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- [00:00]
A
Trigger Warning.
- [00:01]
B
This episode discusses sexual abuse. Viewer discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, please call the National Sexual assault hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
- [00:26]
A
Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. Today I have with me one of my really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good friends. Go, Shay. You guys may know her from Goshe's Breakfast Bar, Goshe's Tapas Bar, or even when she did hair back in the day. But she is here today. We're gonna have some girl talk. I'm so excited to have you here today.
- [00:47]
B
Oh, thank you. You'll have to say back in the day, like, I'm 59 years old, but.
- [00:54]
A
You are a restaurateur now, honey.
- [00:57]
B
Yes, indeed. Thank you. Thank you, Becky. Thank you for having me.
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A
Of course. No, I'm excited because you really have a story to tell.
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B
Oh, God, do I.
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A
You do. And I like to highlight women, especially successful women who have, like, made a name for themselves doing it the right way, but to show because a lot of people see us and they only see the light and, like, oh, my gosh, she's a boss. She's doing this, she's doing that. But they don't see everything that it took to get to where you are today.
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B
Absolutely.
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A
You know what I'm saying?
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B
I say that all the time when it comes to social media, you know, people only show the positive things that they're doing. You don't get to see the grind and how, you know, all the hardships that they had to get. You just see the glorified part.
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A
Exactly. That is so real. So I like to give them insight, which makes us more relatable. People can see us and be like, oh, my God, I'm just like her.
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B
And.
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A
And I can do it too. That's the most important part. Seeing that they see themselves in us, but also know that they can do it as well, whatever that is that you want to do. So, yeah. So let me see. We met, I want to say, probably around 2000. I want to say 14. 13 or 14.
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B
I think it was more 2012.
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A
Was it 1212.
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B
2012.
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A
Wow. See that?
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B
Goodness gracious.
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A
Time has been flying.
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B
Oh, for sure.
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A
Time is flying. I used to wear my hair short like o'. Shea.
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B
Oh, gosh.
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A
She would cut my hair for. You were cutting my hair up until the first restaurant.
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B
Yeah, it was.
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A
I would literally go to her office and get my hair cut. I'm like, goshe, I need. I Know you're not doing hair, but I need my hair done.
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B
You were my poster child. You just didn't know it.
- [02:34]
A
Aw.
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B
I post Crystal and be like, bam, bam, bam, bam. Hits after hits, like, yes. Come on, Crystal. I need my hair done. Okay, cool. Come on through, baby.
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A
I love that. I love. No, we used to rock that short hair. My goodness.
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B
Everything.
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A
That was my favorite. Oh, my goodness. My favorite. I ain't about to cut my hair off, y', all, but if I. I have the itch sometimes to cut it off. But.
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B
Yeah, well, you know, you wear a little wig and.
- [03:04]
A
True, true. Oh, yeah, I could do that. I actually do have a short wig. You just reminded me, okay, I could do that when I'm feeling a little feisty.
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B
Yeah, I like that.
- [03:13]
A
I like that. So when I met you, you were doing hair. At the time, you were work. You had your own salon. And at that time, it was. Was that midtown, the one off of Iris? Glen Iris.
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B
Oh, yes, that was Glen Iris. Where? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was back in the day.
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A
See?
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B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah, yeah. Glen Iris was the first one. And you were doing the Hawks cheerleaders hair, and then you were also styling celebrities hair. You were doing a lot of things.
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B
And that's where I first met. Malaysia.
- [03:47]
A
Yes. Yes. Y. Mm. Yep. And then you got another salon, beautiful, bigger space in the heart of midtown, right off of West Street. Yeah, yeah. Then what made you want to say, okay, I want to do hair? What was it that was like this? Did you just love doing it as a kid or what was it?
- [04:07]
B
Well, the funny part is, when I was a kid, I never wanted to do hair. Never thought about it or anything. It was simply. I got on the wrong side of the road. I went to prison, and I got out of prison. And I was like, what am I going to do with my life? And a young lady who was doing my hair at the time, once I got out, I saw how quickly she, you know, she would take, like, the first 18 people. You come sign a book early in the morning.
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A
Oh, wow.
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B
And, you know, if you didn't get on the list, she. She was not doing your hair. And so every person that came, it was a minimum of $18. So it was like a shampooing set at that time was $18.
- [04:52]
A
Wow.
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B
So a minimum, you were getting $18. So I was like, wow, this looks like the next best thing to selling drugs. So I want to try this out, you know? So I decided to go to hair school. I met a girl named Cynthia, and she was in my Class, and she taught me everything I needed to know about weave. And I tell people all the time. She had to be my guardian angel because she got out of school. She became a paralegal. She did not even do hair. It was so crazy. I was like, wow. But I built up my clientele before I even got out of school. So I went straight into a salon with a clientele. That's a blessing. That taught me a lot.
- [05:40]
A
That's amazing.
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B
Wow.
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A
That's a blessing. You say you went to prison. What? You. What was that?
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B
I went to prison. I did two years, and I think I knew this. Yeah, I went to prison. I did two years. I had just had my son. And the crazy thing is, I went to prison. I got set up twice. One was from a girl that I thought was my friend. The first time, it was my husband.
- [06:10]
A
That's the worst.
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B
Which was the worst? It was unbelievable. But, you know, when I went to court, they said they sent his name, blah, blah, blah, blah, to buy crack cocaine from me.
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A
What?
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B
That was what was on my affidavit.
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A
Oh, my goodness. And you got caught up in that.
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B
So I did two years. And I always felt like he was the type. He didn't want me to be out in the streets because he was, like, really jealous, you know, that type of guy, and did not want me to be in the streets. So I'm going to assume that's why he did that. But, yeah, that was crazy.
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A
But he really didn't want you in the street. I want you.
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B
His mom got my kids. Yeah. I was trying to get my family to, you know, keep my kids temporarily, and he wanted his mom to keep them, and so she ended up keeping them. So I didn't get the chance to see them while I was locked up. So it was hard, you know, but, you know, it taught me. It taught me a lesson, you know, get out of the streets. But the whole thing was I was looking for love in all the wrong places. My husband was 11 years old, older than I was, and so I was just trying to find love.
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A
Yes.
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B
And just got caught up doing the wrong things. So.
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A
Wow. Where do you feel like that getting caught up? Cause I know a lot of women have been that girl where they've gotten caught up looking for love in all the wrong places. Where do you think that stemmed from? Do you feel like that was a childhood thing or do you feel like.
- [07:46]
B
I think, you know, as a kid, I was abused from different family members and, you know, just trying to find love, you know, I felt Like, I was hurt by all the people who are supposed to love you. And then, you know, once I, you know, got out, you know, I got. I went to foster care. I was shuffled from home to home. Like, it was a really rough childhood, you know, And I ended up being on my own at 14, and I was just looking for love in all the wrong places, just trying to be accepted, trying to find somebody. And that's how I found my husband. I ended up getting pregnant at 16, had my first baby at 17, got married at 18, had my next baby, went to prison at 19. Like, wow, it was a lot. And, you know, even though I went to prison and did all that, I'm not mad, you know, I'm not. Even though my husband set me up, I'm not mad at him. You know, all these things that I did experience with the abuse from childhood and so forth, I feel like these were stepping stones in my life. They built character. They made me who I am today, and I'm pretty happy with who I am today, you know, I must say.
- [09:09]
A
You have turned out amazing. You know, people never see the scars, you know what I'm saying? That people carry. I don't even think I knew that.
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B
Yeah, I mean, you know, because I tell people, don't let your past dictate your future. You know, I don't ever want people to feel sorry for me and be like, oh, my God, you went through all this stuff, and I feel sorry for you. No, don't feel sorry for me, because it is what it is, you know, and had I not went through some of the things that I went through, I probably would not be who I am today, you know, so I don't regret anything. You know, I. I still deal with it mentally because sometimes I still feel like I'm not accepted in certain areas or I don't hang with the, you know, all the popular people. I don't. And I feel like. So those are some things that I still deal with, you know, just being accepted. Even though I am super successful, I try to take my success and just make it bigger to. In my mind, to feel like, oh, you'll be accepted now that you're successful, even more, you know, so that's. Those are things that I still battle with today. You know, I haven't. I tried to go to counseling.
- [10:31]
A
That was gonna be my next question.
- [10:32]
B
I tried. And when I went to counseling, I didn't feel. Feel a connection. I didn't feel like they were there for me.
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A
That's important.
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B
I felt like it was a job for them. So it just didn't connect. I still feel like I could use counseling, but it has to be the right chemistry, the right person.
- [10:58]
A
I'm with you because I struggle with that. I had started doing counseling last year, and same thing. It was just. It just wasn't a good fit. I was like, it doesn't feel right. I didn't feel comfortable to tell the person the truth because in order to get help, you have to be honest, you know, and you have to put that mirror up to your face and be like, ooh, this is what I. Oh, wow. And it causes you to really see a lot of things and unpack things that we as adults have literally suppressed for years. And that little girl or that little boy inside of us never heals.
- [11:29]
B
And I had so many stipulations. I didn't want to go to a man, you know, and even, like, if I go to a gynecologist, I don't want to go to a man. Like, it's so weird. Like, it's like, has to be a woman, and they have to be able to connect, you know, like, mentally, spiritually, physically. Like, just absolutely the whole total thing. And I just didn't get that.
- [11:52]
A
It's hard to find. It really is. It really is. I've been blessed. I've had my therapist on a few times, Dr. Delana Zimmerman, and she is like the auntie Ayanla Van Zandt who's gonna give it to you real and raw. And I sometimes just like, did you just say that to me? What? But it's so real.
- [12:13]
B
Do you feel like if they didn't actually go through what you went through or some similar, that they can really tell you how to deal with it?
- [12:21]
A
Right. No colossus was just clinical definition or answers. But see, Dr. Zelena, she's been to prison. She's been in trouble.
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B
Oh, yeah.
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A
All the things, you know. And she's relapsed and cleaned herself back up. Yeah. She's recovered completely. So she's lived a life of pain and suffering and knows how to overcome all those things. So she's like. She's someone who's been through some things that can be like, hey, I can help you get through. She's been married, been divorced.
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B
Oh, yeah.
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A
She's lived all the things.
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B
So then I like to relate to her.
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A
Yeah, I'm sure you would. For sure.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So she is amazing. She really is. Do you feel like. Cause I hear a lot of the young girl in gauche that still we never Lose that little girl inside of us. Oh, yeah, we never do. And I learned that in therapy. I'm like, ooh, I didn't realize how broken this little girl was inside of me. And we continue to try to mask. I know, for me, masking success, men, clothes, jewelry, whatever things may be that make me happy to just keep that little girl kind of pushed in the corner because I don't want to deal with it. You know what I'm saying? Do you feel like that has also had an impact on relationships?
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B
Oh, absolutely.
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A
Moving forward, even after your husband?
- [13:32]
B
Absolutely. I feel like a lot of relationships that I were in, I maybe was not mature enough to even deal with the relationships. And I pretty much dealt with it or felt like my way. No way. Or the highway, fuck it, I'm out. You know what I'm saying? And that was all because I wasn't really mature enough to handle the relationships. I've been in quite a few relationships, and I feel like all of that stems from just the past, you know? So.
- [14:05]
A
So you recently got married. Now you are married to a woman. Oh, yeah. What was it that made Goshe be like, I'm sick of these.
- [14:17]
B
Yeah. I say all the time. I tell all my friends, I feel so sorry for y'.
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A
All.
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B
Like, y' all might as well just switch on over to the other side.
- [14:24]
A
You always say that. You always says that.
- [14:29]
B
I think, number one, I never really liked guys. You know, I think that stemmed from just the sex. Sexual molestation that I went through as a kid. I think, really, that was it. And then when I did experience guys, it wasn't, like, fulfilling. I felt like the sex hurt. It hurt.
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A
And.
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B
Can I say that?
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A
What? Yeah.
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B
Okay. And I was. Condoms drop. Oh, I can say that.
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A
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because it does. Condoms affect women differently. Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is a real thing.
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B
Okay. So, you know, I felt, like, the sex hurt. I felt like. And then when you had to have sex with dudes, you had to use a condom. The condoms would dry me out, mess up my ph.
- [15:21]
A
I would, you know, you need them lamb skin. Yeah.
- [15:24]
B
I mean, I tried those, too, but still, like, they still just. I still would. It would throw off my ph, so I still would have to go to the doctor. Like, I just. Me just wasn't it for me. Like, I tried. And then I felt like guys, like, it was too, too much. Like, the cheating. Like, it was just too much. It is, you know? And I always found myself attracted to women. I always thought they were so beautiful, and I felt like connected And I just. I just gave up. I was just like, I don't want a man anymore. I'm just gonna stay with a woman now, you know? I tried it a few times, and I finally found someone that I felt like I really connected with. My wife, Like, I'm really happy with her.
- [16:10]
A
You are?
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B
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Super sweet.
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A
So supportive.
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B
She get on my nerves sometime. I have this T shirt that says my wife. Makes me want to square up on her, so. Yeah. But I love her for real.
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A
Oh, my goodness. I love it. I went to your wedding in Vegas.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So much fun. We had a good time. But I guess your wife was just so in love like, that she couldn't even stand up that she passed out.
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B
I know.
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A
That was the crazy.
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B
I told her she was scared. You know, this was her first relationship with a woman. So I guess maybe in her mind, she was like, oh, my God, what have I done? That's probably why she passed out.
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A
She was like, we were taking a picture.
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B
Yes. And you remember I said, oh, it's too late now. You already said. I knew.
- [16:58]
A
The wedding was over, y'. All. Goshe and her wife and I were taking our solo pictures together, and I feel her wife get a little heavy on my shoulder. I was like, come on, we almost done. She's like, yeah, I just can't. I was like, oh, my God. I was like, she's messed up.
- [17:18]
B
That was a mess. Like, I think she was nervous. I think. I don't know. I don't know.
- [17:25]
A
No, she was definitely nervous. It was a beautiful wedding night. So beautiful, intimate. I love how you guys did it.
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B
Yeah.
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A
I definitely. If I get married, I definitely want three something. Something intimate like that. It was just my close friends, people I really talk to, that I know, love.
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B
Because most of the time you have weddings and you have all these people, half of them you haven't talked to in years, blah, blah, blah.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And then you just have this big thing. It's just for. That's really for them.
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A
It is. And I'm not spending all the money for them.
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B
It doesn't make sense.
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A
It doesn't. Yeah. I want to do something cute for my people. We don't have fun. Probably get out of Atlanta somewhere pretty, you know?
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B
Yeah, that'd be nice. I'll be excited when it happens.
- [18:02]
A
Me, too.
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B
It's coming. It's coming. God said, be patient.
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A
I've been patient.
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B
Yeah. He said, a little bit longer.
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A
How much longer, Lord?
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B
He said, don't ask me no questions.
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A
He sure Did. Listen, he'll make you laugh when you try to make plans. I'd be like, lord. So when we doing this, I'm ready, I'm ready. Let's talk about what the switch was when you, because you, career wise, you decided, okay, I don't want to do here anymore. I'm gonna open up a restaurant. First of all, go shake and cook. Listen, you can cook. Like, I remember we would come to your condo before you moved into your other house. Before you moved to the other house, Sisters had been elevated, okay? But I remember you used to cook for us. I'm like, gosh, you can really cook. What was it? That was it just like everybody telling you you could cook or you knew, like, I can do this.
- [18:56]
B
So my mom has or had nine sisters and brothers and they all cooked.
- [19:02]
A
Wow.
- [19:02]
B
And then my dad's mom, she cooked. The crazy part is I never picked up on any of it, really. I did not learn how to cook until I got married the first time. And my husband, I remember cooking and I made jiffy mix. Now he was like an only child and his mom used to always cook for him. So when I came in the picture, I did not know how to cook. So I remember when we got married, I cooked and I made jiffy mix.
- [19:37]
A
I love jiffy.
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B
Okay, Well, I do.
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A
I'm from the country.
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B
He didn't like jiffy mix. He took that pan of cornbread and he threw it across the room. He said, I wanted a fucking cake. I would ask for a cake.
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A
That's why I like it. Cause it's so sweet.
- [19:53]
B
So, girl, from that day, I learned how to cook. Like, for real? For real. I learned how to cook. I went down to my grandmother's house and she started showing me how to cook. And I just started trying, trying. And at that time, I was 18, so I just started experimenting. Experimenting.
- [20:09]
A
Oh my goodness.
- [20:10]
B
And my grandmother worked at the country club and I used to to go to work with her, learn a little stuff here and there. And I just started cooking at home. I just started incorporating, you know, little things and learning and learning until I finally got it right.
- [20:23]
A
I love that. Well, you got it right.
- [20:25]
B
But I tell people all the time, if you can read, you can cook. You just gotta make instructions. You just gotta figure out what works for you. A little bit of this, a little less. I mean, it's easy.
- [20:35]
A
I love that. And all your recipes are your original recipes?
- [20:37]
B
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- [20:39]
A
So good. My go to at Gauche's breakfast bar are the salmon croquettes. The honey biscuit cheese grit with breakfast potatoes and some orange juice. That's my favorite. I even get it Uber eats to my house.
- [20:50]
B
I know, girl.
- [20:51]
A
I love it. It's so good. And then at your tapas bar, I love the salmon chips, the lollipop lamb chops with the jam. So good. Everything is. Everything you do is amazing.
- [21:03]
B
Thank you. I work really hard on these things. Like, I really have a passion. I realized that after doing hair, that this is really my passion. This is the first business I've ever had. I've had several businesses from clothing stores, hair salons. You know, I feel like this is truly my passion, and I feel really fulfilled with this. This is the first time I've ever felt fulfilled when I opened the restaurant.
- [21:29]
A
At what age were you? Because sometimes people, especially younger generations, think everything has to happen right now, but they don't realize life is a journey, and you're gonna have things you fall in and out of love with. At what point. What age were you when you decided, this is the shift? And then you saw, oh, my God, I'm finally fulfilled?
- [21:45]
B
Oh, that was five years ago.
- [21:48]
A
Oh, wow.
- [21:49]
B
And, yeah, so five years ago, like, this didn't happen. And I see this happen all the time. You don't have a lot of people. I mean, it's becoming a little bit more common now that success is coming younger. But a lot of times people don't find success until their 40s, 50s, you.
- [22:08]
A
Know, it was late 30s for me.
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B
Yeah.
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A
When everything hit. Yeah.
- [22:12]
B
So, yeah. Like, it's just five years ago that I realized that, oh, wow. This is it.
- [22:19]
A
Wow. And I remember you did have a clothing line. I remember we would go to Miami and you were shopping for clothes at the fashion. I do remember. I forgot all about that. Yeah. So guys, just understand, like, there's gonna be different journeys. You're gonna fall in and out of love with things. One year, one passion may be your thing. The next year may not. But don't lose hope, because eventually you will find your niche and what you love to do. I love that gauche.
- [22:42]
B
Yeah. And I like to tell people that you should have more than one iron in the fire. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
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A
That's it.
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B
Because this may not work. So continuously making this, this work, this work, this work, you know?
- [22:56]
A
Right.
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B
Because, you know, like, even when I had my hair salon in Alabama, I had a clothing store.
- [23:02]
A
Yeah.
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B
You know, I let that go because it became too much. It was next door. Now, if I would have had the clothes in the store, in the salon.
- [23:10]
A
Right.
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B
But it was so crazy, girl. I would be doing hair, somebody would come, want to buy something. I would have to stop on their hair, go next door and try to shop and show people, you know, what they needed or what they wanted or whatever. It was crazy. Oh, my gosh.
- [23:25]
A
You was hustling.
- [23:26]
B
Yeah, I was. And it was crazy. I want to. I want to say this. I don't know if I can or not, but anyway, I tell people that, you know, like sometimes you go to people for knowledge. You ask them to help you. And I remember it was this lady who lived in Atlanta. I lived in Alabama at the time. And I went to her and I asked her if she could help me with my clothing store. Because I did not know, you know, what to do, where to buy the clothes or whatever. And this lady told me that she could not help me. It was a conflict of interest. Now remind you, I'm in Alabama and she was in Atlanta. I'm never gonna forget this lady. And she had this boutique over here, like close to Lenox Mall. I don't know if you ever heard of signature boutique. Back in the days. It was this lady named Wendy. I was so shocked. Cause I used to shop with that lady all the time from Alabama. And I came up here to help me and she. She was like, yeah, that's a conflict of interest for me. I was so shocked. But I just say that to say that, you know, sometimes you can seek help from. You ask people for help, and they don't want to help you because they feel like you're competition to them or you might do better than them or something. And I'm just happy that I'm not that type of person.
- [24:39]
A
You're not? Yeah.
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B
And I feel like you can. I feel like God blesses you more when you're helping people, you know what I'm saying? And not having a closed fist, gatekeeping. Oh, no, I can't help you because you might. You might get ahead.
- [24:57]
A
Yeah, no, but there's enough room for everybody to eat. And when people understand that, they won't be like that. But yeah, people are like, I don't want to be in competition with you.
- [25:05]
B
Cause you know how you helped me with that video.
- [25:07]
A
Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
- [25:11]
B
I step my game up with the.
- [25:12]
A
Videos because I know that's a big part of your branding. You know, that's important to know how to do that. And yeah, so I'm like, I'm gonna show you how to do it. Like, it's not A problem. I do. I feel like a lot of people do that. And I've always been that type of person. Like, if I can teach you something, I'm teach you. If I can help you, I'm gonna help you. And what you do with is on you. You know what I'm saying? I gotta keep doing mine. But once I spread your wings and I want you to soar, you know, do your thing. But that is so good. And that's why people are so blessed for sure. Always say your living is in your giving. And people look at me and like, oh, my God, why her? Like, why? And I'm like, it's not me. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's what God has, like, bestowed upon me, but also the fact that I'm not stingy with it. Right? Like, yeah, you got to be able. You have to be a giver. It's always going to come back in ways you don't even expect. It may not come back in the way you gave it, but it's going to come back and be like, oh, wow. I didn't even. I didn't even expect that.
- [26:09]
B
I wasn't even thinking about it.
- [26:11]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [26:12]
B
So that's a great giver, too.
- [26:14]
A
Thank you. You are too, though.
- [26:16]
B
You give all the time, even when you're not even thinking about it. Just. It's just in you. It's amazing.
- [26:22]
A
Thank you. No, but like, literally, that's. I think I've been like that since I was a kid. Like, I think I got it from my dad because my dad is always like, whatever you need.
- [26:29]
B
Yeah, come on.
- [26:30]
A
Got you with anybody? Like, just the nicest person I ever knew. So I gravitated to the kindness and, like, generosity. Let me just do this. And when I was growing up, my parents instilled in me tithing. It started with giving to God, and then I realized I was like, okay, I'm gonna just do it. Cause they told me to do it and I would do it. And I'm like, daddy, I did it. And then I got this. This came just like that. I was like, this tithing thing really works. And I was like, what if I tried that with other things? And it like, literally it always comes. Whatever you sew, it's gonna come back to you. Good or bad. Yeah, right. Whatever you sewing, it's gonna come back on you. That's so good.
- [27:08]
B
I used to be happy in church, passing around a little plate and put my little dollar in there.
- [27:13]
A
Back in the day, when I was a kid, me Too.
- [27:17]
B
I used to be so happy.
- [27:18]
A
Me, too. I remember when I was broke, broke. I had moved to Atlanta, and I was so embarrassed. I was making $600 every two weeks. And when I got paid, I'm like. Because I was used to making more money when I was living in D.C. and I came in, I wasn't making a lot of money, and I was like, all, I'm $60. I just felt embarrassed giving God $60. But that's. I mean, that was the 10th, you know, just giving what you got. And literally, a friend of mine called me, and he's like, hey. He's like, God just told me to bless you. He's like, gave me, like, double what I had already, like, what I was making. So I was like, God, okay, you really being faithful. Like, I see what you're doing, Lord, but I used to, like, I remember being so broke when I first moved to Atlanta, and I was like, I'm trying to stay faithful, but I can really use this extra $60.
- [28:04]
B
True. Hello. And I know that some people feel like, you know, like, when you're giving, you know, like, they tell you to give your offerings in church, but you don't have to always do it at church. Yeah, no, I give people money all the time. Like, I hear stories of my. Some of my employees struggling, can't pay their rent, or this, that, and the third.
- [28:23]
A
Exactly.
- [28:24]
B
And I bless them with money.
- [28:25]
A
This is what the church would do.
- [28:26]
B
Yeah.
- [28:26]
A
If they're doing the right thing.
- [28:27]
B
So I be feeling like, yeah, I don't have to be at church to give. You know, I could just give to people.
- [28:33]
A
You know, I had asked my dad that one day. I was like, dad, I was like, I got all this money. I was like, do I have to, like, give this to the church or what? There's, like, a foundation, or if I want to, like, take needy families on a shopping spree, or if I want, can I allocate some of this money for different things? He's like, absolutely. So I still send money to the church, but I also take some of that extra money and be like, hey, I want to give to this foundation. I want to help this person. Same thing. Because sometimes people think that that's the only way to give, you know, because I look at what my churches do, and they do amazing things. But I was like, I can do that, too. And I feel like it's still serves the same purpose, you know, I know.
- [29:11]
B
My mom, she was like. She'd be calling me every now and then, like, can you Give a donation to the church. Yeah. But next Sunday she'll call me. Can you give? No, like I'm giving. I'll give like from my heart when I want to, not because you want me to. Yeah, like, I don't like that. I don't like to do stuff like that. I like to do it when I want to do it.
- [29:33]
A
Yeah, right. When God put it on your heart. Yeah.
- [29:35]
B
Not cause you feel like I should be giving my money to your church.
- [29:39]
A
Cause it makes you look good.
- [29:40]
B
I don't even go to your church.
- [29:41]
A
Right. That church is not feeding me. Hilarious. Yeah.
- [29:47]
B
That's just crazy. But yeah, I love giving to people and being able to help. I love it.
- [29:53]
A
Yeah. And that's why you so blessed. I tell people all the time, like I've had friends and even family members that want to figure out why nothing's really moving on. Like, you stingy. Yeah, you got it. You know what I'm saying? You got to help people, bless people, be nice. And they're like, okay. Cuz I'm like. I'm just saying. I'm like, I'm trying to give you the blueprint here.
- [30:14]
B
Yeah, that's true.
- [30:15]
A
I'm trying to give you the blueprint. I am. Yeah. Let's talk about your kids. So you have a daughter, a son that I know. Was it. Does it.
- [30:24]
B
Dang. How many kids you going to get me? I don't know.
- [30:26]
A
I'm thinking grandkids. Yeah. Because the grandkids ain't got. Then it got big. Yes. Daughter and a son. What was it like? Cause I know you were taking. You were in prison when they were young. Really young. What was that like getting back with him after that? Was it tough? And what's that relationship like?
- [30:43]
B
Yeah. So, you know, once I got out of prison, I wanted to. My ex husband's mom was supposed to just give me the kids back when I got out, but of course that didn't happen. She wanted me to go to court. And you know that once you get out of prison, you gotta work, you gotta show some history, you gotta have a stable life.
- [31:07]
A
Yeah.
- [31:08]
B
Yeah. So I was really upset. So it took me probably three years after I got out to be able to show that I was stable. Cause of course, remember I told you I had to go to school, I had to find me a place and it took me about three years to go to court, get the kids back. It was real challenging at that time and I was super depressed about it because I had already been taken away from them. And then to get out and then have to show, you know, show my life that I'm capable and worthy of being in their life. It was a challenging process for me, but I got them back, needless to say. And, you know, we've been through some times, because even though he wasn't in my life, I still had to raise them by myself. And so the things that I thought was right, raising them was basically giving them everything, making sure we lived in the best places and making sure they had the best clothes, went to the best schools, all that. I didn't find out till now, now that they're older, that that wasn't important to them.
- [32:19]
A
That's a real thing.
- [32:20]
B
And it was very hurtful and disheartening for them to tell me that, because I felt like I was doing everything right to give them the best, but they felt like you weren't at my games, you weren't this, and you weren't there. It's a sacrifice. How could I be there if I was the only breadwinner, you know, I was. Who was taking care of everybody.
- [32:41]
A
Right.
- [32:43]
B
So, you know, they still hold that against me, you know, still to this day. And it's very disheartening, you know, But I did the best that I knew how to do as a parent with what I had been dealt with, you know?
- [32:56]
A
Yeah.
- [32:57]
B
So.
- [32:57]
A
Wow.
- [32:58]
B
Yeah.
- [32:58]
A
And they're grown now, so my hope is that they realize mom was doing the best she could with what she knew to do.
- [33:05]
B
Oh, absolutely.
- [33:06]
A
You know, because that was something that I finally came to grips with with my parents. They were just doing what. And I think as adults, we end up learning that, like, dang. Like. Cause they. We see, like, dang. They were really just doing the best they could with what they knew. It's like a generational thing, you know?
- [33:21]
B
I mean, my parents didn't grow up saying I love you and all that and get all that nurturing and all that stuff. Like.
- [33:27]
A
No.
- [33:28]
B
So it was. It's even hard to. To this day in relationships, you know, saying, I love you, like, you're not used to that. It's like. How do you say it? It feels weird, right? You know, it feels.
- [33:41]
A
Even affection. Does affection feel weird to you?
- [33:43]
B
You know, it used to. I'm learning. I'm learning now to like it. But before, like, that was weird. Like.
- [33:53]
A
Yeah, Yeah, I can imagine.
- [33:56]
B
Didn't want to be touched, Right?
- [33:58]
A
Yeah. For multiple reasons. I can totally understand that. You said. You mentioned even, like, with your children, after getting out of prison, still having to prove yourself you know, I feel like that's been like a thing that keeps coming up. I had to prove myself. I never felt worthy. I'm happy that you're finally to a place now where you feel that. You know what I'm saying? That fulfillment, that worthiness, to know that I do deserve this. Yeah. And I'm good, you know? Yeah, that's good. And I hope that your kids. Your kids, I love your kids. Two amazing individuals. I hope that they see, even with their own kids, you know, I know your daughter has children. I hope that she sees that she's doing the best that she can and can at some point, see herself in you.
- [34:42]
B
Right.
- [34:42]
A
You know what I'm saying? Because that makes all the difference, you know? And that's all a mom really wants to hear. Like, I get it, Mom.
- [34:48]
B
Yeah.
- [34:49]
A
You did the best you could. But I do understand, too, coming from a home where both my parents worked, one of them at least tried to be there for everything. But my dad missed a lot because he was always working, like one or two job, at least two jobs at once. And as a kid, you do want that, you know, it's like that didn't matter. And I would look at my friends that lived in the hood where all they had was family because they didn't have the other things.
- [35:15]
B
That's so crazy you say that. Lived in hood. Cause I remember my son saying, I got friends who live in the projects and they just as happy. You know what I'm saying? He said, they don't have nothing and they happy. I was like, well, go your ass to the projects and shit, if that's.
- [35:32]
A
What you want to do. I bet you'll be back.
- [35:34]
B
Yeah.
- [35:34]
A
Shit.
- [35:35]
B
I mean, he used to make me feel guilty all the time. Like, it was so crazy. And still to this day, he still makes me feel guilty.
- [35:44]
A
Yeah, I hate that.
- [35:45]
B
Yeah, me too.
- [35:46]
A
I do. Because you hope at some point they'd be like, I know.
- [35:49]
B
Cause they, like, in their 30s and you still having. We still having these conversations.
- [35:54]
A
Yeah.
- [35:54]
B
When you gonna let me live?
- [35:56]
A
Right? Mama gotta have a life, too.
- [36:00]
B
When you gonna say, okay, I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna let you have that. You did what you do. Could. So we gonna move forward, right?
- [36:09]
A
I don't know. Yeah. No, I get it. As a child who was on the opposite end, like, with the same thing, I always look at my friends in the hood and be like. Or I would go hang with them and I'd be like, dang, it's like a lot of love Here, you know? But it was love in my household, too. But it was shown a different way. Making sure we had a nice roof over our head. Making sure we had a car, making sure we had clothes, all the things, vacations. You know what I'm saying? Making sure we got a new wardrobe every season. Like things that my friends in the hood probably didn't get even know what that was like, you know? But it was something about just the love and the fun they had. They found ways to have fun in the hood. That's crazy. He said that. Cause I used to say the same thing.
- [36:53]
B
Used to make me sick with that conversation. Like, who was.
- [36:56]
A
Shut up. I love it. I love it. So what is next for Gauche? Like, I know you have the restaurants. You just started franchising.
- [37:07]
B
Yes.
- [37:08]
A
That's crazy. Yeah, girl, you're out of here. How much is it? Would it cost you? A small part. Figure if somebody's watching and wants to franchise.
- [37:18]
B
So if they wanted to franchise, we sell our franchises for 35,000. Okay.
- [37:23]
A
Okay. So kind of like Chick Fil A. Cause Chick Fil A isn't that expensive either.
- [37:26]
B
But you guys, you gotta have this net worth and all this money and. Yeah. Mine. So it's not as complicated as Chick Fil A, because, you know, Chick Fil A, you have to be, you know, Christian and all this stuff. Yeah.
- [37:40]
A
Chick Fil A got some stipulations. We love you, Chick Fil A.
- [37:44]
B
We just want you to be passionate about it.
- [37:46]
A
Okay, I know that's right.
- [37:51]
B
But my thing, like, even with my franchise, I want you to be an owner, operator, not just someone who can buy the franchise and get it open. We want you to actually care about the product, the brand, and care about the people.
- [38:05]
A
Yes.
- [38:06]
B
Yeah.
- [38:06]
A
Now, do your recipes go along with every franchise or do they have their own menus?
- [38:11]
B
So we are going to make the recipes for. For them and batch them. Yeah. We're gonna have a co packer, so they have to buy it from us. You smart. Yes.
- [38:22]
A
Big Boss Energy. And y' all are not getting these recipes.
- [38:25]
B
Okay. At all. Because we want to make sure that it's consistent all the way through every brand.
- [38:30]
A
And that's what I love about your restaurants. Every time I go, everything tastes like it tasted the last time or the first time I fell in love with. It's like, oh, I can't wait to get back and eat that. And then it's like. Cause, you know, you go to some restaurants, you're like, ooh, I can't wait to go get them lobster bites and you go. And that shit do not hit.
- [38:45]
B
Or sometimes you can order. I can order something at a restaurant today and then I'll turn around and say, ooh, I'll get that again. Like another appetizer, the same sitting, right. And it come out and it don't even taste the same. I be like, what happened? Right.
- [38:57]
A
Yes.
- [38:58]
B
Yeah, it be weird. So I'm real big on consistency for sure.
- [39:03]
A
That's good. So if you were to give any young woman or young man advice on entrepreneurship, because this is what you. You are a serial entrepreneur, a woman who has literally figured it out. Have you? I know you did a book. What was your first book called?
- [39:17]
B
10 Steps to Being a Boss.
- [39:19]
A
Okay. 10 Steps to Being a Boss. Make sure you guys check that out. It'll probably give you everything she had to say in depth though. So make sure you go check that out. But if you could tell them something, what would you tell them so that they can know? Okay, these are things I need to do to even get started.
- [39:34]
B
Number one, I would say be knowledgeable about whatever it is that you would like to do. Be consistent, persistent, and make sure that you are pushing out a quality product. You know, the product is very important. And just making sure that you understand that you're going to get some no's. You're not going to always get a yes. Might not be your first, second, third, fourth. But don't give up because it's not easy and you just have to continue to go. You gotta have drive, gotta have passion and cause you be up early. My work never stops. It don't never stops. No matter how big I get, it never stops.
- [40:30]
A
We can be on vacation and be like, let go shape. Turn the phone off. I can't.
- [40:33]
B
I know I can't.
- [40:34]
A
When I put the phone down, I can't. I'm like, oh my God.
- [40:37]
B
I try to have a work life balance, but I really don't know what that means. Yeah, I feel like when you are a entrepreneur, it's just get it when I can.
- [40:49]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's good. Hopefully you can find that balance soon.
- [40:55]
B
I hope so. I mean, I'm not really looking for it, but I hope so.
- [40:59]
A
Yeah, right. I know that's right. I know that's right. That's good. I know people want to know that. Like I'm sure that's a question one of the viewers would ask you when it comes to everything that you've been through in your life. And we look at forgiveness how have you been able to forgive the people that have done you wrong or have you not? Well, that deep breath, she said, I mean, have you been able to do that, or do you just feel like some things just need to be left unsaid?
- [41:32]
B
You know, I did approach only one person that did me wrong as far as molestation. I did approach them. I did tell them that, hey, what you did to me affected me, and it has affected me my entire life still to this day. And they didn't say anything.
- [41:57]
A
Are you kidding me? How old were you?
- [42:01]
B
That was probably about, like, when that.
- [42:04]
A
Happened, when they were doing that to you.
- [42:05]
B
Oh, yeah. I had to be about 12.
- [42:09]
A
See, at that age, you don't even really know what's happening to you. You know what I'm saying? You don't know. And I've had people open up and say that they were molested by cousins or uncles, aunts, even women would, you know what I'm saying, vice versa, have done that. And as a child, you don't know what's happening to you. You know what I'm saying? You don't know what's going on. As your hormones and stuff start to kick in and you can feel certain things, you're like, okay, I think I kind of like that. But you don't understand why this person's doing that to you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like a complete mind fuck. It literally is. And he's probably thinking, oh, yeah, she doesn't. You know what I'm saying? She probably won't remember that, or she's not gonna say anything.
- [42:49]
B
And even when I told other family members, they didn't believe me. No, they didn't believe me at all. So I always think about other kids who are going through that today, and no one's listening. No one believes them, you know, so it was hard. Even those people, you know, I've had to. Who didn't believe me, I've had to ask for forgiveness, you know, for me. For being mad at them.
- [43:21]
A
Yeah, because they could have stopped you if they hadn't believed you.
- [43:25]
B
They didn't believe it, you know, and so I just asked the Lord to, you know, help me get through it and to forgive these people. But I definitely don't forget.
- [43:38]
A
No, it's hard to forget. Yeah.
- [43:40]
B
Don't forget for sure. I mean. And that affected me through my kids, because it was like, I didn't let my kids go to people's house, spend the night who had men at their houses. And my Kids, they never understood it.
- [43:53]
A
My mom was the same way. She was in nobody house. They didn't come here.
- [43:56]
B
Yeah. That's how I was. Like, my daughter used to all the time. Because I would not let her go to people's house and spend the night.
- [44:04]
A
Yeah. They didn't get it. But you were protecting them.
- [44:06]
B
But I told her at some point, you know, when she got older, why I did that.
- [44:12]
A
Yeah.
- [44:13]
B
So some of those people she still hasn't forgiven, you know, but we were just talking about it the other day. She was like, oh, I'm still mad. And I was like, how can you still be mad when I'm, you know, like, I've already forgiven them? So why are you still mad if I don't have anything to do with you?
- [44:29]
A
But it's just like, she's like, still. Yeah. It's like that situation when, like, say, for instance, you in a relationship and that person does you wrong, you can get over, but we can't, you know, so.
- [44:40]
B
And that's why I tell people all the time, be careful what you tell your parents about your relationships and your friends, because certain things, they do not forgive and forget.
- [44:50]
A
Yeah, they don't.
- [44:51]
B
Yeah. So you have to be careful. And the information that you share when someone's not doing you right.
- [44:57]
A
Yep. That is so true. That is so true. But for anyone out there who is feeling weird about anything or. I don't know if there's any young girls that watch. I mean, I know there's young girls that watch this show, but that may be going through something like that. Please speak up. Please say something, because those people need to be stopped. And I pray that you have someone in your family that listens to you, because I can't imagine growing up and, like, and then getting to the point where you confront the person and they just. They have nothing to say.
- [45:29]
B
Nothing.
- [45:30]
A
Ugh. Yeah. I can't imagine. But you have, like, literally turned out to be such a. I mean, they probably watching, like, dang, God had his hand on her because look at her.
- [45:42]
B
And I think about that all the time when I think about my journey.
- [45:45]
A
Yeah.
- [45:46]
B
And I look and I be like, God, God, like, he continuously blesses me. And I said, I think he be like, I'm gonna do this for you because you've been through this and, you know, you had this rough life. I got you. Like, I really be believing that in my mind.
- [46:00]
A
Go, Shay. Me too.
- [46:01]
B
Like, for real.
- [46:02]
A
I believe that when I hear people's stories and then I see how God has blessed them I really do feel like he's. It's almost like a. You were saying like a. I got you. Like, just know that I know what you went through, but I don't know why it had to happen. I can't explain that part. But I've seen when I hear people's stories, I'm like, oh, my God, you went through that. And I see how God has, like, blessed them tremendously. Yeah. I've thought the same way.
- [46:31]
B
I think that all the time, I'd be like, God be like, yeah, you had enough, baby. Let me help you out.
- [46:38]
A
Ooh, that's it. You've had enough.
- [46:39]
B
Cause I'd be like, he say, if you tell somebody this happened to you and this happened, they would not believe that you went through so much stuff.
- [46:50]
A
No.
- [46:50]
B
And you're still here today, still standing, and you're still positive and you're still striving. Like, nobody would believe. Like, if I ever, like, literally told every single thing that happened to me, nobody would believe it. Like, this one person could not have experienced this much stuff.
- [47:10]
A
Yeah.
- [47:10]
B
Period.
- [47:11]
A
Wow.
- [47:12]
B
Yeah.
- [47:13]
A
That's crazy. I'm just. I want to say I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the woman that you've become. I'm proud that you did not let all the odds that were stacked up against you prevail. And I'm just so proud of you. And thank you for coming because I know somebody's going to be blessed. From this conversation, we touched on a lot of things, but I just wanted to say thank you and I'm so proud of you.
- [47:34]
B
Thank you. I'm so happy to have been here.
- [47:36]
A
Yes.
- [47:37]
B
Thank you. Oh, my gosh.
- [47:38]
A
I love it. I love it, I love it. So this is my favorite part. This is where the listeners write in, ask us a question, tell us their little scenario, whatever they're going through, and we give them advice. All right, so it's positive outcomes. This letter is from Melody. She says, hi, Crystal. My name is Melody. I'm from North Carolina. I absolutely love and adore you. I'm so proud of you. And just know I'm a die hard Fatima fan, but an even more Crystal fan. I can relate so much to you and the stories that you share on your podcast. I'm a single mother of four adult children. I was once married in high school to my high school sweetheart. We went our separate ways after 16 years of marriage. I'm educated, well rounded, and I love God. After divorce, I started to learn to focus a lot on myself and rededicate my life to Christ. I've always prided myself on trying to do the right things, set good examples, show people grace. But it seems as if I'm always overlooked. I felt that before Melody, since my ex husband and I had one situationship that led nowhere, simply loving a man who was not capable of loving me back. And most recently, I was overlooked for a promotion that I know darn well I deserved. My feelings was really hurt. More so because my supervisor, who I love dearly, rooted for another person and bragged to me about it. How do I continue to walk in grace when I literally feel like doing the right thing? Gets me nowhere. But overlooked. The encourager needs encouraging, Melody. Ooh. The encourager needs encouraging. Oh, my God, I feel your pain, Melody. I think we both have been here at some point in our lives. I have not been married before, Melody, but I can say that I know what it's like to feel overlooked. Just speaking for my career, I was overlooked for 10 years. Like, literally for 10 years, knowing that I had something, that I could do it. I knew I could do it. I knew I could be an amazing actor. But nobody believed in me except for me. And for those years, I literally continued to encourage myself and kept encouraging myself and saying, hey, Crystal, this is what you really want to do. You just got to keep pushing, sweetie. But for you know that your fate is not in the hands of your supervisor. It is not in the hands of men who are overlooking you. Because I, too, have felt that too. Where, like, for the past few years, I felt like I was overlooked by men. Me and my girls, we would go out and I'm like, nobody approaches me. Like, nobody says anything. I'm like, goodness, like, I just want to date. Like, it was hard to even find men that would approach me today because I wasn't going up to no man, be like, what's up? You know what I'm saying? I wasn't doing that. But I definitely understand how hard it is. I would say that you need to continue to pour into Melody. Pour into Melody. And don't look for that from anybody else, because, you know, I feel like sometimes we're looking for everybody else to pour into, so we have to take time to pour into ourselves.
- [50:38]
B
Yeah, we were just talking about that.
- [50:40]
A
Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I would say. What would you tell her, Goshe?
- [50:44]
B
I would say pretty much ditto. Same thing. And I would say to not give up on yourself. And as far as the job part, I would not be upset because someone else got the Promotion. I would continue to work, you know, on bettering myself as far as my career. I would talk to my supervisor about it, and I will see if there's other opportunities on the table and not only other opportunities, I will start seeking elsewhere for other opportunities that I know I'm worthy of, for sure.
- [51:25]
A
I love that. That's good. That's good. Melody, I hope this advice hits you home and, like, you receive it, and I hope it helps. Okay. All right, Goshe. We're gonna do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. So you watch the podcast, so you know how this goes. So as it pertains to this episode, I always like to tie it into what we talked about. I am going through. I'm going through trying to figure out when it's okay to let go and when you should hold on, you know, and that's with relationships, that's with friendships, that's with family. All across the board. Even in careers, you, like, try to find time. Okay. Is this still serving me working on that? Because I have a heart, you know, Like, I always want to be. Like, I just want to, you know, saying I always want the best for people. I wanted to work out, and sometimes I hold on too long, but I'm working on that. And then what I'm growing through.
- [52:34]
B
I am.
- [52:36]
A
I'm always growing through, trying to not be in control of everything. I think. I feel like I say that all the time, but it is something I really am growing through.
- [52:43]
B
You took my words like, that's it. That's it. Don't even ask me questions.
- [52:50]
A
Twinning them. Okay, that's perfect.
- [52:52]
B
So I feel like I am going through a time in my life where I'm realizing people, things that are, you know, right for me, the right people in my life. And I am growing through, just trying to being able to delegate, being able to sit back and let my team, career wise, take the wheel.
- [53:30]
A
Yeah.
- [53:31]
B
And so just being able to give up some of that control is very hard for me because it's your baby. And I know that in order to go to the next level of where I want to be, I cannot always.
- [53:48]
A
Yeah.
- [53:50]
B
Because me, I'm like, yes, I cannot be in control like that. So that's what I'm growing through.
- [53:58]
A
Yeah, that's good.
- [53:59]
B
Yeah. And just understanding myself better. My brands, my products, you know, I have retail products. So just understanding how this is how I'm going to be making money in my sleep.
- [54:12]
A
Hey.
- [54:14]
B
And not just continuously running, running, running.
- [54:17]
A
Myself, you know, now, can you tell us what products? I want people to know if you can tell.
- [54:21]
B
Absolutely. So my products, I have grits, pancakes, hot sauce, seasonings. All of these are coming out.
- [54:31]
A
Oh, my goodness.
- [54:33]
B
Within the next month, I feel like.
- [54:35]
A
Cooking with Chris and go Shay coming on cookbook too, you know, and she got a cookbook. Okay, so we need to do another lifestyle episode, Cooking with Chris. Have goet come in the kitchen. We're going to use your products.
- [54:48]
B
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.
- [54:49]
A
Yes. Use your products. Cuz I love me some pancakes and I love me some grits and I love. I like hot sauce on my fried catfish. So, yeah, we can do all the things we got to do that. That'd be amazing. So, yeah, be on the lookout for that. And then the last thing we do is keep it blank. So, sweetie, and I'm gonna tell the people this week to keep it ambitious. Sweetie, I think what I'm taking from you today is ambition and drive. So I would tell you, all my entrepreneurs out there, everybody out there, keep it ambitious. Yeah.
- [55:31]
B
Okay.
- [55:31]
A
What about you? What do you got?
- [55:32]
B
Say keep it positive.
- [55:34]
A
I know that's right. Keep it positive.
- [55:37]
B
Positive. No negativity, baby. Period. Positive.
- [55:41]
A
We thrive off of positivity. That's why I love you. Because you be like, no, you don't play that. You like positivity.
- [55:47]
B
Energy for sure.
- [55:49]
A
I love it. I love it. Go, Shay. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you coming, guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you want to write into our positive outcomes listener letter, you can write into keepitpositivesweetiemail.com and that's Sweetie with an IE. And you can follow me on all platforms at Love, L, U V. Crystal Renee. Go, Shay. Tell them where they can find you.
- [56:10]
B
You can find me@goshaysbreakfastbar.com goshaystoppestbar.com and all social media. GoshayHawkins.
- [56:22]
A
Yes, that's it. Make sure you guys check her restaurants out. She has two. You have two Gaucher's breakfast bars, one in. And then a tapas and a tapas bar. So. And a food truck. So you have no reason not to get it because she has you covered on all fronts. All right? Make sure you check it out. I promise you, you will not be disappointed. Everything on the menu is good. Like, there's not one thing. Y' all know. I don't play about my food. So make sure you guys go check it out. In the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive and keep it going. That's right. Bye.