Michael Chernow (39:15)
Yeah, I OD'd. And I remember kind of like, coming to and being like, you know, I don't want to say her name, but I was like, hey, call the ambulance. I'm dying. And she was terrified. So she didn't want to call the ambulance because she's like, oh, my God, this dude's gonna die in the house. You know? Like, this isn't. This is my boyfriend's house. Like, you know, I'm sure all the shit was going through her mind. So she dragged me into the bathroom and. And she put me in the bathtub on my back and turned on the cold water. And the cold water. I can feel it now, like, the cold water hitting me in the chest from the shower. And she told me that I was in there for, like, 20 minutes. I mean, it felt like 20 years, you know, because I. I mean, I guess I died, you know, and was, like, at the very, very edge of life. And eventually didn't die and came to. And she slowly helped me get back into that bed, and I got under the covers, and my body was convulsing. But after about three hours, I felt okay, you know, And I'm. I feel. I'm so lucky, you know, that. That didn't take me out. If. If I was using, like, if I was using today, like, I was using, then I'd be. I would have been dead. Like, with fentanyl, I mean, you know, it's gone, gone, gone. No, there's no chance. I had no chance. No chance. So anyway, I remember leaving that apartment, and it was still, like, early evening, and it was late July of 2004. And I remember walking west on 13th street from Avenue B, and I said, dude, you've done it. Like, you are at the bottom of the barrel. You hate your life. You have so much to offer, and this is what you've done. You just fucking died. You have to put a stop to this. You have to figure out a way it has to happen. Today's the fucking day. Like, you gotta just change. And then four hours later, I was using, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't figure. I Couldn't. I didn't know. You know, I just, like. I just couldn't do it. And that's when I kind of made a decision where I was like, okay, this is how I'm gonna die. Let's, like, make it go quick, you know? And that two weeks before I got sober was, like, very scary, you know? Very scary. I got 86 from every single bar south of Houston, north of Delancey, east of Allen, and west of Essex. So I was going into bars wanting to kill people, you know, and. And fighting all the. All the. Just. Just crazy person, you know, because I went from. It wasn't like, okay, I'm just using heroin now. It was just like, I'm gonna do everything, you know? And I was drinking and I was using, smoking crack and meth and heroin and pills, and it was just like a. It was just, you know, crazy anyway. It was not like any other. You know, there was nothing, like, special about this night. But it was a Monday morning, and we were on my rooftop in the East Village. I was with two dudes who I typically would run with, and we were probably up for 48 hours or so. And they were like, all right, Mike, we're calling it, man. It's over. We're going home. And I was like, peace. You know, I'm not. You know, I'm still. I've got drugs, and I've got, you know, like, probably warm beer, warm vodka in my room. And I went downstairs to my apartment, and I remember closing my bedroom door and locking it, and there was a wall mirror right behind my bedroom door, and it was a mirror experience again, you know? And I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I just, like, walked over to the mirror for some reason, and I made eye contact with myself. And I can't remember ever doing that. You know, I do that a lot now. It's like, a powerful thing to do, but at that point, I don't remember ever doing that. And I made eye contact with myself, and I was just like, I fucking hate you. You should jump. You should. Like, you've been trying to end it like you live on the sixth floor. Like, you should just fucking do it, dude. And then I blacked out. You know, I blacked out, and I woke up 16 hours later. I slept through work, and I told my. I called my boss, and I was like, I'm so sorry, Frank. And he was like, mikey, come down to the restaurant, you know, And I went down, and they were like, look, man, everybody knows you're dying. Like, everybody, you know, I mean, you know, you're not doing a good job of keeping it a secret anymore. And I can't, I can't have you here, man. Like, I can't. I just. And my job was the only thing that was like, tethering me to life, you know. And he was like, I just can't have you here. Like, you got to get your. Together, you're young, you know, you've got a long life ahead of you, but the way you're going, you know, it's gonna be, it's gonna end soon and bad. And I don't want to do it on my, on my watch. So I gotta go. And I literally started crying and I begged him for my job. And I was like, please, you know, I. I'll do anything. It's the one thing that I have. And he was like, look, man, if you get sober, you can come to the restaurant at 8 o' clock in the morning and you can clean with the porters. If I find out you have a single drink or a single drug, you're out. And I'll. And I'll find out, you know, because at that point, I wasn't good at hiding it, you know. And that was it. That was the last day I drank. And I made a phone call to a friend who was like an older sister to me, who used to take me in, you know, in my teens when I was really strung out. And she would just, you know, let me crash on her couch. And she would always tell me, I didn't know that she was sober, but she would always tell me, like, there's a, there's a way out of this, you know, I know you're young, but there's a way out of this. And I called her, I called Karen. And then she introduced me to her boyfriend who I had never met, but he was like 10 years older than me, covered in tattoos, sober as. And like living this dope life. And I just didn't know that that was a real thing. Like, I just thought, you know, I was like, all right, I'm gonna get sober. My life is gonna suck. You know, Like, I'm like, I'm so used to living this fast and fast paced, like, just totally, you know, just gnarly life where nothing good happened. Like, nothing good happened. And for some weird reason I had an ego about it, you know, like, deeply insecure, but this, this, like puffed up, like so much so that I, you know, had no problem just punching people in the face, you know, and so I, I. This dude showed up and he, he listened to me. He didn't say a word. He was just like, just talk to me, man. And this tough dude, I'm like, this guy wants to hear me talk to him about my. And I sat and I spoke to him.
