Podcast Summary: Keep it Positive, Sweetie

Episode: "Still I Rise" with Gocha Hawkins-Haynes

Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Gocha Hawkins-Haynes
Date: October 31, 2023

Episode Overview

In this deeply personal and inspiring episode, Crystal Renee Hayslett sits down with her longtime friend and powerhouse entrepreneur, Gocha Hawkins-Haynes. Known for her success in the hair and restaurant industries, Gocha shares her story of resilience through childhood trauma, prison, broken relationships, and the relentless pursuit of self-worth and fulfillment. Together, they discuss the realities behind the public image of a "boss" woman, the power of owning your narrative, finding and redefining family, entrepreneurship, and the ongoing journey of healing and forgiveness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

[00:26] - Introductions & the Power of Real Stories

• Crystal introduces Gocha as a multi-faceted entrepreneur and friend, emphasizing the importance of sharing stories beyond the "highlight reel" to inspire and relate to others.
• Gocha reflects on how social media often hides the struggles behind success, stating, "People only show the positive things they're doing. You don't get to see the grind and hardships they had to get there." [01:25]

[04:06] - Gocha’s Early Life: From Hair to Prison and Back

• Gocha reveals she never planned on doing hair. Her life took a turn after serving two years in prison, set up first by her husband and then a friend. She describes this as a pivotal period that forced her to find a new path.
• "I got on the wrong side of the road. I went to prison... When I got out, I was like, what am I going to do with my life?" [04:06]
• She learned the hair business in school, built her clientele early, and found blessings in unexpected places.

[07:46] - Childhood Trauma and Search for Love

• Gocha candidly discusses suffering abuse from family members, time in foster care, and being on her own at 14, all leading to early adulthood struggles.
• “I was looking for love in all the wrong places... hurt by all the people who are supposed to love you.” [07:46]
• She frames her hardships as "stepping stones" to her current self, expressing no regret for her past. [08:00]

[10:30] - Mental Health, Therapy, and Acceptance

• Both Gocha and Crystal discuss their struggles building trust with therapists and the specific need for a counselor who relates to their life experiences.
• Gocha: “When I went to counseling, I didn’t feel a connection. It has to be the right chemistry, the right person.” [10:42]

[13:31] - Relationships, Growth, and Sexuality

• Gocha speaks authentically about her difficulty finding lasting, healthy relationships, noting that past wounds led her to end relationships easily and seek control.
• She discusses marrying a woman, hinting at the impact of childhood abuse on her sexuality: "I never really liked guys... that stemmed from the sexual molestation I went through as a kid." [14:29]
• Joyful recounting of her recent wedding in Las Vegas highlights her newfound happiness and the importance of intimacy, trust, and choosing what feels right for oneself. [16:09]

[18:55] - Career Shifts: From Hair to Hospitality

• Gocha recalls how she unexpectedly discovered her passion for cooking—initially struggling, then learning from her grandmother, and building her restaurant empire from scratch.
• "If you can read, you can cook... it’s easy.” [20:24]
• She emphasizes finding fulfillment in food service after years of trying different businesses, achieving true passion only five years prior. [21:47]

[22:42] - The Importance of Multiple Pursuits & Giving Back

• Both women discuss having multiple "irons in the fire" and resisting being gatekept by others, noting the importance of helping and sharing knowledge.
• Crystal: “Your living is in your giving... whatever you sow is gonna come back to you.” [26:09]

[30:42] - Motherhood, Sacrifice, and Generational Healing

• Gocha shares the pain of reuniting with her children after prison, the sacrifices she made as a single parent, and her children’s mixed feelings about her absence during their youth.
• "They felt like ‘you weren't at my games,’... but I did the best with what I had.” [32:20]
• The women reflect on the generational patterns of love and affection, the challenges of breaking cycles, and how hard it can be for children to see their parents as imperfect humans.

[37:07] - Entrepreneurship: Lessons and Franchise Opportunities

• Gocha talks about franchising her restaurant (franchise fee $35,000), insisting potential owners be passionate operators, not just investors.
• She safeguards recipe consistency to maintain the brand’s quality across locations. [38:05]

[39:33] - Entrepreneurship Advice

• Key tips for aspiring entrepreneurs:
  • Be knowledgeable and persistent.
  • Push a quality product.
  • Expect and persevere through rejection.
  • Balance is challenging; relentless drive is necessary.
• “My work never stops. No matter how big I get, it never stops.” [40:29]

[41:32] - Healing and Forgiveness

• Crystal asks Gocha about her journey toward forgiving those who hurt her.
• Gocha recounts confronting a childhood abuser who offered no response, and the pain of not being believed by family.
• “I did approach only one person... I told them ‘what you did affected me my entire life.’ They didn’t say anything.” [41:32]
• She discusses being protective of her own children, the complexities of generational trauma, and the ongoing process of forgiveness.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Social Media & Struggle:
  • Gocha: “People only show the positive things… you just see the glorified part.” [01:25]
• On Turning Hardship into Character:
  • “I feel like these were stepping stones… they made me who I am today.” – Gocha [08:00]
• On Therapy:
  • “It has to be the right chemistry, the right person.” – Gocha [10:42]
• On Sexuality:
  • “I never really liked guys… that stemmed from the sexual molestation I went through as a kid.” – Gocha [14:29]
• On Consistency in Business:
  • “We want to make sure it’s consistent all the way through… I’m real big on consistency for sure.” – Gocha [38:58]
• On Forgiveness:
  • “I’ve had to ask for forgiveness… for being mad at them. But I definitely don’t forget.” – Gocha [43:21]
• On Purpose & Blessings:
  • “God continuously blesses me. I think he’s like, 'I got you. You’ve had enough, baby.'” – Gocha [46:00, 46:31]

Key Timestamps

• Introductions & theme - [00:26–01:49]
• Gocha’s background (prison, hair career, family history) - [04:06–07:46]
• Childhood trauma, foster care, life lessons - [07:46–10:30]
• Mental health & finding the right therapist - [10:30–13:31]
• Relationships, sexuality, finding fulfillment - [13:31–16:13]
• Marriage and joy - [16:13–18:03]
• Career evolution: from hair to food - [18:55–21:48]
• Entrepreneurship advice & hustling - [22:42–26:10]
• Motherhood & sacrifices - [30:42–35:15]
• Discussion on generational love/trauma - [35:32–36:52]
• Restaurant franchising & growth - [37:07–39:02]
• Advice for new entrepreneurs - [39:33–40:55]
• On forgiveness & confrontation - [41:32–43:40]
• Protecting the next generation - [44:04–45:45]
• Reflections on blessing after hardship - [45:41–47:09]

Advice Segment [47:38–52:33]

Listener Letter from Melody:
Melody, an educated, single mother, shares her feelings of being overlooked both in work and love despite always doing the right thing. Both hosts empathize, encourage her not to give up, and stress pouring into herself and seeking new opportunities if current ones do not serve her value.

What They're "Going Through" and "Growing Through" [52:33–54:34]

• Crystal:
  • Going through: Knowing when to let go versus holding on.
  • Growing through: Letting go of control.
• Gocha:
  • Going through: Identifying right people and opportunities.
  • Growing through: Delegating and trusting her team, planning for earning “money in her sleep” through products (grits, pancakes, hot sauce, seasonings).

Closing & Final Thoughts

• Core themes: Ambition, positivity, perseverance, and giving back.
• Crystal’s takeaway: “Keep it ambitious, sweetie.”
• Gocha’s trademark: “Keep it positive.”

Where to Find Them

• Gocha Hawkins-Haynes:

  • GochasBreakfastBar.com
  • Gocha’s Tapas Bar
  • @gochahawkins on social media

• Crystal Renee Hayslett:

  • @loveluvcrystalrenee on all platforms