KILL TONY #778 - JIMMY CARR

Summary

Kill Tony #778 – Jimmy Carr (July 28, 2026)

Podcast: Kill Tony
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Special Guest: Jimmy Carr
Episode Theme: A chaotic, hilarious showcase of live stand-up, sharp roasts, wild crowd work, and comedian interviews—featuring special guest, world-class wit Jimmy Carr.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony welcomes back one of the show’s most beloved and sharp-tongued guests, Jimmy Carr, to the Comedy Mothership stage in Austin. The show’s familiar format brings a bucket full of aspiring and established comics to perform their one minute, followed by interviews full of banter, deep dives, and signature Kill Tony roasting. Panel regulars Dedrick Quinn and Jay Legend, plus special audience and comedian moments, bring some of the night’s wildest laughs. The energy is electric as the show showcases the randomness and unpredictability of live comedy, making room for heartfelt moments, edgy jokes, and a panel that never pulls punches.

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Key Discussion Points & Comedian Highlights

1. Jimmy Carr’s Return & Chemistry with Tony

• [04:29] Tony lavishes praise on Jimmy Carr, calling him “guest of the year, multiple times,” and “literally one of the best comedians of all time.”
• [04:51] Tony teases the unpredictable nature of the show: “Sometimes it’s a 30-year vet; sometimes it’s a brand new mentally ill person that didn’t practice or try at all.”
• [05:30] Jimmy Carr quips: “I love the phrase brand new mentally ill. Like they weren’t mentally ill yesterday, but today it’s gone too far.”

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2. Tony Scar – Musical Comedy & Life as a Golden Ticket Winner

• [06:54] Performance: Tony Scar opens with an intentionally ambiguous song about being mistaken for gay.
  Notable Lyrics:
  “I am a straight man. I am a straight man.”
  “Everyone’s tried that. Everyone on this stage has tried that.”
• [09:54] Jimmy Carr fires: “I think you are neither straight nor a man. You are a gay boy.”
• [11:41] Scar discusses life post-ticket win: “It’s hard to balance the comedy and the other aspects of life... I do nothing but comedy.”
• [11:47] Jimmy: “You’re paying your dues now and well...”
• [12:29] Redban hits Scar with gerbil sound effects, keeping the roast alive.
• [14:01] Jimmy Carr: “It feels… effortless. Sometimes with musical comedy, it’s predictable. Yours wasn’t.”
• [14:39] Tony: “The fact that you’re the breadwinner of the household—it’s nuts. The 22 year old with an acoustic guitar just bringing home the bacon.”

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3. Robert Lee – Unfiltered, Uncensored, and Unforgettable

• [15:45] Performance: Lee delivers jokes about quitting drinking, colonoscopies, and his Kentucky roots.
  • “I quit drinking 14 and a half months ago with my friends”
  • “My asshole looks like it’s ready to settle down.”
• [17:18] Tony: “We know you’re from Kentucky, Robert.”
• [17:44] Lee confesses: “I had some meth. Tried that one time for 10 years or so.”
• [18:22] Jimmy: “That is a kind of poetry that Mark Twain could only dream of.”
• [19:03] Lee’s perspective on his life shift: “That was a turning point in my life. The Lord had my attention. I said, ‘God, what do you want me to do?’ He said, ‘Don’t do meth.’ I said, ‘I got you.’”
• [20:03] Tony translates Kentucky prison lingo for the crowd.
• [21:28] Lee on his job: “I drive a truck and I haul drill cuttings. What they take out of the ground, I haul to the disposal.”
• [26:10] Lee’s quirky anecdote: “A banana peel makes a Geiger meter go off.”

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4. Lauren Baker – Life-Coach, Diagnosed Schizophrenic, First Set

• [29:26] Performance: Lauren jokes about being mistaken for the sign-up clipboard, life in a psych ward, and contemplating Pan’s Labyrinth.
• [31:30] Jimmy Carr, dry: “I think you should try stand up.”
• [34:36] Tony incredulous: She charges “$150 an hour. And about how many clients?” Lauren: “A dozen.”
• [36:45] Lauren reveals: “I got diagnosed with schizophrenia last year.”
• [37:07] Jimmy Carr: “Schizophrenia—that means you can multitask, right?”
• [37:48] Tony: “Sign up again, write and stick with your gut… we’ll have a fun interview and do it next time.”

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5. Greg Anderson – International Comedy Road Warrior

• [38:39] Performance: Anderson jokes about reconnecting with his mom, marrying a coworker for her citizenship, and odd misadventures in Asia.
• [39:54] 12 years in stand-up, started in Vietnam (“spit out the ugly bottom of the poetry community”).
• [42:49] “I was temporarily banned from flying into Vietnam.” Tony: “Perfect.”
• [46:13] “My dad died.” Tony: “How did dad die?” Greg: “Got old, had a genetic disease... 50/50 chance right here.”
• [47:14] “Any of those ladyboys?” Greg: “Some comedians used to say, ‘Isn’t it funny how you can sleep with a ladyboy and not be gay?’ ... All the other comedians: ‘No. He’s gay.’”
• [48:32] “She took care of [the abortion]. Thank God. She was very cool about it.”

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6. Michael Head – Veteran Comic, First Kiss in Austin

• [49:25] Performance: Head centers on being bullied by a “retarded kid” in high school, football hijinks, and Florida life.
• [51:05] “I got postpartum diabetes.”
• [52:14] Tony arranges Michael’s first Austin kiss (“our fanbase, it has to be their idea”), cue audience hero Megan.
• [53:58] Megan’s Vietnamese heritage becomes source of callback jokes.
• [55:32] Michael: “I don’t watch [WNBA] games. I just bet them to go under in the points and it works.”
  • Tony: “That needs to be part of your stand up. That’s hilarious. Just take the under.”

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7. Dedrick Quinn – Trail Mix Philosophy

• [58:00] Performance: Dedrick riffs on family, trail mix, black vs. white traditions, going to jail in Japan (“I said, call Joe Rogan!”), and becoming stronger.
• [60:38] Tony: “Let’s face it. The more good shit that’s in trail mix, the better it is.”
• [61:08] Dedrick: “You said the raisins is a bonus. That’s the whitest shit you’ve ever said to me.”
• [63:56] On Japanese jail: “They don’t give bail to Americans… I can’t swim, so I just stayed in jail.”
• [65:09] “I taught [the Japanese inmates] how to get bail.”

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8. Jay Legend – Wordplay, Weed, and Family

• [66:43] Performance: “I don’t think racism should end... just quarantine them to Antarctica. 'Cause it’s hard to say nigga and be cold.”
• [67:40] “The black words are cologne, discreet, and innuendo.”
• [68:24] Jimmy Carr: “Fantastic wordplay. Great writing. I loved it, man.”
• [69:12] Jay dodges having a breathing tube: “I’m not gonna be gay in front of my child here.”
• [71:06] Jimmy: “We gotta find you a new drug.”
• [71:39] Tony pitches: “Black people cold plunging, gentlemen. That’s the most watched show in History.”
• [72:27] Jay: “I got two. A four year old son, he autistic, and a one year old regular daughter. You know what signs to check for after the first time.”

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9. Jules Via Lobo – DJ’s First Set

• [74:40] Performance: Strip club puns around wildfires, slapstick mishaps, and a mushroom joke.
• [75:59] Admits: “This is my first time.” Wants to “make a couple people chuckle.”
• [76:46] Tony: “If you just came up here to tell us—big fan—thank you so much. We’re gonna keep it moving.”

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10. Andrew Packer – Canadian Perspective

• [78:47] Performance: On shooting guns for the first time (“in Dallas, explosive applause… Austin is more chill”), wife’s pregnancy, and becoming a father.
• [80:15] Jimmy Carr: “If you’d opened on the last bit (wife is pregnant), I would have preferred it. Great gag.”
• [82:38] Flew in from Canada “just for this” while wife’s “38 weeks pregnant.”
• [84:16] Andrew: “I’ll never have a son named Richard [with last name Packer].”
• [84:47] Panel riffs on baby names: “Pussy Packer,” “Gash Packer,” etc.

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11. Isaac Kane Brown – Dark, Surreal, & Awkward

• [86:11] Performance: Absurd Dr. Seuss/9-11 jokes, bird flu, crows, and a rough racial joke.
• [87:37] Jimmy Carr: “If you’re going to do [race], be super fucking funny.”
• [88:06] Isaac: “My brother is the autistic one. I was just homeschooled.”
• [88:47] Jimmy: “You have the demeanor of a school shooter, but you didn’t get to go.”
• [89:03] Served in Iraq (“I loaded the magazine upside down...” “I cried. It was really hot.”)
• [91:03] Tony: “If one of those (camel) spiders saw John D’s [band member], he wouldn’t know where the shadow ends.”

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12. Yay He – Crowd Favorite, Birthday Girl, Living Out Loud

• [94:29] Performance: “As you can see, I’m bisexual… but does it look like I can scissor?” Jokes about disability, her mom, having “fake titties,” and comedic resilience.
• [95:53] Birthday love, Tony: “Am I right, Jimmy, is this not one of the most adorable little fetal alcohol whatevers you’ve ever seen?”
• [97:44] Callback to famous viral moment (catching a joke book on stage).
• [98:45] On driving: “I’m surprisingly a great driver. I drive with my hands, so I can’t look at my phone.”
• [100:24] Teaches math online.
• [100:52] “I got a new boyfriend. He has one nut.”
• [101:12] Met boyfriend at Kill Tony signups “Only at Kill Tony can a man with one testicle meet a whatever the fuck this is.”
• [102:26] Yay He: “I’m all holes. That’s all pockets.”
• [105:13] Reuniting with her dad: “14 years, first thing he says is, ‘You want your eyes done?’”

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13. John Sheeran – Newcomer, Struggling, but Resilient

• [110:06] Performance: Relationship/glass ceiling metaphors; Dollar Tree/Family Dollar.
• [111:18] Jimmy Carr: “Have you thought about leg braces? Some people wear leg braces and they’re super funny.”
• [113:07] John riffs about Texas native plant reusable bags, lands flat. Yay He, wholesome, tries to support him.
• [116:05] John: “Your boyfriend has one testicle?... I was born that way, too.”
• [116:20] Ends on self-deprecating note, crowd tepid.

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14. Galena Ravina – Seasoned LA Pro, Russian-Ukrainian Flair

• [118:01] Performance: Women’s safety, Dubai, kickboxing, peeping toms.
• [119:26] Six months new to Austin; weighs in on H-E-B grocery store debate: “I love it. The only grocery store I ever walked into where I saw a man holding a pigeon.”
• [121:52] Claims Ukrainian heritage, speaks Russian on request (“How Mosko is it?”).
• [122:46] Banter about Yay He driving (“I think it’s a Waymo and they just let her pretend”).

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15. Pat O’Neill – Regular, Relentless Gag Machine (Closer)

• [126:02] Performance: Riffs on squirting (“Last time I take her to Taco Bell”), faking it in bed, rough sex, Texas abortion, and incest/abortion laws.
• [127:55] Jimmy Carr: “Banger after banger after banger. Not only great jokes, but perfect delivery. It’s a joy to watch.”
• [128:08] Tony on Pat: “He is the fastest rising comedian in all of the world.”
• [130:09] Panel jokes about MSG debut, New York, and fame.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jimmy Carr (on first comic): “I think you are neither straight nor a man. You are a gay boy.” [09:58]
• Jimmy Carr (to Lauren Baker): “Schizophrenia—that means you can multitask, right?” [37:07]
• On trail mix:
  • Dedrick: “Trail mix, you can eat 20 things at one time. It’s like a dry smoothie.” [58:30]
  • Tony: “The more good shit that’s in trail mix, the better it is.” [60:38]
  • Dedrick: “You said the raisins is a bonus. That’s the whitest shit you’ve ever said to me.” [61:08]
• Jay Legend (on racism): “I don’t think racism should end... send them to Antarctica… it’s hard to say nigga and be cold.” [66:43]
• Yay He (about herself): “I’m all holes. That’s all pockets.” [103:35]
• Jimmy Carr (on Pat O'Neill): “Not only great jokes, but perfect delivery. It’s a joy to watch.” [127:55]

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Crowd & Panel Dynamics

• Audience interaction is a livewire: Michael Head gets his first Austin kiss; Tony and Jimmy riff with, roast, and at times, try to support even the most awkward performers.
• Panelists blend roast with encouragement, especially for those bombing or revealing vulnerability (Lauren Baker, John Sheeran).
• Spontaneous moments: Yay He is invited onstage to join the panel, offers feedback and quick roasts—her comedic persona embraces her disability with fearless self-deprecation, winning the crowd.
• The “H-E-B grocery bag” debate becomes a surreal highlight, with John Sheeran sinking his set by dissing Texas’s beloved supermarket.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Guest Introduction: [04:29]
• Tony Scar Band Performance: [06:54]
• Michael Head’s Austin First Kiss: [52:14]
• Dedrick Quinn’s Trail Mix Routine: [58:00]
• Yay He "I'm all holes" and joining the panel: [103:35, 107:54]
• Pat O’Neill’s Closer: [126:02]
• Panel praises Pat O’Neill & wraps up with Jimmy Carr: [127:55–End]

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Tone & Spirit

The episode is classic Kill Tony: lightning-fast, punchy, and deliberately boundary-pushing, but laced with surprising support for comedians taking their first risks. The hosts, guests, and comics oscillate between brutal roasting and sincere encouragement, reminding listeners of the chaos—and camaraderie—of stand-up at its rawest.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

You’ll get everything from world-class joke writing lessons and absurd crowd work, to raw self-disclosures and legendary panel riffing. This episode’s packed with edgy humor, underdog moments, and the kind of unexpected magic only live comedy delivers, especially with Jimmy Carr in the house and the lovable wildcard Yay He sharing the spotlight. For aspiring comics, Jimmy Carr’s feedback and Pat O’Neill’s performance are a masterclass in tight joke writing.

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Episode’s Final Three Takeaways:

• Jimmy Carr’s razor wit and support make him a guest-of-the-year mainstay.
• The show’s power is in its unpredictability—where first-timers, oddballs, and rising stars share a stage and get real-time feedback.
• Kill Tony remains the gold standard for blending ruthless roast with genuine mentorship, always pushing the comedy envelope.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Andrew Packer]

If you're like me, you have a lot of things on your mind. Work things, family things, what's for dinner things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So here's one last thing to think

[Andrew Packer]

about protecting your engine.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Just swing by your local take five

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for an oil change and ask for Pennzoil Platinum, Full synthetic motor oil.

[Announcer/Promoter]

It helps protect against wear, keeps your

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

engine running clean, and gives you the kind of peace of mind you don't have to overthink. Just remember one thing. Ask for Pennzoil Platinum by name at

[Andrew Packer]

your local Take 5 Pennzoil. Long may we drive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pacifico, the crisp Mexican lager that wasn't brewed to blend in. We were made for the moments when you live like you mean it. When you don't just hear the music, you feel it. When you let the bonfire burn into the night and find places you'd never spot on a map. So when the moment calls, choose to reach for the bright yellow can. Choose yellow. Choose Pacifico 21 +discover responsibly Pacifico Clara beer, imported by Crown Imports, Chicago, Illinois.

[Robert Lee]

Illinois.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhengchcliff.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out Shop Squad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, ShopSquad TV. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony.

[E]

It's close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Lying right there, ladies and gentlemen. And that is the best damn band

[Michael Head]

in all the land.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the Kil Tony Band. Make some fucking noise for them, huh? Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez. Fucking Esteban Viejo. Nachos Belgrande. Tres Leches. How about a hand for the great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and this is the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar here. Oh, Lordy, what an episode we have for you tonight, as always here on the number one live podcast in the world for many years running. And it's because of our amazing sponsors. And here's a little bit more from them. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Every single week, I book this Mama jama. Normally two of the best comedians in the world. But every once in a while we have a guest that is so good, that's so great that we want to give it a little room to breathe. I present to you one of the greatest guests in the history of the show. A person who people say one of the best guests ever. Guest of the year, multiple times. Before we even started giving out that award when we were on the come up, this guy was crushing for us. He's also literally one of the best comedians of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's guest, the one, the only, the great Jimmy Carr. Oh, my God, the legend, the pig, the man. We love him. We love Jimmy Carr. Look at that, they're on their feet for the king of London, the jokesmith, the man himself.

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, I, I can't believe your luck. I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are so happy to have you back every time, anytime. You are the man. Our chemistry is unbelievable. Some people say we're two of the funniest ventriloquist dolls on planet earth.

[Jimmy Carr]

Would have been okay in music hall, wouldn't we, a thousand years ago?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, we've always had fun, Jimmy. You know how the show goes. Over 200 innocent souls signed up for this bucket tonight. Anything can happen sometimes. Lately we've had some real, real good veterans of the game. Some 20, 30, 40 year comedy vets have been signing up, trying to make it finally in their lives. And they do. Here they finally get the respect they've been looking for. Sometimes it's a brand new mentally ill person that didn't practice or try at all, which people also love that too. Either way, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitt. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts their set. And then we conduct an interview.

[Jimmy Carr]

I love the phrase brand new mentally ill. Oh yeah, like they weren't mentally ill yesterday, but today it's gone too far.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah, it happens fast. Oh, they snap fast. Some people go into Shakespeare's, the crazy bar next door where we keep them all huddled together. And they're not even mentally ill when they go in there. And then after 20, 40 minutes around the other comedians, they, they have, for some reason they've decided to do a deal where pitchers of vodka soda are of an extremely low price. I can't imagine the gasoline like vodka that they are, that they're putting in there. I'm going to have Lindsey Graham's granddaughter pull the first name out of the bucket tonight. And while we go wrangle that first bucket pull, we're going to get tonight's show started with a brand new set from one of our golden ticket winners. Everybody. It's been a while since we've seen this young man, and he is indeed very young. One of the youngest ever golden ticket winners in the show's history, Winning it at the age of 21. He's now 22. He's a musical prodigy getting us started tonight. He goes by the name. Put your hands together for Tony Scar, everybody. Here we go.

[Tony Scar]

It's come to my attention the Internet thinks I'm gay. That's wrong, offensive and untrue. So I hooked a lie detector to the lights on the stage. Cause that's what a straight guy would do. I've never had anything up my ass except a finger and a butt plug one time and a gerbil twice. Everyone's tried that. Everyone on this stage has tried that. You wonder why these bucket poles are so nervous. The gerbil's in the contract. I was behind this stage. Tony said, it's time for the gerbil. So I squatted and I prayed and he put in a guinea pig. Anyways, I'm not gay. I'd never kiss a man. If you don't count my priests and a good childhood friend. I don't even look gay.

[Greg Anderson]

Fine.

[Tony Scar]

I see a lesbian in the mirror, and when I wipe that mirror off, that lady just gets queerer. I don't have any weird kinks. What the fuck does yellow mean? Are you insinuating that I like pee? God, this fucking thing. Gay people scare me. I'm scared of women. And gay people are close enough. They freak me out every time because their hands are so soft, but their knees are so rough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I've been.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Tony Scar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, guys. Tony Scar. Very fun, experimental little set tonight. Knowing the lighting guy, I can't believe how good that went. We've been doing this show with that lighting guy for years. He doesn't have our cues memorized.

[Tony Scar]

Lighting guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you brought your own. Oh, brilliant. Sorry, Kino. That must really hurt for you right now. Jimmy Carr. What do you think about this young buck?

[Jimmy Carr]

So you. You're saying you're not gay?

[Tony Scar]

I am.

[Jimmy Carr]

Agree to disagree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. Yeah.

[Tony Scar]

I am a straight man. I am a straight man.

[Jimmy Carr]

I would. I would disagree with both of those.

[E]

Right.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think you were neither straight nor a man.

[Robert Lee]

Okay.

[Jimmy Carr]

You are a gay boy. What would you. I'm not throwing any shade at you

[Tony Scar]

saying I'm your type, Jimmy? Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Listen, I don't think you have to be gay to fuck someone, just stronger than him. That is true, Tony. You told me this, didn't you? It's not gay if the balls don't touch.

[Robert Lee]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. That's just good old fun. That's what that's called.

[Jay Legend]

I think.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think I've had an idea for the finale of the show. Yeah, we double team him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I love this idea.

[Tony Scar]

Anything to get to Hollywood, man. I'm in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. You're already in Hollywood. How's life been, Tony? Tell us about it. How's life changed lately?

[Tony Scar]

It's been. It's been really good, man. It's been really good. It's been horrible, Tony. It's gone terrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on, Tony?

[Tony Scar]

I'm fighting with the fucking lie detector behind me. It's been good. Everything's been going good. It's hard to balance the comedy and the other aspects of life. And I'm having trouble finding content to bring into the comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Redban found his gerbil sound effect, everybody. Not a moment too soon interesting, but

[Tony Scar]

life is like way better than it

[Announcer/Promoter]

was a year ago.

[Tony Scar]

I've just encountered a lot of struggles. I didn't expect to, but fucking everything's great, dude. Can't complain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. How's your life changed since becoming a Kill Tony golden ticket winner?

[Tony Scar]

So now I get to do what I love, which is awesome. But I also have trouble dedicating time to anything other than comedy. Like I'm a fucking psychopath. I do nothing but comedy.

[Jimmy Carr]

I can't see how this is a problem.

[Tony Scar]

I'm poor as fuck, Jimmy. I'm poor as fuck.

[Jimmy Carr]

But that, that'll come later.

[Tony Scar]

That will come later.

[Jimmy Carr]

You're paying your dues now and well,

[Tony Scar]

if you double team me, it'll come a lot quicker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So we're not going to pay you for that. That's just good old free fun right there. I love it, Tony. What else is going on? Tell us more.

[Tony Scar]

Well, everything's going good. I live in a studio apartment right now. I live with my girlfriend because she doesn't have a car or a place. So she just kind of moved into my place and that's how that went.

[Jimmy Carr]

Be crazy if she had a car and a place and. Because she's not real. Right?

[Jules Villalobo]

Right.

[Jimmy Carr]

Like if you had to imagine a car and a house for her as well. That's a lot of imag. But she's From Canada, right?

[Tony Scar]

She's not from Canada.

[Jimmy Carr]

Sure she is. Made up girlfriends are always from Canada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where did you find this lovely homeless woman that you move into your place?

[Tony Scar]

She's great. She's awesome. I found her on Hinge. We met on Hinge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Tony Scar]

I know it's bad. We're six months in. Like on and off. Mostly off. And that's mostly me. And that's my bed and.

[E]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does she have no job?

[Tony Scar]

She has a job, but she makes like 13 bucks an hour. She doesn't have her GED yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Greg Anderson]

Look at.

[Tony Scar]

Okay, that sounds fucking bad.

[Jimmy Carr]

Hold on, let's rewind on that.

[Tony Scar]

She's 20, I think. No, she's 20. She's 20 years old. She just. She dropped out of high school and hasn't gotten her GED yet. So she just moved into my place and I'm kind of helping.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think about this, genius?

[Jimmy Carr]

I think you've. It sounds like you've trafficked a lady to live with you. Which is. Which is great. If you had. I'm sorry, going back to the gay thing, I don't want to harp on, but if you had to describe her vagina, would you say it's an outie? Quite a pointy vagina that sometimes comes on you?

[Tony Scar]

I would say ignorance is bliss, Jimmy. Ignorance is bliss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was waiting for a real answer to that question. I was hoping you were gonna describe a vagina.

[Tony Scar]

And that's a big thing for me.

[Announcer/Promoter]

So.

[Tony Scar]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does your balls touch?

[Tony Scar]

Bet you'd like to know. Red band.

[Greg Anderson]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, Tony.

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, I gotta say, I really love you. I think you're such a likable presence on stage.

[Tony Scar]

I appreciate that.

[Jimmy Carr]

You got like. It's just effortless. I love that. I love the kind of style of it. It feels really kind of. And sometimes a musical comedy, it can feel a little bit kind of predictable. Like you kind of know where they're gonna go. And it was just. Every line was a gag. It's fantastic. I loved it, man.

[Tony Scar]

I appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. I love that you're experimenting, you know, bringing product to it at 22 years old. Like, I. If you keep on this pace of trying different outside of the box things, the stuff you're going to be doing at 25, 27, 30 should be nuts.

[Tony Scar]

So, yeah, I've been trying to. Just keeping up with the writing, like a minute a week. I try to write so that I can keep up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Yep, you're doing it.

[Michael Head]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing it. Tell your girlfriend to get her ged, dude. Yeah, yeah. The fact that you're the breadwinner of a household, it's nuts. The 22 year old with an acoustic guitar just bringing home the bacon. I love it. Well, Tony, great start to the show. Way to get it started for us. Thank you so much.

[Tony Scar]

If you don't mind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, go ahead.

[Tony Scar]

I am going on tour. Tickets [e-mail] if y' all want to hit that up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. There he is, you guys. Very much love Tony Star, everybody. He is a young man indeed. And this looks like an old name. I do believe this guy was a war general at one point for the Confederacy.

[Jimmy Carr]

Are we allowed to have himo?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know if we're allowed. I think his statues are coming down. Make some noise. For what I believe is the kil Tony debut of Robert Lee. Everybody here's Robert Lee.

[Michael Head]

So white.

[Robert Lee]

He's gotta be racist. I quit drinking 14 and a half months ago with my friends. It's at this age. It's ridiculous, man. They all start talking about Conor McGregor and we talk about girls we was with and then they start crying, my wife won't blow me. My God damn, you're semi annual blowjob. Oh, there we go. That's good, Tony. And I tell him, well, think about it, you know. Where was your wife when you were preparing for your colonoscopy? I'll tell you where mine was 37 seconds after I said, this shit ain't working on me. She was cleaning shit off the bathroom scales. That's where my wife was. Well, it's hard to go down on a guy that's done his laundry. You seem to pay for his colonoscopy. When you're young, like most all of you are, all your shit's where it's supposed to be. Nothing leaks. You a truck driver? My asshole looks like it's ready to settle down. Wife does the laundry. God for that cat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Robert Lee, ladies and gentlemen. Or as I call him, Stone Cold Steve. Awful.

[E]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What a way to bring it down, my friend. Absolutely incredible. You must be the father of Tony Scar's GED list girlfriend. You seem like graduating from high school would not be a demand on your children.

[Robert Lee]

No, no, I'm from Kentucky. I got a cd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know. No, we know. We know you're from Kentucky, Robert.

[Robert Lee]

You didn't know?

[Andrew Packer]

Absolutely.

[Robert Lee]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a truck? You have a truck license, am I correct? A cdl.

[Robert Lee]

I'm forklift certified.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I knew that somehow I knew that. Amazing.

[Jimmy Carr]

And where did you serve your time?

[Robert Lee]

I'm a class D killer. Nah, man. I went one time. I learned my lesson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the. What did you do the one time?

[Robert Lee]

Oh, well, I. I had some meth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, perfect.

[Robert Lee]

I. I did. I tried that one time for 10 years or so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One time for.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the only person to ever try meth one time

[Robert Lee]

for 10 years or so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, for 10 years. Got it. Yeah, got it.

[Jules Villalobo]

But.

[Robert Lee]

But I. Hey, I woke up next to a gentleman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was about, welcome to my world.

[Robert Lee]

It might have been the same. He was firing off a turd and a steel shit jack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was what? Put the mic up, dear.

[Robert Lee]

Firing off a turd into a steel shit jack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Steel shit Jack. Describe to us non Kentucky people what a shit jack is, my friend. Well, some of us were not born and bred in the land of incest. Go ahead.

[Jimmy Carr]

If you have that way with language where you can conjure the phrase firing off a turd into a. What was it again?

[Robert Lee]

Stainless steel shitjack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A stainless steel shitjack.

[Jimmy Carr]

That is a kind of poetry

[Andrew Packer]

that

[Jimmy Carr]

Mark Twain could only dream of. That's the set right there. Yep, that's a.

[Robert Lee]

Well, I mean, that was a turning point in my life. The Lord had my attention. I said, God, what do you want me to do? He said, don't do meth. I was like, I got you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Real quick. Before I move on with the 75 questions that I have, I. I have to know before we move on, what exactly is a shitjack?

[Robert Lee]

Have you ever been number three?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nope. What's the number three?

[Jimmy Carr]

Number one?

[Robert Lee]

Number two, what's where you piss Jack Jack off. Number three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I know you just did his entire act. Right then.

[Robert Lee]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So again, I'm gonna ask again. What? Describe what the physical substance of a steel jack is. What is that?

[Robert Lee]

Well, it's where all your roommates or in the same room. It sits in the middle of the floor. And when you shit, you're on display.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a bedpan.

[Jimmy Carr]

No, no, it's a toilet.

[Robert Lee]

No, you drink out of the back of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, got it.

[Robert Lee]

Don't do drugs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it. You're in prison. A shitjack is a toilet.

[E]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could have said that at any point. You let poor Jimmy Carr from London.

[Jimmy Carr]

You don't know what I. I think I might be kind of like Dr. Doolittle for this guy. I can understand him. I know, I know you all think someone just drew a face on a thumb, but I see him as a person. I can Understand him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So, Robert Lee, how old are you?

[Robert Lee]

I'm 50.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

50. What made you. You just started stand up, right? This is your first time or something?

[Robert Lee]

No, no, I did it a couple times before.

[Greg Anderson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just a couple times.

[Robert Lee]

You know, it's the American Legion back in Kentucky, where everybody knows me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The American Legion Legion? Yeah, they do shows at the American Legion in Kentucky sometimes.

[Robert Lee]

Hell, yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Andrew Packer]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to come to Austin, Texas, and sign up for this show?

[Robert Lee]

Oh, well, I work at North Dakota in the oil field.

[E]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's one answer to a totally different question.

[Robert Lee]

Well, have you ever been to North Dakota?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Robert Lee]

It's 50 below. It's cold.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Lee]

I wanted to come down here and, like, come out here and not be nervous. That's. My legs wouldn't stop shaking walking over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Robert Lee]

God dang.

[Greg Anderson]

It's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. Soon you'll be as stable as a steel shitjack. Let's check in with Jimmy Carr here.

[Jimmy Carr]

Are you having an allergic reaction? Because you seem to have you sort of. I don't know how to describe it, but I think you've been stung by something, and I think whatever it was was racist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, I love it. How many black friends do you have?

[Robert Lee]

Well, all of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how many? Give me a ballpark here.

[Robert Lee]

One.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One. What's his name?

[Robert Lee]

Shout out to Rufus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His name is really Rufus.

[Robert Lee]

His name is really Rufus. I Googled it. And there's, like, Rufus Thomas. There's another Rufus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a Rufus Thomas. Rufus Thomas of the Rufus Thomas Band.

[Greg Anderson]

Right?

[Robert Lee]

Twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had to Google it. I know that shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No, that's the thing. I know about that from the Movie Kill Bill 2. Samuel L. Jackson plays a musician in a wedding chapel, and he played with, at one point, the Rufus Thomas of the Rufus Thomas Band.

[Robert Lee]

I didn't. I tell Rufus about that.

[Jay Legend]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you meet Rufus? I have to know how you and Rufus met. This sounds like a fucking CNN documentary.

[Robert Lee]

He was the only black guy in North Dakota. Not North Dakota, but, like, in the whole place. They hired us one black guy, and he was from Chicago and his name was Rufus, so I had to go meet him. And he is cool as a fan. He's my buddy. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what happens when you meet black people. You were assigned to work with him. It wasn't a choice originally.

[Robert Lee]

That's kind of true. That's kind of true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. I got you there. What do you like to do for fun. Robert, you're 14 months off. Well, you quit drinking with your friends, but you drink alone now, am I correct?

[Robert Lee]

I don't drink much anymore. I've been on a life changing journey for about a year and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, tell us about this life changing journey. I'm very excited about it.

[Robert Lee]

Y' all ever heard of Trombolan?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tromboli?

[Robert Lee]

No, no, Trombolan, that stuff that made Crispin Wahang his little retarded kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Robert Lee]

What I'm talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Say it one more time.

[Robert Lee]

Trimbolin. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nope, we don't know about that.

[Robert Lee]

There you go. I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't know about that.

[Robert Lee]

Trimbolone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're as senseless as a shitjack over here. Just go ahead and tell us what that is exactly.

[Robert Lee]

Well, that is anabolic stero.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're on it.

[Robert Lee]

Yeah. I didn't take it today though, because I thought I'd be nervous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you don't want to be nervous.

[Robert Lee]

Sweat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And look at your thumb.

[Robert Lee]

Look at you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're drier than a wet washcloth up here, Emma.

[Robert Lee]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Soaking wet.

[Robert Lee]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good thing you didn't take your steroids today. So what happens when you do take your steroids, Robert Lee?

[Robert Lee]

Well, it's like muscle mess, what I call it, huh? Yeah, you're not stripping, copper. You pumping iron, looking at the window for the cops. But if they're out there, you go see what the they want.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yeah,

[Robert Lee]

yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet the cops love you. It's like when you go out and talk to the cops. It's like that Spider man meme where they're all pointing at each other,

[Michael Head]

just

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

out there looking for the other Rufuses in the neighborhood. You know what I mean? We don't like them Rufuses.

[Robert Lee]

No, no, he's my boy. I like. No, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm joking. I'm making a joke. You have any kids or anything you ever been?

[Robert Lee]

Unfortunately. Kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Four kids?

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. How old's the youngest?

[Robert Lee]

Thirteen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How old's the oldest?

[Robert Lee]

31.

[Jimmy Carr]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is a 31 year old doing good?

[Robert Lee]

Doing great? Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everyone's happy.

[Robert Lee]

Everybody's happy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about the 13 year old? How like you?

[Robert Lee]

He's tearing up all my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I bet he's getting into your steroids while you're out playing comedian at night time.

[Robert Lee]

We've already had to talk about the steroids. We don't talk about what happens at home, you know?

[Jules Villalobo]

Wow.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Baby crying. You got a baby crying on there? You got it there it is. There it is.

[E]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Red fan.

[Lauren Baker]

That's enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's out of control. Jimmy, what do you think about this guy?

[Jimmy Carr]

I feel like we're friends now, so,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, I just.

[Jimmy Carr]

I just want to hear more. It's. It's a fascinating.

[E]

Yeah.

[Robert Lee]

What would you like to hear?

[Jimmy Carr]

Do we know what you do for a living? What. What's your day job?

[Robert Lee]

Oh, I work in the oil field. I take the drill cuttings that comes out of the hole and they put the frac fluid on it. The Democrats say it causes cancer, but I'm fine. And I haul it to the exposure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you say the Democrats say it causes cancer?

[Robert Lee]

Holy. In California, you ain't read that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It probably causes cancer. Dude,

[Robert Lee]

I'm fits a fiddle. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, if they're saying it causes cancer, that means they knew about it like 20 years ago. All right, so that's what you do.

[Robert Lee]

They do Geiger meter every load to check for nuclear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Radiation.

[Robert Lee]

You can with them. With a nanner peel, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can you. What?

[Robert Lee]

You could. Oh, a banana peel. You can with them. You put it in there and it pops off the little Geiger meter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Banana peel makes a Geiger meter go off.

[Robert Lee]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did not know that. It does, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Carr]

Sorry I. I asked what you did for a living. No clearer to an answer there.

[Robert Lee]

Oh, I. I drive a truck and I haul drill cuttings. What they take out of the ground, I haul to the disposal.

[Jimmy Carr]

Oh, okay. Drives a truck.

[Robert Lee]

Yep.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah. If you're in a hurry, just say I drive a truck.

[Robert Lee]

Oh, I. I don't have nowhere to be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. You're a very, very interesting guy. I think you're a funny dude. You know, you got to get it. You got to put it together, you know, a whole minute on, you know, people don't really want to picture you getting your prostate checked. You know what I mean?

[Robert Lee]

We. I didn't get a picture with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was my next question. I don't know how you knew that, but I wanted to see. I wanted to see what it looked like. But I like your style, man. Like I said, we have all different shapes and sizes of people signing up nowadays. And I like that you came up here. Here's a medium joke book. My friend Robert Lee getting tonight's bucket started. Very long interview. Very interesting guy, very fun. And we're off and running. We are. Oh, there she is, the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. In real life, the real deal. A modern day Vanna White Half the year's over. If your credit still needs to work, the time is now. Kickoff makes building credit simple and affordable. Getting started with Kickoff just takes a few minutes right from your phone. It's just $1 for your first month, and there's no credit check, no hidden fees, and no interest. Users with credit under 600 grow an average of 86 points just by paying on time. Red van join over 1 million users already building their credit with Kickoff with hundreds of thousands, thousands of positive reviews. There's a reason why Kickoff is the number one credit builder on the App Store. That's right. So start building credit with Kickoff today and get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80% off the normal price. When you go to getkickoff.com kill Tony today. That's kickoff without the seed. Get K-I K-O-F F.com kill Tony. Sign up for B getkickoff.com kill Tony's activate offer offer applies to new kickoff customers. First month only. Subject to approval Offer subject to change average first year credit score impact of plus 86 points between August 2024 and August 2025 for kickoff credit account users who started with a score below 600 on time and who had no delinquencies or collections added to the credit profile during the period. Late payments may negatively affect your credit score. Individual results may vary.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, here we go. Speaking of lovely ladies, it's our first female comedian of the night. Make some noise for Lauren Baker, everybody. Here we go.

[Lauren Baker]

Oh, man. When I was waiting to sign up here, waiting in a pub, a man came up to me and tried to sign up on my comedy notebook. He was so certain that I was the list that he's tried to sign up five minutes early. Like, I know I have clipboard energy, but that's a bit excessive. Anyway, clipboard energy. I do have it, whether or not you can tell. Picture me in a psychiatric facility. This is a game I invented. So I would try to find a little spot that looked like a UFO or uap. Okay, hop on it and go like this. This is a game I invented when I was balls deep in psychosis. Did I mention I was a patient? Picture me in red scrubs. Light blue grippy socks. This game was called Deadpool Pan's Labyrinth. I know you're thinking. You see no Deadpool in it. I thought about Rosebud Baker. She's a comedian. One of her sisters died in a hot tub. I thought about her the whole time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Lauren Baker has made her Kill Tony debut. Welcome, Lauren. How are you?

[Lauren Baker]

Oh, I am excellent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Lauren Baker]

So the first time was when I was 19, so 14 years if you go from that. But most of that has been off.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It seems like you were doing some things in between then and now. Okay. What do you do for work, Lauren?

[Lauren Baker]

I help people accomplish things they've been putting off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly do you mean?

[Lauren Baker]

I hold space for people to process feelings and also hold them accountable for productivity. I'm a coach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Jimmy,

[Lauren Baker]

I'm loving these faces. Give it to me, buddy.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I think you should try stand up.

[Lauren Baker]

I love that.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think I like the energy. And there seems to be a lot of story here somewhere. Yeah, we need jokes.

[Lauren Baker]

You know what?

[Jimmy Carr]

You had great ideas. I don't know what was going on, but it wasn't jokes.

[Lauren Baker]

You want to know what was going on?

[Jimmy Carr]

What was going on?

[Lauren Baker]

Oh, my God. So I spent all day prepping one set. Okay. I'm here with my boyfriend, who's also a comic, and another friend. I spent like five hours prepping my one minute set. And then when we're here, my partner was like, are you gonna do the Deadpool Pan's Labyrinth? You should do that. And I've done it one time so far. And I was like, fuck, he's got good intuition. Like, he could be right. And I wrote a new untested set.

[Jimmy Carr]

So a couple of things. Firstly, leave him. He's. He's. He's bad for you. You could do so much better. What was the. What was the joke in the original set?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What would be the joke that you've done before that's worked?

[Galena Ravina]

Yep.

[Lauren Baker]

Tall men aren't more attractive. They're just easier to find in a crowd. It's a risk management technique. You want me to do all of it? Because I'm going to take me a second to. To remember the whole minute I planned.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you don't have. If you don't have it memorized, then, no, we won't make you do it.

[Lauren Baker]

We're asking like it's memorized somewhere. Just keep talking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How often do you do this? How often do you try stand up.

[Lauren Baker]

So for the past. I've really, like, gotten back into the past, like, seven months and would do, depending on the week, like, one to four.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And you don't have, like, a minute that you like.

[Lauren Baker]

I do absolutely have a minute. I have so many minutes again, I just threw it out last minute. And then literally, while I was waiting to be called, I was like, there's so many people here. There's no way I'm gonna get called. I'll just put my notebook away. Chill out. And then they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But then when you did and you had a little, like, few minutes probably back there, right? You're like, okay, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk about what happened during the signups for, like, 20 seconds, and then I'm gonna do an impression of what I did when I was at a mental hospital for the next 40 seconds.

[Lauren Baker]

You know, I understand the opinion. I super appreciate the feedback.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not even. It's not even feedback. I'm just. I'm not. I'm not even giving feedback. I'm just saying what you did. What you did.

[Lauren Baker]

Oh, you were absolutely giving me feedback. And I'm. I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying what you did. Feedback would be if I gave an opinion on what you did, which I. Okay. Oh, I bet you're a lot of fun. The look on my face's feedback. Imagine what this boyfriend must be going. Going through. Holy. No, I just said what you did. That's not feedback.

[Jimmy Carr]

Keep her talking. Give him a chance to run.

[Lauren Baker]

I hear you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay. You're sticking with it. So, all right, Lauren, what do you do for a living other than you make money coaching people? You people have it so bad in this life that they're literally like, I'm going to Lauren Baker for help.

[Lauren Baker]

Honestly? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you believe it? You make good money doing that. What do you charge people? Just out of curiosity, there might be somebody that needs.

[Lauren Baker]

It would depend on the container.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Container.

[Lauren Baker]

It's a coaching term. This is getting nerdy fast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. Can you explain it?

[Galena Ravina]

Sure.

[Lauren Baker]

So it would depend on the context, right? What? How long am I coaching you? Hourly. Are you doing a package?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's say it's hourly. Let's say. Let's say it's hourly. I'm just curious.

[Lauren Baker]

150 bucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

150 bucks an hour. And about how many clients do you have right now?

[Lauren Baker]

A dozen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That is absolutely fucking mind boggling.

[Jimmy Carr]

I mean, I think I need to get my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. And how long have you been doing that, Lauren?

[Lauren Baker]

A year and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Year and a half. And what made you get into that? What made you think, you know what? I can do this. I can help people get their lives together.

[Lauren Baker]

Proof of concept.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good question. John Dees, actually, who rarely ever says anything on the show, has a great question. What is your success rate? Ooh, ballpark.

[Lauren Baker]

What do you give me? Information about what you want for that metric.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Are you a life coach? Are you a life coach?

[Lauren Baker]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so your training is mental illness, and you're telling people that what they need to do, and you don't know what your success rate is?

[Lauren Baker]

I don't specifically handle mental illness. No, sir. That would require, like, different certifications.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not what I said. Oh, D. Madness is jumping in.

[Lauren Baker]

Sorry. I would really appreciate to understand your question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know we're trying our best with you, Lauren.

[Lauren Baker]

You really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We really are. And this always works with everybody else. That should tell you something. We're really good at this. Yeah, we're really good at this. We have a 100 success rate here. Red band. Oh, my God. Jimmy Carr.

[Jimmy Carr]

I just. I feel like you kind of nailed it with the clipboard energy.

[Robert Lee]

Yeah.

[Lauren Baker]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

You feel like you're fighting the system here. You came out, you did a minute. It was pretty terrible. And we. We want to help. We want people to do well, and we're trying to get some stories out of you. And there's a lot of resistance to that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of resistance.

[Jimmy Carr]

But, like, that thing of, like, going, you could just tell us about yourself. So you were in a mental institution.

[Lauren Baker]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Why were you in there?

[Lauren Baker]

I got diagnosed with schizophrenia last year.

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, that's a big thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so let me just. Let me just jump in for a second. So a year and a half ago, you started life coaching, and last year you got diagnosed with schizophrenia.

[Lauren Baker]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think I'm figuring out why we don't have an exact success rate number.

[Jimmy Carr]

Tony. Schizophrenia. That means you can multitask, right? There's different things going on. Yeah, there's a lot of people in there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In that institution. Was there. Did there happen to be a stainless steel shitjack? John Dees is wondering if all of your clients are you John D's on the keys, Ben?

[Lauren Baker]

I wish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that you're, like, laughing up here while being resistant. And you're. You seem like you have a great sense of humor.

[Lauren Baker]

I wish I shown it to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sign up again, sign up again, write, prepare and stick with your guts that you. That before you sign up, like, do what you're going to do, come in with a plan, and then we'll have a fun interview and we'll do it again next time.

[Greg Anderson]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a little medium joke book. Lauren Baker, ladies and gentlemen. We're cooking. We are cooking. What did I tell you? Sometimes it's a old person, sometimes it's a young, brand new mentally ill person. I nailed that from the top before putting my hand in a bucket. I was calling this. You never know what could happen next. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Greg Anderson, everybody. Here we go.

[Greg Anderson]

All right. I am also a schizophrenic life coach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Carr]

Thank you.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah, yeah, everybody, I am reconnecting with my mom on social media. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I super liked her and she unmatched with me. So that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

Little rough Tinder joke for you. Thank you.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

You've never been on Tinder in your life. Okay. Martin Scorsese is making a story about me and my friend's life in Austin, Texas, and it's called the Deported. So that's very exciting. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I've been dating a lot of tall girls these days, but I don't like all the stubble. Yeah, that's a little rough. Thank you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are a great crowd. Let's give it up for you guys. Fuck yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

Fuck yeah. Yeah. All right.

[Jimmy Carr]

All right.

[Greg Anderson]

I went to a beach with my sister. Tropical vacation. And she got stung by jellyfish on her arms, torso, and legs. And so I pissed in her mouth and let her figure it out.

[Robert Lee]

So thank you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Funny guy. Greg Anderson. Welcome, Greg.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Thank you.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, Greg. How long you been doing stand up?

[Greg Anderson]

I've been doing stand up for about 12 years. And I started in Vietnam.

[E]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. How do you start?

[Greg Anderson]

There I was spit out the bot. The ugly bottom of the poetry community. No, I stopped doing poetry, which is good.

[Robert Lee]

Good call.

[Greg Anderson]

And I started doing stand up and. And in Vietnam, and then I did that for seven years. And then I went to Bangkok and did it for a couple years. In Bangkok.

[Robert Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

But anyways, let me tell you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, go right ahead, Greg. Go right ahead.

[Greg Anderson]

Some crazy drugs. I like talking about salvia. I'm mar.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Okay.

[Greg Anderson]

Some fans, normal people, you don't know what that is. You're a good person. And then I married a co worker. This is an old Old story. I married a co worker, a Russian girl and we got married for her citizenship. Good story.

[Robert Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

That was a long time ago, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Greg Anderson]

So up to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where was. Where was your. Where were you working at the time? Were you working in a bar?

[Greg Anderson]

We were shucking oysters in Toronto.

[Lauren Baker]

Nice.

[Greg Anderson]

But one more thing, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'll. You're kind of trying to excited.

[Greg Anderson]

I'm jacked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. You go ahead with the one more thing and I'll decide where we go from there.

[Greg Anderson]

Exactly. I'm. I'm lobbing the ball to you. Let me. And I'll just try to keep it short.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, my friend. You don't even have to say that. You could just say the thing.

[Pat O'Neill]

You're right.

[Greg Anderson]

I have a killer closer that I love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Greg Anderson]

Usually works in front of a more ragtag audience than this, but it's. I. I yell to the crowd, I say, who wants to see me get punched in the stomach by a hot girl from the crowd? And they go nuts, you know? But maybe that's not appropriate. I don't. It probably takes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're not gonna do that.

[Greg Anderson]

We're not gonna do that.

[Michael Head]

Good, good.

[Andrew Packer]

Good call.

[Greg Anderson]

Good call.

[Robert Lee]

Your thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Night. Way to set us up for a nice lawsuit, though. I like your style. Trying to make it all in one. One appearance here.

[Jay Legend]

True.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Congratulations. So I'm deciding to go back to. How did you end up in Vietnam in the first place?

[Greg Anderson]

Money. I was in. I was in Vancouver. And you ever get that feeling in cities where it's like, I don't think the city wants me to live here anymore?

[Robert Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

And so I moved to Vancouver. First I moved to Taiwan, and then that was okay. Teaching English. I have an English degree. And then I went to Vietnam. And Vietnam was pretty fucking good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what I've heard.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about it. Be a tour guide for Vietnam.

[Greg Anderson]

If. If we were in Vietnam. If I was in Vietnam right now, I would have a piece of shit motorbike and I'd ride that thing wherever the I wanted to.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Okay.

[Greg Anderson]

So fun. If you go to Vietnam, don't ride them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, thank you. Keep going, Keep going.

[Greg Anderson]

You're going to Vietnam. Don't ride. Don't ride a motorbike in Hanoi. Don't ride a motorbike in Ho Chi Minh. But get on a bike outside of town and it's like you're in. On the road, dude. It's amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so then from Vietnam you go to Bangkok. Yeah, Bangkok was what made you Go to Bangkok.

[Greg Anderson]

I was temporarily banned from flying into Vietnam.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okie dokie. And we hit it. We hit the gold mine here.

[E]

Yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Do you ever get the feeling that a country doesn't want you there anymore?

[Pat O'Neill]

Yes.

[Greg Anderson]

Good gift.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you get banned?

[Greg Anderson]

I had that feeling a few times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why did you get banned from flying into Vietnam?

[Jay Legend]

Covid.

[Greg Anderson]

I spent my entire Covid in Vietnam. And so I had. I had the Cadillac of visas, which is a trc, which is a. A two year temporary residency card. And so you're only supposed to. You get that card, you're only supposed to work for one place that gets you that card. I was like, I'm not going to give this card back and I'm going to work for whoever the fuck I want.

[E]

Right.

[Greg Anderson]

And. But it was Covid. Sometimes I couldn't fly out. So they did not like that. I paid a $740 fine to immigration and I thought I was still going to get back in the country because I'm an idiot. And so I flew into Bangkok. And then they were like, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

During COVID you're like, how do I get closer to Wuhan?

[Greg Anderson]

Exactly.

[Robert Lee]

Exactly.

[Greg Anderson]

Let's get to the source.

[E]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So then you're in Bangkok. And then what do you do in Bangkok?

[Greg Anderson]

So I'm trapped in Bangkok. And I'm trapped in Bangkok. I. I'm doing a whole bunch of stand up. A bunch of my buddies are there. Great stand up scene. And you did a show in stand up. All my buddies went, I think. And so he does travel the world.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

Lobbing the ball to you. Anyway, no, sorry. And then so I did I finish

[Jimmy Carr]

any stories in the show.

[Greg Anderson]

I'm trying. I'm trying. So I started doing a bunch of stand up. And then I picked up another English teaching job. I just signed a year contract. I do another year teaching in Bangkok.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where do you live right now?

[Greg Anderson]

Right now I live here. I came here from Vancouver to Austin, Texas. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago did you move to Austin, Texas?

[Greg Anderson]

Two and a half months. Two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what have you learned about Austin, Texas? You've been all around the world freaking the fucking cave. What stands out to you about Austin, Texas? Don't give shout outs to places to get more spots. Right now just, we're focusing on the entire city.

[Greg Anderson]

Different kind of friendliness. Canadians have a friendly reputation. Texans have a very friendly reputation. Slightly different. You know, I think the friendliness in Canada is a little passive aggressive or like a little standoff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I agree. And I actually love this answer, I feel like it's something that we don't talk about often enough here. The friendliness of Texas, definitely.

[Greg Anderson]

They say Southern hospitality, right? They say it, yeah. And welcoming. They say welcoming and so. But the, the friendliness in Texas is up front. We're doing this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Greg Anderson]

I'm being friendly. Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Robert Lee]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is. You are spot on. I do love that. I don't even know if that's ever really been acknowledged. Somehow. We always graze over that on this show. But people are very friendly here. Jimmy Carr.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think it's because we know they could be armed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

What are Canadians? That unarmed Americans.

[E]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

You don't need to be as friendly up there. What are they going to do, Throw a Tim Hortons donut at you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, exactly.

[Greg Anderson]

And then we have it. Canada has a Texas too. I, you know, we have Calgary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Calgary, yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

It's just oil, cows, cowboy hats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No guns though. Yeah, no guns. It's just we have hunting.

[Greg Anderson]

True, true. We don't have street guns. We have like, oh, I'm a moose hunter. Guns.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, but every once in a while you still have your mass shooters up there.

[Greg Anderson]

We try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. So how do you make money now, Greg, now that you're in Austin, Texas? Cuz everybody knows how to speak English here.

[Greg Anderson]

My dad died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, How did dad die?

[Jimmy Carr]

I think hit by a moose gun.

[Greg Anderson]

Hit by a moose gun.

[Robert Lee]

Nailed it. It. Sorry.

[Greg Anderson]

Don't do that, don't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Over here, over here. How did dad die?

[Greg Anderson]

Dad died. He got old and he had a disease that they didn't know he had. He had like a genetic disease.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's in Canada, right?

[Greg Anderson]

Canada.

[E]

Did they get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did they give him the, the, the. Oh, they kill him. Did they give him the suicide?

[Greg Anderson]

They did not kill him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They love doing that there, Jim.

[Greg Anderson]

They do.

[Jimmy Carr]

So sorry, I don't know if you've had time to process this loss, but he died of a genetic disease and you realize he was your father.

[Greg Anderson]

I know, I know. Yeah, I got the call and I haven't follow that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

50, 50 chance right here. I think I'm sick. I think I'm ill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Great. Let me ask you this. Did what out of all the women that you hooked up with in Vietnam, Bangkok, anything like that, Any of them ladyboys?

[Greg Anderson]

No. One hilarious thing about ladyboys in the comedy scene was we would have comedians come through there from like fucking Hong Kong and shit like that and that some of the dudes would be like, like hey, isn't it funny how you can sleep with a lady boy and not be gay? And all the other comedians would be like, no, he's gay.

[Robert Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah, you know, that's it. That's okay. Yeah, that's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we covered that earlier here. Yeah. Okay. Okay, Greg, no kids, no girlfriend.

[Greg Anderson]

No kids, no girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right now, how have you avoided that?

[Greg Anderson]

No kids. Yeah, One near miss, you know, one big A1.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where was that at?

[Greg Anderson]

That was in Thunder Bay, Ontario.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, Thunder Bay. Very specific.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah, that's a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a casino there.

[Greg Anderson]

Remember that?

[Jimmy Carr]

It's a terrible name for her vagina.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thunder Bay. There it is. And you guys took care of that. You got a Canadian.

[Greg Anderson]

She took care of it. Thank God. She was very cool about it and. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I wasn't. Thank God. You know, like. And. And she was very cool about it and I'm not gonna name right now.

[Robert Lee]

Now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Yes. Don't do that. No need for. No need for the shout outs here. True, true. All right, Greg. What? Believe it or not, I really like your style, Greg. I got a big Buc ee's joke book here.

[Jimmy Carr]

Proper jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he did. You had jokes. You made us laugh. There's a big Bucky's sponsor joke.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Greg Anderson, everybody. We're having fun here. I'm loving this episode so far. We're flying through it. We have the greatest Jimmy Carr here. He's got a new book that you can pre order right now. It comes out in October, officially, but you can pre order it on Amazon. It's called On Jokes. And let me tell you, I don't know if you've seen it. You probably have. He's a global superstar, but this is truly one of the best joke writers in the world. And he wrote a book about how to write jokes. So for all of you listening out there, this is the man. Pre order the book. Do it. All right, thanks. Yeah. Your next bucket pool. This looks like another new name. Makes some noise for Michael Head, everybody. Michael Head.

[Michael Head]

Thanks, guys. When I was in high school, I actually got bullied by a retarded kid. I don't know what type, like, where. He was on the spectrum, but his special needs were to just tackle me for no reason. Like, I'm standing on the sidelines still getting blindsided. Helmet to helmet by retard strength. I was scared I'd get enough concussions to become like him. That's how it spreads. But I couldn't get him back, right, because he doesn't know Any better. So I got the other teams to bully him back because they didn't know he was retarded. I told him he was a five star prospect. Like, just wait till they put 99 in, bitch. He's a killer. He just signed with the Texas Longhorns. They don't play him till the 4th, so he won't get hurt that way. When he finally got in the game, they tried to hurt him. And you guys know it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game, right? Thanks so much, man. That's all I got.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. 55 seconds from Michael Head. Sounds like a true story to me. Yeah, it is. Welcome. Michael. How long you been doing standup?

[Michael Head]

It'll be 15 years in November.

[E]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at. Where were these 15 years at?

[Michael Head]

I started in Tallahassee, mostly in Florida. Couple years in la.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, cool. You're in LA now?

[Michael Head]

No, no, I live here now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago did you move here?

[Michael Head]

About six months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How do you like Austin?

[Michael Head]

I like it a lot, man. I like just grinding out mics. That's really why I came here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're having fun? You have a day job?

[Michael Head]

I do, yeah. I'm a dispatcher for like a. AAA provider.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, cool. Hell yeah. How long have you been on the Red Band diet? Look at you, boy.

[Michael Head]

I grew up in Florida, dude. It's, it's. I got postpartum diabetes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it, Michael. I love it. Did. Have you ever look to see what the bully is now up to in life? You ever do that?

[Michael Head]

It's weird. I feel like he was like 23 for some reason, playing football with high schoolers.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah.

[Michael Head]

Hopefully he's dead now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[Michael Head]

What can I say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness. Luckily, if he watches this, he'll have no idea what you just said. Amazing. So 15 years, most of it in Florida. Now you're here in Austin. You're dispatching for AAA type of things. What do you do for fun? You look like a guy that has a lot of collectibles, a lot of hobbies.

[Michael Head]

I actually, I used to be big into toys. I'm actually like a writer all the time. I'm a screenwriter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Michael Head]

And actually did a semester in London where I, you know, got to see Jimmy Carr on 8 out of 10 cats and all that stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So.

[Michael Head]

Huge fan of you, sir.

[Jimmy Carr]

Oh, well, that's very nice of you to say. Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Jimmy Carr, meet Jimmy Truck, the big old boy. Michael, have you been. Have you been like dating at all. Are you into that?

[Michael Head]

I'm trying. Not since I moved here. Yeah, I had a little thing back home before I moved here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you kissed a girl in Austin, Texas, yet?

[Michael Head]

No. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Well, let me tell you something about this crazy show is we have. We have a. Turn on the red light. Lights. Kino. We have a history on this show of giving a guy his first kiss ever in Austin, Texas.

[Michael Head]

I'm sure not ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have the. We have the best. We have the best fan base in the world. They all are the coolest chicks. It has to be their idea. A lot of friends over here trying to get their friend raped.

[Michael Head]

I've got serious dry. Furious dry mouth, too.

[Robert Lee]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Disgusting. Michael. Bad Michael. Take a crack. Crack a can of this water real quick. Take. Take that. Is there a girl out there in the crowd that wants to stand up and be a hero? On this episode of Kill Tony, It'll only be seen by millions of people. He literally doesn't want to. Guys, take it or leave it.

[Michael Head]

I'll be honest. I could take it or leave it. No pressure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anybody else? Anybody? Really? Nobody? Oh, okay. Come on over here.

[Pat O'Neill]

Send her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give her the shortcut. Guys. We have a hero. Ladies and gentlemen. Look at this awesome chick making dreams come true. This is his first Austin kiss.

[E]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Oh, my God, you guys, look at him. Look how happy he is. Jimmy, what do you think about that?

[Jimmy Carr]

You know what you did? You just stole your bullies. Make a wish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, you did. That is incredible.

[Michael Head]

Oh, man. Yeah. That was good. Thanks.

[Andrew Packer]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on. What's your name, sweetheart? Megan.

[Michael Head]

Megan, find me after.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of Asian. What kind of Asian are you, Megan? Vietnamese. Look at that. Amazing.

[Michael Head]

That'll work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's one of the. It's one of the greatest acts of war the Vietnamese have ever done in American soil.

[Michael Head]

Talk about a booby trap, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello, I love.

[Greg Anderson]

I thought.

[Jimmy Carr]

I'm pretty sure you blew your head off before you even went to Vietnam in Full Metal Jacket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Michael Head]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is amazing. Michael. Any other fun facts about Michael that we should know about? And you have any special skills or talents or anything?

[Michael Head]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of toys did you collect before you said you collected toys, dude,

[Michael Head]

like Batman, the Animated Series stuff. Like all the classic action figures that I destroyed when I was a kid so I would buy them and then try to ebay them off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Michael Head]

Oh, it's the worst.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about now? You got nothing now.

[Michael Head]

Now mostly sports gambling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. How about you? Did you gamble on the UFC this past weekend at all.

[Michael Head]

No non USC.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I lost vast sums of money betting on Conor McGregor. Vast sums of money, ladies and gentlemen, because if he would have gotten a knockout in the first two rounds, I would have won vaster sums of money. It was fine. It was only a few hundred bucks, but I could have won a lot, believe it or not. What do you gamble on, Michael?

[Michael Head]

You seem like a wnba.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Look at that. We found the fan.

[E]

Yeah,

[Jimmy Carr]

we did it.

[Michael Head]

I don't watch the games. I just bet them to go under in the points and it works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious? That is hilarious.

[Michael Head]

That's not very good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is hilarious. Hilarious. Do you do that as a joke?

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah.

[Michael Head]

So I'm gonna start like a whole subreddit about this. I need to be making. Oh, you need money on my tip.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That needs to be part of your stand up. That's hilarious. Just take the under. That is incredible.

[Jimmy Carr]

Prepare. Diabetes is in the set, right?

[Jules Villalobo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

You should have opened with that. That was. It's a great line.

[Michael Head]

My buddy gave me that tag. He'll be shocked.

[Jay Legend]

That's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's fantastic. I mean, absolutely incredible. Well, Michael, very fun. Very fun set. Here's a big joke book. Welcome. There he goes. The Gilsoni debut of Michael Head, ladies and gentlemen. You don't just pour concrete and set steel. You build the street structures that shape our skylines. Every cut made, every hole drilled, every anchor fastened is built to last. Because when the work is done, it's more than just a job. It's cities constructed with strength and skill by pros like you.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, you know what? We're gonna get one of our great regulars out here. We love this guy. He does a brand new minute plus every week. Not easy to do at all. One of the hardest things to do in the entire industry, ladies and gentlemen. You're watching him grow and explode in front of your very eyes. This is the black shogun, the dark storm of Austin, Texas. Dedrick Quinn, ladies and gentlemen.

[E]

Can I open up to you? Do you think, like, you know when you first meet, like, your friend's kids, like, they just drop a new baby, and then when you go meet the baby, when you touch the baby, the baby start Crying. It's because the baby remember all the nut punches you gave his father. You know, like a revenge punch. Like they hit you in the ball, so you hit that nigga. You was like, your kids go feel it. But now you get to see it. Now you get to see it. I've been trying. Now I get to punch. My nephews now. They, like, 15 years old, and they get disrespectful. One of my nephews walked in the house. All the rest of them was, uncle Daddy, Uncle Daddy. He looked at me. He was like, what's up, Dedrick? Like, I know that nigga. Like, you know what I'm saying? I'm not friends with you. So I punched that nigga in his chest, right? And then he said, why'd you punch me? So I hit him again. Cause I hate stupid questions, right? I hate stupid questions. And I hate these little bad kids. So I had to get stronger now. Cause now that nigga taller than me. And so I've been eating trail mix so I can get old man strength. Yeah, I love trail mix. Trail mix, you can eat 20 things at one time, right? It's like a dry smoothie, right? It's a dry smoothie. And actually, if you drink a smoothie and eat trail mix, you can have 72 flavors in your mouth at one time. And trail mix is popping. It works. It wasn't popping back in the day because them niggas didn't know M&M's have to be in there, right? Like, don't bring me. Cause if the M and M's ain't in there, it's just shit from outside, right? That's all it is. That's my time. I Learned, y'. All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1 minute, 39 seconds. Always working harder than he has to. Dry smoothie. Hilarious. Yes. So funny. And the M and M's, I mean, you covered it, dude. That's fucking. That is what trail mix is doing out there.

[E]

I'm thinking about bringing out my own line of trail mix, but I'm gonna make it like Delta 8 trail mix. Yeah. Since I have a whole lot of Delta 8 trail mixes. Delta 8 beef jerky coming out in September. We working on. I'm waiting for Red Ben to write the check.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, let's face it. The more good shit that's in trail mix, the better it is. There's some that have the little peanut butter bites, some with M M's. In all reality, in some world, there is a trail mix that just has the bonus stuff in It. You know what I mean? The raisins, the M M's, the. The peanut butter bites.

[E]

You said the raisins is a bonus. That's the whitest you've ever said to me. Oh, that's why I ain't never.

[Robert Lee]

I forgot you was white.

[E]

Till you said that I knew you was Italian, but now I know you also white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, like wait, black people. Black people don't eat their own kind.

[E]

No, no, that's. That's amazing. In the sun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know raisins are grapes, right?

[E]

Yeah. Oh, I see what you're doing. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. White Dad, I love you so much. I just thought raisins is nasty. Y' all be putting that in stuff that nobody asked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're talking about our potato salad, right?

[E]

I knew I was going to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God.

[E]

Yeah. No, we don't with the raisins. Unless there's M&M's next to them, right? Then. Then I won't notice the raisins in there.

[Jimmy Carr]

I'm. I'm with you. There's nothing more disappointing than a raisin. When you thought it was going to be a chocolate chip.

[Jules Villalobo]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. That is true. If you're thinking it's a chocolate chip and it's a raisin, that's a little bit tough. I'm going to go with my senior raisin correspondent here, Brian Redburn. You know what, Tony, I agree with you. The raisins, it's nice to have a little sweetness to it. And I like cranberries also in the little too. Ooh, cranberries.

[E]

You like cranberries? Cranberries is good. That's cuz they got like the different B. When you go to the airport they got like all the different kind of trail mixes you can get sometime. I try to mix them together while like ass. I've been putting these. They got these cinnamon pens and these honey roasted can peans and peans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[E]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds like something you find on R. Kelly's floor pean. Oh my goodness gracious.

[Jimmy Carr]

I feel like I fell into a subreddit.

[Jay Legend]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are talking trail mix right now. It's another rare treat here on this.

[Jimmy Carr]

We have trail mix where I'm from. I don't really.

[E]

That's why y' all lost the war.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys just had Too Soon.

[Jimmy Carr]

Too soon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They just have aluminum cans of herring or whatever it is. Some, some, some fish in j. Boiled chicken and like I got beans and toast. Yeah, I'm just.

[E]

I love y', all, y'. All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

London is. London is one of the few places Dedrick is still allowed to fly into. So trying to keep things square over there.

[E]

I get locked up over there, too. I just want to see. I want to tour the jails, too, while I'm out there. Because some people just overlook the jails when they travel. And it's like, right, you gotta go in there and meet the real people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[E]

So you could get the real secrets, right? I wouldn't have known. When I was in jail in Japan, they got. They McDonald's. Like, they have to use, like, real ingredients. And at night, they got a thing called. It's called a Big Mac. And it's like two, like, double cheeseburgers, like, put together, like, and then they give, like, 10 nuggets, and it's only $3.15. That's what my niggas in the Yakuza told me before I left.

[Jay Legend]

Whoa,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Could you doctor do little.

[Jimmy Carr]

Catch me up with the prison in Japan?

[Jay Legend]

Oh.

[E]

So I was being a really cool dude. I was being really cool dude. I was doing some shows out in Florida. Somebody left they drugs in my bag. And then Japanese people love finding drugs. So they found it. And then they was like, you stay here for, like, 23 days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, in a cell?

[E]

Yeah, in a cell. Like, sleeping on the floor. And then they said, do you want us to contact somebody? I said, call Joe Rogan. You know what I'm saying? I said, call Joe Rogan. Tell Tony Rhymes. So they came out. Joe Rogan came out there and got me up out of there. And then we.

[Jimmy Carr]

Was it like a jailbreak or they paid the bond?

[E]

No, it wasn't a jailbreak. Cause I didn't want to break out. Cause they don't give, like, bail out to, like, Americans. Cause they'll say, like, they think you're gonna flee. But I was like, but y' all have my phone, so I can't, like, how I'm gonna get back. Like, you know what I mean? How am I gonna book a flight? Like, you know what I'm saying? They was like, oh, well, you could jump on a ship. I said, nigga, I'm not living on a ship for three months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[E]

I can't swim. So I. Yeah, so I just stayed in the jail and shit.

[Jimmy Carr]

I'm with you on the phone thing.

[E]

Come on, man.

[Jimmy Carr]

I sometimes think if I lost my phone, I kind of effectively homeless.

[E]

Yeah, it's hard. You're technically in once they took the phone. That felt more like jail in jail. Cause I kept getting, like, ghost vibrations, like, when I was inside the jail. Like, I kept being like, somebody calling me. But I don't got. They don't give you pockets in jail. So I was. I was like, oh, yes. It can't be in my pocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Jimmy Carr]

So 23 days in a Japanese jail. Yeah. And have you kept in touch with anyone?

[E]

Yeah, two of the guys. I taught them how to get bail and stuff like that. We. I taught them how to, like, write letters to the judge. Cause I used to do that when I was a delinquent. When I was a kid. I used to go to jail. Before you were a delinquent? And then I stopped, and then I went back again. I just wanted to see what jpe. I really. I wanted to sensei. Honestly, I just wanted. I wanted to sensei, and I wanted to get stronger. You know what I'm saying? So I thought, okay, let's just go to jail.

[Jimmy Carr]

Same.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. I love watching. I love watching the British communicate with pure Atlanta. Just ghetto thuggery. I love it. I mean, that is literally, like. That's what it's like when they make Neapolitan and the vanilla touches the chocolate sometimes. And they're like, we're not. We're not the same at all. We are not the same at all. Amazing. Well, Dedrick, I mean, you're just a stone cold assassin. We love you. You did it again. One of the top young rising comedians in the world, ladies and gentlemen, Derick Flynn. And we go on and on. This young man is an absolute rising star as well. One of the elite door guys here at the Comedy Mothership. Make some noise. This is a brand new minute from Jay Legend, everybody. We know Jay. We love Jay. Very funny, man.

[Jay Legend]

I know I'm black before I say this. I don't think racism should end. I think we should just quarantine them all to one place so they can be around like minded. People think that one place should be Antarctica. Cause it's hard to say nigga and be cold. You be out there like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Never mind. You good. There's a lot of white people here that make me comfortable. Something I like to do to make y' all comfortable is I like to give y' all black words y' all can use in public. They not gonna sound like black words until I use them in a sentence, so be patient, all right? The black words are cologne, discreet, and innuendo. These are Three of the black words. I use them all the time, but I know they don't sound like it, so I use them in a sentence. You want to be my white spokesperson for tonight? You enjoying yourself? All right, good.

[Announcer/Promoter]

All right.

[Jay Legend]

The black words. I told you. Cologne, discreet, and innuendo. I'm not getting paid for this, okay? So do you think you could loan me some money? I'm not playing because I've been out here in discreets. If you say no, I'm gonna follow you home and climb in your window. Yo, that's my time.

[E]

I go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brilliant dismount by Jay Legend. He's done it again, folks. The legend of bags and boxes.

[Jay Legend]

Let's go. Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

As he has. You've merged it. You have branding now.

[Robert Lee]

Look at you.

[Jay Legend]

Get out. I up last time. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brilliant maneuver, Jimmy. Amazing set, Right.

[Jimmy Carr]

Fantastic. Fantastic wordplay. Great writing. I loved it, man. I love the swagger as well.

[Jay Legend]

Me too. Usually don't like a in a three piece, but you do that with the pinstripes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Jimmy Carr]

The gloves don't fit. You must acquit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jay Legend. How's it been going?

[Jay Legend]

Good, man. I've been trying to get my life correct. I almost died a couple months back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm tell the people about that. We know about that.

[Jay Legend]

I almost died. Been smoking too much weed. And my lungs tried to give up on me. And I went to the hospital. They had me in there. They was gonna hook me up to some tubes. But that's what saved my life. Cause the doctor was like, we want to shove this tube in your throat. I was like, y' all ain't shoving shit in my throat. Y' all could kick that shit right now. I'm not gonna be gay in front of my child here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Your kid was with you at the hospital?

[Jay Legend]

Yeah, his mom and them brought him out. Cause they thought I was gonna die. So they was all in there, scared.

[Robert Lee]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, your lungs?

[Jay Legend]

Yeah. Like, I smoke. I'm an asthmatic, so they already weak as. And then I don't stop smoking. I blame it on everything else. So I was smoking, and then my lungs was like, you need to stop. And almost. I wasn't breathing for like an hour. Like 30 minutes, 45 minutes. And then I went to hospital.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wasn't breathing?

[Jay Legend]

I wasn't breathing, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my.

[Jay Legend]

You ain't gonna believe I wasn't breathing. Damn.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My God. So what color do you people turn when you don't breathe for an hour? Cuz we turn blue. Oh, here here's our. Here's our senior color correspondent. Tell us what that was. Yeah, go ahead, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Carr]

You just say you people. And he just arrived. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we have this thing down to a system. Oh, he's got sunglasses on.

[Yay He]

Yeah.

[Jay Legend]

I just want to look like my dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Jay Legend]

My dad D Madness. He never seen me before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

D Madness. Jay legend. So, Jay, do you know your real dad?

[Jay Legend]

Yeah, I know him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. What's he up to?

[Jay Legend]

You tell me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you talked to him?

[Jay Legend]

I called him two days ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened?

[Jay Legend]

He answered.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Phone disconnected or voicemail now.

[Jay Legend]

Actually, what happened was he said he picked up. He's like, I'm gonna call you back. And it's been two weeks, so.

[E]

Wow. Damn.

[Jay Legend]

It's cool. We got a good relationship. We be smoking. That's my friend more than my dad. Oh, okay. So we be chilling. Smoking.

[Jimmy Carr]

You're still smoking now, despite the.

[Jay Legend]

Remember the name, I'm not a quitter, nigga. What do you want me to quit? Weed?

[Jimmy Carr]

We gotta find you a new drug.

[Jay Legend]

All the other shit's bad. What are you doing?

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, I mean, trying to get me

[Jay Legend]

to do coke or crack or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you thought of edibles, though, or,

[Jay Legend]

you know, red man, everybody can't do edibles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Red band's like, have you tried eating your troubles away?

[Jimmy Carr]

Now, Jimmy, you to edibles does he mean sandwiches?

[Andrew Packer]

Yes.

[E]

Yeah. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Now, Jimmy, you cold plunge and sauna, right? This is ultimate white people drugs.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The old wpd.

[Jay Legend]

Cold plunge and sauna.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever cold plunge before?

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How was that? Dumb as you didn't like it? Tell us about your cold plunge experience, by the way. That might be. I think I just came up with the. What would be the most watched show in Internet history? Black people cold plunging, ladies and gentlemen. Gentlemen. I mean, I think I just have to absolutely start this show. John D, would you do it?

[Jay Legend]

Hell no.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[E]

All right.

[Jay Legend]

Cold plunge and be like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I, I would. I. You would be in there. I would just say it.

[Jay Legend]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wouldn't stutter at all. I'd be nice and warm.

[Jay Legend]

Me right after chest bum.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So, Jay, how old's your kid?

[Jay Legend]

I got two. A four year old son, he autistic, and a one year old regular daughter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Regular daughter. Yeah, regular daughter.

[Jay Legend]

You know what signs to check for after that first time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like, all right, what's autistic about the 4 year old? How do you know he's autistic?

[Jay Legend]

Well, he's speech delayed and he be stemming a lot. Stemming is like when they, like. Like you ever got shocked by, like, a fucking tape and they do that. They body just. The electric. The electric don't make it to their whole body, so they fucking just stiff up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You never seen a stimmy? Just like, they, like, get it Be like, watching Word Party.

[Jay Legend]

I'm like, all right, now calm the fuck down while I send you with your mom. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is real life, Jimmy. These are the streets of Austin, Texas, right now. Discreet, discreet.

[Jay Legend]

Discreet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. They will climb. Innuendo. So, Jay, what else is going on? Anything else crazy before we get you out of here?

[Jay Legend]

I got this song on Spotify. If anybody ever was watched the episode when I did Bags and Boxes. That on Spotify?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's on Spotify. I love you.

[Jay Legend]

Trying to get me out of here quick. I'm on the clock. I'm trying to stay up here longer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing. This is a full interview.

[Jules Villalobo]

You did it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It just flew by. Gets a little bit easier every time.

[Jay Legend]

It does. It does. But, yeah. I ain't got nothing else. Follow me at J. Legend comedy on all social media platforms other than that, come watch me unlock your phones after this. I do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. He is working here. He does work here.

[Jay Legend]

That's his ones. Watch when you get down there. You're like, damn.

[E]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday. Secret show. On to the next one we go. We're having fun here. We always have fun. One more time for the great Jimmy Carr hanging out with us. This guy gets it. A man of the great theaters and venues and also of the streets. He gets it. Makes noise for your next bucket pull. Jules via Lobo, everybody. Jules via lobo.

[Jules Villalobo]

Hey, guys. How's everybody doing? Right on. Yeah. So I live in Denver right now. We're dealing with wildfires. Sucks because you could barely see the beautiful mountains. Reminds me of a time I used to manage a strip club. I actually had a strip club named Wildfire who could barely see. Yeah, we had to pick up her tips from the stage after she would dance it. It sucked because one time she was giving a lap dance and the guy was sitting in his chair and he moved to the side. She didn't realize it or recognize it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She couldn't see shit.

[Jules Villalobo]

So she just ate it. She just straight up ate. Was a thing. I'm gonna end it with this. What did. What did one stoned mushroom with chips say to another stoned mushroom?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Takis.

[Jules Villalobo]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jules via Lobo, everybody.

[Andrew Packer]

Yikes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jules, welcome. Welcome. Jules, how long have you been attempting stand up? Come comedy, Tony.

[Jules Villalobo]

This is my first time.

[Tony Scar]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to start today,

[Jules Villalobo]

Tony, I'm a big fan of the show, and I know you say all the time, why am I not sitting over there, man? I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. What do I say all the time?

[Jules Villalobo]

You always say, if you're a big fan of the show, why aren't you sitting in the chairs as opposed to performing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, to people that don't prepare and sign up and bomb for a minute.

[Andrew Packer]

Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so now what's your point? What were you gonna sign up?

[Jules Villalobo]

Big fan, Tony Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, you're being weird. Relax. So do you. Is stand up a thing that you even want to do, or should I just get you out of here and get a name out of the bucket?

[Jules Villalobo]

I dj, so I really just wanted to come up here, express how much I love the show, make a couple people chuckle and let them know that you have going on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did some of that. Jimmy, just relax.

[Jimmy Carr]

Breathe in through the nose. Out with the hopes and dreams.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Jules, if you just came up here to tell us. Big fan. And that you like us, thank you so much. We're gonna keep it moving along now.

[Jules Villalobo]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Jules Villalobo, everybody. You know, every once in a while you try with these people. Lovey said. Yeah, well, I mean, they know I do say, don't sign up if you're not prepared and don't take it seriously.

[Jimmy Carr]

Let's take a moment to thank the people out there that have not prepared a minute and didn't sign up. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good point. A hand for you guys for not signing up while not preparing.

[Robert Lee]

You don't just pour concrete and frame walls. You build school schools, stadiums, and city streets that stand the test of time. Every beam, every bolt, every foundation put in place by your hands. And hard work. Because when the job's done, it's landmarks left for generations built by pros like you.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

The essential dining experience is set long before the plates are plated, the sauce is simmered, and or the puree hits the pan. It starts with a simple blend that's consistent, purposeful, and precise. Trusted by the world's best chefs. So you can bring your best Vitamix. Only the essential.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, ladies and gentlemen, this young man does stand up comedy. Funny, guys, been on this show before. I recognize the name. Make some noise. This is a brand new minute for Andrew Packer, everybody.

[Andrew Packer]

America. So happy to be back, man. This is great. America's been rubbing off on me quite a bit. I've. I went to Texas here seven times this past year, man. And, yeah, the last trip, I went to a gun range and I shot guns for the first time in my life. And that is the Austin response to that, I guess. I was talking about this in Dallas and the whole crowd just instantly explosive applause. Just, like, massive. Like, they started a USA chant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Usa. Usa.

[Andrew Packer]

I closed on it. I couldn't follow it. I did 12 seconds on the show that night, and dudes came up to me after. They were after. They're like, bro, what's your Instagram?

[Announcer/Promoter]

I was like.

[Andrew Packer]

Like, the way you said, like, I shot guns and we went, usa. I was so nuanced. Crazy, man. And life's so exciting right now, man. My wife and I were talking about having kids, and we're talking about it a lot. Cause she's pregnant. Really dominating the conversation. I don't want the bear. What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Andrew Packer. Hello. Welcome. You did it. Hey, Andrew, remind everybody, because I don't think everyone knows. Where are you from?

[Andrew Packer]

I'm from Canada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. What part of Canada?

[Andrew Packer]

Toronto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Toronto, Canada. Jimmy knows it well. Jimmy, what do you think about Andrew Packer?

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, I think if you'd opened on the last bit, I would have preferred it. I thought it was a great joke, talking about having kids. She's pregnant. It was a great gag. I'd open on that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

I thought the other bit was a little bit weaker, but I liked it. The whole time. I was thinking, this is what it would look like if we try. If we found, like, a hair from Theo Von and we regrew

[Pat O'Neill]

like.

[Michael Head]

Like.

[Jimmy Carr]

Like we're gonna regrow him in a lab and we're gonna bring him up in Canada so nothing interesting happens to him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is a touch of that. You do have an odd swagger. Slight swagger to you. There's no sleeps tonight. No, no, no. There it is. So what's going on, Andrew? You have. You have a pregnant wife. How pregnant is she?

[Andrew Packer]

She is so pregnant that I shouldn't be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing. But she supports you, huh?

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she does, man.

[Jimmy Carr]

How far along are we talking?

[Andrew Packer]

She's like, 38 weeks pregnant right now. I fly back tomorrow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Andrew Packer]

I go, I love you so much.

[Jimmy Carr]

Are you gonna. Are you gonna be there for the birth?

[Andrew Packer]

Absolutely, man. Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Shoulders and above, my friend. Shoulders and above. You've got no business down the business end when that's going on. It's not dignified for her. It's not great for you either. It's like watching your favorite bar burn down. You'll be looking on, thinking about all the good times you had in there.

[Andrew Packer]

Sure.

[Jimmy Carr]

You know, they're gonna rebuild, but it's never going to be the same.

[Andrew Packer]

Have you witnessed her birth?

[Jimmy Carr]

Have I what? Sorry?

[Andrew Packer]

Have you witnessed her birth? Like, do you have.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah, I was, I was at one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just someone's.

[Jimmy Carr]

No, it was, it was mine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Andrew Packer]

Very relatable, I guess. Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Thank you.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

No, I, I, I've. Yeah, I've been to some births.

[Yay He]

Yeah.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

It's.

[Andrew Packer]

They let you in, you, you laugh weird and they're like, that's.

[Announcer/Promoter]

He's.

[Andrew Packer]

He's here sometimes.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah,

[E]

yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it. It is iconic. That laugh is iconic. So, Andrew, this is your first kid coming out?

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah, first one. Be a dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. And how long have you been away from her? She's up in Canada.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah, I just. She's up in Canada and I, like. I flew in yesterday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You flew into Austin yesterday?

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For what, this?

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah.

[E]

Just.

[Tony Scar]

Wow.

[Andrew Packer]

Take a shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Look at you.

[Pat O'Neill]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Could have easily just ended up at Shakespeare's and missed the birth of your first child.

[Andrew Packer]

Really Just living the dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Risky business.

[Jimmy Carr]

Taking a chance is the kind of irresponsible. I like in a comedian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Heard of Russian roulette? This must be Canadian roulette. Signing up for Kill Tony, when your wife could burst at any moment.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. So what else is going on in life, Andrew?

[Jay Legend]

What.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What have we been missing up in the old ca.

[Andrew Packer]

I mean, this is really dominating the focus lately, is just becoming like a dad and just focusing on make sure. Making sure that that goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are your plans for being a good dad? Are you doing anything outside of the box? Any plans? Doing anything different?

[Andrew Packer]

I, I mean, my dad was pretty solid, so I'm just trying to, like, go off of his plan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did your dad do that you respect? That you, like, use it around? It's a pretty big deal. As we've heard from some of our black comedians earlier. That's a pretty big deal. Being around is a big deal. You know, there's sex and a name. I'm sure you do, but what are

[Andrew Packer]

you asking about sex with my baby right now?

[Jay Legend]

Dude.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you gonna name him?

[Andrew Packer]

We don't know yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the last name, like Packer. It's a lot of options. It makes Peter Packer Fred Packer. Peter Packer. Picked a patch of pickled peppers, perhaps.

[Andrew Packer]

It's actually that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what makes.

[Andrew Packer]

Makes it so challenging is like, you know, like, it's because you're very limited on the first names you can give when your last name's Packer. You know, like, I'll never have a son named Richard, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or Fudge

[E]

Nada.

[Andrew Packer]

I want to name him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like, ooh, Pussy Packer.

[Andrew Packer]

I got the only last name that makes the hardest first name in the game.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[Andrew Packer]

I send this kid into the world as Packer, no one's wife is safe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. There's probably a name that you could do that kind of, you know, seems like. Like, gash, maybe.

[E]

Calm gash.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, Gash Packer.

[Andrew Packer]

I'll run that by my wife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, she's totally sure.

[Andrew Packer]

I go, listen, Red Band had a good idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. Please. Look, I know you thought my trip to Austin and was selfish, but all we did was talk about you and the baby. Anyway, how about Gash Packer.

[Andrew Packer]

Has a ring to it. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness.

[Andrew Packer]

This is why dudes aren't allowed to decide names. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You spend too much time here. The kid's name is going to be Jack Packer. The Kill Tony Universe. This place is out of control. All right, Andrew. Well, congrats on the up and coming child. You had a great set. Good stuff. Andrew Packer. There he goes. On to the next one we go. We're flying through him tonight. Baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Try the macadamia cookies, baby. All right, on to the next one. It's Nick. The impression of Nick's dad for no reason. For those of you. For the four people that get it. For the four people that get it, you're gonna love it. Look at him laughing. It's that funny. All right, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Isaac Kane Brown, everybody.

[Andrew Packer]

Three word name.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

One fish, two fish. Oh, my God. A second fish has hit the tower. Holy mackerel. My buddy's a hypochondriac. He keeps telling me the bird flu. The bird flu. It's like. Yeah, that's what they do. Speaking of birds, I hate crows. I hate them. They're the ones that made all those racist laws. You want to hear a bad one?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, fuck.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Black people can't swim because they're the color of rocks. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what? They're the color of rocks?

[Michael Head]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I really don't want to be up here anymore.

[E]

Why?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's wrong? What happened?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I have bad stage fright.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have bad stage fright? You've been on before though, right?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jimmy Carr.

[Jimmy Carr]

Whose autistic child are you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

stemming? What you're seeing right here is him stemming.

[Jimmy Carr]

Okay, let's leave the last joke to one side. If you're going to do something that touches on race, it'd be super fucking funny.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Okay. Let's put that to one side. The rest of it I really liked. Yeah, you seem great, man.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh, thank you.

[Jimmy Carr]

Kind of very individual voice and kind of weird and wonderful and surreal.

[Galena Ravina]

Yeah. Great.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh, thank you.

[Jimmy Carr]

Yeah, relax. Tell us your story.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh, you. You asked whose autistic child I was. My brother is the autistic one. I was just homeschooled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Perfect.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

So I think it's kind of like a. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where were you homeschooled? At home. Right? Yeah. Very good. My mind is blown. Where at? What city? What state?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Springfield, Illinois.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. The home of the Simpsons.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Who cheered for that.

[Jimmy Carr]

That feels like you missed out a lot. Cause you kind of have the demeanor of a school shooter. Well, but you didn't get to go.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Well, I did join the military.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you did?

[Jimmy Carr]

Military?

[Jay Legend]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

This is why Iran is not going so great.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do in the military?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I was an infantryman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Jimmy Carr]

I thought you were gonna say chef.

[Greg Anderson]

No.

[Jimmy Carr]

What if America's enemies see this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is incredible. Did you serve overseas?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yes, I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Where at?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

We went on a mew, which is a Marine Expeditionary unit. That's when you ride with the Navy. And I did a very small amount of time in Iraq.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What exactly did you do in Iraq? Tell us about it.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Well, they got mad at me because I loaded the magazine upside down in the gun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Especially when it's a MAD magazine. That's the worst part. Me worry mostly.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

You know, just I cried a little bit. Not cause it was bad, it was just really hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You cried?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In Iraq?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

I feel weird about thank you for your service,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I guess.

[Jimmy Carr]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long were you in Iraq for?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

A little over a month. We didn't do anything crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, right, right. What did you see? Anything crazy?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I saw a. A ten gun run. That was pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly is that?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

You know that plane that sounds like it's farting when it shoots the gun?

[Galena Ravina]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah, that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you cry when you saw that? Tell us about the times you cried in Iraq. Were there any more?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

There's a thing over there called camel spiders.

[Galena Ravina]

Ooh.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

And they're about like, yay big, give or take. And when it's really hot, they try to find shade. So they'll chase your shadow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Lee]

Oh, oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you were crying. Oh, yeah. Wow. They'll chase your shadow. Nature is something else saying it.

[Greg Anderson]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine if one of those spiders saw John D's over here on the keys and he wouldn't even know where the shadow spider starts and where the shadow ends. It'd be a double shadow. Double the double shadow. John Peace. New nickname activated.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

That's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I'm definitely calling a Sonomata. What is it again? A sand spider. What was it? A camel spider. Perfect. Yeah, that's it Sounds like a racist term for sure. Yeah, the guy at 7:11 was a real camel spider. You know what I mean? I love when I do a racist joke and I look and your face doesn't change at all.

[Jimmy Carr]

God love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have the best time together. Look at him grabbing his own fingers over there, comforting himself, saying that he's not the autistic one. I can't imagine how. Brother. You're. How autistic your brother must be for him to be the autistic one.

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, he.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

He lays concrete in full Supreme. So that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean, in full Supreme?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

You know, the. The clothing brand, the. All the, like, you know, says Supreme.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a guy in the far. I didn't even know the room could be that far back. I didn't even know this room's back wall, which I know very well. I've spent many, many, many hours here. I did not know it was possible to laugh from that that far. Did anybody else hear that? There's a man like a mile away

[Andrew Packer]

going,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, go ahead.

[Jimmy Carr]

He lays concrete wearing Supreme.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

For a living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that part?

[Jimmy Carr]

That's part of it, yeah.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

He does it for a living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Well, it's not part of it, but I think he just really likes the clothes. I imagine fashion and all that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's he get that drip?

[Jimmy Carr]

You don't need to tell off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, so he. So he does hard, grinding, grueling, Italian esque work, but dressed well. Yeah, like Luigi Vuitton or something like that. All right, well, Isaac Kane Brown, we like your style. Here's a big joke book, my friend. Thank you so much. Where's Cold Bath? Who's having fun out there tonight, huh? Look at this guy ducking down, being a good sport. Look at the little guy. I don't. I think he might actually just be that tall. That's adorable. Absolutely adorable. Well, I got news for you. I love this name that I pulled the last time this young lady was on this show. We had a blast. This is someone who I'm secretly rooting for right now to have a great set, make some noise for my long awaited return of Yay, everybody. We love Yay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look at Yay over here. One more time for Yay He. Everybody here. We got you. We're coming for you.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Michael, grab that mic stand real quick. One more time, ladies and gentlemen, for the comedy stylings of Yay.

[E]

He.

[Yay He]

As you can see, I am bisexual, But I date mostly men because does it look like I can scissor? I've been doing comedy for a year, and the coolest thing that happened was that I got accused of being a blood. But what do I have to do to prove that I'm a critical? You know, I've been crib walking since the womb. You feel me? My mom gave me thick skin for comedy. Cause growing up, she'd be like, yeah, yeah. Why you look so disabled? I'm sorry, Mom. I'll just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love him,

[Greg Anderson]

dude.

[Yay He]

To get back at my mom, I got fake titties. Cause seven grand's a lot cheaper than trying to fix whatever the fuck's going on out here. You know what I'm saying? Keep your eyes up here. Thank you. My name is Yahee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yay.

[Galena Ravina]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Welcome back. Yay He.

[Yay He]

Tomorrow's my birthday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy birthday.

[Lauren Baker]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Am I right, Jimmy? Is this not one of the most adorable little fetal alcohol whatevers you've ever seen before? A lot of sake it took to make this one.

[Yay He]

My dad pushed my mom down the stairs. That's how this happens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Amazing.

[Yay He]

It's fine, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got the.

[Yay He]

I got it. Makes all my muscles tired. We're doing good. We're doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yay. Welcome back.

[Galena Ravina]

Hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Welcome, welcome. Jimmy Carr. You ever seen anything like this?

[Jimmy Carr]

There's a. There's a. I need some backstory here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on. Do you want your chopsticks back?

[Yay He]

How dare you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did D Madness say?

[Jimmy Carr]

Did you want your chopsticks back?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no. That was Red band. That'd be crazy if Deep Madness knew the church. She dropped her crutches, Steve. Madness is blind. He has no idea what the going on up here. He's like, who that cool ass black? Who's that tall, athletic black up there right now? All right. Yay He. Remind us all, how long have you

[Yay He]

been doing Standup, like a year and two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A year and two months. Months. And you are a viral sensation. What I love, and I mean, I think everybody knows it, last time you were on a magical moment happened where famously, I wanted to throw the big joke book at you. You said, tony, there's no way I can catch that. I said, yes, you can. You said, no, I can't. And. And you go, that's a hate crime. And I go, no, it's not. You're gonna do it. Open your mind. And it's amazing moment. And you caught the joke book.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yeah.

[Yay He]

You taught me how to catch. What are you going to do next? Are you going to teach me how to ride a bike? Are you going to be my daddy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Lee]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You better stop it. I'll tell you, you are kind of oddly hot tonight. I don't know what's going on. Something about that skirt. You got tattoos now. I don't remember that since the last time I saw you.

[Yay He]

I have shorts underneath, so I'm protected.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are oddly hot in the weirdest of ways.

[Yay He]

This way. You just didn't know it was the winter last time, so.

[E]

Damn.

[Andrew Packer]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a little summer treat. You're a little.

[Yay He]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you, you little beef dumpling, you. You are absolutely steamy tonight. This is absolutely incredible.

[Yay He]

Korean barbecue.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah, Korean barbecue. I guarantee it's all you can eat. You ain't stopping nobody.

[Galena Ravina]

No.

[E]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness.

[Jimmy Carr]

Jimmy.

[Greg Anderson]

Jimmy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does it feel like to be in the middle of this exchange? I'm sorry.

[Jimmy Carr]

I sort of don't know where to look.

[E]

Yay.

[Greg Anderson]

You are.

[Jimmy Carr]

I didn't get the backstory from last time, so.

[Michael Head]

What.

[Jimmy Carr]

What? What's the. Whose idea was this?

[Yay He]

Was this like, I was actually unplanned? Wouldn't you be pissed?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're on.

[Tony Scar]

What?

[Yay He]

I was unplanned. I was a mistake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Baby, it's amazing that they let you live.

[Yay He]

I have cerebral palsy. I was three months premature.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jimmy Carr]

So you think in three months time

[Greg Anderson]

you might be okay, I'm still premature.

[Yay He]

It looks like so.

[E]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He. You're so cool. How's Austin, Texas, treated meeting you?

[Yay He]

Really well. I've been here for a little while. I gave myself a little summer camp. Like a comedy summer camp. I'm staying here for a little bit to the end of the month and I've been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And where do you live full time?

[Yay He]

I'm in Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Houston.

[Yay He]

Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah.

[Yay He]

I have a Nissan ultimate with a crack windshield and everything. You know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jimmy Carr]

I didn't understand any of that.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh,

[Yay He]

I don't know know if that's my problem or you or is it maybe just my. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing.

[Yay He]

I have that Houston slang, so I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. You love Houston. That's where you're born and raised.

[Yay He]

I'm annoying about it, too. Yeah, I love Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Top, strop, fat, pat. You know what I'm talking about?

[Yay He]

Maybe. I don't know. Okay, all right, maybe I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing perfect. Y. You're doing perfect. So do you have a day job or anything? What do you do? Are you a. What are you?

[Yay He]

I'm an online math teacher, but something tells me that's.

[Jimmy Carr]

That seems a bit racist.

[Yay He]

We already established that last time. But, yeah, I mean, like. Yeah, I mean, like, I follow all of my stereotypes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, what. How bad of a driver are you?

[Yay He]

I'm surprisingly a great driver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Yay He]

I drive with my hands, so I can't look at my phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Yay He]

Yeah. Oh, and I got a new boyfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, tell us about this boyfriend.

[Yay He]

He has one nut.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. How many did he have before he started you two?

[Yay He]

But he. He lost it to cancer, but he's good now.

[E]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. How long have you been with this guy?

[Yay He]

This, like, since March. It's very fresh, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very fresh. Where'd you meet him at?

[Yay He]

Actually, Kill Tony signups whenever my episode air.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. Only at Kill Tony sign up.

[Yay He]

Shut up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can a man with one testicle meet a Whatever the fuck? This is an absolute thunderbolt in our

[Yay He]

stars in real life. What could I say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yay.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love your energy. I love you. Jimmy Carr.

[Jimmy Carr]

I didn't know you were a doctor. I didn't know you. I didn't know the medical term was whatever the fuck this is.

[Yay He]

Listen, I think if you taught me how to ride a bike, that would even go. That would go even more viral. What do you think?

[Jay Legend]

Think?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think me teaching you how to ride a bike would. Would end up with. With again with me being sued. There's only one way that ends. And I picture it just. Actually, there's two ways it could end. Either you fall to the left or the right. Well, it's fair.

[Jimmy Carr]

I like the idea of you being a good driver, but, I mean, if you do get in a crash, it's going to be amazing, right? Because you. They'll come to the. Are you okay? And you'll get out?

[Jay Legend]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

Oh, my God.

[Jules Villalobo]

What have I done?

[Yay He]

Yeah. No, yeah, absolutely. Actually, I think one time someone tried to scam me. I knew I was driving correctly and claiming I didn't use my signals and I did. And then I came out there she was like, oh, nevermind, I don't want the smoke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So this new boyfriend, is he a white guy?

[Yay He]

He's German and Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, wow. He hates walls, doesn't he?

[Galena Ravina]

Well.

[Yay He]

Well, I'll tell you that. It says one nut works for two. That's the most Mexican thing about him. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, repeat that one more time. It's a little bit slower.

[Yay He]

Is one nut works for two, which is the most Mexican thing about him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us, tell us about making love. What are some of your tricks in the bedroom?

[E]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He. I mean, I can't even imagine what it's like when those, when those, when those, those sweet leg braces of yours are just up in the air. I mean, I can't even, I can't even imagine. You must be a wild cat in the bedroom. I know you play it cool here. You pretend like you're a little bit hurt or whatever, but in the bedroom, I bet it's just anything goes, all day, every day, wontons of fun. Am I right?

[Yay He]

I'm all holes. That's all pockets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. You see what I'm. Look at Red Band. He's hard as a rock right now. Unbelievable. I just saw a really funny video of her and I guess you do this all the time. It was a busy road, live traffic, and you just walk right through the middle of it like a homeless person.

[Yay He]

Yeah, but I don't think on Japanese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I k. Walk, you know, you Korean walk.

[Galena Ravina]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Greg Anderson]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us us more. I gotta know more about you. What else do you do for fun? You have any hobbies or anything like that?

[Yay He]

You already know. I go to the gym.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You go to the gym?

[Yay He]

I know, right? I, I do a lot of journaling. I, I at the gym. Actually I did it, I did it at a Firestone a few days ago cuz I needed like two tires replaced.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You weed.

[Greg Anderson]

What?

[Yay He]

I don't get into accidents. I just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had to get your tires replaced?

[Yay He]

I don't get into accidents. I just, just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly what do you do at the gym? Take us through a workout with Yehi

[Yay He]

ppl Push, pull legs. Just like machines though. I don't have good enough grip for like free weights. I try my best. I look like this for a reason. I'm supposed to be fat and I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yahee. I swear to God. You're killing it. Did you really get fake boobs?

[Yay He]

I did.

[Tony Scar]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You chose to get small fake boobs.

[Yay He]

They were raising them. I tried to get big bigger.

[E]

But my.

[Yay He]

But my doctor was like, that's gonna go onto your armpits. You're gonna get a new uni boob.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I was like, well, of course when your doctor is your father, they're gonna say that. They're always like, no, not the. Too big.

[Yay He]

Actually, actually, I. I reunited with my dad for the first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You what?

[Yay He]

Reunited with my dad for the first time last year after 14 years. My dad left when I was 16.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Yay He]

Having daddy issues. I'm not immune to it just because I'm crippled.

[E]

But.

[Yay He]

But, yeah. And he was like. After 14 years, he dare to be like, you want your eyes done while you're here because I'll pay for it. You'll be more successful. I'm like, I feel so welcomed already.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, that's what he wanted to fix was your eyes right? Of all the things, he's like, hey, let me pay to get your eyes done.

[Yay He]

I know.

[Jimmy Carr]

I got mean, like, the broken window theory. You know, you just take care of the little things, you get the eyes done, and then maybe the legs will kick in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Maybe she just couldn't see good. That's why she can't walk properly.

[Yay He]

I got a. I got a 4. I have a master's degree. I got a 4.0 on that. And when I told him about it, he didn't give a. But he cared about my eyes.

[Jimmy Carr]

So where is your father? Where's he live?

[Yay He]

He's in South Korea. He's a good. He's a good man now, so don't worry about it, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But doctor. Is he a doctor? That's. What. Is he in South Korea? What does he do?

[Yay He]

He drives tour buses.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. I think we have a sound effect for that. I do believe. There you go. Hell, yeah. Why don't you just stay with us tonight? You just chill. Yeah. We only have a couple bucket pulled flat.

[Yay He]

I'm already dressed for the occasion. I'm in all red.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are adorable. You have to see her little red Converses hanging. They're not even touching the floor. Air mike grabber crutches. Reset the. Reset the mic stand. Let's turn on mic four.

[Yay He]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kino and crew. This is adorable.

[Jimmy Carr]

Slice it next to Kerber the frog.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would love to also have you on the secret show Thursday afternoon. You just got booked on a real party here. That's right. Yeah, he's a spunky little. Spunky little girl. All right, you take. You give Michael that one.

[Jimmy Carr]

Oh, there's your dedicated.

[Galena Ravina]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yay. He's. Yay.

[Lauren Baker]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yay, he. Join us on panel. Just stick around for the next two comedians. I'd love to. And then we just don't. So the deal is you just don't interrupt the minute, and I ask the basic questions, and you get to just sit back and fucking crank home runs whenever you want.

[Yay He]

My heels are clicking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[E]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, Yehee has joined the panel in a stunning turn of events. Only on Kill Tony does magic like this happen.

[Robert Lee]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He put the mic microphone down on the table. Sit it down.

[Yay He]

I have a. I have to grab things at all times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. You're perfect. There you go. All right. Yay. You ready to watch? You ready to watch someone do a minute? What. What I'm gonna be looking out for, by the way, just to let you know, I've been doing this show for 13 years. Years. Never missed a Monday, right? What I'm looking forward to is when the comedian. Because I always look and they always give a glance at who the guest is. And I've noticed every comedian tonight is like, oh, Jimmy Carr, right? Like, there's a second where I see, like, them identify the legendary Jimmy Carr. And what I'm going to love is I'm going to love watching them go from Jimmy to. What the is this? I just made a snot roger it fly out of my nose. So I literally pictured, like, what that's going to like. They're going to be like, is that. What is it Margaret Cho or something? Like, what even is that?

[Yay He]

Ali Walk Wong.

[Galena Ravina]

That's one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ally Walk Wong. Oh, my God. I love you. I love. I love you. Yay. I love you. You might have a new white boyfriend by the end of this episode.

[Lauren Baker]

Yay.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look out. Someone's going to learn how to ride a bicycle this week.

[Yay He]

I'll learn to ride something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I might be the one wearing leg braces next week. This bitch is going to wear me out to the bones. All right, Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of John Sheeran. Everybody makes noise for John.

[Announcer/Promoter]

I had to break up with a girl this week because she wanted a relationship. But I'm on the management track at work, and I'm not going to get there unless I can prove that I'll enforce the glass ceiling. I only eat off of plastic plates because that way women know That I don't do commitment or dishes. I buy my plates at the Dollar Tree. But when I'm ready for a family, I'll start shopping at the Family Dollar. I'll buy my condoms there. Because Family Dollar condoms, they don't break the bank. And you will start a family for a dollar. Getting commitment from a guy really is a glass ceiling. But we tend to treat it like plastic, and we bend it as far as we can before we commit. But sometimes, guys, we push too far. And you know what it's like to bust through plastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, John Sheeran. Jimmy Carr.

[Jimmy Carr]

Have you. You thought about leg braces?

[Announcer/Promoter]

Have I thought about leg braces?

[Jimmy Carr]

Just a question. Some people wear leg braces and they're super funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just saying, good work.

[Announcer/Promoter]

They'd make me taller. Maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John, how long you been on standup?

[Announcer/Promoter]

About six months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six months? Where at?

[Announcer/Promoter]

Raleigh, North Carolina.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Raleigh, North Carolina. And you came here just for this? What are you doing in Austin?

[Announcer/Promoter]

Needed vacation.

[Jimmy Carr]

Okay.

[Announcer/Promoter]

And then decided, maybe I'll move here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been here?

[Announcer/Promoter]

Thursday, so about five days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think about it so far?

[Announcer/Promoter]

It's good. I don't know if I like hb. They make you bring your own bags.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second. Double bird from this guy. I swear to God, if they let people bring guns into the mothership. There's so much going on just from that one statement. You don't know if you like hb and. And they made you bring. What do you mean they made you bring your own bags?

[Announcer/Promoter]

You know how they make you either, like, buy or bring reusable bags?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, they don't do that.

[Announcer/Promoter]

The one I went to did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[Announcer/Promoter]

Anyway, so the bag, it says Texas native, and then it lists a bunch of native Texas plants on it. Have y' all noticed that

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Muhling, who only speaks once every three months, has acknowledged those are great bags? I'm gonna check in with the panelist of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, let's see what Yehee thinks about this.

[Yay He]

I initially felt bad that the painter heckled you, kind of, but now I'm cool with it. What do you.

[Announcer/Promoter]

One second. The first native plant is the Black Eyed Susan. And I just didn't know that Texans were so proud of domestic violence.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, John. All right, let's talk about it here. My goodness, John, I'm really trying. What are you doing?

[Yay He]

I can't push my mom down the stairs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's like a doll that you pull the string on. My mom pushed My dad. My dad pushed my mom down the stairs. I'm from Houston.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think we. We all like, we look like dolls, but different price range. This one's.

[Yay He]

I'm worth more than all of you.

[Jimmy Carr]

This one. This one's kind of busted as a little bit cheaper, but, you know,

[Andrew Packer]

yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are the. You are such a good spirit. You guys are bumping mics over here. So, John, you are in the presence of one of the comedy gods here. Yay. He who is judging you greatly. Six months in Raleigh, North Carolina, and you come out guns a blazing in the interview, dissing. Heb, what do we have to do to get you back to Raleigh, North Carolina? I mean, you know, Heb, we have a beloved grocery store here. Literally does everything better, makes everything better, Produces fresher meat, fresher.

[E]

There's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody's ever had an issue with a bag there in their fucking life. You get free bags. You can buy a fancy bag. It's like a. It's like a fucking museum.

[Announcer/Promoter]

I guess I'm just an easy mark. I don't know, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good lord. Okay, John, what do you do for fun? Tell us something good about you that'll make the whole audience love you instead of hate you.

[Announcer/Promoter]

I play a lot of volleyball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. A fun fact. Everybody that dislikes H E B loves volleyball. Just a fun fact. Wow. What else? Tell us something else. Give us one more thing. Volleyball didn't exactly do it.

[Announcer/Promoter]

I used to work at Jimmy John's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jay Legend]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yikes. It's not getting any better, John. It's not getting any better.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yay.

[Robert Lee]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jimmy.

[Jimmy Carr]

I feel like we're two questions away from lynching this guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you ever.

[Yay He]

Did you ever volunteer ever? Maybe we're trying to give you something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. How adorable is Yay.

[Robert Lee]

He?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you ever volunteer or something? Something. We're trying to give you something. She's really spelling it out. This little sweet thing is literally like, feels bad for him. Think about that. Just met her dad, leg braces galore, can't even stand straight. And she's like, how do we help this guy?

[Announcer/Promoter]

When I was back there, did I hear that your boyfriend has one testicle?

[Jay Legend]

Yes, sir.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Well, I was born that way, too.

[Robert Lee]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were born that way?

[Yay He]

Born that way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[E]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God.

[Announcer/Promoter]

So.

[Yay He]

Are you trying to say you're in

[Announcer/Promoter]

line or redeeming qualities?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You have one more testicle than I thought you had, my friend.

[Greg Anderson]

Here's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little joke book. Sign up. Come back again some other time with a different Minute. John Sheeran, ladies and gentlemen, we are now going to do one final bucket poll. We're into overtime, everybody.

[Robert Lee]

You don't just pour concrete and frame walls. You build schools, stadiums, and city streets that stand the test of time. Every beam, every bolt, every foundation put in place by your hands. And hard work, because when the job's done, it's landmarks left for generations built by pros like you.

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just want one more bucket pool. Literally, just for the reason that I explained earlier about seeing the panel, because that one was behind the curtain. I realized, so this is the real one here, where it's gonna be like, should be a second. There should be a double take of them. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. For the final bucket poll of the night, it's Galena Ravina. Galina. Ravina.

[Galena Ravina]

My girlfriends wanted to do a vacation this year, so they suggested a girls trip to Dubai. To which I said, if we're gonna do a girls trip, do you mind if we pick a country that likes girls? That's not my idea of getting stoned. And it's hard to feel unsafe all the time. As a woman, I wanted to be proactive, so I signed up for kickboxing classes. Now, if someone tries to abduct me, I have something to talk about in the van. I'd have to be like, please abduct me. Just like I learned in class. Cannot fight you out of sequence. It was a Groupon. Was that a minute?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you said 10 seconds left.

[Galena Ravina]

Oh, all right. I used to have a lot of peeping toms. They were all men. Pretty male dominated profess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right. There you go. Look at that. A true professional. Galena Ravina. Galina. I know you from doing stand up in la, correct?

[Galena Ravina]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Heck, yeah. How long have you been doing it?

[Galena Ravina]

11 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

11 years? That's right. I remember you. We know you very well, right?

[Lauren Baker]

Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And welcome. Welcome. What brings you to Austin, Texas?

[Galena Ravina]

The comedy scene.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, indeed. Do you live here now?

[Galena Ravina]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you lived here?

[Galena Ravina]

Six months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome.

[Jay Legend]

Well, welcome, welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you feel about h e B? Very easy question. Just take it and dump it.

[Galena Ravina]

I love it. It's the only grocery store I've ever walked into. Where I saw a man holding a pige.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. On top of many other great things, that's also another thing. Sometimes there's a man holding a pigeon with great bags around him. Hell yeah. Galena Ravena, how does it feel to be up here with the great Jimmy Carr and the legendary.

[E]

Yay.

[Galena Ravina]

Fantastic. Just two legends indeed. Like you said,

[Jimmy Carr]

my. My father pushed my mother down the stairs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I fucking love it.

[E]

Yay.

[Greg Anderson]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have any notes or anything? Any feedback for the.

[Yay He]

I'm curious. Can you carry me? Are you strong?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I could carry you. Oh my.

[Galena Ravina]

Let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[Jimmy Carr]

Are we real?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to do it? I mean, you're not allowed to sue us or anything. Watch out, there's a court. Watch out for the cord there. Oh, boy.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's stop this. Put her down, put her down, put her down. Lawsuit. Incoming. Finally made it. Don't want to lose it all.

[Jimmy Carr]

Look, I don't want to be that guy, but seriously, what's the worst that could happen?

[Yay He]

I'm sorry. When she said she was a woman in a male dominated field, I just. I'm just tempted and she's so beautiful.

[Galena Ravina]

Oh, my God. Well, thank you. I do work out a lot. I mean, I usually just do Kegels, but that works too.

[Jimmy Carr]

Hey, it's a very good gag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Yay He]

They got time.

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, when you've got. If you had that Kegels gag locked and loaded open with that. That's great. It's a great little one liner. Bang, funny, immediately love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Off and running. That is true. Fast and furious is good. Right from the get. Galena, tell us a little fun fact about your life that might surprise us.

[Galena Ravina]

I'm Ukrainian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, look at that.

[Jimmy Carr]

That's unusual for a Mexican lady, isn't it?

[Lauren Baker]

Yeah,

[Jay Legend]

I mean,

[Jimmy Carr]

I don't work at the airport, but. No, you're fucking not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God, that is amazing. How Ukrainian are you?

[Galena Ravina]

I could start speaking Russian. Wow, I'm so Ukrainian. I speak Russian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God, that is amazing. This is like when I found out. Yay, he drives a car.

[Galena Ravina]

You do?

[Yay He]

I do.

[Jimmy Carr]

I think. I think it's a waymo. And they just let her pretend.

[Yay He]

I'm waiting for a wayo to hit me. God damn it. Maybe I can afford some new legs. How about that?

[Jimmy Carr]

I think she drives a car.

[Jules Villalobo]

You're driving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. Galina Ravena. Amazing. Speak Russian for us. Just a little bit. Say something like. That's like five or 10 seconds long. Can you do a joke in Russian?

[Jay Legend]

Ooh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How Mosko is it?

[Galena Ravina]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm setting you up for the punchline. How Mosko is it? Oh, yes, good.

[Jimmy Carr]

Now say it forwards.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Satan is the one true God. Selena, I'd love to have you on the Secret show Thursday. And here's a big joke book for you, Galina Radina. Amazing. Great stuff. And we are down to our final comedian of the night, our super regular, our freaking nature, the great Heidi. Do you have a sippy cup for her?

[Jay Legend]

Heidi?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just kidding. Look at that. Look who's having the time of her life tonight. Can you believe it?

[Jimmy Carr]

It's great because it was just us and now, you know, more fun with two and a half people here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Yay He]

I'm having a great time.

[Robert Lee]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You better be. This is the make a wish of a century, right? Right now, I mean, that'd be crazy if she's like, can I get out of here? This sucks. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been doing this show a very long time. We've had a lot of. We've had a lot of different regulars. You know, early on it was, you know, we had some brand spanking new females that we thought it would be an interesting experiment to literally watch people grow and try to write a new minute every week. But it's so hard to do that. The whole thing has kind of been an experiment the entire time. Sometimes they're more physical, right? You're Ari Mattis. You're this, you're that. The, the roasting stable styles of David Lucas, your insane silliness of William Montgomery, they come in so many different shapes, shapes and sizes. I gotta tell you, man, this guy that's closing tonight's show. I mean, I'm just in absolute awe of his writing, of his performing. I think as the show has evolved, he has become what could be considered the perfect specimen for a guy that does a new minute every single week. He is the fastest rising comedian in all of the world. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a brand new minute. It from the one and only Pat o'.

[Michael Head]

Neal.

[Andrew Packer]

Folks.

[Greg Anderson]

Other night, I was in bed with

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this girl and she squirted.

[Greg Anderson]

Yeah, last time I take her to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Taco Bell,

[Greg Anderson]

It's not pee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, and fellas, you ever in bed

[Greg Anderson]

with your gal and, you know, you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

think she might be faking it? I was there myself recently and eventually just had to ask, are those even real tears,

[Jay Legend]

Folks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This girl, she's really into rough sex, just doesn't know it yet. You know, Last week I took her horse riding the old Texas abortion. Some people down here, they say abortion, it should be allowed, but only an incident of rape and incest. But I think it should probably only be for rape because if you are

[Greg Anderson]

having consensual incest, I think you should

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

have to keep that fucking retard.

[Robert Lee]

Really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The only way people ever learned throughout history. All right, thank you. The real deal. Pat o' Neill has, without a doubt.

[Jay Legend]

Thank you, folks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Done it again. Wow. I'm excited to hear the great, and I mean truly, one of the great writers and performers in the history of Stand up. The great Jimmy Carr. You're seeing Pat o' Neill for the first time. You've been a regular guest on this show for over a decade.

[Jimmy Carr]

It's banger after banger after banger. Not only great jokes, but perfect delivery. It's a joy to watch.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Carr]

It's just perfect.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Carr]

You bring it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You bring it.

[Jimmy Carr]

I love it on this show when someone's done the work. Like the amount of work that went into that set, the amount of gags, because you could have floated by on two of those. And there was four great jokes, like, one after the other. Perfect delivery. Your whole Persona is just. It's just on point. I love it.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Carr]

What's not to like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We've checked in with a man that's done arenas and giant theaters. See what she thinks all around the globe. It is time for us to check in with.

[E]

Yay. He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen.

[Yay He]

You're so funny. You're really funny. And I really thought that you look like both Rick and Morty at the same time, and you really do.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you, everybody on the Internet. And Timmy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No bricks or made that joke, but okay.

[Yay He]

And also, you look. Look like Randall from Monsters, Inc. And Jerry the Mouse. How about that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going. He just keep naming things that he looks like.

[Yay He]

No, it's okay. No, I'm shy about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. I like Nickelodeon, too. Yeah, no, it's great. Jimmy.

[Jimmy Carr]

I kind of get. I get, like, Christian Slater in True Romance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Carr]

If. If it had been real life, not a movie.

[Announcer/Promoter]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is that vibe. I see it. I feel it.

[Yay He]

Harry Potter and Gollum. That's my last one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. She's a little superstar, right?

[Jimmy Carr]

Well, she's. She's probably wondering what he's got. It is amazing someone's mummy threw someone down the stairs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, Pat, you are the man. I'm just an absolute obvious super fan. I'm so excited to see you make your Madison Square Garden debut. And also our Takeover of Las Vegas. Arenas galore. Upcoming for Pat. First, I'm going to New York.

[Andrew Packer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stand up.

[Jimmy Carr]

So you're just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Overall, your first time in New York,

[Jimmy Carr]

you're playing Madison Square Gardens.

[Announcer/Promoter]

I guess.

[Lauren Baker]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. That is. I mean, that's me finding out too. But that, that is amazing.

[Jimmy Carr]

That's got to be your first and last trip. You cannot go back again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it. It is true.

[Jimmy Carr]

You're not going to top that.

[Greg Anderson]

Go socks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Msg. Spoiler alert. Madison Square Garden is such an addicting venue that you'll, you'll. You'll do anything to go back there, including a presidential rally. Red band.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you know, I had the pleasure. I just did a whole weekend of shows with Pat in San Diego and watching him do just 15 minutes, people were standing up, applauding halfway through his set, just non stop. And he's about to go on the road and do his own hour sets. You gotta fucking see this motherfucker.

[Jimmy Carr]

Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He is the real deal. Pat o'.

[Greg Anderson]

Neill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is a four force of nature unlike anything we've ever seen before. I mean, it is just fucking absolutely hysterical. I love it.

[Greg Anderson]

Thank you, folks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you one more time for the great Pat o', Neill, everybody. How much fucking fun did we have tonight, huh? Jimmy, Come on. Pre order his book on [e-mail] right now or your app on Amazon. Get the. Get it. The book. It is called, called On Jokes. It's the. One of the greatest joke writers in the history of stand up. Jimmy Carr, talking about his process of writing jokes, how you can write jokes, how it's done, how it goes, and I'm fascinated by it. I am currently reading a copy or having AI read me a copy. It's unbelievable. Yeah. And the drawing from Ryan Je Belt is in. Let's see what Chris Rogers was drawing over there tonight. Jimmy Carr. I love it. Yay he. How about a hand for Yay he, ladies and gentlemen? I mean. Oh, it's a bow. A bow from a little bun.

[Yay He]

I will say, Tony, one of my dreams is to have one of those paintings so with my mouth open that one time.

[Andrew Packer]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are hysterical. I absolutely love you. Yay. Let it be known that someone that takes jokes like you and makes jokes like you and on the come up and working and grinding is what this show is all about. It's about from getting from that point to that point in life and everything in between. So congratulations.

[Yay He]

Best birthday present ever.

[Andrew Packer]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy birthday.

[E]

Yay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. Happy birthday.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. A reminder that the band is playing in New York at New York City Winery. The City Winery on the Thursday before we do, Friday and Saturday. So if you're visiting New York, go see the band on Thursday. See us on Friday and Saturday. I think there's still combo tickets. They're doing a thing where you can get a ticket for Friday and Saturday for msg. A little fun fact instead of buying them separately. So look into that red band. Check out the secret show every Thursday at the sunsetstripatx.com thank you so much guys. We love you guys. How about one more time for the great Jimmy Carr.

[Jimmy Carr]

Thank you, Tony. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are the man. Thank you audience. We love you. Good night, everybody. Sam. Omniwatch protects way more than just your passwords and logins.

[Tony Scar]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Tony Scar]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So Whether you're Garden Gal 54 or

[Tony Scar]

dad Bod 23, OmniWatch helps you browse,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

shop and connect with confidence.

[Tony Scar]

Go to omniwatch.com to get protected today.

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