#768 - SHANE GILLIS + JAMES MCCANN

Summary

KILL TONY #768 – SHANE GILLIS + JAMES MCCANN
Recorded: May 19, 2026 | Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Guests: Shane Gillis and James McCann
Hosting: Tony Hinchcliffe & Brian Redban

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Episode Overview

This electric episode of Kill Tony returns with comedic powerhouses Shane Gillis and James McCann joining hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban at Austin’s Comedy Mothership. As always, aspiring stand-ups pull their names for a shot at 60 seconds of stand-up and a spontaneous interview, with the Kill Tony regulars and guests riffing, roasting, and mining gold from audience hopefuls. This installment is rich in crowd work, dark punchlines, and wild personal stories—plus a recurring theme of cock rings, family dysfunction, and white/black/Mexican cultural cross-chatter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Welcoming the Panel and Explaining the Show [04:00]

• Tony Hinchcliffe brings up both guests in high spirits, touting Shane and James as two of the "greatest guests in the history of the show" [04:42].
• Tony explains the format to the guests and audience: comedians get 60 seconds; when the kitten sounds, they must wrap up.

2. Martin Phillips’ Opening Set and Absurd Dog Whistle Bit [07:30]

• Martin riffs on human trafficking, wearing women’s clothes, and school dances [07:32].
• Novelty moment: pulls out a "dog whistle" and attempts to demonstrate it; admits his dog is deaf and old, making the routine unexpectedly touching and funny [11:00].
• Memorable riff: Tony—"If I was a horny dog, I would... bust a nut in this wobbly dude real quick." [09:48]

3. New Comic Cameron Shepherd Debuts [13:00]

• Opens with Robert Wadlow ("world's tallest man") documentary riff and leapfrog/uncle joke ("I thought Leapfrog was a nude game...come to find out, my uncle's just a weird guy") [14:01].
• Claims he does backflips off trees, sings “homosexual covers” of Michael Jackson/Elvis songs, and admits to lying about being into drill rap [18:04].
• Panel's recurring advice: Shane—"Next time, open with that!" [18:33]
• Interview detours into his tank top with a pocket, his move to Austin for comedy, and relationship with parents.

4. Liv Taylor on Texas, Negro Spirituals, and Crackhead Dads [24:03]

• Her set merges dark hilarity with awkward energy, riffing on her Hispanic/Italian heritage, dad’s crack use, and her mom’s death by car accident (“smothered and covered” Waffle House callback) [29:28].
• Shane notes: "It's weird to see a racist goth" [26:43].
• Her interview explores life as a vet tech, her Waffle House family, and how her mother's passing led her to comedy.

5. Frankie Gonzalez: Acid Trips, Gay Brothers, and Jewish Girlfriends [31:20]

• Frankie kills with stories about his gay brother, acid trips, and DoorDash paranoia ("I thought I planned 9/11" [32:41]).
• Crowd bursts as he spills on his brother’s sexcapades: "A man comes out... Two minutes later, a second man comes out from the same room..." [36:35].
• Further digs: family acceptance issues, meeting his girlfriend at a bar/brewery, his "Jewish fetish,” and splits the bill on a first date.

6. Dickie’s Wild DUI and Cock Ring Tales [42:00]

• Dickie's nervous second stand-up appearance devolves into a riveting confessional: DUI at 0.25 BAC, resisting arrest, wild party days, run-ins with the DEA (thanks to a stalker ex), and illegal weapons [49:01].
• Standout moment: “I own Salt Lake...they just…have to arrest me again. They don’t like doing it...I bring the good times to Salt Lake.” [52:59]
• The panel showers Dickie with fascinated support for his honestly, likability, and raw stories.

7. Ronaldo Mercado: Single Moms and Goth Hispanics [55:52]

• Ronaldo delivers sharp material on being mixed race, raised by a single (Mexican) mom, and white dad jokes ("she shingled the roof") [56:25].
• He discusses his recent roast battle win, drunken torta drop, and fitting in as a gothy Hispanic dude.

8. Dedrick Flynn, Regular, on Sandbars and White Friends [60:22]

• Dedrick hits with stories of being at sandbar parties with his white friends, black cultural differences at the beach, and “winning islands” in flip cup [62:17].
• Panel riffs on the black swimming stereotype; Shane asks, “Can you swim?”—leading to a fun cultural back-and-forth [63:26].

9. Offbeat and Outlandish Sets & Interviews

• Brandon Fields: Black comic with a white name, Army vet, unsuccessful floor/tire salesman, forehead and thievery stories. [66:53-76:11]
• Lucas Hinderliter: Stand-up about sock-wiping in porta-potties, grandpa’s “barely legal” porn, and his girlfriend’s new (free, Canadian healthcare) boob job. [76:32-84:29]
• Matt Gonzalez: Catholic upbringing, jokes about becoming a priest/fucking white women, and an extended saga about sharing cock rings with family; actual phone call to his brother to confirm cock ring ownership brings the house down [84:43-101:44].
  • Notable quote: “It said ox balls on it”—the cock ring brand [101:21].

10. Wizardry, Nails, and Light Experiments—Matt Worldley [117:54]

• Matt’s unique persona shines as he details pointy, "God-given" fingernails (not for coke!), his self-created craft (“alien wizard scientist”), and a YouTube light/music art project [121:26-124:32]. He’s been a professional body painter—primarily of women (“painting tits for seven years”—[125:04]).

11. Closing Regular & Panel Recap: Pat O’Neil [127:54]

• Regular Pat O’Neil delivers a dark, quick set about relationships, herpes, and being called "toxic.” Panel heaps praise—James McCann: “You’re a cruel, nocturnal mouth” [130:17].
• Shane and James reflect on the night and promote their specials/podcasts.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Shane Gillis (on Dickie’s honesty): “It’s very likable. You’re very likable” [52:03]
• Tony Hinchcliffe (to Frankie): “You saw her, she was picking up a nickel off the ground—why, tossed it, so I was like, there we go” [37:29]
• Redban: “I was just a shitty salesman. I don’t know. I'm a short black shit that looked like he'll steal your shit.” [72:16]
• Tony (about Matt's grandpa’s cock ring): “It’s a lot like Teen Wolf. Michael J. Fox reveals he’s a wolf, and the father shows he’s a wolf. This is a cock ring…” [97:12]
• James McCann (to Matt Gonzalez): “You are the Frodo of cock rings. You are the Lord of the Cock Rings. You are Johnny Cochrane.” [93:17]
• Matt Worldley (on his look): “Alien wizard science is an art form that I invented…shine light through rotating glass.” [121:42]
• Pat O’Neil: “My ex girlfriend…would love it when I spit in her mouth…and my new girlfriend hates when I mention that.” [127:54]
• Tony (summarizing the cock ring saga): “Wrap your cock ring around that when you get home.” [102:35]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:42 – Panel welcome & show explanation
• 07:32 – Martin Phillips’ set and dog whistle saga
• 13:00 – Cameron Shepherd’s debut and “backflip” interview
• 24:03 – Liv Taylor: Texas, goth identity, crackhead dad
• 31:20 – Frankie Gonzalez’s acid/coming out/jewish girlfriend saga
• 42:00 – Dickie’s wild DUI, arrests, and cock ring discussion
• 55:52 – Ronaldo Mercado: single mom & roast victory
• 60:22 – Regular Dedrick Flynn on sandbar rivalries
• 66:53 – Brandon Fields: army, sales, big forehead, theft
• 76:32 – Lucas Hinderliter: porta potty hack/(future) ex’s new boobs
• 84:43 – Matt Gonzalez and “The Case of the Cock Ring”; live call w/ brother [99:01]
• 117:54 – Matt Worldley’s “alien wizard scientist” persona & nail segment [121:24]
• 127:54 – Regular Pat O’Neil’s closing set; panel praise

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Episode Flow and Tone

• Riff-heavy, quick-witted, fearless crowd and comic roasts.
• Regularly pivots from dark, taboo topics (sex, drugs, family dysfunction) to light banter and heartfelt advice.
• Shane Gillis and James McCann are relentless with their asides and additions, elevating crowd interviews and providing “inside baseball” for comics.
• Running gags: unusual instrument choices, cock rings, family weirdness, cultural confusion, and hustling weird jobs.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Kill Tony ride: brilliant and brutal, with a high-energy room, an eclectic parade of contestants, and guest panelists gleefully pushing boundaries. The night’s signature: candid revelations, a viral-worthy family cock ring mystery, and an undercurrent of comics truly rooting for (while eviscerating) their peers.

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For all sets, interviews, and standout banter, start at [04:42] and stay locked in—every minute packs a punch, and the mid-show “phone a brother” cock ring reveal is worth the price of admission alone.

Transcript

[Brian Redban]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to the Death Squad Podcast network.

[Brian Redban]

This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts.

[Brian Redban]

Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv.

[Brian Redban]

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redman. Coming you live from the comedy Mothership

[Redman]

here in Austin, Texas for a brand

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. Hit. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee. Thanks for doing for Brian. Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And that is the best damn band in all the land, everybody. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. Tres Leches on the horns. The great Michael Gonzalez on the drums makes them nachos. Belgrande. Matt Muhling on the electric, John D's on the keys. And believe it or not, this is indeed the one and only D Madness. Live in the flesh, everybody. Tonight's episode of the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony is brought to you by Quo Prize Picks, surfshark and Cheers Health. So many fun advertisers we have. And here's a little bit more that made tonight's episode possible for you here right, right now.

[Martin Phillips]

Hey, y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Dickie]

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[Brian Redban]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Feels like every product claims real protein these days, but real doesn't start on a label. It starts at the source. Like real California milk from California farm families. It's real dairy, delivering high quality complete protein with all nine essential amino acids

[Shane Gillis]

to help build muscle, give you energy,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and keep you satisfied longer. So keep it real. Look for the seal. Real California milk. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? You know, some nights are just a little bit better than others. Every single week, I book this thing. And I could not be more excited about tonight's booking. I think you're going to be excited, too. Two of the greatest comedians in the world. Two of the greatest Kill Tony guests of all time. Most importantly, two of my favorite friends on planet Earth. Make some fucking noise for Shane Gillis and James McCann, everybody.

[James McCann]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Manny, it's a slobber knocker. Yeah. Indeed. Oh, my God. Wow. Two of the greatest guests in the history of the show. Shane Gillis is back.

[Shane Gillis]

Hello. Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shane has been a guest numerous times under different aliases. At times. Sometimes I mean. Well, I mean, we've had the President of the United States on this show and sometimes as himself. Welcome back, Shane. Shane has a knack for tickling me under the table sometimes. Yes, he does.

[Shane Gillis]

He wishes. It's weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He. He just squ my thigh. Really?

[Shane Gillis]

I did not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He squ it. He squ it like it's a little pet gerbil or something down there. My little gerbil thigh, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Dud.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great James McCann is back, everybody. He is the host of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast. The only one of its kind. James, welcome back.

[James McCann]

It's an honor to be here. I've never heard such a big, warm welcome for me before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They love you, James.

[James McCann]

I'm so honored to be here. What a show. I'm really happy to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys have been guests numerous times before, but I'll remind you anyway because it's been a while, James. You've been in Australia now you're back. So let me remind you, over 250 innocent souls signed up for tonight's show. If they get pulled out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which is just loud and interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. We talk with them about anything and we find out more about them. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. You guys ready to start tonight's show? I'm going to let this disabled truck driver pick the first name. There you go. Here it is. And it's out of the bucket. There it goes. And it's off. Here we go. While we go wrangle that first bucket pole, I have one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show here to debut a brand new minute. He does more minutes than any golden ticket winner in the history of the show. This will be fun. Make some noise for the great Martin Phillips, everybody. Oh, my God. The great Martin Phillips.

[Martin Phillips]

What's up? Cool. Ok. Cool. I would never do human trafficking because I hate regular traffic, you know, like, who's doing this? Right? Sometimes I like to wear women's clothes, you know, it's really tight, it makes me feel buff, you know, and people are like, man, you look so swollen. Like, nah, this is my sister's dress, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay, okay,

[Matt Worldley]

Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

At school dances, they used to say, make room for Jesus. And they say, yeah, he's trying to grind too. He wants in on this. Is that a minute?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly a minute. Martin Phillips. Welcome back, Martin.

[Martin Phillips]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going? Okay. Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

Sorry, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What do you got around your neck there? What is.

[Martin Phillips]

You know. So this one time I was out the show and I tried to play harmonica. I thought it could be my thing, but then I found out everybody fucking plays harmonica. I mean, fucking Uncle Laser.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Funko.

[Martin Phillips]

I don't care how low.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Funko. Laser can do it.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, exactly, you know, So I looked for a unique instrument nobody else could play. I found the dog whistle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a dog whistle?

[Martin Phillips]

A dog whistle. I don't know a whistle.

[Shane Gillis]

But

[Martin Phillips]

it's a rape whistle if you're being assaulted by dogs.

[Shane Gillis]

Or it could be fun if a bunch of dogs saved you.

[Martin Phillips]

Well, yeah, I guess it won't work either way.

[Shane Gillis]

If you're getting raped, bring some dogs in the mix.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, bring my dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, if it's you getting raped, the dogs would probably join in. They'd probably be like, this is easy. I'm gonna bust a nut in this wobbly dude real quick. If I was a dog, that's what I would do. If I was a horny dog, I would.

[Redman]

Marty.

[Shane Gillis]

The only thing holds me back from nothing in guys is I'm not a dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. God damn it. I set myself up for that one. Oh, what is wrong with me? So did I'm. I'm ignorant to the dog whistle. Does that attract dogs or does it scare them away?

[Martin Phillips]

I think it scares them. Well, hey, yeah, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's hear a note there.

[Brandon Fields]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All dogs listening to the podcast, take your headphones off for a moment. Oh, by the sound of things, there are some scared dogs out there.

[Martin Phillips]

Pretty good, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think it's working. Okay, so what. So that's what you have. Have you played it around a dog yet?

[Martin Phillips]

My. Well, my dog's deaf, so you definitely care about your dog. Your dog's deaf and kind of blind. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys. You guys are a hell of a squ.

[Martin Phillips]

He's not my assistant. $. He cannot assist me whatsoever.

[Redman]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Neither of you can get on the plane. It's a service animal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Amazing.

[Martin Phillips]

Cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you had this dog for?

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, I died last summer, and then I followed her for like, six months. And then I remember we lost him and yada yada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Was he already deaf?

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, he's old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, you adopted an old dog?

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to do that?

[Martin Phillips]

I mean, after I lost it, I could. Felt kind of bad. I was there, you know? You know, paying for have you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you've blown the whistle near your dog.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No reaction whatsoever?

[Martin Phillips]

No. When you open the door and come inside the apartment, he doesn't even know you're there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, he's the worst guard dog. Actually, that's why I need this whistle, because Tony comes into my house no matter who.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. That's right. Well, Martin, you got the show started with another brand new minute. Thank you very much. We're gonna switch over to the bucket now. This is where shit gets crazy. This is where we meet new people. Maybe it's someone that's been on before that's done bad, and maybe they do good this time. Maybe they did good last time and bad this time. Anything can happen. You're gonna see it. 60 seconds uninterrupted, going to your first bucket bowl. Cameron Shepherd. Everybody here.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Yeah, those are my tits. Make some noise, everybody. Hell yeah. I recently saw the worst documentary of my life. Everybody. I saw a documentary on Robert Wadlow. Now, Robert Wadlow is the world's tallest man in American history, okay? This son. Bitch was 8 foot 11, all right? And on this documentary, they told you all the shit you didn't want to know, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, oh, he had big glasses, he had big shoes.

[Cameron Shepherd]

They didn't talk about his big stupid cock one time. Yeah, not once. That's an 8 foot 11, man. That's a hell of a pecker. And I want to fucking see it, dude. What the hell? That could have been the greatest documentary in American history. And it could have been really short, right? Robert Wadlow, world's tallest man, 15 inches soft. The fucking end. That's the end of the documentary. Leapfrog naked. Anyone ever tried it?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

No.

[Cameron Shepherd]

That's odd. You know, as a child, folks, I thought that's how you played the game, you know, I thought Leapfrog was a game you played nude. Come to find out, my uncle's just a weird guy. Thank you guys for your time. I love you all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cameron shepherd making. I'm guessing it's your Kill Tony debut, correct?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. You wore your best tank top out tonight.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. I love that there's a pocket on it. I don't think I've ever seen a pocket on a tank top quite like that before. I mean, the. The design stops there. It looks like you put it on yourself. Is there something that you keep in that pocket specifically?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Mainly fentanyl, but nothing else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How old are you, Cameron?

[Cameron Shepherd]

I am 26 years old, Mr. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And you could have guessed anything there, and I. And I would have accepted it, but 26 is one of the more depressing answers. Oh, my goodness. What have you been doing with your life this whole time? A lot of. A lot of. A lot of stress. Nah, man, you look like you're your own dad.

[Cameron Shepherd]

I'm feeling good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look like you made you.

[Brian Redban]

Where's Butthead at?

[Dusty Carter]

Sir?

[Brian Redban]

Where's Butthead at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. You know it's bad when red bands roasting your ass. By the way, fun fact we found out earlier, Red Band has lost six pounds in two weeks. Everybody, hold on, hold on. Before you clap, let me tell you how he's doing it. He switched from fried foods to only sandwiches. He's on a sandwich only diet. And his body,

[Shane Gillis]

he told us in the green room and three other fat guys were like, for real? That works, man. All of us were like, what is happening?

[James McCann]

What's going on with these child rapists and sandwich diets? That's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, Cameron, you look like you've explained exclusively. Been eating McDonald's french fries your entire life. How exactly do you keep that amazing frame that you have? What do you. What type of protein package are you on, Cameron?

[Cameron Shepherd]

So I'm not on any protein. I exercise a lot. So I climb trees and then I do backflips off of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Cameron Shepherd]

400 reps a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay?

[Shane Gillis]

You should have been in the 90s, bro. You're perfect. What type of music do you like? You like like some 41?

[Cameron Shepherd]

No, I like Sugar Ray Drill rap. I like that type.

[Shane Gillis]

Drill rap?

[James McCann]

What the fuck are you like British stabbing music?

[Cameron Shepherd]

No, an American.

[James McCann]

You like hard black killing people in the street?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Oh, yeah. Straight from the block, baby girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? How many drill rappers can you name? Can you rattle off some for us?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Four, two, Duck, Chief Keef.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, fbg.

[Redman]

Duck.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Four, two, Doug. I messed that up because I'm white and I lied.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for work, Cameron?

[Cameron Shepherd]

I work at a hardware store.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly do you do with the hardware store?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Okay, so some guy comes there and he's like. And then some guy comes to me and he's like, hey, I need a hammer. I need a drill and some plywood and I go get it.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow, that's why you like drill rep?

[James McCann]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[James McCann]

Were you being serious about the backflips or is that a joke?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Dude, I'm fucking super serious about that.

[James McCann]

Can you do a backflip?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This. There's. This guy will break his fucking neck. This guy has Owen Hart energies for days right here. It'll be the first fucking corpse we have to drag out of here. That coroner is gonna have a lot on his hands. It's gonna be like, wait, he's got the body of a 50 year old, but his ID says 26? It's incredible. Cameron, what do you do for fun? What are some hobbies in real life? Like not silly backflip tree climbing. Like the real.

[Cameron Shepherd]

I like to sing a little bit, you know, I like to sing some songs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are they originals?

[Cameron Shepherd]

No, I like to do homosexual covers of songs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And that's basically everything that I sing. That's incredible. So what exactly does that mean?

[Cameron Shepherd]

So like Michael Jackson specifically.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, the mic's out of the mic stand, folks. Wow. Hey, pretty baby, can you. Okay, you can't. Hold on, let me stop. Yeah, that's Crazy. That's insane. Luckily it's short enough that I think the YouTube sensors won't pick it up.

[Shane Gillis]

But next time, open with that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

No. No context at all. Just walk out, flash your tits, sing that. Yeah. Do a backflip and leave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's it.

[Shane Gillis]

Be the best.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You'll be a golden ticket winner right away. I love it. Cameron, are you close with your parents?

[Cameron Shepherd]

Yeah, very close. I love my Miami.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

And Pia.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Pia very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are they at?

[Cameron Shepherd]

They're in Nashville, Tennessee, where I'm from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that where you still live?

[Cameron Shepherd]

No, I just moved here a month ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What made you move to Austin, Texas?

[Cameron Shepherd]

It's just a great comedy scene with a lot of chance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. And do you think that Robert Wadlow material is your finest minute, or is this something new that you're working on? Like, what made you go with that tonight?

[Cameron Shepherd]

I just love that joke and his big stupid cock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. All right.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, now sing Michael Jackson.

[James McCann]

I was going to. There Any other Michael Jackson. Homosexual covers.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

That was great.

[Cameron Shepherd]

I have an Elvis one I can do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Is it That's. Well, since you.

[James McCann]

My ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. There you go. That's great. So it's basically everything? You just switch the lyrics to the ass?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Yeah. That is incredible.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Super simple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Love it. Amazing. I can tell you, we've only been here a month. This city's gonna be yours any day now. Yeah, it's all yours, Cameron. Here's a. Here's a big joke book. Why not? Thank you. Oh, my goodness. It's the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Unbelievable. Live in the flesh. Her podcast is@Heidy Regina.com. also check out the Kill Tony bands. YouTube the Kil Tony Band. Look at the love one more time for Heidi, everybody. Somehow wearing more clothes than Cameron Shepard was. Hey, y'. All. This podcast is sponsored by Quo. If your business communications are basically a burner phone and a prayer, at some point you might just hit that wall where you're like, all right, I'm done with all this. Let's Quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled Q U O. The business communication system built so that you never miss a call. Your entire team can handle calls and texts from one shared number. So no more missed messages or drop conversations. Everyone sees the full thread, replies are faster, and customers actually feel taken care of. Redban Tony.

[Brian Redban]

I love Quo. It's the best business phone system hands down. Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2, with over 3,000 reviews built for how modern teams work for solo operators to growing teams. You can rely on it and stay connected, professional and constantly reachable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Quo works wherever you are, right from your phone or computer. Keep your existing number, add teammates and minutes, sync your CRM and let the call routing handle itself as you scale. Plus Quo isn't just a phone system, it's a smart one. AI automatically logs calls, generates summaries and flags next steps so that nothing falls through the cracks. Calls, text, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details all in one clean view so your team always has the full picture and can show up for every customer conversation. Money is on the line and say hello with Quo. Try Quo for free plus get 20 off your first six months when you go to Quo.com Tony that's Q-U-O.com Tony Yeehaw. This podcast is sponsored by Prize Picks. The regular season is wrapped in the NBA playoffs are finally here and there's no better way to cash in on the high flying hoops action than Prize Picks, a preferred partner of the NBA. Every bucket, every dime and every win means more when you're playing on Prize Picks. So don't pass up your next shot with Prize Picks and get fifty dollars instantly in lineups when you play your first five dollar lineup. And right now I'm personally excited about the do it live 2026 NBA Finals sweepstakes. Pick live squares during the NBA Playoffs and you could win a trip for two to the NBA Finals. To enter, just make a five dollar lineup with at least one live NBA player picked during any part of the 2026 NBA playoffs. Live Player picks or picks made after a game is already in progress. You know what else is already in progress?

[Brian Redban]

Brian Redbam Tony I love Prize picks. You know that it's so simple to get started. You just pick more or less on two to six players stat projections. If you get your picks right, you can cash in, pick from all your favorite sports, anything from NBA, basketball, hockey, UFC, soccer, tennis, golf, esports and more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Plus Prize Picks is available in all 50 states including California, Texas, Florida and Georgia. Plus Prize Picks now has early payouts if your player gets off to a hot start. You now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. So download the Prize Picks app today and use Code Tony to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Tony to get $50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks a preferred partner of the NBA Prize Picks Predict is a registered FCM offering team picks and culture picks as event contracts. Trading involves significant risk. Not for all. The content provided is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute investment advice, recommendation to trade any commodity interest or an offer to open an account. Kill Tony is not registered with the CFTC or nfa. Price Picks Predict does not endorse or guarantee any statements made by third party promoters or influencers. Please consult with a qualified professional before making any trading decision. Your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for 60 seconds. Going to Liv Taylor. Liv Taylor, everybody.

[Liv Taylor]

What's up, Austin? I've been here for about a year now, and there's one thing I knew about Texas before living here. It's hot, right? But it does get. It gets pretty cold at night. It got pretty cold during the winter. So cold that I needed help to sleep at night. So I started listening to Negro spirituals. Yeah, you're like, this crazy bitch has got like Wade in the Water radio on. So Spotify. That's fucking crazy. No, it was just me being too lazy to change the battery in my smoke detector. Hell yeah. I like to think that my dad was somebody to look up to as like an entrepreneur. It was just a really nice way of saying that he was a full time crackhead. I don't know if you know this, but ziprecruiter. Excuse. Fuck. A sponsor of Kill Tony actually used to report the average salary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, that's all your time.

[Liv Taylor]

That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where were you going with that? ZipRecruiter.

[Liv Taylor]

ZipRecruiter used to actually report the average salary of a full time crackhead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean?

[Liv Taylor]

You know how, like, they have like salaries that, you know, for different careers they had full time. Like they had a full time crackhead on there at one point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true or it is?

[Liv Taylor]

No, I. I'm just upset I didn't screenshot it at some point. But yeah, when I first started writing, I wrote a lot about my dad. He was actually a crackhead. At one point I was like, I wonder if this actually was a thing. So I looked it up and it was surprisingly $97,000 a year to be a crack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't understand still, like, no matter how much explaining you do, that just makes no sense.

[Liv Taylor]

I'm sorry, I'm the crackhead. It's fine. It passed down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is your dad still alive?

[Liv Taylor]

He is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. But he's not a crackhead anymore.

[Liv Taylor]

Not anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did he get. How did he. What made him stop Doing crack.

[Liv Taylor]

Probably copd and, you know, just getting old and it gets old.

[James McCann]

So I hear it stays young and beautiful forever. I've heard the reviews and it seems like the best drug there is. I won't go into anyone else.

[Shane Gillis]

You sing Michael Jackson at all?

[James McCann]

I thought the set was going really well until you used a word and then people were concerned.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Negro.

[Shane Gillis]

It's weird to see a racist goth.

[Liv Taylor]

That's,

[Shane Gillis]

you know, it's an interesting. It's a new racism. I never saw goth. That's so crazy.

[Liv Taylor]

I'm Hispanic. Does that count?

[Shane Gillis]

That's even crazier. You're a Hispanic racist goth?

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Where are you from? Sorry, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's good, go ahead.

[Liv Taylor]

I moved here from Georgia, so.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, checks out.

[Shane Gillis]

Checks out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how long have you been doing stand up?

[Liv Taylor]

About 2 and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going out here on these streets?

[Liv Taylor]

It's going pretty okay. Yeah, I mean, I'm. I work a lot, so I'm. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you work?

[Liv Taylor]

I'm a vet tech.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you get the cool Waffle House chat?

[James McCann]

I wanted to ask.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, my.

[Liv Taylor]

My mom worked for Waffle House for like over 20 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing.

[Shane Gillis]

All right. You can say it.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. What?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work at Waffle House.

[Shane Gillis]

20 years. That's a pass for a generational pass.

[James McCann]

Wow.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. That is so cool.

[Liv Taylor]

The last time I was on, I wore my mom's undertaker shirt. It just wasn't noticed. It's a DOA shirt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love the undertaker.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, we do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His action figure has been connected to the bucket for a long time.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So did your mom ever bring home any Waffle House drama?

[Liv Taylor]

My mom was like the peacemaker of the Waffle House.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Liv Taylor]

So she. She like took it. So she took in my. So my sister in law has been with my brother since he was like 13. She was. She's only like three years older than him, but she. My mom took her under her wing. She was in like a really bad relationship and so my mom was like, I need a babysitter. Come work at my house instead of here. And. Yeah, she was just more of like the. She didn't. She didn't bring home drama. She was a good old Christian lady that just smoked weed. That was about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. And both parents are Latino.

[Liv Taylor]

No. Well, my dad is Puerto Rican. My mom's Italian. Was. Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. She. She. Where's it at, Red man? Come on, now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to say how she. How did she die?

[Liv Taylor]

She got hit by a car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She got hit by a car. There you go. There it is.

[Liv Taylor]

Goddamn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet by the end of that accident she was smothered and covered and there it is.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, I can remember.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. All right. How long ago did that happen?

[Liv Taylor]

August of 23.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Liv Taylor]

She's the reason.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The.

[Liv Taylor]

Her passing is the reason I started comedy, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it helps you. You perform a lot?

[Liv Taylor]

I try to, yeah. I mean, like, I. I have a. I like living well now. You know, I've been. I've been a vet tech for almost 10 years. And if anybody knows, vet techs don't make money, but, I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever blow a dog whistle before?

[Liv Taylor]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think it does? Do you think it attracts dogs or scares them away?

[Liv Taylor]

I think it perks their little ears, you know, Unless they're sad and cropped and they're just up all the time.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you killed a lot of dogs?

[Liv Taylor]

It's not the only thing I do, Shane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, but it is.

[Liv Taylor]

I give them drugs they don't want. I hold them down when they don't ask for it.

[Matt Worldley]

Nice.

[Liv Taylor]

I make them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever.

[Liv Taylor]

Well, I was. I was gonna say, like, I make them go to sleep and, you know, we do things that they don't know about and wake them up. It's like nothing ever happened. I'm like, you know, Snoop Diddy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's good.

[Liv Taylor]

Thanks, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Should have done that. Don't. Don't do the spirituals one again. Little advice.

[Redman]

Hallelujah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Liv Taylor, you already have a big joke book.

[Liv Taylor]

I. I do. I don't have a medium one, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, that's okay.

[Liv Taylor]

That's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go fill it up.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. Hey, better to ask than to not, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Liv Taylor, everybody, with another new minute. We're moving on. Moving on. Third bucket pool of the night. You guys having fun out there? Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Frankie Gonzalez, everybody. Here comes Frank. Frankie.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Hey, Austin. How we doing? I come from a pretty weird family. My brother, he just came out of the closet. I threw him in there for being gay. But. Now we love him. We love him. Not publicly, but we love him. You know, he's. I had to ask my dad. We'll see. No, I know I'm not gay. Cause I kissed a man once. And I felt absolutely nothing after I came. Like, I was. I was good.

[Dickie]

Yeah.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

We're roommates now. That's besides the point, you know? I've been doing a lot more acid lately. Anybody else acid heads? Yeah. All right, Pussies over here. I love it, dude. I like taking a tab. Going hiking, like in the forest. I found Bigfoot once, dude. I checked my phone later. It was just a bunch of pictures of my black friend like this. Can't use those. He's got a fresh ass fade. You know what I mean? He looks good. I've only had one bad experience on acid. It was this one time I forgot that I ordered doordash and I got a notification on my phone that said, mohammed has your orders. He's on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that it, Frankie?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, it's like 10 seconds more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I forgot that I ordered doordash and I got a notification on my phone that said muhammad has your orders. He's on the way. So for like six hours, I thought I planned nine, 11. I was like, what orders did I give out? Popeyes, Pentagon, they're right next to. Next to each other, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Frankie Gonzalez, rock solid set. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up, Frankie?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Sorry?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six years? Where at?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

San Diego.

[Martin Phillips]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You still live there? Are you here now?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I know I still live here. Just visiting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for a living? How do you make money?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Well, mainly standup is taking up half of the income now, so that's what's up. But the other half, I. I work at the ymca.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do at the ym?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Shout out the Y? I'm a trainer. Nah, I work reception, dog. They don't let me in the back. They don't let me in there. It looks bad if I work people

[Shane Gillis]

out, you know, I just like. I like the Hispanic pronunciation of ymca.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, wait, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I haven't heard.

[Shane Gillis]

What ymca?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

What ymca? You can hear it. Can you guys hear it?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Ymca.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, that was fine. All right, Whited it up.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

San Diego.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No matter what ethnicity you are, if you're born in San Diego, you're white. I have a lot of black friends from San Diego that are white.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Except for when, like, there's a chance to have, like a guilt or anything, then they're like, I'm totally black. You know what I mean?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Unless they're in court, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you really a trainer at the ymc?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, no, dude, I work. I work reception at the wife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

I don't know if you guys can see, but you go a lot of cute anime tattoos.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

You got a little.

[James McCann]

You got a little ghost here. You got a lady on the.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, this is an actual one, though. Yeah.

[James McCann]

What's happening with all that anime?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Japanese? I went through a phase when I was 20. I. I regret it.

[Shane Gillis]

Horny as hell.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I was. It was during COVID I.

[Shane Gillis]

You so horny you got a tattoo.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Well, yeah, I. You know, she was dope in. In that one show. Nobody knows. That's okay. Yeah. How are you doing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Good question.

[James McCann]

Frankie, I want to tell you this.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

I'm actually coming to San Diego to do a show next week, and I would like to invite you to come

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and watch that show. Whoa.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Frankie Gonzalez has activated the lights. Front row.

[James McCann]

Yeah, sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Still available. Front row seats still available for James's big show next this week in San Diego. Frankie, do you really have a gay brother? Is that just a joke?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I do. Yeah. Hella gay. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Has he always been gay? How did. When. How old were you when you realized your brother was gay?

[Matt Worldley]

Oh, he.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

He's a couple years older than me, so he's. He's like. He's about 30 now. He used to. He used to eat his ice cream cones, like, a little bit too passionately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I. He used to let it drip down his hand. I was like, that's just, like, inconvenient. Why would you want that to happen? That's when I realized it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what do your parents think about him being gay?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, they didn't like it for the first couple years, but my dad's getting older, so I think he's. He feels bad now when you say

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

they didn't like it, like, did they verbalize that?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

They didn't speak to him for about, like, two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So did they talk to you about it?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah, they did. Like, why is he gay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

And I was like, I don't know. There was that one time when I was 8.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys have a quinceanera for him?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

He wanted one. He wanted one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the gayest thing you've ever seen him do? Oh, I woke.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I fell asleep on the couch one time. I got really drunk. I was, like, 20 years old. I fell asleep on the couch. I wake up. A man comes. I was living with him alone. A man comes out from the room. He comes out. They both walk out the front door. Two minutes later, a second man comes out from the same room and leaves out the front door. He comes back in and says, don't tell mom and dad. And that's all we ever talked about. He's about 5 foot 4. I don't think he was one of the guys on top, if you know what I'm saying.

[Brian Redban]

Spinner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow, Frankie, that is incredible. And how about you? Do you have a girlfriend?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I do, yeah.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you meet her?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

At San Diego.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where in San Diego?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Just at a bar. Just a brewery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you went up to her. What'd you say?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah, she looked like.

[James Swanson III]

She.

[Matt Worldley]

I.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Like, I have a Jewish fetish.

[Dickie]

Oh, she looks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You saw her. She was. She was picking up a nickel off the ground.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Why? Tossed it. So I was like, there we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

So it's cool. She had the right hair. She just looked extra Jewy that day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's like. It was like, dark and curly or what?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah, dark and curly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I was like, I could catch this one, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And what was your first date? What was your first experience with her like? Was it. Did you hook up with her that night after the bar?

[Frankie Gonzalez]

We hooked up that night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let me guess. You picked up the tab.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I did, yeah. Well, we split it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Wow.

[Redman]

Yeah.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

No, it was a big move by her, so I knew she was one of the good ones, you know? Yeah, no, we went. We went. We went back to her place that night, and the problem is I had a shift at the Y at 7am and I told her that, and she said, okay, well, if you have to go to work. And I was like, well, somebody who really wanted this dick would be like, hey, skip work for me. And she didn't say that, which really kind of hurt me a little bit. And then. But we did end up fucking, and it was cool and everything hairy, but, you know, Jewish. It was fine. I woke up the next morning, no foreskin. Where did it go?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Frankie.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

How many happened, though? She's not mad that I told everybody that, because that's literally what happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dad, Jewish girls get mad about anything.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, that's. She complains a little.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. But this wasn't your first Jewish rodeo.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Oh, God, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love the Jewish.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I'm sniffing them out. I gotta.

[Brandon Fields]

Wow.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I like to invest. I like to.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like Inglorious Basti. He goes into bars. He's like, are you harboring enemies of the state? I'm gonna speak Spanish now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing, Frankie. Congratulations. Very fun said. Very fun interview. Here's a big joke book. There you go.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

So much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Frankie Gonzalez making his Kill Tony debut. We are rolling, everybody. How do you do? This podcast is sponsored By Cheers Health. You know, recently I woke up after a totally normal night of drinking alcohol. Still felt bad the next day. Even though I drank responsibly. I did everything right. Water, food, sleep. And somehow it didn't matter. I felt awful. And then I discovered Cheers Restore. I slept well. It made me feel at least 50% better. It even caught me off guard how normal I felt. You just take it after your last drink or before bed, and then it works while you sleep. Their claim to fame is you feeling 50 better or your money back. So you wake up feeling like you drank roughly half the amount. You know who could use that red band?

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I felt that before. You ain't lying, red band. When alcohol leaves your system, your brain goes into rebound mode, which is what makes you feel bad. The DHM and Cheers works while you sleep to smooth out that rebound. At the same time, alcohol converts into a toxic byproduct that your liver has to clear out. The cysteine in Cheers helps speed that up. Cheers is backed by doctors. Cheers is also available in 30, 000 retail locations. Take cheers Restore after your last drinker before going to bed and wake up feeling at least 50 better of your money back. For a limited time, our listeners are getting 20 off their entire order by using code kill [e-mail] Just go to cheershealth.com and use COD Sony for 20% off after your purchase. They will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. You said this place was steps from the water.

[PayPal Announcer]

We just haven't found the steps yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much did we save?

[James McCann]

Enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Enough to get lost.

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a one word name your next bucket pool, everyone. Those are always interesting. Our first one word name of the night makes some noise for Dickie, everybody. It's Dickie.

[Dickie]

That thing's stuck on there. All right, My name's Dickie, I'm from Salt Lake City, Utah, home of the Mormons. I never realized how blessed I was to be Mormon until I got older and started really living that life of sin. You see, I started seeing ads and the number one solution for men who, like, can't get hard or losing their hair, need to lose weight. It's called him. I've been singing those Mormon hymns like a motherfucker lately. Like, pray to God. Every time I need some chick to be into me, I just start doing a little hum when I'm doing my business, just humming a little hymn. But yeah, now I'm getting older. I'm 36. My homies stopped partying as much. I actually got sober now. We went out to eat some dinner the other day, and I told him I had acid. Two of them were buckling up for a good time. The other one tossed me some Pepto B. I was like, God, man. I mean, it's true. I'm capable of both. I have the good times and I have the reflux. Damn, that was. That was rough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dicky, Dicky, I thought you were gonna end up on drums. By the end of that 60 seconds, you're moving farther and farther back from the microphone. You understand that? That red device is what picks up the sound.

[Dickie]

It's getting me hotter, I swear to God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, step, but you have to talk right into the tip of that thing, okay?

[Dickie]

Whoa, baby boy. What the hell?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the set may have gone better, but I. I could hear it perfectly fine. It wouldn't have James mc No one

[Shane Gillis]

says the tip of that thing. I've done this for a while. I've never heard someone go, you got to talk right into the tip of that.

[Dickie]

I'm not used to working the tip like that.

[James McCann]

Right into the bulbous head is the microphone.

[Shane Gillis]

Put your mouth, hold it by the shaft. Talking to the tip. What's going on, dude?

[James McCann]

Well, Dicky, all I was going to say is there's a lot of setbacks in this business and there's a lot of things that are going to make you think you can't keep going. But I've never seen anyone. I just thought getting it out of the mic stand would want to be the easier one wants to get over because there's going to be so much worse stuff that happens in your dream of being a stand up comedian.

[Dickie]

Oh, yeah.

[James McCann]

Getting the microphone out of the mic,

[Dickie]

dude, that thing was scary. I was like, is this thing working?

[James McCann]

You still haven't taken it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know. Grab it.

[James McCann]

I believe in you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I feel the power now. Let me. Let me start that over. Over. Powerful, powerful.

[Dickie]

Excalibur over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dicky is sweating bullets, ladies and gentlemen.

[Dickie]

Human over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Soaking wet. He was dry as hell when he came out. He's dripping at this moment. God damn it.

[Dickie]

I flew out here. I didn't sleep last night at all. I was nervous as.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's. It's okay, Dicky. We're gonna get to that. Relax.

[Dickie]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how long have you been doing. Attempting stand up comedy?

[Dickie]

Dude, this is like my second time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so where was your first time? When was that?

[Dickie]

It was in Salt Lake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When?

[Dickie]

Probably six months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So six months ago you did an open mic?

[Dickie]

Yeah, I was on mushrooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dickie]

Somehow I did way better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you think you did. You were probably nowhere near the microphone

[Dickie]

magic of mushrooms, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, you were probably in the lobby by yourself.

[Dickie]

At least I was having a good time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. So, Dickie, was that at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City?

[Dickie]

Yeah, it was a wise guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, and you're saying that it went well for you?

[Dickie]

It went pretty well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's so well that you're like, you know what? I'm going to take six months off and go on the biggest comedy show in the world.

[Dickie]

That's what the fuck I did. I was like, no bars. You know, I just went sober. And I feel like. Like I'm pretty much invincible, almost just basically. Obviously not. But I feel that way. I feel like I'm some sort of genius as well, but I'm just not really stupid anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's perfect. Let's check in with James McKay.

[James McCann]

I mean, I know you said you're a Mormon from Salt Lake City, but are you also Hispanic? Because the last few people were Hispanic and you have the same intonation.

[Dickie]

No, man, no.

[James McCann]

I'm the mustache and the tattoo and the. Yeah, well, great.

[Dickie]

Yeah, I'm just a good old white boy from Utah.

[James McCann]

It's just a vibe. The last three acts, there's a strong vibe tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. An extremely Latino presence here. Contrary to a haircut, maybe. Oh, I don't know. All right, Dickie, relax.

[Dickie]

I figured, you know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Step back from the microphone a little bit. Got a. Getting a little too close to that thing. So, Dicky, what do you do for work?

[Dickie]

I'm a bartender and server.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A bartender and a server. But meanwhile, you're saying that you've been sober for how long?

[Dickie]

About six months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what made you get sober six months ago?

[Dickie]

Just a lot of really bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, what the Good stuff. That's what we like to find out about here.

[Dickie]

I got an accident. I just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were drinking and dragging.

[Dickie]

Okay, Dewey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which is what kind of accident? Let's talk about it.

[Dickie]

There's, like. There wasn't a ton of damage or anything. I just sideswipe something. Sideswipe?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you side. Okay. A tr. Yeah, I thought it was. I thought it was the one girl's mom.

[Dickie]

Well, that too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, sight.

[Dickie]

She's in Utah. There's a high chance.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you at least step up to the breathalyzer or were you like.

[Dickie]

Yeah, I was running. That's where I got that from. When I'm scared, I just go back into the drums.

[James McCann]

Sorry, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's literally running into the drum set.

[Dickie]

Dude, fight or flight it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Redman]

Okay.

[Dickie]

And I did get resisting, so it was okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. Like, take us through the experience. So you sideswipe a truck. Do you immediately see lights? Like, what happened?

[Dickie]

I just. Up. I was an idiot. I was just like, man, I'm not even drunk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And hold on. Again, take us through it. So you're driving. Do you remember hearing you hit a truck? Do you remember any of it? Yeah, I was like.

[Dickie]

I was like, holy. I just hit a truck.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

Okay.

[Dickie]

And so it was actually parked illegally. It was sticking out, but it was my fault. So I was an idiot. I was an idiot. I was like, oh, that car sparked illegally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you stop and pull over immediately after sideswiping the truck?

[Dickie]

Yeah, because I didn't want to get the flee in the scene. I literally didn't think I was drunk, so it fucked me over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how long until the cops showed up?

[Dickie]

It was probably, like three minutes. It was right downtown, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And so you just waited there?

[Dickie]

Dude, I didn't think I was drunk, and I didn't want to get fleeing the scene.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you were more worried about getting fleeing the scene than getting a blatant dui.

[Shane Gillis]

The truck driver wasn't the truck. There was no one there. It was just you.

[Dickie]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

The truck was parked.

[Dickie]

No, there was someone in the other truck.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought it was parked illegally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it.

[Dickie]

Yeah, it was.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, it was. It was parked.

[Dickie]

Someone was in it.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, okay. I see.

[Dickie]

Yeah. No, it was stupid, definitely.

[Shane Gillis]

Would you. What was your. What'd you blow?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you blow now?

[Dickie]

I wish this mic was off.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't have to say, but it's funny.

[Dickie]

I got. I got 0.25.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you didn't think that was just

[Dickie]

another day, dude, that was Just another day. I was like, 11am and isn't that Utah?

[Shane Gillis]

It was at.

[Dickie]

I'd been partying the night before. It was pretty wild, dude. I have some wild stories.

[James McCann]

That's why you're sweating. You're a pickle.

[Dickie]

Yeah, because I'm not used to being sober with this much stress on me, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So that's three times over the legal limit.

[Dickie]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you on drugs at the time? It's okay. You just got to let it out now, buddy.

[Dickie]

Shout out to my probation officer, Tracy, for writing me off on coming over

[Shane Gillis]

here six months ago.

[Dickie]

Well, yeah, six months ago, but I was. I was on a little bit of boomies and just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly is boomies? Mushrooms.

[Dickie]

Just mushrooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so. So you were three times over the legal limit and on mushrooms. So tell us.

[Dickie]

And I nailed the test, dude. I swear to God, if you see the footage. If you see the footage, I nailed the test.

[James McCann]

That's so much worse than if you didn't. If you were at point 0.25 and you were getting that. You're slamming that test. That's so scary.

[Dickie]

I know. That's why I stopped drinking.

[James McCann]

What do you have to get to to be drunk? You got to be just one.

[Dickie]

That was so. I've. I've been checked into the hospital at, like, point four. Something. Yeah. So that's when I was like. And that's not even when I stopped drinking. I just stopped drinking, like, six months ago after I got out of jail the last time. I was like, man, fuck this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So tell us about the resisting arrest that you got on this chart ago.

[Dickie]

They just can't handle little dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, what, man?

[Dickie]

They up my day, I'm going up theirs, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you're saying everything except answers to the question right now.

[James McCann]

I love you didn't flee the scene. You're like, I'm fighting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm staying. I'm not going to flee, but I'm going to stone cold stun this police officer.

[Dickie]

They didn't want none, dude. I was just chilling. I was just, like, kind of telling them take off their body cams and trying to go head up, you know, like they weren't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were gonna fight the police?

[Dickie]

I would love to, but. Okay, I can't. Officer is after this dude backstage. He's ready for me, man. Get stunned before I go back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are a wild boy.

[Dickie]

Yeah, dude. I'm chilling now, though. I'm sober. I'm not trying to go back to jail no more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was this comedy set that you did, was that before or after that open mic at the.

[Dickie]

The comedy set? Yeah, that was open mic. That's all I've done is that one time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now I'm asking if the charge that you got was before or after you started.

[Dickie]

It was after.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dickie]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dickie]

Had a couple before that, but whatever. Keep that out of there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what? There's another one? No, it's good. Tell us about that. It's very compelling you're doing.

[Shane Gillis]

It's very likable. You're very likable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you have the sound good. No, it's great. You have the best interview of the show so far. Right, everybody?

[Dickie]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The honesty is bleeding through.

[Dickie]

I know. Like, I'm just, like, ashamed to all my Mormon family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's great. You've turned your life around.

[Dickie]

Don't come home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's great.

[James McCann]

It's good.

[Dickie]

Now I've turned my life around. Yeah, it's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So what was the other charge? What else? Have you been arrested?

[Dickie]

I have a couple like it. Just.

[James McCann]

What do you.

[Dickie]

What do we want to talk. I have another dui. I got, like, rated when I was, like, a while ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got rated? Oh, yes. What did you. What did you get rated for?

[Dickie]

Just having fun, dude. Living life, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy is unbelievable. You have, like, your own thing. I don't know if you. I don't even think, you know, how. How funny you accidentally are.

[Dickie]

I own Salt Lake, and they just, like. They're like, man, we have to arrest them again. They don't like doing it, you know? Like, I bring the good times to Salt Lake, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, this guy's a machine. So what were they rating you for?

[Dickie]

Well, that was. Okay, this is a story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, here we go.

[Dickie]

I got a restraining order against this crazy chick because she kept showing up to my house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dickie]

So she went so crazy that she reported me to the dea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah? For what, growing mushrooms?

[Dickie]

Dude, they just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, there's no G in dea.

[Dickie]

No, that was it that she's like, this guy's Steve is off the charts. He's got to be on something. That's all it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So they raided you, and what did they find for me? They found. They found that you were a G.

[Dickie]

No, that's when I found out, dude. I had to find the hard way. But no, dude, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They.

[Dickie]

They hit me with some, like, weapons charges.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of weapons? Hold on. This guy is guilty as fuck, dude.

[Dickie]

I rolled with. I did my shit, you know, I took care of it, man. I'm out here to form? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of weapons did you.

[Dickie]

That's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, formed. Oh, my God. Oh. Tracy's the probation officer.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what weapons did you have?

[Dickie]

Just, like, normal weapons.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, what kind? What's a normal?

[Dickie]

So, like, me, personally, I had a couple roommates at the time. One of them had, like, an ar. I had, like, a shotgun and three pistols.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three pistols? Yeah. Just in case you have to shoot people with both hands and your feet.

[Dickie]

Just shoot for fun, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Dickie]

Depends on, like, someone, really. With you, it's like, well, just, you know, just.

[Redman]

Right.

[Dickie]

Might get a little AR action. You never know. Absolutely wild out there, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are so wild. I spent so much time with you on the interview, it's crazy.

[Redman]

But.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I. And I, by the way, I don't want to move on. I have, like, a thousand more questions, but I literally have to for the sake of the format of the show. But I feel like we. I feel like we are just cracking the circle surface of your wild ass. So sign up again sometime and we'll ask you more questions. There he goes, everybody. That's Dicky, everyone. Thank you, guys. I feel like Dicky's gonna break his sobriety tonight. Be careful out on those streets, everybody. Dicky may have rented a car here tonight. All right, you, your next bucket. Bull goes by the name of Ronaldo Mercado, everybody. Ronaldo Mercado.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

What's up? My name is Ronaldo. Good to see you guys. I am. I'm a Mexican guy. I'm a half. My mom is white. My dad is missing. I was, like, raised by a single mom. My mom had to raise me herself, so she had to be, like, a single mom. She had to do both things at the same time. You know, My mom had to fill my dad's shoes, which is hard, you know, because my mom had to be a mom and a Mexican dad. Do you know how hard that is? My mom had to take me to baseball practice, and then she had to mow the outfield afterwards. Okay. I'm serious. My mom had to put a roof over my head, literally. She built it, she shingled it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

My mom had to build a table so she could get paid underneath it.

[Redman]

Okay.

[James McCann]

All right.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

And I think if it was like that for me growing up, that means it's like that for other kids who also have mixed race parents but only have one parent in the house. Right? So that means that somewhere out there,

[Cameron Shepherd]

there is a black mom

[Redman]

who has

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to be a white dad.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

And every day she has to go up to her kid and go.

[Redman]

Hey,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you ready, Freddie? Yeah. Ronaldo Mercado, everybody. Fantastic set.

[James McCann]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been on the show a couple times before, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's my third time. I love it. Fantastic. Welcome, welcome.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

Thanks for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of course. Yeah. It's the bucket's fault, but. Yeah, of course. So tell us, how's life been? What's going on?

[Ronaldo Mercado]

It's good, man. Things have been fun. Been doing a roast battle here in the city. The roast battle here at the club. And I won. Shit was awesome. It's been fun, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's been great. Yeah? Yeah. What else? How about in, like, real life?

[Ronaldo Mercado]

Just been boozing a lot, you know, doing. Doing a lot of drinking and mostly that. I got so drunk the other night, I went and ordered a torta from a Mexican food truck. And then I was walking down the street and I was trying to find where my Waymo was, but I was looking at my phone with my torta in this hand, and then I. I tripped and I hit the curb and I smacked my knee and I fell really hard. And I fell so hard that some dude behind me was like, yo, are you okay? And I didn't turn around. I was embarrassed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you drop the torta?

[Ronaldo Mercado]

I did.

[James McCann]

Tell me there's not a big Hispanic vibe tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is. There is. I can confirm. There's definitely a vibe. Contrary to the mainstream news reports of deportations, they appear to be deporting them to ship. Shakespeare's, the bar next door. It was what ICE is doing. Shane, what's going on? You cooking up something?

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no. It's just. He's got the knocked loose on. It's another goth Hispanic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they are. They're very gothy. Right? When I was El Nino.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

Hey, sometimes the fato just gets sad.

[PayPal Announcer]

And

[Ronaldo Mercado]

it's different from Mexican emo guys. We. Because you guys, right? You white emos like Shane. Shane's a white emo. He likes corn, right? You listen to corn, but we listen to elote.

[Shane Gillis]

That's good. How do you say counting worms in Spanish?

[Ronaldo Mercado]

I'm no sabo. I don't know how to speak that. I'm from. I'm from St. Louis, Lewis. I'm from the Midwest. I don't. I've built nothing in my life.

[James McCann]

Santa Louise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ronaldo. Phantom. What do you do for work, Ronaldo?

[Ronaldo Mercado]

I. I used to work at a Home Depot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

That is true. But now I just. I am. I'm a door guy at the Sunset Strip. I work over there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, look at that red band had that. That sound effect. Ready? Sunset Strips. A real party down there. I love it. Well, Ronaldo, you did fantastic. I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday.

[Dickie]

Absolutely.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

Let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go, Ronaldo. Boom. Ronaldo Mercado, everybody. We have a regular, ladies and gentlemen, who is awesome. He writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. You know him, you love him. He was once the dark storm of Atlanta. He's now the dark storm of Austin. Make some noise for the great Dedrick Flynn, everybody. Hell, yeah.

[Redman]

Oh, man, it's summertime. I love summertime. Because my white friends show back up. They go into hiding when it's winter time. And I just. I miss flexing how good my wife friends is, like, on the Internet. Like, all of my black friends and family, they hit me up after I post a story of me on another jet ski that I didn't just pay for. And they're like, hey, share your white friends with us. And I'm like, no, nigga. Y' all don't know how to act. Y' all don't know how to act at all. Like, I got better white friends than white people. Like, what did you do last weekend? I was at WrestleMania. I was at Wrestlemania. Cause my white friends took me. It was a great time. So I finally decided to take my brother out to a sandbar party. Sandbars is this thing that happened in the ocean, and, like, a piece of land come up, and then you take the. You take a boat over there, and then you get to claim the land, right? So I'm really giving my brother his 40 acres and a mule, right? I got. I'm really just putting on for him. And after about 40 minutes of arguing with that nigga, he finally took his Air force ones off at the beach, right? Cause he looked me dead in my eyes, and he was like, ain't nobody gonna see my toes, right? And I respect boundaries. And so we. This nigga, he got his socks in the sand. And when you. When you had a sandbar, it's important that when, like, another group of white people come, you gotta fight these niggas to the death. You gotta play, like, beer pong and flip cup. And then the loser gotta. They gotta go. And they was real happy to have two black friends there. Nigga, we held the island the whole day after. Cause, like, the week before, they was like, yo, Dedrick, when you coming out, we just lost six islands. You know what I'm saying? They brought they black friend. You was supposed to be here, you know, Suit up. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dedrick Flynn with another brand new 1 minute, 55 seconds. Always working overtime every single week. You did it again, Dedrick. Sir, what are sandbars like? I've never actually been to one.

[Redman]

Oh, bro, you gotta. I introduce you to my white friends. It's literally like, just, like, a mini beach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you take, like, a boat out there.

[Redman]

Yeah, we take the boat. We got, like, kegs of beer and, like, we have our own bar. We gotta, like, bring out, like, the portable speaker and just party on that, like beach buyers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah.

[Redman]

This is a lawless country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds like fun. But there's water all around you, right?

[Dickie]

Yeah.

[Redman]

Yeah. I don't get in that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Redman]

I do the drinking games like that, where we play, like, dizzy bat. You know what dizzy bat is?

[Shane Gillis]

Uh.

[Redman]

Oh, let me fucking tell you. You take a plastic baseball bat, and you cut it off by the hand, and you gotta pour a beer in there, and then you chug it. And however many seconds it take you to chug it, you gotta put the bat on your head and spin around and them throw the can at you. And if you hit it, you good, but if not, you gotta go again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, this totally out of respect. Can you swim? No, I don't.

[Redman]

I ain't really looked.

[Shane Gillis]

I get it. I take. I take. I. I'm the white guy that takes some black guys out on boats sometimes. Not like Tony would, but. But they. Then we start drinking, they start getting confident in their swimming ability.

[Redman]

I put that.

[Shane Gillis]

And they jump in. At first, they. They're, like, holding on the side boat,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Shane Gillis]

Drink five. They're like, I can swim pretty good. And then I gotta save them. Yeah. It's lamented. And Nate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it really is.

[Shane Gillis]

They're big. They're tough to wrangle.

[James McCann]

I can imagine why, deep in the genetic memory, black guys might not want to get on a white guy's boat. That was cheap. I apologize.

[Redman]

Don't bring that up.

[James McCann]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Bring that up.

[James McCann]

Well, because I didn't do it, so it's funny to me. But you guys.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but what you guys do.

[James McCann]

We don't want to talk about what we did. What we did.

[Matt Worldley]

Hey, wait.

[Shane Gillis]

I know exactly what you did. They eradicated an entire. Yeah, whatever.

[Redman]

Aborigines.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Redman]

Y' all love taking them out.

[James McCann]

Well, we say sorry sometimes.

[Shane Gillis]

It was also, like, the 70s crazy when they did it. Like, men. Men down under came out or met at work came out, like, while that was after.

[James McCann]

Gotta have a good soundtrack when you're doing a genocide.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know what to tell Vietnam. That shit rock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[James McCann]

What a cool Eddie Guerrero shirt you're wearing. I just wanna say viva la Raza.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Redman]

That was good. You tricked me. I was high enough for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn, Dedrick, you did it again. Another fantastic two minutes. We love you, Dedrick. It goes on and on. Later, buddy. Your next bucket poll. Everybody goes by the name of. Oh, how about one more time for Heidi, everyone? There's the lovely Heidi. Your summer starts now with Memorial Day deals at the Home Depot. It's time to fire up summer cookouts with the next grill 4 burner gas grill on special. Buy for only $199 and entertain all season with the Hampton Bay West Grill 7 piece outdoor dining set for only $499. This Memorial Day, get low prices guaranteed at the Home Depot while supplies Last pricing valid May 14 through May 27. US only exclusion supplies. See homedepot.com Pricematch for details.

[James McCann]

Wishing you could be there live for

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the big game, soaking up the atmosphere of the crowd.

[James McCann]

But too often, life gets busy or the price holds you back. Priceline is here to help you make it happen. With millions of deals on flights, hotels

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and rental cars, you can go see the game live.

[James McCann]

Don't just dream about the trip.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Book it with Priceline, download the Priceline app or visit priceline.com Actual prices may vary. Limited time offer and we're gonna keep it moving. Your next bucket pull 60 seconds uninterrupted, goes to Brandon Fields, everybody. Here comes Brandon.

[Brandon Fields]

Oh, my God. I am high as alien right now. Don't smoke weed before you do this. I'm telling you, it's not a good thing. Anyway, my name is Brandon. Yeah, I'm a black guy with a white name. So, I mean, believe it or not, I get judged more by what kind of phone I have. More than being black these days. Believe that. It's like, oh, you got an Android? Oh, this ugly. Got an Android. I can't take it. Why y' all judge people off of their phones, man? Cause I got an iPhone. I'm not cool. Because I don't have an iPhone. I'm not cool. Maybe.

[James Swanson III]

All right, y'.

[Shane Gillis]

All.

[Brandon Fields]

Anyway, yep, I got a white name. White thing about me, I could swim. Unlike that dude on house arrest back

[Shane Gillis]

there that just left the stage.

[Brandon Fields]

He was actually on house arrest. I saw that angle monitor. And thank you on Brandon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Brandon Fields, welcome to the show. Brandon, you did Nothing. Let's talk about it. How long you been doing stand up

[Brandon Fields]

up on and off for like three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For three years. Where at? What part of Tampa or Atlanta exactly?

[Brandon Fields]

Actually, I started in Colorado.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Brandon Fields]

Colorado Springs in Denver. And now I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What were you doing in all these white places?

[Brandon Fields]

I was in the military. I was in the army.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. Hell, yeah. What were you doing in the army? Shooting, bombing. Hell yeah. Amazing. Did you ever fight overseas?

[Brandon Fields]

I did not. I didn't want to because I joined at a older age. I was 32 when I joined.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

32. So what's the craziest thing you did when you were in the military? What's the hardest?

[Brandon Fields]

Well, we had a cool night shoot with big 50 cows and white hot scope and stuff like that. And all night out there and blowing up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Brandon Fields]

So that was pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you live now?

[Brandon Fields]

I live in close to Maynard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maynard, Texas? Yes. How far is Maynard?

[Brandon Fields]

About 15, 18 minutes.

[Redman]

Oh, okay.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah, it's not far.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. So you're doing comedy in Austin a lot?

[Brandon Fields]

Not that much. I'm on and off. This is actually my first time signing up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You always wear that hat? Do you always look like someone dipped the Gordon's Fisherman in chocolate? Is that hat your thing? Are you attached to the hat?

[Brandon Fields]

I mean, I'm trying to get used to it, but I have a big forehead, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can we see it? Do you mind showing it to us? The world wants to see that big forehead.

[Cameron Shepherd]

All right.

[Dickie]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, see?

[Ronaldo Mercado]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

good.

[Brandon Fields]

I saw you come in outside. I know where you park.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Gonzalez with a very loud God damn when he saw that forehead.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah, I'm kind of used to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're fighting the good fight with the forehead.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. When did that start? Was that recent or.

[Brandon Fields]

No, that was from birth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. You always had a big forehead.

[Brandon Fields]

I kind of dropped his elbow in the back of my head and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brandon Fields]

Came out the front.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. So what do you do for work now?

[Brandon Fields]

Actually, I just quit my job last week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the job?

[Brandon Fields]

I was a salesman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were you selling?

[Brandon Fields]

Flooring tile, hardwood floors, stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You weren't good at it.

[Brandon Fields]

Nah. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long did you do that for?

[Brandon Fields]

About a year, since I got here.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

All right.

[Brandon Fields]

And I worked at like floor and decor and before. So selling floors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And did you quit real professionally? Did you give like a two week notice or was it like that day?

[Brandon Fields]

You say I'm black, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, I know. I'm just setting you up.

[Brandon Fields]

Hell no. I Could quit right on the spot. Actually, my manager, my old manager, he watches the show at work all the time, so he's probably gonna see this. Sorry, bro, I had to quit. Got a better job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the last straw? What made you quit on that day?

[Brandon Fields]

I just didn't feel like it no more. And I got another job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's the new job?

[Brandon Fields]

New job. Selling tires.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[James McCann]

Hey.

[Brandon Fields]

Selling tires. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you'd be good at that since you kind of look like one.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah, I'll start tomorrow, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Going to be a good year for you. Come on. Come on, folks.

[James McCann]

Toyo, you didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was a tire joke. What?

[Shane Gillis]

It was good. It was a. Yeah, yeah, I got it. It was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speaking of Tire Season 3, still Netflix

[Shane Gillis]

coming soon. Did you make any money with the flooring thing?

[Brandon Fields]

No, I kind of suck. You can. It's commission and stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

I tried to sell bathtubs.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

$0. I worked there. I didn't make a single dollar.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah, I've been. It was pretty broke.

[Shane Gillis]

They just trick people at Home Depots. They're like, do you want us to come remodel your house? And they're like, yeah, sure. The dumbest people on earth say yes. And then you got to drive to their house and be like, I can design you a bathroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Never let Home Depot design your suit.

[Shane Gillis]

Get out of my house.

[Brandon Fields]

No, never let Home Depot design your shit. I was just a shitty salesman. I don't know. I'm a short, black shit that looked like, he'll steal your shit.

[James McCann]

I think you're gonna be a great tire salesman. I think you're gonna. You could sell anybody a pair of tires. Yeah, you gotta believe in yourself. I was a great door to door salesman. I sold cable television after Netflix had been invented. That's not easy, but I believe in you. Got to look them in the eye and you got to say, you better buy these ties or I'm going to kill your family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Brandon Fields]

Like I said, I'm black, bro. I can't do it like that.

[Shane Gillis]

Are you. Are you from Colorado Springs?

[Brandon Fields]

Hell, no, I'm from Florida.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, I was right.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. The army. Yeah.

[Brandon Fields]

Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Close to Tampa.

[Brandon Fields]

Fort Lauderdale.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brandon Fields]

I'm close to Miami.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Close enough.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, close enough. Amazing. So have you practiced selling tires yet? Are you prepared for this?

[Redman]

No.

[Brandon Fields]

I mean, how hard can it be? You got a flat tire. I got a new one here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I agree. You made everyone in the room tired in just 60 seconds.

[James McCann]

There's more to I've had tires sold to me in this country. You got to do the pitch. You really do. You gotta go. Well, we can give you these cheap tires. I guess that's fine if you're ready to spin off the road and die. I guess if you're ready to accidentally sideswipe a truck that's parked badly or have your mother explode in a car accident, I guess those are the tires you could get. Or you get these fancy tires.

[Brandon Fields]

Oh, no.

[James McCann]

You got upsell, man.

[Brandon Fields]

You want to help me out on my first day?

[Dickie]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brandon, let me ask you a question.

[Brandon Fields]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think is the whitest thing about you, like in your daily routine or at home or something like that? Or even maybe your night life? What do you. What's something that you do that you think might be the whitest thing about you, Brandon Fields?

[Brandon Fields]

I actually don't know, man. I'm pretty black, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, then let me ask the followup question.

[Brandon Fields]

I swim like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay, perfect. That'll. That will count.

[James McCann]

That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[PayPal Announcer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's the good part. What's the blackest thing about you?

[Brandon Fields]

Got a couple charges. Don't rob the couple. And back in my day. Back in my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm too old. What did you do with the friends of yours? I missed that part.

[James McCann]

You.

[Brandon Fields]

I robbed a couple people, okay? No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How did you do that? Did you do that with a weapon, perhaps?

[Redman]

No.

[Martin Phillips]

I'll just steal this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Brandon Fields]

Why did not look it. I was a petty thief.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wasn't good at it.

[Brandon Fields]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the most you ever got in a thievery?

[Brandon Fields]

I actually got like 601 time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Not bad. That's pretty good. That. Yep. Was that a off of a white woman?

[Brandon Fields]

Yes. How did you know?

[James McCann]

I'm sick of you talking yourself down. You're saying I'm bad at selling floor? I'm bad at selling tires, I'm bad at robbing a white woman? I think you were good at robbing that white woman. I. I think you could. You focus, you set your mind to it. You do anything you want.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn it. Just out of my own curiosity, even though I shouldn't, this now where. What was the situation with this white woman? Just out of curiosity, was it at a bar? Was it at a beach? What was going.

[Brandon Fields]

I was working security at a mall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Brandon Fields]

And perfect.

[Shane Gillis]

At least it was an inside job. That's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Brandon Fields]

She lost her wallet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Brandon Fields]

And I found it.

[Shane Gillis]

She did? She reported to you?

[Brandon Fields]

No, she reported to the store and I'm like, oh, yeah, I have a wallet came out. Here you go.

[James McCann]

That's not a robbery. You're stealing from the lost and found.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, you.

[James McCann]

I want you to grow to have the self confidence to threaten to kill a bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn it.

[Brandon Fields]

You never sold from the lost and found?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Brandon Fields]

Why not, man?

[Liv Taylor]

It's free.

[James McCann]

Well, I might rummage through on the way out here. I never thought of it before. Do we have a lost and found at the pub? I shouldn't talk about it, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brandon, you are leaving here with a. A small black joke book. So it goes, it goes along with your everything. But sign up again. All right, we're going to keep it moving along here. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian goes by the name of Lucas Hinderliter. Everybody, Here comes Lucas Hinderliter. Yep. Yeah. That's a Lucas cinder lighter.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Wow. Thank you guys. My name's Lucas. I had a weird day today. I walked into a porta Potty that didn't have any toilet paper in it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

So I walked out of that porta Potty wearing only one sock. Yeah. Yeah. Because I had to wipe with the rest of my clothes. Y' all ever do that? Y' all ever walk out of a porta Potty with a sock on your dick? Oh, you thought it was on my foot. Oh, no, it was. It was on my dick. It's good to be here. I was hanging out with my grandpa recently. My grandpa's getting old. I was in his room recently. I found a box in his room. It was labeled barely legal porn. Yeah. Now in 2026, barely legal porn is 18 year old girls. But my grandpa's so old that it was all just interracial. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. A genuinely good joke. Lucas Hinderlighter. I love it. Welcome, welcome. Have you been on this show before, Lucas?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember you. Welcome back. How's everything been going?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Ten years, on and off. Ten years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay, very good. Where at?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I started in St. Louis and I did in New York for a while now.

[Redman]

Now I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been here?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

About two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I sell motorcycles for a living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, interesting. One of the more interesting things we've heard being sold tonight. How do you, how do you do that? What's your pitch?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Do you want to get pussy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, fuck yeah. I'd be like, no. No way.

[Shane Gillis]

No. What about a sidecar?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what a dream.

[Shane Gillis]

That is your dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You should get a Motorcycle. And I'll ride in the sidecar. Dude, come on.

[Shane Gillis]

You love those rickshaw bike rides. You want to be a sidecar?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I love, love penny cats.

[Shane Gillis]

I would actually sidecar would be. Yeah, I would like to be in a sidecar. I don't know if they may. I'd just be in a regular car my size. Yeah, whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Lucas, you got a girlfriend?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Does she do comedy too?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

No, she's a musician.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh. What kind of musician is she?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Like, you know, white girl, sad music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Yeah, she's successful.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yeah. She just got a boob job today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band wants to know her Instagram account.

[Shane Gillis]

Her music must be great.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

Like, how big? You've never had a better opportunity to help her career and give her a shout out, and you've gone straight to fresh new tits.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, her music's whatever. But she did get new tits, so her career is about to take off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Redban had a good question. How big did she go with the tits?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I don't think. Too big. Yeah.

[Dickie]

I don't know.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I told her I didn't want her to get them. I. I protest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yay.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

That's exactly what she said. She. She called me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was your theory on her not wanting her to get a boob job?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

We haven't even been dating that long. We've been dating, like, three months. And I just got used to her body. Now she's about to change it.

[Cameron Shepherd]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. You're scared. What size?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yeah, here's what I'm scared of. I'm scared she is way hotter than me. Yeah, I'm scared. Yeah. She's gonna leave me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, that makes sense. But maybe she wants to please you. Have you seen them yet or.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I have. No, she just. Just got out, like, a couple hours ago. She's gonna be so mad at this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. No, she's not gonna be. So you have seen the new tits.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I have not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you must be excited. Are you gonna see them tonight?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I don't think that's how I think she's bandaged up or something.

[Dickie]

I don't know.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I don't want to see, like, stitches and, you know.

[James Swanson III]

Wow.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I don't know how they do it, though. Maybe they just aired them up.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Could be.

[Brian Redban]

They don't have stitches.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They don't have. And you have to massage them for a couple months so you get.

[Shane Gillis]

Yo, you are so weird. See, why would you know anything about that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He knows everything. My ex did that.

[Shane Gillis]

But she left you after the tits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a good sign, but whatever.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

It's coming.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. So you're. You don't want to see stitches or any damage whatsoever, man.

[Brian Redban]

I don't.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I'm afraid, like, I know they're gonna look fine, but I'm like that first picture. I'm afraid they're gonna look crazy. Like, I don't know, like lopsided or some. She lives in Canada, so it was like free health care tits. That was taxpayer tits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, those are.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That's ridiculous. Yeah, but that.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I told her to go to Mexico, she went to Canada, she went the other way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Free tits. You might be the one leaving her. Her.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

No, she's. She's way too good for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She lives in Canada full time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're in a long distance relationship?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we met a titch up.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

It's. What's that?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You guys are not together? Yeah.

[Dickie]

At all.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sorry to tell you that we

[Lucas Hinderliter]

met after my last appearance on here. She slid in my DMS afterwards.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. So what do you guys do? You like FaceTime? Well, so.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I don't know. She's been here like three times in the last three months. I just pay for tickets for her to fly here.

[James Swanson III]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make that much money selling motorcycles? No.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

You don't finance that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And with the. Oh, they were free tits. That's right. Yeah. But she didn't tell you what size she was going to.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

No, she knew I didn't like it, so she just hasn't talked to me about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I hope. I hope they're like those obnoxiously huge tits. Oh, I hope upset. I hope they're like anime giant cripple like the ones in your newly banned AI videos. Cat bread. All right, Lucas Hinder lighter. What are your parents like? Because the Hinder lighters seem like they would be in going off of your complexion. The whitest white people of all time.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yeah, my. My grandpa was German. My grandma was British. My mom's dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How did mom die?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Crack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That's a theme tonight.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

It was drug related. I don't know. I didn't ask too many questions. She was kind of wild.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting. How recently did that happen?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Like four years ago, five years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Brian Redban]

She have good tits?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a sad. That is a crazy question to ask. And it's. It's disrespectful to the people that come on this show. Spilling their soul and their spirit. Did she have good tits?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

They. They let me keep the implants after they cremated her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you set them up north? You FedEx them right up to Ottawa, but. So your mom OD'd at, like, 60 years old?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

She was like, 40.

[Redman]

My.

[Dickie]

My parents.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, how old are you?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

I'm 31.

[Shane Gillis]

And your mom was nine when she gave birth to you.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

She was like, 40 something. I had young, dumb parents. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

How she. Wait, how. How old was she?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

She was like, 46 or something.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay. And I guess you were probably 20.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

26.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, that makes sense.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

Yeah. Yeah, she liked to party. She was fun. She was cool.

[Shane Gillis]

She did it.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

She just party to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look, were her and your dad still together when this happened?

[Lucas Hinderliter]

No, my dad was military. It was a whole.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

It never.

[Lucas Hinderliter]

It never works out, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. That makes sense. Well, Lucas, very funny set. I loved it. Here's the big joke book.

[James McCann]

Good luck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. On a very Latino episode indeed, we have our second Gonzalez of the night, our third Gonzalez on stage tonight. Make some noise for Matt Gonzalez, everybody.

[Matt Gonzalez]

What's up? I'm fat and I'm Mexican. My friends call me Ozemspic. Now, being Mexican, obviously, I grew up Catholic. Growing up Catholic, I'd always have, like, the old ladies at church. They'd be like, mijo, pinch my cheek. One of these days you're gonna grow up and you're gonna be a priest. I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to fuck kids. Like, that's not my journey. And that's. That's definitely not my cross to bear. God's plan for me was to fuck of age white women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's going pretty good. I can't lie.

[Matt Gonzalez]

It's going pretty good. I have a girlfriend. It's sick as fuck. She's white as hell. I give her a good dick, she gives me a green card. Thank you. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Matt Gonzalez. You've been on the show a couple times before, right?

[Dusty Carter]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome back.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's changed in your life since the last time you were on?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Last time I was on, I was trying to save money to, like, get out of the hammock. And I want to say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you were sleeping in a hammock for how long?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Like, a year and a half, two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God, that's so bad for your back. So where. Where are you? Still in the hammock.

[Matt Gonzalez]

No, I want to say through hard work and determination, you Guys can own two hammocks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a second hammock now?

[Matt Gonzalez]

No, this is a joke. I got a bed. I leveled up. Whole bed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Regular bed. What size?

[Matt Gonzalez]

4.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you. Totally split.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Skip the twin. Fuck the twin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Skip the crib too. Yeah, that counts. Incredible. Probably the first person out of the bucket tonight that has a full size bed. Incredible stuff. What do you do for work, Matt?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I am a mechanical designer and shit with AutoCAD. It's kind of dumb and gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, cool. What do you do for fun?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I like to go fishing.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

I don't know.

[Matt Gonzalez]

You go fishing?

[Cameron Shepherd]

A little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else?

[Dusty Carter]

Golf.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I try to be white as hell, honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why, man?

[Matt Gonzalez]

So you know, they don't deport me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would you be deported? Weren't you born here?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yeah, but I mean, I know what I look like.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, they get some mix ups every once in a while. Yeah, every once in a while. I just send a guy from Maryland to Venezuela. He's like, oh, I play golf. I listen to Knock Loop Loose. Do you like, like heavy metal? Are you a Mexican Goth as well?

[Matt Gonzalez]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

No, you're not.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I wish I was, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Dickie]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What type of music are you into?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I listen to like. I don't know, I call it Desert Rock. You know, like, you guys are weird.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys, what's Desert Rock?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Desert Rock, you know, like you'd listen to and like, you know, like, you know, like America. You know, it's like that one fucking horse song. Like I've been through the desert on a horse with no name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, go on.

[Matt Gonzalez]

You know, don't act like I don't.

[James McCann]

Wait, are you saying that the whole genre is just songs about the desert?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

Name one other desert.

[Liv Taylor]

Wrong.

[Matt Gonzalez]

So fucking Hotel California. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[James McCann]

I don't know that there's a desert mentioned in that song.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but I get it.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Matt Gonzalez]

You know what I mean, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

Are you trying to say that you like the eagle?

[Matt Worldley]

Yes.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

As you could on a dark desert highway. Yes, that is a lyric. It's literally. You like songs with the word desert in it? Yeah.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I thought it was dessert at first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing. Matt, what's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator right now?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Probably like it's nothing really weird. I don't know, just like some empanadas or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now there is. Think about it for a second. I'll give you a second to think about it. Think about the door.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Perh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perhaps a condiment. An odd thing.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I don't know. Like, I live with my. With my grandpa and my brother.

[Brandon Fields]

Perfect.

[James Swanson III]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's in the fridge? I don't know.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I haven't gone in there. I. I know. They're in my bathroom, though. There's some weird shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I saw my roommate's sex toy. It was like a little ring in the shower.

[James McCann]

Say you lived with your. Live with your hermano and your puppy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me?

[James McCann]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, who's. Wait. It was a ring. I thought it was gonna be a Fleshlight or something. You found one of them.

[James McCann]

A cold ring for the penis?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You found your grandpa's ring in the shower?

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Did you ask him about it?

[Dickie]

No.

[Matt Gonzalez]

No. It was either my brothers or my grandpa's.

[Shane Gillis]

So how old's your grandpa?

[Matt Gonzalez]

He's like, 87.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's his phone number?

[Shane Gillis]

It's like, from the Titanic with the hawk ring at the bottom of the sea.

[James Swanson III]

His.

[Matt Gonzalez]

His Social Security card was on, like, stone. All right. What the fuck, guys?

[Shane Gillis]

No, that's. They were right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That was crazy. Crazy to go from a ring to that.

[Shane Gillis]

They found a cock ring.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yeah, it's. It was on my shampoo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let me ask you, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Wore it into the shower.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I don't know. I don't want to ask those questions, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What makes you think it was a ring? What does that even.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I mean, I. I know what they look like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How. How do you know what they look like?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I got one myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Imagine you have a ring.

[Dusty Carter]

Yeah, I did.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I did at one point.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

That's crazy that you're not talking about with this. With the fan. Cock rings are not so common that we not at all, just all accidentally have a ring, you know, there's got to be something deep in the blood calling out for this family that loves having a ring around the place. I've never used a ring once.

[Shane Gillis]

I. I've never seen it either.

[Matt Gonzalez]

You're missing out.

[Shane Gillis]

Honestly.

[James McCann]

Who introduced cock rings to the family? Did a cock ring salesman come to the door?

[Shane Gillis]

Is there a little secret Santa at the house? Guys pass around. I go, oh, well, you got me a cock ring. Thank you.

[Matt Gonzalez]

You.

[Martin Phillips]

Thank you.

[James McCann]

You got me a ring last.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So I believe you said that you. At one point, you had a cock ring, and now you no longer have one. What made you take your cock, cast

[Shane Gillis]

it into the fire?

[James McCann]

If you push your. Together, Shazam. Comes out of. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

How many are in your house right now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing.

[James McCann]

Planet jumping out of the family reunion anyway.

[Shane Gillis]

What makes your family. Your grandpa has that Michael Jordan photo, like, six rings. Hey,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. What what made. What made you take your cockering out?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I had to throw it away, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? I'm. I don't understand.

[Matt Gonzalez]

It was a little disgusting and a little too powerful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So tell us what you mean by that.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Like. Like it had like one of those, like little, like little pill shaped things on top of it, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we don't know you. You are a cockering master. You are the Frodo of Cock rings. You are the Lord of the Cockrings. You are Johnny Cochrane. So tell us what you mean. Describe this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it must be my grandpa's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Matt Gonzalez]

So it was like one of those rings that had like a small vibrator on it as well, and you were

[Shane Gillis]

just too good at sex? Is that what you're trying to say right now? No, I'm saying I need a little

[Matt Gonzalez]

shot, I needed a little help. That's all I'm saying.

[Shane Gillis]

Look, we get.

[Dickie]

I didn't.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, hold on. You gotta tell me about this thing. How powerful and good is it? Why shouldn't it be mine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, Believe it or not, I actually didn't know what a ring was. It turns out I thought we were talking about a piercing of some kind the entire time.

[Shane Gillis]

Nuts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

This is weirder than a piercing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now he has brought it up and I'm realizing that a ring is actually the thing that you, like, strap around your balls and then the shaft of the base of the shaft of your penis. Is this correct?

[Matt Gonzalez]

I must be doing it wrong then.

[Shane Gillis]

They're wearing it on your hands.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you doing it? What are you talking about? What do you mean?

[Matt Gonzalez]

You just go around the shaft. That's what I thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, you just have one that squeezes around your shaft.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

To keep it hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that.

[James McCann]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you use this for exactly?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Not really my stuff. It's, you know, it's got the vibrator on it. That's why I had it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you had little something extra for the ladies.

[Matt Worldley]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you would put it around the shaft of your penis and then flip a switch.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on, hold on.

[Matt Gonzalez]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

No offense. Were you getting a lot of.

[Matt Gonzalez]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, no offense. So the occasional. You'd get some. You'd go, hold on one second, go. Wait till you see this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I had to, like.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I had to turn it on first.

[Shane Gillis]

And how did these fat white women. How did they feel about it?

[Dickie]

Don't.

[Shane Gillis]

That's.

[Matt Gonzalez]

That's me and nasty. I don't like that. Dude, my girlfriend's really nice.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no, I'm not saying her I was saying the previous ones when you had the ring, I would never disrespect.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Oh, yeah, those.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That white. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, like, you would literally bust this thing out. Let's say you just met a girl and you're lucky enough to have her back to your place on your hammock or whatever. At the time. You would literally. I'm just trying to confirm our beliefs here. This was hammock days, right?

[Matt Gonzalez]

It was pre hammock days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pre hammock. What the were you sleeping on before? Newspapers. What's going on here?

[Matt Gonzalez]

This is before I got evicted from the bed and then I got, you know, a hammock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you had a bed at the time in which you were turning, flipping the switch.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And so there were times in which it would be like a one night stand or whatever, someone that you just met. Okay. Now.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yeah, Correct.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, bro. That's fucking nuts. N.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's actually just above the nut, Tony, folks. Hey, come on. That tickled. Stop that.

[Shane Gillis]

I did not tickle him. Did you ever did so in the. Was that the. Was the shower in the morning when you saw the cockrang.

[Matt Gonzalez]

It was at night.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay. I wasn't sure if your grandpa passed out with the on still buzzing. And I got in the shower. I was like, oh, I forgot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So one could assume that this was your grandpa's ring and that perhaps he was jerking off in the shower while simultaneously using the vibration while trying to hold out or something like that.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I mean, it's one of two people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Right. So it's either the brother or your grandpa. It runs in the family. It's a lot like Teen Wolf. I don't know if you guys have seen Teen Wolf where Michael J. Fox reveals to his father that he's been turning into a wolf. And the father shows him he indeed is also a wolf. This is a cockroach. It's in the bathroom. It is in the bathroom. It's a bathroom mirror. And it opens on the dads, who looks a lot like James McCann, by the way. The dad. Pull up the dad in Teen Wolf. It shockingly looks like James McCann.

[James McCann]

I think it's beautiful that your granddaddy took that opportunity to hand the ring down to you.

[Shane Gillis]

I haven't look like dead

[Frankie Gonzalez]

here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got to just zoom in. Oh, you can't really. You gotta. Well, there's.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, it. You look like a hairy guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what you look like, James.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, have you and your brother discussed Cockranks?

[Matt Gonzalez]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

That you guys have just Both stumbled upon it equal. Like, no, I don't.

[Matt Gonzalez]

I don't bring it up. I don't say anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have your brother. Do you have your brother's phone number? Can we call your brother right now? How many you think we should call his phone, brother? We are in overtime in this interview. This has gone on way too long. I think it's time we solve problems. Because let me remind you, if the brother says that that's not his ring, that means it is the grandfather's cockring, ladies and gentlemen. And then we will have to call the grandfather. Can we get. Can we unlock Matt Gonzalez's phone, please? Oh, my God. All right, so here's what we're going to do, Matt. When you hit send on that, hand me the phone and I'll flip it on and you can put it on speaker because I have to put the. Put it to the base of the phone, much like a cock ring. Here we go. We are calling from the bass

[Shane Gillis]

down to the base of it.

[Redman]

Hello?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, Sammy, how are you? Good. What's up?

[Matt Gonzalez]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm here with your brother. This is Kill Tony. You're on a live podcast right now. I just want to warn you. And your brother's crushing on stage. He's 14 minutes into an interview, and we have a crazy question to ask you. Okay. All right, go ahead. This is a lot like who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Phone a friend.

[Shane Gillis]

But was it A, your grandpa, B, yours?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So here is the situation. Sammy, your brother is. Matt was in the shower recently, and we know that you live together with your grandpa. So can you hear me okay, Sammy? Yeah. Okay, here we go. There's a big question happening, because we found out that your brother once owned a ring, and he had to. And. And then he. He threw it out. He no longer has the cock ring. And the other day he was in. That was it. He was very. Right, yeah. Yes, the other day he was in the shower. So we are curious because it's either your ring that he found in the shower or it's your grandfather's ring. So that was definitely mine. Hold on, Sammy, we can't hear you. The crowd's going too crazy. Okay. What were you. What were you. Hold on. What were you just saying, Sammy? We haven't heard anything since you said it was yours. Go ahead. I was just wondering which one it was.

[James McCann]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many different ones do you have, Sam?

[James McCann]

Me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, there's one that just goes around everything. There's one that just goes around the balls. Holy. Which one? What? Matt, can. Matt, can you describe to your brother the cock ring that you saw?

[Matt Gonzalez]

It was black and it said ox balls on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you recall having one that's black that says ox balls on it? Yes, I do. Wow.

[Dickie]

One of my favorite brands.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, Sammy, what was that doing in the shower? Sometimes you just gotta clean it off with your body too. Wow. You just shower together with everything on. Wow.

[James McCann]

It's like when you got bathers after a chlorine pool. You gotta leave the cockroach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then, according to your brother, you decided to put your cockroach on his shampoo bottle. What was the purpose of that exactly? I don't know. Honestly, I didn't know that was his.

[Dickie]

Maybe it's just to show dominance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. Wow. Sammy, thank you so much for answering these questions. The crowd loves you. Thank you for taking part. We'll talk to you soon, Sammy. Unbelievably entertaining. Cool, brother. Ladies and gentlemen, how about one more time for the lord of the cock rings? Matt Gonzalez, ladies and gentlemen. Here's the big joke book, buddy. Wrap your cock ring around that when you get home.

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[Cameron Shepherd]

Whoop.

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody, your next bucket pool is one of our favorite co producers around here. Someone that helps out with the show all the time. Make some noise for Dusty Carter, everybody. He's back. Dusty Carter.

[Dusty Carter]

After a bit of self reflection, turns out I too am racist. Because if you're not the human race, I don't like you. I don't like AI. I don't like robots. I don't like humanoids. I don't like cyborgs, Waymos or Roombas. Basically, if you ain't got blood vessels, we ain't friends. What do I look like hanging out with a bunch of wired beans? If I wanted to be around a bunch of wired beans, I'd have kept cooking meth. Speaking of drugs, they've been talking about legalizing marijuana in America. And I've got One problem with that, this new generation will never understand the Prohibition. They will never remember peeling apart Mexican brick weed. They won't know the frustration of sifting seeds for five minutes to roll a joint. They won't even know what it tastes like to smoke the resin out of your bong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cause that asshole won't answer his phone.

[Dusty Carter]

Other than that, I'm okay with it.

[Matt Gonzalez]

That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dusty Carter, ladies and gentlemen. Did you say wired beans?

[Dusty Carter]

Wired beans, like wire beans. Things that exist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Human being. Got it.

[Redman]

Got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wired beans. Beings. Got it. I couldn't hear that correctly. Fun set. Dusty, how's it going? How's it going?

[Dusty Carter]

Good, good. Had a blast at WrestleMania last weekend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Hold on. I'm looking at this fat guy ducking to try. That's a. That's a fool. That's a. That's a lot of work, that guy. That's a lot of work.

[Matt Gonzalez]

That.

[Dusty Carter]

That stressed him out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it. Yeah, WrestleMania was fun. We were there.

[James Swanson III]

I almost.

[Shane Gillis]

I want you to know how hard it is to walk a fat guy. Guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Last thing he wants to do is leave. And your set made him go, all right, I've had enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or it made him hungry. He may have heard wired beans. And he's like, I need some beans. Amazing. So, Dusty, tell us more about your life. You used to cook meth, right? Yes.

[Dusty Carter]

Yes, I did. I was a. An interest in bean and myself in a former life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were a bean? Yes.

[Dusty Carter]

Not. Not the one in Chicago that you found out about recently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know nothing about the bean.

[Dusty Carter]

We talk about the meth stuff every time I'm on here, but we never talk about the fact that the only chocolate I eat has a pulse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Wow. Let's talk about that.

[Dusty Carter]

I've been with a black woman for six years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The same black woman for six years? Yes. Wow. What that. What that be like?

[Dusty Carter]

Let's see, that. The reason I brought it up is you always ask that question. And these guys are always talking about the difference, the true difference between a black woman and a white woman. When a black woman buys you something, she expects you to wear it. And she will remind you every time you get ready to go out that you should wear it. But she also reminds you, if you entertain any compliments, you will be buried in the same thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dusty Carter]

A white woman will buy you some shit. Never say nothing about it. Next thing you know, you wake up on snapped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean, unsnapped?

[Dusty Carter]

You know the show where white women kill their.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Dusty Carter]

You just get kid. They. They. They trip.

[James Swanson III]

Got it?

[James McCann]

They trip. Yeah.

[Dusty Carter]

White bitches be crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

White bitches be tripping.

[Brandon Fields]

Yeah.

[Dusty Carter]

But there's certain things you have to know when you're with a black woman. Like you have to know what setting spray is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Setting spray.

[Dusty Carter]

It's a special spray that the ladies use after they do their makeup. Kind of seals it up. Clear coat and a paint job, if you will.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Dusty Carter]

It's very interesting because if they're not wearing it, you end up fucking looking like the love child of Jimmy Kimmel and Justin Trudeau.

[Liv Taylor]

Who?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, blackface.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah.

[Dusty Carter]

And when you're out in the public and you realize she's not wearing setting spray, the first thought you have is, is she trying to have me killed or canceled?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn. Very interesting. Where'd you meet this black woman at?

[Dusty Carter]

She was a military lady and we met on the Internet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. When? First date. What was that like?

[Dusty Carter]

We went to a comedy club.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was that the first black woman that you've been with? No, sir. Okay. Wow, look at you. You ever wear a cock ring, Dusty?

[Dusty Carter]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at this. We are the last to the cockering party. Shane, how about you?

[Dusty Carter]

I was back there listening, thinking I could explain this whole story. Grandpa can't keep it up. He wrapped it, but it turned out wasn't Grandpa.

[James McCann]

How many members of the band are there? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Who's used a ring just as a sample size?

[Shane Gillis]

I know you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good car, Carlos. So? So over there. Definitely. Yeah. Hell, yeah. Of course he did.

[James McCann]

This is more common than I expected. I. You never see a ring in D Madness.

[Shane Gillis]

You ever use a ring? No. Yeah. D Madness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One. How many car. How many cock rings have you had, Carlos? Only one. And you still have it? No.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got rid of it?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I guess.

[James Swanson III]

I don't remember what happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

This cops it in the couch. What do you mean?

[Dusty Carter]

I think I lost mine in the divorce. I don't remember.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Dusty. Well, we love you, you. Fun times. There goes Dusty Carter, everybody. We'll see him again. All right, here's another bucket pool. This looks like an interesting one. Make some noise for James Swanson iii, everybody. Hell, yeah. Make some noise for James, everybody.

[James Swanson III]

I recently got engaged to the woman of my dreams. Love is blind. And it is also 3ft, 6 inches. I fell in love with the midget. I can only handle half of a woman's problems. When we go out on dates, I carry her in a front pack like a little baby kangaroo. We always get our 50% off discount. And we only have short arguments. But the best part is my dick looks huge next to a midget. First time I've ever been in two hands at the same time. And I feel like a giant. Cause when I'm standing up giving her the money shot, she's standing up too. Like she's in the shower. We only got one problem, Austin. She's always trying to 69, but she can only 34.5. So while she's sucking my dick, I'm licking her kneecaps. Laugh like kneecaps is delicious. I just put a little honey on them. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

James Swanson iii.

[James Swanson III]

Yes. The third.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome.

[James Swanson III]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this true? You're really with the Mitchet?

[James McCann]

Yes.

[James Swanson III]

I like shorter people than me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God, that is incredible. And very hard to find.

[James Swanson III]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do look like unsuccessful Kevin Hart heart.

[James Swanson III]

Well, not after tonight, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. The star is born. James Swanson the third. Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

And you're. You're currently. You're in love with a.

[James Swanson III]

No, I just made the joke.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I wanted to sing T pain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm in love with a she short and she short.

[Shane Gillis]

That's good stuff.

[James Swanson III]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. James Swanson the third. How old are you?

[James Swanson III]

I am 53.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[James Swanson III]

I started like I first touched the mic 2011, but I fell off. I got in and out of it. In and out of it. But I've been really serious about it the last three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You live here in Austin?

[James Swanson III]

No, I'm traveling from Las Vegas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live in Vegas?

[Matt Worldley]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do in Vegas?

[James Swanson III]

My Uber driver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why'd you smile and hesitate there for a second?

[James Swanson III]

Because I quit a six figure job to follow my dream. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What was the amazing. What was the job that you quit?

[James Swanson III]

I sold timeshare upgrades in Las Vegas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timeshare upgrades?

[James Swanson III]

Yes.

[Cameron Shepherd]

Wow.

[James Swanson III]

People actually like timeshare.

[James McCann]

The crowd so fast, everyone was like, he quit a six figure job. What a bald man on a dream. And then they're like, you sold timeshare? And they got what a piece of this guy is. I'm sorry, I've never heard.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know what the his problem is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[James Swanson III]

Me neither.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, Mario I him up Teen Wolf dad looking ass. James Swanson iii. This is incredible. James Swanson III means that you knew your father, Right?

[James Swanson III]

Right, I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that your father knew his father.

[James Swanson III]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. Yeah. Three generations in a row. That's like a powerball or something like that.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah, that's the trifecta. Yeah, it's a trifecta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. Do you have any kids, James?

[James Swanson III]

I do not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How have you gone avoiding that your whole life?

[James Swanson III]

Well, I'm still a kid, so I love it. Kids. Can't raise kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing, amazing. 53 year old child you are.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do that's so childlike, Jeff?

[Dickie]

Dreams.

[James Swanson III]

Just. I just like to have fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what?

[James Swanson III]

Well, recently I've been. I've been working out. I'm getting my together like the last three years. I don't smoke weed. I don't drink anymore. I go to the gym every day. I lost £84.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Red bands on pace to do that if he sticks with only sandwiches. Are you doing sandwiches? How did you lose your weight? What kind of diet did you do?

[James Swanson III]

Well, I did. Just had bad habits. I drank a lot, I smoked weed. I ate, you know, ate after dark. Just. Just 53 years old. You gotta get your shit together or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Was there something that happened that made you have this great awakening?

[James Swanson III]

I videotape everything I do on standup and I watched myself. And I really love comedy and I want to take it as far as it can go. And I was on a thin line of being laughed at or laughed with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Dickie]

Right.

[James Swanson III]

So that was it. I love comedy more than anything, so I gave all that up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you replace it with? Just comedy. Is there any other vices or anything that you.

[James Swanson III]

No, no, I go. Guilty pleasures I go to sometimes twice a day, but. And I drive Uber because, I mean, with the six figures and going to five figures, you just gotta work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[James Swanson III]

A lot harder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the craziest thing in Vegas that's ever happened in your Uber? What's the wildest shit you've ever seen? That place is absolutely nuts.

[James Swanson III]

Nuts. So I dodge all the nutty drivers. I drive half time in the morning and a little bit in the evening. But I had this. I swear to God, this lady was like a lunch teacher. I mean, a lunch lady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lunch lady?

[James Swanson III]

Yeah, in high school. But she had a hell of a night in Vegas and she got in my car. So I waited for like 10 or 15 minutes. She begged me to wait. She couldn't find where I was. At the Uber pickup.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James Swanson III]

And she finally was coming around the corner, her fucking shoe was hanging off her foot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What time of the day is this?

[James Swanson III]

This was 8 o' clock in the morning. So she had been in the. She was in the casino all Fucking night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[James Swanson III]

So shoes falling off, money's falling out of her purse. She jumps in my car and first thing she says is, you are the worst worst Uber driver ever. Oh, I told that she was the worst passenger to get the out of my car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James Swanson III]

But she refused to get out of my car. I had to go get security and the police to get this chick out of my car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think I know the security guy. He ended up with her wallet that night. Amazing. Wow, James. So living in Vegas must be hard to avoid all of those temptations. Drinking, smoking weed is legal there.

[James Swanson III]

Yeah. You just gotta find something you love more than all that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there a joke that you want to do that's not an imaginary related. I'm just curious because it seems like you really love doing this and you were just kind of one note tonight. I'm curious if there's something else that you might have up your sleeve.

[James Swanson III]

I got something on my sleeve, but it's longer than a minute, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, in that case, do you have anything short, quick, shorter than your 3 foot 6 imaginary girlfriend?

[James Swanson III]

Let me see, what can I come up with? Damn, they longer than a minute. Everything is almost longer than a minute. Everything is longer than a minute. Can I get two minutes?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we can't do that. That's a whole different show.

[Shane Gillis]

That's tough though. I couldn't do that either. Somebody was like, tell me a joke. I would.

[James Swanson III]

Well, I'm a storyteller. All my is stories. That's all I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, anything else crazy about your life we should know?

[James Swanson III]

No. That you will see me. James Swanson will be coming to us your televisions very soon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[James Swanson III]

I'm hilarious.

[Shane Gillis]

You're gonna steal these people's TVs?

[James Swanson III]

Oh, yeah. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

James Swanson iii. Here's a medium joke book for you. Come back, sign up again sometime. All right, let's get one last bucket full up here tonight. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi? Sweat and bullets keeping these boys hydrated tonight. All right, your final bucket pool of the night. This is definitely a new name, I do believe. Make some noise for Matt Worldley, everybody.

[Matt Worldley]

In high school, my art teacher was like, hey, does anybody in here know how to speak Arabic? And she was getting ready to train us for like a calligraphy lesson. And I was like, it. I'm like, yeah, I speak Arabic. She goes, go ahead, Matt, speak some Arabic for us. And I said, la, la, la, la. And everybody left in the classroom except for her. She was like, matt, that's rude. That's insensitive. Does anybody in here actually know how to speak some Arabic? And I was like, well, yeah, I do. And she was like, are you actually going to say something in Arabic this time? And I'm like, for sure. I said, but I just did. Did wasn't cool. I'm like, not going to do it again. She goes, go ahead. And I said in perfect Arabic, I said. And she gasped. She was like, oh, my God. She's like, that was beautiful. Do you know what it translates to? I said, hell yeah. I learned it from Call of Duty. It means we've got control of a hostage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that's just.

[Matt Worldley]

True story, you guys. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Matt Worldley]

Matt World.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Worldley, everybody. Welcome to the show, Matt.

[Matt Worldley]

Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. How long you been doing stand up?

[Matt Worldley]

You know, I tried it like 15 years ago, took a big break and now I've been at it for maybe two months now in Denver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what made you want to start again two months ago in Denver?

[Matt Worldley]

You know, my dad came into town and I thought it would be a really cool bonding experience for us to like go out and do some stand up. So we did some stand up at the Lion's Lair on Colfax.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your dad did it too?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, he did. He did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it his first time? Pretty much.

[Matt Worldley]

I mean, yeah, it was. Yeah. It didn't go so good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Did it go better for you?

[Matt Worldley]

A little bit, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Was he happy that he did it afterwards?

[Matt Worldley]

He did, he did. He just like, he took. He was too in his head about it because like before we were pre gaming watching Kill Tony because Lion's Lair is on Monday. So I'm like, dad, like, have some drinks. Pranks. Like, come on, let's loosen up. He's like, no, I gotta stay focused for comedy. And I'm like, all right, all right.

[Shane Gillis]

Is your dad also a sinner's vampire?

[Matt Worldley]

No, no, he's like. He's like a three foot buff midget.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you better watch out. That black guys are gonna eat your dad's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Matt, I'm. Yeah, I agree with Shane. You have a very interesting look and you have.

[Matt Worldley]

Thank you, thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

Pointy fingernails.

[James McCann]

The nails. Can we talk about the nails?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Matt Worldley]

Thank you very much.

[Shane Gillis]

They're really fucked up.

[James McCann]

I thought you were playing. I thought you were like a guitar player. But then I looked at the other hand and it also had the big nails. What's.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

No, no.

[Matt Worldley]

Jesus just blessed me with like perfect nails.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, cokehead, you Think your fingernails are from God?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Can I see? Can you hold them up? So. Yeah. No, not to me. Don't show them.

[James McCann]

Show them.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Sorry.

[Matt Worldley]

I mean. I mean, ladies, come on. Those are real nails. I'm not playing around here. Thank you, queen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. Amazing. It's like a. I just saw Ari

[Matt Worldley]

Maddie at Comedy Works last night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Matt Worldley]

That was badass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Why do you have the fingernails?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, never done coke. Not a coke guy, right? I just have. Naturally, my fingernails have grown kind of profusely and have been strong.

[James McCann]

No, but hold on. You know that there's a device that you can use.

[Matt Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

That will make them shorter.

[Matt Worldley]

But I like it this way because it kind of plays into my Persona, in my personality.

[Shane Gillis]

What is that?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, it's like what I would call, like, an alien wizard scientist.

[James McCann]

Yeah, you look like the state of New Mexico in one person.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So an alien wizard scientist. Can you explain what you mean by that?

[Matt Worldley]

Sure, sure, sure. So alien wizard science is an art form that I invented, essentially,

[Matt Gonzalez]

where I

[Matt Worldley]

essentially, like, shine light through rotating glass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[James McCann]

Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, please do.

[James Swanson III]

Please do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

So that, you know, that's. You know, that's fucking retarded.

[Matt Worldley]

No, you. You.

[Brian Redban]

You.

[Matt Worldley]

You'd be surprised. You're near one to talk.

[Shane Gillis]

I would be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell no. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Go.

[Shane Gillis]

Feels good, doesn't it?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, it does. I'm sorry.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's okay.

[Matt Worldley]

It's so good to meet you, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's nice to meet you.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Got to.

[Shane Gillis]

It's all right. So you do wizardry through glass?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, so I have, like, this crazy laboratory in Denver, Colorado.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a laboratory?

[Matt Worldley]

I have a legit laboratory.

[Shane Gillis]

Make anything else?

[Matt Worldley]

There's, like, lights. There's, like, lights embedded in the floor. The floor is sound activated. And I conduct these crazy light experiments on my YouTube, and I essentially manipulate light and make music to it in real time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make.

[Matt Worldley]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make music to that.

[Shane Gillis]

Is it dubstep?

[Matt Worldley]

So. Not really.

[Shane Gillis]

No, not really, but.

[Matt Worldley]

No, no, no, no, no. It's like a very meditative experience.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay.

[Matt Worldley]

It kind of puts you in that, like, state of mind of tripping without tripping because it's like natural light refractions.

[Shane Gillis]

But then you could also trip and it would be better.

[Matt Worldley]

It would be so dope.

[James McCann]

All right, what did I miss? What kind of wizard are you?

[Matt Worldley]

Alien wizard scientist.

[James McCann]

Sick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So other people go there and they do this, right? They trip. We have. We brought up your YouTube. Oh, yeah, dude, that's me. We are the fourth viewer on this video. I've never even seen that before. It's actually crazy that they let you know that there's been three views before this.

[Brian Redban]

Even bots are like, oh, I'm no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the is this? This guy's a psycho. All right, so there is definitely a very. How did you pick the shitty ass video Red band?

[Matt Worldley]

Come on.

[Brian Redban]

Literally your latest video.

[Matt Worldley]

Pick like number 27. Pick that one right, right above your finger there.

[Brian Redban]

The one the most views, which is zero views.

[Matt Worldley]

Okay, thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

You didn't hear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, go back, let's see as much most viewed do the one with 61 views. There. That one right there.

[Matt Worldley]

Okay. No, nobody can see this. This must be so boring for you guys.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay.

[Shane Gillis]

You can imagine exactly what.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

It actually is pretty good. Like production wise, you're doing pretty good stuff. Zero views is crazy.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Visually it's very nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Visually, it's.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, I think you, you.

[Matt Gonzalez]

It's.

[Matt Worldley]

It's like a work in progress. I actually just started it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how did you come up with this idea? How did you realize this is something that you want to do?

[Matt Worldley]

Well, it was just been the series of like, you know, spiritual connection to like my art. And it's kind of brought me to this place. I've always been like a hypocrisy. I've always been like a, like it, like, like, like an innovator. Like, I don't follow rules. I just do whatever the I want.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, what's another instance where you innovated something?

[Matt Worldley]

So, like for the past seven years, I've been a professional body painter. So I've, I've, I've painted tits for seven years.

[Shane Gillis]

You painted tits for seven years?

[James McCann]

Painted this?

[Matt Worldley]

That's what I've been doing for seven years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have two days a week?

[James McCann]

Do you ever accidentally scratch the women?

[Matt Worldley]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no. How about that? Good.

[Shane Gillis]

How about scratch yourself?

[Matt Worldley]

I'm not. Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good.

[Brandon Fields]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you accidentally scratch yourself? Cuz I've done that one time.

[Frankie Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[Matt Worldley]

Like in my sleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Myself up pretty bad.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, right here.

[Shane Gillis]

Tried to itch my belly. I just cut my chest. I got in the shower, I was like, oh, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Okay. This guy's hosting over here.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Mike, he had enough of my belly story. He said, come on, man, you're bombing. I went back to my sculpture video or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you, you're. You paint women? They just, just sign up for this do they pay you to do that?

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much is does it cost for you to paint a woman's tits?

[Matt Worldley]

So like I have price range ranges from like 15 to like 35. And I walk around with like a lanyard and a tray. 15 bucks walk around this dope ass club and I just paint women all night.

[Shane Gillis]

I've been doing kids and buy a sandwich. 15 bucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a good idea. You'll lose some weight. The sandwich diet. Red Band's famous sandwich Sandwich diet. Have you ever painted a man before?

[Matt Worldley]

Oh, yeah, I paint men and women, but like, I, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you happen to mention painting tits for seven years. How many dicks do you think you've painted?

[Matt Worldley]

Well, some people, People are like, you know, paint. Paint a dick on my friend. I'm like, that's expensive. I don't want to. I don't want to paint dicks on people.

[Shane Gillis]

But how many dicks have you painted as the dick?

[Matt Worldley]

Like painted on an actual dick? Yeah, I haven't painted on any fucking dicks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't get so defensive.

[Redman]

Sorry.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not very alien wizardry of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, sorry.

[Matt Worldley]

Peace be with you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, dude, didn't mean to get all up in your fractals over there. Wow. All right. Matt Worldley.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, yeah, you rule.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Here's a medium joke book. And there you go. There he goes. Matt Worldley, everybody. All right, that was a full episode. We have one regular, everybody. He is the newest regular here on Kill Tony and we absolutely love him. He's been on a terror. He's hilarious. Make some noise for him. This is a brand new minute from your newest regular, ladies and gentlemen. This is Pat o', Neal, everybody. Folks, my ex girlfriend, she would love it when I spit in her mouth. And my new girlfriend hates when I mention that. First time we hooked up, I didn't have a condom. So I tells her, hey, you better not have herpes because then I will have double herpes. Last weekend she got so drunk she threw up on my cock. Yeah. So next time I'm just going to let her sleep. Telling that story last night and this woman in the crowd called me toxic. I was like, that's pretty rich coming from somebody that bleeds out of their goddamn crotch.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay, that's enough for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Pat o' Neill has done it yet again. So funny. Amazing stuff, Pat. Thank you. Tony, you're a wild boy. Everything about you is hilarious, especially the way you look, the way you write, and everything that you do. Your delivery, everything I absolutely Love it. James McCann, this is your first time seeing Pat?

[James McCann]

Oh, it's the second I saw you just before I left town. And I'm so proud of the glow up. I'm so proud of where your career is going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, James.

[James McCann]

I can't believe you haven't had a haircut yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm really holding on to all of it.

[James McCann]

I'm really. I'm really impressed.

[Shane Gillis]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[James McCann]

I don't have anything nasty to say. I. I'm proud of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Shane, this is your first time seeing Pat, right?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think it is my first time. That was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he was on the Netflix one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it was very funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it was great. Could have done without the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I kind of.

[Shane Gillis]

You had.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I lost the timing of it. I know. I didn't want to just sign off on it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. But it was.

[James McCann]

I like that one where you woke asleep woman up by shoving your penis down her throat. You know, because you're so charming, I didn't notice that's what it was about. And then I thought about it later and I thought, I think he was mouth fucking a sleeping woman. And I didn't know that could be so funny.

[Shane Gillis]

And you don't look like the type of guy that would do that.

[James McCann]

You don't.

[Shane Gillis]

That's what's so fun. It's a nice misdirect. Cause you seem like a classy,

[Dickie]

not rapist.

[James McCann]

You're a cruel, nocturnal mouth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pat o'. Neal.

[Shane Gillis]

Always mouth Ratu. Thanks for laughing.

[Brian Redban]

Are you dirty in bed?

[Dickie]

Like, are you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you freaking the sheets? Are you a freak in the sheets pattern? Neil, this woman just goes, okay, welcome to my world, lady. Not just missionary, you know what I mean? I don't give nearly. Yeah, I don't give nearly the.

[James McCann]

None of that fancy stuff, brother.

[Shane Gillis]

No showboating north and south like a white man running the football.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, sir.

[Matt Worldley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eye formation. I love it. Pat, what's. You ever use any toys in the bedroom? You ever. Have you ever had a ring or anything like that?

[Martin Phillips]

No.

[Ronaldo Mercado]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't give nearly the fingering that last guy does with this green claws. Yeah. Any woman ever do anything crazy in the bedroom that freaked you out? You had to stop it. Had to stop it down, full stop. It was like the tongue got a little too low. And I don't play. I don't play that funny business. I'm trying to get into the pearly gates. Yeah. Yeah, I bet, right?

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, this guy's exactly. Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

No rings. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, no. Does the carpet match the drapes? Are your pubes longer on the sides than they are in the middle? Pat, Pat, you're the man. I love you closing out this show. Such great job jokes. You did it again. The great Pat o'. Neal. Guys, make some fucking noise. To the great Shane Gillis, everybody. We did it. The drawing from Ryan J E Belt is in one more time for James McCann, everybody. Make sure you check out the roast of Kevin hart Tire Season 3. All the fun stuff is out there on Netflix. James McCann is the James Donald 4 Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast. So type that into your Google and find that it's available everywhere. Thank you to Quo Prize pick, Surf shark and Cheers Health. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Over there. Oh, it's Shane. Hell yeah. That Shane in a flyer's hat. Did they win? The Flyers win?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, fires lost. We got series.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Pittsburgh, the Penguins.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I'm sure they'll close it out strong. Red band, San Diego.

[Brian Redban]

I'm coming to the American Comedy Co with some friends. American Comedy co.com We're going to Madison

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Square Garden, ladies and gentlemen. August 7th and 8th and a lot of other fun stuff happening. So stay tuned for a lot of other fun announcements upcoming. We love you guys. Thank you so much, everybody. Good night. You can't reason with the sun. Trust us, we've tried. This summer, it's time to put that

[Dickie]

angry ball of fire on mute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Columbia's Omnishade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless, but so is our gear.

[Dickie]

Level up your [e-mail] to spend more

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion. You're welcome, Columbia. Engineered for whatever

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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