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Kreatures Of Habit Podcast
Love and Values: The Foundation of a Strong Marriage | Monday Moments
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The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is the most important person outside of yourself in your life. Relationships could be really incredible, but could also be really, really toxic and terrible. When people decide to get married, they're potentially not looking at the values and the morals that each one of them, deep down inside, are faithful to. If you're in a relationship that doesn't feel right, it's okay to change your mind. You deserve better. And that person that you are with also deserves better. An entrepreneur straight out of New York City, Michael Chernow. What's cracking? What up Monday moment? Today I want to talk about a touchy subject for lots and lots of people, but something that I think is important to mention, very important to mention. A lot of very successful people that I have been lucky enough to meet over the years have shared something very similar in advice that they've offered me. And that piece of advice, when I first heard it, was a little bit unexpected coming from the people that I heard it from. But as it began to develop into a pattern that I saw, I understand why. The person you choose to spend your life with, also known as the person you choose to marry, that decision is arguably the most important decision you will make in your life. Now, some of you have no interest in getting married, and that's great for you. Marriage is not for everyone, but for those of us who are married or who have aspirations to be married and build family, the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is the most important person outside of yourself in your life. And so, and I can share that from experience, I am married. June, about to say July. My wife caught me in that. Actually, a few days ago, I said our wedding anniversary was in July. It's actually June 2nd, 7th. That is wrong. Oh, my God. Sorry, Donna. It's June 16th, 2007. So June 16th will be 19 years of marriage with my wife. And we will have been together 21 years this April. I asked Donna to marry me about a year after I met her. And it was the best decision I've ever made in my life, probably aside from or apart from making the decision to get sober. That is probably the first, you know, the most important decision I've made in my life to get sober. Because there's no doubt I would most, most likely not be sitting here if I didn't make that decision 21 years ago. But the decision, the most important decision I've made since sobriety, has been the decision to ask Donna to marry me. And here's why. We hear that the quality of our personal relationships are directly tied to our happiness in life. So let me, let me say that again. The, the quality of our personal relationships is directly correlated to the amount of happiness we will experience in life long term. And that is the most important component to our happiness barometer, the quality of our personal relationships. And so relationships could be really incredible, but could also be really, really toxic and terrible. And so, and there's a lot of people that get caught in relationships out of fear, out of convenience, out of some level of comfort and not wanting to be confrontational. But I'm here to tell you that I am in a successful marriage. And that doesn't mean that we don't battle and fight and sometimes need our space. And it doesn't come without its flaws and its challenges. Of course you're spending your life with someone, but the battles and the arguments and the things that we confront each other over are not value based, not morally based. We have very, very similar values, if not the same exact values. And morally, the two of us are on the same exact page. So the arguments and the sometimes battles that we get into or the uncomfortable moments, discomfort that we experience in our relationship is not at a foundational, fundamental level. It's typically over something that we just don't agree on. You know, situationally, if there is a fundamental imbalance, a value imbalance in the person that you are spending time with, I'm just here to tell you that those relationships do not work. That's my experience. I've, I've seen people around me in my life that are in, and I have been in toxic relationships in business. It's terrible. It's terrible. And it's also really hard to get out of them. So I just, I know that this conversation is going in sort of a number of different ways, but I just want to say that, like, marriage is so incredible. If you make the right decision, if you choose the right person. I think the statistic is 50% of marriages in the United States of America end in divorce, if not more. And I think that's because when people decide to get married, they're not looking at the, they're potentially not looking at the values and the morals that each one of them, deep down inside, are faithful to. So I am a massive advocate for marriage because a successful marriage is absolutely wonderful. Being able to spend your life with your best friend. I mean, I, I get to spend my life with my best friend. My wife is my best friend. Hands down, 100% the best friend. I've ever had. She's also beautiful and she is my romantic partner. She's my lover, and she's the best mother I've ever witnessed, ever, ever. And I got so lucky and blessed that I made the right decision. I did. I made the right decision. And I feel so fortunate. And so I want that for all of my friends. I want that for everyone. I want people to be able to make those decisions, but I also want people to be thoughtful. If you're in a relationship that doesn't feel right and it boils down to like a fundamental value thing, my advice, and I'm not a therapist, so take this with a grain of salt, is move on. And I know that sucks to hear, but if you're in your 30s, in your late 20s, in your 30s, and you're with somebody for years and you just know that something's not right and it has to do with fundamentals, basics, one on ones, you're wasting time with that person and you're unfortunately being unfair to them as well, because they could be out there, you know, on the hunt for someone that totally aligns with the way they walk through life. And so I wanted to put this, this out there because I am again, like I am. I feel so passionate about deep relationships with human beings. The good ones make life so, so incredible and way worth living. And the toxic ones can really, really destroy this incredible opportunity we get called life. I believe life is long. So if you're in a situation where you just feel like it's just not right, it's okay to change your mind. And it's courageous to change your mind. But you deserve better. And that person that you are with also deserves better. Choosing the person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with is the most important decision you'll make. So really, really consider that decision before you make it. Like, love is so blinding, you know, And I've got some, you know, really close friends that are experiencing divorce, and I feel so deeply for them because they're both all, you know, and there's a number of my friends over the last few years that have, have gone through divorce and they're, and both partners are amazing people, but they just didn't make the right decision to spend the, the, the rest of their life with that person. And, and it boils down to fundamentals, really. It does at the core. So I didn't want to be like this somber thing, but I just, this was, this was on my chest and I felt like I wanted to say it because I think it's, it's important for all of us to hear. Marriage is wonderful. Building a family is wonderful. Like, I would not trade it for anything. And, you know, the grass is just not greener. You're going to argue with your partner, you're going to, you're going to battle. Sometimes it's going to get uncomfortable. But if it's consistent about the wrong things, the core beliefs, if those are not aligned, it could be really, really bad and uncomfortable and just absolutely catastrophic. So I hope I struck a chord with some of you on this one. I know this is a little, you know, this is just, I, I, I share with you guys things that come to mind. And I was just having a conversation with a buddy who, who's, like, you know, thinking about what, what the next five years could look like with his partner. And we were talking, and so I figured, you know what? I'm going to share about this because I do feel at this point that I am a bit of an expert on what it, what it means to have a great marriage, you know, and I hope it, I hope that lasts forever. Like, I want to, I want to grow old with my partner, with my wife. I want to grow old with her. I want to go, go gray. I want to get wrinkly, and I want to walk with a cane. Who knows if that'll ever happen? But I would totally want to walk with a cane down the street with my wife Donna, and have grandkids and hopefully great grandkids. And I wish that for everybody. I love you guys for tuning in here. I'm passionate about this topic, as I can imagine you have gathered. So share this podcast with someone you think needs it. There's a lot of fish in the sea, friends. There's a lot of fish in the sea. And you don't need to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't make you super, super, super, super, super happy and sees you. And someone who sees you, someone who sees you doesn't mean you're going to get along all the time. That's okay. But the core belief systems see each other. It's important, and it could be amazing. All right, till the next one, y'. All. Peace.