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- [00:09]
A
Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. I am Krystal Renee Hayslett, and today I have Amber Grimes with me. Guys, I'm so excited about this one.
- [00:19]
B
Amber, Hi.
- [00:20]
A
How are you doing, beautiful?
- [00:21]
B
I'm good. How are you?
- [00:23]
A
I'm good. I'm good. So good. I'm just so proud of you.
- [00:27]
B
You too.
- [00:27]
A
I am so proud of you.
- [00:29]
B
I'm.
- [00:29]
A
I'm gonna tell the people how we met. Okay. Very transparent story. I was. This is. I was still trying to get on my feet, and I was good friends with your former boss, Boo Thyme. And anybody who doesn't know Boo Boo is also a record executive, but great friend of mine. And I was like, bro, listen, I am struggling right now, and I need some help. And I needed help with my rent at the time. And he was like, all right, I'm gonna have my assistant Amber go to the house and get some money for you. And that's how we first met. Do you remember that?
- [01:02]
B
He was like, here's her transparency. Cause that's exactly what happened.
- [01:05]
A
That is exactly what happened. And I was like, ooh, thank you, girl. So I'm gonna go pay this rent child. And from there, I just watched you blossom. I met you as his assistant and watched you to continue to blossom. And now I'm excited to say that you are the executive vice president and general manager of the music label and management company, Love Renaissance.
- [01:25]
B
Yep.
- [01:25]
A
That's crazy. It's like.
- [01:28]
B
It's insane. It brought me home, so it's definitely crazy. But I am going to say that obviously, I watched you, too. And so I think it's a very fun and cool and just, like, full circle moment to see you. From meeting you at a time where you were struggling through a time where it seemed like you really got no problems paying your rent.
- [01:50]
A
Hello. Because God is good.
- [01:52]
B
So I'm like, I'm super proud of you.
- [01:54]
A
Thank you.
- [01:55]
B
I watched your journey. I don't think it was fast for either of us.
- [01:58]
A
No.
- [01:59]
B
I watched both of us not skip any steps. And so I just like. And I know you come on here and give people their flowers, but, like, I was excited to do this to you. Cause I was like, I'm so happy for her. Yes. Like.
- [02:10]
A
Cause you were. You saw it. A lot of people, if you didn't know me, know me during that time, you would have just been like, oh, yeah. She seemed like she was cool, but, like, to know what I was going through and the struggle and just, like, trying to make it in that time. And then to see how we both made it. It's. It's crazy. Yeah, but you were.
- [02:27]
B
I never looked at it, like, struggle. You were always creating. And so I literally, like, it's terrible, the Internet, like, how we keep up with each other. But, like, I've never felt far away from you because I'm like, oh, I know what Crystal doing.
- [02:38]
A
Yep.
- [02:39]
B
Oh, I'm trying to do my natural hair. In the pandemic, Crystal be posting videos about doing natural hair. And you were always creating content. And so now to see you at the highest level of what content is, it's like, oh, that just makes sense.
- [02:50]
A
Wow. I love it. I love it. I want to talk about you. Thank you so much for giving my flower.
- [02:56]
B
Oh, my gosh.
- [02:57]
A
No, seriously. So proud of you. But in college, you started promoting parties.
- [03:02]
B
Yes.
- [03:03]
A
Now, what even brought that about?
- [03:05]
B
Girl, I wanted to go to a club for free. Really?
- [03:08]
A
You're like, so how can I do this?
- [03:09]
B
Seriously? No, that's how it started. I think the first. I'm from Atlanta. I've been going to the club since I was like, 14 years old.
- [03:18]
A
Right.
- [03:18]
B
The real club, like, the Tongue in Groove.
- [03:21]
A
So, like, started early.
- [03:24]
B
But there was a point, like, when I was going to team parties and stuff, and I would go, and then I had a lot of friends there. I would go to the party, I would have a good time, and then I would leave. And there were other people that were staying, and I was like, well, why do they stay? What do they stay for? And I go, they have to count the money. This is their party. And I'm like, oh, I want to stay. I want to count the money. I want to count the money. Basically, I've always been extremely business minded. I never really knew how to have fun. I would have fun, but if there was some business that I could attach to fun, I'm like, what is this? And so I really started promoting parties because I was like, cool, if I'm going to be an entrepreneur, this is easy. I get to have a good time. I don't have to pay to go.
- [04:03]
A
To the club anymore.
- [04:04]
B
And I'm going to learn this skill that I didn't even know. I didn't know how valuable it was back then, but, yeah, and then I. I just wanted to be a little business owner. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Like, I'm gonna make me an LLC and, like, do the thing.
- [04:16]
A
Wow, that is crazy. What were you majoring in? Were you a business major?
- [04:20]
B
So I don't. I have no clue what I was majoring in. I did a year and a half at Kennesaw, okay, maybe two, before I officially dropped out and just wasn't going. I spent way more time at Georgia State throwing parties and like networking and literally like meeting all the people that I work with now. And so, you know, I never, I never tell any, like, stay in school kids.
- [04:44]
A
Yeah.
- [04:44]
B
But I never tell anybody, like, oh, drop out of college. But that experience that I had and like the choices that I was making, they worked out for me. I knew what I was doing, I was on a mission. And so that was like a time for me to connect with people. But I was not inspired in my economics class or just any, any of those things. I was like, where guys? Where am I gonna use this? I'm like a right now type of person, right?
- [05:12]
A
And right now this is not, this.
- [05:14]
B
This is not helping me at night when I'm counting money and trying. It was, it wasn't helping me with my business. And I'm like, no, this is my get rich quick scheme. Doesn't make sense. And so I don't know if I ever even picked a major. I just like, I knew I was gonna be major. So I was like, they, I'm gonna try this thing out, but I don't think this is for me.
- [05:35]
A
Got you. Were you always like that even as a kid, like in your early years?
- [05:40]
B
Yeah, like I'm. I don't want to call it stubborn. I've always been focused, like always down to try stuff when I was in high school. Name a club. I was in it. Junior Beta Speech and Debate. I was the president of the school frickin for three years. Like if there was something I could do, I wanted to do it. And I just like didn't wanna do anything that I didn't wanna do and I wouldn't. And you couldn't force me to. And if I had to learn a lesson about it later, that was fine with me. But I've always made my own decisions. And I think I maybe don't give my mom enough credit for like allowing me to make my own decisions.
- [06:16]
A
Right.
- [06:17]
B
Cause she was just like, fine, you in the school play. Cool. Do the school play. You don't wanna join the band? Fine, don't join the band.
- [06:23]
A
And it was like, cool.
- [06:24]
B
This is my life is in my hands.
- [06:27]
A
Yeah, that's cool. I love that. And see where it's taking you now. Making those and standing on business at a very young age. You kind of set those principles early.
- [06:34]
B
But I've learned things, too. Cause my mom tried to get me to get braces when I was in middle school. And I was like, no, I'm gonna be rich. And there's these things called veneers. And I'll get veneers. And she was like, fine. And so my sister got braces. Her teeth were perfectly straight, and I had to pay for my own Invisalign last year. I said, I should've listened.
- [06:52]
A
Should have listened to my mama.
- [06:53]
B
But it took me over a decade to learn this lesson, so I'm still. I'm still growing. There you go.
- [06:59]
A
Mama knows best. Listen, you should have listened to your mom. That is so funny. So you promoting parties in college and then you tap into the music industry. How did that even come about?
- [07:15]
B
First of all, in Atlanta, it's all like this, right? So it really is everything except for film. Until now.
- [07:22]
A
Yeah.
- [07:23]
B
Right. So if you're in Atlanta, your aspiration, if you don't want to go to UGA and become a lawyer, is to be in music. To me, that's what I know.
- [07:31]
A
That's why I moved here.
- [07:31]
B
Or to throw parties.
- [07:32]
A
Yes. Oh, they make a lot of money because they are doing it for. No, literally. And making a lot of money doing it, which.
- [07:39]
B
That's somebody's cup of tea.
- [07:40]
A
Yeah.
- [07:41]
B
But for me, I just, like. I never really, like, wanted to be something specific. I've never been like that. So, like, if I was younger and like, oh, what do you want to be? I wasn't on no. Like, I want to be a firefighter. I want. I was like, never on none of that. I'm like. I like. Then I'm like, I like to tell people what to do. So wherever I got to work and whatever I got to do where I can be the boss, that's what I want to do. And I think as I started trying things in college, I would just, like, roll into the next thing. When I was promoting parties, I had somebody come to me and say, hey, if you can promote a party, you could probably promote an artist. And I'm like, yeah, cool. A Flyer's a flyer. CDs. A CD. I can pass that out, too.
- [08:18]
A
Yeah.
- [08:19]
B
DJ Scream is actually the person who gave me my first check and was like, can you promote a mixtape? I'm like, hell, yeah. Give them to me. I pass them all out by myself. And so then someone else came to me and said, hey, if you can promote an artist, you could probably manage an artist. And I'm like, that's cool. Like, give me an Artist to manage. Let's do it. And that's literally how I ended up meeting Boo.
- [08:35]
A
Wow.
- [08:35]
B
And so he's like, if you can run around with this artist, you could be my assistant. I'm like, yeah, I can. Come on, let's do it. And it was just like, I really take that getting your foot in the door thing very seriously. Like, a lot of the younger generation, like, really want to skip steps.
- [08:49]
A
Let's talk about it.
- [08:50]
B
And I think if maybe I had the opportunity to. The way the Internet wasn't built, like.
- [08:56]
A
When we were younger. Yeah, it was not.
- [08:57]
B
I might have, but I'm so fortunate that I didn't have the opportunity that it was, like, always one foot in front of the other. And I believe that I got to where I'm going faster and will always have more longevity because I never skipped over.
- [09:11]
A
Absolutely. I want to talk about those moments. What were some of the things defining moments as an assistant as you're taking these steps? Because being an assistant is not the same as being the boss that you are now. You know what I'm saying? You are, like, running things. What was that like? Because some people, they. I feel like the younger generation, they want to skip right to the boss. What were some of those defining moments as an assistant that made you either feel like, I don't want to do this, or, no, this is exactly where I want to be.
- [09:39]
B
I think that my assistant experience was unlike many people. My boss at the time, Boo, who you know very well, really challenged me, and he was really tough on me. And because he was who he was, he required me to have a lot of knowledge about what I was doing, because I would have to show up as him a lot of the time, whatever it was that he was doing.
- [10:07]
A
Right.
- [10:08]
B
And I got fired. He probably fired me, like, two or three times. He'll bring me back because he don't know his Social Security number. And I'm like, I have it, Amber.
- [10:18]
A
I actually need you again. Yeah.
- [10:19]
B
He fired me one time for doing something with a contract. I forgot what I did, and it was something stupid, but I didn't know this was my first time in music. I'm like, yeah, everyone can read the contract. And they're like, no, everybody can. And he's like, he fired me. And then I think it was, like, two days later, he called me and was like, I need you to book a flight. And I didn't say nothing. I just booked the flight, and I went back to the office the next day.
- [10:44]
A
I love that.
- [10:44]
B
So there were those Challenges. But also, just like, he made me, him had access to meeting people. I was able to be in the room. I was on the call. So, like, I'm hearing how L. A Reid is talking and what they. Why this song? Why rude boy is the song to pick. And I'm booking flights and seeing him, like, travel around with Rihanna. What does it take to be on a tour? And I just saw everything in that position. Like, I have more visibility than I would ever give anybody who assists me.
- [11:19]
A
Right.
- [11:19]
B
Cause no.
- [11:21]
A
Cause, no.
- [11:22]
B
But, yeah, he showed me everything, and thank God for him that I was somebody who was responsible. But that is always going to be the most important job I ever have. It will always be the most impactful position that I've ever had. I have never met more people in my life, including you, through anybody else or any other job position that have come back around to help me in some way or vice versa than in that position. So I'm always so grateful for it. And, yeah, just like I tr. I became the boss that I am by watching somebody do it, but he allowed me to be it in a humble way, said, you can come and play as me so you understand what's going on. But I never overstep as, like, oh, I'm ready. I'm ready for this. It was more like, I'm not. So what more do I need to know? How do they do this? I was taking notes.
- [12:12]
A
Yeah. That's so important. I love that. Because there is such an importance of honoring every step that you're in. I was a production assistant, and then I ended up becoming. Not passing a few things that I did, but I was a personal. I mean, a production assistant. Then I became a background costumer. Then I became a costumer, then a costume designer. But quite like your experience with boo as his assistant, that was my experience with Tyler as his stylist. Not being him or, like, stepping into his shoes, but being around him, like, hearing how he ran business, seeing how he carried himself around fans and around business people, and the conversations that I was privy to, helped me to be the businesswoman I am today. And I do not take that lightly. I never did. And the places that he took me, the expense that I got from being around him, things that I would have never experienced at that age or at that time or even with what I was bringing in, I would have never gotten to do those things. And it really helped shape who I am today and handle what I'm doing now. So I know exactly what you mean about that.
- [13:17]
B
Yeah, well. And it's funny because I took that, like, I didn't ask for that type of treatment because at the time I was like, why are you being so mean to me? But now I appreciate it. But I really took that. And when I had an opportunity to work with Nick Cannon, the only reason why I did that was because I was like, oh, I know what happens when you're around somebody like this, right? So if you're a person that I respect, admire, I want to do anything like what you do. I just want to be around you. And so I had, at that time, taken a step back in my career to force myself to have the same experience that I learned that worked because I just wanted to move around with.
- [13:53]
A
Him.
- [13:55]
B
And see what that was like and how you treated people and how you show up to things. How are you? I wanted to know how the hell he was getting so many things done.
- [14:03]
A
That man is busy. Listen, I need. Nick, what's up, man? I actually need to come shadow you.
- [14:09]
B
Myself, because Bring him here.
- [14:11]
A
Seriously. Like, I went on and did his show, but he needs to come here because that is insane. That man has so many jobs. I'm like, how are you in all these places?
- [14:19]
B
But it was a wonder, right? And so when I had the opportunity to see it, I know how he shows up to everything on time. You have a great experience. When you come in, he comes and he does the job he says yes to. If he cares about you, he'll say yes to anything that you ask him to do. And he'll say, you have an hour. I'll be there at 3 o' clock, and I'm leaving at 4 o' clock because I got to get on a jet to go see the twins. But, like, I'm committed to you with what you need to do. And I took a lot of things from him about. It was like, less business stuff, but more about how to show up and be a good person and make sure that people have a good experience with you. And so it's not about him being busy. He's booked and busy because he's a great experience when he shows up to the job.
- [14:59]
A
Yep, he is that. He is that. Shout out Nick Cannon. That's amazing. I used to do music, and I was trying to get a record deal and all these things. And I remember one thing Boo told me when I first moved to Atlanta. He said, crystal, give yourself a set period of time of how long you gonna chase this? And if it doesn't work, find something else. He was like, because this industry is Crazy. And what I found was that it's such a male dominated industry, and it was tough navig, as a woman who didn't have a big team behind her to kind of protect me, you know, with you working in such a male dominated industry, how did you navigate that?
- [15:36]
B
He's so tough. A lot of crazy ass advice, just like he gave you at a very young age where I'm like, oh, shit. All right, cool.
- [15:43]
A
Yep.
- [15:46]
B
So one thing that I try to make very clear is like, I do not push the agenda that it is hard to be a woman in the music business because of your womanhood. I don't like that. I respect everything that every woman that went through anything to get into this business before me went through. They are the people that made it easier for me or for me to have the experience that I had. But I hate pushing the narrative to any young person. It's gonna be hard for you because you're a woman. Because when you go into it like.
- [16:20]
A
That, you're already kind of cowardly set.
- [16:23]
B
Yourself up to experience this thing that you fear so much. And I believe in experience what you fear. Nobody ever put that on me. No one ever made me think that I came into it working at a male dominant company with Boo and Lee and all the, you know, everybody that was around, they respected me. They taught me, like I said, they allowed me to be in rooms. They didn't allow anybody else to disrespect me. And my experience was. I'm valuable because I'm a woman.
- [16:51]
A
Yes.
- [16:52]
B
Like, what can I bring because I'm a woman. Y' all don't know. Something that I know. You can't do something that I can do. And so my thought process has always been. It's been easier for me because I'm a woman. I'm not competing with you. I'm not competing with the sex that's dominant in this field. I'm not. I'm also not competing with the women. So I just like, I've never. I never put that on myself. So I didn't experience that. And I experienced it. This is me being stubborn again. I did what I wanted to do and I experienced it how I wanted to experience it. And I would encourage anybody. It doesn't matter what age you are, that's coming into it to, like, figure out what you appreciate about you instead of going into everything thinking about what you don't have.
- [17:40]
A
Yeah.
- [17:41]
B
Or what the. What the lack is. But. But I'm this. I'm from there. I'm this Old. Whatever. It's like, why is that a good thing? That's.
- [17:49]
A
I love that.
- [17:51]
B
How I've tried to think.
- [17:52]
A
It seems to work. It's working. Yeah, it has. You ended up deciding to leave Atlanta and move to Los Angeles. Was that the first big pivot that you made? And big risks and jump and say, hey, I'm leaving, Or had you left Atlanta before?
- [18:07]
B
I had left Atlanta. As soon as I quit working with Boo, I left Atlanta to take a job at a talent agency. I had snuck off child. Me and Boo fell out. He was mad at me.
- [18:20]
A
He'll get mad, but he always standing there. He's always like, all right, all right. I was tripping. We good, we good.
- [18:26]
B
But he was mad. I ran off to la. I was like, I got to get the hell out of here. I have to change my life. I was reading a book called Conversations With God and I was like, I'm out. I'm taking a risk. And I took a job at a talent agency in LA and was sleeping on my homegirl Ozian's couch at the time. And it was not for me. That two weeks, I was like, oh, y' all got me messed up. I don't want to have to go to jail in la, so I need to come back home. And I think I cried and lied to my boss at the time that, like, Lord, I think I put death on somebody. I was like, I had a death in the family. I have to go. It's an emergency.
- [19:07]
A
I have to go.
- [19:08]
B
My stuff just made it to LA on a truck. I turned around and moved back to Atlanta and was like, never mind. Yeah, about two weeks, give or take. I wasn't ready.
- [19:19]
A
Yeah.
- [19:20]
B
And I'm, you know, on the one hand, I'm like, I wish I would have stuck it out, but everything worked out so perfectly. That's when I went back and started working with K camp and my other friends that I grew up with. And surprising enough, because his career was blossoming, he was spending a lot of time in la. So now when I started going, I would stay for like, three months at a time, but I was with my people and I was doing things I was supposed to be doing, and I was meeting the right people. And so that helped me adjust when I made the big decision, like, no, I'm just going to move and there is no turning around.
- [19:55]
A
Wow. And what was that like once you get to la? Whole new world.
- [19:59]
B
Oh, I was ready.
- [20:00]
A
You were ready at this point?
- [20:01]
B
Yeah, this was. My mind was adjusted. I had got my job at Spotify. And I was. I was very proud, and I'll always be proud that I didn't have to leave to be successful, Whatever I thought success was. I got that job here, and I worked here for a year doing it. And then there was just one point for two different reasons. One, when you leave Atlanta, you really realize how many people you don't know.
- [20:27]
A
Yeah.
- [20:27]
B
When I lived here, I said, this is it. Like, I'm popping. Ain't nobody else for me to meet. And then I started tripping, traveling to New York and traveling to LA for this job. And I was like, I don't know anybody, and they don't know me.
- [20:43]
A
There we go.
- [20:44]
B
Which is like. That was my thing in Atlanta. I have a great reputation here. If you've worked with me, you love me. If somebody asks about Amber Grimes, I know what you're gonna say. Yeah, I got up out of here, and people was like, who the fuck are you? And I was like, oh, that's a problem. Okay. This is a new challenge.
- [20:59]
A
A lot you don't know who I am.
- [21:00]
B
Well, you know, get ready. Right? That's me. And, yes, I was ready to move. Cause I was like, there's this whole new world out there, and I need to jump into it and get this. Speed this process up, because they have to meet me. I'm a great girl. And then I just realized that my husband wasn't in Atlanta. I was like, you're not here.
- [21:20]
A
Mine isn't either. Girl, listen, I am convinced he's not here.
- [21:25]
B
Yeah. I hate to take her straight off of business, but that was a deciding factor. I was like, love, love, y'. All. Everybody who I ever dated, or whatever you call that in Atlanta talking. Cause it don't really be. I don't know what we do. Gotta get it together. We gotta get it together. But whoever I was talking to, I was. One point where I was like, yeah. Like, it's not gonna happen for me here. And me being in a relationship was important. I also am not one of those girls that want to work, work, work, and have no personal life and end up. I don't like cats.
- [21:56]
A
Yeah.
- [21:57]
B
So I intentionally was like, my husband's not here, so I need to go find out maybe where they reside and the husband folk, because they wasn't here. And then my job. I was in my job at Spotify, but I already knew that I wanted a new opportunity. And whatever my next opportunity was, had no idea what it was. It also wasn't here for me.
- [22:20]
A
Yeah. That realization. I love that you were aware that it's not here and I was out. Yeah. I love that you are right. You are onto something now. Cause I've been saying it's so ghetto in this dating pool here in Atlanta.
- [22:34]
B
Like, and I hear it's ghetto everywhere, right?
- [22:36]
A
Yeah. I heard LA is really hard.
- [22:38]
B
That's what I hear. But me and my boyfriend started dating my first official day there. So I didn't experience that. It wasn't hard.
- [22:48]
A
Wow, y' all met your first official day in la.
- [22:50]
B
Yes. I knew him. Not well. So he was somebody that was around. He has a totally different story of how we met because he was like, I had emailed you. I was already, like, trying to. And I'm like, I don't know. He pulled up the email. He's like, you never responded. I was like, that sounds right. That sounds like me. But I'm very intentional about. Well, at this moment in my life, I got very intentional about dating because I was like, I want something different. I want someone different. I went through a lot of frogs, so now I actually know how I want to be treated. And I was on the apps. I was like, I'm willing to put myself out there and do whatever it is that I have to do. I'm reading books, I'm doing whatever it is I have to do to prepare myself for whoever it is, to recognize him. Right. Because I don't have problems dating. I know people do, but I had a problem and I think many women do. Recognizing your person.
- [23:44]
A
Yeah.
- [23:45]
B
Because we need them to break into our house. Right.
- [23:48]
A
No, literally.
- [23:49]
B
It's ridiculous. And so it wasn't. I was very intentional that, like, when he shows up, I don't really care what he looks like. I have my, like, three non negotiables. I think you should only have five. But I have my three non negotiables. And as long as you were. You were cool. And not that I'll give you a chance. And that's the energy I came out with here. And the first person who asked me out on a date was a white boy with a ponytail. And I was like, okay, what's up? Run it right?
- [24:17]
A
These three things. Check off what's up.
- [24:19]
B
Take me to dinner, baby Literally asked me to dinner. I was like, let's go tomorrow. And we went. And that was it. From there.
- [24:26]
A
Wow, that is crazy. Okay, so do I need to go to la?
- [24:35]
B
Six years.
- [24:37]
A
Maybe it'll happen for me.
- [24:38]
B
Yourself, Right?
- [24:38]
A
See, that's what I'm saying. She left New York and went to la.
- [24:42]
B
It's the intention.
- [24:43]
A
Yeah.
- [24:43]
B
I tell him all the time. He doesn't like when I say it. That, like, I. I made you in my mind, like, shout out to your mom, too. But, like, I. I created you, and then you showed up to me as the person that I created, because I wasn't like, I need him to be six months. Huh. And this and that. I didn't care what package you came in at the time. I was like, I will recognize it when I see it. And that was it. And I received it instead of.
- [25:07]
A
So good, Amy.
- [25:08]
B
I was playing Love is Blind. I didn't even need to be in the pod child. Everybody needs to get it together. Okay.
- [25:14]
A
I need to get it together because I've had people say, oh, this guy's interested. And at first I'm like, like, so I need. Yeah, I definitely look. I'm like. Cause the first thing you do is you see. You know what I'm saying? So I see it. I'm like, nah, that ain't it. And then I go to the Instagram.
- [25:29]
B
And I'm like, you're so lucky as a woman that we. We can grow to be attracted to people.
- [25:35]
A
Yeah. Because I dated unattractive guys and then actually was like, he's just so. Like, I just love them.
- [25:41]
B
Maybe unattractive to you, but it's like, girl, I don't need you to be attracted to my boyfriend.
- [25:45]
A
Actually, I want him to be unattractive to you.
- [25:47]
B
Yeah. I hope he's ugly. Like, whatever. But it's like, the. My favorite thing about my boyfriend is his financial literacy. Like, when he start telling me about credit and money and what I need to do, I was like, wow, you're so. You're so cute. Like, you were cute before, but American Express. Platinum.
- [26:12]
A
Platinum.
- [26:12]
B
Wow. What is that? I was like, this card is really hard. Like, I can have one of these. He's like, yeah, it's easy. Apply. But he taught me so much stuff that, like, nobody was teaching, teaching me. I was at Spotify at the time. He could tell me what to do with my stock. That was interesting conversation to me.
- [26:29]
A
Yes.
- [26:29]
B
I didn't want to talk about TV shows and stuff with somebody. I was like, this is cool. And so while I thought he was attractive the whole time, he began to get more and more attractive and more and more husband. Like, as the conversations went on. And if you don't give somebody a chance, you never get there.
- [26:48]
A
You don't. That is so true.
- [26:49]
B
Never get there.
- [26:50]
A
Okay. She's getting that. You give me advice what are you thinking that Because. Because you said. And I made a note here about.
- [26:58]
B
The three non negotiables.
- [27:00]
A
But you believe that women should have five. And I think that you. More than five. Right. How do you get to a place where you even begin. Recognizable? What are your non negotiables for you? Right. And then. And then.
- [27:15]
B
Yeah.
- [27:16]
A
How do you, how do you begin to. How did you begin to establish, like, hey, these are the. I set the intention that I'm gonna move and I want to find love. And then you set the intention of like. And these are my non negotiables.
- [27:29]
B
There's a process there. Yeah. I think it's. It's like having. Sitting down and having a conversation with yourself. Right. Like, when you're later in your dating life, I guess it's like you have experience.
- [27:42]
A
So.
- [27:42]
B
So instead of dating the same person, why don't you take some time and reflect and, like, think about what you really didn't like or what you maybe could have dealt with. Like, if you went on one date with somebody and you're like, oh, red flag. Cause I know we do that. Like, I could have went on a second date with him. Like, I didn't even have the information. Right. I didn't ask enough questions. I ran away. I think people need to stop and reflect, especially when they have the data.
- [28:10]
A
Yeah.
- [28:10]
B
And the reason why I say the five non negotiables is because, like, one thing that I know we do is make a long list of all the things that we want.
- [28:20]
A
Yes.
- [28:20]
B
And this is so long that the person isn't a real person. They're actually an alien, literally, that lives on Mars.
- [28:27]
A
Yeah.
- [28:27]
B
It makes no sense. So now you've committed to this list that nobody can live up to. And every single person that you date, you put this list against them. And girl, they could have 12 out of the 18 things that you have on there. And you write it off because you're like, well, this is. This is very important. So I have my stuff together. I know what I want. I'm not. So the. I say the five non negotiables because I'm like, what don't you really want? Like, what in that experience are you not willing to deal with? And it can't be a laundry list. Or you are probably the red flag.
- [29:02]
A
Right, right.
- [29:03]
B
That you're expecting so much out of something. And maybe make a list about what's wrong with you. Cause somebody's gonna have to accept these things about you.
- [29:10]
A
Exactly.
- [29:10]
B
So I'm like, if I want somebody to wait for me. Cause I be late. I maybe can't complain about XYZ that they do because this is who I am. I'm gonna have to take somebody as who they are.
- [29:20]
A
Yes.
- [29:21]
B
But like one of my non negotiables is not smoking cigarettes.
- [29:24]
A
Oh, same.
- [29:25]
B
I just don't. I've dealt with somebody who smoked cigarettes before. I didn't like it. I don't like cigarettes. That is on my. I only get five. That is. It is very important to me. Won't do it, can't do it.
- [29:36]
A
Yeah. I'm the same way.
- [29:39]
B
It doesn't even have to be that deep.
- [29:41]
A
Yeah.
- [29:41]
B
But I just like, I know what I don't want. And women, we're usually good at that. Cuz we do it with food. We don't ever know we want to eat. But I know what I don't want.
- [29:49]
A
You. Right.
- [29:50]
B
So I'm like, it's the same concept. Like, figure out what you were totally not willing to put up with and everybody else is worth having a conversation.
- [29:59]
A
Yeah.
- [30:01]
B
It's worth going on a second date.
- [30:02]
A
Where did you get that concept from the five non negotiables?
- [30:05]
B
My mind.
- [30:05]
A
Wow. You just created it. Like, I need.
- [30:07]
B
Yeah. I read a lot of books and so I feel like there were different pieces that came to me about how I like creating a process of how I'm going to be intentional. So this was my process. Getting on the apps was a part of the process. I never been on a dating app. Never had to.
- [30:24]
A
I was like, I'm outside.
- [30:25]
B
And I. I was like, cool. I've never tried that. So how could I say I'm really trying? And there's this whole arena where I don't exist. And it was cool. It was fun. I was on Raya.
- [30:35]
A
I was like, yep, I got it to Raya.
- [30:37]
B
Let's do the stuff. But I think just putting myself out there in that way brought somebody to me that had nothing to do with the app.
- [30:46]
A
You attracted it. Yeah.
- [30:47]
B
But we shut ourselves down in a lot of different ways where we're like, oh, I have so much trouble finding a man. I can't date. I can't. And you're like, well, you're not leaving the house.
- [30:55]
A
I wasn't leaving the house. Like, I wasn't.
- [30:57]
B
So I said, they gotta break in. I think everybody should make their own plan. And I'm always open. And I love talking to my. I love talking to my friends about dating. This is like my secret passion. Like in another life, I am like a dating coach. Or whatever you call, like a matchmaker.
- [31:13]
A
Right.
- [31:13]
B
And I just help us get it together. But I feel like I gotta be married or nobody's gonna trust me in my advice. But, like, I'm really good. You gotta create your process. You have to create what works for you. And I know a big example. One of my friends came to me, and, you know, she's looking. She was looking for love. And she's like. She's meeting people, but, like, you know, it's very important to her that someone be very close to God, like, they need to be. And she is that person to me. She is very close to God. She has given me every book on spirituality that I ever read. And she taught me everything. Everything I know about my relationship with God.
- [31:49]
A
Yeah.
- [31:50]
B
And I'm like, you have been that person for me. And you never cared, as one of my closest friends, how close I was to God. And you offered me the best that you have to give, and we are close because of that. So why, when you meet a man, do you want him to come with what you have to give so that you provide no value to him because he is already as close to God as he needs to. To be, when this is the most special thing about you, somebody's gonna fall in love with you the way I did as a friend, because you have to share this. So if you change that person's life or bring them closer to God, you guys are gonna have something amazing. But you. You want them to come with all the things, all the information. And that's. I'm like, that's your gift. Why does it matter? I mean, not atheists, like, that's fine. But I just. Like, that was one of those moments where I was like, we just kind of set ourselves up in the wrong way. And we need to think about the things that we say sometimes and the things that we do and why certain things matter.
- [32:50]
A
That's so true. Because I feel like, as women, I know I talked to one of my girlfriends before because she was kind of harping on some things that her boyfriend was doing. And I was like, well, you don't get mad when I don't call you. Or I was like, so why is it, like, why are you. Why do we put certain stipulations on our man that we don't do on our friends? And we love our friends, you know, And a lot of times we choose our friends unconditionally. Unconditionally. Yeah. And it made me think sometimes, should we bring that same type of agape love that we have for our girlfriends into our relationships with our men.
- [33:23]
B
Yeah. When you have to figure out where your line is. Right at the point where it's a respect issue.
- [33:30]
A
Yeah.
- [33:30]
B
You know, I do have standards for my friends. If you say you are coming over at 2, I expect you to come over at 2.
- [33:41]
A
Yeah.
- [33:42]
B
If you don't, I'll be like, where was you at?
- [33:44]
A
Yeah.
- [33:45]
B
If I tell. If my man says he's coming home at midnight and you come home at 5am I'll be like, where the hell was you at? So it's like, you don't. You know, in healthy friendships, you don't just let your real friends slide with shame. You guys have boundaries. But I agree with what you're saying. It's no different than friends.
- [34:02]
A
Yeah.
- [34:03]
B
I have a. There's so many things I should keep to myself. But I've had really what I thought were deep relationships with people in the past. And the one time that I realized I really loved a person, which is my current boyfriend. It's like, I don't experience a missing him when I'm gone. Cause I know when I come back, he's gonna be there. I just left you. You're doing your thing, I'm doing mine. And I don't experience this, like, oh, I'm long and pray. Oh, it's been two, three days. And with other people, I might have been with that because I felt like I owned them.
- [34:45]
A
Ooh, Amber.
- [34:48]
B
That missing thing to me. And everyone doesn't agree. That's why I said, sometimes keep my fucking shit to myself.
- [34:53]
A
No, this is good. I just got chills.
- [34:56]
B
When you feel like you own somebody or they're yours, you're like, I want my thing back. Where's my thing? Like, it's supposed to be in your back pocket. And when you love someone very freely and unconditionally, they can go away. They can go away for months. And you're like, yes, I miss you. In the sense of like, I wish that you were here. I love to watch TV with you, whatever we do. But I don't feel like I own you. I don't feel like you're mine. You are yours. I am me. And when we come back together, we. We are us. But it is not like a, I need you here on my lap.
- [35:28]
A
That is so good.
- [35:29]
B
It's sick, actually. And I had to, because I thought I was being weird. Like, oh, why am I not having this feeling? And I was like, it's actually healthy to not feel like that.
- [35:41]
A
Yes.
- [35:42]
B
So I had to Unlearn that high school love that I was used to of like somebody that you see every day in the hallway. So you feel so passionate. You don't care if they work at Burger King, child. You just like, I love them.
- [35:52]
A
Yes.
- [35:53]
B
When you grow up, it's not high school. The things that you need to care about.
- [35:56]
A
That is so true.
- [35:57]
B
Yeah.
- [35:57]
A
Oh, my goodness. That was really good. So good. I'm glad you up. No, because that. That's so true. Because I feel like even with friendships, we feel like we own our friends sometimes. And I had went through that. But to bring that into, like, our relationships with men, that is so important. And I'm gonna work on that because I've definitely. I feel like society has. It's this whole concept of my man, my man, my man, he will. And even my therapist, she goes, that is objectifying someone. She's like, you're literally, like, making. Basically what you said. You, like, you own them, like it's your thing. And I was like, oh, I never thought about that. I thought it was, like, endearing, like, this is my man. But no, she was like, that is literally, you're making him an object. I was like, oh.
- [36:43]
B
And vice versa. So, like, I don't want that from somebody. I don't want to give that energy to anybody. I, like, I really believe in the cup. The cups being full. And so it's like when you have to pour into somebody, then you don't have something left.
- [36:56]
A
Yeah.
- [36:57]
B
And so then you begin to resent somebody because now they're over here full and your glass is half empty, but they pour it back into you. Now you're like, I feel great. And that person's like, everybody feel your own glass. There's water everywhere. Like, you gotta. You gotta fill up whatever it is for you. And if we both come to each other, oh, then there's nothing but overflow.
- [37:15]
A
Yes. You know, now I do wanna ask you something.
- [37:18]
B
Okay.
- [37:19]
A
Being that you stepped outside of dating a black man, do you feel like that had an impact on that feeling? Because dating black men can be different than just because they have different experiences. Yeah.
- [37:33]
B
Um. I can't. I can't say I don't think so. I think that I have matured so much in my. And let me tell you, I don't discriminate. I dated my first white boy when I was in kindergarten.
- [37:47]
A
I know that's right.
- [37:48]
B
She said, I love it. I've never discriminated. And then there was a Colombian one. And then, you know, so it was always like, I've dated them all. And I love black men to death, honestly, like, in every single way. But it was about who loves me. I don't care what you look like. And I think I had just. I was being so intentional. I had grown. I was on the end of a lot of bad relationships and learned lessons that I was just ready to love differently and to be loved differently. And I didn't. It definitely didn't matter about the package that it came in. It was just like. And anybody could have got this work I had worked on myself. And I was like, I'm ready to.
- [38:32]
A
Share it with somebody I know that's right.
- [38:34]
B
Period.
- [38:35]
A
Tyler always tells me that my husband either isn't in the United States or. Have you ever thought about. You know. And I have a lot of friends, like. Cause have you ever thought about dating outside of your race? And I am still holding hope for the black man.
- [38:49]
B
As you should.
- [38:50]
A
I'm holding on, but, y'. All. I'm getting tired.
- [38:53]
B
But if ever you get weird, this.
- [38:54]
A
Grip is getting a little. My fingers are starting to let go.
- [38:58]
B
If ever. If ever you get a little weary. I talk with my friends about this all the time. And, like, the biggest thing is like, oh, but it's so different. There's so many cultural differences.
- [39:09]
A
Yeah, I wanted to ask you that. Like, taking him home. Hey, Mom. Well, I guess since you dated different races all your whole life, then you're.
- [39:15]
B
Like, oh, yeah, my grandma's married to a white man named Terry or something. That shit. We. We cool. He was French, if that matters. But, no, never had any problems there. It was obviously a concern to me about his family. Okay, cool. Like, we accept you on this side. You have to accept me on that side.
- [39:33]
A
They're the best. Amazing.
- [39:34]
B
They're the best. They're amazing. Like, they don't play that shit. They're from New Jersey. Like, they were nothing more than welcoming. And I went in to make sure, and he made me very secure in that. But I tell all my friends, I'm like. Like, it's cool talking to somebody that you don't have Everything in common with. Like, that comfort that you're looking for is like, you seen Friday? Yeah, I seen Friday, too, right?
- [39:58]
A
You remember that part?
- [39:59]
B
That is. It's funny, right? I get to show you Friday, and I'm like, let's make a night of it. Like, we are going. And he had seen it already, but, like, I'm like, cool. Now I get to share this thing with you. And if you want to show me Some haul of notes, then come on, we can play this record. And I'm like, oh, I actually know that song. Oh, Diddy sampled that record. But you're sharing something with me that I didn't know. And I think one of the. We traveled early. I'm big on that, by the way.
- [40:26]
A
Yes, same. I love travel.
- [40:27]
B
That was a part of my process.
- [40:28]
A
Yeah.
- [40:29]
B
Travel early so you know who somebody is. I'll come back to that. And we just talk and talk and talk and we never run out of things. Talk about. Because we have two different perspectives on a lot of things.
- [40:44]
A
Yes.
- [40:44]
B
You find out that there's so much in common and then all the things that are not you get to talk about.
- [40:49]
A
Yeah.
- [40:50]
B
And so I don't see us falling in that world where we have every. We already know everything about each other. And everybody's world where we just sitting at the dinner table and we're silent. You know, I don't love to see that couple when I'm out at dinner. We will never run out of time. Things to talk about.
- [41:06]
A
That's amazing.
- [41:07]
B
I love that everybody don't like to communicate, though.
- [41:09]
A
They do not. Yeah, you're not. You gonna touch on something.
- [41:13]
B
Traveling, Traveling.
- [41:14]
A
Yes. And learning a person.
- [41:15]
B
Travel early, everybody. Make your own intentional dating process. This was mine. So my non negotiables, you know, putting myself out there and as soon as I find somebody that I'm like, okay, I kind of like you. Let's go somewhere.
- [41:28]
A
Yeah.
- [41:29]
B
Because I'm going to find out who you are and you are going to meet me. During the stress and strife of traveling.
- [41:37]
A
Me and my love is blind.
- [41:39]
B
Before I invented that show.
- [41:43]
A
She said, I invented that show.
- [41:47]
B
Okay. That's why Love is blind resonates with me because I'm like, I did this already. Okay. The right way, though. They tripping. They need me to help. But we went to the Bahamas. I was like, cool, let's. Man, so many issues with this trip. But I'm like, yo, my friend has a timeshare there. We can stay for free. Let's go. Let's do it. Love, my friend to death. And so we're like, cool. We're just going to stay at this random house. We've never seen it before, but let's do it. Soon as we land in the Bahamas, I'm reading a book. Put my passport in the book as a bookmark. Leave the book in the taxi.
- [42:24]
A
Oh, man, it's gone.
- [42:26]
B
Passport's gone. The book is gone.
- [42:27]
A
Oh, Lord.
- [42:28]
B
And we just pulled up in front of the house. The taxi drives off and I'm like, wow, where's my things? I'm never gonna see this taxi driver again in my life. That is me. I do stupid stuff. I can be careless at times. Like, you might have to deal with that. Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. So, like, you want to just, like, get in the pool, have a good time, we'll figure out where the embassy is and we'll straighten it out tomorrow. And I was like, that's it. You don't want to. Like, you're not mad. You don't want to be like, oh, how could you do nothing? Wow, nothing. And I was like, that's how I want to be treated. I want to be given grace when I do stupid things because I do stupid shit and that, you know? The next day, came to the embassy with me. We sat and waited. Spent half our vacation, like, learning the process of getting over the border, which is not right and not fair to other people. Americans, they treat. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. I tried to go up to that border, be in the. Let him sleep. I'll figure it out. Went to the embassy by myself with my homeboy, who joined us on the trip. So we didn't know it was gonna be a three person trip. So the trip is a wreck. He's like, what is going on? But I went with my homeboy. I'm like, yeah, you take me. You're from here. Show me. I got to that border. And they were like, rihanna, please turn around. What are you. Seriously? They were like, no. I don't know what type of scam you're running, but, yeah, we'll see you later. I went up there with my white boyfriend and they were like, please.
- [44:01]
A
You were like, I was just here with Tyrone. And not.
- [44:06]
B
Okay, so it has those perks too.
- [44:08]
A
Yeah, right.
- [44:09]
B
But sat up in there with me all day long and took me to get the passport picture, come back, do all the things. And I was just like, yeah, this is. I just want somebody who was nice.
- [44:19]
A
Yeah.
- [44:20]
B
He laughs at me for saying that. He's like, were people mean to you? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Men be mean.
- [44:25]
A
Men be mean.
- [44:26]
B
Men be mean. Sometimes I wanted. I needed somebody who was nice to me, and he is always nice to me. And that was one of my non negotiables.
- [44:33]
A
Wow.
- [44:34]
B
Don't be mean. Yes, that's it. In whatever way it shows up, I don't need that. And so, yeah, that Bahamas trip, I.
- [44:41]
A
Was like, she's so cute.
- [44:44]
B
She's like, I'm in there.
- [44:47]
A
He's the guy. I love that. I love that. I want to talk about your book club.
- [44:51]
B
Okay.
- [44:52]
A
You just started a book club. Cause I can stay on dating all day, honey.
- [44:56]
B
I know. I'm sorry. I'm like, I've. I've ruined the show. I'm so sorry.
- [44:59]
A
No, no, you literally made it. It's so good. Oh, my God. No. So good. So good. But, yeah, what made you want to start a book club.
- [45:12]
B
Really? I started the book club because I'm in another process of my life right now. I love processes, as you know, and I'm trying to detach my personal life and my purpose from my work.
- [45:26]
A
Wow.
- [45:27]
B
I love my job.
- [45:33]
A
She's on your street right now.
- [45:34]
B
I'm sorry.
- [45:36]
A
That's good.
- [45:37]
B
I love my job. I love my clients. I love my life. I love every piece of every moment that I've spent over the last 14 years completely dedicated to becoming the person that I am today in business. Not anymore. I don't think that I'm gonna be able to continue to be successful without desiring to have a personal life.
- [46:04]
A
And so you sacrifice a lot.
- [46:06]
B
You sacrifice a lot. And so, like, the relationship thing is one of the things a lot of women immediately go, like, yeah, okay, it's fine. I'm gonna work, work, work. I don't need. That was not one of the things that I was willing to sacrifice. Baby was focused on that.
- [46:20]
A
Yes.
- [46:21]
B
And. But it was that in my work. So I'm like, well, at least I'm happy personally. But, like, work, work, work, work, work. And I really had, like, started struggling with why I don't have anything else that, like, just I enjoy. That's just for me. And the only thing that I enjoy doing for free is reading, Reading anything else, I'm gonna charge you, right?
- [46:46]
A
Period. That's gonna cost you.
- [46:48]
B
But I'm like, you know, there's a lot of young people that look up to me or young girls who have asked me to mentor. And I'm like, girl, like, I tell you a lot of things, but everything that I learned is in a book, right? And so you can't have coffee with everybody. You can't sit. You know, you can't do the zoom with everybody. So I'm like, how can I create a space where I can answer those questions for people, or they can go and discover and get their own perspective, and I can just share with them what helped me? And if you get something from it, amazing. If you don't and you just discover a love for reading, then I'm happy to have given that to you too. But I think that is my purpose. And whatever I thought my purpose was before, like, I was confusing my purpose with my job.
- [47:35]
A
Get off of the north street. We just had this conversation in the car the other day. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, it was a trip.
- [47:49]
B
They tricked me.
- [47:50]
A
Yeah. No, that's a real thing. And I'm guilty of. And I think it's easier for me to be like, I'm just gonna stay single and work because I don't have anybody. You know, if I had somebody, because I love love, and I feel like if I had someone, then I would try to find that balance. But even with. I feel like now, even with this podcast, I'm finding my purpose because I didn't feel like acting. That's a dream, and I'm touching people in that, but not the way I touch people with this. You know what I'm saying? So if you had three books that you would tell people. I know you said Conversations with God.
- [48:23]
B
Yeah, that's number one.
- [48:24]
A
That's number one. What are two more books that you would advise or recommend for people to read?
- [48:29]
B
Conversations with God, number one. The second is Return to Love. And then the third, Just Simply because I'm a creative, is always damn good advice for people with talent. Could read it in a day. It is literally just like, you know, about taking risk in your work and showing up to work differently. I enjoy my job because I get to be myself. A lot of people don't have that. And so I've worked and like I said, I'm proud of my career.
- [48:57]
A
Oh, my God. Amazing like you are.
- [48:58]
B
I wouldn't have done anything different.
- [49:00]
A
Yeah.
- [49:01]
B
This is the time, though, where life is begging me to do something different because I don't even think that I can be better for my clients or the book. I read my book of the month last month. Diary of a CEO helped me be a better leader at my job. I'm like, wow, these concepts are mind blowing. And I gave a big speech to my staff about failure, and I was motivated to teach them. And so I just, like, your purpose will fuel your dreams and all these things that you're doing, but we are thinking the other way around. It's like, if I stick to the dream, I'll. It'll fuel my purpose. And, like, that is not how it works. It's, like, very ass backwards.
- [49:38]
A
It is. That is so true. My goodness. So you. You Rep with your label, Love Renaissance. You represent Black Summer, Walker DeVito, Alex Vaughn, just to name a few. How do you find the balance? Because these are some big artists. How do you find the balance in your relationship, your passion now, and just your personal life and literally running a whole record label.
- [50:02]
B
Yeah. So one of the things that I had as a non negotiable that I took out a long time ago was I don't want to date somebody in the music industry. I don't want to date somebody that does what I do. I could not date anybody else. My boyfriend owns a record label. He understands everything that I do. He understands my stress. He understands the whole. I don't have to explain anything to him. He might have had the same day as me because of his artist or whatever he's going through. That helps me in my relationship. That, like, you know, you're not somebody who has to wake up at 6am so you go to bed at 8 o', clock, but I'm at the studio till midnight. And so when I come home, it's like. You see where the disconnect starts.
- [50:41]
A
Yes, absolutely.
- [50:42]
B
We live the same life. So we can ask each other for advice. We can listen to music together. We can do the things that we both love together and separately. So I was able to do my personal thing in a relationship because I made sure. Sure that it fit.
- [50:59]
A
Yes.
- [50:59]
B
With the thing that I care about most or that I cared about most is my career.
- [51:03]
A
Yeah.
- [51:05]
B
And then. Yeah. With the. You make time for what you want to make time for.
- [51:09]
A
Yep. Come on now.
- [51:10]
B
When I started the book club, it really taught me like, dang, I was being lazy before.
- [51:16]
A
Oh, because you had time.
- [51:18]
B
Because I had time.
- [51:19]
A
Yeah.
- [51:20]
B
You make time. Everybody, people, the artists sleep. They do regardless of what they say.
- [51:27]
A
Right.
- [51:28]
B
And I've always been big on how I use my 24 hours. And I think that I do more than most people. But I still had a little bit of time and so I wanted to. I'm not doing less at my job. I'm just doing more in my life. But if this like other two hours of, you know, shooting content makes me feel fulfilled when I wake up on Monday morning, I'm a better person to have on the zoom.
- [51:54]
A
Yeah.
- [51:54]
B
I'm proud of myself. And so I come to work happy and ready to do the things, I'm more inspired. I'm making content. So I'm telling my artists like this just work for me. So, like, we might need. I'm learning still.
- [52:05]
A
Yeah.
- [52:06]
B
Which is so important to me when you stop learning. It's over.
- [52:09]
A
Yes. Yeah, it's over.
- [52:10]
B
Like, that's when you're lost, and it's really boring. And so I found, you know, my own. I've always had to self teach. I didn't finish, and so I feel like I'm in school again.
- [52:21]
A
Yeah.
- [52:22]
B
And, yeah, I'm just excited now. And I was getting. When you're bored and miserable, you show up like that.
- [52:30]
A
Absolutely.
- [52:30]
B
And it shows up in everything you create. You have that towards your staff. You have that towards the artists. They're trying to make music. You can't put that energy on somebody.
- [52:40]
A
Right.
- [52:41]
B
And so, yeah, I just wanted to make sure. I needed to. I did what I needed to do to be the best for everybody. And that would make me happy, too.
- [52:48]
A
Yes. Yeah. I love that. I love that. So you started your record label with five of your friends?
- [52:55]
B
They started it.
- [52:56]
A
They started. And then you joined it?
- [52:57]
B
Yeah.
- [52:57]
A
Oh, wow.
- [52:58]
B
I infiltrated.
- [52:59]
A
Okay. You like what y' all got going on? I'm coming along. That's dope. So what is? Cause I know a lot of people, like, they come up together. Like, you look at LeBron and what him and Mav and Rich and Randy have all done together as friends and just really been amazing. Excelled together. But I know in that there can be hardships, but there also can be beauty in that. Have you guys had any situations like that?
- [53:25]
B
Yeah, I think for me. And you know, how I started, like, my first job felt like family.
- [53:31]
A
Yeah.
- [53:31]
B
So it's people that I know. When you join the Chong family, you're in there.
- [53:36]
A
Yeah.
- [53:36]
B
So I've never, up until Spotify, my first corporate job, had a job where I wasn't working with people that I don't know.
- [53:44]
A
Yes.
- [53:45]
B
Ever. And that was my experience because in Atlanta, we don't have a lot of building, so if you got a job, it was because your friend was coming up or this song popped off or whatever. They wanted to work with you. That was my experience. When I left, that experience again because I wanted something different. I went to a corporate setting. Luckily for me, at Spotify, I fell in love with everybody that I work with. Still friends with everybody to this day. Incredible community love that went on to keep that going. And, you know, corporate America is not family, you know, And I think that my priorities. I've always done what I have always done what makes me happy. And I didn't show start trying to trade my happiness for money until I stopped working with people that I love. So then I was like, well, this doesn't matter. I'm willing to do this because I'm.
- [54:37]
A
Making all this money.
- [54:40]
B
And that was stupid. And so I love you.
- [54:44]
A
I just love her.
- [54:45]
B
She's like, I'm stupid, but you got to go through it or else I would have. No, I wouldn't know. I love a good AB testing. So I went and I did that and ran away from there because I knew that I didn't like the feeling. And like, somebody always does the same way that when I quit that agency job, somebody that I love was there to be like, you can come home.
- [55:10]
A
Yes, come on home.
- [55:12]
B
And, you know, I had grown a lot in my personal career and then these guys that, you know an array of times, but all of them I've known between being 16 years old and 21.
- [55:24]
A
Wow. So, like, these are life friends.
- [55:28]
B
Yes. They know me and I watched them build an incredible business over the last 10 years, 10 plus years. They watched me become an executive that they could trust, work with, do things together. We've done all types of crazy stuff together and support each other over the decade. And then it was like, very serendipitous that they're like, hey, we need this structure in a woman. Because it's five guys. It's first. It's. It's five first generation immigrants.
- [56:00]
A
Wow.
- [56:02]
B
So you know what the mood is.
- [56:04]
A
Absolutely. Yeah. My goodness.
- [56:07]
B
And one of them's Nigerian. My favorite one, my best friend. And I did he. I did my 23andMe and I found out I'm Nigerian too. So that's why.
- [56:15]
A
That's how we connect. Right.
- [56:16]
B
So that's the problem. We're the problem. But no, we, you know, just. They said I could come home and I, I still live in la, but just mentally, physically, spiritually, like, I, I could find a place there and, you know, not to be, you know, forward or, or braggadocious. But I also learned in that experience that when you do, you know, give up the little teddy bear for the bigger teddy bear behind the bat, the money thing works itself out.
- [56:44]
A
Yeah, always.
- [56:46]
B
Always.
- [56:46]
A
It always does.
- [56:47]
B
Always. I was willing to. I would not give up any amount of money for my happiness, and I would work with them for free. Don't tell them, Amber, you are hilarious.
- [57:02]
A
She's like, don't tell, Please don't tell.
- [57:04]
B
Them, because I love clothes, but I would do what I'm doing with them for free. Because being able to hang around and to work with and to create things with five people that you trust, that think like you, that will challenge you, that'll Be like, nah, that's whack. Like, shoot. Again, like, that's our thing. Right. And it helps you grow in so many ways. But every day I just, like, I don't feel defeated because I'm like, I know you. I trust you. You love me. And then they. We go to therapy together.
- [57:38]
A
Okay.
- [57:38]
B
Yeah, we have. We've been to therapy together as a group. That was something that they were doing before I joined Five Men. Yeah.
- [57:45]
A
That is amazing.
- [57:46]
B
And so I'm, you know, when you talk about, oh, what's the hardships? Like, I'm. I'm dealing with some extremely elevated beings. They. A lot of the men that you. That you immediately think like, oh, you work with five men, what's the problem? The way that they communicate with each other. When I'm a fly on the wall, there's no way to come into this group and not elevate yourself.
- [58:08]
A
Yes.
- [58:08]
B
And how you communicate, you can't bring toxicity into this environment because it's very healed. Everybody's single.
- [58:19]
A
She said, healed men. She said, I don't.
- [58:28]
B
You come to the office and. Okay, so before we get this flat, we going to the office. Come by the office. Whatever happens happens. Right, Right.
- [58:44]
A
And when I get back, we going to dinner.
- [58:45]
B
Come to the office. You know, I can't speak for what everybody got going on in their personal life.
- [58:50]
A
Just come to the office.
- [58:51]
B
But they come with their own set of problems. But, like, we can talk to each other and that fixes everything.
- [58:59]
A
That's one of my non negotiables. Can we talk? We have to be able to talk.
- [59:02]
B
But, like, immediately, too. Not like I'm holding on to something.
- [59:06]
A
We just had that conversation too.
- [59:08]
B
I can't. I'm not a rug sweeper. You can't be like that. You start to. I'm an Aquarius. I'll start overthinking and attributing what you just said to your whole personality. Like this, the type of person you are. Cause I'm ready to fall out. I'm ready to fall out when I. Anybody all the time, and we talk. And so Tunde, like I said, that is the person who brought me into this. I've known him since I was 16 years old. He was letting me in the club. And if I piss him off, if he does something piss me off, we on the call. Soon as we hang the zoom up, I'm like, hey, what you meant by that? Immediately. And he's like, oh, you were getting emotional. You got to handle it this way. And all right, okay, fine.
- [59:51]
A
Yeah. Good. Yeah.
- [59:52]
B
It is never any residue.
- [59:56]
A
I love that.
- [59:57]
B
And you can build a friendship like that. You can build a business like that. You can have longevity with somebody or with multiple people. And whatever you do.
- [60:07]
A
Yes.
- [60:07]
B
As long as there is no residue after y' all clean up, because there's always going to be something to clean up.
- [60:13]
A
Yeah. So true.
- [60:14]
B
But, yeah, they. They respect and appreciate what I bring as a woman.
- [60:19]
A
Yeah.
- [60:20]
B
And I respect and appreciate being able to. I. I respect and appreciate not having to fight. Like, I'm a black woman, I'm young for my role, and I'm a college dropout. Like, I don't have no paper to wave in somebody's face about what I know, and they don't question me about anything.
- [60:46]
A
I love that. Shout out to our five black men at Love Renaissance. Yes.
- [60:53]
B
Like, let me stop picking shout out to our future. Listen now, if you listen, if you date one of them and they do you wrong, I don't want to hear about it.
- [61:03]
A
She's like, I ain't had nothing to do with it.
- [61:05]
B
Yeah, they're great businessmen. I stay at everybody's business.
- [61:08]
A
Other than that, I understand some of them.
- [61:13]
B
Give them grace, child. Give them grace.
- [61:14]
A
Listen, and that's. Listen, we are being. We're giving each other grace because I'm a needed, too. So.
- [61:21]
B
See, look, you're learning.
- [61:22]
A
Yes. Look at this. See, Amber, this has been a very. The progress already. Right. Give myself some grace. But thank you, Amber. This has been amazing. Seriously.
- [61:32]
B
You're amazing. You make this very easy.
- [61:35]
A
Oh, my. No, you made it easy because, like, serious, we were talking about. Sometimes, like, it feels like an interview. This feels like a conversation, you know, And I really appreciate that.
- [61:43]
B
I don't get to just talk to people a lot.
- [61:45]
A
Yeah.
- [61:46]
B
That's why I, like, That's why I hit you up. Like, I want to come talk to you.
- [61:49]
A
Yeah. I was like, well, come on, like, one.
- [61:50]
B
I want to see how you doing. Because, like, I listen you doing it, and I like women that are doing it. So checking in. But I'm like, I just want to come and talk to you because a lot of the times I don't get to just have real conversations about anything besides my work. And I told you a bunch of the things that I shouldn't have told you and things that I haven't said out loud before, and I'm very comfortable. And, yeah, this is a part of my mission of detaching myself from everything. Being about work is like, being able to come and have this conversation with you. Is that you've only added on to my journey and let me know I'm going the right way.
- [62:21]
A
You are. I am so damn proud of you. I seriously, you've inspired me today and I know you've inspired Dinor as well.
- [62:27]
B
Well, listen, I want those five non negotiables texted to me.
- [62:32]
A
I'm going to give you a report. Yeah, okay.
- [62:34]
B
Hold yourselves accountable. You know, make your. I have three. It's five max. You can max it out if you want and just build yalls process. Yeah, I want to see y' all be happy too. You will be more successful when you have a man. The myth that they told you that you don't need one and you stay focused. You will be more successful when you are more fulfilled. And I'm excited for you guys.
- [62:57]
A
Thank you.
- [62:58]
B
And come to the office.
- [62:58]
A
Oh, we're coming to the office, honey.
- [63:00]
B
We're gonna pull up on you today. All right, so let's go ahead and wrap this up so we can get.
- [63:06]
A
It online so we can get over there now. All right, so now we are going to do. One of my favorite parts of the show is called positive outcomes, where the listeners write in and we give them advice.
- [63:21]
B
Okay, I'm ready.
- [63:22]
A
So. All right, let's see what this one says. All right. It says, hey, Crystal, I found your podcast like a week ago and I've been binge watching all of your videos. You are really positive, light, and seem genuine in your faith with God. I am 22 years old and I'm about to graduate college in May to be a civil engineer. I started taking my walk with God more seriously in my early. In early 2023. And I can definitely see the difference in he's made in my life. But life do be life. And sometimes, yes, it does. And I realize it's not an easy thing staying consistent with my faith. Do you have any advice for younger people like me who are just starting their walk with Christ on how to stay consistent and balance that lifestyle? There are so many young black women stepping out into the real world who don't know how to navigate being a woman of faith in a country that never wanted us to thrive. Thank you so much for just being a role model for those of us who don't have any positive role models in our families. Aw. Thank you so much for writing in.
- [64:20]
B
What an astute 22 year old.
- [64:22]
A
I know. That's crazy.
- [64:25]
B
Wow.
- [64:25]
A
And you're about to graduate to be a civil engineer. Congratulations. I would tell you one thing for sure is for me, I Know, with trying to balance my walk with God. And I talk about this all the time in my career, and trying to make sure that the lifestyles align can sometimes be a battle, you know, But I would tell you just to continue to focus on God. Listen to. Because God talks to you. There's a thing called discernment that you will feel in your spirit, and that's the Holy Spirit talking to you. I would say just listen to that and follow that. And if you feel like you're doing something wrong, something that I learned yesterday, if you have to question it, that's the answer. So that's what I would tell you.
- [65:11]
B
I think that when I hear the way she worded that question, I think it's the wrong question. Right. I don't think that she has a inconsistent relationship with her faith. Like, it's always here. It's always. If you're a faithful person, it's very consistent. You can have a conversation with God anywhere, anytime. You don't have to be on your knees at all. She's trying to build a habit. She's trying to build a practice. That's.
- [65:36]
A
That's good. Yeah.
- [65:38]
B
You know, you're asking about the wrong thing. Your consistency is not in question, actually. You desire to be more disciplined.
- [65:45]
A
Yeah.
- [65:46]
B
And so this is what I mean when I say, okay, I have to build myself a process to get to something because I need to know the actionable steps of what I have to do to get what I want. And she just sounds like she needs to build a habit so that she feels connected.
- [65:58]
A
Connected. Yeah.
- [65:59]
B
That could be yoga. That could be meditating in the morning so that you consistently are doing something. But don't. You don't have to question your faith because you didn't do something today. Yeah, that's. You're questioning your ability to build a habit. Faith is not a question.
- [66:15]
A
Yeah, that's. That's so good. That's so good. All right, so next we're going to do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through.
- [66:24]
B
Okay.
- [66:25]
A
In this season, in your life. For me, I am. Well, I am going through one. We just talked about me being single, you know, and wanting love. And I'm going to come by your office later because I'm being more intentional now after this conversation, I'm going to make my list and I'm going to head on over. But for me, I'm going through just not putting so much emphasis on wanting a man. I'm fasting right now, and we were talking about somebody I had a little crush on last night. And I was. After I thought about. I was like, maybe I should wait. We're doing what's called seek season. Oh, yeah. So we're seeking God to, like, reveal some things in this season. And I'm still seeking a man, but what I'm struggling with.
- [67:20]
B
I'm supposed to.
- [67:21]
A
Be seeking the Lord. So when.
- [67:26]
B
A man, we going to keep it real. Okay. Mutually exclusive.
- [67:32]
A
Lord, while I'm seeking, you, reveal him. Okay.
- [67:34]
B
Can you do that?
- [67:35]
A
But in that, just keeping the faith to know that I'm not supposed to be alone, you know, and staying, not letting that anxiety creep in. I used to, like, be like, okay, my clock is ticking, Lord. I'm getting older. Like, I need. Like, why has in this area of my life been fulfilled? And I'm just finding peace in where I am right now is really what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. Because I want that. I really do.
- [68:00]
B
What am I going through? I think I'm just going through, like, another process, like I said, of, like, change.
- [68:13]
A
Yeah.
- [68:15]
B
And I'm fine with it. Like, I've been through a lot of processes, and it's exciting because there's, like, always something incredible on the other side, but I'm not on the other side yet. I'm still actively working on this process of, like, my purpose and making sure that I'm admitting that out into the world. But, yeah, I'm going through how to commit to that, how to stay focused on it, how to make the time for it. And what I'm going through is, like, directly connected to that, because I find that everybody can't always understand what that is or what's changed about me because I'm focusing in this way, or I can't hang out because I'm doing this, and I'm kind of growing through. You know, Everybody can't come. Everybody is not supposed to come.
- [69:11]
A
They're not.
- [69:13]
B
People are great. You can find people again later. Some people shouldn't have been around at all.
- [69:19]
A
Yeah.
- [69:20]
B
And just kind of just growing through, being okay with what I got.
- [69:27]
A
Yeah.
- [69:28]
B
Oprah only got one friend.
- [69:30]
A
Okay? Shut up, Gail.
- [69:33]
B
One and that man. And I hope that means baby.
- [69:36]
A
Okay.
- [69:37]
B
Okay. But she. She's got one friend. And for me, I'm just like. Again, I'm an Aquarius. So, like, if you're my person, you're my person. I can spend every day, every hour with you. And if you have the same vision as me and you see me, because sometimes my. I think my Vision can be so big and unrealistic to somebody else that they can't see it. They don't understand. And so then somebody's looking at you like you crazy. Well, how are you gonna do this? Right? You imagine you telling somebody while you're styling Tyler, that I'm gonna have my own show. And you see that for yourself. Even your closest friend might look at you and be like, okay, girl. Okay, well, like, don't lose this job with those bit, you know, whatever they. Whatever that fear is that they put on you. And I'm going through the process of learning how to, like, not let what anybody else can't achieve have anything to do with what I'mma do.
- [70:33]
A
Right.
- [70:34]
B
Because people love that.
- [70:35]
A
They do. They sure do. Oh, my goodness.
- [70:38]
B
So, yeah, I got a big vision. I don't need anybody to help me see it. I have eyes.
- [70:43]
A
I love it. That's so good. And to close it out, we do what we call fill in the blank. Keep it blank, sweetie. And I'm gonna say for this one, keep it purpose driven, sweetie. It's all about I really. I loved how you touched on purpose and finding purpose. So that's the one I'll say today.
- [71:03]
B
I' ma say keep it intentional, sweetie.
- [71:05]
A
There you go. There we have it. Amberly, you are a delight. Seriously. Just to see how you blossomed and grown up since I first met you. It's just beautiful to see. Thank you so much for stopping by.
- [71:19]
B
Thank you.
- [71:19]
A
Yes.
- [71:20]
B
Thank you. Of course.
- [71:21]
A
Guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I know I did. If you want to write into our positive outcomes, Open listener letter, write into keepitpositsweetie gmail.com. and that is sweetie with an ie. You can follow me on all platforms at LoveChristal, Renee. And that's L U V. Amber, Tell the people where they can find you.
- [71:39]
B
You can find me at Ambergrimes. A M B E R G R I M E S. And at Amber's Book Club.
- [71:44]
A
That's right, Amber's Book Club. Make sure you tap in. I'm going to tap in.
- [71:47]
B
Please.
- [71:48]
A
I am. I got all these books back here that Emma had posted, and I was like, I'm going to read all these books. I haven't. Listen, I started reading one.
- [71:57]
B
The first step is just getting them in the house so you can see them.
- [72:00]
A
Oh, they are here. Yes. I got them.
- [72:01]
B
They find you? They will, yes.
- [72:05]
A
Oh, my God. In the meantime, in between time, you know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie. Love you guys.
- [72:10]
B
Bye.