Silencing My Shame with Shanti Das

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Silencing My Shame with Shanti Das"

Podcast: Keep it Positive, Sweetie
Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Shanti Das (Mental Health Advocate, CEO & Founder of Silence the Shame)
Date: January 16, 2024

Overview

In this heartfelt and powerful episode, host Crystal Renee Hayslett welcomes music industry veteran and mental health advocate Shanti Das. Together, they dive into Shanti’s extraordinary journey from her high-powered music executive days to her life-changing pivot into mental health advocacy following personal trauma and loss. The conversation focuses on breaking the silence and stigma around mental health, particularly in the Black community, and offers honest reflections on overcoming shame, the importance of faith, and embracing healing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Shanti’s Music Industry Legacy (00:39–08:00)

• Early Career:

  • Shanti recounts her Atlanta roots and ascent through major record labels (Capitol, LaFace, Sony, Universal Motown).
  • Mentions working with OutKast, Usher, Toni Braxton, and Prince.
  • Notable moment: She was present at the 1995 Source Awards for Andre 3000's iconic “the South got something to say” speech.

• Quote:

  “First record I ever worked was Outkast ‘Players Ball.’”
  – Shanti, 04:16

• Working With OutKast:

  • Describes OutKast’s innate creativity, noting they always had their own style and vision, challenging the industry’s norms.
  • “They knew who they were, and we just kind of came in to enhance their brilliance and their greatness.” (05:10)

• On Usher's Brilliance:

  “Even then we knew that Usher had the it factor. He’s one of the hardest working artists I’ve ever met.”
  (07:28)

The Origin of "Silence the Shame" (08:16–17:28)

• Personal Trauma:

  • Shanti shares that her father died by suicide when she was seven months old. For years, her family never openly discussed it.
  • Her sister broke the stigma by starting therapy in college—a rarity in the '80s/'90s Black community.
  • Shanti’s own struggles with depression culminate in a crisis moment in 2015, leading her to almost take her own life.

• Turning Point:

  “I almost took my own life in September of 2015… I just needed that pain to go away. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop.”
  (15:54)

  • Intervention from a friend and timely support from her sister and pastor led her to seek professional help and begin antidepressants.

• Birth of #SilenceTheShame:

  • What started as a hashtag became a movement and nonprofit dedicated to mental health education and support.
  • “I was talking about these issues in 2015, before a lot of people in our community were comfortable with opening up.” (17:29)

Healing and Grief (17:56–22:09)

• Ongoing Healing:

  • Shanti recounts losing her sister (2019) and mother (2022), processing profound grief through faith, therapy, and supporting others.
  • Emphasizes the cyclical and non-linear nature of healing.

• Faith and Community:

  “I live my life one day at a time now, Crystal. Life, be life. And as we say…it’s just trying to be more present for my friends, for my family members…”
  (21:10)

The Power and Purpose of Service (31:09–33:37)

• Roots of Service:
  • Inspired by her mother’s example of community giving.
  • Organized burials in Detroit for unclaimed bodies, signifying her pivot from music to serving and uplifting others.
  • “It was the first time, I think, I listened to God saying, like, I have bigger plans for you.” (32:38)

Mental Health & the Black Community, Especially Black Men (33:47–42:11)

• Therapy and the Pandemic:

  • The pandemic forced everyone to face mental health head-on, with isolation amplifying underlying issues.
  • Shanti leveraged digital platforms to host open discussions with celebrities about mental wellness.

• Men and Vulnerability:

  • Increasing numbers of Black male artists (e.g., Jeezy, Jay Z, Kendrick Lamar) openly advocate for therapy.
  • “Black men, I think, have been taught for years…to suppress their feelings. That they're weak if they show signs of vulnerability…that can be the farthest thing from the truth.” (39:33)
  • Highlights programs like Dr. King J. Barnett & Lamon Rucker’s “Just Heal, Bro” tour.

Breaking the Cycle of Shame (24:24–30:59)

• Stigma and Shame:

  • Shanti explains how shame prevented her from seeking help, even among friends and peers.
  • “There is so much shame and stigma around mental health and mental illness in this country that it can be smothering at times.” (24:39)

• Message to Listeners:

  “I want people to know that hope is alive and that healing is always possible. And you get yourself some good friends around you, some good accountability partners, some faith friends and spiritual leaders, and just mind your own business and focus one day at a time.”
  (29:55)

Transparency and Self-Care Tools (22:55–24:21; 23:20–24:00)

• Daily Routines:
  • Shanti underscores the practice of starting her day with gratitude and prayer, limiting negative social media exposure, and emphasizing self-encouragement.
  • “I try to take again my mornings to be grateful and to be at one with God and to find my encouragement there first before I go out into the world.” (23:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Legacy:

  “I just want people to always know that I care… I want people to see me, and I want people to know I see them, and I’m there to support them.”
  (42:40)

• On Mindfulness and Enoughness:

  “As long as we know that we are enough in this crazy, crazy world, we’ll be okay.”
  (45:30)

• On Seeking Help:

  “We were born connected to our mother’s umbilical cord. So humans were meant to be connected… Allow your tribe to love on you… Those are your accountability partners and people that are going to help you through those really tough times in your life.”
  (49:36)

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Listener Letter: Positive Outcomes Segment (45:53–52:20)

• A letter from a 26-year-old listener coping with depression, anxiety, faith struggles, and a history of sexual abuse.
• Advice from Crystal & Shanti:
  • Seek specialized therapy, especially with someone experienced in sexual trauma.
  • Build a team: therapist, spiritual advisor, supportive friends (“starting five” accountability partners).
  • Celebrate progress (like getting her own apartment), and know healing is a journey.
  • Faith and spiritual community can be a source of support but should be complemented by professional help.

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What They’re Growing & Going Through (52:41–56:40)

• Crystal:

  • Emphasizes her ongoing evolution through therapy and personal insight, learning to process childhood trauma and triggers.

• Shanti:

  • Still grieving her sister and mother but working to draw strength from their memory, therapy, and honoring their legacy.

---

Episode Conclusion & Affirmations

• Affirmation Exercise:

  “I am love. I am peace. I am joy. I am everything I need to be. I am enough.”
  (45:16-45:30)

• Key Takeaways:

  • Heal openly and without shame.
  • Let faith and service be your anchor.
  • You are not alone and you are enough.

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Important Timestamps

• 00:39–08:00: Shanti’s music career, working with legendary artists.
• 08:16–17:28: Her father’s suicide and her own mental health struggles.
• 14:48: Loss of her best friend to suicide and personal crisis.
• 17:28: Birth of Silence the Shame movement.
• 21:10: Grieving her sister and mother; role of faith.
• 31:09: Shifting to a life of service and nonprofit work.
• 33:47–42:11: Black community, therapy, men’s vulnerability, pandemic’s impact.
• 24:24–30:59: Experiencing and overcoming shame and stigma.
• 45:53: Listener letter on overcoming trauma and finding support.
• 52:41: “What I’m going/growing through” segment.
• 45:16, 45:26: Affirmation mantra.

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Final Messages

• Shanti:

  • Visit silencetheshame.com for mental health resources.
  • Follow @shantidas404 and keep an eye out for the Silence the Shame app.
  • “It’s okay not to be okay.”

• Crystal:

  • “When you’re real with yourself, you understand where you need help… Keep it real, sweetie!” (56:40–57:01)

• Closing Affirmation:

  • “We are enough.” (60:14)

---

Summary

This intimate conversation is a beacon for anyone struggling with mental health, loss, or self-doubt. Shanti Das’s vulnerability and advocacy offer hope, reassuring listeners that healing is possible, faith and therapy can coexist, and that no one has to walk the path alone. The episode stands as both a testimonial and a call to action for self-love, transparency, and collective support—reminding us, always, to keep it positive, sweetie.

Transcript

[A]

Trigger Warning. This episode contains content about suicide. If you or a loved one are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or message the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. Both programs are free and provide confidential support 24 7. Hi, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. I'm Krystal Renee Hayslett, and today I am talking about Silencing the Shame with Ashanti Das. Hi. Hi. How are you doing?

[B]

I can't believe I'm sitting on your couch. I'm so proud of you. I'm like. It's weird for me to, like, think of you, like, as this, like, media personality actress, and I just know you from, like, back in the day in Atlanta. And just to see where God has moved in your life. And it's an honor to be sitting on your couch, but I'm so proud of you.

[A]

No, thank you so much. And when we were going through a list of people and I was like, we have to have Shaunti Das on. So when I called you and you were like, absolutely. I was like, she said, yes. So thank you.

[B]

I hadn't seen you since I last left.

[A]

I know. Which was lovely. Yes. We gotta do that again.

[B]

Yes, we do.

[A]

Yes. When I think of you, I think of. I don't look like what I've been through. You've been through so much, and a.

[B]

Lot of people don't have a cry on the show. Somebody need a tissue today?

[A]

Yeah, we have tissue somewhere. We'll grab it if we need it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But a lot of people don't know that you started in the music industry. Like, that's when I met you. You work in the music industry and you are a mental health advocate. You are a CEO and founder of Silence of Shame and you have your own podcast called mebo. The Mebo Show. Yes. Amazing. So make sure you guys check that out. You did 25 years. You had 10 years at Capitol Records, LaFace Records, Columbia Records, Sony Urban Music and Universal Motown. Wow.

[B]

Long time.

[A]

That's. You gave a lot of your life to the industry.

[B]

I did.

[A]

Wow. I remember in 2009, I moved here and I worked at the front desk of Devon Stevens office.

[B]

That's when I met you. Because that's when I was really Just come back to Atlanta.

[A]

Yep, exactly. Yeah. And it was. I always saw you. You were always. Everybody came to you. It was like, yeah. And I was like, it's something special about her. But I never knew all the things you had done until later on. I was like, oh, my goodness.

[B]

Yeah. It's been a real journey. You know, I'm an Atlanta native, so I grew up here. And to come back and be able to work in the entertainment industry and help to really launch the music scene was a real pleasure and honor. A little surreal.

[A]

I can imagine.

[B]

Cause I went to Syracuse University.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Way up north, most of my friends, you know, kind of stayed down, but I just wanted to get away, do something different. And when I was at Syracuse, I started, like, dabbling in radio. I had a radio show, Graveyard Shift Girl.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

In the morning. Yeah. And I was assistant promotions director. And then when I came back to Atlanta, the summer of my sophomore year, I got my first internship at Capitol Records.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I was working in industry in college, going to Jack the Rapper and all the conventions.

[A]

What? Yeah.

[B]

So I did that for two summers and then graduated in 1993. You can call me Auntie Shanti. Yes. I'm 52 and proud of it and look good.

[A]

Thank you. Yes.

[B]

But I came back and worked at Tony Music for free as an intern, which, you know, if y' all are listening, any up and coming folks want to work in music, sometimes it's okay to work for free, to get your foot in the door. And so then after that, because I tell people also, it's important to keep good relationships.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right. You don't have to like everybody you work with, but try to stay positive and keep the door open. Right. If you need to come back and call on somebody. So the guy that. The gentleman, Mr. Keith Fry, who was my mentor, he started consulting with LaFace. And La Reid was like, yo, we're looking for a promotions director. We need some help. And got the job. $30,000 right out of college. You couldn't tell me nothing.

[A]

Nothing. I know, that's right. And working with greats like L A Reid.

[B]

First record I ever worked was Outcast Play Players Ball. First record.

[A]

Did you even understand how big and monumental.

[B]

I do remember it was on the Christmas album. Wow. So, you know, we had a lot of songs, a lot of artists. TLC and Toni Braxton was on the Christmas album. And this song started, like, getting a lot of good feedback from DJs. And LA was like. And, you know, Dungeon Family, Rico, they were like, we should just make this the first single.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And that's kind of how it all kicked off.

[A]

That's how it kicked off. And you worked with outkast?

[B]

I did. I worked with them on all of their albums. I did the marketing. Well, the promotions initially, then the marketing for the first four albums.

[A]

I have to ask you because I am a huge outkast fan. Yes. Love Andre. I mean, I love Big Boy and Andre, but Andre just has a piece of my heart. He is just incredible.

[B]

Yeah, they both.

[A]

What was it like working with them, too?

[B]

Like, my thing initially, they were just little teenagers that used to get on my last nerve on the come, knock on my door after we get back from promo runs, and I'm like, y' all need to go to bed. So they were just, you know, regular teenagers. But I will say they were hard workers, incredibly creative. You know, a lot of times when you think of the music industry and back in the day, you think of label executives having to, like, give the artist a direction or a sense of self or person's sense of style. You understand, styling. But no, it wasn't like that with them. They knew what they wanted to do. They knew who they were, and we just kind of came in to enhance their brilliance and their greatness, along with the Dungeon family. And so that's what I loved about them. You know, one of the. I think your favorite. One of your favorite albums is Equini, right? Yes, I think I read that. And so what I loved about Equini was it was a real combination of the two of them. So Equini stood for Aquarius and Gemini, and that made the word equivalent. So, you know, Big Boy being the player and Andre being the poet, and it was just like a perfect combination. Right. It was a perfect storm for a hip hop group. And it was just amazing. And I was there the night in 1995. You know, we're celebrating Hip Hop 50.

[A]

Yes, we are.

[B]

Iconic moments in hip hop. And that night at the Source Awards was when Dre gave that infamous speech. The south got something to say. And it was. It was myself, their manager, Blue Williams there, and I was the only girl repping with them that night.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And to date, that picture of us, the three of us, is circulated a gazillion times on social media. And I have to pinch myself sometimes to say I was right there with them.

[A]

You were right there in the middle of history.

[B]

But they did all the Hole in the Wall clubs. They had to deal with a lot of criticism from people saying, oh, they're country. We don't like this music.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They weren't always accepted, nor was Southern hip hop.

[A]

True.

[B]

But, you know, they put the work in, and we did what we had to do to make them, you know, household names.

[A]

Yes. I love that. Oh, my goodness. Speaking of artist, you work. You also worked with Usher, Toni Braxton, and Usher.

[B]

Boy, is he on fire.

[A]

On fire. I still have not gotten to Vegas to see him.

[B]

I know you gotta go.

[A]

I am.

[B]

It's such a good show.

[A]

I am. Yeah. I saw that you went. I did. And he shouted you out. I did.

[B]

And that was a total surprise. But I was there when we signed him. He was like, 15.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very early on, doing all his promo and getting to see his brilliance. Even then we knew that Usher had the it factor. He's one of the hardest working artists I've ever met.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

He always knew, like, what he wanted. Like, he always believed in going hard. Like, no was never an answer for him. He would just figure out a way to.

[A]

Yes. Wow.

[B]

Even, like, he was very involved in the promo, ideas, what he wore, how he wanted to look, just everything. Very involved. So it's no surprise to me that he'd be doing the Super Bowl. Now it's his time.

[A]

Are you gonna go?

[B]

I don't know. You know, I don't want to ask somebody for tickets and that sort of thing. If I get, you know, opportunity to find a ticket that is reasonable, yes. If not, I will be cheering on from the sidelines of my house, watching it on tv. But I'm so very proud of him and his team.

[A]

I love that. I love that you released a book in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic, silencing my shame. And you have built this whole brand around merging the culture and therapy and mental health. What was it that made you say I needed to bridge this gap?

[B]

That's a great question. Can I take you back a little bit?

[A]

Please? Yes.

[B]

So a lot of people don't know that my dad died by suicide when I was seven months old, and that was hard. By the time I got to be, say, 4 or 5 years old and really understood that my father was deceased and he wasn't coming back, I was really angry. And, you know, when you go through the grief process, there are a lot of emotions, right?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Anger is definitely one of the stages of grief. And so then you add suicide on top of that. It was embarrassing. And so it's interesting, my late sister, we used to talk about how when friends would ask us where our dad was, we'd be like, oh, he died. He had a heart attack, or he had this, or anything other than suicide. And so my mom never went to counseling, never went to therapy, which we know has been an issue sometimes for us in the black community is. We don't deal with those type of traumas and issues head on when they happen.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So fast forward. We all kind of dealt with it on our own. And it was my sister, Anjali Maria Das Arnold, who broke the cycle and put herself into therapy in college.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

This is like the late 80s, early.

[A]

90S, when it wasn't even, like, popular.

[B]

No. Nobody was really talking about it. So fast forward. I. After I left LaFace and moved up to New York City, it was the first time I was working in a more corporate environment and one of the larger labels there. And I was in a kind of a toxic environment at the time. My boss was yelling and cursing all the time, and I just wasn't used to that. And so once I started dealing with adversity in the workplace, I didn't know how to deal with my emotional side of things. And so it started bringing back a lot of the feelings of my dad and different things. And so that was the first time I had ever said, maybe I should just kill myself.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That was in 2000. So that was 23 years ago. And it scared me because I knew that there was something in the back of my head that always said, well, when the going got tough, would that be something I would consider?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So I went to therapy for the first time in my early 30s and went for about three or four months, and it was okay. And I kind of jumped back into my work. I think it was my ego. I was like, I'm okay. I don't really need to see a therapist that long. So I just started doing what I did best.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had some amazing times in New York doing the marketing for Prince for his Musicology album, which was amazing. I literally was on tour at Prince. I have to, like, pinch myself.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So, you know, on tour at Prince was really amazing. So I had some good times in New York, but then I think I was still not dealing with my emotions properly like I should have. And so you know how now in the workplace there are resources around mental health, or you could talk to the HR department. I didn't do any of that or really didn't know about any of those resources. So I was internalizing a lot of my stress. So by the time I had gotten to Universal Motown Girl, I was making almost a half a million dollars a year. Corner office, Range Rover, all the stuff that we think we need and want, but still not addressing my health concerns.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I say health concerns because sometimes people put mental health in a box. It's still our health. We have mental health and we have physical health. Right. And so long story short, I was taking naps at like one o' clock in the middle of the day. That's not like me now, you know me and my work ethic.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta go getter.

[B]

Type A personality, go getter. So when I started noticing that, I was like, things just aren't really right. And so I remember one day I was in a taxi going to a meeting, riding uptown in New York City, and my whole right side went like. I couldn't feel my hands, my arms, my legs. So it scared me to death. Started taking all these tests, went to the doctor and had all these like CT scans and MRIs done. And I got diagnosed with what was called cervical spinal stenosis. And it's a, it's directly related to the stress in your body. And my sister was like, this ain't it. You need to rethink what's going on. And I thought I had to have surgery on my spine and my back. And so shout out to Sylvia Roan, who love you, Sylvia, who was my boss at the time. And she was like, well, let's figure it out if you need to do surgery. But my sister was like, you're killing yourself. Like you're just not healthy. And so I made the tough decision and I walked away and came back home. And that's when I met you in like probably late 2009, early 2010. And then I came back home and started doing a lot of community service work work because of course I was depressed from walking away from a huge career because I probably could have kept going and maybe would have become general manager of a label or president or managed artist or whatever. So it was. Can you imagine what it was like walking away from something you had done your whole life and worked so hard for? But I started doing a lot of community work in Atlanta, feeding the homeless, working with the United Way. God was just moving me to do something different. And who knew that he would set me up, you know, for the greatest assignment that I'd ever had. But it didn't come without difficulties. So the first few years I was home, I started doing some consulting, started consulting with Divine Stevens at Upfront Entertainment. I started working with Johnny Gill and Kelly Price and I started ATL Live on the park.

[A]

I used to go to that. Yeah, it was like the hottest show, so much fun.

[B]

So that was good. We had a 10 year run. But again, I'm doing, I'm just doing, I'm going, I'M going, I'm doing, but I'm not looking internal.

[A]

He never stopped.

[B]

I never stopped to look within. So 2014 came, and I remember I was going on vacation to visit a family friend in Switzerland, and I was about to board the plane, and my best friend had called me, and she said, hey, have you gotten on the plane yet? And I said, no, what's going on? She said, oh, my gosh, it's the worst day of my life. And I said, okay, hold on. Let's figure it out. I know she was dealing with some physical health issues, which caused some mental health issues. And so I talked to her for about 20 minutes, and I said, while I'm on the plane, I'm gonna have you text my sister so we can try to find you a new therapist. And I'm gonna also try to find you another medical doctor to help with the situation we're dealing with. Long story short, I land, drop my bags, go to lunch with my bonus sister over there, and got a call that she had shot herself.

[A]

What?

[B]

When I tell you that that was one of the worst days of my life. I had to immediately find a flight back to America. By the time I got back and got to Grady, she was on life support, and she passed. And so that year was a really dark year for me. Even though I was still working, I was so depressed and trying to figure out, like, going back to retrace that phone call.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What did I miss? So I was kind of blaming myself, which I know we're not supposed to, but we're human. And so I just blame myself, and that sent me in a downward spiral. And it's funny, I tell this story all the time because I speak all around the world now, sharing my story, trying to be vulnerable and help others. But I almost took my own life in September of 2015. I had gotten to a point where between my best friend's suicide, my father's suicide, walking away from my career, and I'm pretty. I'm an open book. I mean, I have gone from having a lot of money to no money. I walked away from it all.

[A]

You did.

[B]

And so that nest egg went away. And you know how when you consult with artists, some months are better than others? So I almost lost my home twice. And I was like, okay. God, I don't know what else to do. I think I'm done. I have done all that I think I could do here. I've worked with some of the best artists, and more importantly, I just needed that pain to go away. Crystal I didn't want to die.

[A]

Right. I just wanted the pain to stop.

[B]

But I didn't know what else to do. And so I counted up all the pills in my cabinet, and I knew that had I stayed in my house that night, I was going to take them. And so I got out and just started driving around town. And God makes no mistakes. He placed one of my friends in my pathway that night, way on the other side of town. I'm like, you ain't even. What are you doing on this side of town? But she knew something wasn't right. I was trying to make a joke of it, but she was like, what's going on? Something's not right. And so I called my sister, who was living in Charlotte at the time, and she convinced me to call the National Suicide Prevention lifeline, which is 1-800-273-TALK. But now you can call 988 if you're in crisis. And then I texted my pastor, Dr. Warnock, who is now Senator Warner.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Because I'm a member, Ebenezer. And he was like, you gotta go to the doctor. He said, I'll pray with you, but.

[A]

You need to go to the doctor.

[B]

You need some help.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I got the help that I needed, went to see a psychiatrist, and started on my antidepressants. First time I was ever on antidepressants. And it helped. And so I came up with the hashtag silenceoham. And that's how it really all started, just as a hashtag from. And I know I probably went a long way around.

[A]

No, they never.

[B]

I wanted everybody to know, like, this is a journey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It wasn't like me jumping on a bandwagon or trying to do something. I mean, I was talking about these issues in 2015, before a lot of people in our community were comfortable with opening up, you know, to share, at least people in the music space. Right. In our circle.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

So then it turned into a nonprofit, and we've been hopefully saving lives ever since.

[A]

Wow. What was that healing process like for you when you finally said, okay, I'm gonna go get help?

[B]

It was emotional because, again, I was dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma about my dad and thinking something was wrong with me anyway, even though I was this high achiever. And so it was a lot of, like, you know, late nights and tearful nights, but it was a sense of relief. And I was like, goodness, you know, is this what I should have done or we, as a family should have done years ago? And again, I have to credit my sister and thank her for just always pushing me to be my best self and to get the help that we need. Like anybody that has. Y' all got sisters out there. Hold on to them. Yes, they are the best thing ever. And it was just really tough. But then as things were going great with Silence to Shame, you know, so we started our first, probably PSA in 2016.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we started doing a lot of, like, community work with organizations like Jack and Jill of America and other groups. And then in 2019, I felt like my world stopped. My sister passed away.

[A]

Yeah, we talked. Yeah.

[B]

Unexpectedly from a blood clot, and she had gone back to get her degree in counseling.

[A]

Wow. She was really passionate.

[B]

She was very passionate because we also have another family member that suffers. And. And so she was dedicated. And so we were going to be like, these warriors in mental health together. And she was about to start her own practice. And so that you talk about the healing process, I thought I was doing so good, but then when that happened, that was a real setback for me. And there were times, if anyone has ever lost anybody close to them, it was the worst day of my life. And there were times where I felt like I couldn't even feel my. Like, it was almost as if, like, my chest was caving in. And so it set me back so much, and I was trying not to become deeply depressed again. And I finally, like, maybe five months in, went to grief counseling. It was an organization called griefshare.org which was kind of from a Christian perspective. So it really helped me a lot because I leaned heavily on my faith, even though I had a lot of questions about why it had happened. And so I knew that I started this powerful movement, and I couldn't give up, but I still had. It was almost like starting the healing process over again. And then I also had become my mom's sole caregiver because my mother had Alzheimer's, and I just lost her in 2022. So it's been a lot. Yes, it's been a lot. But I'm still here, and I serve a really good God, and every day I thank him for his grace, mercy, and favor over my life, because I know every day is not gonna be a good day. But I'm equipped with the tools between Silence of Shame and all the resources that we have. And then everything that I've learned as a child of God, knowing that he's going to take care of us, either way, he's going to see us through the storm or he's going to be with us on those great days and allow us to bask in all the blessings of his glory.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I live my life one day at a time now, Crystal. Life, be life. And as we say, and, you know, as I get older and start dealing with more, just different things in life, I just try to be more present for my friends, for my family members, you know, trying to be more present, you know, as a leader, you know, running this nonprofit and just, you know, try to help share and heal. There's so much darkness in the world. That's what I love about you and I love about this show and you. The name of it being Keep it Positive. Because there's so many people dealing with a lot of negative things out there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Whether it's from a gossip perspective or hating on other cultures and different things that we're experiencing, the world needs more. Keep it positive.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The world needs more light. And I just want to be a light in health and culture and just try to help people be their best selves, mentally and physically.

[A]

Yeah. I love that.

[B]

And I feel like it really is an assignment from God, because he. He'll take you way down in the valley, but if you trust him, he'll pull you back up in ways that you could have never imagined. And I feel like I'm on my way back up from the valley.

[A]

That is so good. You spoke about leaning on your faith, and I think a lot of times Christians, we feel like we don't need there because we have God, you know, like, I'm good, I'm good, but it's okay to lean on your faith and still have questions, like you said. And I'm happy that people are now leaning into knowing, though, having the awareness to get help, you know? And I love how everything you've been through, I still see the light on you. How you can still say, God's bringing me out of this and still speak positively, because so many people get stuck in that dark place, and it's really hard to dig yourself out of it.

[B]

It is. And it's easy to, like, fall back into the trap. That's why, like, even for me, like, my mornings, I try to start my mornings from a place of gratitude. Excuse me. I try to start my mornings from a place of gratitude. And I have some prayers that I watch on YouTube, but then I might get on Instagram and I'll scroll for a minute. I'm like, you know what? Let me put this over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it's easy to get caught up in the cycles, and then you get down on yourself and then you're looking at somebody else's feed going, well, why don't I have this? Or why didn't I get invited to that? Or, you know, being a young black female entrepreneur and just a person in society now, we're constantly comparing ourselves to others. And so I have to feed my own soul and my own spirit. And, you know, it's important for us as humans to have accountability partners, but we also have to encourage ourselves.

[A]

We do.

[B]

And so I try to take again my mornings to be grateful and to be at one with God and to find my encouragement there first before I go out into the world.

[A]

You have to, because this world is crazy. If you don't go out armored. Listen, you are going to get banged up.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That is so true.

[B]

You got to have your own protection and ways of support and know that, you know what, at the end of the day, like, I feel like I know my father, my earthly father passed away, but I still have a dad. God is my father.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

And he protects me at all costs.

[A]

Yeah, that's so good. As you were going through your depression and suicidal thoughts, at what point did those feelings become shame and what could you tell other people? I know other people feel the shame as well. I felt it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What would you tell somebody else who may be feeling that way?

[B]

That's a heavy question. You know, as I was dealing with my depression and my anxiety and contemplating suicide, I was embarrassed and ashamed to see a crystal Renee or to see a big boy or to my brother didn't even know. My blood brother didn't even know I was contemplating suicide. There is so much shame and stigma around mental health and mental illness in this country that it can be smothering at times. And so it was my own ego and my own shame that kept me from really talking a lot about it and getting the help a lot sooner. Maybe had I silenced my own shame back then and gotten the help sooner, I would not have gotten to the point where I seriously contemplated taking my own life. But I didn't want to walk up in an event and have somebody say, like, oh, my God, Shanti's crazy, or Right.

[A]

Because that's what people would think.

[B]

Yeah, of course. And I'm sure people think it all the time. I remember the first time, it was maybe in 2017 or 2018. I had gotten into the Jay Z brunch, Roc Nation brunch. And it was the first time I had been around my peers, you know, since everything had happened.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And even then I was a little nervous and, you know, I didn't have. I'm gonna get emotional. I don't know why, but people don't. It was hard. It was hard going from being on top to being at the lowest point in your life and having so much complete shame about feelings that are natural and normal. If we would normalize feelings in this country, we wouldn't have the shame and stigma. But, you know, working in an industry like the entertainment industry, and, you know, it's very aspirational and everybody's always in their Sunday best outfit and, you know, all that stuff. But I remember being at the Roc Nation brunch feeling less than and feeling like I didn't belong. And it was my.

[A]

But you helped build that.

[B]

Oh, I know. But again, it's just. It was a low point for me. And even walking in then, having overcome a lot of that, people still weren't talking about mental health. This was pre pandemic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so it was my friend John Platt who helped me get in, who's been a complete blessing in my life. He's a chairman and CEO of Sony Music Publishing. But we go way back. He still saw me and I appreciated that for him seeing me, but I had so much shame and embarrassment. I didn't want Jay Z and Beyonce and all them to know that here I am. Shaunti Das, who was number two under Sylvia Rohn, had worked for Donnie Ayner, had worked for Prince, had worked for L A Reid, was, you know, what they call crazy. I don't think the word crazy should be used at all. And I don't think I was crazy. I just don't think I was able to control my thoughts and emotions and I just needed some help.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Which now everybody talks about now. But I went through a lot of personal shame and again, shame within my own family. I opened up to my sister, but very few people in my family really knew what I was going through and knew the story until it started coming out. Because, you know, again, you know, we don't do a good job of giving people enough grace. We don't in this world. And let me tell y' all something. As my momma used to say, keep on living and you will go through things in life.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Well, you wish that you had the grace or that you could bestow grace upon people who need it. Everybody is going through something. We wear these masks on social media. We hide behind these people posts and however many amount of characters when all of us are going through something and if we would just hold on a minute and try to lead with a little bit more empathy and less sympathy. I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I just need you to understand that my life took a turn and it was tough, but through the grace of God, I got back up on my feet to do something even greater than I thought I ever could. And I even working in the entertainment industry sometimes, I used to think professing my love for Christ and for the Lord was corny. Nobody really talked about God. Still don't in the business that much. And I know it's like church and state sometimes with business and any company. Right. But it was until I went through and hit rock bottom that I was like, never will I ever. My husband say, never have you ever. Never will I ever not say how much I love the Lord same and how much he has gotten me through.

[A]

I'm with you. Yes.

[B]

And so it is me flipping that right. And silencing my shame, leading with grace and bestowing grace upon people who even have maybe, you know, turned their head to me, you know, or not returned a phone call when I was in the valley. And I try to lead by grace and create safe spaces for people to be able to open up and be vulnerable. More importantly, to heal.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I want people to know that hope is alive and that healing is always possible. And you get yourself some good friends around you, some good accountability partners, some faith friends and spiritual leaders, and just mind your own business and focus one day at a time.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so that's how I was able to silence my shame and to just not worry about what the Joneses were saying and trying to keep up with everybody. I just keep up with Shanti Doss. That's enough. She got enough going on, good, bad, and ugly. So if I focus on me in my life, you know, I'm okay now.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Now I can walk into those rooms and I know that I shouldn't have held my head low, but I'm human.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I walk into the rooms now with my. My head held high.

[A]

You do.

[B]

Whether I have 5. $5 in my bank account or a thousand dollars, it doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, none of that matters. At the end of the day, we can't take any of it with us.

[A]

No, we can't.

[B]

So it's about how you treat people while you're here. And so I am letting God and grace lead me, and that's enough for me.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

That's why I feel like I'm enough Now.

[A]

Yes, you are. You are. So I guess what inspired the shift was really you going through your own.

[B]

It was. Yeah, the shift was definitely from. Or the shift or pivot, whatever you want to call it, was going through my own troubles. Right. And my trials and tribulations. And I always knew that I had a heart for giving, because growing up, my mom, when we would go to church and we would drive downtown and we would see men living under the bridge, and my mom would literally cook for them.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And we would pack meals.

[A]

So you saw that growing up.

[B]

I'm like, you really bringing dinner? Like, she was like, yeah. And so my mom had a really good heart. Like, you know how you have different family members? Like, I got my faith and my. My love of giving. Right. And community from my mother. And so, like I mentioned when I first met you, I started doing so much community service work. Like, even right when I left Motown, I read about the city of Detroit. Shout out to Detroit.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't really have any connections there, but the city had lost funding, and there were bodies buried in the morgue. People couldn't bury their families for, like, months because families just couldn't afford it. So the last thing I did before I left New York was I raised, like, almost $40,000 or $30,000, and we buried 30 people, just complete strangers in New York.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

And I didn't want nothing from it. I just wanted to give some dignity back, you know, to some of these families. And that just struck a nerve in me. And it was the first time, I think I listened to God saying, like, I. Bigger plans for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, the music was one thing, but he placed me over here so that I could really. Could be a servant leader. And that's when I started understanding what servant leadership was and what it was to, like, really, like, put others before myself and to try to give back. And so I love that God gave me a heart of service. That's a beautiful thing.

[A]

That word keeps coming up in episodes when I talk to people. Yes. Service. Serving. Yeah. When people ask, like, well, how did you get. They always say, my service and honoring what God has given me.

[B]

You have to do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What is it? What's the saying? Too much given much priority.

[A]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[B]

It's what I love now. And. And so that pivot and that shift was something that was natural, which I didn't even realize at the time that God will have me in this place now running a nonprofit and being a voice, I would like to think of A critical voice in the community as it relates to wellness for our community.

[A]

Yes, for sure. I noticed that during the pandemic is when our culture really started getting into therapy. What do you think that shift was?

[B]

Well, you know, I tell people the pandemic was the first time, I think that we all realized we had mental health because people be like, oh, yeah, mental health. That thing. That thing called mental health. I'm like, child, we all got mental health. We may not all have mental illness. And so mental health is how you think, how you act and how you feel. Right. It's the ability to get up and have the wherewithal to go about our day. Right. And so in the pandemic, it was like, whoa, what's going on? We can't go outside. We can't go to work. Some people are losing money, jobs, you losing a sense of family and community. You couldn't go to weddings or funerals. Can you imagine not being able to go to a funeral of your loved one?

[A]

No.

[B]

Or not even be able to have a service. Right. So it stripped that dignity from us. And the isolation more than anything else. I think it allowed us to have to sit and deal with our feelings.

[A]

I said that, too. Yeah.

[B]

You got people that are in domestic abuse situations, toxic households and families. Aside from the loving families, it's a lot of people that are in tough situations in their home life. And so people were stressed out beyond belief.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then you think about a lot of people that thrive, like being in the. In the space and presence of others, like, you might like to be around people. So you might be a bartender, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or in your industry. Right. Working on movie sets. All of that was stripped away.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I think it was an extremely scary time. So especially for creatives and people like us, girl, we had to sit and be all up in our feelings, as they say, more than we want it to be. And people weren't really. They didn't understand or were equipped with some of the tools of how to cope. So that first year, 2020, was tough on everybody.

[A]

It's so tough.

[B]

And that's why I started. I started interviewing celebrities. I started my own little IG Live show called yeah, Wellness. And I interviewed everybody from Chuck D to Common to Tisha Campbell. All different folks, Swiss beats about mental health. And, you know, Dee Nice. Shout out to Dee Nice.

[A]

Love you, Dee. He got us through a lot.

[B]

He got us through a lot. That saying last night a DJ saved my life could have never rang truer. More true.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But Everybody was dealing with their feelings, I think, for the first time, because I think a lot of times in our community and beyond, we try to compartmentalize our feelings and we're like, okay, let me place this over here, put this in my pocket and I'll deal with it later. We couldn't really do that as much in the pandemic. And then you add what we experience in terms of racial trauma as a culture. And we saw, you know, what happened with George Floyd, may he rest in peace and blessings and prayers of comfort to his family. We literally watched the brutality over and over again. Ahmaud Arbery, like so many different people. And so there was a lot of trauma on us as a people and as a nation. And so we didn't know how to get through one day to the other. And so the interesting thing is I thought that I wouldn't have a lot to do during the pandemic. And I was busier than I had ever been. I did more webinars and IG lives and talks, and God again set me up for that moment from a mental health perspective to be able to help heal our culture. And out of that, I was just so inspired. And my team was so grateful to people like Carrie Hilson, who spoke about her depression for the first time on a Silence Shoshone panel. And, you know, CeeLo Green and artists like Big Crit, who did a one on one with me talking about what he had experienced with substance abuse. And, you know, so many artists g herbo that I talked to. And I even did a talk with Saweetie, you know, during the pandemic, a lot of young and older artists. And it was. I was very humbled to be in that position, but very grateful to be able to assist the community. And so I feel like people felt like silencers. Shane was a safe place and I think still is a safe place because even just earlier this year in May, which is Mental Health Awareness Month, DJ Drama, who we all love, one of the hottest artists and mixtape DJs out there, he spoke publicly for the first time about his addiction and he's been sober for over a year now. And he waited to have that conversation with me. That's all. God.

[A]

Yep. Yeah, for sure.

[B]

You know, allowing me to. To be vulnerable and transparent and humbling myself so that I can put others first in all that they're dealing with. But I don't think I would have been able to do all of this again, going back to your question, had I not been in the Valley and gone through My own level of trauma and stress. And for people to see me coming out on the other side.

[A]

Yes, it's encouraging.

[B]

Yeah. And I still. I still have my moments, you know, I still struggle with the grief. I still struggle. Every blue moon, you know, there'll be, like, a fleeting moment of, am I supposed to still be here? What am I doing? And then I feel like that's just the devil and I have to block it out or I'll, you know, book a therapy session or travel. I love to travel, too, and that is what keeps me sane. But I love. I love. I love the work.

[A]

I love that you talked about, all the artists that you spoke with during the pandemic. And now I see a lot of art, especially rappers that are speaking out publicly about the importance of therapy. From Jeezy, he just came out with a book, and he spoke about how therapy has helped him, and he knew he needed it. Jay Z has talked about it. Kendrick Lamar, Andre has spoken out about it. So many artists and black men. What do you feel like it is about our black men in our community that is making them realize, I need to get some help?

[B]

That's a great question. And then, you know, shout out to Jeezy, Jay Z. Andre. Kendrick's whole album was pretty much like an old therapy. Literally, I loved, you know, black men, I think, have been taught for years, right. And centuries to suppress their feelings and that they always have to be the strong ones and that they're weak, you know, if they, you know, show signs of vulnerability. And that can be the farthest thing, you know, from the truth. And so I do think black men are now at a point having dealt with so much from racial inequality and police brutality that they're now finally getting this sense of, you know what? It's okay not to be okay. And those leaders that you mentioned in the culture and in the community coming out saying it's okay to open up, up and talk to someone. And then also, I have to credit, you know, our black women for giving the black men permission, you know, to be vulnerable within their own families.

[A]

We have to do that.

[B]

We have to do that. We gotta come together as a collective unit in family, you know? And I'm not saying, you know, that we dwell on the negativity, but you gotta allow the man and the woman each, you know, to deal with their own, you know, vulnerabilities and frustrations. Frustrations. And especially teach our young black boys that it's okay to be vulnerable because suicide rates in the last three years have been up for black youth 36%. And so we're just at a critical point in our country and in our nation, so that we allow and empower our black men to be able to tell their truths and tell their stories. I have to also applaud Dr. King J. Barnett, who is a former NFL player and is now a therapist, and my friend Lamont Rucker, who I'm sure.

[A]

Is one of your friends. Yes, Lamon. Yeah.

[B]

They have a tour called Just He'll Bro, and they go into major cities and host these intimate conversations for black men and black boys. And it's just such a beautiful thing to see that our black men are finally embracing all sides of their feelings. Right. And not suppressing any of it. And they're not, you know, using it as a sign of weakness. Right. They're actually looking at it as one of their superpowers. Right. And so I love that. And I think we're. We're seeing a lot of transformation in a positive way. And hopefully people in our communities, especially in athletes, our athletes and entertainers, will continue to use their voices for good and let people know that it's okay to have a vulnerable side. Right. And more importantly, to get the help that you need.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We don't want you to just open up those feelings and sit with them. Sit with them with a therapist. Right. Go sit on somebody's couch and get some help. And get some help.

[A]

Absolutely. Your life has so much purpose, Shaunti. And I'm just so grateful that you didn't let those urges get the best of you, because the world needs you. Like, seriously, with everything that you've been through, what do you want your legacy to be?

[B]

I just want people to always know that I care.

[A]

Yeah, I feel that I do every time.

[B]

Around you, I meet strangers all the time. Crystal. I just met a lady the other day. I'm running errands in the mall. And she was like, are you a lady from Stylish? And I said, yeah. She said, oh, my God, I've been following you for five years.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Since she was in graduate school and now she has her own practice. She was like, you were a big of. Part of why I wanted to start my practice. I was like, what? And I mean, and then I was in the airport and ran into another lady, literally six in the morning, waiting to get breakfast. I had, like, the morning look on my face. Tired. Try to pull it together. Same thing. Are you Shanti Todd? So she said, oh, my God, can I just hug you? And I was like, okay. And she was like, no, you don't understand. You helped my family so much.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

A couple years ago because they had a family. And I try to, you know, people will DM me, and I try to respond. We at Silence of Shane, we don't do direct services, but we try to push people to the resources. So if I can just continue to be a light. I thought I wanted my legacy to be Shanti Das the music executive, but I wanted to be Shanti Das the health advocate. Right. And just the human being. I want people to see me, and I want people to know I see them, and I'm there to support them.

[A]

Well, guess what? I see you. I do. And I'm so, so proud of you. And I'm glad that you made the pivot in the shift to do this, because you are making an incredible change on the world.

[B]

Thank you. It's all, again, God ordained. And now to be able to have my own personal thing with the Mebo show. I'm excited about that because that podcast focuses on mental and physical health. So, like, being able to talk to hip hop artist Eric Sermon about heart health.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which heart disease runs in my family. Diabetes runs in my family. You know, I really want to just continue putting out so much information so that we can be our best selves physically and mentally.

[A]

I love that, Shanti. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

I'm so proud of you.

[A]

Thank you so much. No, thank you.

[B]

We didn't get to talk about how much I love you and so proud of you.

[A]

Like, no, this is about you today. Like, seriously, like, I wanted to spread the word and let people know what you're doing because it's so impactful. It means a lot to me and to our community, and a lot of people don't know where they can go. So I wanted to make sure that if they had a question, we got some.

[B]

Come on. They can come to my website, www.silenceashame.com. we have a ton of free resources available, and we just want you to know that it's okay not being okay.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Can we repeat something that I love that I say when I do talks?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I am love.

[A]

I am love.

[B]

I am peace.

[A]

I am peace.

[B]

I am Joy. Joy.

[A]

I am Joy.

[B]

I am everything I need to be.

[A]

I am everything I need to be.

[B]

I, I am, am enough.

[A]

Oh, enough.

[B]

I love that as long as we know that we are enough in this crazy, crazy world, we'll be okay.

[A]

Yes. I love that.

[B]

Love you.

[A]

I love you. Thank you so much. We're going to get into. One of my favorite parts is when the listeners write into us. It's called positive outcomes, and we give them advice.

[B]

Oh, I saw some ideas. Yeah, I watched.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. And this one says, hello, crystal. I am 26 years old. Growing up, I've had many struggles with older men, and I've been sexually abused multiple times. Sometimes I really don't know where I am and what it is that I want. I often lose touch in my faith, and I get really depressed. My anxiety keeps me up at night. If I don't find a way to drain myself to sleep. I have nightmares most of the time that keep me from having good days. I've talked about my struggles with my family and friends. I just don't see the use because I keep getting back into this place. I would love to get out of this cycle, but I just don't believe that I can do it. The only person who really knows what battle I deal with is my partner, who is my biggest supporter. I often try pushing him away so that he doesn't have to suffer from my constant anxiety and depression. I can't see a way out of this. A couple times I've tried to end my life and just go away, but I am still here, and I do my best to find a purpose. I have no clue where to find it. I just got my own apartment, and that's a huge accomplishment. Can you please give me advice to strengthen my heart and mind? My goodness. First of all, thank you so much for writing in. I, too, as a. I just opened up about this in season one about me as a child having suicidal thoughts and never speaking about it publicly because, you know, in the black family, you just don't talk about certain things, you know, and what happens in the house stays in the house. So certain things just don't even talk about those thoughts.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

So I know what this is like. Ooh. I would say, first of all, being sexually abused multiple times, having issues with older men, that in itself is already absolutely, you know, creating a problem. That one you have to deal with at first. And for me, therapy has really helped. And that's what I would say. I would definitely say go to therapy and start unpacking a lot of this because you have someone who loves you and supports you. You don't want to push him away, but it starts internally. And until you seek the help and get it and really heal from these things, you're going to continue to push this person away.

[B]

And there are so many wonderful organizations out there that Help with victims that have been abused sexually. So I think you need to get someone who really understands the magnitude and the scope of what you've been through. Right. So get someone that is experienced in dealing with victims in that area. And I don't even like really using the word victim, so I probably would just say get someone who's experienced in that area. In that area. And the other thing too is when you're trying to find a therapist, I don't know if this listener is, you know, African American or another person of color or, you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

White or non Hispanic. Whoever you are, try to find a therapist that works for you. There are some really great organizations out there that ask a lot of questions. Like there's a website that I like called betterhelp.com and of course, you know, I'm not a doctor, so always consult with your physician before you try to find a therapist. But there's some great resources out there and betterhelp.com they ask you a ton of questions, which is why I like it. And so you can really find someone to understand the nuances of your experiences. I also think finding a really good if. If you are a person of faith, find a good spiritual based home.

[A]

Yep. She did say she often loses touching her face.

[B]

So she is partner. And that's hard. But I will say for me, when I was in the valley of it, I remember going to Ebenezer like every other Sunday or. And I'm one. I go to church. I'm one of them church girls. Pastor will tell you she come to church when I'm not traveling. But I say all that to say is it allowed me to be so vulnerable in church. And I remember going down to the altar for prayer calls and just crying uncontrollably. And that's when I really knew that. But the tears were good because I felt like it was those tears of a breakthrough and I had to let it out. And it was like a spiritual cleansing almost that I was letting myself get it all out so that I could really get to a point where I could trust God and listen to him and know what I needed. So finding yourself a good counselor and advocate from a physical abuse perspective is great. It's almost like you got to put your team together. You need a spiritual counselor, you need a regular therapist or psychiatrist. I don't push medications on people, but I myself personally had to care of take, take or I personally had to take antidepressants. So that worked for me. So talk to your doctor about that and see if you're a right candidate for that. But then also getting accountability partners. I love that you let your partner in, but I'm hoping that you have a couple of other family members or girlfriends or male friends that will give you the grace that you need to help you, because it is a lonely road of trying to heal on your own. And I tell people all the time, you know, we were born connected to our mother's umbilical cord. So humans were meant to be connected. We came into this world with a level of connectivity. And so allow your tribe and your. Your crew to love on you. You know, I call it my starting five. I say, who's in your starting five? Those are your accountability partners and people that are going to help you through those really tough times in your life. So my prayer is that you allow yourself and pray and ask God to help you pull this tribe around you and your accountability partners. And seeing the right doctors, it's not going to be easy. But with love and support and giving yourself the grace that you need to know that it's okay, that what you've been through. Right. It does not define you. It does not dictate what your future is going to be. And if you allow people in and open up and be a little bit vulnerable, it will allow you hopefully to get that help that you need.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even when you're in those darkest of places.

[A]

Yeah. That's so good. Yes. Definitely praying for you. And everything that Shanti said, I echo it because I know you have more expertise and guidance in that area. That was really good advice.

[B]

Yeah. I couldn't do it by myself. I needed my pastor, I needed my sister. I needed my girlfriends who told me that my life mattered, you know, and my doctors who told me, this is what you need.

[A]

Yeah, that's awesome. So we're gonna do next what I'm going through and what I'm growing through.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

Yes. And sometimes for some people, it's the same thing. What they're going through, they're growing at the same time. Because some people are like, well, what am I? They're trying to figure out which one to say. But for me, as pertains to what we talked about today, I am constantly going through a process of evolving my mental health. I got into therapy this year. Dinora helped me find an amazing therapist. Finally. I feel like somebody, like you said, like you just told the young lady, find somebody that speaks to you, that understands you in your needs. And for me, it was. I needed somebody who had been through Some things who could actually understand when I broke down everything that I had been through that could help me through it. So that right now I'm really just trying to evolve more, unpack more. I found myself opening up to Dinora yesterday about something that I talked about in therapy that I didn't realize had happened to me as a child. And just constantly learning new things and realizing, okay, this is another reason why I may be like this.

[B]

Do you find that something like triggered you at times, maybe taking you back to that point?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's how you know it's working.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Cuz you're starting to notice little things that can trigger things and you know, that's what you need to open up and talk a little bit more about.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you can kind of learn how to process it better.

[A]

Every time I'm triggered, then we'll. I'll tell her. And she goes, okay, this, let's figure out where this is really coming from. I'm like, that's right. My gosh, that's good though. Yeah, that's positive. Yeah. So that's what I'm going through and growing through.

[B]

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Thanks. What about you?

[B]

Oh, gosh. So I'm still going through the loss of my sister and my mother. I have some days that I can just go outside and have a wonderful day and go hang with friends. And then I have some days and it can be sunny and I don't want to open up my blinds. And that's when I realized I still have to seek therapy. I was seeing therapy, my therapist rather, for probably a good two years. And then I realized I hadn't seen her for about six months. And I'm now back in therapy.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

Because for some reason this year, my sister's birthday hit me really hard. And I talk about her constantly, all the time. And I try not to talk to my family so much about it because everybody has their own healing process. But for me, I'm still struggling. I mean, I lost my best friend.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

My big sister.

[A]

And she got it.

[B]

She got it. Everything in my life. And my mother, you know, is still mom, even though she had Alzheimer's. You know, it's funny, I feel triggered sometimes. Like I was at the store the other day and I saw a lady walking with her mom. Her mom was probably in her late 80s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Holding the door for her. But like, I would take my mom to get her nails done and you know, we had our things that we Did. And the holidays make it really tough for me. So, you know, I am still going through, and then growing through the fact that they are in a better place, that they love so much wonderful knowledge and instill so much in me that makes me the woman that I am today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like from a spiritual perspective, like how there's the Holy Spirit. Right. There's the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. There's my mom, there's sister, and there's me. And that makes it complete for me. So I try to every day pull from a little bit from my sister, a little bit from my mom, and stay true to who I am. And that makes me the complete woman that I am today. So I'm growing through the loss of them. I'm going through the loss of them, rather, and growing through just knowing that I still represent them.

[A]

You do. And I know they're proud of you.

[B]

And then I can keep their legacies going on, too.

[A]

That's amazing. So good. So we end the show with Keep it blank, sweetie. And I will say for this one, keep it real, sweetie. Cause when you're real with yourself, you understand where you need help. Because sometimes we can be in denial. So I'll say, keep it real, sweetie.

[B]

I was thinking about that, too. That's a good one. I would say keep it transparent, sweetie.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Because when you are not transparent with yourself and with your friends, you know, sometimes it causes us to again, go back to going back to compartmentalizing certain things and not dealing with things. But when you're transparent with yourself and the people that you love, you put it all out on the table.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

And you're able to deal with things and process things in an effective way, manner and get the help that you need. And that's what leads to, you know, getting help or seeing a therapist. But, you know, you gotta be real to your point. You gotta be real with yourself and transparent and know what your needs are.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Because if we keep trying to fight it, we'll never get the help that we need.

[A]

We won't. That's so true. Yeah.

[B]

So look in that mirror and talk to yourself every morning and be transparent about what your needs are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's so good, Shanti. You have been a blessing. I'm tearing up a few times.

[B]

You are the blessing. I tried not to break down. I was like, let me not do the ugly cry.

[A]

I was already over here, eyes getting real moist now. Dinora over there, like, no, but thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate You. I have a gift for you. You already got my books. Yes.

[A]

So excited.

[B]

Thank you. And you know we love you at Silence Shoshang, so I know you look. She has so many wonderful hairstyle.

[A]

We do have.

[B]

And then we got your T shirt.

[A]

Oh, she cute.

[B]

Oh, she cute. I love it. And then it's.

[A]

You can make your own. Yes.

[B]

Little lint. Sorry.

[A]

That's okay. Thank you so much.

[B]

And so May 5th is national style Shashane day. So hopefully we'll be doing some stuff together.

[A]

Yes. I love it. Thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you. I love you.

[A]

I love you too. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of keep it positive, sweetie. If you want to write into our positive outcomes open listener letter, you can write into keepitpositivesweetiemail.com that's sweetie with an ie. You can follow Kipps on all platforms at keepitpositivesweetie. And you can follow me on all platforms at lovechristalrenee. And that's L u v C R Y S T a L. I want to make sure that I shout out Shanti. She has silencing my shame. This book that you need to get. And also if you are into the entertainment industry or trying to figure out how to get into it, you can read the hip hop professional 2.0. Make sure you get both of these. Shaunti. Let the people know where they can find you.

[B]

Yes, you can follow me on. I'm pretty much only on instagram these days, shantidas404. And you can get my books on my website at www.www.shantidas.biz. and then you can follow my organization, silence of shame. Silenceashame. And then we have an app coming out with Microsoft. Microsoft.

[A]

I know that's. Come on. Yes.

[B]

We have so many great things that we're doing just trying to provide free resources to the community. So the app is coming. But for now just visit our website and if you want to donate to our little organization, you can do that as well on silenceashame.com I love it.

[A]

All right, guys, get these. Thank you so much for tuning in. In the meantime, in between time, keep it positive, sweetie. And as Shanti said, you are enough. We are enough.

[B]

We are enough.

[A]

Yes. Love you guys. Have a blessed week. Father God, we thank you so much for this moment. We thank you so much for getting Shanti here safely. Father, I just pray, Lord, that you.

[B]

Speak through Shanti and Crystal.

[A]

Father God, guide their tongue, guide their hearts, guide their souls as they speak on this platform, Lord. And for those that will hear everything that they have to share, Father God.

[B]

We pray that they will hear a.

[A]

Word that would will transform them, Father God. That will transcend them, Father God.

[B]

That will open up their ears, hearts.

[A]

And minds to whatever you want them to receive. Lord, we love you and we honor you. In your name we pray.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

Amen.