Get Wet and Wild: Woman Marries River

Summary

Podcast Summary: Kennedy Saves the World
Episode: "Get Wet and Wild: Woman Marries River"
Host: Kennedy
Date: March 26, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, Kennedy takes on an unusual cultural phenomenon as a lens to explore modern romance, alienation, and the search for connection. Using wit and a dash of irreverence, she discusses a recent New York Post story about a woman who married the River Avon in England, spinning this into a critique of contemporary relationships, activism, and the quest for personhood for inanimate objects. The episode shines a humorous but critical light on what human connections mean in an era of increasing eccentricity and detachment.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Disconnect & Absurd Romantic Choices

• Kennedy opens by addressing concerns about the future of human connection, joking about the trajectory towards obsolescence due to diminishing interpersonal bonds. She pokes at contemporary feminist expressions and generational changes, suggesting humorously that perhaps the decline is “for the best.”
  • "Many of you have grown very concerned that the lack of human connection will render the human race obsolete in the course of a couple of generations. And maybe that's true and it might be for the best." (00:40)

2. The River-Wedding Story

• Kennedy details the story of “Meg,” who married the River Avon and campaigns for river “personhood.” Using this, Kennedy questions where the line gets drawn—poking fun at how only moving water is apparently worthy of personhood, unlike lakes or swimming pools.
  • "She says the river is an entity and is part of a group fighting for personhood, for the river, which I think is very lakist, because if you're saying that just because a body of water is moving, it's a person. So lakes, ponds, swimming pools, those are not entities with souls and beating hearts, you trollop." (01:25)

3. Social Commentary: Dating Apps & Disposable Humanity

• Kennedy links the peculiar marriage back to cultural trends: from dating app culture to abortion, suggesting these contribute to treat people as disposable and undermine lasting connections.
  • "And the worry is that, and we hear this about dating apps that people have become so disposable for, from abortion to swiping, that they no longer have connections with other people. They are just transitory hookups that will not result in marriage or children." (02:46)

4. Enduring Faith in Human Relationships

• Despite her critique, Kennedy expresses faith in those looking for traditional partnerships, highlighting conversations with optimistic singles.
  • "I still have faith in the humanity. I think there are plenty of people out there because people I talk to, friends of mine... are looking for the ultimate romantic destination so they can have a beautiful pairing." (03:13)
• She also acknowledges not everyone desires children and wryly suggests that's “for the best” if they're not so inclined.

5. On Extremes and Activism

• With biting humor, Kennedy frames “Meg’s” choice in relation to “activist types” who “anthropomorphize everything,” and draws a distinction between such individuals and those more grounded in reality.
  • "Meg, of course, is a researcher, writer and activist. So you know these activist types who anthropomorphize everything. Tell them to go ahead and marry them, take them out of the dating pool. It's less competition for the saner among you..." (08:15)

6. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On River Marriage Physicality:
  "Honestly, like if you're going to marry something and have... a marital physical relationship because she says she goes swimming once a week, it's like not enough for me, bro. I need to swim much more than that in order to be satisfied in my marital pact." (06:26)
• On Mental Health:
  "Which just betrays someone with a clear mental illness and also probably someone who should not be dating and procreating. I think the human race is better off if the Megs of the world are indulged in various publications and people go, 'That’s good for you. You celebrate that anniversary, you stay committed to that river and make sure you’re not cheating on the river...'" (07:14)
• On the Future of Romance:
  "The good ones, the rational ones absolutely have to stick together. The Megs of the world. Let them marry rivers, let them jump in and submerge themselves in their own insanity because they really do not need to be part of a functioning society, particularly the romantic stripe of society..." (09:15)
• On Officiating Object Weddings:
  "I will officiate the weddings of the mentally ill to the inanimate objects and I will die on that hill. They are objects. They are not entities. Until they can voice a pretty clear opinion about our most recent bachelorette." (09:45)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:40 — Kennedy’s introduction of the episode’s main theme & the “woman marries river” story
• 01:25 — Discussion of personhood for rivers and satirical commentary on “lakism”
• 02:46 — Analysis of declining human connection and critiques of dating app culture
• 03:13 — Kennedy’s faith in enduring romance and people seeking meaningful relationships
• 06:26 — Humorous examination of the logistics of “marital” relations with a river
• 07:14 — Mental health commentary and argument for keeping “Megs” out of the dating pool
• 08:15 — General commentary on activism and anthropomorphizing nature
• 09:15 — Distinction between those seeking genuine human connection and those “submerging in insanity”
• 09:45 — Kennedy’s tongue-in-cheek offer to officiate object marriages

---

Conclusion & Tone

Kennedy employs her trademark blend of sharp humor, skepticism, and candid commentary to probe what the river-marriage story says about society at large. With memorable quips and a biting but ultimately optimistic outlook, she encourages listeners to let the eccentrics “marry rivers,” so earnest people can focus on finding true human connection.

For anyone seeking a funny, insightful critique of modern romantic extremes, this episode provides plenty of food for thought—and laughter.

Transcript

[A]

So good, so good, so good.

[B]

Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now and they're up to 60% off. Stock up and save on Rag and Bone, Madewell, Vince, All Saints, and more of your favorites.

[C]

How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Why do we rack for the hottest? Still just so many good brands.

[B]

Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

[C]

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Kennedy Saves the World. Many of you have grown very concerned that the lack of human connection will render the human race obsolete in the course of a couple of generations. And maybe that's true and it might be for the best. You know, we hear stories about women shaving their heads to be less attractive to fight the patriarchy. And, yeah, dudes don't find that attractive. So good job, mission accomplished. And there's a story in the New York Post about a woman named Meg who married the Avon river in England a couple years ago, almost three years ago. She's going to be celebrating her third anniversary with an inanimate object, a river. She says the river is an entity and is part of a group fighting for personhood, for the river, which I think is very lakist, because if you're saying that just because a body of water is moving, it's a person. So lakes, ponds, swimming pools, those are not entities with souls and beating hearts, you trollop. So these are the kind of people that there are many who worry. Well, now that people are marrying their pets and trees and rivers, I mean, there used to be tree huggers. I remember the tree huggers in the 70s. Bill Walton, we. We talked about him yesterday on the podcast with Matt Welch, talking about baseball and. And John Wooden and the pyramid of success. And Bill Walton being a giant stoner, he was a big nudist. He was a tree hugger. Didn't marry one, fortunately. He married a female, had a bunch of kids. One of them played in the NBA. The rest still very tall, you know, sturdy folk who went on to have productive lives, I'm assuming. But the worry is that, and we hear this about dating apps that people have become so disposable for, from abortion to swiping, that they no longer have connections with other people. They are just transitory hookups that will not result in marriage or children. I still have faith in the humanity. I think there are plenty of people out there because people I talk to, friends of mine. People I know, people I work with who are single are looking for a partner. They are still looking for someone. They are looking for the ultimate romantic destination so they can have a beautiful pairing. And you know, ultimately most of them want to have kids. Some don't. That's fine. I don't care if you don't want to have kids, you probably shouldn't have kids, probably be a bad parent. But the people who are marrying things like Rivers, I'm all for it. I say Meg and it says in the New York Post that she was born Meg Trump. Which is amazing because I hope even in England she has Trump Derangement syndrome and and feels that the only way to baptize herself and excommunicate herself from the Trump tribe is to marry a river. And now her last name is Avon, which is perfect. Don't go anywhere more Kennedy saves the World right after this Some days it

[A]

feels like there is no pause feedings, diaper changes and late night wake ups and somehow you're still trying to steal a few minutes to yourself. I've really come to appreciate how much having a calm, comfortable home can change how you feel at the end of the day. That's why I have been loving Cozy earth. Go to cozyearth.com and use my code Gaines G A I N E S for up to 20% off their bedding loungewear pajamas. They're not just soft, they're the little oasis you cling to when the day has been nonstop after the baby finally drifts off or nap time actually happens. Slipping into their sheets or pulling on their pajamas feels like a hug you didn't know you needed. Even five minutes wrapped in their classic cuddle blanket is enough to feel like you've caught your breath. Sleep has become this precious, almost magical thing in our house. Cozy Earth makes those stolen moments of rest feel real calm, cozy and a little indulgent without ever feeling high maintenance. And the best part? You can try it risk free with their 100 night sleep trial so you can see the difference for yourself before fully committing. If you are ready to take the little comfort, win seriously and make home the place you recharge. Go to cozyearth.com and use my code gains G A I N E S for up to 20% off. Once you try it, you will see why so many people make Cozy Earth part of creating a home that feels calm and comfortable and truly lived in. Even when life is messy, loud and full of newborn nights.

[D]

Nearly home. Isn't home where we all want to be reba here for realtor.com, the Pro's number one most trusted app. If you're hearing me, I'm going to assume you're awake. And if you aren't, because while you're snoozing, someone else might be finding your dream home. That's where realtor.com comes in with over 500,000 new real listings straight from the Pros every month. That's a lot of chances to find the place you've been dreaming of. Whether you're searching for a two story mid century with a pool or a little extra space with a Spa inspired bathroom, realtor.com can help you find it today. So of course quit hitting that snooze button. Realtor.com isn't sleeping on finding your dream home and neither should you. Download the realtor.com app today cause you're nearly home. Make it real with realtor.com pro's number

[E]

one most trusted app based on August 2024 proprietary survey. Over 500,000 new listings every month based on average new for sale and rental listings. February 2024 through January 2025.

[C]

So what does this romantic connection look like? And honestly, like if you're going to marry something and have, you know, a marital physical relationship because she says she goes swimming once a week, it's like not enough for me, bro. I need to swim much more than that in order to be satisfied in my marital pact. And she's going once a week, even in the winter. It's like, you know, unless the, unless the river is frozen over into vibrating cylinders, I can't imagine that that is a productively romantic relationship. And she says that, you know, every time she, she wets herself in the river, she just feels a deeper connection, which just betrays someone with a clear mental illness and also probably someone who should not be dating and procreating. I think the human race is better off if the megs of the world are indulged in various publications and people go, that's good for you. You celebrate that anniversary, you stay committed to that river and make sure you're not cheating on the river. Because if you do come across some human wang that you find too intriguing to turn down, you're gonna have to drown yourself. Like you are going to have to go confess your sins. And I have a feeling the river Avon is, is going to swallow you whole and hold you down. So Meg, you know, this, this is a lifetime commitment between you and the entity who will outlive you. So you have to do your wifely best to please and satisfy the river, which at some point it may involve you becoming the ultimate human sacrifice. So if there are people in your life whom you think are so mentally ill like Meg that they are not going to get the proper psychological treatment that they need. Meg, of course is a researcher, writer and activist. So you know these activist types who anthropomorphize everything. Tell them to go ahead and marry them, take them out of the dating pool. It's less competition for the saner among you who still are looking optimistically for a deeper, meaningful, long term connection. And the good ones, the rational ones absolutely have to stick together. The Megs of the world. Let the marry rivers, let them jump in and submerge themselves in their own insanity because they really do not need to be part of a functioning society, particularly the romantic stripe of society that needs calm, level headed, caring, empathetic people to carry on this beautiful race we call human. This has been Kennedy Saves the World. I will officiate the weddings of the mentally ill to the inanimate objects and I will die on that hill. They are objects. They are not entities. Until they can voice a pretty clear opinion about our most recent bachelorette. I'm Kennedy. Listen ad free With a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts and Amazon Prime. Members can listen to this show ad free on the Amazon Music app. Oh, go ahead and leave me a review while you're there. I'd love to hear what you have to say. You've been listening to Kennedy Saves the World on the Fox News Podcast Network.

[E]

Join Fox in supporting our troops from daily needs to global emergencies. Help us be there for those who serve. Visit Go Fox Redcross to donate to service to the armed forces today.