Cal Callahan on the Great Unlearn: Redefining Life’s Purpose

Summary

Summary of Kreatures Of Habit Podcast Episode: Cal Callahan on the Great Unlearn: Redefining Life’s Purpose

Release Date: February 26, 2025

Introduction

In this compelling episode of the Kreatures Of Habit Podcast, host Michael Chernow engages in an introspective dialogue with Cal Callahan, a successful entrepreneur who has undergone a profound personal transformation. The conversation delves into Cal's journey from relentless pursuit of financial success to seeking deeper fulfillment through self-love and meaningful relationships. This summary captures the essence of their discussion, highlighting key insights, pivotal moments, and the lessons learned along the way.

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1. The Turning Point: Las Vegas Mass Shooting [00:00 - 01:52]

Cal Callahan opens the conversation by recounting a life-altering experience during a Jason Aldean concert in Las Vegas in 2017. A mass shooting event forces him to confront his mortality and question the path he was on.

• Cal Callahan [00:00]: "I just had this sense that this wasn't the life I was supposed to live. Had I not made it out of there and I contemplated that, like, if this ends here, like, super disappointed."

This harrowing moment becomes the catalyst for Cal's shift in perspective, prompting him to reassess his priorities and redefine his life's purpose.

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2. From Wealth to Fulfillment [01:52 - 06:45]

Michael Chernow initiates the discussion by highlighting Cal's transition away from the relentless pursuit of money, despite his significant financial achievements.

• Cal Callahan [03:00]: "It wasn't about the material pursuit. I had been driven by that for so long. It was just never enough."

Cal explains how he realized that financial abundance, while initially fulfilling, ultimately failed to provide lasting satisfaction. This realization led him to explore avenues beyond material success, seeking a more profound sense of purpose.

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3. The Eulogy Reflection [06:45 - 13:25]

To deepen the introspection, Michael asks Cal to envision his own eulogy, prompting a reflection on what truly matters at the end of one's life.

• Cal Callahan [07:12]: "You see the relationship he's built with each of those kids and how he's allowed them to have their own journey while being there for them, supporting them, allowing them to have their fuck ups and celebrating that and celebrating the wins."

This exercise shifts Cal's focus from external achievements to the quality of his relationships, emphasizing the importance of being present and supportive within his family.

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4. Balancing Financial Abundance and Family [13:25 - 17:04]

Cal candidly discusses recent financial challenges stemming from poor portfolio management, which have led to a lack of liquidity. Despite these setbacks, he expresses newfound confidence in prioritizing his family over financial concerns.

• Cal Callahan [15:00]: "The money thing is going to sort itself out. Like, we're going to be fucking totally fine. Look at what we've created and continue to work on."

Cal acknowledges that while financial stability is important, it pales in comparison to the fulfillment derived from nurturing his relationships with his wife and children.

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5. Lessons Learned: Ego vs. Soul [17:04 - 22:34]

Michael probes deeper into the lessons Cal has garnered from his transformation, focusing on the balance between ego-driven pursuits and soulful living.

• Cal Callahan [17:06]: "How much is the ego driving your needs and how much is the soul."

Cal reflects on his journey to let go of certain luxuries and societal expectations, realizing that true fulfillment comes from aligning his actions with his inner values rather than external validation.

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6. Early Life and Self-Reliance [21:20 - 25:27]

Cal delves into his upbringing, highlighting the influence of his hardworking parents and the resulting self-reliant nature he developed.

• Cal Callahan [22:56]: "I have developed really close relationships with their friends because they know I'm not going to bullshit them."

Despite his successes, Cal acknowledges a personal blind spot in seeking help, a trait ingrained from his formative years where self-sufficiency was paramount.

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7. Seeking Self-Love and Overcoming Self-Critique [35:13 - 36:33]

The conversation shifts towards the concept of self-love as the cornerstone of fulfillment. Cal admits that while he strives for self-love, he is still a work in progress.

• Cal Callahan [35:41]: "Fulfillment for me comes in self love."

He emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's inherent worth and the ongoing journey to embrace self-acceptance, which in turn enhances his ability to love and support others.

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Conclusion

This episode of the Kreatures Of Habit Podcast offers an intimate glimpse into Cal Callahan's transformative journey from financial success to seeking deeper, more meaningful fulfillment. Through pivotal life experiences, introspective reflections, and candid discussions, Cal underscores the significance of self-love and the nurturing of personal relationships as the true measures of a fulfilling life. Michael Chernow facilitates a profound dialogue that encourages listeners to evaluate their own pursuits and prioritize what genuinely matters.

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Notable Quotes

• Cal Callahan [00:00]: "I just had this sense that this wasn't the life I was supposed to live."
• Cal Callahan [03:00]: "It wasn't about the material pursuit. I had been driven by that for so long."
• Cal Callahan [07:12]: "You see the relationship he's built with each of those kids..."
• Cal Callahan [15:00]: "The money thing is going to sort itself out. Like, we're going to be fucking totally fine."
• Cal Callahan [17:06]: "How much is the ego driving your needs and how much is the soul."
• Cal Callahan [22:56]: "I have developed really close relationships with their friends because they know I'm not going to bullshit them."
• Cal Callahan [35:41]: "Fulfillment for me comes in self love."

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This detailed summary encapsulates the essence of Cal Callahan's discussion on redefining life's purpose, offering valuable insights for listeners seeking their own paths to fulfillment.

Transcript

[A]

In 2017, I was in Las Vegas at the Jason Aldean concert, the mass shooting. And that was the moment that shifted everything for me, sitting there, you know, taking cover. I was with a friend of mine, and frankly, I just had this sense that this wasn't the life I was supposed to live. What I mean by that is, had I not made it out of there and I contemplated that, like, if this ends here, like, super disappointed.

[B]

I'm Michael Chernow and this is the Creatures of Habit podcast. Our habits will make us or break us. It's just that simple. I've lived on both sides of the tracks and have learned that the decisions we make on a consistent basis truly define who we are as human beings. On this show, I will be interviewing some of the most inspiring, motivating and high performing humans I've encountered to share their daily habits, routines and rituals that help them stay on top of their game and ultimately happy. So sit back, relax, and pay attention, because what you hear over the next 30 to 45 minutes could potentially change your life. Let's go. Cal Callahan, you have made a lot of money in your life, and you spent years, decades of your life making money, and something shifted for you. You've made a big change and you're not in that pursuit necessarily anymore. That could be because you've made enough money where you don't have to be in that pursuit. But I just want to ask you, what is the difference for you in your life now, where money is not the North Star necessarily, and you've taken a path of different.

[A]

And just one part of that question, I think, I don't know if you probably speak to anybody and say, well, what's the number where you're no longer in pursuit? And it just, we always move the goalposts on that. It's a million, it's 10 million, it's whatever. It's more of like, can something shift in that relationship to that measure of success? So if someone does, I think if someone tells you there's a number, if I make 100 million, like, I'm kind of done, I'll. That's bullshit. And they could be in integrity with feeling that way. But it becomes, that's not the conversation. The conversation is like, what are you kind of in service to? Like, what are the things that are driving you? So for me specifically in 2017, I was in Las Vegas at the Jason Aldean concert, the mass shooting. And that was the moment that shifted everything for me. Sitting there, you know, taking cover was with a friend of mine. And frankly, I just had this sense that this wasn't the life I was supposed to live. What I mean by that is, had I not made it out of there, and I contemplated that, like, if this ends here, like, super disappointed. And I think just about anybody would look at my life and say, how the fuck can you say that? And I think it was that moment that had to teach me that it's not about the material pursuit. I had been driven by that for so long, and it, in a lot of ways, served me really well. It was just never enough. It may have seemed like it. I was pretty at ease with the finances and was super grateful for the financial abundance and didn't feel entitled to it at all. But I just realized that I had been playing this game up until that moment. That wasn't why I was on Earth. And I don't even mean that like, I'm here for this grand thing of. It was more like, that's just not it. And so I pivoted, as I would often do, to, like, the other end of the spectrum. It's like, I don't need that stuff. I'm getting more spiritual now. I'm reading the books, I'm listening to the podcasts. I'm starting to do plant medicine. I'm getting into meditation. I'm kind of doing all these things that. Kind of feeding that. That spiritual thirst. And I realized that that's not it either, you know? And so there was, like, this overcorrection, which, again, I think for me, I need to experience things on the extreme to find out, you know, where that boundary is and then bring it back into something that feels sustainable, because that pursuit was not sustainable the way I was. I was so deep in this inquiry that I had shut off my wife and my kids because I was trying to get to the bottom of why I'm here. It's a noble pursuit, but that's kind of not how, I guess, for me, it's meant to be done. It's go there, find out. Like, not everybody's on board with this because you're not that great to be around right now and figure out, how do I marry these two things? And I love the idea of the things that kind of give us our wealth and take care of that side as our kind of our resume virtues. I don't know if we've talked about this before, but the things that we really want to be known for are our eulogy virtues. Those are the ones where, right at our funeral, someone's going to get up and they're going to talk about how great of a traitor I was. I hope, you know, I hope it's how I showed up for people and how I served and how I loved and hopefully I showed grace for people and for myself, which has been a struggle. But I think in the context of resume virtues and eulogy virtues is like, how do I walk with both of these things? Because they're both important, you know? But I think we get sold this idea, or at least I felt like I was sold this idea that these resume virtues, like that's where it's at, that's where you get fulfillment. Like that's going to do it for you. And I think that's why we get to that number. And it's like that felt great to hit that goal, but. But now what? Like I don't. You just. I'm not the first guy to say it. I won't be the last. It's just not it.

[B]

Okay, so I'm going to ask you to close your eyes and I'm going to ask you say what your eulogy is.

[A]

Today. We share our love and admiration, respect for Cal, who accomplished a lot of things in life, things that he was proud of. But when you look at his three kids right now, you see the type of man he was. You see the relationship he's built with each of those kids and how he's allowed them to have their own journey while being there for them, supporting them, allowing them to have their fuck ups and celebrating that and celebrating the wins. And his wife, Peyton, we could not have done it without her. She taught him grace, she taught him unconditional love. Kind of getting sidetracked. Just.

[B]

Throw a wild card at you, man.

[A]

Yeah, Because I keep going to Peyton and I know this is not her eulogy.

[B]

So I think what I'm hearing is we talked about this resume virtue and then we went all the way to the other side of the spectrum where you didn't find fulfillment necessarily. Here it's fun, you're proud of it, it brought you joy in many ways, experience, somewhat comfort in the world of financial abundance. But you got to a point after an experience where you said, I want to throw that to the side and pause on that for a minute. Let me go explore this spiritual realm that I haven't really spent much time in because I had this near death experience that potentially could have ended my life here. And I just wasn't. And I didn't feel like this was enough for me to feel confident in being the last day of my life. So let me go explore this other thing. And you did. And you explored all those things and you lifted up rocks and you read the books and you did the medicines, and you didn't feel the fulfillment necessarily over here either. And I'm here to tell you right now, in what you just did, you went right to your family. You went right to your family, period. And I know when I think about pure joy in my life, when I think about now, it's not perfect, but when I think about real fulfillment, for me, it is 5:59 on a Tuesday when I walk back into my house after a day of work and I see my wife and my two kids sitting at the dinner table ready for me to sit down and have dinner. And I just know, I just felt it in you too, that, like, it's not perfect, but I think it's safe to say for anybody listening chasing material has its upside. But that cup that sits in the center of your chest is not going to spilleth over by those things. And going after the sort of esoteric and the experiential, experimental, spiritual side of things is also not necessarily where you're going to find it. If you think you're going to find it there, you might find a path there. Right? I really do believe that great human beings build families, you know, and I just saw that right there. Boom. Like, right there, dude. I just saw it. And I think it's, I think, part of the creatures that have a podcast. Obviously, you know, we talk about habits, rituals and routines and things that human beings that have inspired me. I love to be able to sit down across from people like you because, you know, you've inspired the shit out of me, man. I love your podcast. And. And just meeting you as a human being, like, it's just been fun and. And there's a connection and. And I just know that what it all boils down to is fucking love. That's it. It's love. And, you know, there's. There's so many different versions of love, so many different seasons of love. But I do believe that a family unit is like, what human beings were placed on this earth to create and bring fulfillment to each other's lives through. You know, I didn't think I was gonna ask you to recite your eulogy, but it's a. I figured you didn't.

[A]

Have that on the bingo card.

[B]

I didn't have that on the menu, but I just want to clearly put a mirror to you here that, like, if that is something that you've been battling, trying to find that fulfillment. I'm just telling you, it's right there. It's right there. That's where it is. It just is.

[A]

Well, thank you. And I feel that in the sense that, you know, we were talking before we started recording that it's, I'd say just it's been a challenging year, funny enough, on the financial side. And it's mostly due to kind of poor planning, poor portfolio management. And so there's been a lack of liquidity for me. And no one, I don't care who, you really loves to have a lack of liquidity. No matter if you've got 10 grand or you've got 10 billion, you want to have that flexibility. And I felt somewhat handcuffed over the last year. Plus, and fortunately, like, I. I feel like I've come through on the other side. Something has literally, like become liquid. So. But quite recently I had that aha moment where I look at the relationship with my wife and my kids and I'm like, the money thing is going to sort itself out. Like, we're going to be fucking totally fine. Like, totally fine. But, like, wow, like, look at, look at what we've created and look what we continue to work on. And it's, as you said, it's not always perfect, but there's a love, there's a trust in what, like, my kids will share with me, which feels like, what more do I want, really, you know, And I even have developed really close relationship with their friends because they know I'm not going to bullshit them. And I'm also going to fuck around with them too. Like, I'm a real guy, you know, But I also have boundaries. And, you know, we'll adhere to that as best we can. But it's not often that I've been able to tap into that when I've felt some stress in different areas. And partly it's, you know, I'm 53, and for as long as I can remember, I've identified with the provider and I've loved being able to provide for my family. And it's like when I can finally really feel that I've already done that because there is this sense in me somewhere that I haven't quite done it enough yet. And that can be good if it gets you out of bed in the morning and you need a little extra motivation. But it's not the truth. And I know that when I sink into that and with that comes scarcity. And if you looked at objectively, you're like, what Are you talking about scarcity? But it's all relative, right? It's how did it feel a couple years ago to how it feels right now. And it's not as fluid, but I've been through these cycles before. Not one this long, and maybe not with as much on the line, but I didn't learn the lesson yet. And so I feel like this time, now it's up to me to really learn the lesson. But I feel like this time the universe was like, we could unlock this thing for you after six months, but you're not getting it. So just around the corner, I'm like, well, if I could just do that, then that'll free me up and I can breathe for a year and then work on a few other things, and it's just not the way it went.

[B]

What's the lesson?

[A]

How much is the ego driving your needs and how much is the soul? And I belong to some great golf clubs, and we're in these great communities, and I've been able to afford these different things. And it's like when the music stopped, it's like, well, these are all luxuries. And sure, I have great friends in these different areas, but I have great friends anyway. No matter where I'm at, I'm going to be fine. And so am I willing to let go of some of these things that are more like, really nice things to have, because if I could let go of those things, we're not even having a conversation about financial abundance. It's like, I'm like, good for. I'm good. Good technically wouldn't have to work, but still would. But I just know when I'm living in that kind of in that paradigm that it can become fragile. And it's like, I want to preserve it. And it wasn't until nine months ago where I had that awareness through the help of a coach. I'm like, can I let go of all these things? You know, how will I be okay? And the answer is like, yeah, I really sat with that. The answer was yes. It's just a matter of some of those things are my family really loves. And so it's not just about me. Don't get me wrong. I tried to kind of, you know, kind of ram that through. Like, we, you know, and I would think up whatever the reasons were great for the family. And God bless Peyton. She was like, whatever you need to do. Like, I'm good. You want to sell our place up in Idaho that we've been going to for 15 years, every summer? Sure. If that's what you need to do. It's like, how does she have so much grace? You know? And it's especially on my heart today because a friend, friends of ours who are similar age, been married a similar time, similar kids, our friend, the wife, moved into our guest house today. Every relationship is different, but I see a lot of similarities in our relationship, and I just see how her heart is really broken right now. And I just kind of put the hat on of is there a scenario where Peyton would go through that same thing where I would be going through life unconsciously and, you know, enough's enough for her? You know, for all the great things I've done, there's like, I can get in my own world, and I can be shut off, and I can think I'm doing it for the right reasons, but I know there's some. Some fear in there, some. Somewhere within the relationship where. Where I'm not giving fully of myself. Part of it's a vulnerability thing. And. And I'm working on that. I know that, you know, for so long, I've, you know, we've been taught strong, right? And, like, you're the rock, and, you know, the rock doesn't have financial problems, right? And so for me to share those things with her, she's my partner, it was really difficult because in a sense, like, that's a measuring stick for me. Like, I've been able to say yes to everything, every trip we wanted to do. And this past summer, I canceled our trip to Italy because it was going to cost too much. And that was, like. May not sound like much to people, but for me, I didn't provide something as simple as a trip to Italy. What decisions have I made in the past that created this kind of financial issue that, you know, contributed to this?

[B]

So I want to touch on something. I mean, if. If you're. If you're just listening to this podcast, you obviously can't see Cal, if you don't know who Cal is. But if you are watching this podcast, you can obviously tell that Cal just shared his age. He's 53 years old. He's in better shape than most men, period. In general. Super handsome guy and very successful. And, you know, that takes a certain type of mindset, that takes a certain type of ambition, and falls within a fraction of the 1% of the people on the population in the world to be the guy sitting across from me, period. I'm just going to say it. It's true. To be able to take care of yourself, have a family intact. Whether it's perfect or not is, you know, like irrelevant. And to have put together just abundance in general. And so I question why, how, what propels you to just. And, and it. Can you point to something like early on in your life that you realize that you have the bandwidth to, to attack the way you do.

[A]

It wasn't until much later that I kind of understood that I have an ability to gather resources and make stuff happen. And it just, in some ways it seems to fall into place. But we know that you kind of create your own experience.

[B]

Not everybody knows that. Well, so how did you figure that out?

[A]

You know, I was fortunate. My parents both worked and I was, you know, I had an older sister, but I was left to my own devices, you know, for better or for worse. And I got into some shit and did a bunch of stuff that, you know, kids, when they have some freedom do. But my dad and mom were really hard workers. And so that's what I saw that and I knew that if I just worked really hard, my dad wasn't really gonna fuck with me. Cause he could be tough, he could be a little physical at times, but he could also just be emotionally just. You didn't love what he had to say. And so if I could just be kind of out of sight, out of mind, like getting good grades, playing sports and they had a grocery store when I worked at the store, like just fucking do what he does, like just work really hard, I'd be good. And so while looking from the outside in, you're like, well, the kind of didn't seem like there was a lot of tender love in the relationship with my dad and there wasn't. He showed it how, he knew how, and that was how to be a man by this example. And I just kind of did that and I had some success. And you ended up going to a great college in Amherst College. And then I got a job and I ended up being really good at trading and I just kind of figured things out. There was a lot of self reliance and that has served me really well. And it's also been the thing that has been challenging for me later in life because it manifests for me in not asking for my needs to be met because I got it. It's not a conscious thought, but if you were to ask me what are my needs. Right, because my wife just, Peyton just wants to what are your needs? I will serve your needs. That's what a partner does. I don't give her what the needs are. So how does she know how to Serve. And so she's left guessing. And it's a real kind of blind spot for me that I'm still. I don't know if it's that I don't feel like I deserve to have those needs met by someone else or that I've just felt like I've spent. Or at least my idea is that I've taken care of my needs for the most part.

[B]

So it sounds like asking for help is not, like, doesn't come naturally for you or easy.

[A]

It doesn't. I fucking hate asking anyone for anything. You know, like, Ron White, like, great friend. Play golf with him all the time. Come up to the comedy mothership whenever you want. Whenever I ask, like, it just. I always feel weird asking him. He just got. Put my name on a list. But it's still hard. And I don't know if it's because I felt taken advantage of at some point in my life. And I don't want to ever have someone feel like, you know, like I'm owed. I owe them something because I've tried to manipulate, which is just not how I do it. But it's still hard for me to ask for something as simple as that.

[B]

What was the greatest moment of your life?

[A]

Jeez.

[B]

And before you answer, I would just ask you not to allow what you think you need to say to be the answer and also not allow whatever influence kind of clicked in your head while you were thinking there for a minute has to say. But really what the true greatest moment of your life was.

[A]

Yeah, I went through, like, a few, like, things that would be, like, on the Greatest Hits, But I would say, unequivocally, it was in 2019, Peyton and I were at Burning Man. First and only time we've been. We were maybe two days into the experience. We're in our tent, which is really roughing it. There's. And I had a little bit of medicine. I had a little mdma. So the heart was open. And she just. We were laying down and she held my face. And it wasn't so much the words, but it was the way she looked at me. Like, I appreciate all you've done, all the things we get to do, the house, the, like, it's, like, amazing. But if that all got taken away, if we had to sell everything and live with our family or, like, live in this tent. All I want is you. Like, all I want is you. And it was the first time I ever felt that. And it's not because she wasn't showing that. It was just. I was so locked into this is how I show up the provider. And she had just acknowledged like how grateful she was for that. And so it was almost like that allowed me to relax and to really receive what the message was. And it's something that I go back to that arguably, you know, I guess me being able to feel that on a daily basis is my North Star. Like, how do I get in touch with that idea that all she wants is me? And I don't. Not sure. I'm sure there's a lot of stuff that happened throughout my life that would confirm that. Why would she want you, dude? You're a fraud, you're a this, you're that. Where that's not the truth of the situation. Like she really just wants. She just wants my heart. She wants my heart.

[B]

You know, I'm so happy that you said that. My wife and I, we've been together for 20 years. In April will be 20 years that we're together. It's a long ass time, right? And we just went through a two to three day thing that was really uncomfortable for the both of us. And you know, I questioned her like true love for me in those days. In a couple of days, right? Because I had shared something on social media. I shared how much I love her and I wrote all these nice things about her and she was uncomfortable by that. She shared it with me that night. She said, you know, that made me really uncomfortable. A, it made me feel like you were faking it. B, it made me feel like you, like it was like we had just met and like you're like giddy in love with me. And that was kind of a turn off. And we have a commitment to each other that we're just brutally honest with each other, full communication, whatever comes up. Like we don't care. I mean, it's not that we don't care. We care about how each other feel based on the message conveyed. But if we both, if we don't say it, we're doing a disservice to the success of our relationship. And that's been our success.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This communication piece. And so she said, I recoiled from it. I recoiled from reading that. Whereas I'm thinking any woman would want her husband to write something beautiful about them like that. In her case, she felt like it was a turn off to her. And it made me question, do I love my wife more than she loves me? And so we got into this thing and you know, we try. I tried my best not to go to bed upset or angry. Or in fear of that. But, you know, it was one of the few times in our relationship that I did. Right. The next day I said to her, I said, you know, yeah, I gotta just be honest with you. Like, are you with me because we're comfortable financially? Like, is that. And she looked at me with, like, death eyes and said, I met you when you were a bartender. You were a bartender for the first five years of our relationship. You think you would think that this was about money? Are you fucking kidding me? And I was just like, you know, and I like, you know. So I think for guys like us, where the provider piece is, like, a big deal, it's hard to believe, especially. And I think also for people that attack life, it's hard to receive. It's hard to receive in general. Right. Like in 2024, I made a commitment to myself that when I got a compliment from someone, instead of being like, oh, come on, I was going to say thank you. And I think we shared. I shared that on your podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I got good at doing that. I got good at saying thank you.

[A]

Great.

[B]

And it's made a change for me where I'm. Where I'm actually. But, like, in that situation that happened the other day, you know, I was not able to. Her saying that completely flipped the switch because, like, I don't think that I was honing in on, oh, gosh, you know, we're comfortable financially. So, you know, like. Like, I never really thought that before, but when. When she brought up this thing where I thought, oh, my gosh, I love my wife more than she loves me, like, that is where, like, that is how I can totally internalize and just go dark, deep, fast, you know, I'm just happy you said that because making that the greatest moment of your life, you know, And I know that you're on the spot and I'm hitting you with questions on the spot because I kind of enjoy, like, the thought process. Right. And trying to understand the way people think.

[A]

By the way, I appreciate that, especially because I haven't thought about that moment in a while. And it was life changing when it happened. And I carried that with me for a while. And then, like a lot of things, it can fall by the wayside. And I think just that with what I shared earlier with our friends having. Going through what they're going through and trying to live a life of balance, this idea was a great. It's a great reminder of, like I said, it's not my North Star right now, but really what the North Star Kind of needs to be. For me, it's a reminder that I am lovable just as I am. It's like the great love, the universe of the Creator, that you're worthy of love for just being you. And intellectually, that's kind of hard to believe, but the deeper I go into that inquiry, it does make sense to me. And so I just appreciate the reminder. Yeah, Like, Peyton has been so gracious, you know, when I've been closed off at times over the past year, she's not only given me space where in the past she might not have, but I think she's, like, really grown into this, like, seeing that I maybe can't articulate what I'm going through, but that it's not her. A lot of times she would just assume that she did something, and that's why I'm closed off. And I'm getting better at sharing these things with her. But I think just the space and the grace that she's been able to give me has brought me a lot closer to her, and it's gotten me more opened up and has waking me up to when I can get in these patterns of, like, my world, you know, and how to be in my world when it's appropriate and not have it be kind of the majority of the time.

[B]

So if we've learned in this podcast that the fulfillment is not in the material necessarily and for you is not necessarily in the experiment or the exploration of, like, spiritual realm, do you think that you can put a finger on potentially what could be the fulfillment piece?

[A]

You know, and I would just say with the kind of resume piece and seeking that type of validation, because there's an external validation that goes along with that. I always recommend people, like, don't take my word for it. Go do that thing. Do it enough until you maybe have a similar realization that most people get that that's not the thing, and then you can cast it aside like I did, or you can understand that that's part of your journey as well, and it's important. It's part of, I guess, what we're here on earth to do. But, like, marrying those two, obviously, like I said earlier, there's a balance in that. But I think fulfillment for me comes in self love.

[B]

How do you feel about yourself?

[A]

I'm just not there yet. I just know that when I do finally feel that, because I can think, it doesn't make it true. But, like, when I feel that I am perfect as I am, just like everyone else is, I think there's like, real healing and I think it just unlocks a lot for me. But it's just difficult interrupting this episode.

[C]

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[B]

Back to the pod. Can you walk us through your morning routine?

[A]

It was actually something I wanted to ask you about because I'm not a guy who gets up early and there's the part of me that's like, I'm.

[B]

So happy you said that. I'm so happy you said that, man. Because I'm going to. I'm so happy you said that because I'm going to help you find this thing that you're searching for. Dude, I'm so happy you just said that. You don't wake up early in the morning. Yeah, I'm so happy because that is. And I'm not going to tell you that waking up early in the morning is the key to life, but I am going to tell you that.

[A]

Oh God, it's so perfect how this.

[B]

Planned out and everybody that listens to this podcast regularly is all fucking laughing right now and like smiling and you know, because where I have found true love for Myself, which is my number one right, because I can only show up with the amount of love that I have for myself to be able to express that to others. Because if I don't, I'm so caught up and consumed in the hate or the pain that I have for myself that it blocks me from being able to exude the love externally. If I don't fill up here, if I fill up to my belly button, then you only get me from the waist down. And that's not like, I mean, you know, in some cases that could be.

[A]

Good for me, it's not enough.

[B]

But man, like having an hour and a half to two hours in the morning when the sun's down, sun's not up yet, and you've got nothing stopping you from just going in on whatever it is you want to focus on. And by the way, that doesn't have to be prayer, meditation and breath work and fucking journaling and cold and hot and you know, it could be anything. But for me, the most consistent thing that I have sort of really stuck to and committed to that has given me the strength, AKA God, in my life to push through any adversity that's come my way is this self love, self care practice in the morning. And it changes, man, it changes. But. But by 6, 36, 45, I walk back into my house and my wife and kids are just getting up and I am like bulletproof and ready to be the guy that they want me to be, you know what I mean? And the guy that I know I am supposed to be because when I don't do that shit, I am like so caught up in self, I'm so caught up in myself because I'm just kicking myself in the ass for not doing those things and not expressing. Like when you walk around with a lot of weight on your back, you have to take a moment to breathe and unload, right? Like, you know, if you worked out seven days a week, 365 days a year, your muscles would never have a chance to grow because you're constantly breaking them down. And like, I just know that those morning hours for me have been monumental in the game of self love. So I. Dude, I'm so happy you said that you don't do that in the morning because I've just learned that, you know, and really it kind of struck me about five or six years ago, I was listening to Eckhart Tolle's the Power of now, and I always listen to an audiobook as I go to bed at night. Like, that's just kind of the way I just drift off to sleep, right? And. And typically, if there's something really profound in that time, that 15 minutes or whatever it is that I set my alarm and I never, like, I set the timer to. And I never make it to the 15, typically out in three, four minutes. But if there's something profound in that moment, it sticks with me forever. And one line that he said in that book is, everything happens now. Everything happens now. In life, everything that happens happens right now. And if you're not available for it, you miss it, it's gone. You cannot. And no one's ever been able to get it back. Everything happens now. It doesn't happen yesterday, it's already happened. It doesn't happen tomorrow. It's happening now, you know, and. And so, like, I just. That for me was like a. Like a wait a second. So like every day I have the ability to be present for the experience of life. And if I don't take the opportunity because I'm so stressed out about what happened or what's going to happen, like, I just can't be there. I can't be there. And. And so that is really when I just turned up the volume on trying my best to just ground myself in the morning so that I could be more available for all the shit that's happened that happens in the moment. You know what I mean?

[A]

Look, I mean, I love, love that you're drilling down there. I mean, you can imagine, obviously in the past, I've had seasons where I've gotten up early. You know, in fact, last spring I wasn't sleeping much because there was so much like, being created kind of. I would find myself at three in the morning, like in that theta state of half asleep, half awake and just downloads coming in. And so generally I would just get up because I couldn't sleep, and I would be up for the rest of the day and wouldn't need anything, any stimulant. I was just on fire. And I had this stretch, it was probably six weeks where I felt like I was on a drug. And I've had that one other time in my life for a shorter period of time. And it's not that I'm trying to catch that again, but I don't know if that's helped me or, like, been a bit of a crutch for me. It's like, oh, when that inspiration comes, I'll start waking up early, naturally. And like, you know, right now, granted, sometimes Peyton and I go to bed, you know, 10:30 11. I'll be in bed till 7:30, 8:00, you know, which for me is I love getting up and having a couple hours before anybody gets up. Like that is. It is actually my favorite time. It's dark, maybe I'm reading, maybe I'm getting a little bit of work done. There's definitely stuff right now that I'm super interested in that I need to carve out time for. And it's hard as you know, once eight hits 8:30, maybe I'm bringing my daughter to, to school. Maybe I'm going to work out. Heaven forbid I'm going to play golf. It's like my day is gone. It's gone because then I come home and it's like I'm not doing anything when the kids get home from school.

[B]

You know, I think like finishing with this 95% of life. From my experience, we don't have control over because it's rare unless you are a, you know, a recluse or what do they call the people that just like move into the woods in a house by themselves and just live hermit, that you get to have just the control of how much alone time you get. So for me, the way I've kind of described it, and it's not because I'm a control freak, although maybe sometimes I would be considered that for me, that those hours in the morning are uninterrupted, no disruptions, no distractions. A time where I have control, where I have actual control and you know, little spurts of control. Complete control, meaning there's no animals, there's no humans, there's no nothing. I could shut my phone off if I want to because no one is going to be emailing me at 5:15 in the morning, you know, it's just not happening. I have control in those moments. And if I can start my day knowing that not only am I in control of everything that's happening, but I'm stacking these little wins that really fucking build armor for my day. I don't have to worry about the 95% that I don't have control over because I've really grounded myself in these moments where I'm like intentionally being proactive. No reactivity, there's nothing that I'm reacting to. Like we spend. Like you walk, you walk out of this studio and like, you know you're gonna be reacting, you're just, it's just like you, you've, you're the, you gotta watch for the car. The sun's coming out. It's a Dark room, you know, like, you're reacting. You're walking through life reacting and having to make decisions based on things that are coming your way. And in the morning, early, like, there's nothing coming your way. There's nothing stepping into the periphery. It's like, I am truly alone. I don't have any distractions, and I can do whatever the fuck I want to do to be with my soul and contribute to my soul. Because most of the other time, you are contributing to others. Right. And providing in that way. And that's like, if that is all of life, it's very taxing, you know, if that is all of life, if all of life is, like, if you wake up and I'm not saying this is you, but, like, if you wake up and it's. It's immediately a rush.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If it's like, you get up and, like, it's just a rush. You're just rushing because it's. You're not rushing for yourself. You're not. Like, if people are rushing a. It's stressful and spiking cortisol. But you're not rushing for yourself. You're rushing for other things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? You're moving quicker with anxiety for other things. And, like, it's beautiful to be able to wake up and not have an ounce of rush in your. In that feeling. And I think that is magic, you know, I think that is the magic. And I've got so much work to do. We all do constantly. You know, like, I love. And you are, like, even hearing you on this, and you're so humble. You have a podcast called the Great Unlearn that everybody should listen to. But it's. It's. I bet what you're saying is. Is, like, I am. I am learn. Like, all I want to do is continue to learn. Right? Like, I want to continue to learn. I'm. I am confident enough in myself to say that I don't know what I. What I believe to be the keys or the answers. Like, I constantly want to continue this journey of learning. And, you know, for me, it's been very powerful to, you know, like, business is so. Is obviously an important part of my life. My fitness and my health is obviously an important part of my life. But I could honestly say that those early morning hours are, like, crucial to filling my cup. Crucial to filling my cup so that I can actually receive. You know, I do.

[A]

And it's. You know, I have the. I have the benefit of a pretty fairly open schedule besides the podcast. You Know, I've got a few other things that I do, but generally pretty open. And so in some ways, I certainly have more bandwidth than you during the day. But what happens is I'll get that me time during the day where there's a lot more strings attached. I'm feeling a little bit conflicted. Should I be doing this right now, or should I. You know, is there an opportunity to be with Peyton or one of the kids or something else that I'm missing? And I can see. And I just know from my own experience of being up a couple hours before everybody and just, I mean, talk about, you know, they talk about making your bed and, you know, having that sense of accomplishment. It's like the stuff that. That you can create and the work you can get done and the books you can like. And for me, that's when, like, my brain is kind of most fertile too. And so I feel like that's probably been one of the struggles lately is I've had a bit of inertia with, like, what. What's kind of next for me or what. What the next step is. And it seems pretty clear that I just haven't created enough space uninterrupted in the morning for me to be able to really explore that. So thank you for.

[B]

I think we'll bring that up. The. The. The. The moral. And I. And this has got to be a part one of. Of another podcast with Cal, because I think there's so much more I want to talk with you about. But I think the moral of. Of this story is, you know, being able to control the controllables is. Is like. Is a bit of a. Of a mantra that I've kind of used in my life to. Whenever I'm deep in fear and feel like shit is going haywire, I. Can. I get the opportunity to, like, say to myself, dude, the things that you're afraid of now is the things that you are facing and the things that you are afraid of are a blessing in comparison to the things that you were afraid of 20 years ago when you were deep in addiction. The things that you're afraid of and the things that are coming down the pipe for you are a dream. They're a dream. They're a dream, dude. Like, just understand that, you know, life is hard. You've put mountains in front of yourself. You've put massive mountains in front of yourself throughout the course of your life to climb, and they're scary as hell, and you've gotten through every thing to date. And. And. And I. And. And I get to kind of reflect on that stuff in the morning. So anybody who's listening to the podcast right now, the idea is like, if you're looking for the next chapter to unlock or the next door to open and you haven't really explored, I don't know, anybody who wakes up early in the morning and has like a protocol, has like a routine that they stick to that says, fuck, I wish I didn't do that. I wish that wasn't part of my life.

[A]

That's a great point. No one's like, I wish I woke up at 8:30 every morning.

[B]

Yeah. Like, you know, I wish I didn't do. I wish I didn't meditate. Or I wish I didn't talk myself into the cold plunge this morning. Or I wish I, you know, God damn, I wish I didn't write that journal entry today. Or fuck those 10 pages that I read of that book. Useless waste of time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, people roll their eyes too at me sometimes when I share about the things that I do in the morning and they're like, oh God, like you're, you know, one of those. And I'm, and I'm like, yeah, you're damn right. I just am. I just am. And, and, and so clearly defined in this episode of the podcast that like, you know, if you have, if you're not doing it, I know you've done it, but if you're not doing it now you're listening to this podcast, just do it for 30 days. Commit to 30 days. That's it, 30 days. I'm going to go to bed. And I think that the, the ticket here, the way to do it, people ask me like, oh, how do you get, like, how do you just get up in the morning?

[A]

Yeah, what's the 101 here? What's the starter kit?

[B]

The go to bed alarm. Not the wake up alarm. Yeah, that's right, the go to bed alarm. It's the go to bed alarm. It's the alarm at 9:30 at p.m. that shows up in your phone that you commit to, period. That's the ticket. That's the key. Honestly. It's the go to bed alarm. Because you go to bed at 9:30, you are gonna wake up at 5:30. Not many people are sleeping nine, 10 hours. Not many people. Unless you're drunk, unless you're drinking or have some sort of a sleeping pill or some kind of thing. But if you go to bed at 9:30, getting up at 5, 5:30 is just going to happen. I don't Have a wake up alarm ever.

[A]

You don't?

[B]

That's never. Yeah, I just don't.

[A]

Because you go to bed at 9:30.

[B]

Yeah, I go to bed at 9:30. And so the 9:30 alarm is so much more important than the 5:30am alarm. And so once the 9:30 alarm hits, I look at it and I'm like, fuck, just watch the end of the fucking Yellowstone episode.

[A]

How much? Like so 9:30 hits.

[B]

Like if you're like 10 minute grace.

[A]

Period, okay, I might start with 15 baby steps.

[B]

But I just think that it's powerful for people to hear that there's so much to be done in those hours, man. You said the self love is something that you're lacking right now and the best way to find it is in solitude, alone in the most productive hours of your day when your cortisol is through the roof and you've just gotten out of bed and the sun isn't even up yet and the birds are fucking chirping and it's a little bit chipper outside and it's just like boom. I can, I can just, I can just walk through this thing, you know, and it doesn't have to be anything in particular. It could just be grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down and writing out a couple of things or sitting in silence and just lighting a candle. Which is something that I love to do in the morning, right? Like I don't always have the exact same routine. And by the way, if I have an event at 11 that takes, that takes me out until 11:30 at night, I, I sleep until 6:37. I don't kill myself if I can't do it. I'm not going to sacrifice my health in getting five hours of sleep to get up at 5:15 because I'm going to be fucked anyway. So there is grace. But sitting in the morning, empty, quiet kitchen nook, breakfast nook, I light a candle and it's just amazing.

[A]

You know what I love about that in particular is it's, and it's something I really connected to in early 2024 is this idea of showing up for ourselves. And that's what you're talking about. It's a version of self love that like I'm going to commit to myself. Getting up early. And again, whatever you're doing, meditating, breath work, maybe you get a workout in, maybe you're just having coffee, maybe you're just hydrating, but you're saying like I'm worth it to commit and maybe it's a little uncomfortable in the beginning, because you're not used to waking up early. But God damn it, you're like, I'm changing this narrative, and I'm not just going through. Which is what I feel like I've been doing. And I think there's some benefit to going through a period of time when you just kind of let go of everything and then reset. Now I've had a pretty extended period, and it's perfect that I'm here today for you to remind me that this is part of my building back to that self love, which I've felt at times. I've just never lived there.

[B]

I think also the one other thing that's maybe not as obvious, but, like, I've really sort of boiled it down to, like, these three Cs, you know, commit, confidence, and courage. Like, these three Cs that are, like, really important to my. In my life, right? Like, I know that commitment is the hardest thing. It's the hardest one of the three. But, like, I know the power of commitment because ultimately, commitment is what develops and breeds confidence. And when you're committing to. To things that are purely for self growth, self development with no one else involved, purely commitment to self, like you said, right? I'm gonna show up for myself in the morning, right? That confidence is unlike any other confidence you can get because no one else is there to help you, right? And so, like, that morning self, that morning commitment to the self. And then the confidence that you get is, you know, people ask you, like, self confidence. Like, the best way to develop self confidence is committing to self, right? Like, you can commit to the job, you can commit to your wife. You can commit to being a great dad. That's great. You're gonna get father confidence, you're gonna get husband confidence, you're gonna get business confidence. But self confidence is, like, the most important one. So how do you get self confidence? You commit to self. You know what I mean? Like, that is. And then once you get self confidence, courage all fucking day, man. Take the swings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, the swings, you know, are, like, available, right? And, like, I think, like. Like I met you, like I met Lance, right? Like, I think the one thing that has sort of been the linchpin for meeting people and people seeing something in me is this. This thing that, like, I have committed to myself more than anybody else. I just have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because I know that with self confidence, I am. I could provide so much more, right? Like, you think about that. When you are confident in self, the ability to provide for a wife and for Kids and for business and like, all those things are. It just, it will just, it will just free flow. If there's not a lot of self confidence. And I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the people listening to the podcast.

[A]

Yeah, talk to me too, though. I'm listening.

[B]

But if, but, but I'm just saying if. There's not if the self confidence piece, because it's not that you're not an amazing person, it's that you just haven't spent enough time committing to the self.

[A]

Yeah, you don't have the reps in. It's the reps. Yeah, it's the reps where you know when it's game time, that you've done this a million times and so you're just, you're just playing. As you know, I don't want to speak for Lance here, but as I was sharing with you, and I love that you brought that up because I think that's what we saw in you. That's what I saw in you is, is this extreme self confidence that is super grounded. Not arrogant, not cocky. It's just, you've just. You could tell you've done the work, and if you haven't, you'll figure out a way to get like, there's no bullshitting. What you see is what you get, and what you get is a hard charger who, who checks all the boxes, crosses the T's. That, like, you're, you're dependable. Like, I just know there's so much. I have so much trust in you, you know? Now I'm obviously speaking from an investing standpoint, and as I had said, I don't know if we were. If this was before we started recording or not, but, dude, like, you're one of those guys that I'm just betting on, you know? So part of the investment in Creatures of Habit was selfishly, I'm like, I just want to. I want to be in relationship with you for all the ways now, because I know you, right? I love you as a brother and I love supporting in any way that I can you as an entrepreneur. It's like, this guy's got some magic. That's what Lance is. You got to meet this guy. He's fucking like, dude, he got me excited about oatmeal. Enough said. It's like, yeah, he doesn't get excited about much. He gets excited about oatmeal. So I see where that all ties in. And I know that that is. I mean, it just makes perfect sense. Where I felt a Little. I don't know if it's tension or just not. I felt stagnant. And I think it's because I had been out of practice. I haven't put the reps in. And so it's gaining that consistency again of showing up for me. And it's not just me working out every day at noon in the gy. It's like, that's important. But, like, can I push it a little further? Can I get to bed earlier? Even though it's nice to kind of stay up and watch a show or get to bed at 11:00, like, what am I really doing in those hours? You know? Would I be better served shifting those to the morning? At first glance, absolutely. I've had that experience and I know how beneficial it was to me. And so, fuck, I can't wait for tomorrow morning, brother.

[B]

Are you going to commit? You going to commit?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

30 days.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

30 days.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Say it out loud.

[A]

I'm going to commit for 30 days.

[B]

Done. Ladies and gents, there is another episode of the Creatures that have a podcast. I am so fired up after that podcast because what Cal has basically come here to share is that, you know, no matter how successful you are, and this man is successful in every aspect of life, I mean, just, you know, look at what he's done and you can Google him. You know, the guy is really just an iconic human being and also happens to be just, like, one of the best dudes ever. There is so much more that we can do and learn and be. Be open to. And, like, you know, I never thought. I never thought really that, like, I could. We could be on a podcast and then I can, you know, Cal can leave with something that I've potentially taught him. If you're in a bad spot or if you are in a stagnant spot, or if you are trying to sort of uncover more or unearth more, I would just encourage you to, like, think about controlling the controllables, because, like I said, 95% of life is really out of our control. The minute something, anything, an animal, a human, a dog, a fucking cat, whatever, steps into the periphery of your life, meaning every single morning you wake up, it's a new opportunity to win. But once other people are involved, it's a lot harder to win, because now you have to win with them and you don't know what they're thinking. You have no control over what they're thinking. You have no control over what they're doing. You have no control. Right. Like, it's just it's really, it's difficult to win. And we're wired to want to win. And I'm not talking about win the race or be the best. I'm talking about just little win, little pop of, I did that. I said I was going to do it. I did it. So those are best, those little wins are best done early in the morning before everybody else wakes up. And you know, time is the one thing you certainly cannot buy. No one's been able to do it. It's the only thing on the planet, really, that you can't come even close to buying. So you gotta earn it. And that means sacrifice. And I've kind of like sort of unlocked that. I win an hour and a half every single morning because I sacrifice it. And an hour and a half every morning is almost 10 hours a week, which is like 17 days straight of productive time on self care, self love. So if you're not doing that, give it a shot. Give it a shot. You know, Creatures have a podcast. We really, we talk about habits, rituals and routines, and we tell stories about looking to be just a little bit better if we can. You know, if you did 1% better, you'd do 365% better over the course of a year. Fucking imagine that. One percent better every day. Just one. That's all you got to do. You know, I kind of talk to my team at Creatures of Habit, the company, you know, hey, guys, like, let's, like, let's just set a goal, like 1% better every day if we can do that. Oh, my God. Do you know how fucking big the company would be in five years? Like, just think about that now. It's not easy to do, but if you think about it, and if that's the goal, like 1% better every day, if you do, you know, you do 5% better on one day and then, boom, 10% down, you just try to chip away just a little bit more, A little bit more. It just applies to life. I love you guys. I appreciate you guys. Do me a solid. Share this podcast with your friends, share it with your family. Share it with a foe. Bury the hatchet on this thing. Pass this to somebody who you think might appreciate it, might get something from it, because I know I certainly did, and I'm sure you did. I would love if you would give me a five star rating. Give the podcast a rating. It really helps us grow the podcast. And if you're feeling strong, super generous, and you want to write a review, that would be dope. But regardless, I love you, and I appreciate you. And I can't thank you enough for tuning into the podcast, being a subscriber. And until the next one, y'all, peace.