Positive Outcomes

Summary

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Keep It Positive, Sweetie – "Positive Outcomes"

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Date: November 7, 2023
Podcast Network: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This special episode of "Keep It Positive, Sweetie" centers on listener letters seeking advice, guidance, and affirmation from host Crystal Renee Hayslett. Crystal creates an intimate, judgment-free space, blending her personal experiences with faith, self-love, and positivity to help listeners navigate challenging seasons in life—ranging from reclaiming femininity to faith-driven pivots, friendship heartbreaks, and romantic woes. The episode is rich with vulnerability, spiritual wisdom, and tangible advice, reflecting the show's strong emphasis on purpose and healing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reclaiming Femininity after Hardship ([00:36])

• Listener's Struggle: A 52-year-old single mother from Chicago shares how years of "being hard" to protect and provide for her children has distanced her from her femininity and softness.
• Crystal’s Perspective:
  • Recognizes societal and survival pressures that force women, especially single mothers, to develop a "hard shell."
  • Definition of Femininity: Crystal references the Webster Dictionary, emphasizing that femininity is about inner qualities and caring for oneself—not just appearances.
  • Personal Experience: Describes her own journey—how being direct as a businesswoman felt masculine but recently she’s chosen to "tap back into" her feminine energy.
  • Advice:
    • Focus on self-care routines, such as treating yourself, dressing for yourself, and doing things that make you feel like a lady.
    • Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe enough to be soft.
    • “Just really take time to get to know yourself and love on you.” ([03:48])
• Memorable Quote:
  • “As women… you want to try to tap into that just so that you can really just feel what that feels like.” ([02:58])
  • Lauryn Hill’s lyric: “Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem” referenced by the listener.

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2. Friendship Heartbreak & Navigating Loneliness ([05:13])

• Jaleesa’s Situation: Feeling isolated and stretched in her faith journey, Jaleesa mourns friendship losses and asks how to trust herself to cultivate new, genuine connections.
• Crystal’s Reflection:
  • Stretching Seasons: Shares her own "stretching season" experience, particularly how mentorship prepared her for unforeseen opportunities.
  • Purging Season: Mentions her own “inventory” process—not just of people, but herself.
  • Friendship Recovery: Validates the pain, emphasizes the necessity of listening to intuition and not forcing new connections.
  • “Learn to be happy by yourself,” ([10:37]) which is foundational for future healthy bonds.
• Advice:
  • Recommends gentle, low-pressure gestures (coffee, lunch) to explore new connections.
  • Trust the energy and your gut feeling.
  • “Your spirit will never let you down. Just listen to your gut, follow that intuition…” ([11:53])
• Notable Quote:
  • “Sometimes God has to shake things up… I knew that if you stayed in this, I had to make it bad enough so that you would leave. Because where I’m taking you, he can’t go.” ([09:32])

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3. "Having It All" but Missing Romantic Love ([13:32])

• Listener’s Story: A 47-year-old woman with a successful life feels unable to find the right romantic partner, jokingly asking, “When will my Boaz come? Because I’m sick of his cousins.”
• Crystal’s Response:
  • On Intimidation: Some men may be intimidated by independent, successful women.
  • On Self-presentation: Advises not to lead with material accomplishments, as it might send the wrong signal.
  • "Meet Me at My Worth": Refers to Tyler Perry’s quote about valuing someone’s heart, not their possessions.
  • Action Steps:
    • Examine the type of partners you’re attracting and whether you’re focusing on the “wrong thing.”
    • “Put yourself in places where you know the type of man that you need would actually come to.” ([18:38])
    • Reflect on your own growth areas—“Sometimes as women, we don’t realize we’re the problem too.” ([19:57])
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “Wait on God to bring that person to you… a lot of times I found that when I’m least expecting it, that’s when it comes.” ([19:04])

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4. Pressure and Isolation in Early Adulthood ([20:42])

• Adriana’s Struggle: In her early 20s, Adriana is high-achieving but feels isolated, burdened by family expectations, and is embracing a healing journey where she increasingly feels like the family’s "black sheep."
• Crystal’s Encouragement:
  • Emphasizes it’s okay to be alone, especially during periods of growth and healing.
  • Applauds Adriana’s awareness of energy and boundary-setting at a young age.
  • Suggests therapy as a valuable resource.
  • “Draw closer to God, because that’s what I’ve had to do and really just take time for Adriana.” ([23:53])
• Supportive Acknowledgment: Recognizes unique pressures of Adriana’s generation (social media, external expectations).

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5. Faith & Boundaries after Breakup ([25:38])

• Alexis’s Dilemma: Recently began practicing abstinence and recommitted to faith; faced heartbreak when a partner couldn’t support her journey. Wonders if she should hope for his transformation.
• Crystal’s Advice:
  • “If that person is for you… they are going to be with you through it all.” ([27:43])
  • Unequally yoked relationships rarely work if faith values aren’t shared.
  • Encourages focusing on Christ, trusting that the right partner will respect and share those boundaries.
  • “Keep hope for love but don’t be fixated on one person.” ([29:05])
  • Testifies that putting faith first brings clarity and prosperity in all areas.
• Notable Quote:
  • “You can’t be unequally yoked when it comes to that. Especially when you have some people who’re like, okay, I’m going to do these things, but this right here, I can’t give up.” ([27:43])

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6. Navigating Professional Pivots with Faith ([30:02])

• Listener’s Question: Facing a "pivot space" in her mid-40s, with successful work but sensing God calling her in a new direction. Asks for advice on trusting the process and leveraging community.
• Crystal’s Wisdom:
  • Faith in Dark Seasons: Shares her own decade-long journey to success in Atlanta, emphasizing that uncertainty is often preparation.
  • Current Pivot: Relates to the entertainment industry strike and the need to “buckle down” and listen for new directions.
  • Advice:
    • “Sometimes you have to find space to be still and listen to Him and hear his voice.” ([33:40])
    • Be patient; act only when you feel God’s guidance, not out of restlessness.
    • Find passion but don’t confuse activity with purposeful, faith-driven action.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “When you pivot, you got one foot planted, the other foot’s going to take you in the direction you want to go to. You have to be really careful about that direction…” ([33:22])
  • Emphasizes "faith without works is dead," but cautions that work should be aligned with divine strategy.

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7. Moving On after Toxic Relationships ([35:31])

• Taylor’s Story: Ended a 2.5-year relationship after declining to join her ex-partner in a polygamous experience; he now lingers through social media, and Taylor asks how to move on and know when to date again.
• Crystal’s Advice:
  • Recommends blocking/removing digital access if seeing him online is a trigger or distraction.
  • “As long as you give him access… he’s still controlling you.” ([38:05])
  • Only you know when you’re ready to date again—if you have to ask, you may not be ready.
  • Encourages deep self-reflection, healing, and clarity about personal desires in a partner before starting anew.
  • “Make sure that Taylor’s happy with Taylor… it all starts with you.” ([39:32])
  • Respects all relationship choices but stands firm in her and Taylor’s need for exclusiveness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Love & Healing:
  • "Take time to get to know yourself and love on you." ([03:42] – Crystal)
• On Craving Connection after Friendship Loss:
  • "Your spirit will never let you down. Just listen to your gut, follow that intuition, and you’ll know who the right people are to let in your life." ([11:53] – Crystal)
• On Romantic Expectations:
  • “Meet me at my worth. And what that means is not, meet me at the type of house I have... it’s, meet me at my heart, meet me at how I value myself.” ([17:59])
• On Embracing Solitude:
  • “Learn to be happy by yourself. Because a lot of times people, they need somebody to be attached to… that’s when you really find true happiness.” ([10:37])
• On Periods of Change:
  • “Sometimes you have to find space to be still and listen to Him and hear His voice.” ([33:40])
• On Setting Digital Boundaries:
  • “If you want to get over him, you got to completely block him out of your life… cut off all access points.” ([38:05])

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Important Timestamps

• Listener Letter #1 – Femininity & Hardness: [00:36]–[05:13]
• Listener Letter #2 – Friendship Loss & Trusting New Bonds: [05:13]–[13:32]
• Listener Letter #3 – Romantic Love Eludes (“Waiting for Boaz”): [13:32]–[20:42]
• Listener Letter #4 – Early 20s, Family Pressure, Isolation: [20:42]–[25:38]
• Listener Letter #5 – Faith, Abstinence, and Heartbreak: [25:38]–[30:02]
• Listener Letter #6 – Professional Pivot & Obedience: [30:02]–[35:31]
• Listener Letter #7 – Moving on after Breakup (Polygamy Demand): [35:31]–[39:32]

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Tone and Approach

Crystal maintains a warm, approachable, and faith-centered tone throughout, mixing empathy with practical advice and sharing personal testimonies without judgment. She frequently uses humor, pop culture references, and memorable phrasing to create connection and uplift her audience—signing off as always, “Keep it positive, sweetie.”

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Transcript

[Crystal]

Foreign. Hello and welcome to this special edition of Keep it Positive, sweetie. Today is a special episode because you, my listeners, have written into me and asked me for advice. We always do positive outcomes where I read a letter from you, all that you write in and I give you my advice and so does my guest. But today I'm taking some time out for just me and you to listen what you have to say and give you the best advice that I can. All right, so let's get into it.

[Listener 1]

Good morning, Crystal. First, I want to say thank you. I love to watch your show and you are so inspiring and honest. Thank you for being who you are authentically. I am on a quest to get back my femininity, but as a 52 year old woman, I'm not sure what that means. Is it the way a woman dresses, speaks, smells, moves, acts, and can you lose it? And if so, how do you get it back? As a single, divorced mother of three adult children, I am in search to recreate myself. I have been hard for so long that I don't know anything else, but I know that's not how God made me. As I am typing this, my eyes are filling with tears. I had to be hard in order to raise three children, two males and one daughter, on the south side of Chicago. Keeping them out of gangs, not selling drugs or becoming baby daddies or baby mamas. It was hard, but I did it because I wanted the best for them. In doing that, I lost me. I like the line in Lauryn Hill's song when she said, don't be a hard rock when you really are a gym. That's me. I don't know how not to be hard. What does femininity mean and what does it look like? Thank you.

[Crystal]

Wow. Well, first of all, thank you so much for writing in. I didn't get your name, but I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you and thank you so much for taking the time to write in and for watching every week. A mother of three, a single mother of three. That in itself, playing the role of a man and a woman, it almost forces you to take on those masculine attributes that men have because you have to play both roles. So I definitely want to take my hat out to you for doing that. And especially in Chicago, which is known for its crime. I know that that in itself, you had to really prepare your children for what they were going to face every day when they left that house. But when it comes to being a woman and tapping into that feminine side, you ask me, what does femininity mean? The Webster Dictionary definition of femininity is qualities or attributes regarded as characteristics of women or girls. And I can attest that in my life as a single woman, when I was in my single woman phase, there was times where I was taking on the man and the female role. And I definitely had a very hard shell which came off masculine to some people. As a business woman, you have to be very stern and direct and that comes off as masculine. It wasn't until recently that I decided that I really wanted to tap back into my femininity. You asked, is it the way you smell, the way you walk, the way you dress? A lot of those things can be ways to describe a woman that gives off feminine energy. But I think versus what it looks like on the exterior, those are things that you can do to kind of exude that. But it really is about how you feel on the inside. Do you feel like a woman? Are you doing things to take care of yourself and make yourself feel like a lady? You know, I did an episode called the Soft Life and that was where I was starting to tap back into my feminine energy because I was just tired of being so hard all the time. You know, I'm a tomboy at heart. But I knew that there was a time where I needed to really soften up a bit. And as women and if you're dating someone or if you're even still single, you want to try to tap into that just so that you can really just feel what that feels like. I would say you want to know how you can tap back into that? I would say start doing more self care routines. I would say be with someone who makes you feel safe. Because a lot of times if we don't feel safe in relationships, we may feel like we can't let that wall down or let our guard down. So I would say that. And I would also say just really take time to get to know yourself and love on you. Yeah. Hope this helped. And thank you. Thank you so much for writing in. All right, let's see who else wrote in.

[Jaleesa]

Hey, my name is Jaleesa. I sign Instagram a while ago that you wanted people to send in questions and you wanted them to send in, like, topics for kids. And I figured why not? So I'm going to take a second to be transparent. I'm in a very, very peculiar season with God, like, very isolating season, very lonely and misunderstood season. If I'm being honest, I'm being stretched. I don't really understand the purpose of the stretch. And I Don't know to what capacity I'm going to be stretched.

[Crystal]

The.

[Jaleesa]

But like, I'm being pulled. And so when I first walked into the season, I knew that I needed support, but I didn't understand the season. And so my therapist, Tiara and I like, never miss a week. And I was like, I need to, like, reflect. Like, I need to self reflect, and, like, I need to just, like, figure out what the season is. And so after a few sessions, I realized that there were some people and some relationships that I was going to have to let go of. And I wasn't necessarily ready to do that or even deal with the aftermath. And so I told God. I was like, I hear you. Like, I see the people I'm supposed to, like, walk away from, but can we do that after I get through the season? Because I already feel like there's a lot going on. And he was like, all right, bet. Within the next few weeks, the bottom fell out. Mad relationships around me started to go left. I started to see people's true intentions. I started to notice relationships that weren't reciprocal. I started to see people that I held space for, not hold safe space for me, not be able to hear me. They weren't listening to me. They couldn't see me, and they were choosing not to be there for me. And that in itself was heartbreaking. And so my question is, how do you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable again after a friendship heartbreak? How do you trust your own judgment to make and find new friends? And then at this age in Atlanta, how do you make new friends? Like, how do you start to create bonds and connections with people who may already be around you, and you feel like you want them to be a part of your village, and you feel like they're people you want to be around, but you don't want the connection to seem like it's being forced or it's not genuine. So how do you navigate recovery? Friendship recovery after a friendship breakup, where do you start? What do you do? What are the steps?

[Crystal]

Jaleesa, thank you so much for writing in. When I. Wow. You asked. You touched on a lot of things, a lot of things that I've been through myself. As far as a stretching season, we're going to start there. You talked about how you felt like you were being stretched and you were. You were in a very peculiar season of your life. And I had a season in my life where I definitely was being stretched and I did not know what God was preparing me for. Things were happening, and I was like, Lord, what is this? Why are you taking me down this road? And why are you connecting me with these people? This has nothing to do with what I want to do. And I couldn't see it because I didn't know what was to come, but God did. And I remember it was a point where I was a costumer working on what show is it. I want to say, if loving you is wrong and the have and the have nots, and the costume designer at the time would always, like, have me right there with her and the responsibilities that were being put on me, I didn't understand why, because it was way above my pay grade, and it was not. It didn't align with my actual job description. I had no idea what was ahead of me. But sometimes God will take you through things and appoint or assign people to you because he knows what's coming up. And within a few months after that, I ended up getting a call to be the costume designer. Everything I had learned through that season where I was like, oh, my gosh, this is just so much like, I just want to come to work and do my job. But in that season, she was teaching me so much, and I would do it just because that was my boss. But I didn't understand it until later on when God revealed what he had in store for me. So whenever there are seasons where I feel like I'm being stretched, I always know that it's God working for something that is for my good, and I may not know exactly what it is. And I love that you took time to do some self reflecting. I love that your therapist said, hey, let's take a beat here and let's reflect on some things. And when you do that, sometimes you may not always find the answer in the reflection. Sometimes it's later on, after time has passed, where you're like, ah, I realize why that happened as it pertains to healing from friendships that have ended. I did an episode called Purging Season where I saw that, you know, saying certain people in my life were not for me, and it was. I had to do. I had a very reflective. And then I also had to do inventory, not just of people, but of myself as well. And things had ended with a few people. And I. I will say it's a very lonely place to be in. It is. I'm very guarded. So when it comes to making new friends, I'm not the one that's just like, hey, my name is Crystal. I want to be your friend. Like, it takes me a while. I'm big on energy. I'm big on vibes, so it takes me a minute to really let people in. And when it came to ending that, it took years before I wasn't like you, where it was just a. Okay, God, let me get through this season, and then I'll figure that out. It took me years to, like. I would see little signs here and there. And then finally I was like, you know what? All right, this is too much. Let's go ahead. And these are things I need to cut out of my life. But by that time, you're so invested that it hurts even more. So I'm glad that you. I hate that the bottom. You said the bottom just fell out and everything was revealed. Sometimes God has to shake things up. That happened to me in a relationship where it was so toxic. And God, I talked about on my sisterhood episode where it really, really got bad. And God was like, I knew that if you stayed in this, I had to make it bad enough so that you would leave. Because where I'm taking you, he can't go. And we don't want God to have to shake things up. Cause we don't like that when it gets to that point, he gotta shake the table. It was definitely gonna be a little aftermath and something that we've gotta recover from. So I would say, when it comes to making new friends after having to lose people and let people go, I would say, be open to it, but don't force it. Do not force it. Like you said, there may be people that's already in your life that you kind of like. Hmm. I kinda like them. I do want them to be in my circle. Just maybe say, hey, would you like to go grab some dinner? I have a friend that I knew from the gym. We didn't have a personal relationship, but we ended up going out to eat. And we are, like, this close. Like, that's my girl. But it all started with just, hey, would you like to go have dinner or go grab lunch or go get some coffee? I don't drink coffee. But maybe you do. That's what people do. Go get some coffee or tea or whatever your thing is, and just get to know people. But that doesn't have to be. I'm forcing a friendship. You know, you can just fill people out, spend time with them, and see what people's energy speaks to your spirit. Because your spirit will never let you down. Just listen to your gut, follow that intuition, and you'll know who the right people are to let in your life. Okay, best of luck with everything. Just know that in this lonely season, it doesn't last forever. Learn to be happy by yourself. That's another thing I had to learn. Learn to be happy by yourself. Because a lot of times people, they need somebody to be attached to. If you get to a space where you can literally just be by yourself, that's when you really find true happiness. And then anything else that comes along is just a bonus. All right, thank you, Jaleesa, for writing in and thank you so much for tuning in to keep it positive, sweetie. Love you. All right, guys, let's see who we have next.

[Listener 2]

Good morning, crystal. I'm a 47 year old woman who feels lost. I have everything I could ever want except for love. I have a nice home in a nice neighborhood, a nice car, and I'm a college graduate with a decent job. I've always been a single mother. My daughter is 27 and her dad just recently passed away. They had a great relationship. Although he was in and out of jail, I've never kept her from him. My son is 16. His father passed away when he was one years old. I have another daughter who's 29. I've raised her since she was two years old. I have six sisters and six brothers. Yeah, huge family. But anyways, the reason I'm writing is because I literally have everything. My own everything. But for some reason, I can't find love. I've been in about four serious relationships. With my last one less than four years. I feel like I don't want to be dating just to be dating. I want more. I go to church, I listen and I read the word. I know God has a plan for me and I know he wants to bring me happiness. I don't question God. So I've been patiently waiting. But sis, I'm tired. When will my boy Ass come? Cause I'm sick of his cousins.

[Crystal]

Y' all know broke ass, po ass.

[Listener 2]

Don'T have a job.

[Crystal]

Ass.

[Listener 2]

Yeah, well, that. I just needed some advice. What you think I should do?

[Crystal]

She said, I'm tired of broke ass. She wants her boaz. Sis is tired. Sis, I feel you. I've been in your situation. Oh, my goodness. You mentioned that. You have a nice house, you live in a nice neighborhood, you have a nice car. You do really well for yourself. And as a woman, you sound very independent. I can speak to my experience when it comes to that one is in the past I've dated men that feel like, okay, yeah, I got a girl that's got something going on and everything is great until they like, really kind of see everything, and they're like, ooh, this is intimidating. So depending on the type of man that you're attracting, they may be intimidated by all the things that you have. You know, maybe they don't find they can measure up to it. Some people feel like this may be too much for them to afford or that they don't want to commit to that. And you're a beautiful woman, so I'm sure off top, they're attracted to you. But then they realize, wow, this is a lot of upkeep. And I have to. If she's already setting the standard here, I have to. I have to exceed that. And to some men, not all, but to some men, that is intimidating. I would also say, I don't know if you do this, but if you go into relationships or bring up all the things you had because you opened up with, I had this, I have that, I have this, I have that. Don't. Sometimes it can come off as you're, like, materialistic or that you're wanting that person to come in and be able to provide all these things when relationships are so much more than the tangible things, and that may be a part of the reason why you're not having something that you can really hold onto. So I would say take away what you have. Take that off the table and really, like, find somebody that knows your worth. You know, Tyler Perry has a quote that says, meet me at my worth. And what that means is not, meet me at the type of house I have, meet me at my bank account, meet me at the type of car I have, my garage. It's, meet me at my heart, Meet me at how I value myself, you know, And I had mistaken that. And I think a lot of times successful women, we go into it because it's been put in our heads that you need to find somebody that is either equal to you or doing better than you. And that's not always the case, you know, And I've seen a lot of failed relationships because we go after looking for the wrong thing and we miss an amazing man in the process. So I would say really hone in on those characteristics that you're really looking for in a man. Look at. Do some inventory, look at the type of man that you're attracting. Because I know for me, I used to attract a certain type of man I wanted. You know what I'm saying? That's what I wanted. And I end up with my heart broken every single time. No matter how many years it lasted, I. I always realized Dang. I'm attracting the same type of person, you know, And I. On paper, they look great, but then when it comes to, can you speak to me intelligently? Can you touch me in those type of ways? Can you get to my mind? Do you make me feel safe? Do you look me in my eyes when we talk? Do you have a relationship with God? Are you the type of person I can talk to about therapy, that I can go to church with on Sundays and sit down and have those conversations about what the pastor talked about and apply it to our lives? These are things that are so important to me. But I was missing it because I was looking for the man that had the money, had the house, had the car, had everything that I had. And I was. And you can have all those things, you know, like, I've been blessed to have somebody who has all those things, but he also gives me the other things I need. And that's what you have to focus on. So I think a lot of times we. Life is going to be good relationships and bad relationships. That's just life. But when you want to find something that you really can hold on to, you got to really wait on God to bring that person to you. I know I went through a drought, like a few years where it was just like I wasn't dating anyone. I wasn't really going out either. And I always say to put yourself in places where you know the type of man that you need. Because sometimes what we want as women is not what we need. It's not good for us. So put yourself in places where the type of. Your type of man that you need would actually come to so that you have a better chance of meeting someone that's good. That can really feed your soul and you can feed his vice versa. What else? I would say don't go like just looking for it, you know, A lot of times I found that when I'm least expecting it, that's when it comes, you know, focus on doing self work. Focus on figuring out, hey, what is it that I need to work on? You know, because it may. A lot of times as women, we don't realize we're the problem too, you know, and there's things that we need to work on so that our men do feel safe, especially our black men. They already have to go out to the world and fight everything. Every single day they come home, they want to feel that love, you know, and they want to feel a safe space. So as women, we have to really dig deep and make sure that because sounds like you've had to get it out the mud yourself and do a lot of things yourself that we do provide a safe and soft landing when they are in our presence. Okay, I hope that helps you, sis. I didn't get your name, but thank you so much for writing in and I appreciate you so much for watching. All right, y', all, let's see who else we got.

[Adriana]

Hi, my name is Adriana and I would just like to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for this positive platform that has changed many lives in many different ways, including mine. I'm currently in my early 20s. Yes, I'm a baby and I can honestly say that I'm just now finding.

[Taylor]

My wheels little bit.

[Adriana]

I know we don't have to have everything figured out right now and it's okay to go at your own pace and your podcast has really opened my eyes to a lot of different perspectives about my situation. However, it is a little tough trying to navigate with the weight of the world on your shoulders. In your recent podcast, you reminded me that we shouldn't worry because God will supply all your needs. And honestly, that's something I needed to hear. Yet it's hard putting that token of wisdom into action. I'm the youngest child on both sides and I am the child to chase a degree, two board certified licenses and in the process of graduating with my bas. I feel as though I have big shoes to feel because everyone has their eye on me to accomplish so much and at this moment I'm not happy. I'm very introverted so I don't talk a lot. I have one friend, I only go to work, go to school and come home. I don't speak up much now now because I've changed and I'm doing better mannerism wise and I'm in the process of unlearning old rude behaviors to express. Furthermore, little do they know I'm on my healing journey as well. So with me being busy and trying to keep myself to myself for myself and my health, I feel as though everyone is becoming a distraction for me. I don't go around family as much because I'm a big energy person and I really feel as though everyone energies be off. So I just take time for myself and slowly watch myself become the black sheep more and more. Even though I'm doing positive things. It hurts. But sorry to just put my whole life story out there that no one asked for, but this is starting to become one of my only safe spaces to vent being that I don't have a listening Ear of my own. I guess all I'm asking for is prayer. God is still working on me as well as I'm working on myself. So until next time, thank you for being a positive scapegoat. And keep it positive, sweetie.

[Crystal]

Hi, Adriana. Thank you so much for writing in. Wow. In your 20s. I remember when I was in my 20s. I do. And I thought I had it all figured out, but I did not, and I still don't have it all figured out. You know, you talked about you're on a healing journey and you have distractions and trying to navigate that. I know that can be tough, especially at a young age when you haven't been through a lot to really understand what's happening around you. I find that in those moments when I feel like you're feeling right now, I often just ask God to order my steps, you know, and. And guide me and show me who's here for the right reasons, who's supposed to be in my life and who's not. And I definitely navigate and gravitate to the people that I feel like God has pulled me closer to. And sometimes it's okay to be alone. You know, you said that when you go around your family, you're really big on energy, and you don't feel like the energy is right or good. And when you're in these spaces where you're really working on yourself and really healing, a lot of those things may be triggers for you. So you have to be really careful about the energy that you surround yourself with. So I applaud you at a very young age for being someone who knows that you can't just be around certain energies and people when you're trying to go in a different direction. I would say to you, keep healing. Therapy is really real. If you don't have anyone else to talk to, a therapist is good. There's plenty of apps that you can use. If you don't have access to a therapist that will provide you with someone that you can talk to about the things that you don't feel like you may be able to talk to other people about. And I would say continue to find joy in yourself in that isolation period. Draw closer to God, because that's what I've had to do and really just take time for. Adriana. All right, I'm here for you, and I want to thank you for watching. I'm glad that I could reach you. 20 years old sometimes. I know your generation is dealing with a lot and a lot more than I did when I was 20. Years old because now we have social media. We have so many different influences. It's a lot that you guys have to battle and fight against. So just keep being strong, keep the faith, and keep it healing. Sweetie, thank you so much for writing in and thank you for watching. Love you. All right, let's see this next young lady.

[Alexis]

Hi Crystal. My name is Alexis. I am 30 from Texas. I just want to thank you for the opportunity of highlighting my story on your segment of Positive Outcomes. I admire you your authenticity and vulnerability on Keep It Positive Sweetie podcast. Your episodes have been pouring into me on many relatable topics, so I thank you specifically on your Purge and Season episode. I was so relieved to not feel like I was the only one in this challenging era of losing people. I recently encountered a terrible breakup. I regarding choosing my relationship with Christ and beginning the journey of abstinence until marriage. I am divorced. I'm a single mom, so the dating scene is definitely new to me. But I thought, you know what? It's time to put some boundaries in place for myself. So unfortunately, the other person was not willing to support me on this journey in which I was not going to compromise. My heart was broken, and I kind of, in a way, like, feel persecuted for recommitting my life to God. But, you know, I'm absolutely okay with enduring that. But my question is, am I wrong for holding on to hope that one day it will work out once God transforms their heart and mind? I understand that God allows us to encounter certain people to cross our paths, and sadly, this one I fell for. So any insight would be great. And again, I thank you for the awesome opportunity.

[Adriana]

Bye.

[Crystal]

Okay. Alexis from Texas, Wow. Thank you so much for writing in. And hats off to you for making the choice to fully give your life to God and abstain from sex until marriage. I know that was a very strong decision that you had to make to like, really say, hey, God, this is what I'm gonna do, and I want to be tapped in with you fully, without distractions. Because we all know that sex can cloud some things if you don't really take the time to do it the right way. I'm a living witness of that. I say that you ask if you should keep hope for this person to change their mind. If that person is for you one, they are going to be with you through it all. And the thing that stands out to me the most is that he may not be on the same walk with you. And if your walk with Christ is very important, the man in your life is going to have to take that just as serious, because you can't be unequally yoked when it comes to that. Especially when you have some people who like, okay, look, I'm going to do these things, but this right here, I can't give up. You're fully committing, and if you don't have a man in your life that's going to fully commit as well, then I don't see how it could work. But I'm not saying that the guy that we serve cannot change someone's heart. You know, if that's the man for you, God will make him see, like, hey, this is a good woman and she's doing the right thing. And I, too, want to be a man after God's own heart. But if he doesn't come around, don't lose hope on love. That man just wasn't meant for you. I would say that there are some amazing men out here who are on fire for Christ, who love him and don't mind waiting till marriage. You know, there's not a lot of them, but there are some that are like, hey, I'm with you, and let's do it. You know? So I wouldn't lose hope on that because I, too, have been in situations or seasons in my life where I'm like, I'm staining. And they're like, okay, me too. Like, I can do that. And then a few months down the road, we done spend enough time together, like, all right, now you was for real about this thing. You really not gonna give me none? I'm like, no, I'm serious. So I would say just stay faithful, stay strong, stay steadfast in your walk with God, because I'm telling you, every area of your life is going to be clear. You're going to see it prosper because you're choosing to put him first. And I can say that when I walk with God and I put him first, everything else just falls in line. So keep hope for love, but don't be fixated on one person. Okay? I hope this blessed you, and thank you so much. I'm so, so proud of you. Thank you for watching and thank you for writing in. All right, so let's see who we have next. Hey, Crystal.

[Listener 3]

Hey, Team Kipps. My question is, what advice do you have on how best to not navigate the pivot space? And this is your mid-40s professional career going great. Side hustle's going good. And Jesus said, we're going in a different direction. Pivot space. With that said, I've been getting instructions. I've been fasting and praying and, you know, doing what I do in my walk. But what I'm realizing is also in my obedience. It he had asked me to leverage my community. So this is me reaching out to those who I know as believers that are showing up authentically and doing life.

[Crystal]

At a different level.

[Listener 3]

So with that, I am here. Hope to get some gems. Looking forward to all you have to share. Thank you.

[Listener 2]

Wow.

[Crystal]

Thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for writing in. Oh, the pivot space. Wow. The pivot space is. It's a scary space. Sometimes, you know you're walking into uncharted territory. You are walking into the unknown and sometimes it's dark, sometimes it's lonely, and you have no idea what's going to happen. This is where your faith is stretched. So I've been there before. I'm trying to think of a time when my faith was really, really stretched. I'll give you a few examples. The first time was when I was leaving Washington, DC, coming to Atlanta. And it was a 10 year time span. 10 years from the time that I moved to Atlanta to the time that I got my first gig. I knew when I moved here this is what I wanted. But that first year I'm talking about, it was so bad. It was one of the, the darkest seasons of my life. And I started to question, what have I done? Like, I know that I'm pivoting into a space that I know you have called me to God, but this is not happening the way I thought it was going to happen. And what I've learned now is the journey and everything that I've gone through has helped me be who I am today. And to navigate this space the way I'm able to, through all the lessons that I learned, even the dark times. Because what I know is when things change and switch up, we can be a little scared and uneasy. But on the opposite side of that, we're like, oh, that wasn't bad. That wasn't as bad as I thought it was when I was in it, you know. But I will say that it was another time, which is actually right now. Right now I'm in a season where my faith is being stretched. And right now I'm not sure if you're sure or if you have heard of it, but we are on a strike as actors and writers in TV and film. And we cannot work. We cannot talk about our work. We can't do anything. And now I'm in a space, okay, God, we don't Know when this is going to be over with, you know, so I'm in a pivot season myself where I'm like, okay, what else can I do where I don't have to depend on this one thing, you know? So faith is being stretched not knowing when I'm going to go back to work, trying to think of new things to do to bring in income. And it's a season where I have to really buckle down and structure new things. And I'll say that when God puts you in a space like that, sometimes you have to find space to be still and listen to him and hear his voice. There's times where you have to see what else you can do to like really hone in on where you're trying to go. Because in that pivot it's like you don't want to just go in any direction because when you pivot, you, you got one foot planted, the other foot's going to take you in the direction you want to go to. You have to be really careful about that direction that you go into. So I always say, God, order my steps and then find something that you're super passionate about. Because a lot of times we're in a pivot, we get very impatient. We get impatient and we want things to happen just like this. And you have to be patient and allow God to timing to be in his time and not in our time. I know I'm the type of person, I'm very guilty of this where I, I'm very visual and I see things and like, okay, God, this is it, we going to do this. And I go for it, and I go for it. But I really haven't waited on God to give me the plan. Cuz God will bring, he can. He's so strategic. He'll bring something into your life that will affirm the thought that he put into your mind. He'll bring somebody in your life that can help you make it happen and give you the guidance that you need so you don't have to hit so many roadblocks. But if we try to do it on our own, a lot of times we hit those roadblocks that could have been prevented if we had just waited on God for a minute. So in this season I say pray, I say be patient, I say be still. But also figure out what it is that you want to do and go for it. But go for it in God's way. Because a lot of times we confuse works. Faith without works is dead. And we're like, oh, we gotta work, gotta work, but you're working aimlessly. You're not really knowing what you're going for. So I say wait and hear that voice from God so that you know what direction you're gonna pivot. All right, sis, I love you. Thank you so much for writing in. I hope this helps you. All right, to our last and final positive outcomes. Listener video, we have.

[Taylor]

Hi, Crystal, My name is Taylor and I love all of your work from Sisters and Zatima and hearing about your background story, working for Tyler Perry and all of your other work in the future, I know I'll love just the same this year, this past January, I recently walked away from a two and a half year relationship. My ex gave me an ultimatum to stay or go based off me not wanting to have a threesome. And it wasn't just the threesome, it was. He wanted to travel with this person and sleep in the same bed and practice things of a polygamous lifestyle, which I was not with at all. And it came out of nowhere. So the day I decided to break up with him, I grabbed the things I did have of his for my house and I took to his house. I dropped it off with his key. Luckily, when I dropped things off, he was not there. And before I left, I de registered the fire stick. Fast forward to now. It's been seven, almost eight months since I broke up with him and I haven't heard from him since. The only thing I see is that I get likes and emojis when I post on my social media. And he's the first one or one of the first people to like my pictures because I didn't feel the need to block him. I just made a clean break and that was that. What are some ways to move on besides time and when do you know when you're ready to date again or even entertain someone else? Thank you.

[Crystal]

Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, thank you so much for writing in. Oh, so that's tough. You had a man that you were in a relationship for two and a half years that wanted you to be in a threesome and they wanted this person to be in your lives. I too like you. I ain't with it. It's me and only me. Okay, we not doing all that. If you need somebody else, then you might need to go find somebody else. That's how I look at it. But while you asked me what do you need to do to move on? First thing I would say, you say you didn't block him. But every time you go to your pictures, he's the first one that looked at your stories, the first one that liked your pictures. You may need to block him because him doing that is a constant reminder you're seeing him too much. You're still reminded of him every time you get on Instagram or Facebook or wherever these pictures are that he's liking. You're seeing that and he's letting you know, I'm still here, I'm still watching you. And in a way, he's still controlling you, you know, so if I like, I don't block everybody, I only block haters, you know, that's about it. But when it comes to like people that if they didn't do something horrible, I don't block people. Cause I want you to see how great things are. Even though you not here, you know, we gotta let you see you got a front row seat, baby. Your loss. But I would tell you because the way you brought it up, it lets me know that every time you see his name, you're like, you're thinking something like, does he still like me? Or is there hope for this? Or maybe he's changed? Or what does this mean? If you want to get over him, you got to completely block him out of your life. And that's going to also let him know, oh, she's not playing, she's done for real. But as long as you give him access and you're thinking like that. Cause it's okay to like allow people access and you're not if you've moved on. But if you're trying to move on, you have to literally cut off all access points to your life. I would say to know when it's time to date again. Only you can know that you know, Only you know your heart knows. And if you're having to ask me, sweetheart, then you're probably not ready to date. You know, I would say that if you're having to ask somebody when's a good time to date again, if you don't know that in your heart of hearts you're not ready and what's going to end up happening, you're going to take all the curiosity that you still may have about your ex or the issues that you had that you may not have healed from into the next relationship. And you don't want to do that because that's how we self sabotage and ruin a good thing. So I would say until you know in your heart of hearts that you are ready to move on, I would take this time to just work on Taylor. Take this time to figure out what it is exactly what you want what you want in a man, you know? Cause I've been guilty of thinking I wanted one thing and then getting the man and was like, oh, this is not what I wanted at all. Like, this ain't it. And then my idea of a man changes. So figure out exactly what it is that Taylor wants before jumping into something else. And make sure that Taylor's happy with Taylor. Okay? Because it all starts with you. It starts with that self love. It starts with that sense self knowing of who you are before you bring somebody else into the picture. All right, boo. Best of luck. I hope that you do find love. I hope you find somebody that loves on you and only you the way that you want to be loved. And that is no shot at anybody who likes polygamy or threesomes or whatever y' all getting into. That's your business. But me and my girl Taylor, we ain't with that. So I hope you find somebody that you love, that you like, and that loves on you. All right, boo. Thank you so much, guys. Thank y'. All. This is just my way of talking to you one on one, showing you that I see you, that I hear you, and that I love you. I thank you guys so much for tuning in every week. We are growing as a family, and I. I literally. I didn't have any idea of how impactful this show would be. I want to again. I always thank Dinora but my manager for pushing me to do this because I didn't think my voice mattered. I didn't think that people wanted to hear what I had to say. And so I'm happy that you guys are relating so well to the topics that we touch on and that you're tuning in every week and you're re watching them. So, guys, I love it. It fills my heart to know that we are one family, and I can't wait to continue to grow with you guys. So with that said, I'm gonna sign off. Thank you guys for writing in. Keep writing in. And if you want to be highlighted on our positive outcomes, listener letter, Write in to keepitpositivesweetiemail.com and that's sweetie with an ie. If you want to follow me, you can follow me at luvchrystalrenae on all platforms and you can follow Keep it positive, sweetie. On all platforms as well. Thank you guys so much. And in the meantime, you already know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie. Love you guys. Sa.