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- [00:00]
Dave
I'm grateful every day. I do think that individuals, we all have a reason to be unhappy. But you don't have a right to be unhappy because 170,000 people did not wake up today, but you and I did. The person that's listening did. So whatever is going on in your life, it's a reason to be unhappy. But it does not give us the right. Because reality is, we know how life could be so short.
- [00:30]
Michael Chernow
I'm Michael Chernow and this is the Creatures of Habit podcast. Our habits will make us or break us. It's just that simple. I've lived on both sides of the tracks and have learned that the decisions we make on a consistent basis truly define who we are as human beings. On this show, I will be interviewing some of the most inspiring, motivating and.
- [00:53]
Regina
High performing humans I've encountered to share their daily habits, routines and rituals that.
- [00:59]
Michael Chernow
Help them stay on top, top of their game, and ultimately happy. So sit back, relax and pay attention because what you hear over the next 30 to 45 minutes could potentially change your life. Let's go, Dave. Regina, you've got a lot of things going on. You're a deputy commissioner, which is like a big fucking job, right? It's a no nonsense job. But you also have managed to find time to do a podcast for five years that you've dropped consistently every single week. The thing that I like most about your story is this transition into men's work. But we were talking about something right before the camera started rolling that I think is super duper important, specifically to hear out of a guy like you, who obviously is in pinnacle shape and takes care of yourself. You said that you, you struggle or struggled with body dysmorphia. And I identify so much with that. I think most people in the world and, and not enough people hear about that or you hear about it, but not enough people talk about their story with it. Specifically men. Right? Like for some reason, like it's okay for females to talk about something like that. Body dysmorphia, eating distort, disordered eating. And, and when a man talks about that, it's like, and I think that, that it doesn't make sense because it's just there's, it could totally impact both sexes equally. Right? So why don't you just tell us a little bit about that? What is body dysmorphia as far as you're concerned?
- [02:43]
Dave
Yeah. Well, first and foremost, I would be remiss, my brother, for not extending my sincere gratitude to you. The platform that you Built the impact that you've had in my life, I know, in my partner's life as well. Sean Degnan, with the business that we're running. So just, I can't say thank enough for the opportunities that, you know, have. Have come through you. And I just want everybody to know that, because the first time that I actually had a phone call with you was well over a year ago, and you were on a ruck, and you just took over the random phone call and you spent the time, man. And I think you're very different than a lot of individuals out there. So I definitely just want to say thank you before we get started.
- [03:20]
Michael Chernow
I appreciate that.
- [03:21]
Dave
Yes, absolutely. Yeah, man. So the body dysmorphia thing, you know, people look at me now, I'm 240 pounds, 6:2, about 10 to 12% body fat, depending on the time of year. Still don't have the abs like you do, though, bro. I got to be serious about that. But what people don't know is that I was actually diagnosed with Crohn's disease right around 16 years old. So I was in high school. And Crohn's is basically, you have, like, ulcers all throughout your intestines. You got approximately 26 to 28ft of intestines inside you. And with the Crohn's, it could affect the small intestine, the large intestine, and the esophagus. They don't really know how it came about. All I know is that I was 190 or so pounds in high school, and, like, I worked out, but only for basketball, right? And I was very stressed. There was a lot of triggers in the home. You know, my mother was addicted to drugs and alcohol for the first 28 years of my life. But she's sober now. She's one of my heroes.
- [04:19]
Michael Chernow
I love that story.
- [04:20]
Dave
Shout out to my mom again. Six plus years sober. And, you know, so there was definitely a lot of stress in the home. But I just noticed, like, one month to the other man, like, I started going to the bathroom a lot, and not only now going to the bathroom, but also, like, throwing up. So I would have diarrhea. Throwing up, diarrhea, throwing up while I'm trying to get into college to play ball to the point that I would have to walk around with toilet paper in my backpack in high school. And thank God I was a popular kid. But I still got made fun of a lot for it. And now the weight started to quickly come off. So I went from 190 to 153 pounds in about four or five months.
- [04:56]
Michael Chernow
Wow.
- [04:57]
Dave
And they put me on all these different Med.18 pills of prednisone a day. Nothing would work. And finally they did the colonoscopy. But they're always hesitant with like a 16 year old getting a colonoscopy because it's an intrusive, you know, procedure and they put you out for that. So they do try to avoid it. But what they found is that I was like riddled with Crohn's disease. Again. They don't know where it stemmed from. But I do have a cousin in the family that has it as well. He was young, but he actually went into emergency surgery right away. So I was lucky in a sense that, like, you know what? This will be my. This will be my situation. So today at 35 years old, I still see that 16, 17 year old boy that was very skinny. And this is in a. In an age where like tall tees were fire. So, like I would wear tall tees, but I would stack the tall tees, Mike. I would put two on and then put my basketball jersey on. Baggy shorts were a thing. But like, you could see in my neck, like I was really, really skinny. My arms were like. You know, I used to get called ramen regular. My new. My arms were like ramen noodles. Right. And I always thought that I had like decent shoulders, but even my shoulders starting to flatten out. So I really struggle. Even when I look in the mirror today, it's not until I see like me moving weight, like actually physically moving 120 pound dumbbells or like being able to run or doing things where I'm carrying my daughter that I can actually see in the picture. Oh, wow. Okay. Like, you're a pretty big dude. But still to this day, I look in the mirror and I see that skinny kid. And it's definitely something that I struggle with.
- [06:29]
Michael Chernow
Struggle.
- [06:29]
Dave
Struggle, yeah. But I still move forward. And I'm grateful every day. I do think that individuals, we all have a reason to be unhappy, but you don't have a right to be unhappy because 170,000 people did not wake up today. But you and I did. The person that's listening did. So whatever is going on in your life, it's a reason to be unhappy. But it does not give us the right. Because reality is, we know how life could be so short.
- [07:03]
Michael Chernow
You know, it's so crazy. I was walking over here from the train station and, you know, we. It's so resonant that you, you Said that, you know, we all have a reason to be unhappy, but we don't have a right. And I'm walking over here from the train, and I'm, you know, I'm looking to my left, and I'm looking to my right. It's. It's. It's midtown, Times Square, New York City, right? And I said to myself, my God, man. Like, be grateful for what you have, bro. Like, life is hard. It just is hard. It is just hard. And no matter. No matter what tax bracket you're in, Homeless to Hollywood. Like, no matter what tax bracket you're in, life is hard. It's just that simple, right? There are always going to be curveballs. Always going to be things thrown at you, and there's always going to be hills to climb. But be grateful for what you have, because look to your left and look to your right. Got it? Good, man. No matter what, you know, Because I do believe that every single human being on the planet wants. We all want. We all want, right? And if you get caught in the want, be grateful that you're. You Woke up, dude. 170, 000 people died that died today. Is that what it is?
- [08:26]
Dave
That's a statistic. Yeah. Well, did not wake up. Yeah.
- [08:31]
Michael Chernow
170, 000 people did not wake up this morning. I mean, that's nuts.
- [08:35]
Dave
It's like, we can end right here. But I get the joke I'm thinking about. You know what I mean? Like, it's so true.
- [08:40]
Michael Chernow
So nice. So when. When that comes up for you, the body dysmorphia stuff, is there, like, a system that you've used to sort of, like, talk yourself out of beating yourself up and, you know, getting into the. Into the downs.
- [08:52]
Dave
Yeah. I mean, and it's something again, like, my health has not complete. Well, it has completely shifted, but I still struggle because once you. The difference between, like, Crohn's and, like, ulcerative colitis. Ulcerative colitis you can get rid of. Crohn's is chronic, meaning it lasts forever. So you can be in deep, deep remission one year, and then you could be, you know, really struggling the following.
- [09:12]
Michael Chernow
It's like lime. I have lime.
- [09:14]
Dave
Exactly right.
- [09:15]
Michael Chernow
And.
- [09:15]
Dave
And, yeah, I remember we spoke about that. So it's very similar in that sense. It could just kind of, like, spark. So I. That. That's actually what got me into, like, wellness, was like, being diagnosed with that. The doctor, you know, he said, you're going to live with this for the rest of your life. You can actually Get a handicap sticker if you need, because, you know, you might have to, like, pull over, go to the bathroom. Like, you could pull that card out. I'm like, nah, I wasn't digging it. Like, I really just didn't believe that. I didn't feel it in my heart. And that's what sparked my interest into, like, health and wellness and really, like, studying my body and what works for me. At the time, I was living with my father, so, you know, he's like, oh, yeah, like, you know, let's eat vegetables. Come to find out, like, vegetables with seeds in it and being raw and having skin on it, like a cucumber is the worst possible thing that you can eat for Crohn's. And it makes sense because you have those ulcers, right? So the seeds actually don't digest. They go right into the actual ulcer, causing the flare up. But, like, here I am, like, thinking, okay, I'm going to eat salad with, like, a little oil balsamic, and, like, I'm going to be good. No, Right. So I had to figure out a diet, and basically at that age of 17, I became an expert in it for what worked for me.
- [10:16]
Michael Chernow
So. And is the diet that you've kind of ultimately developed is that. Could that work for anybody with Crohn's?
- [10:24]
Dave
It can, absolutely. But it's very bland. I mean, I was actually. It's crazy, man. I was on Pedialyte and chicken broth for four months while I was trying to figure this out, because anything that I would eat or how it would be cooked or the seed oil that would be in it would trigger the flare up. I'm like, yo, I'm good, bro. I just don't want to eat because I don't want to throw up and have diarrhea all day. And I would log this stuff, Mike. Like, I was going to the bathroom 16 times a day.
- [10:46]
Michael Chernow
Wow.
- [10:47]
Dave
16 to 18 times a day. Right. I was throwing up four times when it was, like, really bad. But then, like, I started with, like, you know, really bland chicken. Some, you know, oatmeal. Right. And that's why, you know, it's funny, is I ate oatmeal, man, for the majority. I just, like. It's crazy. Eggs and oatmeal were the center of my diet at that time because it was something that just digested well. Whereas now I can incorporate the carbs and the healthy carbs, but, like, I'm very protein based, right? And, you know, healthy fats definitely help, but you have just. Because It's a healthy food. If it's raw, it's not the best for Crohn's, so you got to really be mindful of it. But this has really never gone away.
- [11:29]
Michael Chernow
So raw, you mean, like, all the meats need to be cooked through?
- [11:32]
Dave
Yeah, cooked through. I mean, I eat a medium now. I'm in remission. But even now, dude, like, I just got a colonoscopy, and I go every, like, two years. And, you know, I look forward to these colonoscopies, man, because I'm like, I want the doctor to tell me, dave, you're something like we've never seen before. You're living like a champion. Because that's how I feel. I even stopped drinking a year and 92 days ago, but who's counting? 17 hours, you know? So I'm doing all the things, man. Working out and all that stuff, right? And, you know, the doctor comes back, and I saw something weird on his face. And basically, I even on the table right before they put the anesthesia in my arm, my blood pressure was incredible. It was like, not even at, like, 120 over, like, 75.
- [12:19]
Michael Chernow
Wow.
- [12:19]
Dave
Which was like. They were like, dude, you're really calm. I'm like, yeah, I'm good. And I'm like, God's got me. I'm fine. So he comes back and he's like, dave, like, we gotta talk. He's like, I'm not saying anything terrible yet, but he gives me the paper, and on the paper it says, high risk colon cancer. And I'm like, what does that mean? My dad looks at it. He's like, well, we got to up your life insurance, like, trying to make a joke out of it because we didn't even really know what to say. He's like, yeah, we found six polyps. So we pulled the polyps, and now we need to wait a week for the results. I'm like, wait a week for the results. Thank God. I'm into leadership, and, you know, I'm grateful to God every single day. And I believe in faith over facts, right? So when I saw that, I didn't feel it in my heart. My mind was going to the negative place. But I've been able to adapt a mindset where, like, I can separate now. Right? Your mind is based off of protective mode and fear stories, right? It'll go down that negative spot. But in your heart, that's derived from passion and purpose and intuitive thinking. So although I was seeing that, I didn't really feel it. So I kind of went on with my day, I went. I worked out. Next day, I get up, I continue my. My habitual side of things, which I'm sure we'll. We'll get into. But the reality is, I look at the car. Look at a car, right? It's like the best invention ever. Obviously, we can get from A to B, but you look at that windshield, and it's massive because the most important thing is looking forward. But then you have the rear view mirror, which is about a 10th or a 12th of the size of the windshield. It's there. And what's behind you is there. That past experience, that struggle is there, but it doesn't matter because the windshield is much bigger. And you have to look in front of you. You also have the side mirrors. Those are, like, negative. I look at those as, like, negative thoughts on one side. I look at the competition and business coming up, right? It's like, I'm aware of it, but my focus is ahead. So, you know, after I got the results, man, I'm picking up my daughter, I bring her to the park, and I kept it moving. Thank God. He called me a week later, and I was like, wow, dude, you really had me struggling out here. Like, thank God that I'm the way that I am, because you would have given somebody another ulcer waiting. He ended up telling me that I was okay. And not only was I okay, but I was in such deep remission that they couldn't even detect the Crohn's. I said, how did you miss that? He said, well, there was a white lesion, and that lesion in my mind, I needed to get tested because that was something that comes up a lot in the colon cancer. I said, so you put that on my report? And I actually sat down with him and I said, thank God. About. I listened to Joel Osteen, and he dropped the gem about, like, have faith over facts, right? Your God is much bigger than any factual thing that you can see on a piece of paper. So that medical report you got, or you losing your job, or you losing, you know, a family member, if you have faith and you continue to take action in the right direction, life will be all right.
- [15:18]
Michael Chernow
You know, it's funny, we were talking about that last night and how. How important faith is. You know, in faith, there's no losing, right? Like, that's the way I kind of look at it. In faith, there's no losing. You have faith, there's no losing. There's going to be failures because the enemy is always going to try to drag you Down. Just like God tries to bring you up, there's a, there's an antithesis to that, right? There's an enemy that's just constantly trying to take you, take you out. People say, why would God allow this to happen? Why would this, you know, how is it possible that God can allow us? God had nothing to do with that. The enemy had something to do with that. God is the strength to bring us through.
- [15:54]
Dave
That's strong.
- [15:55]
Michael Chernow
Like, that's. In my opinion, that's kind of what it is, right? It's just like there's that they're at odds constantly and like, the more faith you have, you know, similar to that story that I've told many times, it's just like, you know, there's a war going on inside, the good and the bad constantly. It's always inside. It's always happening, right? And the one who wins the war is the one you feed most, right? Like, who are you feeding today? You wake up, you know, you could have easily just woken up with anxiety, stress and fear about what the doc told you about these polyps. You could have easily chosen that path. 100%. That's where I'm going today. I'm feeding the dark side. I'm just gonna feed them because I don't have enough faith to believe that it's, you know, I'm just gonna go on about my day normally, how I do, because I have enough faith that I'm gonna come through this, you know, So I think that's powerful, man, interrupting.
- [16:54]
Regina
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- [18:18]
Michael Chernow
Back to the pod. I want to hear about, like, what your morning routine looks like.
- [18:21]
Dave
Yeah, so my morning routine starts the night before. It has to. That's the first thing whenever anybody asks me about my morning routine. I believe proper preparation prevents poor performance. Right. So, I mean, I'm a little OCD with it. Mike. I gotta be honest. I take my like Keurig, I like line it up in the holster. My water is made right now. I drink 42 ounces with an element packet. So I make that actually in the morning, I mean, I'm sorry, the night before and put it next to my bed stool. Right. My clothes are always picked out for the night before, the night before. Not only for business, but also the gym. Right. And I have a 4 year old daughter as well. So, you know, I prep her for, for school. But even, even her man like habits are amazing because at 4 years old she's like, daddy, we have to prepare, we have to prepare. So then we pray, we go to bed, wake up in the morning. First thing I do is I do not hit the snooze button. My podcast is centered around that, right? The no Snooze podcast. The first opportunity that you have in the morning is to say, I'm not going to snooze on my life. Why would you go back to sleep on your dreams and aspirations when you could wake up and attack your day? I don't know. Right. Like that to me is where the day begins. I get up and I grab my water as I'm literally walking to take my morning piss. So I'm hydrating right away. So I do that. That's 42 ounces. And then I throw Joel Osteen in my ear for 30 minutes. And I do this, man. And this is kind of answering the question of how I deal with the negativity. Those are three positive things that I did right from the start before. Like, I mean, I've even really opened my eyes. I didn't hit the snooze button agua. I hydrated. Joel Osteen. Joel Just happens to work for me. His jokes are super corny, but they hit, right? And it's just a choice, a positive choice that I make to put into my ear because, you know, faith is huge for me. Hasn't always been, but I have had a couple experiences in my life that have definitely got me there. And I just know that if I choose to start my day with that, I'm less likely to be triggered by the bad things that are going to happen. Right. So then from there, I kind of walk into, you know, my, my living room and I read my Bible. I make a cup of coffee as I read, as I'm reading my Bible. And I only read man, like probably two to three pages a day. And I, the, the one that I focus on is called Every Man's Bible. My, my girlfriend got it for me. And the Bible can get messy sometimes for me. Like, the big words, I'm like, what is that? Like, I can't even understand.
- [20:59]
Michael Chernow
I have a hard time retaining.
- [21:00]
Dave
But there's a, there's a version called Every Man's Bible, and it's strictly about the adversity that men face in their lives. And it ties it back to not only everyday life, but, like, you know, the biblical side of things. So there's always interpretations underneath. So I read that, and that kind of centers me for like, you know, the rest of my day. I get dressed, I drop my daughter off, and then I work out. And I work out for about you know, an hour, 15 minutes, and then I do a 20 minute sauna. After the sauna, I take a cold shower. Right. I'm not huge. I, I, I love cold plunging, but I'm huge into taking cold showers.
- [21:34]
Michael Chernow
You don't need to cold plunge.
- [21:35]
Dave
Right. For me. And I love it. And it's something that we do, obviously, with Ace, but like, the challenge of just turning that water on cold and just gunning it and taking your whole shower, like, I simplify things in my life, Mike. Like, I don't start with like the hot water. Take my shower and then turn it. It's just like, dude, turn it to cold. Wash your armpits, wash your ass, wash your hair, and get out. Right, right. Like, to me, to me, it's just simple.
- [22:00]
Michael Chernow
I'm with you on that too. I love, I mean, I don't love a cold shower, but I love a cold shower. I feel like that is for anybody listening, you know, like, there's a lot of hoopla about cold plunge. They're great. I love, I do it, I love It. But I will just say that a cold shower will set you straight 30 seconds. You don't even need that much, you know what I mean? Just like there's this. It's cold shower does hit a little bit different because it's cold water hitting you, like consistently.
- [22:29]
Dave
It's just hit.
- [22:30]
Michael Chernow
It's hitting your body, right? Like, so when you do your cold shower, are you going in fully or are you going in like chest down, turn around.
- [22:38]
Dave
So honestly, I just walk into the shower and I let it hit my face and then I was listening to Huberman. He said, like, the biggest impact is actually on the back of your neck. So I kind of just turned around for about 30 seconds to 45 seconds to get like primed or whatever.
- [22:50]
Michael Chernow
Yeah.
- [22:51]
Dave
But I do kind of cheat a little bit. Like I just came out of a sauna. So I'm not going to say that it's like the hardest thing in the world for me, but at first it was extremely hard. When I started this years ago, I was like, I can't get it. Like my toe. Ah.
- [23:00]
Michael Chernow
Ah. Yeah.
- [23:01]
Dave
But the reality is the cold didn't get warmer. I just got stronger.
- [23:06]
Michael Chernow
Yeah.
- [23:06]
Dave
And it's the same thing with the weights, right? Like 50 pound dumbbell.
- [23:09]
Michael Chernow
But there's no doubt about it. I would imagine, like, it still sucks walking into a freezing cold shower out the gate.
- [23:15]
Dave
Absolutely. Without a doubt. Absolutely.
- [23:17]
Michael Chernow
Yeah.
- [23:17]
Dave
But I just think it's the best way for me and my lifestyle to do that. I'm not one to like, just like trickle into things. Like, I need to get fully immersed, I need to fully dive in. And also I've seen the impact, right? Like I get, I get high off of that. Like, I am so ready to walk into my office. By the time I get into my office, I'm like, give me the emails, baby. Give me the email. I walk in, good morning, right? Like, smile on my face, I'm saying hello to everybody.
- [23:41]
Michael Chernow
All right, so you're in the cold shower. Then what?
- [23:43]
Dave
Yeah, then I get dressed and I kind of, you know, drive to work. But on my drive to work, it's about a 30 minute commute and I listen to something positive again, whether it's this podcast, whether it's an episode of my podcast coming out, whether it's Rogan, whether it's Lewis Howes, Jay Shetty, Ed Mylett. Ed Mylett has been a huge inspiration for me. So, like, when he drops, I'm listening to him over Mike. Turnoff. Sorry. But, but you know, that's also a thing that changed my life, man. Like, podcasting really changed my life in general because I was always listening to rap music, man. Like. Like a lot of people do, like. And again, I. I still listen to rap music here and there, but I quickly found myself doing the things that I was listening to in the music, right? Like, I got married young when I was 24 years old, divorced, in a very healthy relationship now. So I just want to be clear on that. But I was listening to rap music, and I'm finding myself in the club, drinking recreational drugs, getting attention from women when I shouldn't be, like, doing all the things. Had a. A real, like, rude awakening in my life. And I did two things. I checked into therapy at that time. This is around 2017. Checked into therapy and started listening to podcasts when I worked out, because I'm like, I'm already working out my body. Why would I not work my mind? And the first one that I happened to, like, put on was, like, an Ed Mylett Tony Robbins, and good kickoff, dude. I felt something. I don't know what it was. I mean, I know it was a higher power now, but, like, at the time, I felt something as I was working out. Like, little tingles coming into me when they were saying the things that they were saying. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna do this. I'm not gonna tell anybody about it, though, like, because I don't want to be, like, a cornball at the time. That was corny, to be honest with you. So I did that for a period of about six months. Don't say anything to anybody. Then I. From a period of six months to about two and a half years, I started now applying the things that I would hear in these podcasts. All right? Like a task list. Make your bed in the morning. Like, you know, reach out to people. Reach out to five people a day for business leads. Like, doing all the things. I watched my relationships transform. I watched my financial situation transform. I watched my friendships transform. I started to lose the negativity in my life because I was now choosing the positive things and the positive relationships. And then I said, you know what? I made such change in my life. And I've always been called a leader. Like, I need to start a podcast. I need to show people that they can do this, too. And that was the reason why I actually started the podcast, right? All because one day I went to the gym, and my life was a mess, and I turned on something positive versus listening to.
- [26:29]
Michael Chernow
I mean, you're training hard one random day you're just like, it. I'm gonna turn on a podcast. You happen to turn on a podcast of, like, two of the OGs emojis, so nicely done. And that made it. That made an impact on you?
- [26:43]
Dave
Yeah.
- [26:44]
Michael Chernow
What? When you were like, okay, I'm gonna start a podcast. Obviously, you're. You're kind of like a born leader, right? It's kind of like something that, I mean, you can just. Your presence is. Is that of a strong individual leader. I did. The first time I met you, I just felt that. What was the. What was this sort of inspiration for the pod?
- [27:08]
Dave
I got to rock bottom. That was rock bottom in my life. The. The story, you know, just to make it real fast, I had mentioned, you know, my mom, who's a hero of my life, she was at her rock bottom, and I didn't have faith in me at that time. My dad, you know, he grew up Catholic. Mom was Jewish, so dad was in church, but, like, we kind of grew up Italian, even though that's not a religion, but we just grew up Italian because, you know, my family's Italian, so religion really wasn't a thing. I was baptized in bar mitzvahed, like, an absolute mess. Right. And, like, now I'm a Christian. Right? So. So, you know, my. My mom was really wanting help, man. And. And, you know, this is something you talk about frequently, but, like, you know that the person that's struggling, like, it doesn't matter. You can tie them. I've heard you say this. I think even. Even with Jason La Cayo, you could tie that person to a radiator for six months. But if they want to go back, the day you unleash them, they're gonna go back.
- [27:58]
Michael Chernow
Oh, yeah.
- [27:59]
Dave
My mom wanted to get sober. She said it to me. But during that time, it was tough, man. It was really, really tough. So, you know, I had her stay with me, and every five minutes, she would basically knock on my door, you know, David, I. I need my pills. I need my pills.
- [28:17]
Michael Chernow
Was it all pills?
- [28:18]
Dave
It was alcohol and pills.
- [28:20]
Michael Chernow
Yeah.
- [28:20]
Dave
But the doctor told me, look, you can't withdraw her because she'll die.
- [28:23]
Michael Chernow
Yeah.
- [28:25]
Dave
So you need to. While you're trying to find a facility, you give her one sugar. One. She knew what was sugar. Very smart. And, you know, she was never, like, not functional. That's the thing about, like, the disease, right? Like, she was always functional and an incredible mom. Like, I always had, like, cooked home cooked meals. Like, me and her, we had, like, a tough relationship growing up. Ended up living with dad when I was 14. But now fast forward, I'm back in. You know, we're really rocking, and we're okay, but at a distance because, you know, addiction is tough on the family as well. So I basically get fed up. And, you know, she was waking me up every five minutes, and I barge into the room and I'm like, look, I got nothing for you anymore. Take them. Poured them all in my hand. And she's like, you want me to die? I said, no, but I want you to be at peace. Unless a higher power can save you, there's nothing that I can do for you. She takes one pill, mind you. She's taken 8 to 10 Xanax a day for years. Takes one pill. I don't. I couldn't even tell if it was a real one or a fake one. Eyes roll to the back of her head. Eyes close. Hits her head on the headboard. I'm like, oh, my God, she just died. Like, start panicking. Check her. Wait, she's breathing. Let her sleep. Because she was not sleeping for days. About five, six hours go by. She comes into my room. The knock was different. David, I'm ready to get sober.
- [30:00]
Michael Chernow
Wow. I just got chills, bro.
- [30:03]
Dave
At that moment, Mike, God came into my life. Utilize her to get to me. My mom and I have this thing. She. She calls me her higher power. She speaks all over now. And she's a huge inspiration to so many people in the. In the recovery community. But she's my higher power, right? Like, that higher power came within her and used her to get to me. So there was no way I could not now change my life. Then that following day. This also happened to be during a time when I was not faithful in my relationships, right? So everything came crumbling down. My job was okay, but that was the only thing that was okay. And I looked good to the outside, but inside I was very messed up, man. So that was the moment that I had to change my life. And that was the inspiration for me to get into podcasting. Long story short, wow.
- [31:00]
Michael Chernow
I mean, I got chills hearing that, man. You know, and so she. And she hasn't used from that moment on.
- [31:07]
Dave
Has not used from that moment on. Then when we bring her to a facility, sit her down, right above her is the serenity prayer. Me and my brother, my sister, we, like, started crying. Just didn't even. It like wasn't. It was an out of body experience almost. And she never went back. She never went back. And I don't think. And she'll tell you this Too. Like, yes, she puts the work in every day, but God lifted. Lifted the urge. And that's why for individuals who are not faithful, my testimony is that when you start asking, right, and you start talking to God, God, lift this addiction from me. Lift this addiction from me. And now if you use and you mess up, okay, but hopefully you start to feel a conviction, a little level of guilt. And now when you start to follow those with action steps in the direction, I think when you pair that with faith, man, you become unstoppable.
- [32:07]
Michael Chernow
Yeah, I mean, that's my story, man. That. That's. That's my story.
- [32:11]
Dave
I know, I know. I know your story.
- [32:13]
Michael Chernow
Well, to think about it, you know, like, this idea that prayer has been such a critical component of my success in recovery, I can't tell you why. I can't actually tell you or anyone. This is why that works. This is why I am sober. But what I can tell you confidently is the one thing I've done every single day without fail since getting sober is connecting with God every single morning. It's one thing I can tell you I've done. And, you know, you said something early on in the pod where you said, you know, my mind and my heart are separate. Like, my mind can go there, but. But my heart tells me something different than my mind does. Not all the time, but I so identified with that because our mind can. We're. We're creative. We're. We're crafty. We. You know, and like I said earlier, there's. There's. There's God and the enemy, right? Like, it's in the mind, right? There's such a difference. The mind can develop these stories and can manifest these. These beliefs that are just not real, you know, And I think that is ultimately what fear is. It's these stories that we create of things that just simply do not exist. And maybe there's. Maybe. Maybe there is stories that we develop based on experiences that we've had about what potentially could happen in the future. But most of the time, fear is a fabrication of our mind. Our heart is like a very, very different thing, right? Like building business. People would ask me, are you afraid of launching a business? And my heart was like, dude, this is exactly where you are and need to be, and this is where it is. And I, like, really leaned on the heartstring there, right? Like, I really leaned in. In on that. And there was just not a single ounce of fear. Because the heart is, you know, the brain is very important. The mind is very, very important. It helps Us navigate, but without the heart, we're dead. You know what I'm saying?
- [34:37]
Dave
Absolutely.
- [34:38]
Michael Chernow
Like, heart is required for existence.
- [34:42]
Dave
Heart is required. I like that.
- [34:44]
Michael Chernow
You know, it just is. So. I'm so happy you said that. And I'm so stoked that your mom is sober six and a half years. I mean, that's like a. You know, that goes to say that it's just never too late. You never, you know, like, anybody listening that's struggling, no matter how old you are. Like, this podcast is not a recovery podcast. But my. I'm only here because of recovery. So when I hear somebody talk about something like that, it just makes me. It just. It just. It just brings life into me. I mean, when you told me that, when you mentioned that story about your mom, eyes rolling back, boom. Then she knocked on the door. The knock was different. She said she want to get sober. Chills came from my head to my toes, bro.
- [35:22]
Dave
I. I get that every time I say it. I do.
- [35:25]
Michael Chernow
So I want to wind this down, but I, I. The last piece I want to talk about is. Is. Is the work that you do with men at Ace, and you kicked that off a little over a year ago. And you. I mean, you've done, in just, you know, a year and a half or whatever it's been. You've done 20 events. You've done a number of retreats. Why men's work.
- [35:44]
Dave
Yeah. So I can't even get started on that conversation without acknowledging my partner, Sean Degnan. Love Sean. Yeah, he'd be a great guest for. For your show. But Sean and I actually had a conversation, and that conversation was different, man. It was on a podcast. Right? Like, Sean and I didn't really know each other. I went to school with his sister. But, like, Sean and I did. We met, like, at a networking event, but there was something there, and we were like, yo, like, let's follow up. And then, boom, it was just like, action, action, action. Like, okay, one is texting one. Then it's like, okay, one is now making a calendar. Invite the convers. We do a podcast. Podcast. Typically, for me, we're getting anywhere from, like, say, 500 to about 5,000 downloads. This one got 10,000. So we're like, it's not even. Like, Sean's following was that crazy. My following is not that crazy. Like, what is going on? And what it was is we were just having conversations of where we were in our life and then the action steps that we have taken to get to the next level. But it was all stemmed around Vulnerability. So fast forward, we created a company called Action Cultivates Excellence. Yeah, Ace. And we believe that the modern leader, the man of today, is strongest when you bridge the gap between masculinity and vulnerability. Because we could sit up here all day and talk about, like, our accomplishments. But one, nobody really cares about the accomplishments. They care about the problems that you faced in your life, how you've overcome them to get to where you're at today. But you can't acknowledge the wins without looking at the failures. Right, Right. So that was what the business was kind of stemmed from. And honestly, man, community has driven this thing. But I think that it took two men like Sean and I to get up there very confidently and say, look, this is what was wrong with me. Like, you know, battled Crohn's disease, Mom was an addict. You know, I come from a divorce. Like, I'm divorced myself. Like, all the things. Sean lost his father, and he was. He struggled with anxiety, depression, battling the. The health issues, the. You know, I mean, the list goes, like, on and on, but we wouldn't sit there and, like, dwell on that. It was like, it's a comfortable space to talk about this. Right. Like, we created this platform for men to come and be vulnerable. And I think for a long time, my problem was that I was so focused, Mike, on impressing people, because I knew that I was living very imperfectly. Everything in my life was a mess, but to the outside, I looked good, had a good beard. So thank you, my brother. Thank you. But I'm like, you know, let me lean on that, like, whatever. Like, let me go to the club, put a big chain on. Like, all the things were wrong. And it wasn't until, like, my life came crashing down and I got into therapy and, like, you know, I started having the uncomfortable conversations with another man. And then Sean and I were just in that same space. So we created something that we needed most in our lives that wasn't available. And I think the big separator between Ace and, like, any other thing that's going on in the space. Not that people don't do it. I'm sure they do. But a lot of it is, like, heavily focused on just fitness. And, yeah, physical is definitely one thing. Like, who doesn't want to be a strong, ripped looking guy? But also, if you want to be that powerhouse father, you want to be that powerhouse partner, you want to be that powerhouse in business and lead a team, you have to be able to be vulnerable. And vulnerability is strength. That weakness that you're actually struggling with right now. When you overcome that weakness, that will be the thing that motivates somebody else. Or you have the choice to sit in. Your negativity and your bullshit choice. You have a choice totally. And what you're not changing, you're choosing.
- [39:43]
Michael Chernow
Which I. Dude, I just got. I feel. I just want to just drill that one home for anybody listening right now. We all have the choice. It is so crazy to think that, right? Because people, so many people, struggle with their own roadblock. The simplicity of just hearing you have a choice, you actually have a choice, I think is powerful for people to hear. You don't have to choose what you've been choosing. You don't have to choose suffering. We're all going to suffer no matter what. That's life. Suffering is a part of it. But you don't have to choose suffering.
- [40:30]
Dave
If you complain, you'll remain. If you praise, you will raise, right? Like, if you're sitting there and you're just dwelling on that, you don't have to deny the things in your life, but you also don't have to dwell on them. They're there. They are there a hundred percent. But the biggest difference that I'm seeing is how people perceive their problems, right? Like, how much weight are you going to allow that problem, that loss, whether it's a loss of a spouse, marriage, the job loss, whatever it is, how much weight are you going to give to that? Or are you going to be like, yo, it's there, but it's a small piece of the piece. It's that windshield analogy, right? It's that side mirror. Like, that's the little thing that's there, but, like, you're focused in front, baby, you got to keep it.
- [41:25]
Michael Chernow
You know, One thing that I, I, that I'd like to mention as we're on this topic and winding down is, you know, the choice to, I use. The point that I'm trying to make is that when we talk about the negative things that are going on in our lives, when we harp on the things that are, that are our struggles, when we, if we're battling with someone, we have a resentment towards someone, there's a, there's a, there's a situation that you're dealing with that, you know, involves someone else, every time you talk about it, you just dig deeper, right? Like, if you're battling with someone, let's say you're going through a divorce and you're sitting down with your friends, and your friends are like, all right, so how's it going? And you're like that fucking. I can't. This is, you know, she's doing this, he's doing that. Every single time you do that, it gets darker and deeper and it doesn't allow for growth because you are literally like actually, you know, they used to say, you know, for alcoholics specifically, like an alcoholic falls into a ditch, or a normal person falls into a ditch, you know, they're gonna do whatever they can to get out of that hole. Like, they're just gonna grab on vines, whatever it is. They're gonna climb out, alcoholic falls into a ditch, and they start hanging pictures on the wall, get real comfortable in there, right? And I don't think that is all about alcoholics. I think some of us tend to want to sit in that pain and they want people to co sign our victimhood. Right. Now, I'm not saying don't talk about your problems, but what I am saying is that when you're in a bad situation or when you have a situation, an element of your life that's not going the way you want it to go, the more talk about it in a negative way, the harder it is going to be to grow out from that situation. Right. Like, I've just found that when I was dealing with a partnership situation back in the day, I mean, I was. Every opportunity I got to talk negatively about my partner in the meatball shop. We hated each other, dude. It was a rough situation. And every opportunity I got to talk about it, I did. And I just found it getting darker and heavier and weightier. And I wanted to be a victim. I wanted people to be like, oh, man, that's so shitty. And then one day I was like, you know what? Actually this guy mentioned to me, he was like, dude, don't stop talking about that. Just don't, don't talk about it anymore. As a matter of fact, try to find a way to add that person to your prayers. Talk positively about that person. And that just snaps to change something for me where I just realized that, hey, the negative in your life, yeah, like, if you need to express it, but don't manipulate the situation, don't make it sound worse than it is, don't try to get other people's approval to, to co sign how you feel, because that's never going to manifest greatness. You know what I'm saying? You, what you said just sort of like made me feel the urge to want to mention that to the people. Listening is like, if you're in a bad situation, you're having a fight at work, you're battling with a boss. You know, if you find yourself looking for ways to talk about that or that situation or that person in a negative way to your friends, to your family, just be aware of that, because that is an unlock when you stop doing that, to actually release a resentment. You know, I've just found that to be so powerful in my life.
- [45:34]
Dave
Absolutely. I would agree. 100. And essentially, what you're saying is what you focus on magnifies.
- [45:41]
Michael Chernow
100.
- [45:42]
Dave
And that's everything in life. You know, one of my favorite Bible stories is David and Goliath, right? Like, everybody told David, who was a shepherd's boy, he was a teenager. They said, that man is too big to hit. He said, no, he's too big not to miss. David in the Bible, they describe him as like, an average man, about, like, between 5, 7 and 5, 10. Goliath, depending on the scripture you read, is between 6, 9 and 9 foot 9. So there was no way that a shepherd boy versus a trained gladiator would win. He laughed at him. And you know, the story, he ended up killing him with a slingshot because he focused on his size being the thing that he cannot miss. And I think it's a great, like, takeaway because the thing that could be the biggest challenge in front of you, that's what made him King Goliath. His defeat of Goliath is what anointed him. So I look at all the problems in my life, and I'm like, all right, Goliath, I'm still David, and I happen to be David, right? So, like, I like it. And it's just something, you know, not to get too biblical, but I think it's a very tangible, like, story for people who, you know, aren't even intrigued in the Bible or whatever. Faith is fine. But I like the Bible because I dive into stories like that, and for me, the Bible has become the best, best personal and professional development book of my life. You want to get.
- [47:14]
Michael Chernow
I got to start reading the Bible, man.
- [47:16]
Dave
Yeah. I love that tattoo, by the way. I love that the. The hands praying right there.
- [47:19]
Michael Chernow
Oh, thanks.
- [47:19]
Dave
Yeah.
- [47:20]
Michael Chernow
Dave, this has been awesome, bro. I'm so grateful that you came. Came onto the pod. We've been talking about this for a minute. Yeah, I am really, really. The work that you're doing, specifically around the men's work, I think is. Is. Is necessary. Super duper relevant and powerful and has inspired me. Where can people follow along on your journey?
- [47:45]
Dave
Yeah, man. And again, thank you, my brother. Of course, from the bottom of my heart. You know you're a huge, huge mentor and inspiration for me.
- [47:55]
Michael Chernow
Thank you.
- [47:55]
Dave
And everything that we're doing, you know, your journey is a powerful one. And just keep going, man. Never stop.
- [48:00]
Michael Chernow
Thank you.
- [48:00]
Dave
So thank you. Everybody can find me on Instagram @daveredge. Just the way that it sounds. R, E G G. At the end, you can find us. Action cultivates excellence. Right. That Instagram is Ace Sanctuary. Or you can find me by my podcast at Nose News Podcast. Humbled and grateful to be here with you, my brother. Thank you.
- [48:22]
Michael Chernow
Dude. Crushed it, guys. That was. We covered so many different things, guys and gals, all of you. Yeah. That I'm so grateful that I was able to have Dave on the show today. I went to one of those. I was, I was asked to speak at, at the ACE Summit about six months ago or something like that, and it was. I showed up there and these guys had taken over this amazing, just unbelievable sort of countryside resort that was just so peaceful. And it was, it was a bunch of dudes in their, like, you know, sweats, like, just getting real with each other and in different groups and in different rooms, really, really connecting. And, and it just, I was like, wow. Like, this is powerful stuff that you just don't see happening. Most guys get together for these retreats and they're working out to the bone and they're, they're, they're kicking the crap out of each other and then they'll go sit in a sauna and a cold plunge, which I think is great. But really the deep work is the work that, you know, really leaves you walking away from an experience like that, feeling different, feeling moved. And so I would, I would highly suggest men that are listening to this, look in, look into, to the Ace. Ace Sanctuary. It's, it's, it's a, it's a special and powerful thing that Dave is doing. Anyway, I am grateful for you for tuning into the podcast. I am, you know, I love you and I appreciate you. A five star rating and a review would mean a lot to me. We're really, really trying to grow the podcast, so share it with anybody that you think would appreciate this one. And you know the drill until the next one, y'all. Peace.