Keep it Positive, Sweetie — Episode Summary

Podcast: Keep it Positive, Sweetie
Episode: Taking A Breath & Learning To Rest w/ Tammy Franklin
Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Tammy Franklin
Date: November 24, 2024

Main Theme

This heartfelt episode centers on rest, healing, and the ongoing process of self-discovery, particularly for women whose purpose and identity have often been linked to roles of wife, mother, and supporter. Tammy Franklin, wife of Kirk Franklin and a dynamic force in her own right, joins Crystal Renee Hayslett to talk about learning to prioritize herself, the importance of therapy, generational healing, navigating marriage and motherhood, and finding strength in transparency, faith, and community.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tammy’s Backstory and Career

• Tammy recounts her early life as a singer and dancer, including time in the 90s R&B group "Ashanti" and as a choreographer for acts like Next in Minnesota.
  • [00:03] Tammy: “There’s a group called Next. Yeah, I used to choreograph for them.”
• She reflects on being a young, single mother, her creative aspirations, and how God prepared her for her future family and purpose.
  • [23:31] Tammy: "Some people don't know, part of my story has been a single mom... God prepares you for what you're going to do and you have no idea what it is."

2. Marriage, Motherhood, and Identity

• Tammy and Crystal explore how marriage and motherhood can consume women's identities, and the realization—sometimes later in life—about things set aside for family.
  • [20:15] Tammy: “Your dreams, your hopes, everything becomes like… what your kids, their hopes and their dreams, or my husband’s. And I’m there to be a cheerleader.”
• Tammy admits, with candor, the tension between pride in supporting her husband and children and the need for her own fulfillment. She now encourages her daughter-in-law and other women to keep their own identity.
  • [21:23] Tammy: "I raised [my son] to understand that as a husband, she's not there just to serve you... Cultivate her. What does she want to do?"
  • [21:52] Tammy: “When you see this ‘A’ on your neck, I want you to think about yourself.”

3. Marriage with Kirk Franklin: Love, Challenges, and Transparency

• Crystal plays a clip where Kirk Franklin admits he sometimes invested more in the children than in Tammy, driven by his own childhood lacking parental affection.
  • [15:24] Kirk (clip): "These kids cannot feel what I felt. And not having a blueprint for being a daddy, I overdid the daddy."
• Tammy shares her perspective:
  • Early in marriage, she took satisfaction in his dedication to the family.
  • In “empty nest” years, she recognized “deficiencies” in support for her own ambitions and the need for conversation around women’s dreams in faith spaces.
  • [19:01] Tammy: “Growing up in church, especially if you grew up in ministry, the ministry is the most important. And in terms of your role as a wife... that’s your role, home and supporting the ministry.”

4. Advice for Women Desiring Marriage & Single Life

• Tammy encourages women to seek not just a godly man, but an “integral” man (one whose actions match his faith).
  • [27:28] Tammy: “Is he godly? But is he integral? Because there's some men that are godly, but they're not integral.”
  • [27:41] Tammy: “They are using repentance as an excuse to just act a fool. Because God don’t forgive me.”
• She praises Crystal’s self-awareness about not being ready for marriage earlier and stresses the importance of inner healing:
  • [28:41] Tammy: “You have healed eyes and you have a healed heart. And you will attract healed.”
  • Encourages self-work and therapy: “Everybody was like, be the list for yourself, as opposed to expecting someone else to fulfill all of that.” [30:02]

5. The Necessity of Therapy & Breaking Stigmas

• Both women discuss how therapy, paired with faith, transformed their lives:
  • [30:36] Tammy: "It is therapy and Jesus. It is both/and."
  • Tammy candidly describes facing triggers in her 50s and realizing she was newly prepared to process them:
    • [31:41] Tammy: "I was looking at Him a little sideways, like, God, what are we doing? And He's like, you can handle it now. You can handle the answers."
• Tammy strongly advocates for professionally licensed therapy—not just church counseling:
  • [34:36] Tammy: “Go to a licensed therapist... There are a lot of people within ministry who are gifted, but they may not be equipped.”
  • On finances and prioritization: "Like that little shirt you buy, that little shoes... you can put it toward therapy." [35:12]

6. Rest, Self-Care & Learning to Breathe

• Tammy and Crystal highlight the need for real rest—physical, emotional, spiritual—and the importance of being present with oneself.
  • [33:02] Tammy: "Sometimes, you’re walking through the day, you don’t realize you’re holding your breath… So there are times I even tell myself, ‘breathe, breathe.’”
  • Tammy shares how her therapist encourages her to “rest” after sessions, not to immediately process everything.
  • [46:41] Tammy: "Volunteering has helped to keep me grounded," seeing service for others as both a joy and an anchor.
• On releasing emotions:
  • [49:54] Tammy: "There, you know, tears are cleansing and oftentimes we shut them off. Because we don't want to feel."
  • Dancing and music as healing practices.

7. Mother-Daughter Relationships & Community Healing

• Tammy recounts supporting organizations focused on domestic abuse recovery for women and children, inspired by her own childhood experiences.

  • [47:28] Tammy: “Genesis Women's Shelter is an organization... what I love is it’s helping the woman and also the child.”

• She urges parents, especially in church communities, to create safe spaces for open dialogue:

  • [48:14] Tammy: “You gotta let your daughters talk… Especially in Christian households, there are subjects that are taboo… and she may be struggling and cannot come talk to you.”

8. Navigating Criticism & Authentic Faith in Public

• Both Crystal and Tammy discuss facing judgment from faith communities and the public for being transparent, flawed, or "not churchy enough."
  • [36:57] Tammy: “There’s flawed people in the Bible... Why do we require perfectionism? That is man-made. It’s not God.”
  • [41:15] Crystal: "I want my podcast to be a safe space... because that is more like Christ, to invite everybody."
  • On criticism for enjoying mainstream music or non-traditional spiritual practices:
    • [44:33] Tammy: "You're gonna judge me and if I'm saved or not, 'cause you heard that beat drop?"

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Growth and Self-Discovery
  • “What I’m working on is me.” — Tammy Franklin [53:20]
  • "You can be saved, love God, love Jesus, and dance. Have fun and fail." — Tammy Franklin [43:30]
• On Therapy and Healing
  • “It is therapy and Jesus. It is both/and.” — Tammy Franklin [30:36]
  • “Rest. Breathe.” — As advised by Tammy’s therapist [33:02]
• On Legacy and Support
  • “I want to be a mother in love, not horror.” — Tammy Franklin [08:16]
  • “When you see this ‘A’ on your neck, I want you to think about yourself.” — Tammy Franklin [21:52]
• On Safe Spaces for Women
  • “You have got to let your daughters talk. You’ve got to let them be real… That’s when they get in trouble, because you didn’t allow a safe space.” — Tammy Franklin [48:14]
• On Marriage and Integrity
  • “Is he godly? But is he integral? Because there’s some men that are godly, but they’re not integral.” — Tammy Franklin [27:28]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Topic | |-------|--------| | 00:03 | Tammy shares music industry past (Next, Ashanti, Prince stories) | | 04:48 | Tammy describes her children’s marriages and “mother-in-love” philosophy | | 09:47 | Tammy and daughter Carrington’s SiriusXM show | | 14:45 | Crystal plays Kirk’s clip on investing in children vs. spouse | | 19:01 | Tammy reflects on women's roles in ministry/family | | 20:15 | Sacrifice of dreams for family | | 21:52 | The story of the gift to daughter-in-law: “A for Alina” | | 27:28 | What to look for in a partner: integrity, not just faith | | 30:36 | Importance of therapy + faith together | | 33:02 | Learning to rest, breathe, process trauma physically/emotionally | | 36:57 | Transparency & flaws in faith communities | | 41:15 | Creating safe, inclusive spaces and evolving authenticity | | 44:33 | Embracing joy: music, dancing, owning individuality | | 46:41 | Volunteering and supporting domestic violence organizations | | 49:54 | The healing power of dance, music, and tears | | 53:20 | Tammy’s next chapter: focusing on herself and future possibilities |

Tone and Style

This episode is warm, open, and deeply encouraging. Both host and guest model vulnerability and laughter while tackling hard truths—reflecting the show’s core values of purpose and healing. There’s an equal embrace of faith and the real work of therapy, with practical wisdom for women of all ages walking through marriage, motherhood, or singleness.

Summary for Listeners

If you’re a woman navigating life’s transitions—wondering how to prioritize yourself after years of giving, needing permission to rest, or seeking encouragement for your marriage, motherhood, or healing—this conversation with Tammy Franklin is a balm. You’ll find honest talk on generational patterns, actionable wisdom on mental health, and a contagious sense of hope that, no matter your story, you’re not alone and your evolution is both necessary and beautiful.