Podcast Summary: Ranking Handhelds (By Looks) - Kinda Funny Gamescast

Podcast Information:

• Title: Kinda Funny Gamescast: Video Game Podcast
• Host/Author: Kinda Funny
• Description: Weekly video game reviews, previews, and analysis of the biggest topics in gaming, covering the latest in PlayStation, Xbox, Nintendo, and more!
• Episode: Ranking Handhelds (By Looks)
• Release Date: July 31, 2024

I. Introduction

In the July 31, 2024 episode of the Kinda Funny Gamescast, hosts Tim Gettys, Greg “GameOverGreggy” Miller, Blessing Adioye Jr., and Andy Cortez embarked on an aesthetic journey to rank various handheld gaming consoles solely based on their looks. With Blessing Adioye Jr. introduced as a new face to the panel, the discussion promised fresh perspectives alongside the seasoned opinions of the longtime hosts.

II. Ranking Criteria

Blessing Adioye Jr. laid out the rules for ranking handheld consoles:

1. Primary Focus: Looks and physical design only.
2. Exclusions: Software quality, game libraries, button feel, and other non-visual factors are not considered.
3. Color Variations: Different colorways for each design are included in the discussion.
4. Iterations: All versions of a handheld (e.g., Game Boy, Game Boy Color, Game Boy Advance) are evaluated individually.

Blessing emphasized, “Rule number one, based solely on looks and physical design. We're not talking about software.” ([09:00])

III. S Tier: Top of the Rankings

The S Tier was reserved for handhelds that epitomize design excellence.

1. Nintendo Game Boy Advance SP

   • Blessing: “The clamshell design, the indented screen, the Game Boy Advance logo—it’s a thing of beauty.” ([66:34])
   • Greg: “I think the SP is sexy, too.” ([87:52])
   • Andy: “I really love this thing so goddamn much.” ([66:34])

2. PlayStation Vita

   • Blessing: “The design incorporates functionality with aesthetic appeal.” ([75:05])
   • Greg: “I have a deep nostalgia for this, but I think it deserves an S tier.” ([124:48])

3. Nintendo Switch OLED

   • Tim: “The OLED screen is a massive boost in visual quality.” ([123:02])
   • Andy: “I love the aesthetic of the Switch OLED.” ([112:31])

Conclusion: The Game Boy Advance SP takes the crown for its timeless clamshell design and balanced aesthetics, closely followed by the PlayStation Vita and the Nintendo Switch OLED for their superior visual appeal and functional design elements.

IV. A Tier

Handhelds that boast strong designs but don’t quite reach the perfection of the S Tier.

1. Nintendo 2DS XL

   • Blessing: “The ergonomic design and color options make it aesthetically pleasing.” ([112:22])
   • Andy: “The 2DS XL fits nicely in the hand and looks balanced.” ([110:25])

2. Nintendo 3DS XL

   • Greg: “The 3DS XL’s sleek design resembles modern handhelds.” ([107:12])
   • Tim: “It’s a refined version of everything I loved about the DS.” ([111:33])

3. Sony PSP

   • Roger: “The PSP’s design is iconic and still holds up today.” ([114:10])
   • Andy: “I love the uniform design and functionality of the PSP.” ([118:05])

Quotes:

• Greg Miller: “I like the form factor in the LED version of the Vita.” ([117:19])
• Andy Cortez: “The buttons feel good and look great on the PSP.” ([84:10])

Conclusion: The Nintendo 2DS XL, 3DS XL, and Sony PSP stand out in the A Tier for their solid design choices and user-friendly aesthetics, making them favorites among the hosts.

V. B Tier

Handhelds with commendable designs that have minor flaws preventing them from climbing higher.

1. Nintendo Switch Lite

   • Blessing: “The Switch Lite’s compact design is efficient, though it lacks the OLED screen.” ([112:31])
   • Greg: “It’s a versatile handheld but not as striking as the OLED variant.” ([123:02])

2. Steam Deck

   • Greg: “The Steam Deck combines console power with handheld convenience.” ([123:20])
   • Andy: “The Steam Deck’s screen real estate is impressive.” ([122:59])

3. Nintendo DSi XL

   • Blessing: “The DSi XL offers a larger screen and improved design over its predecessors.” ([109:16])
   • Tim: “It’s sleek and functional, fitting well in the B Tier.” ([81:04])

Quotes:

• Greg Miller: “I think the Steam Deck is like the pickup truck of consoles.” ([123:37])
• Blessing Adioye Jr.: “The Switch Lite is efficient but doesn’t have the same visual punch as the OLED version.” ([112:31])

Conclusion: The Nintendo Switch Lite, Steam Deck, and Nintendo DSi XL are recognized for their robust designs and functionality, albeit with slight aesthetic compromises.

VI. C Tier

Handhelds that are visually average with noticeable design shortcomings.

1. Neo Geo X

   • Blessing: “The Neo Geo X has a classic feel but lacks modern design coherence.” ([117:12])
   • Andy: “It has too much visual clutter with its bezel design.” ([117:22])

2. Original Nintendo DS

   • Tim: “The original DS has a functional design but doesn’t stand out aesthetically.” ([71:04])
   • Roger: “Its design serves its purpose but doesn't excel in looks.” ([88:37])

3. Game and Watch 2020

   • Blessing: “The modern Game and Watch retains the classic charm with updated visuals.” ([123:12])
   • Greg: “It’s functional but not exceptional in design.” ([117:48])

Quotes:

• Roger Picorny: “The Neo Geo X looks like it was designed out of time.” ([117:21])
• Tim Gettys: “The original DS’s design feels more utilitarian than stylish.” ([71:04])

Conclusion: The Neo Geo X, Original Nintendo DS, and Game and Watch 2020 hold their ground in the C Tier, presenting designs that are effective but lack the distinctiveness of higher-tiered handhelds.

VII. D Tier

Handhelds with significant design flaws that detract from their visual appeal.

1. Atari Lynx Generation 2

   • Greg: “The Atari Lynx Gen 2’s button placement is awkward, making it less appealing.” ([17:22])
   • Andy: “It feels heavy and bulky, undermining its design.” ([20:05])

2. Sega Game Gear

   • Blessing: “The Sega Game Gear is visually obese, looking more like a toy than a handheld console.” ([30:00])
   • Tim: “Its thickness and battery compartment overshadow its design.” ([34:34])

3. Nintendo DS Original

   • Greg: “The original DS’s design feels unrefined and unattractive.” ([59:05])
   • Andy: “It looks like a moldy phone, not a game console.” ([59:38])

Quotes:

• Greg Miller: “The Atari Lynx Gen 2's design is a swing and a miss.” ([17:54])
• Tim Gettys: “The Sega Game Gear’s bulky design is the antithesis of a handheld console.” ([34:34])

Conclusion: The Atari Lynx Generation 2, Sega Game Gear, and Original Nintendo DS fall into the D Tier due to their bulky forms and poor design choices that compromise their visual appeal.

VIII. F Tier: Worst Designs

Handhelds with the most egregious design flaws, deemed unattractive and poorly executed.

1. Tiger Gizmondo

   • Blessing: “The Gizmondo looks like an MP3 player gone wrong with poor button placement.” ([85:05])
   • Andy: “It screams for help with its mismatched design elements.” ([96:35])

2. Nintendo 2DS

   • Greg: “The 2DS’s design is akin to a bulky toy, lacking the sleekness of its counterparts.” ([85:08])
   • Tim: “Its disjointed form makes it unattractive as a handheld console.” ([117:34])

3. Nokia Engage

   • Greg: “The Nokia Engage looks like a hodgepodge of misplaced buttons and poor color choices.” ([120:14])
   • Andy: “It's a design disaster, both aesthetically and functionally.” ([122:44])

Quotes:

• Greg Miller: “The Gizmondo is like a dev kit turned handheld; it just doesn't hit the mark.” ([85:07])
• Andy Cortez: “This looks like a device designed out of time, desperately trying to fit into the handheld market.” ([96:43])

Conclusion: The Tiger Gizmondo, Nintendo 2DS, and Nokia Engage are relegated to the F Tier for their lackluster designs, poor ergonomics, and unattractive aesthetics that fail to meet the standards expected of handheld gaming consoles.

IX. Notable Quotes

• Time Management and Team Dynamics:

  • Tim Gettys: “We're together. We have this together.” ([02:12])

• Design Critiques:

  • Blessing Adioye Jr.: “I hate the D pad on the Gizmondo; it looks like a screw or something.” ([84:16])
  • Greg Miller: “The Atari Lynx’s button placement is a swing and a miss.” ([17:54])

• Humorous Banter:

  • Greg Miller: “Imagine if the original Game Boy Advance didn’t exist; it might have murdered children.” ([93:02])

• Consensus Building:

  • Blessing Adioye Jr.: “The more I think about the brick aspect, the more it cements it in C Tier.” ([25:37])

X. Conclusion

The episode "Ranking Handhelds (By Looks)" provided a deep dive into the visual aesthetics of handheld gaming consoles. Through spirited debates and passionate opinions, the hosts meticulously placed each console into tiers that reflect their design prowess or shortcomings. From the elegant Nintendo Game Boy Advance SP in the S Tier to the flawed Tiger Gizmondo in the F Tier, the discussion highlighted the importance of design in the handheld gaming experience. This ranking not only serves as a reflection on past designs but also offers insights for future console aesthetics.

Listeners are encouraged to share their own rankings and opinions, fostering a community-driven conversation about what makes a handheld console truly attractive.