Podcast Summary: Keep It Positive, Sweetie

Episode: "More Than A Woman with Khadeen Ellis"

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Khadeen Ellis
Date: March 19, 2024

Episode Overview

This deeply personal episode centers on authenticity, personal growth, the challenges and beauty of motherhood and marriage, and the power of faith and purpose. Host Crystal Renee Hayslett invites her close friend, actress, author and podcast host Khadeen Ellis, to discuss her journey as more than just a wife and mother, delving into issues of self-worth, healing after pregnancy loss, and reclaiming individual dreams. The conversation is a safe, honest space with laughter and tears, and provides powerful encouragement on keeping things deliberate, authentic, and positive.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrating Khadeen’s Accomplishments & Identity

• [02:33] Crystal introduces Khadeen’s extensive achievements: actress, podcast co-host (Deadass), NYT bestselling author, and mother of four boys.
• [03:12] Khadeen reflects on often forgetting how much she’s accomplished. “It’s so easy to get lost in the shuffle of like, I’m not doing enough...so every time I hear like, Webby award winning podcast or...bestseller, it’s just like, huge. Is it really me?” – Khadeen [03:12]
• Both express the continual drive to do more and aim higher.

2. Friendship, Professionalism, and Navigating Public Perception

• [04:01–06:11] The pair recount their first meeting via FaceTime when Crystal was introduced as Khadeen’s husband’s love interest on TV, addressing industry professionalism and public assumptions about rivalry among women.
• [05:00] “Girl, you better kiss that man and cash that damn check, ok? Cause we got four whole boys...and we need this money.” – Khadeen [05:00]
• [06:04] They discuss separating their real selves from their characters, and audience difficulty doing the same. Both agree on the importance of boundaries and mutual respect.

3. Family Background, Immigrant Upbringing, and Pressure as the Eldest

• [07:18–11:48] Khadeen recounts her role as the eldest child and first grandchild in a Jamaican immigrant family, feeling a deep, self-imposed responsibility to make her parents proud given their sacrifices.
• “Failure was not an option for me. Disappointing my family was not an option.” – Khadeen [09:30]

4. Motherhood: Leading, Empathy & Resilience

• [10:46–16:10] On parenting her own eldest, Jackson, she sees echoes of her own upbringing and the unique pressures and empathy firstborn children experience.
• [13:29]-[14:22] Khadeen gets emotional recalling a difficult time when Jackson’s income from a commercial helped their family during hardship:
  “He has no idea how much he saved us…at times when our marriage was struggling…it was just the three of us and that’s all we had." – Khadeen [14:07]
• The segment explores the balance between encouraging independence and fostering unity among siblings.

5. Finding Her Calling Beyond Marriage and Motherhood

• [16:28–24:35] Khadeen describes having always wanted to be a mom and wife, but also feeling drawn to being on stage, performing, and communications—despite family pressure toward medical careers.
• [20:05] “My mother…really just tapped into all those extracurriculars and made sure that I was well rounded.” – Khadeen
• She emphasizes the importance of not being limited by other people’s expectations.

6. Advice to Her Younger Self: Ignore the Noise

• [23:25–26:22] “Forget and do not worry about what other people think of you and what you’re doing. That was so stifling for me.” – Khadeen [23:25]
• She wishes she’d taken more chances and stresses that other people’s opinions shouldn’t dictate your choices.
• [25:13] “As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you’re not disrespecting anyone, do whatever it is that makes you happy.” – Khadeen

7. On Long-Term Love and Missed Experiences

• [26:33–30:48] Khadeen discusses being with her husband since their teens and how there were fleeting curiosities about “dating around,” but she doesn’t feel she missed out.
• She does wish she’d had her own apartment/lived alone for a time, but values the ever-evolving nature of her relationship:
  “I feel like I’m constantly dating a different version of the same person. And it just keeps getting better.” – Khadeen [30:05]

8. Vulnerability and Loss—Miscarriage and Social Media’s Impact

• [31:31–49:29] The most raw part of the episode, Khadeen recounts her fourth pregnancy, her hope for a daughter, and suffering a miscarriage, possibly exacerbated by the emotional toll of negative social media backlash:
  • [36:48–43:13] She shares the pain and isolation of miscarrying at home while caring for her kids and how she had to “clean everything up” and keep going for them.
  • [48:01] “Sharing allows people to understand that they’re not alone…how lonely I felt over the years dealing with things that I thought was only me...”
• [49:29–51:56] Discusses protecting her mental health and boundaries online:
  “Social media is not a real place, y’all. It’s not. People have lives and have worlds outside of this.” – Khadeen [50:07]

9. Re-centering and Self-Care

• [53:08–56:03] On balancing everything:
  • Traveling, alone time, meditation, building her relationship with God, and connecting with the right people in her orbit all fuel her.
  • [54:58] “Alone time is also very important. Meditating…I’m working on my relationship with God…just bringing me a lot of peace.” – Khadeen

10. Embracing Turning 40

• [56:09–59:05] Both Crystal and Khadeen discuss initial discomfort with turning 40, before reframing it as a blessing and a time of increased confidence and clarity.
  • [58:16] “I am that much more focused. I’m that much more deliberate with my interactions. I’m that much more intentional about where I’m investing my time and my energy. There’s an unapologetic way that comes with 40.” – Khadeen

11. Personal Growth, Dreams, and Future Goals

• [61:18–64:28] Khadeen feels she is entering a season to pursue her own dreams:
  • She wants to return to camera work, acting, hosting, and potentially creating her own product line.
  • “Saying you lost yourself is looking at it from a negative standpoint...with each child, there was a rebirth of Kadeen.” – Khadeen [62:24]
  • She reframes motherhood as a process of evolving and empowerment.

12. Faith and Purpose

• [64:25–66:19] Khadeen expresses gratitude for having an impact on her community and followers:
  • “You can’t tell me we’re not out here doing God's work. Because it doesn’t look the same for everybody.”
• Both agree on the importance of being ready for the opportunities God provides.

Listener Letters & Advice

1. [71:41–75:39] Emotional Abuse & Seeking Freedom

A listener, 33, married 12 years with five young kids, seeks courage to escape an emotionally abusive, controlling marriage.

• Khadeen and Crystal both encourage seeking support, building a village, and leaning on people who will speak positivity and self-worth.
  • “Everything is seasonal. I don’t think this is going to be the rest of her life.” – Khadeen
  • Emphasizes taking control of one’s health and the critical need for outside encouragement and practical help.

2. [75:39–77:17] What We’re Going Through / Growing Through

• Both hosts candidly discuss being in a season of transition and discomfort, but embracing this as the necessary path to personal growth.
  • “You need to be in an uncomfortable space in order to evoke change...my grandmother always says, nothing beats the right time.” – Khadeen [77:04]

Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• On Self-Worth:
  “Who are these said people, and what are they contributing to my life...that even grants them the permission to have an opinion about what I’m doing?” – Khadeen [24:03]
• On Real Friendship vs. Social Media:
  “Meanwhile, me and her was hugged up, having drinks and eating hibachi. On your actual birthday. In real life. Because we do real life shit over here too, period.” – Khadeen [51:13]
• On Grief and Resilience:
  Describing her miscarriage: “I just sat on the toilet, and I remember passing the baby. Cairo’s knocking on the door...there’s blood everywhere… then I cleaned everything up, jumped in the shower…and went downstairs and made pizza with the kids.” – Khadeen [41:50–43:13]
• On Purpose:
  “I just believe that God was giving me these experiences and building up the wisdom within so that when these opportunities resurface, they’re going to be that much bigger, that much better.” – Khadeen [64:25]
• On Authenticity:
  “Continue to show up as your true and authentic self. That's who people want to see.” – Khadeen [70:06]
• On Living in Her Purpose:
  “Now I can see that I’m walking in my purpose… with our podcast, with our live shows, with our social media presence...” – Khadeen [65:16]

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|:---------------------------------------------------------| | 00:39–02:32 | Warm welcome, playful banter, intro to Khadeen’s career | | 04:01–06:11 | Meeting each other, professional friendship | | 07:18–13:29 | Immigrant roots, pressure as oldest, parenting as eldest | | 16:28–24:35 | Childhood dreams, defying family expectations | | 23:25–26:22 | Advice to younger self: ignoring outside criticism | | 26:33–30:48 | Long-term relationship, evolving through marriage | | 31:31–49:29 | Social media, miscarriage story, mental health | | 53:08–56:03 | Mental wellness, self-care strategies | | 56:09–59:05 | Turning 40, self-love, health evolution | | 61:18–64:28 | Khadeen’s dreams: acting, talk show, entrepreneurship | | 71:41–75:39 | Listener letter: navigating abuse, finding courage | | 75:39–77:17 | Personal growth segments: discomfort, faith | | 77:49–78:21 | Positive takeaways: “Keep it deliberate/authentic” |

Positive Outcomes & Takeaways

• Keep it Deliberate, Sweetie.
  “If you are intentional and deliberate with where you’re putting your time, your energy, your space, your spirit, your heart, you will be very focused on what you need and what you can be to others.” – Khadeen [78:00]
• Keep it Authentic, Sweetie.
  “Something you told me: just be myself, and I would implore you all to do the same.” – Crystal [78:21]
• Practice boundaries and self-care: Social media is a tool, not a substitute for real life.
• Embrace discomfort and uncertainty: These are necessary for change and for stepping into deeper purpose.
• Live out your dreams, regardless of timeline: Nothing beats the right time—delay is not denial.
• Community matters: Whether in friendship, marriage, or escaping abuse, your village is essential.

Final Thought

This episode balances hard truths with laughter, ending on a call for all listeners—especially women—to claim their space in the world with purpose, authenticity, and relentless positivity. The journey is ongoing, but it's “so much better than we thought it would be.”

Find the hosts:

• Crystal Renee Hayslett: @lovechrystalrenae (IG/TikTok/X)
• Khadeen Ellis: @kadeenim (IG, TikTok), co-host of Deadass podcast, author of We Over Me

If you or someone you know needs support after pregnancy loss, call the Miscarriage and Abortion Hotline: 1-833-246-2632.

“I feel like with each child, there was a rebirth of Kadeen. And I feel like my children empowered and were a catalyst for igniting this flame in me where I feel like I’m unstoppable now.” – Khadeen [62:24]