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Welcome to Kennedy Saves the World. I am Kennedy. I just don't have my makeup on today. Isn't it amazing the miracles? They work in that hair and makeup chair. Yep, this is me. No glasses, no makeup. I kid. Big game. James in the house. Jimmy F. Filling in for the K train today. A lot of you don't know this, obviously. The podcast is called Kennedy Saves the World and she does save the world every day on this podcast. But when she's not saving the world, she was doing a lot of gambling with the NBA, in poker and of course on the court, sometimes helping guys leave games early so gamblers could cover the spread. Things got a little complicated last week, as I'm sure you've kind of heard. We tried to wiggle her out of the mess. We robbed the Louvre, tried to get our hands on that jewelry, but you know, we broadcast a block away from the diamond district here in New York. But the point is, Kennedy's not here today and seeing as we're great friends and I usually kind of come by and I don't want to say I co host on Monday, like I'm her Monday guest, but you really are, in the purposes of this show, have you have no idea where it's going to go. We don't prep. It's not like, come by, come by and we'll talk about something. Okay. It very much is like this whirling dervish of broadcasting in that Kennedy might have just watch the end of a UCLA football game or she might have noticed a T shirt on the train and the next thing you know, I'm in this chair just kind of following it. It's like that movie 8 seconds, you know, the bull ride thing. That is the Kennedy Saves the World podcast. If you're a guest. It's like somebody just fires off a starter's pistol, slaps a bull in the ass and now you're kind of holding on tight. And I think the reason I do so well is a lot of times I'm wearing rodeo shirts because I dress like an affordable male stripper. You know, everybody Knows Magic Mike. I'm kind of his brother, Tragic Mike. And that's kind of the hook of the show. Kennedy and I got and became friends based on a couple of our mutual loves. Okay, the first one is a love of humor. Inappropriate, potty mouthed, bottom feeding humor. When we first met, we both loved the movie the Naked Gun. Do you guys remember The Naked Gun? O.J. simpson was in the Naked Gun. Holy heck. O.J. simpson. The great Leslie Nielsen, George Kennedy. Those are some of the most iconic comedies ever made. And when we met, we used to talk to each other through Naked Gun references. So it would be like, you know, why would Nordberg go down to a red light district like that? Well, sex, Frank. Well, not now, Ed. Maybe later, you know, and we would laugh at like slapstick comedy. And then we started to tell each other inappropriate street jokes. And I'm gonna tell you one at the end of this broadcast because Kennedy's not here to save the world and she's not here to save my career. Cuz I'm gonna tell you some inappropriate jokes to round this thing out. Cuz it's Monday. Who cares? The government shut down, but the comedy clubs are open. The other thing Kenny and I bonded over is the Yankees. We like the Yankees a lot. We're both big Yankee fans. We've been, you know, gotten into a lot of trouble at Yankee games. We've been known to do some heckling at Yankee games. I think we almost got thrown out because we once told the right fielder that he couldn't catch COVID in a Wuhan lab. And the security guard was like, that's funny, but I think you have to go. And I'm like, we're not going. We don't care. And we didn't go because if you watched the Yankees in the playoffs last year, nobody caught anything, especially Aaron Judge. But as it pertains to me and you on a Monday and the lack of Kennedy, she's making her way back to New York, but we just had to fill in for her. I don't actually believe she's in an NBA gambling ring. I would have known because let's face it, if anybody's in an NBA gambling ring around here, it is me. Okay, but what I would tell you, since I'm sitting here rambling on, just straight to the camera, this looks like a. You know what it looks like? In all honesty, this looks like released testimony. You know, when they interview like a lawmaker about their role in some scandal and like three years later it comes out and it's just him kind of talking. You know, that's what this kind of looks like to me. But I haven't been caught for any of the things I've done. So don't conflate this with testimony, because it's not that. But I wanted to tell you a few jokes, and then I'm gonna get on my way. Okay. First and foremost, things you need to know. If you want to come see Fox News Saturday Night with Jimmy Faily, you should do that. The tickets are free. They're@foxacrossamerica.com hey, girl. And the empowering thing about my TV show is if you bring a loved one or a friend and they sit in the bleachers and they watch me host the show, you will all go home believing that you, too could get a Saturday night TV show. You'd be like, dude, if this guy has one, I'm going to get three. Okay? It's very empowering what I do on the tv. And you meet the Fox people and we come over and high five you. It's like SeaWorld. If you sit in the front, you could touch the animals. It's really a good experience. You should do that. And if you want to see me live, I'll be back on the road at the end of November. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in San Luis Obispo. I'm going to be in Vegas November 29th, Thanksgiving weekend. That's kind of a big deal. I'm at Durango. The casino's five months old. I'll be doing stand up. I'll be playing blackjack, and then I'll be turning tricks behind the hotel so I can get, you know, money for a ride back to the airport to go home. Me in Vegas. It never ends good. Have you ever been in a relationship with somebody? Like an on and off relationship where you get back together every year and a half just to remind each other why you weren't together in the first place? That's me in Vegas. Okay? We get together once a year for a standup show. And by the end of the second show, we're like, we should never talk again. At which point I usually go to the casino. But the point being is you'll see me in Vegas. Then I'm gonna be in Palm beach at the Palm Beach Kennel club. Saturday night, December 6th. The Palm Beach Kennel Club used to be a dog track. That's a real story. It was a dog track up until a few years ago. It was a thriving bustling, making a lot of full card dog track. But then unfortunately they had some Haitian migrants showed up from Springfield, Ohio. They lost a lot of money gambling and they couldn't afford to pay for lunch that day. So the next thing you know we got no dogs and now they had to turn it into a showroom. So I'm there doing stand up on the 6th and then in January I will be in St. Louis and Wichita, Kansas January 24th, January 31st. And if you wanted tickets to that foxacrossamerica.com now a lot of people are saying, hey Jimmy, why are you doing all this self promotion? You're supposed to be hosting Kennedy's show. I agree, but I didn't know that five minutes ago. So I'm just talking to the camera till I build up to the closing joke that's going to offend all of you and get me out of here with a win so I can get back to doing my own show. Don't go anywhere more.
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Kennedy saves the world right after this.
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One most trusted app based on August 2024 proprietary survey. Over 500000 new listings every month based on average new for sale and rental listings. February 2024 through January 2025. It's Will Kane country. Watch it live at noon Eastern Monday through Thursday@fox news.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel. And don' follow the podcast five days a week@fox newspodcasts.com or wherever you download your favorite podcasts. I didn't want to plan this out of kind of loyalty to what Kennedy and I do. We don't plan anything like we plan our Hangouts, like, what are we going to smoke in the Traeger? What kind of meat are we going to have? What kind of cocktails are we going to make? We plan that. Okay? But when she comes on my radio show, Fox Across America, no plan. I don't go like Alcy at 1:35 and we're going to talk about Mom, Donnie. We're not going to do that. We just kind of show up and have an organic. Organic conversation station. Same thing for here. Okay? And if she comes on Fox News Saturday night, there is no plan. It's like, I'll see you in the B block. We'll talk about it when you get there. And then weird, inappropriate things happen. And it's wonderful. Okay? So out of loyalty to that experience, I have just got come here to ramble to you. I look like a guy on a subway who thinks the people on the subway are listening, but he's, like, talking off into the night sky. I'm basically going to keep going till one of you puts a dollar in this shirt pocket, and then we're going to get out of here. Okay, here we go. Street joke time. Can I tell you a couple of street jokes? I'm going to tell you two and we'll all get on with our lives. Okay? Two. Two is all you get. So these, these fighter pilots get shot down over the jungle, and they immediately realize they're surrounded by a tribe of cannibals. These are not the cannibals who ate Joe Biden's uncle, if you remember that old story. These are fighter pilots. They're flying. They get shot down. They land in the jungle. After they parachute, they get surrounded by a tribe of cannibals. And the head cannibal leader says, okay, we're gonna kill you and eat you. It's just how it works. But we're gonna give you one chance to save your life. Just the one. Okay? I want you to run out into the woods and bring back 10 pieces of your favorite fruit. 10 pieces of your favorite fruit. And I will tell you how you can possibly save your life. So the first guy goes running out, grabs 10 apples, comes running back with his 10 apples. And the tribes tribe leader goes, all right, dude. One by one, you have to get each of those apples up your butt. If you make any facial expression at all, we are going to kill you and eat you. And he's like, oh, good God. So he tries, takes the first one. One. And it just. Oh, it gets stuck. Bang. Kill him and eat him dead. Second guy Comes running out of the woods. He's got grapes. He's got 10 grapes. And the lead guy goes, all right, gotta get each of those grapes up your butt. You make any facial expression at all, you're a goner. He's like, whatever. He's got grapes. He doesn't care. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. And at 9, he just dies laughing. Bang. They kill him and eat him. He goes to heaven. He's online to get in behind the apple guy. And the apple guy goes, God, that was sucked. I never had a chance. You had grapes, you have no excuse. And he goes, I know, but I saw the third guy coming with pineapples and I lost it. Good night, everybody. Do you want one more? Okay, this one is so out to lunch. So I'm issuing a disclaimer, okay? About this joke, and I believe it's tellable, but if it's not, forgive me. I'm just doing fill in work here. But it's still a silly joke. This is a joke I did at a very recent benefit for Alzheimer's. True, for real? True story. I did a benefit for Alzheimer's at a comedy club down the street. We raised $1.2 million. True story. For the charity. Now if only they could remember where they put the money. Hey. Oh, stop it. Here we go. Okay, so a guy takes his wife into the hospital to get blood work done and gets a call from the doctor. And the doctor goes, Mr. Johnson, is really unfortunate and we apologize. This is embarrassing, but we know your wife came in for some blood work today. Unfortunately, we had two Mrs. Johnson's come in today. There were two Mrs. Johnson's and we mixed up the blood samples and we don't know whose is whose. All we can tell you is one of them has Alzheimer's, the other one has aids. And he's like, my God, what do I do? Because I'll tell you what, when your wife gets home from the doctor, send her for a walk around the block. If she makes it back, don't her. Good night, everybody.
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Listen ad free with the Fox News podcast. Podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts and Amazon Prime. Members can listen to this show ad free on the Amazon music app. Oh, go ahead and leave me a review while you're there. I'd love to hear what you have to say. You've been listening to Kennedy Saves the World on the Fox News podcast network.