The Strength In Submission w/Dr. Cheyenne Bryant

Summary

Keep It Positive, Sweetie — Episode Summary

Episode: The Strength In Submission w/ Dr. Cheyenne Bryant
Host: Crystal Renee Hayslett
Guest: Dr. Cheyenne Bryant
Original Release: December 8, 2024
Duration: ~1 hour

Overview

In this heartfelt, highly engaging episode, Crystal Renee Hayslett sits down with celebrity psychologist and life coach Dr. Cheyenne Bryant for an unfiltered, moving conversation on the power of submission, sustaining healthy relationships, mental wellness, navigating singleness, and standing firm in one’s values. Through laughter and deep truths, they unpack intimate relationship dynamics, address family structures, and share invaluable advice for personal growth and maintaining faith, especially as accomplished women in their 40s.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Importance of Authentic Support Systems ([02:34] – [05:02])

• Dr. Bryant stresses the power of her "ecosystem" — her close-knit friends and her mother — in keeping her grounded and supported.
• Her friends of 25+ years and her mother, who lives with her, provide the cushioning she needs for emotional wellness.
• Meditation, audiobooks (Abraham Hicks, Bishop Jakes), and self-care practices are pivotal for her mental health.

“A ship sails as long as the outside water doesn’t get inside. The ship is built with the material of your friends, your family, the people who support you.”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [04:19]

2. Foundations for Lifelong Relationships & Friendships ([05:02] – [05:32])

• Dr. Bryant applies the principles of commitment and communication from marriage not only in her romantic life but also in her friendships.
• She emphasizes non-negotiable loyalty and resolve: “Divorce ain’t an option ... So we have no other option but to bring resolve in this friendship.” ([02:34], [05:02])

3. Finding Refuge and Joy at Home ([05:40] – [08:38])

• Both Crystal and Dr. Bryant discuss how, amidst their busy lives, they find the most peace and joy at their homes surrounded by loved ones.
• Dr. Bryant highlights the importance of appreciating blessings and carving out “home as vacation.”

4. Honest Talk on Dating, Standards, and ‘Choosing’ ([08:47] – [14:14])

• Dr. Bryant describes her busy schedule limiting dating opportunities, but stresses intentionality: “I practice what I preach — I put myself in environments with the kinds of men I want to date.” ([09:02])
• She attends social, political, and fundraising events in LA to meet potential partners.
• Dr. Bryant differentiates between “choosing a marriage” versus “choosing a person,” teaching her clients (and audience) that lasting relationships come from genuinely choosing your partner, not merely seeking the title of marriage.

“I’m not a woman who’s choosing marriage. I’m really choosing a person. That’s when marriage lasts.”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [11:41]

• She shares her non-negotiables: Would I want my son to be this man? Would I be willing to forgive everything to stay with him, except for abuse? ([11:33]–[14:14])

5. Faith, Forgiveness, and Endurance in Relationships ([14:14] – [17:30])

• Dr. Bryant reflects on the realities of conflict, forgiveness, and the discipline required for sustaining marriages, referencing biblical stories and wisdom.
• Marriage advice isn’t about happiness, she says — it’s about learning to work through the inevitable “BS that comes with life.”

“Forgiveness is an action word. How can you still love them and honor them when they’ve just dishonored you?”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [15:57]

6. Sex, Intimacy, and Adult Conversations ([18:35] – [21:44])

• Dr. Bryant shares a surprisingly candid story from a former fiancé’s mother teaching her how to approach intimacy and selflessness in marriage, especially post-pregnancy ([18:35]).
• Open, humorous conversation about adult needs, mutual support, and “teamwork” in healthy marriages.

7. Transparency and ‘Full Access’ in Relationships ([22:30] – [26:03])

• On first dates, Dr. Bryant asks about digital transparency (sharing passwords, etc.), equating it to orbiting each other with trust.
• She views resistance to transparency as a “red flag,” preferring proactive openness for mutual reassurance — not because she snoops, but for foundational trust.

“I don’t want to have to ask you 15 questions to get you to be honest with me. I like transparency, baby.”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [23:18]

8. Breaking Off Engagements: Lessons in Empowered Singleness ([26:20] – [34:32])

• Dr. Bryant shares her experiences calling off two engagements, emphasizing she always did the leaving, and it wasn’t about lack of love or effort — it was about values alignment.
• She clarifies her non-negotiable: she doesn’t want to date men with children, rooted in childhood experiences and her vision for her own family structure.

“I left because they weren’t my men forever ... I didn’t want to continue a relationship that wasn’t fully right for me.”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [27:46]

• She discusses the emotional complexities of step-parenting and investment in families that may not be forever.

9. Waiting and Faith: Navigating Singleness and Desires for Family ([34:35] – [45:14])

• Both Crystal and Dr. Bryant candidly discuss navigating their 40s, desires for children, and public pressure.
• They explore the tension between faith, biological timelines, and societal expectations.

“God blesses the bold, and He blesses at the level of our belief ... I just told God, ‘Fill me up and top me off as if the husband and the kids were already here.’”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [43:57–44:27]

• Both trust that fulfillment will come in God’s timing, and share tips for staying emotionally “full.” [43:57–45:14]

10. Breaking Cycles in Black Families & Community Leadership ([46:45] – [56:13])

• Dr. Bryant examines the impact of “broken homes” in Black families, drawing from her own upbringing and her father’s transparency about his flaws ([47:29]).
• She calls for honest communication, maturity, and strategic community action while reflecting on her role as NAACP President.
• She critiques certain political leadership responses and urges listeners to pursue leadership in their communities and strategize for the future.

“You don’t need a title to be a leader. If you feel passionate about something, you are a leader.”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [53:40]

11. Mental Detox & Daily Self-Care ([56:10] – [58:30])

• Detailing her “mental detox,” Dr. Bryant practices solitude, meditation, spiritual messages, and quality time/facetime with loved ones.
• She reminds listeners of the importance of solitude to stay spiritually connected and emotionally fearless.

12. What’s Next for Dr. Bryant ([58:35])

• New talk show: “True Talks” on Fox
• Upcoming book: “The Divine Wilderness” (2025)
• Online certification program (hybrid effect, therapy and coaching)
• National speaking tours

“God will do it. Anything you ask.”
— Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [45:14]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Every day I love myself. That’s all that matters.” — Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [02:16]
• “If my friendships aren’t on that foundation [of commitment and resolve], guess what? I don’t want them.” — Dr. Cheyenne Bryant [04:51]
• “I was a product of two parents who were teenagers. My mom was addicted to the drug my father sold ... but God took a little girl in the inner city ... and made peace for me.” [36:34]
• “Would I want my son to be like you? If it’s a no, then it’s a no.” [11:41]
• “Marriage is for disciplined people.” [17:46]
• “You have to be disciplined enough to know also how to self-soothe. When you’re only at 60% of satisfying me, what do I do with that 40%?” [17:53]
• “I don’t date men with kids ... That’s a non-negotiable.” [29:48]
• “If you have that fairy tale ideology ... baby, you already done. Cause something’s gonna happen.” [16:27]
• “You don’t need a title to be a leader.” [53:40]
• “If you feel the lack, ask God to fill you up as though it already exists.” [61:41]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:34] - Building authentic, supportive ecosystems
• [04:19] - Analogy of ship/friendship, foundation of relationships
• [09:02] - Dating intentionally and practicing what you preach
• [11:41] - The “choosing” mindset for lasting relationships
• [15:57] - Forgiveness as an action in marriage
• [18:35] - Real talk: Sex, postpartum intimacy, teamwork in marriage
• [22:30] - First date dealbreakers: digital transparency & “full access”
• [26:20] - Breaking off engagements, empowered singlehood, values
• [34:35] - Struggles and faith: waiting for the right partner & motherhood
• [47:29] - Breaking generational cycles in Black families
• [53:40] - Community leadership, Black political strategy
• [56:31] - Dr. Bryant’s nightly mental detox rituals
• [58:35] - What’s next: Talk show, book, courses, tours

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Tone & Takeaway

This episode offers a blend of humor, candor, and tough love. Both women keep it real about the hardships of navigating relationships, singleness, and public expectations—while placing faith and personal authenticity above all. Dr. Bryant’s approach is both rigorous and nurturing, anchoring advice in real-life experience, spiritual principles, and psychological insight. Listeners are left with actionable wisdom: invest in support systems, honor your boundaries, trust divine timing, and show up fully in your own life — while always, always keeping it positive, sweetie.

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Transcript

[A]

Coming up on Keep it Positive.

[B]

Sweetie, marriage is not about kumbaya. It's about commitment. It's about, I said I was gonna lock in with you, Crystal, and be your best friend, and no matter what happens, I already forgive you. And no matter what happens, I'm gonna talk it out. I'm gonna have a conversation. And divorce ain't an option. So we have no other option but to bring resolve in this friendship. And if my friendships aren't on that foundation, guess what? I don't want them.

[A]

Hi, I'm Chris Renee Hayslett, and this is the keep it positive sweetie show. A safe space to heal, laugh, grow, and love today's show. This show is all about mental health, the keys to good communication, and the pathways to living your best life. Dr. Cheyenne Bryant is here, and between her viral interviews and tell it like it is demeanor, there's a lot we'll be able to talk about. With an unapologetic delivery and honest reads of the social, romantic, and professional lives of some of the biggest names in the entertainment industry, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant's brand is buzzing. I'm so excited to talk to her about her love life, the formula for communication without conflict, and how we can all attain ment and emotional wellness. Dr. Bryant, thank you so much for coming today. This has been long awaited. Our fans were blowing you up. They were blowing me up about getting you on the show. So I'm so excited. We got to make this happen.

[B]

Yes. Thank you for having me. And then when I seen you coming off the elevator, I was like, oh, my God. Come here. Give me a hug. We were both like, as if we had just, like, been friends for years. I was like, oh, my God. Hi. I was like, they want us to do this thing. And then you were just. Just so amazing with making it happen and so quick and working with my time and your time. So thank you. Thank you. I'm honored to be on your show.

[A]

Thank you. You are such a busy woman. Every time I turn on my phone, I feel like there's a clip of you. You have been everywhere.

[B]

One day they love me, and the next day they hate me.

[A]

Isn't that what.

[B]

But the cool thing is that every day I love myself.

[A]

That's all that matters. I love that. I love that. So we're gonna get to the deep stuff. We see you on the phone, on the interviews, having deep conversation, always therapizing and helping people. But I want to know, what does Dr. Bryant do? You pour into everyone. How do you pour back into yourself?

[B]

I love that, well, one having an amazing ecosystem. I have best friends, Lola, Gina, Kia, that just surround me with love. When I say they support me, sis, These women root for me. These are 25 plus year friendship. I could be all of myself. The loving, nurturing, catering, submissive me. The fussy, bratty. I'm just hungry. It's that time of the month, you know, I want a burger from McDonald's. Me, they just get me. And it's reciprocal. My best friend travels with me everywhere. She's my assistant as well. Lola, yeah, she's very protective over me and so that gives me cushion. My mom, who is my only living parent now, she cooks, cleansing. She lives with me and she treats me like I'm four years old. And as crazy as that sounds, I feel like it's important for all of us to be somebody's baby, no matter how old we are. And still being her baby, it just helps me be vertical and it gives me a lot to stand on. And so no matter where I'm at in the world, no matter what the blogs or the people are saying in that moment in that space, I have these people that I stick to stand on. And so it feels really good. And in addition, I meditate every day for 20 minutes. I've been doing that for 10 years. I'm big on Abraham Hicks, Bishop Jakes. I'm always listening to my audiobooks. I'm not a TV person, although I don't watch tv, but I did love your Zatima show. I can't lie. I used to go in there and be like, I'm a binge. Watch this. Even though I don't watch tv. But so I do all those things. And that helps keep the outside chatter completely outside. A ship sails as long as the outside water doesn't get inside. And the ship that the material that the ship is built with, I always say, is your friends, your family, the people who support you, who love you. And so if you got folks who are solid and who are built, that ship is going to sell no matter what. And their job is to make sure that the outside chatter stays out. And then my job is to do that as well with them. And we do a damn good job over here. We do. I mean, I have a team, I'm telling you, because we have a real marriage where marriage is not about Kumbaya, it's about commitment. It's about, I said I was going to lock in with you, Crystal, and be your best friend. And no matter what happens, I already forgive you. And no matter what happens? I'm gonna talk it out. I'm gonna have a conversation. And divorce ain't an option. So we have no other option but to bring resolve in this friendship. And if my friendships aren't on that foundation, guess what? I don't want them.

[A]

I love that. And it's like, you live what you preach, even in your friendships, because we talk about your relationships and you give advice on relationships, but it sounds like you do that also in your friendships. That's amazing.

[B]

I do. Because the boy I tell my girls all the time, my best friend may be like, you didn't have to say it like that. I said, girl, what are we gonna do to get over? Because you ain't going nowhere.

[A]

You stuck with me.

[B]

You ain't going nowhere, girl. I will body slam you. She's always like, oh, here you go. Do you have you a boy? I'm like, no, I'm not.

[A]

But I will body slam you.

[B]

But I will body slam you. You think you walking out this door. I love you. You ain't going nowhere.

[A]

Yeah, I love that. In your downtime, I don't know how much downtime you get. Now. What is, like, your favorite place to go on vacation? Just to get away?

[B]

As crazy as it sounds, I have a. You know, and I say this with all humility. I have a beautiful, really big home. Our lot, not the property. Our lot is 24,000 square feet. We're a horse zone. We got a pool, a pool house, a game room. And we don't always have that. We. I always say we went from the hood to the heels. And my favorite place is like a retreat there to vacation is. And I have the big mama houses at home with my mom, and we have a pool day, and my friends and family come over. My bishop comes over. My pastor comes over with first lady, and we have board games, and we drink our wine, and we have our drink, and we're just shooting the shit, literally, and talking loud and having a good time. And my hair's in a bird's nest, and I'm running around in a bathing suit, and everybody is at home. And as crazy as that sounds, that's my vacation. I like to be there.

[A]

Yeah, no, I get it. Because I feel the same way a lot of times. We go so much, and home can be a vacation and actually enjoying your home. I remember telling a friend I was working so much leading up to Covid that when I had to sit home, I was like, wow. I finally got to appreciate where I live, because it's Literally just going to sleep there because I was working and on the go so much that I realized, oh, my goodness, this is a blessing. And I can actually sit in this for a minute. So I get it. It's.

[B]

And it was like your refuge.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And then being with my. With my mother, she is a ball of energy. She is hilarious. She's so. She. She's catering, she's loving. So for me, she creates this space. Right. Like I always say. I did. I bought the house, but my mama makes it a home. She really does. And so. But for me, that's where I go home. And I'm just like, mommy, Mama, you know? And so that's my vacation. That's beautiful. And so, I mean, we got a planned vacation, but my mom, she's like, if it's over four hours, I'm not traveling no effing where. I'm like, mama, you have to go. So my brother and I have been trying to get her like, you have to go on a vacation.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's funny. I just took my parents to Europe for the first time. They'd never been. And I just love traveling overseas. And at first, my dad was like, I don't know, that long flight. And I'm like, dad, come on. And he was like, it's just. I don't know if I can fly that long. And a friend of his was like, if my daughter's going to take me overseas, I'd be on the first thing smoking. And he called me back and he goes, you know what? I'm gonna do it. And it was the best decision he made. And they're still talking about it. They had the time of their life. But I get it.

[B]

They have to travel. They have to.

[A]

And take a vacation.

[B]

Yeah. And she's like, just stalling on getting her passport. It's so cute. So we took her to Hawaii, and she. It hit about that third hour on that flight, she was fussing and cutting up. Me and my brother. We were like, oh, my God. Like, mom, stop, stop. She was like, this is too. I'm getting claustrophobic. Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. The people next to us were like, can you move this woman? I was like, I'm so sorry.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. But did she have fun when she got there?

[B]

She had a time. She put her little bathing suit on, and she was just. We went dolphin watching and swimming with the dolphins. It was adorable. We had a good time.

[A]

I loved it. You're very open about dating. We spoke offline about you're from Los Angeles but you are here working a lot and you talked about how the dating. It's not really a lot going on here.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

We can talk about that.

[B]

You know what? And also I'm in session from 8am to 5pm I leave at 5:15 to go on set at 6 to film my new talk show. And then I'm home at 11:30 and it's true Talks. And so it's called True Talks on Fox. Thank you. Thank you. So I don't think I've really been getting out as much. I know at home in la, I have this thing where I practice what I preach. I've committed to, to get out minimum twice a week, to do something non work related and super social and be in the environment with the men who I would want to date. And so I made sure I do that at home in la, but in Atlanta I haven't done it. But I also am like, where do I go? I don't have any friends, I don't know anyone. But I don't see a lot of just men out where I'm like, ooh, I want to flirt back. Or hi, how you doing?

[A]

That's so funny. You said something that stood out. Making sure that you put yourself in the places to attract the type of men you want. I just talked about that because my friends when I was looking to date, they were like, well, where are you going? I'm like, nowhere. It's like, what?

[B]

First you wait looking to date. You ain't dating no more.

[A]

I'm dating now. But like, I wasn't like, I'm dating someone.

[B]

Oh, I love exclusive. She dated someone. Oh my God.

[A]

So it was like one of those things like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I don't go anywhere. And it was then I was like, I have to start putting myself in places. So what are some of the places that you go to attract the man that you want?

[B]

Oh, girl. You know, so I do rooftops. I love your rooftops. I know I do rooftops. I'm president of NAACP in Los Angeles. And so I go to a lot of political events. I do, I go to a lot of. This was election year, so I was at a lot of different campaigns that, you know, my Cal group put together fundraisers. We did fundraisers for our mayor, Karen Bass. And there were a lot of really good looking, you know, men there who were contributors to the campaign. So we know they got the money to contribute.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

We know they know their Politics. So they're intelligent, you know, they can do some good pillow talk. So I was there and met a couple guys, went on some dates. And I do have guys that I go on dates with. And no disrespect to them because they're all amazing men, but there hasn't been anyone that I've been on dates with that I want to just continue to date for the rest of my life. And so I've been saying for the past, Since I turned 42 in September, I'm like, I'm in my choosing stage. I'm going to choose, but I ain't got no one come that I want to choose. And it's not to say they're not amazing and they're not really good men.

[A]

What's missing? Like, what are those things that you're like, that's what I'm looking for.

[B]

I love this. I love this. So I have this thing where I tell my clients this all the time, even the ones who are already married. I said, did you choose marriage or did you choose him or her? Because see, I'm not a woman who's choosing marriage, right? I had a father, and no pun intended to the fatherless girls because that's a hard space to navigate. And you know, I don't understand that personally, but I understand that because I've been helping women navigate that for 16 plus years. But I had a father. He was participatory, he was my best friend. He doted on me, he loved me. I was his everything. I was one of his biggest investments besides all the other six of us that he has. But I said that to say, so I'm not choosing marriage because I need a title of validation or something that I can just hang up like an ornament. I'm really choosing a person. And so when you choose a person, that's when marriage lasts. Because if I'm choosing you, I'm plugged into you. And that means that I literally can't go outside of you and find another you. But if I choose marriage, I can take that title and put that on anybody, right? So that's how marriage is able to dissipate so quick. And the divorce rate is so high. Because it's like, look, I was choosing marriage to begin with. I never chose you anyway. So I can just go choose me another pretty thing. Like, you put marriage on her and be in a marriage, but not in a relationship. And so when I'm out with men, I'm like, two things. Would I want my son to be like you. If it's a no, then it's a no. Can I really choose you? Like, when. When things get hard, am I willing to just forgive you about everything? Because I'm not leaving my husband. And that's why I don't think women or men who stay through anything except abuse, of course, are dumb.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I don't think Envy asked me on Breakfast Club. He said, do you think of a woman's days in a marriage after she's been cheated on? She's dumb. I said, I don't think she's dumb. No. That's her husband. That's her family. If she wants to stay, I think she needs to get the right tools to learn how to be in an infidelity relationship. Right. Because it takes a shift in who you are as a woman so that you can still be submissive to this man and still treat him as a king and not see him as less valuable in that. So for me, it's just. It's like, do. Will, I. God forbid you end up stepping out on me or doing things that dishonor me because you're human, not because you're a bad man. Will, I want to work that out with you because you're just my person. When that presents itself, I'm locking in. I'm having babies, and I don't condone the cheating, but I'm not leaving my husband. I'll leave a man. I'm not leaving my husband.

[A]

Your husband. Exactly. I was watching something on, you know, all these. It's a lot of relationship talk on Instagram, and I cannot remember who it was, but he was saying that marriages. Oh, I think it was the pastor of 29, 18, Philip Mitchell. I don't want to misquote his name, but it's a pastor here. And he was saying that marriages can be stronger sometimes after infidelity if the both partners work towards it and they can kind of learn more about yourselves and what you can handle. But then going in and doing the work together to change you, sometimes you can come out even stronger on the other side of that.

[B]

I love that because I always say, the Bible says, seek wise counsel. And when it's referring to seeking wise counsel when it comes to marriage, folks who've been married 15, 20, 30, 40 years, they're not teaching you how to be happy. They're teaching you how to stick through the BS that's going to come with life whether you're single or married.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right. No matter what you're doing, life is going to Life. And they're teaching you that when y' all get to this space, when you get to this Red Sea, don't get weary and well doing, it'll split. Right. And so it's telling you when you get to the other side and you know there's a promised land or a wilderness, depending on what you choose. And if you choose to complain after the Red Sea has split, God will give you manna and water to help you sustain that wilderness, but he'll put you in that wilderness for 40 years before you get to the promised land. And so that's why I said it's not about a woman or a man being dumb for staying through anything in their marriage or even relationship. It's about, do you have the effective tools to not end up in a wilderness 20, 30 more years in your marriage because you're resentful for staying with this person for what you know they did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you actively forgive? Because forgiveness is an action word. And how can you still love them and honor them when they've just dishonored you? Because that's real.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's.

[B]

That's the real work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I'm working on that before I get into that. And I feel like me coming in open minded without all of these conditions in compartmentalizing like I did in my younger days when I was engaged, coming in with these conditions. If this happens, if this happens, I'm done. Well, baby, you already done.

[A]

Babe, listen. Cause something's gonna happen.

[B]

Them things is gonna happen. Yeah, you're done.

[A]

No, that's real.

[B]

You know, and if you have this fairy tale ideology, fairy tales end at some point.

[A]

That was me. That was me for the longest, like. And I feel like Disney just kind of warped our minds and I wanted that. And I dated a guy and he goes, you just want this fairy tale and it does not exist. And I'm like yes, it does.

[B]

And he's like, and give it to me now.

[A]

Yes. He's like, no, it does not. And I'm finally realizing it does not. And it's because after I hear people talk about their truths that have been married for so long, and I'm literally like idolizing their relationship, like, that's what I want. That's what I want. And they tell me, no, honey, it was not all roses. It still isn't. But this is my person, so it's so true.

[B]

And you got to learn how to see in others what you want to see in them and what you want to experience. That has been One of my biggest blessings is what do I want to experience with Crystal? So what lens do I have to see or have to see that in her? Because I'm responsible for my experience?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And in a marriage or a relationship, do I want to see my husband as having to be perfect so that I'm always having to find something I can criticize for, or can I just accept him for being a man and say, that's my husband. That's just the stuff, girl.

[A]

Girl. Right.

[B]

And I take them in doses sometimes. Right. How do we do that? And then the other thing is, the Bible says marriage is for discipline, people.

[A]

You were just speaking on the. On the Breakfast Club. Yes. Yes.

[B]

And that's because I have to be disciplined enough to know also how to self soothe. When you're only at 60% of satisfying me, what do I do with that 40%? Do I self soothe? Do I cheat? Do I ridicule you? Do I emasculate you? Does he disempower you? Does he have a side chick for the 40%? You can't cover that. He knew you couldn't cover when he first met you. You knew this when you got with this woman.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You knew this. Or when you become the mother of his children, how does he self soothe while you're transitioning from mommyhood to duality of wife and mommy?

[A]

Yeah. Cause it's a. Yeah. I hear a lot of.

[B]

So the discipline cousin.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

You know, and I had my first fiance's mom. She was so amazing at this. When we first got engaged, she took me on this ride, girl. And she was like, okay, honey, I gotta talk to you. And I'm like, okay. And she's like, you know, I buy you lingerie for birthdays and Christmas. That's for my son, which I loved. I was like, okay. And she was like, you know, and when y' all have your first kids, I just want you to know. Just want you to know now that that hole down there may not work, but as a wife, you have other holes and you have a mouth.

[A]

His mom said that you. His mother.

[B]

Let me tell you how genius though I thought that was because she was looking out for her son. She was saying as a. She had been married about 40 years to his father. At that time, as a married woman, she's saying, let me just tell you what has worked for us and possibly maybe the mistake she might have made.

[A]

That's good. Ye.

[B]

And I just thought, wow, if more moms would have that real, authentic conversation versus just, you know, honey, Just get married and, you know, ride off on a horse in the midnight hours. That doesn't work. No. What do we do when I have this baby and he has needs and I can't deliver? What are the alternatives? How do we communicate that? How do I make sure that baby and father, their husband both feel seen and loved? How do I communicate to him that my hormones are crazy and I need more reassurance?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm not insecure. And if I am, so what? Support me in this.

[A]

Help me in this. Yes.

[B]

I don't care what title you put to it. Then it's insecure. Then you really need to help me become more secure. I just birthed your baby.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do we do in this space?

[A]

All over the place. Yeah.

[B]

What does that look like? Right?

[A]

Friends, male and female. And I've been on the receiving end of hearing both the woman, the wife, and the husband vent about those things. And I'm like, we need to understand. Her body's going through all these different changes. And then the guy's like, the same thing. Like, well, I mean, let me get some head or something.

[B]

I'm like, but can I ask you this? I mean, do you think that's too much for a man to ask for? You had a baby. I mean, I'm not saying the day you come out the hospital, but damn. I mean, a couple weeks into it, do you think it's too much for him to not demand it, but to say, baby, Haley, I got some knees.

[A]

I'm struggling. Cause it's been a long time.

[B]

I mean, it's been two weeks. And we used to have a really active sex life.

[A]

I mean, that's a lot.

[B]

Can I get some head?

[A]

Yeah, I'll let that sit in between.

[B]

Is that too much?

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

Or is that just adulting and him being vulnerable enough to say, I got needs. I got needs. And I'm not even thinking about stepping.

[A]

Out on you, but I need you.

[B]

To hand job, mouth job, something. I mean, now I don't have any kids, so I say this now without motherless. But my thing is, like, absolutely. Hold on. Give him 10 more minutes to feed.

[A]

Hold on. Yeah, let's go.

[B]

Crystal. Crystal. But can you hurry up? I'm like, I'm tired.

[A]

I'm tired.

[B]

Wait. And I'm dripping. Hold on. Let me wipe. Hold on.

[A]

Listen. That is dedication.

[B]

Can you wipe while I suck? Wipe, baby, wipe. But that's teamwork.

[A]

That is teamwork.

[B]

What are we talking about here is teamwork? Because while he's on the road. I got knees.

[A]

Yeah, that's real.

[B]

While you're doing things, I need to be seen.

[A]

So true.

[B]

Text me when you land. Ask me where I am. Bug me throughout the day.

[A]

I'm the same with my mom. I wanna be loved on.

[B]

Love me like this. Don't love me like this, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[B]

Cause if you love me like this, we got a problem.

[A]

I've got a problem. Love me like, literally now you in my business.

[B]

I need to care about my business. Okay, Both ways, y'.

[A]

All. Yes.

[B]

In and out. The bedroom. Love me like this.

[A]

Yes. That is hilarious. Oh, my gosh. I love this. This is what I wanted to get into. So say that you're on a first date. What are some first date questions? Because me and Ashana and some of my girls, we've been talking about questions, the wildest questions that we've been asked and some turn offs. What are some questions that you feel are important to ask on a first date when you're like, okay, this is going a good direction.

[B]

This is such an unpopular opinion. But when I said all the women tend to go, yes, sis, I feel the same way, but he said I was insecure. I always ask, how do you feel about your woman having your password to your phone or to your laptop and having full access? That's the first thing I want to know. Because again, being loved like this means we're orbiting. Means I have access and I'm not allowing you to access my body.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If I can't access your shit, I'm not doing it. I have not and I won't. And so that's the first question.

[A]

And what are the answers?

[B]

Oh, I've had some men be like, like password to my phone. Like, I just feel like, you know, if you're going to trust me, then you trust me and you don't need to have access. And in my personal experience, I go red flag womanizer. Red flag womanizer. And womanizer just means you got something going on. You're manipulative, you're sneaky. You got something that you're not transparent about. I am not into honesty. I'm into to transparency. I don't want to have to ask you 15 questions to get you to be honest with me. I like transparency, baby. I was on my way home and I got an email from my ex girlfriend and I forwarded to you. This is what she said. Okay, dad, are you hungry? I got dinner cooked. That's me. I don't want to have to ask you anything because I'm not the woman that see. And because I'm not going to sneak and go through your phone and I don't want to. I'm not going to try to learn your password. I need to make sure that I have full access. Because in my last relationship, I had full access. And I would sit with him in bed and be like, babe, let me see your phone real quick.

[A]

And ain't no like.

[B]

And he would just go now sometimes because I think he knew, like, okay. I think in his mind, knowing my personality, he was like, either she's doing it to flex her control. I'm just being transparent and being very accountable. Or like, babe, like, how many times you need to look at my phone before you reassured? I'm just speaking real from what I felt a man would think, right? But he would always and go right to the game. And sometimes I would joke and I'd be like, nervous. You nervous? And this is even like two years in. And when a big rock on my finger, we engage. The wedding is like in two months. And he'd be like, oh. He was like, you look in it anyways. I know you do. But he also had access to mine. So if the phone ranges her phone. Well, if I'm in the shower, he'd go, your mama calling. So you looking to see who calls? Or sometimes I say, baby, text her back and tell her this, this and that. I did that for one of two things. One, I wanted him to text mama back, right? But two, I wanted him to know I'm reassuring you too. And you can text back, you can respond. You have that access, you have that authority. You're my man, you're mine. We're getting married and I'm transparent. And if there's something you see in there and we need to talk about and I need to shift, I'm willing to shift it. No big deal. But luckily, knock on wood with both of my engagements with full access, I've never ran into anything I've never seen. I mean, I've had access to Facebook pages, social media, but for me, that is my reassurance. And I like that type of access. And so again, on the first date, if a man is like, nah, that ain't me, then I don't just walk off to dinner. I mean, I'm mature, but I do understand that that's not my type of guy. And I've had men follow up, like date number two. And I say, look, I don't want to waste your time. I am a woman who's an access woman. And I just would never even be intimate with you if I can't access what's going on. Because if there is a disease or if there is something coming from someone, it's in that phone. It's in that phone. And I'm not playing with my body. I'm not playing with my heart. And so I'm good.

[A]

I love that with your engagements. And you are still a woman who wants to be loved, who aspires to be in a relationship. What kept you still wanting that? Because I know some people when they've been engaged, and maybe it didn't work out. That happened twice for you. What kept you saying, no, this. I still want love.

[B]

You know what's crazy, Chris?

[A]

So.

[B]

And again, I say this with all the compassion for the women who have been left.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think if I was the one being left, I probably would be on the other side of the emotion. I probably would maybe feel a little disempowered or kind of like, what am I not doing right? Or why me? But being that I was the one that was pursued, obviously. Right. And I pursued back once I wanted them and asked right and chosen and chose back. And then I did the leaving, and I called off both engagements or both weddings. As crazy as it sounds, it does put. It gives me leverage. It puts me in a. A. A position of power. Not a power where I'm taking advantage of a power of. I did the leaving. So I'm still the woman who was desired, pursued. They still wanted the relationship when I left. And I didn't leave because they weren't great men. I left because they weren't my men forever. And I wasn't gonna continue to be in a relationship even with my last fiance, where I was fully taken care of. I didn't pay a bill, buy a grape. I made sure he had food. I was cooking. I was definitely fully submissive to whatever he needed, which I loved, by the way. I love that. I love that role. Just so you men know, I love that submission role. You could take care of me any day, but I still wasn't gonna stay and allow him to take full care of me. Right. Knowing that I didn't want to be with this man. I wasn't staying to use him. I wasn't staying to be taken care of. He didn't take care of me because I didn't have my own. I was a doctor already. I had my own money. I had my own reserves. And I also didn't need him to support me in the sense of once I Left. He was giving me money to leave. No, when we left, we left, and I. My last text message to him was, I left the house. Thank you for taking such great care of me. I am so grateful for you continued blessings. And he text me back and said, same to you. Thank you for everything. Continued blessings. It wasn't bitter, but I thanked him because that man took care of us. I mean, literally was a retired basketball player and was doing okay, but went and got a second regular job. Crystal. To make sure he can fit me into his world. And to me, that is just so. Just admirable, you know? And when you see a man put in that much effort, my opinion is, I don't care how alpha you are, you peak your submissive. And that was my first time where I literally, organically, my alpha was like, doormat, and my submissive was, like, fully flamed. And I fell in love with me probably more than he did, because I was like, oh, this submissive woman is. She's everything. I love this. And, yeah, anything he needed, he can come home at 12 from working out. And he's like, I'm hungry. I'm like, what do you want? No problem. Put my little gospel music on. And I'm in that kitchen at 12am cooking, having a good time. So they do exist, but you just have to make sure that you're choosing what works for you.

[A]

Yeah. At what point were you, like, this amazing guy, he's doing all these amazing things, going the extra mile to get the extra job. What was it that you were like, this isn't my forever person? Cause it sounds like a great, great man.

[B]

This is where y' all gonna eat my ass up. And I'm okay with that. Okay. I'm okay with that. I actually love myself, so I don't date men with kids.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And he knew that. When we first started dating, I obviously knew that he had two beautiful young adult daughters. But we still both continue to pursue each other and ended up in a relationship. Ended up loving each other and engaged. And we would sit in bed, Crystal. We'd have the most amazing day. Things would be good. And I would just lay in bed, and I say, babe, at night. I'm like, baby. He's like, yep. I'm like, I'm having those feels again. And he's like, what? And I'm like, I love that we're a family. Cause we were like, the girls would come, and we'd have dinner. I'd cook, you know, and so. But I'm like, I love our family. Unit. It's not your girls at all. They did nothing derogatory to the relationship. I mean, he made it a breeze. There was no baby mama drama. I never even met their mamas. The oldest daughter would talk to me about her mom and some concerns they would have. And I would totally facilitate it, be open. I would work out what his girls eat. I mean, it was never them. And even after we broke up, me and his daughter, she still kept in contact, so. But I said that to say. I would say, it's not you, it's not them, it's me. My spirit isn't letting me go against my values of what I don't want. I come from a father who has six of us by five different women. And since I can remember speaking and thinking, I used to say, daddy, I love all my siblings, but I don't like that you did this with five women, and I don't want that. And my ex fiance had two beautiful girls by two different women.

[A]

So you were seeing the.

[B]

And my dad was like, baby, remember what you said? And I know you think he's different because it's two. He's not.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Ooh. He's not Daddy. He's not. So I told you, you know, we had this agreement, and I was like, but Daddy takes care of me and he loves me and we're good. And my dad was like, baby, wow. I'm telling you, hold off on the wedding. Hold off. And so we have these conversations. And when I learned that there was nothing he could do to shift how I felt in here, and it wasn't his responsibility to shift me. I had to be authentic and really show my love for him and say, I can't be married and have kids. And it's continued to be this burden on us. And you try to facilitate it, and through a lot of those spaces, it will cause some conflict. And he wasn't always able to have the emotional intelligence needed to totally facilitate us through certain things. And so I started saying, you know, well, what have I become when I am pregnant, we're married and I'm pregnant, and I'm having these. These moments, and he's not able to facilitate me. He's shutting down for four or five days and we're in the house together. And mind you, he was 14 years older than me. And so in my mind, I'm thinking, which most of us think older man, the maturity is going to be there. He can facilitate this. That's not an age thing. That's just an experience and wisdom thing. And to his defense, I believe he tried his best to. But when it came to us having friction, the second part of it was he was still very into that unemotional intelligence where, girl, we go five days without talking in the same house.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And I said, baby, I can't be married like this.

[A]

That don't work either.

[B]

So two things. It was the reality of you have these beautiful girls who have nothing to do with my decision. It's all my values and what I want. And the other thing is, you're not able to problem solve and bring resolve quick enough in this house. And I want peace now.

[A]

Do you think that if he didn't do the whole, I can go five days without talking to you, do you think you could have maybe let the. Having the kids because you love the girls they love you clearly still have a great relationship with them. Is that something that maybe, if that was strong and the communication and maturity was there, that you could have kept that relationship going?

[B]

I think. I think no. I think God would have found a gentle way like he did in this relationship, to sever it. Because God knows my heart. And like you said, I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you a good life. And I know that he knows a good life for me is me, my husband and our babies. And God built me so he knows how he built my little territorial self. And he knows that I don't want to look across the room and see my husband, as selfish as it may sound for others, for me, it's not selfish, it's me. I don't want to look across the room and see my husband engaging, interacting with someone else's child that's not mine. The second thing is, I'm a type of woman that if I'm with a man with kids, I'm fully invested.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Those kids will be treated no different than my kids. I will love and invest in them like their minds. And just like when him and I, when I called off the wedding, I left. He got to keep the family. I left as a single woman having to go create my own family. So that's an investment a lot of women and men make where they're coming in and being stepmom or stepdaddy. And if that relationship ends, those kids are not yours. It's very rare that those kids roll with you. When mom or dad gets another relationship, guess what? It's the next step, Mommy or daddy. So where did the return on your investment go?

[A]

Right. Yeah. So I want to ask you this because as we get older, the chances of having children and like, it gets less and less and less. Have you ever had thoughts of, like, dang, like, you know what I'm saying? I want this thing, but is this even possible? The longer I wait for this man who doesn't have children? I used to have. That was one of my ultimatums. I was like, I don't want anybody to got kids. Like, I was in college saying that and my.

[B]

We might be Kendra's sisters over here. Hold on, let me find out.

[A]

Right? I used to think like that. And I don't know if it was my mom or. Or a friend of mine, someone. I was in college and I was like, I do not want anybody that has kids. I just saw the baby mama drama and I did not want that. And like, my father has four kids by four different women. Wow. Yeah. So. But my father is an incredible dad, and someone had to point that out to me. What an amazing father my dad is. And could you not love someone who has children? That changed my mind, my mindset and perspective on dating a man with children because of how amazing my dad was, how he honored my mother with the other women to make sure she never felt inferior or that there was still anything going on because, you know, you had those issues too. So I changed my mind on that. But as a woman, and we're getting older, how do you wrap your mind around. I'm still holding on to wanting to date somebody who doesn't have kids when that, that opportunity for us, naturally is fleeting.

[B]

Two things. One, I've dated my first fiance, had no kids. Look how good God is. He gave me all the experience to choose. My first fiance had no kids. My second one had kids. Two totally different men. The relationship with no kids is more the relationship for me regardless. And so through my experiences, I know the no kid guy. That's my guy. I'm able to be fully open, fully present with him. There's just. That's my thing. I just have to have that. That's a non negotiable. The second thing is, you know, faith is an action word. And, you know, I was a little girl in the inner city, a product of two parents who were teenagers. My mom was addicted to the drug that my father sold and she's now sober, thank God. She's killing the game. VP of my company, got her own business. She's just doing her thing. And my father has transitioned. Last year he passed away, but before he passed away, he was a family man. He was a longshoreman a book he was working. So he transitioned out that lifestyle. I say that to say that God took a little girl in the inner city with abandonment issues and took my broken pieces and made peace from me. He took a little girl in the inner city and took me from the hood to the hills. And there hasn't been one promise he hasn't one kept or doubled down on. And so when I had that conversation with God, he checks me and he says, I'm confused. How much more do I need to do for you to trust that what you want will prevail? How much more do I need to do for you to understand that maybe it's your career that I need you to do right now? Because if you have that husband, the type of woman that you are that loves the way you love, you might just put this career aside. And I know how you are. And so let me do what I do if you're going to be in my will. And because of my faith in him and the way he shows up every day, I would be completely dishonoring him and myself, completely disrespecting God and myself to believe or disbelieve that the desires of my heart won't come to pass. And so I'm that woman. I understand Abraham and Sarah. You know, I'm not saying I want to wait till I'm 80, but what happened with Sarah? She wanted a baby, and she wasn't barren, right? And Abraham was 80. And she said, we're going to have a baby with the maid. And as soon as he got the maid pregnant, Sarah ended up pregnant. And God said, you just couldn't wait a little longer. And then when the maid got pregnant, Sarah said, get rid of this. Excuse my language. But she got to go, because now I'm bearing your child. And Abraham was such a g and such a good man. And Sarah, he told the maid, good day. God had a conversation with the maid in the desert and said, listen, you go back because you don't know who you carrying. Baby, you go back. You carrying what Sarah was supposed to carry because Sarah couldn't wait for me.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Baby, I'm not listen, ain't no man finna be pregnant with my blessing. I refuse. And I believe and trust that when it's right, it happened. And I really know that that is what allows me not to react or be in despair when I'm dating. That's what gives me the verticalness of being able to stand vertical in what I want and not waver in it. Because God's like, what you want to do? Because you're going to get your blessing either way. You either going to get it after the maid gets it, or you going to wait and have what you want. And guess what? I'll wait.

[A]

I'll wait.

[B]

I'll wait.

[A]

So I something similar to that. I was on the Dear Future wifey with Laterius Whitfield, and he asked me about. I love him, by the way. I know, isn't he amazing?

[B]

Terrace. I love you.

[A]

Shout out later. And he was asking me about having children. I said, I'm so sick of people saying, like, I feel like as a woman in our Women in our 40s, it is the most annoying question is, when you gonna have some babies? You know? And I told him, I said, I'm tired. My answer is, just stay out of my uterus. Like people, I have a friend that literally DMs me, like every few months. Have you frozen your eggs yet? Have you frozen your eggs yet? I'm like, oh, my gosh, Seriously? And I told him, I said, I'm in a space now where I've waited too late. I went to the doctor and she was like, it's too late to freeze your eggs because you don't want to freeze them. And then only one may survive. And she said, so at this point, you just try to get pregnant naturally. And I was like, okay. And same. I used the Abraham and Sarah analogies exactly like you did. And I said, you know what? Where I am and where my faith is, if it's meant to be, it will happen, you know, and it's going to be a healthy pregnancy. The baby's going to be healthy and live a great life. But I can't put that pressure on myself. But I do feel like because of same way I literally said this, we may be twin, where have you been? Because I told a friend, I said, you know, I used to pray like, God, I have everything but this one component. Like, why am I missing the love? Like, I want somebody to share this beautiful life with. And it would. I'm telling you, I would, like, sit in my room and be really sad. Walk into this big, beautiful home. Sad to not have anyone to share it with. I would say the big home, feeling homeless baby. It's a real thing. And I was sitting there and I was like. But I knew. I was like, God literally said, if I brought you that I know how you are. I'm always like, what you need? What you need, what you need. How can I help? And I would have Been putting so much into that person and that I would have let my career go by the wayside. That would have been. And I look back at relationships, I'm like, dang, I wonder what it would have been like. It wouldn't have been like this.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know, because there's amount of energy that you have to put into your career to get to the level that you want to get to. So I'm with you on that. That's good.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm awake. God blesses the bold, and he blesses at the level of our belief. He does anything that we want. I feel. I feel like once we pray and every thought and every words of prayer, prayer is not just this. I feel like it goes out into the download system and it sits there waiting for our belief to align with it. When our belief aligns with it, it downloads. And I used to. I was poking at God more like I think maybe about 10 years ago or so. And I was like, why are you taking so long? You know? And I was. I'm not gonna lie. I was actually mad at him. I was mad. And I said, I'm mad at you. And he's like, well, let's talk about it. Right? I want to talk to you because I'm mad at you. He's like, well, woman, I created you, so I know exactly what to say.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

To get you to talk to me. And I was like, you do. And so we, you know, had this conversation, and he said, what have I told you? To trust me, that I know where I'm going with this and that I just. I know your heart. I know the plans. And I said, I commit to trusting you. And he said, listen, you've always said that you didn't want to be. I always use Kobe Bryant because I love my favorite players. Rest in peace. You always said you didn't want to be Kobe Bryant's wife. You wanted to be Cheyenne Bryant, who's married to Kobe Bryant. He says, so let me establish you. And you know what it says, right? It says, those who who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He said, I will establish you and make you perfect. Bount up wings like egos. You're walking, I get weary. You're running, I faint. Baby, I'm doing all right now.

[A]

You're doing all those things.

[B]

And I. And I'm more vertical and more healthy than I've ever been. I told my best friend about a month ago, I said, girl, I'm the healthiest I've ever been. And I'M not just talking about, like, because I got, you know, money. And this is before even all this viral shit even happened. I was like, girl, I'm the healthiest I've ever. I've never felt so full. And I want to tell the women, yeah. My prayer was, God, okay, if you're gonna have me wait, no problem, but can we negotiate? And he said, what? Because he knows how I am. He's like, what, woman? I said, can you just fill me up? Top me off as though I already have the husband, as though I already have the kids, so that the despair and the turmoil doesn't cause a conflict where I can't show up in your will. I want to show up full for you. And he said, bet you got a deal. And I'm not playing. I have been filled up and topped off as though the husband and the kids. I've been so full. So full. And this has been for the past maybe three or four years, I've just been full. And so I don't feel the lack of there not being a presence of my husband and my kids. I'm on full. So by the time the husband does get here, I'm choosing again from my fullness. I'm not choosing from my deficit. And God will do it. I'm telling you, anything you ask.

[A]

Oh, he will. I'm a living witness.

[B]

He'll do it. And so, you know, to your point, it's funny, the doctor told you you were too old. The doctor been telling me, let's freeze your eggs. You have eight follicles over here, and you have 11 follicles over here. Let's do it. Yeah, but see, and then that's what I mean by just people going to get expert advice on certain things. It's like, you gotta get a second third opinion.

[A]

Yeah. And that's because.

[B]

Right. And I haven't frozen, but my doctor's like, you're 42. I'm like, I know. Freeze. You got follicles.

[A]

I'm like, I know. But even that process, people don't talk about how hard that is on the body going through that. It's a lot hormones, they have to.

[B]

Put your body in. In the phase, as though you are.

[A]

Yeah, we don't talk about that. And everybody's like, just go freeze your eggs. I'm like, you go like you want me to. That's a whole process that I had to put my body through while still.

[B]

Trying to function, to see the eggs are pulling out. Yes, it is.

[A]

It's a lot. And I'm I know.

[B]

You know what? So if I do decide to do it natural without. I ain't frozen eggs yet. But I do know that I told God, you know, we'll see if God aligns with my plan. He usually does it. But I tried it. I tried it. I did say, by the end of next year, I want to be in a place of where I'm doing the do with someone who is going to be my forever do. And we're just in our baby making season. But I told God I don't want it until it's on his time.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But to sustain me, keep me topped off. Because I love it here. I just, I love it here. So I'm like, I keep it here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. And I. It's easier for me to stay directly in your will.

[A]

Yeah, I love that. It seems like one of your non negotiables, which is having a man who has children kind of also is in direct line with the broken homes that you talk about. And I saw you first. My first introduction to you is on Cam Newton's show. And you talked about broken homes and broke that down to him. What was it that you saw with your father in your childhood that made you say, hey, I do want, want to repeat this? And then also, what are some things that we can communicate just to help communicate better about that so that we can try to. I know it's gonna be hard to like stop because it's so deeply rooted, but what are some things that we can help our black families understand how we can break this cycle?

[B]

Yeah, I love that. Similar to your father, my dad was just the daddy of the year, you know, he was again a street dude. And so I was, I'm a product of a street dude at that time when I was young. So, you know, he was providing for sure. Yeah, we had the street money. Listen, he was definitely protecting because he was a very well respected OG in his neighborhood. And so the provision, the protection was there. But he was a womanizer. He always had multiple women. He didn't hide that to me or my siblings. He wasn't a daddy who would, you know, hide his hand. But tell you something else, he was very transparent. And what I love most about him is he would always tell me, if a man looks like me, speaks like me, smells like me, does anything like me, no. Red flag. Do not date him. It's a no. And you damn sure better not bring him home because somebody will end up dead or in jail. Don't do it. And I stuck to that. But I remember there was one time I was dating a guy and he was a street guy and I really was liking him and I was like, ooh, daddy, you know, and he did give me the daddy vibes. Meeting my daddy vibes. And I remember my dad seen a picture and was like, no. And my dad called me every day, Crystal, for two weeks, two or three times a day. Get rid of him. Get rid of him. Of course I got rid of him. But wasn't. Cause my dad said it. It's because my dad was right. He was right. And so for me, I just feel like when you start to create all these houses that are homeless, I think it's a self projection of men who are overcompensating for what they've been missing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that they are projecting onto all these houses, which is a whole generation of kiddos and women, their mommy issues, their daddy issues, and their own inadequacies. I think it's unfair to the kids. And no matter how good of a father you are, just like your father, you can't be in the home with all of us. And so I'm not waking up on Christmas morning with you. I'm still having to either travel to you, right, or you to me. And it's just unfair to all, to all the other kids. There's seven of us and we're all, you know, close for the most part. My sister, who is not. She's my father's daughter, she's not my mother's daughter. She's at my home now with my mom staying there because she lives in Vegas, but she has a. A new job in la. And she calls my mom Mama. My mom cooks for her, my mom cleans behind her. My mom packs her lunch to go to work. Crystal, my mama, they go get massage when I. They FaceTime me. It's her and mama. And so I love this. This is where the oxymoron comes on.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I love that it's seven of us. And I love that I'm the oldest. And I love that my mama is the mama to all of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I tell my mom, you have to be built a certain way to do that. And she always says, yeah, but I was the first baby mama.

[A]

I said, I'm the only one.

[B]

I said, that's right, Mama. She said, if I wasn't the first, I wouldn't have did it. Shy, she says, so mama agrees with you. Go get you a man like I thought I had with your dad, where there's no kids. And start your own family. She said, all I wanted was a family. Didn't know he was going to go out and, you know, and have multiple kids. So I just feel like it's a disservice to everybody who's involved until everyone gets to a place of maturity and becoming older and we're able to process how do we blend and how do we all equally get our love and our time with this parent.

[A]

Yeah, that's real. I love that. So I get it. I totally. I understand why you do that. You are the president of the naacp. I am, and we just had an election. I also worked on Capitol Hill, so. Yeah. Yes. I'm really big into politics, and I just spoke at North Carolina Central University.

[B]

Come on now.

[A]

And the students there were saying that the morale on campus is so low right now. Everyone was really pulling for Kamala to win. And now we are faced with our future and what it could be, and everybody is really in a low place. What are some tips that you could give our community? Just kind of help us navigate this because it's so fresh right now.

[B]

Yeah, I love that question. I'm truly honored to be the NAACP president in Los Angeles for. I think it's been, like, 12 years now. I was, like, the youngest 12 years. I was the youngest president to come in in my city and in my branch, and I was the first woman. We had all male leaderships who did a great job before me, by the way. But I just happened to come in and continue to do their great work. But I think most importantly is the messages to Kamala is that, you know, you ran the best election you could run. But I think that her leadership can't stop with this loss of the election. I think that she has to still mobilize our people. I think she should still be speaking to us as a leader. I think she should still be putting together different. Not policies, but different call of actions for us as a community to continue to be inspired. Leadership doesn't stop when you take an L. Yeah. Leadership continues if you're really in it for the right reasons. I know she didn't show up at Howard Hu, which is her, you know, her alumni, to address those kids and people who supported her. I didn't think that was a good leadership characteristic. I'm just gonna say it. Even though, you know, I supported Kamala, voted for her, I just think that wasn't good leadership role for her to take. And then she sent a man, a black man out there to do her job. To me, that reinforced the People who aren't ready to have a woman president and a black woman president that says, look, she sent a man out there to do her job, you see? And so that's the leader. Like that, right? Yeah. But I think that that conversation, I think that people like yourself, people like me, you don't need a title to be a leader. You don't need education to be a leader. If you feel passionate about something, you are a leader. Take that passion, create a committee, create a group, start the conversation, and really start to try to mobilize people around what you're passionate about within your community. And then join your local NAACP branches, join another organization who you. That you feel is black, brown, minority, that can push some things out. And I think it's important that we continue to do that. And more than that, though, Crystal, I feel like as a community of black people, not Republicans or Democrats, but black people, we need to become strategic. Listen, I must go there. White people are very strategic in their politics. They're very strategic in their business ticks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So they are planning things out. Trump appointed a superior court judge four years ago who was pardoning him four years later for all of his felons. He had someone ride up qualified immunity for him as a president. I mean, this. That's all strategy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We have to become a very strategic community and not just a very here and now. What's going on? Now we got to start to strategize, well, who's the next young councilwoman or man who's black that's gonna run for our local cities, who's gonna be our next black Senate? Because we also didn't take the house or the seats. Who is gonna be the person who's gonna run for president? I always joke and say it might be me in four years, but it might be a joke. Not a joke. I might have a belly on baby number two.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And a husband by then running for office. And I told y' all on the Crystal Renee show that I was gonna run both for me, but we gotta figure out. And then when, say, Kamala, she didn't get an office, but she needs to set up this young black leadership and start to groom them. See, grooming sometimes is done in the wrong way. We need to to groom in the right, positive way and strategize who we putting in office. From Senate to city council to Congress, all the way through, even down to police chiefs of our communities. Can we get a black woman? Can we get a black young man? Someone in their 30s? Let's groom these folks so that they are mobilized, they are inspired to do more, and we have to support them. One thing about one of my co hosts, Brie Renee. She's a millennial. She's always screaming. Yeah. She's always screaming, everyone supports us. I'm like, girl, y' all just lazy. But to her point, there are some that are just lazy. But to her point, they do need support. They do need the people who came before them who are running organizations like myself, who are speaking at big schools, who are going to the Capitol to say, all right, so what are you passionate about? Like I told Bri, you can join my naacp. I will give you an entire committee to put together. I'll put you on the executive board. What you gonna do with it? I want to see you run something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so we have to be able to. To be willing to put them in position and not be these crabs in a bucket, because we're not crabs in a bucket. You know, there's room for all of us, and we don't have to be in competition with each other.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

And we need leadership. We need leadership more now than ever.

[A]

Yeah. No, for sure. That's amazing. You also have a book called Mental Detox, and I want to ask you, what do you do to mental detox? After the day, say, this is, like, a busy day. You got more to do after this. At the end of the day, what are you gonna do to mental detox?

[B]

I either FaceTime my mom or my little brother Shane. And if he doesn't answer, I'm sending him all kinds of emojis, like, what the hell are you doing? That's my detox. I get to poke at him. He's 11 years younger than me. Or meditating. And then what umbrellas. All of that is. I put on a good bishop Jake, sir.

[A]

I love him.

[B]

I don't play by my bishop.

[A]

Listen, listen. Yes.

[B]

And if I choose you, I'm rolling with.

[A]

With you.

[B]

I told you, I'm committed like that with friendships. Oh, well, whatever going on. Bishop going on. But you, my bishop, I put on sermons from 25 years ago up until 10 years ago, and I play that. Or go to a really good Abraham hicks video on YouTube where she talks about law of attraction, and she talks about the belief and your responsibility. And she also ties in the Bible verse, which is one of my favorite. Think only on these things that are good, that are prosperous, and, Keith, that are praiseworthy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I remind myself, shy, would you pray for this? If it's A hard no, next thought. If it's a yes, I penetrate that thought. And so I go to these for me, the bishops and, you know, sometimes Sarah, because she's been preaching more for him now. But I'm still bishop. I'm still like the old school. Yeah, he just has a way about me. The voice and the presence of. I do that and then, you know, I like me time. I find that it's solitude, so I can sit for 45 minutes, just be in my solitude. And I also find that that's a way for me to allow God to speak to me. And the relationship that we have, it's is very humorous. There's a lot of, you know, who's your daddy? I told you so. And I'm always laughing at him. And when you build a relationship with God, that's past principles, past biblical, past church, past religion, you get to meet yourself in him, the true essence of who you are. And it's really beautiful and it's really light and it's really fun. And that's where you become extremely fearless, too. Extremely fearless. Extremely fearless.

[A]

I love that. So tell the people what is next for Dr. Bryant.

[B]

Love that. So I have my new talk show, True Talks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

On Fox. So Monday through Friday, 8p Eastern. I have my new book called the Divine Wilderness that should be out next year for sure. It's y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

This book we use. We. I'm using, listen, the. The Moses journey metaphor with the Red Sea and the promised land, the wilderness.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Y' all gonna have to be ready for this book.

[A]

My goodness, I cannot wait.

[B]

I have my online hybrid certification program where I certify other existing therapists and psychologists and. And coaches and new coaches on how to apply my hybrid modality, which is, you know, therapy and coaching. Because I started off as a marriage, family, child therapist, transition into a life coach, psychology expert. So I couple that and it's called a hybrid effects. Anyways, I have my online school, that registration has just opened up and we have a lot of students have. Who have taken the course and have really amazing successful practices where they're healing and changing lives just like me. And they're just maybe not on these huge platforms, but they're doing it just as good as me, if not better. I mean, I'm so proud of my students. And so I have my speaking tour every weekend for the next year.

[A]

What?

[B]

I am on a speaking tour every weekend. So I am on tonight's Conversation speaking tour coupled with my own Dr. Brian speaking tour. I have my own Chicago Outside of tonight's conversation, I have Iowa, I have Michigan. Again, Detroit, we have la, and this is outside tonight's a conversation. But then we also have their tour, so I've co mingled them too.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have a lot of relationships busy.

[B]

And hopefully, you know, I have the husband and the kids. I'm gonna throw that in there. I'm not rushing you got. But I am. But I'm not.

[A]

But I am.

[B]

But I'm not. But I'm ready, so. Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

That is incredible. Well, I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time out of your extremely busy schedule to come sit down and talk with me. This has been such a refreshing conversation.

[B]

They've been waiting for me.

[A]

They have been waiting.

[B]

And thank you for having this platform because I've watched some of your. Some of your episodes and they have all been so informative, so emotionally just inclined, so touching. And, you know, I stick to the Bishop Jakes and the Abraham Hicks because it's hard for me to learn a lot. I resonate with a lot, but I don't learn a lot because of how much I do read and how much I am doing what I do every day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I've learned a lot from watching your episode. Seriously, in your podcast. So when they were poking at me to be on the show, I'm like, go tell her I'm waiting. And I'm waiting. So I was like, I'm ready.

[A]

Oh, I got the memo. Loud and clear. We heard you.

[B]

So thank you for having this platform, because whether you know it or not, and I believe you know it, you're changing lives, Crystal, and a lot of women can relate to you. They are relating to you. And you're so vulnerable about just your journey of the single woman and wanting to be a mom. And that is more of our story than a lot of women know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're giving women a space to feel heard, to feel understood, and. And to feel valued without having to be a mommy or a wife. And that's huge. We need that.

[A]

It is.

[B]

And that in itself is what leadership looks like.

[A]

Seriously.

[B]

So thank you for doing that. Thank you so much.

[A]

I appreciate you.

[B]

Love you, girl.

[A]

You too. This has been amazing. Dr. Cheyenne Bryant came through and got us all the way together, as I knew she would. But the part of our conversation that really struck a core with me was when she spoke about wanting marriage and wanting a family, but knowing that certain things you have to wait on. And she used the analogy of Abraham and Sarah. And in that she also asked God to fill her up the places that she may have felt empty as though they already existed. And I love that I never looked at it from that perspective. So I want to challenge you. Whatever you feel like you may be missing in your life, pray for those things but also ask God to fill you up as though they already exist. Thank you all so much for watching and all of your support of the Keep It Positive Sweetie show. I also want to thank Dr. Cheyenne Bryant once more for for being our guest to keep up with all the great things happening in season six. You can follow me on all social media platforms at lovechristalrenee and you can also follow our show at keepitpositivesweetie. If you want to write into our Positive Outcomes listener letter you can send us an [e-mail] in the meantime, in between time you know what to do. Keep it positive sweetie. I'll see you guys next time. It.