More Than What Meets The Eye with Eva Marcille

Summary

Podcast Summary: Keep it Positive, Sweetie

Episode: "More Than What Meets The Eye" with Eva Marcille
Date: September 19, 2023
Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Eva Marcille
Podcast Network: The Black Effect & iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This heartfelt and empowering episode explores the multi-faceted journey of Eva Marcille—model, actress, mother, and unapologetic advocate for purpose, authenticity, and Black excellence. Host Crystal Renee Hayslett holds a candid, laughter-filled, and at times tearful conversation with Eva about self-worth, navigating show business, maintaining faith, advocating for oneself, the power of representation, and the transformative journey of motherhood.

The episode radiates encouragement and vulnerability, providing listeners with practical wisdom for personal growth, industry navigation, and the courage to keep it positive, sweetie.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Owning Your Identity & Confidence

• Eva’s Childhood and Upbringing:
  Raised in South Central LA by an unapologetically Black mother active in women’s liberation and a jazz musician father, Eva learned the importance of self-definition and not conforming for inclusion.

  • “You don't do what everyone else does because you're not like everyone else. And accepting that… I learned that it's not for me to be with everyone and for everyone. I'm for one person. It's God's purpose.” — Eva Marcille [03:12]

• Discovering Self in College and Beyond:
  Attending Clark Atlanta University shaped Eva’s sense of self—academically, culturally, and spiritually.

  • “At Clark, I was on the dean's list, super Academic Debate and Forensic Society. So that was like my outlet, my release.” — Eva Marcille [06:17]

• Reinforcing Self-Worth Despite Opinions:
  Eva rejects societal pressure to conform, learning to ignore outside noise and focus on God-given purpose.

  • “People will always have opinion, but their opinions don't define me. They can't.” — Eva Marcille [03:44]

2. America’s Next Top Model & Redefining Beauty

• Unconventional Road to the Show:
  Eva shares her humble and humorous ANTM audition story—missing Atlanta auditions, road tripping to Memphis, and improvising her way into callbacks.

  • “I drove my little Nissan Sentra with a donut on one tag….We did not have a hotel room. I had just enough money to make it to Atlanta, to Memphis and back.” — Eva Marcille [07:33]

• Representation and Breaking Norms:
  Tyra Banks’ risk in casting Eva changed industry norms around beauty and Black representation.

  • “I think the biggest nod and flex—it’s not just winning the show. It is showing that beauty comes in so many different forms….Now today, it's like, clearly, why not?” — Eva Marcille [10:44]
  • “Tyra helped me be selective about my career choices. She taught me to earn it every day.” — Eva Marcille [12:09]

3. Grounded Faith & Living Purposefully

• Faith as Foundation:
  Eva credits her faith for grounding her amid fame and industry pressures.

  • “There's so many rooms I've been in, and it's just me and God. It's just me and him. He's the only one that's always, always, always, always been there. Always.” — Eva Marcille [13:22]

• On God’s Answers:

  • “God has three answers: yes, yes but wait, no because I have something better.” — Eva Marcille [14:04], a lesson from her mother.

4. Motherhood, Legacy, and Kindness

• Instilling Integrity in Children:
  Eva discusses raising her daughter Marley (and her two sons) with a focus on kindness, leadership, and inner strength.

  • “Remember, when you walk out of the house, always be a lady. You are a leader, not a follower. You are the head, not the tail. And be kind. Kindness, kindness. It's so important.” — Eva Marcille [39:05]

• Kindness as Beauty:
  Marley’s compassion at school moves Eva to tears, exemplifying the values she hopes to pass down.

  • “Be kind is to be beautiful. Kindness is the new beauty.” — Eva Marcille [42:04]

• Being a Safe Place:
  Eva wants her children to have the security to confide in her, regardless of their journey or identity.

  • “I want to be the person that said, keep drawing…I want to be the conduit, the circuit that makes her light continue to always shine.” — Eva Marcille [54:04]

5. Navigating the Business as a Black Woman

• Knowing Your Value:
  Eva stresses the power of negotiation—having the strength to say no, knowing your irreplaceability.

  • “I taught them or the business. They need me as much as I need that dollar…and the power of my negotiation is my ability to say no.” — Eva Marcille [18:13]

• Insisting on Authentic Representation:
  Eva advocates for Black beauty and hair representation on set, pushing for the normalization of natural hair and hiring of Black professionals.

  • “I wanted black girls and women, moreover, to know that the way their hair grows out of their hair is sexy, it is professional, it is beautiful, it is everyday…” — Eva Marcille [29:25]

• Changing the Room:
  When producers couldn’t find Black hairstylists, Eva used her platform to bring new talent into the industry.

  • “I went and found [a loctician] out of a hair salon who had never worked a day on set ever. Wow. She was head of hair.…Now she’s done every movie that company had since then.” — Eva Marcille [32:20]

6. Faith, Friendship, and Healing

• Finding Strength in Community:
  Eva opens up about church hurt, longing for authenticity in faith communities, and being drawn back to church by Crystal’s light.

  • “It was you. You were the reason I wanted to—your light.” — Eva Marcille [43:44]

• Reciprocity and Purpose in Giving Love:
  Eva reflects on the importance of giving love because it's a calling, not for direct reciprocity.

  • “You give love because your heart said, and God said you were charged to give love. God is going to make sure you receive something of that level and magnitude… it's gonna come.” — Eva Marcille [42:53]

7. Industry Challenges: Strikes & Hustle Mentality

• Impact of Hollywood Strikes:
  Eva details the financial pressures and broader reverberations throughout the entertainment industry, but keeps faith alive.

  • “I just know that my God has a plan, a big plan. He has such a plan. Yes, he does.” — Eva Marcille [58:42]

• Having Multiple Hustles:
  Eva’s always maintained several streams of income and encourages listeners to cultivate skills and ownership beyond their primary industry.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Purpose & Self-Worth:
  “I've learned that I can only live for myself. I cannot focus on the world's idea of who they think I am or who I'm supposed to be. I can only be the best me.” — Crystal quoting Eva [01:04]

• On Negotiating Value:
  “You say no, then you gonna leave that money on the table. I'm not gonna leave that money on the table. I'm go pick up this other money. But because the bag that is for me is for me. You're not gonna find another me.” — Eva Marcille [18:13]

• On Representation:
  “If we don't [speak up], how do we get there? How do you get a location on set unless you tell someone? Closed mouth don't get fed.” — Eva Marcille [34:32]

• On Parenting for Kindness:
  “Be kind is to be beautiful. Kindness is the new beauty.” — Eva Marcille [42:04]

• On Faith and Friendship:
  “Your light has helped me through one of the toughest times of my life. ...If your light is on, it's gonna cast brightness on everything around you.” — Eva Marcille to Crystal [44:58]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Eva’s Upbringing & Early Lessons – [01:53] to [03:44]
• ANTM Journey & Redefining Beauty – [05:51] to [11:55]
• Faith and Staying Grounded – [13:06] to [14:41]
• On Being Unapologetically Black – [15:00] to [16:52]
• Negotiating Worth as a Black Woman – [17:02] to [19:52]
• Career Evolution: Modeling to Acting – [20:21] to [28:51]
• Representation on Set, Hair, and Glam – [28:54] to [35:01]
• Working with Devale Ellis – [35:17] to [38:03]
• Parenting, Kindness, and Marley – [39:00] to [43:20]
• Faith, Church Hurt, Community – [43:41] to [45:47]
• Motherhood Philosophy: Being a Safe Place – [50:22] to [54:19]
• Industry Strikes & Faith in Hard Times – [56:01] to [63:14]
• Listener Letter: Marriage Crossroads Advice – [64:03] to [69:52]
• What We’re Going Through / Growing Through – [70:03] to [73:55]
• Closing: Keep it Kind, Sweetie – [74:53] to End

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Episode Takeaways

• Be Unapologetically Yourself: Define your worth from within, not by others’ opinions.
• Faith and Community Matter: Let your light shine, and allow authentic friends and faith to nourish you.
• Advocate for Yourself & Others: In personal life and business, set your standards; fight for representation and diversity.
• Practical Kindness is Power: Teach and model compassion; it is a transformative legacy.
• The Journey is the Joy: Embrace the growth, the hard-earned lessons, and the pauses.
• Keep it Positive, Sweetie: Hold onto hope, invest in multiple streams, and always choose gratitude.

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Final Words

The episode concludes with the recurring affirmation to “keep it kind, sweetie” and “keep it gracious, sweetie,” encapsulating the entire conversation’s theme—authenticity, faith, kindness, and positive growth.

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Transcript

[Kristal Renee]

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep it positive, sweetie. Guys, today I have my baby mother.

[Eva Marcille]

My baby mother. Never let her go, ever.

[Kristal Renee]

The one, the only, Eva. Marcel and Eva. First, thank you so much for coming.

[Eva Marcille]

Thanks for having me. I am. I could not be more excited and proud of this journey. It is exactly what the people need. It is feeding. It is yummy. It is nutritious. So thank you for having me on the couch.

[Kristal Renee]

Thank you so much. Thank you. To start the day off, I want to start off. I usually start with a song or a quote. I'm going to do a quote.

[Eva Marcille]

I can't sing.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay. No, I got. Oh, my God. I should have sung. But my. Listen, I've lost my voice.

[Eva Marcille]

It's gone impossible. You can't lose your voice. It's in there. It is in there.

[Kristal Renee]

Deep in there.

[Eva Marcille]

Deep, deep in there. God buries those gifts.

[Kristal Renee]

I'm on the third row in the tennis section.

[Eva Marcille]

10 alto. We're teneraltos over here.

[Kristal Renee]

10 alto. 10 altos. Hilarious. But you said once, you said, I've learned that I can only live for myself. I cannot focus on the world's idea of who they think I am or who I'm supposed to be. I can only be the best me. And if that means that even though I'm eligible and should be in a relationship, maybe I shouldn't be right now because I'm not emotionally available. Yes, baby. First of all, let's talk about. You are very confident. Like, you don't care about what anybody thinks. I remember when I first was introduced to Eva. It was America's Next Top Model, and you were just so fearless. You were a matter of fact, don't take no shit. And now that I know you, I'm like, that is who she is.

[Eva Marcille]

That is her. Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

Literally, that is who she is.

[Eva Marcille]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my goodness. So just tell me a little bit about your journey. I know you grew up in Los Angeles.

[Eva Marcille]

Yep. Grew up in South Central Los Angeles, which is very different than, like, the west Corridor, Beverly Hills. Not from a whole lot of money, from very meager beginnings. But I was raised by an extremely smart mother. She went to ucla. She was a part of women's lib. She was very unapologetically black. She was the lady with the nose ring and afro at work, but no one else was supposed to wear them.

[Dinora]

Yep. Love it.

[Eva Marcille]

And my father is a jazz musician.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And so growing up in a musically inclined family, along with a woman who was all about her business and knew that what she got in life was what she worked for and that what she deserved in life would never be handed to her. She had to take it.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And being the only girl, three brothers growing up in South Central, I didn't realize I was a girl for quite some time. Like, I was the girl that we would go swimming at the beach and. And my mom would say, you had to put your shirt on. And I'm like, but my brothers aren't wearing shirts. They have on shirts. I'm like, no, you're not like them. Yes, you're not like them. You are different, and you are unique. You can't do what they do right. And that was my first teacher and lesson of, you don't do what everyone else does because you're not like everyone else. And accepting that because sometimes you just want to be a part of the group. You just want to be a part of the fold. Everybody wants to be, you know, included. But sometimes you learn or I learned that it's not for me to be with everyone and for everyone. I'm for one person. It's God's purpose. And whatever purpose he has for me, I use that in my day. So if it's a person I meet at a bar, if it's somebody on a corner, but the way I distribute myself, I've had to be very selective about.

[Kristal Renee]

Absolutely.

[Eva Marcille]

Because people will always have opinion, but their opinions don't define me. They can't.

[Kristal Renee]

I love that. Speaking of opinions, I remember on America's Next Top Model, you were very. A matter of fact, like Eva, the diva.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

And sometimes a little catty.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

When you look back at, you were like, 19. How were you then? 18.

[Eva Marcille]

19.

[Dinora]

18.

[Eva Marcille]

18. As 18.

[Kristal Renee]

Even at that young age, you were like, you owned it. Like, as soon as you walked on the door.

[Eva Marcille]

I give that to college, though.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay, tell me about that.

[Eva Marcille]

So I was going to Clark Atlanta University while I did America's Next Top Model.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Clark Atlanta University, which used to be Clark College, home of W.E.B. du Bois, our school's motto is find a way or make one. That is what life is.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You find your way or you make you a way. And so I remember even coming to Atlanta, being in school, you know, you get compared to. To all the other women. I didn't understand what a shouty red was you. When I got here, I remember a guy going, God damn shy, red. I was like. I was like, is that a compliment? Right? What does that mean? But he expressed that. He's like, you look good, but you just gain a little bit of Weight, Then you gain some weight. And then people are like, you're too big. You need to lose weight. Or you're too tall. You need to, you know, petite girls are in. Or you. You too petite. You need to be someone. Always has an opinion. There's always some idea of who you are. So I decided I'm gonna determine who I am. So I can't listen to the distraction, the outside noise of all these different people. Because if you go to school in the auc, everyone is from somewhere else. You got a New York swag. You got people from Texas. You got even California. You got no Cal and SoCal. You know, we get hyphen. We keep it relaxed. Like, it's very different. So deciding who I was and going on the journey of discovering who I was was very important to me while I learned my blackness in college. And then you stuck me into America's Next Top Model at the same time.

[Kristal Renee]

At the same time. How'd that even come about?

[Eva Marcille]

Wow. Top Models origin story is crazy. So I used to love watching the fashion shows on the Style Network. 9 o' clock in the morning on Saturday. I would sit and I would watch. I'm like, oh, my God. Isaac Mizrahi. Oh, my God. Like, I loved watching the shows. So that was my thing. And I love fashion but didn't always have money. So because of that, I figured I'd make my own clothes.

[Kristal Renee]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Make it do what I wanted to do.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So in school, not boasting, but if I wore it on Monday, they wore it on Wednesday. Like, it was trend setting. I loved it, but it was just a different swag. And so I would see all the beautiful girls. And I decided I want to do the fashion shows. So I would walk some fashion shows and I would design some fashion shows. So that's how I got into, like, the fashion world. At Clark, I was on the dean's list, super Academic Debate and Forensic Society. So that was like my outlet, my release. And I remember one Saturday girl coming up to me in the quad saying, hey, Tyra Banks is doing that Top Model show. She's auditioning here in Atlanta. Do you want to go try out? Yeah. So I was like, cool. I gotta go to work at Dillard's at 3, so we can go now, but I gotta go to work after that. Go. The line is crazy. Out of the door.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my gosh.

[Eva Marcille]

So I realized I gotta go to work and make my money. I'm not standing in this line. But something in me jolted. Something in me was like, what is this thing about? So I researched it. The next audition was in Memphis, Tennessee. So I drove my little Nissan Sentra with a donut on one tag.

[Kristal Renee]

You are lying to me.

[Eva Marcille]

Cannot make this up. We did not have a hotel room. Or with my friend Liz. We didn't have a hotel room. I had just enough money to make it to Atlanta, to Memphis and back. I did not plan on staying overnight. It was just driving, doing the audition, coming back. Now, guys, read subtext. Because what I didn't read was this was callbacks. I had no clue.

[Kristal Renee]

She skipped that.

[Eva Marcille]

I didn't even know what a callback was.

[Kristal Renee]

Right.

[Eva Marcille]

Had no idea.

[Dinora]

So, wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Drive to this hotel ballroom that's hosting the auditions after work late one night. I mean, I washed up in the bathroom, put on my little jeans and my little tank top. Remember, I had flats. I never wore heels. Didn't know how to put on mascara in the first. No makeup, nothing. Rinsed my face, moisturized and walked in there.

[Kristal Renee]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

So I'm sitting down. I never remember. I was 33. They put the little number on my chest like a track star. Like I was in the marathon. And they called the first group. It was one through 40. I stand up, said, say your name and tell me where we first saw you.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my gosh.

[Eva Marcille]

So I was like, oh, Lord, I ain't trying to waste a sin on a lie right now, but how am I gonna answer this?

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I said, whoa. I first saw you in Atlanta. Cause I did. Yeah, technically, they didn't see me, but I saw them. I first saw you in Atlanta, and they did an audition. I remember they asked a few people to stay. I was one of the few they asked to stay. Seven hours later, they released us and said, everybody, you guys can go. And they said, you'll be getting a phone call within the next two weeks.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Now, to know me is to know I'm a hustler. I always got three hustles. Always. So I worked at school. I was on full scholarship and Dean's list, got all the refund checks. And I worked at Baker's and Dillard's. So I'm at work on my cell phone, like, waiting for it to go off. Waiting for it to go off. And one night, it was like, 11:30 Eastern Time, and I get a phone call. This guy is like, hey, this is Ian from America's Next Top Model. And I thought it was my brother playing. So I hung up the phone. I hung up on my blessing.

[Dinora]

No.

[Eva Marcille]

But then when God got a blessing for you. He gonna call it back. Listen. Cause that blessing called back. And Ian goes, hey. No, he wasn't as enthusiastic this time. He wasn't like, hey. He was like, hey, don't hang up.

[Kristal Renee]

This is really me.

[Eva Marcille]

This is Ian from Top Model. We want you to come to Los Angeles for the semifinal rounds. I need you to do. To have a camcorder and record yourself when we make the next phone call. I'm broke.

[Kristal Renee]

Camcorder?

[Eva Marcille]

Who has the camcorder?

[Kristal Renee]

Was it even? Were camera phones out then?

[Eva Marcille]

2001?

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, yeah.

[Dinora]

No.

[Eva Marcille]

So no, we all had psychics flipping and chirping.

[Kristal Renee]

Sure was.

[Eva Marcille]

You know what I mean? It was.

[Kristal Renee]

It was then.

[Eva Marcille]

So I remember my friend Noel used his dad's credit card, went and got a camcorder, recorded me, and we wrapped that thing up and took it back to.

[Kristal Renee]

That's what, hey, gotta do what you gotta do.

[Eva Marcille]

Gotta do what you gotta do. But he recorded me, and next thing I know, I had a ticket to la. And I went through the process and ended up getting. Not only getting chosen to be on the show, winning the show, but I think the biggest nod and flex. It's not just winning the show. It is showing that beauty comes in so many different forms. And this is a form that was not normalized. Before I did Top Model, you saw a girl like me, and you wouldn't see her on the COVID of a magazine. Now today, it's like, clearly, why not? So I love that Tyra took a chance on me, a chance on shifting to the perspective of people and what beauty looks like.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes. And I mean, I owe so much of my career to her. She gave me a leg up where no one else even cared. Then she managed me.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Kristal Renee]

I did not know that.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes. I'm the only person. Tyra, how many people you did? Cause it must have been at least 500 models she has broken. But she and Beanie Medina managed my career, and that's really what started me off.

[Kristal Renee]

That makes a lot of sense, because I was gonna ask you, after you got thrust into fame, from going from college to being America's Next Top Model, the first one, like, what was that adjustment like? And I guess Tyra did help you adjust to that.

[Eva Marcille]

Tyra helped me be selective about my career choices. She taught me to earn it every day. Whatever I did yesterday was yesterday.

[Dinora]

Yeah. Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

You gotta do whatever you want for tomorrow has to be done today. And once today is over, tomorrow is the next, God willing. So she taught me that. She taught me that less is more in Everything. Hair, makeup, clothing. Less is more. Use your gifts. I have a gift of fashion. And in a fashion business, you'd be surprised. You wouldn't be. Because you know this business lie to beautifully. You dress people out there that don't have a clue how to put their outfits.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, absolutely.

[Eva Marcille]

Have no fashion sense. So she's like, use your strengths.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Tap into your talents. But when it came to adjusting to this business, I think Tyra was so famous for so long and I was so new. There was definitely a large space between when she first broke.

[Kristal Renee]

Absolutely.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And then when she started breaking other people, she broke at 16 in Paris. You know what I mean? I met Taylor way later, so my adjustment has been a lot for me is just staying grounded to my faith.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

There's so many rooms I've been in, and it's just me and God. It's just me and him.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

He's the only one that's always, always, always, always been there. Always.

[Dinora]

That's it.

[Eva Marcille]

So I knew he needed to stay. My foundation and my friends. I only keep lights around me. I only try to keep people around me that bring me light, bring me positivity. And I didn't think I was ready for this business, but I think more so this business didn't think they was.

[Kristal Renee]

Ready for me, baby. Cause what?

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

So I think that's more. So what it is is that I was dropped into a business that we were redefining what this thing looked like anyway.

[Kristal Renee]

Absolutely.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So the idea of norms and who you're supposed to be and all the whispers in your ear just. Do you just. Do you accept what God allows? What he has for you? He has. Sometimes what you want is not what God has for you. My mom always taught me God has three answers. Yes, yes. But wait, no. Because I have something better.

[Dinora]

Right.

[Eva Marcille]

Those are the only three answers he's ever going to give you.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Kristal Renee]

I like that.

[Eva Marcille]

So I just figured out which one was my yes. Yes. But wait, yes or no? Because I have something way better.

[Kristal Renee]

And it's always, always worked. And it's always. If it's a no, it's always something better.

[Eva Marcille]

It's always something better.

[Kristal Renee]

And you'll be grateful that that didn't happen. You're like, whew, thank God I died.

[Eva Marcille]

But we forced our way so much. You try to force our way. Try to make them understand.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

And for me, leaning into being black was my joy.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Kristal Renee]

Cause you are unapologetically black.

[Eva Marcille]

I love being black.

[Kristal Renee]

Did that come from your mother? Cause you talk about your mom was big.

[Eva Marcille]

My mother and my father are both Panthers. What? Yes, my mom and dad. And imagine my daddy, cause he's very sandy hair and blue eyes. So don't, don't get it twisted. But this big black man raised in Detroit, Michigan will let you know our blackness. We shopped at stores only that were owned by black, recycled black dollars. Leimert park was our stomping grounds. Everything we did to recycle it within the community. I love it. And learning my history and knowing my history, understanding my strength that they tried to rip away from us, I think I know that that is my power.

[Kristal Renee]

It is, I see it.

[Eva Marcille]

And I love being black. I love motivating other black and brown people to understand who they are. And so many times we get an opportunity and we get to a certain place in life and we're like, okay, great, now let's go in the rooms with the other ones. Because now it can go in there. No, no, no, no. That's not the key. The key is now to usher in more people into our rooms.

[Kristal Renee]

Talk about cuz people do that.

[Eva Marcille]

They do, they do.

[Kristal Renee]

They're like, okay, now I made it this way, let me go ahead and get.

[Eva Marcille]

No, that's not what it is. What it is is now my 9 year old daughter who went to school the other day, who has locs in her hair when there were her curls and the girls looking at her and seeing how beautiful it is and having pride in that, you know?

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I'm 38. I remember 30 years ago we tried to push our hair down. My hair big push it down, try to shrink, to not be sure did who we truly are in life, who God intended us to be. So I stopped apologizing for being bold, for being inquisitive, for being outspoken, for being happy. I think that's everybody wanna be serious all the time.

[Kristal Renee]

I'm happy you are happy.

[Eva Marcille]

What's going on? You know, Find your joy.

[Kristal Renee]

Yes, absolutely.

[Eva Marcille]

Yeah. So me being unapologetically black, it definitely comes from my parents, comes from my neighborhood, and it comes from my schooling, my education.

[Dinora]

I love that.

[Kristal Renee]

How does that translate when it comes to business? Because I know as a woman it's hard to navigate this industry and you've made some amazing boss moves. Tell me some of those things, some of the roadblocks or things that you've ran into when it comes to being a woman where you really had to put that cap on.

[Dinora]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Being in this business, being a minority is already difficult. Being a woman, there Is an expectation that you're not as smart as you are pretty. That's the most frustrating one.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Because I'm way smarter than I am pretty. And mama's cute, and he is. So your brains, you got to lead with your brains.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

When it comes to. Was the initial question, how have you.

[Kristal Renee]

Navigated being a woman?

[Eva Marcille]

Yes. So that you're. That I am smarter than I am pretty. That I deserve everything on this table, if not more.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

And them understanding that. And the power of my negotiation is my ability to say no. I taught them or the business. They need me as much as I need that dollar.

[Dinora]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And I can go find a dollar somewhere else, but you're never gonna find another me. So that's the power of my negotiation. That's a word.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

You know what I mean? Like, if I say no, so cool. You got a huge bag. Say it's a $2 million deal on the table. But you know you should get four. You know you should get four. Even though two is good, you know you should get four.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You say no, then you gonna leave that money on the table. I'm not gonna leave that money on the table. I'm go pick up this other money. But because the bag. That is for me is for me. You're not gonna find another me. And the strength is in knowing that. And so sometimes you have to say no. One of my old managers, Jerome Martin, I remember young in my career. I'm like, what you mean?

[Kristal Renee]

No, we not living. No.

[Eva Marcille]

$120,000, which means, no, that's not. It seems like an easy job to me. I can do it.

[Kristal Renee]

I'm like, wait, should we gonna leave this? So you sure we gonna leave it? Yes, I'm sure. Be like, yeah, I'll be like.

[Eva Marcille]

It is exactly. You like your Dinora?

[Kristal Renee]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

That's what God blessed me with. The Norris of the world that said.

[Kristal Renee]

No, baby girl, you're worth more.

[Eva Marcille]

You're worth more. You're worth more. And learning that worth, you pull up. I remember my radio contract. I'm not gonna talk numbers, but I will say nobody's seen a contract like mine.

[Kristal Renee]

I know that's right.

[Eva Marcille]

No. And it's only because I was willing to say no. So many times they realized, like, get this lady what she wants. Cause we need her on the radio.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

You know what I mean? Or give her what she wants because we need her in this campaign. So if I have to find that much more or just go get somebody else. Yeah, get somebody else and let them do it.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Promise you they'll come back to you.

[Dinora]

Yep.

[Eva Marcille]

I promise you. Because they can't find another you.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

So the power of my negotiation and my woman has been the fact that I know that I'm a superhuman. I can do the things that most can't do. I can give life.

[Dinora]

Mm.

[Kristal Renee]

Hello.

[Eva Marcille]

I did it three times, Andy.

[Dinora]

It.

[Eva Marcille]

So God reminds me all the time, baby, what I created in you. Don't let these people tell you who you are.

[Kristal Renee]

Right.

[Eva Marcille]

If this is what you want, then go get it. If this is not what you want, then. Wait, I got something better.

[Kristal Renee]

Ooh, I love that. That's so good. So good. You talked about radio. I know you're an actor. When did you decide that from modeling? You wanted to be an actor?

[Eva Marcille]

I always loved acting. Always loved acting. First play ever did in elementary school. Played an African princess named Obatala.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, how fitting.

[Eva Marcille]

How fitting, right? Love my roots. But I was the kid that I was really, really smart and did a lot of things scholastically, so I wanted to do something in arts too, because my father was a musician, so we had to play a sport, and we had how to play an instrument. So my first.

[Kristal Renee]

What instruments you play?

[Eva Marcille]

The piano, the trombone, the guitar.

[Kristal Renee]

What?

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Taught myself the guitar.

[Kristal Renee]

That's awesome.

[Eva Marcille]

Trombone is my best instrument. My dad played trombone. His dad played trombone.

[Kristal Renee]

Now the trombone is.

[Eva Marcille]

Is it big? It's very long. I got the arms.

[Kristal Renee]

It's deep, like. Okay. Okay.

[Eva Marcille]

The long slide trump is up here.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay. Two. I'm thinking two, but I'm like, that was a big two. But she going, that was like. That was bigger than me.

[Eva Marcille]

She's a win, though.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay. That's what I was thinking about.

[Eva Marcille]

She's a win. She's a. Those are all win. And she instruments. But my grandfather played the trombone. My son. My dad played. My dad said, what instrument do you want to play? And I was, like, forced to play the piano growing up.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So I was like, oh, anything but the piano. I'll play the trombone. Worst. Best decision ever. Because it's my dad's instrument. So I was in his studio. Every day we're out there playing. And so in school, I can't sing. It's not my ministry. Not the best dancer, though. I can wind. I am black. I do got rhythm, But I cannot dance. Dance. Like choreography. Like that. 1, 2, 3. I can't do that, Janet. You got it. So. But I can play the trombone. So I decided I'm gonna be in the orchestra. So I was in the Orchestra for all the plays. And then once I got to high school, I decided I want to be in these plays. So there's a man by the name of Mark Swinton who is my high school drama teacher.

[Kristal Renee]

We love you, Mark.

[Eva Marcille]

Y' all might know Mark. I ran into him Anemons the other day shopping.

[Kristal Renee]

Listen to Mark. Gonna be you. Gonna be fly every time you see him.

[Eva Marcille]

So, Mr. Swinton. I still call him Mr. Swinton. Sorry, Mr. Swinton. Mr. Swinton. HE BURST something in me. He said, you don't have to be able to sing or dance to be an actress.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

You are a star. I'm like, so you gonna make me Effie? You can't be Effie and dream. You're not gonna be Effie. You can't be Dina. No, no, no. You can't be Laurel. You're none of those characters. But I'm gonna find something for you.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

He found something for me in every single play that I could do. That was my best.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And then each play, he would challenge me again and again and again. And so then when I went to college, same thing. Went on scholarship. What's my outlet? The AUC Players. Yeah, so the CAU Players. AUC Players. We have. It's basically a theater group. So I just did it for fun and enjoyed it. Always loved it. It was my outlet. Then I went to Top Model. Taye Diggs did a acting challenge on Top Model, and that's how I got to know him. Cut to first TV show, I get an audition. I'm modeling. Not acting, just modeling. My modeling agent hits me up and says, hey, there's an audition for you to do this show called Kevin Hill playing Tay Dick's girlfriend. She's a model. I was like, okay, cool. Are there words like am I just. Is it a photo shoot? What are we doing? They're like, no, they're lines. So send me the script. I auditioned. I got the job. First gig, Vancouver, Canada.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay.

[Eva Marcille]

I mean, I had just won Top Model December 12th. I remember the day. And I got this job in February. So excited.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

So excited. So the devil tries it. Ooh, the devil tries it. I got in a car. Motorcycle accident. Got hit by a huge envoy. A week before I was supposed to go and shoot the show.

[Kristal Renee]

Are you kidding me?

[Eva Marcille]

I cannot make it up. I went straight out of the hospital. I was gonna do this job. I left Jackson Memorial in Miami. This is where it happened. And I went to Vancouver, Canada.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

My mom met me up there. I was wrapped and bandaged on My legs all the way up. And my one episode turned into eight.

[Kristal Renee]

Come on, guys.

[Eva Marcille]

Beautiful Megan. Good. That was my first time working with her. That's how I know her to this day. And that was the beginning of my acting journey. After that, I went back. I was shooting. I was doing apple bottoms and CoverGirl. Love my shoots. Shout out to Susan Taylor over at ESSENCE back in the day. Love, love my shoots. But there was something about that set in Vancouver that just.

[Dinora]

It had me. Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

It's like a big, fine man, you know, you just. It just gets you sitting in the back of your brain. You can't forget about it.

[Kristal Renee]

Right.

[Eva Marcille]

So it was like that. And so I told my agent, I said, so, are there any more auditions for acting? So. Well, we really don't do that. Yeah, we will feed over, but we really don't do that. So decided to give me the acting agent.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And that's when Beanie Medina was like, you want to do this?

[Kristal Renee]

We gonna do it.

[Eva Marcille]

Let's do it. So that was in transition. And my first two big shows were House of Pain. Shout out to Tyler Perry.

[Kristal Renee]

Shout out.

[Eva Marcille]

TP first season.

[Kristal Renee]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Beginning the inception 2006.

[Dinora]

What?

[Eva Marcille]

And young and the Restless.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And God knew exactly what he was doing. He did at that time. Because the way in which Tyler, who is a. He's a mastermind.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

He is an absolute genius. The way he has learned how to refashion the idea of filming.

[Kristal Renee]

Absolutely.

[Eva Marcille]

The only other place that I see that films in that kind of speed are soaps.

[Kristal Renee]

Yep.

[Eva Marcille]

Soaps. We are 62 to 75 pages a day.

[Kristal Renee]

Yep.

[Eva Marcille]

Every single day. Six episodes a week. One in a piece a day. So you do one in inserts. So I would do House of Pain. Bang through those episodes.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Go to la. Bang through. So I was learning and getting the training at the same time. And I remember calling Viv, Vivica Fox, who had done Young and the Restless, and I said, viv, what am I doing? Like, should I do this job? What do I do? First contract role they had up in nine, 10 years for a black person. The only black woman they had on that show was Victoria Raw. So I replaced her and played opposite Christophe St John.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

The late, great, miss him. But that's when I learned. She said, go in E and learn everything. You can use this like college. Use it as your training ground. Learn how to learn quick, memorize. And that's my ministry. That's what I do.

[Kristal Renee]

Well.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I can read this book right here and regurgitate everything in that book.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And I realized that's one of the keys to acting. It is understanding the story and having it in you.

[Kristal Renee]

Absolutely.

[Eva Marcille]

So Tyler Perry being able to be as transparent as he was learning this deal he did with TBS crafting House of Pain, the Ruben Cannons, the Roger Bob, the Way Back when, you know, and him being so open to letting us learn it as he learned it, I think that was so key and fundamental for me. Working on Young and the Restless. I got to exercise those chops. But House of Pain, I got to sit and live in it.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Funny. We cry. It's a little bit of everything.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And it was the cultural piece I was missing.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah, absolutely. You're not getting it.

[Eva Marcille]

The telling of our stories.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

So I had two shows, both paying well, both doing well. But there was something about that House of Pain. There was something about being able to live unapologetically black.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Not have to touch, tuck in any of my chocolate or cinnamon at all. And that's where it started. And from there, I've been very selective about making sure I do shows that show black women as black women.

[Kristal Renee]

Right. Like even wearing your hair as your character.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

Cause we talked about that. This is a big thing for me.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

Can I wear my hair?

[Eva Marcille]

So on my current TV show, I remember starting the pre production process. So I get the job. And so now we're going through the look.

[Dinora]

Who.

[Eva Marcille]

Who does this lady look like? Okay. Who is this gangster but poised business, but from the hood. Like, what does she look like?

[Kristal Renee]

Right.

[Eva Marcille]

And I knew she was buttoned up, but I wanted to. To say something when it came to the hair.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I wanted black girls and women.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Moreover, to know that the way their hair grows out of their hair. Hair, head is sexy. It is professional. It is beautiful. It is everyday. It is girl next door. It is funky. It is all of those things. Because a lot of times we put wigs on. Wigs are beautiful. I think you and Cynthia Bailey, y' all two together. Y' all are with queens. No one can wear a wig like y'. All. No one.

[Kristal Renee]

But some good company to be. I like Cynthia.

[Eva Marcille]

That's my girl. Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

She's so.

[Eva Marcille]

But no one can wear wigs like you guys. And it also is not everybody's thing.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Some people don't have the access to it. People don't know what they're doing.

[Dinora]

Come on now.

[Eva Marcille]

And I wanted my daughter more so than anything and young girls to know that your hair is fine. Exactly how it comes out your head. It is fine. You don't have to tame it. Like Beyonce says, only a real one can tame me.

[Kristal Renee]

And only the radio claim me.

[Eva Marcille]

Talk about what I'm saying. Like, so once you have that sense of, no, this is her. This woman is wearing locks. My production team, they wanted me to wear a wig and a bob. I was like, no, we're not doing that.

[Kristal Renee]

No.

[Eva Marcille]

And I fought and I fought and I fought. I know you gotta choose your battles now.

[Kristal Renee]

You do.

[Eva Marcille]

Can't fight everyone. Everybody. Not Khaleesi out here. But that was a battle I was willing to fight.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Because I wanted every frame. When I look back at this powerful, strong, amazing, feared, respected woman to stand boldly in all her blackness.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my goodness.

[Eva Marcille]

So, yeah, we wear locks.

[Kristal Renee]

I love that. Now when you go on set, I know a lot of times when we walk on sets, we don't see us in the rooms. When it comes to hair, makeup, even wardrobe. Sometimes we don't know our body types, our skin tones, our hair textures. Because you come from a beauty background, are there times where you find yourself showing the makeup artist?

[Eva Marcille]

Oh, yeah. I. I had a whole party that thrown for me from the glam department. I did a film with Yo Zack. We did a Deval Ellis. We did a Christmas movie for Own. And thank God I was able to be a producer on there. So I had a little bit more room to talk.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

And then speak up. I was wearing my locks. That was non negotiable. And I need a loctician non negotiable. Now we are in Ottawa, Canada. Ottawa, Canada is as big as this teacup. Okay. And this is how many black folks they got in Ottawa, Canada.

[Kristal Renee]

Stop it.

[Eva Marcille]

So with that being said, you could only imagine how hard it was to find black glam. Oh, so difficult. I required that my makeup artist be a woman of color.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Because I know she understands my skin.

[Kristal Renee]

Exactly. That's a thing.

[Eva Marcille]

It's a thing. Melanated skin is created different.

[Dinora]

It is.

[Eva Marcille]

We are created different. Head to toe. So I required a Loctician. They couldn't find one. I went and found one out of a hair salon who had never worked a day on set ever. Wow. She was head of hair.

[Kristal Renee]

You found her or Robert found her?

[Eva Marcille]

It was a combo. I got you, Robert. It was a combo.

[Kristal Renee]

Robert's like.

[Eva Marcille]

Robert knew the assignment, but shout out to Nandy Sugar in Ottawa, Canada. She's from Toronto, she lives in Ottawa and she has a hair shop. She does locs and she does hair. She knew nothing about set life today. Well, Last week marked one year she'd been on sets.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

She has done nothing but set work. Her shop is doing its thing. She has done every movie that that production company has had since then. Because guess who the next star of the next film was? Gabby Sidibe.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

They're us. They're us.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Leading these films. Anyway, so Sergey used a little bit of my flex and wanted my rooms to look like they look at tps and brought in a hairstylist. I brought a barber in from my costar because they don't realize that black men need their edge ups. You can't just put some hairspray and judges over. It's not that kind of. Don't judge my friend.

[Dinora]

Okay.

[Eva Marcille]

Line him up. Where your credit card at? Line him up.

[Kristal Renee]

Line him up.

[Eva Marcille]

Get em Rice, my love interest. Make em right. And there was a point where we were doing a scene where we were supposed to be in the south side of Chicago and we were doing a job fair helping underprivileged people get jobs. And I looked around and all the extras, not one was melanated. You're not one person. And Duvall's character is supposed to be helping these inner city people make money and get jobs. So I took my glam, I took their smocks off their. Their aprons, the pins and stuff, fix their hair, and pushed them right into the scene.

[Dinora]

I know.

[Eva Marcille]

I put them right in the forefront.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

Because the representation of us is not always there.

[Kristal Renee]

Right.

[Eva Marcille]

However, it is up to us to speak up so that it can get there.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

If we don't, how do we get there? How do you get a location on set unless you tell someone?

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Closed mouth. Don't get fed.

[Kristal Renee]

Sure don't.

[Eva Marcille]

So I just require, as soon as I start a project. What do you want? What kind of girl is she? Can I keep my hair?

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

First question. Can I keep my hair if I can't keep my hair? Great. What kind of period piece is this? Because we must be going way back in the day. We must be going somewhere far from here. If I cannot keep this hair.

[Kristal Renee]

Exactly.

[Eva Marcille]

And just. I want to make it a new norm. I want to make it comfortable.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

You know, you're doing that.

[Eva Marcille]

Beautiful white women can come in with their hair exactly how they woke up. And it's fine. You throw some curls in it and call it a day.

[Dinora]

I love it.

[Eva Marcille]

I'm gonna come on set with my locs just like this. Run me some edge control on my baby hair. And I'm gonna go on and be beautiful. Just like me.

[Kristal Renee]

Hello. I know. That's right. You talk about working with Myzac. How was it working with Devale Ellis? That's one thing we have in common.

[Eva Marcille]

Deval, let me tell you. Kadeem. Kadeem. You got you a good one, girl.

[Kristal Renee]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Listen. I love that man. He is such a beautiful person. The way he loves his family, the way he loves his wife, Kadeen, who's now my wife too. He's not my husband. She's just my wife. Just for clarity. But it is like no other. He hungers and thirsts for this thing called entertainment. He loves it.

[Kristal Renee]

He does.

[Eva Marcille]

On a whole nother level. And the way he speaks life and brings life into a room. It's something you can't teach. It is either who you are or not. Since the first day on set, when I met him, I realized you a fool, just like me.

[Kristal Renee]

A whole food.

[Eva Marcille]

A whole food. He is so much fun. He's so committed. I don't have to worry about his punctuality because I'm about being on time.

[Dinora]

You are.

[Eva Marcille]

Mess up my lines.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my. I was talking about that. You do not play. You come to work and you expect from everyone else what you put into it.

[Eva Marcille]

Well, I expect what I believe they expect from me. I expect that from others. I don't expect anything more than what I will do from anyone. Even when it comes to work, when it comes to a man, when it comes to friends, I don't expect from someone what I would not do for them or for myself. So when I come to work, we have 120 people back here that have decorated this set, that have scouted this location, that have put these garments together, that have rigged these lights, that have done all of this to make this work for your moment. The least you can do is show up in your moment. And my moment, coupled with this person's moment, coupled with this person's moment is what we call a scene.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

So if we all get our moments together, we can make it work.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my God, I love that. That's so true. I have the same sentiments about Devale. Just amazing to work with.

[Dinora]

So good.

[Kristal Renee]

So good. So passionate. He's a teacher. I feel like he teaches. He's a father, too. Like, the way he treats his boys and is always trying to, like, instill values and, like, yeah, do this, do this. He has a story for everything.

[Eva Marcille]

A story for everything.

[Kristal Renee]

A story for everything. And he's very knowledgeable in a lot of areas.

[Eva Marcille]

He's a historian. He is a history buff, which I love playing. Like, did you not know that? He is so smart. So smart.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

But what I love about him, too, is he reminds us why we do this.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Because we love it.

[Dinora]

We love it.

[Eva Marcille]

So there is no day you're gonna leave set where you didn't find the fun and re tap into why you're passionate about this.

[Dinora]

Exactly.

[Kristal Renee]

Exactly.

[Eva Marcille]

Because sometimes you're so blessed and you're just. It's so. You get so normalized in this life that you forget that you're blessed.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You forget that you don't have to do this.

[Kristal Renee]

Hello.

[Eva Marcille]

You could stock shelves if you want to.

[Kristal Renee]

If that's what you want to do.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Because if you want this, let's act like we want this. Let's act like we do. Let's fill it. And so that's one thing I love about working with him, is that I. I pray for this dream. I pray for the manifestation of this dream. To walk in what I'm walking in every day. And I am not for one second do I forget that I am walking the dream that I dreamt. And prayers that I prayed for, he answered them. And so the least I can do is to have gratitude in it.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

I love that. So you have a daughter and two boys.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

So she's living kind of like in your footsteps? We're raised with boys.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes. Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

Isn't that crazy?

[Eva Marcille]

It is so crazy.

[Kristal Renee]

So what are you instilling in? What is it? Marley.

[Eva Marcille]

Marley.

[Kristal Renee]

Marley. What are you instilling in Marley, who is raised with two little brothers and she's the big girl.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes, she is. I just sent her a video today. She's with her dad. I sent her a video and I said, remember, when you walk out of the house, always be a lady.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

You are a leader, not a follower. You are the head, not the tail. And be kind. Kindness, kindness. It's so important. I remember I got a report from her school saying Marley, she talk a lot. She a lot like a mom. She's a little talkative one, but she is the most compassionate person in the class. So there is a kid who's high functioning on the spectrum. So they're still in mars class, but when it comes to recess time and socializing time, Marlee is like. She's like head of cheerleading play center basketball. Like, she's like the popular girl. And there's this one kid who is just really quiet, is on the spectrum. Marley. Every recess, every single recess takes time and goes. So it made me cry.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, no, you, Marty tearing up.

[Eva Marcille]

I Didn't tell her to do this. I didn't even know about this kid in her school. Marley takes time every day to go and sit with that kid, to play with that kid, to let that kid know they special, that they. Somebody that they've seen. So for me, that's the stuff I want my daughter to learn. Not how to be this amazing actress.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Not how to do all these amazing things that the world says are good. But be kind to people.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You never know what someone's going through.

[Kristal Renee]

You don't. Oh, my gosh.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

Marlee.

[Eva Marcille]

You never know. She is. Marley is. She has been here before. She's a different kind of a child. I remember when I got pregnant, I wanted a boy.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I'm so rough. I'm like, give me a boy. God give me a boy. And God gave me Marley.

[Dinora]

Yeah. Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And I didn't understand. I was like. I thought we had this conversation, guys.

[Kristal Renee]

Lord.

[Eva Marcille]

Yeah. This is a very pretty boy. What is going on? God knew exactly what he was doing.

[Dinora]

Yes, he did.

[Eva Marcille]

He knew what he was doing with me.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

He knew what Marley would do for me. And he knew how Marley would change the world.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

So he cleaned me up and washed me up, renewed me, so that I could make a way better version of me.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

A way better version. Cause, Marley, is she the one.

[Dinora]

She's the one.

[Kristal Renee]

And the two. And the two. I know that's right.

[Eva Marcille]

So she's such a kind woman. Little girl. And that's all I want for her. I want for my children to be kind. Yes. We would love to say my kid's an engineer, a doctor or architect, or created this.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I want my child, when they meet their maker, for God to say, job well done. And to know that the foundation of that job was me showing her the righteous way.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I feel like that if I do that, I'd be in my job.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I've done my job as a mother. Because Molly is going to affect change in a way that's so. It's so crazy. And I had no idea she was that kind of kind. And I would tell her every day, be kind. She wears her shirts with big sunflower on it. Be kind is to be beautiful. Kindness is the new beauty. She's so kind. She's so sweet. You look so pretty today. Oh, Mommy, she's just so sweet.

[Kristal Renee]

I love that.

[Eva Marcille]

So kind. So that's what I want to impart on my children. But my daughter especially, because it will be reciprocated, not necessarily by the person she Gives it to. That's another thing I learned a lot of time in life. We think that the person you give the love to is supposed to give it back to you. That's not how that works.

[Kristal Renee]

She literally just posted something about that.

[Eva Marcille]

That's not how that works.

[Kristal Renee]

That is not how that works.

[Eva Marcille]

You give love because your heart said, and God said you were charged to give love.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

God is going to make sure you receive something of that level and magnitude, if not bigger. Not particularly from that person or that same source. But it's gonna come.

[Kristal Renee]

It's coming.

[Eva Marcille]

Cause if he can get a blessing through you, he gonna get one to you.

[Kristal Renee]

Hey, hey, hey. So listen so good.

[Eva Marcille]

So I just want my baby to be a blessing.

[Kristal Renee]

Well, she is. And you are too. You called me recently, I guess just last week, saying, I wanna come to church with you.

[Eva Marcille]

I did.

[Dinora]

You did.

[Kristal Renee]

And what was it that made you say, I need to get in the house? Cause you have. I hear you quoting the scriptures. Like, you are very tapped in.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes, I know the Lord. Yes, I know the Lord. He heard and hears my cries.

[Kristal Renee]

Amen.

[Dinora]

Hey. Hey.

[Eva Marcille]

All the time.

[Kristal Renee]

All the time.

[Eva Marcille]

It was you. You were the reason I wanted to. Your light.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay, girl, you need to don't your light.

[Eva Marcille]

Because you get church hurt easy. So you find yourself like, I'm cool on going to church. I know the Bible. Forward, backward. I can give you scriptures time to tithe. Let's go to Malachi 310 bringing y' all tithe this to us.

[Kristal Renee]

I got you.

[Eva Marcille]

I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready for you. I'm ready for you. Right? But this daily walk, this human experience, this thing we call life, it's time that for Instagram, it's 15 second snippets and 30 second snippets. And that's not life.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Life is this thing that we are going through every single day. And it's ups and it's downs and it's rounds and it's rounds. And your light shines so bright. Your light shines so bright, Chris.

[Kristal Renee]

I was literally in tears before I came out of United States is what we show on Instagram, like, literally crying before I came out here. And then I'm like, shake it off. You gotta shake it off for the hour that I'm gonna sit here for the 15 seconds. I gotta smile for the camera.

[Eva Marcille]

Don't shake it off. Don't shake it off. Cause your light has helped me through one of the toughest times of my life. And I don't even think you realize it because it's just your light. When you turn a light on in a room, you don't realize that that's being lit over there, too. And that has a little piece on it, too. It's just your light. But if your light is on, it's gonna cast brightness on everything around you. So some of my darkest, darkest, ouchiest days, you just been bright around me.

[Kristal Renee]

Thank you.

[Eva Marcille]

And you have inspired me to say, you know what? I don't know where she getting fed at, but I wanna go there. I wanna go there to the place that's pouring into you. Cause I'm feeling a little empty.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, God.

[Eva Marcille]

So it's you. It was good. Cause we got two of our other friends to go to church that day. I know we did. Now they stuck with me. Must be all up in there. Oh, my God. I love that church. But I love the word yes.

[Kristal Renee]

It's so good.

[Eva Marcille]

And I think God's message a lot of times is a lot simpler than we make it. And the way we have indoctrinated church in our heads and our brains, sometimes it's like, oh, I don't want to be too long, or what? You know, I don't know what they're talking about. I need something relatable and applicable to the life that I live.

[Kristal Renee]

Exactly.

[Eva Marcille]

The journey that I'm on, the walk that I'm on. And when I went to church with you, I feel like you told this man my whole life, without asking my approval at all. You told him all that I was going through. I gotta check my house. Cause I think you got some fiber cameras in there. Because he spoke directly to me. Yeah, I am. I'm in my calendar. Like, okay, I'm out of town this Sunday, next. That Sunday I'm going to be there. I am so, so inspired. Because that day, that walk with Christ, I play my music every morning. Yeah, I know. It's all about my mindset. But life be lifeing sometimes, baby.

[Kristal Renee]

Lifeing.

[Eva Marcille]

Life be lifeing. And with the most positive minds and the best intentions. Devil be working. It just be hard.

[Kristal Renee]

It does.

[Eva Marcille]

It get real hard.

[Kristal Renee]

So I just need yelling like, we in church again.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

You got the Kleenex.

[Eva Marcille]

So I just needed something a little tangible.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my God.

[Eva Marcille]

I needed something tangible. I needed to be in the house. I needed to feel him around me. And having been church hurt and then being who we are in business and then living in a city like Atlantis, it's hard.

[Kristal Renee]

It's so hard.

[Eva Marcille]

So I'm like, God, I want to come. Ooh, but where do I go? So I go to my closet floor. Goes to the bottom of my shower.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You know what I'm saying? Used to go into my basement. I don't even go to the basement no more. Deliver me from that. We don't go down there no more. Stay up top.

[Dinora]

Yes. Ooh, yes.

[Eva Marcille]

But then God said, you know what?

[Kristal Renee]

Come to me, Jesus.

[Eva Marcille]

Just come here.

[Kristal Renee]

But where do I go?

[Eva Marcille]

God said, call you, God. You was in town. You were available.

[Kristal Renee]

I was available, like, of all weekend. Cause I was like, I'm. We were both just out of town the week before.

[Eva Marcille]

Just the weekend before.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

And I had. I watched. He had started that series when we were in la, and I watched it in my bed. And Wednesday before last Sunday, God was like, I could not shake it. He was like, watch it again. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Okay. So that's what I told Pastor. Like, I had to double back on it because it was so good. I was just like, God, you are working on me right now.

[Eva Marcille]

Working on you. But he's using you too. Cause you are in the gap for me. I don't know if you know, but you are. You've been.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my God. That's always my prayer, so to hear you say that. Oh, God. I always say, God, when I walk out of here, I just want people to see your light through me. I know I'm not perfect. I know I don't have it all together. I'm still trying to figure things out. I still struggle with areas of my life in my faith walk. But I want people to see you through me, you know? So for you to say that.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes, I see him.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

I see him. He radiating through them baby hairs and them parts. Y' all up in there like some good grease.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my God.

[Eva Marcille]

I can't. He is in there. Oh, he got me crying, girl.

[Kristal Renee]

Jesus. Whoa. Okay. Oh, my gosh. I know.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

Take a sip.

[Eva Marcille]

Where do we go from here?

[Kristal Renee]

Oh.

[Dinora]

Oh, Lord.

[Kristal Renee]

We got Robert crying Denora. Sniffling.

[Eva Marcille]

Sniffling, crying. Gosh, Cal. The only one cool as a cucumber. He like, I'm used to this.

[Kristal Renee]

He like, here they go again.

[Eva Marcille]

All they do is cry. You get them. They all do is cry. We need one more.

[Kristal Renee]

You know, we gonna.

[Eva Marcille]

We'll ring it.

[Kristal Renee]

Hello. Oh, my goodness.

[Eva Marcille]

Yeah.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

When it comes to what kind of mom I wanna be, I think about my life now, not knowing that it was going to take this trajectory at all. And what I need to Help me while I'm on my journey. And it's that, that friendship, it's that knowing that you have someone, a prayer warrior that's praying for you always, but then someone you can actually call.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

And I want to be for Marlee, when she is a young lady in high school, choosing college, setting off into college, choosing who she wants to date, how she wants to date, I want to be that safe place for her to ask me about anything, absolutely anything. And I want to be able to give that to her, to be that soft landing space for myself. Sometimes I feel like who I'm gonna call.

[Kristal Renee]

Right.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You know, that's just going to listen, not preach to me.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Not tell me what I should do or what I shouldn't have done. Just be a soft space.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And so that's what I want to be for my daughter, Most importantly for my daughter. Because if I'm not it for her, she will go look out in the world for it.

[Kristal Renee]

She sure will.

[Eva Marcille]

She will look for it through people, through material, through. Through titles.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Through all these ideologies of greatness and of being loved and being held. So I want to be that for her and I want her to know that no matter where she is, where she. What's going on, Mommy will always be there. Mommy always gonna be there. And I can't be there like God. Cause God, is he a different one? He is he a different one. He sits on my hotel room floor with me.

[Dinora]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

But I want, I know for me, I find myself sometimes in such dark places where you just need somebody to talk to.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Just somebody same.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And I want to be able to be that person for my daughter. I don't want her to be afraid to speak to me. I don't want her to feel lectured. I don't want her to feel judged. I remember my boy, their dad would get mad because I used to say, I want, I wish all my kids are gay. And he was like, why would you say that? I said, because I think I would be a really, really good mom to a person with an alternative lifestyle.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Not that I want to determine what their lifestyle looked like.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I just wanted to be blessed with having a child that chose an alternative lifestyle or God chose one for them. And I was the mom that was able to love them.

[Kristal Renee]

Love them. Because a lot of them don't have.

[Eva Marcille]

That and they go and search for other communities.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

A lot of my friends, my best friend is gay and the way his mother loves him gives him a space to be free in who he is.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

And I know so many people who don't have that luxury. So they're caged in who they are, in their workspace, in their family, around their friends. They don't know their truth. They can't be their truth. They can live in it. So I just want to be that kind of mom. Whatever it is Marley wants to do in life. I mean, Walt Disney was considered an idiot.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

In school. Why are you drawing this? Is this. This is not gonna be. And now look at them now.

[Dinora]

Hello.

[Eva Marcille]

I want to be the person that said, keep drawing.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I want to go buy them sketchbooks. You want a new pencil? How you want to sharpen this pencil? Mommy got you some sharpening. I want to be that. I want to be the conduit, the circuit that makes her light continue to always shine.

[Dinora]

I love that.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my God. Eva, baby girl. Did not know you was about to break me down like that. Today, you are everything. You carry many hats, you wear many titles. But, wow, you just blew me away with your motherhood stories, your faith walk, the businesswoman that you are. You just everything.

[Eva Marcille]

Are you keeping it positive? You know, you done gave us a space. Thank you.

[Kristal Renee]

I'm trying. I'm trying, I'm trying. It's actually been a beautiful, safe space for me.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

Opening up. Me and Dinora were just talking yesterday about how closed off I used to be, you know, and just very private and didn't want to let people in, thinking that as you ascend, that's the best way. I'm sharing everything else with the world. Let me just hold these things so.

[Eva Marcille]

I can have something to myself. Something.

[Kristal Renee]

You know, and not realizing the thing, the very things that you're holding is. You're holding back could help people.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

You know, so.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes. But your operative word, and this is your beauty is the safety, the safe place.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

You. So I feel safe talking to you.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Telling you my aches, my pains, my burdens, my woes. You know, try not to get makeup on your beautiful white couch.

[Kristal Renee]

I got something for that.

[Eva Marcille]

But making it. You create a safe environment. And I think with all of the social media that's out there and all the things that we see, sometimes it feels unsafe. Like, can I post this? Should I not post this? What are they going to say? What are they going to think if I. You know, but this is a place where honesty prevails in the truth.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Will set you free. So I appreciate the ability to just be me and have to promote nothing. Don't have to do anything. I just tell my truth.

[Kristal Renee]

I love it. I love that. Are you. How are you holding up even with the strike? I know we're on strike. How are you?

[Dinora]

Good.

[Eva Marcille]

Strike is driving me crazy. Oh, my God. I have to do a. I'm doing something later on to kind of educate people about the strike a little bit more. In layman's terms, it's. It's. It's really frustrating, but it's also empowering to see. It's like Covid. Covid. I called it the great equalizer where people realized I have a skill, I'm being underpaid, and I can figure out how to repurpose this skill and provide. Now, a lot of people, like the famines in the Bible, suffered.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

I don't think there is a person on this earth that did not know someone or know someone that knew someone that suffered really bad from COVID Absolutely. What it also did is gave black people, women and men alike, in the last two and a half years are the biggest entrepreneurs. We have made more money. And I'm not talking about PPP loans. I'm talking about being clear actually realizing that I've been selling insurance for this company. Making this much. I can start my own insurance company.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Because I have to do it from home anyway for this company. The great equalizer. So for the writers strike and the actors strike. I remember in 08, when we had the writers strike, we had the same kind of suffrage as far as families need to eat. Billy Porter literally just sold his house. Crazy Billy Porter.

[Kristal Renee]

Billy, the Billy Porter.

[Eva Marcille]

He had been on Broadway. People. I've been a fan of Billy forever. People didn't even know who he was until pose amount of money he made in po alone. But you got to realize he has to fuel his machine. He has to pay people. He's building things also, so he's investing in himself. So that liquid changes.

[Dinora]

It does.

[Eva Marcille]

And when you have a strike and you say you can't write, you can't act, you can't work right now that becomes debilitating for a large, large amount of people. Only 3% of actors are famous.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Only 3% of actors are actually famous.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

So the people, you know, we. The 3%, the rest of them are working thriving. Actors that are not famous, they make regular wages and they're trying to figure it out. So the only thing that's exempt right now is, I mean, even background work.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

People can't do. And they were only getting paid $50 a day.

[Dinora]

A day. Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

That $50 a day for five days a week, six days. If you found something on the weekend, it adds up.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Not making that money, this recession, everything being a lot more expensive. I just know that my God has a plan, a big plan. He has such a plan. Yes, he does. Because what we're striking for, which is the way the contrast look per streaming. I mean, my show's on a streaming platform.

[Kristal Renee]

Mine too.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I love it. Cuz I know the fact that everybody that's on here came here and paid to watch me. It's like a ticket price, you know what I mean? It's not like, oh, I was sleepy, let's just go down. Like, they paid to watch that. This is TV for us, by us with our story.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

So fighting to make that make sense for the actors, for the residual money.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Those. What those dollars look like later. It matters.

[Dinora]

It does.

[Eva Marcille]

So I'm just holding on.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah, me too.

[Eva Marcille]

Not shopping as much, not playing. But I'm not. And I always have three hustles. So thank God that I always have other things going on in other businesses that, that I'm working. But this strike definitely keep everyone in your prayers. Georgia especially is a below the line state, which means if you a makeup artist, you can work. You don't have to be union. You can find this dream and you can work. Now you can't.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Even in la, LA is destitute. Like, I mean, I know people that have traded their cars in to get cheaper cars, cars with electric cars. Because everything, it just. We don't know when we're gonna go back to work. And not knowing when you're gonna make money and having a family to feed is extremely, extremely daunting.

[Dinora]

It is. Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

It can drive you crazy.

[Kristal Renee]

I like, even in this time, I called Jinora and I said, hey, I want to figure out other. More hustle. You say three hustles. I need other things to come in because I don't want this to be my bread and butter. I don't want to put all my eggs into this basket. Like, I have investments and stuff, but when it comes to like, other things I got going on, like I need something that's mine that I'll say I know I'm good. Whether.

[Eva Marcille]

And maybe that's what God is doing in his time.

[Kristal Renee]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[Eva Marcille]

Like that. Like Covid, how everything he does, even if he allows. I said what God allows. Because even if it looked crazy.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

What he's going to do on the other side on the flip side is going to be so much bigger and better than you ever thought.

[Kristal Renee]

Goodness.

[Eva Marcille]

So maybe it is just taking that time to write more because you said you wanted to write.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So now you got time.

[Kristal Renee]

I got time. I got a lot of time to do a lot of things.

[Eva Marcille]

You said you wanted to do this. Now do it. And it gives you time to fuel it. And then in no time. Because God will honor the desires of your heart. He will honor them. He will. And if we want to get back to work, he gonna let us get back to work when we go back. It's gonna be better than it was before.

[Kristal Renee]

It will be.

[Eva Marcille]

It will be now.

[Kristal Renee]

I can't wait.

[Eva Marcille]

I'm excited. I'm excited. I know the strike is tap dancing on a lot of us. My show hasn't shot in over a year. In a half.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Kristal Renee]

A year and a half.

[Dinora]

Oh, my goodness.

[Eva Marcille]

Over a year. Yeah, over almost a year and a half since we shot.

[Kristal Renee]

So then this happens.

[Eva Marcille]

So.

[Kristal Renee]

Because you guys are supposed to be back to work now. We were supposed to be back at work now.

[Eva Marcille]

We should post. We supposed to have a whole nother season shot. So it makes me think about me. Okay. Number one. All right. You saved your money. What about number two? Number three? The numbers go all the way down to 45. What about all of the families that each one of those numbers represent? And that's just for the on camera people on the call sheet. Flip that thing over and look at all of these names and all of these people that make this work. So many people are out of so many right now.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

But I do believe that God has a plan. I do believe that we are going to come out better for it. And I do appreciate the solidarity with the Guild, the Writer Guild and the Actors Guild coming together. Because that was a little different than in 2008.

[Kristal Renee]

It was.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

It's like that white chair in Alabama. They say as black folks can't stick together. If y' all ever. If y' all ever wanted to know, we could stick together. Give me a white chair.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And talk some. Pop some. I swam across. That little boy was 16 years old.

[Kristal Renee]

Listen.

[Eva Marcille]

Swam across.

[Kristal Renee]

Swam across.

[Eva Marcille]

So we gonna find a way. We gonna make it. We gonna figure it out. The strike is definitely tap dancing on a lot of our pockets. But I don't want us to lose hope.

[Kristal Renee]

No, we can't. This is when we really gotta dig here.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

And have that faith.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

And keep hope alive.

[Eva Marcille]

Keep hope alive. Seriously.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

It's gonna be okay.

[Dinora]

It is.

[Eva Marcille]

It is gonna be okay.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And I get to sit over here on the couch. See. If we was filming, we wouldn't be.

[Kristal Renee]

Able to do this.

[Dinora]

No.

[Eva Marcille]

God knows exactly what he doing.

[Dinora]

He does.

[Kristal Renee]

He does. I'm even grateful for this. This is another way I can still be creative during this time. And so I'm glad we. Everything happened at the. He already ordered the steps. Yep. And I see it. I'm like, guys, you've been working.

[Eva Marcille]

He's been working.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

He knew it was gonna happen in January when this was. The idea was brought to life so.

[Eva Marcille]

Well, You've been doing an amazing job. I don't miss an episode. I'm so excited.

[Kristal Renee]

Thank you, love.

[Eva Marcille]

So, so excited. Thank you. People think we go together. We reposting you too much.

[Dinora]

We do.

[Eva Marcille]

We do.

[Kristal Renee]

We do go together.

[Eva Marcille]

So, Charlie, I will vet you, period.

[Kristal Renee]

Okay. All right. So we're going to get into my favorite part of the show. It's called positive outcomes.

[Eva Marcille]

Okay.

[Kristal Renee]

Where it's our open listener letter, where someone writes in and asks us for advice, and then we give them advice. So this one says, hello, Crystal. Just wanted to start off saying, I love you and your journey. You're so relatable on so many levels. I love seeing you on YouTube instead of having to wait on a new episode of Sisters or zatima. I'm currently 33 years old, and I've been married for 10 years. I have two children, and I'm at a place where I feel like I've outgrown my husband tremendously. I don't receive the same support from him when it comes to my career as far as intimacy. And it's been all caps. Been gone. He doesn't know how to stimulate me mentally. Let me use that word. She said something else. Stimulate me mentally like the other guys. What are the guys?

[Eva Marcille]

Right. Finish a letter. I'm ready. The other guy finish a letter.

[Kristal Renee]

Right. And still doesn't know how to. He doesn't show any effort to want to change or make things better. He just wants to go with the flow. He's not going to file for divorce, but will sign papers, but also doesn't try to put any effort into. I just feel like we aren't evenly yoked at this point in life, and there's nothing more I can do to save us. I am not happy at all. Should I stay or should I move on? What should I do?

[Dinora]

Help.

[Eva Marcille]

God.

[Kristal Renee]

Ashley, are you listening?

[Eva Marcille]

Ashley needs some help.

[Kristal Renee]

Ashley needs some help. Honey, first of all, okay, first, thank you for Writing in Ashley.

[Eva Marcille]

Thank you.

[Kristal Renee]

I would say. Say I'm not married. You know what? I'm let you take this even because I'm not married.

[Eva Marcille]

It's a real space.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I'm no longer married. I was married. It's a different space. So you have been with this man since you were 23. You're 33. You're Jesus here. That is not an accident by nature. You were meant to grow. You're meant to change. He was meant to grow and he was meant to change by marriage. You were supposed to grow and change together.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And sometimes we're in a rat race of trying to do all these things to be a good wife or be a good husband. We forget the small things, the little. The little things. I would not give you advice to stay or to go, Ms. Ashley. You know that. You've been knowing whatever that is. And you. You been knew that. But what I will say is, after you've done all you can, you leave it to God.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You can only take a person to the well to drink. You can't force the water down their throat. You can teach him. I think that's one thing that I think is very important, is communication. There is no expectation without communication. You can't expect him to know that you don't like your ears kissed. If you don't tell him, stop kissing my ear.

[Kristal Renee]

Right neck.

[Eva Marcille]

I don't like the ear. It's gonna hurt. You have to say something.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So men are beautiful specimens, but y' all not the brightest sometimes. And quick on hints. So sometimes you have to just lay it out.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I would advise you to be clear. Something tells me after 10 years of marriage and two children, you've maybe been as clear as a crystal ball.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Comfort does set in. And, you know, I read Michelle Obama's book, and she talked about how the better part of 10 years, her and Barack, she was not happy.

[Kristal Renee]

Isn't that crazy?

[Eva Marcille]

Crazy.

[Kristal Renee]

I was like, what?

[Eva Marcille]

For the better part of 10 years? But she wasn't happy. But she knew that this marriage was not. Not just about the marriage. This marriage was about moving an entire nation and world forward. So she sacrificed her happiness in those years so that she can do her job. So that later that happiness was renewed. It was bringing back a hundredfold. That's Michelle's story. Every story is different. You have to know whatever you. Your story is for me, I had to choose me.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Myself in life. My personal happiness.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Because my happiness is what fuels my children. It's what fuels the people that God has put on this earth for me to help bless and to be a vessel and a conduit for. So I chose me.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

There have been times where I haven't chose me, and it didn't work out so well.

[Kristal Renee]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So, sis. Ms. Ashley, you choose you.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Whatever that means to you, choose you for yourself and for them two kids. Cause there's no amount of band aiding you can do in a situation.

[Kristal Renee]

So true.

[Eva Marcille]

There's no amount of tiptoeing around. Kids are way smarter than you think. And he ain't gonna go if he won't make him.

[Kristal Renee]

So, like she said.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

He's not going if he's comfortable.

[Dinora]

Yep.

[Eva Marcille]

It sounds like you're the uncomfortable person in the mix. He's not uncomfortable. So this is your decision to make. But know that there is no wrong decision. And one thing my mommy always tells me is, even if you mess up and make a bad choice, it was your choice to make. You can get up, God willing, and make another.

[Dinora]

Yeah. Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

So it's okay. Whatever your choice is, no one else is your walk. Only you live in your head and your heart. Only you live in your head and your heart every day.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So no one can tell you how you're supposed to feel and what you're supposed to do.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

You do what you want to do.

[Kristal Renee]

I love it.

[Eva Marcille]

And you know what that is.

[Kristal Renee]

You know what to do.

[Eva Marcille]

You know what to do.

[Kristal Renee]

Thank you, Ashley. Thank you. That was amazing. Perfect advice, Eva. So now we're gonna do the part of the show where we say what I'm going through and what I'm growing through.

[Eva Marcille]

Okay. Okay.

[Kristal Renee]

So I'll start off. I am going through right now today, just seeing things from other people's perspective, especially people in my life that sometimes I get so caught up in. This is what I meant by this. This is how it is. But not seeing how it makes somebody else feel, you know? So I'm going through that and communicating, learning how to properly communicate. So I guess that's what I'm going through and growing through.

[Eva Marcille]

Okay. Yeah, that's good.

[Kristal Renee]

Yes, it's.

[Dinora]

Yeah, that's good.

[Eva Marcille]

Communication. Key.

[Dinora]

It's key.

[Eva Marcille]

It's so necessary.

[Dinora]

Yes, it is.

[Eva Marcille]

It's so necessary. And people can't assume. You can't assume that they know.

[Kristal Renee]

Right?

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So that communication is so key.

[Dinora]

It's big. Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

What I'm going through is learning how to be pampered and live the soft life. I have been a thug my whole life.

[Kristal Renee]

Thug life, Thug life.

[Eva Marcille]

I have Hustled and tried to figure it out for so long.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

That I feel like I got away from my softness and not being a girl with fluffy hair care, but I got. I'm. I'm always that I got it. Person.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

I got it. I'll do it. I got it. Learning how to sit back.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And say, you know what? I'm going to let you do it.

[Dinora]

Yeah. Oo.

[Eva Marcille]

Learning to be pampered. For me, especially in relationships, that has never been my reality.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

So now, especially in, like, dating, learning how to be like, you know what? Yes, you can.

[Dinora]

Yes, you can.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes, you can.

[Kristal Renee]

Absolutely.

[Eva Marcille]

So that is what I am going through and what I am growing through.

[Dinora]

Is.

[Eva Marcille]

Taking my moments. Everything doesn't have to happen at once. And having gone through a divorce, for me, 24 hours is a long time of a day. And you go through a lot of a range of emotions.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

And you charge yourself or. I charge myself sometimes. Like, you're. Today's. Has to be a good day. Being a good day doesn't mean you're not gonna stumble in the day. It doesn't mean you're not gonna need a reset in the day. I reset, like 15 times in a day. I do. I press that little button like, all right, let's shift back. Because your emotions, your. Your life, you'll get a message.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

And that message will just change everything. Everything. But does it change everything? Or do you let it change everything?

[Kristal Renee]

You allowed it to happen.

[Eva Marcille]

So I stopped letting these little moments take my joy because the. The joy is in the journey anyway. It is, right?

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

It's like prom.

[Dinora]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

You get ready for prom, you go with your friends, you get your nails done and what color you wear. You gonna wear the same color. You wearing different colors. You riding together. How much time my mama got for the. For the limo? So you get all your little stuff together. The joy is in that journey. Because once you get to prom, prom is like, I know.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Eva Marcille]

Can't find your friends? Your picture look crazy. A little curl done fell down. You know, the joy was really in the journey.

[Dinora]

Yes. Wow.

[Eva Marcille]

And we're looking at that end. And I'm learning to have joy in my journey. Instead of just looking for that thing at the end and just head down, blinders on like a horse and just trying to get there. It's like, no, no, no. Pull off the blinders. Look around. There's a flower. Oh, there's a chair. Maybe you should relax and smell it. Learning to take my moments, to really take my moments. There for me. I can miss them or I can hold them. So choosing to hold them.

[Kristal Renee]

I love you.

[Eva Marcille]

Choosing to hold them.

[Kristal Renee]

So good. Eva, girl. Oh, my gosh. This has been so good.

[Dinora]

I love you.

[Kristal Renee]

I love you, too.

[Eva Marcille]

We could do this all day.

[Kristal Renee]

We literally could. Oh, my God.

[Eva Marcille]

Who needs therapy, right? When we get to sit on the couch, we still need therapy. I want your therapist.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Eva Marcille]

She wants what number? What episode was that?

[Kristal Renee]

That was navigating anxiety with Delaney. Dr. Delaney Zimmerman.

[Eva Marcille]

Dr. Zimmerman. She spoke to my heart like the pastor spoke to me at church. She's amazing therapist.

[Kristal Renee]

She is.

[Eva Marcille]

But this couch is like therapy, which you are doing. You are your own doctor, baby mama Crystal. You are the good doctor out here winning souls for the Lord.

[Kristal Renee]

Yes.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Kristal Renee]

That's what I do. I'm on fire for the Lord. We do a little thing before we close out called keep it blank, sweetie.

[Eva Marcille]

Okay?

[Kristal Renee]

And I'm going to take from young Marley.

[Eva Marcille]

Okay.

[Kristal Renee]

Keep it kind, sweetie.

[Eva Marcille]

Yes.

[Dinora]

Yeah.

[Kristal Renee]

Keep it kind.

[Eva Marcille]

Keep it gracious, sweetie.

[Dinora]

That's good.

[Kristal Renee]

I love it.

[Dinora]

Wow.

[Kristal Renee]

Oh, my gosh, Eva, thank you so much.

[Eva Marcille]

Thank you.

[Kristal Renee]

This was. This was so good, guys. I hope this episode blessed you the way it blessed me. I know you'll need your Kleenex, and you might want to run this one back because it's so good. Eva was dropping gems on this one. If you want to write into our positive outcomes listener letter, write into keepitpositivesweetiemail.com and that is Sweetie with an IE. You can follow Kips on all platforms, and you can also follow me at Luv, Kristal Renee on all platforms. And Eva, please tell the people where they can find you.

[Eva Marcille]

You can find me, Eva Marcille on all platforms.

[Kristal Renee]

That's right. All right, guys, in the meantime, until next time, you know what to do do. Keep it positive, sweetie.

[Eva Marcille]

Bye.