Elizabeth Wettlaufer 1

Summary

Mind of a Serial Killer: Episode 1 – Elizabeth Wettlaufer

Released on November 25, 2024, by Crime House Studios

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Introduction

In the premiere episode of Mind of a Serial Killer, hosts Vanessa Richardson and Dr. Tristan Engels delve into the harrowing story of Elizabeth Wettlaufer, Canada's first convicted angel of death serial killer. Wettlaufer, a nurse in southwestern Ontario, systematically murdered eight elderly patients between 2007 and 2014 using her professional access to medications. This episode explores her early life, the psychological turmoil that led to her descent into murder, and the complex interplay of factors that made her capable of such heinous acts.

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Early Life and Religious Upbringing

Elizabeth Wettlaufer was born in 1967 to Doug and Hazel, parents deeply embedded in the South Zorra Baptist Church in rural Woodstock, Ontario. Her upbringing was dominated by strict religious doctrines and a conservative fundamentalist environment. Dr. Tristan Engels explains:

"If she's being taught that only her community of people are good and everyone else in the world is bad, that's teaching her to view the world in dichotomous ways."
(05:42)

Wettlaufer's father, a lay pastor, enforced rigid rules that left little room for personal interpretation or deviation. This black-and-white worldview significantly impacted Elizabeth's ability to form nuanced relationships and understand the complexities of human emotions.

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Struggles with Sexuality and Conversion Therapy

As Elizabeth entered her teenage years, she grappled with her emerging sexuality. Realizing she was attracted to women, she faced immense internal conflict due to her conservative upbringing. With limited outlets, she confided only in her friend Glenn Hart, who accepted her without judgment. However, her family and church adhered strictly to anti-LGBTQ+ sentiments, leading to profound cognitive dissonance.

“Elizabeth had to keep her secret hidden. She was terrified of what might happen.”
(08:43)

After pursuing a degree in religious counseling, Elizabeth faced severe repercussions when her excursion to a gay-friendly church was discovered. Her parents forced her into gay conversion therapy, a deeply harmful practice aimed at altering her sexual orientation. Dr. Engels emphasizes the detrimental effects of such therapy:

"It's not only degrading and it's shown to cause an increase in substance abuse, depression, anxiety and suicide."
(10:35)

Despite the therapy's intent to suppress her true identity, Elizabeth struggled to deny her inherent attractions, leading to further emotional and psychological strain.

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Nursing Career and Substance Abuse

Elizabeth transitioned from religious studies to nursing, securing positions at a local hospital and an assisted living facility. Excelling academically, she initially appeared to thrive in her new roles. However, the internal conflict between her true self and imposed beliefs began to surface. To cope, she turned to alcohol, seeking solace in numbness rather than confronting her turmoil.

"Elizabeth was unable to act on her impulses. She tried bottling up her feelings and when that didn't work, she turned to alcohol to numb the pain."
(14:23)

Her substance abuse escalated, leading to the misuse of medications like Ativan and Valium. In September 1995, her excessive intake resulted in her being fired from her nursing position, though the Ontario Nurses Association facilitated her continuation in the field under strict sobriety conditions.

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Onset of Criminal Behavior: Experimenting with Patients

Elizabeth's fragile mental state, compounded by isolation and unresolved sexual identity issues, culminated in her initial forays into criminality. Beginning with non-fatal experimentation on her patients, she administered high doses of insulin to observe their reactions. These actions marked the beginning of her transformation into a serial killer.

"She started stealing drugs from the hospital's medication room... and even opiates like morphine."
(15:35)

Her first fatal act occurred in August 2007 when she administered a lethal dose of insulin to James Silcox, an 84-year-old war veteran suffering from Alzheimer's and diabetes. This act was driven by intrusive thoughts and an internal voice compelling her to "make things right with God."

"Elizabeth knew what to do. She walked over to the fridge where the staff stored medications and picked up a box of insulin cartridges."
(32:57)

Following this, she continued her spree, targeting patients who were vulnerable and unlikely to resist, further entrenching her path of violence.

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Psychological Analysis of Wettlaufer's Actions

Dr. Tristan Engels provides a comprehensive analysis of Wettlaufer's psychological state, highlighting the interplay of her religious indoctrination, identity conflicts, and mental health issues. Key factors include:

1. Cognitive Dissonance: Elizabeth's struggle to reconcile her true self with her religious teachings created immense internal conflict.

2. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Diagnosed during a psychiatric stay, BPD contributed to her unstable relationships and emotional volatility.

3. Substance Abuse: Alcohol and drug misuse exacerbated her mental health issues, impairing her judgment and increasing impulsivity.

4. Intrusive Thoughts and Command Hallucinations: Elizabeth experienced voices urging her to commit acts of violence, blurring the lines between reality and delusion.

"She didn't have the emotional regulation skills that she needs, she doesn't have outlets, she's isolated."
(15:35)

These elements combined to create a volatile environment where her capacity for rational decision-making was severely compromised, making her susceptible to committing murder.

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Confessions and Lack of Reporting

Elizabeth's pattern of confessing her crimes without facing consequences highlights systemic failures and her manipulative nature. She confessed to multiple individuals, including friends and her pastor, yet none took steps to report her to authorities. This lack of accountability allowed her to continue her killing spree unabated.

"Elizabeth felt free to kill again."
(40:44)

Her confessions served as a means to unburden herself emotionally while simultaneously absolving herself of guilt, further entrenching her in her destructive path.

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Conclusion

Episode 1 of Mind of a Serial Killer offers a chilling exploration of Elizabeth Wettlaufer's journey from a constrained upbringing to a calculated murderer. Through detailed storytelling and expert psychological insights, Vanessa Richardson and Dr. Tristan Engels shed light on the complex factors that can drive an individual to commit serial murder. As the episode concludes, listeners are left contemplating the profound question: What makes a serial killer?

Stay tuned for Episode 2, where the hosts will continue to unravel the depths of Wettlaufer's descent into madness and the eventual culmination of her criminal activities.

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Tristan Engels [05:42]:
  "If she's being taught that only her community of people are good and everyone else in the world is bad, that's teaching her to view the world in dichotomous ways."

• Dr. Tristan Engels [10:35]:
  "It's not only degrading and it's shown to cause an increase in substance abuse, depression, anxiety and suicide."

• Dr. Tristan Engels [32:57]:
  "Elizabeth knew what to do. She walked over to the fridge where the staff stored medications and picked up a box of insulin cartridges."

• Dr. Tristan Engels [15:35]:
  "She didn't have the emotional regulation skills that she needs, she doesn't have outlets, she's isolated."

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Connect with Us

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Transcript

[Vanessa Richardson]

This is Crime House.

[Dr. Tristan Engels]

Faith in a higher power can be a wonderful thing. It can give our lives deeper meaning and provide hope during times of pain and suffering, and offer some form of a peaceful afterlife. For some people, the rules you have to follow to get this eternal reward are up for interpretation. There's a set of guidelines, but they can be adjusted to fit different lifestyles and situations. Others see religion through a narrower lens in which righteousness is measured by how closely you follow the rules. But when the divide between good and bad becomes all consuming, it can leave some people in limbo struggling to find their place. For those like Elizabeth Wetlaufer, that feeling of being on the outside looking in never quite goes away. And it can have deadly consequences. The human mind is fascinating. It controls how we think, how we feel, how we love, and how we hate. And sometimes the mind drives us to do something truly unspeakable. When that happens, people wonder, how could someone do such a thing? Well, on this show, that's what we're going to try and answer. This is Mind of a Serial Killer a Crime House Original. Every Monday we'll be taking deep dives into the minds of history's most notorious serial killers and violent offenders. At Crime House, we want to express our gratitude to you, our community, for making this possible. Please support us by rating, reviewing and following Mind of a Serial Killer wherever you get your podcasts and to enhance your Mind of a serial Killer listening experience, subscribe to Crime House plus on Apple Podcasts. You'll get every episode ad free and instead of having to wait for each episode of a two part series, you'll get access to both at once, plus exciting bonus content. I'm Vanessa Richardson.

And I'm Dr. Tristan Engels. As Vanessa takes you through our subject's stories, I'll be helping her dive into these killers minds as we try to understand how someone could do such horrible things.

Before we get into the story, you should know it contains descriptions of murder and abuse. Listener discretion is advised. This is the first of two episodes on Elizabeth Wetlaufer, a Canadian nurse and the country's first convicted angel of death serial killer, which refers to healthcare professionals who murder their patients. Elizabeth used the drugs at her disposal to kill eight of her elderly patients in southwestern Ontario between 2007 and 2014. In today's episode, we'll be exploring Elizabeth Wetlofer's early life and descent into serial murder. Next week we'll follow Elizabeth's descent into madness as she wrestles with her actions. And as always, we'll be asking the question what makes a serial killer?

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[Dr. Tristan Engels]

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[Dr. Tristan Engels]

More than anything else, Elizabeth Wetlaufer's childhood was defined by religion. She was born in 1967 to parents Doug and Hazel, who were studying at a Bible college in Toronto, Canada. But Doug and Hazel weren't interested in city life. When Elizabeth was 4, they moved about two hours away to the small rural town of Woodstock, located in a farming community called South Zorra. Doug and Hazel immediately established roots with the South Zorra Baptist Church, a super conservative fundamentalist group. Doug became a lay pastor there. Although he wasn't officially ordained, he led services when the regular pastor wasn't available. The rest of Elizabeth's family, including her older brother and aunts and uncles, all belonged to South Zorra Baptist too, and before long, Elizabeth's life revolved around the church.

I think it's important to understand more about the teachings of conservative fundamentalist religions before we can evaluate what role, if any, this has had on Elizabeth's development. It's also important to remember that everyone's experience in their religion, as well as their perception of what it's taught them, is different. So for some, their beliefs help them remain accountable and hopeful. For others, it can have a negative effect, especially if what they're learning is in direct conflict with their own personal experiences. So to answer a question about this and her development, we need to keep that in mind so we're not generalizing an entire population. And what we do know about South Zora Baptist Church is that it's much smaller than other fundamentalist churches like the Church of Latter Day Saints. But it also has a very strict set of rules. And given that her father, although not ordained, was a lay pastor, so there's also even stricter rules probably enforced on her family in terms of their reputation and how to show up in the community. If she's being taught that only her community of people are good and everyone else in the world is bad, that's teaching her to view the world in dichotomous ways. Indoctrination can affect someone's ability to create and maintain relationships, use critical thinking skills, and it can affect their ability to form their own independent opinions and views. Like we talked about in our episode on Charlie Brandt, that is a very.

Precarious place to start one's life.

It is.

So in the 1970s, while other parts of the country were embracing the freedom and loose vibes of that time, Elizabeth was learning a very different set of values. As you just mentioned, movies, dancing, and drinking were all strictly prohibited at South Zoro Baptist. Basically, typical recreational activities of the time were off limits. As Elizabeth became a teenager, she struggled with body image and questions about her identity. Her body was changing and her emotions were heightened as she tried to navigate high school. As if that wasn't enough, Elizabeth was on the chubbier side and her classmates constantly made fun of her weight. Her one close friend, Glenn Hart, also went to South Zoro Baptist, and he was a lifeline for Elizabeth during this time, which was especially important because Elizabeth was dealing with another, more pressing issue, her sexuality. Around the time she was 13 or 14, Elizabeth realized she was attracted to women. She knew she couldn't tell anyone except for Glenn, who was also coming to terms with being gay and didn't judge Elizabeth for her preferences. But her family and the church were another story.

She's being taught probably that homosexuality is bad and that if you are of a different sexual orientation, that you are bad. And so how does she reconcile her being bad when she knows, hey, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing? How does that make me bad? So it creates a dissonance, a cognitive dissonance, as you just said.

Same sex relationships were absolutely strictly prohibited at South Zorra Baptist. And since Elizabeth's dad was a pastor there, she was expected to set a good example for the other members. So Elizabeth had to keep her secret hidden. She was terrified of what might happen. Despite the internal struggle Elizabeth was going through, she was determined to follow the church's teachings. Or maybe she was afraid not to. Either way, she finished high school without revealing her secret to anyone and kept her good Standing at South Zoro Baptist. And after graduating, Elizabeth followed in her parents footsteps, pursuing a bachelor degree in religious counseling at Baptist Bible College in London, Ontario. But being away from the small town of Woodstock and the community of South Zoro Baptist unleashed something inside of Elizabeth. For the first time in her life, she was free to explore her sexuality without prying eyes watching. So one day, she went with a girlfriend to a gay friendly church service in the area. It was a disaster. The school learned about her excursion and kicked Elizabeth out. Even worse, her family learned about it, backed into a corner, Elizabeth was forced to come out to them. And just as she'd feared, her parents were livid. When Elizabeth came home to Woodstock, they sent her to gay conversion therapy.

Okay, let's discuss what conversion therapy actually is, because it sounds very misleading when you have the word therapy in the name. So I want to make it very clear that the mental health community has largely rejected this modality because it's not based in science and it causes harm to patients. And the number one rule for any licensed mental health practitioner is not to cause harm. That being said, the practice is intended to change an individual's sexual orientation, so it aligns with heterosexual and cisgender quote norms. But it's harmful because it's not only degrading and it's shown to cause an increase in substance abuse, depression, anxiety and suicide. They use shame, they use these coercion, they use guilt. And that's the idea is it's trying to shame somebody into denouncing that. And they also have this belief that sexuality is a choice when it in fact, it's not. So they're trying to enforce change in a patient on a topic that can't be changed. So imagine what that's doing to the patient when they cannot change their sexuality. As much as they would love to appease their families and their communities, they can't.

It seems like it's exacerbating the problem by pushing down who she really is even further.

Absolutely. And it's causing so much more trauma.

So as Elizabeth's friend Glenn Hart recalled, she spent weeks at a time at these programs. However Elizabeth felt about her experience, the conversion therapy seemed to have its intended effect. After completing the program, Elizabeth said she was horrified that she'd considered being lesbian or bi and repented for her sins. The Bible college let her back in and her relationship with her family seemed to get back on track. Elizabeth put her head down and focused on school, graduating in 1991 when she was 24 years old. Although she'd studied religion. She decided not to pursue a religion based career like being a clergy member or a missionary. Instead, she enrolled in a nursing program at nearby Conestoga College. Elizabeth was a great student with excellent grades and while she seemed to enjoy her classes and the new material she was learning, it wasn't enough Enough to distract her from the battle she was fighting inside. Because despite the conversion therapy, Elizabeth was still thinking about women. But after everything she'd been through, she didn't dare act on her impulses. She tried bottling up her feelings and when that didn't work, she turned to alcohol to numb the pain. She started drinking a lot, usually alone, and maybe most surprisingly, she stopped going to church. It seemed like she wanted to block out all the noise as she tried to work through her emotions. Even with all the drinking, Elizabeth managed to keep her grades up. She earned her diploma and in 1995, when she was 28 years old, was offered a part time job at a local hospital. Then she got a second job at an assisted living facility. The time commitment between the two jobs was brutal. Sometimes Elizabeth worked 20 hours straight and pretty soon things really went downhill.

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[Dr. Tristan Engels]

Whether Elizabeth Wettlaufer realized it or not, the effort of repressing her sexuality caused her to retreat away from the world and into herself. Even if she was spending time with friends on a deeper level, she was still Isolated. Pretty soon, that loneliness, coupled with her long work hours, sparked a deep depression. Before long, Elizabeth started stealing drugs from the hospital's medication room. She took antianxiety meds like Ativan and Valium, and even opiates like morphine. It all came to a head a few months into her nursing career In September of 1995, when she took 30 milligrams of Ativan, three times the maximum dose. According to an article from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Elizabeth was stumbling around the clinic, slurring her words. Eventually, one of her co workers noticed and carefully guided Elizabeth to a bed meant for patients.

That is an extreme amount of Ativan. Ativan, Valium, morphine, and alcohol are all depressants. They're all central nervous system depressants. And Ativan and Valium. If she becomes dependent on those two substances without a medical detox, it can become fatal with the withdrawals. A person's substance of choice tells us a lot about what's going on with them internally, emotionally. So when I see that somebody is reaching prominently for central nervous system depressants, I'm thinking that they're likely suffering from a lot of stress, some anxiety, some restlessness, and inability to relax, which I think is pretty obvious given her very grueling work schedule, but also the inability for her to feel comfortable with who she is, causing her to isolate and not have any real support system. And I think that paints a picture into what's going on with her internally.

Regardless of what caused Elizabeth's addiction issues, after the hospital found out about Elizabeth's substance abuse issues, they fired her. Elizabeth got in touch with the Ontario Nurses Association, a powerful union in the area, and they arranged alcohol addiction treatment for her. They also helped Elizabeth reach a deal with the hospital. Instead of saying she was fired, her file was adjusted to say she resigned for health reasons. Elizabeth was allowed to keep her nursing license on one she had to stay sober. The following year, in 1996, Elizabeth moved back to Woodstock, her hometown. She started seeing a counselor and went to support groups for substance abuse issues. Things were looking up, and Elizabeth got a new job at Christian Horizons, a small group home for people with disabilities. She started out as a support worker, but quickly moved up the ladder as she helped other employees administer medication and worked closely with the hospital pharmacy since her file said she left her previous job because of health reasons. Christian Horizons had no idea about Elizabeth's history of substance abuse, and she was given free access to the pharmacy's drugs. So Elizabeth carried on working and slowly Reintegrated into the community she'd once been a part of. She even went back to the South Zorra Baptist Church. During one service, she met a man named Donnie Wetlaufer. Seeing her chance to lead a life that the church would approve of, Elizabeth started dating Donny. Within a year of meeting, they got married and moved into their own place in Woodstock.

At this point, we're really seeing the impact of the cognitive dissonance that Elizabeth is experiencing because she is a lesbian woman who was raised to believe that being a lesbian is immoral and very wrong in her community. And I surmise that she said what she had to say to approve of the practitioners in the conversion therapy and gain favor again with her parents and her community. And now here she is, having been fired from her job. She's in recovery right now. And given the time period, it's 1996. One of the biggest principles in AA is that you should not have a relationship within the first year of recovery. But Elizabeth meets a man in her community, in her religious community, and decides to marry him. And that seems to further support the cognitive dissonance. When you're in a state of internal conflict like that, you're gonna choose one way or the other, and then you're gonna stick with it. And so right at this point, she's like, I need to continue proving to everyone around me and myself that I am changed, and I have gone to treatment, I'm in recovery, and now I am married, and I can show that I am living a, quote, normal, heterosexual, cisgender life. Now imagine what that's going to do to her mental health in the long term. This is not going to be fulfilling for her. Could build up a lot of resentment. No one is asking what Elizabeth wants, and no one's affirming to her that she is allowed to have what she wants.

It seems pretty obvious that Elizabeth was doing her best just to fit in, no matter how painful it may have been. And it worked for a while. For the next nine years, to be exact, Elizabeth stayed sober and continued working at Christian Horizons and eventually returned to work as a full fledged nurse. I don't know the details of her relationship with Donnie, but it seems like they were solid. Well, as solid as they could be. But all of that came crashing down in 2006, when Elizabeth was 39. After years of stifling her sexuality, she started going on dating sites to meet other women, and she started using drugs again. At different points in her career at Christian Horizons, Elizabeth had received warnings about her conduct, including accusations that she was giving incorrect medication doses to her patients and was emotionally abusive to them. Those outbursts became more frequent as a concerning new sensation emerged. Elizabeth would later claim that she started hearing voices in her head saying she needed to make things right with God. She would also tell lawyers this was also when she first began fantasizing about killing people her psychiatrist, co workers and patients. These were obviously conflicting ideas that only made Elizabeth get increasingly frustrated with her relationship to God. Elizabeth knew these voices were dangerous, so she tried to control them the best way she knew how. Anytime a violent fantasy popped into her head, Elizabeth would sing Bible verses out loud, hoping to ward off her dark thoughts. But praying her urges away would only take Elizabeth so far. Her mind became a hostile place as she struggled to tell the difference between fantasy and reality, and it was just a matter of time until the line blurred beyond repair.

[Vanessa Richardson]

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[Dr. Tristan Engels]

By July 2006, when Elizabeth Wettlaufer was 39 years old, her intrusive thoughts had become so severe she took a temporary leave from her nursing duties at Christian Horizons. She checked herself into a psychiatric hospital in Woodstock and spent two weeks at the facility. While there she was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. They prescribed her with an antipsychotic sedative called Seroquel and an antidepressant and antioxessional called Fluvaxamine.

So let's talk about what borderline personality disorder is and try to address it in a very ethical way because that condition has been largely stigmatized for reasons like Elizabeth because this is a pretty extreme example. Somebody who has borderline Personality disorder has a pattern of behavior in which they respond to real or imagined abandonment. They have poor emotional regulation, they feel feelings pretty extremely, and they're prone to emotional outbursts that seem to somebody on the other end to come out of nowhere. But all that to say it's just this deep desire to feel secure, feel grounded, feel less empty. So what we know about the establishment of a borderline personality disorder is that there are a series of traumas, and usually those traumas are sexual in nature. From what we understand so far, it doesn't appear that Elizabeth had been a victim of any sexual trauma in that she hasn't been assaulted in any way. But her sexual trauma is a little bit different because she identifies as a homosexual woman and is not able to embrace that and instead is married to a man. So any sexual encounters she's having probably feel traumatic to her. So this actually fits into the borderline. And individuals who have borderline personality disorder are at a higher risk of having substance abuse issues as well. So this also is something that Elizabeth has been struggling with for a very long time.

These intrusive thoughts she's having, hearing God talking to her and telling her things.

Right.

We sometimes hear this in violent offenders and serial killers. Why do you think it's so common?

Well, it's interesting too, because hearing voices, we immediately think that must be auditory hallucinations. It must be secondary to some form of psychosis. And in Elizabeth's case, she's hearing command hallucinations which are telling her to harm other people. It's unlikely that someone at 39 years old is going to develop any form of psychotic disorder at that age. It's not improbable, but it's highly unlikely. We usually start start to see those symptoms in women much, much earlier on, like in their 20s, is when you'll really start to see that emerge. But we're also looking at a lot of substance use. She started reusing substances again, and she's not just misusing anti anxiety meds. She was using morphine, she was using Ativan. She was getting some pretty strong substances from her job that can also create a substance induced psychosis. But what I'd really like to rule out for her are these actual disembodied voices secondary to a substance induced psychosis, or is it her own internal critic that's talking to her because of this conflict she has between who she is and who she was raised to be within her religious community? So I think it's a good thing for her to have recognized that and sought appropriate treatments and hopefully while she was at this facility, learned some really good grounding techniques and that the medication would be effective in reducing the intensity and the frequency of the emotional aspect that comes with borderline personality disorder.

Well after her stay at the psychiatric hospital, Elizabeth returned her nursing job at Christian Horizons. And while the new medications seemed to help quiet the voices in her head, they couldn't change her sexuality. Obviously, Elizabeth was still chatting with women online. And in early 2007, her husband Donnie found out she was virtually dating a woman hundreds of miles away in the province of New Brunswick. Shortly after Donnie and Elizabeth filed for divorce, Elizabeth was excited to finally be living her truth and dating a woman. Her new relationship moved fast and after some back and forth about where to live, her girlfriend decided to move to Woodstock. But Christian Horizons wouldn't employ people in same sex relationships. So Elizabeth found a new job as a registered nurse at a local nursing home home called Carescent Care. In June 2007. Whether the medications stopped working or Elizabeth stopped taking them, her fantasies came back in full force at Carescent. Although she wasn't thinking about killing anyone, she was still having thoughts about hurting them. Specifically by experimenting on her patients. Elizabeth was especially interested in how someone would react to an overdose of insulin. And so two women, 86 year old Clatilde Adriano and her sister in law, 88 year old Albina de Mederos, caught Elizabeth's eye. Clotilde had dementia and both women were physically frail, so Elizabeth knew they wouldn't be able to fight back. So Elizabeth loaded up two insulin pens and gave them un unnecessarily high doses. Luckily, both women survived, but they were just guinea pigs in Elizabeth's experiment. Now she was ready to take her fantasies all the way to their fatal conclusion. In August of 2007, 40 year old Elizabeth was working a double shift at CareScent. She started at 3pm and wouldn't be done until 7 the next morning. No matter how many times she'd done them, double shifts were always stressful, especially when her patients were acting up. Elizabeth was still making the rounds when one resident, 84 year old war vet James Silcox, became agitated and started yelling. He suffered from Alzheimer's disease and diabetes and Elizabeth's patience was wearing thin. As night turned into early morning. As he continued to yell, Elizabeth heard that voice in her head. And it wanted her to do more than experiment on Mr. Silcox. It told her it was his time to go. Elizabeth knew just what to do. She walked over to the fridge where the staff stored medications and picked up a box of insulin cartridges. She expertly loaded them into an injection pen and strolled over to Mr. Silcox. She told him it was time for his daily insulin dose. As she inserted the needle, the voice in her head began to laugh. Elizabeth smiled and turned away from Mr. Silcox, moving on to her next task. At 3am the next morning, Mr. Silcox took his last breath. The staff found him unresponsive and notified the on call doctor. Mr. Silcox had recently had hip surgery and the doctor assumed Mr. Silcox had died of complications from it. Of course, Elizabeth knew the truth. She'd killed him. But she didn't mention that as she calmly filled out Mr. Silcox paperwork.

Okay, I think we need to really talk about what's been going on in Elizabeth's head as she moved from experimenting on the two elderly women to actually administering a fatal dose on Mr. Silcox. So I'm not really surprised that Elizabeth's modus operandi or her method has been lethal injection of insulin. Because what we know about female serial killers is that they usually go towards poisoning of some kind as their method. So this tracks in that way. But why Mr. Silcox and why not these women? What was it about this moment? So we know that up until this point, she's been battling with these inner voices, whether they're actually due to psychosis or if it's her own internal dialogue and the own internal conflict. Sort of like what Freud would talk about with the id, the ego and the superego, you know, and that's depicted in a lot of cartoons where you've got the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. Doesn't mean she's experiencing psychosis. But yes, intrusive thoughts certainly do fit the bill on that one. But why Mr. Silcox in this moment? So we know that he was agitated, we know that he was yelling, we know that he's a male. And I'm wondering if her trauma of being repressed in her sexuality was now being directed outward toward Mr. Silcox in this moment. If I'm not allowed to be who I am, then I'm going to be what God wants me to be. And she convinced herself using in these intrusive thoughts or this internal voice of this is how I'm going to play that out. I'm going to be God in this moment and I'm going to take his life. She's now finally free. Let's talk about that, too. She's now divorced from her husband. She's finally free to be who she wants to be. She's free to date who she wants to date, and she's dating a woman. So she's got this newfound control that she has long since been repressing. And so I think now with that newfound control, she's overcompensating with that to a very violent, very egregious degree.

Well, Elizabeth didn't dwell on her first murder for long. Her girlfriend and her two teenage kids had moved in with her, and things at home were hectic. Pretty soon, Elizabeth's nine years of sobriety went out the window. Part of Elizabeth's decision to start drinking again might have come from stress. Her girlfriend had Parkinson's disease and couldn't work, which meant Elizabeth was the sole provider for a family of four. All that pressure bled into Elizabeth's profile performance at Kerosene. She started skipping shifts and messing up medication doses. And even after killing James Silcox, the voice in Elizabeth's head was still there. She managed to ignore it for a couple of months. But In December of 2007, about four months after killing James Silcox, it overpowered her.

I'm wondering if this voice is really just that same drive that other serial killers have. It's not really a voice. It's the urge. And her way of describing the urge is by giving it an identity with other serial killers. They have said this also. I think it's the urge that's coming up that they're telling themselves that urge, that inner voice to keep going.

Well, Elizabeth was tending to an 84 year old patient named Maurice Grenagh. According to Elizabeth, he was being belligerent and acting inappropriately with the female staff. It made Elizabeth angry, angry enough to kill. So when nobody was paying attention, she injected Mr. Grenaw with a fatal overdose of insulin. Whatever temporary relief killing Maurice Grenaw might have given Elizabeth, it wasn't enough to ease the tension in her personal life. She and her girlfriend were both drinking heavily and fighting nonstop. Eventually, it all became too much, and within a year of moving in together, they decided to call it quits. Elizabeth didn't waste any time getting back to online dating. And later that year, in 2008, she started seeing a woman named Sheila Andrews. Sheila lived nearly 2,000 miles away in Saskatchewan, another Canadian province. But Elizabeth was certain they were meant to be together. Three months into dating, Elizabeth flew to Saskatchewan to meet Sheila in person for the first time. Sheila took Elizabeth around town and introduced her to friends and neighbors. Elizabeth told everyone she met that she and Sheila were in love. Apparently Elizabeth was planning to move to Saskatchewan to be near her, which was news to Sheila. They hadn't even slept together yet. Once they were intimate, it only pushed Sheila further away. She told Elizabeth she just didn't feel the chemistry between them and wanted to hit pause. That wasn't what Elizabeth wanted to hear. She became angry and gave Sheila the cold shoulder. Then on the last night of Elizabeth's week long visited, Sheila woke up in the middle of the night to find Elizabeth standing over her just staring. She told Sheila she was a cold hearted person, then went back to her side of the bed and went to sleep.

Not everybody who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder falls on the spectrum of severe in this way. But what as we talked about before, the pattern is really this fear of real or perceived rejection or abandonment. So individuals with borderline Personality disorder have what we know as an anxious attachment style. So in Elizabeth's case it's showing up in that she attaches quite quickly to Sheila, but she's anxious about the relationship ending prematurely or her being rejected or abandoned. So her way of ensuring that is by asserting outwardly to everybody they're in love and that she's going to be moving there. Even though she hadn't discussed this yet with Sheila. This behavior tends to alienate individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder from others because it can be a lot to some people. And it's obvious that Sheila felt very uncomfortable with the way in which Elizabeth had attached to her. Having barely known each other well, back.

In Woodstock, Elizabeth tried to move on from her relationship with Sheila. She started chatting with women online again and soon she was dating someone new. But the last year had taken a toll on her and Elizabeth couldn't stop thinking about her two victims, James Silcox and Maurice Grenagh. At some point in 2008, Elizabeth confided in her new girlfriend and confessed to the murders. Her girlfriend took it surprisingly well. She didn't tell anyone, but she did warn Elizabeth not to do it again. It was good advice, but Elizabeth wasn't interested in following it. She just needed to share her secret with someone. Now absolved of her guilt, Elizabeth felt free to kill again.

[Vanessa Richardson]

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[Dr. Tristan Engels]

In the second half of 2008 and into 2009, 41 year old Elizabeth Wetlauer continued her Downward spiral. After confessing to her girlfriend that she'd murdered two of her patients, Elizabeth targeted another 60 year old, Michael Priddle. But somehow Michael survived the insulin overdose Elizabeth gave him. The failed murder attempt gave Elizabeth pause. For the next three years or so, she laid low and tried to navigate her personal life. She and her girlfriend broke up and Elizabeth struggled to form meaningful relationships. Her borderline personality disorder and substance abuse issues made it difficult for her to connect with people and the isolation enraged her. By late 2010, Elizabeth was teetering on the edge again. It was like she was hearing voices in her head and they were screaming at her. A lot of the time she thought she heard God telling her to make things right with him. As the year was coming to an end, Elizabeth couldn't ignore the voices any longer. The anger she felt at the world welled up inside of her and she lost control. What Elizabeth later described as a red surge of rage washed over her. And by the time 2011 rolled around, she'd given another three patients at Kerosene fatal overdoses of insulin. When 87 year old Gladys Millard, 95 year old Helen Matheson and 96 year old Mary Zurowinski died, no one but Elizabeth knew they'd been murdered.

So up until this point, Elizabeth's victims had all been men. Men who were initially very agitated, who were inappropriate with female staff because it was something she could rationalize probably to herself. But this red surge, which I think if we're going to really break it down from a psychological perspective, is a form of dissociative rage at this point in her life. She's free to live how she wants to live, but she can't maintain the relationships that she's established, which we talked about earlier on with regard to her initial upbringing, how it can be hard for her with the black and white dichotomous views to obtain and maintain relationships with others. So now she's free, she's out as a lesbian in her way. She's obtaining and trying to maintain these relationships and they are all failing. And so it feels like a loss of control, I think for her. And so this red surge is that dissociative rage where she can no longer ground herself. She doesn't have the emotional regulation skills that she needs, she doesn't have outlets, she's isolated. And so it all became sort of an impulsive killing spree, because let's call that what it is, it's a killing spree. Three or more. And there are three victims here, all of whom were women. And so that tells me that this wasn't as premeditated as it might have normally been for her, because I think she was very selective in the past of who she targeted. And in this case, I think it was opportunistic.

As Elizabeth's mental health continued to deteriorate and her substance abuse issues got worse, her social circle got increasingly smaller. By mid-2012, she spent most of her time at church or at home with her cats and Jack Russell terrier. It was a lonely existence, and Elizabeth was desperate for a deeper romantic connection. With the loneliness and isolation bearing down on her, Elizabeth started looking for connection in some questionable ways. There were groups of high school students who volunteered at kerosent, and Elizabeth quickly took an interest in them. It started out innocent enough. Elizabeth was friendly, chatting with the students during her shifts and asking about their lives. But over time, some of the other nurses noticed Elizabeth was making sexual comments to the students. Sometimes the staff even heard Elizabeth ask these teenagers to come home with her. And her inappropriate behavior didn't stop at the volunteers. She also made sexually explicit comments to her co workers. Elizabeth was reprimanded for her comments, but didn't receive any formal punishment. Mostly her colleagues just gossiped about her behavior. Elizabeth had been at kerosene since 2007, and although there was no denying she was odd, for the most part, people enjoyed having her there. She was kind to her co workers and patients, at least on the surface, and brought in treats for people's birthdays.

So why this change in behavior with Elizabeth, with the sexual comments? I think that's more so fueled by this isolation that she was experiencing and the lack of connection and how desperately she wanted that. Now she's seeing a group of students coming into her shifts. Right. And this is a group or a population that's easily influenced in her mind. But I think because Elizabeth is already, as you said, odd and might struggle and forming and maintaining relationships, she's trying to figure out, how can I connect with this younger crowd? And maybe she felt that talking about sexuality or sex in general and inviting them home was a way to make friends with them. But how does somebody in their 40s connect with students? Yeah, because you can't. There's such a huge differential in age. It's not a group of people that she's going to be able to be real friends with. It's not going to give her what she's looking for, but it certainly can give her a temporary feeling of that. But in doing so, she's compromising rules. She's compromising Ethics. And she's compromising morals because it's not appropriate to make those jokes or to have those discussions not only with a group of students, but with her colleagues in general.

Well, with management sweeping Elizabeth's conduct under the rug, she was free to keep getting closer to the teenage volunteers at the nursing home. She was cozy with one female student in particular. For the girl's birthday, Elizabeth decided to give her a special treat. She drove them an hour and a half northeast to Toronto to visit the Medieval Times, a dinner show with jousting knights. But during the drive, Elizabeth was acting strange. When the student asked her about it, Elizabeth cracked. Elizabeth said she'd, quote, given her life back to God, and went on to explain that she'd done some bad things in her life. She took a deep breath and told the girl about the patients she'd murdered. The student couldn't believe what she was hearing. The only thing she could think to ask was if Elizabeth was still doing it. Elizabeth answered that she wasn't. I don't know if Elizabeth admitted just how many people she'd killed, but either way, it was enough to scare the girl. Two days later, the student confided in Elizabeth that she felt like she had to tell someone about Elizabeth's confession. In response, Elizabeth told the girl that nobody would believe her. Maybe she'd realized what would actually happen if she got turned in for her crimes. But regardless of what Elizabeth was thinking, the girl never reported her.

I can't imagine what must have been going through that poor girl's mind, hearing that and feeling scared about how to approach that situation. That's a big weight to carry. But also, at the same time, if she did report her, what. What Elizabeth do to her? You know, she's young, so she's probably terrified. But also, I think we need to touch on the fact that Elizabeth has this pattern of confessing her crimes. I mean, we do see this with serial killers in general a lot of the time. Since most of them are men, Their confessions come in the form of letters or manifestos of some kind. The letters that they write to police or they send to the newspapers or, you know, the messages that they leave or the people that they call anonymously, they've got a form of confession. Elizabeth's form is very different. And I think it stems from her religious upbringing, that in order for her to feel okay with what she's doing, she needs to confess it in some way, and that absolves her of her sins, and that frees up the burden that she's carrying. And it makes it more available for her to do again. That's a component that we don't really see often is that verbal confession and also the arrogance of thinking that no one's going to say anything and no one has up until this point, for whatever reason, people have continued to protect her. And maybe it's because she is such a likable person on the front right, she brings in treats, she's quote good to the patients, at least to the everyone's knowledge. Very clearly that's not the case. But on the surface she's likable and she's also been struggling with addiction and you know, people are overlooking the bigger picture and she's been getting away with it. So it's almost a form of arrogance to admit to people and then say no one's going to believe you.

After confessing to her murders for the second time, and as you mentioned, getting off scot free again, Elizabeth felt that red wave creeping back over her. In the summer of 2013, about two and a half years after her last murder, 46 year old Elizabeth was working her shift at Kerasint. She was caring for a patient named Helen Young. When the voice in her head returned. She'd been praying harder than ever, hopeful that her devotion to God would overcome her violent urges. But he was sending her mixed messages. Helen had moved to Canada from Scotland after World War II. She'd led a fulfilling life. But now, at 90 years old, God told Elizabeth that Helen was in pain. The Lord wanted her to put Helen out of her misery. So Elizabeth obliged. She walked over to the medicine fridge and gathered enough insulin to kill Helen. She calmly injected Helen and finished out her shift. By the time Helen was dead, Elizabeth was already home. After her sixth murder, Elizabeth felt lost. She couldn't understand why God would allow her to do such horrible things. She tried talking to him, but nothing he said seemed to make sense. So she turned turned to the next best person for advice. In October of 2013, Elizabeth asked to speak to her pastor. He led the queer friendly church that Elizabeth had been attending for years and she'd come to see him as a friend. Receptive as ever, he invited Elizabeth over to his house to chat. She sat around the kitchen table with her pastor and his wife, debating whether to share share her secret with them and if so, how much of it should she say. Eventually, Elizabeth broke down. She told them that earlier that year she'd killed her patient Helen Young by giving her an insulin overdose. The pastor and his wife sat silently for a few moments. Privately, they Weren't sure if Elizabeth was being truthful or if she was just making it all up. But in that moment, they took Elizabeth's hands in theirs and bowed their heads. They prayed for Elizabeth and promised God would forgive her. But they warned her if Elizabeth did it again, they would report her.

So this is very frustrating because at this point, there's four different people that Elizabeth has confessed her crimes to, and four different people at this point have not reported her. I can't speak for why her previous girlfriend, the girl at work, how. Why they did not report her. But I know that in the role of pastor, there might be some limitations to what they can and can't report because there is an element of confidentiality when you go to your pastor, similar to when I'm assessing a defendant or an incarcerated individual and they tell me that they committed a crime in the past in which they'd never been caught for. I can't inform law enforcement of that because confidentiality applies. The only time that I can intervene is if the individual tells me, I am planning on going and doing this now. It's an imminent threat to someone else. I have a duty to protect that person. But there's nothing we can do about a crime that's previously been committed and that's being shared. And I'm wondering if Elizabeth knows that. I'm wondering if Elizabeth knows the loopholes when it comes to that with her pastor. So, again, it's a form of acceptance. It's a form of validation. All of these things give her that and allow her to continue and allow her to alleviate whatever turmoil she's having internally for a brief period of time.

At least, sort of. On the flip side, do you think there's a part of her that wants to get caught?

I do, and I only. The reason why I think that is because of that internal conflict that she's constantly in that's got to be mentally taxing, absolutely taxing on her. But also, I think more than anything, I think she wants a connection with somebody who's just going to accept her as she is and allow her to be who she is and stay with her.

Elizabeth Wetlauer seemed unstoppable. No matter how many times she admitted to her horrific crimes, no one tried to put her behind bars. Now Elizabeth had the blood of six patients on her hands, and the carnage wasn't close to over. Thank. Thanks so much for listening. We'll be back next time as we discuss how Elizabeth Wetlaufer's rampage finally came to an end.

Mind of a Serial Killer is a Crime House Original powered by Pave Studios. Here at Crime House, we want to thank each and every one of you for your support. If you like what you heard today, reach out on social media at crime house on TikTok and Instagram. Don't forget to rate, review you and follow Mind of a Serial Killer wherever you get your podcasts. Your feedback truly makes a difference and.

To enhance your listening experience, subscribe to Crime House plus on Apple Podcasts. You'll get every episode of Mind of a Serial Killer ad free, along with early access to each thrilling two part series and exciting bonus content. We'll be back next Monday. Mind of a Serial Killer a Crime House Original powered by Pave Studios is executive produced by Max Cutler. This episode of Mind of a Serial Killer was produced and directed by Ron Shapiro, written by Natalie Perzovsky, edited by Alex Benedon, fact checked by Claire Cronin and included production assistance from Paul Libeskind, Sarah Carroll and Kristen Acevedo. Mind of a Serial Killer is hosted by Vanessa Richardson and Dr. Tristan Engels.

[Vanessa Richardson]

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