D*ad Dogs ft. Bert Kreischer (Pt.2) - Interview + Episode

Summary

KFC Radio: D*ad Dogs ft. Bert Kreischer (Pt.2) - Interview + Episode Summary

Release Date: April 3, 2025

KFC Radio, hosted by Kevin Clancy and Feitelberg from Barstool Sports, transforms the quintessential bar conversation into a vibrant podcast format. In Episode "D*ad Dogs ft. Bert Kreischer (Pt.2)," released on April 3, 2025, the hosts delve into two main topics: the launch of a new espresso martini product called Midnight Bean and a heartfelt, yet humorous exploration of personal stories about dogs and the challenging process of putting them down.

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I. Spotlight on Midnight Bean: The New Espresso Martini

A. Development and Branding

The episode kicks off with an in-depth discussion about Midnight Bean, Barstool Sports' latest venture into the ready-to-drink espresso martini market. Host Kevin Clancy shares the inspiration behind the product:

Kevin Clancy [02:06]: "This is my crowning achievement is having these."

Bert Kreischer highlights the collaborative effort in creating Midnight Bean, emphasizing the product’s uniqueness and quality:

Bert Kreischer [03:08]: "Midnight bean is your drink... When she comes home, you have two of these on ice in the freezer."

B. Product Features and Taste

Kevin elaborates on the product's premium quality and ease of preparation, ensuring consistency and the perfect frothy top that espresso martini aficionados crave:

Kevin Clancy [50:46]: "It's the best prepackaged espresso martini you can get... It’s got the three beans sitting on top of the frothy foam."

C. Marketing Strategies and Launch Plans

The hosts discuss the strategic marketing approach, including the involvement of influencer Bert Kreischer in promotional activities and the intent to make Midnight Bean a staple in bars and homes alike. They tease upcoming launch parties and contests to engage listeners:

Kevin Clancy [56:28]: "There's an overall like sticker is $19.99 for a bottle... This bottle is going to be like 89.99... When you see this, I think it’s going to be popular."

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II. Dead Dogs: Personal Stories and Anecdotes

A. Bert's Experiences with Dogs

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Bert Kreischer sharing poignant and often hilarious stories about his family dogs, encapsulating the emotional and sometimes absurd aspects of pet ownership:

Bert Kreischer [06:39]: "I just got this, let me get another big dog. It’s a big boy."

He recounts the heart-wrenching process of putting down dogs, balancing humor with genuine emotion:

Bert Kreischer [16:48]: "We'll do this by Christmas time... Max shakes his head and saliva goes on the count."

B. Listener Stories and Shared Experiences

Listeners contribute their own "Stoolie Voicemails" detailing their experiences with pets, adding depth and relatability to the conversation. These stories range from the comedic mishaps to the emotional struggles of dealing with aging or ill pets:

Jackie [15:45]: "It was like my first time in my life where... I had to be the man of the house."

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III. Funny Interactions and Banter

A. Drink Preparation Tips

The hosts and Bert engage in a lively discussion about the proper way to prepare Midnight Bean, sharing tips and funny anecdotes about their attempts:

Kevin Clancy [54:00]: "If you don't have that, it just loses a lot of its appeal."

B. Humorous Moments and Jokes

The episode is peppered with humorous exchanges and playful teasing, showcasing the camaraderie between the hosts and Bert:

Jackie [75:10]: "You're fine. I forget what you... Oh, you talk about birds, people."

Kevin Clancy [76:33]: "Yeah."

These moments keep the tone light-hearted, even when discussing heavier topics like pet loss.

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IV. Conclusions and Final Thoughts

A. Expectations for Product Launch

As the episode draws to a close, excitement builds around the Midnight Bean launch. The hosts express optimism about its reception and potential impact on the espresso martini market:

Kevin Clancy [72:43]: "It is everything I wanted... it's revolution."

B. Final Shout-Outs and Promotions

The episode wraps up with final promotions for Midnight Bean, encouraging listeners to participate in upcoming contests and engage with the product on social media:

Kevin Clancy [58:42]: "We’re gonna do a whole bunch of stuff... Tag at Three Bean Gang at midnight Bean."

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Notable Quotes

• Bert Kreischer [04:37]: "Three beans, two drinks in and you're flicking her bean."
• Jackie [16:48]: "It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen, right?"
• Kevin Clancy [56:28]: "It's affordable. When I first set out to do this, I was like, this is going to be a higher end thing and that's what espresso martinis are."

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Final Remarks

Episode Part 2 of "D*ad Dogs ft. Bert Kreischer" masterfully blends the introduction of an innovative product with deeply personal and entertaining stories about pets. The engaging banter, coupled with heartfelt anecdotes, makes for a rich and enjoyable listening experience. Whether you're a fan of espresso martinis or simply enjoy good-natured conversations about life's ups and downs, this episode delivers on all fronts.

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For more episodes of KFC Radio, visit barstool.link/kfcr or listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and Amazon Music for Prime Members.

Transcript

[Kevin Clancy]

Hey, KFC Radio listeners. You can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[Bert Kreischer]

Two questions. What do you think, dad? Lar.

[Pete]

I kind of do.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're the first person.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you serious?

[Kevin Clancy]

To have this? So this is my new drink. I've been drinking espresso martinis since.

[Bert Kreischer]

Buddy, you're the reason we drink espresso martinis. We were on the road and we were in Australia, and we said, what should we drink? And then Victoria said, you know, Kevin Clancy loves espresso martinis, and he does three beans. Health, wealth and happiness. So we were like, okay. So we started. Pete had one. Did you have one at dinner last night? Pete has them all the time, dude.

[Jackie]

I think espresso martinis. I think that's what killed me. On our last night in Amsterdam. I remember we were at the hotel bar. I believe I was drinking espresso martinis.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it might have been the mushrooms.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think it was the healthy.

[Jackie]

I think the mushrooms were the day before, weren't they? This was the night of your show.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Well, you threw up on the mushrooms. But you mean like the one that put you, like.

[Jackie]

Yeah, like, because we were in the hotel. We were already at the hotel, and I. Like, I was thinking it was on my second or third, and we've been out all day, and I. I remember I was like, I'm gonna get away from Bert before I make an ass of myself. Too late, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

So this has been. I mean, I've been drinking these forever. And the main. All the problem was always, you have to go to a bar, they have to have the espresso machine. You know, it's always a hassle to make it. And I was like, imagine if you could just have these at home. Have them whenever you want. And so we bottled it up, and you give it the right shake, put a little bit of ice in it, and when you pour it out, it's got the foam.

[Jackie]

Oh, baby, it's got the foam.

[Kevin Clancy]

I made a hundred of these the other day. We did it like a little commercial. And so I had to shake them all day long. And this is. This might be, like, my crowning achievement is having these.

[Bert Kreischer]

And the vodka's already in there.

[Jackie]

That was gonna get burnt.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nice. That looks nice.

[Kevin Clancy]

Unfortunately, I don't have the beans right now, but as long as you either have three or you have none, so you're good right now. Look at that foam, dude. That's like. You know, when you get it Shaken up at a. At a restaurant.

[Jackie]

Oh, I just got an idea. What do you got? No, keep going.

[Bert Kreischer]

That looks so nice.

[Kevin Clancy]

I see. Frosty, frothy, foamy. Midnight Bean, the Bert Kreischer review.

[Jackie]

Oh, he's going to kill it. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's good.

[Jackie]

Dude. That was an impressive performance right there.

[Bert Kreischer]

That is good.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's good, brother.

[Bert Kreischer]

You have that in the morning.

[Kevin Clancy]

1999.

[Bert Kreischer]

1999.

[Jackie]

1999. Oh, I didn't realize that. That's a.

[Kevin Clancy]

So the cost of, like, a regular one martini at a bar. You're getting a bottle of this?

[Jackie]

Getting what? Like 10 of them, buddy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Here's your pitch. Listen. Right now, you just turned 21, and you don't know what your favorite drink is yet. Okay? You don't know. Say it's the camera because you haven't learned. You're kid. It's okay. I remember. I thought I was a Michelob guy.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm not.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm not. I thought. I swear to God, when I turned 21, I thought my move was Michelob with a little bit of a napkin holding it. That was my move. I've never done it since I grew up. You're gonna go through a lot of drinks, but you're gonna find one drink that always works when you're with a chick, which. When you bring a chick home and you want to make sure the conversation goes right. And for me, that was gin and tonic. Gin and tonic. I learned how to make a great gin and tonic. And I knew girls liked the gin and tonic. Lots of tonic, lots of lime, little bit of gin. And they would. But right now, you're 21, and you got a different world. You got the Internet, you got TikTok you can swipe right to fuck. Swipe, swipe left to get rid of them. Midnight Bean is your drink. You buy a bottle of this, you get a shaker. You make sure your fucking fridge has ice. And when she comes home, you have two of these on ice in the freezer. You pull them off and go, can I make you my specialty drink? Not knowing that your specialty drink was made by Kevin, you then shake it up good, first of all, back to her as you pour it into the fucking thing, back to her. She does not need to know that this is coming in a bottle. You shake it up, shake it up, shake it up. And then the froth is revealed in front of her face. Just, ooh, I hope you like this. And then you pass it to her. Three beans, two drinks in and you're flicking her bean.

[Jackie]

I'll tell you. Three beans. The one bean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Three beans.

[Jackie]

The one bean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Midnight bean for her, dude. And I'll tell you what I would do. I'd put a splash of porosos in there.

[Jackie]

Just kick it up a notch.

[Bert Kreischer]

Kick it up a notch, dude. That's the thing is, like, as we're selling vodka, I noticed I said we were doing these bar takeovers and I love it in Orlando and Tampa, and I love it Austin. We've done San Francisco, Vegas. You're not. You're not going to tell a grown up what to drink. A grown up has their drinks. You're the whiskey guy or you're not. You're the vodka guy. Or not. By the way, if you're a vodka guy, you know your vodka.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll tell you who the market is. That guy right there. That 21 year old, learning the world.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he doesn't know what to drink yet.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

And you need to tell him why to drink, what to drink. See, we've lived a whole life of experiences of what to drink and why to drink it. I learned I drank vodka. I know I've told this story, but I'm gonna tell it one more time. I was sitting on a plane, I think I was leaving Philadelphia, and I was sitting next to a male model. He was gorgeous. And the flight attendant came over and said, can I get you a drink before takeoff? And I said, can I get a Heineken? She said, of course. Let me check to see if we have him in the back. But of course, she said, sir, can I get you a drink? And he said, double Tito's and soda. He said, double Tito's and soda. I heard the word Tito's and I went, wait, what's that? Never heard it before. This is right before we did the weight loss challenge, me and Tommy. I said, what's that? And he goes, oh, it's vodka. It's in my contract. And I went, what? He goes, I'm a male model, so I can only really drink vodka if I'm allowed to drink. I can only drink vodka because it doesn't bloat you and you don't gain weight. And I went, really? He goes, it's actually the healthiest liquor you can drink. And I went, oh, ma'am, don't worry about going back. I'll take double Tito's and soda too. I went, tito's, huh? And I got the two things made in Austin. I went, there's my drink. As a grown up. I said, this is my drink. And I started drinking Tito's hardcore. And then I went to Tito's and I said, hey man, I fuck with you guys, I would love to do something. And Tito's told me, you can go fuck yourself because you already drink Tito's. We don't need to do anything with you. You're. Hey, you know what?

[Jackie]

What about you?

[Kevin Clancy]

I want to miss that one short sighted moron.

[Bert Kreischer]

As a matter of fact, you can stop drinking Tito's if you'd like and go to a different vodka. We absolutely don't care. And when I heard that, I was so butthurt. Now that was not the individual reps in every city. Individual reps in every city gave me so much love.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right? But like before corporate.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, their corporate was so disrespectful that when Tom and I decided to come up with the vodka, I was like, them, let's go out.

[Jackie]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you heard from them, like since.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, they don't give a. They're so bad.

[Jackie]

I used to think of them as like an innovative company too, because. And I don't even know if this is true, but I've heard it once that they got started by. They reached out to Lalapalooza and were like, we will give you all of, all of the vodka you need for the festival for free. Just make sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I have to say, I mean like, as much as that story sucks, Bert is his name. The guy that runs the company.

[Kevin Clancy]

No way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bert. Tito, He's a pretty. From what I've heard, he's a pretty awesome dude.

[Jackie]

But.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, but, but it's just, it never got to him. So like I'm saying right now, if you're a young influencer and you're like, yo, Bert, I. With Porosos. Hey, can I help you out? Yeah, absolutely. And let's figure out a deal that's good for you so you don't feel like you're getting taken advantage of. Like I always. That's. It's the same thing with those, those boxes. It's like send the people that give you love. And, and also, dude, you gotta teach a 21 year old this drink. That's the person. Cause we're all set in our ways. And it's like, it's like I, I remember when we were getting into this, they were like, do you wanna do whiskey? And I was like, no whiskey. Everyone knows their whiskey. Yeah, your whiskey almost comes from your family. I. You know, it's. It's beer as Far as beer goes, you think you're gonna punch a sh. A Bud Light outta Shane Gillis hand? Never. It's he beer bls. Dude, every Philly kid. And I got 19 cousins from Philly, if that. I mean, I'm more than that probably. Dude, those dummies drink BLS all day. We get on the bus, Andrew, go, Bl. Guys, Bl.

[Jackie]

But like this.

[Kevin Clancy]

This. When you're at that level.

[Bert Kreischer]

I could barely taste that first one. Should we do another one? See if I can taste this. You know, I feel like I didn't taste.

[Jackie]

Dude, the. Your. Your plane story reminded me of one where I was. I was in college and I was so broke, whatever. And I was going to visit a friend in Nashville and they were like, for a hundred bucks you can upgrade to first class or whatever. And it was a morning flight and I was like, you know what? I'm going to drink $100 worth alcohol on this flight, so I'll do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, right.

[Jackie]

So I get a first class seat and I order. First thing I do, I'm going to get a double Tito's or double vodka Bloody Mary. Old guy sitting next to me goes, well, that sounds real good. Make it two. And he bring. They bring out two, we both drink them. I go, keep them coming. And he goes, whatever he's doing, I'm doing. Yeah, right. It's only. I was flying from Tallahassee, I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

So it was a short flight from Tallahassee to where?

[Jackie]

To Nashville.

[Bert Kreischer]

For real? What were you doing?

[Jackie]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

Fsu.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm sorry.

[Jackie]

And. And we. So it's a quick flight and we land probably smashed, four or five Bloody Marys. I get up, grab my bag, get off the plane. This old guy, like 80 years old, stands up, just falls right back into his seat. I was like, don't try drinking with me, brother. Come on, man. I know you fucking fought the Nazis at D day, but drinking Bloody Mary's with me on a flight is a different story.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, let's do. Let's do drinking stories. I love. And I know that you're not allowed to do this in podcasting where someone tells a story and you go, I got a story like that? No, Everyone can suck my dick, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's where podcasting. That's podcasting.

[Jackie]

That's what hang out with your friends is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Don't tell that to just cuz all he has stories is about going to Jew camp. He's like, we play backgammon yeshiva. I'm meeting him for a Cigar and a drink in an hour. The.

[Jackie]

The.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, but. So, okay, two plain stories. Okay, two plain stories. I'm on a plane one time. This is my two favorite plane stories I'm going to play one time. And the guy next to me, every time he takes a sip of a drink, goes like this. He goes like this, takes a sip, goes. And I started. It was. It was making me giggle, so I started doing it. Buddy, for like five years, every time I took a drink, I did the same goddamn thing. And I wondered if it was like when a stone gets stuck in your head.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Someone whistles it walking by you, and then you can't help but do it. So I was like, all right. My favorite plane drinking story. So I get. I'm on a plane from New York to Tampa. This is when I was probably 25 years old, maybe 26, and I'm sitting next to a guy who I don't really know. And. But he's sitting in the middle seat. I'm in the left, far left seat, and. And I. We're probably halfway through the flight, maybe even beginning of the flight, and the flight attendant comes up and says, can I help you? I'll ring the bell. And I go to order drink. She cuts me off and I go, okay. And she goes, I think we're gonna wait for a second. Okay. Is that okay? And I went, yeah, sure. I didn't know what it was. And then I realized I cut off. And the guy looks at me and he goes, hey, you're talking entirely too much. I said, what? And he goes, you're talking. You stop talking. All you do is you. This one more. You have noise reduction headsets on. You're yelling, you sound drunk. You're telling what kind of beers. You just don't ask any questions. Tap. And he goes, when she comes back, I'm going to order us both a drink, but in the meantime, let's take half a pill. Goes in, cracks a pill in half, gives it to me. I said, what is it? And he goes, don't worry, I'm a doctor. I said, really? He goes, yeah, I'm a doctor. I mean, I know, I know. I make stories unbelievable sometimes, but I almost swear to God he had a medicine bag with me, like in my.

[Jackie]

Memory of the story, Saint Bernard thing around his neck.

[Bert Kreischer]

So we take half a pill, and he goes, let's give it a second. And when she comes back, we'll give her a minute. I'm gonna order us two drinks. I said, okay. So we take. Make a solid 30 minutes, maybe four, maybe 45. And it kicks in. I feel it. I go, one beer would make this perfect. And I say that to him, and he goes, and we're about over Jacksonville right now. I'm only saying that based on what happens in this story. And we're almost done with our flight. And I'm like, one more beer for landing, right? And he was like. She comes over, and he rings the bell, and he looks at her and he goes, two. And she goes, oh, yeah. She comes back with two of his drinks. Whatever. Two beers. Puts him down. And I was like, nice. Since that day, I speak very little on a plane. I never speak. It's always thank you, because they can't tell that you're drunk.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Now we get our beers, and the captain gets on this thing, and he goes, ladies and gentlemen, we have a medical emergency. Do we have a doctor on the plane? Without thinking, I ring the bell. Ding. And he goes, what the fuck are you doing? I said, we're doctors. And he goes, no, we're a doctor. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. And he goes, and I'm very fucked up. I cannot be taking care of someone right now. And the pilot comes back. He goes, sir, you're a doctor. I go, we are. And he goes, what? And I go, he is, But I'm with him. And the guy goes. The doctor goes, hey, man, we have a medical emergency up front. Can you come look at me? This guy's like. He's like, yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on. Gives me his beer. He goes up. He comes back and goes, we're making an emergency landing right now. And I was like, what? And he goes, dude, shit's fucked up. There's a baby with, like 107 temperature up there. We have to get that baby into a fucking hospital right now. We called ahead. They got like a fucking. They get hit. They called ahead that. An ambulance waiting for us on the tarmac. Whoa. The. The. The pilot said, ladies and gentlemen, what you're going to feel is an aggressive landing. I want you to know that this is well within the. The capability of this plane. But you will feel like we're being in. We're getting into a plane crash. It will feel like we're going down, but we are above Orlando right now, and we have emergency clearance. So everyone buckle your seats and hold on. And we dove into Orlando, and we stopped within 10ft of where we landed, and a fucking ambulance was on. They got that kid wrapped up in ice or whatever, took him off the fucking plane. And then he goes, all right, we're taking off back to Tampa. Doctor looks at me, goes, you want another beer? Two more. Two more. I was so fucked up on that plane.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's great, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

When your home system or appliance breaks.

[Pete]

Down, American home shield will help fix.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit ahs.com listen for 20 off any plan cahs.com contracts for coverage details, limitations and exclusions.

[Jackie]

Dude, the. Before we let you go, I. I do want. I. I texted you after Lucky came out, and I was like, I got to tell you about the story about my. Put down my dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

This is great, dude. So it was. This is probably like two years ago, right? And I was home. It was like a dog that my parents had. And I don't know if my dad wasn't around or whatever, but, like, it was. It was. It kind of fell on me. Like, it was like my first time in my life where, like, I kind of had to be the man of the house. Whereas, like, I'm going with my mom and my little sister, like, I'll handle stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was a Sunday afternoon, so we get to the. The clinic or whatever, and first thing, I'm filling out, like, just the forms. But I don't know if you had to do it with your experiences. Very pretty different when they came to you. But it was like, how do you want your dog to be disposed of? Say, right? So it's like, do you want to take the dog home? Do you want to take it? You can take it. We can take it. Or we can cremate it. Or we can cremate it with a group of other dogs. And I was like. I was like, well, okay. I was like, crazy first start. I don't want to holocaust my dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's his last play date.

[Jackie]

But I was like, like, you just throw it and light it on. Like, that's. That's just straight up the Holocaust.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the Holocaust.

[Jackie]

Like, so, no, I, like, we'll do an individual. Like, just burn them.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'll splurge.

[Jackie]

Burn her like how she is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Burn her by herself. And, you know, they're like, sure, we're not going to put them all in a orgy. Just cut the time in half. Dude, I'm hungover.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I got.

[Jackie]

I got five dogs here.

[Kevin Clancy]

You think I'm doing five separate times? Yeah, sure thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm going to turn this on five times as opposed to one time, and in five piles Little pile for the poodle, little pile for the Shih Tzu.

[Jackie]

It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen, right? And then. So then we get into the operating room, whatever the hell you want to call it, the observing room, whatever. And they come in there, like, we're going to put this catheter in her because they tend to pee when they get put down. All stuff. My sister now, she loses it. She can't be in the room anymore. So she runs out. And my mom is like, I'm going to go take care of her. And I was like, okay, like, I'll stay with this dog who I loved very much, but it was a dog they got when I was like 22. Like, I didn't really spend. It wasn't my childhood dog. And so I was like. I was like, okay, I'll stay with Maddie. And they come in and they're like, we're going to give you a little more time with Maddie. So just here's a buzzer. Ring it when you're ready. And I was like, dude, I'm at the fucking hospital. I'm ready. Do, like, you know, like, I don't. Like, I've been laying on the floor with this fucking dog, trying to get my courage to come kill her all morning. Like, I. I've been here. Just kill her. And like, stop, right? And so they go.

[Bert Kreischer]

So then we.

[Jackie]

I'm just sitting in the room. I'm like, I don't know, what's the amount of time I'm supposed to wait? Like, I'm ready. How. How long am I supposed to be sitting in here with this dog that I'm about to. I'm about to fucking kill. Like, I. I'm the one you are disposing of her.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, you're the executioner.

[Jackie]

I'm giving. I'm giving. Like, yep, kill her. And so they come in and I think you mentioned it in the special where they get very happy. So she got really happy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Every dog before you kill, it is like, you know what? I'm feeling better.

[Jackie]

Yeah, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Mona was blind and deaf. She. She had liver failure. Our littlest dog, we had to put her down recently. And this dog, I said in the special, this is the kind of dog you should have killed five years ago, right? Like, it just sits there blind. And the last day, Mona starts wagging her tail and jumping and playing, and you're like, you're getting killed in like three hours.

[Jackie]

That happened with our first dog, which was my childhood dog with Maisie, where my mom took her to the er, and they were like, it's Friday. It was like, Friday night, Friday evening, whatever. They're like, it's Friday. Give her the weekend, but bring her on Monday. She's got to go. So my mom took her home. She started jumping all over the place all weekend. Come Monday comes, and I was like.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm not killing her.

[Jackie]

She's great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

She lived three more years. She lived three more years, dude. My mom was like, what the. You told me to come kill her on Monday. She's. She's, like, kicking around. She ended up living, like, 17 or something.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's like, another, like, 20 of life right there, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

They just diagnosed Mac. Mac and Izzy both have cancer. My two message now. Yeah, they diagnosed Mac, like, what was like, a month ago, Pete, Two weeks ago, they diagnosed Mac, and they were like, yo, he's got three weeks, three months to live. And I. Buddy, I was like, I just got this. I just putting the special out, and I'm like. And I. That night, I lay with Mac Max, 160 pounds. So he's a big dog. So if he wants you, he gets you. And I. I said, you get me today. And I got. I got on the couch with him, and he laid on top of me. His back is drooling, and his head smells horrible, but I'm rubbing it and I'm kissing him. I'm like, buddy, I love you so much. I'm so bummed. We're going to do this every single night. Every night. I got you. Got me. I got you. And the next day, they're like, oh, we were wrong. He's got 18 months. I was like, get off the couch. Get off the fucking couch. You smell like shit. The fuck is wrong with this goddamn dog?

[Jackie]

We'll do this by Christmas time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Christmas time, we're going to really pay this.

[Jackie]

But not now back.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, Max shakes his head and saliva goes on the count.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, God.

[Jackie]

But, like, Beethoven, But.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then Izzy got cancer, and. And Izzy's. I don't know. I mean, I'll find out for Leanne. I can call her right now and find out if we heard from the oncologist. But Izzy's could be really bad or. Okay. But, like, Izzy's feels great. So, like, we think it's gonna be okay, but, like, if I lose both my dogs in a year, I'm gonna be fucking wrecked. I can't just have my wife. Wait, did I cut your story off?

[Jackie]

No, no, no. So she. She gets excited, and we had brought her Favorite blanket. And she was on it, and she got excited, and so she started jumping, and the catheter fell out, so she started peeing everywhere. And. But, like, the. The shot that gets her excited is the one that, like, relieves pain or whatever. So she's. The next one's coming, right? Like, the next bullet's right there. So she gets excited and starts pissing everywhere. And then they already injected the second one. So she just drops dead and very sad. And the doctor's like, okay, here. Hands me, like, the. It's like a staples easy button. Hands me the easy button back. And he's like, we're going to give you a minute again. Just hit this button whenever you're ready. And I was like. I was sitting on the floor with her, and I'm like, how. Now, how long do I sit here covered in piss with a dead dog on my lap? How long am I supposed to sit here until I hit? Like, what was the doctor going to think, I'm heartless? I'm like, no, get it the fuck. Like, this isn't. I'm not. Not. You know, I don't. I'm not like that. I'm not a sentimental guy, really. So, like, I was like, I don't know. Like, I've already been through all of it. I've done. I've done the depression, the anger, the bargaining. I've done it all. Now I would like to not have dog piss on me and not have a dead dog in my life. Like, it was. It was insane. So then I leave, and my sister's a mess in the car, and she's like, where's the blanket? And I was like, I told you to get one thing. I told you to bring her blanket back. And I was like, I can't tell her that. It was a messy murder covered in.

[Bert Kreischer]

Piss, blood, and cumulatives.

[Jackie]

So I had to go back in there, and they're like, it's still in there. So I'm folding up this piss. I was like. I was like, being the man of the house is the worst, dude. I don't want to do any of this.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've heard the best putting. I mean, I wonder if it's a reason I put this in the special, but, like, the best putting her down dog stories that I've ever heard. The best one ever is Dave Stroop. Dave Stroop owns a Columbus funny bone. Dave Stroop's best friend in college gets married. Can't have a. He's got. He's got a rottweiler that he. That he can't have in his apartment. Now, the Rottweiler is a little bitey, okay? So he gets the Rottweiler, and he loves this Rottweiler. He lived with this Rottweiler in college. It's, you know, it's his Rottweiler. And the Rottweiler is great with his kids, but. But it bites a neighborhood kid the day of his son's birthday. It bites a neighborhood kid. And they go, we got to put it down. They got. The government's going to put it down. We also have to test it for rabies. And Dave goes, okay. So Dave goes in with this dog, takes it in. It's his son's birthday. His wife says, dave put down the dog and then pick up the cake for the birthday party, okay? And he's like, I'm gonna be late for the birthday party. He goes, thing was, it's gonna be. It's gonna be fine. So he goes, all right. So he picks up the dog, takes the dog to the vet, sits with the dog, cries, processes put the dog down. Dave leaves. And as he gets in the car, he's like, all right, I'm gonna pick up the cake. Tells the cake people, I'm on my way. You have the cake ready? Of course. He's backing up. And they come like a. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You forgot the head. And he was like, huh? He goes, we got the dog's head right here. You gotta keep the dog's head in the freezer for, like, a week because we're testing it for rabies. He's like, I have to take a dog's head home. It's his dog's head in a plastic bag. So he's like, fuck. So he throws it in the back of his car, goes over, picks up the cake, throws it in the back of his car, pulls up to his son's birthday party. No. Mom's like, the cake's here. The kids go running to the back of the car. Dave's like, no way, dude.

[Jackie]

Why do they give it to him? Happy birthday.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know that you got to keep a dog's head, I guess.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

The best. I've heard some of the best. Putting a dog down that I've. Like, the. It makes me feel like. And I think that's part of the reason I put it in the special is like, I think everyone's been there.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, it's kind of like a trauma bond, communal thing that everyone's gone through.

[Bert Kreischer]

So badass. Can I tell you okay? If you could take one quality from a dog other than licking your own balls, what would it be? Can I tell you? Falling asleep like that. Dogs fall asleep. Dogs fall asleep and then wake up in a panic, and then they're normal. Can you imagine waking up like, what the.

[Jackie]

Oh, honest to God, that's kind of how I wake up. That is. I mean, I did it this morning. We.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is how he operates.

[Jackie]

All right. Okay. We're. I'm. I got you. I got you.

[Bert Kreischer]

You all right?

[Jackie]

All right.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Kevin Clancy]

I knew a guy who. They. It was a cat, wasn't a dog, but they had some sort of problems with the cat. Rabies or biting, clawing, whatever it was. And they had, like, a. Like a family friend who was just, like, a seedy guy who. You know, he's a guy who takes care of things, you know, and he. He was like, I'll take care of this cat for you. Got on his boat, drove out into the middle of the ocean, tied a brick on it, threw it in the water.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can I tell you? Can I tell you?

[Jackie]

Can I tell you?

[Bert Kreischer]

So, hang on. So, my. Listen, I love my dad, okay? My dad and I are very different men. So if you know my dad and you know me and you're hearing these stories, believe my dad before you believe me. My dad always says he's got an active imagination. Our childhood dog bit my sister Cottie in the face. And to this day, I think my dad killed that dog with a baseball bat.

[Jackie]

To this day.

[Bert Kreischer]

This day, let me tell you, there's two reasons. There's two reasons. There's two reasons. Number one, and I'll give you three reasons. Number one, there was a bloody baseball. Number one, he was hosing down our back patio. When I woke up, he was hosing down the back. That's number one. Okay, Number one. Number two. And you know, look, I was a kid. I was maybe like, I make. I must have been, like. I must have been older. I was, like, 17, if I'm not mistaken. They brought the dog into. They. They said the dog went to the farm, but the person that was taking the farm, they brought the dog in a basket. And number three, my dad had a huge bite mark on his hand.

[Jackie]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

From this dog. Now, let me say as a father. Oh, as a father. Wait. My dad didn't love the dog a ton. He would like. I mean, once again, if you're listening to this, and you know my dad, you know me, listen to my dad. My dad's the truth. I'm Bert. Okay. My dad would. My dad would pretend, like, as we'd pull up in the house, that he'd try to catch the dog with the garage door. I'm gonna get him this time. One time he did, and he broke his back.

[Jackie]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

Bro, have you. That's a. Have you told that on stage?

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's unbelievable. To this day, I'm certain he killed that dog with a face.

[Jackie]

I am certain.

[Bert Kreischer]

I am certain. I hope my sister Cotty answers that.

[Jackie]

Sounds like the.

[Bert Kreischer]

My. My sister Cotti was watching this dog sleep.

[Pete]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, two questions. What do you think dad killed? Ar.

[Pete]

I kind of do.

[Jackie]

How do you do it?

[Bert Kreischer]

How do you do it? How do you do it? Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. How do you think he did it?

[Pete]

I think. I think it was kind of like. What was that movie where the chick fell down the stairs? I think it was kind of like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay, hold on.

[Pete]

I don't think he meant to, but I think there was some stair action.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, last. Did. Did dad break Arthur's back with the garage door? Yes. Hold on, hang on. We're on a podcast, so if you need this taken out. No, no, no, it's fine. Yeah, I. I swear to God, I. I remember that so vividly. And I was like, I think dad killed Arthur.

[Pete]

Yeah, no kidding. I ask him almost every Christmas, do.

[Kevin Clancy]

You think there's a chance he did it with a baseball bat?

[Pete]

I don't think. No. It was like involuntary manslaughter.

[Bert Kreischer]

He said, who was the lady that came to pick Arthur up, go to the farm?

[Pete]

Oh, his secretary. You know, I found out because I asked him most recently, I asked him if he actually did, and he goes, no. And I go, how come Jan, or whatever her name was, never took home his stuff under her desk?

[Pabs]

She.

[Pete]

He was like, well, that's because ARFA ended up biting another person on her farm, and they sent him away again.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ar. Hang on. Army, just to put in perspective, was a Jack Russell terrier who Cotty, Tell me if I'm wrong, was a wild animal.

[Pete]

Yeah, he was.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Pete]

Like, he didn't feed him. He ate snakes and birds.

[Bert Kreischer]

So Arthur was this wild animal my dad got and. And he lived on our. He lived on our lake, but he just ate snakes. He caught rats. I remember one time they were building the Arnold's house. Do you remember this? And there were rats. And they shoved Arfur's head in and held his back legs, and he came out with rats all his mouth.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was just eating them.

[Pete]

And then we're like, that's so weird. I wonder how he got heartworms.

[Jackie]

Unbelievable.

[Bert Kreischer]

Cotti was. How old were you when you got bit by Arthur?

[Pete]

First grade.

[Bert Kreischer]

First grade. And she was sleeping. Arthur was sleeping in my room. We never. The dog was never loud in our house, but he got heartworms, and so they let him sleep in the house. And Cotti was in first grade, and she was staring at him, watching him sleep. And.

[Pete]

And then, no, I wasn't not like a creep. He was having a nightmare. And I cradled him, and I don't think anyone ever cradled him in his life. And that's what he bit through my upper lip and cheek.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it was rough. It was like a face. It was like a real.

[Pete]

Never forget what dad said.

[Bert Kreischer]

What'd he say?

[Pete]

He came up with blood on his hands. I think Arthur bit him.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think I told him.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Pete]

He said, no one goes. No one go downstairs. Gigi, where's the hose?

[Jackie]

He killed that dog, dude. I think it was a baseball mat. No one goes downstairs. The evidence is pretty damning. Holy.

[Bert Kreischer]

And once again, remember, if you know my dad, believe my dad's story. Not us. I don't know. I don't think this one. God damn it. That was crazy.

[Pete]

All right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you at work?

[Pabs]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, I love you. I'll talk to you later.

[Kevin Clancy]

Love you too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bye.

[Kevin Clancy]

She said, we didn't feed him.

[Jackie]

He just ate rats and snakes.

[Bert Kreischer]

He ate rats. He caught a rattlesnake one time. Dude, he was. He. That dog was wild. So, like. And. And there would be times where our neighbors would be, like, from across the day, be like, hey, get over here and get your dog. And our dogs would be chasing their chickens. Like, it was just this wild dog, and. And he would get in the lake, and he would just take off swimming, chasing something, and he'd get. He'd chase a gator. Like, this dog was really crazy.

[Jackie]

Sounds awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was a wild animal that we welcomed into our house. And the first night. The first night he was in our house, he bit my sister. How legendary. My sister. Hey, hang on. You there?

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait.

[Pete]

Nicole had a really good point. I'm sitting with her. Arthur bit me, and he ate snakes and rats, and he probably had rabies.

[Kevin Clancy]

And no one told me.

[Jackie]

I went to a plastic surgeon.

[Pete]

What the.

[Jackie]

You're anxious for a reason.

[Pete]

She's like, did you check them for rabies? I was like, I don't think so. She's like, wait, did he eat rats?

[Bert Kreischer]

The next day after your bit me and you went to Scott O'Brien's house. Do you remember this?

[Pete]

I went to the plastic surgeon. I know that.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then me and you went to Scott O'Brien's house. And his dog. His dog came up and sat on your lap. And you were like. And there. And you were scared. And Obi was like, no, no, no. I think he can tell what happened to you. And he, like, nuzzled with you. And then we got Thelma. That old Thelma. Thelma was. The Thelma would get hair wrapped around one tooth. Do you remember that, Cots?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Pete]

She was disgusting. She had so many lumps on her.

[Kevin Clancy]

Terrible.

[Bert Kreischer]

You remember when I ripped her tooth out of her mouth Christmas morning?

[Pete]

Yeah, of course I remember. They're all these live rent free in my brain. All these moments, the hoes, the teeth, like everything.

[Bert Kreischer]

God damn it. Do you remember when Thelma pissed on Alex's shirt?

[Pete]

My jacket.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, wait, wait. Can I tell you a great story? Hold on, hold on. I'm gonna kill my drink. So. So I am probably 23, 24, maybe. Cottia's 14.

[Pete]

No, Bert. Fourth grade.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. Cotti's in fourth grade. I'm. Whatever age I am, I definitely am drinking at the time. My parents. Are mom and dad. Out of town?

[Pete]

Mom and dad were out of town. They left you to watch me, so. Actually, I was like, in sixth grade. They left you to watch me, so I had to, like, wake you up.

[Kevin Clancy]

To take me to school.

[Bert Kreischer]

So she wakes me up, I'm on the downstairs couch. Cotty's in sixth grade. And she goes, hey, you gotta take me to school. And she goes, did you piss on yourself? I said, what? She goes, do you smell like piss? And I go, I don't think so. She goes, were you drinking last night? And I go, yeah. She goes, you pissed on yourself? I go, no, I don't think I did. She leans over, smells my chest. She goes, you pissed on yourself? And I go, why? We don't have time. She goes, I don't have time for this. I need to go to school. She's in sixth grade. So we get into my car, and as we get in my car, she goes, oh, my God, maybe a pat. A cat pissed in your car? And I said, what do you mean? She goes, I smell it really aggressively.

[Pete]

Every time I bent forward, I could smell it too.

[Bert Kreischer]

She leaned forward. She saw me. She goes, there's piss in this fucking car. Did you piss in your car last night? We drive her to school, and as we get out, I give her a hug goodbye. Or a kiss goodbye. And she goes, you pissed on yourself. It's horrible. You need to fucking go home and take a shower. She's in sixth grade. I am 22 years old, okay? So she gets out of the car, and I don't smell it. And then I think, oh, shit, did I piss on my sister? Did I wake up drunk, think I was going to the bathroom, find my sis, and piss on my sister while she slept? Oh, I'm in a spiral. I get home, and it's the principal of the school calling our house.

[Kevin Clancy]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

And she goes, hello, are Mr. Or Mrs. Kreisler there? And I said, no, this is Bert, her brother. And she goes, okay, I have Mary Catherine in my office. And she said, don't worry about it. Thelma pissed on her. And I went, oh, thank God. And I hung up. And this woman goes, who the fuck is Thelma? Thelma had pissed on Cotti's jacket. And the kid behind her goes, hey, why did you highlight your jacket with highlighter? But remember we had that. Remember that girl I dated, Alex? She got in the car and Thelma used to piss on all her shit. Kati goes, hey, I think Thelma pissed on your shirt, Cotti. You must have been like, what, 10 years old, pissed on all of us? And she goes, oh, no, no, it's Diet Coke. And Cotti goes, it's Diet Coke on your shoulder. She goes, yeah, I must have spelled Diet Coke. How do you drink Diet Coke?

[Jackie]

Do you drink it like this?

[Bert Kreischer]

She goes, no, it's piss on your shoulder. No, I don't think so. Katie smells it. She goes, no, there's piss on your shoulder. My parents would just let the dog and piss all over the house.

[Jackie]

That's crazy. I guess, if you're eating snakes and rats.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, I love you. I'll talk to you later. My sister. My daughter's coming home Wednesday night. I was gonna try to get us all together. By the way, the end of this episode was funner than the beginning.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think we have, like, two.

[Jackie]

Two episodes now.

[Kevin Clancy]

We gotta run, like, two separately.

[Bert Kreischer]

Man, that is. That is a realization. But you back then, you. That's how you put dogs down. Yeah, Old yellow, You shot them in the back of the fire.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm not spending, like, a couple hundred dollars to burn this dog or whatever it was back then.

[Bert Kreischer]

Just when Priscilla had her first knee surgery, it was $5,000. And by the way, she had five.

[Kevin Clancy]

Five knee surgeries.

[Bert Kreischer]

We ended up spending $52,000 on this dog because she. We didn't get a new kitchen because of it. Like we couldn't afford it. But they kept doubling up and doubling up and next thing you know, it's like fucking another one. You've already, once you're like 10 grand in, you're like, well, I'm not gonna bail out. It's one more and then it's another one.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, you're pot committed to this dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

And her dad, real serious at our house, goes, well, hang on, you got a gun here, right? I was like, yeah. And he goes, well, let me take care of that dog. Dog. He was just gonna shoot it in the back of the head. He's like, he's like, that's what you do.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's better than a baseball bat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Or the stairs.

[Kevin Clancy]

The stairs is crazy. Like, like, how do you throw a dog down the stairs?

[Jackie]

I think, I think if you're killing a dog via stairs, it takes a couple tries.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, it's not working.

[Bert Kreischer]

Walk it back up and throw it down again.

[Jackie]

I'll tell you right now how to fall downstairs.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll tell you right now. The. It's hard for me to say because when Mona was a baby, when we first got Mona, she bit Isla. And in hindsight, she bit Isla a lot. And I think Isla deserved it. Isla was a lot with dogs. Yeah. But the first time she bit Isla, I was like, that's it for this dog. It's gone.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

No one hurts my kid.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

If one of my big dogs bit my kid, I'd lose my. Yeah, it would rip her face off. Yeah, but, but, but, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Wouldn't have a lot of space for someone hurting my children.

[Kevin Clancy]

No. You know, we've talked about the dog culture. I love dogs as much as the next guy, but it's got a little crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I remember I kicked a, a three legged dog one time. Not to kick it, kick it, but like it was, it was coming at Isla and it was gonna, it was, you could tell it was, it was coming after it was barking to attack her. And I had three legs, so I just kind of like nudged it with my foot and it rolled over and got stuck upside down and the woman lost her. And I was like, yo, the rule is it's people then dogs.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, there's a lot of people out there who don't subscribe to that, which is crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy to me. Crazy. Dude, you see the videos of the girl that got her nose bit off by a dog? My buddy, I, I Know, one of my Leanne's really good friends got bit by an Akita. Or no, by a pit bull. By the way, Leanne's redneck friends are redneck. The dog gets in a dog fight. The lady shoves her finger up the dog's ass. Dog bit her face, dog. Guys, I got to be put down. You can't have a dog that bites people. Yeah, Listen, I got 260 pound dogs. They don't. You can. You can suck their teeth and you'll be fine. God damn it, I miss my dog. You think? Do you think, do you think Leanne will get me? Let me get another big dog.

[Jackie]

Yes, yes, yes, I do think so.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think she's gonna want one too. You guys are empty nesters. You got all the money, you got all the space. She's gonna miss them too. I think you're getting another one.

[Bert Kreischer]

I gotta get another big dog. It's a big boy. Dude, when you have a big dog, and I said in the special and I'm not around and, and can I. I want to thank everyone for reaching out and sharing messages that your dick gets hard too. Sometimes when you cuddle with a big dog, your dick gets hard. You can't help it. You can't help it. It just gets hard. You're like, you're like, yo, this is almost a person.

[Jackie]

I don't even care what sex. It's close enough to be in a person.

[Bert Kreischer]

When that face nuzzles your ch. Your jaw and just starts. Oh, come on, man, It.

[Jackie]

It's hard.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a true story. And Leanne did not want that in the special. She's like, you're going to sound creepy, but, man, if I cuddle too hard with that dog, my dick would get hard. And I, I, I couldn't help it. I miss you, Pris.

[Kevin Clancy]

Know that.

[Bert Kreischer]

This has been a great thank you, guys. I love you. Let's do Amsterdam. You're coming on the road with me. You might as well come out too. We got room in the bus.

[Jackie]

Do you, do you want me to call Francis?

[Bert Kreischer]

Call fr. Call Francis right now.

[Jackie]

Say he's. He's not a phone guy, so I'll be surprised if he's not a phone guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, he like, he seems prim and proper. Like he still drinks tea.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you call him.

[Jackie]

I will call him. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I slept wrong on my back and it feels like my liver hurts or my liver hurts.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or your liver hurts cuz you've been drinking for 50 years straight.

[Bert Kreischer]

32.

[Jackie]

32.

[Kevin Clancy]

When did you start drinking?

[Bert Kreischer]

22?

[Kevin Clancy]

No, you didn't drink in high school and.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, never.

[Kevin Clancy]

You were talking about this the other day.

[Bert Kreischer]

Never.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was drinking. I was at bars at, like, 15.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I never drank because of, like, 22.

[Kevin Clancy]

Didn't want to break the rules or.

[Bert Kreischer]

I didn't like. I didn't like alcohol.

[Kevin Clancy]

What? Switched.

[Bert Kreischer]

I liked. It turns out I was wrong.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, so you had not tried it yet?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I tried it, but I didn't like the idea.

[Kevin Clancy]

Again, you're having michelobes, and I didn't like.

[Bert Kreischer]

I didn't like the idea of being hungover. I thought that that was really scary.

[Jackie]

Francis.

[Kevin Clancy]

Please leave a message or answer your phone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, Francis, it's Bert Kreischer. Listen, I have an offer, a firm offer. November 13th, Hartford, Connecticut. November 14th, Baltimore, Missouri, Maryland. Number 15th, Hershey, Pennsylvania. Number 16th, Richmond, Virginia. On the permission to party world tour, me, you, and Feidalberg. Say you're in. Call me back.

[Jackie]

Dude, I love you guys. I love you so much, man. Thank you so much.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Pabs, can you say jackpocket? Yes, sir. Jackpocket is America's number one. Wait, what do I do? How do I do it? I go, Jackpot is America's number one lottery app. Then you say it. Jackpocket is America's number one lottery app.

[Jackie]

Jack pocket. There we go.

[Kevin Clancy]

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[Bert Kreischer]

We're prohibited one per new customer.

[Kevin Clancy]

Enter promo code at checkout for $2 non withdrawable credit.

[Jackie]

See [e-mail] tos free ticket promo sponsored.

[Kevin Clancy]

By Jackpocket based on 2024 iOS download data colle directed by Sensor Tower it's another edition of KFC radio on the barstool sports network. We're back. This is today's episode is going to be part two of Bert Kreischer because we went for like three hours with him the other day. And this, I. I think is entirely focused on dead dogs. And it is. It's all dead dogs. It's all dead dogs. And it is so goddamn funny. And for the dog people out there, it's not. You'll still enjoy it. Don't be weird about it. It is so goddamn funny. Bert. Bert telling stories of his old family dog calling up his sister. The conspiracy theories they have. It was just unbelievable. So we, we saved that for. For today's episode. So we got Bert. But first we're gonna just chop it up like we usually do at the beginning.

[Jackie]

We should start with why we saved the half of Bert.

[Pabs]

I was just gonna say.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, Right, right. Well, so it's like a soft launch. It's like a. Because. Technique. Okay, so tomorrow. Yeah, I guess we gotta do it. Yeah.

[Pabs]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[Pabs]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right, Right. Okay.

[Jackie]

Okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

Big moment. Big moment in. In. In. In my career here. Do we have a bottle? Actually, yeah. So after legitimately, like 15 years of drinking espresso martinis, I finally made one. And the Three Bean gang has been asking for this for a long time. And we finally did it. So here it is. Here is the official unveiling of Midnight Bean, which technically it came out so good, right? It's got this little like Great Gatsby vibe to it with this very awesome. The logo.

[Jackie]

Oh, wait, did you get that? What, the Gatsby toast.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This little logo, this little. This little owl is awesome. And so the official release was supposed to be Friday. I don't know why I didn't think about dropping it on a podcast day but it actually came out on April Fool's Day. And they were like, we can't announce it because people might think it's a joke. And I was like, what the is that? So I was like, let's give it a couple days, and then I'll announce it for the weekend and everyone can start buying it. And then I was like, wait a minute. We have episodes on Thursday. So this is my little soft launch as. And then tomorrow on social media will be the big unveiling. But if you are a KFC radio viewer or listener, you get the first taste of it. So I had Bert Kreischer in, and I was like, I gotta serve him my alcohol. I can't. I can't miss this opportunity. And he ends up cutting a promo for Midnight Bean. That's better than. We spent a whole day shooting commercials and content. And Bert. What bert did in 90 seconds for this brand was a thousand one.

[Jackie]

Touched the drink and spoke to the hearts of frat boys, looked right into the camera. That'll be. That'll be a better advertisement, I think.

[Kevin Clancy]

But this is. I'm proud of this one because there's two things I will. I will go to my grave saying as the head of the curve on subtitles on television and espresso martinis, man, I mean, this back when. Now it's the hottest drink in the streets, almost to the point that it's getting cliche. But back in, you know, 2009, 10. Caitlyn was one who introduced him to me. And, you know, it was. It was back when you couldn't find a place that made them. Bartenders didn't know what they were. They hated making them. They, you know, were very rare. And now they're everywhere. And. And we've been doing the Three Bean gang on social media for a long time. So it's actually. I mean, I know that influencers and Internet people creating alcohols is, you know, also cliche, but this one, I feel like I've done the right way. It was like 15 years of just organic brand building. I never intended on making one. I was just like, this is my favorite cocktail. And people. And I had the story with the beans, and people send me pictures and we had the hashtag, and I just always reposted it. And then this opportunity kind of fell into my lap. And so, like, the stars all kind of aligned on, you know, the marketing has already been done. The. The drink is popular, and now I'm hoping that it just rips to the goddamn moon. It's called Midnight Bean. I like the name. Obviously it was not the first choice. We wanted it to be three Bean Martini. And when this all started, it was supposed to be. I don't know what happened, but Erica was here at the time. She was the one who kind of made this connection with, with the liquor company Sazerac. And she was like, we got the trademark for three Bean. I was like, unbelievable. And then when it came time to like do it, we didn't have the trademark and this brewery owned it and they were not willing to give it up and not willing to work with us. And so we had to come up with a different name. And you know, I don't know, just Midnight Bean kind of threw it all together. It all, it all makes sense. I like the name, I love the way it looks. And the most important part is it's fire. It's like a real espresso martini.

[Jackie]

Yet you have actually tried it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Do we have ice in here?

[Pabs]

Well, no, man, go get, go, go.

[Kevin Clancy]

Grab some ice in a cup, cuz I want to shake it up too. This is without a doubt the best pre prepackaged espresso martini you can get. I know there's a couple others in cans and ready to drinks. I would not have done this if I didn't know and believe that it was the real deal. Because I am such an espresso martini purist, connoisseur, you know, and, and I shouldn't say purist because I like them in different ways. I like them creamy. I can do just straight black. I can do, you know, all the different ways. But there's a level of quality that I needed to have. And more importantly, there's a consistency that needs to be there. And you got to have the frothy, foamy top.

[Jackie]

Yes.

[Kevin Clancy]

If you don't have that, it just loses a lot of its appeal. You got to have the three beans sitting on top of the frothy foam. And that's the one thing that, that bartenders are, they, you know, the mixologists out there can make that happen. When you pop a can, you don't really get that. And so I linked up with these guys who had like literal chemists working on this. And the beautiful thing about this is you can see it here on the label, it just says shake, pour, foam. And so if you get, I have a couple videos coming out, I'm going to show you how to shake it because it is, you actually have to do it right. I thought the first couple times I shook it up, I was like, oh, this Isn't. This isn't really foaming the right way. And they're like, you're just not doing it enough and doing it the right way. And so if you shake it up right, you pour it out and you have yourself a real espresso martini that you don't. You don't have to go out anymore to get an espresso martini. That is revolutionary.

[Jackie]

What I would have given for that technology in 2010, 2009, whenever it was. Dude. The story I've told before of when I was, like, went home with, like, an old woman and was, like, looking on her fridge to see if, like, she had kids drawings.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yep.

[Jackie]

And then ended up wetting the bed. Only reason I was at that bar was because it was, like, the only bar in Newport. Service. We called them rocket launchers at the time. Rocket fuel. We got to get rocket launchers. So we went to, like, an old person's bar, like a classy bar, because it was. It was right on Thames street, right on the end. I lived where no one's gonna know where it is, but it's past O'Brien's, like, going back down towards the gas station. So it's like this quiet little bar. And we would go there just because they served espresso martinis and old lady's bed. If we could have done them back at the apartment, I wouldn't have wet an old lady's bed that night. I get in the time machine and go back.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'd bring you a bottle of Midnight Bean. I mean, that. That was always. The thing is, like, going out to get one and you have to go to a fancy place, and it's expensive. And now. And. And I've tried to make them at home. I at one point, bought an espresso machine. And, you know, mixing all these things up, and it just never really hit right. And now this one does. So we'll do a little tutorial here. You got to throw about two to three cubes in there. You don't need a lot. It's really just to kind of chill it up. And I think the water helps, like, cut it and. And then the key is only pour what you're gonna drink. Like, if you're gonna. If you shook up, like, the whole bottle, the foam wouldn't really foam up enough because there's too much. Too much liquid in there. Yeah. Get a glass for me so you can see it. And then you got to give it a good shake. Like, you gotta really be a bartender.

[Jackie]

Yeah, be a bartender.

[Kevin Clancy]

You gotta really do it during. When we were shooting the commercial. I mean, I probably shook up 10 of these.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And I was like, God damn, my arms are tired. I can't imagine doing like a ten hour shift. And I can understand why. But this is all martinis, where people like, oh, people hate espresso martinis. I would hate making regular martinis as long as I got to shake them. This sucks. Sucks.

[Jackie]

And the martini, by the way, I think it was the New York Times recently. Back, back in a big way.

[Kevin Clancy]

Just the martini, the martini in general.

[Jackie]

But they. I think they said it's the official drink in New York. Again, that hadn't been for a while. And New York is back to.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's whatever 25 year old girls decide. And that, and that is the thing. Like, I mean, I was introduced to this by a woman, started drinking them and I was like, this is fire, you know, and, and, and I think the world has pretty much accepted that at this point. You know what I mean? But if you have not gotten on the espresso martini train in general, you need to do it. Do it with my brand. Do it with whatever one you want. But you need them in your life because they are an absolute game changer as far as it tastes good, it gives you the. Oh, we got martini glasses. I tried the original sample.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So I haven't tried this yet. Oh, okay. It came out like just as, as, just as good. Like they, when we went down there, they. We had like a bottle that was like one of one, like the, the chemists like created.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

This thing doesn't pop off and it was, it came out like perfect, you know, and I was worried about it like mass produced. Like, maybe it'll be different and. Nope. It worked to perfection. So shake it up. Right. Pour it out. Right.

[Jackie]

Oh, no. Very foamy though.

[Kevin Clancy]

Very.

[Pabs]

The shaker's kind of.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, the. The top doesn't come off, so.

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So it's got that.

[Pabs]

It's so like aesthetically pleasing to do that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Very, very organic and on brand to have that be a disaster.

[Pabs]

Wait. Genuinely so good.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, my God. I would not. If I, I went down there with, with Pavs and if it was not good, I was gonna be like, I'm not doing this. Yeah, I'm not. I don't need. I didn't need to do this. I'm not putting my. Yes. That's the thing is like, it's got the foam and the cream and it's like thick and it's like got the taste. But it's not too sweet, too creamy. And I, you know, it varies from city to city, region to region according to like, you know, prices and whatnot. But I believe the overall like sticker is $19.99 for a bottle.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Which is really one.

[Jackie]

One martini. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Usually it's $20 for a martini and now you get a bottle that serves, you know, anywhere. If you feel like, if you pour like a full ass martini, you probably get like four of them. If you do like a regular.

[Pabs]

Wait, why is it so creamy? Like how does.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude, I'm telling you, I. Every time I take a sip, I'm like so happy that it's like as good as it is.

[Pabs]

I'm like genuinely very.

[Kevin Clancy]

And because, and, and listen, I almost, I really wish, really good. I, I wish, wish that. I wish we didn't do some of the other drinks that we did that like, it's really good.

[Pabs]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Because I've sat here before we sold other drinks where I've told you it's good and it's like you can pick out the ones that, you know, I was really drinking away, you know. And I almost wish I had saved all my bullets till now so that everybody really believes me. But I, I am, I have a very high standard when it comes to espresso martinis. Would not have done it if this didn't taste right or feel they had the right consistency and they absolutely nailed it.

[Jackie]

I can feel it going down.

[Pabs]

It tastes like real like cane sugar.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like it's got the. It's like it all actually is, it's. I can't call it. It's like a coffee product. I can't like say it like legally. I don't know exactly what it is, but it's like got caffeine. It, it technically is. It doesn't come from like a gluten free factory, but like it's not. It's gluten free materials. You know what?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So like there's, it's all, it all like came together perfectly.

[Jackie]

And you know what it also is? It's espresso martinis for dog people. We gotta get ahead of that. It's for dog. For cat people too, you said? Yeah, it's for, it's for, it's espresso for parents. Like, it's a lot.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude, it is, it's, it's everything I wanted. I'm very, very pumped for it. So obviously the best way to drink it is the, the shaker. But I'm, I'm doing a video where, you know, if you've got a, A regular bottle, if you've got, you know, a couple solo cups, anything that you can just like, shake it up and pour it out, whether you're in a dorm room, your apartment, at a party, it's going to be in bars. It is.

[Jackie]

You got to have a video series. Like, like, like if, if there was a content creator back in the day who taught us how to make bongs out of stuff. Shake it. That's, that's espresso. Solo cups. Give me, like, what I can. I can make you make a shake.

[Kevin Clancy]

Anybody. If you can shake them up in bowls and buckets, whatever you want, we'll do. We're gonna do a whole bunch of stuff. I'm gonna have a best. You know, everybody already sends me pictures of their martinis and we're gonna do a little, A little contest. Best present presentation of the bottle and your martini. You can win a, you can win midnight Bean for a year. We're going to be doing launch parties. I think every Tuesday. I'm going to do a little happy hour live stream. Little Teeny Tuesday.

[Jackie]

Oh, nice.

[Kevin Clancy]

Drink a martini with me and I'll just do some content and talk with you. I'm going all out.

[Jackie]

I have Teeny Tuesday. I like that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I haven't had like a real. Again, any of the other drinks we did were just kind of told to us to do it.

[Jackie]

And yeah, there's a huge difference between an advertisement, which is you're buying space on this podcast to, for me to say, hey, here's your product.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[Jackie]

Versus something. I mean, you were heavily involved with this for what, two years?

[Kevin Clancy]

Absolutely. Yeah. It was probably two years ago. We went down to Sazerac. We were down in Tennessee. Louisville. Louisville. And went to their, like, factory.

[Jackie]

How many times did you, like, I think you only went there once. But like, how, how often were you communicating with them?

[Kevin Clancy]

It's a lot of communication, but they pretty much nailed. Like, I, I, I didn't, I was like, no notes, 10 out of 10. Like, there was not a, there was not a moment of like, oh, actually, you got to change the color, you got to change the taste, you got to change the foam. We went back and forth a lot on the branding. We went back and forth a lot on the timing. The name thing was a big issue. There's a lot of, like, business stuff. But as far as the product itself, they smoked it. And the main thing is they are. It's everywhere. So a lot of the other we've, we've endorsed has been like a lot of our fans were like, we'd love to try it. We can't, we can't get it. Oh, so this is, this is in it. It will roll out, but once it's out, this is going to be in like every liquor store, every grocery store, every bar. Like it's, it is a major, major distribution. They've done collabs with like other Chris Stapleton is under their brand and they've had a like a couple like really hot selling new liquors over the last few years and they were like, we are as gassed up for this as any of them. Yeah, I think, I mean there is, you know, I would love to sets because of me, but I also just think it's the martini. The espresso martini right now is the drink. I think I would say I put my money down that they have created the best one. There's a couple other like competitors that like I said are in a can or six pack this or that. None of them are quite like this. This gives me God willing, pink Whitney vibes. Like it's, it comes in a bottle like that. It's affordable. When, when, when I first set out to do this, I was like, this is going to be a higher end thing and that's what espresso martinis are.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And I was like, what? This bottle is going to be like 89.99. You're gonna get like five martinis in it. It's gonna be like a hundred dollars and the people are gonna complain and it's just gonna be a more high end product. And so and I was, I almost, you know, I just was resigned to that. And then when we went there, I'm tasting it, I'm sipping. Actually the first thing I did, they shook it up for me. I didn't touch it, I just let it sit for like a 40 minute presentation and it held the foam the whole time. And I was like, wow, that's, that's the real deal. And then after drinking it like the look was right, the taste was right, the feel was right. And I was like, what's the damage on this one? And they said 1999 and I almost fell off my phone.

[Pabs]

I feel like 20 something year old girls are gonna love it because whenever, like I have friends over, I do, I want to like have a nice like cocktail but I don't feel like getting all the ingredients. Like this is just one.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it's also like, you know, I.

[Pabs]

Can eat on the podcast just so you Know, like, what do you mean? Yeah, you're like, you're being so weird.

[Jackie]

I'm just doing it when you guys are one. Someone else is talking. I take a quick bite. I'm done now, by the way.

[Pabs]

And I'm going to point the camera to you every single time.

[Jackie]

There's honestly one or two times where like I make eye contact with the camera. It's going to be creepy for the viewer and for you. Jack is going to be here. Jackie stays till like 2am editing.

[Kevin Clancy]

She's the last one here.

[Jackie]

She's the last one here.

[Pabs]

I, I, I want to go over. I said that because, like, I have, I've said before, I'm a slow editor. So my point was like, nobody should be here as late as I am because I'm a slow editor. But Vinny's like, that was my point.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, sure. What was I saying?

[Jackie]

So.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah. Then it said 1999. I was like, oh, my God. Oh. Oh. I, I think it's also like, it's a, it's why I love the espresso martini. It's like if you're having people over and you want to have like a nice cocktail, it's like, are you really whipping up just like a cup of vodka?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

With some vermouth and some olives and some things that, that is classy and it would be nice. But like, and if you do that, God bless you. But also it's not really the vibe in the moment for the pre game, just hanging out. But you don't want to just have like a beer or salts or something. Now you have, it's elevated. But, you know, I mean, just to me, the ability to have these at home is unbelievable. I mean, like, changing.

[Jackie]

It was literally like, I think we, we filmed a commercial for a similar product. Like the product that didn't exist, but they were potentially making it and they were like, what would a commercial look like? And that was like five years ago, probably, at least.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, we were right.

[Jackie]

We were like, if this happens, it's a dream. Not just like for like in advertising worlds. Exactly. It was just like if they make an espresso martini in a bottle or a can. We couldn't fathom the idea.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is, it's almost like weed being legalized for people to smoke, where it's like, oh, I can just get it anywhere now. I don't have to worry. I don't have to stress. That's what, honestly, getting espresso martini back then was like, was like hitting up your guy.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah. You're like, I gotta meet you here. I gotta pay this much. The only option.

[Kevin Clancy]

And now it's like you can just shake them up at home and. And enjoy it. It is. I think it's gonna absolutely rip and I'm. I'm very pumped for it. I think the commercial we shot was great.

[Jackie]

And it's available everywhere. You said earlier it's. It's gonna be available everywhere is gonna roll out. But like, is it available a lot of places right now?

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know yet. I'm not sure that that part. I still don't. I still don't quite know, you know, where and how. Because every state's different with legalization and distribution and all that. All I do know is they were like, we're putting a full like coast to coast distribution behind this.

[Jackie]

Yes.

[Kevin Clancy]

Which is that. That's 90 of the battle. We learned.

[Jackie]

So like, like, like every time we're trying, like, we're only in like one state. It's like. And then we have any listeners in that state. Dude, why are we working together?

[Kevin Clancy]

And then we would go and it would be like in the bottom shelf at the back corner. Like, I think this is going to be hopefully. I think we're doing some like billboard, like cardboard cutouts of me at a liquor store. I don't know. You know, they talk about how shelf spaces. We're talking about with Nimesh, right?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And how that's so important. Like, I don't know where we're going to be on that front, but I think whether, you know, me and the Three Bean Gang and barstool or not, when you see this, I think it. I think it's going to be popular and I hope we get that. That shelf space. Because whether you're like pre gaming at. I think bars are going to serve it, bottle service is going to have it. You know, college kids trying to feel fancy. I mean, it is.

[Pabs]

I also feel like just to bring over to it. Like a lot of times when I go over to my friend's apartments for like pre games, I want to bring something. But like, I know that a. We probably won't even get to like drink the full thing. So I don't actually want to spend that much money.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, don't get a bottle of wine.

[Pabs]

Yeah, don't get a minute. A bottle of wine. Like, I don't know if they want white or red or whatever. This is like, everyone can get on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Board and everybody likes it now. I mean, the amount of People who. I mean, when we did the barstool cocktail book, that was also probably like five years ago.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And that was my drink back then. When we did the Buzzfeed list, which. Which barstool blogger are you? They asked, what's your favorite drink? I said, espresso Martini. I said that. And I think Keith was running it. Whoever was running was like, I don't even know what the that is. So it's been my. My jam for a long time now. And. And with Bert coming on the show, we had to. We had to give him the first taste. And then. So tomorrow, if you're listening to this on. On release day on Thursday, tomorrow will be the big unveiling. If you've been following on social media, I've been doing little vague teasers, building up to it, and we'll be doing the party. And when are we doing the party? Any moving on that.

[Pabs]

They said in. Sometime during April, in the middle of April or whatever.

[Kevin Clancy]

We're getting there.

[Pabs]

They talked to the. To the seller already.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, so we'll have a launch party. We're gonna have a bunch of contests right now. I think we have at Three Bean Gang on social media, and they'll probably be an at midnight Beans. You can follow the brand. Three Bean Gang is going to be just for martini, Espresso martini, You know, culture in general. And so, yeah, this is a big one. I'm. I'm very pumped for this one. It came out really good. Shout out to the.

[Jackie]

Came out. Really? Yeah. It's like when you have, like, a good whiskey or like, just any good drink and you feel it run the maze.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And I could just.

[Kevin Clancy]

Your chest.

[Jackie]

I could, like, taste it and feel it, like, all the way down here. That's good stuff.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And if you.

[Kevin Clancy]

If you got a shaker, shake it up right. Do it the right way. I will say, the first time I got it, I did not shake it. What you have to do is shake it enough and you have to pour all the foam out. I only gave it a couple shakes, and then I just, like, poured it once. And I was like, this is not foaming. And I got worried. I was like, maybe that one bottle was, you know, the one of one. And then when we made millions of them, they, you know, it lost that consistency. And I felt like an idiot because they were like, did you shake it? I was like, yes, I know how to shake. I know how to shake it. And then, like, they. We did a video like we. A zoom. And like, he shook it and it poured out, right? And I was like, I don't know how to shake. So you do have to do it, like, the right way, meaning just long enough and really do it for the.

[Jackie]

Full chorus of Shake it Off. Oh, I like that.

[Pabs]

Good.

[Kevin Clancy]

I like that espresso. It's a good one too. Yeah. Make sure you shake it up good. Whether you got a shaker. Some cups, some. I. I think I'm gonna shake it up in a ziploc bag. You can just give it a good shake and it'll pour out. It'll pour out, right? And then, you know, get your beans. Either your three beans or no beans. Those are the rules. Health, wealth, and happiness, baby. So, yeah, it's cool.

[Jackie]

Very cool.

[Kevin Clancy]

Pumped. I'm just praying now. I, I, you know, by. Been very blessed and very, very successful so far, for sure. Not no complaints there. But there is part of me that's like, I would just love to have something rip, you know, one thing that is undeniable right to the top, like, you know, like a pink Whitney or any other drinks that just become, you know, the people who don't even know, they just like Pink Whitney.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

In a barstool thing. It's not even a chicklets thing. Like, I don't care if you know me or drink it for me. I want you to drink this. And it would be very cool to have it be one of those, like, this is the fastest selling liquor of 20, 25. And if you want to be like.

[Jackie]

Pink Whitney, what we gotta do is we just gotta get our Reagan on. Just drop this in the inner cities, baby. I saw you getting ready to say it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, man, I, I think it's got, got the, and the commercial we shot was very fun. It was, it was. So the, the concept was, you know, to show that you. It's classy, but you can drink it at home. And so the idea was I have John's a bartender in a tuxedo, and I look like a, a customer in a tuxedo. And then when you zoom out, I'm in my pajama pants. And John was in a black tuxedo, I was in a white tuxedo. And that was the idea to just make it, like, differentiate a little bit, make it pop a little bit. And I was, I was taking pictures in the white tuxedo and shaking in the white tuxedo. And then we do the first take of the actual commercial, and I walk with a full martini and sit down and spill it all over my white tuxedo. Like down the whole. The whole thing. And it was like, well, we can't use that for any of these takes again.

[Jackie]

What was particularly funny about that was the night before, Pabs had texted us, what do you guys want for dinner? For lunch during, like, the shoot? And I said, let's not avoid Italian so I don't spill on myself because I'm a baby. And, like, it was in the first 30 seconds. It was.

[Kevin Clancy]

And I. I think Pabs didn't realize how bad it was at first. He was like, oh, that's okay. And I was like, no, it's not. Like, it was brown on white.

[Jackie]

Lounge and Luxury is great. That was you, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was gonna say I didn't come up with that.

[Jackie]

Lounge and luxury is pas, like, showed me the video, and then I was like, oh, lounge and luxury. I like that. And he's like, no, I just put that there for filler. And I was like, well, it's really good.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's the one, dude. I was like, I want to, like, redo the branding. I put that on the bottle. Lounge and luxury is awesome, dude. We got new merch, too. You can see the hoodie in the background there. I love these hoodies.

[Bert Kreischer]

The.

[Jackie]

The.

[Kevin Clancy]

The owl logo, I think, also has potential to just be like, you don't know it's a drink. You don't know what it is.

[Jackie]

It's just.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like. It's like the. The polo horse. Like, it's just owls, I think, are very cool. So there's a two pack of hoodies, one brown, one, like, a tan color for the drink. And I have two pairs of wallabies coming out with Thursday boots that are black and tan to match the. The drink as well. So we have merch, hoodies, boots, drinks. We have packs going out, and I'm sure there'll be all sorts of contests, and hopefully, if this thing really takes off, we can do other types of, you know, merchandise and cool stuff to go along with it. So, you know, 15 years of. Of, like, unintentionally planning. I never had a. Had a notion to do this, because I didn't. A, I didn't think it was possible at first, and then, B, like, actually, I. I brought it to multiple people that we've worked with over the years, and they were just like, nah, we don't think it's gonna work. And I was like, are you sure? Because it's, like, the most popular drink in the world, and it always just got, like, pushed aside. So I'm hoping to prove Some people wrong and improve me right on this one and let it rip.

[Jackie]

So I think having tasted it, seen it, I think you're right.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Pabs]

It's like 20 times more excited now that I've tasted it. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. You don't have to like bake it or anything.

[Pabs]

No, I like was kind of scared to taste it. Genuinely.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. It's something that I like you'd actually drink. It's so I, I, it's like, you know, we have our five must watches for the year.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, I wish there was like an agreed upon rule that you have like one or two co signs. This is a really tasty thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So you know, I mean it, this is not just advertising, this is not just, you know, to make money. I would be doing this, you know, even if I wasn't associated with, if somebody gave me this, I'd be like, that is a great pre made espresso martini. So. And ask. I think you know, we can get it in like any bars. So if you're a bar owner, distributor, own a store, whatever, and you want to get in on it, reach out to me. We can set it all up. I'm trying to get it into Citi Field. I don't know if I'm gonna be successful, but I heard that, I heard through the grapevine of a buddy who has a friend who works at Yankee Stadium. I don't know how they, how true this is. Whatever. They sold like 5, 000 espresso martinis over the weekend.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

And I was like, that sounds like.

[Jackie]

A good, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean again, I, I think it's crazy. You go to a baseball game, you get a beer and a dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

But now people get espresso martinis and sushi.

[Jackie]

Sushi, bro.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's not for me, but if I could get a, you know, an audience of like 50, 000 people a weekend, a night on the weekend, we'd do that. So yeah, we're gonna do some fun stuff with it. Follow along on, on social media. Is it, I think it's Three Bean Gang underscore. I think we had to do that. Let me get that exactly. Because a lot of the, a lot of the information will be on that and of course on, yeah, no, just three Bean. Just Three Bean Gang and Casey Barstool will have all the information you need and go out there, support the cause, drink it up, enjoy yourself, shake it up, foam it up and send your best pictures. Tag at Three Bean Gang at midnight. Bean and Me and we'll start getting that contest going. Whoever has the best presentation. We're gonna do a three bean scale.

[Pabs]

You think anybody will try like twerking with it?

[Kevin Clancy]

I hope so. Jackie. Jackie, twerking video coming soon.

[Pabs]

If I could twerk, I would, but like I can't. So unfortunately no.

[Jackie]

You try to twerk in the shower and accidentally have it work? No. No one else, huh? You've been in the shower trying to make a clap?

[Kevin Clancy]

Bro, I need a drink.

[Jackie]

You never been in the shower trying to make clap? Dude, come on. Really? Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

What exactly is your. What is your tactic? How do you make it clap?

[Jackie]

I just jump up and down the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Shower and you get the cheeks clapping. You have no ass.

[Jackie]

No, there's. First of all, I do have ass.

[Kevin Clancy]

You have no ass.

[Jackie]

I have ass now you want to feel my ass? I got ass, dog.

[Kevin Clancy]

Get this, get this wallet out. Get the wallet out.

[Jackie]

It's hard. It's going to be hard in these pants.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's got some cheap sh. But, but you, you have like a.

[Jackie]

Wait, you have to do that again now. You're fine.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh.

[Jackie]

Oh, the. Yeah. You know, sometimes I'll be in the shower and try to make you clap. And I'll try to make you clap. So you got to go like this, right? And I'm kind of just like, I'll go like this.

[Pabs]

Oh, I actually did. Yeah.

[Jackie]

All right. You know, you do that.

[Pabs]

I've tried it before.

[Jackie]

Well, you.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, it's, it's very different, girls for sure. You gotta try to learn. Like if you do it, you gotta do it right?

[Jackie]

Yeah, a little bit different. But you know, I'll be staying there and I'll be trying to make it clap like that. And very rarely, but occasionally what'll happen is my nuts will slap and that will be loud and I'll be like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I got it.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's a thunderclap. That's what we call in the industry a thunderclap.

[Jackie]

So you try to pretend you haven't done that. You've done it. I tried to thunderclap.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you ever just like door knockered it? Like you just kind of pick them up and drop them.

[Jackie]

Pick them up and drop them like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, like you, you thunderclap them. But like I'm just like sitting down or something. You just kind of like, just like swing on the back door. Like you just kind of clap. Yeah, well, it's essentially that. But imagine you're just sitting there. You just pick them up and drop them and they just, they Just kind of swing like a door knocker.

[Jackie]

The tits of the baby. They're fun. You missed outline.

[Kevin Clancy]

Balls are the boobs of the penis.

[Pabs]

Oh, when did you say?

[Kevin Clancy]

Just now, when you.

[Jackie]

That last interview. You missed.

[Kevin Clancy]

The balls are the boobs of the penis.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah. Like, they're not. They're not really functional. It's not really useful, but, like, they're trying to bounce around a little bit.

[Pabs]

I had a dream the other night that I some. I was like, just. I don't know why I was staring at a penis for some reason, but the. There was a tattoo of, like, basketballs on the balls. And then, like, the shaft was like, Annette. And I woke up just being like. That was a. There was no plot to the dream.

[Jackie]

It was just that Jackie just mad.

[Kevin Clancy]

At yourself, dreaming about ball and dick.

[Jackie]

Dude, I'm about that life. Just two things.

[Pabs]

But then I kind of was like, I feel like that's on to something. Like, somebody should get that tattoo. It made more sense in my dream. Like a bat.

[Jackie]

Like a backboard around you hanging upside down.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Because the net has to be the ball.

[Pabs]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't make, like, that much sense. My dream.

[Jackie]

But that would be kind of funny, though, if it's. If it's.

[Kevin Clancy]

What you need is the tip needs to be the ball, and you got to put a net and backboard up on, like, your stomach. And then when you lay down, the ball go. The tip goes to the.

[Jackie]

Okay, I had it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm getting it. You get it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, your belly button needs to be like the hoop.

[Pabs]

Basically, it's like the ultimate thunderclap.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was underclass.

[Jackie]

You didn't say thunderclap, dude, I can't.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even want to think about the noise of you being wet in the shower. Thunderclap.

[Jackie]

When it happens, it is like Zeus himself decides, like, come on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude. I was watching American Temptation island, and, you know, you can tell they're trying to have their, like, Montoya moment. They can't show people getting, like, clapped in America, but they did. This guy was having a threesome, and it said. The subtitle said, rhythmic wet slapping. He was on a threesome in the shower.

[Jackie]

Pop that on a subtitle sweatshirt. It was.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was actually great. This guy. This guy was like, I'm in love with my girl. She's amazing. I want to be monogamous, but I just love threesomes. I just, like. I just need threesomes in my life. And then these two girls Who I think are like the girls they introduced who are like, I'm just here to homewreck. They were like, let's go. And like, you see them go into the room together. And she's like, so let's do this. And he was like. She was like, so what do we do? And he was like, let's. Let's start slow. I like to watch first. I was like, this motherfucker's never had a threesome.

[Jackie]

But guess what? You know what? He's got foresight.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. No threesome before.

[Jackie]

I'll just be the threesome guy on Temptation Island. I'll just tell everyone. I'm like, an expert.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sorry, man.

[Kevin Clancy]

And he ended up working out because it was rhythmic wet slapping.

[Jackie]

I mean, that's how every guy is with sex.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're just like, pretend you know how to do it.

[Jackie]

Love, girl. You want something. Like, I don't know what to do with that. The am I supposed to do with it?

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't think you girls really appreciate how hard it is to be good at sex.

[Jackie]

Wait.

[Pabs]

I also feel like on the last episode when I said I was like, having, like, talking to a guy a weekend. I'm not. I'm. I'm not going home with a guy, by the way. There was one single comment that was like this.

[Jackie]

No one had that impression except for that one person. You've been thinking about it.

[Pabs]

This guy. He comments. He just like. He's just like. He's the same one. It makes me feel better.

[Kevin Clancy]

Woman hater.

[Pabs]

Guys. I actually like. And now I'm hyper aware of it. I'm so sorry. It's so annoying. It's so crazy. I still don't really know how to say. I'm still a little confused.

[Jackie]

How do you so. I know it's one of the things you can't, like, say when you're thinking.

[Pabs]

About it, but women, women, women.

[Jackie]

It sounds fine to me.

[Pabs]

Women, women, women, women. Cool.

[Kevin Clancy]

Girls. Like, you can be good at certain things, but overall, you just have to, like, kind of act, like, slutty and just let stuff happen to you where guys have to, like, do stuff.

[Pabs]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And last and be good. You know what I mean? You can just be like. You're allowed to do it this way. You're allowed to put it there. I'll make some noise. I'll like. You know what I mean?

[Pabs]

Yeah, but you guys don't, like, have to be, like, a porn star, like, on it either.

[Jackie]

See, when I'm thunderclapping on it, it's porn.

[Kevin Clancy]

Star, bro. I. I need. I need Johnny's have a only fans page called Thunderclap. It's just him clapping his balls.

[Jackie]

It's not even. There's not even me in it. It's just. You can see, it's. You can just hear a running shower in the background. And then occasionally the screen shatters. The camera shakes. Richter scale. You see lights coming through.

[Pabs]

One of my favorite, like, parts on KFC radio was you drawing, like, what you.

[Jackie]

The.

[Pabs]

What you see in the shower. The shadow of yourself. It's so funny. So.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

So I don't. Yeah. Guess what? It's starting to be summer, so I'm starting to get some. Having to deal with shades when I'm showering.

[Kevin Clancy]

What is it?

[Jackie]

You're just like, Just the sun comes in so perfectly and, like, it goes through the glass and the glass of the shower and it just casts this shadow onto the wall. And it's not appetizing, like, huge violet one time. It's just like this. It's this weird belly with no ass at the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, well, that's what I mean.

[Jackie]

You have no ass.

[Kevin Clancy]

Are you growing ass?

[Jackie]

I'm growing ass because you, You.

[Kevin Clancy]

I got ass. No, you don't. Even notoriously, you wear small underwear.

[Jackie]

Oh, yes. No, no, I'm saying. But that's. Yeah. In, like, it's. Oh, it's been a couple of years.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I got. I am double cheeky.

[Jackie]

I get my ass grabbed a lot now.

[Kevin Clancy]

I. I get like. I get treated like a woman. Yeah, I get. I have. I have ass. It's kind of borderline embarrassing.

[Jackie]

I got construction workers always yelling at me.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. I will get like. I'll get, like, assaulted with my ass. I get assaulted in my ass.

[Jackie]

I'm cheeked up.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, ah, Was this when you were working for us or no.

[Pabs]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

See, this is so funny, dude. There's so many funny moments that we gotta, like, get back out there. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's so funny. I don't remember that.

[Jackie]

Yeah, I remember. I remember.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just. I could see it, but you're looking at, like you're holding it up. It's just ridiculous.

[Jackie]

It's just this disgusting shadow. And that's how I start my day. Every day is looking at that, just looking awful. Like, the very first thing I do is get in the shower and just see this pig that I am.

[Kevin Clancy]

Whether you're warming up on the range or sinking putts on the green or just kicking back at the clubhouse, the new. Hey, dude, Wendy and Wally Golf styles have got you covered.

[Jackie]

Hey dude. No remember I was getting my song this episode you got to do.

[Kevin Clancy]

Remember the Nickelodeon show Hey Dude, I don't remember.

[Jackie]

I. I remember it, but I don't remember that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, hey Dude. Melanie was so hot. It was Ben. Ben Stiller's wife.

[Jackie]

Melanie was the girl.

[Kevin Clancy]

They were like camp counselors on a dude ranch. Weird premise when I look back on it. Wendy and Wally, I would imagine is like a little him. Him and her men's and women's style. And they got you covered. They have. These shoes have the grippy lugged rubber outsole golf inspired features. And hey dude. Signature lightweight comfort. Those shoes are. They weigh zero.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

You can throw them at Pabs's head and he doesn't even get hurt. I was gonna say he doesn't move. He does move when you throw it.

[Kevin Clancy]

But if it hit him, it wouldn't hurt him. But when we abuse these guys to.

[Jackie]

Get out of the way, he'll try.

[Kevin Clancy]

These shoes bring effortless style every swing. So. Hey Dude. Golf styles drop exclusively on HeyDude.com in May. And you can sign up right now to be the first to know. When you go to heydude.com golf, get your. Hey Dude. Throw him at Babs.

[Jackie]

He'll dodge.

[Kevin Clancy]

He'll move.

[Jackie]

He will try. Yeah, if you focus, you can hit him still.

[Kevin Clancy]

Hey dude.com golf.

[Jackie]

We gotta do a make good for them.

[Kevin Clancy]

I. I don't want to. We're having a very fun episode, but I. There was one thing I wanted. Did you guys. Did anybody see that video of the. The girl who went like, mega viral? She got like 50 million views overnight on Twitter. Talking about her love language is not having to ask.

[Pabs]

What.

[Kevin Clancy]

Anybody see that? No, probably not. You guys have like, cool Internet. I have lame Internet.

[Jackie]

What is.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's a girl. She's saying her love language is not having to, like, give instructions to her husband and not having to, like, ask her husband to do things, which is a pretty standard thing, you know. And. And she said it, like, almost ruined her marriage. And that she was the. She was the one working with the kid. She was doing all the work at home, did everything with the kids. She had like four kids under like five. And. And how the husband, like, not doing his share of the work almost like ruined their relationship.

[Bert Kreischer]

It.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then she told a story. Like, her example was he. He said, like, okay, what do you need me to do? And she was like, if you could make sure the dishes are always done and make sure the garbage is Out. That would help a lot. And he was like, all right, cool, fine. And. And then the story was she came down one stairs one day, and the garbage had not been taken out. And she texted him, like, what the happened? And he was like, I was late for work. I'm sorry. What can I see?

[Pabs]

Just try unscrewing.

[Kevin Clancy]

Can you do it? Because it's. It's mine from home, and I couldn't do it. I don't know. I don't know what happened. Did you get it? No, but it's crazy, right?

[Pabs]

On the last episode.

[Kevin Clancy]

I know. And now. Yeah, I jammed it up.

[Jackie]

Jammed up.

[Kevin Clancy]

And she was like, I ended up being late for work because I had to take the garbage out. And. And it's just, you know, just became this big debate online, and I was. I don't want to do the same thing I did last time. Yeah. Getting a couple ice cubes in there because it's not shaking properly.

[Jackie]

That is thick. That's thick.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like my a. Like F. Bird's cheeks.

[Jackie]

In the shower, I go so, so far as to describe this espresso martini as girthy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bro.

[Kevin Clancy]

I love it.

[Pabs]

I'm so impressed. Every time. It's, like, interactive, too.

[Jackie]

I'll take.

[Kevin Clancy]

By the way, if there's anybody out there who can really froth it up. Oh, man.

[Jackie]

Good.

[Kevin Clancy]

And if you can do any of those, like, you know, when they, like, draw like, a. Like a leaf on your Starbucks, you know, you can do that with this. Draw like a little. A little three or something. Please do so and. And. And put it out there because it's good for branding.

[Jackie]

I think it's. Wait, do anyone have a pen? You have a pen up there? Marker. Anything? I threw my pen. When you started talking about clapping, that's the response we want.

[Kevin Clancy]

Why? What do you.

[Jackie]

I was. Never mind. It's not important. I was just gonna draw what I think I would do. Oh, terrible throw.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was kind of like what you would do for what?

[Jackie]

Like, with the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were talking about, like, you had, like, a logo in my.

[Jackie]

I think. I think the agave le leaves if you did, like, this in the phone, Right? Here's your cup, your cuppa. And then as the foam's coming in, you just go. Yeah. And it's kind of like three beans sitting up there. Almost like. Yeah, no, we're not showing the camera. Oh, we're gonna do it like, this is just for you guys.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay. Yeah, we're gonna frother. I think there's Also, I. I have, like, a little cocktail kit at home, and it has this little, like, liquid that is, like, makes anything extra frothy. It's like, you don't need to put an egg white in. Like, this does it for you. So maybe I'll put that in there.

[Jackie]

You know what's funny? You saying the egg whites is. I, I. When we were talking earlier about, like, being mixologist and all that stuff, and I went through a little phase of that, you know, when people were doing the sourdough bread. I was becoming a mixologist during the pandemic, and I was whipping up a lot of egg beaters.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really.

[Jackie]

I was doing. All my drinks were with the eggs, like, gin, Gin fizzes and stuff like that. And that was. That was quite. Yeah, but with it, dude, not even necessary.

[Kevin Clancy]

You don't even need to. But I'm saying if you wanted to, you know, or use that. Those, like, little frothing.

[Pabs]

Yeah, yeah. Maybe, like, if you have a little sensil, you could do cinnamon.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, right, right. Get cute with it. Get cute with it. Anyway, but I was just this. This woman. I was just saying, like, I just had to represent for the men one time because obviously, yes, you need to do your fair share of work. Everything needs to be split. And it can be a drag on a marriage when it feels like it's not. But I would, like. I think sometimes guys will run into situations where it's like, I want to help, but, like, it has to be done your way. You know what I mean?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And if it's not done your way, then, like, you're mad at it. So then guys will often be like, like, all right, I'm just gonna, like, let her do it or be told how to do it, because when I do things, it's not good enough or not done the right way or not done in the time frame you want it to be done and all that sort of.

[Jackie]

Right.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, that guy would have come home and thrown the garbage out. And I understand that you wanted the garbage to be taken out then and there, but some happened, and it didn't work out. You were late to work because you were like, the garbage has to be thrown out right now. It's like, just go to work.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And the guy will come home and take the garbage out then. And is it, you know, is it great that. That there was some garbage in the kitchen for the day? No, but I think that's probably better than you being late to work and now us being in a colossal fight over this. You Know, it's like, there's a lot of times I just feel like it's like, I, I'll do it, but I have my schedule or my way of doing things, and if it doesn't coincide with what you want now, I'm like, I'm wrong or doing it bad or whatever, where it's just like, just. I don't know. I, I, I feel like I would never, you know, like, if, if it was your job. I've been in situations like, you know, this is technically, like, supposed to be your job to do this. Right. And if it doesn't get done, like, I don't know, I'll order the groceries, I'll get the groceries. You know what I mean?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just feel like a lot of times guys will, will just not call somebody out on it or, and, you know, the, the grace is not extended the other way. I understand there are definitely guys who just don't do a thing and, and all that. But, But I, I think sometimes it's like, you can't be super. She, she mentioned, like, I packed the kids bags. I, I do the, the dishes. And it's like, I feel like a lot of times it's like it has to be done this way, this way, this way and this way. And when you don't do it that way, then it's a problem. It's like, well, either let me help, and it might not be perfect or the way you like it or you got to do it. You know what I mean? You can't really have it both ways. I mean, this went, I think it was like, up for a day and got 50 million views. It was like a hot button issue on my Twitter.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Because I got, I gotta be honest, that was actually the perfect example of why I can't watch videos, because I didn't, I didn't know what you were saying. There was too much happening at one time.

[Kevin Clancy]

I probably didn't do it.

[Jackie]

I mean, like, you were shaking. I actually, as it was happening, I was just like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And I don't think I have. And I've been thinking about it now. I don't think it's a, I don't think that's ADD that was the one getting my attention because that's, that's, that, that demands more attention.

[Kevin Clancy]

Sure. I mean, if someone's trying to sell.

[Jackie]

You a story, like, my attention was focused, but it was, it was focused on the wrong thing, but it was the thing that was calling the most, causing the most commotion.

[Kevin Clancy]

But you know what? That's also a good example of it. It's like, I think when girls are telling their guy what to do, how to do it, when to do it, they're probably, like, listening to the. The noise in the background. It's like, we're dumb, we're dopey.

[Jackie]

Gotta.

[Kevin Clancy]

You gotta work with us a little bit.

[Jackie]

Do you. Do you feel that happen to you a lot? Like, I feel it happen to me all the time where I'm like, you're.

[Kevin Clancy]

Not paying attention because.

[Jackie]

No. Like, yeah, yeah. Where I'm like, dude, just pay a. Tension.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Jackie]

And. And. And I'm just like, don't. And not only do I not pay attention, I keep fighting with myself in my head going, pay attention. But, dude, the thing's bouncing around. Like, I know, but don't listen to that.

[Kevin Clancy]

But that's also part of it is like, so when your man. I forget things all the time. All the time. You can tell me. A girl can tell me a million times to do something, and I'm not actively dismissing you. I'm like, okay, I will do that. And then I don't do it. Yeah, I forget. Not a good trait to have. It can definitely be annoying if you're, like, in a relationship and it happens over and over again. I get that. But it's not coming from a place of, like, I don't give a. I'm doing. I'm not doing it on purpose to piss you off. I forgot.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And. And I understand that can be, like, a problem. But also, it's like, I think it's probably worse for our relationship that we're, like, fighting over this rather than. Because there is think that I'm, like, ignoring you when it's just like, I forgot again for the 4 billion time.

[Jackie]

That's what I was gonna say. It gets to a point where it's like, well, you. Now you're intentionally forgetting. But.

[Kevin Clancy]

But. But I'm. I mean, yeah, yeah. At some point you just have to be an adult and, like, handle your. But it's like, I don't know, a lot of going on, and something always seems to slip through the cracks for me. It's like. Like, I. Either if I'm. It's like, it's like I'm Homer Simpson. My brain can only hold so much.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, and he's like, remember that time I learned how to make wine and I forgot how to drive? Like, if I'm on point at work and I'm handling with the kids, like, something at home, Slips up. And if the home is good and the kids are good, I forgot something at work and there's just like. But that's too much going on. That's something always fair.

[Jackie]

I don't want. I'm not talking about you, but I think that's fair. To eventually be like, well then one of those things have to go, yeah, right. Like it's not. If you're in a relationship, like, I think it's fair. Like you have to stop forgetting and then go, I can't. I got this.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you ever, like, I don't. I, I just don't. And I don't know if this is a man woman thing or a me thing. Like, I just don't ever tell anybody like what they should be doing.

[Jackie]

No, ever.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, if I, if I were like, hey, can you go get groceries today? And you didn't do it and I got home and they weren't there, I would be like, like, I don't know, she didn't get the groceries. I don't, I just would never be like, why the didn't you get to. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just wouldn't do that to anybody. Relationship, co worker, friend. I mean, I'm just a non confrontational, passive aggressive, don't confront my feelings idiot. So maybe it is just a me thing, but I just think a lot of conflict grows in relationships from that sort of. And I think that might be worse sometimes in the long run than just like, you know, the, the thing that you're arguing about is. Comes second to like you're arguing all the time. And that, that becomes. Now I feel like I'm getting nagged or now we're fighting. And that is almost worse for a relationship than the chores itself or whatever, you know?

[Pabs]

Yeah, yeah. I will say like a lot of my tick tock is kind of like what you're saying, like, but from the opposite perspective or just saying like women, like, I think a lot of times when they have kids, it's just like that was.

[Jackie]

Yeah, that was that. I'm glad I finally experienced women.

[Pabs]

Okay. Women. Oh my God. I don't know why I can't do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what you should do?

[Pabs]

I also can't. Chipotle. And Chipotle.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can't.

[Jackie]

Classic.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Remember?

[Jackie]

Okay, yeah, Chipotle.

[Pabs]

It's Chipotle.

[Kevin Clancy]

But two people do Chipotle. But by the way, just say it. I say woman, just do it. That's your thing, you guys.

[Pabs]

Yeah, but like I shouldn't. Somebody commented they were Like, I love Jackie, but it is a sign of low intelligent. But I know that you're smart. But I was like, like. But then why even comment that like, that was.

[Jackie]

That was tough to drop. A. It's a low intelligence.

[Pabs]

Yeah, yeah. It's like.

[Jackie]

It's like n. You didn't even get it. You didn't even get it.

[Kevin Clancy]

You said low intelligent, not intelligent.

[Jackie]

Which is.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's a sign.

[Jackie]

That's a sign of low intelligence.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, no, you said it's a sign of low intelligence.

[Jackie]

Look, you could have said what you said. The microphone will hear it. What? It did it over here on this side of the room.

[Pabs]

And I also never claimed can I have. Have high intelligence.

[Jackie]

That is true. Everyone calls us dumb. Like, did I say I was smart?

[Kevin Clancy]

Are you tuning into the Genius podcast? You. I think you might be reading too many comments. I am. What do you think?

[Jackie]

I know you read them, so.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, and I know and everybody does. I'm not, you know, I'm not throwing. Throwing stones here, but I just want you to be aware that like.

[Jackie]

But that.

[Pabs]

That was concerning that one guy. Which can I. Do I have permission to block him on the account?

[Jackie]

Yes. No, you. No, you need every single follower.

[Kevin Clancy]

Of course you can.

[Jackie]

But if, like, honestly, God, like, like I. I try not to step in very often, but like, if you're spending a week thinking that people are thinking one thing because of one comment, you have to stop reading the comments.

[Pabs]

I feel like I only call the bad comments. I'm like, like so grateful. Most of them are so nice, of course, but that's.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's always the way is you focus on the negative and kind of take that the good for granted. And that's not a good thing. We try to focus on the opposite, but that's just how it goes. And everybody reads comments and people said they don't. They don't. Except for John. He's like the only one. But I just want you to know that, you know, you. You don't have to and you shouldn't. Don't let it bother you.

[Pabs]

And you Horizons, whatever your ass name is, you're getting blocked.

[Jackie]

You're gone. You're gone. It's out of here. Yeah, start blocking more people.

[Bert Kreischer]

I want all.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's like 250000 followers. But what were woman saying on Tik Tok?

[Pabs]

Okay, okay. Just to defend women a little bit.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, who's attacking women? Yeah, I'm not. I mean, I'm sure people are gonna take that as like anti woman, but.

[Pabs]

I don't, I don't think that, like, what, like, I was actually gonna say what you said is very interesting because I feel like I get fed a very, like, it makes me definitely sad. And like, not just because I hear it a lot where, like, women when they have kids, like, they just end up doing so much of the work. But a lot of it is communication and a lot of it is, like, wanting it done the right way.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Pabs]

Yeah. And I, and I feel like I do that because I'm always scared. I feel like people nag me all the time because I'm so, like, all over the place. I'm always scared to nag people and, and it leads to poor communication with me. So, like, I know I, like, already can tell it's going to be a problem with my future husband being like, I'm not going to want to ask him, and I'm just gonna, like, get so frustrated.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah. Well, that. And that this woman was saying, I don't want to have to ask, I just want it to be done. Which is a classic thing. And I think everybody wants that. It's just like. But I, I again, you have to either find, like, marry someone who was like, you're aligned on that, or I, I'm a night person, so I'll do things at night, or I'm a morning. You know what I mean? Like, it's not. You can't delegate and then expect it to be done exactly your way. And if it's not, you get upset by that.

[Jackie]

See, I actually, I think it's more like I'm kind of the opposite where I'm like, train me. Like, I, I will. I'll do it your way. But you have to understand, it's gonna take me a little while to get used to it, but tell me how to do it. Hold my hand, I'll help you. And then hopefully, I know after that. But, like, you have to give me the grace of, like, I don't know how to do this. If you want done, I'll do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or do it your way.

[Jackie]

I like being coach. Coach me up. Yeah, but like, give me the grace in this time to.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right. It's not going to figure out how to immediate.

[Jackie]

Right.

[Pabs]

It's kind of like when people have different love languages. You can't expect the other person to show their love in the way that you need.

[Kevin Clancy]

When people say, what's, what's my love language? I think it should always be, what's your love language?

[Pabs]

Yeah, how do you show it? How do you Respond like, yeah, because.

[Kevin Clancy]

It'S like, I mean, the other person, you have to communicate both ways, but it should be more like you should be focusing on how you do what they want, not how you get what you want.

[Pabs]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's where I think there's a little bit. It's like, yeah, I. I just. I. I think there's a lot of times guys can be dopey, guys can be forgetful. Guys do not value same things that women. Woman do. And. And if you're going to get, like, really upset by that, like, you probably will end up, like, fighting a lot where it's like, I don't know. I. I think it goes back more to, like, I just would never. I would never call somebody out in a way that sometimes I think people get called out in relationships where it's like, well, now I feel like I'm attacked whether I'm right or wrong. Now you're just attacking me. And I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm getting berated or nagged or whatever, even if I'm dead wrong. It's like, but the way that you handled that, you know what I mean? Yeah, but that's also like, if you say nothing, you have any fester. So it's like a healthy. You gotta have a healthy balance.

[Pabs]

I don't even know if I, like, had any kind of point or good point, but it's just definitely, like, something that I think about a lot and that I'm, like, scared for.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I mean, it's like, also, I saw a guy who had his own thread in response to this, and he was like. She was like, we almost got divorced and we worked through it and we're good now. And he was like, no, you just don't have four infants anymore. Like, your kids are older and life got easier. Like, and that's, I think, also important part is, like, during that period of time that she's describing, they were married. They've been together for, like, 15 years and had four kids under five. Like, shit's gonna suck and you gotta, like, make it through that. And I think probably sometimes. And again, if it's every single time, and there's a repeated pattern where it's like, you're disregarding my feelings. All that is a problem. But it's probably better in some instances to be like, like, he'll take the garbage out later rather than, like, causing a fight right now because we're already drowning.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Even on a good day is so hard. So, like, let some Slide. But obviously what this woman was describing was a much more like, longer pattern of like, oh, but Kate just talked.

[Pabs]

About this in Tick Tock. Like her experiencing it. I don't.

[Kevin Clancy]

Was that about the like, hey, like how some moms make it look easy that. That ticket?

[Pabs]

No, it was like after that, it honestly, I mean, like, like I. She said it, so I don't think it needs to be taken out, but she was like kind of calling Pat out, just being like it. A lot of the responsibility has fallen on me and it's like built up this resentment a little bit because he.

[Jackie]

But.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then I. You know, everyone has their own situations, but it's like, I would think, I would say two things. I think there's a lot of times there's a lot of that guys might be doing that are. It's not getting vocalized or whatever. They're taking on a lot of the burden. And I also think even if things are bad in general, I think dads and husbands and right now are probably more active in those ways than ever. So not saying that it's good or we're equal at this point, but it's probably the best it's ever been right now in terms of that stuff. So. Yeah, at least it's trending in the right direction. But I'm sure case to case, you know, person to person, it can be a very different story. But, but boy, it was, that was a. It was a big fight on the Internet on like lame old person Internet. Get back to those like funny jokes on black Twitter and porn stars, please. Love language fights on the Internet. God damn, dude.

[Jackie]

It is actually like funny like seeing the Internet, like I, I go check at night. It is just because like we've been busy recently during the day, so I'm not spending as much time on Twitter as I usually do with that separation. You like. I kick on Twitter like 9pm and it is legitimately. It's just like the Don. Clever me. I was just getting what the are we yelling about? But it's crazy. Also just like, like I realized like, what did I do? Maybe a couple days ago there was the, like the White House official account tweeted out one of those AI things and it was like racist, but it wasn't. I don't remember exactly what it was, but like I cut it on. I cut on Twitter and like it was everywhere. And I was like, oh, if I just didn't do this, I would have no idea this happened.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right. If you didn't even look at it.

[Jackie]

This Is not a thing. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Also, it really is.

[Jackie]

Like, I was like, oh, we're all. And I. I instantly had, like, that activation mode of like, all right, what do you think about that? And I was like, oh, it's. It's a picture. It doesn't affect anything at all.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

I'm just gonna go back to bed.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Also, we really have reached the point where everybody's Internet is different. It's almost like going to restaurant. Like, how was your steak? Your steak's different from my steak. Like, we're at the same restaurant. But your. Your experience. Oh, I hated that meal. Oh, mine was the best meal I've ever had. That is the Internet now. Like, how was your Internet today? Undercooked, Underwhelming. Oh, mine was amazing.

[Jackie]

The you saying about restaurants just remind me this. I forget if I've said it on the show. I've. It's. My buddy told me a while ago, but I was talking about it recently. Still holding the phone, by the way. Still holding Vince Vaughn. Smoking the cigarette. Still hold it. Still hold it. The. My buddy said that if he's not gonna have one of the best meals he's ever had in his life, he'd rather dinner be a fucking disaster. And I was like, you know what.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like a story or something? Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

And I was like, you know what? You're 100% right. Like, if you do one of my favorite meals I've had in a long time, I don't think. Were you still there that. I don't know if anyone was still there. In Vegas, before we went to SummerSlam, we had a lunch slash dinner with, like, some barstool people who, like, were, like, sales people in la. And it was. It was. It was no one's fault.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, I remember telling me about this.

[Jackie]

I wasn't there. I've ever had in my entire. The most fun I've ever had. And, like, I. I think that rule of, like, if it's not gonna be a truly great meal, doesn't have to be, like, a top five. If it's not gonna be a truly great meal, it better be a mess. Something more interesting to talk about afterwards than, like, how's your steak? Oh, it's pretty good.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Don't give me that. Yeah. I got no podcast material from that, bro.

[Jackie]

It had footprints in it because the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Chef was stepping on it.

[Pabs]

It was Mexican, right? And it was.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, it was. It.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Pabs]

And we got, like, a bunch of pictures of margaritas out.

[Jackie]

I remember at dinner, at the meal we were like, it was going so bad that we were convinced Erica had rented the restaurant, was pranking. We're like, she's gonna pop out at some point and be like, what's up, guys? Because it was like, we're going to the WWE thing. So we thought there was, like, some Erica connection. We're like, she's got to be here watching.

[Kevin Clancy]

A waiter is going to go through the table.

[Jackie]

Waiter sat down at our table and just hung out with us.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

Like, before he even took an order. Just sat down like, what's up, guys? What is going on? Can you get us some margaritas, please? It was crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's kind of how I feel about anything like, it. Like, I hope this. This TV show is either good or.

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I hope, you know, this comedian is hilarious. Or bombs. Give me something to talk about. Well, speaking of something to talk about, Bert Kreischer on this show. I. I would. I would argue, you know, it's hard these days to have, like, a first time ever in podcasting history, but I think this might be the first time a podcast is exclusively about Dead dogs. Martinis. Unveiling a martini and dead dogs.

[Jackie]

Can we. Can we title this one just Dead Dogs?

[Kevin Clancy]

I texted that to you.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, wait.

[Jackie]

Okay. I forgot. Sorry, I gotta pee. No, I don't have to pee.

[Pabs]

That was maybe the most us thing ever.

[Jackie]

That was so weird. Dude. That was so weird. I. I honestly, it was. I just checked my phone to see what time it is. I remember I forgot we have a meeting at 3. I saw it was nowhere near 3 and just decided, I have to pee. I do. I. I've had to pee for, like a half hour. And it was. That was bad. That was suspective. That was. I'll give you that. I'll give you.

[Kevin Clancy]

His phone freaked out, said, I have to pee, and then immediately said, he.

[Pabs]

Said, I have to pee.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't have to pee. Like, in one breath.

[Jackie]

That was some American psycho. Like, I have to return some video. Like, what was on that? I was. Was panicked. I was like, we missed the meeting. And then I saw it wasn't. That's why I, like, relaxed. And then I was like, well, you know what? Now's a good time for a pee break.

[Pabs]

And then you, like, routed yourself out. Like, no, I don't have said that.

[Jackie]

That was crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was. That was, like, psycho behavior.

[Jackie]

I don't know why I didn't truly. It's just. It's just a call we have at three that, like, I don't know why I freaked out about it. We have a call.

[Pabs]

It's just, like, not even close to three.

[Jackie]

Yeah, you're fine. I forget what you. Oh, you talk about birds, people. People. And I. I just, like, saw a call.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was. Martini was shaking. Well, we're done anyway.

[Jackie]

Okay. Let's get into it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Martinis. Dead dogs. Let's go. Sa.