taking control of one’s health and the critical need for outside encouragement and practical help.

2. [75:39–77:17] What We’re Going Through / Growing Through

• Both hosts candidly discuss being in a season of transition and discomfort, but embracing this as the necessary path to personal growth.
  • “You need to be in an uncomfortable space in order to evoke change...my grandmother always says, nothing beats the right time.” – Khadeen [77:04]

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Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• On Self-Worth:
  “Who are these said people, and what are they contributing to my life...that even grants them the permission to have an opinion about what I’m doing?” – Khadeen [24:03]
• On Real Friendship vs. Social Media:
  “Meanwhile, me and her was hugged up, having drinks and eating hibachi. On your actual birthday. In real life. Because we do real life shit over here too, period.” – Khadeen [51:13]
• On Grief and Resilience:
  Describing her miscarriage: “I just sat on the toilet, and I remember passing the baby. Cairo’s knocking on the door...there’s blood everywhere… then I cleaned everything up, jumped in the shower…and went downstairs and made pizza with the kids.” – Khadeen [41:50–43:13]
• On Purpose:
  “I just believe that God was giving me these experiences and building up the wisdom within so that when these opportunities resurface, they’re going to be that much bigger, that much better.” – Khadeen [64:25]
• On Authenticity:
  “Continue to show up as your true and authentic self. That's who people want to see.” – Khadeen [70:06]
• On Living in Her Purpose:
  “Now I can see that I’m walking in my purpose… with our podcast, with our live shows, with our social media presence...” – Khadeen [65:16]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|:---------------------------------------------------------| | 00:39–02:32 | Warm welcome, playful banter, intro to Khadeen’s career | | 04:01–06:11 | Meeting each other, professional friendship | | 07:18–13:29 | Immigrant roots, pressure as oldest, parenting as eldest | | 16:28–24:35 | Childhood dreams, defying family expectations | | 23:25–26:22 | Advice to younger self: ignoring outside criticism | | 26:33–30:48 | Long-term relationship, evolving through marriage | | 31:31–49:29 | Social media, miscarriage story, mental health | | 53:08–56:03 | Mental wellness, self-care strategies | | 56:09–59:05 | Turning 40, self-love, health evolution | | 61:18–64:28 | Khadeen’s dreams: acting, talk show, entrepreneurship | | 71:41–75:39 | Listener letter: navigating abuse, finding courage | | 75:39–77:17 | Personal growth segments: discomfort, faith | | 77:49–78:21 | Positive takeaways: “Keep it deliberate/authentic” |

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Positive Outcomes & Takeaways

• Keep it Deliberate, Sweetie.
  “If you are intentional and deliberate with where you’re putting your time, your energy, your space, your spirit, your heart, you will be very focused on what you need and what you can be to others.” – Khadeen [78:00]
• Keep it Authentic, Sweetie.
  “Something you told me: just be myself, and I would implore you all to do the same.” – Crystal [78:21]
• Practice boundaries and self-care: Social media is a tool, not a substitute for real life.
• Embrace discomfort and uncertainty: These are necessary for change and for stepping into deeper purpose.
• Live out your dreams, regardless of timeline: Nothing beats the right time—delay is not denial.
• Community matters: Whether in friendship, marriage, or escaping abuse, your village is essential.

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Final Thought

This episode balances hard truths with laughter, ending on a call for all listeners—especially women—to claim their space in the world with purpose, authenticity, and relentless positivity. The journey is ongoing, but it's “so much better than we thought it would be.”

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Find the hosts:

• Crystal Renee Hayslett: @lovechrystalrenae (IG/TikTok/X)
• Khadeen Ellis: @kadeenim (IG, TikTok), co-host of Deadass podcast, author of We Over Me

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If you or someone you know needs support after pregnancy loss, call the Miscarriage and Abortion Hotline: [phone].

“I feel like with each child, there was a rebirth of Kadeen. And I feel like my children empowered and were a catalyst for igniting this flame in me where I feel like I’m unstoppable now.” – Khadeen [62:24]

Transcript

[A]

This episode discusses early pregnancy loss. Viewer discretion is advised. If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage and needs support, please call the miscarriage and abortion hotline at 1-833-24-6-2632. Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. I'm Krystal Renee Hayslett, and today I have with me. Ain't this what y' all been waiting for? Cause y' all have been asking for this one. My good sis, Kadeen Ellis.

[B]

Hi, my love.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Thank you. I would, like jump across the couch behind you. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be on this couch with you.

[A]

No, I'm happy.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Our schedule is finally aligned. We got you on the couch. I'm so excited.

[B]

Schedules.

[A]

No. And people, y' all have been wanting this. Like, they're like, when are you gonna have Kadina? When you gonna have Kadina?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's adult life, though. It's like, you literally have to, like, cross reference schedules just to, like, see someone that you really want to see.

[A]

No, seriously? Yeah. It is crazy. I find myself, like, trying to get on people's calendar just to spend time with them because our schedules are so crazy.

[B]

Oh, for sure.

[A]

Like, are you free this day? All right, let's absolutely like it all.

[B]

Send the calendar invite now. Accept it. You know? So are we gonna pencil this in or is this a Sharpie? Like, sometimes you need that time to just absolutely decompress.

[A]

It's a girlfriend, so I love it. Yes. I'm so happy you are here. Yes, absolutely. When I think about you, Kadeen, I think of the song I'm every Woman. So we gonna sing it a little bit and do a little show.

[B]

No, Whitney. Yeah, this is a classic now. Whitney.

[A]

Babe.

[B]

Whitney me.

[A]

Okay. I love it.

[B]

Well, you sing Chow, because what y' all not about to do is that.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

My karaoke segments be terrible.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. That's when it's fun. I know. It is fun.

[B]

It is fun.

[A]

If you want to chime in, you can.

[B]

All right, I might.

[A]

But it goes a little something like this.

[B]

I'm every woman. It's all in me.

[A]

Anything you want done, baby. I do it naturally.

[B]

I'm good for you.

[A]

You harmonizing her, though.

[B]

I mean, I heard it. I mean, I heard the harmonies. Maybe I've been hanging around you a little bit. Too bad. She's in a good way.

[A]

Yes. I love it. I love it. That's a good one, though. Thank you.

[B]

For that. Kaden, of course.

[A]

No, you really are. You really are. I want to let the people know who you are. I know most of you already know this, but Kadeen Ellis is a host actress with credits on Tyler Perry's Bruh and Will Packer's Bigger. She completed a BA in broadcast journalism and her MA in Speech communications, Rhetorical studies and Performance studies at Hofstra University. She is also the co host of Webby award winning podcast Deadass with Kadeen and Duvall, New York Times best selling author of We Over Me, A wife and a mom to four whole boys.

[B]

I love how he always rounded out.

[A]

With the four whole boys.

[B]

It's always crazy when I hear my, I guess like a biography or like, someone like, you know, introduces me because it's. It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle of like, I'm not doing enough or like, what's next and not even, like, thinking about the things that I've accomplished. So every time I hear like, Webby award winning podcast or I hear, you know, New York Times bestseller, it's just like, huge. Is it really me?

[A]

You, honey, it's you. It's crazy.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

I can imagine. Yeah. All the things you've achieved. Yeah.

[B]

And I feel like I'm just scratching the surface.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That's the crazy part about it.

[A]

Yeah. I love that. I love that the first time we met or that I was introduced to you was actually when I was season two of Sistas, and I don't think I had met you yet personally.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I was introduced as devale's new love interest.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I was afraid to kiss him. And he called you and was like, can you please tell this girl? It's okay.

[B]

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It is.

[A]

And that was the first time we actually talked on FaceTime.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I was like, oh, my God, she's so cool. And then we developed our own friendship outside of me and Devon. Val's friendship.

[B]

You sure did.

[A]

I appreciate you for that.

[B]

No, girl. You know, it's funny because I think people just want to naturally expect for us to have beef.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, why? Like, we're both professionals. We're both in the industry. Deval having to call me to FaceTime to be like, just tell her it's okay. I mean, just even that. Just let me know that I'm just like, all right, well, it matters to you. And it really doesn't have to, like, it's not your responsibility as a professional in A professional work environment to make me feel comfortable with what my husband is doing as his job when he's a professional.

[A]

Exactly. You know what I mean?

[B]

So the fact that that even had to happen, that exchange, it was funny. We laughed about it. But I'm like, girl, you better kiss that man and cash that damn check, ok? Because we got four whole boys, like, we said hello and stuff to do.

[A]

And we need this money.

[B]

You know, I'm saying. And we understand what it is like just being in the industry. I think that's the positive that comes from having a spouse who are both in the industry. Cause we understand how these love scenes work. We understand how unattractive it is in the moment. There's nothing sexy about sex scenes.

[A]

Nothing at all.

[B]

It's literally, literally acting. So I appreciate that you, after that, then took the extra mile to say, hey, I'm Crystal. And you reached out and we found out that we had so many things in common and we literally just hit it off.

[A]

Yes. Literally.

[B]

Val, after a while was just like, well, whose friend is it anyway? I'm like, well, he's my friend. Sorry. Like, you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So, no, I appreciate that about you just taking that extra initiative to do that, because you really didn't have to. None of my husband's co stars, whether it's a man or a woman, owe me anything. And it's the same thing with me when I'm doing my thing.

[A]

It's worked.

[B]

It's work.

[A]

Yeah. And I finally got into that realization that this is where I can learn how to separate Crystal from the characters.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because that was hard for me in the beginning.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It was so hard.

[B]

Why do you think? Is it because you tapped into Crystal for the character or was it just.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like it was one just not knowing how to separate. That was my first real big role, you know, so just understanding there is a separation and then separating my morals with the character.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so that was. It was. It was tough for me in the beginning trying to separate and just even get comfortable in that.

[B]

Right, right, right. No, I completely get it. It's hard to toe the line because the audience, sometimes they can't make the difference out either.

[A]

No, they cannot.

[B]

You know, so that's hard to navigate, too.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I don't envy you guys because I'm like, man, people run up on the Val and expect him to be Zach half the time.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm Fatima.

[B]

You're Fatima?

[A]

Fatima. Fatima. Sometimes I be like, just don't answer. Just act like I didn't hear it.

[B]

You didn't hear it.

[A]

Cause my name is Crystal.

[B]

I know, I know. But I get it. People have that familiarity, and they relate. So.

[A]

Yes. No, for sure. And we appreciate it. We really do. For sure. But today, I want to know Kadeem. Outside of being a wife and a mother, I want to know you. And I feel like the world needs to know more of who you are.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Yes. So you were raised in a family from the islands. You were the oldest of three siblings. Shout out. Sakari and Tristan.

[B]

Yes, my babies. Those were my babies before my babies.

[A]

Exactly, Exactly. And that's what I want to talk about. How was you being the oldest? A lot of times there's pressure put on the oldest child, and then you end up being like, they end up being your babies as well. That's how it was for me, my little brother.

[B]

Oh, for sure.

[A]

That was, like, my first baby, you know?

[B]

Absolutely. I think there was a great deal of pressure on me. Not that it was necessarily placed on by my parents, but knowing my parents struggle and where they came from, I feel like it was like there was no other way than for me to make them proud. So everything that I did, every decision that I made, even when I was, like, really young, I could think as early as, like, 10, 11, 12. Like, everything I thought about doing, I always thought about my parents first. Will this make my family proud? Because not only was I the first child, I was the first grandchild. I'm the first niece. Like, I was really that on my mom's side, and on my dad's side, I had a couple cousins before me. But I really took to heart the responsibility that I had to be the leader by example. So, you know, I was literally like my sister's mom, second mom. She's 10 years younger than me. My brother's four years younger. I'm still like his mom to this day. I'm like Tristan, really. But, yeah, I just know how difficult it was for my parents when they came up from the islands. My mom was 17 when she came up from Jamaica by herself and was staying with, you know, a family friend and then another family friend, and she was the oldest of six as well, so she was right. So she had to learn how to navigate in this brand new country with nothing. And her mom was like, you need to make something of yourself. Go to nursing school. So my mom came up here, was living with a family friend. She started working at Burger King to just make some cash while she was in nursing school. Well, finishing up college first, and then nursing school, Worked her way up to become a manager at Burger King, then eventually got into the hospital. When she graduated from nursing school, she met my dad. Then they had me. So just seeing how diligent my mom was, and she didn't take no for an answer. And to this day, she's still that way. Her work ethic, if anything, that's where I get it from. It's like her and my dad really had to make a way out of no way. So failure was not an option for me. Disappointing my family was not an option for me. And that was just something innate. That's something that I felt like I owed them. Because so many times you hear as parents, we talk about the things we sacrifice for our children, but I don't necessarily think that it's a sacrifice for the children. You have children, and you want to give them the best. So in order to do that, you have to prioritize what makes it the most sense for you and your children. And that comes with having to sacrifice sometimes. But I would never say that, for example, with me and my children, I would never say like. Or throw it in their face like, I've sacrificed all of this to give you the life that you've had. No, I wanted to give you this life.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So because I wanted to give you this life and provide you with opportunities, which is exactly what my mom and dad did, I think that what's naturally owed to a parent is for you to do your absolute best.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that was most important to me.

[A]

I love that. I love that. Now, how did that shape how you parent Jackson, your oldest son? Because he's now the big. The big brother.

[B]

You know, it's amazing to see how the firstborn, and this is even just examining, for lack of a better word, firstborns. Even with a couple of my friends or, like, even Deval, who's a firstborn, there's like, an innate sense of nurturing, leadership, responsibility that comes with the oldest. But I do give Jackson a lot of empathy because I understand the weight and the pressure that's put on you as the oldest. But he's just, like, naturally, just a nurturer. He's a huge empath. I mean, every single grade that he's been and every teacher that he's encountered, he's won countless awards for just, you know, leadership and just being a good person, being a good human. And at the root of it, being the oldest, I think that that's what's necessary, because the oldest sets the tone for the rest of the kids.

[A]

No, for sure.

[B]

You know, so when Jackson says, we're going right, you best believe Cairo, Kaz and Koda are going right. They don't know where they going, but they follow. But we doing it together. You know what I'm saying? They're like a little wolf pack, so it's beautiful to see. And so many times Deval and I pull Jackson aside because he's five years older than Cairo. So it was Deval, Jackson, and I for a long time together.

[A]

I know how that is, too.

[B]

Yeah. And we reminisce about, like, being back in Brooklyn. Cause he's one of the few that remembers the apartment and, like, the struggle and the day in and out and the process and the hustle and the back and forth. And the way we had to lean on Jackson for.

[A]

Ugh. It's okay.

[B]

There were times when things were really hard, and Deval and I had each other. We had each other, and then we had Jackson, who was the honeymoon baby that came along. Because it's like, okay, we've been together for eight years. We're married now. Like, let's have a baby.

[A]

And.

[B]

But we think about from time to time how much it was just the three of us, and that's all we had. And I'll never forget when Deval and Jackson, they started auditioning. We started auditioning again because Deval was like, okay, I have the gym as my source of income. I'm working as a makeup artist. And we started doing auditions together for family commercial stuff, trying to get our footage into the industry. And Deval and Jackson booked a Cheerios commercial.

[A]

I remember that.

[B]

And it was the cutest thing. Sidebar. Cheerios. I need to run that back. It was a really good commercial. So Jackson was about 4 at the time, and he and Deval had this Cheerios commercial that was running. And financially we were, like, struggling. You know, we're just. We weren't poor, but we were broke. You know, we were making, as me paycheck to paycheck and things like that. And Jackson's checks were coming in for those Cheerios commercials. And we had to use some of that money just to, like, get through certain times. You know, we're having rent, and then you have the gym, and you have all these things that you're juggling. And I said to Jackson, I'm like, man, you have no idea how much you helped just by being himself, you know, he went in there and he booked the audition, and I was just like, wow, he has no idea. How much he saved us.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

In those moments when it was just really difficult, and at times when our marriage was struggling and it was easy to say within that first five years, let's just throw in the towel. But the common goal was to make sure that we were good parents first and foremost, especially in that time, because I know now we've evolved into the kids ain't first, but in that moment and in that season where we were in with Jackson, like, him being the first and being the oldest, it's like we have a camaraderie because we know what it's like to have the pressure to succeed, to set the tone. So many times my brother and sister be like, man, you have a hell of a shoe to fill, you know? But I always encourage them and let them know. The same way I encourage Jackson to do with his brothers is, you know, everyone has their own path and their own journey, and it's not to be compared, but it's to be supported in whatever phase of life that looks like for them, to help them get through that struggle. So, yeah, that was you asking about Jackson. I didn't expect to do that, to cry, but he's just such a freaking good kid, man.

[A]

He is, man. Such a good kid. He's a light. All your kids are.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

They're the sweetest. Yeah. No, seriously, y' all have done amazing.

[B]

I mean, it's just the moments when he comes and he just checks in on me.

[A]

Hey, Mom.

[B]

Just, you know, just checking on you, you know, popping in if I'm in the house and one by one come look for me. But, you know, Jackson makes it a point to make sure that we're ok. He can always tell, too, when something's a little bit off, or if Deval's a little bit under pressure or stressed about something, he can just tell. And he just has a way of just healing in that moment. And I love him so much for that.

[A]

Shout out, Jackson.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Love you.

[B]

Love you, Jax.

[A]

Yes. Oh, my goodness. Ooh. Okay.

[B]

I know. I'm like, I thought we were just gonna be kikiing.

[A]

Kiki, honey.

[B]

But it's all good. You took it there. You took it there. It's the couch, and it has to be. It's a safe place space, and I love that for you and whoever sits here, it really is a space to open up.

[A]

Absolutely. Absolutely. I want to talk about young Kadeem. 7 year old, 10 year old, 12 year old Kadeem. What did she dream about at that age?

[B]

The one thing I'd Always know that was consistent with 7, 10, 12, 15. I knew I always wanted to be a wife and mom. I always wanted to have a family. That was, like, the first thing, first priority for me. I knew that I just want to just be alone or just be a career woman solely. I wanted to make sure that I had a family. But I also dreamed about being on stage and performing and being in front of the camera. And, you know, that was something that I always saw. And I remember watching Miss America, Miss USA on TV with my mom, and I saw the girls on stage in these beautiful dresses, and they spoke so well, and I'm just like, wow. Like, that's something I want to do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So when I was 10 years old, this pageant pamphlet came. Because you're a pageant girl too, weren't you?

[A]

That was another one of our connections.

[B]

Our connections, yes, yes, yes. So a pamphlet came in the mail for, like, the Miss New York American Co Ed Pageant. And I was like, mom, I think I want to do this. And my mom was just like, oh, this is like Miss America we watch on TV and stuff. So she's like, all right, this sounds good. Because, you know, not all pageants are created equal. And at that age, some of them, you had to, like, have all the glitz and the glam and the makeup and the girls look older than they were. And my mom wasn't about that life. But this particular pageant system, they. They really wanted a girl who was age appropriate. Their focus was on public speaking skills, interview skills, you know, being on stage and stage presence and how to carry yourself in etiquette. So my mom was like, I think this might be a good thing for you, because, you know, back in the day, people used to do, like, etiquette classes and stuff like that. We did. Or you had cotillions and things like that.

[A]

We had what was called a right of passage that we had to go through.

[B]

Gotcha. So something very similar. So once I hit the stage at 10 years old, I was like, oh, yeah, this is where I want to be. But I did have this internal struggle as I hit my teens and in high school, because time came for college.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had to apply for college. And you're thinking about what you want to do with the rest of your life.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I come from a family of nurses, doctors, lab technicians, ultrasound techs. Like, everyone is in some sort of medical field situation. And I felt the pressure to just kind of continue that because you're also kind of hearing from your West Indian family that the only way you're gonna make money is if you're a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer. Like, those are, like, the three things that you can do in order to be successful.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But one thing my parents never hampered was my ability to dream and to do more and to be bigger. My mother, especially, and what amazes me about her, I don't feel like I give her enough credit sometimes because she's coming from an environment where, like, she literally knew nothing. You know, the country in Jamaica. She's from Clarendon, Jamaica, in the country. Like, she couldn't see past her doorstep.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Which most people can. They can't see past their immediate environment. So when she came up here and she saw all of this, the opportunities, she was like, my daughter can do anything.

[A]

Anything.

[B]

And when you have at least one parent. My father was a little skeptical. He was just like, I don't know. I think that nurse money looking real good. You know what I'm saying? It's giving. You need to go to nursing school. But my mother, especially, really just tapped into all those extracurriculars and made sure that I was well rounded. So that regardless of what I decided to do, she was setting me up for success.

[A]

Yeah. Shout out, Mimi.

[B]

Shout out to Mimi, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

She's a gem. She's a gem.

[A]

She is. Oh, my goodness.

[B]

So, yeah, that was my dilemma when I hit that teenage age. Cause I was going into high school. Well, leaving high school, going into college. And I remember my mom being upset because I took a year to go to a local college, Brooklyn College, Because I was so undecided about what I wanted to do. I was having this internal tug of war. It's like nursing school communications. Nursing school communications.

[A]

A big difference.

[B]

It's a huge difference. There's no overlap in courses. The credits don't transfer like, this was like it. But me thinking about not wanting to waste money and time, I said, you know what? Let me do some liberal arts courses at Brooklyn College for a year, make sure that my GPA is sky high. So that way I can then set myself up to transfer into either a nursing program or communication.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And it was communication.

[A]

What was that? What made you, like, what made you make that final choice for you?

[B]

I just felt like my heart was not in the nursing medical field. And that's a field that requires people to wholeheartedly want to be in that field.

[A]

That's hard work.

[B]

Like, literally, like, literally hard work. Like, you need to want to care for others. And that just wasn't my thing. Not that I Don't care for others. But in that way.

[A]

In that way.

[B]

And then also just like blood, vomit. It's a lot. It just. It was just too much. It was just too much. I'm like, I just don't. I don't have the stomach for it. I just. It just did not resonate with me as something that would make me happy for the rest of my life. So I'm taking the unconventional route. And I went to do communications, and I applied to three schools. Boston University, had a really good program. The University of Maryland and Hofstra. Now, my mom wanted me to stay closer to home, so of course, Hofstra was her pick because, like I said, My sister's 10 years younger. At that point. I'm to about. About 18. She's only 8, so she's like, if you go away to college far, like, you're not gonna really be able to, like, foster this relationship with your sister.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And that's important to her at the time. And it was important to me too, as well. So. Yeah, it boiled down to where gave me the most scholarship money, and it happened to be Hofstra.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it worked out. 45 minutes away from home. So I still had my space. Because baby, a West Indian household. Baby is very tight. Okay. It's very tight. You get swallowed up in there. Okay. Swallowed, swallowed, swallowed. So. And that was just my parents trying to protect me from the elements. And being a parent now, I completely understand it. Mom and dad, sorry for fighting you back in the day. But, like, I understand. So I had enough space where I didn't feel stifled, but it was enough where I was close to home. So my parents felt the comfort of me being able to. To come home.

[A]

Exactly. And that's important at that age.

[B]

That's where Mr. Ellis was, too. Child.

[A]

Okay. It worked out, period.

[B]

Lucky him.

[A]

Lucky him.

[B]

Lucky him.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah. So that's. That's where the youth version of Kadine was. Really trying to see past what was in my immediate range, you know?

[A]

Yeah, exactly. As 40 year old Kadeem. What would you tell younger Kadeen Now?

[B]

The one thing that always comes to mind is forget and do not worry about what other people think of you and what you're doing. That was so stifling for me, Chris. I feel like I would have taken more chances. I would have gone out on more limbs. I would have accomplished more.

[A]

And you've accomplished so much. But I know what you mean.

[B]

Like, but even just thinking about, like, 20 something year old Kadeem, which is now 20 years ago. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

Girl, let's stop doing the math now. Cause the math don't be math for me half the time, period.

[A]

Like, I'm still 20.

[B]

What are you talking about? Kids can't be me in my head. But no, really, I just. Like, that was always impressed upon me, too, from my family. Like, what will people think? And the more I sat back and looked at it over the years, I'm like, who are these said people, and what are they contributing to my life and to my story that even grants them the permission to even have an opinion about what I'm doing.

[A]

Right, Exactly.

[B]

If ultimately, at the root of it, it's my happiness.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's my life. And even if I take that chance and I fail, that's my lesson to be learned.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I would have done a lot more had I not been so concerned about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm thankful to Deval because he's like. He was always the complete opposite. He never cared what people thought. And I would always be the one in the back, like. Like falling to the couch, like, all right, here we go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then I've also seen how much he was also able to. To accomplish in a. Earlier on in life, you know, because he just didn't give a damn.

[A]

Yeah. That's real.

[B]

He didn't give a damn.

[A]

Y.

[B]

As long as you're not hurting anyone, you're not disrespecting anyone, do whatever it is that makes you happy, God is.

[A]

Telling you to do, you got to do that.

[B]

Whatever purpose he's placed in your body, on your heart, on your soul, do that.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

Because he's the only one who can tell me what to do, how to do it. He's providing my source of happiness. He's giving me the ability to provide for my family. So why am I listening to anybody else?

[A]

Hello. That is so true.

[B]

I wish I had somebody tell me that earlier. And I'm happy, and I'm grateful. For example, I have the relationship with my sister now, who's 10 years my junior. And the things that I'm learning at 40 or I've learned through my 30s and 40s, I can tell her at 29, hey, sis. Sis.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know I will not steer you wrong.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna have your own life lessons. However, if I can just give you a little nugget to think about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That can save you some time.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And potential heartache.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In the future, you know, that Is so real. Yeah.

[A]

That's so blessed to have you. Yeah. No, that's big. That is big. You and Deval met each other in elementary school. You've known each other since elementary school. Elementary school.

[B]

It's wild, right?

[A]

It's wild. Wild. Started dating in your teens. Yes. And you've been together ever since. Was there ever a moment that you wish that you may have dated more or like, you know, say, had that. Do you ever feel like you missed any of those moments? I know for me, like, I dated in my 20s, still dating, 30s.

[B]

She's like, it's going, going, going, going.

[A]

Where is my man?

[B]

Where's he at?

[A]

Where's he at? But as a woman, do you ever look back, like, dang, I wish I, like, look back at some of your friends, be like, I wish I had, like a little dating phase, you know, not saying that you. I know you are happy with the vow, but do you ever, as a woman, do you ever have those moments where you.

[B]

No, Totally. In this girl talk moment, I feel safe to say I do have. Had. I had, I should say, moments where I was just like, it would be cool to kind of juggle a little bit, you know what I'm saying? Because I got friends out here. We'd be juggling and whatnot. I was like, girl, this is giving Barnum and Billy circus universe soul Sometimes was a little ghetto. But I was like, you know, I did have moments where I was just like, what would it be like to just date around and be wined and dine? But do I feel like I missed anything per se? No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What I did miss was the opportunity to just live on my own. That's one thing that I wish I did do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I went from my. And this is one thing my mother and my mother in law warned me about. You know, when we don't listen to, you know, our seniors, I want to say seniors, y' all ain't old, but, you know, well, you don't want to listen to your parents, right? They were like, you know, you guys should take some time to be individuals like, Kadeen, get your own place, Val. Get your own place. And like, you guys date and then you go to each other's houses and whatnot. But Deval and I, well, of course, him thinking from a fiscally responsible standpoint, he was like, always thinking about the dollars and the cents. Does it make sense? He's like, why would I get a spy? You get a spy, and then we both have to pay rent. Like, we just pay one rent. Like, that just makes the most sense. Right. But you know that like Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City. Like you got your little all white penthouse apartment. You know, everything is cute, you know, walking down the street, you know?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ah. And every woman in your head is going to work and you're doing your career thing. Like that's the only thing, the only component that I feel like, damn, I wish I had, like, even if it was like a year or two.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just to like have my own spot and then just do my thing in terms of just like coming and going and having my own personal space. Because I literally went from parents house to the Val's house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But in terms of like juggling guys or dating other people to see what's out there, I really don't think I was missing anything. Because right now, like, I talk to you all the time. The ghetto. It's the hood, it's the ghetto. As Jamaicans would say, it's the gaza, it's the gully. Nobody wants to go there. So, yeah, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. But the beauty in Da Val is that over the years, because we always get the question too. Like, you guys have been together for 22 years. Like, how do you keep it going? The beauty in dating and being with Duval is that I feel like I'm constantly dating a different version of the same person. And it just keeps getting better. It just keeps getting better. Like Deval at 18, of course, wasn't Deval at 21 or 25 or 30 or, you know, so we're deliberate about continuing to physically date, meaning date nights and things like that. But as we evolve and as we grow as individuals and a couple together, I think giving each other the space, the grace and the latitude to change makes me feel like, damn, I'm getting like a new version of this man. Like, I never know what to expect, you know? So the dating within our marriage, I think is what makes me feel like, damn, I really am not missing much.

[A]

No, you're not. I can tell you that now. I have a lot of married friends that are like, ooh, girl, I just wanna see. No, you don't.

[B]

Do not.

[A]

I'm telling you right now.

[B]

I'm living vicariously through all of Yalls escapades. Okay. I got a friend or two who's like, newly divorced or like back on the scene or, you know, younger friends and stuff who are dating. And I'm just like, oh, I'm here for the story in the group chat. Chile. Group chats. Be lit.

[A]

Lit. Listen, the story. Stories are crazy.

[B]

It's like a roller coaster. Like we're laughing one minute and we're all crying together. It's angry, but that's why we have each other. That's what the group chats are for.

[A]

That's right. That is what the group chats are for. Seriously, the world knows your family from social media initially, and you guys share so much of your life with the world. And you spoke about learning to not care about what other people think. Sometimes social media and exposing a lot can also bring a lot of mental health issues, you know, and work on your self esteem and also anxiety and different things like that that people don't think about. When you talk about social media.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How have you worked around that? Has there ever been instances where you were like, oh my gosh, like, this is a lot like, I need to unplug. And how do you balance all that?

[B]

Girl, it's a daily struggle for me. It's a daily struggle because one minute I'm just like, woohoo, let's do it. And the other day I'm just like, I want to crawl into a hole and disappear, you know? Just want to disappear.

[A]

I know.

[B]

There was a turning point for me though, when it came to just social media. Crystal, this couch. Okay. So I was not signed up for social media initially when Deval presented it to me. I've said that to many people before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I just again, was grown up in a household where you just don't tell your business.

[A]

Come on, Elle.

[B]

You don't tell your business. And if you have an issue, it's swept under the rug. To never be, to never see the light.

[A]

Are you on my street?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's how I'm used to functioning. So when he mentioned, like, oh, there's this social media thing, Instagram was just kind of starting to pop. You have 300 followers. It's like, oh, that's cute. And then 300 becomes 3,000. It's like, oh, that's cute. I wasn't initially bought onto it, but he had a vision for us being in the entertainment industry. He's like booking these auditions. The traditional route just is never guaranteed. Let's try something different. So him being the creative and me being the talent, I'm like, sure, let's try it. So we go on social media and we start putting up clips about us being millennial parents, you know, juggling kids and being married and all that good stuff, trucking through Brooklyn with all these kids. And early on I used to be in the comments a lot because that's just what you do. You post something and you want to see what people think about it. So, you know, like, should I post more of this, should I post less? You know, kind of getting a pulse on, like, how it's being received. Right. And for a while, you know, I was doing that. And, you know, when you share, you have to understand, too, that it's subjective. People are going to feel what they want to feel about it, and you have to deal with that if you know you're going to be sharing. If not, just don't share if you don't want to have to open yourself up to that. And I think the big turning point for me when it comes to caring what other people think, along with social media, was In September of 2020, we were in the pandemic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And social media was really where people were staying connected at this point because everything was shut down and everyone's just sharing what their experience looks like during, you know, the whole panini going on. Right. And I, Deval and I were actively trying to get pregnant with our fourth child because we had Jackson, Cairo and Kaz, and we were trying something different because I know God has the final say in the final answer. And I wholeheartedly believe whoever he places in my care as my child is my child, and I don't question it. So if it's four boys, four girls, two boys, two girls, I was welcoming that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

However you hear these things about the scientific approach to how you can try to sway your chances.

[A]

Get a girl. Yeah.

[B]

You try to work for that girl. So, you know, so I was just like, all right, it's the fourth one. We knew we wanted at least four children. So I'm just like, let's just see how this goes. Let's see if there's any, like, truth to this scientific method.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

So for fun, I ended up getting this book called the Baby Dust Method.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And the Baby Dust Method pretty much tells. It's a really small book, short read, but it comes along with these ovulation testers. So what you do is when you know that you're actively trying to get pregnant, you test your ovulation after your period. Like, every day. You're dipping the stick. Dipping the stick. And then once you see that you're ovulating, you count a certain number of days into your ovulation and you have sex before that. Because once you're ovulating, whatever sperm is inside will then fertilize the Egg.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

And the theory is that the boy's sperm swims faster than the girl's sperm. So if you have sex pre ovulation, the boys will race and die off, but the girls kind of hang around and be like, eh, when's the party getting started? You know, when is the egg going to drop? Right? So we were just seeing how it goes. So we tried. It was July. We tried. The thing is, if you have sex too far before your ovulation, then you probably just won't get pregnant at all, because by the time you ovulate, there's nothing left. Right? So July, nothing happened. Didn't get pregnant. August, nothing. Didn't get pregnant. September, I'll never forget. It was Cairo's birthday. And I remember telling devale, we have to have sex, like, today. Like, I don't care if I'm not in the mood or you're not in the mood. Like, today is the day that we need to do it. Because I tracked everything, and the thing says that this is when it's supposed to be. So it was Cairo's birthday party, and we were so tired after the party, but I was like, stay there. I got this.

[A]

All right.

[B]

So I literally did my thing and rolled over. I put the pillow under my hips, and I'm like, ah, you good? He's just like, yeah, I'm good.

[A]

I'm going to sleep. I'm like, all right, cool.

[B]

You're, like, trying to right, like, the hips under my pillow for, like. So I'm like, okay, good. So I'm like, I'm sure I got in there good, right? And then I found out now, because now at this point, I'm like, okay, am I going to get pregnant? So I'm testing again now. My urine for pregnancy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had just shot, like, a campaign or something for Toyota. So Janelle, my hair stylist, was at the house. So I took the stick to her, and I was like, does that look. You see a little faint line there? And she's like, we're like, outside. We're, like, in the light. She's like this. She putting on her glasses. I was like, she's like, I think I see something.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

So I said, shut up. I think it kind of worked. So I was like. I told her about the whole method and stuff. And I said, I think this is my girl. And she was like, what? So we did the whole ovulation tester. I did find out a couple days later, a solid pregnancy line. Because as you the days Progress. The line gets darker.

[A]

Okay, so you're like, it looked like it.

[B]

I was like, it looked like it. But by like, day five, I definitely was pregnant. So I told Deval and he was like, yo, is this our girl? And I was like, I feel like it is.

[A]

Like, I feel like it is.

[B]

If we did it the right way, it should be. So we were super excited about this pregnancy, but of course, we didn't tell anyone. It was super early on and everything, so we just let it rock. Fast forward to October. Never forget the date. It was October 18th.

[A]

That's on our day.

[B]

Yep. I know.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

October 18th.

[A]

That's why she didn't forget the date.

[B]

That's why I didn't Forget the date. October 18th. Deval had to go to film. I think he was filming bigger down here in Atlanta. And a couple days prior, there was a clip that went viral on social media from our podcast. And it was an episode we did about monogamy. And the clip that went viral was pretty much Deval feeling like I was giving him an ultimatum when it came time to get married. And there was the back and forth that we had in it. Of course, no one listens to the entire hour long episode ever. You take the 32nd or 45 second clip and run with it. So everyone is piling on. And they were literally, like, canceling me and Deval, and we knew this couple was too good to be true. And Kadeen is this, this, that, and the third, and Dalval is this, this, that, and the third. And I was just like, whoa. Like, I didn't expect for it to erupt the way that it did. So I'm. Again, Deval's not home. He went to film. So I'm just like in the comments, right? And I'm just like, damn. Like, I didn't think that people would really take it this way. Like, did people watch the whole episode or did they just really comment on this one clip?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And there were people who sided with Deval in that moment. There were people who sided with me. But either way, I was starting to get, like, lost in the comments.

[A]

Yeah. And it's easy to do that.

[B]

And it's so easy to do that, you know? But it's also easy for you to tell yourself, like, I. I don't feel no kind of way about this. Yeah. Like, you're trying to brush it off, but then it's like, deep down inside, it's still bothering you. Right.

[A]

I know what you mean, sis.

[B]

So I literally remember feeling when I was on the phone with Deval. He was like, you know, stay out the comments. Stop. Like, don't worry about it. Like, you know how news cycles are, 20, 20, what is it, 72 hours? And then people will forget about it. You got three days of this. Like, but I remember reading things sometimes and then literally feeling like my stomach, like, just cramping. Like, you know, you get that, like, pit in your stomach, like, oh my God, like, what's happening? Like, did we do the wrong thing? Like, should we correct this? Do we have to make a statement? Like, what happens when this all happens? And I remember starting to bleed. And with my three previous pregnancies, I never had any bleeding. It's like the minute I was pregnant, that was. I didn't see blood until the baby was born, right? But this particular time I started to see spotting. So Deval was like, well, you know, it's still early on. Maybe, you know, it's going to be your fourth child. Things can be different every pregnancy. He's like, this is probably the girl. So, you know, so that's the whole thing different. And he was in Atlanta. I was having more and more cramping, more and more bleeding, and it was coming, like sharp cramping. So it felt very different than my previous pregnancies. So I didn't tell my mom I was pregnant yet. Even she was staying with us at the time. Didn't even tell her I was pregnant. I said, he said, you know, do you want to go to the ER and see if everything's okay? So I said, you know, let me do that just for peace of mind.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I drove myself to the ER and doctor checked everything. They said viable pregnancy heartbeat, everything, did a sonogram. They were like, maybe you just need to do a little bed rest for a couple days and just decompress a bit. So I said, alright, I'll do that. So that was around noon. I went to the doctor or the er, got back home around three and I was in bed. I had an integration to do for. I had to make like pizza with the kids or something that I had. I forget who the brand was, but I had to make. Make pizza with them and film it and all that. And I just didn't have the strength. I just felt like I just was really out of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I will never forget, I'm laying in the bed and I felt like a really like. Like a hard, like intense cramp. And I was like, shit. So I got up and I went to the bathroom and I called it out on FaceTime. And I put him on the floor, and I'm in front of the toilet, and literally, I pulled my underwear down, and it was like, waterfall.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

So at that point, I was like, oh, my God. I think I'm having a miscarriage. So he's on the phone, like, couldn't believe what he was seeing. And at that point, I just, like, sat on the toilet, and I remember passing. Passing the baby. And, you know, he's on the phone, like, what do you need? Like, he's not there. I'm here. And then Cairo's knocking on the door.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

And he's just like, mom, are you gonna come make pizza with us? And I'm, like, a mess in the bathroom. And I'm like, yeah, buddy, I'm coming. Mommy's just using the bathroom really quick stop, you know? And there's, like, blood everywhere. And Devout was just like, hey, I'm gonna come home. And I was like, you're not coming home because you just booked this role on this show, and this is what we've been working for. You're not coming home. And I'm gonna stay here and I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna tell my mom what just happened, and we're gonna be fine. So Cairo and Kaz are at the door, and I'm like, guys, go downstairs with Jackson and just take everything out, and Mommy will be downstairs. So Deval's on the phone with me. Of course I'm a mess. I scramble to clean everything up. I jump in the shower really quickly and went downstairs and made pizza with the kids.

[A]

You are kidding me.

[B]

Yeah. Went downstairs and made pizza with the kids and didn't even have time to process everything, of course. Called Devout back when everything was done. And he was also, like, a mess on the phone. And I was, too. And I didn't have him. Of course. We're each other's, like, comfort. I ended up telling my mom what happened, and of course, she helped as best as she could. But then she had a flight to leave out the next morning to go to New York. So I was kind of just left to pick up the pieces. So Deval said to me, just come here. Just come to Georgia. I have a hotel room. You guys can just stay with me. The kids were virtual learning anyway. And he said, just book a flight in another day or two to come. And I said, okay, I'll figure something out. So at the time, we were house hunting. And that night. Well, that evening, he had sent four big Bouquets of roses. There was four red, three red, and one white all on the doorstep that night, which was really sweet. Nice little gesture that he sent. So the white was, of course, for the baby that we lost. And that night we were on Zillow, and he's like, let's just kind of take our minds off this for a little bit. Let's just look at some houses.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're looking at houses, and that actually came across the house we live in now.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

When I was looking through Zillow, but I said, baby, that's not in our budget, that price point. I said, how does. How did this. How did this house get through the filter? I said, because this price point wasn't what was in the filter.

[A]

But God said.

[B]

But God said, okay, grab a tissue. So God said, yeah, I want you to see this house.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So. And we had looked at houses prior in July, but nothing really stuck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I came down to Atlanta with the three boys. No. My mom took Kaz to New York, so I came with Cairo and Jackson. And while I'm down there, of course, it was nice to just kind of lay with Deval for a little bit and just kind of process everything and talk that through. And my realtor, Ariane.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Happened to reach out, and she's like, hey, girl. You know, just checking, touching bases. I'm like, it's crazy that you hit me up because I'm actually in Atlanta. And she's just like, you want to go look at some houses? And I'm just like, that's the last thing I want to do is look at no houses. And Deval's like, no, you should go look. Like, go and just get out a little. Take your mind off things. I'm like, you know what? All right. So I went to look at that house, and I'm like, something about this house is just like. I don't know how it ended up in my search, but I just feel like I need to go see it.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

I need to be in an environment to manifest whatever it is we want. Like, I want to eventually have a house like this one day. So let me just go see what it feels like to.

[A]

Sometimes you gotta step foot on that ground.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I went to see the house. Fell in love with it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I fell in love with a house that's not in my budget. Right. We had had some tax things going on too. We were trying to square some things away. So our financial advisor said, I don't know if now is the right time, guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But God said, so Deval comes to look at the house. I'm in the house. Deval calls me. He's like, babe, guess what? I wrapped early. He wasn't supposed to rap till the nighttime. It was about 1 o', clock, 1:30. He said, I wrapped. I said, where are you in relation to this address? Put it in. Put it in maps right now. You have to come see this place. I said, devout. I said, you just need to come stand in this space.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he came, he looked at the house, he saw me. We eventually met in the backyard because he was walking through with the realtor and we locked eyes, and I mean, we were both like, oh, my God. Like, we need something like this, you know? And in that moment, I was just using it as an opportunity to say, okay, okay, okay. God, I see what's out there. I see how we have to work and how we have to move to get something like this. So the realtor who was selling the house, she left. We stayed back with our realtor, Ariane. We were just chatting about, you know, things and real estate stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she forgot she locked her keys in her car.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

She locked her keys in her car. So we called AAA to come to and get her keys out her car. And we're just sitting in our car. In the meantime, we get a call from our financial advisor while we're in the car with Ariane. And we're like, oh, it's funny you call because we looked at this house we just fell in love with, but child, we can't afford it. Like, I don't know what we're gonna do. So Deval steps out of the car to talk to Sean, who's our financial advisor, is also his godbrother. And Deval's walking through the driveway and he's like. And I see him doing like this. He's like, okay, like this. So devale comes back and he's like, you'll never guess what just happened. I said, what? He said, we got pre approved for X amount of dollars.

[A]

Wow. We can afford this house.

[B]

We can afford this house.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

As he's standing on the driveway.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I say that to say after telling the story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You cannot. Sharing for me is, I feel like, is a responsibility that I have because so many times sharing allows people to understand that they're not alone in certain circumstances.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Yes.

[B]

Because I know how lonely I felt over the years dealing with things that I thought was only me. I felt Like, I was the anomaly. God, why me? Why am I having to go through this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But by sharing, you say, wow, like, I'm not the only one who's going through this. This is just a part of life.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So having the courage to share and then having people then just be so negative and mean and just nasty and then affecting your life physically. Physically, where you lose a baby in the process. And I didn't think about it at the time, but Dval was so resentful because he was like, it. It was because of what happened on social media. I know. That's why you lost that baby. You were in those comments. People were, like, doubling down. People were being mean. Like, I know how that affected you, and I didn't see it in that moment. So that really deterred me for a while from wanting to share. But it also made me understand how important it was to protect my piece, to understand that if I do share something, it can be possibly misconstrued in some kind of way and you have to deal with that backlash. Or you can just completely tune all of the noise out and say, I'm not even going to the comments. I'm not even going to look.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm going to take my break for my own mental health in this space, in this moment, because that's what I need, because it's not going to happen to me again. So I implore people before you start to make the negative comments about whatever it is. People try to pin us against each other all the time because they want so badly for me and Crystal to hate each other. For what? It's never gonna happen ever. Like, the negativity that. The breeding ground for negativity that social media has become or that it is. It really can impact someone's real life.

[A]

No, it really can if we allow it.

[B]

If we allow it to. That's. That's the key part.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Social media is not a real place, y'. All. It's not. People have lives and have worlds outside of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your birthday pack in October 18th. Never forget your birthday. I was with you.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

For your birthday.

[A]

On a school night.

[B]

Okay. On a school night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were out having a grand old time. I was with you and some of your closest girlfriends and we had a beautiful hibachi dinner.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

At another friend of yours house. She hosted for us. And we had a grand old time. My uncle passed on October 4th.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wasn't on social media like that. My uncle passed. He was somebody I was super close to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I wasn't posting for nobody.

[A]

Really. Yeah. Right.

[B]

You know, because typically, you know, we post social media, but. But then people say Kadeen did not post Crystal for her birthday.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So now there's beef.

[A]

Right? Oh, they mustn't see. Yeah. She a fake friend.

[B]

She a fake friend because she not posted for Crystal's birthday. Now imagine if me and Crystal really was like, caring what y' all thought and was in the comments and I could have been like, damn, Crystal might feel some kind of way like this beef. Because I didn't post on social media. Meanwhile, me and her was hugged up, having drinks and eating hibachi. On your actual birthday. In real life.

[A]

On my birthday.

[B]

Because we do real life shit over here too, period. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. And life be real life in life.

[B]

Be real life in. And our real life is so much better than social media.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Deval says it all the time. You get a 60 second video from me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I forget the math because he's always like this. How many minutes in a day? I'm not gonna do the math. Do the math. But you get literally maybe 1% of my life. So when it feels like I share so much, am I really sharing that much?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because the social media Persona that you get, yes, it is authentic and it's organic to who I am and my family. And I think that's why we resonate with so many people. But don't get it twisted. Real life is a thousand times more better than that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it's a thousand times better. And that's the stuff that I preach and that's the stuff that I don't share. And that's the stuff that I will not allow to be infiltrated by negativity. Because we keep it positive, sweetie. Period. That's what we do. Yeah. So I told that long story to say, you just never know how someone's real life can be impacted by just the negativity that's spewed. You think that one little comment. Yeah, you think that one little comment is not going to go far. Maybe they take it and they run with it. Yeah, they would take it and they'll run with it. So now I just have learned even more. When I need to take my breaks, I take my breaks. God knows the same thing too. I take my breaks because I feel like they're well deserved and they're needed because I want to be in real life showing up for my family as they need. I need to be showing up for myself as I need. There's a whole lot of responsibility. My father the other day was like, you have so many things in your brain. I don't know how you do it. Because I'm doing school applications, I'm doing this one, that one got a school trip, this one has that. I got work to do. There's so many things in my brain that I don't have time to entertain negativity. I will not allow it. Yeah, I won't allow it. I can't. I can't. I can't.

[A]

So, Kadeen, with everything that you have going on, what do you do for your sanity? I know you love to travel, but what. What does Kadeen do to take. To carve out some time? This is what. This is my me time. What are you doing to keep your mental health strong? To keep sane? Because it is a lot. You do have a million things going on. And I would love to know how you balance it all. Because, honey, I'm struggling over here and it's just me.

[B]

You say it's just me. It's just me. I'm like, you don't even got a dog, girl. I'm like, did you have a dog before? You had, like, one. What happened to the dog?

[A]

Two dogs.

[B]

She had two dogs. They were like, in transit. They just, like, kind of came.

[A]

Yeah, that was it. I was a vessel.

[B]

Ah, yes.

[A]

I was a vessel to finding them a home.

[B]

To find of a home. I love that. I love that you were the conduit.

[A]

Yes. It did not. Yes, it was a lot.

[B]

Yes. Well, traveling is huge for me, so, yes, I do like to decompress by getting away. Change of environment, change of scenery is very big for me. Alone time is also very important. Meditating, you know, I'm working on my relationship with God, which is a thing that I hadn't done earlier on because I was also very confused about it. I grew up Seventh Day Adventist, and there were just so many, like, no's and like, it was so rigid, and I didn't know how I could fit within the compound of God's love as a Seventh Day Adventist. So when I kind of said to myself, you know what? That's not the only way, then I said, okay, I'm going to take my own walk and my own route. So I more recently have been finding my own way to learn more about my relationship with God. So that's been bringing me a lot of. Of peace and just a lot of downtime with my husband and my kids. Like, sometimes I just need that because we have so many people who are in and out of the house. You know, we have the podcast crew that comes into town and though they're like family, that's still like people, people and energy. Energy. It's just all about.

[A]

You have the host, like, even though their family and they know the way around, it's still. You still feel like.

[B]

Absolutely. You still have to. Right, Exactly. So there's never really like in my downtime, time to be down. Deval's a social butterfly. Like, he's always just like, come on. Bye. I'm gonna bed y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Like just literally like two days ago, he told his cousin and his wife to come by with their daughter. I'm like, y' all have a good time.

[A]

I love y'. All.

[B]

I'm gonna lay down, you know?

[A]

Yeah, take your time. I'm like that with my family. They'll come and they know I will just disappear in my room. Y' all help yourselves. I love y'. All.

[B]

I said I'm not being antisocial, baby, but I just like my four walls right now. And I'm going to need that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that and then this girl, like, catching up. You know, there's certain people that I feel like I need to have in my orbit in order to stay sane, because they either just get me or we're going through something similarly. Or we can just decompress and have a good time, you know, and just other self care practices, like a good old massage every now and again. Things like that, super important to me. So, yeah, those are a couple things that I do to just stay to re energize that recharge station that I need every now and again.

[A]

I love that. I love that. So you are. You just embarked in the 40s. Welcome.

[B]

Thank you, darling. I love it too. It's fabulous. It's fabulous. You know how scary 40s sounds, girl?

[A]

I didn't know how to know how. So you remember my birthday party?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I didn't put how old I was turning on the invitation because I did not want anybody to know. I was 40 years old. I was like, oh, my God.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And you come to a realization like, oh, my God. I'm like halfway through my life expectancy, there's so many more things that I want to accomplish. And I feel like, like you said earlier, you just scratching the surface. And I felt the same way. And I did not want people to know how old I was. And then Tyler gets up in the.

[B]

Middle of that room as he would, sir. 40 years.

[A]

I was like, 40 years.

[B]

Shh. Nobody's old. And more and more.

[A]

Ain't nobody told you to say how old I was. I was like, well, in that moment, I was like, I felt myself kind of cower. Like, oh, my God. I don't want people knowing how old I am.

[B]

Cause I just.

[A]

I felt old. And then the next day I woke up and I was like, yo, this is a blessing, girl. People do not make it this far. I've gained so much wisdom. And just looking at my life and I'm waking up in a penthouse of the hotel, like, you know, like, yes, this is my life.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I was like, God, you are amazing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I should not be ashamed or embarrassed of how old I am.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

But what I want to ask you is, did you have any type of insecurity about turning 40?

[B]

You know, I didn't. I had more of an insecurity about 30 for some reason.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I don't know what I like more.

[A]

Than I think I did too.

[B]

I. More than my 20s. Yeah. I have more than. Cause I'm like, wait, 30, like now I gotta be responsible. But then I think about 40. Right. The way I can equate it is like you're on a roller coaster and it's like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you're like, you're at that hump right there. And then 40 is like the beginning of the down.

[A]

It's like, woo.

[B]

Throw your hands up because I'm gonna enjoy the ride.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I love who I am at 40.

[A]

Me too. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Who I am at 40, I am that much more focused. I'm that much more deliberate with my interactions. I'm that much more intentional about where I'm investing my time and my energy. There's an unapologetic way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That comes with 40.

[A]

It is.

[B]

And I don't know what it is. I think we're. I think what made us scared too, is also thinking about, like, our prior generations. When you think of 40, you thought that they just looked older or carried themselves older. But we don't. But, baby, listen, if this is 40, and for my girls who are like in their 20s and 30s and watching, like, it gets so much better. It really does. Because you're so sure of who you are.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And what you want. And I'm thinking about some women who are super successful and haven't started to even really build their resumes till they're in their 40s and 50s.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because there's so much life after that.

[A]

It's so much life after that.

[B]

There's so much so, yeah, I'm, I'm excited for the 40s. I'm actually happy to be here. I didn't. I thought I was going to be a little bit more like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm 40, but feeling like I'm in the best shape of my life.

[A]

You are, baby. You be in the gym.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Girl, looking good. You just did the fashion show for New York Fashion Week with Actively Black.

[B]

That was a challenge, baby. Thank you. Oh, my God.

[A]

So good.

[B]

That was like a personal thing for me to say. Can I do it? Because with Jackson, you know, I was in my 20s, I got back after him. Cairo and Kaz came back to back, so it took me a little longer to get back after them. And then with Koda, I was like, yeah, I'm pushing 38. Like, I'm like, is this really gonna, like, you know? And it took a little bit longer for me, but I think I was that much more committed. I also have been making a conscious effort to be aware of what I'm putting in my body. And after seeing a holistic doctor and getting a blood work panel done, she told me about so many things that I ingest on a day to day basis, like regularly that cause inflammation, but not like in the hives form, which I told you I just got hives like last night for like randomly. But Dinora made a good point. Maybe it's because something in the food at the bowling alley was something I'm allergic to that I haven't been having. And then I ate it and then that was the reaction. Right. But there's so many things that we're consuming on a day to day basis that it's not going to necessarily show up as hives per se, but internally it's clogging your digestive tract. It's just causing joint issues, inflammation. Like I was going to the chiropractor often and once I changed my diet, lower back pain went away. My gut health is so much better. I don't have the bloating that I normally had. Like, there are just so many things that have changed for me once I took control of my health and wellness. I just want to feel good about myself and like, put on a dress and not feel like, oh, I have to like camouflage things like that. So, yeah, I've been trying to hit the gym hard.

[A]

Girl, you look good.

[B]

Thank you, baby. Get this heart pumping so I can live long for these boys, God willing, and my husband, so we can really enjoy and when we're in our 70s be healthy enough to be able to enjoy, you know, what's left of life. So I'm looking forward to that.

[A]

Good. So I want to know, you have dreams and things that you want to do. You have centered your life in your world around your husband, your boys. Yes. And the things that you guys have done together. What does Kadeen want to do? What are your dreams? What are your aspirations? Because I know, I know personally, but I want you to share and say it out loud.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because there is power in the tongue, there is power in speaking it, and I want those things that happen for you. So what are some of.

[B]

I appreciate that. Thank you for giving, giving me the space and platform to do this. I did say early on that like, my one of my main goals was to be a wife and mom. And I think that I know that I do that well.

[A]

Very well.

[B]

Yeah, very well. So having accomplished that, it's funny, when you have children, you always hear about women saying, I lost myself. I lost myself in the kids or I lost myself in this marriage. And for me, I used to subscribe to that. But for me, I kind of want to change the narrative around that because I feel like saying you lost yourself is looking at it from a negative standpoint. But for me, with each child, there was a rebirth of Kadeen. And I feel like my children empowered and they were a catalyst for igniting this flame in me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where I feel like I'm unstoppable now. So while I'm not having any more children, but I can now grow with my children and my husband Kadeen. 40 year old Kadeen is looking forward to getting back into my career side of things. Like you said, I went to school for broadcasting.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Graduated, you know, for my master's in communication and speech and performance. So I want to get back in front of the camera.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I want to be an actress, I want to be a TV host. I want to have my own daytime talk show. For me, the opportunities and the. They're endless.

[A]

They are.

[B]

They really are endless. But now I can focus on actually putting the work in. I don't have to feel like, okay, well, I'm gonna get this far ahead and then may have to stop for a year or two, you know, to be at home and then get back, and then get back into it again. It's like a double dutch rope. Like you're trying to get in and out. It's like, ah. And then somebody double handed so you can't quite get in and jump. Right. You know, so for me, it's like, no more double Dutch. I'm in the rope and I'm going, I'm catching a rhythm. And I'm catching a rhythm.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

So I'm working on that, you know, maybe a product line or two. There are just a couple things that really are just speaking to me. But like I said before, in my 40s now, I'm more deliberate and more intentional and more sure of where I want to go.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And I feel that God has not denied me those opportunities. He's just deferred them into a time where I can better be able to receive it. Yes, because he can get. He could have given me some of these opportunities a long time ago. There were things that I have turned down, that Deval has turned down, that we've turned down as a collective because it didn't align with what we were doing in that moment, what we wanted out of the opportunity. It may not have aligned with our morals. There were so many things that we've passed up on. But really and truly, I just believe that God was giving me these experiences and building up the wisdom within so that when these opportunities resurface, they're going to be that much bigger, that much better.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

And I'm going to be that much more prepared for it.

[A]

And you will know a delay is not a deny queue. And you will be more prepared for it. I'm a true testimony. I'm a living testimony of that. That a delay is not a denial. And the no's or the what you feel like is not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet. When the time does come and God says now, it is far much bigger than you could ever imagine. I know that for a fact.

[B]

And you're so right about that, Crystal and I received that because sometimes you have to hear it again. And in the meantime, just practice and be ready. Be prepared. You need to prepare for when your opportunity presents itself. And be ready, you know, because when God says yes and says now, if you're not ready and doing your part either, baby, then that's on you.

[A]

It is on you.

[B]

That's on you. You just like I was showing you the way, you know, and I open this door, don't let it slam in your face, you know, so I'm just working now on just preparing myself physically, mentally, also having those talks with him to just say, you know, what is it that you want me to do? What am I here for? What is my purpose? And a lot of times I questioned what my purpose is. But I do truly feel now I can see that I'm walking in my purpose, you know, with. With our podcast, with our live shows, with our social media presence. So many people have said to me, when I get to, like, hug and squeeze those people in real life during our meet and greets, or if I run into somebody at Target or the supermarket, I've had so many people say, kadeem, you and Deval, or you, you know, as a woman, have just changed my perspective on self.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or you have saved my marriage. Or you encouraged my husband to just open up more. Or, you know, Deval encouraged me to approach my husband this way, and it saved my marriage.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You can't tell me we're not out here doing God's work.

[A]

Come on, now.

[B]

Because it doesn't look the same for everybody.

[A]

It does not. That's real.

[B]

It doesn't look the same for everybody. So I've embraced that. And that's why I won't shy away from social media completely just yet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I feel like there's still work, more work to be done.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And I'm gonna keep it positive, sweetie. As long as y' all keep it positive, period.

[A]

And if you don't, you're blocked, period.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

We're not giving you any attention. You're blocked.

[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

I love that I actually watched your. This is my second live show that I've. Or third live show that I've seen you guys do, and it was absolutely incredible.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And I'm doing my first live show at the end of this month.

[B]

I'm so excited for you. I mean, I knew it was coming. It was going to be a natural succession.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

And we've encouraged you to do it from the podcast to the live show. It's gonna be so.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Such a good time. I'm so mad that we're gonna be out of town. I know it's Devout's 40th.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I gotta take my bae out because this past four or five birthdays, he's been working.

[A]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[B]

So I put a hard block on those. I'm like, listen, we gotta. We gotta get it popping.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But I can't wait if you drop a second date, though. I'm just throwing that out there. Selfishly, March 29th is a cute date. I mean, you sold out the 30th in, like, a day. It's giving. Give us an extra day. It's giving an encore. It's giving encore performance.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm excited for you, Crystal. Like, seriously, I'm super proud of what you've been able to do.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Just with. Keep it. I know. I mean, we've spoken about your story just from being stylist, being a recording artist, just so many years of doing different things that now you're, like, walking in your purpose, and you're living your dream, and you're touching so many people. And I've been watching the episodes, and those are the comments that I read, how people just rally around you and just love you because it's like, what's not to love? And I think that's why it was so easy for us to hit it off, too. It's just, like, two women's women who just, like, are positive and want to see the best and will encourage each other. And we share. We don't gatekeep. We know there's no competition. It's just, like. It's so refreshing to meet someone like you, and I'm so glad that God placed you in our life the way he did.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Dakota's godmother, too. Everyone knows that. And we're very selective about our babies and who's gonna be their godparents. And just the. The camaraderie that you've built with Deval and even just building out the show. And then your podcast, Keep it positive, sweetie baby. Like, it just makes so much sense for you, and I'm just so happy.

[A]

Thank you so much. I appreciate that.

[B]

I can't wait to see, like, the roller coaster. We. Hands up, baby.

[A]

We are hands up.

[B]

Me and you are in the front seat of the roller coaster. Hands up. Okay. And we going down. We going down. It's going down.

[A]

Thank you. If there's any advice you could give me, because this is my first show. Yes, I am. I have moments where I wake up because I've put a lot on my plate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dinora's like, what else are you doing at this show?

[B]

Listen, we should do this, this, this.

[A]

This.

[B]

Putting a whole lot on our plate.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Even just with a dance routine, like, oh, my gosh. Me dance? Like, I was a professional dancer. Like, competitive, I should say, up until I was about 18, 19, when I met the Val child, I was just like, dance. What? I would be with this dude over here, right? I'm a dance over here. I'm a dance over here. But just to use that side of my brain again, I really had to be like, oh, my God, like, choreography and doing a split and stretching. Like, I really had to push myself there. So in terms of you. In addition, advice for your live show, continue to show up as your true and authentic self. That's who people want to see. Yeah, that's who people want to see. And you're a performer as well. Like, I am. Like, I feel like I come alive on stage. Like, I love to feel the energy of the crowd. I love to see the faces of the people who just love and support my family. So it's the same for you, like, everyone there. And it's funny because you called me.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Before our Dallas show.

[A]

First one. Yeah. The first show you had.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. You FaceTimed me. And you were just like, sis, what's up? Just touching bass. Like, how you feeling about the show and everything. And I'm like, girl, I gotta dance. Like, I'm nervous. And you. I'm gonna actually give you the advice you gave me. Cause it literally made me feel so much better. You have no idea. And I said to the vow, crystal just told me this. And I was like, oh, my God, that makes so much sense. He was like, I think I told you that before, too. I'm like, it sounded better coming from Crystal. Sorry. It always sounded better than Crystal. It sounds better for somebody else. But you literally said to me, everyone who bought a ticket and will be in that building is there because they love and support you and everything that you've been doing, they're there for a reason. And I was like, you're absolutely right. Like, there's not a bunch of hecklers there. I'm not going out to do a talent show and to see what, you know, who's going to give me a 10. Even though it was a 10. 10, 10.

[A]

Get it?

[B]

You get it. Because, baby, we went on tour with Beyonce last year.

[A]

Listen.

[B]

So that's how I was inspired. Okay? We were on tour. Okay. We were in Sweden in all sorts of places. So. No, but literally, you. You made me feel so much better because I'm just like. I'm just going to, like, have a good time with people who want to come and just be in my space, in my company, and I get to love on them and they get to love on me. And it's just that reciprocity that you feel when you're in that environment. So just tap into that, because it's going to flow. It is going to flow, and you are going to be just fine.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You are just gonna be fine. And you know, Devine and I will be bells and whistles. First of all, when you pick a next date, consult Me first so I can make sure I'm in town, baby. Cause you know I'm gonna hop a flight anytime I can.

[A]

Yes, for sure, for sure. Thank you.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

I appreciate that.

[B]

Of course, sis.

[A]

Okay, so now we are to my favorite part of the show. It's called Positive outcomes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Where our listeners write in and we give them advice on whatever they're dealing with.

[B]

I love to listen to. Very good.

[A]

So this one says I'm 33 with five kids and have been married for 12 years. My last three pregnancies were high risk. I've allowed my spouse to control my birth control and continually put my life at risk with these pregnancies. My husband has been cheating off and on since 2017. And with the high risk pregnancies, I've been stuck with him all these years that I've been wanting to get out of this marriage. Our children are 11, 9, 4, 2 and 6 months. I can't even work full time and my small children are not able to attend daycare just yet. I have a part time job to support myself and my children. Because of the amount of children I have, I can't afford housing. So that caused me to be stuck with him. He's very controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, and I'm afraid of him. Do you have any words of encouragement to help me build the courage to get out of this relationship? Relationship.

[B]

Wow, that was a mouthful.

[A]

That was a lot.

[B]

I feel for her. 33 and has been married for 12.

[A]

Years with five kids. Yeah.

[B]

So that's 19 that she got married or has been with him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then within that five. I mean, because that's so many layers to it. Like, so you're in an abusive relationship.

[A]

Pretty much.

[B]

And then you have five children.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who are also exposed to this abuse. I wonder if she has a village.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like anyone to lean on. Because it's hard. Like I'm thinking about how difficult that must be to be in an environment where you're not supported. Someone who's controlling and manipulating birth control methods.

[A]

That is crazy. And I mean, it seems like it's been happening from a young. If you've been with him since 19.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is someone that has had time to manipulate you for a while.

[B]

Oh, for sure. And he knows exactly what he's doing.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I want to ask her, like, does she have a village of people or anyone that she can like lean on for support to just kind of help her get her footing? And I want to encourage her and just let her know that everything is Seasonal. Yeah, everything is seasonal. I don't think that this is going to be the rest of her life. It doesn't have to be the rest of her life, but it's particularly hard when you have that many children and then work and then finances and stuff like that. So I would encourage her to kind of seek, you know, any kind of refuge that she can or kind of support and advice from people around her who may be able to help her find a way out, because that's a particularly difficult situation to be in.

[A]

Yes, very difficult. But definitely, you need to get out of this.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Because this is. This isn't good. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I echo everything you just said, for sure. And I pray that you seek the help that you need, that you definitely get around the right people. One thing that I was taught we just were talking about in church yesterday was letting go of, like, friend groups that don't serve you, you know, and especially the walk that you're trying to be on. So if you're around people who. Their men are doing the same thing, you're not. You're less apt to, like, get out of that situation. But if you're around people who know their worth and are like, hey, girl, you deserve better, then you're like, wait a minute, I do deserve better. You're more apt to get out of that, for sure.

[B]

Around people who can speak life and positivity into you, for sure. And also, birth control is very personal. Like, that's insane that he can control her birth control in any kind of way. Like, there has to be a way for her to personally make that decision between her and her healthcare provider to get on something that can protect her, especially if he's not going to be the one to protect her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

For example, like, Deval and I, we had the. I was on the IUD for a long time, and then that was. Was messing with me hormonally, and just my whole body was thrown off. So he, in turn, had the vasectomy to protect us from future pregnancies because we knew we were done with children. But he doesn't even seem like he would have the capacity to even have that conversation with her about what's gonna be in the best interest of her health. So, yeah, I'll pray for her as well, too, that she can find the strength to get past this, and hopefully she can find some support through family, for sure.

[A]

The next thing we do is what I'm going through and what. What I'm growing through. And right now, I would say I am going through an evolution period. Another season of uncertainty, really, you know what I'm saying? Knowing that it's something more that I want to do and achieve, but also trying to be patient and not jump the gun. Yeah.

[B]

Mine is kind of similar. When you said, well, to you, I was going to say, I'm going through a season of discomfort, but I'm also growing through the discomfort. That's good, because I feel like you need to be in an uncomfortable space in order to evoke change. And I know that on the other side of this discomfort is just me figuring out what's next. And once I know that, then I can move with a sense of certain. But I also, too, know that this level of discomfort that I'm feeling, too, is also God's way of just kind of pushing me into a direction that he's preparing me for something, and I embrace it. Where most people would try to run away from the discomfort, I'm trying to embrace it, as scary as that is sometimes, but just knowing and having faith that it's going to work out as it should. And my grandmother always says, nothing beats the right time.

[A]

That's right. Oh, that's good.

[B]

Yeah. Nothing beats the right time, so. And it's always God's time. That's what she used to tell me.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

So I am looking forward to the other side of this discomfort and the beauty that will bloom from it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Almost springtime, like, you know that, like, weird, like, winter feel. Everything is, like, downtrodden and cold and dark, but then it's like the light and the blooming and the spring, and I feel like I'm in line with the seasons right now. Like, it's. I'm on the cusp of something.

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

And I'm just embracing it.

[A]

I love it. I love it. And then we like to do what's called keep it blank, sweetie. Okay, so for this episode, I would say.

[B]

I have one.

[A]

Go ahead, give me yours.

[B]

I think the overarching takeaway for me, with everything that we spoke about, and this is actually my word for 2024, I always have, like, a word at.

[A]

The top of the year.

[B]

Keep it deliberate, sweetie. And I say keep it deliberate because if you are intentional and deliberate with where you're putting your time, your energy, your space, your spirit, your heart, you will be very focused on what you need and what you can be to others. So keep it deliberate is my thing.

[A]

I love that. And I will say keep it authentic, sweetie. Something you told me, just be myself And I would implore you all to do the same, so keep it authentic, sweetie. Kadeen, thank you so much.

[B]

Oh, thank you. I love you.

[A]

We're stuck in the cloud.

[B]

We're stuck in the cloud. Oh, I love you, girl.

[A]

I love you, too.

[B]

This is great. This is such a good time.

[A]

So good.

[B]

I feel like we can talk about so many things.

[A]

Things like seriously, for sure.

[B]

We haven't even scratched the surfaces, like, other stuff.

[A]

We have to do a part two with Kadine. I mean, we should.

[B]

Y' all want a part two, do.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Let us know.

[B]

I'll come back.

[A]

Yes. Thank you guys so much, so much for tuning into this episode of Keep it positive, sweetie. If you want to write into our open listener letter, you can write into keepitpositsweetiemail.com and that's Sweetie with an IE. You can follow me on all platforms at lovechrystalrenae. That's L U V on Instagram, Instagram, Twitter, or X. And TikTok. Kadeen, tell the people where they can find you.

[B]

You can find me at. On Instagram, Kadeenim. Oh, my goodness. Find me on Instagram, Kadeenim. I'm also giving TikTok a try, y'. All.

[A]

So be.

[B]

You know, I'm over there too, Kadeen. I am. And then of course, our podcast, my husband and I, deadass, with Kadeen and Neville. And you can find our Instagram page, deadass, the podcast as well, and our New York Times best selling book, yes, we over me.

[A]

It's on my nightstand.

[B]

We over me, baby. The counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship. Go ahead and grab your copy today and tell a friend, please. And thanks. Yes.

[A]

Get it, get it, get it, guys. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Please have an amazing week. In the meantime and in between time, you know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie.

[B]

Period. Bye, guys. Foreign thank you so much, heavenly Father, for this moment. Father God, thank you for getting everyone here safely. Lord, we ask that you bless this time together, Father God, that for those that are watching and listening to this podcast, Father God, that you will open their hearts and their ears to receive what you want them to receive. Bless Kadina and Crystal as they have open and vulnerable conversation, Father God. And let this space just continue to feel safe for everyone to speak and share. Lord, we love you, we honor you.

[A]

And we bring you all the glory, honor and praise. In your name we pray.

[B]

Amen. Amen.

[A]

Amen.